Ep 619 - Plus-Sized Problems (feat. Nate Marshall & Lemaire Lee)

- Can we give you some more air review?

- You want some AC? - It's a bit smooth. - I wanna see you sweat. I wanna see you sweat, I wanna see you sweat. I'll just kick on.

- Just kick on. - Just kick on. - I kick so on every, I'm guessing if I had to get some guessing the temperature set at 75. - No.

- I keep it a little at 74 thing. I keep it a little high, very good guess. I keep it a little warm for the plants. I have plants. - I don't want to get chilly and frio.

- Yeah, for you. - I saw, I just saw a thing, I don't know. I don't think it'll break into mainstream news, but apparently this guy was, he had like a plus size, appreciate, or community.

And he called it paradise, like pear. - It's like pear shape. - Yeah, yeah, paradise. - Well, but apparently all wasn't well and paradise.

Apparently he was getting a little handsy. So he had set up this like community where plus size women could just be comfortable in chill and poles and the bikinis.

“And I think he was getting a little handsy.”

- I feel like there's been trouble in paradise. - I feel like that's what they signed of a paradise for him. - Well, it was his paradise. - Oh, just him and babes.

- I don't know, I saw a second and I just saw it.

It was so funny that he had started paradise. (laughing) And then the starter of paradise, allegedly, it's coming out that he might have been engaging in some unsavory practice.

- Oh, he definitely might get my gut. You come up with paradise. - Do you know what paradise? (laughing) - My paradise.

- Yeah. - I mean, he was king of the fats. - Yeah. - He was king of the fats. You set it up where he was like,

yeah, I think it's important, we all. - My paradise will be spelled with pug first. - pug, pug, pug, pug base. - Oh man, I don't know. - Imagine if you were the god of pug at ice.

How long could you keep that chill of like, I think it's really great that you guys all came out here and you're feeling, then you get the pool. - The pool is my drill. (laughing)

- Damn, just you doing check it fight against Pogs. (laughing) - Well, no, you'd have to fill the quads up, dude. - Yeah, I don't do that, dude. - I can't, you can't let a pug feel you go.

(laughing) - And all they would have to do is. - You can't struggle and you can't, dude. It's, have you ever like had a chick be like, pick me up and you pick them up and you go,

(laughing) never once. - You can't, grunt, you can't, you gotta throw all your body building training out the window and just be like, you gotta act like you're just like lifting air.

- Get a full ground squat, you gotta go. - When I lay the ass, you pick them up, I go. - No. (laughing) - I play it fit, and I see the lump alarm

when you pick up a big lady. (laughing) - You cannot long, dude.

- Ooh, the problem is, babes watch all these viral challenges.

We're like, look, he picked up his whole family with my arm, and it's like, dude, get the fuck out of here. - I was gonna bring up that, you saw that new challenge. - I've seen all of them, dude. - I've seen the guy just carrying a lady like up there.

You don't want the truth, you don't want to hear your guy go. (laughing) - All the steps, dude. (laughing) - Dude, we're so fucking back yet, they're not gonna kill

good after that. - We're fucking emceo, yeah, you're gonna need those one, if you power through with your knee just goes.

“- That's how you get trouble in paradise.”

Let me try to do it like, can you carry me up the steps? We have him bit the apple. - We're good, but chill. (laughing) - Put on the leather, wait, let me think about it.

- Put on my knee braces. (laughing) - You hit the choke. - Chalk my hands, yeah. (laughing)

- Yeah, I would love to know what to start and level it a pool at paradise was before the babes got in and it just, oh, yeah, it's like a glass with ice cubes in it. (laughing) Let's get the fucking rundown on pair of eyes.

(laughing) - What do you see, show them? - I mean, I was deep in the fucking news, trying to find shit to talk about it. I was like, I'm almost positive,

nobody knows about paradise, oh, here we go. - Paradise is an online body positive, I can also produce an epa-dea-dea-cent. (laughing) - Paradise is an online body positive community

for plus-size women that devolved into severe allegations of manipulation, exploitation, and coercive dynamics, centered in Las Vegas, run by creator, Stefan Willham, either group of subject

of the television documentary, Big Girls Wanted, escaping paradise. - Well, that's gotta go, might win. - I think that's on Mifflink. - Big Girls Wanted.

- It looks like it's an ABC. - ABC, Brows an ABC doc.

“- I think they'd be plus, that's gonna be real matter.”

- I mean, you know, these networks, if you boil it down to dollars, like these, like, tell all investigative journalism documentaries where, like, here's a villain, and here's, like, how it worked out.

There's teams looking for these things. So, that's on HBO Max. - Hell yeah.

escaping paradise is gonna be a good one.

“- Yeah, especially if you have a BBW yourself,”

you know, I can't believe it was treated them.

- I would never have a BBW.

- I would never have a BBW. - I've gotten the trust to them. All these plus-sized angels. I would have, it is funny, you're saying it would be like, when you put a lot of ice cubes in a glass

and just like, it's over close. (laughing) - Also imagine getting the wave pool going in the pool. - Oh, you get the fucking, you got the,

you got the raft, you start getting the waves, all your beautiful pairs of spouts in a round. (laughing) - You just stand on a side. - Yeah.

- I think it's like what happened? - What happened? - I would know what happened. - Yeah. - I wouldn't know what happened dude.

- What happened in paradise? - You could control it. - I mean, dude, I saw the, like the clips and it is just, it's big babes and bikinis in the pool.

Like, I don't know what to talk about.

- I don't talk in the pool. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah.

- I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah.

- I'm so nervous. - Yeah, yeah. - You'd be, that's like a Frankenstein scene. You'd be like, I need to get it back in me. To whatever that space was I was in, I need to get back in there.

- Just to feel of being like, oh my God. - Yeah, I'm proud of round it by being. - It's like a whole body orgasm. - Yeah. - You just get completely squished and fat. - I don't know.

- I'm surrounded by jelly. - Yeah, but like, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, what do you say? - Is it bad or, oh no. - Well, I don't want to be rude.

“So, but the babes in paradise, I think pairs sort of a...”

- Pairshate. - Kind term. They're more like, come, quater. - Come on, quater. - Come on, quater. - Don't cross your tiny. - Maybe like a mango.

- Maybe he's gonna get his mango dice. - You think it's watermelon dice? - It might be watermelon. - No, I was gonna say, from the artwork I saw, these are, I mean, I mean, I don't believe it.

- These might be plus plus. - Yeah, yeah. - Well, they're big babes. - What's the honest one? - SBB, SBB, SBB, SBB, SBB,

- SBB, SBB, SBB, SBB. - Yeah, it might be SBB, SBBW. - My thing, I'm body pause. It's, I think it's going against body pause to try to say, I'm with you, Sean.

Be like, the merely pear shaped. That's like, mom. That's like, front-be-mom. Where it's like, oh, you know how to couple kids. Pair it out.

These are big, beautiful women. - Yeah. - That's when I'm saying I'm getting trapped between them in a pool. - That's good. - Same thing did, dude.

You might want to push as Netflix. Yeah, I don't even fucking know.

“But like, you know the movie heavyweights?”

- Yes. - You do it, but with this. - Maybe does it? - Yeah, baby dobs. - Pair it out.

- Pair it out, Steve. - But what would the challenge be? A bunch of skinny ladies trying to get lift about the boyfriends? - The movie heavyweights.

- And then I, through my training regiment, lift all the fattest women. I don't think it would make their day. - Yeah. - And I become the king of paradise.

- You're to make my wife just cool with it because I'm being body-possed. (laughing) - Babe, I'm being fucking body-possed. - I have to lift these fatt women for the business I'm saying.

(laughing) - Stu, wait, the business works. (laughing) - Steve's a tag, why don't you? - Very good, very good, very good.

- Very good? - This style is very good. That's a lot. - Cool, that's it. - Stift on bar and test, computer build,

focus, money, chip, finance, and such things. - Mega. But that's how it's finished. - Eww.

- A few photos from the long-steiner are very good. - It's very good. - It's very good. - Hold your money to work with this style.

- Café in its best form. With Cuba, we'll have a café on the street at the moment. With the new Cuba-Wan Capsule Machine from Chivo, we'll have to find a café from special buildings. Full-mondical arrounds, thanks to innovative press-brut technology

and over 17-year-old coffee for every taste. - Aléba Premium Café is already in the 19th century. And that's the Cuba-Capsule Machine in Dina Chivo, Fiala, and of Chivo de I. - Yeah, paradise. I mean, captain, the guy thought he started something nice

and that was his never-land ranch.

But you do it in the woods, it is kind of a bad look. He said it's in the woods, right? You're talking paradise. - Paradise is in Vegas, bro. - Oh, there's a web site as well, maybe I shouldn't say this, but the website is still up.

- Yeah, for sure. - Paradise websites are up. - Yeah, my man had the, my mom, my man had the wager. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. (laughing) - The wager, you eat five. (laughing) - 85 wager, buttery salt. (laughing)

- Nelson is five. (laughing) - You can't even eat mad at him. (laughing)

- Yeah, it could be horrific.

“- I mean, - He could have been bacon 'em.”

(laughing) - True, could be some disappeared bacon. - Oh, that hurts. - I mean, who needs some tan? Yeah, he's good at like, who needs some spray?

- There's a session addressing the allegations on the Paradise Official website, Paradise.net, and it says you came here after hearing or reading some negative things. When adults interact, misunderstandings can happen.

For a detailed timeline, documentation and context, see the full allegations page. So they have this page dedicated to their own thing. (laughing) - See the full allegations page?

- Yeah, great. - So it's like about us contact allegations of sexual violence, right? (laughing) It's not a good sign.

(laughing) - The best, the privacy policy, contact us allegations. (laughing)

“- Can you look, can you look at Paradise on Google Review?”

'Cause that might hurt like on Google, 'cause that might have ratings. - Yeah. - Let me see, I'm gonna try to do Paradise, although there's a lot of Paradise events.

Oh, it is, LLC. Where was this? It's now we photo, it doesn't look like Vegas to me. Texas, there's a Paradise events in Texas. - What?

- Yeah, it's the hardest. - Yes, it's hard. - Yeah, it's hard. - It floutes. (laughing)

- Missy Paradise, Las Vegas. 'Cause you've ever seen the Google Reviews on stuff that shouldn't have Google Reviews? - Yeah. - Paradise, Las, prickly Paradise quilts with hell.

- No, it's not on Google Review. - Damn. - Damn. - They have the allegations page here. And, what's he claiming?

- How many other visions? - This page exists to collect a relevant timeline, public context, select materials and documented records relating to the allegations made about the founder,

Stefan Will Helmi, first name, Stefan.

- That's a paradise. - It's a paradise in Los Angeles. - Stefan is not a creep name. Stefan Erkel, who knows the best goes cool, Erkel. - That's the cool, that's cool.

- That's cool, Erkel. - It's not to attack, inflame, attack, or make conclusions for the reader. It's intended to present a documented account organized chronology so that interested readers

can review the available materials and form their own understanding. - Okay, so what the fuck is this? I have fucking receipts or not. (laughing)

- That's how he's the receipts page. - Yeah, he was a screech out of a text. - Okay, so you got to get a true crowd of podcasts. You got to get a true crowd of voice. - You got to, he has a really good true crowd.

(laughing) - Is there any juicy deeds? That's what I need. - I'm sifting through the deeds. - During us, it's been going on.

2020. - Let me sift through it. - Sift through a jump back again. But yeah, I thought you guys might enjoy the fact that there are someone's hair at us.

(laughing) - Yeah, I'm trying to escape paradise myself. (laughing) I've been in a challenge with two of my friends where there's many tracking on the Apple Watch

whoever burns the most calories by the month of June wins. I'm up to nine days in and I've burned. I think 11,000 calories and nine days. - It's nice to see you.

- Dude, it's first of all, I need to think.

I would like, it's so hard to get rid of fat. - Yeah, yeah. - To the point where, like, I really, like, I need a chill. Like, I'm getting, I feel like I'll write now. I've worked out so much.

- I'll take it straight. - I'm saying, give me the shred. I'm wearing the shred. - Dude, it takes to lose a pound of fat.

“It takes, like, I think, like 4,000 calories.”

- Yeah, 1,000 calories. - You don't take to burn 4,000 calories? - Yeah, if you were to rot. - My record on the elliptical is not in 4,500. - Huh?

- So my record on the elliptical is like 5,500. You were to run hard and like give it your all you might burn 500 calories. Yeah. That's insane. You need to burn 3500 more calories. Yeah. You'd have to do. What is that? Six all out running sessions to try to fight down one pound. Why will not taking in enough food just that to offset that such fucking bullshit. That's the such fucking bullshit. What are you talking about? What are you talking about? Do you think prepared ice is funny? No, no, no. I just want to.

To clarify that um, so the allegations were made by a tick-tocker named Piggy star dust with me. Oh, no, you start us tick-tocker. Sorry guys fired up stiff on is suing Piggy for liable slander and defamation. So I wanted to clarify that everything we've said on this broadcast is a legend. Legend for sure in opinion opinion of Piggy star dust. Right. Well, we got a piggy. Well, she's 29 non-binary, AST, parent of a peace sign, BLM, trans large matter, LGB TQ plus. Okay, see it's lady. She's sort of epic now. She's not as funny. Yeah, that's fucking pissing me off there. It's body pause.

Yeah, she's about to kick out the club and turn it over. Oh, villain move. So she went to her. Oh boy, lady. I'll say.

Just wait until you guys know I have a car now. I'm gonna go back. It's 2020, right? Piggy star dust. She's still even piggy star dust. She just starts. It's a miss, miss star dust.

It's a margin Marie. Well, it gets so fat. It comes your identity. It's so funny. It's called me Piggy. So is that one have no plus. I mean, you know, well, she's that plus sized into water. She's not worried about anything. What the hell? Yeah. I'm trying to get back crazy to drop in a fucking paradise. Yes, I'm just that's crazy. There are screenshots attached to the Conversations and messages with Alexandria pork chop going. They got good news. They got really good names pork chop. There's camera footage. So basically, I think he put all of his court evidence on the website on the

location page. No, but they're not in paradise. Yeah, it's brand for serve paradise. It's a little margaritaville. So, but that babe was after him, but then she was unficked. Does seem like a, I mean, given the tags you gave me on a profile seems like she's kicking up dust online.

Yeah, she's the best kicker to be. But if it does kicker, septum piercing, I've always said I never get

I rarely, I should say rarely get along with septum piercers. And she had like a big septum pierce. It wasn't like the bigger. It was the bigger that it is, at least we get a long dude. It was like full hoop ring. Like it was hoop earring. I don't know what it is, dude. Our, my, my, I'm just not aligned every time. And I don't, I don't know if something, I've nothing against them. It's just every time I like, you're like the way it looks sometimes, but it's always a text. I know. That's my business. You know,

it's the, is it hot? I know what lays underneath it. It looks like I'm going to be flagged. They have the opposite values. Like almost completely eighth. Yeah, I like.

Don't care about family. True that. Yeah, I like a little nose ring here. Yeah.

Ally, as soon as it's septum, I'm like, we're going to have a prop. You're not going to fight. We're going to battle. Literally, we are. We're online on every single thing. You can possibly imagine. I saw some, yes, here by what's happening with CBS. No, they fired Chris. He was the anchor for they're like new show. I don't know. I think it was actually 60 minutes. It was the anchor for 60 minutes. They fired him. Chris, the fuck is Chris. Probably or something. Okay. What's their name,

“Lindy, Barry Weiss? Barry Weiss. I remember that lady. She, she runs CBS now. What? Yeah, and she fired.”

She's fired. She's trying to make CBS sellable. And they hired her because I'm going to sell it to fucking like Buzzfeed. They're mail. That's there's a company called Scott. That's why it's co-bearing I fired. Right. Yeah. Yeah, because he called them out for for for was bribing Trump. So that Skydance can buy a pair of mail. Like who bribe Trump? Skydance. The company for so they can buy paramount because Trump's in charge of FCC. And they want to try to keep it away from being them up.

Oh, okay. I'm an athlete. Oh, so they fired a little bit here because he was yapping and they kept saying he didn't make any money, which doesn't make any sense. They sold his spot to Byron Allen. So like now the 11 o'clock spot is a paid spot for Byron Allen. He's paying to be here. Who is Byron Allen? I saw like I took over Colbert's spot. How make a leash? He owns the weather channel. Yeah. He's like, oh, what? They owns the weather channel. Bro, I fucking I heard that guy owns the weather channel. I kind of love that. Yeah, he's not him.

It's I don't just do a stay up to you own the weather channel. I didn't know who Byron Allen was and then someone who's just telling me the comics and leash guy owns the weather channel. I was like, what a fucking beast.

“That's what we're like to buy the weather channel and worth nothing. Yeah. Yeah, yeah.”

And Mal, what's he talking about? She talked weather. It's just comics and leash. She just doesn't show. It's like a whole showy brought back. Honestly, I'm talking weather on there. Yeah. Yeah. Like I talked about. I'm doing out Roker. I mean, I mean, I I believe it that a lot of people weren't watching Steven Colbert. I think I actually really, I don't think so. And then even if they're watching it there, they're making money off the YouTube of the Twitter. That's okay. YouTube is heavy. Is that some

saying those late night shows? I don't think that many people tune in, but then the clips online do well. Yeah. But even still, though, I don't think it like, like, well, how much do they have like the whatever they do? They definitely probably have the, yeah, what were the, I don't think they were great. I mean, I'm sure people watch, but like wood's great on TV right now. Nothing, everything's streaming.

“Yeah. If you want to be like, if you were to challenge me to try to find and watch Steven Colbert,”

any show like that at nighttime, I would it would take me an hour to research and figure out how to do this. Like, actually on TV. How are you going to do this? Like, how do you get the channel?

I, I, I wouldn't even, I couldn't even tell you how to watch that. I was trying to get this first

“game when we were watching, when we were doing stand-up as we can, that, we're like, that took me,”

that was tough. Yeah. Yeah. That's disney apparently. Since I have Disney, I was able, then, but then they put on YouTube TV and it worked. It was everything. Yeah, this is pretty much just, maybe, but yeah, let me see, what was Colbert's ratings? I don't, I don't, I don't know. I'm not an against the guy. I just, I don't think they were, I don't think anyone watches,

except for geysers, is finale recorded a series high of 6.74 million, all show the fucking live,

plus same-day viewers. What's the average though? The average, let me look at it. If it's less than two million, go ahead, cancel it. But if it's more than that, you think less than two is still cancelable? Yeah. Like, what if it's like one point five? I don't know, it's pretty good. Well, if, yeah, actually, if it's less than one, it's canceled. My thing is, if you have a YouTube thing, if you're doing a meal, I mean, it's only take it back. If that's the case, I thought it,

I don't know if it feels like a thousand people watching it. Because I don't know a single person who just can't stop and watch is any late night. No, I mean, I don't know a single person has

“been like, oh, I was watching this last night on TV. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. So, I think they get a lot like,”

are they including web views with that, too? I'm probably sure. I'm not sure, but it says his average,

his average viewers per night hovered around 2.5 million. That's good. Yeah, that's pretty good.

Yeah, it's just scam. He's getting fucking well, even if you had, if you had a thing on YouTube that had 700,000, you know, views every week, every still make a lot of money every day, every day, it's crazy. Yeah, it's cobares on every day. Yeah, you're right. That's pretty nuts. I had no idea the viewership was still walking that hard. Yeah, maybe got fucking, yeah, everyone loves it. He's still taking YouTube money. Because I think they do show clips on YouTube. Sure. Sure.

YouTube money coming at a big time. I thought for sure, it was in like, honestly, like, tens of thousands. Like, oh, dude. So he was just good background noise. Like, I used to walking all those, I would put on like, I would put on whatever day. That kind of shit. That's crazy. Nothing or a little getting or something to sleep to. For sure. Now, dude, I like, I listen to like, AI Slop when I go to sleep. I got tricked. I didn't know. I'd watch these videos on YouTube.

It's like, fall asleep to all of St. Augustine's writings ever. And I just put it on. I passed out. And then I looked it up. I'm like, this is all fucking AI. It's just an AI summary. Some guy gave an AI voice. I was like, I got damn it. I'm getting tricked by AI Slop. Best of time in making AI Slop. There's bags to be made. Dude, it doesn't feel good. Yeah. He does videos get like, like, 30. He got hundreds of thousands of views. And I looked it up

in the very end of the thing. And it was like, generated by AI, blah, blah, blah. Because you can get, you could, I could do it right now. I could be like, hey, right up a summary of any historical figure. And then you feed it to another one and like, hey, do like get like a nice voice acting or voice. And then it's like, bam, you haven't fucking did it. They just get it to clip whatever visuals you want to be. It's all yours. Yeah. That's, yeah, you make one where you make the thing.

And then you go to one where you're like, review this and then you go to one where you're like, let's do the audio. Yeah. No, I got, I was listening. I'm like, man, this guy knows this stuff. Then I've read the description. I was like, mother, freaker. Is that, there is something about it that I really, I don't know. When I hear it, I'm like, it makes me not want to listen to. I'm not even on like a, you know, like, moral thing or like, this is wrong. I just go like,

something about it, Bob. It feels wrong. It feels like when I play the computer and a video game and I'm like, why am I doing this? I'm playing the fucking computer playing against the

“computer. I go, this is dumb. I feel I just feel so alone. That's what it is. I feel so lonely. I go,”

man, if you know, if you're averaging 2.5 million viewers a day, that's bigger than like every big

TV show. No, apparently not because they, what are the other ones they didn't cancel? It's not bigger than gut filled. The thing about that is gut filled is at a different time slot. It's earlier. He's in pro time. Yeah, but he averages 3.3 mil. He's the highest average. It's 700. That's still to like, a 2.5 million and gut filled 3.5 million. That's what the Google says. They're like right there. They're neck and neck. You know, someone that's almost a mill, but still close.

Like it's still neither ones cancel. Neither one is still in all that there's a million people watching either of these shows. I think it could be 100% of viewers should in the York City. You still have like left over people. I bet it's the same people watching both. No way to get that fucking out of here. There's some crossover. You think my parents stop watching gut filled and talk. Yeah, it's like a little verse and that's not happening. Yeah, no fucker has to say.

Absolutely not even happen. They don't even know it's on. Then dude, you watch that spell. You don't even, you probably haven't seen Stephen Colbert in years. The mess 2.5 million separate people who could like, who just got fucked for no reason.

they're going to fucking Himmall. Byron's following up with the, the stand up big drop in viewerships. And Spiron is taking over. Yeah. Because it's just the stand up now. Yes. Comics and leash. Nobody wants to watch it. But it's like he pays. He knows he has to pay for the spot. He's paying for the spot. Bros, we know we're on the show. We don't want to watch him. Oh, so it is said, I thought it was stand up interviewed, but it's not. No, it's like,

well, all right, wait, here it is. He's like, Matt, I hear you got some children. Oh, yeah. Like, that's all the show. And then you can't, you do beds basically. Yeah. Man, I hear you, I hear you don't want mixed keys. Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, you're so good at this. How

do you even know? No, I'm like Donald famously said comics unleashed. I've never seen comedians morally.

Camel and in Colbert apparently had had been going back and forth. Camel averages around 2.5 mil. Yeah. So now, he'll probably take over. Yeah. But Jimmy Fallon he's he's struggling. Yeah, 1.3 mil. He's a he's a million under each of them for saying. Yeah, even the best Seth Myers and that spot Seth Myers average is about the same. They should really think about doing something complete. Like, they should just kill the late night talk show and

just come up with something totally different. Yeah, podcast on Netflix. Yeah. Yeah, or most extreme talent. I such a better thing to end the day. If you don't want to watch net, you don't want to watch politics before you go to bed. Yeah. You know, watch Chinese guys jump over logs. Thank you. Like, yes, I can do it. Oh, then you fall asleep. Are you talking M. X. Yeah. The most extreme challenge. Yeah. I love it. We can do M. X. C. Dude, M. X. I actually, I have a proposition

“for you guys. I think now that I'm on my fitness journey where I'm again burning the most calories”

month. I'm on part of burn 37,000 calories this month. That's pretty sick. Yeah. I've been rocking a roll. But I think now we should do a presidential fitness challenge between you guys. You three should do presidential fitness challenge winner gets 1000 bucks. Damn it. I've been two weeks of prepare. I'm not just a mile. It's my, I don't have to look it up. I don't have to look up the thing. My 100%. Shuttle run, right. Shuttle run. Yeah,

you got to run pull ups. You've ever wins. It's going to be scored. We can even set different metrics. We can do swim, bike, run. I can't do pull ups. I can't swim. Where's the strength stuff? Where's the like lifting and throwing? We can definitely set up parameters that are fair. I can push. I can pull. I can lift. I can throw. Actually, I can push. I can lift. I can show. In my opinion, scrap presidential, it should be strength, speed, endurance.

Ooh, I've got the doors. You got the doors. I've got the doors. I've got the doors. I never

don't quit. I die out there. I will. I'll die out there. Oh my, I'm on my Mr. B shit right now. I was laughing about a fitness challenge being a three of you. Yeah, he could. I would do that. I would do that. But I don't think it'd be very good. That's a whole point. Yeah, yeah. Watching Lamar sink mid-level, be nice. Nate's ass. You know, I don't do that on my knees. Swimming race. Swimming race would be that they're swimming so

“fucking hard. If you have it like swam race, you try it. It looks insane. I think I might start”

the scrap yard for fitness challenges. It's completely unprepared. I'm like, "All right, let's race." Did you say scrap yard guy? Yeah, stop the cast. Oh, yeah, make a station way, shadow, gas station way. Get a station way. Get a lot of it. He lost to the guy though. He didn't feel the indoors camera. He knows how to burn shots. That guy, solo, the guy he fought in that video,

he always does. He just gets, he's drunk in every video. He just gets beat up and head kicks

the guy and they're like, "I'm done. I can't fight this guy anymore." He just kicked the shit out of me. Yeah, like every finish. He was throwing a spit-in-back face. He was just doing shit in. Oh, I don't know, back to you guys, it's race. I don't change your stuff, man. African-American. I think it'd be fun. I think it'd be fun. Yeah. I think it'd be a lot of fun. It'd be a hoot, dude. We have to think about it. But it was always my least favorite week in Jim.

“What? Well, the test week. Oh, the test. I think this test week is low as possible. Yeah, it was funny.”

I would hold, I was hanging from the ball bar and go, and then I'd walk as slow as I could for the right here. It's just as best as I could do. But these are good. So funny. Dude, I says as far as I can get. The teachers were by for me. They'd be like, seven minutes. Oh, that's 12. Yeah. I remember I crossed like a 24-minute mile and the guy was so mad.

as I could the first lap and then just began. I just pinched walked for five. It was like six laps total.

I got one good lap in. Yeah. I would hit the straightaway. It's pretty hard. I mean, the fucking curves in it. Part of this is a regular circle. Oh, my straightaway was probably like 20 seconds each. But that circle was like a minute. Hey, guys. Let's take a quick break from the show for a special segment called a more or less presidential flight night edition brought to you by price picks. On June 14th, some of the biggest names in MMA are headed to the White House in

you can make your MMA picks on price picks and to celebrate this historic card, price picks is dropping a sugar shawl on O'Malley discount, which means less strikes still cash. Okay. But let's put the gloves on who's winning the, who's winning in the south lawn? Oh, we're putting the gloves on to talk about who's winning in the south lawn. Matt, I'm looking at the card right now. And it's, it's a lot of

“these fights are pretty one side. I'll tell you. What do you mean, Diego Lopez beats Steve Garcia?”

You think that? Yeah, a botanical cow dog is, I think cow dog is beats botanical because he's

buns. Mauricio Ruffie versus Michael Chandler. Ruffie wins because Michael Chandler always

lets everyone down. Josh, hoax, versus, this is the truth. Okay. Josh, hoax versus Derek Lewis, beats Josh hokick. Nice, my disagree with you. Well, I'm telling you, Derek Lewis, the gloves are on. The Black East wins because of racism, a shawl on O'Malley discount. What, why, why do you think? Josh hokick just beat Curtis Blades and one of the best fights of the year. By, because of the price picks, didn't, wouldn't one of them have like a broken leg or something?

Or broken legs? Yeah. I'll take the gloves off, I'll just let you. Hey, you put the gloves off. You can't attack on one of these things. I'll tell you, hokick's hokick's loser. Derek Lewis is going to win

“this hokick's loser. Who's the main event to see the main event? We have a, a shawl on”

O'Malley loses Alex Perewing. Oh, shawl on O'Malley's on loser who? Uh, it's a hobby. Okay. He's going to lose token aid in. Oh, no. And in Alex Perever's serial gun, I guess Alex Perever wins. Yeah. Yeah. What's the main? The main event is Iliotsapura versus Justin Gachy. And that would love to say Justin Gachy wins this fight. But Iliotsapura is going to smoke him. Iliotsapura is too nasty. Only one way to find out. Only one way to find out. Brise picks. Watching the cards. Guys,

and let me just tell you something. Okay. So that's our take. Now it's time to lock in yours. Make all of your picks for the White House card, which did you ever believe when you're a little boy, you've even uttering these things. Make all your picks for the White House card. And every sport on prize picks from player picks, the team picks, it's all on prize picks. Download the

prize picks app today and use code drenched to get $50 in lineups. After you play your first five

dollar lineup, yes, 50 bucks. When you play your first five prize picks, America's number one sports picks app. Hey everybody, it's me, little bit. Please go to Charlottesville, June 24th, Columbia South Carolina, June 23rd. I just added a shell at the Harrisburg Comedy Zone, August 6th, I think, for seventh, but please come to the zone. Let's fucking sell out the zone. They've got a paint chain on the zone. They've got to pay in three speckful. They haven't put

“his face on it. I'm going to, that's what I'm doing. That's what I'm doing. Yeah. And after”

the knock this June 23rd, it's going to be a goddamn heater. All right. You guys, 626. That means June 26th and 27th. I will be at the star dome, comedy club and Birmingham, Alabama. Sorry about Huntsville. I just, it didn't work out, guys. But I will be in Birmingham, Alabama, 626, 627. I originally, for some reason, said that that got canceled, I was thinking of Huntsville. It is going down at Birmingham. That is a fact. 626, 627. I'm off the month of July. But then

in August 7th, I'll be in San Jose, California, August 7th and 8th. And then in August 13th, I'll be at the Spokane comedy club in Spokane, Washington. It's got a map across your.com. Pain is in the well. Hello, I'm coming back to Good Nights in Rally on August 27th and then I'll be in Charleston, South Carolina at Witz and comedy club August 28th and 29th. Please come if you can. 27th is my birthday. You're not going to be able to hang out.

I'm sorry, man. But I got to be in Rally at Good Nights Valley. Please come. Thank you, guys. Very much. Enjoy the rest of the program. I tell you guys, you'll see. When you turn 40 something kicks in, you get this weird sense of like, I need to push my body to the limits. It hit me so hard. As soon as I turn 40, I was like, I need to go all out. I've been keeping it to myself. I've been working out a

Just you're not going to work. I'm sore a little bit. But not like a usual when I was younger, what a sore feels good. Like this is like hurts. I think I tore something. I mean, that's all it is. You make micro tears. But dude, I started when I, I guess when I moved

here what two and a half years ago and I was, I would, I could never work out consistently. I don't know

what it was. I would never do it. So then I started and I started like, I didn't realize how deeply out of shape you get. Like I was, I was like, I actually saw it sometimes. I was deeply out of shape. And then you, it takes like a year just to get like able to like fully run a couple miles. Something they could sit or like, it's pretty normal. I couldn't run a full mile. I couldn't do it. And then you get, once you can do that, it takes a while to build that up or like, yeah, actually

work out without getting like super shin splints and just like you're like, I can't even move. Took me a full year to be able to actually work out consistently, like physically handle being able to work out. Like, you know, take like three months. Really. Like, it feels a challenge, dude. I mean, put it all right. Put it on rainy bed. That's working. I've been working too. You had to ask about a lot. Be ball, self. Yeah. I wonder, I wonder how it again. You guys don't have to do this if you

“don't want, but I wonder how it's done. You need to have to figure out a way to do it wherever it has”

a shot. And it'd be, it'd be very funny. We got to do it in athletics when I can, I'm the most athletic kind of this. But what are the metrics? Yeah. We don't speed jump it like, like, well, like sports, I guess, right? Your bounce. Oh, so like, you have to have the shooting contest. Like a, like a, like a, like, what does it call? What was the club football thing? Point kick pass. Pock kick pass. Yeah. P. K. P. Yeah. Yeah. I think you would have a P. K. I think I would do a great point. Part of your nice.

That you punt. I think you get the fun. All game at Chuck E. Cheese. Where you throw the fuck in. That was that game. Yeah. That's a parody with the little balls. The whole.

But dude, I got, I got said it. Well, first of all, I just turned 40. It's instantly kicked in.

It was just like, dude, I got a fucking push as far as I can. I'm still in it right now. Go, I'm literally going nuts working out, but it's kind of fun. Yeah, you're going to track the get rid of 37,000 calories. Dude, but I didn't work. Why won't my fat leave my boss? Why won't my bitch leave it? It's crazy. It has to feel crazy. It's insane. I don't, I don't need, did I eat pretty healthy, man? I, I really, really do. I mean, every now and

again, do I eat a little too much, obviously, but like, exactly. It's not that bad. For me, it's been eye-opening to be like, dude, it's so fucking, especially, I guess at 40, you can say, it's so hard to get shredded. Like, so hard. It's almost, I won't say impossible. It's possible. It's so much harder than anything. Yeah. You haven't given them a shoot, bro. No, no, shit. I'm not going to shit, but I will say the reason that the reason I'm going hard right now is I have,

I got a life insurance thing where they're now. I can't do zins. I can't do any of that stuff,

“because you have to pay a serious premium. So if you're taking zins or even like, well, smoking,”

obviously, now even zins, if they detect nicotine in your system, you have to pay like 50%. I don't know how to fuck it in your system. Oh, nicotine, it's like anything else. No, I mean, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, the, they go through all of this. They're, they're, they're, they're, they have to pay your family if you, like, a lot if you die. So then they go, all right, we'll do this, but we, they, I didn't realize they do a very invasive check. Like,

there's a chance, this is what I'm training for. I might have to go on the 50 cent treadmill with, like, the mask and shit. Yeah. And just fully ball out for a doctor, which I'm, I'm trying to get a freak status. Yeah. Yeah. I'm trying to get a creature. I'm trying to get them to go,

what's the fuck? What the, what did video was that in the club? Yeah. I always think, I was like,

I want to do every since I saw a video, I was like, I want to do it. One of those tests from the doctor. So bad. Yeah. Put on the mask and just go fucking nuts. I mean, this, this is the thing. They just don't want to give any money. Yeah. That's literally. Yeah. Yeah. That's a whole fucking put. Like, that's not what insurance is for. Insurance is for life insurance. I mean, no, no, but I mean, like, all the choices, all the type of same type of fucking scam, where it's like, we're going to

take care of you. But if your blood work is a little bit down when you die. Those are charging more. Yeah. You're going to pay you, but you got to pay more. It's, it's all just a mathematical formula. Yeah. They go, okay. We have all the data. If you display these characteristics, you're this much, much more likely to die. Therefore, you got to pay us more. Like what are your hobbies, like if you like a stream sports or, I don't know, what's the value of a life? Pence. Pence,

how much literally depends how much you pay them. So it's like, if you pay them more, they'll give

“you more when you die. So, you know, it's like, my life is priceless. They agree. You can't afford to pay me enough.”

You got to, you know, whoever gets the green. Go fine. We just won't go into the death business

10 year insurance policy and just pray that I'm not, I won't need life insurance. That's my plan.

I'm going to get life. I'm going to start it. Just while my kids are little, it's a safeguard. In order to do it, I have to take life and say, man, you know, if you give me $100,000, if you give me $2,000 a month, until for the next 10 years, I'll make sure when you die, you have $100,000.

“I can't tell you more than life insurance. That's what it, that's what life insurance is doing.”

Yeah, but they will, they will actually pay. No, they will, they'll make you go through this. They don't, they don't do it. They don't do it. They get, they, these, these places get assessed. They're rated. There's places that have, they have to track what percent pays out. All right, me. Isn't that with a distilled dinner, long came poly? Wasn't he that guy? Like he would, oh, yeah, yeah, yeah. Those are his whole jobs. Like, see how much you're in the 90s?

Early 2000s? Okay. Yeah, they actually pay. They really, well, I mean, if they're certain,

I'm sure as people get out of it, they're hooked. Just like the Gerber Baby, the Gerber Baby, definitely paid. The Virgin Guy, Gerber Baby. You remember, Gerber Baby? What happened to the Gerber Baby? Your parents would get like a, they were like child insurance. You pay them every month until you turn to your kid, turn to your kid, turn to your kid. You know, so I'm going to get like a lump sum of money. That's different. So there's insurance as an

investment. That's a different thing. And that's, that's actually, it's unregulated. So if you, if you sell insurance as an investment, you're not beholden to the SEC. So they're, they call it's called, there's, you know, I'm not going to say the name of the place. I'm selling life insurance as an investment investment. Huh? Just started right now. I'm just right now. Yeah, I'm going to get it all. You can't. You're not back. If you guys want, you're making your way.

Wait. I hear your point. I hear your point. You're hitting me with bus stop rolling. I don't have a life insurance policy. It's like the fucking astrophysics. The numbers. It's so fucking complicated. I agree. Kind of bullshit. But at the same time, you don't need to take it. But I have the same numbers of athlete. Like, you know, how like, if you get work hurt in athlete, like you lose a finger, you get so much money. No. It's like, it's not like crazy.

It's, it's them going, we'll give you what you pay. If you want X, you got to pay us X amount. Because most people don't die. So they're like, they just get money. I'm saying, like, drawing those years when you're younger. So they get all these people. They're like, we're getting all this money. Then people die like, I'm fucking here. Give them these guys money. But if you're having so many, like, if you have all of these 40 euros,

“giving you life insurance money, the percentage of 40 euros that die is way lower than I think.”

Oh, never, never, never, never say a lot. The whole I do of insurance is not to give you anything.

Well, they do. Well, this is them. They try to maximize profit. And they will set up things when they make it harder to get it pay out, which is annoying. And then they'll do a thing where it's like, ah, well, dude, you're insurance. Like, homeowners will be like, ah, you're shit got fucked up. But that, you're, you've got messed up. That could have been from like, if it's animal damage, it'll be like, we don't cover anything from the earth sign

families, it'll be like, if, like, say a raccoon, if I get a raccoon, if I get a raccoon, if I get a roof, they'll be like, we covered more for like, uh, road and infestation. So they will do bullshit like that 100 acts of God. Dude, we got storms or something. This is not like a whole term. They have some, they have some BS. I actually funny enough last night, dreamed I tackled an insurance executive. And as I tackled him, I was like, hey, at least someone didn't shoot the people,

other people shoot you. I must be really pissed about this insurance. I must want my fucking little

“nicknac nationals. Dude, that's why I was so bad. I literally can't do them. I'm in a deep”

subspace right now because of health insurance. I'm so subbed out to insurance company. I'm being dominated so hard. Like, I'll sit down and write up my laptop and I'm like, oh, my fucking zins man. And I'm like, you're being fined down. I'm being in. I'm being in down. Really insurance dominated. That's the thing too. Apparently if they catch you doing them, they can just be like, yeah, we're out of here. Thanks for money. You're going. But even they keep the money you had.

If I get the non, which I don't have, again, I've said I've said on record, nicotine's not addictive. I got off in no problem. But it's like, I really isn't that hard. I didn't think it was that hard. But if they catch you consuming nicotine while you're being covered, they could in theory, sever the thing. Yeah. Now to fulfill the, I just chew coffee beans while I do stuff, who gives me that same feeling of like, you know, I like, I like inserting that

thing, Paul's into my life right there. So yeah, right now I'm being completely subbed out. And I'm paranoid. Now I'm going like, damn, like, fuck, you hear about people getting like killed for like a year. Like my wife, like, kill my kid. He's one fight. You got to sleep with your eye. Kind of man of kind of being like, yeah, I said, it's like now I'm like, even just questioning, I'm like, dude, for real, I was such a guy really upset at me. But I was like,

I'm like, it's kind of peace of mind being like, bro, if I just die, the huge bag for the whole family,

“it's like, don't talk like that. Oh, I don't know, makes me feel kind of good to be like,”

fucking man, playing goes down sucks, but like, he's a chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug, chug. I'm thinking, like that. I'm hoping you're not fucking thinking like that. You ever see the show, there's a show called BTF St. Louis, right? What is the show about? Is it about that? Well, guys getting cut,

man, his wife gets insurance to make, she plans to kill, oh, he gets caught in the bull. Basically,

he's like, let's kill your dumb ass husband and take the money. No, no, no, that's friend. They're like, bull in the cooker. That's a great show. I know what I'm saying. The friend is the bull. The friend is the bull. My thing is, like, also flip. I mean, oh, no, and everybody knows too. I think it's been the bull becomes the cut. But yeah, like he, like he, like he's, they were closet watching, like, you know, yeah, the closet that eventually, the cut was like, I just don't feel like part of this.

Can we switch it up? Because it was his wife. He's like, I still want to, you know, fuck yeah, I want to be the bull. And then the wife, it was like the saddest thing of all time. The wife just was like, no, can't. So then he didn't become the bull. He asked to be on the

bull. He asked to become the bull and the wife was like, no, shot. You know, you first like,

you can't ask to become the bull. You gotta be the bull. You just gotta be out there. You gotta be out there.

“Crazy. That's what we blew it. My thing is, if you're going to cuck me, cuck me. Don't kill me. That's my thing. Please don't kill me.”

They didn't kill me. I think they didn't kill me. I think they didn't kill me. I don't know what it did. They didn't kill him. I remember it now. They get to get to the, I don't want to spoil the fight. I'm never going to watch it. But they, I mean, I heard it's a great show. I heard it's amazing. It's worth the show. It's really good. So he was getting cocked. There's a lot of dogs in the, be prayer for dog. Lot of dog. Lot of dog. Son of a great show. I don't even know how to throw all the great shows. I've got a game of throwing. Actually, it makes a judge game of throws.

I'll set a lot of dogs. Yeah, they were in jail. Sprano's had minimal. If no dog. I'd get the go on dog. I think I was running dog. That makes sense. There's a scene where like an AJ is getting dressed. You peep his dog. No, I'm kidding. You're like a boy. No dog in the Superman. I was, but they did have a big pussy. Did they have a pussy in this guy? Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, that fits in the pronoun. Yeah, a lot of the, about a big. That's, that's a, you know, that's some stylization I can get into. Like, because they're probably like, yeah, we're going to be one of the greats. We got to show a dog and it was just too tits.

Tits are rocking. There is something so classical about showing dog in the show. You almost got to do it. It's a certain point. But everybody loves tits.

You love tits. But everyone was fears and respects it. Don't. Yeah, they're watching your babies. Baby dog. Fuck, do they show that one, yeah. Sometimes you're like, go in the show. That's something he, you a lot of, you're like, perfect. Westworld is just a dog shower. You're watching Westworld. All the robots are there. You're going, you're going, you're going to hit me with a, blast that. Yeah. Why don't you fucking give them away? They're robots. Make 'em kid dolls. What are you? Jump. Yeah. Yeah.

One thing fucking those robots, though. That was a thing. Yeah, they're fucking the robots.

“You had a crazy blast at it early in the world. You should give every robot a pussy, do robots grow robots, a pussy.”

But I think the one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that one that kicked the boy, you don't want that. You get his kid back. Are you turning 18, son? You're going to get back on that robot. I'm fucking, it's a robot pussy. That kid's going to be determined either, but he's going to save us. Yeah. John Connor, you're kidding. We were talking earlier that cake monster hurts so bad. It didn't look like a mistake, even. It looked like perfect. That cake was, the cake was intentional. I don't think the kid was supposed to be the target though. So it was like a turnaround. I saw the cake, it was like a turnaround. It was an extra.

fucking dance kick. That's like tornado kick. Yeah, that was like a fucking M. A naked. If he hit him with one of these like that. Like, yeah, like, the extra marks out and then I was hitting the out and then so hard last night after saw the Michael Jackson movie. If a Roma, if a robot hits the damn question mark, kick would cook. Just a, I would fake. I would fall. I would fall right into

it. Oh, so it's metal. Yeah, you're, you're, you're getting K. Dude, I apparently don't like, I mean, it's heavy machinery is different, but like getting hit with like metal. I've walked it didn't even move. I was walking and it was a mini excavator. And I walked into the bucket and hit my head. Yeah. And I was, it hurt. I was like, ow, it's like no, give whatsoever. So it's,

if one of those machines is digging and like nudges you a little bit, you go flying. Yeah. Because they're so strong. Get hit with metal, dude. It's like, we got to start putting some fucking flesh and bone on those things. Yeah, make a, we, maybe you have to, maybe all robots have to be, B, B, W. Oh, safety.

fucking, you know, he's mother play now today. Good. Oh, I watched that. I watched that guy's video. The, the fart guy. He would tell. Oh, dude,

might be the best. That was the interview. The interview is amazing. It's so good.

It was the fart guy. He talked about, oh, you weren't. You were here last weekend. Fuck. There's a guy. I'll just say a guy on self one underbelly fart fetishes. Oh, might have put out the best interview all the time. And they're talking in earnest about

“here when he talks about gay farts. I don't remember the gay farts. They're talking gay”

farts. And he goes, well, that's like part of the, there's like a privilege to be in gay where like gay farts are way more abundant and straight farts. Lady farts are got tougher. Yeah, because if you want farts, you say, and if you're gay and you have a fart fetish, you're in, you know, it's fart paradise. Yeah. Or it's just, you can, I mean, you can get more farts out of a guy. This him go like hard. Like, I'm not gay when they ask them, but like,

what is he, and then he also got real, like, he was like, I think I'm a sexual, but I don't think that guy's a sexual. I think he poured himself into just get hard normally. I also don't know why a lot of those guys like to try to like think it necessarily has to do with their upbringing. It's like, because his, his link to the upbringing was weak. It was just like, bro, if I get his mom, like, grounded him and farted on his head or whatever. Yeah. I'm like, all right,

you have a fair case, but it was just like, yeah, my parents farted. It's like, that doesn't mean you're going to want to fucking, you're sexually in a farts. I get farted all the time. I can, again, I'm not, I'm a no-go zone on ladyfarts. That's fart. That's fart. That was supposed to fart. That's

“fart. That's fart. You have to, I was, dude, I was lighting it up last night. So bad. You're supposed”

to have your family like your couch and everyone feel your fart. I, dude, I, I was in the closet. I didn't go into like the closet. I didn't leave the bedroom, hit the closet and just fart and from our closet, my wife was still good here and be like, oh my god, that's terrible. They were, they were hot. Yeah, my, my stinkin' too. I mean, I have not been bad. Can we cheese? You're,

smoking cheese? I do, but it's never been a, I got, I don't do too much of it. Like, I, you know,

I get a little pizza sometimes. You know the percentage of people lactose intolerance? That's crazy. Yeah. It's like 68%. That's the thing, too. Everyone's, I, I, I'm among them. If I, if I have milk or cheese, pasteurize, I fucking fart, even if I have raw cheese, I fart so fucking hard. I can't have raw milk. I have no side effects. Yeah. If I have pasteurized milk, you know what, everyone talks about other stuff and you can get whatever a disease from raw milk. Nobody talks about the

pasteurized milk farts. Like, they're, they're crazy. It's like, some of my worst is when I'm fucking with dairy, I was doing it last night. It was hot farts all night. It took a half an hour off of my sleep. I get up myself. Well, dude, because it's like, I just, I dropped one in the middle of night the night before, woke the baby up again, gave her, like, I'll, I ran it back, she woke up on, oh, that was like, kind of, I was like, I was like, I'm not going to be a jerk. I got up

as far and, or I'll do tiny, like, a little bit, and I'll safely kind of push it out. But yeah, dude, I, yeah. I also, I, I don't like girl farts. I almost want to see if we can come up with a

“drug to stop women from dreaming. I don't like girl dreams either. We, because you have to deal”

with them the next week. We need to do it. Yeah, not only a drink smokes every day, but it still has. She still catches you in the dream room. It's all either so cash with them, but even worse. So does what it tell me about. It'll just be a useless story. Yeah. So if I dream, it's like, yeah, who gives us shit? It's not real. I get hit with, like, sleeping or ruptures, where I'll be like, I'll be just drifting off and then last night,

Brittany woke up and went and like, I'm never getting these nails ever again. They're hot.

They're hot. But, and I like, dude, go to bed. I literally get anger. I'm like, go to sleep. And that was a dream. It's just falls asleep. It's just a wake up with nonsense. It's literally nonsense. You know, it's no sense. And then I'm like, in that perfect thing, I'm like, oh, I'm drifting apart. It'll be like, oh, what's happening? I'm like, shut up. I can say anything because she's not asleep. It's not a wake. Like, it literally be like, shut up. Go to bed. She's like, oh, why are you

talking to me? And it's not like, dude, I need to stop this mechanism. You know, you've got to put, like, a soft cushion here. So when she wakes up, she hits it and goes back to the sky. I can't stand the wake up. What's happening? Catch her right off, where she goes, oh. Shut up. My lady scared the hell out of me. The other day with one of those, she woke up and she goes, Shawn doesn't know right now, but the camera's filming him. He's on camera right now.

And I was like, what? She's just a babbling about it. Oh, I realized she was asleep, but I go,

Yeah, that's a good morning, and they're with the Kakadoodle, dude. That's a good fart,

the wake up one. Takadoodle poo. Yeah. I spent at least 1% of our conversations as she's unconscious and being like, oh, I'm like, dude, stop it. Stop it now. Go, it's no, stop it. It's not real. Go to bed. It's like, fuck, it really is like, girl spiral without, man. Like, if it's just like, girls by themselves, they're like, oh, it's just like, it would take him like a day to realize. My grandfather was a demon, he was keeping me out of the house.

He was no one to tell him it was a dream. I had some dude's dream as a dude. That's like, you know, like, straight wolves became domesticated dogs as they were like, lay by the thing and wake up.

“And they're like, hey, people are coming. Yeah. That's how dudes got to get that boozy. They got to lay there.”

Yeah, that's not real, dude. I was walking just, like, I was staying up later for some of

a guy, and I just chill and you fall asleep. You're just peacefully sleeping. Like, you're not being attacked by a demon right now. Let me have some more fun. You sure? I'm sure. I got a had a dream. I had a sequel dream. I don't even know what the fuck. Because like a couple weeks ago, I like dreamed about murdering somebody. Don't get a fine dream. We talked about it. I know. I have like, that's why I can't watch like upset like horror movies. Because if I watch

horror movies, I'm going to have like nightmares about it. And I'm just going to be like, all right, I guess I live with the terrifying now. Yeah. But yeah, I don't know who it was. I don't know what I have. I kill somebody. And then like this week, I was hanging out with you guys who are somewhere on the beach. You're on the lake. And then the cop came after me. And I was like, all right, guys, I got to go. Don't worry about it. I don't know what it was. I don't remember.

“I killed somebody. I think I was like, I think it was like four of my babies or something”

like this. It was supposed to the body. Well, touch your end eye. Touch your end eye is a Romanticity trope. Well, touch your end eye is one of the things women are really into. If like, if like someone touches his lady, you kill each other. Yeah. The enemies, the lovers, touch your end eye. There's a bunch of these things. They're very funny. That in the dream, like, like, I didn't get arrested, but I just was paranoid about the murder from the past,

dream. I was like, Oh, shit. I haven't even been thinking about this. It's been like three weeks, kind of motor or Mike. That was, that was me. We just know that they got to become this. Yeah, I woke up and like eight in the morning. I was like, are these? Did I kill someone to my sleeve? I was looking at the rest of it. I just may find out my baby telling talking about dreams. You know, just fully bathed out. That happens. It's their fault. They used put you're in the field.

Yeah, it's over and all the bullshit through it. It's, uh, I used to have prison dreams all the time. I just have dreams and I was in prison. I was arrested. I got in trouble. And I was just in prison. I'd have to, and every time I be in jail, I'd be like, I can get out of here. Like, this is so dumb. The way this is set up, I can definitely get out of here. Give a break out. I remember if you, like, I could just walk out. And then I just like,

get out and they'd be like, Hey, it was like, very, everything was very slow. They'd be like, you're supposed to be in jail right now. And they'd be like, Oh, fuck, go back to jail and walk back

out and be like, uh, was this some trapping these? Yeah. All that I would always get in trouble.

I would get in trouble or it have like a pound of weed in my basement that I had to get out. But there was like cops around in my house. So I'd have to little in my sleep. I'd be like, all right, I'll put a little bit in this thing and put it out here. And I would just constantly try to fit and they'd be coming in and out and trying to find it. I'd be like, oh, it was like, I'd have nonstop stress dreams the entire time. It sucked. And I remember my heart rate would like

I'd wear an apple watch and sleep and I would get like 130 heart rate and sleep all the time. I don't get it now. I'm chill. That's big. It's bad for you. Yeah. I don't have, I feel like I almost never have like, like, for real, for most product, I rarely have dreams that stick with me anymore. Like, I don't know. There's my, my lady will still have them every night and like, would tell me about them if I let her. I'll like, it'll be like, Oh, I had a dream last night.

Yeah, it'll stand out to me every time I have a dream. It means I'm about to high. Yeah, I can't get out of here. I got to turn these off. I, I used to have big, um, we were being invaded by China dreams. I still have, yeah, we'll be like, we'll just be battling to be like, why being a city or turning to a war zone or the Russian China or attacking us? Do, I was at the

“walls. Like, why am I at the wall? It's like, about the great wall, the like border wall. Well, really?”

Yeah, I was like, why am I at the wall? There's so fucking Chinese people's like, ah, Thank you. It is funny to think that like, China is trying to get into our country. They're like,

That was like crazy big. When that happened, it was like a part of it. I was like, that wasn't, uh, that was in the fence. We know it was a little new, like, for like, and I had like, uh, a couple, I could like a week or so of just waking up and it was the sun will be coming through the blinds

in a weird way, but it'd be the first thing I see, and I would think it was like, new,

“the way not flat. Like, why not flat? Like, why not flat? What's that?”

You fart first. I, I got last night, I had sex. Thank God, I was sick. And then, I was holding in. I had those nasty dairy farts, so I was, I was like, I just sucked them into my body, you know, can't fart to insects. So I successfully, successfully, like, absorbed all my farts, had sex. Thank God, it in far while was coming. You don't have to make it. It'll happen to me.

Fucking, yeah, wait, you'll, you'll see, bro, it's happening. Yeah, I can't stop the time. Doing hand job, especially, hand jobs, you're like, whatever, you know,

it's never happened any, you guys. Yeah. Oh, man, definitely had to like think about not farting.

It's happening to me many times. I've definitely pushed a fart to an in mattress. I've plunged before. So I made it navigating through nice, no come farts, policy, obviously, and then I go at immediately afterwards. I walked into the bathroom and just was like, oh, it's just completely let it out. And it was, I mean, the damage was done. It was over. It was more satisfying to come. It was like, oh, it was nice. Oh, yeah, I walked in and I was like,

holy shit, dude. I got a little glimpse of paradise. Yeah, fat farts. Yeah, I got, I was swimming in some fat farts. Oh, they probably loved it. All given.

Yeah. Oh, yeah. Yeah, I saw one of the guy ran paradise. Although, maybe not check his fucking

testimonials, maybe he's like, didn't like the farts whatsoever. You know, when the cop, I remember the cop from the dream, like, it was like a lesbian lady with blonde hair. Whoa, and I don't know why it was that lady. You know, I was short here. It was like a dark cop. It was like a white lady. It was a white lady. It was a white lady. Yeah. And you had a white lady cop on your ass? Yeah,

“I don't even know why. Oh, because I was watching Midwest safety. I think that's what happened.”

I was watching Midwest safety. It was so funny. There was this one. There's this racist guy. I know he was a racist because like, he, he fought black guys and he was like harassing them. That's the cops. So he, they go, he gets beat up. He gets hit in the hands bleeding from his head. He's in his house. They go to cops go to his house and he's like, you got him. Go, I'm sorry. I saw that guy. Wow. Also, when I heard, oh, time he was ramping up to the

inward. He didn't hit it. He hit it for sure. He hit it a couple times. He hit the stars with bars in his house. They go into his house, full stars and bars. And he's just in there like, I want, I want outside. Yeah, I love people. I don't say I want to go outside. I want outside. He kept hitting it and hitting it and they're like, he's like, that black punk outside. I'm going, all right. He's working.

“It's coming. It's so funny. The coffee machine's percolated. That's what you go take a side bit.”

What's up out here real quick? Over another reason. Oh, yeah. When you said racist, you know, like, racist guy gets, you know, beat up by the police. I'm, I'm going, like, all right. Let's see, everyone watch it from the same. Let's see how he does this. In the back guy, oh, the guy, he's like, hey, man, I literally love you. I don't think they're home. I think he shoved it while they shoved them. Those guys could be broke through their neighbor.

Yeah. But he shoved them. That was the thing that guy shoved the black dude and the black dude fucking gave him a big weld on his head. He was bleeding. He had a, uh, it was wailing jinnings on the confederate flag. And it said something like, if slavery wasn't here, we would have made it. What do you really see? Yeah. No, he calls his mom the video starts. Mom, bring to everybody. We're in the whole family. It is, uh, it is a scary,

phone call. He's the other next. No, it's mom shows up just like, mom. He's like, mom. He's like, getting mad at the cops. He's trying to resist the rest. He's like, you, you're hurting me. Mom. Mom. Mom. Most of those mid-life safety videos. It's a grown man. They get a wrestling. They go, mom. It's literally is like, it's an adult temperature. It's like, you've, you're beyond

Get out of full adult spans. Probably. Yeah. Try for mommy. He's so fast. And then they're like,

you know, you're going to chill. I don't get up. I don't get up. I don't get up. Every single time. Thank you. I don't get you. Yeah. And you're just getting to do a full, like, someone trying to hold you down to get to go, I literally remember my older brother was beating me up and being like, that's the best. Just let's check towel nurses. A little brother kick. That's the last offense before you get your ass. Absolutely beaten.

It passed your guard. There you go. It's a guard fried dude. It's all right. I saw another crazy one. It was like a this Hispanic guy. He trapped his white lady in the house. But like, he like, chained her to the floor. Oh, like it was like, he had, he had like rooms in his house and like, it was crazy. But my thing was, I feel like they did it to people together and then she cheated on him.

Because these both, these both will like, pieces of shit. We should have never unchanged her. Yeah. Well,

“the cops have changed her. She's going to fucking cheat on this guy again. Well, that's, that's what he said.”

He's like, she cheated on me. She's being dramatic and changed herself. And then he loves. Yeah. But then she like kicked out the window and called it like the neighbors called the cops. Kind of believe them. He was Spanish. I want to he was Spanish. I believe him more because he didn't cops showed up. The rest of me is like, I told him I'll be in a Monday. So his, him and his babe, his babe was chained up. Like, I'm out there. Yeah. Like, it was like, he was saying

she changed herself. Yeah, because she was being dramatic because she cheated on him around the neck. Like, like, just a chain Raptor. Yeah. The lock would like, there was a master lock in the chain. And then it was like bolted into the ground. Like, master lock. Yeah. Yeah. But the also the whole house was like, made. So nobody can escape. Like there was secret rooms. There was like the the front door was locked on the inside and it outside. So you need an inside key and an outside key. Okay. Yeah.

So they're like, no, you think they would double murder. I think they're doing it together. And then she cheated on him. And he was like, fuck you bitch. And then she's like, change, like a change. And he's like, no, I'm leaving. And she's like, I'm going to chain myself up. Yeah. But how does she call the cops chain up? She kicked out the window and yelled out the window. Like, hey, it'll help you chain me up. One of them take something new. Try to be nice guy and give you girlfriend long chains.

I. Yeah, I'm full. Interness, Lutheran. I'm about to fill solve everything.

“I'm solving all the crimes. I bet here's the thing. That's an unsolvable crime. You're out in the house.”

Thank you, smoke. But you can, I can smell it. I can sniff suspicion. You're saying you can, you can look at, you can get context, ladies. You're element. Yeah. What is it called? Elementary. My day of watching. Yeah. Well, she seems because it's like, it wasn't like she changed herself. Well, I don't think she changed herself. I think they are chaining people together. And then she tried to get out of it. Or she cheated on them to get out of their relationship.

And then like, I think he chained her up because he was like, bitch, or she was, or he had no adhesive. Also got it. It's got a suck as like a bondage dominator to like have your sub. Obviously, track spares out. Yeah. I, the term subspace makes me laugh so hard. The subspace is where like when you're, you're the sub, but you're subbing out. You're being dumb so hard. You just like lose all sense of time. You get in her subspace.

Apparently a thing, subspace makes me sad. Some of you are dumb. If you're in dumb space, then your sub cheats on you. It's funny to be like, good little kid and be like, actually that actually hurts my feelings. I'm actually really torn up about the fact that each of you. I'm actually broken up about this. But then maybe she was maybe she needed to break her actions. So if you're really a true dumb, you would just correct the

bratty behavior. Chained her up. But you got this guy was textbook dumb. This. He did leave for like three days. He was like, oh, no. Yeah.

“That's no snack. I think he left because he got a call at the cops right at his house.”

You got to leave some chickaboo and popcorn for her. You got to leave the yogurt, chickaboo and popcorn. And it's TV. I think you could, I think you could change your baby popcorn. I think you could change it for like a month and chickaboo. Low calorie sweet kettle for yogurt and like some sort of bev and a TV. I think you could change a woman for 30 years. They might not even notice it.

You're going to change the. Yeah. You keep replenishing the popcorn and drink and you put on like housewives.

Yeah. You put on every season of housewives in the order. They would never know.

You're going to hang out with a friend like the fuck. Oh. Yeah. I'm getting fucking down. Yeah. A babel chill man. They were chill. So fucking hard. I'm like, I'm like, dude, she's constant. Like,

I can't till I die. I don't think I'll lay down during the day for the rest of my life.

I would go nuts if I just lay there like this watching television is like, that's the dream room. I'm laying on your back. I get pillows up. I want to lay on the couch all day. Oh, I panic. When I said madlock, I remember when I said a sick day, I did for me it was like the morning was when I didn't want to go to school. So I'd be like, Mom, I've done everything. And I would get out of school. And I'd be like, yes, I'm out of school.

“But as the day went on, I'd slowly get filled the sense it's red and I'm like, what have I done?”

My cousin would come home. But like, here's your work for today. And I'm like, this is all I missed. And it'd be like a sheet of like spelling words and like, okay. But I would get like panic. By the time the afternoon came, I'd be like, society's moving home without me. I would feel like I'd been left behind. Yeah. I'm worthless. My school mates have left me behind.

I'm not an ignorant slain in the end. I don't know what they know. My friends forgot about me because they

think it's diarrhea, why? It's moved on. I love a good excuse to be lazy. You know, like when you don't have the other shit, like a snow day, yeah, I'll take a snow day, rainy day. They're back back in the day. I'd be like, the girl, the biggest test doesn't even know me anymore. It's my door. Loser today for all I know. Yeah, it was a spring uniform. That means golf shirts. Man, I couldn't imagine. I had to kind of imagine being in like,

many times with the things the girls wear nowadays. I was a, you know, a being that young. Yeah. It's got to be crazy. I was just talking to Brittany about about our Spendex. I was like, you do realize Spendex in public is crazy. It's so crazy. That's nuts. Let alone because like, we're talking to, like, leggings are like, leggings. Yeah. I'm like, leggings are like, I'm like, I'm like, I get it, but it's like, that's still wildly revealing. It's like, you see the contours of like,

the butt and you're posing. And, you know, most times, a big old camel toe and I'm going like, it's not crazy to like tie something around the waist. Like, that's, it's not, it's, it's understandable because it's like, you're, you're out. You're fucking completely on display. And then, like, well, I just don't that it. And then we walk past a lady about a bunch of you hanging out of shorts. And she was like, I can't believe that person's out there right now. It's like,

it's like, it's like Spendex. That's the next evolution. Yeah. I was like, everyone's dressing like prostitutes used to dress. Yeah. If you were Spendex in the 80s outside, you'd be like, this is a hooker. Yeah. Yeah. If you were your butt cheeks out. And now, like in the 90s, 2000s, butt cheeks out with hookers. Now, regular ladies are adopting hooker technology. And I'm like, see through shit is getting big. I see it. I don't know. Now, it's going to be see through. It's, it's going to hit a point where

we'll obviously fly back. It already is. There's like the baggy mom jeans now. Yeah. Um, I do hate that to be honest. You hate baggy mom jeans. Nice. It does, it does nothing. Like,

“it really bumps me out. Well, it gives you nice reset. You need to double me. I can't handle”

butt cheeks out of shorts and nipples. That's too much for me. It is a lot. Like, yeah, it's too much. It's too much. It's too much. I do celebrate. It's too much. It's a lot. It does, when I turn in New York back in the day, I used to be like, I know a wreck is coming. Yeah. But if everyone starts doing that, it's going to be a problem. I definitely think once you're off, like, once you're off the market, spend the next outside, unless you're with your guy, it's like,

again, it's one of the things. I'm like, whatever, I'm just like, stating as a matter of fact, not like, it's what hookers. It's what hookers used to wear. If my lady wasn't going out of the house and like, somebody looks up to, I'm not going to go live. I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them, like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I

pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've see them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've see them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie and I've seen them like, it's the Graham leggings that have the pre wedgie

around man was pleased. I mean, the butt cup, the Spendex, it's like, it's a great idea. I don't have like super strong like do your can't, but I just see it and I go like, yeah, well, it's that's like your butt. Like everyone can see your butt now. It's your butt. It's just instead of your skin, it's Spendex, but it's still your butt. But in the future, we're all supposed to

we're building towards all wearing Spendex all the time. I understand that. I'm not going to fight against. I can't. You're going to have to fuck that off. Why? Otherwise,

we're never going to be in the future, dude. We can't stay baggy and claim to be in the future.

Oh, I hate the baggy, the new baggy. That's where that's come back around. Yeah, that's that is kind of annoying, too. It feels great. It's like, and it's oversized. It's a yeah, it's a size. It's the same shit as when we were younger. You think of it. Remember, Chico's were so baggy. Baggy D shorts are back again. Like this. Get a six L shirt, scolive regular. It's just going to look regular now. It's going

to look like I mean, don't meet. I thought you'd been like. I thought you'd been talking about fashion, I'm talking serious. I'm talking. I want to talk to these tallties where the sickest things.

“I think any fashion trend, I think tallties might be the sickest shit ever. There was a small”

area that had like a middle ground that I love. It was like the sleeves were normal cut sleeves

dress. I walked in the dance. I put it on like this. This is the dress the whole time. It hugs

my waist. It looks so secure. Like I put it on. It like spins and shit and we fly up in there.

“Well guys, I believe we did it. Motherfucking powwow. Thank you for everybody. Appreciate you guys.”

This will yeah, man. We'll keep on plotting along. So we can do this plot along on this thing called life.

Yeah. All right, P.C. Wait for the robot. Wait for the robot.

“All this way to see if the robots really take our fucking livelihoods. And if, you know,”

see what happens with the war, hopefully that's something blows over. And there's peace in that robots don't, you know, take us away. Seems to be hanging over everybody's mind and the robots

“they're robots in the war. Things are robots. We're going to take us over. We're going to go in the world.”

We're going to do something. When the robots in the war are joined together, that's when we're fucked. That's where everyone's afraid of. Four of the jumps of a battle boss nonstop. And to be just our food supply depends on how good our battle boss is. Each country has their own guy. We're

going to battle boss wars. Maybe I'll be shredded finally. Being crushed by a bunch. Well,

bye guys. Please. Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's Secret Podcast on Spotify. Do it.