The dos and don'ts of baby talk

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Hey Andy, hey Mario, I was just talking to my nephew we face time.

A few times a week, he always grabs the phone and he does this thing where he communicates

his glee by shaking his head like this, like I'm so happy to see you.

“Yeah, I think that's our signal to each other, like we're excited to see each other, because”

it's hard to know how to talk to a baby, really, before they're talking, right? It's like, how do you have conversations, how do you know if you're connecting in some way? What it sounds like is something called serve and return. And so it means when you're interacting with a baby, you're serving them, some form

of communication. Hi, baby, how are you and you're letting them return communication, you're giving them a space to who you or to babble to basically tell you I received that thing that communication back. And you know, they often understand a lot more than we think.

Alright, we're coming up on this episode of Life Kit. I'm going to keep talking to Life Kit reporter Andy Tangle about how to talk to your baby. If you have a baby in your life who the year older younger this episode is for you, we're going to walk through how to communicate, how to leave space for them to respond, and how important it is to have one-on-one in-person interaction with them.

All of these things help them learn and hopefully foster that love of language in them. That's coming up after the break. So Andy, I have heard that babies can actually hear when they're in the womb. Is that true? Yeah, that's a real thing.

So, about the third trimester, a fetus can hear sounds outside the womb, and studies

have shown that within moments of birth babies are able to identify the birth parents' voice

“and the birth parents' language, which on its own I think is pretty awesome.”

I've been trying to do this for my friends, kids, and any kids in my family. I'm trying to get in there, you know, to be known by baby. So, I talk to the family. I love that. What about playing music?

I feel like there's this idea I've heard that if you play classical music for baby in the womb, they will end up super smart or maybe turn into baby Mozart. Maybe you could try song, because research is shown that there's a lot of overlap between the brain pathways for language processing and music processing. So for instance, research found that interactive musical experiences can also boost an

infant's language learning. What that means is get those bells on the bus going round and round earlier rather than later, because babies love music, and they have an enormous capacity for language.

“One expert I spoke to, her name's Amelia Buckleeta, you'll hear from her little later.”

She told me that baby's brains are wired to want to be a part of the conversation. She even called them little linguistic geniuses. I love that linguistic geniuses. I have heard that they can pick up languages much faster than older kids or adults. Yeah.

Way faster. Are you ready for this? Sign shows that when babies are born, they're able to tell the difference between the sounds of every language in the world. Wow.

There are a lot of languages that sound similar. Yeah.

So, you know, obviously they don't understand every language of the world, but basically

they're capable of comprehending the sound units in any given word in any given language. So, take the word "cat," "cat," "at," "babies ears" from the moment they're born can comprehend each of those distinct sounds, and then what happens essentially is the more exposure a baby gets to a specific language or languages. The brain becomes more attuned to those specific sounds and less receptive to all the rest.

The first 12 months of life, or sometimes called a sensitive period for this initial language learning, because a baby's brain is super flexible. Here's child psychologist Roger Harrison of Children's Hospital, a Philadelphia. So, for example, if we were conducting this interview in like Greek or in Mandarin, at some point I would lose interest, no matter how earnest you are speaking to me, because my brain

simply isn't connecting to that, but babies, their brains are actually looking to see when sounds begin and sounds end. Their brains' capacities are so elastic that it really is setting the foundation to understand

So it sounds like that first year is an especially good opportunity to raise a bilingual baby,

to get a or a tri-lingual, to help your baby learn multiple languages.

“Yeah, I mean, I think argument here is just don't wait.”

If you have the opportunity, if you have a second language, get started right away. It's never too early. Different cultures have different feelings about this that it might be a bad idea that you might confuse a child by having more than one language in a house. The research says it's really an advantage.

Like personally, in my home and my family, I don't speak to God, because it was discouraged when my mom was growing up for assimilation reasons mostly, and that's a real bummer for me now. So before there was a thought that bilingual kids might be behind, it's just that their parents look a little different.

There are certain benchmarks that the CDC has for language. One benchmark for two and a half year olds is being able to communicate at least 50 words or so. Research has shown that bilingual kids meet those milestones. It's just often that those words are divided between those two languages.

Don't worry, that vocab learning does generally catch up by the time that kids enter school. In fact, I study from just this year, found that bilingual children outperformed their

“monolingual peers in both vocabular and grammar in kindergarten and first grade before”

eventually leveling off, so being at the same level as all the peers. And separate from that, research has shown there's just a lot of advantages to being a bilingual learner. Things like better working memory, better her executive functioning, and the ability to think flexibly.

I can see this putting a lot of pressure on people who only speak one language. And have a baby like am I letting my kid down by not teaching them multiple languages? Yeah, I get that. I only have the one. So I feel that.

But definitely not, that was actually a big theme of my interviews on this subject is that raising a baby is stressful enough, you shouldn't have to think too hard about this.

Really, the first year is about laying a solid foundation for a little one for a future

language development. There's lots of small ways to do that just by making a point of being communicative with your baby. You want to just surround them with language on a daily basis. Because those first few months of life are wiring their brains through that language

exposure and through interactions with their caregiver. Because early on, they're not really learning words. They're learning things like the rhythm and the tone and structure of language.

“So they're really tuning into that connection with you and that's what drives brain development.”

So it doesn't matter so much in that first year, what you say, but you just want to talk. Yeah. What idea I loved? I learned from someone who spends a lot of time thinking about play. It was Jessica Rolf and she's a mom of three and the co-founder of Love Every.

They built research back toys and books for different stages of child development. One of the things that newborn babies love to do is if you hold them sort of front facing, you can slowly walk them around your home. You talk about what you're seeing. And so you can wrap on a window or you can open and close a cupboard and get yourself a glass of water.

Because sometimes I feel like it's hard to know what to talk to them about. Right. And you can feel a little silly. So a similar idea with this is just to narrate the things that you're doing. So using functional words during play is another really good idea.

So for example, when you're playing, you could say like, oh, we're putting the ball in the hole. I'm pushing you in the stroller. Those first words can be really valuable for those early months in life and can help them with their first words once they're a little older.

So you know, bottom line here, you don't have to stress about it. You don't have to make flashcards. You just have to connect with that kid and try and create an environment that fosters quality communication. Coming up.

How to speak, guarantees. So we've been talking about just talking to your baby in a normal tone of voice. Narrating what you're doing. But I find a lot of the time when I see babies that I switch into this. I wouldn't call it baby talk.

I'm not like, oh, you're going to go away, oh, baby. But I'm like, oh, you're so sweet, I love you so much, I want to eat your face. You know, like. And I wonder if that would be helpful. Yeah.

No. It's an impossibility. And you know what? Actually, there is a scientific reason for that and there's a scientific name for it. It's called infant-directed speech or parenthesis.

And you're not alone. If you ever felt subconscious about it or wondered whether or not it was a good idea, you can put your words away.

The answer is a resounding.

Yes. Nice. The reason why we speak this way to babies, it turns out, is because many of the qualities of parenthesis. You know, it's often slower.

There's variation in pitch and tone. We might repeat a word.

I love your little toes.

They can help a baby's brain to start to recognize and decipher language.

It's our innate way of helping our babies learn. I talked about this with Amelia Buckley, director of Outreach and Education at the Institute for Learning and Brain Sciences or I-Labs. Here's how she explained it. It's a cue to them that this is important.

This is something I need to pay attention to. And the other piece about parenthesis that often it's not just the vocal part. Usually we've got sort of a worm, smile, you know, big bright eyes. It's all of these social cues working together that are really telling baby and baby's brain.

Hey, this is important. Pay attention. I need to learn from this. Got it.

“Well, are there right and wrong ways to do this, to speak, parenthesis?”

One thing you want to do is use the right words, use correct language.

No nonsensical baby speak, no gaga, no making upwards for their body parts or all the stuff around the house. But all of the experts encouraged this behavior. They said even if it feels silly, even if it doesn't come supernatural, lean into that kind of thing-songy, parent-tease voice.

Or when you feel moved, even full-on, sing to your baby. They don't care if you can follow a tune, they are still going to love it. But the long term benefits of this are really pretty remarkable. For example, Amelia told me about this one study that monitored how parents talk to the children from six months old all the way to kindergarten.

So if their parents used more parent-tease at five on average, they are producing longer sentences. They have bigger vocabularies. They are more complex than their conversations and even showing some improved reading as so these early language inputs, that parent-tease, the back and forth conversations,

“that is so critical and is really helping build that strong foundation that then each”

next language milestone can build on.

Okay, what about the one-sided conversations, because I mean, for the first year of life,

it is often one-vided, and I wonder, should you be leaving space for them to answer you? You absolutely should. That's another big yes. The technique you're referring to is sometimes called "servine return" or sometimes

a conversational turn. The thing about this is, yes, they're not going to be able to respond with speech, but there's a lot of different ways they might be responding to you. It might be a gesture or a wave of their arms. It might just be that their eyes start to follow you.

Later it might be facial expressions, it might be cooling. It might be those early vocalizations, but you definitely want to leave that space open for them. Even if it's not right away, it's starting to build that muscle for them. It's starting to show that this is what a conversation is, this is what language looks

and sounds like. You know, I feel like the elephant in the room here is screens and language learning on YouTube or on TV. I mean, we know those programs exist and babies and kids and parents love them, everything from like Sesame Street to Miss Rachel, but are they a substitute for that human in-person

interaction? They are not. So what Amelia told me is that it's the social setting that unlocks the brain for learning. We really need that social input as humans to learn, especially when we're really young. So there've been a lot of interesting studies on this.

One of those studies out of I-Labs was the study they did of infants learning Mandarin. So they took babies from English-speaking households and put them in three groups. Some of the babies, they put in front of screens where they were Mandarin speakers, some heard audio recordings of Mandarin, and then the last group, they took and put in a room with live Mandarin speakers.

And over 12 sessions, what they found was that the babies in front of screens and with audio recordings didn't really learn anything. Oh wow. But the babies that had live interactions with people speaking Mandarin were able to tell the difference between the sounds of Mandarin as well as babies who were born in Taiwan.

So as well as native speakers. That's huge. Yeah. So one-on-one in-person parenthesis is most beneficial for your baby's language development.

“You need to be giving them those quality interactions.”

And to define that even further for you, let me introduce you to Nairan Ramirez Esparza. She's an associate professor at the University of Connecticut in the Department of Psychological Sciences. She was part of a research project that recorded babies and their families to try and understand how language learning happens in the home.

The infant benefits the most when the interaction is with one other person. And there is no group interaction or two people are talking to the baby or there is a lot of things happening. So it's just this one-on-one interaction between the infant and the Kirby Giver. And that's when the baby talk really helps the infant's later in their lives.

Versus like putting a baby in a play pen and everyone talking around them or siblings playing

it's helpful for them just to hear things. It might be, but not anywhere to the same degree as when they're getting that one-on-one talking time, that one-on-one quality connection with one person. One thing that I've noticed some of the parents in my life doing with their babies is teaching them hand signals before they know words or before they're saying words.

“So it's like this means milk or this means all done, is that helpful?”

I mean, all done is baby sign language that will live in my brain forever. It's burned onto my brain. I will be doing all done until I am all done. Yeah, a lot of parents are curious about baby sign language. Generally a lot more accessible than verbal communication at first.

I know we tried, we picked up a book that had like the 100 most common baby sign language words and we have like 10 left over. Does he still do them? Now that he talks? Yeah, he does sometimes feel like it's like really excited about a dinner.

More, more, more, more, more, more. Or is there something? You know, and it'll just like come out, but there's a lot of them that have just like fallen away. But more specifically, more and all done are the ones that we still have.

What about reading to your baby? I wonder how early we should be doing that. It's never too early.

It's never too early and never too often.

A simple pro tip I loved from Jessica was to read books face-to-face with your baby. Instead of just putting them towards the book. So the reason why you do that is that they can see your facial expressions so they can get that social learning boost as well. And while you're at it, don't be scared to about all your literary devices and your terrible

singing voice. You want to be as animated as possible, because remember, it's not just about the language they're getting social learning.

“That's why Roger says nursery rhymes are actually really helpful for brain development.”

You know, you want to paint a picture for them as vivid as you can. I don't know when or why this became a thing, but our transition song out of the bathtub at night is taking me out to the ballgame, but I changed the lyrics of taking me out to the ballgame. So now let's take tallya, the bath, the tallya.

That's all I give you. You don't need more than that. For your sake. So on that note, I think that's a very good reminder that you don't have to take it too seriously.

That said, you do want to try to be mindful. When life can get stressful, there's a lot of devices around us all the time.

Jessica says it can be easy sometimes for some of that critical language to get lost.

No. There's a lot that's distracting us as parents now. There's a lot happening on our own phones, we're texting people, we're checking for important updates. So in general, it's a little harder for parents today to be present with their children.

But you got to try. Andy, thank you so much for this. Thank you, Maryel. All right, time for a recap. Take away one, surround your baby with language, talk to them every day.

If you're not sure what to say, try narrating what you're doing. We're taking them on a house tour. If you speak another language, talk to them in that language too. It's never too early to start. And research shows that bilingual kids have a lot of advantages.

Like, they're better at thinking flexibly and focusing their attention. Take away two. Go ahead, speak parentese. That's when you modify your delivery because you're talking to a baby. You might do things like slowing down, varying or pitch and tone and saying things in

a high pitch, like, I love your little toes. Those things can make it easier for a baby to start recognizing and deciphering words. What you want to avoid, though, is non-sensical or made-up words. Take away three, leave space for your baby to start responding. It might feel weird at first, but don't talk non-stop, ask them a question and pause.

That teaches them what conversation sounds like. And even if they don't speak to you in the moment, they might follow you with their eyes or wave their arms or make a sweet little baby sound. Take away four, nothing beats one-on-one in-person interaction. That is what's going to help your baby develop their language skills.

And take away five, make learning language fun for them.

Sing songs, read books, it's never too early.

For more life kit, check out our other episodes.

“We have one on how to travel with the baby and another on everything you need to know”

about car seats. Also, we love hearing from you. So if you have episode ideas or feedback you want to share, email us at [email protected]. This episode of Life Kit was produced by Sylvie Douglas. Our digital editor is Malika Garib and our visuals editor is CJ Rekalan.

Megan Kane is our senior supervising editor and Beth Donovan is our executive producer. Our production team also includes Claire Marie Schneider and Margaret Serino. Engineering support comes from Nisha Heiness, fact-checking by Andrea Lopez Grusado. I'm Mary El Cigarra. Thanks for listening.