FEED DROP: Something’s Amiss at Juniper’s House

New episode coming in about a week. In the meantime, I wanted to bring you a new cool

“show that's out there. I think you should check it out. It's called somethings a miss at Juniper's house,”

a full cast supernatural queer romance podcast. Here's the long line. Find these met someone and she is everything. Their dream girl, Juniper Sumak, might be too good to be true. Is young love just that magical or is something sinister brewing? Between the bodies in the basement and some pretty intense earthquakes, it's becoming clearer and clearer that things aren't as they seem. This is created by Kayla Temschev, who you may recognize

“from other bloody FM podcasts like SCP Archives, May Fair Watcher Society. It's sounding really good.”

I checked it out and it's horror, so there's these scary sort of foreboding elements to it. But there's this other layer to it that's like kind of adorable and kind of cute and the juxtaposition of those two things is really interesting. Definitely check it out.

I'm going to play the first episode right now. If you like what you hear, you can find and

listen to some things a miss at Juniper's house, anywhere you listen to podcasts, and you can learn more

“at amisspod.com. That's AMISS-P-O-D.com. Okay, here we go. Here's the first episode.”

Thank you for tuning in to the premiere episode of Something's A Miss at Juniper's house. This project has been a labor of love and we can't wait for you to hear it. Warning, the show you're about to listen to contains strong language, depictions of gore, and very, very queer themes. Something's a miss at Juniper's house is rated R and it's not suitable for all audiences. Content warnings can be found in the episode description. Enjoy the show.

[Music] The episode 1. The day I spoke to Juniper. [Music]

Finally, I'm 22 years old and today I had that inexplicable feeling that everything was about to change.

It's a feeling in ribbons, an unrelenting suspicion that something today would be different. Full of life, in a way it hasn't been for a really, really long time. And I was right. Because today, miraculously, I met the love of my life. Her name is Juniper Sumak and she is everything. I was studying at the old park by my house,

like I do, like I always do, and then she spoke to me.

Hey, do you mind if I sit here for a second? I just need to catch my breath. Yes. No. And I did no problem. Sweet. It's too hot out here for this. It was nothing and it was everything. Though she complained, she didn't seem tired. She was actually glowing despite being at the end of what was the seemingly long evening dog.

Maybe because I like to think of myself as a nice person. Maybe just to selfishly try to get her to remember me.

“Did you need water? I brought next to a bottle. I didn't, but she didn't need to know that.”

Thank you. God, your lifesaver. Oh, I should know better by now. It looks like today. It's my lucky day though. I owe you one. For sure. I'm, I'm thinly, I've blurred it out with no prompting, like a fucking idiot.

What's your name? I'm Juniper. Juniper, Sumak. Beautiful. I said like a normal person would respond

to a pretty girl introducing herself. I mean, that's a beautiful name. I don't hear it a lot. It must be a rare one. So, it's thinly. Don't meet a lot of those. Yes, me. One of the kind. It seems like it. I'm typically pretty in the zone. When I'm passing through,

“is this park a place you hang out a lot? Are you, um, did you just ask me if I come here often?”

He's been, don't call me out on it like that. I'm trying to make moves here. Sorry, sorry.

I'll, I'll let you make your moves. Please. Let me try again. Okay. I can be subtle. So, what are you reading? Anything good? What? What is that? That voice. Why didn't you say it like that? Like what? Oh my god. Yeah, look at that. I'll deepen stuff because maybe I'm all deep and stuff. Okay. All right, fine. One last try. I mean, you, you can have as many tries as you want.

Well, don't tell me that. Then I'll watch the next couple on purpose. But we, we don't, I don't do that. Okay. Okay. It's the least I can do. Since you've given me water and all. For real this time, what are you reading? Anything interesting? Just my micro biology text book. So, no. After all that, you're funny and smart, apparently, because you called me on my shit and read text books on purpose. Are you studying to be a doctor or something? Yes. Well, I, like, right now I'm pre-med,

but I don't really know what I'm going to do yet, but a doctor seems like the obvious choice. Yeah, I mean, life's long. You'll figure it out. Worst case, there's, there's nothing wrong with having more doctors. It wasn't fair. The way she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ear is she smiled. Nor was it fair. The way her eyes lit up when she called me funny. I can't help but stay around her, but being this close was like looking directly into the sun.

Well, now it's time for the home stretch. So, thanks again for the water. It was really nice meeting you.

“I, I hope we can be friends. I'll be here tomorrow if you want to also be here.”

I might go on a walk or something if you're, you're good with walks or you like them or you, you know, anything to put off reading this old thing? I'm great with walks. Very obedient. I don't stray too far ahead or anything. I'll, uh, I'll see what I can do. Don't forget about me. Okay, Finn. I won't. She knows my name. Kind of. Mom, I'm home.

Well, I, I told her I'd be there. She said something cute and vague.

Whatever. I'm excited. Here you go. , I don't, I don't want it.

“Oh, this is going right in the wash. I think I could have gotten another day out of it too.”

Soup stains.

Low growing and frequency, experts say there is no reason to be concerned. Moving on to our top story today,

more than 10 local men who've gone missing in the lab. Today was a good day. Today was a really, really good day.

“I waited at the park early. Maybe two early. My last class let out about 15 minutes early”

than it usually does, which is nice and all except I'm paying for the full class and now there was nothing to distract me from the fact I was about to meet with Juniper again. I sprinted out of the door, which is pretty atypical for me, as I'm not one to make Friday night plans, but apparently neither is Juniper, but why wouldn't she be? Girls is pretty as she is,

“or always out of bars, or parties, or whatever it is, the socially active people do.”

For the first time I was struck with the painful realization that she might have forgotten

or worse had no interest in meeting with me at all. I would, she had no obligation to meet with me just because I gave her a water bottle made a fool of myself and asked nicely. Maybe that's just a day in Juniper's life. Maybe for me it was everything and for her it was Thursday. A few minutes with a kind stranger pleasant but soon to be forgotten. After all nothing about me is exceedingly memorable. It's too early, it's still too early, it's still too early.

I started counting flower petals. She remembers my existence, she remembers my existence not. I looked for shapes, sing clouds, machete and fluff solely partially distracting from my nerves. Right as I resolved to actually open up my microbiology textbook, I caught sight of her. She jogged up the path through the forest effortlessly, like how birds fly or cats sleep. All at once I'm struck again by her beauty.

What must it be like to be so enchanting? Hey Finn! Hey! Guess I'm Finn though. Juniper, right? And my memory isn't the best.

And she smiled at me like that. I couldn't help but agree.

Yes, some combination of the two. Yeah, how about that walk? Unless, oh, I spot a text book. Is microbiology interesting all of a sudden? Unfortunately, it is still super super boring.

“Ash, you hate to hear it. Works out in my favor though, doesn't it?”

Awak it is. I'll try not to bore you too much. I have a suspicion that you couldn't possibly. I look forward to proving you right. No, I'm not much of a runner. I think it's that my feet are flat. Nothing that's bad. In general, I just think minor, like two, but or maybe it was the other way around, do you arched? I don't know. A doctor told me when I was a little

but I haven't really checked. Oh my god, I'm talking about your sheets. Walking is more my speed. Got it. Note to self. Finn likes to take things slow.

My face must have turned bright red. Did she actually say that?

Did she realize what she was saying was she just so deeply cool that she just talks that way? So, besides a nice stroll, what else does Finn like? Like a journal? A lot, uh, uh, sorry I was so boring. Hey, um, what if you try that again?

But without apologizing for everything? Don't you like these things? You. Yeah, yes, I mean, I do, I do, I do. Okay, then be loud about it.

“I wouldn't ask you what you like if I didn't want to know.”

Sorry, I'm sorry, I'm just a...

Nervous, he'll be sunned. Okay, fine, I'll go first.

Um, I like going on runs. I like being outside. I like being really good at things. I like myself, actually, which is cool because not everyone can say that. I like how humble I am, obviously.

Um, I like not taking things too seriously. What else? I like good coffee, like really, really good coffee, typhoon, good or bad. And, um, people that make me laugh.

Now you go, um, uh, I like school. Even though I know people are supposed to hate school, I like writing. I like flowers, like literally any purple or blue flower. Um, I like when movies are actually really scary.

Like traumatize me, right? I don't want it, scary. (laughs) Um, I like my hair right after I get it cut short. Um, the chair in my room, my pile, my stuff in. And, uh, coffee, good or bad.

Okay, seems like the overlap is coffee. Seems like.

“I think I'll hold on to that tidbit of wisdom.”

Anything you, uh, you don't like? Hates, I guess. Um, being bored. You? Being boring. You, um, you go to North Central?

Yeah, it's, uh, it's not bad. The application was free and they offered me some scholarships. Plus, I can stay at my house and I don't need to live on campus. The kind of all just made sense. What about you? What school are you at?

Oh, I'm not. Oh, oh, I'm sorry. Sorry that I'm an idiot. At what? No, don't be sorry. Traditional education just isn't for me.

My grandfather kind of homeschooled me. I still know like my time's tables and stuff,

What do you mean? You could definitely get a degree.

Is it, do you not want to or is it? Let's not talk about it. It's not interesting, anyway. What about your parents? What do they do?

Oh, um, my mom is staying at home right now. She's a ben sick for a while and not really able to leave the house. Oh, oh, she's, she's okay. It's just, it's just a thing we're dealing with. Um, my dad isn't really in the picture.

“Your mom used to bartend, he was just some office guy, uh, insurance, I think.”

Shit, I'm sorry. Oh, it's okay, insurance isn't that lame. You know what I mean? I'm, I'm, I'm sorry he isn't around. It don't be, really. He's, he's been gone for almost a year now. And it's, honestly, kind of better this way.

He wasn't the coolest guy when he was here. And if he, he wanted to stick around, he would've. He had this reason, not that he, left a note, you know, like an adult would do? Yeah, I mean, sounds like his reason was that he sucks. Yeah, yeah, yeah, okay.

Okay, okay, no worries, I had parent stuff. Let's talk about literally anything else. What, uh, what kind of music do you like? Uh, what music don't I like? Ooh, I have a new hate.

Country music. Ooh, come on, Finn. Have an original hate. I'm sorry, I hate what I hate.

“Hate something like weird and specific, or at least something that people actually like.”

But, you know, what if I don't? You do. I really, she gave me this look. One that said she was waiting for me to surprise her, say something interesting. She wanted me to not be boring.

The sound that forks make when they scrape on ceramic plates. She only raised a eyebrow. Really, Finnie? Sunsets. You know, people love them, but I don't get it.

Just doesn't exist. Doesn't do anything for me. I don't feel anything when I look at one. Even though I know, I'm supposed to. Good answer.

When we passed hours like this, it was easy to talk to her. Easy with her, I thought it would be.

People say I never meet your idols,

but I guess that doesn't apply to the pretty girls that jog pasty while you study. She was every bit as enchanting up close as she was from afar. More than once, I miss something she was saying because I got distracted staring at the way her teeth grazed her bottom lip, or the two freckles, close together on her nose. If she noticed, she was too polite to call me out on it.

It wasn't until my stomach crumbled in a particularly unflattering way that she paused our conversation. Do you need to go eat something? No, I'm good. The stomach does not lie. The stomach!

Fibs a little. Go shut up your stomach. Are you doing anything tomorrow? I'll be around. I'm free.

I'm free like all day. Okay, how about morning coffee? My treat? Sounds perfect. Here, give me your phone number, that way I can text when I'm up.

I tend to be a pretty late riser. I nodded and grabbed her phone typing in my number with shaky hands. I debated between typing in my name is Finley or Fin for a few seconds before just leaving the name blank. I passed Juniper her phone and she placed it on the bench where she put her contact information in mine.

“Does she put a little heart spy her name in everyone's phone?”

Text me later, or call, whatever. I'll answer. Later. I don't know why I did it, but I said... Be careful out there.

I know the tremors of me getting worse, especially around here, you know. It wouldn't want you to hurt yourself or anything.

She faltered for a second, turning around the looks she gave me wasn't a look of malice,

but it wasn't one of appreciation either. It was more like a fleeting moment of surprise, masked immediately by a thin veil of humor.

I'm a big girl. I'll be fine. See you tomorrow. And just like that, she glided away. As soon as she was out of sight, oh my god!

Oh my god, I did it!

“I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it! I did it!”

And her phone was still on the bench. Shit! Fuck! Obviously, like anyone would, I picked up her phone and made a mad dash after her.

However, by that point, it was starting to get dark, and I never realized just how much faster

Juniper was than me. Fortunately, even though she moved like she was gliding, she left footprints. I followed them. I was trained on the ground. It didn't take me long to get where I was going. Behind the park, a little ways from the forest is our town's oldest graveyard.

It's the kind that's so old, it's technically a monument. No one alive knows anyone who's been buried there, but we all know it exists. Kids used to tell scary stories.

“Not to go into the graveyard at night, or the beast would eat you.”

Don't walk the rows of tombstones alone when you get dragged down with the corpses. It is nothing creative, really typical kid stuff.

Things I had always written off as urban legends.

But now, riskly walking toward the graveyard at night by myself, those scary stories poked and prodded at my mind. But the steps led that way, which meant Juniper went this way, so towards the graveyard I go. I never been there before, why would I have?

I'd been fortunate enough that no one I'd ever known had died, but even if one of them did, it would have been more reasonable to bury them with the newer cemetery behind the lone church or small town possesses. I guess none of the kids who spread their tall tails did either, because

well, they never mentioned the looming mansion that rests beside it.

The graveyard itself was unremarkable, but standing there, easily three stories tall, this house looked like a Victorian mansion. Or at least, when I suspect a Victorian mansion would look like I'm not an architect. No, I didn't mean to spy. I know starting off a relationship, which is what I'm hoping to do,

“by snooping on the other person's family, isn't the best way to build trust, but”

when you're in the moment, in life happens, you don't think. Is this a bad idea? You just act. You just move. When someone came out of the house, I panicked. I could have easily just waved, dropped off to an investment, like it was no big deal, and gone about my night, but I didn't.

Before I could think, my body reacted, and I threw myself backward into the brushes. You know, the rational thing to do. She didn't see me, but I still saw her. A little girl, maybe 12, maybe younger, lugging a huge black bag across the front lawn.

She was blonde, small, built, kind of like a doll, really. Despite her size, she still pulled the bag and from my perspective, it looked heavy. You put... Now, I've seen enough movies to know about suspicious sleigh large bags, and if, what I've seen is anything like real life, I'd call this one body size.

Are you all right? I'm fine. I could just use some help moving this thing. I can help you. Okay, sage, very funny, but humor isn't your thing. Go inside and get me someone useful. Will you? I'm not joking. I can help you. You can't. Seriously, grab June or the twins.

Gray, if they can be bothered. Fuck, even Kai would work if he's not already asleep.

All right then, I'll see who I can find.

“This kid, this girl, threw the bag down some sort of basement seller door.”

I couldn't see it after that, but I could see her. And she was grinning.

My bad. I forgot all about ladies first.

As she disappeared into the cellar, the night grew quiet, but my mind started re-linked. If I went up and dropped off June to postpone, no, they would know. I saw whatever.

“Whatever it was, I just witnessed, which could be nothing, or it could be very...”

Very much, something.

So again, I did the rational thing. I dropped June to postpone and ran.

No, I don't know how every family works. I barely even know how my family works, but that girl, the way she barked orders, whatever it was she was moving, it was all wrong. It wasn't normal, it wasn't... it wasn't something I was supposed to see.

“Just like yesterday, when I woke up with that unshakable feeling that something was destined to happen”

that would change things for me. I was hit with a painful awareness.

Something's a mischievous. So where is my mind? Written by the insumption. Unconscious. Directed and designed by Dustin Parsley. I could tell that. If you'd like to support the show, please leave us a review on your listening platform of choice. Or follow us on our social media accounts linked in the episode description. If you'd like to show your support directly, we're also launching a Patreon with

ad-free episodes by weekly after-shows and an exclusive behind-the-scenes blooper reel. Something's a mishead Juniper's house stars. Brooke Jeanette, as Juniper. Caleb Temschiff, as Finley. Marisa Durran, as Sage. Hannah Scunner, as Edda. Mia Maria Juahe and Brian Vegan provide additional voices in this episode. Art is by Heather Vaughn, music by Maddie Roy Burger, a bloody FM original.

Thank you for listening. [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]