Ep 607 - All Guys Welcome (feat. Sam Tallent & Shawn Gardini)

It's long, I got my favorite lover. We're here there. Mmm, yes. Got it all. It sounded like the whole spine crack. Yeah, that was nice. That was a tough day.

It was right in my head. You want one? I'll take one. I'll take it right here. I just didn't have time to talk to you. There, let's go to some hands.

There you go over. I did do that. I did do that. That's nice. I love you, Hans.

You don't regret one. Okay, that brings us. You don't. There's. Nope.

Do you die? You're fucking all beat. No, it's not. Do you die? You're not rigotowny-tony-tony.

I'm all both. I'm too shy. Hello. Are we fired up? Oh, hell yeah, perfect.

Uh-oh. Beautiful. Well, yeah.

I, uh, the first time I went to an escape room,

I was, like, pure adventure code. Going, like, two deep into the details, where I'm, like, counting the brand at the leaves on a fake tree.

“I think that, I did the paneling on the, on the wood grain.”

I was like, there's something in the grain. [laughter] They're like, no, there's just, like, a series of pegs in the wall. If you take one out, you're like, oh, okay. I don't fucking, if I knew it was like, for dumbasses.

We were in there for an hour, dude. With all of my wife's, like, second year medical school class. And, like, time ran out. And I was like, okay, well, we didn't get out of the room. You know, a big deal.

And then the doctors were like, can we see the rest of it? And I was like, rest of it. There was, like, 12 more rooms in there. We didn't even get into it. What?

And then, like, the lady who runs, it's like, did you check this drawer? And everyone was like, no, but we did, like, take a duck-dough, the fucking ceiling. And, like, I, I pulled up this rug.

It was actually like, nailed down. Oh, I should have checked this drawer, the keys in there. And so embarrassing. Did you guys ask for hints? No, I, I would love to hint.

Yeah. But no, I'm in there with young doctors. Yeah, they won't do it.

Of, you know, a lot of, like, first generation Americans in there,

communication issues, a found, and then just a bunch of, like, beaten men who were like, oh, I like football too. You know, like, the husbands of female doctors. Yeah. We need a support group.

I would, I would agree. I dated a doctor briefly. I remember her being very intense. Oh, dude.

“Like, specifically around, like, I remember her being, like,”

a little bit kind of, like, in a funk one day. I was like, you know, basically the problem was she just had the wrong answer in class. And I was like, that's it. She was like, dude, it's like humiliating.

No, it's cool to get the wrong answer. I was like, dude, that sucks. Oh, it's fascinating. I had, like, a 10% hit rate in class. I was wrong.

Oh, it's not. Yeah. Would they be like, uh, no, no, not exactly. No, no, no. All right.

Well, I participated. It's for my grade. Yeah. I'm a good stand. I tried.

It's like the rest of the cowards in here. You're holding the book upside down. At least I did the reading. I was big on that. I would, I would really fire up because there was like a weird tension in school.

We're like, no one will like raise their hand first and take a stab and I would take a stab. No, I imagine heightening that with a bunch of people who were like first in their class. And then first in their class again in college. Now they're all in one room. Yeah.

For like, you know, the prowess and the prestige of being like the number one nerd smart. Yeah. And then you get like three cocktails in them and they're in a scape room. And it's just all this shit coming up. Yeah.

Like he's on display. They're bureaucracies there. Like you see who's like actually people were looking to as like the leader. Yeah. Yeah. You're watching like an Indian woman like the father's love leave her mind. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. Like fails to get the position.

Yeah. She's like flashing back to Holly Fest to choose their team. And she's covered in colorful chalk. It's like flying right there. Could have sold mangoes.

I've been free. No. I'm in Henderson Nevada. Yeah. I wonder.

I wonder when the, what generation will the Indian and Chinese rebel against the like,

“academic structures of the culture I think we're getting there right now.”

That's what she really is. Yeah. She. I love shit. Yeah.

We're trying to be a doctor. We're going to flip her out.

I always laugh to your about following Shinyan like the grateful dead.

And just going all the city selling grilled cheeses. Yeah. It's like a double place in the parking lot. Yeah. Look for a miracle.

A lot of shit. Yeah. I want to ask a very park Shinyan ticket. I'm excited to get just you get old enough to see some like American bread Asian punks. Yeah.

I've just like, you know what the cool Japanese guys and like Tokyo drift were like, Oh, you think you could beat me in a race. We're getting there. We're getting there. I think so.

I went to high school with some of them, especially Indians Indians. Oh, yeah. I call them like they love the Miami heat. Yeah. They love the brown james.

They, they like really attach themselves to black culture. Yeah. Yeah. It's like advertising that they saw in Lebanon. Yeah.

There's like, I don't know, they're not actually like punk rockers with like, you know, Mohox and stuff. But like, I do think there's like the young, at least they're there on Detroit. There's like the young Indian Middle Eastern type guy who like has the all black,

like sweats on with flip flops all the time. Okay. So they're not like, you know, like,

But they are kind of like,

“Hey, mom, I'm just going to like smoke this vape cart and like be online all day.”

And that's their rebellion instead of like studying like their sisters did. True. So I don't think it's going to be like this like big like push back. Fuck you rock and roll flag burning. Yeah.

It's more just like this like quiet like. Okay. Like that kind of pissing this year long. They're just not, they're not just getting down on the pro. But then those guys, they end up driving Uber like 99 hours a week.

So they end up getting it one way or the other. Literally 100 hours a week. Yeah. Dude, it's crazy. You'll take you up and they're like, yeah, you're like my 19th ride.

I'm like, dude, it's 6 a.m. I know. Like while I get up at 3 a.m. And then I pick people up. And then I switch the lift app because it cuts me off after 12 hours.

Right. It's just like pro. I figured I had to drive 26 hours straight. What hour am I? 25?

Their eyes are cake. They look like fingernails. Yeah. I've been in the airport 12 times today. Doing this.

Yeah. Those, those like lifer, Uber drivers. That have just completely cracked the code.

I'm always like, kind of freak me out a little bit.

Like I made like four grand this week. Like fucking hell. Yeah. They're grinding. Like breaking all the rules.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I don't know. Like I feel like those dudes who have like the Uber hacks and they drive forever.

Like that is like their first financial freedom and they're really stoked on it. Yeah. And then you get in the car and you ask them one question and then they like show you like all the YouTube videos that they watched to figure out how to like maximize their time.

“And it's like your whole life is being a car drone.”

Yeah. You've optimized your human form. Yeah. You're a waymo. Yeah.

Which is what you're part of all machines. Yeah. The waymo's here. Watch your person. No, now the waymo's here.

Yeah. And the, the Tesla ones, the Tesla bots or whatever. The Tesla ones, I think are still learning. Okay. Like they have to be driven and there's another brand that's still learning and has to be driven.

And someone else said this, but it's funny because the people who drive them are just regular people. So they pick up on like bad driving habits. Like they like roll red lights and things like that. Yeah.

I've been peeping the waymo's are getting aggressive.

I've, I've seen those things drive. And they'll like if someone stops all like whip it around and go around them and you know, I got like, not cut off by one, but I was like, oh, it's designed to let me go. I figured like if you play chicken with the thing, it's just going to let you go. So I went to cut and it was like, er, and I was like, oh shit.

Okay. It goes to the machine. Yeah. I think there is a ghost in the machine. Yeah.

Get it over. This is good. They're just getting torched all the time. Really? That was a cobs like last weekend.

And they were just dudes talking about like their friends going out with like home made malletabs and smashing them on waymo's. But I think it's like why? I don't know. I have no idea. It's like the Pokemon go phenomenon where like they mapped entire cities for free because they put snorlaxes in weird place.

Yeah. Yeah. Who owns this? Yeah. Who knows the alleys that I take every day.

You're going to put a fucking slow poke in there. Yeah. But it's also like your phone. We've, you've mapped everything. You probably mapped everything in your phone.

“I think I think they have everything of me.”

Yeah. Well, willingly consent and give it to him because I don't want to read any terms of service. Yeah. Dude. I love the old.

Fuck. It's a crazy crazy. I also think that puts the face on the dog. I agree. Also, you can still read the terms of service.

And then you still have to click. Yes. There's still nothing. You actually read them. It's a complete waste of time.

Right. You print them off. You like red line. I'm sending back to their lawyer. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's let our people talk for a little bit. Yeah. Samaritan. Let's figure out this deal.

I'm going to deal with that. Yeah. He's not just selective. Yeah. Sure.

Yeah. What are you just like, you're not a part of society. Like a social credit course, a score thing. It's like they have an implement in that. But like we all have to have the exact same stuff for you.

You're not allowed to participate. Yeah. Like the human day. Yeah. So it's like, dude.

I was going to succeed, man. I'd love to just pull out. Live in like one of the lesser keys down in Florida. Be like crab man. Damn.

That'd be nice. Just be like burnt all the time. Yeah. Diet 58. But happy.

Outside death. No one finds you for a while. Yeah. That's what I want. I want like a metal detector.

Just out there, like, grows in your eyes. You know, your wife's like, "I do have any love." Keys going in the keys would be nice. Just unplugging. Although you'd be in the key.

I'd be in the keys. I'd have a little margaritas. I'd be on Facebook. Being like, "Bruv" and Trump kicks. Yeah.

It would be interesting. You got to have some faith in the big man. It would've hurt. Yeah. Yeah.

Are you pulling it up? Thank you. Can't stop producing. Wow. This is the kid.

I mean, we came up on him. And he was, he was a pit crew outside. One minute. I know. Chanting his tires.

He had low PSI. Keep moving it the whole time. Whoa. Hey. You really worked that thing, man.

Yeah. Did you see we do your penis? Yeah. That's how he treat this. Probably you're probably pretty good.

That's good stuff. I like that, man. I like that. That's the thing. A lot of people don't have the gumption

to interrupt the live broadcast. Right. I just had to do it. To grab this thing. Like, it was a snake that popped out of the head.

I had to. No, I appreciate that. Are we good over there? Yeah. The producer.

Dude, I'm high on ketamine. So she's been rating for 36 hours straight. This episode is brought to you by price picks.

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That's code drenched to play $50 in line-ups after you play your first $5 lineup. Price picks. It's no more slogan. It's just price picks. I watched a, I would say, delightful video today.

You know that like that debate format. Twenty-first one. Uh-huh. Or like, where you're like, circled, where it's like a one person you're surrounded by people who disagree with you. Classic.

The conversation. Yeah, yeah, yeah. The conversation will be cocky. Yeah. But you do is, Joey and Michaels.

I said at the show. It was Joey and Michaels versus 20 either obese or obese supporting body positive. Like therapists and stuff. Yeah. And first of all, the worst part about it was an in that format.

It's like whoever gets to talk has to race to the chair. Right. And Michaels is sitting there. I was like, all right, first one to get there. You just watch everyone's getting.

I'm trying to go over it. So I'm feeding time at the hippotech. There are a bunch of pumpkins down. The audio. The audio just.

Yeah. Yeah. It's exploding. Yeah. Just to express fat attitude, basically.

It should have been like being back. It should be people like rocking out of there. It should have like dizzy. I'll see. They had argue with this lady.

Yeah. And apparently then so she was using obese. I thought it was like respectful being obesity. And the one lady's like, excuse me, it's fat body. That's what you want.

It's fat body. It's fat body. That's the new acceptable term. I've been called fat body. It wasn't very inclusive or nice.

I've been called fat body various public pools. And it didn't feel good. Hey, I'm a fat body adult. No. Body is so funny.

They're like, we don't obese. It's fat body. Hey, man. Please respectfully. I'm fat body.

Yeah, I know. I can see you. It's right. He knows. It gave fat.

Yes. I'm a lot. Yeah. I'm a blob. Whatever you want.

But don't be mean to me about it. It was just great. It was just like, you know, super fitness lady being like, bro, I'm not like mad. You guys are fat. It's just I'm coming here of the opinion that it's like unhealthy at a certain point to have excess fat in your body.

Like, that's.

“She's explaining like, that's what fatty liver is.”

It's like fat itself isn't bad. If you have too much or whatever, it can start to like turn into something bad. I don't know. Whatever. You're like, mass has to size it.

Yes. And becomes like a foreign body. And then if you have too much fatty, think as I'm a counterpractor as I showed on you. I think that your body, if it gets on, back it's on an organ. It'll start attacking it like cancer.

Yeah. And like heart disease can be elements of that. Your brain. Your brain. Dude.

They're always talking about Alzheimer's.

Just like type three. Like diabetes. I didn't know I could get fat in my brain. Oh, dude. I got fat heads since day one.

And like as a guy who's like still fat, but was much more fat. Like fat acceptance is so dangerous. Yeah. Because like, I don't know, dude. You're allowing these people who have like let like, you know, have lost control.

It's a loss of control. It's a physiology thing. It's a lot of different elements, but you've lost the battle. Yeah. And then we're just supposed to be like, hey, it's cool.

Yeah. And I guess if they're making the choice, like if it is a slow form of suicide, then like you have to embrace it. Like that's man's only option is to kill himself or like have a cigarette or whatever. Yeah.

Like I just don't think the normalizing it is like ultimately going to help the little fat kids.

“Because like shaming a little fat kid, that's what got me running laps before school.”

Yeah. I was like, you could see my tits through my shirt. Dude, my mom shaming my whole life even today. If I go home, if I get in the pool this summertime, if I put on weight, my mom will be like, you've got in fat. Yeah.

So just write up, just be like, yeah, you damn, you're getting fat. And I'll be like, all right. You get it, too. Oh, yeah. What hope is there for me there?

I was looking at you on stage last night. You were like a Brooks Brothers model with your fucking great hair.

And I was like, yeah, maybe I could like you traps. What are traps? That was my mom. That was my mom's.

“Either on my mom's, either on the little shameful fat boy or my mom's muscle man.”

I try to be my mom's muscle man.

You've always been mommy's muscle man.

Haven't you? You have that energy. Big dick muscle man. Yeah. Yeah.

Pylon. I figured crushing comments because my neck is chubby. And that's 30 years a day. Yeah. Yeah.

You're going to see a pumpkin face. I try to do 50, you know, cut the face. You've been doing intuitive drinking. It's part of body positive. And two sentences.

To put a blindfold on. Make a cocktail. Well, they talk about dude. It's actually kind of crazy. So, you know, she's just arguing with those people and they're like,

And it's like, well, hold on. That may compose with myself. I came from that chair. I say this with empathy. I'm a big fat guy.

I understand the play. Yeah. But I was a quicker chair. I was a fat kid. It's like, you know, it's stuff.

If you get to ease it all stuff and people pinch your fat nipples. Oh, my god. Mean dipping bro. You've been being dip recently.

“To the former owner of the Springfield comedy club.”

When we were down there last time. Nathan Lund goes on stage. He's like, hey, knock him dead. Sack taps. Lund.

Sack tapped him right before he's walking up. So Lund's walking on stage. Like, Oh, oh, it's coming.

Like, the first two minutes of his set were like,

He had the owner just sacked half of me. He's like, on the balls of his toes. You know that one to shake him out. That's a freeze. And then he bean dipped me.

He bean dipped me before I walked down to me. The headliner. I've known him for 12 years. I was the only guy who worked this club before. You know, you got the settlement money or whatever.

You're going to fucking flat my flat jacks on the way up. I mean, also, how about affect you psychological. I wanted to be on fire. I wanted to grab him after he flat me and jump down the stairs. I wanted to be a human bomb bro.

I went up there and I was mad. Like the first 15 minute, I watched the tape. First seen between minutes. I'm like, finding shit to be mad at on stage. And Lund also did the funny bit if I just got sacked half.

So I can't walk up and be like, Hey, he bean dipped me before. That was humiliating. I have to read bean dip yourself to like, because some people wouldn't know what it was. You have to, yeah.

You have to illustrate. You have to flap your own jugs. And now you're reactivated. Right, yeah. Now you're back in the stairwell.

Good. You know, it's irresponsible. You're a person. Yeah. Yeah.

It was, it was great, man. It was really, um, it was a good display of just what we deal with now. Just being like, if I get angry enough at you and convince you, you're a horrible person based on just my own emotions. I'm right.

It was just 20 people being like, you're actually a huge piece of shit. Just like, why? Because it's just not fair for you to say that to a fat body person. And we tend to have fat people going, yeah. This is a sign of just like, we're all full of shit.

But it's because this would be awesome. Yeah. But a Japanese tourist come because they think they're going to feed seals. But yeah, I'm not fat body phobic at all. I'm not either.

Many fat friends. Yeah. Not fat body phobic. But yeah, it is. You were nice to me.

I swear I'm in the pool last year. No one said, hey, look at those drugs. Because I was a fat kid. I remember. You get it.

I remember the moment. Dude, my nickname was Thunder thighs. You're still this day. You fill up this pants. Dude, my thighs.

Crazy.

So you get a third thigh right there.

You hold the shark in these piece for me. Yeah, right, bro. That's just, that's my prosthetic. Well, we, we, we, we didn't have a prosthetic. The death.

We wouldn't just the death of like ethos in logos. And now it's all pathos. This is the emotional thing. We're supposed to make arguments. Pathos was like the last vestige of a bad orator.

So like you were supposed to then if you weren't like making your points. You're supposed to be then emotional and big and do all the tricks. Because you couldn't get there with the ethics of it or the logic of it. And now it's just all pathos. Yeah.

And you've got like, you know. Huge people arguing with a woman for like, so me and guys can watch it online. Literally. All the comments are just people laughing being like dude running to the chairs. Oh, there is.

Yeah. It is pretty far. And they knew what they were doing. I know. I know.

I know. They, uh, one thousand percent. No, it's just, this is a spectacle. They're not going to get to anything. Dude, they even had a thing on like the, uh, big snack companies.

Like, you know, free delays, all this stuff. Pepsi. They, they're, uh, there was like an investigative, you know, journalism thing. An article. Where they had internal, internal company memos of being like,

Why it's, why body positivity is good. Because they were like, you know, like certain points of it. Like intuitive eating was one, intuitive eating. Make sure that we, we don't like, you know, our snacks don't come under fire. This thing body positivity calorie count.

There's a part of it where it's like, get calories off of stuff. Because like we know that's that's like kind of shameful.

“Like why should I have to be like, why should I have to be reminded of how many calories?”

It's pretty fucking nice. So we have to exist in a world just bereft of any thing that makes sense. Yes. Like, we, because people don't want to know that like that entire bag of Fritos has 1200 calories.

They're going to eat it anyway. And it's in Pepsi's like pushing it being like, yeah, actually. This is, this is at very important for the body positivity. Because they just want to keep everyone going. Yeah.

It's like how they put protein on pop charts now.

And it's like, oh, okay. So me on GLP ones, like eating pop charts. It's still, go to the beach. It's fucking joke. And everyone's just like, yeah, it's crazy.

And then we're just back on our phones. Yeah. We're so cooked. I know. I'm not cooked.

I'm not cooked. You're not cooked. We got to maintain the fucking light in the dark bread. True. That can't give it.

No, you can't. It's so hard not to, though. I know. It's so hard not to just be like, pull up that white flag and start jerking off. Yeah.

I'm going to get high at 8 a.m. Who cares? Who cares? Nipples with the white flag. Yeah.

Like how you brought up, like, you're right. Like, we're jerking you off. He's like, he's like, lick my nipples. Yeah. And Brit made a funny noise across the belly.

Yeah. Yeah. That's awesome. That's awesome. It's just participated.

I've never heard my wife on stage.

“Except for the one time she heckled me in key West.”

What did she say? Oh, dude. I was doing some, I asked a woman. I went, we went on a line cruise before the show. Awesome.

So it was like, we had like 12 bottles of wine in like an hour. You know, my wife gets there and she's like a pirate. Like one hour, you know. Like she met some gal on the cruise. She's like, kind of a show.

So they like sit her down and I hear in the back of the room talking during the middle. And I'm like, I go up to her and I'm like, baby, you know. We're all in fun. You know, like as much as you can say. I'm over there trying to like diffuse a fucking bomb before I go on stage and entertain.

Hey, honey, you know? It's fun to have fun, right? All right. I'm at work. But I am.

I really am. This is my whole thing. Yeah. Yeah. So I go up on stage.

And I was, I don't know how I was doing crowdwork. It was two rival boat crews were there. So like I'm like, they both hated the same captain. So I like made fun of one boat crew and then this boat crew like joined in making fun. And I was like, oh, hey, you guys are a different boat crew and then this boat crew is like correct.

You know, so it's kind of chaos. Yeah. And then I asked a woman in the crowd. I don't know. I was drunk too.

I asked a woman. I was like, have you ever been pregnant? Which is an insane question. That's the same question. But again, I'm doing triage comedy.

And I know there's a ticking time bomb in the back. And she was wearing my wedding ring. So I was like, hey, you ever been pregnant? And I hear someone in the back go. You have no right to ask her that.

And I say, that sounds like my wife. And she says, it was. Oh, no. Like, what am I supposed to do? It's dude.

And he just bombed. It's a tough spot. And it's also like, I don't know. A part of me feels like the crowd would be excited. Wait, he's watching.

No, no. But they don't. Yeah, they're kind of like a little bit the fuck's going on right now. What does she is like his nurse too? She doesn't trust him.

They threw the road together to the cheats. Yeah, they're just for check right away. Yeah. Wait, what is that real? Yeah.

Yeah. I've had it before where Bernie will also take it upon her. She doesn't do this anymore.

But like, when I first started headlining, she would come sometimes.

And people would talk. She would like go up like a balancer and be like, hey, be quiet. You're table. People would be drunk and they shut the fuck up. Whoa.

Then I was on stage one time that happened. And I'm on stage. And I was already like battling with this guy. And she had, at some point, been like, hey, keep it down. And he said something back to her.

And I heard her just be like, excuse me.

“And I was like, on stage, like, what the fuck did you say?”

Oh, yeah. Like, just the whole crowd was like, why, I don't want it. They're like a dysfunctional family party. Yeah. They're just like, yes, it's uncomfortable.

Oh, do it. What the fuck do you say? It's the fucking wife. Yeah. It's just like, hold it to me.

Wait. I know what you're looking around. But I'll fuck you up right now. No. Waymo's are weird aren't they?

Why, try to happen. Come on stage. Like, I was like, here's my cool moment. I'm going to destroy this guy. He came up without him.

I was like, dude, you're fucking gay. And I couldn't talk.

And I was like, get the fuck off stage.

No. Yeah. Why don't I do it? It's worse. Everything bad happened.

Oh, then I got my check and it was way less interesting. Yeah. I was like, man, I really hate myself now. Yeah. I just mortgaged myself for $500.

All right. Yeah. Britten he leaves with him. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. He walks out holding her hand. He saw the new 40 men. He had like a tailored leather jacket. I was like perfect sleeve weight.

What was it? I don't know. It was perfect. It was cursed Phoenix. Oh, yeah.

“I mean, Phoenix, I've been hexing the Phoenix market.”

Because it's all 22 year olds. Is that what it is? It's all kids. If you do that Tempy club, it's like on the college campus. Because I did one Phoenix room in this last time I went down there.

And it was just a bunch of like kids with backwards hats, just like wearing shorts. All right, bro. And I was like, fuck. Yeah. I'm going to talk to you guys about like being married and honesty.

Yeah. It sucks. Yeah. I did a bunch of marriage material. It's gang fest last year.

And I was like, yeah. I was doing the math. I'm like, I don't know if this is land in here. Oh, yeah. I just want you like polygastation of boys.

Oh, for sure. Yeah. It's a lot of those ladies who get like that weird like hair extension. It's pink. Then they have to carry it all back.

Have you seen this phenomenon? You know, I'm talking, you're a rave person. You know, I'm talking. I don't know that. That's like, it's like a purple like fucking like predator tail.

I think they did do that. They plug it into the back of their head. It's like an extension. But it looks like one big like dreadlock. Like thing.

And it's so long that they have to like carry it around. And they're like. Daffy ducks, wet pants. That's the, at the Bucky's. What?

Yeah. Is it one long purple braid? Purple pink. Could be an Azure your colors. Yeah.

That's fine.

Again, this could be a more of a Detroit specific phenomenon.

No, no.

“Well, I, I recently did like a very Gen Z kind of show.”

It was, uh, if you laugh, you leave. Uh. And that was like, I got there. And oh, there. Okay.

Kind of like that. I'm not going to lie. But you can put it in your butt when you get it. Oh, yeah. That's just like one.

Yeah. Just boom. Right. Yeah. You've had enough.

And it's fine. Waffin' him with it. Yeah. With your breath. Yeah.

I know you've got a lot of these pizza.

“The, uh, the crowd was for real like, there was a furry in the crowd.”

There was like gay guys dressed as like count Dracula. It was, they were all like wearing like hyponegatives. It was, it was fucking. It was like, yeah. It was just weird man.

It was like, there was like, young, young, very internet kind of internet heavy kids. That were just like dressed bizarrely. Dude. Like they were dressed like sprites. It was like sprites.

And like fairies. It was really fucking weird. Yeah. And they were just like, they looked like any time you would say anything like slightly, they weren't like super sensitive, but they would just be like, whew.

If you would say anything like kind of weird or fucked up. Well, their filter is just like, their entire life. They've just been like in this pool of like human shame and how do I identify it. Yeah. It's like young people when they like when you hit him with a joke.

They're like trying to like turn it into like the neutrinos of how to be mad at you. I feel, you know, like it's like going through this like, And it's like dissipating across their face. Yeah, like okay, he said trans. I'm not going to listen to the rest of the drill. Yeah, it's bizarre You know, what does this mean about me? I feel like I do the mean grids like after all the shows and sell the merch and I see the kids come up and they're getting so young Yeah, I don't know why

Must be like kill Tony or like hive whatever it is. I always try and figure it out like they're so young and they're stoked and like they're stoned as fuck

Yeah, and they come up and they're like all right You're like okay, they put my fucking arm pit on their shoulder and they can't say a word Yeah, kids man. I get a lot of I get like a decent amount of coke roast. Yeah, a lot of coke. They come up and their Pupils are like that big Businesses and they went to the bathroom three times here in the shop

I hate the guys to go to the bathroom. They're clearly geeked on either cat or coke and then at the merch line They're like bro, that was the best and it's like you were gone for 22 You weren't in there. You're in the bathroom with three of your friends right half my set and the only person who's aware of it and secretly mad is me The man you're compliment Then you paid to see. I watched the whole thing. Yeah, no you didn't dude that uh, yeah, that that thing you're talking about of like

People being completely disconnected from reality and having like no basis to like like the pathos and whatever Eethos, I'm reading a book right now by this guy Alistair Magical tire. Okay. It's called after virtue and he wrote it like I think in the sixties and he basically goes back So here this is the it starts off. It's crazy So he this is his thing. It's called like the the big problem and he was like imagine a world where like

Something bad happens and we just completely dismantle science we were like fuck science fuck scientists We kill scientists we burn all labs down so science is being completely eradicated because it's no more And then everywhere Alexandria burnt down worldwide exactly and then every and then we come you know a few hundred years later People go fuck yeah, this is actually maybe that wasn't the problem. Let's not let's fire science back up But all their left with are like the book the broken pieces of what science wants well

So they're like resurrecting bits and pieces of this wants like comprehensive body and knowledge and then they all they can do is try to use the bits and pieces to like Basically gain themselves in advantage with like it's like a half understanding of a thing and They try to like use those to like basically promote the wrong kind of like just kind of like me having any argument with anyone

“He that well that's what it's like three shards”

I saw a 30 second video that said different so that's and that's what he goes like you know that that's where we are with like Morel debate now like we've we've completely shattered the foundation of it And it's just people with bits and pieces who have feelings right who just want to be right and want you to agree with them Yeah, he's like that's just kind of where we're at and I mean Hitler was really good at that too Who's nasty yeah like all those guys who like moved people to commit awful were really good if fucking move in the crowd

Yeah communicating without any kind of like logic behind it and it's literally people looking and being like that guy is good Yeah, like I'm gonna vote for that guy. He's loud guys. He's grown up. Oh, yeah But that's that was this whole thing. He like takes all these like big debates in our time

And he's like we'll never get to the bottom of him like he's like abortion. He's like it's just two different people being like

Well, let me let me tell you the facts in the matter. I'm objective here. You're complete and they people to sit there and argue And then essentially go the arguments like you're a piece of shit and if you agree with me, you'd be good Right, it's like that's that's what we're letting you try to scald them into agreeing with you which is Historically one of the worst ways to leave the needle at all. Yeah, it's the trying to mean and make small yeah Now the book the book is cool. He basically taught he's like the the from his you know point of view

And it's it's like really complicated. It had to get like a book about the book to understand it because it is kind of like dense You listen to like the succession podcast after the episode Pretty much yeah, but he's like it's it's so it goes so far back to where like

Where we like we you know, we ditched the Aristotle point of view, which I don't fully understand

But it's more or less just like a guy It was like undogmatic about like you know, it doesn't have like influences of the church just like the ancient Greeks looking around like

“What is this sickest thing I could do for myself that would increase the stoke for the collective and myself at the same time?”

Yeah, they need the church come in. It's like well, dude If you come you're evil right so then everyone got this like weird thing where they're like, oh, the what's good is like kind of an external authority That I have to kind of obey and then that got shattered to where it's like now man does do whatever you feel right now You're just you have these like completely kind of unrelated contextless people just like having emotional reactions and trying to like police others to like Regulate their own images. Yeah, trying to control this world. It's complete chaos. Yeah, and like we all have our own reality that originates from this thing

Yeah, and then we're just like little nation states wondering around bumping into people Yep, you know, so like there's no community. There's no connectedness. It's really scary I was telling him to fucking join a bowling league I think or no is that Dylan kid. I was like get back to bowling bro Yes, we need to find something that's kind of that's kind of the things like we got to strip it down to like the smallest Tiniest communities and get those things to work. Yeah, and then from there you can kind of branch out because he's like

Yeah, much the tenants of energy, but yeah, pretty much

But it's funny. He's basically like we're so far gone that even like like the things that become so distorted

That even if you like go to school for philosophies like you're basically just kind of jerking yourself off The tools you're using are just like just complete chaos. Not a bit makes sense. There's no context anything It's just like we're digitating facts that some other guy and it's also funny because like in philosophy Like there's no truths, you know, it's like people like arguing for their like objective truth or whatever So it's like kind of like with comedy

Where you're like how do I like make it in comedy and there's like no playbook whatsoever and we're all just like kind of chasing this like imaginary tale What all you post your episode every day at 2 p.m? Yeah, get the algorithm 100% against you. Yeah, but no, it's exactly that Well, I was I was envious of you last night when you said that you spent Easter with your neighbors and that some of your neighbors came to the show Because like I'm not at all like entrenched in my neighborhood at all. Yeah, despite like some legitimate effort

You know like going to the community center like all this shit like outside waving to people Everyone's walking their dog with headphones on like yeah even when they're out on your city sidewalk You can't still like engage with the people who live three minutes away and It's very frustrating and I think that a lot of people are just like completely alone and disconnected and then they have like a girlfriend or a boyfriend And they like cling on until it dies like laying for mice and then

You're like rushing the one thing that loves you and sees you as who you are And then you get mad at them because they make you feel like a baby sometimes Yeah, I don't need you. I don't need anyone then you're just a Joker. Yeah. There's a bunch of us that are just the Joker out there

“Yeah, and that's what I want to talk to you about is this like initiative that I want to be”

Like help these dudes these fucking dead-eyed dudes. I see at the merch table who were like, you know Doing pharmaceuticals they get online to enjoy the comedy show with the guy they really like yeah One time we come to their town and they still have to be fucked up at the show Not just booze, but it's like a variety of things. Yeah, like completely whacked out. Yeah Yeah, well, I will say the neighborhood cohesion. That's all my wife. She's very like

She's very outgoing and friendly. She we were there for like a year and then she had already had like she joined this group It's like the you know like the like a mom group of like her neighborhood and next year I know we would have like 20 people at her house all going out together. That's really nice Yeah, that's like we played basketball every year. That's what I want. I want to play pickle. I want to play Batchy play pickle. You know, yeah, Batchy you need to sick hat for Batchy. I have a sick hat

What all I have is this? What would you go with Boulder, Fedora? No, dude I have like a big like almost like salmon farmer like an Asian, but not really like a Mongolian step It was awesome. It has like a crazy braid under here and I tied off and it's like a scarf I just look like a widow itself

“You know, I should be in a rocking chair, but I want to put that gear on and hit the Batchy pit and that you should”

That's kind of bullshit. You can't well I could go play by myself like a psycho in my big hat And then no one's gonna want to play with me if they see me alone Might be fielded dreams You've like oh he got early on sent Alzheimer's you'd have one guy be walking his dog and you go home Put on his fedora and take every ounce of courage and you walk up and be like hey, man

You might have a toss as well. Just a bunch of guys They've been waiting for me And they're like that's the spark he's the change he wants to see I'm just a comment around on this like fat guy thing like I think it's kind of cool the fat people are like you know what fuck you You're hard for me. I'm gonna be fat

I'm tired of you and told I'm fat. I'm fat body. I'm not obese. That's a medical term. Yeah, get the fucking calories off soda I get you look at them so I don't see that and like fat people for the most part are either like really funny

Or like have never said a funny thing ever so it's really hard to like know which one you're dealing with

Because I'll see a fat guy like in public and be like all right, this guy's gonna do something and then you're just like Yeah, I'm gonna bend back and be honest again It's so true my sheets are yellow

You learn how to be funny to get along and defend yourself or you just like take it and bullet sponge and become harder and harder while you're getting softer and softer

“And then like you know you have to go to college and interact with people and you're like, I'm not fat”

You're like a breeding device Yeah, fat people take it back, bro. What's what's the idea? What's what's the dealing with a fat like problem to? I'm having identity crisis because I still feel like you need to be there for my fat brethren Yeah, but also like kind of show them like a path towards because like I had a lot of identity involved in being a fat guy Yeah, it's like not just the fact that like I was fat

It was like when I'm a fat funny guy who has like a little bit of a public life So I lose this weight like what clown am I to comedy mexu right? Yeah, and then you're 36 saying what clown am I and you're like fuck This is all gone like I'm so beyond anything that makes sense I'm just gonna like trying to lose some weight so I could you know see my niece graduate or No, I think you're rocking it. I think you're I get it though. That would yeah, if I was I can't turn my back on them

No, the facts no you can't those are my guys. Yeah, you can't and I'm still with them I get on stage and talk about weight loss and like I see him out there And I want to know like I'm not talking to you big fat guy. Yeah. No, I don't make sense

So you never want to turn your back on the face. I would never turn my back on the fast

I like I do like teasing the fast Of course, and they like get in T's true. Yeah, but yeah, no, that's that's very important You know what what was your idea for the young man that are so dude? I was talking to him I drove here from Houston yesterday and like when I drive alone That's the only time I like actually think like I disassociate like you most of the time

Yeah, but I'm going to carve on myself. I put on this American life until I can't hear it anymore Yeah, and then I'm just like alone with my thoughts. He talked to yourself Yeah, for sure. Yeah, but it's always like someone else is talking You know, I'm like who said that? I'm so down in the rabbit hole my own ass But dude, so we have all these like young dudes out there right who like had pretty much like been told like hey

Fellas you ran the world. It's broken. We're taking you off the shelf. Yeah, it's great You know what someone else have the ball. They'll fuck it up. We'll be back probably. Yeah, you know

'cause ultimately like there's a lot of like

When you knock everything off the shelf, which is creative, I can't believe them of course. That's the shelf You have all these shards and right now. It's like mostly like straight white guys who are in shards and like Society at large is like hey good be shards for a while So there's this like shudden Freud of like hey actually like shut up and listen So like just be worms for a while so while they're down there. They're eating dirt and they're

“Metastasizing you know and they're like spreading this disease and it's like I really think that someone has to give a shit about”

These guys who have been told that like they're the reason the world is fucked Cuz like you know dudes Sean's age like they were told like go to college get a job you alone a house. Yeah The American dream is yours That's completely ripped in shreds. Yeah. There's no American dream anymore So you have all these dudes that like just go deeper deeper online and get meaner and meaner and like you know

More galvanized and it's the echo chamber and I'm thinking if we could get some of these dudes together It's some kind of like I've been saying white guy conference, you know Which is bad. Yeah, we're gonna go into white guys together in Oklahoma City and you know get it together But I think if we could like throw some kind of like actual face-to-face event where we go in with people not like We haven't figured out but like you're admirable

You've done a lot of looking inward. You have a psychology degree. You care about past Rick Social work But I get I get what I said and it's like last night on stage you said you were like you know I'm worried about everyone all the time. I have a huge heart I have the same thing where it's like I want to be the senator for all these kids who are sad

So it's like if we get them together and just like have Radical honesty and talk about the things and have like Joe list do a symposium on like Subriety or like rainy on like not being a pussy like all these dudes that like kind of are trying to get better And just exhibit this behavior in a place without me phones or booze Probably in the middle of the country. Yeah, I think we could actually like send these dudes back with some tools to not like shoot up the mall

Because we're just if we can negate like one woman flinching when our husband walks into the room We've done our job. That's your symposium will be nice. I'll just like nice symposium Dude you go you have your thing. It's you don't have to be funny Yeah, you're gonna be funny because you can't help it but like you got your fucking presentation you get up there for an hour

“And then afterward we can talk to these dudes we can have little like breakoff groups where it's like if you want to work on”

So specifically like we could moderate those and I don't have any kind of like background on this, but I do care And I want to help because like I've been doing true stand-up for 20 years and it's like not boring But like what's the next juice like how can I actually be of service because I have a platform I see the kids at the merch line. I see the hope in their eyes But nothing curdles or it becomes more corrosive than dead hope. Yeah, the dead ambition and we got to get in there

And the scars of them and the wounds and like clear out all that dead debris So like they can heal bro. We got to be gardens. They can grow it Let me see because right now we just like provide them some shit. It's escapism. That's great That's not service. We're this is not altruistic

So it's like I'm not trying to pretend that what I do when I go on stage is emancipating them from their actual problems

But like I would like to like try and help more

“Yeah, but the only way I think I can do just to be like be able to fucking touch them”

You know tell them like hey man, it's not your fault like sorry your dad was mean You know or like be like it is your fault. I'm let's fucking fix it. I'm just thinking how we can monetize this Well Yeah, sorry We captured a thousand dude. I would love to do a symposium. That'd be really nice to print here's the problem the

The things like this that exist that get self-promotional look so fucking brutal. Yes, the menosphere I want to call it I want to call it returning to the odium turn the odium know the odium no the odium was like the The Roman idea of Work was look down upon like we're in this whole like thing of like hustle of grind like work 20 hours a day Like that's what a man does they look down on that like what a man's ultimate pursuit was was like to try and like better himself

Learn create art like Luxuriate reflect not luxury, but like have time to reflect that you're talking to this is a return to Arizona This is what McIntyre's talking about I'm saying return to Odium

“That's what we're trying to build that's fucking tight and it's just like if we can give them the tools to not be mean to their boss”

It work who is a dickhead. Yeah, or at least try and like Take a breath before you fucking pop off at that next meeting. Yeah, you know before you fucking Spike the can of liquid death

Cause you killed for an hour except for one second. Yeah, I fucking flubbed the last line on my closer last night and I was

Walking off stage of him I like with death and I was for real about to just fucking Steps and I'm just like a camera right there like I can't be on camera Spazzing so I squeezed yeah, I squeeze it Comes in the green room and he was like I fuck up the last line. I was like yeah, make sure you focus on that So the other 99.99. That's also what I would do which is true

I would for sure get off and like I wouldn't I couldn't even go in the green room. I'd be in the stairwell like Well, I do like to get back to the green room as fast as possible And if I love it doing damn you're already back in my get. Yeah, I'm a pretty fucking quick Voltable fish to fry I'm still still and I was like, so you want people to think you're a rave they're like an eye-crawler

Vampire speed you know to vampire show them like shit That's what I want they can do you a vampire speed That's a fighting off stage would be like just run to the green room to like impress You know Kurt Matt's career was not like you are Oh, my I flopped them fall the clothes when I got to be fast

It's like it was the second till has the word you said to you that you fucked up. I know

I was I was telling him I was out there watching him last night getting real stone with butterly up on the balcony and like I was watching and I was like dude. That's my friend and like all these people here to see him and he's really good It is job and I'm up here and like the coolest comedy club, but I can smoke we didn't hear like life is so cool Yeah, yeah, just like a moment when you like connect with what's actually happening instead of like the facade of it So many way dude. That's my big pictures. I want to like try and help

That'd be nice. I do nice. I worry that people Won't appreciate it though. I worry there's stuck in their ways. Well, and that's fine But I do think that people who would actually take the trip to Oklahoma City and we're not gonna have it be 10,000 people It's gonna kind of be like Skankfest for guys who like to do crafts. You know We'll have a class on you know

Killing the voice in your head that call stuff gay I want to do one on ambition and it's just every slide says you will die one day And there's be like so that's why I do stuff because I know this is gonna happen and you might be thinking well Put it up and it's like well tomorrow. This could happen to you and it will happen in the blink of an eye Yeah, next you will die

Because it's like so easy to like actually use your time Yeah, if you could just be shown like how much time you waste it on your phone on your death bed Where my new thing is it before like Saint Peter like Greets you is like you want more life Let's see how you used yours and then it's like literally seven years of like you scrolling After real-time seven years. Oh, easily man. I mean I'm I've gotten down to three hours a day and that's like that was like major

That's huge yeah

“So rock and so I think like six at least is like the baseline. Do you wake up and look at your phone immediately?”

Dude, that's like a big one. I'm fighting right now. I do. Yeah, I know it's all right away. The world's mad at you 40 emails you have to do. I'll turn the weather every now and again But I typically don't get up and do phone right away. Well, you'll have like kids You're like probably you should I wake up and I'm like At the hotel ticket counts aren't good

Phoenix dude that's sort of my life, but yeah, what if I'm in the hotel by myself? That's one of the phone rules. I'll wake up and just be like hotel room. Yeah, it's city skylines until I got to go to the show On that laptop putting residential zones and watching it grow

I'll be at mic drop in Detroit the comedy nest in Montreal Auto Abatton Rouge Lafayette New Orleans Buffalo both Zainis Madison Dr. Grins Get those tickets from punch-up live and if you wouldn't mind buying my pre-ordering my book My next novels out September 22nd from random house, but I would like to get to 10,000 pre-sales So I can be a best seller and beat Mr. Beast in James Patterson

“That's what I'm talking about the sick book violent book of erotic revenge gay hit man in Paris doing one last job”

Bro last 30 pages are just a violent onslaught fan Tasman Gorya. I'm really stoked on it. It's pretty That's awesome. Yeah, I mean definitely definitely go see Sam alive. That last night was so fucking funny

Nice man. So definitely go do that in the book the first book was awesome

I'm excited. I'm excited to read this attitude bro I'm so stoked on this thing and it's been my entire life for like a year. Yeah over it. Let's go. Yeah. Sean. What'd you got? Oh, I'll be in Springfield's Missouri Tulsa, Oklahoma, Oklahoma City and Cincinnati Ohio may please come See those shows if you can and optimum not to sit the creek in the cave the first and third Tuesday of every month Oh, yeah, thank you very much. Longer than you need calm. Well guys. I'll be April 10th

I'll be at the Fitzgerald theater St. Paul, Minnesota, and then I'll be at Des Moines Iowa on 4/11 the next day And then here's the big ones man 417 cursed Phoenix Arizona, I'll be at the celebrity theater. It's in the round. It's a test the one Mitch had brick laid down on Well, he would lay down and they were just through pills at him on stage

And he would be circling and he would like see a pill and just eat it. What? Yeah, I don't tell me that story

“That's like legendary spot. Yeah, well, I think it slowly spans dude”

How's it? I thought so. Yeah, I'm worried I won't complete the circle. I need to get the sale So I don't do it in the 270. I'm worried I won't get the full round going. I'll do it in the you So guys, please come to the celebrity theater I'll literally I'm going to hire seat fillers if you guys don't come. I'm going to buy all the seats of no one there Just leave a big block of no seats celebrity theater for 17. That's going to be fun

And I also and I love the round. Yeah, the pig for the round actually I've really come alive in the round guys After that 418 I'll be in Tucson, Arizona and then 515. I'll be in Toronto That'll be fun. It's two shows and I believe they're going to be sold out So there might be a little bit of tickets on the last show comedy town. Yeah, I'm excited for Toronto They'll be showing me a lot of love unlike fucking bitch-ass Phoenix Arizona

Guys and then finally the Riviera theater in Chicago, Illinois

That's going to be very fun. I love Chicago. So come to that. What are you there? May 16th I'll be there. Well, I'll be in town. I'm in Zanis that weekend Trying to pop over. Oh, please wait wait. You're there the same at the Amit Go see Matt everyone. No Please that'll be awesome. That's hang out. Yeah, I think my can's going to be around too. I think my can's there the 15th or something too. That'll be awesome

Yeah, be cool guys Chicago. It's just there's a comedy storm coming in Chicago

“So not just your babe. It's the best thing from that city. It's also the people who buy comedy too. That's true. That's right”

There's a funny front moving in dude In a win stream bro. Okay, nothing but giggles. I'll trust the Midwest. I'll be in Tulsa. Okay, get what's the back of the show. Yeah I was brainstorming a show idea. I had a couple of everyone's one of them was just an absolute Like a crowdwork blue man group where you just like five people just take the stage And it's just you just the whole time. It's like it's like you know like the crowdwork guys

They have like headset. Oh, yeah, but there's five people across the fortitis. Yeah, yeah, but it's five people It wants just going nuts and then it evolved doing crowdwork all at once and you can hear every one of them speak Yeah, it's simultaneously. Yeah, but but then it was like, you know what? No, not even that. What I want to do is Do a alive exercise class work. It's comedians with headsets and you just scream at people exercising like a drill and struck I did that yoga. Yeah, I did they brought me in one time in Denver to do like like a sip and yoga thing

And they brought me in as like the fake yoga host and I was like that's a funny idea It's a great at pays forty dollars sure So I did it to you, but I didn't know anything about yoga So people were just getting mad like people like this is their whole thing It's like they look forward to yoga all day work and then there's a fact I out there wearing short shorts and a headband being like

What is it everyone do a upward dog? Where was doing downward dog and people are like what are you doing? And I didn't know it was a prank. It's like when I was a fat guy ruining their one thing. That's a great idea Yeah, but I think if you told people that it was an exercise class hosted by comedians that'd be good I would I want to do a yoga class where I slowly you know you started because like a lot of the real Kind of like OG yoga instructors will start like hitting you with passages from like you know

Like ancient like the Bhagavad Gita or whatever that'd be nice to like start that way and slowly slide into like like Militin is like like a big militant Islam. Yeah, trying to sneak it in slowly build like at the very end Doring like the chavocino and they all lay there. It'd just be like and pack your stand will rise Indian dollars

He's like readstands is from pantera What is like I would be nice to go to like heavy like black magic satinism? Oh, yeah, it's a very

“Lights go low and low, you're completely new to the end. Yeah, I'm like in the waiting and anything I no matter what you have to crush your opponents”

Yeah, it's necessary. They're blood is your reward blood for the blood God. You are the blood God. Get the marrow from the bone Yeah, I'd be great. I'd be nice. I'd be I mean, but I agree. I think it would be nice man that that's kind of the That was kind of one of the main things were it's like yeah, you got to figure out something to do where it's like Well, you're basically you are a social being you know more or less you have to figure out a way to homester Five be sorry evolution like exactly. Yeah, yeah, I think that would be nice to do a nice little symposium and like it would probably be a nightmare

And of course as soon as I have to send two emails to find the hotel conference room and it'll be over for me Like we we need to find a woman to plan this men's only retreat We have type-in babes you can stick the type-in babes on it because my if I tell my wife she'll say oh Yeah, we should be helping white guys more it's like it's not just white guys

They're the ones who need the help while you here's the thing you can you can title it symposium for white guys and probably a lot of Mexican guys

Right, yeah, yeah, black guys are welcome. I'd be a pleasant surprise. We love a black guy. I'd be really cool We're gonna have a black speaker Easter-esque Okay guys, but I was like, oh, yeah, they got their own problems. Yeah, yeah, and it's not like I don't know dude. I just feel like When you can't figure out your own shit It's a lot easier to like either go inward or you can like help other people

So like I feel like when you're at this depression It's like just like ruin state that a lot of people are in exhausted no dignity everyone's mad at them

“It's like teach them how to help other people and I think we can just like plant these little seeds like go back to like”

Fucking Bristol Tennessee and you know next thing. You know there's four nice dots dudes in Bristol, Tennessee It's like we're gonna fix everything dude, but like if people actually wanted to do the work I think we could bring them together. I think so I think people yeah, I think that'd be actually It'd be a nice thing it would be either way it'd be a very fun event if you got to go to sort of symposium And it was just a bunch of people bunch of comedies and stuff and it's not like scholars

No, it's not people who are gonna bore you or like impress you with their bone of fetties It's just like me up there dude like hey guys I'm not that great, but like I've done some stuff and here's how I've achieved it And it's just like picture of my mom and her casket So I remember this and

Then I put my phone away and I work on my book Because I'll be in there and I'll be in there so soon and you'll all be in there so soon. Yeah. We don't even exist if you look at time

We're in anomaly true. We were never here. Did that's a

“That'd be cool. I think that'd be a lot of fun. Do it get into do like a 45-minute PowerPoint on just like I'm gonna try to boil down anything that I think is like”

You spits been useful to me and putting it that'd be so fun and it have to be headset I'm my only condition is headset monks are button all the way. I'm right here, bro I'm up there like this make it new. We all three knew to this thing Radical honestly means being dude. Yeah, it's like so all like you know was was in this vein That was my I was trying to figure out how you take the AANA model right instead of like you don't need to be like smoke and crystal math

It's just for everybody Because apparently it works for a lot of people I think I think it works maybe if you could apply that kind of shit The people who don't have substance issues. Yeah, like I think it might help even more I think that was I was always trying to do that, but it is difficult. It's like kind of hard to wrangle everybody Symposium could be the move. Also, it is gay

Like that's the issue. It is like trying to help people and say like hey

I want to be like the sin eater for the world is like ultimately a very embarrassing cringe thing

But like we need to return to sincerity. We need to embrace earnestness We've made a living with irony and like you know not taking anything seriously and how I just think that I really want to like tap into some I don't know Searching truth that kind of thing. It's so bizarre because that's all we have is beauty That's the whole that's the whole point of that book. I'm reading. It's literally it's more or less

That's like one of the major points is, you know, so we're you know one of those things and just kind of syncs up Yeah, that's crazy. You're very smart and admirable and I would love to have you in this project. Oh, I'll be awesome sick. I'm pretty dumb that John You're not allowed. Yeah, you're the enemy of progress You'd be in their wasted when I can figure about this whole time is it. I have I don't take anything off for these people

You could be like a youth pastor. Yeah, yeah, you just take like 16-year-old rock and roll Just probably learn like editing software that could be useful It'd be really funny to like build up for like three days of like progress like men crying break There's and then have Sean be like the keynote speaker on the other day This room and everything

That that is that that's the thing that's the That is the It's like the tough thing because the it's such a nice thing and it like I if you're being genuine You're like yeah, that is like that's good Then you just see someone film it and put it out and you're like that sucks. I do I think it's like no cameras no booze

I think we'll have shuttles a little drive into whatever airport hotel bars nearby like we'll make it easy

If you'd have a fun time with your new friends Yeah, but like we can't be there fucking adult on our phones obviously people will be stoned Yeah, yeah

“But I think I would you and butterly for three days. Yeah, I actually did want to ask you so you have your”

Last whenever I talked to you have the weed really dialed in trying bro Yeah, so what what like progress if you made with that in terms of finding like specific types of weed that I agree with you And so I thought live rosin was like the key, but it's actually the turf profile You know about turps like all the shit that makes it smell like yeah, so like you have all these different turps and Based on the weeds that I like and the weeds that I don't like like I can't smoke headband and you know

Or I can't smoke lemon haze then you find out like limolene is an active turp in there and then the stuff I do like has like mercy and in linole so now I'm like looking back through like all these strains in like Following the genetics all the way back to find out like what the mother plants are and it turns out they're like cookies Runts like all these sweet things work for me, but like mangoes don't work because they have too much Licene or whatever it is, so it's just kind of being aware of what strains work for you and then like trying to like

Actually get to like the turf profiles of that and that's to avoid like a bug out basically total bug out

Yeah, like I can't have like Durbin poison. Yeah, but I love Durbin poison So every third time I smoke Durbin poison I'm like under the couch like a dog and it's under so freaking out. Yeah, like thinking out calling my wife It worked like I'm having a heart attack. She's like did you hit the puff go? I'm like that is nothing to do with this It's one of the afternoon. He would be high on live rosin right now. I woke up an hour ago

I was no way I'm high that's blueberry blueberry anything is like good for me. Me too Yeah, I'm good if I had certain ones I have around like I'm schizophrenic because like I'm like you were It's like I understand that like weed is a drug. Yeah, but like I still want it to be a part of my life

“Because they're not on like SSRIs or anything exactly because like all these people who are like you need to be high”

It's like no, but like I'm taking a thing that like makes me able to engage with reality a little bit easier Yeah, I just I like I'll like take weed out of the next because you know like bug out Or I'll be like I don't even need it and then I put it back in and I'm like yeah I kind of need this in my system all the time and that could be like 2.5 milligrams of edible Yeah, like they're like I'm like I don't know I thought you had to smoke the whole eighth and 24 hours for most of my life

Or it's like if you get a thousand milligrams bar, it's like well, I'll eat this and just deal with this bug out Yeah, I'll just be on drugs. Yeah, I think it's weed. I've run the experiment It's like if I if I like go off of weed entirely like I can do it. It's it's really not hard It's just like I get like very I feel like serious Yeah, yeah, we are it's like a weird feeling. I get like very just kind of like I'm a man

Yeah, I don't know what it is. Yeah. No, I get it too, bro. It's weird. Hard-edge. Yeah, you know and like not as not as eager to be like giddy Yeah, I don't know like all the public the bad stuff about weed like I get it But I think I just like need to be able to have it in my life. Yeah, or else life isn't as much I don't know not even so hard. I need to have a little weed because I don't know otherwise I just get like I just get very serious and I I have like I think genetically I have like salesman brain

So if I don't if I don't smoke weed salesman brain takes over and I just might just become like a I don't know something in my head where I'm just like I should do the association Remember right yeah, and I genetically have hobo brain so when I'm not smoking weed I just get like lost in these flights of fancy or I'm like why don't we move to Peru? Like why are we we're all scared of like shit happening here we go to Peru or money will go longer

I'd be like like are you stone and I'm like actually no. Yeah, this is me thinking clear ahead I think the mood is relocating you your sister your mom your grandma is our knees to Peru I think that'd be best for us the Andy's mountains dude. It'd be so great to like be able to live lives and so many different places Yeah, you're big traveler. Wow. It's just like I know how limited the time there is Yeah, it's like I want to sample the delicacies of this thing called life-brown

It's like and that's the issue of like being me is like I every every most of my thoughts are very gay All the stuff that I love like I'm stoked to go home and like plant my flowers and like do a daily Let's go and start on gardening. That's my that's my big one right now Yeah, it is I've seen you post your full your stuff scraper. Thank you. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I got to get started again Fire up have this going because I think is the last year we can grow stuff

When then because like the anomalies happening in weather. It's like they're like the jet stream is breaking So now weather's just gonna like break out of whatever tube. It's kept in and like yeah You know make it like 30 degrees in July or whatever

“You think it's going to happen? I don't know. That's what the science, you know”

Foster so pissed of my shit for us right now in the summer that's that's because like they used to say

You know you could plant like April first or whatever and now they're like wait till Mother's Day and now they're kind of like well

If you can get going whenever like you might have to beat a late for us But so it's just yeah, that's right. What's what's your garden setup right now? Nothing right now because I haven't put it in yet But like I planted a bunch of trees last year first year So we got the trees and then this year. It's like raised beds and yeah

But mostly I want to just grow beautiful flowers and like sit back there and my very expensive chairs like bought from France

Again, I would this body was wasted on it. I should not have been born like a huge straight guy I should be like a very gay like Haitian dude just like wearing like drool like a head wrap

“Remember like the vampire like the gay vampire from that was an Anna Pacquins vampire show on HBO back in true blood true blood”

Yeah, remember the gay guy. That should have been me. Who's the gay guy? He was like the bartender. Oh, okay Wow, yeah, that was a great day sky for sure. That should have been me. Yeah That guy was you know what I'm talking about no gay black. You almost he would borderline cross dress almost oh, it was like he was like he was like if you're dad like didn't impression of a gay guy and black face That's who this guy was he had beautiful eyes. Oh, he was great. Yeah, he had beautiful eyes. Yeah, yeah

Yeah, it beautiful very feminine eyes and like that's another thing. It's like in droginies attractive like all this stuff that I have Like I cannot wait to go to the botanical gardens and Atlanta on Wednesday Dude, I will say there's something really nice about growing flowers. I've been growing like rose bushes dude

And it's the best when they know when they when they blossom I like I really I come down

I come down every morning. I check out my garden. I any new shoot or bud. I see it. I go Dude, this is fucking awesome any time I see a new little thing. I'm like. Oh, I did that Me and nature. Yeah, co-Lab. Yeah, man on this single cherry blossom bud especially when you get into like Creating like a real soil ecosystem where you think I'm trying to really do like yeah

“I don't I don't know if it's Korean farming, but it's just like using like, you know”

Mold fertilizer like it takes like years to get it established and I see little bugs in my soil. I'm like I did it through lady bugs lady bugs. We had palm inter's last year because the wild flowers my wife was like we have bees This is terrible when I was like We have bees This is this is what we need if we want the rest of this. We need these guys. Yeah, she's like chill

My life's always coming home like exhausted for being a doctor and I'm like check this out

And I like take her up back to show her a new bud on the like pop-a tree She's like kind of change out of my scrubs and I'm like no quick all aboard She comes home to a little boy who then wants to try to have sex with her later I've been I've been I've been I've been game planning this idea for like, you know If you have like a small backyard and you're limited, but you want to try to live off your land

I want to try to push the idea of people having Like it's like single house, but also like very efficient factory farming Where like you could have like a like a cow and like a lightless box in your backyard. It's like a genetically like a clear You can like see it's internal organs. Yeah, it's like a box of headless chickens I want to take I want to take factory farming and democratize it to where like we could all have

Just a bunch of like weird like kfc gemet just like island of dr. McCons Those just those would make me laugh and pitching that to people just having like a lightless box We have like a star-veal calf. They're like fatening with like Grease yeah, and you just like fire groups Just a tube and you know it's mouth instead of like a big factory with a thousand of like eyelash chickens

You have like five in your backyard. Yeah, it's cloning them back there. You can charge people to come look at I'm trying to m into a pulp and eat them for you This one team would come to your house It's like there's a man creating a bombination this extra I want to be able to raise like McDonald's chicken nugget chickens

You know, I would like cut their vocal cords. I can't even make it And their eggs are as big as your fist. Yeah, and then there's back there like saying like kill me and check in And you're like we're happy they are that one's dancing She's covered in mites It's covered in the shit dude. I would love to have some kind of like

Freaky animal management in the backyard the vacation only eat It's all science it's all science right. Yeah, you're you're in the cutting edge for sure Everyone will be doing this in ten years saying that shit all the time

“Like I've grown meat. Yeah. Yeah, it's all I think that's not crazy. I would love to have eggs”

You know eggs will be nice. You can be tight dude, but everyone's thinking like how can I go full natural? It's like well imagine if you can just go like full synthetic No one with hormones just like all the I put all the hormones in the cows are just like having impossible meat machine And you're like throwing coal in Nitrates. I would have a cow to like suspend I'd have like an oxygen tank to suspend it in water

And I would just fatten it up slowly. Yeah, let us get bigger and man. I know what you're talking about I'm right there You want like a big like fucking like gelatinous cube There's a bunch of tubes going into a cow and it's just like floating in there like the Wolverine tank Yes, exactly. Yeah, it's Professor it your weapon acts with cows

Yeah, yeah, I'm slay that once a year and I was cloned take it's place. Oh for sure. We also and you could do that Like not you for sure, but like someone could do that and implement that in the backyard We're throwing cows from sea. It would be so fun to go to like an organic farming symposium and just present that idea Yeah, you're machine Have them just walk out and discuss

So you plant these and it grows hot dogs

You know this is symposium we're throwing that would be nice. Here's you can have like a machine with like you could like

“Selectively breed siamies twin like pigs or like you just keep kind of like something”

I'll figure out a clone like a twin to grow out of another one you kill the other one if two younger and you continue like a hydra With pork But they probably be getting in muslims hate this one trick It would be the problem you'd have to figure out how can you like have a new kind of embryo grow out of the siamies twins That would be the only problem you'd be going

Everything else is pretty hard science Come out you're like look it's growing another eyeball out of his side You're gonna go nice it's working your daughters you're sitting there horrified You're just slowly going crazy and saving your urine and do nails

Your feet of the pig helps it grow

It would be a lot better than having like real pigs in your backyard Yeah, big choice biting you you got a whip him with sticks to you. I want to pig so bad I want to keep your daughter's fingers away from that pig No, but we had a pig in our backyard that was like super horny and it would hump We get it had like a sweetish exercise ball and it would it would hump it and G is on the ball like a fully in that story

He told me But yeah, no, I I recently read Loan some dove and I'm oh my god, dude. I'm so sold on having like a nice shirt Did they call pigs shows? I'm like I want one so bad sit on my porch and just sit there and look at my show So eating like snakes and shit, dude You can you can do a thing where I don't know if this is like actually a viable

Idea, but you can rent goats to go clear land for people Yeah, I would love to have just like five goats and I could just rent out people when I'm just bunch all the poison I mean shit on the way yeah, eat the could zoo. Yeah, the lead everything mm-hmm You'd like to be a shepherd. I think I did I've said it before I would love to be a chef. That's honestly my ideal job. I honestly think they're like maybe genetically like you're talking about like how you're salesman brand

Like I think that there's something in me that needs to be just like Don't have an address. I was telling you on the way over. It's like you were saying you know Australia You like how do we your time? Yeah, I'm like if I'm home for seven days like kind of wig out Like I can't like be still and I think that there's some kind of like nomadic like Just calling in my blood, bro, and it's not good for everybody nice. Shepherd's great dude

You just like dress like any mom. Yeah, a big crew

“Weard pies a woman hands you every now and then we got to have to say a word for days. You have to find like wolf off the wolf”

Yeah, or you have a cool dog. True. Yeah, a good dog. What I've heard I was I was at a kid's birthday party recently and they had like You know the petting like the ponies and horses. You can do a stand-up. No I was attending. I was having fun just attending in the guy and I again. I just read loomsome dove so I'm like just So horny for like cowboy knowledge of like yeah animals you're calling stuff Kalichay This guy he's sitting there and we're you know, I'm starting I'm talking mules with this guy

He's like from the horse farm. Yeah, I'm just like just really happy to be there like a native Texan and he was like Well, you know, you get rid of wolves, right? And I was like know how just like pleased I would have sucked this guy's Directed and he was like again a couple good donkeys little trample that you from wolf underneath the donkey's hooves And I had it just be like what do they do? He's like the fucking trample wolf right? Yeah, and I was like He was like yeah, you get a donkey man. Do you think you would stand fucking the donkey stop it on you?

I was absolutely not necessary. I would die immediately. Yeah, yeah, I just like knowing that I'm like that's so cool. You know that donkey's will stop on a wolf and you can just like rest assured I got my donkey so I was going to try and he's a farm. Yeah, so I didn't I want to fact check that But it's also I almost don't want to You're gonna see a lot of setting videos on either side

They're donkey getting the monster a wolf couldn't pumble

Basically a two good donkeys man. You don't have to deal with wolves

“That's so sick. You know that. Yeah, well mules are fucking I think mules are also like”

Capable I think donkeys and mules are like sacrificial like you kept the ox's safe probably What do you mean well? It's like if you're like thinking about like the the farm animals or like the agricultural like pack animals and Disciple yeah, I think mules and I think mules most Disciple and then donkey and then like horse and then like ox maybe yeah, I don't know And then is a mule is across being a horse in a donkey. Everybody can't breathe can't breathe

Like my grandma's people raise mules in New Mexico and like they all had like mule skin shoes and shit My feet you will stew yeah Fuck it. Yeah, that's awesome. I tried to talk about it on stage people think I'm lying My grandma's my place called wagon mound and I say those are my people mule ghouls from mound town and people like you just want to say that So they'll all lie so you can say that dumb phrase. I think you're stealing mule trader valour a hundred percent

Yes, fucking bullshit right now. I'll piss me off. Amen. It's just another day in the life of the tino I come from cow poop. Yeah, do you really my grandma my grandpa made it a rodeo that used to ride horses and the show My grandpa was a cowboy. I remember where the ranch. Probably in Roberta Bobby and Bobby Gene

My dad is nasty with the boat. Yeah, I'm not a very nasty with him actually. I'd meet your dad much like you met that like donkey stomping wolf guy

And I'd be like tell me more You wouldn't dip in myself. He he would talk you could talk boat knots for hours. Yeah, it's British actually I'm pretty jealous of his not abilities or when a man knows the exact knot Yeah, I didn't learn anything my entire life dude. He's nice with that and also like trees is like tree identification Like that's a silver birch. That's it. It's like, how do you fucking know all this shit? I said recently my wife

I want to see a tree and be able to tell you what kind of it. Yeah, and she was like Please go to bed I was hitting her with this gay barrage constant Well, she's like a dude effectively. I've been doing that with like ducks because we have a pond near my house Yeah, it's like in like the neighborhood they they called a lake. It's just like giant pond

But they have all these different ducks and I I've like took in pictures of all of them to like

Use my phone identify them and I just like memorize it as hard as I can so like and I'm just always waiting to like flex duck knowledge

Yeah, the other day we were up there and one of my wife's friends were like, you know those one ducks are crazy I'm like that's a miscovey Bragging Egyptian geese with walking in the scenes are she's like take me now Matthew I was flexing on Sean we were the Japanese garden in Houston. Oh, yeah, I was like that's it

“He's like those ducks are crazy. I was like Egyptian geese so things in my favorite house. They are really pretty. How was that garden?”

It's awesome. Yes, so fucking sick actually. I didn't go yesterday. Yeah, it's next time We walked around. It's very really cool. Yeah, just getting like it's just like they have huge like chunks of natural granite Just like big bowls everywhere and water running down them coy ponds. I'm like Fox was awesome. You've robusted those ducks like doing it here seem ducks made no have that classic corkscrew penis

Really, I always heard those pigs with the old pigs have a weird. That's a tail

That's a tail with pigs have a really cute girl like a Chote-chote those things. What what's the pig gig look like? I thought it was corksroom It's like it's like I don't think it's completely corkscrew, but I think it does like Is a hollock can we can we get that up? Yeah, yeah, I'm going to see the pig dick and then a duck dick if you don't mind and I think duck

But giant is evolved to be corkscrews because ducks rape female ducks all the time. Oh Right, right this is like rave knowledge. You know about this. Yeah, that's Party safe, right? That's the pig dick. Oh, so it's got it. Yeah, it's got a hook on it. Yeah, check that up That's okay All right, there we go. Oh, that is this sunscreen. You can see you can show pig gicks on street

Can you yeah, yeah, you can totally do that Is that oh, that's that's a pig's butt hole for no reason You see that he's lifting the pigs tail. That's a pig butt hole right there This looks like Let's see a duck dick, so yeah, the pig has just a little whoa you're good over there

That's a duck stick Yeah, because I think it was like, I think it was a super cool evolution because of the She-man. Oh, yeah, so damn the duck stick is like it's like a sine wave. It's kind of tight

“Yeah, okay, so that's like the dig-dug when you have to shoot”

Like the A6 logo Dang and so that the duck pussy is like rifle. Yes rifle action. Yes because they wanted to prevent Being, you know, forcibly and pregnant and then it's being there. Is this is this your understanding right? Yeah It's like anal Yeah, I hated it

Okay In nature though, I so I you're saying ducks don't have a big courtship element because like some like So it's just like there's no maintenance no one's showing off the plumage Dang. That's it's a shame. It's just like how you come here often Yeah, it's pretty much how dudes had sex until like 1975 or whatever

Hey, you want to be safe carry my baby. Yeah, sure

“Dang well, I didn't know that and see that you need to have you could in your weird”

Manager your building you could just have like the penis is growing that would be nice like in jars You really have the neighborhood kids go, you know duck penis duck penis every now and again. I show him my you have a necklace We're not so different you and I now compare. Yeah, yeah, yours starts courting Sean you didn't tell me about your news What

What once they die Are they like there's the biggest in the smallest? Some people are doing it. Yeah, that's where they die All right German guy for sure. Yeah, for sure sure German guy. Whoa, so some guys like just take it now

What does he win Yeah, Dix washed away that's so fun the curators in there every night take him out the jar just sucking different brushing teeth with mine. Yeah, there's your guys competing for the job. Yeah, yeah, I guess what I'm gonna pull my name out of that All right, I mean, I don't need to be in the race for that's something to be the curator and be like at that personally sucked every single one of these

“Pink penis is a squiz it. Yeah, you have to try the buck”

Imagine just sucking like a flies penis You're bringing man just being it. Yeah, oh, I'm intrigued and now all the different sex It would be kind of cool. It'd be it's so funny. He probably approaches it too like a you know, I was like a cloth over his arm You watch the jar Smiling like he's offering you to smell the court

Damn, it's too that's there's never it like it always amazes me that there are two guys

We're like no, I want my penis in that jar. Yeah, wouldn't you curb me? I bet I'm gonna I'm very me with mine I don't want it in a jar. I don't need anyone to do walking in the penis museum be like Yeah, people posing with it Water must be cold. Yeah, water's cold Take a link solution chili

The brine the penis is once a quarter

“I don't want to be nasty, but you figure like you should give me your penis”

Yeah, I gotta be lucky to have me mine for cut it off a longer. Yeah, going bowling You figured that'd be extra penis is laying around with gender reassignment surgeries and things like that, you know True, like figure way too hard to find one. Yeah, that is kind of a shame. We're just yeah We're gonna cut a guy's off. Although they don't they turn it inside out. I feel like they keep most of the penis to create like a clitoral situation Don't pull that up

I think you're right. I don't think they I don't think they have the whole thing off No Nate could Nate touch spent on stage, but that was the ball. Keep the testies. Yeah, you can keep your testies like their tonsils or whatever I've said before

Casterating the penis, but keeping your balls would be the most powerful. Yeah, that's definitely test maxing for sure

Use coming the table. Yeah, plop them just pull your just balls. You have no release But you're still producing all of like the hormones and shit. You need that's pretty powerful. Like a samurai situation

“It really really completely control you what being huh you'd have no outlet you just have to”

Where you do yeah, it's just like a whole that weeps every now and then Drooling oh, yeah, hey baby. Oh, I see my drooling home the eggs your body Wounds excited Honey, get me a diaper feeling yeah Yeah, oh Boy, really a hole. But hey enough about my one

I'm gonna call her. I mean like hey baby kind of to taste to that oozing hole You just rely on my dreams you'd have wet dreams like once a quarter real lie on wet dreams what a hell That's your only release. Yeah, I don't think I've ever had a full wet dream brother. I Have had mommy tell you I wish man. I've had maybe one, but I it's like wasn't like it's so amounties I had one of the top bunk one time what yeah my cousin was down below and I had to figure out

Your whole's weeping Someone balls are full. Yeah, wet dreams are gross. Oh, yeah, you know Yeah, cuz you don't like you I feel like you know my dream. I don't think you like fully bust in a wet dream

I've never had this situation where I'm like enjoying having sex and then I climb

It's always like I'm about to have sex with someone and then I like nut and then there's like a shame in the dream and then you wake up and the shame is real It's like when you get cut the dream your arms bleeding. Yeah, whoa, what the fuck? Oh, yeah, but instead of like, you know seeing the bleeding arm Pulling out the sword you're carrying and like cutting off the pirates head. Yeah, you're just wake up and you're like, oh, yeah It's already cold. I have to call sheath again I sleep new to so like yeah, I had a stop when I kids

Yeah, I can't I can't I can't sleep because I've kids did about crawl on into bed That's awesome Good hour brown. Yeah, he's probably appreciate I was I was down cat. I wasn't too down cast, but I was something that's Gary's you've done You're over right and yeah, yeah, I was done. I was just like a Flock

Yeah, long day. Yeah, yeah, these are weekend Easter's feeling less and less like a real holiday. Yeah, it's sort of a bummer. The bowling alley was crowded and yeah Yeah, it shouldn't be all this is like a Jewish thing They didn't look Jewish like Chinese food on Christmas. Yeah, I've got a boy What were the Jews up to there was only one Jew at the show last night was because it's a real hard loss for them

True, they needed to think it over This one out, Jews You had it Yeah, I thought it was going to be just nothing but yeah, just a victory lap

I think they did the man you are the absolute man. I was it was a joy. I was I was telling my wife

I was like I was watching you actually was up there on the balcony and I was I was so I just got like stuck watching you

“And I was like fuck come on next because I was like, I think God I didn't just like miss it”

Yeah, I would've been like up there. I had to run all the way down

We're lucky that like the guys we get to hang out with are like good at the thing You know

“It's like really hard to like be friends with comics getting all their if they're like not good”

Yeah, you know, yeah, it's like it was fun to watch you up there with butterly and Mary Jo

I'm be like this guy's really good my God, I have his phone number I think that's cool He's like one of the best guys. I was while I was going this is San say I was watching you Was going to do that's a truly well. I don't know 15 minutes because like I don't

“Okay, that's why I felt bad because I was like that's why I was like, ah, because it's weird doing a short time”

We're used to headlining. Well, it's okay, though. Like I had to skill. I have to learn You know, it's not a big deal, but I am up there like trying like I'm bailing on bits because like I'm like okay It's kind of just get to the next thing. You know, yeah. Yeah. It was fun. Awesome. Well, you crushed it Well, thank you for having me. Thanks for having me. Thanks for having me on the pot Of course, thanks for coming. Of course, man. Bye. Goodbye. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify do it