- Wow, wow, Wes, it's time to go.
- Time to face, you gotta face up to the nasty things you said. - Yeah, man.
“- We're finding out, we're finding out as brothers.”
- He lived by the I nasty, died by the I nasty. - It's true. - It's the worst. - It's the worst. - We were truly peak I nasty.
Between 2016 and 2019, in the day of nasty brothers. And now, as a adult man, you gotta really come-- - I think he's right on poisoning. We're in the basement. - True.
- You're in the basement, you're breathing in right on, and you start going like, "Man, guys, not that funny, man." (laughing) That ain't fun here. - Yeah, we were actually--
- We should be the one on TV. - We were everywhere. - I would be mad at people's late night sets. - I would see like, "Oh, woman, do a fucking cone in set." And I'd be like, "Fucking bitch."
(laughing) Like, why do I care? - Just what happens to you? - It is what happens to me. - I think this is funny.
My thing is I'll never forget,
like, I remember, which is like working, being a young man and being like, I need to get a job and establish myself in the world, and I would like work at Ellie Fitness for like 30 minutes and like go off to my car and cry.
- Look at me. - It's so grim, it's so hard. - It's nasty. - So if you have the outlet, dude, yeah. I always feel like I nasty on YouTube.
I would just see a video of like a guy, like recording a swim meat, and I'd be like, "Petophile, weirdo." (laughing) He'd be like, "Hey, this is my family channel."
I'd be like, "Petophile, 10 likes, yes!" - Yeah. - Let's go. - Yeah. Be careful at all that I nasty warriors out there.
- No, man. - Eventually you're gonna have to face who you were nasty, too. (laughing) - And then you're gonna go, man. I was being such a bitch, dude, I was so sorry.
- The worst is when you don't even remember, yeah. I'll see stuff and I'll be like, "Huh?"
I'll be like, "I never said I'm like, "Oh fuck."
“I don't remember, I don't even remember that.”
- Yeah, when I got fired for being I nasty, I was like, "Nah, ah." (laughing) - I would never say that. (laughing)
- It happens. - Anyway, here's the most important piece of information that the people are dying to find out. The Rens did hatch, and I was lucky enough to be outside. It was a beautiful day.
It was on my laptop. I was going over the roast jokes, which is a funny thing to sit outside. So funny to sit, take a laptop out, get a coffee, sit outside. It's like beautiful out, and then just be like,
"Share all underwoods, how's it been, it's dead." (laughing) - There's new life emerging around you, but I watched the baby come out of the Bud Light Box. He jumped out of the top, and while I'm out there,
I keep good track in the mom and dad. You do. I knew both of them were going. So I see some rustling going on in the Bud Light Box, and I go, "I hit 'em with a costume."
(laughing) And then I watched the guy come out. It was bigger than I thought it'd be. - Really? - Yeah, they're pretty fucking thick.
- And, but he was fluffy feathers. I watched him jump, he started hopping around. As soon as he came out, the mom and dad came right back, and started hopping around him. - Well, he was trying to like, "What?"
- I was so happy. - Oh my god. - Then I go to the airport to pick up the caveur. I come back and he was dead in the pool. - Oh.
- No, no, no. - And McEver and Blizzard here, so I had to pretend I wasn't gonna cry. (laughing) - I got it, I was like, "Oh no!"
(laughing) I was so fucking sad dude. I got the pool net, this is in front of them. This thing's so dead. I got the pool net, scooped it out,
and then I pressed on this chest. (laughing) I tried to resuscitate my pool. - He was very dead. - How many, how many do they have like three?
- Two or three made it, but one of the fellows hit the pool. - My neighbor had a nest of barns while-- - Also, the body, I couldn't look at it.
I had to go side for a second
and pretend I wasn't incredibly upset 'cause that is weird. And then I come back, and the mayor just threw in the trash can in the kitchen. - Kitchen?
- Yeah, he just put a dead bird in the house and then he went back to game. So we should have buried the man. - It's a little mayor grew up on like a buy-year or something.
“Why the fuck would he throw a dead bird inside of the trash?”
- Who knows? - I mean, at least over the fence, man. - That's the tragedy of the run. - Oh, dude, that's my neighbor's similar journey, dude. Well, hey, they moved on.
It's an empty nest. Your an empty Bud Lighter right now, I still think about him. - I'm just stuck with these nasty fucking cardinals. - So it's all I have. - You have some cool cardinals, I think.
- They're not good. - You have some nice cards. - They're just attached. I don't know how to use the words. - Yeah, they did.
- Yeah, they did. - And then attached. - Yeah, they have their hatchlings.
My neighbor had a similar thing where he had barn swallowers.
If you have a nest of barn swallowers,
it's actually illegal in Austin to like, remove the nest. I guess they're like endangered. So he had these like barn swallowers. - Nesting?
- We're gonna find out. - I mean, that's true. - You can smash that fucking nest. - That's true. - That's true.
- It's like killing a praying mantis is illegal. - I guess if you like, if you told your neighbor, if I, if I, he was like, I like a barn swallowers, I saw him swatting it. I could be like, but yeah, which I would.
- Yeah. - There's against law. I would have called the cops. - I'm like, sorry, dude, I, like, he was an neighbor, but I would absolutely punish you one of the law.
But no, he was like laughing because he was like, dude, they're like right there, like, and they like, they're protective, so they'll swoop on you if you're close to him. So they were like, kind of like, yeah, we're kind of giving our whole porch to these birds and he's like, it's nice. He got like real attached to him. They're shooting all over his porch.
- And then the one day, he just saw one dead bird and he goes,
"Oh, you got three more. Every bird died."
And he used to the same thing. He was like, I went with like a, on a journey with his bird family. All their babies died. And then, he's like, I don't even want to take the nest away.
“I'm like, what if they want to come back in the morning?”
- The nest, I'm leaving that nest. I might keep living in this house for one more year. Just to keep an eye on it. - Just to go, please come back, Rose. - Tell you what, if you want some buddies right now.
- My garden's popping with lizards. - My eight spin. - That's nice. - They're nice. They're low maintenance. - Did you get one of those rock things? - No, I didn't even get a, well, my whole garden beds made out of limestone rock.
So they kind of chill in that, but they're, I think they're eating my strawberries. - Could be wrong, but I don't even mind, dude. I can't. - I make sure you're right when you accuse someone of this. - I hear you, but I've seen guys go down the wrong path. - Nobody executed a possum.
- Oh, Steve Mc, Steve. - Oh, man. - He fucking stabbed the possum. - He can't cross them. I had a possum in my yard. I liked them. - Possums are good.
- He stabbed, he drowned it, and then it wouldn't drown. So he stuck a fucking spike through its chest. - Hey, right? He's fucking crazy. He showed me. I was like, bro, I don't like you. - That's all right.
- Yeah, possums also eat snakes and shit. They're good to have you. - They're good to, after he did it, he was telling me about it. And I was like, bro, I'm pretty sure they're good for gardening. - They are. - There's no way he was growing near tomatoes.
- Mm-hmm. - And yeah. - I looked it up today. They will, I don't know if it's an M for say. We have those fake owls, and I don't see a lot of birds in my garden.
So I don't think it's the birds, a bunch of them.
“But I swear, I think these, but it's, I don't even care.”
Do I call them having sex the other day? I have lizards having sex on videos, pretty tight. - That is tight. - But I'll try to eat them while they're having sex, which would be-- - Well, the ultimate three.
- Getting devoured mid-sex. Pure love for life. - Pure love for life. - It was pretty nice. - It's almost as good as, honestly, the rent did have a good life.
- Yeah. - Dance with his parents. - Splash, splash, a little. - Yep. Hit the pool.
- It's a good life. - Hey, man. Some birds lie, he's wham. (laughs) - Off limits.
- Don't joke about that. (laughs) - I mean, dude. - No roasting is therapeutic, bro. (laughs)
- Look, as a roast master myself. (laughs) - We only roast the rents we love. (laughs) - That is, it is a sick life for a bird, though.
You got to go, you know. - Jump around with his mom and dad. - Yep.
“- And then, literally, throw him in a fucking trash can.”
- Underneath, like, calm tissues. - Oh. (laughs) - Oh God. - It's very, like, a Pharaoh surrounded by calm.
- Why did you do that? - Why did you do that? - Why did you do that? - Why did you do that? - Why did you do that?
- Why did you do that? - Why did you do that? - Why did you do that? - I didn't know what to do. I just got to put it in the trash.
- Oh, you bagged it. - You bagged it. - That's nice. - Yeah, I didn't want to leave it in the trash. We're all, you know.
(laughs) - Trash, we're all in the trash. - It's gonna, 'cause they stink. That would have stunk so bad. All of you time at, right?
I guess you could toss it. - Yeah, it was fresh. - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, my, you know. - Yeah, these about the size of the tiny mouse. - That bird would have got the stankin'.
Poor guy. All right, Pete, it's a bird, but I, I'll do too. - But Mary was there for me, pretending not to be really upset. (laughs) - How'd you feel like a little bit of a sad thing?
- I was gonna say that. - Everyone was pretty bummed out. - Yeah, man. - See, if floating baby bird in the pool was kind of bummed. - Especially 'cause I, like, as soon as I got back
from the airport, I was like, "John, check this out." - Oh. - My guy's hatched to their out. They were jumping around. - Oh.
- No. - The parents, the parents were like, "No, don't." - I must jump in with my clothes on. (laughs) I'm not even jumping like one of those where you run.
(laughs) - Wait. - This episode is brought to you by prize picks. The regular season's done in the NBA playoffs are here. Time to get in on the action with the prize picks,
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- That's a lot of fun. - That's it, man. - More info can be found on the prize picks promos board. Price picks, a preferred partner of the NBA. Yeah, that's really sad.
- I didn't know that happened. - Yeah, I'm sorry to the, I know a lot of the listeners were excited to find out. - Yeah. - But anyway, back to the roast.
- True. - I don't like the way people talk about roasts. - When the roasting's just like, this is just what we did, what we do. - Yeah, that was the,
man's part of the culture, bro. - It's happened. - I did have to snap. - I did have to snap. I both my guns loaded full clips.
- Ready to dunk on Cheryl under was the husband for some reason. - So, I found that. - Yeah. - I did call her. - I saw, there was an article about it.
- 'Cause I felt like I was like, this is a serious thing to make fun of somebody. - First. - And I don't know her. - Yeah.
- Well enough to be like, make fun of me. So I called her to, and you saw her on the road. She's wild. She was, she was a delight to talk to her on the phone. - Yeah, I bet.
- And then, how did you even breach the subject? Like, hey, how you doing? No, yeah, it's pretty nice out. - Yeah. - Hey, quick thing. - Oh, no, she immediately.
- She read it. - I was like, hey, Cheryl, I gotta ask you about this, Cheryl. You're making fun of my husband for jumping off the building. (laughing) - It's like, that's it.
- That's it. - And look. - I'm thinking about that. - I have no problem not doing it. It's probably gonna make me look bad.
So I'm definitely okay with not doing it. - Yeah. - I say, I go into a meeting, and I'm like, I don't think I should do that joke. Left the meeting with four more jokes about it.
I was like, it's my entire set. (laughing) - In the meeting, was the meeting like, exacting shit? - There were two Netflix people in there,
but I think they were just writing. - Yeah. - What were you talking about? - Okay, so more. - But yeah, that.
And the bonsai tree joke, could have thought of it. - Yeah, turns out. - You never know though. - Turns out, could have done it without it. (laughing)
- Sometimes, you know. - I mean, run in it in front of the wrong crowds. - Yeah. - I was doing it in Austin, and then Boston. And they were like, fuck it.
I did it in Nashville, Charlotte, Austin, and Boston. All four cities were like, you got to do it. (laughing) It's unanimous. - I did do it.
I ran it at Chappelle's. - Yeah. - It was me, it was a cool room. - Yeah. - It was exactly who would be upset by it.
And they liked it. - All right, that's the other thing too.
“It's like, I think people still laughed and thought,”
if you were to try to take like a general, if you sit outside of a gas station today, call it the afternoon rush, like, what do you think about that? They'd probably, you don't give a fuck bro,
as Larry's dude. - Yeah. - I already cleared field and I was taught I was on a construction site yesterday. They're like, bro, I don't give a fuck.
Wow, it was great man. So yeah, the boys are fired up. - Yeah. - I will say this. I just think, I think the tally's in on that specific roast.
I think the white boys went dumb. (laughing) - It's true. White boys went dumb. White boys went dumb.
- White boys, white boys might have went too dumb too. (laughing) I wanted to say that the white boys went dumb. - White boys might be the king of snap and now. (laughing)
- Hey, look, I'm just going off what I saw. - You think the white boys are the king of snap? - I think so. I think the white boys are the king of snap. - I just know that's getting a fucking headline.
Matt McCusker says the white boys are the kings of snap. Let me tell you something, Matt McCusker.
You'll never be the king of snap.
- I'm not the king of snap.
“I mean, but you should be the king of snap.”
- I can snap. - You can snap. - I can snap, but I don't know. Someone stabbed for me, I'll get real sad. I was watching that, but you're like, dude,
I would fucking spas. - That's what you think, and then it is, I mean, I didn't really get anything too bad. - Yeah, true. - But it's funny.
- Yeah. - I mean, someone makes funny like that. It is funny. - It is funny. - But I-- - Everyone's loud.
It was genuinely funny getting made fun of. - That's true. - I thought that I was really afraid I was going to be like. (laughing) - But here's the problem.
Here's the problem though. You did well. If I did poorly, and then someone made fun of like my kids. I would be like, "Yo, seriously, dude, something's wrong with me."
(laughing) Seriously, dude. Don't you know what I mean? - I mean, I didn't even try to fight your mate. What's the NBA guy?
- Yeah, I'm like, seriously, Mr. Greene, that's enough, all right? There's limits. But if I did a good, I'd be like,
I didn't even consider how bad it was to go first.
- Yeah. - And then I remembered, like I saw, like at the roast of Ed Voss's roast,
Everyone just made fun of Florentine for his axe
killing herself. Like before he went.
“And then when he went, everyone was like,”
the whole crowd was like, "Come on, Jim." - Yeah. - So like, that was his wife. - Yes. - God damn.
- Yeah, he got a pretty good idea. (laughing) - Also, nice as dude ever. - And then the fuck man. But then he got on and just murdered, so.
- That's cool.
- What I was saying is like, going first,
you look like you're just a psycho. (laughing) - Everyone's like, "Why is he fucking like, "Who's this guy saying mean things for me?" - Yeah.
- Well, at least you have first dibs on stuff. In case there's like things bleed together. But I get it dude, opening a crowd. And being obviously you're like, you're not even thinking like, "Okay, I gotta like,
"I gotta lead these guys into the waters." You're just coming out and it's like, "Bam." - Yeah, I should've been a little more articulate up front of being like, "This is roast." I mean, we're gonna say some terrible things.
- They also know everyone knows. - Of course, but they sure didn't. - The live audience. - The live audience. - That front section, not agree with anything I was saying.
- Well, that's also, that's, you know, that's the elites dude. They're like, they can get charged. Well, they can get charged with like face crime.
“So they're probably just, they're probably just like dead pan”
just kind of like, that's actually very funny. 'Cause they can't be up there. If you're like the CEO of like Nest Quick, you can't be like, "Bam." (laughing)
You have to just be like, "Eww." Like everything else in your, you just have to go, (growling) - Nothing, I don't like anything.
- There's, there's five million shareholders
depending on you to just be like, "Bam." (laughing) - No fuck. (laughing)
- Yeah. (laughing) - That does suck though. If I was up there, there's just a bunch of like, very elegantly dressed people being like,
(laughing) - Like fine, I quit, I'm done. - Also Kevin is, he's like a pro at this shit. So he was like, he's helping you. - Yeah.
- He wants the show to go well. So if you say something terrible, he's gonna be like, "Hey, you're crazy." - He's not, he's not gonna be like, "What the fuck?"
(laughing) - I thought he was great with that though. - It's a whole time you watch him. - I mean, yeah. I also love when he, when he would stand up
and just kind of prance around him. - Yeah. - There's literally nothing better. - Yeah, it's nice.
“- If Black dude stands up out of his chair and laughs,”
you're just like, "It's better than spit take." (laughing) - Just being like, "Yes." - And then Cheryl, Cheryl was so fucking funny. - Yeah.
- Now, she did a completely different thing in the rehearsal. We did rehearsal. That's like a couple hours before the show. And she just made up what she was gonna talk about then, too. She made up the whole thing.
It was great. - That's insane. - Yeah. - She might be Queen of snap in there. - She's a Queen of snap.
- She's a Queen of snap. - I really think so. - Going to Queen of snap. - Just going to Adlib on that on TV is really kind of insane. - But I will say what I'm sitting up there and they're like,
"If you say the end word, well, I'll beat your ass." I was like, "I'm not gonna say it." - You know what that was? - Yeah. - I was just gonna say it.
(laughing) - That might have been a pre-loaded. - No, 'cause it was all from me saying, "Wiggar Dracula." - Oh, yeah.
- Oh. - Got you, got you. - But then I watched, you know, earthquake stand up. - Yeah. - Oh, earthquake.
(laughing) - Don't beat my ass. (laughing) - Earthquake, earthquake ruled even in the front. There was certain people that I could count on.
(laughing) - Earthquake, J. Ferro. - This is my guide. (laughing) - Yeah, that is pretty nice, actually.
- It was nice to see who was like, - Careful with you. - All you need are a couple of guys. - Yes. - If you have a couple of guys, especially quake.
If you have quake on your side. - It was the same of the recipes. I needed John Jones and Drewski. - Yeah. - And Lamar Jackson.
Lamar Jackson got me through a couple. (laughing) - Look down, it's all Lamar Jackson laughing. I was like, yeah, that's so sick. (laughing)
- Was it even close to his tight as the S.B.s? - No. - No, it was even a lot better than that. - Yeah. - That, they were tight.
- But I wasn't being making racist jokes really. - Yeah. - At the S.B.s. - Yeah. - That's where you feel bad.
You make a racist joke and you look out. And you see an older black lady going. - I think I'm so sorry. - I don't believe in what I'm saying. I swear I'm joking.
I know I look like I'm serious. (laughing) - Keepin' straight up. - But overalls. - Oh, another, Lizzo.
What a fucking treat you were saying. - She was awesome. - I know. - I know. - Absolute angel.
- I don't need a lot.
- I didn't hindsight, I guess she never really did anything that I shouldn't like.
- It's just, it's the media, dude. It's like the media, the media's eye nasty. Comment tours are eye nasty. Podcasts can be eye nasty at the weaker moments. - Sure.
- It's weird and I nasty ecosystem. - Now do it, then podcast and a lecarar outside. Act to all the north. For two or nine and ninety, brings you to your middle-class town with sushi.
- Mm, lecker. And for one or nine and ninety, Gents to the other night, another little ice-salty. For all the north-finders, you always pass.
- Clean good?
- Then the snick time-sushi-box.
“- Act two hundred five gram for two or nine and ninety.”
- Or the mochi sandwich ice. - Yes. - Act for one or nine and ninety. - That's good for all the price.
Yet then there's a billion.
- All the. - Food is for all the. - Yeah. - It's completely due to every. I like read the news now and it's like,
everything I read is like America's over. We're fucked. No one will ever get a job ever again. Fuck. And it's just like, dude.
Why are you guys doing this to everybody? Don't do that. It's so nice. And this guy's a fucking idiot. - You're like it.
- All right. It's cool. I'm in the debate sphere right now. My algorithm is just debates. Dude, there.
There the funny is fucking things. - Yeah. - Well, no, that's just a logical fantasy. And then I'll be like, yeah, you're fucking retard. What did you fucking eat?
It's like, oh, I'm just saying. It's fucking crazy. It's unbelievable. - Yeah, I saw one.
I was just taking a shit.
- I saw a nice one. - Did you really? - It was a fucking forgiveness name.
“Who's the guy that did vice and then the proud boys?”
- Oh, you haven't guessed. - Yeah. He was doing something on Pierce Morgan. And some lady was like, they were like, what's it just in shit for you? He was like, Canada, United States and England.
- Okay. - And they were like, she was like, you can't have three. You can only be door serviced in shit. But he was like, yeah, can you fucking stupid bitch? (laughing)
And they were like, what'd you say? He was like, I called her a stupid fucking bitch. (laughing) It's just made debates fast. - Whatever you fucking idiot, it's nothing but.
I watch him everyone, you eventually do it. And it's funny too. And someone gets you in a debate, you go, okay, look. I see what you're saying. And you just jump to another.
It's so fucking funny. - You're just gonna have to agree to disagree. (laughing) Let's table that for now. You're being kind of pedantic.
Let's table that for now. When I'm really talking about it, it's really nonsense. I was reading a book. It was too dense.
I had to read a book about the book to try to understand it.
They were basically saying that in modern times,
moreality's been so kind of like, jettisoned from what it originally kind of was formed around, which was like, divine law basically from like religion. So now when people have moral arguments, they're not really rooted in anything,
other than people's personal preferences. And that all people do is just like yell at each other, because they're like, I like this. And they're like, well, you're fucking retard. I like this.
And that's all the debate is anymore. According to Alistair McIntyre. I agree with Alistair McIntyre. Alistair McIntyre is the man. I hope so.
I don't know. Dude, I catch up. I'm done saying people are cool too. He's cool. I'm not saying people are good or bad anymore.
Well, you know what's funny? So he was like a philosopher in the 80s who came up with this book about kind of, you know, morality and whatever. And so I was like trying to learn more about it.
It's really hard. All those books are so fucking hard to read. So they expect that you just like, know all of Greek mythology.
“Well, they're going to obviously perceive it and you're like, who the fuck is that?”
You read about that. But there was a lady, a professor, I believe, was covering the book. And then in the introduction, she was like, yeah, and he says a lot about like community and practice.
He said four different wives, which that's kind of weird. I'm like, why are you being nasty? You're supposed to be a fucking academic. Now you're being nasty to Alistair McIntyre. He's dead.
The guy's fucking died. Yeah. He's tossing. You're being like, you're like, four fucking wives. So they're like, what's he thought?
Was he know about community guys fucking asshole? And you're like, what the fuck? You're a PhD. Yeah. No one's immune.
Dude, no one is immune. It's just, it's, it's, it's the path for people now. It is the absolute path. And it's, you know, just what the people want right now. You don't want to get nasty.
You know, I would love to get a device hooked to my phone. I mean, I guess you could just monitor your Apple Watch because I'm pretty sure my vitals go up by like 10 heartbeat to minute. I was on the other day just just. Oh, isn't it?
Yeah. Dude, and I just got like, then I sat down and I was like, I didn't feel like this before I went to my phone. It's bad. It's the devil.
It's the devil. I've been doing all right. It's staying off at this week. Yeah. I'm doing my best.
But then you stay off and someone goes, you know, I sent you a bunch of shit. You didn't see anything. You're like, I was off. They're like, that's okay. I can handle that.
Yeah, true. It's more someone gives you bad news. Yeah. You see what they're saying about you. Yeah, no, I'm trying to avoid it.
Yeah, don't. That's dude when people hit you up, you're like, you see they're gone. You're gay on Reddit. I don't, don't call me. Don't call me.
Don't call me. It doesn't suit that to me. Like the other corner you gay and say you suck at basketball on Reddit. I'm like, I didn't even put the fuck you talking about it. I don't suck at that.
I'm pretty good. I'm getting better with the fuck. Yeah, man. I've been, I've been hooping lately. That's been my, that's been my app streams.
I do have hoop dreams now. Absolute hoop dreams. I'd spin. I've learned I have to, I do have to tone it down on the court. I'm telling you.
I came up playing different bro. True. I might have to go. I might have to go to the hood to play ball. The gentleman, they don't like it.
You talk a little tiny bit of shit. I feel like you can test a foul call. I thought that was totally acceptable. That's foul at the fuck. People, but what?
Every single person does that.
Everyone ever played a single game where someone's like, oh, you're going to call that.
I know. Yeah, you slept. You hit me in the face. I'll, if I actually get you all call it on myself. But sometimes there's calls where I'm like loose ball calls and fucking pick up.
Come on, man. That's crazy. Dude. Yeah. We, I've, I've, I've squashed on my court.
There's nothing worse than the before court beef. I squash them immediately because I can be a little bastard too.
“Just be like, oh, you're not going to call that one, huh?”
They're like, what the fuck is your problem, man? I'm trying to play. I'm like, yeah, my bad, my bad. Yeah. You've reached an age where you can't do that.
I can't help it, bro. I know. But the fiery old head. If I played, I'd be doing the exact same thing. That's how you play.
Yeah. I hate you. You build the rivalry. Yeah, you go.
I actually dislike the other team.
My guys are my brothers. I'll die for them. I don't know any of their names. Yeah. Yeah, man.
They both throw up to the wrong team. Fuck. He was on my team. Dude, you were see. Have you guys ever seen Jordan's game winner against UNC?
When he was at UNC, he won the National Championship. It's like an iconic. Oh, yeah, yeah. Maybe it was, it was like a defining moment. He had to corner jumper to win the National title.
That was 20 seconds left. The other team gets the ball on comes down the court with 20 seconds. The guy at the top of the key just throws the ball to North Carolina. He throws it to the wrong guy. No.
Everyone just sucked. It's like a street ball fucking pass. Like a little kid. The guy gets the ball. No one's really pressuring him.
He just made it and throws it to another guy. Ah, that's the game. There's 20 seconds. I told him to hit a buzzer beater. That's crazy.
I didn't know that either. Yeah. What? Give it a look. It's a comic book.
He probably had a comic-clee bad pass. Yeah, that's insane. I didn't know that. I guess that makes it not as exciting when they show that at the end. Guy hits the spaz for the title on the line.
That's one thing.
“I think he's unnecessary and pick up basketball.”
You can find the players who like, they get the ball of spaz. Yeah, I don't know. I'm still fucking, don't literally toss your hair off the fucking throat here. That is out. I would just be like no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no
- That's crazy. I'm toning it down. I'm learning that I'm learning to play, 'cause I really just want to run around. That's my thing, I'm like,
if I get to run around, if I lose or whatever good game. But I thought the thing is, you talk shit and then you get to get the back and forth and you call an ISO and you get to go one-on-one against you, it's fun.
- But now, bro. - Call an ISO is also crazy. - You don't call it, but you get it. - You set a fix to get a match up. You know what, oh, here we go.
I got this dumb pussy who wanted to just work out today. I was like, I'll try basketball. - I gave by myself, now is I'm trying to get used to the rims. So I'll run back and forth full court and just practice my fast breaks, my pull-ups.
- It's so nice. - It's not good. (laughing) - I'm trying to get, I'm trying to get, it's double rim, it's hard to sell.
- Of course, I'm trying to get, if I can get my, I'm trying to get like my like 7 to 8 footer down. My fade away step back. - I, I run drills by myself. - I, I know.
“- I feel so bad for the guys in your neighborhood”
that have to deal with this fucking guy. Every time you show up, they must be like, (laughing) so you get out of your car with your fucking wrap around. Oh, please on.
- I'm getting that sense honestly. (laughing) - This guy would be like, "Ah, fuck, he's here again." (laughing)
- And now it's court like four points. - Yeah, four points. - 15 fouls, 10 rebounds. (laughing) - You are a dream on this.
- Yeah. - They were, I was, when they were booting him, I'm like, you don't deserve that, dude. - Now, Dream on to the, Dream on to the fucking main. - Yeah, dude, he plays hard.
- And he was, he was nervous. - Yeah, I mean, imagine that. - Yeah. - Imagine just out of no one. - And then me and him, we were talking,
I was like, I like walked over them right before we started. I was like, so fucking nervous. So shit, Dream on was like, "Oh, thank God, you said that, dude." - That's so fucking nervous.
And P was like, " Dude, I'm gonna fucking die." (laughing) - That must be such a relief when you get done, you're saying, "Oh, yeah, dude, it's just kind of sit there and be like, "All right."
- Oh, you're like this, at the beginning, at the very beginning, the way they introduce me, is Black thought from the roots is like, "You guys ready for the rose?" Now, the roundest thing on tires, Shane Gill,
and I didn't know that, and I was walking out like, "Fuck, the fuck, Black thought." - No, that wasn't him. I know, yeah, there was someone who was beefing with you, it was not Black thought.
- No, I thought your enemy finally spiked.
- No, no, no, no, me and my, I know that, here you talk about, we're good. - That's guys, that's nice.
- And Black thought you used to do shows
that punchline Philly. - Did you really?
- Yeah, I've known him for ever.
- That's all.
“- And I wasn't Philly, I would do a shows.”
- Yeah, that's awesome. - Hey, gotcha, he wrote it. - That was excited to see him. - That's nice, he had a little row, that's the move, you get one rose to introduce out.
- Yeah. - It's kind of nice. - Yeah, it's just walking on stage as someone's like, "Well, this fucking fat piece of shit, that was on me." - All right.
- Hey, everybody, welcome to Los Angeles. (laughing) "Oh, this guy alive just called me fat in front of millions of people. "How's everyone doing?" "Oh, Tom Brady just called me a fat piece of shit?"
"All right, what else is on the bucket?" "Oh, the rock came out and called me a bitch, okay." "Cool. "I will say, dude, who's to kill her?" "Who's to kill her is better?
"The rocks are Kevin Hart's?" "Yeah." "Now, that's a good question, let me use it." "I don't know, I don't know which one I had." - Yeah, I don't.
- Yeah, I don't.
- I've never had Kevin Hart's.
I've had Tara Monna, I've had the rocks. I'm a big tequila guy, but I don't know. He knows his nice, I'll be honest. Nick Brides. - Oh, really?
- I was shocked.
“I mean, it's like, you know, you just never think.”
When people were like, "Oh, it was a guy who was a tequila. "I tried, I said, God, I can't really taste the difference." - I can tell, I can tell. - Unless it's like bad, bad, you can go, "Oh, this is the worst."
- Yeah. - Because the worst drink I've ever had in my life. - What? - Just bad the kill. - Yeah, it's horrible.
- When I hate you with the additives you go. There's a certain flavor you go. That's a weird one, but it's, you know, there's a lot of them, it's all good at the end of the day, but lemon in it and shit, a lot of them are very good.
But I was shocked. Did we see his website? He does like skits on his tequila website where he's like, "People are getting their legs chopped off
"of their field in the agave."
- Who? - Like Brad. - Yeah, I saw the one with him in a Stevie Jenner. - Yeah, he got his leg off. - That's great.
- That's got it in the mail. - Christmas time. What if the fuck is this? - It was good. - It was cold, I think I have it.
- Got to know or something? - Yeah, that's right. - I think it's got to. I'm big on this celebrity, I'll try all of 'em, I don't know why, I just like like to try 'em out.
Then I don't really drink, so I just need to get a celebrity moonshine. - Celebrity moonshine. - It's 350 proof. - It's kill everyone.
- In to have it completely, get it made, like, like, chemically made in China. - You get like to fit in all the alcohol. - Just get fit in. - Hell yeah.
(laughing) - Dude's are drinking in, they're getting abshines. - Keep looking on him. - I keep looking for my runs, dude. (sighs)
Last time I was sitting here, they were there. He was still alive, dude. - That bird's hopping around the spear right now, it's jumping around the house. - Poor little guy.
- I don't think the other guy's gonna make it. I saw 'em. - Were they just in the backyard now? - They're popping around? - Yeah, he's just jumping into the neighbor
just fucking window. - You got turf too, don't you? - In my yard, yeah. - They're probably hitting that on the other side of the fence.
- Oh, it's good. - How do they look at over there, are they flying? - Yeah, they can fly, they flew right away. - Oh, they're good. - Yeah.
- If they flew, I think they're, I mean, they're both probably gonna die, really.
“I think they're survival rate for birds.”
But it's fun, I was thinking about them pecking the turf for worms and just slowly dying of hunger. - Matt, it's just like, what is this? - I have feeded out there, I put a bunch of birds. - Oh yeah, I'm freaking out.
- I threw in the yard, I threw it. I got bird feeded, then now my pool's covered in bird shit. (laughing) - I'm ready, you and I'm set up. - Also, Cardinals are dickheads.
- Are they mean? - They control the fucking bird house. - Have you ever been coded over there? - Yeah, it's just a fucking squirrel that eats everything in long, too.
And a family of Cardinals. So I got, then occasionally me or the mayor walking out towards it, looking at it. (laughing) Just standing on.
(laughing) - A little mayor grabbing like a 10-year-old sunflower seed. - Yeah, little mayor, good in there. - I'll catch a mayor at four in the morning, night vision, man. (laughing)
A squirrel comes out, he's like, (laughing) - July 17th, I'll be at the link in Philadelphia. We just released some new tickets. So please, please purchase them. Please comment, it's gonna be a hoot.
There's gonna be a lot of people there. - I will be in Chicago this very Saturday. I'll be in Toronto as well. And then Chicago this Saturday, May 16th, 7 p.m. at the Riviera Theater in Chicago, Illinois.
There's a few tickets left, you know what's left? Single seeds. A bunch of single seeds dotting in, and so. - It's fun going to show by yourself as a nice treat. - Yeah, come by yourself, and, you know,
bud up, you can sit next to someone's girlfriend. Probably touch the thigh with your leg. - So, you can do it the whole show. - You can do it the whole show. I'm like, hey, I'm fucking crammed in here.
So that's a jerk. But yeah, so come to that, that'll be very fun. - Yes. - Hey guys, it's me Sean, I'll be in Cincinnati. Next week, please come if you can.
Changerdini.com, and out to move back to us next week as well.
Please go.
- What's the date on out to move back to us?
- May 19th. - May 19th. - Please come to out to move back to some May 19th. Take it to reveal what Changerdini.com, and then I'll be in Charleston, and rally too.
Thank you. - Yeah. - Nice to meet you guys. - But yeah, my mom said socks that you're a baby bird's dad. The boy just won, just won.
- If the other two flew, that's, that's good news. They made it over that fence. That fence is like, that's the ultimate test for a baby bird. That's big, that's fucking fence. So what did, did you see him learn how to fly?
Or did they start from the ground and like, he was hopping, but he was flying pretty quick. That's tight. - Yeah. - That's tight.
It was just great to see mom and dad jumping around. - Mom and dad trying to block, like, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Two. They're hopping around. They looked happy.
- Yeah. - Yeah, oh, they don't know.
They had no idea what was going on.
- Oh, fuck. - Mom's probably pregnant again right now. - I hope. (laughs) - Get back in here.
(laughs) That would be so tight.
“Yeah, I wonder how, how often do friends like turn them out?”
Is it like per season? - 'Cause I know rabbits. - I think it's season. - It's a season? - Yeah.
- 'Cause rabbits will kick out like four litters. They thought they were Arkham man. They're nice. - I think coyotes are year round two. - Really?
- I think they're like non-stop. - That'd be nice. - What is it? - Two breads per season. - Oh, we got another bread.
- Do you have another bread? - Yeah, it goes till August. - Oh. - Typically this is a big of a bad bread. - Yeah, I'll see.
- Fuckin' pumped.
- She's probably out there shaking ass right now.
- Don't talk about her like that. - Dude, they're a couple of them together. (laughs) - She's probably shaking her tail further right now. - No, they're together.
- That's good. If they're together forever, that's nice. - Yeah, good. - We got a terrible ending date on rents, please. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, let's see if they stay together.
- I was watching a thing yesterday saying that human parabondings all fucked up 'cause we can't smell each other.
“He's like, you're supposed to like smell all the ladies”
B.O. and see like if you're nervous, if you're immune systems are like compatible. - It was another fuck all that. - You don't wanna smell like immune systems? - No, I don't care about that.
I don't like whoever, whatever weird freak came up with that. It was like our parabondings fucked up. It's like, I'm tired of everyone being like, you know we're not designed to actually be doing this.
This is shut up, shut the fuck up. I feel like I'm designed to be plain exposed to it. I'm obviously designed for it. - They have very strong parabonding in court. - Oh, they're together forever.
- God, love wins, the end of the day. - Love wins again, dude. - I miss the eye nasty, love wins. - I miss all the eye nasty. - People are really, I'm gonna get DMs,
I mean I'm glad they're fucked up. - Oh no, fuck that around. - Fast bullshit, dude. - What? - Oh no, what is it guys?
- Nate found out some bad news. - Says most birds do not reuse the same nest for future seasons. - It's all right, there's another box right next to it. - Yeah, true.
- And also, I'm gonna make sure that it's a good one, dude. - I'm pretty sure you're talking about shitty nest. They're coming back. - Yeah.
“- I like to believe they're coming back.”
That's the kind of house. Although you can, I'm sure you can also recreate the fucking guys doing me. (laughing) - Not the fucking guys, not whatever they're.
- Wouldn't be hard to recreate that. - I told my mom about the cardinals. - Did you say? - Well, she thinks cardinals represent my dead grandmother. - Oh, so she's like, oh, that's my mom.
- I was like, yeah, it's my mom. (laughing) - You mean, if there's some reason it made me upset, I was like, "Mom, that's so fucking dumb." (laughing)
- But I'd love to make fun of her. I saw a cardinal and I was like, "Mom, oh." (laughing) - It's in there. - If I heard one person say that, I was like,
yeah, I know exactly what you're saying. - Yeah, it's definitely my mom. - That's really sweet. And it's funny, then you see her just bullying birds. - Yeah, I see.
(laughing) (laughing) - That means my mom's watching. - I hope not. - Yeah, true.
- My mom's not peeking through the glass in here. (laughing) - Just tap the glass. - Make it for a day and then go outside, just just. (laughing)
- I have neighbors behind me now, like, right up against the back and I'm now, I'm trying to be more mindful of shutting my shutters and I'll get naked or in the night. - I'm naked. - And I just forget.
- Like, it's all naked? - Oh, yeah, dude. - Yeah. - I just forget, 'cause we had nothing back there. Now, there's just, and it's just like,
whoo, right up against us. - Some poor kid. - I hope not. - I'm going up with a freak bull neighbor. (laughing)
- We just forget, you know, once everyone was asleep, I'm fucking, I'm hit it, I'm in the birthday suit. I'm in the birthday suit. - Jake and Tina's from my wife, I'm gonna go, (laughing)
- They're like a male ran to fucking hop around. - Yeah, that's all you think of this. - I'm due, brother. I'm due. I've been, man, I've been suffering.
- Really? - Suffering, yeah. I've been suffering so hard.
- How bad.
- Bad, bro, I'm way too. - I'm due, I'm due, I couldn't sleep. I couldn't sleep the other night.
“I get to the point where I can't fucking sleep.”
- Out of, hornyness. - It's just, I'm, if I go a week, if I'm gonna week retention the seventh eighth day, I'm gonna lay in bed and just like, my cells are just kind of like, I can't sleep.
It was taking me significantly longer and falsely. And I'm going like this, you're just how cold. Yep, no idea. I'm over here, suffering, dude. You're just sleeping fitfully.
- You got to take matters in your own hands at that point. - Yeah, but then it, but then it will, I will, at a certain point. And then you go, this is what I get. - I just have to masturbate for real life.
- 'Cause I'm off the knob, too. I, again, I'm not making a big thing about it. I just like, I'm like, I'm like, I don't want it. I don't want it in my life. And then I go, hey, I'm trying not to,
why do you even need to watch that? I go, 'cause it's naked, 'cause it's cool. It's awesome, 'cause it's naked, so I've solved them when I was like, nine, and it's just,
you're not, it's just, I'm always gonna watch that.
If you don't touch my feet or so, it's a tough combo. She said, why do you even watch that? I feel that bunch of times. I would even have to watch that, I go, what do you mean, why, I mean, I don't have to, but like,
you know, what is an engine needs? - Speed's up the process. - Yeah, why does an engine need grease? You know what I mean? Like, come on.
- We're gonna loot the wheels a little. - Exactly. I mean, bro, they're only-- - You don't know what jack-off for three hours, or do you want it to be five fucking minutes?
- You tell me. - You gotta, do you gotta relieve the tension in the bow, otherwise it breaks. - Of course. - You got a long bow, you got a British long bow.
- I got the crossbow, dude. - I got 'em. - I'll be hot. (laughs) I got a stubby Irish hot bow. - I'm losing weight.
I'm excited to get like 0.001 inches length back. - Yes. - Nice.
- I'm trying to get down to like 180.
Did four miles of it. - That's sick. - In the test zone. - It blows. I went for a walk yesterday.
I, it was fucking misery. - Yeah. - I got-- - I should've put on sunscreen, I forgot. - What time to go?
- One or two? - That's fucking terrible. - Absolutely, here to the day. - Yeah. - If you catch like an 8 a.m.
the sun's just kind of just getting settled, it's so nice. - I'm not catching that. - Catch you. - Now with this schedule.
- Yeah, I true. - I'm dying, brother. - Yeah. - You must be tired. - I'm tired.
- Dude, I had to, we did a show in LA on Wednesday night, after the show, we had to fly to Boston to do the Boston show. - I left LA at like 11 a.m. or 11 p.m. - Cross country flight, lose three hours.
I got in at like 7, 30 a.m. went to, I slept from like 8 to 2, maybe. - Oh, dude. - Then I had to wake up and go do the fucking Boston garden. - But and thrice as well, right?
- And then Friday Saturday. But that was awesome. - Boston's looks. - Yeah, that's good for us. - But that does sucks.
- And then after the show Saturday, I get on playing a flyback to do the roast of that day. And the roast on the west coast that we had to start, I had to get there at like 9 a.m. - Yeah.
“- So did you, you did a night flight back basically?”
- Yeah. - You must be tired. - I'm little tired from that. - Yeah. - I mean, that's like, that's literally--
- I didn't know anything yesterday, I'm fine. - It is a stuff of jokes. - Yeah, it's one day. - Yeah. - Coast to coast is tough.
- Coast to coast is really. - Coast to coast is really. - Coast to coast, really. - California to Boston, and it showed that day, that sucked. - Yeah.
- Yeah. - Yeah, that's fucking, it is funny going from like LA, and then just hitting like the palace. - I was so happy to be home.
(laughing) - So happy to be back on these coasts. The northeast is just with the ugly pale guys, those are my brothers. - Yeah, it's nice, actually.
- Hawking of dogs, finally. - Boston does a rule. - Boston's maybe the best city. - Yeah, it is. - It's up there.
- It's really nice. And the time we put out a bunch of shows,
Boston always is like, cells out, so fast.
So weird, it's like, they're literally just are the brothers. - That's my last arena. - Really? - Yeah.
- For what? - For that arena. - That tutorial. - Yeah.
“- The only thing I have left is the link, dude.”
- It's time to focus on the link. - Oh man. - Talk to you happen to me, I got a kiss. - Yeah, I got a fucking hide. I got a high outfit, got a lot about it.
- I thought about it, I had full body panic attack. I was like, that's so many fucking people, what I just, full body just like, fuck. - Yes. - It doesn't even make sense.
- Yeah, entering my rub. - Yeah, entering the what I've been doing for three straight years, every day, every day. - You wake up and go, hold this shit, fuck. - It does seem to make sense.
- And then you go, you know what to find? I'll check you, I don't think you can fuck him. - All right. - Fuck. - All my thoughts were right, I am a terrible person.
- It is funny that it's like, it really is. It's like the part of yourself. It's like looking out and judging the world just gets like scrape through all of the same part of other people is just like,
(laughing) - So all that's left, either you become couchified in nastier
Or you just let all the nasties go
and you're not even camping nastier anymore.
- Can't be worried about the nasties. - Can't be worried. - That's why it also makes sense too. Like when you're when I was younger and I'd watch like famous actors talk about anything
I'm like, this guy's a freak. But then it's like, oh, this guy since he's been 12 has been like, just berated by newspapers and that's why they get in there and they're like, it's all about the work
“and about your energy, like, yeah, that's what happens”
after that. - Yeah. - But that would be the end of our careers. - Yeah. - If we became a weirdful.
- Let the bracelets, let the bracelets. - I'll get some other bracelets. (laughing) - You need to get them. And be like, it's all about the good internal
to the activity. It's aerosol, so that it's about the fight, the vibe. So obviously. You're like, just guys are fucking fruit and you're like, dude, I've just...
- I would break one thing. - The middle of an interview you'd be like, yeah, that guy is a fucking fruit. (laughing)
I'm fucking hate that fucking guy.
(laughing) - No, I'm fucking back, no. No. (laughing) - If I get a medium down, fuck, you know what I am?
- I have to say whatever I want. (laughing) - Hey, if I think it's funny or fucking say it. (laughing) - The middle of like a kid's cartoon show I'm doing.
I'm voicing a dog on a... - You know what? - Fuck it. (laughing) - True.
Yeah, we shall see. I mean, it was the buzz. It was the talk of the town. - But some people have to face their identities. - I do, you do.
- You do. - It's common.
“- Where do you tell me somebody had to face their identities?”
- Yeah, people, everyone's facing 'em. People are dying by the I nasty. (laughing) 'Cause it will rock you. It'll get you out.
- It'll get you out. - You can be as nasty as you want. - Yeah, it'll rock you, but also too, you're gathering the nasties. And they're gonna as soon as anything
even decent happens for you, which is best case scenario, the nasties will turn. - Yeah. - There we go. - Yep.
- Ah, no, please. Please. - Yeah. - We have liquid dead sponsorship, it's all working out, please. (screaming)
- When the thing you dreamed of happening happens, and all you can think about is fucking odd nasties. (laughing) This shit I put out in the world seven years ago. - No.
- Don't even remember it. - I just prayed no one, right? (laughing) - Yep, yep, yep, it happens. But hey, man, again, all we can do is work hard
and get leather bracelets. That plant's blocking my ball is still right. Perfect. Keep an eye on that. - True.
- We should get one prod just eye on the ball as the entire time. - Yeah. - That'd be nice. - Huh?
- You got your eye on it. - I keep my eyes. - Just so you know, I occasionally, I go ahead and see yours as well. I'm glad you found a bigger pair of shorts for once.
- Oh my God. - Normally, he's wearing a fucking c-dotes disgusted. - He's got the wrought-wildered turd just fuck your head. (laughing) He's folded over.
- Yeah, it really is. (laughing) - It's like a down-mation error. Like a fucking little tail of it. - Head dogs, yeah.
- But the dog just got in some paper towels here. Did you do that? Just looks like gardening these dogs just tailed us completely folded. (laughing)
“- You should've seen Nate's fucking soft ass dog.”
- I seen it. - Came over, we had a couple, yeah, you saw it. - Yeah, he knew when he was- - When he got tough, I saw him get tough at the end of the day. - Oh, that was nice.
- Though the pit breeds get a little, they can get like a little sun down or say like nighttime, they're like a weird place. They get like kind of like whacked out. I've seen that before.
- But it always being very funny.
- He wasn't good enough, and he's the softest. It's, I'm ashamed of how fancy he is. - It's funny I could tell how ashamed Nate was. So I kept being like, right. (laughing)
- It's always funny. - It's nasty dog. (laughing) - The dog was being perfect. It was a great dog.
You shouldn't be gay with Jackson. He was a hundred percent be gay. - Oh dude, Jackson will get Jackson is blind, but it'll still be gay. If you can like find a dog's dick,
he's all right with it. - Jackson is a blind. - I feel like he's collocated. Another dog's dick, and it's gonna be like, (laughing)
He went for real molester dog. - My dog was just late there and take it. - That's what Jackson needs to do. - Then, don't put Twinkle on him. Don't put Twinkle on my dog.
He's at least a bear. - He's definitely not bear, he's just a tub. - It's pretty small. - Yeah, Jackson's all. - Yeah, yeah.
- But he saw his appetites. (laughing) - He still doesn't have to put it. (laughing) - Can't teach a new tricks.
(laughing) - All right, sorry. - It's better to know. It's better than alternative. He could be the worst fucking dog.
- He's been dog. - Yeah. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - But I will see we do a little something. He don't even bark.
- He doesn't bark. - Now, he doesn't bark, right? - He doesn't bark, right? - He doesn't bark. - Yeah, what is he?
- I think he's just full pit. - He looks like a little staffie, a bit. - Even my aunt, I just got it from the shelter. - Yeah. - And they just had pit.
- They don't bark, right? I have a staffie, the same thing. They all go like, "Waaaaaaaaa!" - All he does is wine, he hits a, yeah, he goes, "Ah."
- Yeah.
(laughing)
“- He's driving the whole time, it's just kind.”
(laughing) - That's a weird bark. (laughing)
- The male man comes, he goes,
fuck me! (laughing) His eyes cross. - Yeah. (laughing)
- Oh, dude, we even talk about the, who's the guy, the Indian dude, who claimed the white boss, lady dominated him, sexually? - Yeah. - That just came and went, man.
That's dude, I gotta give it to that guy. - He talked about it on Rogan. - Did you? - And it was like the day it came out and they read the quote, and I was like,
"This reads like an Indian guy." I don't think she said that. That is a horny Indian guy. (laughing) - What do you call him for bazookas?
- Canons. - Canons is sick, but what did he call his own wife, a fishhead Asian wife? That's the hardest part about getting caught in this. - I know.
- Wait, why'd you call me this? - Why'd you call me a fishhead with tiny canons? - Why did you make that up? (laughing) - Like, the boss was like,
"Yeah, I know, but he's the one who wrote it." - wrote it, oh, yeah. - So he wrote, like, yeah,
“what does your fishhead Asian wife think about this?”
Or, that's how he wrote it. - It was a fish, for sure. - I believe it was a fishhead. - Or does that mean? - I don't know.
- I don't know. - Have everyone in the office so racially dumb that they're like, "Yes, Mr. "We will defeat the rumor." - I got, like, semi-d.
- When I realized that about a thick racer's dumb. (laughing) - Did I look at what's hot? - He's in tall pictures. - Dude, I think that was that an eye
'cause that picture. - Oh no, that picture is real dude. - I mean, she could have fully bimbified me. - Know that guy who got caught with the balloons? If I worked with that lady, I'd have the balloons
and Span Dex on him. I'm like, I'm a little fucking bimbo. (laughing) - Wait, where did she work? - I'll be Morgan, man.
- Yeah. Also, at what a fucking weird leg up for that lady professionally. To just dodge that bullet. And now it's like, you're in a little interview with some old guy and he's like, yeah,
I could fucking guy was saying you were saying, you know, what were you saying to that guy?
“He's just fucking, I don't see the fucking picture over.”
- I don't know, standing on the desk, racially dominating some poor Indian man. - Oh, there it is. - Why would they take this picture? - Let me see, let me see.
So hot. - Yo. - Maybe like, that's like LinkedIn edge. They definitely will do that at LinkedIn. - Is that real?
- I think so. That's a girl but dude, girl bosses get wild. Like a corporate girl boss. That's like, that's her Instagram. That's, but you forget to break through the glass
you're always somehow, dude, you don't in the glass.
- Shout out of that thing. - Dude, I mean dude, he was claiming force blow jobs. He was claiming, it's like, bro, stop it. That's so boring to leave a job. - I'm gonna sue this place and be like, yeah,
also I'm the fucking man. The reason I got fired is because I kept getting my dick sucked by the hot lady at work. He's feel bad for him or her. - Also, why would he do that though?
Why would he make that up? I'm gonna try to get the bag. - Yeah. - Do you want to get 10 mil from him? - Again, kind of similar to Big J's joke.
It's like, that's not that much. If you're asking, you can keep being more a good person. - I know. But it's like you want to hit that minimum threshold of like, what will they just settle?
- Yeah, you don't even want this. - Not where it's hit. - Him 10 mil. - He should have went for like a guy and like the guy was sucking my dick
and holding me. - What is that name is Hajdini? - Oh. - You're the Hajdini. - Hajdini.
- Hajdini. - Dude, that was like in, 'cause it was so unbelievable to be like, hold on. And also, it was like, you just can't catch any sympathy because my boss would fucking blow me
and say really cool stuff to me. It's like, dude, nobody's gonna believe there. And they're like, okay dude, so you got five. Okay, one, you were nervous and got a force blow job. Still is like, there's A, there's no such thing.
It's not even forced. - Yeah, you can take a step back. - You can easily take a, but she was like, I'll fucking fall. - In my case, you can take a slightly lean back.
- Yeah, dude. (laughing) - Also the most unbelievable thing for your boss to be like, if you don't let me blow you, I'll fire you.
It's like, that is never happened to ever.
(laughing) - Just your chick boss being like, - Okay. (laughing) - You got to toss that chick boss in there.
- That's what I'm saying. - I'm sure there's a couple of fellow bosses that were like, I'm gonna suck your dick. - Yeah. - For sure.
- 100%. - Yeah. - That's how the interviewer. - That's how the interviewer. - That's how the interviewer.
- You see how the interviewer. - You see how the interviewer. - I've got to blow these kids in your fire. (laughing) - Yeah, tell me there's like girl boss.
Just like week three of her menstrual cycle being like, I'm gonna fucking blow this guy. He doesn't let me, he's fucking ruined. I will not endorse his skills on LinkedIn if he doesn't fucking,
I am his fucking dog in my mind. (laughing)
I saw it and I was like, what the fuck is this?
And instantly it was like, yeah, like I made that up.
- Especially fish head as a slur for an Asian. - Yeah, it sounds like a very, it's a cloak-oilism from India, I believe. - Is it really? - Must be, I would have heard it.
(laughing) - That sounds like a foreign insult. - He doesn't cross the pie. - That insult hasn't been here. - Although it isn't invasive species because I'm taking that one.
(laughing) - I've actually heard it before. - Oh really? - Yeah, I was like, that's like an old guy. - It's an old one.
- Old school guy. - Yeah. - So that's an old, old one. That's what I was like, what the hell? - Canon's.
- Where did she from? - It'd be funny too if he was like, if he'd played the audio and it's just his accent like, you don't have Canon's like my wife. (laughing)
Your Canon's are small and shameful. Dude, speaking of small Canon's, I was listening to Shakira recently. - 'Cause the zoo--
“- Do you remind of me, you were about to say remind me of it?”
- Yeah, really. - She has-- - Yeah, my hip's not small and humbling. - Dude, what the fuck you know that, too? - It's like the best song.
- It's a mate, yeah. - I didn't know that she said, she has, she said they're not like mountains. They're small and humble ones. - She has humble mountains.
- She's humble. I was like, they haven't ever thought about that. - She has humble breasts, but-- - Yeah. - But her hips don't lie.
- They're not even fucking wide.
I never heard to be like, yeah,
you know how those big fat mountainous titties are smaller, small and just humble. - Yeah. - It's like fuck, that's-- - 'Cause that was probably originally written Spanish,
and then they like, you know, just cross it over to English, and you're like, is that a fucking thing? - You can just check with their fucking humble dudes. - Narcissistic, big fat, narcissistic titties.
- Yeah. (laughing) - How come we can't do that? - That's could do it. The fact that I didn't--
- Yeah, look at the muddick is small and humble. (laughing) - Not standing like a mountain. - Yeah, that's-- 'Cause I was like-- Zootopia, Zootopia, soundtrack, it's all Shakira.
She kind of, she does kind of kill it on those soundtrack, she doesn't get enough credit, but I was introducing my, I'm like, yeah, she doesn't go a lot of other songs, and like I was listening to it, and I heard the boobs, humble mountain tips, and I was like, fuck.
- And now they're in that song, and it's go-- (clears throat) - I just rewatched Little Kid singing to Little Nose X. It's the best, it's one of the best videos every. It does a school assembly. - Oh yeah.
- These things old town road. Just watching the kids hit every lyric, and then there's a part about like boobies. They hit that one hard. - Oh, it's so screaming.
- That's so funny. - It's Little Nose X started the rap R&B Country Crossover. - I don't know, maybe. - I feel like he really, I feel like he kicked it off. - Floor Jerkline was at it, Nelly.
- They did a song with Nelly. - When was that? - A long time ago. - Oh, I remember that actually. - Yeah.
- So that was, okay, so that was back in the day. But then I feel, yeah. - With Billy Ray Cyrus. - Yeah. - But he did Old Town Road, too.
- He did. - Billy Ray is all over it. - Yeah. - That's been rocked. - Was it early innovator?
- He was. He had that song with Cheryl Crow that actually certified. - Yeah. - Picture? - Yeah.
- It sounds awesome. That's one song you catch on the radio, it's like that. Google dolls or whatever, you're like fucking dolls. Do you see the spirit airlines speaking of the Google dolls song when they do like remember, that whole thing's like,
“what was I like in the '90s and they put a Google doll song?”
What was spirit airlines like in the '90s and 2000s and it dude? It's just, you see the thing of a guy taking the luggage and throwing it off it. - There was like the conveyor belt and he just fucking throws it. He's like 20 feet up.
He just goes, it's just people fighting, people throwing luggage, it's pretty funny. - The Google doll song gives me anxiety because I did one of the lamest things I've ever done. - What?
It was, I remember when that song came out, if it came on the radio, I would take out my ear book and look at the girl I liked. - I was in third grade. I was in third grade.
- I was in third grade. - I was in third grade. - I was in third grade. - Dude, that's, I didn't even like her that much. I just didn't be my room pretending to be in love.
- It's so fun. - I'm freaked out. - No, I can blame that.
- That song is so powerful.
- It was do powerful. - The Google doll songs. Because they don't want the world to see me. 'Cause I don't think they don't understand. - I literally lay on the floor like,
she's so beautiful.
“- My dad would not, what the fuck you doing in there?”
- No, then I'm getting rid of the bull. (laughter) - I'm not looking dead. - No man, that's admit it, that, what'd you do to that?
That song needs to fuck me up, if I be driving,
I'd instantly just be like, oh my god, I have so much love. - I'm so, I'm so, I'm so in love with you. I don't have the world to even see me. - No, dude.
- Dude, it's very powerless, dude. The Google doll's, I don't know, what kind of evil magic they did. - Yeah. - Even the obviously, the fucking strongest guys,
like all of the most mass dudes and the most mass dudes became certified with a lovable voice. (laughter) - So fucking misunderstood. No one understands my love for you.
(laughter)
“- That's dude, it's cool, next to me, like, hey, how are you?”
(laughter) (laughter) - Give me a thing about kissing. (laughter) - I wouldn't.
(laughter) - Oh man, that was the best in grade school and like, 'cause also girls, we just like, set up things, too. They'd be like, you know, you're her boyfriend, right?
And you'd be like, what? You'd have like, hold hands for five minutes and recessed him to like, the holy shit.
You're like, third grade, like,
I have a fucking girlfriend right now. - Yeah, crazy. - And then two days later, friends, yeah. - Two days later, they go, she's done, you guys have to break up, man. You go, we go, oh, go, fuck what's that, why did you do that? - Yeah, it literally happened to me, I remember they,
like, tied our jackets together in the recess year, and we just like stood there like this, and then like two days later, like, she's breaking up with you, and I was like, okay. - And I said something really mean about her, and I'm true.
- I don't care, she's flat, yeah.
“She's fucking flat, I think I give a fuck.”
- I mean, that is crazy that like, you're in school as a kid, and then the year, like, tits just come online, and you're just got, you're like, you're expected to still do school, it's insane. - Yeah. - Yeah, I mean, it's fucking nuts.
I remember when tits came online, I was just kind of like, yeah, the fuck. - Yeah, tits were crazy. - What's the fuck, dude? - Yeah. - It's not, it's a lot.
- It's, it is, it's a lot. - It's a lot of doubt. - We're young guys. - No, everyone just calls the girl who got tits a whore. (laughing) Everyone was like, yeah, she's just slothed,
she's just, it's fucking slothed. Everyone fucked up. Even the teachers up, you know, whatever whore, can't believe this girl got boobs first. - We lost.
- She must have sex with everyone. - She was schooled out the summer, we all got Megalade, another chick with a big dits. (laughing) - That's the best move, again,
that's the one thing I've never, never pussy lied,
and it's like, I've never, I didn't know you could just do that, but yeah, her, yeah, we fucked. Just keep moving. - Yeah, I had a boy who hit the funniest, pussy lie ever, he said he titty fucked up.
(laughing) We asked her, she was like, no, I know, I know. - Why did he say titty fucked, didn't he could just say that? (laughing) - Yeah, we titty fucked, he titty fucked.
“- They need to be pussy lieers, you need to be studied.”
- Pussy lieers, hilarious, it's not even something you need to stuff, you know exactly where they come. You don't think I wanna pussy lie this? We all want to, we all want your boys to be like damn, you're cool, everybody wants to pussy lie, you just can't.
(laughing) It's so fucking funny, just to be like, if the lunch table will be like, I'm doing it. - I'm about to pussy lie right now, okay, here we go. Yeah, pussy, I titty fucked her.
(laughing) - Like, were all we've all like for the years? - Yeah, bro, I've all been titty fucked out of the party. - When, yeah, I was just fucking the other weekend though. - That's party when we're all there.
I went outside, I titty fucked her behind the house. (laughing) He fucked her next to an HVAC unit, but the side of the house. (laughing)
- She never seen someone as big as me, so funny.
- She's in the room, at the lunch table. You go home, is that true? - No. (laughing) - It's also funny just to be a seventh grade girl
and just be like, what the fuck? (laughing) - It's kind of titty fucked me. (laughing) I'd be so mad.
I'd be so mad. So much claimed. I'll just live in my days, live in my day, just chill, live in my life and so much just like, yeah, that guy, titty fucked you behind the fucking behind recycling bin.
(laughing) At the Rudd Lasky's house. - Oh yeah. - All right, we did it. - Let's switch over to the Patreon.
- Bye. - God bless. - Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. - Do it.
(dramatic music)
