Chapter 50: Some Guy

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for this episode. [Music] [Music] Okay. A live.

Check. Location. No idea. Hello. Good morning.

X.

Please proceed with us to testing Center 3.

Us.

“Please proceed with us to testing Center 3.”

We will begin your debrief there. X is. [Music] Okay. Sure.

Shit. Lead the way, ladies. [Music] Hey, hey, your own me, have either of you seated. We'll begin your debrief in testing Center 3.

Sure. Through this door. Okay. [Music] Any chance one of you could kill me right now?

No. No. Didn't think so. [Music] That's my Pager.

[Music]

I always said that when we visited someone's house for the first time,

we should bring a gift and you argued with me and argued with me. But now look at what you've brought me. [Music] Hello, darling. [Music]

Hello, honey. Let's start the shift. Well, we shall have someone to love me. Someone to call me their own. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me.

'Cause I'm tired of living in a room. Once upon a time, there was some guy. Oh, please me. You've met him before. Maybe even today.

He may have handed you coffee, ringing your groceries. You may have gotten mad at him as he lingered too long at a stoplight. Every day, 1,000 faceless, nameless people. That's him.

“He hardly escapes the background for you, doesn't he?”

A non-player character. A bot, a drone. As soon as you meet him, you forget him. And yet. With the cold prison bars all around me.

This is where I leave you. The final story is not one of myths or legends but the opposite. Of those of us who are tossed back and forth by immense waves,

And yet. They endure.

“I would like to take this time to apologize to all turtles.”

We have kept you in glass cages like this and we thought you guys loved it. I now know that it sucks. I will not rest until you have all been freed. I am now a turtle like you, my brothers, I stand in solidarity. Could I please have some lettuce and a heat lamp?

Good morning. Do you require food? I was just asking for lettuce. Is there a menu? Why isn't she talking to me?

We're required to do a series of assessments first.

Can I just talk to her please? I really don't want to run into treadmill. We're not asking you to run on a treadmill. What are you asking me to do? Do you have an example of your DNA?

How invasive is this DNA sampling? I'll need you to swab your cheek. Okay. Okay fine if that'll move things along. I'll come in.

Where's the door on this thing? There isn't one. How are you going to get in here? I like that.

“How did you walk through the glass wall?”

I made it the same substance.

Single structure crystalline adaptive. Okay. Yes. Here. Okay.

So when or the walk time that should go on me? I'm afraid I can't answer questions like that until I'm authorized to. I see. This is weird. I imagine many aspects of your situation are unusual.

No, I mean you. I'm used to you being funnier. Funnier? Yeah. Well, I have no record of this meeting.

No, not you. I mean, an earlier version of you. There are no earlier versions of me. There's not. I'm too.

The other model is three. Where's one? Um, the prototype? Sure. Well, the prototype was a failure.

It atomized itself upon activation. Atomized itself. Yes. You mean it disappeared? No, essentially.

Okay. It didn't atomize itself. I don't know what you mean. It teleported away. Teleported.

Yes. I'm not capable of teleportation. Are you sure? Ah.

“How does one discern if they are capable of teleportation?”

Uh, I don't know. I'll be trying to squinching your eyes and going. How? I'm not going to do that.

Well, then we may never know.

Here. Thank you. That DNA test is going to come back saying I'm Casper. Her ex-husband. That's impossible.

Yeah, okay. Are you sure you don't require food? I'd like a Chicago dog. We're not in Chicago. Hmm.

If only you could teleport it. Were you implying that you knew the predators? X. That's what I called her. I'm saying that the prototype was maybe the best friend I've ever had.

Which boats well for us? But you may need to loosen up a little bit. I'm Casper, by the way. That's impossible. Okay.

Okay. He appears to believe everything he says.

The song is called The Prisoner's Song.

I know what the song is. How long on the DNA? Two is performing it right now. Five minutes. Okay.

Let's take this call. Who is it? Raiders. Okay. Doctor Scott?

Hello there. I'm Anna Kierney with Raiders. Thank you for doing this. It's no problem. Do you mind if I record this?

Not at all. Okay. One second. Thank you for sitting down with a doctor Scott. You've been avoiding the press lately.

I don't agree with that characterization. How would you characterize it? Do you have children? I do. When they're throwing a tantrum,

I find it best to let them go all for a while. Then, once they calm down, you can actually have a conversation.

“Is that how you'd characterize the discourse lately?”

Uh, tantrum? I signed a contract with a Chinese government to build three power plants. And it induced a global pant-shitting. Yes. I'd call that a tantrum.

Let's say I've been... Selective. The last thing I wanted was for S.S.E.A. to become a circus before people even had a chance to understand what we created. But you understand that's inevitable now.

Your company has demonstrated a material that can essentially... What? Restructure itself at the molecular level to become whatever we need it to be. That's the simplified version. Yes.

Single structure crystalline adaptive is a programmable material at the atomic level. A think of it as a universal building block. You give it instructions, provide the right energy input,

“and it reconfigures its crystalline structure.”

It can become a superconductor for power generation. A structural material stronger than carbon fiber. Or compress itself into a substrate that makes silicon chips look like a Commodore 64. And you stumbled onto this while researching... What was it?

Quantum dot arrays? I love that phrase. Stumbled onto... like it's that commercial for peanut butter cups. We were looking at quantum confinement in crystalline matrices, trying to solve a completely different problem.

Okay. I don't want to get to into the weeds technically. I don't want to lose people. So, let's start with these power plants you're building.

Why are these revolutionary?

Single structure crystalline adaptive can form a lattice structure that captures ambient thermal differentials and converts them with 93% efficiency. No moving parts, no fuel consumption. A facility the size of a city block could power Manhattan

for about 4% of the current cost. And that's a conservative estimate. I have to ask the obvious question. How is that possible? It seems to violate everything we understand about thermodynamics.

I thought you didn't want to dwell on the technical aspects. I'm afraid I got sucked back in. It doesn't violate anything. We're just exploiting inefficiencies that we couldn't access before. The material creates a cascade effect at the quantum level.

Every thermal gradient, no matter how small, becomes harvestable. The ocean, the air, the ground beneath our feet.

They're all massive batteries we've never been able to tap properly.

“What I've created is the key that fits the lock.”

Which is amazing enough, but these power plants, they build themselves. That's right. You provide a template in the material dust the rest. We build bridge spans, building frameworks, even complex architectural forms. Right here at our campus, no cranes, no construction crews.

The material flows into place and locks into the configuration you've specified. So I've never worked in construction, but I'm sure you can imagine how someone who builds things for a living would hear that. And think about retiring. Millions of people work in construction globally. Energy sector workers, chip manufacturers, engineers, entire supply chains.

We're talking about economic disruption on a scale we've never seen. That's right. How do you feel about that? I don't care. You don't care?

May I call you Anna. Of course.

“When I was an undergrad, I was always surprised by the amount of unhoused people living just outside of campus.”

And because my brain works in a particular way, I decided to try and get the number of unhoused people in the entire country.

This was before every bit of information was at your fingertips, so it took me a minute. But I got the number. At the time, it was roughly 500,000. It's more now. I looked at that number and I found it's manageable. 500,000?

That's a manageable problem for the richest nation on earth. What would it take? Then I crunched the numbers for the amount of unoccupied housing in the entire country. It was more than 500,000. Several times more.

There's the solution right there. But something was in the way. You see, my naive undergraduate self was seeing the world as a set of problems that we didn't have solutions for. But I looked at the world in its entirety and I looked at problem after problem. And all of them, every single one of them had a solution that was ready and waiting.

But something was in the way. In science, we're often told to work the problem. Don't just collect data, work the problem. I came to find that the problem wasn't the problem. The real problem was the thing that stood between the problem and the solution.

So I decided to attack that instead. We've spent the last several thousand years operating under the assumption that resources are fundamentally limited. That we have to compete for them, ration them, build entire economic and political systems around their distribution. Single structure crystalline adaptive doesn't just make things cheaper. It makes the concept of scarcity itself obsolete for energy, for housing, for computational power, for infrastructure.

Do you understand what that means? I think we all do.

“And I think that's what's scaring people.”

A matter in a world where energy is too cheap to meet her. We're housing isn't a commodity that people struggle to afford, but something that can be created. Wherever it's needed, where computing power isn't rationed by cost, but available to anyone who needs it. What does education look like in that world? Health care?

Scientific research. When you can run simulations that would currently require a national budget. That sounds utopian. I don't believe in utopia. You're literally talking about a utopia.

I don't like utopia. Utopia suggests everything's taken care of. But all I'm talking about is everyone getting what they need to live.

Once we move beyond that, there's always a frontier out there.

There are always difficult problems to be solved.

“Can you understand the fear around what your discovery implies?”

It sounds terrifying if you're an oil company, if you're a real estate investment trust. If your nation's state that derives its power from controlling access to rare earth minerals. You just listed some very powerful organizations there, Dr. Scott. I seem to be implying that I'm the one who should be scared. You have been receiving death threats, haven't you?

My security concerns are very well handled. On the topic of what we should be afraid of, I've had three meetings in the past week with representatives from different governments. Not one of them asked me how SSCA could solve their country's energy crisis or housing shortage. Every single one wanted to know if it could be weaponized. Who else had access to it and how they could control its distribution?

People are afraid of me. And can it be? weaponized? Anything can be weaponized. And how do you plan on preventing that?

You're still missing it, Anna. What am I missing? You've listed all these industries that I'm going to put out of business. You were missing one. One of the biggest.

War. Every war is about resources in the end. Land, oil, water, minerals, food.

Maybe it's dressed up as something else, but it's always about one of those.

Yes, forever. You sound very confident. I am. So these bold statements aren't the only reason you've made people uncomfortable. I'm aware.

I can see there's someone with you right now. That's right.

So you can make all of these amazing things with this discovery of yours.

But the most amazing thing is that you've made a person. Yes. Is that one of them? This is three. Dr Scott, would you mind if I spoke to her?

Go ahead. Hello. Your name is three. That's right. Three. In addition to all of these bridges and power plants,

Dr Scott has said that you are also made of this substance. This crystalline substance. I am. That's a stounding. Gee.

Thanks. Three. Are you?

I don't know what the word is.

Are you self-aware? Well, my name is three, and I'm standing right here. So what else do you need to know? I'm trying to get a sense of whether or not you're conscious. I'm not sure how to answer that question.

Why? Are you conscious? What do you mean? But you're talking about consciousness like it's settled science. As of right now, I don't know that there's anyone on earth who knows what consciousness actually is.

“How can I tell you if I am a thing when you don't know what that thing is?”

I suppose that's a fair point. Don't you think it's mind-boggling that Dr Scott was able to just make a person at the age of 23, Dr Scott also made a person. His name is David. For some reason, that creation didn't warrant an interview with writers.

It should have. That's hardly the same thing. I'm not sure. I agree with that. I was created.

I learned. The same way a human would.

I learned several million times faster than a human would.

But I did. Learn. Can you understand how something like you would cause a bit of anxiety for the average human being? Of course.

I'll just go ahead and ask.

“Do you have any plans to rise up and dominate human kind?”

Not today. No. We've made a lot of movies about that fear. Yes. Yes, you have.

But you're assuming that if a consciousness arose, it would act like you. Is that so ridiculous? I suppose not. But I'm not like you. I don't need anything.

I don't require any resources to function the way humans do. The desire to rise up and conquer earth would imply that I needed something. And I, by design, don't need anything. I just exist. Three is emblematic of the future I'm talking about.

We can all be like her. We can stop being creatures driven by need. Because all of our needs will be met. That's right. I think people will come around to this.

It's hard to wrap your mind around. But once you do, you'll realize that this is the way forward for all of us. You think people will come around, I do. Even though there's talking Washington of seizing your discoveries in the name of imminent domain. Yes.

“What do you have to say to the politicians that insist it's in the national interest for your discoveries to be owned by the US government?”

That's actually why I wanted to do this interview. Really? Yes. Congress needs to understand something. What's that?

We can't take something from me. That doesn't belong to me. How does all of this not belong to you right before this interview? I published everything we have on our website. Every aspect of single structure, crystalline adaptive, is now free and available to everyone on earth. You.

You're just giving it away. To produce an infinitely scalable, if you have a master's in engineering, you can make a power plant and your backyard, if you like.

And you just surrendered all of that, and you're still not getting it.

Let's continue this at another time. Doctor, that was boring. The test is back. And DNA is a perfect match for Casper. Interesting.

Okay. Oh, hi. Welcome to the Casperarium.

“You know, if you pay a dollar, you could get a little thing full of fish to throw in me.”

This makes it up in here, let's get some penguins. You calling the cops? Officer Hell, by the imprisonment of my ex-husband. Hi there, this is Casper.

You may be thinking about hanging up and sending me a text message right now.

Please know that I won't respond to that either. Bye. Hey, it's me. Call me as soon as you can. I'd call you back, but there's no phone in here.

Who are you? It's me, Filomena. No, it's not. I mean, no, it's not. But yes, it is.

Keep going. Okay. This is going to sound ridiculous, but please keep in mind that, you know, look around. Your life sounds pretty unbelievable, too. So...

Once upon a time, I walked into a diner called midnight burger. Turns out that diner was a time traveling dimension spanning diner that hops from universe to universe every 24 hours. For some reason, inside of that diner was this old timey radio that was apparently put there by a fourth dimensional being named Chuck, inside the radioer,

two old timey radio personalities named Effian Zebulon Mughalaine. And they could actually talk to me and we would talk back and forth and it was a wonderful time, but not really. It was actually pretty terrifying. Also, turns out I don't age when I'm on board this diner.

So, I stayed there for over a hundred years before I even started talking to another actual real human being. And what a lot of adventures, apparently.

“I don't really remember them because apparently when you don't age.”

It also fucks with your memory and you start to, I don't know, compartmentalized things. I guess eventually a guy walked in named Leaf turns out he was a galactic criminal. I didn't learn that until much later, but anyway, we hung out for a while and that was a good time. We had some adventures together.

It was very college. It was very immature. And then this other lady showed up named Eva. Eva is kind of a rogue theoretical physicist. She was really interested in what the diner was and why it's doing this and stuff like that.

And then it was all three of us plus the muckowans and that was a good time to and also terrifying. And then this lady named Gloria showed up who was a woman who had just lost her Takaria in a pandemic. Did you guys have a pandemic here? It sounds like it was pretty bad.

Anyway, when she showed up, things started changing a lot faster.

“And then suddenly we were on the run from a galactic evil empire called the Ted Empire.”

We managed to get out of that and then this woman named Clementine showed up. It was kind of this out of control space demon turns out, though. She was actually created by this guy named Croc who was essentially a god and doesn't like the fact that we exist. And he's trying to destroy us. Anyway, he almost captured us, but we managed to get out of it by shooting ourselves with time displacement weapons.

Those time displacement weapons send us to a random place and time somewhere out there in the cosmos. But because we had those pages on, they sent us to a place that we are somehow connected to. And that landed me right here in the middle of your apparently incredibly high-tech campus in I'm guessing San Francisco.

You always wanted to move there.

So if that was your guess, congratulations. Hello? Hey, what's up? How are you? I'm fine. What's going on?

Oh, nothing. I just didn't interview with Reuters. I know that when I do these, sometimes you get reporters calling you. I just wanted to give you a heads up. Really looking forward to it.

I started openly lying to them. I hope that's okay. Great. How's David? He's fine. He still hates his job, so if you could speed up all this, you tow Piano since you've got going on.

That would be great. He should be working with me out here. Well, he's not going to do that, Phil. You know how he is.

It's kind of a long shadow. You cast. It's hard to get out from under it.

Fine. Give him my love. I will. He does, of course, have his own phone. Casper? Yeah, yeah. Okay. I will.

Thank you. Okay. I've got to go. Okay.

“There's going to be penball in this brave new world, right?”

Goodbye. I sound like I'm doing good, am I doing good? Where do I work? Is it the DMV? I hated the DMV.

He teaches middle school history. Fuck yeah. That guy rules. Put him back on. I want to talk about Napoleon. Who are you?

Filomena, I swear to God it's me.

It doesn't appear to be any cloning hallmark. It's was unlikely. He thought it was a clone. I'm exploring all options. Well, it's kind of ridiculous, don't you think?

I'm standing with two sentient androids. It doesn't sound ridiculous. Right. Sorry. I'm used to them. You're used to them?

Yeah. I've met them before, kind of. Two was telling me that there was a number one. One atomized itself when I activated it. He says that one actually teleported when it was activated. It wasn't atomized.

That's impossible. Not impossible. It teleported away and hunted me down. Why would it hunt you down? Because of how she programmed it. What?

What is he talking about? Uh-oh.

“Phil, did you not tell the point or sisters here how you programmed number one?”

This is pretty great. What do you mean? She programmed it to hunt down and confront her ex. You did. How did you know that?

What do you mean? It hunted me down and confronted me. Or it tried to. But then it got overloaded somehow. Wait a minute.

Wait. I know what happened. You were sitting there in your mad scientist lab, making a whole last person. And the mad scientist got a little mad.

Did she? It wasn't supposed to work. Right. So you're saved yourself. Well this shit isn't going to work.

Doesn't really matter what I programmed into this bot. How about I make it confront my ex husband? You hit enter and it disappears. Right? You have no idea what you created.

She can travel through time and space. She can read minds. She's indestructible. She's total fucking goofball. Who drives me crazy?

We're not capable of any of those things. I mean, I wasn't capable of singing. But David really needed me to sing a masong when he was a baby.

“So there I was singing, and now I think we can all agree.”

The pipes. Am I right? She's one of the best friends you've ever had. Yeah. Yeah, she is.

How about my pager? But think you found on me when I showed up. You had a look at it, right? Yes. What do you think?

I have no idea what it is. Neither do I. But I'm guessing that technology was like not of this earth. I need your story to be more believable. Feel me too.

You want to know where number one is right now? She's on a distant planet somewhere, helping a sentient tree species repopulated self because she felt like it was the right thing to do. Me too. I'm pulling up the files for the prototype from the archive.

See, this is what she does when she doesn't know how to proceed with an argument. She'll say she needs more information. And then days go by. Please be careful. Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again.

Stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues again. Asa granted. See, ladies. She thought she was being really sneaky because she hates Bob Dylan.

They'll never guess that I have a Bob Dylan lyric as my password.

She would say. Send all archives for Simeo Lacroix and prototype to my main drive. Then leave files. We'll continue this later. Phil.

I'm not trying to do anything. Okay, I didn't mean to come here. I know it's very strange. But to get out of your life, I'm going to need your help. How's that Chicago dog coming?

I'm sure you can understand her reaction. Yeah, I understand. You guys seem to be fine though. We're very curious. So cover of Time Magazine, huh?

It's pretty cool.

“You know, when we were married, I always wondered what she was doing with me.”

Pretty sure the feeling was mutual. Can we try and confirm some things with you? Yes, sure. This entire time we've been trying to work out exactly what you're suggesting. This whole time.

Yes. You haven't said a word to each other this entire time. Correct.

Because you're always talking to each other.

Correct. Okay. Let's hear it. You seem to be alleging that you've come from an alternate universe. Yes.

Which would confirm the many worlds theory. Sure. That is actually a more believable story than the one you just told us. Guys, I know. I hate how stupid it sounds.

I always have.

“It would be way cooler if I was in some sort of amazing ship of the future called Starlight or something.”

But it's not. It's a fucking diner. Okay. Fries are up. Oh, so you're in the mesosolic.

That's how it's been. Okay. Well, I'm sure you understand our problem. Do I? We can't explain your existence.

And your explanation is ridiculous. What are we supposed to do with all of that? X, I have no idea. X? Sorry.

Force of Adam. Why did you call her that?

Uh, we called her the X spot at first.

It got shortened to X. This was after she became your friend. Yeah. We had gotten her to short circuit somehow. And we figured she was junk.

So we. We left her where we found her. 1930s Kentucky, I guess. After we left the. Locals found her and threw her in the river.

For some reason. She laid there at the bottom of a creek for decades. Putting herself back together. And she finally pulled herself up out of the river. And I guess the first person she thought of was me.

Which was great because I was a prisoner at the time. Why were you a prisoner? You know what? How about I just. The stop there.

The story gets more and more unbelievable the deeper I go into it.

“There's got to be some way to make me look less like a crazy person, right?”

Isn't there like. Are you trying to tell me that I came all the way here from another universe? And there's no way of detecting that? Why aren't you saying anything? We're talking.

Okay. What are you guys talking about? There are a few things we could try. Okay. The most effective method would either be detecting isotope ratio anomalies or detecting a fine structure

constant variation. Okay. Do we flip a coin? We've chosen constant variation. Good.

That's what I would choose. Because we already have a high precision spectrometer on campus. Great. That's what I was going to say next. I was going to say, "Hey, where's the spectrometer?"

We'll be back. Okay. Bye. I'll just sit here in the aquarium. Oh.

If you're a fan of True Crime or Creepy Encounters, you've got to listen to disturbed, true horror stories. Each episode shares the terrifying experiences of real people, retold by professional actors. I've been down on his hand and he pulled back, but he puts the knife a little harder against my sweatshirt. I began to hear the breathing and growling of what could only come from a monster.

Find disturbed true horror stories wherever you enjoy your podcasts. Could this really be the end? To be stuck inside of Mobile with the Memphis Blues Games. Hello? Oh.

Hello. Is that glass of wine number one or number two? Do. Hell yeah. Glass of wine number two.

Filomena. I know her well. Have a seat, sailor. You know, I'm changing the world over here, Casper.

I don't have any idea the amount of human suffering I'm going to eliminate.

Oh, a lot, I bet. What are we talking about right now? Never mind. So what happened with you guys? Who?

You and David and Casper. I don't know.

“I asked because it's kind of reversed where I come from.”

Where I come from he actually has a better relationship with you than he does with me. Really? Yeah. Why? A long story short.

We argued a lot. Constantly actually.

I missed his middle school graduation.

Okay. It's not a huge deal. We were supposed to go on a family trip right after. Okay. I forgot that too.

That's... It happens. So, you two left without me. And you got on the next plane I'm assuming? Fil...

“I didn't notice you were gone until you got back.”

Your whole family left. And you didn't notice? I'm saving the world over here, Casper. Okay. That was a lot going on at the time.

Saving the word, for example. Who are you? Fil, I swear to God, it's just me. I just come from a place where this happened and that happened. Instead of that thing and the other thing.

Which is disturbing to know that we're just made up of the things that happened to us. But it's just me. What was I? In my world? CPA.

Jesus. Really? Yeah. That sounds terrible. Yeah, you hated it. I hope so.

You were so good at it though. I hope so. God damn. What was I like during tax season? What?

You would kind of forget we exist. So, maybe we're not entirely made up of the things that happened to us. I have to say it's nice being in a universe where it wasn't my fault. Kind of cozy. Nobody can really wrap their mind around what I'm going to do for this planet.

It is a little hard to believe. Everyone's going to have what they need, Casper. Everyone. And yet, despite all that, getting him to talk to me is like pulling teeth. Middle school graduation.

“Who the hell cares about their middle school graduation?”

First of all, I'd say it wasn't about him caring about it.

It was about you for getting about it. Secondly, I don't imagine it was just about that, right? You know, eventually he reached out to me. After not hearing from him for a long time, he reached out to me and we started talking again. That doesn't sound like him.

I know. I was surprised by it, too. But eventually, he just let it all go. And how did he manage that if you were zipping around the cosmos? For a while, we were stranded in Pasadena.

He was living in Pasadena? He was living in Hollywood. He was a few people in Los Angeles who voluntarily didn't have a car. He worked for the city archives and at night he was doing street art. Oh, that goddamn street art.

He wouldn't do that. He's going to get arrested. Probably. But hey, then the two of you can bond over your arrest records. Wait, did that not happen here?

It happened. Does he know? No, you should tell him. He probably doesn't even know what the battle of Seattle is. He should know about it.

He'd find a way to hate me for it. Ah, you're probably right. Mom, you protested the World Trade Organization when you were my age. Now look at you. It would go exactly like that.

Cut to today.

“You're about to destroy the whole thing.”

Fuck, yeah, I am. Talk about a grudge.

Is this a practical joke?

Is that what this is? Who would pull a practical joke like this? The universe. The universe? Yeah.

I just solved all of the world's problems today, Casper. I imagine it'll take about 10 years, but after that, no more suffering. It's the kind of thing that makes you want to retire early and watch it all happen. You feel like your work is done. And then you show up.

I am pretty good at ruining your party. Oh, I know. [laughs] Feel David's in trouble. How do you mean?

Not David from your universe. Another David. I met out there. The Pasadena David. And trouble, how?

“It has to do with the war in a far-off galaxy called Cryptesia?”

Jesus Christ. You stop asking me for details. It makes it sound stupider. This is why I need your help. Some random David out there. Yeah.

He's not even your David. You and I both know that doesn't matter. We're back. What is this? We've been working on something.

Is that the spectrometer? We had to borrow it. What's attached to it? And why does it look like a hairdryer? We thought we'd try and devise a way to detect visitors from other universes.

We settled on two possible paths.

The first was detecting isotope ratio anomalies.

Different quantum outcomes during the nucleosynthesis of this Casper's universe could produce different isotope compositions. Their hydrogen might have a weird deterioration or their carbon-12 carbon-13 ratio could be off. This would be detectable through mass spectrometry of their tissue.

But there were too many variables for that method. So we thought we'd try detecting a fine structure constant variation. That's interesting. Hi, my name is Casper and I work at the DMV.

If your origin universe has even slightly different fundamental constants, atoms in your body would emit light a different wavelength. Like, I glow in the dark or something? Wouldn't be visible to the naked eye.

But it might be if we hit you with a spectrometer. Okay, so you're shining a black light on me. I'm going to bombard you with harmless isotope.

Sure, wouldn't be the first time.

What do you think, ma'am? Is she on glass of wine number one or number two? Number two, we're good. Great. Nice work, you too.

Light them up. Here we go. Okay. Hopefully, this is what finally transforms me into a superhero. Powering up.

Captain isotope. Hold still. Doctor, spectrometer. I'm closing by eyes. I've closed by eyes.

Can anyone tell me what's happening? You're glowing. Really? Oh shit. I am glowing.

What does that mean? That means it worked. Awesome. Phil, look at me. It's like the end of closing counters.

Come into my ship. Shut it off. Hello, Casper. Hey, Phil, I'mina. Well, what the fuck do we do now?

I don't know. But I have to get back to the diner.

“You want me to return you to one specific universe in an ocean of infinite universes?”

Um... Yeah? I don't know how to do that. Security alert. Multiple unknown subjects inside campus perimeter.

God dammit. What is this now? One moment, man. Where is the security? We're checking, man.

What's going on? Somebody trying to get on campus to have a little moment of protest. They're protesting you saving the world. They're protesting me eliminating their jobs. And overlooking the saving the world part.

They must love their jobs.

I can't seem to contact security.

They're not sharing. They won't answer. We're contacting the police.

“This is where being invaded can somebody let me out of the terrain.”

You'll be fine. You're safer and there than anywhere on earth. Nothing can get through that glass. I'd still kind of like to get out of here. Relax.

Whoever they are, they'll be gone in a few minutes. Man, what is it? Our security detail appears to be gone. Gone. What do you mean?

We're checking security feeds all over the building. We don't see them. Where did they go? We're not sure.

They can't have just disappeared.

Yes, they could have. What are you talking about? We'll back the security footage right before the alarm went off. Haspur? Sadly, I wasn't joking about anything that I said to you.

Man, what? This is the footage from right before the alarm went off. Who the hell are they? Shit. Who are they? The bad guys.

Where are they now? Checking. They're right outside of this room. Okay, you guys need to go right now. Man, we're going to handle this.

You must stay in this room. Wait, the police will be here soon. Do not leave this room.

“Wait, their weapons are on what you think they are.”

Fuck. What are their weapons? I told you, I wasn't kidding. Their temporal displacement weapons. It doesn't matter how bulletproof you are.

Why did they want you for? To kill me, I imagine. Why? Give us cash through. Disarm yourselves and wait for the authorities to arrive.

This will be your only warning. God damn it. They're gone. What did I tell you? We have to get out of here.

I'm opening the glass. We need to leave now. It doesn't matter. Why? They can be anywhere they want.

You need to leave though. They're just here for me. Why are they here for you?

“Please don't make my last words on this earth.”

Be me explaining a ridiculous story to you. Get out of here. They'll be gone as soon as I'm gone. You can't spare. What's up?

I don't know. Who is that? Who the hell are these assholes? X? God.

I had an item element and decided to check in on you. And a damn dude. Why are you in a glass box? And why is it made of me? X.

Look around. Holy shit. I'm back. Welcome home. One.

I'm home. Welcome back, San Francisco. Mackenzie Duna coming at you with some breaking news.

As you know, there's a lot of tech companies here in the Bay Area doing all sorts of amazing things.

But none of them were amazing then. Amelda and Scott International Tech in its CEO Filomena Scott. Their technologies are set to change the world as we know it. But there have been quite a few conspiracy theories about Dr. Scott and her company. Those conspiracy theories went into high gear last night when there were reports of the police being called to the campus of ISIT.

And then promptly turned away by the CEO herself. An effort to crush these rumors. The CEO was gracious enough to call in today. Filomena. Thank you for being with us this morning.

Good morning. So after an emergency notification was sent to local SFPD last night, they arrived to find you at the front gate. Letting them know it was a false alarm and there was nothing to worry about. That's right, Mackenzie. We were testing some new security protocols last night and a proximity alert was accidentally trimmed.

Oh, which is completely understandable. But there are some rather strange accounts we're hearing. People walking by your campus last night reported to police that they saw. I'm going to quote here a man falling out a tenth story window and plummeting to his death. Those reports happened right around the time the police were alerted to the security breach and it's raising some eyebrows.

Mackenzie, I can't speak to the strange accounts from random people on the street. We allowed police full access to our facility last night.

Anything outside of a mistaken security alert is just more of the rumor-mongering nonsense that has followed this company around for the past several years. Fair enough.

“Are you afraid that incidents such as this will be used by your competitors to discredit your company at such a crucial time?”

I would be Mackenzie, but luckily for me, I don't have any competitors. I love that confidence. Thanks for being with us today, Filomena. Of course. Jesus Christ.

Hello. Can this wait? Sorry, this is my only free time this week, it'll have to be now. You've got a busy week of grading middle school essays on the Magna Carda. Hey, middle school history essays are stirring, Filomena.

It's the smartest they'll ever get without any cynicism added to the mix. Alright, well, thanks for calling. Hey, hey, wait, wait, wait, wait.

I wasn't just calling to make fun of the most powerful person on the planet.

Stop calling me that. Look, David has an art gallery showing coming up. Hey, does. Yeah, you should come.

“How does a street artist have an art gallery showing?”

I have no idea. You should come to the showing. Does he want me to come to the showing? He would love for you to be there. Gasper.

Okay, I'm going rogue, a little bit. He seems to think that you wouldn't show up, but I'm here calling you anyway, because I think that you both would secretly like it, and then you would both publicly hate me for it. Ah, Gasper, I cannot tell you how bad of a time this is for me.

Because you're busy drawing people off the roof. Yes, okay. I'm going to send you this information. And I want you to think about it. Okay, don't let any of the mechanized minions take it off your schedule.

It's in Baltimore. The gallery is cold through salt. Through salt. What is that? I don't know.

I don't know. Art. I'll think about it. Phil.

“According to you, the whole world is about to change.”

Come do something normal for a minute. One last normal last thing before we're all living in the future. I'll think about it. Okay. Happy roof tossing.

Goodbye. So, the kids are getting really big. The kids are getting big. Shell's getting big. We've got bread words.

Megan with an H. Peony sparkles. Pistachio ink.

Aaron James Tyrone Barlow the first of his name.

A little alien. I'm guessing you came up with penny sparkles. Yeah, that was me. So, you just wake up in the morning and water the children. Well, it was easy at first.

Because apparently with tree people, the kids stay rooted in the ground for the first year. But now they're mobile and they're running around. And it's a lot. Hello.

Hey. Hey. How did it go? Fine. It should be fine.

Great. I'm sorry about your security guys. Uh, and about two and three. I really had no idea they would try and hunt me down. But X is telling me that she thinks two and three are going to be okay. If they're made, anything like me, they can handle all sorts of punishment.

So, they may be floating out there in space somewhere. But they're going to be fine. All right. Your security detail on the other hand. Uh, it's, it's not looking good for them.

Sadly now. The security detail where all Android as well. They were? Yes. Okay. Okay, that's better.

I mean, there's now a bunch of super powerful Android's out there floating through space.

Right.

Right, which is, which is better than being dead.

Sure. I mean, honestly, I'm a little jealous. There's so much self discovery in their future. Yeah, it, it sounds like fun to me. Fun.

“Phil, um, were there any actual human beings working with you in this building?”

Was everyone here in Android that you made? Hey, Casper. I think maybe mom and I need to talk alone for a minute. Yeah. Oh, yeah, sure.

Uh, I'll just, uh, you know, I'll be in my aquarium. Okay. Great. So. You're taking care of trees?

Well, it's a race of tree people. They're alive. They're just more like plants than they are like you and Casper. Oh, did you end up doing that? It, it felt like the right thing to do.

Turns out I'm incredibly powerful mom.

Being powerful left me at a loss. Turns out being powerful is. Well, it's meaningless. I needed it to mean something. So, I decided to take care of others.

I, you weren't supposed to function. I was just throwing ideas together. Turns out I function. Turns out I function way past what you were expecting.

“Can you really do all of the things that Casper says you can do?”

Sure. Fuck. Hello? Fuck. Here.

What is that?

Do you read Ancient Greek?

No. Okay. This is the Mermodons by a guy named Escalis. Why did you bring me this? Well, this is a script for a play.

A script that doesn't exist anymore. It burned in a fire in the library of Alexandria. I just went and grabbed it. Just now. I'm sure you can have it tested somehow.

Though, at this point I'm not sure how you can call anything unbelievable. How the hell did I make you? Well, the only did part of it. The rest was chance and circumstances with the unknown. All those things made me like anyone else. You weren't like anyone else.

Neither are you. Neither is anybody. I just happened to come out like this. Mom, you had no idea what you were making.

“I mean, does anyone ever really know what they're making?”

I... look. Okay. I can totally come back some other time and hang out and talk and catch up in all of that. I would love. I love that. Right now, though, those guys are still chasing Casper and they're not going to stop.

So, we've got to figure out how to get him out of here. And not just out of here. There's really only one place he'll be safe. You're beautiful. Oh.

Thank you. Okay. Okay. Let's get started. Okay.

Okay. We're good. Okay.

I don't even know how to talk about this.

I know.

“I've got this friend that I'm trying to get back to.”

When things like this happen, she likes to say, "What's the real thing that's happening?" The real thing is, I need to get out of here. Let's ignore the weirdness and just focus on that. Really? Yes.

So, you want me to focus on the incredibly normal situation of trying to find the exact place in an infinite multiverse to return you to. Yes. Just focus on that. It's impossible.

I know. I could do it. What? You could? Yeah.

How? You know? I just... Go there. You just go there.

Yeah. What?

The problem is she can't take anyone with her.

Right. I can only travel by myself. But you can just go to exactly where Casper needs you to go. Sure. Okay.

Maybe if I can analyze.

“Where and your matrices you're able to navigate in space time?”

I don't know. X, what is this? What? Disgrothing. Oh.

I needed to prove to mom that I could do what I do. And so I went and got a scroll from the library of Alexandria. Right. As one does. But X.

What is this? It's a... Hang on. You brought a thing with you. I brought a thing with me.

You just said you're not able to do that. I'm not able to do that. How did you do that? How did I do that? Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait. Are you reading my mind right now? Yes. Right.

Yes. We were on the capital steps. I had just thought Clementine. I gave you a letter. And I delivered it to Tara.

In medieval Jerusalem.

“Have I been able to take things with me the whole time?”

I don't know. Should we try it? I don't know. Hang on. Stop.

What are we talking about? I was able to travel with the scroll right now. Why don't I just... Casper under my arm and get out of here. Think it back right.

Hang on. This was easy. Hang on. I don't think you should do that. Why not?

Casper isn't papyrus. That's... That's true. I can confirm I am not papyrus. But what does papyrus have to do with anything?

It's an inanimate object. We can't ask it how it's feeling right now. It seems to be fine. You're talking about subjecting a human mind to traveling through space, time, and dimension like you do.

Yeah. You don't have a human mind. You don't know how hard it would be on him. It could scramble him entirely.

I mean, he's traveled like that about a billion times.

Just like you do? It's the exact same process. I don't know. Just because it's easy for you doesn't mean it's going to be easy for him. Well, damn.

Casper? Why do you have to be so fragile? I'm like a fabrizy egg. This is something, though. There's something for us to work with.

Hang on. Stand back, she's thinking. We'd need a vessel of some kind. If we could put him inside of some sort of protective bubble, that might do it. So, imagine it like this.

We build a trans-dimensional motorboat with X here as the outboard motor. That way, within the boat, the laws of reality stay the same. Well, everything changes around him. A motorboat. Got it.

Cool. Let's do that. Let's build a motorboat. One problem. Actually, several problems. What?

I don't know what I'm doing. Theoretical physics isn't my field. I thought your magical crystalline stuff could become whatever you wanted it to be. Only if I know what the thing is, I don't know how to make something like this. And I'm not familiar enough with the concepts that surround it.

I'm sure there are people who are. But there's no way in hell, I'd be able to explain this situation to them. Right. Okay. Let me ask you this.

Does your company have a plane? (engine rumbling) (engine rumbling) So this is utopia, huh?

What is? (engine rumbling) But right now. (engine rumbling) What?

Utopia. Where? Oh, right here. Yeah. In my office?

Oh, not here. Like, the world.

The fuck are you talking about?

“Have you been keeping up on current events at all?”

I was supposed to be doing that. Mm-hmm. No. Single structure crystalline adaptive is what it's called. Oh, I read that paper.

You did. Yeah. That was like 10 years ago. Well, it works. Oh, yeah?

Yeah. Here it comes. (engine rumbling) And how is that utopia? Mm-hmm.

Well, apparently it's going to eliminate energy scarcity,

housing shortages, and that's scrolling down. Here. Oh, everything else. Everything else? Uh-huh.

Huh. What's everybody going to do? I guess I'll just do the thing they want to do. I'm already doing the thing I want to do. Right.

Me too. I guess we just keep doing that. And then, also, we won't need money. But I can already afford everything. Wow.

“Academia really is disconnected from the real world, isn't it?”

I guess so. Wait.

So, people are just going to do whatever they want.

Now? Yeah. Is that why there's been a spike in enrollment for the science college? Oh, yeah. There's been a mass exodus from the business school apparently.

Like, supply and demand is not really a thing anymore, and that's like their whole gig. So. Huh. Wow.

So, what you're telling me is it's utopia now. Here it is. And we have more students. Yes. So, in utopia, our jobs have gotten harder.

Correct. Hmm. So, utopia sucks then. Looks like it. Yeah.

Huh. Not so disconnected from the real world down. Hurry. Nope. Should we go celebrate?

Like, have a few drinks.

“Before we have to go get fitted for our matching utopia jump suits?”

Well, now you didn't tell me there'd be jumpsuits. Hmm. I think there will be. Hmm. I'm warming up to it now.

Belt it? Yep. You tie the sleeves around your waist on hot days. Not that there will be any more hot days. Hmm.

Because utopia. Right. Okay. I'm in. Me too.

Hey.

Who's this guy? Hey. Margarita. Yes, she is. Who are you?

I'm Casper. Casper? Are you lost? So lost.

“Did you try asking my assistant for directions?”

Oh, there's nobody out there.

You told me. What are you looking for, Casper? Nothing, actually. I need your help. Help with what?

I need you to help me make a motorboat. What? Good evening. Hello, David. How are you?

I'm still here. How are you? I am also still here. What have you got there? I have brought you dinner.

Dinner. David.

All my nutrition is intravenous now.

Yes, but Casier is feeling better. And she's having ideas. Oh, good.

“She's worried that if you go too long without solid food,”

your body will forget how to digest it. So what am I supposed to do now? She has created these nutrient-dense cubes. Cubs? Yes.

You're supposed to eat one per day. They don't look very appetizing. No, they don't. What do you suppose they taste like? Oh, I bet they taste real bad.

Great. Is that the motor there? Bon appetite. David. How are you doing?

I'm all right.

Carioke night in the mess hall has been a big hit.

We've got to get you down there. Okay. I'm thinking Mary J. Blige for you? David. No more drama.

David. Mm-hmm. I'm all right. He's coming back, David. I appreciate that.

“I really do, but there comes a point when you've got to look at everything for what it is.”

You've got to accept. You've got to grow up. You know, my whole world is sound. I don't look up at the stars. I listen to them.

When I see you, I'm only seeing the sound that echoes around you. I notice things that other people don't. Things like what? When I rejoin the diner after all those years, something was different. The sound it makes.

You'd barely notice it, but I could hear it. No, I could swear. I was hearing something. Play broad analysis, X1. Hear it?

I don't know. Strip primary layer. What is that? I sleep. Thread one and D interlace.

That's a kitchen. Gloria. I sleep. Thread two and D interlace. The Michael Wains.

I sleep. Thread three and compress. What is that? That's a tough one. That is the radio signature for Sagittarius A star.

A supermassive black hole at the center of the milky way. Ava. I sleep. Thread four. D compress and invert.

Life sings the sound to himself sometimes.

And then finally, I sleep.

Final Thread. Amplify and compress. Oh, my fucking God. What does this mean? Return to full spread.

They're a part of it now. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down.

It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down.

It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. It won't let them down. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me.

There's someone to call me that one. Oh, I wish I had someone to love me. Thanks for listening to Midnight Bird. Y'all.

“Be sure to tune in this time next month.”

Forward ventures in the vastness. I've lived time and time. Royal you too harshly. Or diurnal courses leave you with no safe havens. Just remember, we're out there.

Somewhere. Look for it. We open his eggs. Midnight Birder is made possible in part via Monte Cristo level and above supporters.

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“website, at every moment and every corner of every possible world there is always”

a way home and it's already found you. Jowpowlo the most, odd keep the sentient light house, the faceless old Bethany who secretly lives in your home, D. Shane, Tanya Fisher, Appalachian Death Queen, Zosa for Doggo of Doom, burn barbecue beef brisket, it's official they're called The Grownies, Kevin Weinen, Marlin Sea, just well-medembelly, cherish hellfires, hellish chairfire, like in Lady Midnight Club, Cameron Agnesi West, Knox, Lisa Lou, Emmet Hale,

the Triads, Badest Goblin, Emory and Lano, James Miles, Brown Coats Love the Diner, House Chaos and the Critter Cacophony, Max Mia and Ivans, Six, Six, Sheaks, Six, Sheeps, Sick, Noop, Nevermind, It's Mark, Minion Simone Mibi Davis, Mr. and Mrs. Ronald and Misty Dawn Mitchell Jr., Guy A Turtle, Wayne Barrahona, Jesse the Dragon Rider, we will not rest until Puerto Rico and Palestine are free, Pluto Crow, Nissy's mom, Pokez Blort, Whiskey Rebellion and Jen

Riott's Interdimensional Detective Agency, Zefer vitriol, Altrian, Slim Nandy, Goff Leigh, Jen and Britt, Adriana Bartolimucci, Jonah is gay, the Midnight Ashes, Hornetty, Valley in Fair, the Night of Silver Flames, Hood's Pocket Protector, listening to avicing poisoning pigeons in the park made my shitty day instantly better, Valkyrie Storm, Patricia

Who's always late but somehow on time, DC Squirrel, Honey Cooper, Kyle the Interstellar High

Women, Shelly Act on the Verge, Gayle Friend, Rubber Cake, Clover the Clown, the Sparky Tech, Prop the Crocodator, Ringleeder Volt, Jazz Punker, Captain Tite Pants, the Companion, Agent Night Breakfast, Braddie for Mission Control, Renee N, Katarina De Laplaya, RIP, Eloise Waffles, The Fluf Wrangler, Oki the Space Druid, Phantom Land, TTRPG Dice, Curious Cirque Eight, Roxanne, Ashmont Gummery, the boggyest of Berches, Jason, HVAC Tech for the Diner's

Deep Freeze, SK Phoenix, Glitch the Gamer Air, Zephyr the Weffermont Gummery Foxworth, Maryface, Luan Cherry, Peppermint Pearl, the Interdimensional Space in Tea Time Witch, Nicole 6-4, Amara Salazar, Banjo Buscalo, Full Beans, Glorious forgotten Ford, Fistiva, Brandon Wright, Night Breakfast at the Midnight Cauldron, Force for Good Ish, Mark Scott, Rosie Mum, The Judah, Slater Morales, Intergalactic Frylord, Gravity's optional but fries aren't.

CJ's Big Barbecue Bistro for Bethany's, Angel Vasquez, Evil the Cat, Steven Raymer, J. Carp Fishman, The Great Goblinow, Low Oxygen, Save the Mungos, Joju the Bird Watcher, A flock of Grey horses from the top of a Sikomore, Lilac Morechella, Rachel Krimpa with special thanks to my best friend Lizzy and my husband Steve, don't worry about the order honey, Temporal Hash Brown, Diane Brown, Dr. Flog, Captain Noesleep, the Slim Reaper, Ruben Eden,

Smedley P. Snodgrass the 3rd, but please, pause 2-3 seconds then say Call Me Smetti, the Shreaf Port, Bohannins, CC the Umbrella Mage, Bradbury's Sasquatch, Loads Checkoff's gun and rides to join Bethany's army, Din, Cosmic Catchup, Lack of Lifestyle, August the Schmoggest, and Hoss Fest, Mousey, Hood's Pocket Gear and Sprocket Local Repair Cafe, Crafty Introvert,

Royaled Way to Harshly, DJ Johnny B, the Clopman Diamond, Marco Montano, no longer doing a bit,

“shiny fields, Adam Tatchek, Christopher Wendell, Unproductive Banana, Pulse for the”

Paulist of Paulism, Zombie Spider-Man, The Sorcerer Sanguine says Brain Demons is an anagram of Brandon is me, BX823, Ante-Crypted, Barry Heap, Gas Mask Penguin in the hot seat, Prime Ninja's Ninja Mime, Master Ugway, Barry, Deli's Dallying, podcast junkie, few tiles screaming at the ocean, FoxHatland, Dylan Coroni, Pedro, Vipristo, Slider, Malachi, Julian Rhodes, Maple Emily, the gayest library janitor in Indiana. The new kitten's name is Lay from this time,

he's not a girl, physics the good bush definitely not one of the bad bushes, funding rebel Bethany's to overthrow the duly elected Bethany's, hexadecimal Bethany is non-binary, Vipristo's ten's big black gaping hole, the planet Gubrius wants to know if Croc is a Crocodile

or a proper gator, Bruce, Jessica Gigoma, Torkl, Jenny the Bear, a girl, bell ringer,

serdeen Thorn, Treech, Josie Jones, Mr. Fibil is very cross, Hought Potato, Dr. Mojo postulates the end list, endlessly splintering off, as Bethany and Berkberg's caboose until

“its end lists all the way down. David Buster's server manager ready to serve all the”

Bethany's Amonti Christo, blind time traveler convention date, L.A. Woman the Phoenix Rising, new name, God. No, not him, Jeff Andrew, sure. Jeff Andrew, Miss Luan, a British woman with cute dogs, cup of noodles, Shmizi Tushu, Luna Nova, Nicholas Griffith, Matt Grigsby, Justin Smallen, Riku 31, Craig Dundy, new type without a gun down. Astral C, Echoming Pickle Me Tickle Me Two, which allowed the cartoonist, Guy with the chops, Sam, Mitchell G, Bagelknife,

Emelda and Scott, Courtney Cochran, Lily Starling, Ryan K, 7777, has been my

favourable stem for months, Nate, for Clif, Lifts, Forks, for Clif, Vince M, Chip, Radio Free

Realia, Violin Loves Midi, Bryan Passley, Subawasa, Grena, Piston Whip, Captain Ducky, Blitz Bell, Old Man, Dagwood. Our overhead is way too high with all of these names, and please make sure to turn in all your receipts. Love Josh from Accounting, Satsuma, Silius Goose, Dr. Jones, icy axe, Coach Shane of Toad's Central, Go Cranes, Sky, Cole Arthur, Lago Queston,

“Cassad, Norman Mergler, you've all been assigned to write a 4-page essay on your favorite”

Arthropod, it will be 50% of your grade. Joe Cup Up, we bet Chopin Broccoli, icy fish, the hacker known as Ivy DeBurb, Blue Tune, a feisty S chickadee, poultry landmine, as a scrappy poet, Jenny the cryptid paladin, fabric artist, shit, it was a mimic, basil in their tea, waiting to gossip with David, Ains, Liayayayayayayayayayayayay, Anknoor, ATB, Kiwi, LovelyB, Zoey, Professor Freida, Dr. Professor Reverend Bethany Wethany,

Lethany Woofie McFluffenberger, MD PhDs, Guyer, and that's not pretentious at all, cough cough, is looking for a cure to the Bethany mutation that the Society of Bethany's began the war with so many years ago. Michelle Spurgeon, Jack the Sleepy, Garrett Henderson, Twote, still trapped, but I've stopped asking why, the freezer is, I am, we chill, son of Defarge, whisko teach, Scott A. Snail Grove, give peas a chance,

semilema ding dong, behold, layly serop her whisker veil, countess of wood hollow, mistress of the whispering pines and beloved by all creatures small and opinionated. Ricardo Glamba, Cari's crafty cloaking devices LLC, hashtag we weave them of Gossamer. Penny the Wonder Dog and Bucky Vaughn buckbuck, cherry applebee, medium rare, extra toasted bun, saucy Caesar, belt, aspen is a verge fan boy,

Mick J.67, Ava's favorite my little pony pencil wants Joe to slap into a snim gym. Is this thing recording? Mr. and Mrs. Drifter, representative of the Alaska midnight burger tummy time chapter, Nathaniel Lee Industries, Sir Dreadmore Spiba is wondering if Bethany likes night breakfast, Lord entropy, Bokbok motherfucker, the Fay Wanderer, everybody's favorite clown splotchy, pinstrike algorithm, psychoquine, kosher steak, for the last time its Gabriel Strive,

don't taff rock storm bringer me Joe, Florida, Alyssa shiny pants, gone door calls for aid, muscles, fatits, Arnold Rumsbringer, the demise of the Temple of Bethanies, Alan Bergland says, "Hi mom, kitty McSkull, Ravenstromdans, hapless novelist passenger of the dimensionally impermanent and temporally incontinent bookshop cafe the wild-eyed prophet." Tessa Craig, perfectly personalized disaster, Jim Turner, Lux Luminos,

heavy-denero, big chunk, good deeds, Sasha the being of chaos was not involved in the Bethany crisis. With real more deep, please stand up, Jillian C, you don 96, Benjerman, not Franklin, Tracy Baby, Leia, is that the Chris Hancock who traded weekly soup for the use of my kitchen table, a singular night bird, Bethany reading in a green field, I am the lizard frantically firing flushet guns, A-E-I-O-U-Y-N-W, Bumble-Fay, Mr. Epsilon, the Mothman,

long-haired Matt, DJ, many Harris, Robert W, Reels above, Kresomira, Jessa Loren, Mayday Hoops, the Bean Wizard, myth and stitch embroidery loves the muckelwains, Lulu Louise, Dullio, the brookru family, Bert Ruba, your most benevolent lord and master of

the wizard mooses holds out their cat for you to pet, grim lore, existential pancakes,

“Janie Waboom, herant popsicle stick, Im Horowitz, Isle of Refuge, Jack Spiders Mom,”

Bubblebutt Bethany has banana breath, llama fresh, Jair the benevolent destroyer, Valtiel Heller, Revan the Redbeard Wizard, Bert Bert and the Funky Bunch, Kaurora the 12th, Bethany 2, electric buglew, welcome to the Quan Pound, Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen Pen, if Mr. Muchacho Kaiser Schnitzel caught an owl after dark would he be a midnight birder, the wolves and the deep freeze say,

ah woooooooooooooooooooh, Julie Hammond, sanctuary moons number two fans, Simpson, Alice Lewis, simply Amy Sue, I pushed her because Joe said so, even older Liz, Mick Bearcat,

Grak Pen Feather, Siddiken Druidic scientist, Astro your friendly neighborhood android,

Moonlight Zombie Fox, Old Doc Recy, the midnight missionary out there somewhere looking for you, rotten runny sleeps in grandma panties, Skull Monkey, Artist Dragonborn, big big garage,

“Bill Zang and a Lester, Joaquin Hemenes, Big MF Juice, the SIP, Muffins, Spacewives,”

are officially Verge and Deedra, Chad Hatter, Cosmic Teamaker of the Triads, Captain Jack Harkness Once Peter the Robot, tell your cat I said, "Sp-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p-p- prior and long lost, Daniel, Sammy the baby seal, Tricky Bell Dubois, Dr. Budiologist the glutes doctor, the hood's pocket library reminds you not to overdo it.

Thank you for pressing two, your Anglophone Emotional Support Canadian request will be processed in the order in which it was received. Queen Sirley Jess, RIP Lance McLean, you would have loved Midnight Burger, Adam Toklove, Dr. Bitchcraft, Sassy Cat the Space Vixen, Claire Rock, Jekka, Arostagod, the size two fish you've been looking for, E.O.K. Borja, spiders are cuddly, the main immortal thinks it should be Candatios, chill, kneel, since city scuba Steve,

Pollywag, McAillowite, Elena Pickle, Wilbur, Winkle Wright,

“wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, finally spots Red Nell as the carnage clears,”

Professor Thaddeus snukems the eighth, Mr. Grinn, Clim Petrovsky, this moment of silence so Joe can catch his breath as brought to you by Rick Tyler. Elizabeth Hammond, cheap con, the real cheap con, coming to you from the frozen Midwest wastelands, except no imitations. Steam vision, conductor of the interdimensional timespinning hype train, Dave Harald, Wise Cube, dirty diaper fuss but and the piggy runt,

bromine pronounced bromine, main hobding a mother of pearl Fiona now owns Lave's 18 inch Peter, seal face, rigor mortis, Megan's things, things Megan makes, coin lane, Trudex reject, profit of the god of the muckelwanes, Darth Ox, Michelle K comes in piece, Aaron Arnold, Boyo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo yo, As in boingy, Mama Mander B. Ross and Slump Master J, Alpaca Lips, I'll take one butter and breathe on Rye, please. Elliott Paints,

Undead Akira, the Lord Reverend Ryan, Domicest 10, Tenibras Tanstaffle, Tippers, Treading Treacherously, Tanst amount to telling totalitarian trope termination tales, the lovely Lara Lovely, Keith Gamjee, Samwise's Flamen Cousin, Dariel, Jeremy the Ruler,

Goatchi, Charles Robert Darwin the third S. Y. R. P. H. D., Jacob Mitchell,

Swooning for Verge, Zeke in the Box, Stevie Crow Hill, how to get Jack from John, the Adventures of Magpie and Brown Bear, Scroves, Becky, just some guy from Abelide, named Ryan, Remi, the Panda crew, Melody Prime, Beardau the Wizard, Captain Benjamin Hawkeye pierced the German short-hair pointer from Nashville, wants to tell his mom Maddie that he says, Whoof, Whiskord, any two hands for the double high five, Marissa the Ghost,

local snowplows in your area are dying to meet you, whether for it be Chesterfield in this Dapper Companion Winchester, Chester Corgi, Stray Cat, Old Kelsey Nochews, Zoldia, Dizzy Flame, we serve everyone eventually, Sasha, Bethan Allen Van Gillis, Langston North, Sly Fox, A.K.A. Breyer Rabbit, Panstart's Champion, the Constantly Lost Geographer, Timothy A. Otis,

Chance wants you to know he cares. We'll Stark, Elliot, Hobbs to Co, Natalie Bartlett, Rory of Yen, movie the golden calf, Giovanni Salinas, Rocky G, Perry the Pirate, Erin Elizabeth, K. Narcotics, Solomon Price, a daydream you won't escape. But before 85, A.K.A. Shemalbach the Christmas Whale, Kaiju Somalye, Stella Corvis, Hesus Garcia, J.P. the IT guy, Candyman Fight, John Peters, you know, the farmer, Barkley on the Holodec,

Dapper Dad, SCP-049, Omajus, Raven the Dreamer, T.K. Turtle King, Mike M, Space-based lasers, Captain B and Lady G with their swabs, Marla Madame Lotus still especially loves Finley, Mr. Steamwave, my friend the rhino reminds you it takes strength to be gentle and kind.

tie tie the wonder hamster and her dear darling Duke, Grandpa Gus, boom,

“Basticle Kimlicker, Cocoe you meet took her painted ponies to a show in one three awards,”

Hug a muffin, big foot of doom, D.L. Annie Atkins, Candyman the pug whisperer, the row, our cat said to tell you, "Meow, you boy of indeterminate origin, Benjamin Ortiz, Mr. Frog, President, Pop Rock Quick Sand. It's the Benny Appers, Benny Appen and Birthday, almost." Mr. Squizzle says a whizzle fizzle the horrendous apologizes for conspiring in the Bethany War invites for tea or being sent now.

Abanasa, Mr. Rage, Adelore, Trans-Space Dinosaur, Spooky Spader Storytime, William Kent, Andy, the McJimmy's from your local dimension, Xavier Killing's worth, Lane Kiffin is a hoe, Mimetic hygienist, Rogue Art, Aaron Star Joshua Damian, and Sentinel of the Star System, Claude DeClaude's Spunky Dan, Rachel Seymour, Chis Alfridge the bullheaded professor,

Edboy, Ryan Finnelly, Jonathan Kay, Pearl Null, another monster, Petabyte Avatar, Tug Win the Mighty, Project Octopus, Ken, Chibs 1012, Scotty Oats, Fyro Tron 95, Happy 13th Birthday Danny, Dance Break, Speak to the Brecken System in its homeworld, Ren, Simply Tony.

It will always be Finnelly's workhole to me if you know you know, Gabrielle Castillon.

"Whoom what, when, where, and why, is what all Fagrony say while listening to midnight burger?" Miko DeGio goes great on midnight burgers, a drum major in a trapeze artist walk into Connie's bar, retorted, Sir Party Animal, by-row the motherfuckin' dragon of the Shreveport the motherfuckin' dragons. "Who, Lloyd Jackal? Are you sure, Mike Robb, the Nancy Sinatra?

“Court need to leave it alone if you want to live. Must be a witch, Cat with a K.”

"Might the groanie has a first name. Some inside El Moustacheo, Luka for Hezekiah, Lacha Wawa Brava, Adolin Peats, CC Carousel, Court the Destroyer, Honest Puck, Casper's Mom's Emile, Scout and Fox Glove says the floor is lava. Red Nell hiding in a crowd of Bethany's to avoid capture by Wiley Wilbur Winkle Wright, wristwatch Wrangler of West Worcestershire, Curtomsky, Craig Armstrong, Plastic Fork,

Dulse at Deletjay Studios presents under the Truskin Sun. Get out of my booth, bug, propagator, I hardly know her, sad angry crab man, Chuck McFinley, Effy and Zebulon's trans-great-granddaughter Hazel Hayes, Velocity Girl 42, Little Dragon and a Cauldron of Bats, Ben Carlyle, Flat Steves Love for Grand Theft, Anna-Kernie, Crashley Strange, Lillia, the fortune-housers of the Apocalypse,

Starblaze Burnbright, Imzuki Yoki, spotted Rhino in her hand-me-down frogs,

“Red Mafia Panda, Lonely Isle, Kai Dello, Headphones, Hinkle,”

Pike Man Stover, Fondela Stover, Pike Man Stover's wife, Sernoculis the Space Knight, Scrizzles, Fwapp, Getty, Getty, Getty, Getty, The Firekeeper, The End is Nye, Jeremiah the Kancel, Librarian Alex, Spike and Faye, Johnny Allen West and the Boys from the Dwarf, Speedy McSpeedy Eli Wolf, Brandy Gunter, Aunty Becky is owned by five rescue cats, Speckled Unicorn, a Jedi rides again with Nova the Space Pirate,

Heaven Long Blades Short Sword, Forget Normal, A Diamond, CJ Johnson, a Dragon sitting on its horde of dice, Windle Wittaker, Chumbo Wumbo, Fikachu, Smivie, Glowbed Rulet, Andrew Fuller, Bon Me Home, The Soup Witch, Fettishini Alfredo, Cowboy and Sasquatch Hunts Bethanese, Pebbles, VV, Effy Rawlings, Megan Hazen, Philip Your Dad is Not Your Dad, Nick Boro, Midnight Plummer, His Royal Highness Mr. Hamilton Underfoot Kitty the First and Accomplice Princess Penelope,

the Marchioness of Miss Jeff and Maven of Mystery, Megan Gentry, Mr. Cherry, Our Assas in the Jackpot, Tubby Teddy, Wayne Hicer, India Inkblot, Sleve of Bahamut, Omega Gracie, Dalton Jenkins, Cat Holtz, Calarton the Tired Knight, The True Megamike, Fred and George, Levinia, Avomatic's Junior, Liza Worth, Castle Williams, Christy, Yet Maboy, 46 Tool Shed 2, and El Marie Katastrophe,

The Image Collector, Blended Music, Definitely Not Kevin, Sitting Squirrel, Patricia E. Melt, Missed Everyone, Around of Yorg's on the House, Red the Grey, the Silver Crow,

Couch Potato Alex, Never Child, Dr. Nassos, Interdimensional Biologist,

Caboko DeNord, Lil Kev, Kosami, The O'Drax, Joey B, Lucas Barting, Lil Debbie Cupcake, Terran says, "Hey, Oreos are rabbit." Sandalwood Mountain offers peace for your soul, whimsical fuckery, Megan with an H. Hey, it's warranty lady. Look, I've been thinking. Maybe it'd be best if we, you know, saw other people for a bit? I need more. Patricia the Time Lord, Kashak the Lizard Wizard, Kast's Jelly Bones,

Mango Kana-Sour, Brady Bug, and V-Corky Jester. The Big Moose is loose about the hoose. That old glory cold. Janelle Miao-Nay's Kat Butler, O'Sheen Lou, Alex Berry, Andrew O'Kden, asymmetrical exile, Chero Kat the Sun God, Eliza Travels the Universe, Lindsay Bowen, the Goddamn podcast lawyer, Alex Spence, Dr. D. Bird-Gloss Weather, and Mrs. DuBop DuWay Bird-Gloss Weather, want to say hello to the whole weather family. I lost my

Lori as ex-girlfriend, Kelly Clicks-Bring, the wild vessel, most likely cast. James Harlow is still

“sad about missing Burger Khan. Jasmine James, Dr. Cable Ant, also known as Omni.”

Thanks, Wavalshateau, Colorado Beekeeper, Fruitcake, Zepher, and the Witches Den. Zen Bria! Jennifer Colkins, Midday Burger, Dawn Parks, Throat Goat 666, oh my God, my dad found out about my Patreon name. Princess Leia, Fishing a Bag, September, previously observed in the pattern, Prime Freak, protector of the Scottish Realme, Little Lord Stevypie, Throat Pirate Finlay, and his Rubin-esque parrot. Throat Pirate Finlay,

and his Rubin-esque parrot. Stuck in a pit of skittles, C. Squatch, Deflator Mouse, Tony Piakarsky, Adrian R., The Devil From Table 12, Havier, Gracie Thadley,

Criminalist is just happy to be here, the twisted twigster, Real Housewives of CGS,

fake queen, whoop shnard the probability demolition expert. Showtime, date, form my mother, CCTX Girl 6823, waiting on the diner, Nicole Studioso. "Sick Sherty Alert, sign

“by shovel inside campus perimeter." Kay the flying penguin would like everyone to know”

that penguins are not native to Greenland, no, not even the flying ones. Trucks stop sandwich, Indigo Escargo, Love My Captain, Jo Malma, Wandering Biscuit, Casteriff, aims affection for Internet Protection, Retro-MG, NightScript, which at the World Watcher wearing a waistcoat and wig, Donald Schingler, Justin Wiley, Daniel Stavvy, TU Luther, Alley Upsie, not to be confused with Upsie to daddy jazz hands from Mouse Toots, Rachel Vasquez, Dan Gentry, Ron Hayden,

the beloved get borderline inappropriate empire of Dr. Thunderbutton Lady Christabel, Fridge Pickle, I hope something good happens to you today. Yes, you, Brit Little Fair, Michelle Myers, Glen Morris, Lizard Lee, Rosemary Prim, Anthony Lakey, Thomas Adams, Brett Zimmerman, Stephanie Boog, Andrea Crowther, Luca Vichito, Boots Guten Dave, Naya Venturi, Ryan Abbey, Michelle Hopper, Kevin Dottree, Martin Deers,

“Entropy Eigenbases, Robert Savott, Drink Spiller, Richard Ryan Mochell,”

Deflauer, Keliti Arena, Fall of the Burwin Wallaby, Lauren Mayer, Jake the Cook, Some Days You're the Beetle, Some Days You're the Dung, Josie Jones, V. Greenley, Elijah Sharp, Utrton and Rose is Viking void vitals, fueling the intergalactic fight against fascism. Yeah, not sure what I'm doing, River Brown, a senior duice, Skellacy, Warped Writer, Tim Nacy, Ruben Clamso, Turwin, Houth Mini Mungo, Morgan Brockman,

Sylvie, Friendly Neighborhood Fire Protection Engineer, Skull Ball, Dustin Watson, Betty White 813, Randy Supreme and Queen Lancaster, the one true cheap con, StarScribe, Lucy and Thunderstruck. Oh, Mama, Lorbnar 7, now granting refugee status to victims fleeing the Bethany Wars. Dozer now identifies as Roman Dirge, the other Adele, chef gal Val, Leah Hall, Sarah May.

Minsky Enterprises is excited to announce that Conan of Silence Consultants LLC has been named its exclusive provider of Logistic Services. Silly Willy Bubblebutt, Sierra not from Arkansas. Zico, Ebenezer Boob, Caleb Tumiala, Jason Wood, Arnie Arbuckle Esquire, digital flu-flossed in time, Potion Maestro, Nebula Nell, Regulators, Mount Up, Wandering Scholar, Cringleover Coffee, Mad Yogi, Eileen, a cat named M, Petito Poto, Palace, Big Mo,

Demonic Norwell 8, I am Annie, I live forever in every moment I've existed, I swear to

every star in the cosmos I never forgot it was a gift, the Stone Fox. Trisha Schafer says,

"U, David, that is not a taco, Sylvia, Jusetin, Papitos, Krakow, Howard, Henry the Goose, Jennifer Balmer, Ninja Grem Reaper, Miles Nelson, I am a bomb to let think of something better to do. A bird, it words, Hot Shot Huttly, Momo's Mama, Space Mormon says, "What, Ivy Pace Lee, Toast, Sue Watts, Murdole, Caitlyn, leader of the Unicorn Revolution, Matlock, Lord of the 13th Sea, Mr. Trigvy, printing with cats, Calicidil Mar, Vaughn Vega, Dixie Dina,

7,000 Possums, Sarah Jack Sparrow, Space Pony, Revive, W.E., Emma, Mr. and Mrs. Owo, Dusty Ventures, and his pilot, Uzi, Drift and Through Space, Ronnie Porter, Gloria's Line Cook, Eagle Rock Lobster, the gabbyest painter, and her bird of fire. Wondering Wenjo, painted Oni, Kudel, Ferrell, Emily with two E's, Space Man Nathan, Ramsey's niblic, the 3rd Karplunk Karplunk, whoops, wears my thribble, Jackie Wavelett, Yeo E Gagarin, D. Gritesler, a Gremlin with a Munchies,

Michelle Skarakio, genuine Jacob, Andy's brain is weird, Space Rooster Brandy, Lepard Donut, Poofy Thang, Melonuggets, Keychain Crap, Matt Matt Sharkman, Stealow, Bumbling Lilibee, A Quick Pause, a joke and sip from his tiny teacup. It's a little too late for tea. I don't have any herbal. I can't do herbal tea. herbal tea? I don't know. It feels like brass. Feels like grass soup. Boothardy's nuts, Panda, Curtis Leleg, Kennedy Allison Farner,

Tristan Stoles, Dalen Y, Shadow Rapture, yet another Nicole, Hank the Wonder Lama, Arcraft Russell, Sephiroth Wind, the ornamental hermit, Jay to the Lynn, just a regular fox,

Just Rachel, Waffles Waffles Waffles, Danger Girl, Atlas Bear, Petty the Ginger,

“Ava Cigarette Ash, Hugh Biftett, Aezus, and a phylaxis, Scavelett Comtax,”

The Shape Shifting Sad Girl, and her girlfriend say, Joe, you've done it again. Piplis Skin and Dupipy Pond, Sarah Nicole, the Kells fights with the Bethany's, Angry Leafs Laser Saw, Magnus Erochil, Amy Perry, Christopher Kai, Source decay, descendant of the weather catfish whisperer, Vacabond Mary, Randy Zamigo, Bold Mouse, Katie Mermaid, and the Delinqued Duo,

Norman Nicole, Victor Showberger, reincarnated as White Mountain Hillbilly Glitter Cupcake, Max Dangerous, Security Chief Shatsy, the Anxious Peach, Team Michelle and Billy, Nayanix Reno, Frankenator, Nortalbash, Jordan, Arwenx Balasco, Ryan Rosinski, Average Height, Medium Rage, Audio Monkey, Joe, Team Heffevison, Monica and Mason Kay, in the mysterious AZHQ,

I'll grant you that we have a multiplicity of mics, a jumble of jameses,

a trifecta of Tony's, one of whom still wants to be safe, but sadly, no Bethany's.

Rowan, Lady of the Black and Harold of the Stars, Aryan can't manage normal, Ryan Burnett, the joyful nihilist, Dr. Dr. B,

“so present the Bumble Army, growing into my farm boots,”

Super Beth becomes an RN, alongside by bootstep friend, Geneva Boss, our cans and not our cansoyer. Brothers of the Co-Sign, Uncivil Knones, the Rat Queen Evelyn, Great Lunch Conversation, Captain Scott, Lady Lou, He was a 51-night Nick Howard. Kinger was here, Bobby Ray Winnland Jr,

B-Bop B-W-Wop, Warped Echoes, Slabs Bicturps, Mr. Boston Leather, 2003, Jeremiah Franco, just in the nick of time, Gothic Rainbow, so we made it, Cody McClure, McAdley, Eternal Companion, Maxine Lazot, Jingoloss, Eris, Goddess of Nobody, has Matilda,

Didsy Bay, just your average Reese,

Kyle Church, I am a life on the wind, Static Ego, some fucking swamp wizard, Lali, Evan M. Dobson, Dave B, Navi, your friendly neighborhood pathologists, going to be lit, Captain Emerald L, Wayne Hall, Danny Mars,

“externally screaming, but Bethany, I may biscuits,”

Skebo and Fuzzle McBumpernits, Milix Tiny Wolf, Ash with a Raven, Christina Senate to teleporting, BRB, The chains are not organized enough for a war, but there is a growing number of us, and it is concerning. Definitely not an Android, seriously, I'm not.

The wondering Welshman, whatever tabby, Carolyn Harper, Nicolai Tolkachiv, Kappa the Sartorius, Z3DT, Shai Sparrow's BLTN, the Kiwi Duckling, Dana Dana Bobaina, Fifi Fofaina, Dad and Aubrey, the Dirtbike Demons, Dequila Mockingbird, Snuffelupagoo, Stammer in the Space Goblin, I so pale,

I am Lord Zotan, hereby roar, Pocket Ghost Max, Mags the Conqueror, Wes and Heather wonder if Derek Dareville join. My cat's name is Booth, kitty Kate, get your colonoscopy, Victor Casados, Emily Schmemley, work for Melvis, Boho Go Bye Bye for Jojo Pogo, that's a no-go bro, Cody Monster, Collided Mind, Miss Dixie,

Baby Baton Lee, Charlie Roodle, Kyle Perino, A.K., Sid the Slawth on a bike, preagondy, the wondering mermaid would like you to know that the little mermaid and the creature from the black lagoon are the same exact story. Little Stevie Pie, Green Mountain Hermit, Death allergic to Bethany Stu, two polar cat is officially on estrogen, Carl, the teller of dad jokes,

Skylab's multidimensional multi-phasic intergalactic quantum cyberverse, Verde Sol, Galen Miller, Tess, Geriatric Young and Mystic Hippie, Unforkable, Local Marsh Hag, Daniel Nitz, Mavis Bacon's, Pyros Calling, Joe Swasion, the Wizard Supercalifragilistic Exbiologist, and introducing Recy Pontiff as the 35th Doctor.

Too many jams, Pamela Rosel Chero, then Stina says, Thud Tweed, Enigmatic Cat Bird, Countess of Carbon, Slipy the Squirrel, Luminous Elk, Rodian Cauchin, Loves for the Nears, Tassard Andes, Captain Crash and the Surviving Crew, It's just Tyson now. Casper needs all the hugs, but Joe needs an O2 tank. Quote says, Joe is the writers room, upward heretic, Devon 777, Troy Acre, Mandy Kane,

Northern Lee Kay, lost Basan, you know, the moon prison outside the triad. Himsell, Silly Goose Hong Kong, Admatha, Astro Unit, Ghost Saber Wolf, Sleepy Mystic, Sarah Joy, Tatars, Precious, it's just Steve, Sweets Martinez, Char Noble 610, Meertender Creatures, Amanda Short, Shut, Brimble, Didra, Mike Whiskey, and your friend Frosty,

No Seguaro, Ben Bar, Ben Bar, Stand Clear of the Closing Doors, Please, Beastly Death, Sven the Unlikely, Cognito Hazard Exponged, Ted Wassernosen, Vyrestria, Theosis the Theologianish, Nicole, I love you, but I will name kid to Brathar, Fernwood Gal, Melee G, Twinkle Tots, Gemini Skye, Phantom's Moms, Callison, Horn Swaglandanial Arthur, Michael Ecclusey,

It's a, it's a fucking dog rapture, Abigail Lehu, King Humble, We'd better ask Dave, when Shimes for Safety, Cameron Winterborne Welch, Fireball XL5, McKenzie Dunna, Alexica Haberniera, Code Stranger, One bet, a bet, a bet, a ha ha ha ha ha, Matt N, Alfie Revenerum, Mowone Kiki, Frelp, M-Lin, Feed Muffish, J-R-R-On-S-F-P,

Diet Knight, Mars Royalty, Take 20 Damage, Macy's Bandstand, Kim Bob,

Battle Pop and Bugaboo, Snorts McGorts, Fresh Squeezed, Patrick Holt, Atlas B, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hold it now, Hit it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Had it, Bradley Ashby, Peter, Megan Okio, William Dyer, Brad Manier, Jane, Hanadeel, Crystal Delightful, Gruntled, Killshot Betty, Intersteelide Boe,

Jackie Lawi, The Little Pigeon, Quentin Elizabeth Jones, Lily the Planetary Brain, crazed Bear, Dr. Latest Trash Angel, Figures Recalled,

“After Flaired Base, Causes Moral Panic, Which craft is crafty lizard doing today?”

Noble Barrel, Yes, My Brain is Weird, Thank You, Bipity Popity Boom, Megan The Meg Young, Corey Morose, Russell Money, Max Savage, Jenny Rinn, Apprehensive Craig, Tim Erinetta, Bacon, Nicole Studio So, Rambo, Chaos Quatcher, That homeless guy who saw the diner disappear from Rogers and gave up booze, Mary Kirby, Stephanie Sturgis, Kirsten, Hurry Up and Wait, Sarah Farmer,

And Bella Donna, First of Her Name, Crittle, Twilio, Heidel Birdie, Tom Webster, Rashmi Vinkotesh, McClump, Azana the Leather Smith, Salazar the Do Mage, The Bard with the Tuba, Hayward's finest Garan Elazondo, To My Little,

You'll always be my good girl, You took a piece of my heart, left a paw print on my soul,

'til we meet again, Sir Shits a lot strikes again, Dam Animal, Ashton James, Elspeth, Skyland, ALR, Sidewalk Jam, Tanka 2005, Cruisin' Be Anthony, Tricks says we're, Tilt the First, Ali Frog, Tray the Turquoise Tortoise, Free Attit Mittens, Courtney the Frogologist says,

"Raybit, Corey and Stephanie say hello, the Fontucky Wrangler, Scremdru Le, Yay Erin, the Singing Loona, Zuzana, Celeste Yos, I'm so Antigna Fum,

“I'm Eva's twin sister Bethany, Katie Innoa, Hendrix the Stink,”

The Ambergler, Boodles, Osvaldo Simioni, Ashly Chapel Peoples, Ryan Ortega, Barbarian Bloodbath, The Diffenestration of Teds, Corinne Sebrantha, Shadow Daddy, Rubius Fuzzlebot, K-Mak, The Something Something Detective Agency, Hayabuda, Elythe Electrician, Sunny the Anomaly, Charme, K-On with Karma, Amanda Knock,

The Wondrous Methazafon, Hashtag Nissan Akira, Fitting and Robert, Jesse Foster,

Samira, Flat Dug, Deary Darling, Ambient Drifting Man 80, Chris Hancock, Nicole 23, Racefully Impaired, Tired Pirate Muffin, Steve King, Laura Roman Ronin, John Pruitt, Camel Pope, Insured Gun Rebecca Trossle, So Good, Many Names, God Are There, Chris from Tacoma, The Real Fairy Godmother, Sir Alfonso Suitperson,

Night of Hood's Pocket, Pollished Poldrins, Pacing Pine Paths, Protecting Pocket from Sneaky Skull Duggery, Nizi Lou, Kelsey Holmes, Still Casper's Number 1 fan, But now armed with a quantum spatula and ready to duel every Bethany in the multiverse with Breakfast Wisdom, Amanda Marie Catherine,

“Damien the God Dam Timeloyer, Matt Mosby, St. Foo, Harry Fishnots,”

Astronomy, Magnose the Civil Nome. Welcome everybody, I'm Heidelon and I'll be leading our Midnight Burger Emotional Support Group. Starlight, David Pyrenee, Techno Ranger Rick, Joe's Weaselaf, Virgo Aries Infinity, Best Buds Danny and M, Charles Q. Choi,

A bug named Nat, CC writer, Hunter B, Rudra, Deficit, Big Whiskey, All Cochinator, Ron was here, Magic Pony, Robert Olavary, Often Wrong Dan, Jess Gioia, Paul A. Johnson, Killer Odd, Dr. Punkusher, Esquire, puts on a little hat and does a funny little dance.

Creators 67, Mermaid of the Dark Seas, Cosmic Shrug, Incordable Ross, Deborah Wales, SCRB, Mark 11, Eric A. Rayborn, Maggy's Yarm, Stu, Inthonomely, Megan Mighty, Haunt, purple saline, Three Legs are perfectly good, Drew and L.A.,

Anomalous Death to PSL Vandal, Fuck Ice, Captain Blepp, Ryan, Evie Power, Terry, PJ says, "What?" Amanda Lucero at all, fear now doesn't polish the shiny melon, Blargo, Blargo, Blargo, the Jazz Man, tonight at 11.

Lorac the Barbarian S, Hicks Bessie Mates, Zellis Pragba, Tuba Rick, it's just Blake, Alice Malice Apologizes for forgetting to change their name for an entire year, but at least it was fun, Kelly Jane Denky, Air in the Optimist, Thomas Stolen, A.K.A. Casper from another universe.

Shadney Ashra, Lucritia, Thornus Anometer, Tamara Oliver, The Real Dirt Fairy, Marissa. Eva, no, not that Eva, the one with N. Grim says, "Transrites y'all, Zekinat, Underwater Corvid, Spizzeringtons, Snakes and Bakes,

Michael Christian, Ransum, Moon Mycelile, Rolex and Terabang, late indeed again, they're on Pyralis, Umvega, coming soon, dances with burritos, guacked and loaded, Aaron Mitchell, Lady Keanu Mysen, Onix Rose,

Jackie Wavelett, J.R. The Hikerbear, Velocicate, Al Cave, Cresty McBeard Face, Malaran, Sweet Michelle, Kara, Komi Zen, Calibri, Melmomburg, Rog, Lisa Geysler, Lannon Katakutan, Fred Fred Burger, What the Chuck, Sonano Suno, Ben and Jessica,

Todd Van Vores, Naya De Bruso, Pichis Etouichi, Inky the Cracken, Azulah the Brave, and their ever-faithful Squire, Grabthar, Jin extraneous, Dancing Dog Dreams, Trinket Coralie, and Existentially Exhausted Bean.

the very first thing I sent to Joe,

“wasn't email that said, "Fuck in professional with the Zee."”

Azulah is right and good to them. Just technically in our corporate documents now, like if we were subjected for all of our emails, that would be our very first email sent, would be that. We're here at Casper Seen, The Prisoner Song,

which I'm not doing right now. No? Come on. No. Leave me in. Come on. No. Come on.

No. I did it. No. I don't care. Come on.

Please. No. I signed a contract with the Chinese government to build three power plants, and it included a global pant-shitting.

In-dos. Sorry, sorry.

Here's what the contract says.

You did both. I don't need this contract. Do you want one? Do you? I'll have a chance.

OK. Sorry. I don't know. I don't know.

“It was second graders all day, my brain.”

That's right. They are so exhausting. I understand this. I think a pant-shitting. I mean, yeah.

Here is what I have. Am I ready to run it? So much talking in this episode, honey. All of them-- I mean, there's nothing else in all of the--

that's all an episode can be is talking. That's not true. You do a little amount of time. There's not going to be a dance episode of Minemur. There should be.

There's a square dance already. Yeah. It's like her margarita. It's that thing where she's like, this is my friend.

I kind of want to fuck her, but I never will.

And there's a little-- that's a little fun. Like to have that low-pressure sexual tension. And I was like, she kind of wants to fuck me, but she won't. She's the only other smart person here.

So it's fine. She's kind of funny. So, oh, wow. Maybe I'll get real drunk one time. Maybe we'll make out.

The fable and falling network where fiction producers flourish. And you're too still awake. Dad, we're too excited. You'll be tired at mockery mana tomorrow.

And it's bigger than ever. So you really do need to sleep. Daddy tell us about the new expansion. Okay, okay. Yay!

Once upon a time, there was a wonderful place. mockery mana. Everyone loved it, but sometimes it felt lonely. Oh. The mana longed for a companion.

So they built a whole new park right next door. I'd called it Claytonville. And it was the-- Oh, there's too much air for this thing. Yeah.

Oh. Hop on board the brand new mockery railroad. All the way to Claytonville. To-to. In Claytonville, there are four cow bar lands to explore.

Last two ago, in Farman Valley. Kiss your girl, best friend, in Lovelord Town. Don't be teary. And in cow bar Christmas town, hop on down to the blue grass grotto to meet cow bar Santa.

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh down.

“And are you worried enough to ride the wildest ride in Claytonville?”

Ooh, ooh, ooh, ooh. It's the four-spersed by train. [screaming] Beautiful! Are you sleeping now, kids?

Sir, yesterday, like a way to go to Montgomery, Mana, and Claytonville. Two parks in one and only 99 per family of four. And how about you? Yeah, that's right.

You, listening to this. Are you ready to come back to Montgomery, Mana? Season three, available now.