MILLIE BOBBY BROWN: "I Had A Panic Attack For 3 Months"

Manchester United fan, but we're going to have to put that aside. I've even been able to be a friend, Stephen Gerard. Wow, now you're showing off. I know, don't we go. Hey, it's Jay.

I don't know what your day's been like, but I was just thinking about you for a minute. And I hope you're being a little patient with yourself because you deserve it. And yeah, I'll talk to you soon. Millie Bobby Brown, welcome to On Purpose. Thank you for having me.

It's so great to have you here. I was just telling you, I've been waiting three years to have you in the sea. I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest.

I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest. I know how to be honest.

Well, that's great then.

“Would 11 year old Millie be most surprised about or look at and be shocked about?”

I don't know. You know, I was going to say like, she'd be shocked how like vocalyam about like me and my life and the things I believe in and how vocalyam outwardly about that. But then I don't actually think about it. Probably I died.

I'm not that shocked about that because I think maybe I inevitably that was always going

to come to me. Maybe that I have like, I travel a lot in and I live in a lot of different places. I don't know if I necessarily thought that was going to happen to me. But it has and I'm very grateful for that. Going back to that 11 year old Millie, what's a childhood memory that you have that you

think defines who you are today or has had an impact on who you've become today's day. One that stands out. I think the moment I shaved my hair off was a pretty impactful moment. I remember when it was happening, I thought, wow, this is like... This is really like me showing my dedication to my job.

Like I was 10 years old. Your hair as a girl is told as kind of like what defines you as being kind of a girl and pretty and you know, whatever. And I just didn't care about that. I wanted to do what made me happy.

And so for me that was this job. And so shaving my hair off I'd say was a pretty defining moment. Just as like a pass and I was like, and I was 10. So I wasn't thinking that deeply about it. But in the moment I guess I kind of was when I did it.

And my mum was really like trying to just help me understand, like, you know, no matter what people are going to say about you, they're going to think, you know, because she's preparing me. She's a logistical person. She's like, you did this because you wanted to do it and this made you happy.

That really helped me because she prefaced it because it did happen. Like for a year or two after I definitely, I got bullied in person at a young age for having, you know, short hair. And I think had my mum not prefaced it, maybe it would have hit home harder. Well, oh, so you're saying that that actually protected you from bullying.

Yeah.

“So I fully was like, really, that's what happened.”

She's like, I know the world. And so she was so right because you know, I'd been in many situations where I was made fun of, you know, for it. And then I just came back with what my mum and I talked about, which is like, what I did this because this made me happy and I got to, I'm getting to live out my dreams.

Yeah, it's so much better. It sounds like when your parents actually tell you what's going to come rather than telling you. It's all going to be alright. Exactly.

Don't lie to me.

I was never the kid like don't lie to me.

I'd rather just know. Yeah. And I guess at that point when you're making those big, bold decisions, I guess you don't even know you're setting up yourself up for that. It sounds like you've continued to do that.

I mean, today you're an actor, you're a producer, you're a creator, you're a Florence by Mills, you have a farm, you're a mother, like, which of those roles do you feel most yourself in? I would say like, first or mother in very close second of life, like they both kind of, you know, that a family, like a family member, like I feel like that's my, that's my purpose.

I always knew I wanted to be a mum, and becoming a mum has been just the most purpose for important things that's ever happened to me.

“And yeah, I always say, you know, Jake was the best thing to ever happen to me and my daughter”

was the best thing to ever happen to us. Yeah, I love you. Yeah. That's so beautiful. Did you ever really close in?

Do you ever really close relationship with your mum? Oh my gosh. Jay, my mum is like, my bestest, closest friend. Yeah, she's everything to me, my mum and I talk 5,000 times a day about absolutely nothing.

She is the first person I call when I wake up and the last person I call and I go to sleep.

Like, she's just my best friend. She understands me so much, and yet sometimes it's infuriating because I'm like, mum, how

Like, she could just look at me with one thing and she's like, no, she's not happy or

“she's anxious or she's stressed and she needs this or she needs that.”

My mum has treated me the same and not, not anything to do with fame, but just like my age. She's treated me like I'm her young daughter forever.

And so I always felt like I have a mum that cares about if I've scraped my leg the same

way I would if I was 3 now, you know, and like that is just, I, I, I, I've never had the kind of parents to be like, oh, you're 22 now, that's it, you know, it's just not that. Like they're like, they're still very much care as if I was, you know, under 18. Yeah, even though you have your own baby as well, and they're like, yeah, exactly, no. Now it's like, you know, it's like, they care about me and then her, it's very much like

walking into the room and being like, oh, I like which one. Oh, that's so funny. Yeah, yeah. Your women is up for me. It is a mirror her thing, but it's always her, like it's she's, yeah, the light of every

room. Yeah, she's winning now. That's what that for her. I love it. This episode is presented by state farm.

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“Your reaction to my question of, are you close to your mom?”

I think she'd want to frame that, like your reaction is just amazing.

I was like, wow, like, just the natural instance, your response for the expression we just saw in your face. I was like, wow, that's really special. Yeah. I'm really great.

I think I wonder if maybe there's a part of the relationship that I have with my mom is the reason I just wanted to be a mom. Like I watched my mom growing up, and I was like, the love she has for all of her children. And just the dedication she's poured into being a mom and being such a present mom. All of my siblings, we could go to my mom without absolutely anything, anything at all.

The good bad, the ugly and my mom will take it and talk to us about it. And she's hilarious. I mean, she's from the East End, so don't go wrong. You're getting a fun answer. But she's definitely the reason I wanted to be a mom, like, she's just, she's just like, when you have somebody every day inspiring you, you know, it was like, oh, I just want

to be like her. Yeah. What was the hardest thing you ever had to tell her? I got a tattoo, you know, quite young. How old were you?

15. Okay, I was 16 when I got my hair.

“So I was like, look out the house and I got my 11 tattoo.”

And I knew I wanted it. And the thing is, it's kind of ridiculous because I could have just told them and they would have probably been fine. But I was just like, I want to do it and maybe it's kind of a part of me knew that, like, if 11 were to ever be killed off the show, like, I need something to stand with me.

Also, I had to put like a temporary tattoo on every day and it was ridiculous because I was like, I know I want to get this. So I'm like, well, I'm going to get it, you know, do it now. My mom, she was the best person to talk to growing up, especially when like dating and stuff like that would be like, my, my need to help.

You know, like-- Because I have a time where she was like, "Milly, come on, what are you doing?" Oh my God, all the time. She'd be like, "Who, no, really this guy?" You know, my mom's a really shy person, like, really shy.

So she actually used to have her mom break up with boys for her. She was like, "No, she couldn't, yeah." And I'm the complete opposite. That's where I did.

You never asked her to do that.

No, I'm like my dad and that respect. I share a lot of qualities like my dad, like my dad and I, like best friends, but my dad is me. And so, I would just, I have no problem in telling people anything. Whereas my mom would be like, you know, my, my need you to answer the phone and break up with this guy for me. I love that.

That's hilarious. That's crazy. I mean, I would. My dad would. She don't want to see you anymore.

Sorry. No. That's simple as that, right? Yeah, exactly. You're not good enough.

No, you don't want to fight with my, you know, my nanny Ruth. She was like, "She was a powerhouse." That's so funny. I remember when I got my tattoo at 16. So I had this vision of, I loved rat music growing up, so I assumed I would have my whole

upper body tattooed. And, and then I was told that the hardest place to get a tattoo is on your neck. Oh. And so I was like, okay, they said, if you can take it there, you'll be able to take anywhere. That's okay, Grace.

So I went out, got a tattoo on my neck, came back home, had blood dripping off the bottom of my, like, collar bone. Oh, my God. My parents had friends and family over from India and India's very conservative and in families and tattoos, not the one.

And then they were like, what have you done? My mom was scared. It was infected. Like, the blood was all over the place, the family was shed immediately. I didn't at all.

I was like, no, I'm the coolest. Like, this is so cool. Like, this is so bad. That everyone in my family. My dad didn't know about the 11 tattoo for like four years.

How did you work?

I always had it on because of work.

So he couldn't tell if it was real or a temporary tattoo. Sorry, Dad. But I think one day I was like doing another job and then they were covering it up. And then he was like, oh, like you put it together. I was like, yeah.

What did they say when you had it got a tattoo? Did your mom and dad have a reaction? I mean, they were kind of like, if you were already going to always get it done, like,

“you know, but they were, they were definitely like, you should have told that.”

Yeah. I don't know. We should have come. But I was like, sometimes if you're going to do what you're going to do, you know, and I was like, I was always in the plan for me to get it.

And it meant so much to me like, this world changed my life forever. But they knew that they knew that like this role was so, so meaningful to me. And so this was a part of 11's character and this was part of almost my character in a way. So yeah. Yeah.

I love hearing about all this background because I wanted to ask you about you recently said that becoming a mother made your life feel like you went from black and white to color. And I thought that was such a beautiful transformation to talk about what felt black and white before and what was the color. Yeah.

It's funny because my husband and I always say that.

And it's like my life is beautiful before it was, it was amazing. Like, Jake and I, we built a very strong relationship foundation. I have an amazing family. I'm very close to his family. But something about my daughter, it's just life changing.

It's, it's not about the day-to-day change in the diapers, you know, taking them for walks, taking them to classes, feeding that it's not about that, that that's not the color. The color is like the life and light in her eyes. When you look at her and she's thinking and she's putting two and two together and she's seeing flowers or smelling flowers for the first time or reacting to the sun in the morning.

Like, that is the color. Like it's seeing somebody enjoy and love life for the first time in the most pure, stunning way. That is what makes it worth it. I don't know if that makes any sense.

That's so beautiful. I'm like, really, you know, it's obviously life changing because you wake up and you take care of this human being, but it's seeing her love and enjoy life for the first time. It's just, it makes it a change is everything. Yeah.

No, that's spectacular. Yeah. I was saying to someone recently I made a friend who looks at like a flower as if they just found a million dollars and it just changes your view and life. That's my husband when it was actually in my vows, but like my husband or he notices

every sunset. He notices every rainbow who'll look out at the plane and be like, look at that, he sees

things for the first time too and it's the most amazing way to look at life.

I will not lie. I became a bit ungrateful for the very, very small things because I was a child actor. I traveled a lot. I would go to cities and not enjoy the sunsets because I was working or I was, you know, and I'm doing this and doing that and focused on what fans are taking pictures of

me and who's chasing me in a car and I wasn't able to enjoy and sit still for a moment and meeting my husband changed all of that. Now I'm the person, the first person to be like, look at the, look at the shoot. Look at the stars. Look at the shooting stars.

Look at the moon. We take pictures of the moon all the time.

“So I've become that slowly and I think he's just made me realize how stunning the”

world is, how long did it take you to write your vows? I would say, I year, like I, I drafted it, I revisited in six months, mid-planning, amended the things that I was starting to like, you know, you'd learn every day about their person, you know, and so I was adding in a mending and then the day before I just double checked and make sure everything was up to date.

That's primarily just talking about dogs and making sure it doesn't say, you know, four instead of eight, because we might have doubled. But yeah, then I just like the night before and I think Jake, I think it didn't take him as long. I think he was like, I kind of knew I wanted to say.

That's the new standard takes a year to write vows. Yeah. You've ruined it for everyone. I'm sorry. But by the way, this isn't every day.

But I just did like regular check-ins just to make sure I still like, you know, there were certain things that I would see certain poems and things like that and I wanted to add that all into it, if I saw something that inspired me.

“Is there anything else that you remember from your vows that you could share with us?”

I definitely mentioned the fact that he enjoys every right key, he's taught me to enjoy every rainbow and that's because of his mum, like his mum's also very similar to that enjoys like just very observing and present in the world. I've mentioned how much I love the grass and like how much we both enjoy looking at our grass, like in the farm, we're always like, look at the grass and like, look how it's

cut, like we love like fresh, like we're, and we love seeing the animals eat the grass,

that we both talked about that because there's such a mundane thing and yet we were like,

you know, we love to sit on our porch and watch the animals eat the grass and like in the summertime, the grass and Georgia is just like a right green.

“So we both mentioned that and then I think he said some missed that, you know, amazing”

quote, which I won't be able to remember now, but just about soul mates and twin flames and how like we were separated, but then we were able to, to kind of be one again. Well, sounds so special. Oh my gosh, I was sobbing the whole time. Yeah.

I have to really hold back when I go to a wedding. Yeah. I've had the fortune of officiating around three weddings at this point and any time I'm doing that, I literally am in my head going, don't cry, don't cry, don't cry, you gotta hold it together.

I agree well, I'm as cry. I also cry, I agree wedding. Yeah. I such an emotional, beautiful thing to be able to, you know, declare your love for someone,

“whether that be, and we do that every day, but in one, I think it's all those people watching”

you that have like helped raise you and it's kind of amazing. Yeah. You've spoken about always knowing that adoption was going to be a part of your journey. And I think I read some of you can correct me from wrong around how at some point you studied social work and you were looking into just what the process looked like and you learned

about it like, walk me through that journey because I think it's so refreshing and unique. Yeah. And it's not like people want to be mothers, but not everyone's to adopt, like walk me through that and how that became a part of your journey in your life. I guess a lot of adopted friends growing up, I was someone who, I don't know, again, always

wanted to be a mom, always, that was always a goal, but for me, adoption was like kind of

the first thing I always wanted to do.

And I don't necessarily think I have some amazing elaborate answer, but when it's in your heart, it's just in your heart, like that was something I, I just thought that's going to be a part of my journey. I didn't necessarily know when, but then I studied social work for two years and I loved it and was learning primarily about adoption, which was where I really peaked in interest

and learning from the social workers perspective, which I think is very interesting. And, you know, Kudos to all social workers and what they do and I think it is so amazing and unbelievable and changing the trajectory of children's lives forever is a beautiful thing. So, my hats off to you.

So learning about that was amazing and then I started my dog rescue simultaneously and kind of by accident, like I just started like fostering dogs and things like that. And then I changed my degree to a vet tech because I started vaccinating and microchipping these rescue dogs and I was like, I feel like I need to learn more about that right now in my life because it's very present in my life.

So then I kind of changed my degree and went to that and proved to be very fruitful and now we, you know, I have a dog rescue, it's one of my biggest passions. So that gave me a lot of perspective, then I just started reading a lot of books. I took a lot of courses, various different courses in different perspectives, especially when it comes to like a doctor of mothers and birth mothers.

And then we kind of started journey. I would say Jake was like kind of in from the jump. He was like, you know, that's the thing, why maybe I married him. It's just like the kind of person he is is like, we were just so aligned, you know, sometimes

“you have to be with someone you have to like show them how you are and they show you”

how you, but we were like aligned. Like it was like this is, oh, this, it wasn't really no explanation needed. We both kind of was like, yeah, and it's kind of great to be able to just know that we wanted to start a family, still rooted in love, but through adoption and I think that's just such a special thing.

Talk to me on the process, like for someone who doesn't know, what does that process look like? And then talk to me about the moment that you found out your door was coming home and how that feels. The process is long and rightfully so, it's a very, it's a great process and, you

know, in fact, it's a very thorough. That's the probably the longest part is just getting through all of that and then getting the call.

I mean, I will never forget it.

It was the most surreal feeling and yet we both knew in that moment like that was, that we had found each other. Like that, you know, and it was just like, I have a picture of him and he has a picture of me and it was just like, oh my goodness, this is our goal, like 100% no doubt. And we were talking to someone another adopted mother and it's like, there are two ways

to have a baby, one through your stomach and one through your heart. My goal was through my heart and, you know, it was just the most magical phone call and

Do you have that comment said you're recorded? No. And I think there's something so special about it because my whole life's recorded, you know, like, I could look back on any moment and be like, I remember when I was there

“and I was that and doing that and something about that, my husband and I will never forget”

those words where we were, what we were doing, the feeling and I think in so many ways, like, that is why that, that shouldn't be recorded, it's like almost like, you had to be that. It's too sacred. Yeah.

Yeah. What did they say on the call? Like, what is, how does that even go? It's a deep and intense conversation when that I was kind of like, very present for, but just like, I need, I need to go, you know, it's like, like, you know, and we both

are like that. So it's a long conversation, but when you know, you know, so it's kind of like, you listen and you talk, but you're very much like one track, my dad is need to get, I need to get to her. Yeah, you've spoken so beautifully about your parents love for you, what's a lesson

that they taught you are and experience that they gave you that you can't wait to pass on and share with your daughter. I was walking down the street the other day and my daughter was in the, the prime and she was like, run, run, run, run, like, like, really, you know, and I was like, I did it back and I did it kind of as loud as she did.

And as passionate she did, she kind of looked at me and she was like, hmm, and I was like, you've met your match and there's something about that that might my parents taught me, which was like at the dinner table, if we're talking about something and I usually had a different of opinion, different of opinion. It was very much encouraged and asked about and laughed at like, oh my god, okay, if you

think that then what do you think and it was like, my sparkle was never dulled, like they

were just like encouraging me to always speak my mind. Hence why I might be in the press of it too much, but I believe what I believe, you know, and like nobody can really change my mind on that. I'm learning every day and happy to be challenged. I love to learn, but like my rooted core values, I believe what I believe in and if somebody

is unkind or mean, like I just, you can't justify that to me, you know, I just, I don't care, like I, I really feel strongly about those things and that is rooted in my parents, my parents, you know, they just really, I don't know what they did and I don't know if it's some secret source they had, but like I just knew right from wrong, very early on. And I was really encouraged to speak my mind and sometimes lose and sometimes win and like

“the feeling of that, you have to kind of really judge and understand.”

So for me, I think I'm just really trying to pass that down because I want more vocal girls in the world. I want girls to be able to feel like they can speak their mind. So any young guy like me, you know, somebody who's watched one of my films or I mean in

the street or, you know, somebody on line, like I'm always very much just like if my

characters make you want to speak up and and speak loud, like do it, go for it. Yeah, we need that for sure. Yeah. For sure, for sure, no, I kind of agree with you more. I grew up with, I have a younger sister and for me, when you grew up with the younger sister,

she's what, four and a half years younger than me, watching her grow up and become a woman. And again, she's opinionated, she's strong will, she has drive, she has a clear sense of meaning and values and belief and it's all like it ever want for anyone's sister, a daughter, mother, friend, person, because you're like, wow, there have been times in history and even now sadly, plays in the world where that just doesn't exist.

Yeah. And you're like, well, what would the world miss out on and what would the people around you miss out on? I agree. And if I didn't have a younger sister, would I have felt that way, would I have experienced

that? Yeah. Definitely, I have a younger sister too and it gave me a lot.

“I think that also, sorry, falls back into the whole motherhood thing.”

Like, I just loved being a big sister, but I felt very maternal toward her. And that all leads into that kind of feeling of protection and family and it definitely made me go. I want one of her, you know. That's all I see.

How did she feel now? Being an aunt.

Oh my god, she's amazing.

I mean, my daughter is obsessed with her. Like, I don't think there's anyone in my life that my daughter reacts to as well as she does. My youngest, like, I, it's, she must know something. You know, like, they must have some kind of kind of kindred alliance, but they are their thickest thieves.

Yeah. I mean, you are referring to it just now, like, you took on an extraordinary man to responsibility at such a young age. What part of it do you think was really positive and has helped? And what part is still challenging or you still wrestle with?

Well, I think motherhood and marriage, they're typically very traditional things.

That's my journey.

But it's not everyone else's and I'm very aware of that, you know, so I'm not somebody

who's like, I know people like to say I'm a trad wife and it's like, oh, haha, haha. But I don't think anything is traditional about my life. Asshole. Yeah, I agree. You know, and maybe if you do think that, maybe you just don't know me because I'm not,

I wouldn't say that. And I don't think it's also bad to be traditional. Like, I hate the best, like, a bad thing like, but I don't know if that's my life.

“But I mean, if that's what people think, you know, so be it.”

But I didn't grow up in LA. I'm not a part, you go. And again, nothing wrong with my part, you guys love that for you. But there's traditionally quite a thing about child actors in that kind of world. And that was just not ever my story or journey.

I, we moved to Georgia and my parents raised me, you know, I was home schooled. And I was taken out of the spotlight, despite being in the spotlight. So my parents were like, you can go to places and be that person. But when you're here, you're not, maybe that's why I'm just not jaded by what the industry is because I don't, I just don't feel like I just sit to not my everything.

Yes. And I, anything it's good that it's not your everything, you know, I'm so grateful for my work. I love my craft, like, I'm deeply grateful for that, but it's a part of my world. It isn't my world.

“And I think that that's probably something that really helped me in terms of taking”

on responsibilities and things like that. The things that didn't help me, my goodness, how long do we have? Well, I know, right. It's like, obviously public perception doesn't help growing up, hearing, you know, the way people think about you constantly.

But then I think I just hit a point where I was, I really don't care. Like, I think I was like 15 when people started saying, like, I looked like a six-year-old woman and what am I wearing and I would wear a big heel and people would say, am I going to who does she think she is? But then I would wear, you know, a suit and people would like, rip me apart for looking

to old. So, you know, it's not necessarily, I realized, oh, you're just all walking contradictions. Like, you literally none of you actually have an opinion. And when I realized that, I was like, oh, you, this is, you're all kind of like robots. You know, like, and I, it probably I was, let's say, 16 or 17, and then I had a pretty

big thing happened to me when I was 17. That felt like it changed the way I saw the world and then I just, I took a social media off of my phone and I was like, no, this isn't for me. I, maybe I'm not the right kind of person to be on social media in that way. And I, um, yeah, I just, I don't know, I'm, I'm maybe public perception.

I could have gone without, but, but then again, it's also made me who I am today, because that now I feel like I'm, it's almost like my life's mission to just protect young people in the industry from, from that, um, in any way I can. Yeah.

I mean, your parents found amazing.

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That ALTRA running.com/onpurpose stay out there. I love what you said about this idea that you knew who you were when the lights and cameras were turned off. And I feel like for anyone who's in the public eye, that seems to be the biggest thing. I remember, I remember when I was doing the podcast, I'd become friends with one of my clients

who'd been very successful in famous for multiple decades. And I got to know her offline and I said, I'd love to have a conversation with you about some of this stuff. And she said to me, she said, Jay, I don't know if I'm interesting beyond my character because that's all I have to offer from what the world's, I think she's fascinating.

But that's her perception of herself because anytime she's been on a talk show or anytime

she's been on camera, it's always been playing a caricature of that character and never

really been allowed to be herself because everyone was so obsessed with who she was. And I think women get this even more, more than men where they can kind of play multiple roles. Because she just kind of felt like, well, no, if I'm not playing that role, then am I do I even belong?

Where am I allowed to be?

in the screen because my parents really protected that.

Yeah. And I also think, the things I find interesting, yeah, they might sound boring to one. But to me, they are really interesting. I love the fact that I shared my sheep on Monday and I've been starting to make my own bazaar and how insane that is or how, I don't know, I'm starting a garden and I can't

figure out why this tree keeps starting, like, I do think there's things that are fun and interesting. I don't know. And me being on here or me doing Fallen or, you know, those are great and interesting things.

But I have too many normal friends. So I'm the odd one out in my friend group to say, I'm doing Fallen on Thursday. What are you doing? As opposed to a friend group full of people in the industry and that being just a normal thing to do and I don't have that.

So for me, I kind of, I lose out on the details of those things and just talk about the normal things.

Oh, my God, I went to this bar the other night and, you know, they played this song.

So I got up on the table and I said, like, that's my friend group of talking about just like the normal things in life. And that might be because my parents just raised me a certain way. I do think things are interesting that might not be to the people in the industry. But I do try to just maintain the same who I am.

Because when I go on to talk shows or do this or do that, like, I am myself.

“Again, leads me to the point of maybe that's why I'm in the press a lot.”

But it's just because I think you're talking to a real person. Like, I'm not, but I think to hide here and I'm not playing at a character, I'm really not. And I think people, hopefully people can actually see that. Yeah, and you have goats called Eminem and Cardi B.

Yeah. Yeah. I do. I was like that. That's pretty cool.

Yeah. One of my goats and named after rappers. Yeah. Any others? Biggie Smalls and it's like, Craig.

Why the choice is walk us through is that you're talking to. It's like, Craig. Okay. Like, I grew up just this time. It's like, Craig.

Biggie Smalls. Icon. Yeah. Then Cardi B. I love Cardi B.

And then Eminem, I love Eminem. My brother love Eminem. Yeah. Elmer and Louise are two goats that escaped their farm and were found on the side of the road.

So my animal control called me and said, "Milly, we can't figure out where these goats belong. We've called everyone. What do you want to do with these goats?" I said, "Just bring them over."

So they brought them over and thumb and Louise are like, "These two cute pig me goats." And they just live here now. And I have a lot of animals on the farm that were bullied out of their farm. So like, the herd's just kind of chose, we'd hate that donkey.

So then that donkey comes to me. Oh, what? So I have about a lot of outcasts. Yeah, yeah. You got all the misfits.

Exactly. They're all there together. I'm sorry. Exactly where I belong. Yeah, that's awesome.

Talk to me about what it was that finally made you want to get off social media.

“Like, what was the criticism that felt, okay, now I actually need some space?”

I think it was a huge invasion of privacy at one point in my life that I felt like the overlap might have been too much, like, it's like this right now. This was my visual diagram I'm making. And at that point, it was like this. Like, it was too much.

I was like, they know too much and it's all lies and I don't have enough time to sit here and expect. So I'm just like, I need to not see it and I took myself out of the equation. I not only did that, but I cut out all soda in my life. I took like a whole pledge where I was like, I just took a way a bunch of things that

I felt maybe I just like, did very small habits, but things that I wanted to take out my life. So I did it all at the same time. I'm a big cold tacky girl. I don't, I do not do things half.

I'm not somebody who's like, let's just like do everything in moderation and take it out. No, not me. I'm the same, I get it. I cut things out my life immediately. So what went soda, social media?

I was like, I'm spending too much time doing work that I needed to pick up a hobby. So I picked up a hobby. I started bedazzling, mason jobs for hours like my boyfriend, but my husband now, who was like male. I genuinely can't watch you bedazzling one more thing and I was like, I'm bedazzling this

“whole mason job because I have to and I think I was poor in my anxiety into that.”

I would say I had anxiety for about three months and I had still go to work and I just went to work and was just very, very, very, very anxious, definitely not myself. But yeah, I would say like that, that's hard. When you're having anxiety and and for me, my anxiety doesn't come on a Monday and maybe

When my anxiety, if it was to come, something big needs to happen and then it will probably last for two months every day.

“So minor cycles, minor, minor cycles and then I need to do something to change this,”

like I need, it's almost like I need to do something at the end of it to change the cycle. I know it's been happening for too long. So one of my longest cycles must have been three months and it was, yeah, I got, I got chased by somebody in a place and and it sent me into a three month long anxiety panic attack where I had to do all of this stuff and actually I went to Japan and I sat with

these monks and it was the most amazing experience and I got, I'm getting to hear I talking about it but I took me out of the cycle, I needed it so yeah and it's funny because I didn't need anything to them, what I was telling them like about what sent me into this but they were able to tell my, we sat in this garden and it was also, my husband

said I was always saw you like this weight just left off of you but it was just such

“a yeah anxieties, the worst thing ever and I knew I needed to get, I needed to heal and”

I needed to figure out my anxiety before starting a family like I needed to understand what's happening and then I did finally and I'm still figuring out now but I'm now like, I have all these techniques I use and they work, do you know what I mean like, you know when people are like yeah I started this medication to the, it's a great like I'm, I'm so happy for you but like for me I needed other techniques, I needed techniques that I could right

now it's happening, what do I do because it would come at the craziest hardest times like sometimes I'll look back at red carpet things of me and be like I was having a full blown panic attack in that moment and it's crazy, it's crazy to all of it's documented but yeah thank you for sharing that, I know I just, I don't know how we got that but sorry but you're very good. No sorry it's all right I feel like feel like you just took us like deep into your mind.

It's like you. Yeah. Get out. Yeah. No but as in I could feel that it was so palpable to feel just how much that three months of anxiety was all encompassing. Yeah yeah it's, it's crazy because I'm, I have, I have health anxiety, really bad. So like if I go to a doctor or if I go to

“the hospital I have to tell them before I have health anxiety so what are you gonna tell me?”

I'm going to, um, irrationalize in my head I'm gonna make it seem so much like so I need you to tell me things like I'm a three year old because there are certain things now that I know triggering, like deeply deeply triggering so I've been able to just work out what's going on and slowly accommodate my needs because then it's not gonna go away like it and it could one day it could and I wake up and great but I need to be in the mindset like it's probably not

so let's just accommodate what needs to be done here I can't stop my life I'm not going to but I need to like I need to work around it and I think I figured out pretty great techniques to

work around it my mum being one of those people like my mum is just like the first person

that can talk me down out of that space. How did you discover you had health anxiety? Well it started like for this trip to Japan and for me it's like if I if I if I feel something in on my neck or if I I start to you know I start to spiral really really bad to the point where I could actually get myself sick so like for me like I have given like I lose visions sometimes I can get a fever I get myself sick really quickly I could like if I have an anxiety attack at night

in the morning I'll have a hundred and two fever like that's my body responds like kicks in to fight a flight the hardest thing is is that I I don't know when my body's trick it's like tricking me

or not because my anxiety gives me physical symptoms so I never want to be the boy you cry

cry wolf because my but my husband's one of those people he he just never questions he's like you're telling that this is your truth even if this is your anxiety you're still feeling it it's still happening to you so I try now I'm really good at being able to understand if it's a if it this is a temporary thing or do I actually think this is a real thing so for instance on a no la 3 I got really really ill during production like really bad and I knew it was a moment where

I know I this is not anxiety I was able to compartmentalise and go this is not this is something that needs to be I need to go to the hospital right now I used to not be able to

with it and it's just a lot of for me knowledge is power so I do a lot of reading about like

and I don't know if it's like before I would just be like oh I'm feeling this pain could this be this but now I'm like no it couldn't be that because that would show in this way so I actually think I need to know more about the situation and the world then not because actually the lack of knowledge is what gave me the most anxiety like feeling of being you know not in control because I mean control of everything else in my life but you can't be in control of that stuff sometimes

you know yeah thank you very explaining that to us I feel like there's so many people who probably feel that way and don't even know it no and then think actually I want to stay away from information and not realizing that more knowledge equals more power equals more ability to have a sense of what you're actually experiencing what what was it during those three months that made you go to Japan to meet monks I got chased by these people and it was it was a really traumatizing like I

would say 20 minutes like 20 minutes I just couldn't I it was very very intense and very scary after the 20 minutes I got into an elevator and I my team who's probably watching this right out I like faced the corner of the wall and I was just like I actually feel like I shut down and I shut down for three months like that is like in that moment I like something switched off

“in my mind and so I did all of these events and I I believe I had like I did like my engagement”

party and I had like all these really my dad's birthday I had a bunch of stuff and I started getting really ill and I had pneumonia and I had like all of these all of these problems and I probably had three or four things and I got strapped and I had strapped for like three weeks or something and then I went undiagnosed and therefore untreated so then I got to Japan because I was I wanted to go I really wanted to go not thinking it would be some spiritual journey I thought this is just

gonna be a really great time when I got there I was like I still I still really felt anxious I couldn't like for instance sometimes we get to a restaurant and I'd say to my husband I can't

go in we need to go back and he'd be like okay we'll go back and that's the thing like I never

had to explain myself to him he knew he got it and then we would do like my tapping and just like you know and then I went to Kyoto and I went to this garden with these monks and I met him this this this this one amazing gentleman who was like just so calm and almost felt like he saw me like he was like and I was in the height of my anxiety at this point it was like he knew that I was kind of broken so he was acting normal with me but then when we got to the garden he was like

we need to meditate and I was like okay meditation has never been anything that's worked for me because of my mind and how I've not been able to shut out the thoughts but we meditated in this garden which was for five minutes and I meditated with 50 people like it's not just us there was a bunch of tourists like us and we all sat in this garden nobody knew who I was and if they did

“they didn't care in that moment and it was amazing and I will never forget the feeling and then”

we went into this kind of Samurai's house and it was like the coolest experience and then they brought out these singing bowls and we sat there for another hour and I left being it was my husband's birthday and I remember being like I'm so I feel like it's my birthday like I just got given like the

biggest gift of all like finally peace in my heart and my husband literally said like it would like

it you radiated this light after and I it just it was exactly what I needed and I do think that I'm a big believer in in like divine intervention and I think that was a moment where God was like you need to you need to take a break and you need to like sit there and figure out kind of what's going on in your head and I didn't figure it out necessarily but I did figure out that I needed to sit in silence for a bit and yeah and I think that really healed me in a lot of ways

I healed a lot of me thank you for sharing that yeah have you been back I've not and I'm dying to especially take my daughter we made a promise to this temple that and so we are going to go back

“because they said you need to come back at the specific time this year this time and so that that is”

kind of my my husband says like we are going to go back and when we when we were there we said we're going to break our kids back so we knew we were like we're on the right track well thank you so much for sharing that feel like when you hear about moments like that and you're belief in

happening to us because I think whether we're skeptical whether we're not believers or whether we

just live in a busy logical world which we all do sometimes the greatest gifts are quite otherworldly and happen by surprise and not things that we plan or measureably choose yeah

“I think like I'm around a lot of people who are like not skeptics but they're just they live”

in a very realistic world they're like that wouldn't happen because of this or this is I agree to a certain point and then I'm like you can't explain certain things that happen to you you just can't like coincidences just sometimes see a cut cut you could see them as coincidences or you could see them as fate and for me I just believe things of I just believe in fate yeah yeah what are you on the techniques now that I hope and you said speaking to your mom is one of them

speaking to my mom my husband's a big one like if my husband's not with me it's my mom my mom's not with you know it's my so that and I think you got to find your people that understand you and that know the vocabulary to use around you in those moments right it's not you're okay everything's fine it's not that Jake takes me through a step by step okay you were just here this is what just happened to you you were not in a situation where you know you could have

breathed in that smoke and therefore you got this you know that he he'll take me through what happened and that is great and then my mom also is similar she'll take me through like statistics she's like you're a 20-year-old and a 20-year-old you're absolutely fine she kind of tells me who I am another technique I use as like grounding so I I will like talk about the room I'm in the

CM sat in things like that and then the third one tapping I love tapping singing balls are a

big one have a lot of those in my house um used to be my phone so funny now it's not that doesn't work for me anymore singing is a big one took me very long time to realize it was singing right before I got nervous to go and do things I would sing and then when I was in Japan and years years later I was learning all about my biggest nerve and humming and I thought whoa I sing every time I'm nervous so I'm basically just vibrating my biggest nerve and in turn you know calming

myself down but without noticing and so I did that as a young child so something in me as a young child knew I needed to be sooothed you know and so I do that a lot now singing is a big one what would you sing oh just like anything like you could put on anything and I will sing to it even if I don't know the words but a lot of musical theatre a music I like music that like I love meaning I love music and my husband and I both play music a lot in the house and yeah I

would just say like singing is a big one used to be really into journaling but my life became a little bit crazy and it's hard to stay up but that's so I I do a lot of prompts and gratitude journals instead yeah I would say that's pretty much that's a lot yeah like I'm trying to think because I had to because I would have one one thing I would do and it wouldn't work so it's like

“okay you need to figure out like a plan you know if this doesn't like let's do this so that's where”

I'm at yeah you have a full talk it yeah yeah and you're so right I love what you're saying that I think

we're often like oh this is my one thing and the reality is that life's throwing so many things

our way that you need a plan be in a plan C and a plan D and knowing that the people who are closest to you and love you the most are your mom and your partner Jake like they're able to actually understand what you need in that moment yeah and you can actually educate them I think that's such a big foundational point for healthy relationships where it's like you don't want the person panicking around you trying to figure it out you want to give them the tools to succeed for you yeah 100

percent and the reason I'm I'm my dad is like amazing my dad like but he's like me in that we think very similar so for me I'm like if it's not this it's gonna have to be this and if it's not that it's gonna have to be that I'm very I'm very black and white and my my mom and my husband are very similar my dad and I very so my dad's like okay what if you were there then maybe it was that and so I'm like dad no no we're thinking too similarly you know like oh I'm out I love so yeah

but it's great that they're able to be very different like I need I need them for very different things yeah I wanted to talk a bit about Jake you can talk about him the whole time which is beautiful but I wanted to dive into a bit because you said that you know we built a really strong foundation and even a few moments ago you were saying you know we just we just knew like we were

“aligned talk to me about what it means to build a strong foundation I think so many people want to”

have healthy deep meaning for relationships that not only look great but I actually feel great and feel great on a daily basis beyond the big moments of a wedding or vows or all of that like what do you think it takes to build a strong foundation with Jake and what have you both done to really build that you know when you meet someone young you you have habits from either previous

and so you have to work through how each other communicates and works so I definitely did that we both did that like I was very much like okay this is how he responds to things and this is how I respond to things and then figuring out what that looks like and I think that took us

about a year to understand how to communicate and then but trust was never like it was like

met him and well I spoke to him on the phone for like 20 minutes I called called him that's

“how we kind of met and I hung up and I said that's how they're going to be I ran on this”

my mom and dad and I said that's how they're going to be the groom at my wedding or my maid of honour but like I trust this man like don't know what it is but it's just I don't know it was the way he answered the phone to me it was like no one ever thought like no one has ever answered the phone like that he was just like hey girl and I was like hi like wasn't didn't care about who I was just saw me like it felt like so yeah I think it took a lot of work because we

we learned how to communicate I'm a big like I love to read books I love to do courses I love like I am so I mean got men like I just studied all the methods of all the methods because I I want to learn and there are plenty of things that I've learned I don't like or apply to my life and then there are things that I do but I learned from my the space you know and so

“Jake has begun that too so we both did that I would say for like all of our relationship that's”

what we do we just like try different techniques try different methods of different things and now we're like I would say we're you know it's been like two years of like oh this is just like how we do things and it's been pretty but like we were just like we we want to be we're choosing each other

we want to be together so we do all the work to get there but never have we tried to change each other

then that's a big thing I've been in past relationships where you're trying to morph this person into you want them to be and you're kind of waiting for them to change and there was not one thing I wanted to change about Jake like asshole like it was just like oh this is you this is I'm going to embrace you for every part of you because this is who I want in my life but that was the difference of feeling I was like I've been with other people you know it's like oh like I need you

“to step up and be this and be that and it's like no why am I wasting also like I don't want you to”

change you that this is might just be who you are too um whereas with Jake it was like don't change anything yeah what do you think Jake understands about you that most people get wrong I do seek my mind and with my friends I feel like I try to be a really good friend but I didn't go to school so socializing for me is very new very new in my last three or four years like I feel like the this is my year of friendship but I'm really trying to help nurture those friendships and like

be true to them but I'm a very honest friend and so if something's going on or if I feel something isn't needed to be said with them in their life if I'm observing something I tell them because I say to Jake if I don't I'm not a good friend and he says yes but sometimes you also need to let people ride the course of what they're going through you know and I'm like they need to know

like they need to know and he's like he'll never tell me no but he's like just think about

the way you'll say it and think about you to there but I always have to end up saying it because it's who I am it is I have to I have to be like hi like are you okay like something feels something feels after did it or what's going on let's talk about it because I'm I'm a very honest friend and Jake knows I mean well other people sometimes I'm sure could probably read it as like you're rude you're mean to that I am never trying to come across as that I'm actually in fact I'm

trying to be the most present and loving friend and all I mean is being what I all I want for you is to succeed like all I want like I'm a big I want my friend all of my friends to succeed and love and but I I need to be the person that they look at and go thank you for telling me that because I was surrounded by people sometimes friends growing up that wouldn't tell me those things and that's worse and I needed them to you know and so I'm like I need to feel like I need to

show up for my friends and that way because I maybe didn't have friends like that growing up do you think you have a balance right now or I've got a balance yeah because now I know to take time take a breather okay maybe they don't need to hear this right now so I've taken a bit of Jake

and just saying you know I'm here for you I love you I'm your friend if you need me I never

forced anyone into like talking to me but I want you to know that I see you because I've been there yeah what do you believe defines a good friend I think loyalty loyalty because I have a lot of friends that I'll speak to or not see over years and years and then see each other and things

“are completely back to normal and you know great and my life is hard I can't maintain friendships”

in the fact that I can't maybe reach a dinner or go to that birthday party or do this because my life's hectic and vice versa and a lot of my friends have busy lives too but loyalty to each other like knowing that we've known each other for a very long time and so we need we owe it to each other to remain friends to nurture the friendship to stay in touch to be there for each other to support each other when you can be I think that's a big one I don't enjoy people in my life or

have met people in my life that are just down to drop a friendship because it's like to me I value them as much as relationships like we've been doing this you know I have my best friend Noah we've been friends for 10 years you know but we know our loyalty lies within each other like

we will always not turn on of the friendship yeah that's a beautiful answer I love that

“yeah what's the best thing about watching Jake become a dad his heart melts anytime she”

does anything and so does mine but I he literally is like I can just see her raptor at us like or vice versa he is wrapped around her finger like it's hilarious I can already tell certain things he's like oh like in the morning he wakes her up he gets in the bed and he wakes her up with a song and she opens her eyes and he says like she looks at me as if to go you've been here the whole time yeah they just cuddle and I'm like when I look at it on the little

camera I'm like that's the person I chose to marry like that little girl will never go day without knowing that her dad is there for her and her mum but dad's a really important dad's

a really important I had an amazing dad growing up very very similar to Jake and Jake has an

amazing dad very very similar to Jake but just like in many ways they play maternal and paternal

“figures you know like I do too and I think it's really cool to be you know I don't like the whole”

like narrative of like the mum does this and the dad does this it's like no Jake does both and so do I and so you have two parents that you can come to for almost everything that mum can do it too but also dad can dad can dad I've taught Jake how to breed hair and all the things you know because I want dad to know how to do it too yeah what's the quality of Jake's that you hope that she develop all of it um his oh he's so calm he's so calm and he sees

through everyone's perspective I'm like most is the way I think as you can tell I'm sure you're like oh yeah I got the just of you know I'm very much like why would you do that why would you say that like no this is you know and Jake's like well maybe they were going through something or maybe it's this or maybe it's that and I'm like oh okay so I hope she is able to see through different lenses and understand the world in that way and different people Jake has so much patience for everyone I am the most

impatient person and I think I take after my nanny in that my nanny roots like she was very stubborn I'm very stubborn and Jake has not stubborn or Jake will forgive and forget like that I mean so I hope she takes after to after him but you know there's also a bit of my face that everyone needs absolutely yeah you don't want to lose that no absolutely absolutely and he probably loves that part of it too he probably loves seeing that we go dad energy like just yeah the other day she

like sighed I had him and she and she's also saying no no no and Jake's like she's you you know you took my earlier the the the tried life comments or whatever that means and and that kind of perception and even though the reality doesn't really afford any of that definition to even feel true but it sounds like you and Jake have created a real almost unit and team between you both to deal with all of that noise whether it's age or how you choose to get married or

when or adopting a child or whatever all of this stuff like talk to me about why that's so important and how you do that where it's like where a team this is our decision how you keep that conviction when there is so much noise yeah I think Jake grew up kind of out of the spotlight despite his family like I think Jake his mum is amazing and they just lived a very normal life

and so Jake's very used to blocking out the noise because he's literally had to do it from day one same to me but not day one like I was at least you know eight one nine but you know young enough for that we're we're very both used to it so it's not like this has just happened in our life and now it's all of a sudden we have to learn how these how to cope with this like we came into this our relationship knowing what this is what we're probably gonna get like people

but again I always told Jake I'm like everybody's walking to a contradiction because

you know you get married a 20 or two young what you're doing oh my god like people are praying on the downfall you know and then it's like you're forced you're not married what you do

“and you're a twice divorced my god how day she's crazy like she's you need to get married soon”

she's not having a baby at that too like that's you know what taking time like come on you go have your baby like you want to adopt why how could they let you you know it's like these questions it's busy and you're again you all are walking contradictions if we all if I lived my life following the rules of these random people I would probably live the most boring mundane or for miserable life because these decisions I'm gonna base them up with these random robots on the

internet absolutely not like I am doing what makes me happy what feels right to me and I would consider myself a person who does I am smart and I do like to think everything through but I do believe in fate going back to what I do believe in that I think it was fate that you know

magic and I do think that I believe in like the invisible string theory I think we would never have met

we would never have been in the same world so I always think like were you there at this point we were you there but we weren't in the same world at all like he was a boarding school and then he went to college like we were not in the same world I think we were meant to be together so I think we both just talk about it like no one can do right for doing wrong like it just used look on the internet every day somebody else is getting slaughtered for something random and you're

just like why as why don't listen to those things I'm not I'm not like I don't care enough and I'm always like most of the time it's not true so if I'm going to say have you ever had about this person getting having this and you're like it's probably not true because of half of the shit that's how there is not true for me so well so yeah I feel like that all the time like I know so many people in the public eye and when there's reports about them in the news and you

actually know what's going on you like this is amazing like these exclusive sources like who is this

“yeah unnamed friend I never met you so funny I remember that you what you just said right now”

was so powerful and I want to you know I want to make sure that people hear it clearly and it reminded me of this great speech that Taylor Swift gave out a billboard award a few years ago and she was just like you know I think she said something and she says it much better than I will but she said it along the lines of you know I was writing songs about breakups and then they said oh I was just couldn't get over my access yeah so then I started writing songs about my friends and

then I was like oh she's having too much fun and then so I started writing songs that I wrote back in the day and then they said oh she's trying to go backwards and it's almost like no matter what you do there's a version of it that people spin it to be and the way you just put it out there right now about whether you're 20 and getting married or whether you're 40 and unmarried and divorced or whether you're 13 you don't have a baby yeah I mean that was so well put because none of you

win no no one wins because women don't win because we don't get to win like we don't get to just be in peace it's the crazy scrutiny like and I you know I grew up on a show with four boys that I am not taking away their experience they they they got their fair share of things but what the girls got on that show like what felt my experience as well was like the scrutiny and pressure that gets put on you was it was insane you don't you didn't I never

heard about any of my cast members boys slash men about what they're wearing on the carpet and what they look like or what their hair looks like or what their makeup looks like or

what they're saying I I never heard those weren't the headlines and it was about how amazing they

were how successful they were how I'm eating and they are amazing they asked they do get to get you know written about like that but I do too like my headline shouldn't be tearing me down and other young girls down and I hold a lot of you know I try to it's hard I get very annoyed about it because I just feel very protective of a girls that coming up into the industry that

“that's what they you know that's their storyline but that doesn't need to be their storyline”

so I've kind of rearranged my storyline that's why I have no problem in calling like janna

bedside manners what is wrong with you like what is wrong with you who who I just don't get it especially somebody so young and I don't think it's right at any age but young people and them trying to figure out their mental health nobody knows what I'm going through nobody knows what I don't need to hear at a certain time so that to me is very important like just trying to to harness the power to just let that go in a way because I do hold a bit of resentment against

that you know like I just don't feel I receive the same treatment and it's not a pity party like

I don't need to be sat here and be like you know I really feel bad for me but I just hope it never

“happens when anyone else no and I think the resentment's fair it you it's so young as well and”

going through all of that and it's hard to it's easy to look back and be like okay you know this is how it works and this haven't made sense but when you're actually going through it people are so busy as well no one's really paying attention whether it's your classmates or everyone around you and I was wondering like what would you advice be to young women coming up in the spotlight right now how do they do that how do they navigate it do it maybe do they even approach you do you

have younger musicians and actors and actresses all approach you as well for insight every kind of young person I really try to reach out I befriended Ella Bright who who is just in that new

show off campus and she's not that much younger than me but she's amazing and I reach out and

just like here's my number the avenue to call me I'm here even if it's just about the most random things that I've probably been through it same with my co-star like Louis Partridge I feel like kind of not responsible but like just very much a part of his journey and I just feel like I'm here for him you know there's a lot of public perception about his life and everything and I just feel like I feel you know I just want to make sure everybody feels protected and supported and I want to be

able to be that friend to also be honest you know I'm be like okay you but also like where the crazy thing you know like do the crazy do the fun has like don't have any regrets like it's just like why why play it safe all the time and then also Owen Cooper who is in adolescence and who has had such a kind of rise and write you so he's unbelievable but I did I did meet him through a mutual friend and I said here's my number anytime you need me you know call me and so sometimes

he'll call me and say mail you know they want me to just magazine I'm really tired I don't do it then yeah don't do it don't do it it's not necessary like so like sometimes we'll have those conversations where say how are you feeling are you tired are you do you feel like you're doing too much should

“and he'll be like I'm fine I'm fine I'm like okay like if you need to breathe I like just you know”

just tell someone like and and he is amazing and he's an amazing family but I feel like I've just been there as a kind of 911 if he needs me but he doesn't he's already so smart and brilliant that's amazing that's so great that you're doing that I mean I can't imagine what uh well the wisdom you have and the fact that they can call you up and reach out did you have anyone that you could do that with yourself yes I did I had a lot of people that was able to do that with um a lot of

musicians and and actors I feel I remember meeting Natalie Portman and having this moment where you know I kind of was just like wow like I really feel like she understands me and it was that an award to us very busy but I do feel like in that moment I was like I really feel like we could have we would have been friends like if we're the same you know like and I want to be friends of you Natalie but um but like if we were child stars at the same time same with Drew Barrymore

I feel like you know yeah Drew's amazing and um I really felt seen by her oh I love that yeah

“it's so important and I'm so glad that you're you know actually reaching out and sending your number”

and yeah it's so needed because you're the only person that can relate to what they're going through truly and everyone's journey is different of course so when some people say I'm feeling

this I'm like okay I didn't feel that however I knew somebody that did so that's always really helpful

because coming from a boys perspective it's very hard for me to understand sometimes however I grew up around boys who went through the same thing so I'm like okay I get I kind of get way of coming from yeah what's a belief that you hold that you think everyone disagrees with but you die on the hill for speaking your mind I mean it might be my problem but I like think be respectful always be respectful we have a too many men in this country right now speaking

their mind but be respectful like like just try to see everyone at like just have a conversation that's the one thing I try to do is like even though I might speak my mind and have my perspective

people you know think and we can kind of reach to an conclusion or whatever but I think speak your mind

I wouldn't ever say like bite your tongue because she was always going to wish you didn't you're

always going to wish you I should have fucking said that you know like I wish I said that I should have said that um I just do I I personally am like I'd rather have said it and people know where I stand

“on it because I think I I had to bite my tongue a lot as a child people said so much about me and”

I was just like I just didn't say anything and then I felt like I've reached an age where I was like no I'm not going to settle for this anymore what was it that was that turning point for you were you like probably I was 18 just yeah it's age isn't it it's age yeah I felt like I was like now I'm I'm an adult now and like you can't treat me like this anymore yeah it was easier to stay quiet younger because it's like it gives them less to talk about but now I'm a bit like I don't

really want to give them more talk about but I do however want to hold people accountable yeah it can be hard when you feel like people are just taking shots and chewing arrows at you and just kind of have to stand there I don't care if it's like one time too time but but sometimes it's felt incessant like back to back to back to back yeah it's crazy yeah milly I could talk to you for hours and you've become my new favorite person so without a doubt this conversation is incredible uh

“we have a game that we called the Jake game for you oh my gosh and so you have to finish these”

sentences so I'm gonna read them out for you and then you you complete them uh Jake's favorite thing about me is Jake's favorite thing about me is my humour I'm really silly is it I think it could be my humour I mean I think you know he he would say something very romantic but I think like I

really make him laugh and I think he always says like I always wanted a girl to really make me laugh

like you know and then he makes me die laughing even the other night this like we were in a bar and this girl came over and was like how do I play darts and Jake gave this long winded explanation about how to get in the line for darts and but it was the way he said it was his tone it sent I literally was like uncontrollable five minutes and I was just like and he was he's very silly he's like a really silly person like he'll do funny accents to random people like he's just

like one of those people that really makes me laugh and then I'm the kind of person to start like you know dancing really ridiculously in the store and he's just like wants to die but he

“he loves that so I really think like we make each other laugh so hopefully it's my humour”

I love it Jake would say my most annoying habit is that I hate to hear people too and swallow like it makes Jay I there's something clear it's couldn't be so phone phonia I think but it's a real thing and I can't like every on my team knows like I just can't hear people chewing food it's just the thing I have and is here really loud no he's not got it but he would think that's annoying about me when I have to say to people like I'm so sorry like I have to leave the room I'll just

wait until Jake's like melee oh my god you know Jake would say the household chore I'm worst at is making the bed like making the bed and like I do pick up after myself but oh I do like if I'm making a tea or like I do leave things out got it I'm big on he's cleaning up yeah he puts things away if he's gonna make something he'll and then he puts everything on I'm I'm a little bit more like just because I think I just see like something sparkly and I go that way do you know I mean but

I'm being more intentional got it Jake I'm just helping you out this is this is all to help you Jake would say my most unnecessary purchase this year was maybe like a goat shed like I didn't need the shed did I but the goats love it but when the cold was it rainy no I just thought it was cute also a new chicken coop but he doesn't think it's unnecessary I feel like he'd know that that's like I don't really buy unnecessary things but I think that's maybe what he would say

if he wanted to be like did did we really need another shed like yes we did is it a shed or is it like MTV crypts because it's for sure no it's not I'm not it's not bougie it's really cute

okay it's for the goat that or like I just built a swimming pool for my foster dogs amazing yeah

and he's like why and I'm like because they get hot and the salmon I wanted to learn how to swim so that when they get adopted they can swim I love it Jake would say I take too many photos of their animals like I got that's put thousands of animal pictures on my phone of like the sheep like knows right up against the camera and Jake's like that's not even a pit I'm like yes it is it's a great picture that's a great picture yeah I love Jake would say my love language is mine to him

yeah I'm both to do as my mind to him is words of affirmation slash affection mine is affection

like I don't need you to like do like the like you know grab this grab that or like clean the kit like that it's more like oh you made me a tea like it's that it's like the cute little things I guess it's not service it's more gift giving I guess but it's just more like thoughtful surprises yeah I love that uh Jake would say I could talk for three hours about dogs dogs dogs and like like like children's um like development like I love baby like

development and Jake's favorite thing about being married to me is like a built-in best friend

“I think we both feel that way like thank god we found each other in this life that's so beautiful”

Millia we end every episode of on purpose with a final five these questions asked to every guest on the show they have to be answered in one sentence maximum okay Millie Bobby Brown these

your final five the first question is what is the best advice you've ever had or received

Matthew Odeen said everything you put on your face goes into your bloodstream which changed my love which changed my relationship with my skin great answer do you want to say more no I mean that's very good question number two what is the worst advice you ever received you know children should be seen and not question number three uh the one reason people should watch in Ella homes three it's a great family

film a great easy watch on a Friday or Saturday night and yeah and it leaves you feeling good yeah tell me a bit more about what characteristics you share within Ella I feel like there's a lot as a lot yeah um she obviously speaks her mind she is a change maker she or at least she tries to be she's a bit stubborn very witty and I'm also I am witty but I down fast like I really do pick up on things pretty fast if somebody's saying something I'm like yeah I know the kind of person

you are are you are very observing but yeah very yeah I would say yeah very stubborn my co-star would say stubborn yeah is is Millie Bobby Brown aspiring to be in Ella homes or is there no at home just trying to be Millie Brown aspiring to be in Ella yeah for sure nice I love it uh question number four complete the sentences about overthinking complete the sentence I think I think too much

“about I think I think too much about being a mum yeah in the best way possible but you know”

you as a mum you just don't ever think about everything I feel mum guilt is probably the hardest guilt that exists really it's terrible yeah and and then it feels like everyone has a version of how to be the best mum too so then you're getting everyone's opinions and yeah that's what you do

you block out the noise on that I always just try to be there for other mum's and vice versa

surround yourself with your with a mum group but don't compare yourself to each other because that's where you you'll just start to feel inadequate but you're not but mum guilt is a real thing especially is a working mum and fifth and final question we asked this to every guest who's ever been on the show if you could create one law that everyone in the world had to follow what would it be I guess the question I my initial instinct but I don't know if this is like if I'm even saying this

right in terms of like an answer to the question but like if someone is mean or cruel to animals they should never be able to have an animal again is that yeah that's good love that's a great

look I feel like that's like yeah like I feel like people don't shouldn't get second chances on that

like but yeah I don't know I just think I like I've been in the the animal world for you know a minute now and I've just seen a lot of animals that I feel like yeah like you don't get second chances on that like you've changed an animal's life forever and yeah I just wish more people showed kindness to animals and I've seen it on both ends of the spectrum where I have people adopting my dogs and loving them and nurturing them and great and then I've also seen dogs come

to me that have burns and scars all over them and you know I've seen the other end of it so for me I just think yeah you I don't have time for people that don't have time for animals yeah anybody we've run thank you so much that's a joy you want to thank you so much that's a great

“time I hope you got to share everything you wanted to and I really did it I was honestly nervous”

coming into this just because I'm very much the kind of person to forget the cameras are there and just stop blabbering but I've had the best time thank you for having me thank you thank you