Ep 636 - Mr. Chili's (feat. Sam Tallent)

- Thankfully, I found the Idiot Brothers this morning.

- Two, nice. - Those guys are nice. - They were. - Who, why would they agree to do that interview? - Okay, love.

- If I think it's cool. - It does. - Six minutes. - Yeah, I didn't, I mean, this is kind of, I guess I don't know much about it,

but I didn't know like lobbying was like, there was the individual people pulling their strings. I just thought, I just imagined some like giant machine that was just like, "Boom." - Yeah, I don't know.

- No, like lobbyists are very good at face-to-face, like are the ultimate like trickster swindlers. So they're like, they're the best guy at the bar. They're the best use car sales when they ever existed. - Oh, I'm just gonna describe lobbyists?

- Swindlers. - Trickster swindlers. - Yeah, yeah. - You said it, brother. (laughs) - I'm not in the industry as a day, but I don't know all the terms.

Is that anti-Semitic somehow? (laughs) - Trickster swindlers. - What? - Trickster. - Yeah, I own a lot of my problems. - Well, okay, all right.

- The problems, full jokes. - Trickster swindlers.

- Well, I need to feral though. - I read the articles as I want. - I'm sorry. (laughs) - I was watching it, just kind of like, "I didn't know anything about lobbyists."

And I was like, "I found all of them were Jewish." Like, "I'm a very Jewish." You would think, "Let's shame on the network." It's like, dude, dude, a little just do a little thing. - Just a couple other guys.

- Yeah, one. - There's got to be a bunch of people. - Give me a Native American woman. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- Shame on 60 minutes, 60 minutes was getting people fired up. - Yeah, they were. - It's really nuts. - And I will say, again, it's like, I haven't seen, I didn't know there were still guys,

like the older guys, maybe, but there was a young guy being like, "Hmm, yeah, that's of course." - Yeah, I haven't seen, like, such a refined gentleman and so long.

- Yeah, he was pretty cool. - Very refined, like, the whole gentleman. - I liked him. - Was he rubbing his chin? - Not even, he was just very--

- He was just holding frame and kind of dominate. - Dude, 60 minutes old woman. - He was. - And his, his, his countenance was crazy. I've been trying to work on my countenance.

He had it, you could tell. He, it's been like, yeah. Worked in him for a while of time.

“- What does that mean when you're working on your countenance, like, you're trying to make your face hard?”

- You're very, okay. - Like, if she said something that he disagree with, he'd be like, and he would like make this like very cool face out. You'd instantly be like, yeah, dude, dude, right? So he's right.

- Yeah, people back in the day, countenance was a thing. - Oh, yeah, yeah. - Yeah, they were swag. It was all countenance. You'd be like--

- Rest in this face was encouraged and meant for, like, 200 years. Or just go out and like, look at your mule. (laughing) - I think what I liked about them was I was kind of, I was kind of staring at our own reflection.

(laughing) - There's a man, there's a young man with such countenance and passion, and then there's just a long over-clearly drunk guy that's like, yeah, I don't know what don't fucking you want. (laughing)

- What's he even trying to hide now? - He was just leaning forward, like, watch out, is leaning forward just like, yeah, whatever. We don't know, yeah. - That was pretty awesome, fucking Biden sucks.

(laughing) - I couldn't agree more. - Yeah. - Yeah, I don't watch 60 minutes. I missed out on this.

It was these two are really, they're in a great couple. - Yeah. - I just, well, I've been watching suits. I kind of remind of the classic pair. - It's a good pair.

- Yeah, you know what I'm talking about? - Give us these suits? - No. - It's all about high-power lawyers, and it's all, it's pretty good.

It's like an old, cheesy shovel. - No joke, when you said classic pair, I thought Anna Nicole Smith, classic pair of boobs. That's where my head went. - I heard that crap.

- When I heard that crap. - That's like my primordial fat material. - Yeah, classic. - And then Nicole Smith. - Oh, yeah.

- Oh, yeah.

“Very beautiful, but also like, I think I can land her.”

Like if she was at a Buffalo Wild Wings and so was I. - She had midnight. - I'm talking to a 95 year old. - Yeah. - Yeah, but for the Chichula, yeah, she just like them.

She's like old, wrinkled balls. - Yeah, yeah. - Put your balls on my head. - Put your balls on my head. - Yeah.

- I'll be, I'll come back. - Hold my glass to me, but I'm the alcohol man. - Yeah, I thought that she got, I liked that she did that. And I liked pleasureing myself to her as a boy. - Yeah.

You know, I was here about the animal cold Smith type with that old man, like just now, as you said, that I, whatever reason imagined, it's like it's such an old decrepit man ejaculating.

I've never, it just, I was like, oh man.

- You know, it's not just, it's like when you cut the corner off a bag of milk and it kind of spurts a little. - And then naked, 95 year old man. - Exactly. - And they look like an alien.

- Yeah, yeah. - It's like a skeleton coming off top. - His nurse probably has to place him on top of her and like help thrusts. - Yeah, big Jamaican lady just come on now.

- Oh my God. - Like a Halloween decoration. (laughing) - It's big.

“The fall asleep, it must be, you must be as you're coming”

you're falling asleep too. So you probably like lose consciousness as you, I would imagine it. - I've been wakes him up. I bet the coming like brings him back to life.

- Really? - Yeah, I don't believe. - He's pretty good with straight to nap. I think he's going, I think he's out for three or four days. - Kind of like rocking a baby.

- I think it is. - Yeah. - 95 year old man getting an in and a cold Smith suck. - That's put him down for a week. - He's done.

- He's in the crib for five days. - He's probably kept him alive. - Probably. - Reverse man. - Reverse man.

(laughing) - She's like he got in the room. - As soon as he probably starts, he's like,

- And then it's just like, yeah, it's like, yeah.

- Yeah, I can't wait to have sex with you tonight. There's gonna be huge, okay. I'll see him. (laughing) - Patient woman picks him up and gets him hard.

- She got paid out of that, didn't she? - Oh yeah, yeah. - She got paid big time. - She passed away. - She died, I remember.

- It was like the, I think it was the, over the counter speed pills that she was selling. It was called like Zendrin or whatever. - Oh, remember those? - It was like hydroxy cut.

“And I remember after she died, my trimspa, yeah.”

The connoisseur, La Marre, my band was on the road. And after she died, they couldn't get rid of trimspa. Like it was automatically like, oh, this killed an Nicole Smith. So at Walgreens, they had like 10 bottles of trimspa

for like $10 in me and my buddy just ate trimspa and played our punk rock songs. Like even faster and faster. - Those things suck you up, like these stackers and we'll know they're called the yellow jackets.

- Oh yeah, they're just truck stops speed. - Yeah, I had my friend needs to crush them up and snort them. - White crosses? - It was just like, yeah, it was just like, yeah, yeah.

- Yeah, yeah. - That's what I was supposed to. - I was supposed to. - Me too, dude. I would never do that.

I've never taken that gas station drug.

- Dude, palm with you on that. I was, I was tear, I'd watch my coat on, I'd get to get some bebe, whatever the fuck they were called, and he was a mantra and snort 'em, I'm like, but we're going bowling.

- What the fuck you do? - Playing laser tag. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, that sounds. - I know, he did kick my ass off with the fuck. - He was probably launched that fucking thing. (laughing)

- I don't 85 miles away, I don't think I could. - Hold the lane, I did a lot of gas station drugs. - Did you? - For sure. - Yeah. - I'm terrified on that.

- I mean, back then we didn't know, it was like, that's where you got your salvia. So of course, you get some of the weird oils. - A little bug. - Yeah.

“- The salvia had a barring, maybe the worst thing.”

- Yeah, I've ever done. - I'll tell you what. Nice, Sunday, watching some football over at Chili's. - Did you really? - It was a really nice experience.

- Back to the HQ. - Back to the HQ. - It's a nice photo to the group tax about Chili's, Sean Gardini said. I'm glad you guys discovered Chili's.

I love it there. - Powdered. - Oh, we claimed Chili's father. - We claimed Chili's father. (laughing)

- I mean, what a crazy lady. - I haven't heard him say Chili's once. - Yeah. - All the sudden I go, I like Chili's. You go, yeah, I put you onto that crazy move.

You know what I mean? So Chili's when he's cold and he's jack-a-a-a. - I think there was a big misunderstanding. (laughing) - I just love Chili's, that's all I was.

- Do you love Chili's? - How much I love Chili's? - I've spent all of my birthdays in Chili's. - Ugh, and Chili's. - You go way back.

- What happened to Hooters? - Hooters was Mother's. - Mother's Day was Hooters. - Yeah, that's insane. - Yeah, it was, was it your grandma?

- My grandma loves Hooters, so we would go there every Mother's Day, it's awesome. And I love Chili's, so we would go there for my birthday every year. And my parents let me bring my friends.

- Was your grandmother like a lesbian lady? - Well, I used to, yeah, I don't know. She says she just likes the wings, but she might like to try it. - It's my dad's breast.

- It's my dad's breast. - Yeah, it's my dad's breast. - Yeah. - I would buy some of them from the late hubby. (laughing)

- She's probably like, these wings are really good.

“- That's what I thought to, yeah, my grandpa would hang out”

there a lot and then he would go all the wings are fantastic and then she kind of just bathed. - He had believed it. - Did he pass away? - He has forced away.

- Yeah, she's still with her, she's 88 years old. And she, yeah, that's a nice remembrance. - Yeah, she. - Being like, we used to go to Hooters together. - Yeah, I have photos with my grandpa,

Hooters and with the girls and stuff when I was like, a child. - We used to go to Hooters to watch WWE F paper views. - Oh, that's nice. - It was awesome.

- Yeah, I remember every time, this is probably the whole business model. I remember going to high school and being like, there's a chance. There's a chance, she smiled, she smiled at me.

I think I could. - You're getting used to strip clothes. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, you strip clothes. - Oh, she loves me. She sat at the table for 10 seconds.

- Teachers, you had to be horny in front of your friends. - Yeah. - We play it cool. - Not gross at the table, everybody's stairs into their Coca-Cola clothes.

- Yeah, or up at the ceiling. - Yeah. - Yeah. - See a guy coming out. - Went to high school with Chadfield?

- That's great.

- Finally, you go, can you just get out of here

or try to watch the other thing? (laughing) - I'm sorry, come back. (laughing) - I shouldn't have done that.

- I just get jealous of the guys who come out of the kitchen with a band-down on it, it's probably their boyfriend fucking, yeah. - Definitely their boyfriend, yeah. - I know, fucking line cooks.

- Yeah. - You fucked them and sells 'em Zanix. The best job in the world. - God, I feel fucking cool. - Yeah, those guys are cool.

- You used to, we wanted your friends to try to eat the hottest wings to impress them. - They have diarrhea. - They were tough. - Ugh.

God, I used to get sick off of hot sauce constantly. - I still do. - But stealing Chili's value, really. - I wasn't trying to steal Valor, I do love Chili's. - Glad you guys discovered it.

- Interesting time. - I do, that was good, it kinda tick you off, yeah. - It was really fun. - And I had a good time. - I won.

- And you were, actually. - I won. - If by the end of the day it was gone, guys, can we just drop it? - No, I don't know.

- So you were seated next to Chili's? - No, I received the text the next day. I was in bed, it was a great start to the day. So there we go. - Yeah.

- You didn't need coffee. - You got a fight. - There were two fights simultaneously going on the group text, there was two other guys were fighting.

- I just loved Chili's, man. That's all I wanted to say. - When's the last time you went? - Oh, that's right.

“- A couple, maybe a couple months ago now,”

but I ordered it on my phone a lot. I was saying that in the group text, I ordered Uber each chili's and why the garbage in the outside trash can. So nobody knows that I ordered Uber each chili.

- You eat the chili's in your garage. - Am I living room? - Whilst smoking? - I wouldn't know, I smoke after I eat the chili's video. - If you're ordering Chili's to your house

and then lying about how much you love Chili's. - Well, now I just realized I said it on the podcast, so I can't lie about it anymore. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- No, once I liked it, then he was Mr. Chili's. - Yeah, he gave me the coolest thing on the wall. - Oh, guys, this is a great time, it goes.

I actually, I've always been that.

- So that's not true. - That's me. - That's my thing that you were doing. - I didn't mean to do that. I'm sorry that you took it that way.

- You certainly intended that. - Yeah. - I didn't think it was good. - So it's a big text fight, average. - Yeah, how many hours did that last,

and after that initial five hours, at least five? (laughing) - Like a five, six hour thing, I forget about it, then I'd go right back, oh yeah, fuck you, Sean. - And where are the sides?

There was just pretty much a blood bath. - It was just me and Sean, he was going back and forth. - Yeah, you have your private conversation. - Having a private conversation.

- Yeah. - It was fun. - It was fun, but yeah, sorry. - I didn't mean that. - I accept your apology.

I'm glad you apologized. - Well, it was big mandal apology. - Can we crowd a Mr. Chili? Can we crowd a Mr. Chili's? - I don't think it's a big concern.

- I don't think it's a big concern. - I don't think it's a big concern. - My picture is on the wall of Chili's. - Well, that was my argument. - Probably, I don't look good in here.

- Look at the merch, look at the, I got my, I, I, I, I driven my boys out. (laughing) I put, the mayor's wearing a chili shirt right now. If I go to Chili's, everybody eats.

My dad's getting a chili shirt. - He's not ordering it alone. - Yeah, I'm not. - Yeah, I'm not. - I'm not ashamed of that.

- But my thing is like, I go to Chili's for the love of it, you're going to get your picture on the wall. - Wow. - I'll be good.

- Digging you, dig, you're saying, you got to eat a little chili's just to feel normal. - Yes, you love the dirt. - You just, it's home, you know. - It reminds me of my child.

- No, I, and I appreciate Shane doing a laugh for the Chili's brand. - Yeah. - You're a chili, yeah. - You're on the board.

- It like, I hope he could start to franchise them and then maybe I could get a little. - You guys swear to God, I went in and I said, "Have you guys ever seen this man?" I held up.

(laughing)

- And they said, "We've never seen,

he's never set foot in the Chili's." - Is that young, horrible, retin-bocker? - Yeah, never. - I'm going to call the, I'm going to call the owner and see if I can get like your debit card signature,

like the Charlie Kirk murder receipt. (laughing) - It's me.

“- It was just the only thing I could like it.”

(laughing) - No, I'd love to get it. - It was like, actually I would examine the EBT signature, it is not Sean Gardini out there. - Yeah, it was.

- It was, it was. - Chili's is not take EBT. I looked into that as well. - Well, whatever, it's going to happen. - It's just an ounce.

- It's an ounce of proof that he's ever even been to a Chili's. - We've been Chili's together. - Yeah, multiple times. - Snakes.

- That takes a shirt off. (laughing) Take the Chili's, take my chili shirt off. Pop it off. - And my shorts.

(laughing) - And give his phone back. (laughing) - Take off my clothes, that's, that's it. - Yeah.

- Give it my hat. - See you later. - You turn on me. - You turn on me. - Shon, take off my shirt. (laughing)

Take all three of you away. - Oh, you're closed. - Don't, don't, don't, don't. - Shon's closed. - Shon's closed.

- You all have to be naked. (laughing) - Shon claimed Chili's now, you're all stripping. - Yeah. (laughing) - Oh my God.

- I hope I can bring your clothes. - Yeah, I did. (laughing) - I did. - Yeah, I did. - Oh my God, not everyone needs everybody eat.

Everyone gets dressed. You're like, all of their mazlos, hierarchy of eat. You're in the peak of it. (laughing) - I don't think they still. - Yeah, yeah.

- No, no, no, no, no, no. - I look Chili's more than you. - No, no. - You love Chili's more than me, and I would love to recommend it.

- I would recommend it. - They're gonna cut your fuckers. - They're gonna walk, they're gonna walk.

- Do you do sleeping, they'll never get me.

- I know, I think we can go to Chili's one day. - And we will never go to Chili's single. - Oh, wow. - You and I will never be in a Chili's single. - Ever.

- The pesos are gonna rise up, man. - I will literally get you all, I'll say, this guy has been threatening me and threatening the Chili's, get your pay. - We'll say, if you're not served this man.

(laughing) - Hey, please don't do it. - Oh, I really do love Chili's. - Show us up on his birthday or get the fuck out. - You know, you creeped.

- You should've got him in the air. You've got to send you a 10 seconds. - This episode is presented by price picks. Football season is rolling and price picks

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that's go drenched to get $150 instantly in line-ups. If you win your first $5 line-up, price picks. - Your game, wow. - Thank you, man. - You're a great reader.

- But yeah, it was nice to see the Bros rolling into chillies. - Yeah, the guy that rolled in on Scooter was tight. - Was it LeMaire? - No, I mean, he did resemble, he had LeMaire. - He was like a guy kind of psycho-looking dude.

He looked like he was a beast. - He was a beast, but he did have like, you were watching him the whole time. His vibe was really good. - He's a future guy.

We watched him watch you and he hit a Scooter. - He had robots legs. - He had a murdered out Scooter. - Fingerless gloves. - Sick ass helmet.

- Just watch blade, he was hiding on the floor. - Yeah, natural.

“- He had a natural, a fingerless gloves.”

- What other bracelets, probably? - Did he walk the Scooter like a gentleman inside? - Folded it, put it inside the chillies. - They validate it for him. (laughing)

- Was he an employee or is he just a team here? - He was an esteemed guest. There were several esteemed guests that did continuously hit that corner of the chillies. After he left a new esteemed, yeah.

It was just grab a man you post up in the corner and just stand. - He's a vampire. - He's a vampire. - Yeah, he's a vampire.

- Yeah, he took his like all black helmet off. Waff this hair, but he just was like a little psycho. Like he was just-- - He was great. - I thought it was a mobility scooter.

You're talking about like, yeah. - Yeah, okay. - Yeah, that makes more sense. - It's for a vampire. - It's for a vampire.

- No. - Yeah. - And then he hold it like under his arm and see, - No, it was a big ask scooter. - I don't know the helmet.

Did he like, brandish the helmet? - I don't know. - I went. - Okay. - I went back to hell.

- Yeah. - So I sent him to a portal back there. - Yeah, yeah. - I went back there in the baths. - And a GTA to helmet like took the helmet off.

- Yeah, it was going on. - It was going on. - Yeah, it was going on. - Yeah, it was going on. - I don't know what happened to him.

- Yeah. - I've been to a chillies in a while. - Oh. - I think my wife's gotta go, man. - 30 seconds per thing.

- Yeah. - You don't know how to-- - I mean, I've done my time. - You're gonna love it. - Yeah.

- I'm glad you're just discovering it now. - That's special. - Thank you. - 900 ounce Bud Light. - Yes, yes.

- It's a fire hydrant for the-- - It's a small one. - A big one, a good one, man. - Come on man. - What do you think I'm here for?

- Come on, man.

“- I don't want to remember leaving, baby.”

- You mean the big one? - Yeah, me and Nate were flying somewhere and I was in desperate need of some food. Nate goes, dude, chillie, chillie, chillie, chillie. - Chillies, chillies, chillies, chillies.

- Oh, hair, chillies. - Really? - Oh, hair, dude. - Was that actually the one? - Oh, hair is chillies.

- Did you either there or Dallas, one of the other, however, I would say, oh, hair, I want a frontera, Rick Bayless frontera. Oh yeah. - That might be the best, oh, hair, a restaurant, they make it tortilla soup. - God, I love tortilla soup. - Yeah, they're soups really good.

- She, they dropped the cheese in it melts and it goes all to the bottom. - Yeah, your soup and you pull out a glob of melted cheese. - They have that in this cup of eaters. - Oh, you don't, you don't, you don't, you don't. - I bet you found out about it because I go there every year

for my birthday, a flido hair and I go there.

I've never mentioned it once.

- I go there every year. - But it's your whole thing. - It's my entire thing. - Yeah. - It's my entire thing.

- It's my whole thing. - It's my entire thing. - It's my entire thing. - I am ready to find it. - It's my entire thing.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it.

- I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - I'm ready to find it. - Every night outside my house.

There were more. It's starting to dwindle off, but I let my dog out, and she goes and hunts down toads. So I've been catching toads,

bringing them in, and I'll show my kids under the morning. They keep fucking escaping my cage. It's pissing me off. - What?

- I've got to discover catching toads. - Really?

- Yeah, we always catch toads.

- It's like my favorite thing. - I'm my birthday. - I'm my birthday. - Probably pee in your hand every fucking time. - Because they think that you're going to crush them.

- Yeah, it's like a death release. - Dang. - Yeah, it's gross, dude. Yeah, anytime you pick up a fucking frog, you're just like,

- And they pee, right? - Yeah, it's--

“- What do I think I was going to get out of it?”

(laughing) - They picked up a toe, and then passed out on the hot tub. (laughing) - What happened? (laughing)

(laughing) - What happened? - Yeah, it was when we were like playing pool by a skip off. - Yeah, it was strange.

- It was like a bunch of frogs I caught when I-- I never would do. I had to-- - Yeah, I thought I don't really-- - He was obliterating.

- I just got him a nice video. I'm a very, very drunk, maybe. - Yeah. (laughing)

- Yeah, I never repeat it.

I figured it like-- I was like, I think the frog murdered. That's right. I just-- it was a good night. - Moments-- moments later, it was asleep on the concrete.

(laughing) - That was a picture. (laughing) - It stunned you with its venom. - Yeah, the toe got you.

(laughing) - That was the last time I got drunk. It was here. And then he passed out. I just went out there and did turn around

fadeways in the pool for like an hour and a half. And I came back at one point and I was like 20 in a row and no one gave a shit. (laughing) (laughing)

- 20 in a row. (laughing) - Yeah, man, fuck. I don't really enjoy touching animals. Like dogs.

I'll touch a dog. I love the dog. But man, like a bird.

“Someone has a bird in their house and they want it.”

Like you hold the birds. Like get the fuck away. - Yeah.

- I'm telling you, if you're out there with your dog,

your dog's-- it's dark. So you can't even see anything. - Yeah. - It's your dog's dog's dog. I'll keep my kids up and we'll go toe-todd hunting

at nighttime. It's the-- when we catch them, they're like, (laughing) And in the morning, they come down like, you want them to see in the cage and I'm like,

fucking God away. The fuckers go on. - How are they getting out? - So I don't have-- I have an aquarium tank, but I don't have the mesh lid yet.

It's coming in a couple days. - It's in the garage. - No, it's in my backyard. - Oh, okay. - I'm getting the backyard.

I put dirt and you've got to add a lot of humidity. So I put a bunch of water in there. And I was thinking they were like burying under the dirt, which apparently they will do. I have this old garden fence that's like a grid.

So these slats are like that big. A took it escape, but I have three panels. It's like a tiny little hole, I'm like, dude, he's that's a jump, grip, and do like a pull-up.

There's no way both have gotten out. - I mean, you're building them a prison. They're going to be able to do pull-ups by the end. - There's things all night. - Yeah, I can't convert.

- But I got the magnetic strip kind of mesh thing coming this weekend. We're going to keep that towing there. - If you're growing battle toads now. - I know, getting them jacked. The last one I caught was a real,

he was a real fucking fire brand. - Like a bigger than your hand or smaller. - About the subtly of the hand size. - Yeah. - There was like the beginning of the season.

There's like three or four night. And I got kind of like cocky now. I got a really set of-- - That's really hoping this aquarium was inside your house. - No.

- You're continuously just releasing those in here. - Well, he-- - I fear how I'm like leap at night. - Dude, there's loud shit in here. - I hear him in my garden now.

You hear that like chirping, and I'm like, they're fucking out here. - You got to get him. - I got to find him, man. - Toads, I got to a lot of people.

- Toads and gas station, math, and fucking, the squish toads out in your garden now. - Go to a grand bow. - Go insane. - It's coming over to the pond.

That's where they're trying to get to. - But yeah, I'll get one this week. And I'll keep you up the day. But I'm going to-- - I'll try to fix.

- I'll get you to fix. - I got some pics. - I got some pics in the middle of the chase. And I got some videos. - That's good.

- Dude, she's just walking all of a sudden. She turns, and I'm like, "Get 'em tilting." - Yeah. - She's fucking fucking-- - She hasn't bit one yet.

- No, she'll just like put her face on 'em. - She's gonna kinda get afraid of a little bit. - Yep, so put 'em jump back, then like chase it around. - She's running on the street like three times now. That's what I got.

- You raised her right? - I did. - She's just nose in the touch. - She's not-- - She knows. - I've been training her with the shoes.

- I trained her properly. - Oh yeah. - She's-- - Oh, she's-- - Oh, she's-- - Oh, she's-- - She's-- - She's--

- She's-- - She's-- - She's-- - Oh, no. - My cousin had wheelies on, my little cousin just skated around. We always met 'em til-- - It was like--

- It's like what the fuck are those? - It was a child cousin. - She has big, yeah, the whole tiny child has. She ain't had these like military boots when we were living together in Philly. And he would-- no, 'til it was like a puppy, and he would go, ah, and she would like spas.

If she sees work boots now, she tries to bite them. - Yeah. - To this day. Someone comes in my house to fix anything. I have to lock her away because she'll bite their shoes. - Remember how much-- - Good day.

“- Dude, remember how easy it was to have fun when you were fucking poor.”

- The third hand shoes. - Dude, it was a folding chair.

- Yeah. - In front of a TV. - Yeah. - Yeah. - You dog hates shoes. (laughing) - That's crazy.

- You're wiping with Chipotle napkins. Yeah, it was the best time. - Yeah, it was awesome. - That was-- - It was funny, too, because like--

I used to just put that dog in my room and go to stand up. I was like, "All right, be good." And she was-- she was from the-- Always a good dog. She bent in HDMI to 60 foot HDMI chords.

She chewed it up one time. I remember I bought it, sure. I would say the last dog I spent pretty hard. And then I fucking do it. I just taped the cord up, put it back in the box,

return it to the best buy. And I was like, did I hit my card? Like, yeah, and they started pulling out of the box. I was like, "Later." (laughing)

It was like fucking $200. - Yeah. - Yeah, I'm not taking a bath on this thing. I didn't install HDMI cord and fill in the helium filled off. Yeah, I put that in. - Oh, yeah. - 'Cause they only had one screen that would work.

And I'm like, "You guys need one more cord. You can have your both screens working there.

And I was like, "You know what? Fuck this is we had a show." And I was like, "I'm going to buy a cord and install it." Was that digital graffiti? - Yeah. - God.

I would hear tales of that show. It was like rumbles would like Mickey Leaper and it came out one time and told me about the show in Philadelphia.

Oh my God. - It was so super powerful.

It's too powerful. I don't know if we could do it now. It would be, especially filmed. It's evil enough to do it. It's so evil.

- Isn't it just like I'm on stage and then a bunch of people are treating like he's gay and fat. They're doing this part, they're doing this part. The worst part of it is, is the crowd laughs up numerously in your face.

And it's not there to say, right? And you don't know what they're saying to you. You're going like, "What art?" And then your insecurities start taking up a set. - They're saying my biggest insecurity.

- Yeah. - And you're going to stand up. The audience does not give a fuck about what you're saying at all. They're just laughing at you in a bad way. It's kind of, I mean, it sounds very free.

- Someone's going for the ego death takes over. - It's a good death. - It's been on stage and someone happens in your chest and you're like, "Oh, I'm going to die." And then you're like, "Try and do your dumb jokes."

And then while you're up there, you just accept that you're going to die on stage at the Milwaukee improv. - Dude, I, for real, have done this so many times. - So many times.

- I'm ready to hit the eject button where I'm like,

"It wouldn't be that weird if I was like, "Hey guys,

"I'm going to have to take like 10 minutes "to go sit down backstage and we'll be right back." - No, no, I say, let me go down up here. That'd be the worst thing ever. - That's the thing.

- You died doing what he loves. - Yeah. - Getting clips. - Yeah. - Yeah. - Try to remember your close.

- What are you dumb bitch? - You can't vote in a loud. - Any Filipino's in the room. - Yeah, I had an extremely sharp pain in my chest once and I was like, "It was the worst one ever."

I was like, "This has to be on me." - Yeah. - And I was just getting into my clothes or so I was like, "Just fucking do it." Just get through it.

- Yeah. - And I got offstage and I was very embarrassed to tell everyone I think I might've just had. I think I had a heart attack. - Yeah.

“- I don't people do have like, don't people have tiny attacks in there?”

- Yeah, I feel like it does happen. - I could have sworn I had one in my 20s. Like I for sure thought I was having an heart attack. - I think I had one like two days ago. - I constantly think I had heart attacks.

And then not telling anyone. And I'm alone in a hotel room somewhere. - Yeah. - I guess they're going to find me in here. - Yeah.

- God, Brookfield Wisconsin's trying to be in cool pose. - You're not nude. If I think I'm dying, I put underwear on. - Dude, being discovered dead in the thinking's man pose. - Yeah, yeah.

- It's like the serious, but you're like. - Yeah. - Unfortunately, it's all going to be the Pompeii guy. (laughing) - It's all going to be a whole new dick.

- Hey, for sure. - Well, crying. - Where's your guy holding his dick from the lava? - Yeah. - And it's like a museum case.

- I see it. - Yeah. - He's on his side. - Clearly jerking up. - I mean, having lava burned through your hand

and finally get to your dick.

- Yeah. - It's so pissed. - I mean, that's me dying on stage. (laughing) That's me being like, I'm going to do what I like.

This is how I was built to die. - Yeah, it's that hard attack. And I also have, like, I've seen enough of those YouTube's that people being like, um, and um, um, um, and just completely glitch out. I'm like, I'm definitely going to do that one time.

- I don't know.

“I think that after you do it long enough, you're like,”

your body knows. I feel like I would, like, my body would be like, "All right, thank you by a t-shirt." And then as soon as I'm offstage, that's when my fucking stroke happens, you know?

- Yeah, it's such a showman. So dedicated to the crap. (laughing) - That'd be nice. - Is there a better way, though?

- Like, like, you're on stage, you're killing. Like, the last thought you have is like, - That's, it all depends on what you're killing. - Yeah, exactly. - Yeah, like, all right.

- You're not a waste. - I think it's just an average. - Yeah. - I'm really bombing and die. - Go down fighting.

(laughing) - Yeah, I'm going to get out of this. - Yeah. - Try new. Try the one new one and just kills you.

- Of course. - Yeah. - Oh, that's actually not what I was trying to say. - 40 minutes in. You blow it.

Can't close. Pull out your own gun. (laughing) - It'd be cool if they armed us on stage. - Yeah.

- You should. - As you know, I'm awesome teachers. - Yeah. - The real heroes, the frontline warriors. - Yeah.

- Teachers for sure. You got to give teachers guns. - When you did, when you did eagles? - Why not just because. I don't even care.

It'd be cool if a teacher had a gun. It'd be nice. It'd give them a little more, kind of. - But like an AK strapped to their chest. - Yeah.

- They're not a little pocket piece. - Yeah. - You know, saw it off shotgun. - There's a strapped, like a assault rifle strapped on their shoulder. - What's the capital of life, do you read it?

- Do you read it? - Imagine that, though. - Monrovia. (laughing) - It'd be fun if you could find a teacher pranked.

But you don't have your homework? - Yeah. - Like, ah, come on. Let's get, let's do a better. Just like one throwing star over the kid's head.

- Yeah.

“- Yeah, corporal. I would like, uh, what is it called?”

Corporal punishment. - Uh-huh. - Oh, they should, a little bit meany a little bit of that, I think. - I think tuning up the kids a bit would be helpful.

- Just not like super hard, but like a systemized system of these. - One of these? - Behind the ear? - Yeah. - Dave T-style?

- Bang. - Boxing ears would be nice. - Oh. - You could pop one, man.

- Yeah. - They can't listen to you at all. - Okay. - Medically? - Should have fucking paid attention.

- I got, I got to go to, uh, ways to well after this. - Who's something about that? It's why I didn't have you on it. - What is it?

- Uh, I'm going to get, I made a mistake, because I'm taking fill in. - No. - It's got a fucked up knee. - Yeah.

Like, we can, - Oh, is this that stem cell thing

they're always trying to get you to do?

- At the mothership? - There's a guy there every time I'm there and he's like, "Come on in, man. We'll fucking inject you with blood. You'll be alright."

Like, "Why do you argue?" - I don't know, they're cured Aaron Rogers.

“- No, no, I think it's an actual medical thing.”

- They think they can get fill gills. - I think they can get it. - Oh, yeah. I mean, it's a treat to my hand with it. - I mean, I don't want to fill to get another knee surgery or something. - Yeah, so I was like, "Yeah, we'll come down for Texas or Iowa State Football, while we're down here."

- See what happens? - Get some memory on there. - But then I made a mistake of being like, "Well, while if I'm going in, I'll fucking, yeah, I'll get something there." Like, 'Cause anything wrong, I was like,

my knees crackle, and they're like, "Great. We'll do that." - And now they're like, "The needle, dude." - Yeah, but then they're like, "It's gonna hurt." - But I don't need this.

(laughing) - Also, I googled knee crackling, it's fine. - Yeah, what do you think, so? - It is. - Dude, spud?

He was going to get the stemmies or something like that. And they're like, "Oh, no, you just need, there's another thing they do if you don't need the stem cells. They just get a thick gauge knee. Don't just fucking puncture your tissue.

And that kind of relaxes it somehow.

So they were just like stabbing him with like a fucking hole. - Well, if they're doing that, I'm saying no. - Yeah, dude. - You can also just get an IV drip, which I'm going to do that. - Yeah, can you do that?

- Yeah. - It doesn't have to go to like the specific cell. - If I had like something actually wrong with my knee. - Yeah. - Which is that was the mistake of saying,

I don't have any fighting wrong. It was like my knees crackle. - Ah, they're going to look, they're going to fucking do the right thing. - I know, dude, I think it's not as needle into my knee today. - You're going to fucking do the wrong thing.

- I wouldn't be able to do the podcast. If I knew I was due for a needle, I'm fried. I hate needle. - Big needles into your knee. - Well, you're dead.

- There's so you can't cry. - Then I was like, "Well, if it hurts, I don't want to do it." - I mean, it's like a three, three out of 10. - Who's three? A woman's three is like a man's seven.

- Yeah, fuck. - You're getting a, really, you're getting a needle. - Man, I don't need any of your jokes. (laughing) - You don't feel like socks.

I'm sorry to hear you're getting a needle. I'm like a, like a four year old. If I hear I have a needle, I'm kind of like, "Yeah, I've been thinking about it for a week." - Socks.

- But I get blood taken. I feel like jokingly asked the old, like the nurse to hold my hand and then she'll be like, "Ah, I'm like, "Did you throw it? "Please hold my hand?" - Yeah.

- I'm definitely looking away. (laughing)

“- I can't be like relax, you have to relax.”

- Okay, okay. - Last time I got my blood drawn, I was like, "How long have you been in full bottom of this?" And she was like, "Oh, six weeks?" - Oh, the worst fucking answer I have to do.

- Dude, I still have a fucking, someone scarred me down here. - Oh, wow. - I had like a little track mark, dude. Like, it hurts, like, bubbled up. - I've got time to touch it.

I'm like, "Bitch." - Yeah, there's a guy not to do this. - Dude, it's just fucking mean. You don't have to. - No. No. - They could clean your blood or something. - No, I don't want them to clean my blood.

- I'm just going to get a... - Dude, you're just afraid of you. - I'm just afraid of you. - I'm just afraid of you. - Just afraid of you. - They're running there and be like, "Oh, good, guys."

- Fuckin' these, and he's good. - Stop crackling. - Just like jumping in front of them. - Yeah, they kept to like, calling him being like, "So how bad is the pain in your knee?"

I was like, "Zero." - Yeah. - I just said it makes crackles. - Dude, they want in on their knees. - Yeah, yeah.

- You've been doing for PT for your knee. I'm like, "I'm not rehabilitating my knees." - Yeah. - Like, what's the injury? - Like, there's no injury. - Yeah.

- I just panicked and it fucking questioned there. - I wanted to pin it. - You had to have a response. - Yeah. - There was no fuckingity.

It was like, "What do you need?" I was like, "Nees." - Uh-huh.

“- No, like, so what's going on with your knees?”

- Nothing. Nothing at all. - Well, we're gonna fucking in check. - Yeah. We're gonna jam you with a hard food. You're gonna jump like 20 feet. - If he's working, I have a jack to knees.

(laughing) - You're gonna be bounding from place to place? - Yeah. - There's no mechanic. They're gonna find something.

They're gonna keep looking... - Fuck. - They're gonna test drive you. - They're gonna get canceled. - Yeah.

- You're gonna get your dad done. - I'm taking filming. - Yeah. - He's dropping off. - Yeah.

- He's been taking a shower for a while. - He has. - Hold up. What if they have flypops? - Mystery.

- Okay, I'm done. - You have to be a good guy. - You have to be good in there. - You have to be brave. - And you can't fuck around the waiting room and play with you.

- I'll come with you. - Hold your hand. - They're gonna jam you with every. - If we're gonna hit me with darts when I want you. (laughing)

- Put him down. Put him down. - We're gonna pin me the wall. (laughing) - We're gonna run into the pipe. - We're gonna open like a butterfly.

You're gonna stay there forever. - Yeah. - I'm gonna be in a box. - Sam, tellin' this.

- I've always wanted to do this.

- You should. - But... - These are figures. They'll be okay. - Now it's the day of them and I really don't wanna do it. - To have them put you under.

- Yeah. (laughing) - Small needle before the big girl. - Or just show up wasted. - Then they can't do it.

- They'll do it. - They'll do it. - They don't make fun. - Oh yeah, yeah. - It's an alpha doctor.

- It's an alpha doctor. - It's an alpha doctor. - Right, yeah. - So you're wasted, it's actually good. - Better.

- Good luck, sorry.

- It's actually fucking rules.

“A little bit of alcohol does raise your testosterone slightly.”

- Really? - For a little bit. - Do you have like a couple of drinks? Your testosterone technically does raise slightly. - Is that just 'cause it makes you like a drummer?

(laughing) - I've seen it. (laughing) - I've seen real testosterone flux. (laughing)

- You looking at me? (laughing) - I don't like anyone here. (laughing) - We gotta go, I gotta hit the streets.

(laughing) - So it's flipping a coin? - Yeah. (laughing) - Prushing your hair.

(laughing) - Now I really don't want to do this. - Ah, yeah, you don't have to. - Nah, it has to be done. - You can do it.

- I know I can do it, it'll be alright. - So it hurt a lot. - It hurt a lot. - It's an knee injection. - Is it a boy giving you a needle or a girl?

- I think it's a boy. - Sox. - Really? - I only want a girl. - Yeah, I would want a boy for this time.

- I don't want a boy too. - I don't want a boy too. - Such a fucking pussy. - Yeah, I don't know the girl. If I feel like I only ever have a girl

on needles and it's like, I like, I like just, you know, something about it. If it's just to be nice, she's mean, it crushes me. - Oh, she can't be like bitch. You gave me this fucking track more.

- Yeah. - Fucking asshole. - Yeah, be present for this lady. It's scary for me. I know I'm one of 12 for you today, but please.

- Yeah. - Focus. - Stop looking at the clock. - Yeah, yeah, yeah. - Quit eating hot cheetos.

- Yeah, I had to go for my life insurance. The lady had to take blood and she brought a thick gauge needle. She did it right to my home, right to my house. It was a life insurance. So like, what does come to you?

We'll get your, we'll get all your shit. - You got life insurance? - Thanks. - I don't know how to do it. - Yeah.

- Nice. It's a nice slash kind of weird feeling, though.

It's like, dude, I always tell my wife,

“I'm like, the best thing I can do right now is die.”

- For the family of me. - Yeah. - It's big needle. - It's fucking serious. - See what you got.

Let me say. - Oh, my God. - Ah. - Dang. That's like a video.

It's gonna be like a video. It's gonna be like a video. It's gonna be like a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game.

- It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game.

- It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game.

- It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game.

- It's gonna be a video game. - It's gonna be a video game. (laughing) - As soon as they do it, it's gonna... - Completely unnecessary.

- For clicks? You better stop clicking. - It's clickbait. - It's totally fine. - I googled it again last night,

“because I was like, yeah, it must be terrible.”

It must be like, caroled or something. It's like, it's completely normal. - Yeah. - Yeah, your knees, yeah, my knees. - It's like a joint crack.

- I think it's like, what is it? What is it? Like air in your joints or something? - Mm-hmm. - Yeah, some air in your knees, of course.

- You got those left tackle knees, man. - Do you think I can cancel? - Yeah, yes. - You can do whatever you want. - He's talking about it.

- My knees, my choice. (laughing) - I'll protest outside. - Yeah, I'll make a sign right now. - Yeah, yeah, where are they getting stem cells?

- 'Cause they're looking Catholic. - I think they got against this. - No, they got them. They figured out how to get them from not babies. - Okay.

- Yeah. - They're not from babies anymore, apparently. - Mm-hmm. - They're coming from the sack. The embryonic sack.

- There's stem cells in there. - They're coming from the sack. The embryonic sack? - There's stem cells in there. - Is it all the other blood?

- I'm not sure. I don't either. - But they're not babies anymore, I'm telling you. They don't get it from babies. I heard you can't get it without babies now.

- It says early stage embryos, adult tissues, and prenatal materials, like, a biblical cord blood. - Yeah, so they get, they just, like, cut the ability throw that thing to fuck out. - Yeah.

- So if they're taking that and it's a biblical in your knees, and biblical is good stuff. - That's the best stuff. - That is the best stuff. - If you're telling me something biblical,

the shame, if you're going to get stem cells, you want to stray from the baby. You don't want to have a biblical cord stem cells. - You really? - We think the babies get all the baby stuff from now.

- But that's used, it's done, it's going. - That's not used. - It's already. - Maybe it's been used in that for nine months. - I really like to not do that.

- You're medical advisors are solid though. - I have about this. - Your nurses are great. Watch your dad, just watch your dad's appointment first. - We're at this, we're the same time.

- They're the same time. - I need to keep it on them. - I want to keep it on them. - He's really old. They get same time.

- The problem is, I'm going to go in and go,

I actually really don't want to do this. They're going to go, they don't be a pussy. It really doesn't hurt. And he might as well do it. - Yeah.

- And I'm going to go, okay. - Yeah, no. - Exactly what's going to happen. - I'm going to do it. - Yeah, yeah.

- I can't cancel things. - You can say that you can't do it because of insurance for set for tires for. - The doctors are going to go, yeah, we find it. - Yeah, they can go, that's not true.

- Yeah. - You just lied to me. - I trick a doctor every day.

Maybe listen to your counsel.

- Nah, I would get it. If you're going to be there. - Counsel betrayed. - This is crazy. These are your advisors.

- It true. - That's true. - They want his knees to buckle. - Yeah. - That's a little bit.

- Yeah. - And when they can steal your crown. - We're in a Chili's Council. We're used to being at B dobs. - You took the mic for that?

(laughing) - I say, we skip the appointment. Go get a triple-dipper. Couple bruises. That's what I say.

- I ain't talking my language. - Mm-hmm. - Also minor flex and only advertisers. (laughing) - I mean, I'm not trying to flex.

- Tough Western egg roll. - I'm gonna be honest. I don't really grub there. (laughing) - I just drank that for one thing.

- The bear. Here we go. - Oh yeah.

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- It's football season. - Oh my god. - And what a better way to reward your partner with. Hey, I'm going to be watching TV. I'm going to be watching football day.

She or he gets a little ground-by with you. - For sure. And you go watch this. I'm going to knock that attitude right out of you. Bluetooth gold.

- Whoo. Think about that. - Read it with the real deal. - Or him. - Hit it with the hammer.

- Or him. - Or him. - For sure. - I'm wet. - I'm wet for you, bro.

- Wait. [laughter] - Oh, Phil didn't hear that. - Hey, I have a new book. It comes out September 22nd.

It's called Brute. You can pre-order it. Get it where every book is available. It's a violent thriller. About a hitman in Paris.

He's an X-Marine. Killing his way through Paris and hunting a mafia don. So, it's really good. It's sent one to Shane. He read it in one day.

So, it was the best book he ever read. - It was awesome. - Yeah. - So, you should be like Shane. - I thought running the leg was great.

- Thanks, man. - Did I send you a hand-binded one? - You sent me 10. - Yeah, yeah.

“Do you remember the quote you gave me for running the leg?”

- Well, what was it? - It's like, wow, who could believe such a fat mutant could write such a good book? - It's a dumb donkey. (laughing) - It was literally whatever.

- Yeah, I'm stoked, man. It's for me, awesome. - I've seen that. - You knighted Bondus. But yeah, and then I'll be a Cleveland hilarious this weekend

in a Winnipeg rumors. So, yeah, get your ticket, Sam Talent.com.

- I'm always, I get so jealous when I hear hilarious.

- Dude. - I love it. - You know, grass is green, right? - Of course. - Probably behemoth is my podcast.

- Guys, September 25th. Next weekend, we can after this one. Royal Oak, Michigan. I'll be there. I'll be in Milwaukee, Wisconsin.

That's a big one. That one's a dragon. Come on. I was in Milwaukee. Charlotte, North Carolina, Jacksonville, Atlanta,

Chattanooga, Fort Lauderdale, Tampa. All those are good. Orlando's good. Here's the one that's really keeping me up in night. Newark, New Jersey.

Guys, this place is huge. I don't know why they put me there. - No, it's going to be good. - It's a galactic summit. - You see?

- I'm hoping, but God darn, it's going to be me. It's going to mean a couple of guys dipping out. That's the way it looks right now. - That would be actually really awesome. - We just chill.

Yeah, whatever. Who cares if she had about Newark. Guys, come with me. Don't be dull. Baltimore, Maryland, Columbus, Ohio, Cincinnati, Ohio, San Diego, Sacramento.

That's it for me. - Yeah. - I got nothing. - Hell yeah. - Hello, everybody.

It's me, the mayor. I'm going to be in Florida, knocked over in Orlando. On the 3rd for Halloween. Jacksonville, on the 29th. I'm trying to get a show in Gainesville, on the 30th.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - And in a month, it's Philly, thanksgiving. That'll be sick. - Yeah.

- All right, guys. Nice. - Thank you, guys. - Yeah. - I had a nice salty, dry chicken breast from there at the airport.

I'll be honest, I wasn't bad. I told Nate. - I do, I just get like a sandwich. - Yeah, I told Nate. I said, this is actually some bad fuel.

For the airport. You had Gilles and get just a piece of chicken. - Yeah. - Zopped feels the best.

“That's what gives me the most excited in an airport is a good chillies.”

- Yeah. - Can you hear a chillies? - Get those chips.

It's also a burger. - Mm-hmm.

- Great chips, it's also.

- The best. - Great chips, it's also. - Great chips, it's also. - Great chips, it's also. - Great chips, it's also.

- Great chips, it's also. - Great. - Great, tendons. They're same quality. - They're same quality.

- Yeah. - Nice. - Yeah, definitely better than TGI, for sure. TGI fell off. - TGI is crazy.

- How long is it? - There's a drink. - All right. - Hold on. That salad bar.

And Ruby Tuesdays undefeated. - Yeah. - I don't know what's going on with this guy.

“- I think something's going on with this guy.”

- I think he's like happy. And this is what he's like. (laughing) - I think he's pretty strong. - Yeah, he's pretty strong.

(laughing) - I was. - Well, we need to get moved. - Yeah, it feels bad. - Not about Portland and Seattle.

- Well, I got to tell everyone in Portland and Seattle.

- Be nice to Sean. - No, everyone was nice. - Why would he? - He texted me. Please tell everyone.

- Yeah. - Well, that was a joke, but. (laughing) - He's like, that's really crazy. - Yeah, yeah.

- I'm good. - I'm happy. - Nice. - Beautiful girlfriend. Great mustache.

- Big dick. You know he's a big dick. - Of course. He tells me every time I see him. - He brings it up.

- The girlfriend stuff's got to relax. - What? - I don't know. - And then we talk about your squad. - Well, he's talking about my squad.

- Because I'm friends with your girlfriend. - Oh, even weird. (laughing) - This isn't weird at all. I'm very happy for you.

I think you're both adorable. I have no intention to abandon. (laughing) - What? - Okay, here we go.

(laughing) - God, a man wears linen pants, and all of a sudden I'm Vietnamese. (laughing) - She's cool.

I like her. - All right. - I don't feel like there's any of your business. - I appreciate it. (laughing)

- I'm a sad Sean. (laughing) - Yeah, just here. (laughing) - I haven't said her name.

- That's respectful. - That's what I mean. - I mean, yeah. Don't please don't. (laughing)

- Please don't. (laughing) - You've been on too long. - No, it's getting confidence. - You haven't been smashing him over.

- I only try to uplift his gun. - Good, that's good. - No, I know. - They dragged me down under their muck. (laughing)

- We go out to think they go, you know, you should hate. (laughing) - They name a comedian. They go, you fucking asshole.

(laughing) - I like him. (laughing) - I can think.

“- But I mean, that's what you want the kids to know about.”

That you want them to do this to get confidence. - That's not true. (laughing) - Gosh darn it for the record. (laughing)

- Same, what's been up with you? - Man, just, you know, trying to navigate, I'm new to Hollywood. So I've went to LA and did a week out there and nice. - Nice.

- It was, it was good. It was fruitful. - New book coming out on the 22nd. That's like, been dominating my whole summer. So it would be nice for people to have it.

- But yeah, that's awesome. - Yeah, it's good stuff. It's like, you know, I wrote, it's like gay hit man. In Paris doing like killing a mafia don, so it's like I'm very stoked for people to have to,

like, reckon with the fact that it's a cool book and then there's like, you know, dudes banging. - It's awesome. - Yeah, yeah. - The more here do you want.

- I don't know, it's everything you want. Well, you know what it is, it's a female Beatrie. Disguises a man book. So I think women will get it in the morning and then guys will be like, whoa, there's a hatchet

and eight guns. - You have to write a female Beatrie. - Kind of did. - That's the biggest. - Yeah, that's the only thing being read.

- Yeah, it's not very fiction, let me tell you. - There's apparently there's huge crisis men on reading. It's only women are reading, they're only reading smart. - I know, but luckily Mr. Beast fixed that. So now men all read.

- True. - What's he, he's?

“- Him and James Patterson wrote a novel together.”

- I thought that was a joke. - No dude, and it was pretty much his, like, if I did it. It was pretty much the book is like, - If I didn't refer. - Mr. Beast had that, like, Beast game show.

- It's kind of like, what if Jigsaw ran Beast game. So it's just Mr. Beast fantasy for when I can tell. - Just a third or something. - To get tested. - But written by someone named James Patterson.

So yeah, they saved it all, man. These guys all read the book, you know? Like, cousins all read the books. - Yeah, one of them calls it's still on the Guy Smart, which was just...

- Clancy. - Clancy. - Clancy. - Yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

I mean, any paperback that's this big sells 100 million copies. But any book that has a hard cover. People don't buy it. Yeah, it sucks. It's bad.

I love reading. You can't talk about reading.

Video games never been better.

It's tough. - It's tough to be a reader. - Sure. - You got me under Dennis Johnson on a big fan. - He's the greatest.

- Yeah. - He's the coolest. You read Angels? - No. - You read that Jesus son.

- Yeah. - Yeah, laughing monsters is okay. But man, those other two are fucking heaters. And then you try and go promote your book on a podcast and people are like, you ever farted on a book?

- Yeah. - You're like... - Yeah, land. - You're a nice book. - Yeah.

- Have you ever farted on a book? - Yeah. - For sure. - I mean, fall asleep. - Yeah.

You certainly fart on a book. - Yeah, well, also, like, you ever done the thing where you like fart on a hard chair? - Yeah. - You go bare ass out there.

- Yes, we used to fart on textbooks. - Of course. - Of the same school. - Yeah.

- You never fart on a book.

- Yeah. - You never fart on a book. - And you never fart on a book. - Yeah. - And you never fart on a book.

- Fart on top of your friend's head. And then put his hat back on. You take his hat off. Fart on his head. - Yeah.

- That's a good part of the thought of this. - Well, man. I mean, you're not the only innovator, Shane. - Cause fart grenades are still... Like, thinking about those.

That the butter and the worse. - Yep. - Farts off. - Cause they need someone's face and death. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Farts behind someone and it's covered their face. - Uh-huh. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- I don't think we're farting in the mean. - I mean, grab there. - Dude, that should be like an incredible effect. - It has to be.

“- I think I'll be able to fart up somebody.”

- Yeah. - Sexual assault. - Yeah. - Sexual assault. - Yeah.

- What about, uh, did you guys already that, like, choke out thing, around my sixth, seventh grass out? - Yeah, that was huge. - That was awesome. - God.

- Hit my learning over and pass out is such a sick thing. - Don't want to do this all the time. - Oh, yeah. - Well, first it's getting dizzy. And then it's passing out in this real drugs.

- Yep. - And then you just stop. Everyone does it for like a week. And then it's like, it's gone. - Yeah.

- I got choked up by this kid. He was named Billy. He was like, probably four foot three at the time. And he was like, let me show you something. And I was like, a whole king man, you know?

- Yeah. - Well, it's great. It was more with the obese. But he like choked me out in the middle of class. And I came to.

And I was going, "Whoo, whoo!" And like, every one of my peers was standing over my limp body. As I came to. - It was the worst. - Did you take like 30 deep breaths really quick?

Does it help you pass out faster? - Oh, no. I just like, yeah, choked me. And then I woke up. (laughing)

- Every girl I cared about. - You never stayed. - Yeah. - We did on the bus. You got like, like, a bunch of times they do it.

And you just go, "Oh, wow." - You could also do that. And then like put your head between your knees. And you could like force yourself to hang out, I think. - Really?

- Yeah. - I don't know. I thought kids could make themselves happy. - Have ever tried to blow yourself? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - But I mean not like ever. - And she did. - Never got my hopes up. - Yeah, that's like a crunch.

- Yeah. (laughing) - That's it. - Yeah, I got a long way to go. - That's not for me.

“- Don't you have to throw your eggs over your head?”

- No, no. - I definitely, I was just curious. I don't think I would've done it, but I was like, "Could I?" and I was like, yeah, not even close. - If you can, do what you would have.

- I know, yeah. - Let me just make an tutorial videos. - Really? - Yeah. Every time I make a video,

I get a million people DMing me.

- What do you guys shut this shit down? - Tim on a Jiu-Jitsu mat trying to suck his own dick. - Really? - Yeah, it was a self-taught story. (laughing)

- I'm hiding a laugh. - I'm gonna keep going. (laughing) - How did you, what do you, what do you show, how did you actually show how to do?

- I was just trying to practice to rolling it in technique. - There's various techniques. - Yeah, there's several techniques. - That's more like the, yeah. - Hmm.

- I came across one of your combatants on a flight. - Yeah. - I came across a guy that said he's been razzling with you. (laughing) - He said you're a son of a god.

He said you're a son of a god. He said he'd be in Beatlemair's ass. He goes to America's fucking tough ticket. - When you think combatants, I meant like an X lover.

- That's what I thought. (laughing) - Someone's been talking to him. - Tell with you. - Perhaps a future lover.

- Are you wrestling with him there? - It's just a little bit. - He's been razzling down. - Hell yeah. - You got it.

I think you'd be really good at it. - Yeah, there is. - Nate? - Yeah. - They're trying for a flight.

- A lot of comics. We don't like it. It'll be nice. - Yeah. - What's your boxing protocol right now?

- My protocol? - Yeah. What is the training session consistent? - I'm just learning the ones and two, three. It's just learning the three.

- Nice. Hopefully I'm on the four next. - Yeah. - Right hook. Get it right hook going.

- Is the upper cut a big part of the game? - It is, but not for me. I thought I had a little bit. I got nothing. - Isn't that three?

- Huh? - That's left hook. I got my suitment though. It's like six years. - Yeah, upper cuts, right trigger, circle.

- What's fireball? - What's fireball? - You were the best. - That's what I want to learn. - Dan, we're getting ready for the bar punch machine.

- You did good at the other day. - Yeah, he did. - He did good at the other day. - Yeah. - He did good at the other day.

- He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day.

- He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day. - He did good at the other day.

- So you lost her and then she told you, "I'm not you out and you took her." - She did not. - She did not. - I could not. - You out.

- What was the school? - I offered it. - You're lies. - They turned. - They turned.

- Yeah.

- They'll never be able to attack me.

- They rely. - This is the council again. - It would be easy. - Why are you going first on me? That's kind of fucked up.

- It started funny.

“- What was, what numbers were, was everybody putting up?”

- Yeah. - I had 930. - Hell yeah. - That's what we. - He just stole his phone.

- He's lying right now. - I'm not lying.

- I hit man. - What did she get? - He did go. He did get hired at me. He got like eight.

- Oh my bad. He got like eight 30.

- Is this like a copper tank?

- This is that copper tanker. - He did not get nine. Nobody got nine.

“I had like one bat when I got like a five.”

And I hurt my thumb. I threw a bat. I tried to slow off. - You hurt your thumb. - What did you throw at one or two?

- I was inside of his head. - I tried to throw four to hand thumb before. And then. (laughing) - You could ruin my thumb.

- But the mayor did not hit a nine. Any. - We got to go. We got to go. - No.

- We'll see. (laughing) - I got to come on his ass. The mayor come on. - I don't have to do that.

- Dude, I was at an arcade recently in a little boy. Asked me, he was chasing tickets. You guys could punch the thing for me. So I didn't get the tickets. I said, you got a little boy.

One of the proudest moments. - One of the proudest moments. - I fucking socked that thing. - Yeah. - Yeah.

- It was a little boy and his mother.

I said, "Tick boy." - My mom was there too. - My mom was there. I said, "Hey, little boy, you're sitting in mother's lap." (laughing)

- Watch her man. - I'm warming. - I'm warming. (laughing) - Don't you warm that fucking lap up.

- So I don't have a dad. Watch this. - I just socked the shit out of it. (laughing) - So you got a good boy there, man.

- Yeah. - He raised him well. - I had a similar thing in a ski ball. Where my niece needed like 40 tickets.

“So I just stood by the side of the ski ball thing.”

- There you go. - And just put my arm right in the 500's and just over and over again. - Yeah. - You can cheat so bad. - Oh yeah.

- Yeah. - And every parent's like, like, no one's tattling. - No, no, no, no, no, no. - We all paid $800. - We talked to you over so bad.

They like, those power cards now. - So you put like 50 bucks on it. It's gone in like 30 minutes. - It's like 13 credits somehow. - It's so fast.

- Yeah, no. - Yeah, that's it. I have no. If you're in the arcade gift shop, I say take something.

(laughing) - There was one time. - Pay the team behind the counter. They'll give you whatever. - I've asked for my cake because I was at the one time.

Because like, if your kids don't get equal, fucking tickets, then like one gets one thing. Like one ticket, I should be fucking better at the clock game, dumbass. But you have to be like,

kind of give you 10 bucks for that. So we get both get two stuff to animals. And there was a time before where like, I was just like, go. So you have it.

I'm like, let's get the fuck out of here. Fuck these guys. I don't feel like going, we're not playing more games. I like yo.

You're on your own. Go ahead. They can't try you. Go walk out here. I'll keep an eye on these guys.

(laughing) - That's great. - Go. Let's start the call. (laughing)

- You gotta teach your kids early. - I looked around and said, hey man, you can leave if you want. I'm not in charge of this place. I don't even fuck.

Got that. Oh, pretty was so mad. Get your piece of shit. Can't leave you let her do that. I was like, bro, we spent like fucking 150 bucks.

- In the defense of the arcade staff though. - Mm. - Every single parent's coming up and doing the same. - Yeah. - For sure.

- They got to control this. - And that's what they said. No, wasn't even mad at them. I was like, no problem. - Yeah.

“- I think we got that trick of bribing from the carnival midway.”

So you're used to bribing carnies, like, on the boardwalk. And then you go to like, you know, a corporate family fun center. And there's no way they're going to live like gross. Like, bro, here's a fucking, here's a Hamilton bro. Look the other way.

- Yeah. - Here's a fucking crisp. - Yeah, I have time with this, but here's a dope. You're a real tough customer. Here's a dub, fucking.

I need a peaceful ride home. I don't want to fucking screaming about a stuffed animal. - That's Phil's phone. - Oh, it's got to be the death ring. (laughing)

- My dad's phone is on a million.

- The alerts. - You have been. (laughing) - It's like an ambulance. (laughing)

- Oh, yeah. - It's got one of yours open. - Brock? - Yeah, great. - Oh, it's just one letter at a time.

- Also, I can't make fun because I'm on the same exact thing. But the ring cam loves talking on the ring cam. Oh, I farted into the ring cam while the mayor was outside. I sent him a fart from New York through a doorbell in Texas. (laughing)

- Pretty aggressive. - They say technology's bad. - Yeah, they say technology's bad. - Yeah, they say technology's bad. (laughing)

(laughing) And that is. That is male French. I mean, setting a fart from New York. - Yeah.

- Airmout. - Alexander Graham Bell would have just been like, - Yeah. - Final one. - Also, white kind of black guy.

- Yeah. - New York, Texas. - Haven't farted. - The country is together. - That's true.

- 240 year old pieces of shit. (laughing) - Then farting. (laughing) - Next comes the actual tube so we can smell it.

- Yeah. - Thank you. We can't smell it. - We're not ready to smell it. - This smells that men will be requesting. - It's ending.

- It'll be requested. - Do we work? - Let me be on the other end of that go. - That's not what I was hoping that was going to be. - Yeah.

- Dude, if you could put this smell of like, all day airport underwear, you know, like you'd be jumping over. (laughing) - Now you're talking to the Japanese

are frothing for this technology. - There's just a nice amount of time. - There's got to be awake. You're like, detect the certain particles. And yeah, it's what here's the approximation.

- We'll get some food.

“- I'll be able to talk some more some parts.”

- Be in my ring camp.

- You'll be on the first.

- You can either where he has to sniff at the end of the house. (laughing) - You're not going to check out. - The box. The bank tube.

It's like a bank tube. The canister pops up. - New watch. - Go ahead. - Smells good.

- All right. - The chains. - The chains. - Now you can play your games. - Although you're a noise monster though.

- You're more of a noise monster. - You're more of a noise. - You're more marked as well. (laughing) - It doesn't smell.

- It's so loud. - It's not even a drive. - It's similar to chewing. - Yeah, all of my wife's. - You can't hear him, but they are the worst.

- Girls don't. - Yeah. - Oh, Connor. - Oh, Connor. - Matt's got a bit of--

- I can get some bite going. - It's usually guys focused on the diet

that have, yep, insane shit.

- No, I don't know how he does it. - But because he is not focused on his diet. - Yeah, they have some bad ones. - He uncorks.

“- Well, if you have a problem with dairy,”

then you can clear out a room. That's dairy, farts are like, if you're like lactose intolerant or the worse, the worse, the worse. - So that.

- I should have room with my buddy Nathan, like two weeks ago, and I woke up before him, and f*ck it smelled so bad in there. And then I knew it was him.

And I just had to go sit in the lobby for like two hours until he woke up. And I came back in and it's still f*cking reek. - Ah. - Like old.

Like you wake up and you're afraid. Like something bad is going on. Like you're in a barn and it's on fire. - Yeah. - Smelly.

Smelling a fart that you didn't even hear is like, you just wake up caked. - I've done it to my own car, where you're like farting your car, get out and it'll come back in.

- Come back in and get me go. - Yeah, I'll get him a day later. - Yeah. - Yeah. - We're like grandma's car, grandma's car will reek.

- Oh, cond man, let me put on a clinic last weekend. We went to the Wisconsin Notre Dame game, but we were leaving after the game. So we weren't staying there in Wisconsin. So I was like, let's just get one hotel room.

Just for guys to, if you guys don't put it, if you got shower. - That's nice. - So there's a lot of room. - You have a lot of six of us in there.

Obviously, oh, cond man takes the liberty of taking the first dump.

- Unannounced dump. (laughing) - Just goes, hits it, it smelled up the entire room. I go into take a piss 20 minutes after him. - Oh no.

- I come out, he's loosening his hips. He's stretching on the ground. - Oh. - It's crazy. - He's laying on the ground, stretching.

- Oh. - He's like in 10 minutes. - And I was like, was that you? And he was like, yeah. What?

I was like, we had to open the door of the hotel room. - Into the hallway? - Oh. - We had to release it in the hallway. - Oh, yeah.

- It literally smelled in that bathroom. - We need to act close to two hours. - Oh. - Travel with candles. - And then there was a big debate

between the fellas, because he was like, just turned the shower on. - Oh, no. - And I was like, that's going to make it way worse. - Yeah.

- Yeah. - 'Cause then it clings to the steam. - And then he was like, blanket of shit smells. - That's what I said. - I know every trick.

That one doesn't work. - Matches kills it. - Yeah. - Matches are great. - Yeah.

- He was, there was a slight debate over the shower thing. He got into his, he uses pseudo science instantly. - Yeah. - He's like, no, the molecules of the air, all grab it and drop it to the ground

with the weight and the fart, all disappear. - And the fart gets in your head. - Yeah. - Yeah. - It's like a mud mask of fart.

- No, I don't think that works like that. - I've told him I was like, I'm taking plenty of steamers. - Yeah. - If it grows over you go. I have to shower.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - You climb out the window and the power. - Yeah. - You go out the window and the power.

- You go out the window and the power. - This is way worse than that. - That's what OZM does. When you spray OZM, it like, "Can you see this fart coming out?"

- That's what OZM does. When you spray OZM, it like, "Can you see this fart coming out?" - That's what OZM does. When you spray OZM, it like, "Catches,

every molecule out of there and just fucking." - We tried it. I tried it in the bathroom. There's cans of OZM laying around. - Right in the idea.

- Wasn't he hurting those? - It kind of worked within the room. - That's probably the fact. - Yeah. - That's nasty.

- At this point. That room is... - Is this the room out there? - Yeah.

“- Are you just going to like burn it down when you have it about?”

- Yeah, it does. - It must be destroyed. - It must be destroyed. - Yeah. - We were in the pool the other day.

He opened the door and the smell got into the pool. Good smell of the smoke from... - Dude, all you got to do is step outside. It blaze. - You're fucking blunts in there?

- It's hell blunts. - It's fucking meat. What are you smoking in there, brisket? - I'm just smoking. - Yeah.

- That's crazy dude. - Yeah, but smoking inside is pretty sick, especially when it's not your place. - That's really sweet. - It's really, really dominating somebody else.

- Yeah. - Phil got a little taste of the mayor this week. It's been nice. We got dinner last night. We came back and he was like...

He just walked past me and he was like... You got to get Monday night football on. The mayor's got fucking resting on. - Yeah. (laughing)

- Welcome. - Welcome to the show.

- How do you get along with old Phil? - They get along great. - It's a good partnership. - Yeah. - I was supposed to deal about it.

- He met your lady. We met her there if we have to. He was like, she's so nice. And then of course the next question. - How the fuck are you?

(laughing) - What's going on there? - I think Dad follow up. - Yeah. - We did the right thing.

- Exactly. - You ever read a girl like your uncle's every time. - So this fucking piece is shit. He's got the talent family curse. - I was talking about your penis. (laughing)

- What? - It's insane. This shit they say. Phil has a real knack of just being like, "Are you guys...

She hasn't left you yet?" (laughing) - Dude, why do you ask that? - Every time. - So far he's 100% right though.

(laughing) - So many people. So far he's got it right. Phil, Phil, Phil. (laughing)

- What are you doing back there? - Nice. - How many mothers? - About my mom. - Oh yeah.

- That's sweet. - That's nice. - What? - I sent him a picture of Phil yesterday. To the group chat.

“She was like, "Phil, you need to change."”

You've been wearing that outfit for three days. He's been in the same outfit for three days. (laughing) - That's a way.

- Dude, the second he's not with my mom.

- Dude, they fucking wrecked it. It's crazy. (laughing) - He's the pal. - He's the pal.

- He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal.

- He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal.

- He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal.

- He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal. - He's the pal.

- He's the pal. - He's the pal. (laughing) - That's not a good idea. - That's what a lazy bones does.

- So they have to get up out of bed and then walk there. - And then just be in the way all day. - Yeah. - And then you're like, hey man, why aren't you going to take a nap? - They're like, "Oh, good glass."

“- I haven't been around a million lately.”

I didn't realize he doesn't drink.

It explains what we always have milk.

He doesn't drink water. - Yeah. - Oh, no. - I got to give him water. Dude, you got to drink this.

It's like, I don't like water. - Yeah. - What? - He likes to be perink. - He likes to be perink.

I have an uncle. - What percentage? - 2%. - Okay. - That's some water.

- The reason I'm full. - My one uncle. - My one uncle is ginger ale. - Ginger ale, milk or beer. Water is like drinking piss to him.

He's just like, you know, doesn't taste good. - Gatorade. If it's 100 degrees, it'll drink gatorade. - That's it. - I never saw my grandfather drink a glass of water.

- They don't drink water. - Everyone wants. He would make his own Pepsi in the fridge out of like, chocolate milk and like, he was trying to recreate the old Pepsi recipes.

He said a jug. - And he would like sip it. - Well, like knowing his alarm with his shirt off. - It just browned out. - The jug of women struggle with water.

- Do they all have those fucking drugs? - Oh yeah, yeah. - They go, I have to drink this. - You gotta stay on their ass fucking jug. - But it dude, it's the same water for three days.

They don't even just carry my hours. They look cool. Women don't drink water. - It's growing more than there. - It's not like a fucking turtle tank.

Every time I open my wife's thing, I'm like, bro, what's left? - There's loads jumping into it. - Those are the fucking codes I've been going. - I was open up and my jeez is fucking Christ.

- I've never smelled a Stanley call.

- It's so bad that my wife we use them by the sand. - Yeah, it stinks. - So bad. - The girls have fucking pond water in those sand. - Yeah, don't drink it.

- You gotta remember to wash them. - And pond water all day. - Yeah. - And what does it mean all day? (laughing)

- They have fucking babies. - pond water. - Tell me, pull this warm. (laughing) - That's for real.

- That's what I don't feel. (laughing) - No, no, no, no. I have to watch this video clip. - The dogs get vaxed for or they drink a puddle.

- Yeah, it's like, they have like the puddle disease. - Yeah. - Don't they drink up? Don't they lay eggs like the bugs like eggs in there and then the dog is drink them?

“- Yeah, that's how they get worms and shit.”

- Vaxed for puddle disease. But deer peas in a puddle and a dog drinks it. - It's like a truck driver from bullshit. - Yeah. I always argue the vet with that.

I'm like, what is it? My dog's gonna drink a fucking puddle. - And what if they do? - You're dogs are definitely Jackson's. - He was eating, he was eating a puddle actually.

(laughing) - But also I'm like, whatever happens to Jack. - Yeah, man, he's fucking blind. Walking in. Every now and now is new thing.

It's like walking in a room and just go, and it's staying there. (laughing) Yo, what are you doing? (laughing)

Jackson, what the fuck are you doing over there? - Jackson's a legend. - Oh, he's so funny. - He's so funny. - Eating mud reminds me of a field trip

and there was this kid. You know, he was a good kid, but maybe a little slower. And we were at, like, out in the middle of nowhere in Colorado.

And my teacher was one of those cool teachers, you know, who's like, knows the kid's slow, but like, hey, we're gonna include him. So this kid fucking, like, comes back from the middle of nowhere.

And he just has hovered, like, his whole face is covered in mud. And my teacher was like, leave him alone.

(laughing)

Which didn't help at all.

But like, that was his, like, spur of the moment. - I gotta say, for some reason, of, like, you know, like, how, like, people from Louisville called Louisville. - Mm-hmm.

- For some reason, when people call it Colorado, - Yeah. - I'm like, you're wrong. - Oh, yeah? - Even though you're from there.

- Oh, how did I say that Colorado? - Colorado. - Yeah, Colorado. - It's how everybody, really said it. - How did you say it?

- Colorado. - Colorado. - Yeah, interesting. - My grandfather from a city called that Colorado do.

- Colorado do. - Yeah, awesome. - He put some stink on it. - No, Colorado do. - Colorado do.

- Colorado do. - Colorado do what it do. - But you know what I mean for some reason. I don't know. - I get it.

- Colorado. - I didn't even notice that. - It's just 'cause they're from Colorado. - I go, you go there. - No.

“- That's how Soters says it, too, right?”

- Yeah. - Yeah, we allegedly don't have an accent. We have the High Plains accent, which is why all the call centers were in Nebraska and Kansas,

but like, I don't know, I've never noticed it.

- I don't even really say Colorado. - Colorado. - Yeah, they put some stink in the middle. - Yeah. - Shit.

- Yeah, they realized the extent, like, between the cities. I don't know Colorado was like a wasteland. - Dude. - I really feel like everyone who lives there's like,

it's a fucking wasteland. - Bro. - But between like Denver and Boulder and Fort Collins, like those are all the population centers, and then the sprawl, but then man, like,

an hour from Denver, where I grew up, was like 800 people didn't have a stoplight. - Yeah. - Yeah, very boonies. - But you know about Pikes Peak.

- I know a lot, Zabbylon Pike, founded it. When you wake up at my parents house, you can look out and see Pikes Peak every morning. - Really? - Yeah, yeah.

- Yeah. - We did, we did in fifth grade. We had to do a report on mountains, and I got Pikes Peak. - Yeah, I was a young man. - Did you really?

- And a deep affinity for Pikes Peak. - He was an explorer. - Yeah, I just got a rock on tour. - At the silver boom right there. - Mm-hmm.

“- Who was the general who went and just massacred all the Indians?”

- Kikarshan. - Yeah, they did. - Yeah, it was like a priest. - Yeah, the putter rally massacred. - Yeah.

- And that's the putters. - So it made it tough to take serious. - Can we get into a speech? And he gave you like, roused the people to do it? - Oh, yeah.

- Because it was only women, it was squalls and children. - Yeah. - They don't even have any brave. I think you said, uh, nits make a life. - Oh, yeah.

100% murdered all the women and children. - He was down there. - He was down Texas. - What was he really? - Yeah, he wasn't in Texas.

- Oh, yeah. I think he did the other thing.

- He got to come in first.

- Yeah. - He set up shop and stuff. Eastern Colorado. And they have one of those kind of like Williamsburg. Where it's like an old fort, fort.

Old Benz fort. And you can walk in there. And there's like a trapper and like a squaw. And like they tell you stories and lead you around. It's awesome.

I lived down there when my wife did, like, like, after residency. And it was brutal. But I went to Old Benz fort stoned the bone constantly. And like new people there.

- That's awesome. - I'm glad you discovered that. I've been there. - You have been there? - Yeah.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - I love Old Benz. - There's Colorado a bunch of stuff. - The picture of you.

- Yeah.

“- I think it was crazy where the head dressed in it.”

But still. - Yeah. - All right. That's good up. Let's go.

- Watch new episodes of Matt and Shane's secret podcast on Spotify. - Do it. [MUSIC PLAYING]