Ep 611 - Goblin AKA Nick

- All right, what's up, Nick?

- What's going on? - Hey, with Nick, I would say successful YouTuber, dude. How do you, how do you, how do you, how do you like to present yourself to the world? - I'm a YouTuber, I'm a podcaster, talk about,

you know, my drug addiction, I say previous, but, yeah, I still enjoy drugs, you know? - I don't think I'll afford you sober, guys. - Yeah, yeah, California sober, you know, shrumes, weed a little bit here and there.

- Yeah. - Everything in moderation is the key. - Well, my, yeah, one of my, someone that's when I know, put me onto your content who had been a bit of a drugist himself.

And he's also on the up and up as well, but he, he, he's like, you gotta watch this, you gotta eat this guy on your pot. You went over, I see that, I'm like, yeah, yeah, and I watch him like damn, your shit, your shit is sick.

- I got in comments. - I'm gonna get you on my show, too. - I've got in quite a follow-up. - Yeah, there it is, dude, I gotta line it up. - That was just a universe.

- That was the great mind, just working. - Yeah, came together. I was curious, I had asked you before we came down, too, while you got me on the show, 'cause I looked at your other guests and I'm like, dude,

talk about like my and here, glyph guys, and then like, here, I come walk. - The my and here, glyph guys, not out just yet. - Oh, shit, spoiler, not out here, that's fine. - I don't know, dude, I feel like you're a great fit. How do you know what you're talking about?

- Well, no, I was just, I, I'm more so meant like, category of person, you know, like you're having like, celebrities on the show, you know? - I mean, and then I walked in. - It's the way the cookie crumbles, dude.

“That's the way I mean, you're, here's the thing,”

you're no small fried, dude, you've had, how many followers, you got a bunch of followers?

- Well, I have a million on my main YouTube channel,

but that's, you know, YouTube does look like, - More than me, you're fucking, what are you talking about? - Well, I said, I don't have you on here. - I appreciate it, I'm really, I'm truly honored, I'm truly honored to be here.

- That's all that matters. - Yeah, yeah. - Counts, following a million is sick though. - It is, you get the plaque? - Oh no, no, they denied me my 100k plaque,

they denied me my millions of plaque. - Why? - And I have three channels that are owed plaques, and they denied all of them except one. - Why?

Is it cause of the content matter? - I mean, bro, you go on my channel right now, and you're not subscribed to my homepage video is like my first time smoking crack. And like YouTube, and it doesn't matter

what country the support agents in, they're going to that channel and they're saying no. - Well, it's, yeah, I got it. - I got it was fake crack. - No, like we really cooked crack when I was seven.

- I know it smoked it, but like, - Oh, so that's how far it goes back. Take me all the way back, so how did you, so how did you get started, like, fucking around? - Well, yeah, but what I want to know is that,

what point was that a crack idea to be like, let's just YouTube this? - It was a coca idea. It was after school, on a Tuesday. - It's a fun idea to say to podium.

- Well, actually there's not a crack idea, it was a coca idea. - It a little less, you know. - Yeah, so take me all the way down.

“- Different counted, how did you give me the origin story?”

- So when we'd gotten out of school one day, it was junior year high school, and I was going to this alternative school with all the D-Gen kids, and I got sent there because my GPA was below one at a 0.8.

So they didn't like that, and you might be retarded. Like, you gotta go to the alternative school. And at the time, I was just smoking weed and taking Santax, so like, it wasn't too bad, you know, I was still like, kind of doing my thing,

you know, just not doing too good in school. But after I got sent to the alternative school, it's like, okay, these kids are all like, actually nodding out in gym class and shit. - Yeah, yeah.

- These kids are bad. So I was right in there with them, you know? I was like, fuck it, you just have some fun. - That's kind of nice, you just got better. - Just got worse.

So I had a met a friend named Ashton who was like, just a really big co-cat and like kind of into everything you did co-care when like the whole shabang. And one day he comes over to my house after school,

we got a ride home together, and we're sitting in my kitchen and we've been doing blow for like, every day for like probably at least a week. - You're 17.

- Yeah, yeah. And it was like, I was very fortunate to have him as a friend because he sold a lot of shit and I was broke, but he would let me do everything because I drove him around.

- Yeah. - So it was like, hey, like driving to the serve and like, I'll give you two lines, dude. - It's the best offer I've ever had. - It's got some work in a Wendy's

where driving the plug around, you know? So he comes over to my house and he's like, dude, I'm really tired of doing blow. It's shit's boring, honestly.

“And like objectively blow, it's kind of a boring drug, you know?”

So I got where he was coming from. And I don't remember who said it. My other friend Kyle was also there, but it came up at one point like, what if he made crack out of it?

And it was a joke at first.

Like, how how we could, you know, that's funny, but like, none of us knew what we were doing. We don't know how to do that. - Do you guys listen to rap? - Yeah, of course.

- Yeah, everyone. - Yeah, I mean, it's a cook crack so bad. - I grew up in the like soundcloud rapper era. So like when I was in high school, like Lil Pump was the biggest thing.

- Yeah, yeah. - And like dude, that guy made cocaine music. Like, if you've ever heard any of his songs, it's just straight, nose drugs. - Yeah.

- So we were kind of joking around like, how that would be really funny if we made crack and then it became more of like a, how do we even make crack, you know? We, I remember we went on Erawid

and we found this thread pose like really detailed thread with a YouTube video link. And it was a step by step like, oh, like, do this thread was like, probably mid 2000s, you know?

of like the music with the text, like step one, like, you know, the comic sand's font or whatever. And it was just how to make crack. And it was how to make a personal serving in a spoon.

And all, I mean, I'm not gonna list everything you need here, but it's pretty straightforward. If you know anything about it, you know, you could do it literally with a spoon in a lighter and the stuff you need for normal crack.

- Really, you don't have to, I'm all about, I'm all from the rap songs, whipping your wrist. - You can literally do a miniature version of that to make one bowl worth in a spoon. Like, you don't have to make a whole pot worth.

You can take like a little bit of blood. - Yeah, yeah. - You're not getting a block out of it. - And granted, like, we didn't make good crack. Like, it was not like some shit

that we would go serve somebody, you know? But it was like, dude, some grown. - It looks like crack kinda, you know? - So you guys, what did you, so you put it on a spoon?

- So, we put a little stuff in. - We put blow on a spoon and, I mean, do you want me to go set that up here? Is this like, okay, yeah, I don't, if you get trouble, it's not my fault.

- It's not my fault.

“- So, wait, I think, well, you don't have to go on a date.”

I think it's baking soda water and... - Yeah, yeah, that's the essence of it, yeah. - If you listen to rap, you hold the lighter up under the spoon and just mix it until it bubbles for like a certain amount of time.

It's like, if you see, like, constant bubbles on the top stop, it's too hot. - Like, I made this video so funny. - Dude, I'm on the right yesterday. I wanna know where it is.

I wanna meet the guy, but we did the process and then after you finish mixing it in the spoon and doing your thing, you poured on a tin foil and thrown in the freezer. - Okay.

- So, we grab some tin foil through it in the freezer and just throw the spoon in like my mom's sink, like, thinkin' nothin' of it, you know, whatever, which she found the spoon later, that was not good. - No.

- And she still talks about it to this day. Like, she's like, "I remember when I found your cracksman, "like, my mom, she was not a fan." - I don't do that anymore. - Yeah, that was an experiment.

- That was an experiment for alternatives. - Yeah, it was a one-time thing. - That was a science fair. - It literally, yeah, she should be glad 'cause like, I failed all my science classes.

So finally, I'm being proactive

and experimenting on my own. She should be happy about that. So, you know, we threw it in the freezer for like, probably 30 minutes or so, pull it back out and it's like, I mean, for my understanding,

it's not good looking good. It's very cloudy, it almost look gray. Like, it wasn't good, but we're like, "Fuck it, dude, "we got a smoke crack now, you know? "We don't have a pipe though."

“So, like, crap, time for a tin foil pipe, you know?”

So, we twist up a little tin foil bowl. My friend hits it first and he passes it to me. Very underwhelming experience. - Yeah. - Very, literally, I think it lasted probably

two to three minutes. - Really? - Like, if you even, yeah. We, I took a hit, one hit, pass it to my friend. I don't know if like, it was a placebo thing.

I was like, "Oh, I just smoked crack or what it was." But I got very, like, sometimes when I do a lot of coke and I'm pretty drunk, I'll get like, ragey. You know, like, I'll get a little angry, you know? And it was like that condensed into like two minutes.

I remember I was like, "Oh, like, my friend kind of tapped me up." You know, I shook my hand a little bit. I remember punching my mom's cabinet, like, really hard. Just for no reason, there was nothing wrong. There was nothing going on.

- You're just aims. - Yeah, I was just aimed up, you know? I punched her cabinet and my friend hits it. And he, like, he, very nonchalant about, he's like, "Oh, yeah, you know, like, that was cool."

And I'm like, "Wow, like, we really just wasted a bunch of blood "and like hours of our time and got fucking two minutes of this "out of it, you know?" - Yeah. - And after we smoked the little bull we made,

it was more of a thing of like, we were riding on the high of like, we just smoked crap. - Yeah, yeah. - Holy fuck, this is awesome. And we drove up, we got in my mom's car.

And I don't know why she ever left the keys at home with me, but she would leave the keys at home with me. And we drove up to little seizures that my friend worked at. There was this girl named Salma who worked there, shout out to her.

And we would always go and give her shit for free pizza.

And we walked in and we were like, Salma, we just fucking smoked crap, like, and she thought we were joking, she's like, "Oh, yeah, like, that's a funny rug." No, like, we really just did it.

Like, you should come next time, like,

“if you want to, like, try to mack her up a little bit,”

you know? - Yeah, that's what I say. - Yeah, no, like, hey, we're not like these other guys. You do drugs with it, do we cook crap now? Like, we're really different.

- Which by the way, the Coke pizza trade is a real thing. - Oh, yeah. - Oh, yeah. - Briefly, briefly sold Coke when I was younger, and we had a guy who would come in, called Horsed.

- Okay. - Because he was a delivery guy. - And tell me it's fun. - Yeah, we would be like, Horsed, we would call him. I'd be like, yo, my friend's cousin worked there, but I'd be like, "Tell, send Horsed with the pizzas."

And like, he would just bring a bunch of extra shit, and we would just give him a blow. - Fuck yeah. - Yeah, literally they look like he had Horses had, he had a giant long face.

So he would just watch him do blow and just be like, "Horsed." (laughs) - There's a real connection with like, he just employees and just drugs in general. Like, any staff at a pizza shop doesn't matter

your front end kitchen delivery, dude, you're doing good. - Yeah, there's stuff going on. So what was the lady's name again? - Salma. - Salma was, she was dubious about your crack and chopption.

- She didn't care as much as we thought she would, but she hooked us up with the pizzas either way, and I was like, you hooked her up, a good little trade, and went home that night, and it was a thing of like,

be all agreed, like let's never do that again.

- Okay. - But like, definitely.

- Yeah, a real gentleman's agreement. Like, hey, we're glad we got that out of the way, but even at that time, I still had a mental barrier of like no math, no heroin, that kind of thing. And like the crack kind of felt like it was starting

to breach the barrier a bit, and I was like, boys, let's see that style of that, you know? - Yeah. - So it was cool, you know? - Did you YouTube that experience are saying?

- I've talked about it, yeah. I didn't like fill in the actual thing in the moment, but a lot of what I do online is like, I just kind of recount and tell stories of my parents.

“- Gotcha, okay, so that's what you talk to you.”

- They're mad that you just told that story on YouTube. - Pretty much, yeah. Well, my channel two, no, actually three years ago now got fully demonetized.

So I get no ad revenue off my million sub channel.

- What? - I basically post for free. - And I get no sponsors, 'cause, you know, - What? - Because of that.

- Are you familiar with psyched substance? - Did you ever follow his arm? - I am very familiar with psyched substance. - Of course, he lost, he liked kind of lost. - He lost a sauce a few times.

- Yeah. - He still had the pot for fun. - Great amount. - Great amount. - Dude, in the end.

- Great amount is getting more people than ever right now. - I know, the 7-0 is bad. - So that, I was, I had read about 7-0. So I just got on a 7-0, 8-0, 7-0.

And I was like, I'm gonna talk about it, but I just brought it up and then got on to something else. I was like, you know, you ever hear about 7-0? And then like, we start talking about something else. I got like nine million DMs, like,

don't do it, don't do it. - Don't even try.

- It's just like morphine.

You can get from the gas station.

“- Honestly, I think morphine's even low-balling it.”

Like morphine is probably weaker than what 7-0 is. - That's crazy. - It's nuts, dude. - It's just at the gas station. - It's gas station every smoke shop in the whole country, bro.

You can pick any smoke shop in a two-mile radius and you have promised this. - Yeah, that's not good. - It's really hurt. - I've heard that they,

this is just like, people I've talked to. You just hit the gas station to the smoke shop and they're just like, yo, try this shit. Like, they're pushing on you. - So they have sample packs.

Like, these are like one in two pill packs that they send out to all the shops and they give the shops incentives to give the samples out. Like, they're like, hey, we'll give you a discount

on your next wholesale batch. If you give out these samples because they know that like, all the fiends are coming back. - Here were the monsters though that are like, yo, you know the sacklers?

- What if we did that, aren't we?

(laughing) Dude, what if we did that, but at gas stations? - It goes pretty deep actually. There's a, a lot of the, like the 7-0, the sketchy hemp products and like all the schroom bars that are in smoke shops.

A lot of those are the same people. - Yeah. - Like a lot of those different brands are all the same, like a couple parent conglomerates. And I own a brand in the hemp space.

So like, that's, I'm pretty involved with that and I know a lot of the guys buying the scenes and like dude, listen, if you go to an event and if you see like three Indian guys, ice the fuck out, sell 7-0.

- Yeah. - The selling 7-0. (laughing) - The selling 7-0. - What about the, so in terms of like the,

you know, like the hemp, the farm bill, compliance stuff. - I mean, you think a lot of that's just sprayed kind of cannabinoids or like-- - Like in terms of like the products

that people are selling in stores? - Yeah. - So the crazy thing with the, the hemp loophole is like the shit they're selling in stores is the same shit it's just one.

- Just one. - Like the THCA, particularly THCA is the same shit that's in normal display. - Yeah, that's why. - All the other shit like Delta 8.

That's like synthetic and bullshit. But the loophole right now, like there's shit, if you go to a dispensary in California and you go buy a product off a shelf and you get it tested right now.

There's probably a good like 40 to 50% of those products that buy definition would be legally hemp and like you can shit. - Yeah, and that's because the THCA isn't heat activated.

- Yeah. - Yeah, it's 'cause all the walls are made by like 90 year olds. - I don't know if they ever hit a joint. - It's like kind of like laughful though

'cause you can just grow it and be like it's 30% THCA but it's just-- - And there's no oversight. There's not even like a-- - Oh yeah, department of agriculture.

- Yeah. - They don't need shit. - Yeah, no. - Which is good for them, I think it's a nice loophole. - It's a great, great loophole.

- Dude, you're talking to a guy who has made plenty of money off of it, dude. It's a great loophole. But with that being said, I still am not like that against it getting closed

'cause like it's pretty bad out there, bro. - Let me say bad, you mean like there's a lot of dirty shitty stuff. - For everyone like solid product you can buy in the hemp market right now.

There's probably five more that are like borderline poison. - Yeah, well, what makes them poisonous? That's what I'm curious about. - So there's no testing and oversight in any hemp products.

“The only thing you have to do to like prove”

that its hemp has got a lab test on the batch itself. - Yeah. - But like there's no like, you know, authority that's coming in and actually double checking this. - So it would be like so cold heavy metals, pesticides.

- Everything, bro. There's companies that like have we that's testing positive for E. coli, there's company. Yeah, like there's a lot of synthetic, like shroom products in particular, we're like they're advertising.

This is a blend of lion's main and it's just research chemicals. - Yeah, that's what, so my brother put me on to that. - 'Cause there's what is it, it's like, it's not five Emmy, it's like five,

it's like MEO DMT or something.

There's another MEO something that is,

it's just a powder you can get it online, like research chemical, but it's like similar to shrooms.

“That's what I think a lot of the shroom jockels are.”

So I thought to people like, yeah, I had like a one square and I was just launched. - And it's crazy 'cause like, that should hit, it's too. Like it works and it feels good. It's not even a bad experience.

It's more show, like you just don't know what you're getting. - Yeah, it's kind of scary. Like, I personally, I think all the shit in the smoke shop should still be legal to possess and consume, you know? But like, should they be sold at the smoke shop

with no age restriction? - Yeah, probably not. - No, the galaxy gas epidemic was pretty wild. - Dude, that shit was bad. There was, I remember, I'm not gonna air out who it was,

but a few months ago, I invited someone on my podcast who came by with all his homies and it's gonna be pretty obvious who this was. - Really?

- Probably, no, no, he's the same league though.

But he brought these like four homies with him who kept like going outside of my door and like very clearly smoking fent and like, oh, dude, they do that a lot of my shit. - What?

- That's actually, I've had two people do that now. - I have a word to have like guests and then they come back and like kind of case your shit up and dudes. - Dude, they're just smoking fent casually outside.

- I'm not gonna lie bro. We don't have much to take. - I mean, we are in a living room. - My homies living room and like, they're just not much to take.

- That's good. - And the cameras we have aren't even ours. They're loaned to us, you know, like, good. - Take the couch, you know? - Yes, you're only gonna need to take the fucking couch.

- So, yeah, that's kind of awkward.

“- Yeah, how does you know they're out there smoking fent?”

- You could smell it. There's a very specific smell that like smoking like pills gives off. - Yeah. - And like, you can tell then the dude came back in.

He was talking to me totally normally. He's like, "Can I go smoke a cigarette?" I'm like, "Yeah, it comes back in." - Yeah, he's like, "All right, bro." - I know what that smell is, you know?

You're not fooling me. - So, okay, so going back to the,

so you had the, you know, the first one

was just your recounting smoking crack. That was your first YouTube. - That was my first YouTube video. That was the first one I'd say that really like popped off. - Popped off a lot, like that's like my most notorious

probably. - Okay. - Really, like I started getting any traction doing what I do is I got sent to rehab and I was on probation when I was 17. I got put on felony probation

because I would go to Walmart and like load up a cart full of shit. And like a plastic tote I'd have inside the cart and I'd leave the lid open. I'd fill it up with all the clearance like games and DVDs put the lid on and pay for the tote and just leave.

And I got away with it like three or four times. One day I got really brazen and it was like Friday at 5 p.m. and I was drunk as fuck. And I drove to the Walmart, walked in at 5 p.m.

loaded up my tote, tried to walk out the door and they stopped me. Like this big like butch Lesbian security guard came and grabbed me. - What's funny is 'cause like I when they did this self-check and I so get like real you know, I would just start taking stuff all the time crazy.

- You go nuts in there, but it's like not even nine times out of ten. It's like ninety nine times out of a hundreds. - The person checking receipts looks like they're dead. They're just like, and he just walked past but I had one heart of one time.

I was like why is he receipt this big and you have a cart full of stuff? - What I did, I just went like, wait, what? - It's like full Alzheimer's and it's completely confused. - Did I not check all this stuff out? - Did he let you go back?

- Yeah, I know it was a lady and she was like this isn't on the receipt and I kept going like, but I didn't technically leave the store. - Yeah, I don't even get trouble. I could have been like, "Well, you have a committed crime." - Yeah, I thought I was going to the guard and it's section.

- So I felt like I had a solid case if I had a flight. But she was like she made me kind of like a humiliation ritual. She maybe go back and be like, that's not on there. - I can't be in this escort back to the register. - Yep, I was like, wait, that's not on there either.

Did that doc scan? - I remember being like, "Oh, so it beeps." And she was like, "Dude, get the fuck out of here." - So they actually prosecuted me. - Yeah, they arrested me and took me into the little security room

and counted the amount of stuff I had. And I think they did it because I've been coming back to the same exact Walmart. - Yeah. - And I would do it all the time. And this is back when Walmart was still 24 hours or two.

So like, I was going all times at table. I'd go at night. One time I got a 3DS out of the electronics thing. I asked the lady to like open it up for me. And then I kept asking for like shit in different directions.

Like I'd be like, "Do you get a game from that end of the thing?" And she got fed the fuck up and she just handed the thing to me. And she's like, "Bring it up front and pay for it and just laugh." And I was like, "All right, well, I'm leaving." - Into the toe to go.

- Yeah, but anyway, so I got arrested at Walmart that day. I still like, I think it was like $900 worth of shit. It was a good amount.

“- Okay, just under, I think Larsen, what's Larsen, like $2000?”

- It wasn't Larsen. It was under that. It was just, I think retail theft, but like the felony level, five definitions. And like, I just had like some minor, you know, possession charges and shit at that point. So I went to court for it and they were like, "All right, I had a good lawyer and everything.

They gave me probation for a year and I had to go in for random drug testing, like pretty

And I was not doing well with that. - Yeah.

- Like the first month on probation, I was just dropping a ton of acid and like,

you know, oh, well, acid, I won't piss dirty for that, but then while I was tripping out like, hit the blunt and like, do all the other shit and you know, I wasn't good. So I kind of gone through the motions the first month, just like, "Well, I'm going to go to Juvee when they call me, you know?" And eventually I bought a couple tabs off a friend that turned out to be fake and I overdosed

on them. - What was it? - 25 I am pretty sure. - What is that? - So it's, I don't think it's like as popular to do anymore, but when I was younger,

it was like most common fake acid cut was this chemical called 25-I and B.O.M.E. and it's this similar psychedelic, it's like a clear liquid that you drop on blotter, but

“like the only way you can tell you're taking it is if the tab tastes bitter.”

- That's right, yeah. - And I tasted something when I took the tabs, but like, it wasn't like bitter to me. I didn't think anything of it. And this was like a good friend that I'd known for a while. - So it was like, "Well, fuck, do you this shit's not hitting me, I only took one.

I need another one." So I get to my friend's house, take my second tab, and then I started freaking the fuck out. - It looks. - And my parents ended up when I went back home, my friend dropped me off, so I was

tweaking, parents called the cops, cause like they called an ambulance, cause I was thinking out, went to the hospital, went to rehab, and I spent two months in a residential facility out of state, like with all the real tweakers in shit. - Yeah. - I'm in there like damn dude, shit's fucked, and I got out and I made a series where I just

documented like everything I went through in rehab, and that was the first thing that like

popped off. - Dude. - Like YouTube channel. That was really the like, oh shit. - Yeah.

You really made lemonade out of lemons, man. - I did what I could. - Yeah, yeah. - I mean, it all, like when I was a kid, I still made YouTube videos. I would just do like Call Duty Gameplay a stop, cause I play a shit like that.

- Yeah, you'll still do that, cause I'll still do that, cause I'll still do that. - Yeah, I still do that, you know. - It's kind of nice. - It's like how it's morphed, because when I started, I would do the gameplay, but I just like talk about mundane shit.

- Here's the best gun in Call Duty right now, and eventually like when I started smoking weed, I was like, fuck that shit, do you know what cares about the best gun in cod? Like, I want to talk about smoking weed and fucking shit. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah, yeah.

- So like, it's kind of just when I ended up doing. - Gotcha. - So. - Made the switch. I mean, that is pretty, I've seen some of your stuff, and it's just like pretty

good call to do the gameplay, too, pretty nasty. - That's why I try. - And then it's just like, one time, you know, my friends smoked crack, I'm like, this is might be the best combination of shit. (laughing)

- I think honestly, the only reason my channel exists is just like a product of the time. I feel like if you try to make this channel today, you get banned. - Yeah, you know.

“- When you get to clean, what is kind of educational, honestly?”

- Oh, I have a disclaimer in all my videos that's like, this is bullshit, but this story's not even real. - Yeah, no, this is fucking hell, these are fake names now. - The drug ranking is one of my favorite, I know you're saying. - Oh, I have an annual one.

- The annual drug ranking? - I do remember you. - You're so funny. - I mean, I noticed you have it out for Robotriven. - I mean, that's the bottom of the barrel.

- I have a two-tiered problem with DXM. - Yeah.

- First off is like, it's by definition a struggle drug, it's a poverty drug.

Like you're in a dull with money and like options on plugs is not going to buy DXM. - True. - Yeah, now, so it's a poverty drug. And DXM users, when you tell them it's a struggle drug, they don't like it.

- Is there like, for real, a valid DXM users? - Dude, you're gonna see them in the comments of this video, just for talking about this dude. Post a clip of this on shorts and see a fascinating, they appear this way. - They're coming, dude.

Yeah, they come in my comments all the time. Every year, they're like, "God, I really wish Goblin wouldn't be so narrow minded about DXM." It's really open my mind, all these possibilities, and I'm like, dude, like, I'm just, I'm not tripping off Dalsam anymore, I'm sorry.

- Yeah, you're saying it's bought in the barrel only when you're driving. I guess socks, too. - What is it like? - It's like, imagine if like, you had a, like, every acid trip you had was kind of scary and didn't last as long, and your stomach hurt the whole time. - That's like pretty much what a DXM trip is.

- That's thanks. - Yeah, it's not fun.

“And I never liked it, but like, I guess, I don't know, do you poor people do?”

- Yeah. - So it's a struggle drug. - It's a great, yeah, it's a good drug to go steal the store. - No, it's better, but... - Right, I'm sorry.

- So you'd be ranked that bottom. - Yeah, that's the very bottom. - You're saying that's the bottom of the bottom. - That is the bottom, I would say. - What's slightly above that, in your opinion.

- I mean, okay, reminder that it's all personal preference. - I mean, because objectively speaking, we can be like, oh, fence actually the bottom, but like, no, it isn't. People don't do that shit, 'cause it sucks. Like, people don't do fence, 'cause it feels like shit.

Like, that's not true, you know? - So you can't put that in the bottom. - Objectively. - DXM feels like shit, and is not a good look, you know, and it's just, I can go on about that.

But I'd say next up, probably like, fuck man, oh, fuck. It gets kind of weird in the D tier, 'cause like,

- Yeah, I remember about that.

“- Then the D tier is kind of a weird place to be,”

'cause it's like, well, it's hard to find a drug that sucks, but doesn't suck enough to be really suck. - It's true, yeah. - You know, it's kind of tough. But I would say, like, fuck, man,

I personally don't like OBSM. - Yeah, yeah. - I'd say like, specifically, opiate pills, like perks, narcos, like, yes, he's that kind of thing. Just 'cause like, you still get the grimy,

like, opiate feel and day after in the cloudiness, but like, you're not going all the way, like, just do the fucking heroin at that point. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - The stress, obviously.

- Opiate sucked to begin with, just do the good ones, at least. The ones that actually feel good, 'cause you're gonna be a theme either way. - Yeah, and if like, with the perks,

you're taking like a near, liver, canceling dose of-- - Oh, yeah. - Yeah, yeah, your liver's getting annihilated. - I, I saw a guy one time that guy worked with, we were in like a construction trailer,

we had like cleaned a house, and we got to like take a break, and he just used like, he was bad on heroin though. Or he would take anything. But he just grabbed, it was the weirdest thing,

he grabbed Tylenol.

So there was like a first aid kit,

and he just dumped like 10 Tylenol's at the end, just swallowed them all. And I was like, he just casually did this. - No, it just didn't. - It just didn't.

- I don't know, I stole this day, I guess he, he probably was like, withdrawing, he probably didn't feel like it. - Tested his liver. - So he just abused Tylenol, and I remember just being like,

what the fuck is this guy doing? - Yeah, what are you doing? - What a strange leg. - So that's day, that's day. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Oh, be it's for me or day, you know? Like I've done them, and like sure I've had enjoyable moments on them, but like I don't like it. - It's kind of laughable, and I, well, it's definitely not very chic right now

to be addicted to like perks. - No, it's kind of, no, the time's went. - They kind of throw back the time is went. - Yeah, it's, it's a dying breed. - 10 years ago, 2016, that was peak.

- Yeah, you want to be a bartard,

“you want to be an opiate-fiend, that's why I'm to do it,”

you know? - Time's a change, dude. - Time's a change. - Yeah, even the bars aren't popular. Is there any bars, where would you class in?

- Oh, my God, bro. - I mean, I love 'em. - Yeah. - I hate to admit, like when I talk about Xanax, there's a certain like feeling that comes over me

of just like, warmth, you know, like, oh, you know? And that's how I know that out of all the drugs that I've ever done, Xanax is the one

that I really can never try again.

- Like, I can, I will immediately feed for that shit. - Yeah. - Like, it's bad for me with Xanax. And I have so many friends who got so addicted to that shit, and the withdrawals are horrible.

- Yeah. - It's like, the ratio of, like, how accessible it is to, like, how addictive and horrible the withdrawals are is crazy. Like, it's literally the most accessible version

of, like, a borderline heroin addiction. Like, it's the same withdrawal process. It's the same, like, if you cold turkey Xanax, you'll literally just have seizures. - Yeah, you can die, okay.

- Yeah, you can, you could fall on die from a Xanax withdrawal, if you like, just completely cold turkey and don't do any prep. And, like, despite all that, it's fucking great. - Really?

- Now, I love it. I love Xanax. It's literally a problem solver pill, like, any issue you are concerned about in your life, dude. If you got court coming up, you behind on your taxes,

fucking your girl just left you, your homie stole your drugs, take his in. - You can, they're all gone. - Find some piece. - The problems are gone.

- And they're gonna be gone for an extended period. And, like, you might even solve the problems while you're barred out. You might get the courage to solve those issues. And it might not be in a healthy way,

but like, you're gonna take care of them. - True, you know.

“- And that's what's shocking to me is that, like,”

it's not that crazy to be prescribed at a role in Xanax. - No, fuck. - Like the average person, it's not like, they're like, yeah, take his Xanax, my anxiety,

into the get-a-roll to focus. That's a pretty potent cop. If I took an at a role in a Xanax, I'd be trapped. - It's not fun. - Yeah.

- It's not fun.

Here we go, guys, is anyone wanna go first, by the way?

I don't wanna take out. Go ahead, Limer, get in there. - All right, well, everybody, gonna be in Florida. May 5th, me 6th, me 7th, me 8th, me 9th. And that'll be back home.

But also on May 5th, there's optimal knocks at the cricket cave. So please check them out. Limerally, that fun, and then everywhere else. All right, thank you.

- Oh, it's, uh, May 16th is all I got right now. Toronto will be nice, but I believe it's full. May 16th, then very much. - May 15th, Toronto on May 15th. - May 15th, yeah.

- What's up? - It's good time to be in the 6th. - Is it really? What in May? - May 15th.

- Why, I'm in the May 15th. - New Drake released. - What? - Are you gonna be in May 15th? - It's gonna be.

- No, no. - Yeah, that's gonna be awesome. Well, hell yeah, here we go. I'll look forward to that, and guys, the next day, there's some tickets left

for the Riviera theater in Chicago, Illinois. And yeah, that's May, we got time, but I'll be honest, that one, I wouldn't lie to you, that one's gonna sell out. So, come celebrate the end of this part

of the tour in Chicago, May 16th. That's it. - May 4th, I'm at the Hollywood Bowl in Los Angeles. May 7th, there's still tickets available for the May 7th Thursday show at the T.D. Garden in Boston.

And then that's it, obviously July 17th,

of the entire city of Philadelphia. - Fuck it.

“- Albuquerque Phoenix, San Diego, Los Angeles, Seattle,”

Portland, Chicago, New York, Boston, Pittsburgh, Orlando, Naples, and Tampa, and San Francisco. I'm coming to you this month. It's gonna be a big month. - Yeah.

- JDFMacan.com, all gonna be right now. James Donaldford's become a catamaran plan. - Oh yeah. - Big times. - Yeah, get in there, Sean.

- Hello, everybody, I'll be here. - Yeah, I'll get in the fucking camera and don't do this cute bullshit, just fucking do this. - Hello, everybody, how's that now, dude? - I'll be a Springfield Missouri, Tulsa, Oklahoma,

and Oklahoma City in Cincinnati, Ohio, in the month of May, please tell me. - Oh my God. - Jonger, Dini.com, why are you so mad at me? - I'm not.

- I'm joking, dude. - What do you think about abusing sleeping pills? You ever run into that?

- Like, no, I never really fucked my soul.

- I saw these, when I was younger, there was like this, you know, whatever, apartment complex, full of people that I knew. And they're like all new, each other, living together, and these girls would take ambient,

and then do as much Coke as possible. - I've never tried that.

“- Dude, well, they say you start tripping”

'cause you wanna go to sleep, but you take the, I mean, I literally, they were like, really trying to sell me on it all, like, you gotta try this and I don't give it a go. - I had the wearer thought of that.

No, I don't think I'm gonna do that, and one day they just collapsed in front of me. - Oh. - Just were fell, one of them fell and just hit the floor. - I think I didn't try it.

And I said, I fucking told you guys, I was very, I was very nervous, nearly about drugs, and I was young. - Really? - I would do, like, weed and mushrooms were great, but like, you would avoid combining stuff.

- Just pills, Coke, I never, I never did Coke. I've never done it. - Virgin. - Really? - Virtotally, Virtotally, Virtotally.

- Oh.

- I just never, everything I saw people doing it,

I was always like, it never worked out. - Good. - I don't think of a single person there, like, yeah, that was sick. - Oh, Coke is very destructive. - Yeah.

- It's horrible, it costs too much money. It doesn't last long enough for you to ever make it stretch, and, like, it does suck, but also, like, I feel like Coke is the perfect adult drug. - Sure.

- The moment that, like, you got bills to pay, it's time to buy a bag. - It's time to buy the bag. - Time to buy a bag. - So how's that the adult drug?

Oh, that's, you're saying when you win the drink. - It's a drug that, like, you can do on a regular basis and still function. And, like, I personally, like, although I don't do it anymore, I functioned

when I was geeking, like, it wasn't, until the end, it wasn't ever really a thing where it was like, debilitating me. - You know, and, like, towards the end of my Coke, you said, it was all financially.

- Well, that's a different stuff. - Yeah, that's a different story. But, like, I mean, dude, when I functioned as a person. - When I first, like, started, so back in, like, 2020, I got a DUI,

and I was living with my parents still at the time, I was 2019, actually, and my mom threw me out of the house. She was like, "Get the fuck out, you know? "You got seven days, put all myself in a trash bag, "and there I went, you know?"

And I moved down, like, three hours south to this town that was, like, really far from my hometown and very cheap cost-a-living. And I had brought, like, my final, like, who raw bag of blow-down with me?

“I bought, like, a pretty, I don't remember how much it was,”

but I brought a pretty fat bag of blow. I got, like, a pinealene, I got, like, a bunch of weed, and I brought it all down. And I was like, "Once I run out of this, I'm fucked. "Do you all blow down here's fat?"

You know? So, it's gonna be bad. So, I started railing a bunch of it, and, like, kind of, trying to pace myself, which didn't work. And around that time, I had started doing these, like,

live streams every day, and, like, I would drink for donations. I was trying to make money. And it worked, and I started making good money, and, like, instead of being, like,

"Oh, finally, I can afford my blow. "I just bought more shit." And, like, since my plug-in live three hours north, I started going on the deep web and buying everything, with, like, all my YouTube paycheck.

So, like, I would have months where I'd get, like, seven or eight grand from YouTube,

which was, like, incredible money for me at the time.

- That was like YouTube tip, basically. - Yeah, yeah, that was, like, my, that was my old, all my income at that point. I didn't have sponsors. I didn't have, like, business stuff going.

And it was literally just whatever YouTube paid me for my donations and my ad revenue was, my fucking net worth, you know. And I remember, I would pay my rent, which was 650 a month, that went up to 1100 eventually,

when I moved, but 650 a month. The entire rest of that was weed, zance, ketamine, blow. Now, just order it all, and, like, the more money I had, the more I'd just buy. - But then they keep scaling up.

- Yeah, yeah, it kept scaling up all the way until, like, it got really bad, bro. Like, it was, I'm kind of drunk right now. So, it's not gonna be a great estimate. You know, I had some drinks at lunch,

but probably, like, fall of 21, I'd say is, you've got the worst. And I was, like, staying up for, like, two or three days straight to the time. And I would just be, like, sitting at my desk,

like, cold sweating, railing lines. And I had this, like, I developed this really extreme, like, paranoia and anxiety in my brain from doing so much uppers that, like, I would do uppers to bring me, like, bring my heart rate back up.

'Cause I was really paranoid about my heart.

I need to wake up. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Do a bunch of lines.

“And then I'd be like, oh, my shit's beating too fast.”

I need to take a zan.

I need to do a line, okay.

And I would go through cycles of that for, like, two or three days straight. - Just trying to get it back. - Yeah, just just super hard rate. - Yeah, and the whole time, it's like,

bro, I'm not fucking dying. Like, you know, but I, I was just so paranoid that my brain that I thought I was. - So, that's pretty scary though. - Oh, it's horrible.

- Oh, it's horrible. - You're just like, constantly up and down, up and down. - Bro, I had this big house by myself. I had no friends in this town.

I had no job. And, like, the only thing I did all day was just to sit inside and do drugs. Like, all fucking day. - And then just so pretty much.

- Pretty much, yeah. - Yeah, I would go live. So, that's fucking good. - Oh, God, dude, I might get banned for this. When I used to stream, like, my early days of streaming on Twitch,

I got started because I was trying to see how fast I could get banned. So, like, I played a porn game in, like, railed a bunch of catamines, like, during the stream. And, like, I didn't point the game.

- I played, no, I played, like, a porn game that's banned on Twitch on stream. - What is a porn game? Like, you're talking about, like, the ads on porn or like? - There's a game?

- No, no, no, no, no. It was a game on Steam called, like, - Oh, okay. - I don't remember the name of it. - I think I know you're talking about it.

- People are gonna know in the comments. It's like, I'm very notorious, like, a porny game, you know? And, I played it on my stream with the intent of seeing, like, let's see how fast Twitch, like, bands people for this kind of shit, and then during the stream, I would, like, you know, turn my camera up and be like, "Yo, the fucking vets call in me dude, my pet horse is sick and, like, lean down, do a bunch of catamines back up.

“I think he's gonna be okay, guys, like, he's gonna be fine, you know?”

And, finally, like, I got banned, you know, but it was temporary, and then they un-panned me.

And, like, I don't know how I didn't get a more trouble for this shit I used to do. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Like, I would do this and be very blatant about it on stream, and I know people were reporting me, and, like, I don't know that kind of rock. - Twitch is cool, I guess, you know?

- I guess they are pretty dope. - YouTube might be kind of chill too, if it's YouTube, it's gonna be my night. - They should give you your ad money, but YouTube is not chill about nudity. - I showed one illustration, it was like a cartoon, like, a comic book series about, at a, a slutty, in the, in, lady, called, Sabita, Bobby, and I showed, like, illustrated, nipple, and they just, we still have a strike on our channel from, really. - Really? - Yeah, they do not have one.

- It's an expire. - I don't think ever, dude. I don't know what? - Or we'll find out, it's been there for, at least like, three years, two and a half, three years, like the fuck. - Yeah. - Do you guys have, like, a, like, a contact at YouTube, or anything? - Probably, but I don't think they'll take it off. - You get that guy, yeah. - It was like a graphic, I mean, I did do, like,

I was, like, illustrated full frontal. - I feel like, because now, all strikes on YouTube expire. - Do they really? - All of them, yeah. - That's cool. - They, uh, you get, like, a warning, then strike one, if you don't get another one for 90 days, it goes, really? - You see, yeah. Yeah, so I would hit up your rap and just be like, "Hey, bro, this shit's three years old."

- I'm gonna put, I'm gonna go, I'm gonna show the naked Indian lady as soon as I get my strike off. - You got a dude running it back. - You got wiggle room now. - So what, so, uh, yes, what's the plan now? So now you're still, you're still streaming? So, like, like, are you, is it more of, like, a, I guess you're channel slightly, like, a, almost, like, a memoir, or, like, slash, like, a opinion on a thing? - In a way, yeah, it's kind of morphed more recently, when I started, it was just purely, like, a,

I wanna tell my stories. - Yeah. - Kind of thing, you know? And now, as I've gotten older and kind of gotten clean and clean-ish, um, you know, it's a thing of, like, I wanna share my stories in a way that, like, people can learn from it a little bit. - Yeah. - And also, just make videos talking about drugs. - Yes, what is your overall, what is your personal takeaway? After doing a, like, I would say, would you say you've done all the drugs? - All the drugs I want to. - Yeah, exactly. - I would say. - Yeah, I mean, I haven't done math, haven't done heroin. I haven't done, um, you know, DMT.

I haven't done that yet. - Yeah. - There's a few things psychedelics that, like, I did Molly Shrooms acid, but none of the, like, real, like, - Yeah. - Other stuff. - Well, what, so what is your takeaway on drugs combined? If it's like, there's a young man out there. - Honestly, dude, get it out of your system all your young. I mean, I'm gonna be honest, I think a lot of people, like, it's, it's really easy to just be, like, man, you shouldn't ever do drugs, you know, like, so bad, but like, dude, no one's gonna listen to that shit.

“- Yeah, I know, we're doing drugs, you know, that's just kind of, that's how people are, you know?”

And for me, I see a lot of my friends that, like, party with them, I was young, that I went really hard with, and, like, did stupid shit with, and got arrested with, and, like, he's got to do one fine. I have a buddy who's working biotech, travels all over the country, and, like, dude, I used to rail bags with this guy every night, you know, I have other friends who are, like, doing finance stuff, and, like, working in sales, and it's like, bunch of dudes who, like,

I think our ACT scores were in the teens, you know, like, we're kind of retarded. So it was like, it was really like, my advice, honestly, like, I don't ever try to tell people, like, "Oh, don't do drugs, don't try this," because, like, you're gonna try it either way. - Yeah, you're not. - My focus aren't gonna listen to me, but I think moderation is key.

It's good to get out of your system when you're young, and you're never too far gone,

it's really the most important part. - Yeah. - Well, you're never too far gone, but I've met some crazy motherfuckers who, like, were way deeper in than I've ever been than anyone I've ever seen, and, like, they're just normal guys,

imagine, all the, all the, like, curriculum, all the dare stuff, and all the, like, drugs are bad, that's been getting pushed since the 80s is just bullshit, that's, like, resulted in the drug space we have now. - Yeah, I don't think anyone, like, listens to that, I remember my brother was telling me, we had dare at our school or officer friendly, whoever. - Yep. - And I remember they would show us, like, car antennas, used his crackpipes. - Yeah. - But I don't remember this,

my brother was, like, when he was in seventh grade, they explained LSD to him, and he was, like, bro, since that day, I was like, I need to get that. It is, like, hold on, hold on, hold on. - Well, like, you see cartoons, or whatever, and he was, like, that sounds sick too. - It sounds fucking awesome. I remember seeing the South Park acid episode when Kenny had the acid trip, and I was a kid, that, that made me want to trip immediately. - Yeah, yeah. - And I was, like,

I don't know, tennis, I'm shit. - Yeah, I was like, dude, I gotta try that. - Yeah, that is kind of my, my things. I have two little kids, and it's like, yeah, the old, like, they don't ever do anything. It's like, it's not realistic, but it's also, like, you know, for me, it'd be like, here's certain things that, you know, like, we'd, even drinking, I'm kind of like, careful with that. But like, my personal advice is, like, coat pills, all that stuff, just steer clear.

- Yeah, yeah, that's my personal thing. Some people, like, not coat's fine.

“You have to stop it eventually, because that's what you do. - Dude, once you're, like, 40,”

you know, 50, it's kind of, like, to me, there's just something shitty about it. Especially, especially when you have kids, and it's like, are you definitely testing it? That's like, oh, it's like, I know so many people are, I'm like, you're not testing your coat. There's no, you're drunk at a bar, and you're getting a bad coat, and you're showing it up, you know, and like, dude, just people, how bad is, is the fentanyl still really bad in terms

of, like, it's so bad. It's so fucking bad. - That's fucking scary.

- I mean, the problem is, like, fentanyl is cheaper than all the other cuts now.

- Yeah. - Like, it's, a lot of people I see, they're like, oh, why would anyone, why would any drug dealer cut something with fentanyl? Like, that doesn't make sense. It's another drug that costs their money, and then they kill their clients, and it's like, bro, you need a fraction of a gram, like, a hundredth of a gram of fentanyl to get the job done just for a cut purpose, and, like, that costs sense, you know, like, that literally costs pennies. Like, it's, it's nothing.

So, it's, fentanyl common to never. It's in Xanax presses, it's in bags of coke, it's in all the opiates you're doing. Like, all the perks that people are smoking on the street aren't perks. It's just

“fentanyl, you know, it's all fentanyl presses. And now, like, that's what people want,”

but they want stronger shit. - Yeah. - It's ugly, you know, I think, like, I don't know. I think personally, it's just important to, like, follow your own rules whenever you're doing drugs. Like, don't bring the back home, you know, keep it in a social setting, as long as you're able to maintain that, like, parties much you want. - Yeah, that's okay.

That's kind of how I view it. I think the, the always, like, the mode that I try to set myself,

and I'm like, I'm never going to cross this, is like, if I'm partying, and I'm out, and I'm doing a show up with friends, it stays out. I'm not bringing it home, I'm not going to do it alone, on my own at the crib, I'm not going to wake up the next day and immediately start railing or do whatever. I think that's when you cross a lot. - Yeah, so what, what was it, you think that made you, because, you know, some people, there's people like playing, like, yeah, I'm just completely

powerless if I even look at or see it, I'm just just a guy. It's, it's a wrap for me. What kind of clicking your head do you're like, okay, I think I have this shit under control or like, I'm good on this? - I mean, it's rehab never worked for me. Like, I technically did rehab twice, because it did a outpatient, and then I did a smaller inpatient stay, and then a full residential

stay. It's like two and a half, I guess. And rehab never worked. A lot of people always preach the

“whole, like, ten-step process and like, oh, you have to be completely bone sober, but I think like”

telling, like, for a lot of drug addicts being like, hey, you have to be sober forever is a very scary thing. And like, even hearing that, I mean, he's going to make someone be like, what the fuck? - Yeah, I'm not sticking with that. - Yeah, I think a lot of things that help, actually, there are some people that I think that do love that whole, like, I'm just white and gray forever, and, you know, whatever, because it becomes just a whole, you know, your whole thing. It's just like,

yeah, I'm just nothing one day at a time, and I think it's good for some people. But then some people, yeah, I know a lot of people have tried that, and they're like, dude, I just can't get with this. I found a lot of people have success being like, all right, opiates are my problem. I cannot, just, I can't be around them. But then the problem is a lot of those guys will go, I'll take some X and they go, oh, that's kind of sick. Let's take some matter. And they just end, they do end,

right back on the opes. But the people I know who are like, say, like, I'm staying off of opiates, and then they kind of like take mushrooms here and there, they still get that charge and kick. But it's like, you're not going to do a bunch of mushrooms and be like, yo, I should go steal my brother's place. - Yeah, I think that's like, yeah. - So I, I feel like that's, to me, at least, I think that helps a lot of people. - Yeah, I mean, I think harm reductions, the key, and like, for me, I like towards the end of my addiction,

it wasn't fun the last few months. And like, I realized every day when I was waking up and getting

But like, I was starting to have those thoughts in the back of my head, like, man, like, this isn't fun. Like, wake up and I feel like shit every day. I feel like shit right now while I'm high. And if I do

“more, I'm just going to feel more like shit. And then that one day, I remember it was like five or six”

in the morning. It was rush hour, morning rush hour. And I had been up for a few days, doing blow, and doing ketamine, and doing my whole thing. And I was having, I was having one was really bad freakouts. And like, I remember I was having these really bad heart palpitations, and my hand on my chest, and I thought I was like, about having a heart attack. My heart was going so fast, and I had realized a bunch of fucking lines. And like, at that point, it was just purely an anxiety

thing. And I remember I'm standing there in a cold sweat. I run out onto my porch and I sit down and I'm in my underwear, broad daylight. And I like, I live right off a main road at this point. It's like, all these people are driving past looking at me. I didn't give a fuck. I'm sitting around my porch, like breathing in the fresh air, trying to do like breathing exercises to make myself like not die. And like, in that, that specific, like, that moment itself was a pivotal point

for me. And I was like, dude, I can't do this shit anymore. Like, this isn't fun. And I've been having those like panic attacks more frequently. And that was the one where it was like, bro, I can't do it anymore. Your body basically was like, I mean, and it was, it was hard at first with most of the other drugs like Xanax was a bitch for me to get rid of. But Coke was an easy one because I viewed Coke as the source of my anxiety and paranoia and problems. And I immediately, after that day,

I remember I flush my shit. I got rid of it. And my strategy that I tell everyone, I always recommend

this to people if they're able to, is dude, just smoke your way out of it. Like, really genuinely

“smoke yourself so stupid every day, eat a bunch of edibles if you have to, that like, you can't even”

fathom feeding for something. Yeah. Because like, the real thing that you need is like, you need time for your brain to reset. Like, you need that chemical connection that addiction to like reset. And a lot of people like, you're not going to get that time just sitting at the house. You're not going to choose to do that. But I found that like, when I was eating a shitload of edibles and just ripping dabs all day and just getting violently high as often as I could, that it would knock me out at

sleep half the day. And like, enough time pass. We're eventually, it was a thing of like, hey, I'm not feeding so hard. I'm about to punch a hole in the wall because I'm out of blow. It's more of a thing of like, I'm in my head thinking like, man, Coke would be nice right now. But I don't have to act on that. Yeah. Yeah. You know, I want you to reach that point. It's kind of smooth sailing from there. And my gosh. Yeah. So there was like a real physical,

physical, almost physiological kind of way. Oh, yeah. Yeah. There was. I had a really, I never had like the

physical mental or like the physical withdrawals of like cold sweats and like twitching and puking in my bed. I never got that. But like mentally. Yeah. And like to this day, I still Xanax specifically, like, bro, I'll be sitting there sometimes, especially after I've had a couple of drinks. And I'll just be like, man, Xanax. So that's the worst time to take it though. Oh, yeah. Well, okay. Worst by medical definition, but like, come on, dude. I'm like, fuck, no, it's not the worst time. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I, I, I, I'm like kind of split on this because it's like, I, I do think it's a crazy way to treat it. Where it's like, don't touch it at all. And it's okay. Yeah. Okay. Like Lucy K has a great joke about it. How like you got to tell your kids not to do drugs, but drugs are literally the answers to all that are problems. Yeah. And it's like, yeah. Oh, you'll feel awesome. Actually, if you're actually being honest, like, no, you'll feel great. You're going for it. Yeah. But the, this is what I found.

I, you know, I used to drink when I was younger, so drinking super young. And just drinking, smoking weed, whatever. And specifically drinking though, I would, I would just get, I socialized.

I pretty much like grew up socializing drunk. I always drunk. If I socialized. Yep.

And then I just, the alcohol just started just not agree with me. I got sick of being hung over. So then I had to like, learn, which I'm still learning how to do it now. I'm 40, but it's like, I had to like learn how to socialize sober. And I was just like, damn, I wish I fucking learned how to do this when I was younger. Like, I'm like, still bad at it. I still struggle with that too. I get drunk before everything. Yeah. Really? No. I mean, do every podcast I've, like, ever done on the

“podcast, I just drink before it. Really. So how does that, how do you manage the alcohol then?”

I mean, I'm not drunk. You know, I don't get hammered, but I wanted two shots. When I, when I have, like, someone I don't know coming on the show, yeah, I need to loosen up. It's just like, okay. So that's fair. Yeah. But I personally like, I don't enjoy drinking, like, going, getting black out drunk. I like drinking and like, combination with other things. Yeah. Yeah. Give me a couple glasses of whiskey and a join in, like, couple lines. You know, give me, I don't know, take some

shrooms, smoke a joint, maybe one glass of whiskey. You know, I think drinking is just like a good, like, mixing the pot kind of thing. Yeah. Okay. It's not like a hard core drink, right? Well, we'll stand up. I remember I used to be, but yeah, we'll stand up. I remember being like, dude, I have to have two drinks for our performance. And then I remember being like, well, fuck, I kind of, at the time I would do stand up like every night. I'm like, I don't feel like

this is stuff I do kind of like where it's like, you know, what exactly why do I have to do that? And it's like, with time, you just, you can get over that stuff. That's the one percent. But to me, it's like, I don't want to come off as like preachy. Like if that's what people do,

“that's what people do. But I remember being like, because I was like, impossible. I'm not really a”

public speaker. I need my two drinks. And then I was like, no, you know what, tonight, I'm going up sober. It was like years and years ago. For some reason, I was just like, I even know why I did this.

I wore backwards hat on stage. I never would never wear a backwards hat, but I was just,

you shit. So I need to have like some other thing. And I stood up there, complex. Like, stone silver with the backwards hat bombed. And up. And now it's weirdly enough. I prefer, if I do stand up, I prefer to be like completely sober. And I want it, I want it to be like a high on stage guy. I was like, he wouldn't want to have a couple drinks every night. But it's like, I just objectively, I'm better if I'm sober. Yeah. Because I'm more like kind of keyed into everything

going on. Yeah. And I'm not high. Do it being high and do it stand up for me. It's a nightmare. Dude, being high and doing anything we have to think is good. I've kind of been noticing that lately too. I've finally, for the first time in my life, like since I started smoking, been like tapering off a little bit. You know, and only smoking at night and stuff like that. Because like, dude, I look back at like some of my old stuff on the internet where I'm super high. And whenever I'm

super high in the moment, I'm thinking to myself, like, dude, this is great. You know, I'm talking a lot.

And I look back and I'm like, yeah, I'm a babbling fucking idiot. You're like, I'm saying nothing right now. So yeah, I've tried to slow down on smoking too. Yeah, I still, I like, like, doing kind of cycles with weed, we're all like quit for a while. And then I'll come back and it's still deep right. Yeah, a little break dude. It's nice because it like, otherwise it just, I feel like, you know, I feel like, I feel like dull after like the early smoking. You take like months off and come

back. You're like, it's, I don't know, that's the way I kind of, it's got to be a treat. That's the only way it's fun. Yeah. Now, if you're just smoking all day, it's pretty boring. Yeah. I like it is like a little, a little gift at the end of the day. It is just, it's really a gift at the end of the day. A little surprise. But that's, no, that's a cool way of thinking of it. Because it is like, you know, it's, like, it's, like, it's, as far as, like, YouTube guidelines. I'm sure they have their, like,

legalistic kind of, like, no, it's like, you can't endorse this. But it is like, okay, well,

there's still people dying from fucking overdoses because this doesn't work from where that doesn't work for them. And yeah, like you're saying, if you can release, like, reduce the harm a little bit by being like, hey, the rooms didn't work out for you. Yep. You have about you fucking just take 19 edibles a day and see if you can manage that. It's like, it's at least attractive to an addict's mind where like, yeah, I'll just get high, it's fucking fucking yeah. And that does, I swear to,

even the mushrooms, I've seen people who were like, bad addicts to like, you know, the worst stuff. And they'll like have like a hard mushroom trip and at least for like five months, they would just be clean. Yeah. And then like, you know, life will come back and you can't come back into that stuff. But it is, it was pretty astounding to see who will be like, now, I'm just chilling right now. We got to do more research on that shit. Yeah. You know, I mean, we're probably pretty far from that

actually happening, but I mean, shrooms genuinely like, cure people from stuff. Yeah. How could it be in does to you? We're just starting to discover that, you know, even acid. Yeah. Well, that was, I think the original AA model was to take your supposed to take acid. Really? Yeah. The guy built W whatever his name was. That was like, that was a whole point of it. It was like, you would get you there. You would like start talking and they were like, you got

“basically and do some form of mystical or religious experience. He had done LSD and that's how like,”

that he was like a hopeless alcohol like, yeah. And I think he did acid and kind of like, I don't think he went part out of the curriculum now. They did. It's a shame. They left it out. I left it out. But even again, it's not like everyone has to do that. But it's like, all right, this works for some people. This is for some people. That works for some people. Here's your options. Pick one and try it out rather than being like show up every day and just

fucking each shit. Yeah. Just white knuckle it for the rest of your life. I mean, it's so much more appealing to just be like, you know, you can get highest fuck still just on this. Yeah, or it's like it just scares the fuck out of you. You start tripping your like, oh, dude, I'm like stealing my little sister's money. Some people need whatever that like out of body kind of perspective it gives you. You can kind of really see yourself and go like, oh, God, dude, what how the fuck

did I start doing this? Yeah. So, but no, that's a, but your channel rules. I do like your channel a lot. Thanks, man. Really appreciate it. Very funny. The stories are really awesome. I like to show you guy here, dude. This is a very cool setup. Appreciate you. I like this. You know, I've, I've gone on a few podcasts that are very like, sit at the table and talk, but this is fun.

“Hell yeah, I understand. What's the crap? Like, what is this? What's all right?”

Everyone asked me, I have no idea. She researched this at one point. It's, I like, I, though it's funny. I've like Googled it a couple times. Okay. I had all about it. My brain doesn't retain it at all. I think they like, they're being spot like someone's coming up and like it like kind of like catching these guys in a, in a, in a loot act. I think that that was like an ancient devil's threesome. Oh, and then that lady, the water symbolizes something. I forget what

that is. I think that can use on fire or something. I don't know. Kind of the right looks kind of like

hey, what the fuck are you guys doing in there? Yeah. He doesn't have the cane going and everything.

Yeah, all the, all of these guys look, they could be siblings. Oh, see a lot of resemblance. That was okay back then. You know, the shared, you know, that was fine. He might have been signing his sister up with a

“pimps. He's like, I think it's a conflict of interest if I pimped you. My buddy's also a Turkish”

pimps. Yeah. So it's a very recent development that, you know, your Turkish pimps relative wasn't like someone to share your woman with. But I have no idea what that painting is about. It just made me laugh as a funny. It's just an interesting idea. I like it. I like it. But yeah, Matt, so what's, what's, uh, you know, what's the plan is going forward? Do you know, you, do you feel pressure on the podcast to be like, I got to get fucking zocked. I got to ramp up or is it just kind of like, when I was

much like earlier into doing it, yeah, because the entire way I got into podcasting was like

going on other people shows kind of like this and like getting fucked up. Like I remember the first

podcast I ever went on. Uh, I was like nodding out in the chair at the end of it because I'd stayed up the night prior and I'd like packed a bunch of blow and zans in my bag and flew out to LA and like was in my hotel railingum and then I ordered a bottle of wine because I was like, dude, I got, I'm not ready to socialize, romantly on zans and coke. I got a fucking, I need a drink. You're not tired. No, right. It's all right. It's all right. So I start drinking and, you know, that doesn't

combine with those two things well. Um, so what do, what do your thoughts on like, really taking everything away for a period and actually just being like, what is bothering me to the point, right? I would have to be that fucking hide interactive people. I mean, I think I've, I've definitely worked on that over the years and kind of like, I think I just generally, um, not very good at socializing without drugs because it's what I've done for a decade. Right now. And after I started doing

last drugs and just smoking more weed, weed in itself makes me kind of more anxious in public places to begin with. You know, and then I'm already being like, fuck, I don't know how to talk to these people. I'm not loose right now. And I really kind of get stuck in my head about it and like, I think that's something I'm going to probably struggle with for a long while. Yeah, from now too,

“but I definitely notice myself slowly like getting better about it. Yeah, that's how old are you?”

27. Oh, yeah. So yeah, I got to come out of your coming under 20s. Yeah. Yeah. I still, I mean, I've gotten way better about it. Do you watch sports? A little bit. It helps you. That helps social. I don't watch sports. That's like my Achilles heel and social plight society. I'll go out. I'll be like, you see the Broncos and I'm like, man, I wish I did. I wish I could share this with you right now, because he knows are my icebreaker. Really good car and table. Yeah. That's nice.

Play a little bacherat, blackjack, you know, start chatting it up. Make for new friends or wear enemies, you know? True. Either way, you talk to him. No, that isn't. That's a trick, man. Whenever I'm like, find myself socializing, there is a part of me like almost narrating the events in my head as taking place. And I'm going like, what do I really want to talk about? It's like, you want to go home. It's what I really want to do. And I'm like, no, you have to stay here. I'm like,

all right. It feels like a, you know, not performative, but it's just kind of like, you know, if I really had my brothers, I would be chilling out, playing in my bed right now. Yeah, it's too easy to like get caught up in my head about like, you know, the situation at hand instead of just living in it. Yeah. You know, that's something that like, I don't know if being bone sober would fix that, it probably would, but I don't know. Like you said, I don't, I don't, I was again, I tried to

“not be like, well, this is what you need to do. And it's like, because it's like, maybe over time,”

you get like, you know, you get expats like any kind of phobia, if you expose yourself to the stimulus over and over and over and over, but you're like, oh, this actually isn't that scary. Yep. That's what happened when you were for a flying. Really? I was very scared of flying. You just did it over. I used to have to like, full on like, pass the fuck out every flight. Yeah. And now I'm pretty chill. That's tight. No. Yeah. Same. I was actually very scared too. But that's horrifying. We're not supposed

to be up there. No. And then when they hit that fucking turbulence bro, like, I think I fly a good amount. And like, I've had a pilot explaining it where it's like, dude, turbulence thinking about it as like waves on an ocean. If you're on a boat and the boat's going up and down, that's just waves. It's normal to find. He's like in the area of currents. So like, we're hitting that. And it's just as

natural as a boat hitting fucking water. Yep. But dude, when it like goes on for a while, and I always

look at, I always look at the flight attendant. If I see fear in their eyes, I'm like, yeah, we're fucked. We're done. Oh, once they sit down in those jumps, he's I'm fucking told you. We get I mean, I feel like turbulence, dude. It's got to be something telling us. We're not supposed to be up there, you know? It's got up there. It should be got to be like the fuck out of here. I'm not a religious guy until I'm on an airplane. And then I'm pretty fucking religious.

Yeah, fuck. God damn, dude. Wait. Anything else you want to talk about or you want to plug or fuck. I don't know, man. It's been fun. You know, I always love chatting about drugs. So everyone would do more of that, you know? Yeah, dude. For sure. I'm here to yeah, you know? Absolutely. I think, and again, I want to make sure I hit all the, all the things. Your videos are great.

we could kind of go out on. Okay. What, what has been like, you know, because you're, I'm sure

whenever I feel like people are doing a lot of drugs, you're around very colorful characters. Oh, yeah. What is like the greatest, I would say, tragedy you've witnessed in terms of like a person just turning into the absolute best. Fuck, dude. Probably my old Coke plug. I've had the guy you smoked crack with? No, no, different person, different, that guy died actually. So yeah, not well, not thank God, but, you know, just different thing, you know, sure. Yeah, so that guy died,

had to get a new Coke plug and use a very friendly guy. A lot of face tattoos, you know, but like kind of hard to do. Yeah. But he, he was out of jail on parole for like already selling blow and like had like a couple newborn kids that he was raising and stuff. And like everything was going

good. And then seemingly like out of nowhere, his baby mom, I like, I don't know what happened,

like between them, but like he started believing that like she was cheating on him and the kids weren't his. And he was like kind of tripping about that and he would bring it up all the time. And then one day he buys a shroom chocolate bar off a friend of mine and he takes it and he starts tripping the fuck out on shrooms at like the family house. They're all staying with like, I don't know if it was his parents or her parents, they're like saying at the grandparents house

with the kids to like take care of them. And he starts tripping the fuck out and he goes and like gets in an argument with his girlfriend or the kids and like they get a little physical, but not like anything crazy. Just like, you know, a little slap back and forth. And then they separate later

that night. I don't know if he took more of the shrooms or what, but he like had a complete freak out.

And he goes in the room as kids are sleeping in and like beats the fuck out of them. And like one of the kids took like permanent damage like vegetative state like fucked and he got sentenced for a bunch of

“fucked up shit and he's in jail for like 15 years. I think or something like that all because one night.”

And like prior to that, he seemed like he like loved these kids. Like he really, you know, he posted his kids all the time. Took care of his family. He literally is terrible. I don't know if this is actually good taking care of the kids. He'd like have him in the backseat when he comes serving me, you know, like he loved this. They were there, you know, they were there. So and then one day he just disappears and one of my friends sends me the fucking news article and

his girlfriend slash baby mama had a YouTube channel where like she posted a two part thing telling the whole story and like her faces all fucked up when he could still in the hospital. They both lost custody of the kid. She doesn't have me there. Like it's fucked. Dude, that's by far the most tragic thing I've ever ever witnessed out of any well drug addiction. I made that brings me back to my original point where people need to deal with it. Yeah. That's sad. That's not the way. No, I mean,

again, it's not, yeah, that's the tough case because it's like, yeah, that's uh, the dude definitely probably wanted to some sort of psychosis. Oh, yeah. Yeah, he tripped the fuck out. No, it took was just one little, one little dose. Yeah, dang. It's like, that was like a sudden thing. It seems like almost. You got to make sure you're in the right mental space. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. There's definitely a lot of people act like you don't have to, but like you got to do some prep work before you. Yeah. You know,

“yeah, that's what you can get ugly. Yeah, that's pretty, that's pretty gnarly. It's like pretty much”

I think it's gnarly as a guess. Yeah. Yeah. Yes. Close to it. I mean, it's, it's just, it's even worse nowadays to be, I imagine these young kids who were doing the shit I did 10 years ago are experiencing way more tragic shit now because all their friends are probably croaking on fan. Yeah. Like it's fucked. So it is, is Finn popular with kids now, a way like pills were popular. Well, he's actually there is like, there's even kids that like seek it out. You know, because it's like

if you're already doing opiate, especially any of the opiate addicts, like kids who are like, oh, I just dabble in Norcos and perks. That's becoming a rare breed by the day because all the Norcos and perks now are fan. Yeah, no. And they don't prescribe that shit as much anymore. So it's harder to get, which just makes the fan more common. That's why my rule thumb is, do no pills. No pills, no powders. Yeah. You can have a good time smoking weed. Do a mushrooms. Yeah, drink. If you

really are trying to like party and get after it, you can have a ball powder pill for it. That's

“that's why that's why I'm always like, I mean, you can, you can, you can risk it and be the man”

for 30 minutes. Yeah. Bucking on below or whatever or just like chill out. Yeah. Still have it. You can have a very, I took acid recently and went to a concert. Two months enough fun for me for like a decade. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good. I'm good on fun for an entire day. But it's like, I don't understand. That's the one part of me that's like, how what where else is it where you're like, this is cool. But like, I guess that's everything. It's like, let's just see how far we can take this.

Yeah. You know, it's really fucked too. Is a lot of like, you can't even rely on normal, like, reagent test kits anymore. Really? Because the amount of fent that it takes for a test kit to declare that like, it's a positive for fent is like a nanogram. So like, for example, if let's say

to trace them out. Like, they had a little bit on their thumb and they touched the inside of the bag.

And like, or maybe let's say it's even a reused bag. So like, what's in there is not fent, but someone reuse their bag and then they pull it out and drop it, it's going to test positive for fent. He's probably good though. It is, it's good overall. But a lot of people don't view it that way. They're like, oh, it's saying everything's fent. I know this isn't fent. They just don't try. They don't test it. Oh, I see your saying. You know, yeah, I guess they were talking about,

they don't want to be wasteful. Yeah, I had a, I briefly did a collab with a drug testing kit company and like we sold a, like a couple batches of reagent testing kits. And I would get the answer people all the time, like, dude, I know my plug isn't selling fent. Like, this shit says it's this. And like, it's like, bro, what do you want me to do? Like, like, the test says what it is, you know, and it's like better safe and sorry if it's, yeah, like, why are you mad at me, bro? Like,

go talk to your plug. Yeah. And it's also like, if it's in the house, it's just a matter of time.

Exactly. Yeah. So it's, yeah, it can't keep up or have. People are never happy. No,

try to prevent them from getting the fent overdose and like, dude, this is fucking annoying.

“The most valuable lesson I think I've ever learned on the internet is just to not try to make”

everyone happy. It can't. It's impossible. It doesn't work well. It's any life, too. It's like you do it in life, especially not the internet yet. Yeah. Yeah. It's a tough thing to get used to. Yeah, man. It is. Especially, yeah, you get a lot of hatred. You do a lot of hatred online or it's a pretty positive. I mean, I think, especially since I've started posting shorts,

I get a lot of hate comments now. Really? But I think that's just the nature of shorts in general.

Like, if you post anything on TikTok, you had a comment said shit. It's crazy. Yeah. I don't even view it as hate. It's just like that's the nature of short comments. Like, you crack jokes, you make fun of whatever you see. Like, try to get the most likes, you know?

“Yeah. That's what it is. But like, I don't deal with the ton of hate. I think I, when I was”

younger and my audience skewed younger, I got a lot of hate from like older relatives and I would get emails from parents of like, my kid watched your video and I just found this and like, I got an email. There's a mom email me years ago. This is probably like 2018, 2017 or some shit. And she was like, I like found my son watching your videos. I just want to let you know that my son thinks you're so cool. And he's doing this drug, this drug, this drug. And like, he's ruining

his fucking life because of you and like, yeah, it seems like I get those, you know, but I don't view those even as hate comments. It's like, honestly, bro, if I was a parent, I'd probably write the message to, you know, yeah, I mean, also, I mean, the stuff of years I've watched, you're not very, you're not being like, dude, go out there and go crazy. It's more so like, this is, this is what happens when you get this, it's, there's good stuff and there's bad stuff. Yeah, I try very hard to not

encourage people to go do anything, but I mean, regardless, they're going to go do it either way, if they want to. Yeah, that's, that's also funny to be like, how about you place your kids? Yeah, yeah, why you, you want me to parents him, dude, send him over to my house or fucking plate. Yeah, I guess that is kind of, you can only, you can only kind of go off like, what works for you, what doesn't, yeah, if I love a God, stay off the fan, dude. Yeah, stay off the fan, that's a

good message. Yeah, I think that's a fair one. Well, dude, thank you. Thank you, dude, I really appreciate it.

“This was, uh, this was a good time. Yeah, man. You should, uh, come out to LA sometime, call”

my show. If I'm out there, I will, I'm for sure. Yeah, me out. I'd love to have you. Hell yeah. Fuck yeah. Peace out, guys. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane secret podcast on Spotify. Do it.