BONUS: Questions, Comments, and Confessions!

Radio Silenced Directors Matt Bettenelli open and Tyler Gillette are back for round two with

“their new horror comedy film, "Ready or Not Two."”

Here I come. Samara Weaving returns as Grace, the Battle Warren and Bulletty Bride, and is joined by Stars, Catherine Newton, Sarah Michelle Gellar, Sean Hadesy, Nestor Carbano, David Kronenberg, and Elijah Wood after Grace Mary's into a mysterious family and is forced to play a life or death theme of hide and seek.

She emerges victorious, but what she didn't know is that by winning, she triggered

a whole new twisted battle.

This time with her estranged sister faith at her side, the duo faces a shadowy group of rival devil worshiping families who control the world, and they must fight to the bloody death for the ultimate prize. Two times the kills, two times the Satanic rituals, and two times the human combustion don't miss the full tilt insanity.

Ready or not to, here I come, when it hits theaters, March 20th. Hello and welcome to this bonus episode of Scary to Sleep. This is a Q&A episode. So if you'd like to know some A's about some cues I was asked, then stick around. But I also got a lot of comments, and I did get a couple confession, so thank you for those.

Those are always fun, and I can't wait to do this again, but let's jump into this possibly

very vulnerable episode.

“I don't know yet, I think it will be though, I'm a little bit emotional today, I've been”

mentioning on the show that I've been very busy, and I will say that this week, I got the news that my grandma had to be admitted to the hospital, I won't tell you what's wrong because I don't want to break her hip before her, but I do believe in the power of positive thinking, so if you could all send very good vibes to my grandma, I've already had a couple good cries about it because she means so much to me, she's the one I've mentioned that taught

me how to make tortillas and albundigas, and she is who I had my office at her house, while I was going through my divorce, I got to spend a lot of quality time with her as an adult, which you know, you don't get a lot of not normally with your grandma, and so yeah, please send her some positive vibes healing vibes, I would really appreciate it, okay, let's jump into this episode before I cry again, so I had most of you send your questions to this NGL app,

I guess it's an app, yes it's an app, I discovered this app years ago when I would see people on Twitter use it and they'd be like, I'm bored, send me some questions and it'd be like famous people on Twitter, not like me, but I fascinated me so then when I started getting a little more of an audience, I was like, I wonder what people would ask me if they asked me something, if they could do it anonymously, you know, I had the voicemail episodes and everything and those weren't really

anonymous, the last one I did I did have that anonymous form, or maybe the last two, I'm not sure, but something about this, it's easier to share on social media, I don't know, and I did actually check the previous anonymous form that I had had put up, because I don't put that into the show, the link to it in the show notes anymore, but I thought right as I was sitting now, we to minute, it is in the show notes of some older episodes and sure enough some people had submitted

I have 15 responses in here, I have quite a few on NGL, so I'm just going to kind of go through them as I got them and kind of cherry pick some from this anonymous form, I'm not going to be able to get to all of them, this episode would end up being three hours long, I think, and because you know,

“I'm a talker and I don't know if you want to hear me answer questions for that long,”

these are, it's a great range of questions, everything from very personal to how the industry works to just it's a little bit of everything, so I want to start with one that was pertinent to the show, what are your favorite sounds? I loved this question because I do have a few favorite sounds but I love sounds, I can get easily over-simulated by like a lot of loud stuff and but when it comes to my favorite sounds or quiet sounds, our intimate sounds though that sounded

bad, not like that, sounds that happen in quiet moments, like a lot actually a lot of my favorite

talking while they're chewing gum or like if they have like a hard candy in their mouth that's

some of my favorite ASMR, there's this one, it's been since deleted, it's by a bigger ASMR to students or whispering, she had this one or she was talking, she was just kind of giving life updates, it was very casual, she was talking about like her nail polish brand that she was actually had tried to launch with her husband and it didn't work out, but the whole time she had a hard candy in her mouth, it was so clicky, I just loved it, I love the sound, I like,

I love mouth sounds, the clicking and there's even like you can hear someone's like

throat sometimes, like the gurgle of a throat, the see it's strange, I'm a freak, I know,

when I worked in a retail, I used to work at this place called Unique Vintage, I some of you probably heard of it and not infrequently, I don't know why this happened more at this shop more than other retail places I worked at, probably because it was kind of a quieter atmosphere

“and it wasn't like a chain, at least on at the time, I think they have a couple locations now,”

but we would have people come in and sometimes they would kind of hum to themselves as they were shopping, like to the music we were playing or even just to their own tune, and overhearing someone quietly humming to themselves, it was like being on a cloud, I would, this is so creepy, but I would not like stalk them, but I would try to like be near them if they were like, I remember this one almond in particular, she had the most beautiful voice and she was just humming and it was like

I was transported somewhere, it was just the most, it just hit my brain in the most satisfying way. I also love the sounds of like little breaths people take, this is, it's a lot, it's very

people oriented, again, I'm not saying it's not strange, I never claimed it wasn't, and like sometimes

I have to edit certain things for other people for a part of my other job, audio-wise, and it's like raw audio, and they leave in all of their little like, like just their little breaths, breaths, they take between saying the dialogue, and I just love that sound, like I love that sound, like in a serial killer way, I'm like oh what if I made a compilation of these breaths and then I realized that is like a serial killer thing to do and I don't do it, so those are my favorite sounds,

“just put me on whatever list you need to put me on now, oh and by the way I try my best to”

take those sounds out of my own audio because I am very well aware that most people don't like those, so I really try my darnedest to take out mouth sounds, little breaths, anything like that, from the main episode, wow we're already seven minutes, and this is crazy, I told I know I knew I'm not going to be able to get through all these, I don't want to leave you, you know, though a friend recently did say to me that she hates it when creators say like oh no,

I hope this isn't too long of an episode or oh we got to cut it short because it's too long, and she was like I listened to them because I want to hear them talk, I don't care if it's a long episode, so maybe I should listen to that. So this next one is a personal one,

“would you be agreeable to marriage again in the future or has the whole idea become sour to you?”

That's a good question, a non, I don't know, I don't know, it's hard to answer because I haven't been in a relationship since my divorce, and so it's hard to say how I would even feel in a relationship, it hasn't been something that's been presented to me, and I haven't sought out a relationship to be honest, and the very few times that I have felt amorous towards another, hasn't seemed to be reciprocated that or that person is maybe not

available in certain ways, because it's so hard to say without like I don't want anyone to figure out who any of these people are because they're innocent and all this, none of these are bad people, it's just the way the cookie crumbles, you know, sometimes people just aren't interested in you back or sometimes they have their own stuff going on a world away

it's, you know, it's and then you realize they don't feel like it's worth it to move for you either,

“so maybe this is a mood point, and that's kind of how it goes, you know, and”

it's just I have not explored anything past a gentle flirtation with anyone, so it's hard to say whether I don't not believe in like marriage, I'm not like sourd on it fully, but I also, it's not something that I consider right now, it's not something that has come up maybe in the future, I've thought, of course, I've thought about it like, and I joke about it, like, oh, I'm going to get married, and my does well just get full full as Taylor and just get married

like six more times after this, no, but that's not me, I generally, I can't predict the future,

but I see myself, I try to picture myself as being happy if nothing romantic does ever work out for me, and I try to build my life around myself and my friends and my family, and my hobbies, and my work honestly, mostly my work, we're going to be completely honest, because I don't know, maybe no one's, maybe no one's out there for me, maybe no one will ever ever reciprocate my amorous feelings, and that's just something I have to live with,

and instead of curling up in a ball and beating myself up over about it over, that probably wasn't proper English, because I don't know, I've really started to unpack,

like there's nothing, it's not the, you know what, never mind, I've already said too much,

“let's move on to a different question. Okay, this is more of a comment, you should come to Vermont,”

we have mountains, great hiking trails, big foot, champ the lake monster, and the Bennington Triangle, where where weird shit happens a lot, I do know about the Bennington Triangle, because I did a, I did like part of an episode, and when I did an episode years ago on like missing people, and I, I did cover the Bennington Triangle, so that is fascinating, I've never been to Vermont, it sounds cool to me, I love hiking, I love cryptids, so yeah, I would consider it if I ever have a

chance, so I'll drop by Vermont, what would you do if you didn't do acting and your podcasts? Hell if I know girl, um, I don't know, you know, I wanted to be a writer, I want to write, I want to write, that's what I started the podcast for, was for my writing, I didn't voice act before this, I didn't even know if I had a voice for podcasts, and then it turns out a lot of you think I do, which is great, and then I started being asked to do some voice acting,

because I started getting better at it because of my own show, and from there, I've gotten lots of opportunities, and through that, I've gotten opportunities to write for other shows, um, that was an answer in your question, but I just wanted to point out, I didn't see, this isn't what I sought out to do in life, but also as a, I was kind of a wayward lost soul before this, I had a myriad of retail jobs, and I, at the time of the podcast taking off, I was a background actor

in Hollywood, I did TV and movies, I mean, a lot of you know that already, so I won't

“like get into it, but that's what I was doing when my podcast kind of took off, and I was just kind”

of in a dead end marriage, and a dead end job, and a dead end place that I lived, and I was at a lot of dead ends, so I really can't say, I couldn't say, this has become my whole life, so I, I have no idea, I have no, um, I don't have any degrees, I didn't go to college, I'm not good in school, I'm an auto-diadact through and through with everything and every skill I've acquired, which is, it's admirable, I, I guess I'm not the one who can say that, but I find it admirable

in myself that I've taught, like, all this, uh, sound engineering that I know and everything I know has been through various jobs and life events and YouTube University, essentially, and a lot of research, and yeah, it's, I'm all self-taught, so I don't think those are transferable skills, maybe, maybe I have a few transferable skills. Again, I do have another job now where I, I do um, I can't, I don't want to get into it, but I like do spreadsheets and editing and things, so

you know, I've learned things over the years, but I don't know what I would do, who would hire me?

podcast because I can't see anything else, that's not true, I'm also a very hard worker, so again, I will take any retail job thrown my way, I will lift heavy boxes, I will deal with

“Angry Customers, but I'm happy to not do that anymore, but I think it gave me a lot of people skill,”

it gave me a lot of my people skills, gave me a lot of my, you know, there's like kind of a saying

where you can tell when someone's never had a work and a customer facing job, and I think that's

very true, I won't expand on that next question, what is a creepy slash eerie fact that you have learned that you wish you hadn't? There's a lot, you know, I love a creepy eerie fact, but anything to do with space, anything to do with space, it scares me, it makes me feel small in the bad way, like I've talked about how I like to feel small sometimes at the end of movies, and in awe of the greatness around us and the universe, but and I know that involve space,

but so many space facts, anything to do with the Hadron, the Large Hadron Collider,

“yeah, I think that, yeah, space, space, the final frontier that I will not be”

voluntarily frontiering in ever, can't get me to space, don't, don't make me put a space,

don't make me go to space, okay, that wasn't a very good answer next question. I got a couple kind of like this, and I got a lot of questions like this at Creepy by Econ, when I was at the booth working the Eability Disgusting booth, so I'm going to answer it, it's not to do with me, but it's not even going to be very helpful, but I got laid off in January last year and haven't found anything. Do you know anyone hiring remote workers right now? Honestly, no, I don't,

I know the job market out there is absolutely insane, and I feel for anyone having to deal with it.

It's why I have like 12 jobs now. I take on way too much, and I take on anything that is

paid, some unpaid thinking, maybe it'll lead to something paid. So yeah, I'm so sorry, I don't, though, and I like to say, I got a lot of people at the booth asking me the same thing, and then asking me if, like, my company was hiring, they might be, I don't, I'm not in charge of the hiring, or what positions are open, though, so that is

“way above my pay grade, so I don't, I'm not sure, but I think like, I can't speak for the rest of”

the companies out there, but I know, like, you know, bloody disgusting and cineverse, they have, I think they have a career section on the website. You could check out, couldn't hurt, I'm so sorry, I wish I could help everyone, I wish I could plant a job tree that grew jobs and hand everyone a job, or maybe some sort of tree that made us not have to have a job. Maybe a money tree, actually a money tree would, why am I, why am I creating a job tree when I could create a money

tree, it's my fantasy, why am I creating a job tree in my own fantasy? I don't know, but I, I, your, you have my empathy, though, I'm so sorry. Have you ever read a book or story that creeped you up so badly that you had to stop and come back to it later? This is so, like, not basic, I guess, in the horror world, it feels like it, but house of leaves. I had to at one point upon one reading of it. I had to stop, it was making me depressed, and also, I, like, I worked

somewhere. I think it was when I was still doing background, I had to work in a building where these, they had these, like, textured gray walls that are, if you've read house of leaves, that's kind of what the walls are described as in the, the space they get into. I don't want to give any spoilers, but, and it was, like, freaking me out in real life, like, not in the midst of reading the book, like, in real life. I was like, oh, it's the walls, it's the walls, and it also just made me

majorly depressed, and in, like, in an eerie way, in an, like, in an impending doom way, like, it felt cursed if I had kept reading it upon that reading. I've read it a couple times, but upon that reading, it felt like I was creating a curse upon myself, but reading the book, that sounds so crazy. Now that I'm saying it out loud, I don't think I've ever said that out loud, I don't know. That sounds crazy, um, but yeah, that one, um, also had full of ghosts, got me, had full of ghosts

was dumb, and I was so, like, shocked. I was like, no, but it was so scary. It was so scary.

“So I think had full ghosts or house of leaves for two for me, if they didn't scare you, that's so”

cool. And you're cool or, you're cooler than me. I don't know what to say. This one's strained. And what is the scariest real-life story you learned about that led someone to go into hiding,

and you've never received updates from them since? I don't know any specific stories like

that, that's a very specific set of circumstances, but I don't know, but I wanted to read that because I would love it if anyone had one of those stories and wanted to share it with me because that sounds really interesting. Missing people's stories really get me, but a lot of the missing people's stories I know of. I don't, because how would you know if they went into hiding, would they like leave a note and be like, hey, I'm going on a hiding, and then you haven't heard

from them, or when they just go missing, unless again, maybe there's, this is referencing something

very specific. I've never heard of, so please let me know. Shelby, thank you for years of listening

pleasure. I have read this into your entire catalog numerous times on to the question, how do you decide which music to use for each story? I've been amazed at how suitable each song is to the story you read. Thank you, first of all. Second of all, oh, this is such, this is going to be the most annoying answer. It's just vibes. I just go with vibes. Sometimes I'm just feeling out of story, and I love it when I hear, when I get feedback from an author, if it's a story,

I have not written myself, and they tell me, like, I would have never picked that music, but it fits so well. And as a writer, that's one thing that's beautiful to me for other people to read my stories. I would love if other shows did more of my stories, just because I, it's so fascinating to see someone take something you created in your brain and kind of do mold it into what their vision of it was. I love that and I love and I'm so grateful that others trust me to do that for their own

work, because as a creator, it is difficult to trust your work with someone else. These are your darlings, you know, and so it's just vibes. Sometimes it's like to explain it, it would be like explaining how my brain worked, and I don't know how it works. I'll go into a story, I'll sit down with it, and something about it. And sometimes it won't even be music that's necessarily my favorite, like kind of the more 80s electronic, like, you know, like low-fi kind of stuff,

isn't even what I would necessarily gravitate to. Like, I mean, you could probably guess you're going to be like, "Ah, shocker, I love classical music a lot more than some others, but I also, it's like something happens when I'm editing, and I'm not just me, I am the story." That's like, what a, what a, like, master-pertory answer, huh? What a creative asshole answer, is that, huh? Well, there you go, though. I become the story, quote me on that, quote me on that,

and be like, "Ah, she's changed. I do. I just become what the story needs, or at least what my brain sees it as. It's a see it, play out in my brain. I have a very, very vivid imagination and

“visual brain. I know, you know, the whole, I think we've talked about it before on the show, you know,”

picture and apple. Now, spin the apple around. What is your apple look like? And then some people have, I cannot remember what it's called, where they can't picture things in their brains. Like, they don't have a, their brain doesn't see show pictures. And I'm the opposite. I'm like, my, brain is a 40 X motion picture experience. Even my dreams, I dream in color, I dream very vividly. I remember most of my dreams. I have a lot of lucid dreams. I don't know, man. And so, all of that,

just translates to these stories where I start to see in, in that 40 X theater that is my mind,

and it just, it's vibes. I should just stay with that first part, huh, vibes. Next question.

Shelby, when I finish all available episodes, I go back and re-listen to your full catalog again.

“Have you considered re-releasing or re-recording your earlier episodes or those outside of Patreon?”

Perhaps creating a downloadable option for a fee. Cheers and keep up the good work. This is a few questions. So, yes, I have considered re-recording some of the earlier episodes,

everybody's got to start somewhere. I rose to start somewhere. Some people have asked me not to,

“because they like the, I don't know, the original nature of all of them. I don't know.”

Some have begged for me, too, because they're bad. But they like the stories. So, yeah, I've considered re-recording them. And I do know that not all of them are on Patreon. I can sit down at some point. And upload every single one of them, the ones that weren't on Patreon. And the reason they're not on Patreon is just 'cause I didn't get a Patreon until the show had been out for a little while. So, and then, when I was with Spotify for a year, they didn't allow me to have a Patreon in my contract.

So, I didn't upload those to Patreon either. There have been some that I've gone back

like all the guided nightmares are there now. I've uploaded all of those. I tried this new

feature Patreon had where you can add all the episodes, but it didn't work. It was just with ads. And then there were double versions. It was a mess. And then I had to go delete all of

“it. It was God. Oh, it took me hours. Anyway, it would need, I would need like, I would need a few”

days to do all that. So, I just haven't had the time. And the thing is, I'm the only person with access to my Patreon, because Patreon's a little bit more of a delicate balance, because it has access to your funds and everything. And so, I don't know if I'd trust anyone to help me with that other than like, I don't know, you know what my mom's retiring. So, you know, maybe she can I can give her a good retirement job. I trust her with my money. Famous last words, asking a

new child actor, sorry mom if you're listening. I do trust you. I never know when my family's

listening. I kind of do a dance like nobody is watching thing when it comes to my content, because otherwise I would feel too stifled, but every once in a while, a family member will be like, I listen to your latest episode, and you don't need to talk like that. You have a filthy mouth, and I go, yep. Well, pray for me. I don't know. It's like some certain family members just kind of pop in every once in a while. I don't know why. It's like, it like over in the bloody disgusting

podcast, every once in a while, my parents will be like, we watched this episode, and you were talking like sailor. Well, you've known me my whole life, so, and you created me. So, kind of on you, perhaps creating a downloadable option for a fee. See that would also require just a lot of hours upon hours of free uploading and everything. I'm totally open to it. I just need the time. I'm trying to free up a little more of my time for this show. So, we'll see in the coming weeks.

We'll see. But I am keep reminding me though. Keep on me, because if it's a priority for other people, then I will make it a priority for myself. I got this question a lot in a few different forms. Do you think you'll get Clara a kitling anytime soon? No. Clara, my baby Clara Beau. She has a feeling hyperesthesia. She's also a very nervous kitty, pleasure her vets words. She does not like other animals. She has been around other cats before,

including when she was in the shelter where I got her from. And she likes to be alone. She likes to be alone. I would be, I would consider getting her, uh, getting another cat if I had more space. So, she could have time to really have time to adjust and her and new cat could have time ample space to get used to each other like through a door or something. But I live in a one bedroom apartment. It's just not, I'm not saying that's not enough space for more than one

cat. That's not what I'm saying. I know a lot of people do it successfully and that's great. I'm saying with my particular neurologically impaired baby, um, I just don't think it would be

“the best thing. And I'm only one person as well. I don't have, um, anyone to like help me”

grab the other cat if something goes awry. Cats famously can sneak out of places pretty easily. She's, oh, she's a wily one man. You should be here when it's medicine time. When it's time to give her her medicine. Oh, there's one time I just ended up sobbing on the floor. I was like, this is why I need a partner in my life to at least help me wrangle the cat. I don't even have anyone to help me wrangle the cat or help me go get my oil changed. That's just another

I told you is going to be a vulnerable up. So, this is a peek into my life in the last couple of weeks. Sometimes you got to sob on the floor about being alone. And then you go on and you're like, wait, actually, like, being alone, I want. Actually, being alone is the tits. I love it. Because I do. Sometimes you have those moments where like, I just need someone to help me, like,

I love my little space. I love all my free time. I love being able to do whatever I want to do

with my free time. I love only having to decide dinner for myself. And I guess for Clara too, but like, you know, which can, which can is that, you know, I do have fun picking her dinner, though. I'm like, what is it tonight? Beef livers and chicken hearts or extra gravy with roasted chicken. I love picking her dinner. I've even made her own what food before when there was a shortage of what food for cats. And that was, that was fun too. So yeah, there you go. There's your answer.

Have you ever considered doing baking for a living? No. No, god bless you for this question, but god, no. Owning a bakery looks hard. My hat is off to anyone who works in a bakery,

who owns one, who just works in one, and not just that sounds, uh, that's rude. Who works in one,

take out the just? Um, no. No, I like doing it as a hobby. I haven't even ever

“filled myself doing it. People have asked me before to like, oh, you should do videos of you baking.”

It's my like time to zone out and listen to some like, rowdy ass like story about how a woman cotter has been cheating on TikTok. That's like 30 minutes long. And just zoning out. So I have, yeah, no desire to do it professionally. I don't think I, I'm, I'm not that astute at baking. I love it, but I don't, I don't think I'm bakery levels. So, uh, no. This one's strange. How is your medical situation going? I don't know if you mean like my gallbladder thing, because that was a while ago.

I'm good. She's good. She's well. She's gone. Her, the space she's left in, in my body is great. It's all good. I've had a lot of back issues lately. Lower back issues, but, you know, I don't think I've talked about those much though. So I probably didn't mean those. You know, pretty good. I don't only talk about medical stuff that much though, um, other than like, yeah, my gallbladder. She's gone. Your cute. Thank you. Would you rather live in a world

where it rained blood one full day every two weeks or where spiders were the size of German shepherds. Spiders can eat you, but don't actively hunt you. Are you kidding? Why is this even a question? Blood rain sounds awesome. Are there like, is it like clean blood? Is it like full of diseases? I don't know what the issue would be other than like that. Otherwise, if it's just like clean blood, blood rain, I could just stay inside, even. Not where white on those days.

I have a uterus. I know how to deal with bloody days where it feels like rain is, or blood is raining down. So no, I'm good. Blood rain spiders. I'm not even scared of spiders, but are you

“kidding me? Who would pick spiders in the situation? No. What's your favorite short or story?”

It's really hard to pick one. Um, okay. The one that probably sat with me a little longest that like haunted me the most that I still like we'll talk about is the jaunt by Stephen King. If you haven't read that, highly recommend it. It hit me in a particular way that is just very it terrify me. It chilled me to the bone. But one of my favorite short stories overall is probably like the yellow wallpaper. Just so beautifully written. Um, but God. Like in crops for keep,

I think it was one of my favorites I've ever done on the show. And they're just so, there's so many. I mean, there are a few though. There are a few. Here, there are a few. Here you go. Do you believe in reincarnation? Also the ability that one has to remember said past lives.

“I think it's interesting and we surely have all collectively lived multiple lives.”

I love the idea of reincarnation. Again, I know I'm a little annoying about how on the fence I am. I just have really realized how little we know about things. And I don't like to ever definitively be like, I believe this happens because I don't know. I don't know. And so, I have seen a lot of stories of reincarnation or, you know, children who remember things that are just so fantastic. Like the one kid who was like a world where two pilot or something. And then there was another kid who

remembered a, like, who remembered a life so well. He wasn't, I want to say India that like that person whose life they remembered living had a living family member still. And they like introduced the child to the family members. And it was like, uncanny how much this kid knew.

But then they always like the kids always grow out of it. So that is really interesting to me.

lot of guided meditations that would like show you your past lives. I think it was a peasant a lot.

“If they were true, I remember seeing a lot of like dirt. I don't think I would just see like,”

if you like, okay, and now like open your third eye and like, what do you see? And like you're looking

down at your shoes. And I'd see like dirt. I don't know. Maybe I wasn't doing it right. Or I was, I'm just peasant through and through. I don't know. But then sometimes I do feel like I have before, like, I've lived other lives. I just feel like there's like a pole to certain people or to certain music. I remember hearing a violin piece in a movie one time, years ago. And you know, to be fair, this is around the time I was really into the idea of reincarnation and

past lives. So this could be a very biased thing on my part. But I remember hearing a violin, violin piece in a movie. It's like a Judy Dunch movie or something. I can't remember. And I remember

“like weeping. And I felt like I had heard it before. And it was like, no, I've heard this before,”

like, before. And I was convinced. It was just, and I don't, I don't know. I haven't,

I don't know. But it's really interesting to me. And you know, I don't believe in, like, I do believe in, you know, multiple dimensions and things like that. I will say. So maybe, I don't know, it's a cool, it's a really cool idea coming back as like, another guy. I don't know. And like at that point, it's like you start to go into like, do you come back? You do keep coming back until you've like learned all the lessons, do keep coming back until, I don't know,

how many times do you come back? Are there, is there anyone new left? Like, we've got a lot more people on Earth now. Some of them got to be new, right? Or maybe they're not. Who's new? Like, then again, you do meet people sometimes. And you're like, oh, your brand new. Okay, next question, can you swim? Yes. I'm a great swimmer. I was on the swim team when I was in middle school. And then I broke my finger because me and my friends are running through one of my friends,

older sisters apartments. And the floor was wet. And I slipped and I broke my finger. And I had to

quit swim team that year and never went back. But I'm a good swimmer. I love swimming so much.

I learned from a very young age. And I learned in the old fashioned way where my cousins would just throw me into the deep end and be like, live. Do you want to live? Then you will swim. I'm not saying that's the way to do it. I'm just saying that is how I learned just when. Okay, next question. Oh, this kind of goes with the one from before. I know you're big on ghosts

“and all things spooky with that being said. Do you hold any spiritual beliefs?”

Yeah, I'm like a pretty, I guess you'd call me like a woo person. I do believe in like, skeptics out there who I know, listen to my show. And I love you. And I please hang in there. Okay, we're going to go a little woo. And I love you. And I respect your skeptic beliefs. I get it. Okay, I'm a big skeptic myself. But I do believe in the power of manifesting because I've had too many weird synchronicities in my life. I've had too many weird coincidences.

And I know it can just be chalked up to that coincidence. But sometimes it's too strange. And it's feels too strange and you meet people. And just the meeting of them feels like it was supposed like it was going to happen. And then there have been times in my life where it's the opposite where I know I'm not doing the right thing. I'm not on the right path. And I'm not. And I can feel it in a strange spiritual way because I stop having those secretnessities. I stop having any sort of

weird coincidences. I stop having those. And it's like whenever I'm getting going towards something better is when I feel them a lot again. Like not even when I'm in a good place in my life. Sometimes these have happened when I'm in a real shit part of my life. But I'm clearly making the right steps to get away from that. And so I don't have any answers. I don't. I'm not I have nothing. Well, I can't say I have nothing against. But I personally do not

ascribe to any sort of organized religion. That is me saying in the most diplomatic way I can because I don't have any problem with you and you being in one. Please don't yell at me. Please I don't personally ascribe to any organized religion. I enjoy history so much and so a lot of organized religion fascinates me. I have a version of the Bible called the Oxford Bible where it's

and it talks about the origins of the story like how this story was actually from this, you know,

“it was also from this ancient culture that was way older than the Bible and things like that”

that stuff fascinates me. Did I love the Da Vinci code? Yeah, when it came out I loved that book, man. I know, whatever. I loved it. I thought it was so great. It came out when I was in high school. So I thought it was so cool. But yeah, I don't know. I think there's a, I don't even know if is a higher power. I don't believe in being able to destroy energy. I think that there's something bigger than all of us. I don't think there are as many rules and I will say I don't

believe in hell, which is for some reason that bothers people a lot when I tell people, I don't know why. I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't, I don't think I believe in heaven and the traditional sense. I do believe in there's like something else, but yeah, I don't know. I guess that's,

“it's hard to, you know, okay, we're gonna move on. What is the first horror movie you remember watching?”

One of my earlier memories of a horror movie, this is probably not the first, but I remember being,

I was just talking about this on another show. I think bloody disgusting podcast. I had a babysitter who was like my cousin's girlfriend and I was at her house being baby sat. I think and her brother was watching child's play and I was in living room. I remember standing a living room behind a couch and seeing like parts of child's play and just it was that was it. My fate was sealed. I was so afraid of Chuckie. I was so afraid of like, any sort of evil animated

doll thing like slappy from goosebumps. I was so afraid of them after that. I didn't watch the rest of the child's play movies. I haven't even seen all of them, but I didn't see them again until like I was either an older teen or an adult, like I didn't see them because I was so scared of them.

So that's one of my first memories of watching a horror movie. Okay, what does your writing process

look like? As a writer myself, I'm curious. Do you set aside a whole day? Do you write start to finish or jump from scene to scene as they come to mind? That is a good question. I have slowly been finding my way to find my process that I kind of follow most times. So usually I start with an idea. It'll be something that comes to my mind. I'll usually put it in my story ideas on my notes app and like have a bunch of them scrolling through there right now. There's one. It's so funny. There's

one. I've written twice over the years. I don't know. I don't know what I meant by them because recently I went through like all the way back to the beginning of my notes app, like all of my ideas. And twice, I've written teens at the fair. Our teens at a calendar. Oh, story about a teenager at the fair. And then the other one says like teens at the fair. What do I mean by that? I don't know. I have no idea. But I usually will think of an idea. Whether that's the beginning middle

or end, it depends. Sometimes I'm like, oh, this is where I want to story culminated like this. Or what if this is what happens? Like what if this happened in a story? Or what if this

“and sometimes it's just how it starts. I think the beginning of a story. And sometimes I'll let it”

ruminate for sometimes years. God will provide. Started as a story, like an idea. I wrote years ago before I had a podcast. But all I knew is I wanted someone to eat raw chicken. I just just in the original iteration, they find her like eating it in a parking lot. And she's even chomping on the bones and her teeth are breaking and everything. But I was like, I need someone to eat some raw chicken. I don't know what my obsession was with that. I thought it was just so visceral and

gross. And it's interesting in the story. I didn't end up not. We don't even see her do it. We just find the packaging. And I don't even know if I established that she ate it raw in my mind she did. In the story, I don't say she does. I don't believe so. But it'll all ruminate. And then from there, I've really started to make a story guidelines. Actually, let me see. I can maybe pull one up from a story that's already out to give you an idea of what my outlines look like. Okay, so this is from

the most recent RSL episode. I have bits of parts of the story, like I have the very first paragraph.

And then I have the part where Stella says cat litter and onion skins. And I have that little conversation. I have the cat's name as Artemis because I had honestly forgotten what the cat's

with grief. Does doc sacrifice himself? RSL is sees him but still a can't. Ourary realizes doc has passed.

That is something that didn't happen. So there's like some stuff in here. I don't even know just to share this. But you know what? Whatever. Dessimus has made the plane unreachable. What's the point? It isn't coming. Ari says about the bus. Stella convinces her to go wait instead of a bus, a bus of a carrot. Instead of a bus, a carriage pulls up. I have this is so much more elegant than a city bus. I don't remember if she even says it in the story. Are you a witch? I beg your pardon.

I am a scientist. I study alongside my husband until he went missing and that is eat it. Who didn't have a name quite yet? Then when I do come up with Edith's name, Edith and her husband

were separated during a time travel experiment. Now they can't get back home or find each other.

And I have RSL saying like, "Want some leap?" And it all sounds like nonsense to me. My husband is the whimsical one. Edith was supposed to say that. Some of these I actually do not remember if they made it into the story. Then I have, let's see, down on near the bottom though, I have a list of things that have crossed out along the way. I have a whole list of things I wanted to accomplish in the story and as I would get to them I would cross them out. RSL is catatonic. Stella and

Doc convinced her to wait anyway. Fans and carriage shows up. Articelli gets in and is alone.

“It stops on a foggy old street. A woman gets on. You must be RSL. Meet Edith. Edith explains”

meeting knitting woman. RSL says she knows her. Edith explains she and her husband are scientists and he went missing experimenting with time travel. The carriage arrives at the outskirts of a walled off city. Outside of it lays a man that looks somewhat familiar. He's injured. They approach him. It is decimus. RSL recognizes him. Despite him having aged. Edith asks RSL how RSL knows him. I mean this goes on for a while. This is like every beat of the sort. Decimus mocks RSL. Somehow

makes a comment about her scars. Did that eye I busted up come in handy in your world?

In a way you could say I've shown you things you never thought possible. You should be thinking

me. When they ask if you see Victor, he points them to him. I see this is all stuff that does happen in the story. I stopped crossing things off after a while. I must have gotten into a flow state. Victor sees Edith. Edith is swallowed up by. I don't know what I was saying there. What does that mean? It means RSL that you don't have to wait for Halloween anymore. So there you go. That's like kind of my process. I do an outline that I add to and take away from

as I actually don't really take away. I usually just leave things in my outline. Even things as you see that I don't use like doc possibly sacrificing himself because this part three

“actually almost went into a very very different direction. And I don't know if you want to”

hear about that. But okay next question. Oh and hopefully that helps. I don't know if that's helpful at all. But again I'm self-taught. I didn't learn like the proper. I didn't take like creative writing classes. I know they they're probably very helpful in outlining how you should do all this. I didn't. So if this is like if people out there who are more learning than me are like no, then I apologize. Do you intend to reply to the eldritch creature that sends you

fan mail comments on almost every episode? I don't know where this person comments, whether it's YouTube or Spotify or Patreon or in my email inbox. So I don't know who you are. I don't think any of them go by like an eldritch creature. I don't know. But I just don't have time to I don't have the bandwidth to reply to every comments. But I try to reply sometimes and sometimes it's just not good for me to do that mentally. Even if they're compliment sometimes it's just a little

“I don't know. I don't know. I think sometimes people that's how people lose themselves a little bit”

in content creation is when they let good and bad compliment comments get to their heads too much in an equal way. So yeah, I'm not sure who you are. But I appreciate your enthusiasm and I really do. I truly do. I've tried to get better on Spotify about hurting all the comments, same as on YouTube because I do read them and they do mean a lot to me. But again, it's just I don't know if it's healthy for people to be that in contact with people. As we are in this day and age,

oh, here's one that is kind of goes with that. Do any DMs make your day? Yeah, sometimes they do.

they just I find them at the right time or they're very they're more specified like about like a

specific thing. They liked about an episode or a specific thing. I might like that they found like on Instagram or whatever. I usually don't open or reels like people send me reels. I don't just it's just a cautionary thing. Same with like opening pictures. I won't open them. If you send me a

“picture and it's like you have to click to open the image. I just won't because I've been burned too”

many times before. I've seen enough unsolicited dicks. I'm sorry. They ruined it for everyone. I got asked this a lot about the guy tonight. Mayors, if I plan on doing more. Yes, they're not over. I they're just very specific. I just spoke to someone at my network about this about

how I've overextended myself in different ways and how things like the guy tonight mayors.

I've been very inspired to write them lately, but I honestly have not had time. I've had too many like like social events that are also work, but then also there are social events because I have to like be a human being and live my life. And that plus like work work work work work I am actively working on the balance because I had a meeting about it this week and it was like okay. Like I need like a moment for the guy at the nightmares. Like I need to make some tea.

I need it to be not necessarily dark outside, but it helps. And I need to when I make when I write the guy at the nightmares, I go through them with you. I sit. I do every exercise. All of the breathing and like relaxing exercises in the beginning. I do them myself to make sure they're cohesive. To make sure they make sense. To make sure I am in the same headspace as you are when you're experiencing the guy at Nightmare. So that requires it requires a lot of quiet and it's just really

difficult. So I really it's not even that I intend to. There will be more guy at Nightmare. There will be send me ideas of any situations you like me to throw you into. But yes, there will be and I am again actively working on making sure that I can make sure that happens. Your natural look on the latest episode of Bloody Disgusting is Hot AF. Thank you. I don't know when the Scott sent in. I assume it's the episode that I did after creepy icon where I didn't wear any makeup

because you said natural look. So I appreciate that. I have a lot of self confidence issues when it comes to my appearance. So having been on there with no makeup on was already terrifying, but I not more terrifying than the urge to not do my makeup that day. And so I appreciate it. I do. Thank you so much. Are there any future plans for live shows? Perhaps in Texas. I don't have any plans for future live shows. I don't know if I could fill a venue on my own.

So it would probably need to be a situation like the live show I didn't Chicago a few years ago where I did it with SCP archives and creepy. And together we all had a pretty successful live show. So it would have to be a situation like that. And I haven't heard anybody wanting to do that or

“anything. So I don't know. I would love to though. I think we're going to start doing more stuff around”

LA. But travel-wise, it's just, you know, it's a lot of money up front that um, and it's a big risk. And in this economy, I would love to though. If someone came to me and was like, hey, we would love you to join this tour or we'd love for you to go do this thing. Then hell yeah, I would love to. And I'd love to go do a live show in Texas. That would be fun. Could you take me to barbecue?

I've never had Texas barbecue. I've been to Texas once to actually be there in another time on a

layover. And I haven't had Texas barbecue. So, if I come, you've got to bring me Texas barbecue or bring me to it. You don't need to have to buy it for me. And a barbecue is expensive, right? I think it is. I'll buy it, but just like, you know, facilitate me having it in my mouth. Thank you. Oh, see, here's another one. How can I get up the job at bloody disgusting? Well, the way I did it is a little unconventional. So, I don't know. Start a podcast, get hired by

Spotify. Let that contract go away and then be on your own for a little bit and then meet, meet, meet someone at bloody disgusting and be like, oh my god, we're become just BFFs and have a four-hour

“bitch sush with each other. And then later on, be like, hey, do you actually want to join our network?”

And be like, oh my god, yeah, actually that sounds great. And then be like, hey, I actually would love to not just put all my eggs in one basket. I would love to expand creatively and work on other

this show? Do you want to try writing for this show? Oh my god, yes. And then all of a sudden,

you make all these connections and friends at the network. And then it's like, hey, actually using competent, can you maybe if we brought you on part time to help with like spreadsheets and stuff like that, would that be cool? And you're like, yeah, because the economy's terrible. So I will take any other job I can get just to make sure I can keep my cat in the luxury that she has so become a custom.

“And to yes. And so that's how I did it. I don't know. I don't know how else to do it.”

I wish I knew. I wish I could tell you again, check the website. There might be a career. I think there's a career section. Maybe start trying to write for editorial, like doing the

you can pitch to the website. If you are a writer, like, you can try it. You can send in pitches.

There's a there is a contact form on it. There are two send pitches to write for the website. So maybe that's a good place to start. If you want to be a writer, that's a thing too. I get a lot of this at Creepy, where they're like, how do I work there? But no one says like, what do they do or what they want to do at bloody disgusting? So it's like, well, there's a bunch of different jobs everywhere from the fun creative ones all the way to the very much behind the scenes. You

probably don't know these people's names because they do payroll type jobs. You know? So what what do you want to do? What do you want to do? Man, we're coming up on an hour. Let's see. I

think I'll do an hour and a half. Two hours seems egregious. I'll do an hour and a half. I'm not

going to get through all these though. Unfortunately, I'll do another, I'll do a part two at a later date. Yeah. So let me know if you don't mind, if you wanted me, if you get to the end of this episode and you're like, I wish you would have just kept talking, then I'll know for the future. But if you get to the end of the episode and you're like, yeah, you could have maybe made it

“a little shorter and then done a part two. I mean, there will be a part two, but you know what I mean?”

Like, just let me know. This is a new kind of format to me. So help me, help me gauge my posture of this entire episode. By the way, it has been awful. All this talk about my bad lower back and I have had my feet propped up on my desk. Like, some kind of evil CEO who's about to tell you that you've been fired right before Christmas. I usually like have very proper posture when I'm narrating. And I guess this is just as hanging out though. Like, when my friends

come over and we're like, oh my couch, I literally will be like my feet up on the back of my couch with my friend. So we're just friends. We're hanging. Okay, um, you have talked about your mental health on the podcast. When you are feeling down, what do you do to make yourself feel better? Whoop, um, I watch Bob's burgers. Usually lately, I don't know. I tried to like, I, I vent to my friends

“if I, if I'm not in headspace to vent to my friends because I'm very much like, if I'm in like a”

mental health solo or like I'm in a crying mood, I won't vent to my friends. I don't, I feel, I don't, I don't want to make them listen to me cry or like be in like, like when I go to a dark place, I alienate myself a lot. So let's, you're asking my mental health. You're saying feeling down. Let's just talk about a really down day. Um, we're really down time. I, I alienate myself a lot, which is not maybe not the greatest. I don't know if this is good advice. I usually try to

set aside some time where I just like don't answer texts or emails or anything other than, other than work emails because I feel like if I ever don't, everyone's going to hate me and I'll be fired. Anyway, um, but like yesterday, I had a really, I had a really difficult week last week. So yesterday, I took my Saturday and I was like, okay, I'm going to, I'm going to clean my kitchen. I, cleaning makes me feel happy. I get, I don't, it just does. It makes me feel,

production makes me feel happy. I, I don't know if it's like my particular brand of ADHD or what, but feeling like I produce something makes me feel happy. Um, so I'll deep clean my kitchen, and then I will go walk to the grocery store and get, you know, good little walk in, get some fresh air, buy something delicious for dinner that I'm not worried about health-wise or anything because I get a little hard on myself when it comes to what I eat. Um, and so I will, like yesterday,

I went and I got the stuff I made this like, uh, creamy artichoke sundried tomato pasta, and I got, like, I, I splurged on some really good Parmesan orejiano and, um,

on my tomato plant, and I, for the first time ever, made some fried green tomatoes. I, I ate a lot.

“I think I eat to, on, to, it's not just the eating. It's the cooking. Like I loved,”

probably like I made something new. I never made fried green tomatoes. I got to, I did the whole

process of cooking this pasta, and, um, again, I've watched some Bob's burgers. It's been just my go-to happy show recently, and oh, and then I played video game. I played the Witcher for a few hours, and just to like center myself. I just have to center myself, and on those times too, I don't necessarily like listen to. Sometimes I'll listen to a more upbeat music, but I usually just sit with my own thoughts. I've gotten to where when I'm really down, I realize I need to go through it to get back

up. So instead of letting myself stay down, I really push through like, what am I feeling? Why am I

feeling this way? How can I fix it? And again, I don't know if that's even a good thing. Ten years

from now, I might be like, whoa, that was just me being a workaholic and just trying to like, put a bandaid on a bunch of stuff. So I don't know. I'm not a mental health professional. That's

“what I've been doing. Um, I, yeah, I, that's what I do. You did ask what I do, not what, like,”

professionals recommend. So that's what I do. What is your favorite kind of pizza? Any sort of supreme, like with like everything on it. And I'm talking everything, including pineapple, like sausage, onions, green peppers, black olives, some pepperoni. Um, every pineapple, not hand. Okay, the only things I don't, I'm not a big fan of are ham and mushrooms. But even if they're there, if you're like, here's our supreme, and it has ham and mushrooms, I'm not even going to be mad.

I'll just like pick them off or whatever. Sometimes I'll just eat them. I'm not a, I'm not a very picky eater, like, at all. I'm like the opposite of a picky eater, honestly. But for pizza, any sort of supreme, give me all of it, put it all on. That's what I like that, or the opposite, sometimes, a very simple margarita pizza. Like a very, very well done. And it's got to be like an actual, like, well done, not well done as in cooked well done. But like proper margarita pizza with the buffalo,

mozzarella, with the, uh, fresh basil, and fresh tomato slices. Like that kind of margarita pizza, or supreme, or like a sloppy supreme or a dainty margarita. Uh, yeah, two modes, um, two wolves live inside you. One of them is a margarita, a simple little margarita pizza, sometimes with the little arugula on top, and the other one is a supreme, with stuffed crust. And those are my two wolves, with a beer, with a nice beer. I love beer. If you ever want to send me beer, who any,

some of you have before, that's so nice of you. I've been some beer ones. I love beer a lot. Okay, I'm going to skip around a little bit just because I want to get to some of your questions. You've left me more recently. Some of the, because some of those were from like a month ago. Okay, some of you want to know this. You've mentioned getting more sexual and flirtatious messages on these AMA's lately. Is that a confidence boost, or does it just leave a kind of creepy feeling,

coming from a good hearted lesbian who always wants to know how, once you don't know how hot you are,

“but never in an uncomfortable way. Honestly, it is a confidence boost for someone to think I'm hot.”

I was not considered that for like a long time in my life. And in my past relationship, I definitely was not. So it does boost my confidence, but then there are some that are just like, some of them are graphic. And I think it's more like, I mean, for one, I guess it could be argued, like, that's wrong. I don't know. I don't know. I'm just me. But it's more like, okay, it would be like reading porn of yourself. And it just, I don't even know how to unpack

that feeling. I don't know how to unpack that. Some of it has made me feel very unsafe. I had to have one that I actually like told my parents about. And now they make me like track my location, because one of them are a couple of them I got were very disturbing and a very specific and made me feel very unsafe. But that was not usual mostly. They're just like, I want you to sit on my face and like stuff like that. So here's a good one. How do you deal with self doubt? I'm sure it

the anxiety that inevitably came with this? Again, going back to that mental health question,

“a lot of what I've done recently is just pushing past it for one. Really breaking through the”

ego of caring what people think of you. That is different than taking creative constructive criticism. This constructive criticism is still very helpful. And it's the only reason I have gotten to where I am today. However, there is an anxiety that I have also seen in peers of mine where it's so insidious that you're constantly questioning how you are in meetings, how you are perceived on a show, how you are. You just have to not care and I know that's so much easier said than done. It took me a

long time. It took me a long time of just exposure to really mean comments about my show,

about my voice, about my appearance, about everything that you get. That's the thing in this industry.

It's going to be, if you become successful, it's going to be mean. Once you get past

“the having an audience of friends and family, which is the goal, obviously, people aren't nice.”

Even when they think they're not being mean, sometimes it's something that really gets to you. I luckily got a little bit of a trial by fire when I was working as a background actor because Holly would not nice being on movie sets. I mean, they will just call you the worst of the worst names and treat like garbage and make you run in the freezing rain for 12 hours or be in the sun where you pass out from heat exhaustion and be like, well, your DNR, which is do not

riot, rehire, your blacklisted, which is things I've seen happen, things I've experienced, and so I don't know if it's like coming from being degraded so hard. The most degrading thing I used to do was doing like audience work where you were in the audience for like game shows and talk shows because they would be so mean. They would criticize what you were wearing. They would categorize you by your appearance. You would get different wristband colors so they would put the

hotter people in the front or different categories depending. Sometimes you'd work on shows and they'd want like a certain demographic up front because that was a demographic of the show, but then you'd work on like like I worked on ridiculousness of bunch of times. I was in the audience for that and they would literally like rate you by hotness and you there were definitely times where I was in the front and there were times where I was in the back and they would be very vocal about

“that and it was so incredibly humiliating and cruel that maybe I think by the time I got to podcasting”

I had worked out a lot of the anxiety of what other people thought of me because I just had a baseline and you probably heard it in these answers. I have and it's not healthy but a baseline of like not just the I think I lived off the assumption for a long time like well people think very little of me all anyway so why not why not do it people already think little of me all I can do is prove them wrong because they already think I'm down here so all I can do is rise up. I'm not there anymore.

I'm at a point where I'm very neutral and the way people perceive me again I love compliments.

I love constructive criticism I can never say that but there's a certain voice in your head that

I think you're talking about where it's like what will people think of me because it's embarrassing and tell it works because once it works what can they say? I mean I had friends who would fall onto my face say that my little hobby was stupid and they're talking about this. This show that I do for a living now. I mean I had people criticize me to no end about this stupid show. I had people I used to be in these Facebook groups for the last podcast in the left

I was like in a bunch of little spin-off groups who would make fun of me in these little secrets it was anonymous stuff like this where they get sent in anonymous messages and like would make fun of me in my living situation and how broke I was how like this and that like people are going to people and people who care that much are more insecure than you are and don't don't stoop to their level by having the same anxiety as the same insecurities

be better than them like I know the whole like we're all like we shouldn't feel like we're better than other people you are you're better than them you're you're better than them whoever wrote this question you are better than them I'm better than them and you don't have to stoop to the level of anxiety and insecurity and I'm not talking about obviously I'm not talking

therapy and medication everything I'm just talking about the baseline of like I am anxious and I am scared and insecure and I want I'm afraid to start this venture because of what people will think and strangers will think and people I know will think and you just can't I just said at the top of the show I kind of do a dance like nobody's watching thing when it comes to my family listening to the show and the way I go about my career and my public appearance and

everything because there was a writer who gave this advice that I read years ago and I cannot remember for the life of me who said it but it was basically like right like your parents are

never going to read it because and I know not everyone has the same relationship with their parents

I know not everyone has but like it's good advice overall and like again dance like no one's watching the you know the home goods wouldn't sign that your auntie has in her kitchen was right in a way so yeah I don't know was that read like is that maybe that was too like I don't know blunt I don't know okay I want to read a couple more questions I listen was funny sorry this isn't smart smiley face I saw you posting a PS5 controller on an Insta story the other day what have you been playing

any faves ever played soma that one has been living rent free in my head for years I've never played

“soma and I think I would like it I have played a recently I played um Silent Hill F and I actually”

you know I liked it but it wasn't my favorite Silent Hill but I have honestly just been hyper

fucking fixated once again this is not the first time in my life the last time was before I had a podcast

so you guys just have to hear about it this time around but as the Witcher 3 I just love it so much I get lost in it I love the stories I love how brutal some of the stories are like absolutely harboring I love that your everything you do has an outcome or um effects the outcome of these little storylines and like sometimes you fuck up man and sometimes are like is no good way to go about it there's just gonna be a sad ending but it's which which is the lesser evil of the sad ending and like

oh I just love hacking and slashing monsters and being like hot girl of rivia just hacking and slashing hacking and slashing it's my happy place so um but yes I do have a PS5 so any um recommendations would love to have them I don't know if people can add me as a friend on there I think my settings

“are pretty locked down for reasons but my gamer tag is Shelby Shark if you want to try okay so let's”

get back to the smart ones real quick see like this hey so I think you're fucking hot my wife and I

were wondering if you would let me first of all I don't know who you are I don't know first of all

no no thank you um also what is the way this is worded is it just like for shock value is it I don't like I don't get it I just don't it just perplexes me the way to like use and it's like also you're using an anonymous for me know that right I don't know who you are I don't know who you are hey Shelby I've got two questions for you how is dormia oh what are you going I'm so bad at saying it my accent this is why my grandma probably gave up on teaching me Spanish because my accent is

a torrosha my dad says too though and he speaks way more Spanish than me um is there any possibility of continuation so the thing is with that the Spanish if you don't know what I'm talking about is the Spanish version of scary to sleep that I did a season of it was really expensive personally out of

“pocket I paid I think over a thousand dollars during a time when I didn't really have that but was”

really like yay this is gonna happen and then like and I had to sound like this to just be a capitalistic venture but I want to pay voice actors and translators properly what they're owed and I did I had professional translators professional voice actors where Spanish is their native language and I wanted it to be proper you know so not just translated word for word but translated culturally like my memo my translator he did a fantastic job translating certain things that were just more

like like you know just little like uh sayings and things that would make more sense and I don't know it's just I wanted to properly done not half-assed and just Google translated or whatever so it was that and I the in like to get into stuff yeah like the network put up the other half and it didn't we didn't make any of that back like any of it and so it was just at the time then I like got done more stint lost all my money and so it was just it's honestly a money it's a monetary thing

it would just have to be purely for passion and again though I'd have to be able to pay for it to be

done properly because I don't want it to be done improperly and I want people to get paid with their worth and not you know cheap out on anyone or pay them a patent so yeah um that is so maybe maybe in the future but probably not unfortunately unless like some I get some sort of maybe co-sponsor with some with a company that could maybe we could figure something out and yeah and for sorry that's like a boring ass like corporate question I unfortunately things do get

stopped because of monetary reasons and that's just the world we live in also is your surname check in origin because I am check and it is the most common surname here I love you thank you for what you do it is check in origin um my great grandparents came over during the when it was like still the uh Austro-Hungarian Empire it wasn't Czechoslovakia yet and now it's not Czechoslovakia anymore

“so yeah came over a long time ago I have Matt I remember when I was doing background I met a woman”

who I would give her rides home sometimes and her she was Czech and she was like she told me that and she told me that like I guess I don't this could be wrong she's like your last name because your woman would be Nova Kova if you were there but um I remember her telling me like your last name is like so it's so common there it's like Smith here apparently so but yes originally generations ago yes I am what's funny that family actually ended up moving to valentine Nebraska and when I was

playing and they were like home stethers they also lived in South Dakota and when I was playing Red Dead Redemption you go to valentine and I was like oh my god this is the place and I remember

I told my dad it was like you can to play in valentine um it's like that's the second time a cool

video game thing has happened to me it was Red Dead Redemption 2 which is another one of my favorite games I don't own it anymore that got taken in the divorce but I would like to buy it again for ps5 because man I loved that game um you didn't ask about video games you just asked about me funny another time that happened video game was GTA 5 out where you see where Trevor lives it's Trevor

“it's Trevor right not Travis anyway that is the salt and sea which is uh where you have to”

drive by that to get to where I'm from in Imperial California and it was just so weird to see the salt and sea in like salt and city portrayed in a video game of so blown away by it and I was I remember telling my ex like no you don't understand like that's like I grew up near there and like so the next time I went to see my parents I drove through salt and city to show him and it was like and he was blown away too because it was like exact it was so trippy to see salt and city like

in a video game where you could walk around and so much of it was so accurate it was so crazy I love the jigames hey would you like to get a beer and talk about how skin meringue is one of the best movies of the last decade I would love to do that you're just trying to butter me up or you know one else like skimoring but me but um again it's an anonymous form I don't know who you are there was another one I remember seeing at some point again I'm not gonna get to all these are there

way more than I thought I guess getting like a couple day to day didn't feel like I had that many questions and that's not true at all there were so many there's someone talking about getting a steak and a beer but hey and someone else asked me about whatever date of fan long distance let me

find that one here it is high shall be a long time listener first time call her I think you do an

excellent job and I'm one of your fans who loves you're talking at the end of the podcast when you talk about baking it reminds me of my of happy times I had baking with my grandma Q&A would you ever consider dating a fan long distance I think to make long distance work I

“have been in long distance relationships and I feel like you have to have like a very cosmic”

close relationship like and you'd have to it couldn't just be like we're long distance for like ever and then we finally meet in person and like two years or whatever even two months like I got it I have to have a tangible physical meeting with someone to actually enter into relationship with them like I would not commit to someone if I had not spent a good amount of time with them in the flesh I just don't feel like I could make that connection work because of just who I am as a

person also I'm glad I reminded you of baking with your grandma that's awesome if you I took a video

her like explained the process and I'm just so glad I have it and it's not something I'm like going to post sorry you can't have my grandma's tortilla recipe it's just it's personal you know

“and but it's so meaningful to have so if you ever get the idea to do that you should do it okay”

what is it like having so many strangers feel connected to you I love falling asleep to my close friend

telling me scary bedtime stories but it's wild when I think about how we've never actually met you know

it's strange it's something that it's been difficult to talk to friends about because it's like they understand but they don't know what it feels like and it's hard to like talk to anybody about other than like fellow people who have gone through that I have a couple friends in the creative space who I've talked to because it's it's a heavy feeling it's it's a good feeling I'm so glad to have brought because I have creators who I feel the same way about like a couple ASMR people

especially in podcasters who I like I love like I feel like love for them so I understand the

“parasocial feeling of like no I love this person and if anything happened to them I would like”

lose my mind and I want them to know how loved they are and I like I wish they would just know like not necessarily how much I love them but like how much how loved they are and how much their content means to me and how much it has helped me through and I do try to make a point that even myself if you have ever seen the scary you sleep YouTube account comment on a video I do try to make it a point to be like hey this is so good or this is so meaningful and like hey you

really helps me through some stuff because I'm the same thing like there's people's content who has really helped me through some really dark times and you know you follow a content creator and whether it be a youtuber or podcaster what have you and you look back and you're like wow I've actually listened to this for years like there was a video recently from one of the ASMR people I listened to and I was like oh listen to this one it was like one of the first ones

“I'd ever listened to of hers and I listened to it like when it first came out I remember it was new”

and it was like nine years old I was like what the fuck there's no way there's no way it's nine years old and it was it was so crazy like wow I've listened this person has been there calming my nervous system for me for almost a decade and there's no way to not feel an attachment in that way so I understand it I because I experienced it myself I'm very understanding of it

it's why when I meet anyone in person I I hope I always get I hope I always meet people on my best days

I never want to give someone one of my bad days but it makes me feel so touched every time I talk to someone who like I it's mostly the conventions where I meet people it is never any lesser of a feeling every single time I have met someone who says I love I love your content I love you I love you you know this means a lot to me it's never felt like I get jaded by a lot of things in this life not that not that feeling not so far so far it is meant the same thing every single time

and it sometimes I really do sit with myself and my feelings I'll get a particular message and I

can't even tell you what what would be said in these messages it's always different but

sometimes I will get as is just a certain message or email or DM and it's like I feel this heaviness of like wow I felt this impact in my life from other creators and the idea that I've done it to anyone want any one person not to mention there are so many of you and I'm not saying you're all equally as like have the same feelings some of you're like girl it's not that serious on my part I just like your little stories

I get it I get it but for those of you that it is it's it's heavy feeling and again it's it's a weirdly lonely feeling because it's hard to explain to other people and sometimes I'll get one of those messages and I'll try to talk to someone about it and I don't ever have anyone who's flippant about it in my life I've gotten rid of a lot of those people

chest and show you what this feels like what my feelings are and we are all that is not just

to me things all how we are all are as people my situations and my feelings are more important to me than anyone else is because I'm me you know and I don't think that's like a form of solipsism to say that it's just human you know but it's a very long when did answer to say

it's heavy but I am so grateful for it it's not a burden in it's heavyness it's more of a

“one of those weighted blankets you know I should get one of those I think I'd like those weighted”

blankets it's like that it's it's a cozy feeling but also sometimes it's a little scary because I'm so I am so afraid of disappointing people I'm afraid of disappointing people who my content means a lot

to them and I'm so afraid of losing all of you I'm afraid of that every single day I'm not kidding

I I get kept awake at night by the thought of all of you not turning on me but just for getting about me essentially and is that a very egotistical thing to say maybe maybe I don't know but I do I I like sometimes will wake up and like a sweat and be like what if they all just stop listening what if they all just stop what if they all go away what if they what if I become irrelevant to these this community overnight and it's my biggest fear that just you'll all disappear someday and I won't

“have my weighted blanket anymore I think that's a great place to leave off there are still a lot of”

questions please let me know if you would like a part two especially I'm sure there are questions that maybe some of you ask that I didn't get to and none of them were skipped for reasons other than just I just time and I tried to make this a really eclectic array of things I didn't want to be the same thing over and over um yeah and I'll I'll see you in a few days we're for the normal episode

“and over on the bloody disgusting podcast you asked me questions over there too we answer questions”

over there as well um they're not anonymous though sorry we only use like the email form but I guess you can if you text or call we have a voice mail over there as well okay um I'm gonna go and this has been nice this has been really nice nice and cozy had my feet kicked up we just had a little chat it was vulnerable in some parts too so I hope I didn't scare you all away with whatever I've said and I said I was just blacked out and started talking which is so much of my life

okay I'm gonna go I hope you have a wonderful rest of your week I'll see you again later I'll love you and go get some sleep sweet dreams