432: Japanese folklore: Sword it Out

Please see the post on mythpodcast.com for more info. This week, on myths and legends, we're back in the tales of the Samurai. With Juyemon, runs for his life, gets attacked by pirates, and that's only in like the first 10 minutes. We'll see how you can open up a lucrative side hustle as a toothpaste salesperson, and how it could be a good idea to dress up like a high schooler and beat up monsters in the woods.

The creature this time is an entrail-eating water monster,

who pulled off an amazing PR pivot to be a supporting character in a modern video game franchise.

This is myths and legends, episode 432. Sort it out. This is a podcast where we tell stories from mythology and folklore. Some are incredibly popular tales you might think you know, but with surprising origins, others are stories that might be new to you, but are definitely worth the listen.

Real quickly, myths and legends has a book coming out.

“There'll be more info on it at the end of the episode, but if you want to know more about it right now,”

please see the show notes. Today we're back in Japanese folklore. During the video period, so the time of the show can end in Samurai with the adventure tale of Juyemon, who begins his story as a Samurai, but with a few drinks and a sword, that could change.

Juyemon clapped his hands together.

That would teach his co-worker to do that thing that made him mad. What was that thing that made him mad again? It was something and it was mad, meaning well, that's why he taught guys like this a lesson. So they learned from it and he didn't have to remember. This fellow Samurai was out cold.

Juyemon was a good teacher. Hey, hey, guys who brings me more sake, bring me more sake. Juyemon turned his head back and yelled inside the restaurant.

“White eyes poked from the fabric in the doorway as the man looked out.”

Was it over? Oh, it's over. Juyemon laughed.

But the more pressing question was sake, or I guess sake, he's dead.

The waiter stood frozen. Juyemon laughed. That was ridiculous. No, he was just sleeping. Big sleepy guy was Samurai stuff.

He didn't expect the waiter to understand the traditions or the power his lords possessed, but the man would be okay. He just needed to sleep it off in a growing pool of his own blood. Looking off at the growing crowd of men huddled around something in the street. Maybe 10 feet away.

Juyemon blinked.

“Oh, the man, the Samurai was sleeping without his right arm.”

That's, oh no, not again. Juyemon held a short sword alone in his house. The point directed toward his own stomach. Oh, okay, yep, this sucks. He had come home straight after killing that guy at the bar and mold over his options.

They weren't great. He could flee, he could come alone in or a masterless Samurai, and either be hunted by his former friends or live in shame and infamy. Or he could die. And if he did it himself according to tradition,

then he would restore his family's honor. But he would have to do that and also be dead. So, there was a knock at the door. Juyemon put down the short sword. Yeah, your time, you know, has orders for you.

A voice half whispered from outside the door. Juyemon frantically picked up the short sword. Yep, I know, I'm just getting to that. You know that he wants to see you. The voice whispered then, side.

They sent a backup messenger really. He said that no one had any faith in him since that time he was robbed by a fish. No time to bathe. No time to do much more than towel off some of his socket stinking sweat. Fix his hair and find his freshest ish robe.

But the time he made it to the Damius estate. His hangover was at the point where every bit of light felt like sandpaper on his eyeballs. His lower bait him sit, and he did.

The Damius said, and you murdered one of your friends, my retainer.

Juyemon shrugged. Yeah, might as well admit it, he was on borrowed time anyway. He wasn't really a friend, Juyemon said. Also, it was less of a murder and more of a duel that lacked proper documentation. There were several witnesses who said you screamed something in a drunken rage, drew your sword,

and cut him down without warning. The Damius informed his retainer. He insulted me, that is the warning. That didn't make sense. But also, I don't remember any other samurai around.

“What are we taking the word of commoners as to what is and isn't a samurai duel?”

You screamed, "I'm going to murder you and then you murdered him." And then, after realing for a bit, you said, "How do you like that being murdered?" That I'm your informed him. And held up a hand before Juyemon could speak again, stop. He could see why this guy got in so many fights.

But he liked Juyemon. He was different from the rest of them, and different was sometimes good. Still, the law was the law, and he could not tell Juyemon not to commit seppuku. And plunges dagger into his own stomach. Was it safe to assume Juyemon did not want to do that?

Juyemon laughed, "Yeah, pretty safe." All right, the Damius said, "Here was the deal."

“This was the morning after. His fellow samurai were out for blood.”

But give it a little time, and this whole thing would blow over. Juyemon could flee the country. And after, say, two years, there should be enough turnover among a samurai that no one really remembers. At the right, these guys got into battles to the death over perceived slits. Two months was a possibility, but in two years, Juyemon would be ancient history.

Then, he would recall Juyemon, and he would be able to rejoin his Lord's service. How did that sound? Seeing as it's either the most painful death I can think of, or that, I will go with that. Juyemon took off his sword, but the Damius shook his head, refusing it. Juyemon was an exile.

He would need it.

He would see Juyemon again in two years' time, but this meeting never happened.

“So, I just met with the Damio, and yes, it's true that I killed someone last night,”

and I'm wanted for murder, but also that guy was a jerk in means. So, anyway, the Damius says I can come back Scott free in two years, but I need money, because I need to make it two years on my own. So, can I have money? Making a pouty face and a graspy motion before his uncle, this was Juyemon's fourth stop of the day.

In addition to all the people at work, his family also kind of hated him, but they were happy to support his leaving town, mainly, because they believed in him also, mainly, because the samurai he killed had friends who were coming in the town looking for him, and they didn't want to end up in the middle of that discussion, so they had money. Yes, extra, if you made it a point to please leave immediately.

Juyemon rolled up the money in his underwear, took a comfortable nap in a bush where he loved to take Naps normally and not because a bunch of samurai were out looking for him, and stole out of town under the cover of darkness. The plan was Osaka, and that was it, in the big city he could disappear for a couple of years. He could be a merchant or a hired sword for someone, the following afternoon he arrived at

the port town of Morugame. Then in the then named province of Senuki, but was changed to the Kagawa prefecture, during the Meiji Restoration. That's not relevant because Juyemon only intended on staying there for as long as it took the leave there, but the winds weren't favorable.

The first day was fine, the second day was annoying. The third day and Juyemon began to hear reports

of some samurai who had killed the fellow retainer in a bar fight, hooves now pounded across the countryside, as the murdered man's friends expanded their search. I don't know, that doesn't sound like a bar fight. Sounds like a surprise duel. Juyemon said to the people at the next table over. You know, it's a duel where you win by surprising your opponent before he knows he's in a duel. It's a thing. It's a samurai thing. You assured them? It doesn't sound like a thing.

When drinker whispered to another, and then glanced at the samurai swords. They quickly paid their bill and left. Juyemon took a deep breath, and knew he should probably get out of this town too now. And sooner than later, coins rolled on the table, and he rose. The winds had gotten

stalls and crowds, he wasn't sure he hadn't till dawn. The samurai had the law on their side.

“They could lock down the port. He knew his hometown and knew how to move without being noticed.”

Here he would be spotted, and a regular person could just sell him out to have things returned in normal. No, he needed to get to Osaka. He looked up the man standing before him on the pier. Juyemon said yes, but he needed to leave now, the man, a sailor who's form was hazy, and the flickering lantern light asked. The sailor said he had a passenger vessel that just so happened to be leaving. Now, right now, Juyemon looked to the vessel. A half doesn't men stood there in the

moonlight, looking at him. This looks amazing, actually. Juyemon said, "It didn't, but Juyemon had,

well, he was a samurai. His father had been a samurai. He was raised a samurai, and was up the classware, even when you name people and eventually kill a guy in a surprise duel, the demon himself

“lets you off with a wink and a nod. Basically, he hadn't seen a commoner passenger vessel”

in ever, and he certainly didn't sail commercial. Turning away from the sailors, he reached down and plucked out a coin from his underwear. He said he was unacustomed to decorate. He would sail with them for one coin. If the sailor was surprised that the stranger was offering a Rio, a few weeks or months worth of pay for an average household, for the relatively short trip

between Marigame and Osaka, basically channeling Lucille Bluth's. It's one boat ride, Michael,

what can it cost? $10,000? The sailor didn't show that surprise, and, frankly, had to compliment his Lord on his excellent negotiating skills. Thank you, GM on Smile, and the sailor directed him toward the boat in the guest quarters. GM on felt them shove off almost immediately. GM on touched the guest quarters sign again. That's fresh paint, still dripping, actually. Oh, yes, our usual guest quarters are still being renovated. The captain said,

pointing from the shadows to the door. It was a closet with a hammock. But a hammock that didn't actually extend out all the way. Looks great, and I have it all to myself. Wow, GM on said, which would have actually been patronizing if he wasn't so ignorant of just how bad the accommodations actually were. Still, as you watch the city disappear, he knew the Samurai would

never follow him all the way to Osaka, and even if they did, would never find him there.

Even though he was folded up like an old clamshell phone, he slept great, rising late in the morning. He got the tail end of breakfast, cold rice and salty fish, and looked at his itinerary. The day was a weird one, even though the captain insisted that they were almost fully booked for this trip, and that the other passengers were spread around the ship. GM on kept seeing the same dozen or so guys just glaring at him, or iron him like he was a piece of meat. They would also

say, "Crippic things like, do you know where you're going, Lordling?" And I can't wait to kill and rob you and throw your corpse overboard. As GM on stood looking at the moon that night, he thought about it. Yeah, that was odd. Especially that last bit. Now that he thought about it, that was kind of suspicious. He knew what the cruise director said about carrying weapons on board, but he would actually feel way more comfortable with his swords at a side than tucked away in his room.

Especially because the room didn't even have one of those safes that is really just there for some semblance of peace of mind because the hotel can 100% get into those anyway. The first sailor he passed just met him with snickers. The laugh, not the candy bar, those were actually extra like $4+ tip. The price gouging actually only made the cruise look more legit. Making his way to the narrow passage that led to his room, the other boats mirror lights

in the darkness. And the villages on the islands beyond just hazy blooms, twinkling on the edge of sight. GM on new how a loony was out there on the water. Stop my lord. A voice called up ahead. A samurai right? Three sailors stepped into the moonlight. Something like that. GM on stood up straight. His room was in between himself and these men. Wrong. You're on my brother's ship. We don't have the show gun, dime you. Samurai nobles and peasants here. Away from all that, without your sword

“or your money or the respect you coast on based on whoever your daddy was, who are you?”

GM on didn't answer. He was still working out the best plan of action in his head. You are what

Akagoshi Kuyemon chooses to drop you, the pirate's brother smiled, or you can cling to your

“titles and your rights, and make a very dignified corpse. GM on shouted and rushed the men.”

Corpse it is, the brother shouted. There were some samurai who did, indeed, coast on their father's names, who learned how to swing a sword a few different ways and left it at that, knowing that peasants and even other samurai wouldn't dare disrespect them.

GM had never been one of those. He came from a good family but not a great one,

and knew that what he lacked in pedigree he would have to make up for in skill, so he learned everything, even had a grapple, which seemed to surprise the first man as GM on snap the dagger from his hand, snapping several bones along with it, and flung them over the low wooden railing. The other, with the help of GM on's outer foot, collapsed in screens. When his knee bent the way it was definitely not supposed to. GM on didn't wait, but slid the door open to his room,

“stepped in, and his sword was gone. Looking for your sword? Here you go. The last remaining”

pirate of the initial trio, and the brother of the captain said, and brought the sword down. So real quick aside, I'm from Cincinnati, and the quarterback from the Bengals Jobra, when he wasn't buying batmobiles, bought his whole offensive line Katanas, with histories that search back to the 1500s. That sounds cool. Also, I wouldn't want one, don't give me wrong, I really would, but I know myself, and I would absolutely accidentally cut off my own foot or something

within a week, just plain with the thing. Same reason I really really would want, but should never

ever be allowed to have a real light saber. All that to say, just because you have a samurai sword, does not make you a samurai. Something the pirate learned when, after that first strike, and the Katanas sliced through the bed completely, it lodged in the wooden beams on the ship's

“deck. Panicked, the pirate tried to yank it free, but earned only a kick in the chest,”

and a tumble back over the railing for his effort. Jogiemon rose, and with a pull, the sword was loose. Gathering up his things, they hadn't taken his short sword, he left the room. Jogiemon knelt down to pick up the sheath, ended the suffering that the pirate who remained on board, wiped his blade, and went to go see whoever pirate captain Akagoshi Kuyiemon was. So this is nothing to do with a bounty on my head, Jiemon called out,

interrupting the pirate captain's speech about equality and resentment or something.

What, bounty? The captain yelled from the stern, and never mind, don't worry about it.

Jiemon said, "Cract is neck as he stretched, and asked if they were just going to get on with it." The captain waved to his men, all 10 of which who are between him and the samurai, and they rushed Jiemon all at once. You guys are pretty good, Jiemon said, as he locked the spear head off of one attacker spear, and then the head head off of his body. My fully expected Jiemon to fight me one by one, or separate for a bigger guy, and then when I beat

him, you'd all flee in terror, but I appreciate how you get down to it. Jiemon complimented, and then pull his sword from another's chest. I guess you don't really get to be pirates if you only do fair fights. Jiemon said, kicking his talent number 8 overboard. Indeed, the pirate captain said, leveling his flint lock pistol at the samurai's head. The samurai's sword, pirates. He was totally cool with them fighting dirty with him the parameters he was comfortable with, but literally bringing

a gun to a knife fight, that was unfair. And yeah, we've all seen the Indiana Jones with the intimidating sword guy, where, indeed, just shoots the guy, Jiemon knew that hokey honor systems and ancient weapons were no match for a good flint lock pistol at your side. He planted his left foot and duped to the right, making a dash for the edge of the boat. If they're using my homebrew, D&D rules, which I'm writing this episode, so they're using my D&D rules, water at night

provides full cover. Jiemon would at least have a shot at escaping. The story mentions, specifically, the attackers having spears and swords at the onset, but it doesn't mention the guy who fights with a big fishing hook. And you know that guy got made fun of, until you needed someone to snag and escaping samurai, then who's laughing? Fish hook guy, that's who laughed, as he swung his hook and caught the back of Jiemon's robes, right before he left the edge,

gripping him tight, the fish hook guy was beaming. His whole life, people were like, "Why do you fight with a fish hook? You're more of a danger to us, your own guys than anyone else. Ow, your fish hook hurts." Well, now he was the star. Jiemon felt the fabric tear and knew that

lower his pistol with a grin, when that said they would have time to make the samurai suffer

“for all he had cost them. Jiemon was in anguish, not because the fish hook that was scratching”

at his flesh or that he had been stopped, but because he didn't want to say goodbye. But he would be saying goodbye one way or another. So, with his right hand, he flung the sword and the blade found its mark. Fish hook guy's chest, who, let's be real, probably wanting to live longer, but there was not going to be a greater moment for that guy for the rest of his life. When the captain, in shock that fish hook guy was on the deck with a katana in his chest,

raised his pistol, he found only Jiemon's shredded robes. The samurai had left overboard. The pirate captain swore, ran to the edge. But, in the darkness of the sea, he found that Jiemon had completely disappeared. Playing the sword from fish hook guy, he called for everyone who was

“still living to throw the bodies of the dead overboard. He was going to go to his quarters,”

put the sword on alongside his footlocked pistol, look in the mirror and whisper, I could go she crew Jiemon, Sam Rye Pirate. We'll see where Jiemon ends up, but that will be right after this. I wish I could tell you about butcher boxes chicken or pork I really do. I can't, though. I am just in love with their grass fed beef. I've only ever gotten that box because it is so, so good. It was so good. I didn't even realize what

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Think about it. It obviously wasn't the first time you got into a possibly deadly bar room

brawl, and even when it turned out disastrously, his time you liked him enough to send him on vacation instead of demanding he disemboweled himself. Then, when he was about to get caught, he found a vessel out of town, and yeah, it was infested with pirates who wanted to kill him, but even with losing his sword twice in the fight, he still managed to escape with all the money he had rolled up in his underwear, and faced an exhaustion after fighting like 15 guys,

and mostly winning, he was rescued by the governor of Osaka, who was returning to city by boat. And after telling him the story of the fight, he was commended for his service, and the man helped him by a house. Now, Giamon, the samurai or the Ronin rather, was a toothpaste salesman,

well, toothpaste powders, combs, perfumes, and other toiletries. Basically, Giamon was hunted into

exile, and ended up as a friend of the governor, and a homeowner, with a thriving small business. He's lucky. His friend, the governor, told him that to really look like a good guy. Trust worthy in all that, he should marry. So, Giamon did. Even though he was just a humble toothpaste salesman, I guess Giamon had that kind of big noble energy about him. Soon after meaning negasha, known as ohiyaku, they were married. Now, the story kind of brushes the soft, but it really

stands out to me. Giamon was a samurai, and noble. I'm not sure what level Giamon was, but some samurai marriages above a certain level required show gun approval. So, a samurai marrying a gaseo

was uncommon. Basically, for a guy who's only going to be in town fewer than two years,

he's jumping into life of an upper middle-class toothpaste salesman beat first. Giamon didn't do anything halfway, except for maybe his marriage. Samurai marriages were unions of power and various

“professional interests. So, that's what is marriage to ohiyaku, might have been in his mind.”

Maybe she was looking for more when each night he wanted to play checkers, according to the translation. Or, whatever Edo period Japanese game, the 19th century British translator equated to checkers, the story assures us, though. It wasn't, because Giamon was just sort of checked out of married life as soon as he achieved married life. It's because ohiyaku was a woman of bad and proflicate character who was by nature passionate that she ended up cheating on him with a

sumo wrestler. They would have gotten away with it too, if not for diarrhea. Probably. As someone who knows the danger of poorly prepared sushi, I once spent a cross-country red-eye flight huddled on the floor of the lavatory, so sick that I didn't care that I was huddled on the floor of a lavatory. Giamon, as he sat down to go or showed you, but probably not checkers, felt an ominous rumble. He put his palms on the table, smile at ponoshin, the governor's 18-year-old

“son, and said, "Young sir, I feel an unaccountable pain in my stomach. I think I had better”

go home before it gets worse." The kid did not really catch on, seeing that Giamon should definitely stay the night and he would find some medicine. Giamon, though, found the play this possible way to say, according to the text, "There is no amount of medicine that will stop what's coming, I prefer to be at home." Excuse himself, and did the most casual walk sprint he could back home. Giamon exhaled, as he slid the door to the outhouse shut. Wow, that was close. He glanced at

the street, at the lamplades, ah, too late to head back to the governor's place, and probably rude, too. He might just call it an early night. He walked up to his house, made to open the door, but it wouldn't budge. Hmm, well, he guessed it made sense that his wife would lock it. "Hey, honey, can you let me in?" Giamon said, and the only reply was "Screams, screams, and he can't find us like this,

“and you need to hide." Giamon snored. They did know that the interior walls were literally paper thin,”

right? And no, he did have me to wait so long for them to figure out how to hide his sumo wrestler in his modest house, and the fact that he had pretty much already guessed that they were trying to hide a man in his modest house. Giamon found the bottom of the door and lifted it up off its track, setting it back down and sliding it on the floor. He found Ouyaku, and the sumo wrestler Takasagawa, trying to fit himself into a chest in the main room. His wife and the man froze,

and looked at them. "I was so excited to meet Ouyaku's husband," the sumo said,

“"climing out of the chest. I stopped by to call upon you, and maybe buy some toothpaste.”

We should talk about the toothpaste right here. Great at that. Anyway, your wife offered me some sake, and well, I'm a lightweight. I mean, not in the literal sense, but I didn't have much dinner and it just knocked me out. I just woke up, and I was like, he's going to think something on tour was happening, so I got to try to hide in this chest. I am so sorry. This looks so bad, but I promise you, there's nothing wrong going on here. Yeah, I don't believe any of that."

Giamon said, taking a draw on his pipe. "Look, I'm going to be gone and about a year. I can go

back to my own clan, and then you too can marry or whatever. Far be it for me to care what becomes of a woman with such a stinky heart," as the source says. "The pair looked at each other, wait. He was cool with it. I did this somehow feel worse." Well, I'm going to bed. Giamon rose, tucking his arms into his robe, going to bed in the other room. He added, "Not looking at oh, yaku." "You're welcome to stay," Tasegawa. "Tasegawa, though, just realized what time it was,

“and then he had, oh, such an important meeting to get to, in the middle of the night,”

after falling asleep, self-proclaimed drunk at a toothpaste seller's house, leading to a humorous misunderstanding. Okay, good night, everyone. Glad we're all friends and cool. When both doors slid shut, oh yaku, found herself standing alone in the main room. Hello, Tasegawa, son. Oh, yaku said, while passing him on the street near her house, the sumo wrestler screamed a little on the inside, and the outside, but since it was hard to

pretend you didn't see someone when you're looking right at them, he greeted oh yaku, and the pair walked together on the street. Want to come back to my house? She asked, "I'm probably not. It's wrong, and I'm full on terrified of your husband, so, pray, do not talk in such a cowardly manner. Next year, when Giamon goes back to his own country, he is sure to give me this house, and then you and I can marry and live as happily as possible,

she smiled, and pulled him toward the door. His morality and reason and desire to live, pulled him toward the street, but another apparently stronger desire pulled him toward the house. The sumo wrestler followed her inside. Listen to me, Mr. Tasegawa, oh yaku said with a hiss, as soon as they were in the door. I have been thinking over all of this for some time,

“and I see no help of it, but to kill Giamon and make an end of him. What? What was all that?”

We can be married, talk on the street. Tasegawa started hyperventilating. That was my innocent plate-talk. He has to die, otherwise I can't remarry. We have to do it. We have to poison him, she whispered. The sumo vassilated back and forth, nah, based on his tangi was grasping the laws, and also his tangi was grasping the phrase tangi was grasping, he knew what she said had to be 100% true. He loved her and he suppose the safest way to kill this,

really buff and imposing toothpaste salesman was to poison him, and the sumo wrestler actually thought he knew a guy who could do it. A physician used to play with when they were both boys.

Tasegawa waited, sweating, until the pharmacy was empty. When he finally approached,

the man behind the counter squinted. Tasegawa was at him? After some small talk and some promise tickets to the next big match, Tasegawa said he needed something. Something his friend might not be prepared to give. The physician grew serious. Oh, so this wasn't friendly catch-up. Tasegawa said he needed poison. The physician nodded. If I'm being honest, I got asked this a lot in my early days and I was tempted. Every physician comes to a point where he either needs to stand

firm and who he believes himself to be or compromise and be complicit in some of the worst things people can do to one another. You know what, I'm sorry, Tasegawa said. And me, the physician continued, I am proud to say, I chose to be complicit. I totally understand, wait, what? Yeah, you just make

as a mob doctor. I mean, it doesn't even compare to my normal job. And then you meet other

“criminals and they connect you with other opportunities. It's a good racket. Sometimes, literally,”

it poisons. Nobody knows what's up nowadays. People die from all sorts of stuff, stomach ache, dead cough, dead, small cut, dead. You know what tuberculosis is? Yeah, neither do I. Neither does anyone. They call it some form of consumption and think it's caused by depleted body energy or little evil spirits or something. So yeah, what do you need? When the physician was done mixing up the poison, he said that, you know, all this, he did kind of feel pangs in the

old conscious sometimes, you know, the parts of him that weren't dead inside. But if Tasegawa didn't get it from him, he would get it somewhere else. Well, to be honest, you're my only contact with a sort of thing, Tasegawa rifle through his coin purse. Okay, but you want to kill this guy, so you'd find a way with or without me, the physician laughed. I'm just a replaceable bit

“part in this grand drama we call the human condition. Well, I think the guy might actually be”

a secret samurai and he's terrifying, so this is really my only option. Tasegawa found the coins, the physician exhale, just give me the money and get out.

GM uncrumpled. He could never find the nail clippers when he needed one. He looked at his wife's

door inside, sliding it open, he entered a room and rooted through a cupboard. He never actually did find the nail clippers because he stopped when he spotted a package, a package with a note. Poison, best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck killing the toothpaste salesman the woman you love is married to. Keep in touch. GM uncent back on the floor. He was surprised how hurt he was by this. He didn't love her, she didn't love him. He had even given them

mercy upon catching them in the act. Now they were going to poison him. He said the package and the rest of the cupboard back the way he found it and left the room. The next morning, GM unlooked out when he saw a form on the street. Just outside the window of his shop. That's the galaxy. He slammed his palms down on the table, the Sumeressler smiled nervously, as GM unwaived him over and into the toiletry store he owned. I was just doing like the counting board and a counting

and nothing makes me want to drink like a counting. So I was thinking about going home and just tying one on. You know, you want to join me? It's dull work drinking alone and also an early sign of alcohol isn't a man. I'm trying to sidestep that self diagnosis for as long as possible. So what do you say? Tastagawa was surprised. GM unwanted to drink with him even after after I said I didn't care and that you were free to get married after I left. Yes, it's because

I don't care and you're free to get married after I leave. She's a beautiful woman but what do you think I married her but for real? Come on over. GM un said. Happy that GM un wasn't enraged. The Sumeressler said he would be honoured.

“Hey babe. GM un called out to Ouyaku. I'm feeling ramen. Anybody else up for ramen?”

Tastagawa nodded eagerly he always was. I don't think we have any mind running out and buying

a sum and then making a sum and then serving a sum. GM un asked. Normally the request that she ran out and then returned to make a second dinner so he could stay in and drink was met with some resistance. But Ouyaku said that that sounded like a marvelous idea. When she returned, she ducked into a room while GM was making a show of guzzling the drink and then went to the kitchen to prepare the ramen. Which the story calls macaroni but is in no way probably macaroni.

She set the bowls in front of the men and then stood there, seemingly crackling with excitement at her husband's boring stories when he launched into one she hadn't heard before. One about how he was a samurai in the run for a crime he didn't commit, sober. He absolutely did commit it though and then he was robbed by pirates and rescue by the governor. Because he didn't touch his food though, Tastagawa also refrain from starting to be polite.

And Ouyaku stood by the table, her excitement melting into annoyance because all he had to do was take one bite. Is that real that story? Tastagawa sat stunned? No, I'm just a toothpaste salesman,

They're cold, I'm going to go warn them up. He said the fire in the hearth was still warm and the

“rest of the ramen's still simmered. The meat noodles from both bowls plopped in the broth,”

and he stirred them all together. Lately in the mountain to three bowls, he returned.

First with two for his wife and Tastagawa, and finally a third one for him.

The three sat there with chopsticks for a long moment. Well, GM unassed looking at the pair. He didn't want to have to keep warming it up. They should all eat before it got cold again. Tastagawa rose and begged an apology of GM un. He was feeling ill and must accept the man's hospitality tomorrow. Oh, I'm so sorry to hear you aren't doing well. GM un said. Not looking at him. Not breaking eye contact from Ouyaku. My dear wife, there will be all the more ramen for you.

She met his gaze. Having eaten earlier, she had no more appetite. It seems I've lost my appetite, too. GM un shrugged. But for me, it was something that I read.

“Stay there. I will be right back. We're turning from the kitchen and then Ouyaku's room.”

He had a note. Poison best when mixed with ramen, so it's not really detectable. Good luck

killing the toothpaste salesman the woman you love is married to. Keep in touch. GM un looked as wife in the eyes, and she only looked back, completely unrepentant. Most people, if they were caught in the act of attempted murder, would probably have a hard time maintaining eye contact. For Ouyaku, it was the fact that she broke it. Glancing up over GM unshoulder, that saved the Ronan's life. GM unguessed what this was, ducked. Not only dodge the

blow, but caught the sumo wrestler's right arm and twisted it behind his back until he dropped the dagger. Sweeping Tastagawa was legs out from under him, the man crashed the ground. With tricks like the poison and that little move, it would have defiled my sword to have killed

“such an ungrateful hand with it. Luckily, I have your dagger. But he wouldn't be able to do it right”

away. Ouyaku caught him monologue in and GM unfocused on the sumo. She had fled to the kitchen and returned with a knife. Now anyone who has listened to our 2024 Halloween episode probably knows how hard Samurai legends can go when they want to. Same was true about GM un. He, truly, had planned on leaving Ouyaku to remarry the sumo wrestler. When he left her the following year, it was when he discovered the poison that he felt the need to confront her, and when they attacked

that he felt the need to kill them. The fight was short. He cut the sumo wrestler, quote, "from shoulder to nipple with the man's own dagger, and Ouyaku tried to bring the knife down on him, caught her by her hair." He did make it quick, and placing her by the wrestler side, let her die in his arms. Sadden that it needed to end like this, he could offer his wife that kindness. It probably would have been more controversial that a toothpaste vendor killed a famous wrestler

in his own life, but this toothpaste vendor also happened to be a friend of the governor, played board games nightly with the man's teenage son, so it's not hard to imagine how the case went his way. GM un was free, but now he was alone. We'll see where GM un goes after this, but that will be, well, right after this. Again, we all like the cool side of the pillow. What if the cool side was every side? You've probably

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“writing and reading Quince ads of its state of secret. Still, it's been, I think, three times in the”

past week that people have talked to me about Quince. I'd a family member bring them up because they bought their new comforter from Quince, and they were like, "Have you heard of Quince?" and they said they listened to the podcast. We also actually got a Quince package for our neighbor, who typed a zero instead of a nine and made their address. I did not tell them to go to Quince.com/leggins

for their next purchase. If you didn't know about Quince, high first time listener,

we're glad you're here. Quince is a luxury clothing brand in all-but price. Curious that I love them, not just because there's something like half the price of other brands for better quality, but because you put something from Quince on and you instantly look put together. Quince has been rocking her Dolman sweaters well into spring because they're light and breathable, and she's got the Bella straight jeans that she likes, quote, "better than sweatpants."

I don't think there is a higher compliment for jeans. You can refresh your spring wardrobe with Quince. Go to Quince.com/leggins for free shipping and 365-day returns. Now available in Canada too. Go to quai-nce.com/leggins for free shipping and 365-day returns. Quince.com/leggins The governor was surprisingly cool with a sun-playing game with a confessed killer,

though I mean, this is the Edo period and it seems like entrance into certain tiers of the nobility, like the samurai class, requires at least some level of bloodshed.

“There was something j-m-on was beginning to notice about the boy though. You're awful jumpy, aren't you?”

The murderer he was playing board games with, asked as he nearly left from his seat at the noise out in the garden. The kid's side. Yeah, tonight he was going to fight O'Neon. He wasn't looking forward to it. Yeah, I can't say that I blame you there, j-m-on said. Maybe things had changed since his day, but sons of governors didn't usually go out in the wilderness to fight O'Neon. They still didn't, but the lot fell to him. At his school, the boys had been talking up the monster

tax and a forest shrine. O'Neon, Tanuki, Tango, since no one appeared to care enough to protect the people, it was up to them. The sons of the richest men in the city, to live with bravery and honor, fight the O'Neon, and sign their name to the pillar at the shrine when they were finished. The boys were all together on it. I couldn't let them call me a coward, any more? Tanoshin, the kid, said. They drew lots and he drew the short straw. O'Neon and Tanuki and whatever

the bird one is, their beasts. They can't exercise any power over people, j-m-on said. Not adding that they couldn't do that, also because they didn't exist. He did add, however, that since he was something of a part-time Samurai, part-time Ronin, part-time toothpaste salesman, and hobbyist pirate hunter, it was well within Tanoshin's rights to take him on as a retainer to fight the monsters in the young Lord's behalf. You mean, instead of facing my fears and growing, I can just throw my dad's

money at my problems and never have to deal with them? Tanoshin marveled. Well, that's kind of

saying the quiet part out loud. I mean, most people say it's rooted in Neo Confucian philosophy that we all have roles and responsibilities and putting yourself in physical danger was abandoning your duty to a ministerate in lead while me sitting back and letting you do it as an abdication of my higher purpose. You know, like we all have our roles, you're the head on the hand, that sort of thing. GM on pop is head back and forth. Yeah, that sounds better. I like that.

“Tanoshin said. Yeah, a lot of people do. GM on replied. Okay, now where was this closet?”

GM and sat by the pillar as the moonlight cast the blue hue on the edge of the forest. It's not that he was scared. He wasn't. But he did wish that he had a sword on him, though, if this was what he thought, then it was definitely better that he did not. It was a little awkward sitting around the governor's house and his son's clothes, but the governor didn't ask questions

GM on stood up and stretched. All right. Time to get limber, get warm. Let's go.

“Sliding from the bushes, horns emerged over a shock of black hair and red skin.”

Only, GM on remembered that he had a part to play. Oh, man, I'm just a unsure teen who's afraid of stuff. But I'm here to face my fear and maybe gain some hard one confidence because oh, you really need us to just realize that this is a challenging time for everyone. Our age and chill out and be ourselves and accept and respect everyone else for being themselves and then we'll all be a lot happier.

GM on then shook his head. That sounded like something an old person would say was he getting

old? Well, GM on mentally grappled with the inevitable onslaught of aging. He realized that

these only were quicker than he thought they were going to be. He stepped aside as the club grazed his sleeve. Catching the monster by the wrist, GM on's palm crushed its nose and he

“flung it off to the side. Three more emerged from the forest. If the stories were to be believed,”

taking on three only would be difficult. This was not difficult. There were seven in all and GM on how the lantern over them. When it was all done, the monsters lay in in the constellation of bloody noses, broken ribs and dislocations. And he could see the skin underneath the red face paint. The kids that had spread the stories of the only and rigged the drawing. A come out with face paint and clubs to beat the son of the governor within an inch of his life. If they could

restrain themselves. Didn't matter. After tonight, they wouldn't dream of touching tonnoshin. Stepping over the groaning bodies, GM on made his way up to the pillar. Oh tonnoshin's name, and turned for home. Boy has some confidence now. The governor said to GM on who bowed his head, tonnoshin should. The way he handled those only up by the forest temple. The governor's smirk of approval felt good. To GM on. Indeed, the governor said well, as fate would have it, they needed GM on's services. Again.

My son, while he has a mistress, the governor smiled. Suddenly noticing how uncomfortable he had grown, sitting in this position for so long, GM on the road and shifted. And you're to thank the governor acknowledged. After the events in the temple, GM and spot had risen in the world. Not back to the point where he had been when he killed a guy in a bar fight was robbed by pirates and had to become a toothpaste salesman, but he was working on that.

The governor got up and paced. Yes. It wasn't a woman he approved of. Tonnoshin had fallen in love with a singing girl and gave her gifts. She didn't even like

tonnoshin at first, but tonnoshin won her over. GM on smiled. That was nice.

Yes, her father had an accident was unable to work, and so to support them all, Kashiiku, the girl was forced to become his mistress for money. The governor's side. Ah. Young love. GM on stops smiling. No, that seems like he probably could have left out the words at first earlier when you said Kashiiku didn't even like tonnoshin. Note it. Thank you. The governor said. There was a problem now. Kashiiku was having extra

marital liaisons with a childhood sweetheart. Ah, GM on said. No, not all. We're not paying for her access. We're paying for exclusivity, but also access because she really does not like my son. The governor shook his head. I'm not going after her. GM on race to sands. And the governor respected that. He imagined he would need to take on GM on as a sworn retainer, and not only would that cost a lot of money, but GM on because he didn't even have a sword was just toothpaste salesman.

Thank goodness for that. GM unmumbled. Meeting the governor's gaze. He shrugged. I'll go persuade this guy. This. Hichirobe. To go through an old yearbook and find another childhood sweetheart. How about that? GM on offered. Arched eyebrows and waved hands emphasized that GM on should do no such thing. Hichirobe and the girl had taken a suicide pact. She would rather die than be without him. Meaning the counter at a wine shop down the street, though, the kids

older brother might be persuaded to talk Hichirobe down from this foolishness. GM on not it and left. Not saying that maybe it would be a good idea to pay a different woman for her. Time and attention. You know, one that didn't despise the boy, rather than try to stamp out flowering young love. You can't fight every injustice in the world.

“GM on told himself. But was he gonna fight any of them? Then GM on re-remember that he was”

technically still on the run for murder, so maybe he shouldn't be so hung up on justice.

GM on would have justice. Ten minutes ago he parted the curtains of the wine shop.

“It was still about 10 in the morning, so business was slow. Chobay, the older brother,”

stood at the counter with a smile and as he called out to GM on the Ronan recognized something in his voice. The lectant, GM on delivered the threat disguised as a plea from the governor and his son. All the while, GM on's eyes searched the man for why the wine vendor seemed so familiar. Having read the threat of state violence for what it was, on so the sweat beat on the older brother's forehead. When one of the man's waiters came from the

back room with a tray of sake, GM on saw something else too. Every other person would have missed it, tucked away in the back, but it might as well have been calling out to the Ronan, because without it, he wasn't a Ronan at all. Without his sword, GM on wasn't anything. At that moment, GM on realized how he knew this man, why he recognized the voice but not the face.

Shroudered in the darkness of the boat, he had never seen the pirate captain's face. Chobay,

was Akagoshi Kuroyama, the pirate chief. Time slowed down, as GM on realized two things. First, he didn't feel bad for the younger brother anymore, the man who tried to kill him with GM on's old sword, and who caught a kick to the chest and went flying off the boat. The second realization was that GM on only cared about a sword. In that he wanted to get it back first and foremost, and GM on could get it back, gripping the pirate's wrist and slamming his head on the counter,

he could leap over rush to the back room and get his sword back. Maybe then, GM on could extract revenge, as he also extracted way too much blood from Chobay's body, but maybe not. Maybe the pirate captain would get away, maybe he would keep on doing this, and the next person wouldn't be lucky enough to fall into a lucrative toothpaste side hustle, while also making friends with the governor, because literally no one was as lucky as GM on.

GM took a deep breath as the pirate captain, with whom the threat of extra attention from the governor carried far more weight than it would for any other simple wine merchant, so that he would get his younger brother in line. X-Hailing, GM on forced a grin, excellent. methodically turning and being painfully aware of his posture and how much time he was taking on each step, he walked out of the shop. GM on left his sword, his soul, behind, and prey that he

wasn't making a terrible mistake. I've made a terrible mistake, GM on muddard as, in the vacant room and in across the street.

“He watched the two members of the secret police, as the story calls them, get in a mock,”

drunk argument, they're the best at what they do, the governor assured him. Yeah, I would hope so, because you know what both a barkeeper and a pirate is really good at, spotting a drunken brawl, GM on groaned. No matter, we have the place surrounded, the governor laughed, the GM on looked down the road with a squint, rising, he said he was heading out. The governor didn't understand the operation to just start, they were about to arrest the

pirate chief and get a sword back. Nancholant, GM on told the governor that the man said it himself, they had this one in the bag, the member the best, with those words, GM on left, and slid the door shut behind him. When the governor glanced back down to the bar, he saw that GM on's reservations were, apparently, well-founded. His member not the best and they very much did not have this in the bag. Staying out of arms reach, the pirate chief walked over to the

foe fighting, foe drunken men, and they broke character way too soon. Most of their detainees

“surrendered the moment the secret police shouted that they were under arrest, which was probably”

why they did that first. Most of their targets were not pirate chiefs, with a seller full of

contraband and nothing to lose. So Chobay shook them off and ran for the back room. Screams and chaos spilled from the house, the pressure on one of the guard's arms, barely held back what was within, as he staggered out and collapsed. Another guard dragged what remained the third, his head half gone from one strike of GM on's blade, wielded by Chobay. Gripping the window sill and straining out, the governor yelled for those assembled below to go,

get him. A fruit vendor, a monk with his donation bowl out, a mother pushing her baby in the stroller, and the baby in the stroller, all pulled off their disguises to reveal that they were the secret police, and swarmed the building. They were halfway upstairs when the pirate captain

at a period of Japan, he had never been to a rodeo, and thus was nearly completely unprepared.

Nearly, stationed in one of the neighboring buildings, a guard heard the alarms and climbed up on the roof. Only to take a slash across his chest and kick down to the street. The sound of clicks on the pirate captain's wooden shoes retreated, and the man made his way completely

“unhindered across the tiles. Streets choked with the daily traffic of Osaka, slowed the secret”

police to a pace of steps and shoves, while they commanded the people to get out of their way. Helpless on his perch, the governor saw that the pirate captain was making for the canal, where he could take a boat and get out of the city before anyone could stop him.

The governor buried his face in his hands, he had lost, and knocked sounded at the door behind

the governor, and the man turned. I've been trying to tell you for like two minutes, he stole my baton, one of the officers complained. How, you were outside my door, how could this pirate captain possibly take your baton? Is everyone ridiculously incompetent? The governor groaned, he did not have time for this. No, not him, the guard clarified. [Music]

“With a kick to the face of its now former occupant, the pirate captain Chobay,”

come and deared a boat on the canal, looking to the banks and the streets above them, he breathed. For a long, he would be out to sea, and then he would be gone forever. He had reinvented himself a half dozen times already, and had cash squirled away and forgotten grottoes all along the inland sea. Shouts went up from the low wooden bridge, as the pirate captain passed below it. He assumed it was because a murderer robo blow,

his bloody sword laying in the boat. He was wrong. The shouts, or because there was a jumper. The shadow of the bridge ended, and Chobay saw the man stepped from the rally just a few meters above, and land with a thud, right in front of him. Do you hear my landed with his arms out and his knees bended? To steady himself on the wide, flat bottomed boat. Thrunch from his bench, Chobay reached for the sword as soon as he understood what was happening,

but it was too late. He got the police mace, probably a jeet, probably a jeet, across the temple, and dropped unconscious into the bottom of the boat.

“Do you hear my mountain picked up a skatana in the scapper?”

Weeping the blade clean, and sheathen it. He, once again, had his sword. Chiroby, the brother of the pirate chief, was apprehended between Osaka and Edo, by yes, police and disguise. Brut back to Osaka for trial, and the subsequent execution, his head was exposed for all to see beside his brothers, and his lovers. Everyone in the city knew Jueyaman's name, after the rest of the pirate chief, and it wasn't hard to find where he lived.

Why could she go when after him, a train to Samurai who just began to sword, and not the Callos son of the governor who had set her whole tragedy emotion, probably speaks to her despair. Not can quietly on Jueyaman's door one evening, Kashiku whispered to the servant that she had an urgent message for the man's master, proceeded to stab the servant in the face, and then prowl the house looking for Jueyaman.

While there is probably a way to stab someone in the face quietly, I don't know what that way is, apparently neither did Kashiku. The brief noise combined with Jueyaman's knowledge of his own house found Kashiku bound and subdued in a matter of moments. The people of the city ate up this lured story, and marveled at the Ronin who could meet up just as seemingly in a sleep. Jueyaman's story spread beyond Osaka, across the whole country. It spread so far that it made

it back home. Jueyaman's actions gave the dimio enough political cover to declare that there would be no retribution for past mistakes. Jueyaman, the hero that dismantled an entire pirate empire, after being like a two year long victim of that entire pirate empire, could now come home safely. So Jueyaman said goodbye to Osaka, and returned home to his Lord, where he lived in peace and prosperity for the rest of his days. By controlling his anger, having a little patience and

understanding for his fellow person, and also not getting in drunken, deadly bar fights. It was

actually, mainly the third one it was a very low bar. The start-out was a fun story for me. Jueyk Samurai

goes on the run, pirates, poison ramen, beating up school children disguised as only.

because he goes through this whole journey just to end up exactly where he was when he started.

“But while nothing around him changed, he changed, which I know is the definition of a character arc.”

He started out as a hot head who gets so out of control he kills people without even realizing it. Slowly, though, he actually grows. He gets in a bad spot with the pirate, but he doesn't throw himself at the captain, instead making it calculated sacrifice. He tries to tell his wife and her lover that, even though it's a massive hit to his honor, he's just going to look the other way and does so, until they try to poison him. He doesn't even seek blood just trying to

get them to admit it until they attack him. But he even grows from there, he holds back with the teens and no one gets seriously hurt, works with the law and plans out the arrest of the pirate

captain, instead of just killing him, and then still doesn't kill him. Finally, in a sort of a

mirror of the event with his wife, he has a woman stalking the house with a knife, and he finds a way to calmly subdue her, choosing to not even go as far as he did before. He was recalled

“not because he ran out the clock, but because of his ability to bring everyone to justice.”

Something that hot head Giamon would have been completely incapable of doing when the story started. All in all, it was a very satisfying kind of modern feeling story, even down to how the ending mirror the beginning. For example, Giamon gains infamy, leading to him jumping from a pirate chip to loses sword in the beginning, and he boards a pirate chip to gain his sword and earn renown in the end, based solely off of his change.

It's quick at end, I'm actually ahead on the podcast for once in my life, so I've had some time to sit with the story a little bit. I've been thinking off and on for weeks about what makes Giamon change. It's not killing the guy or being exiled, and then I realize that the story kind of loosely follows a three act structure, but it doesn't break into act 2 until Giamon makes the decision to leave the sword behind. It wasn't forced to give it up, and that

“starts the process of growth for him. He slowly becomes a better person after giving up the”

one thing a samurai or even Ronin should never give up. We've done so many of these episodes at

this point, so I'm sorry if I've talked about this, but the kind of classic heroes journey or, like I mentioned, three act structure are predicated on something world-shaking happening to the protagonist that forces them to grow and change. For me, yeah, I would love to remain completely happy and comfortable forever, but bad things happen. And it's helpful, once again, for me, to reframe bad things in the concept of a story, so it becomes less about, oh no,

something changed, and I'm no longer in my perfect cocoon of comfort and complacency. How do I get back there? And more, okay, this is hard, but I have to accept and face this, and how can I use this as an opportunity to grow? So yeah, I guess Giamon wasn't a terrible example in the story, just maybe if you're going through something, hold off on beating up teenagers and Halloween costumes. Next time, it's a revenge story from Spain. About the length some will go to, and also

maybe shouldn't go to, for love. Okay, as I mentioned briefly at the top of the episode, myths and legends has a book coming out. It's a comprehensive telling of the King Arthur Legends, Curisa, the podcast co-creator, wrote it, and we'll both be doing the audiobook. It is 100% new content. It's not just published scripts or old episodes. And right now, audiobook, hardcover, and ebook are available for pre-order. And if you like this podcast, trust me, you will love the book.

And if you're thinking to buy in it, pre-orders help so, so, so much, I'm learning. This is our first time in this industry. I won't take it any more year time. There are links in the show notes for everything. Thank you so much. From Japanese folklore, somehow we've been going nearly 11 years and haven't done the copy it, but it's a major yoga in Japan. Apparently it means river boy or river child. It's a reptile

ish creature with a pointed mouth like that of a turtle. Webbed, sometimes clawed flippers,

and it's gained a shell in the depictions over the years. They almost always have a divot at the

top of their head, but they keep a pool of water. Like most creatures, they kind of stink, but in more ways than one. Three specific ways, actually, because, and I don't know why this is a point someone had to make over the years, but the kapa has three anuses. And can pass three times as much gas as a human. If you've been listening to this podcast for any length of time, you know that water creatures are not messing around, and the kapa is no exception.

Like the neck from Scandinavia, the Vodanoi from Eastern Europe, the nicks from Germany, Jenny Green teeth from Britain, and the Kelpy from Scotland, among many others, this is a creature that will pull you down to the depths and kill you. Hopefully they wait for you to drown before beginning to consume your organs, but while they don't seem that focused on kindness. And that was a problem. You see, while, yes, they were a dangerous murderer,

and they didn't like that people didn't tend to want to hang around them, or put them in their

“art and video games. To the kapa did what few creatures are capable of, especially ones that's”

Slurp of Entrails like Roman, they rehabbed their image. Starting in the 1950s, one one artist used them in a famous manga called Kapa Tengoku, or Kapa Heaven, depicting them as cute and stubby, they had sort of a rebirth, and they became the 1959 mascot of Tokyo Citizen's Day, where they are sometimes featured on badges. I found the images

of ones from the 50s and then again in the 80s, so I don't know if this is a stable thing that

happens, or if it's just every once in a while. But yeah, given the kapa's intelligence,

“it's unsurprising that they managed to pull this pretty amazing PR pivot from snacking on human”

organs, and as I was reading about this, apparently also anuses. Why? To be in a cute little mascot, actually learned of this creature not from the many many hours I've spent reading books about creatures in mythology, but from the many many hours I've spent playing Animal Crossing New Horizons, where the creature makes an appearance in the form of Kapa, the boat captain, and with this year's update, hotel owner with his wife and mother, officially Kapa is a turtle,

but he's named Kapa, and looks like a Kapa, down to his hairstyle leaving him bald at the top

“of a said, and the trademark Kapa style. And before you say well, maybe that's just him,”

this is Kapa pattern baldness, his wife and mother have the same thing, so when you're riding out in Kapa's boat, just listen to him sing and don't ask him what he used to get up to back in the 1500s. You don't want the literal, gory details, and also be grateful that you're out there in the open air. That's it for this time, myths and legends is by Jason and Corris O'yser. Our theme song is by

broke for free, and the creature the week music is by Steve Combs. There are links to even more of the music we used in the show notes. Thank you so much for listening, and we'll see you next time. I'm Charisa, and my experience in all entrepreneurs has started a choppy fight against you.

I'll tell you the first day of the show, and the platform will make me no problem.

I have many problems, but the platform is not a step away. I have the feeling that choppy fight is a platform that can only be optimized, everything is super simple, integrative, and dangerous. And the time and the money that I can't invest in that can't be changed, especially in the box. Now, let's test the choppy fight point D.E. I'm going to show you the choppy fight with choppy fights with choppy fights.

And to our side, with the check-out with the world's best version, the right effect, the check-out with the world's best version. The legendary check-out of choppy fight is just the choppy fight on your website, a little bit of social media, and over everything else. That's the music for your ears.

How do you feel about the rest of the world with choppy fight against a real hit. Start your test today to find out more about the choppy fight point D.E. Let's record.