"Stephen Colbert"

What?

“Almonds, summer salads, tidy whites, much of lattes, what about you?”

You like 300 of anything?

My name is Sean Hayes, and I like 300 glasses of milk. I also like 300 pounds of spaghetti, and I also like 300 pound men. I love 300. Welcome to the 300th episode of... our last song. Hey, listen, let's have a lot of love today.

Hey, let's have a fight. You want to know what? It's someone's birthday today. Who's birthday? A little pod creature called Smartless.

How old is it? Isn't today, isn't she 300 years old? 300 episodes old. 300 episodes old? Yeah.

She looks so good. I know. I mean, she's still getting around. I think that her guest was clapping that's playing. That's nice.

Okay, well then now it feels like that's about the guest. But does it feel like 300, you guys? No. That's 300 weeks, which is how many years? 300 weeks, it is six years.

Yeah, but it's coming up on six years. That's insane.

“Well, thank you, thank you, you should go out to those who are giving us a mere time.”

Thank you very much for listening to it.

It seems unlikely to figure out, you would continue to listen to us at all in the first place.

Yeah. I know. I guess I thank you will go out to the guest as well then because that is the reason. We're not being falsely modest here. We do this little dribble for a few minutes and then we get into the real draw, which

is the, which is the guest when we thank the coming. We also thank Bennett Rob and Michael for helping us get here. Yeah, I just did. We got it's a round of robust time. What an audience.

It's incredible. Yeah, we should give you right on to this alone. Yeah. Better Barbara Cohen and Rob Armier and Michael Grant Terry, our show are such integral and important pieces to this whole thing in part of our theme.

We're all in the team together. Are they? Are they? Are they? They are.

They are. They're the feds and the wind between. We love you guys. We love you guys a lot and you guys do an awesome job. We love you.

I don't know if people out there understand what an awesome job you guys do. It's really pretty remarkable. So thank you. Yes. Thank you guys.

You went there in the half years ago, weren't not for their work. Yeah. Yeah, you right. And I want to, who else do we want to thank? Come on.

What about your parents? Thank you, parents. Thank you. Thank you, team. Thank you, team.

Well, I would say I was going to thank you and every opportunity we want to thank CAA for everything. You know that I, Scotty, who Scotty's got to thank Scotty's been a lot right from the get go. We helped us a lot, getting us going on to the media and doing all three videos and stuff.

Beginning. Yep. I have a wife for fucking everything. Everything. Yeah.

Getting us getting us in front of the microphone. That's like a lion. She's like a lion teamer. She is. So Sean, you go ahead.

You have something you want to say. Yeah, I'd be remiss if we didn't bring something up. That's very, very exciting. We've got, we've got a bowl full of good news. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

That's good. We're going to try this. We're going to try this again, guys. We're going to get you. This is big.

We're breaking the clouds. Yeah. We're bringing smart lists. We're bringing smart lists to one of the most iconic spots in the world.

“the Hollywood bold. Remember when we tried that last year? You got rain now. Yeah, this fall. This time. Yeah. What's the”

dinner? It is Saturday, October 17th. This is a true story. We're really doing it Saturday, October 17th. Take it to go and sell Friday, April 10th at 10 a.m. at smartlist.com/live. Tenia Pacific. Tenia Pacific. Tenia.

Tenia. Tenia. Tenia. Tenia. And guess what else? Our listeners have a chance to get tickets first.

Our pre-sale begins Wednesday, April 8th at 10 a.m. Pacific. Visit smartlist.com/live. And enter our code. You guessed it. Tracy, with an E. Yeah. Yep, Terry. See you, my four first acts. And and I will say this too,

And so for those of you who had purchased tickets for last year's rain-out show, be sure to check

“your emails because we set up a special time for you to purchase tickets. That's what we”

do. I didn't know that. Yeah, yeah, we did a special thing for the people. You're just going to email saying, hey, you can buy tickets. Yeah, hey, hey, hey, hey, hey, you just they get their money back for the tickets they purchased last time. Yeah, they got a refund. They got a refund. They got a refund. And now but now they got an email saying, hey, you get the, you know, jumped the line or whatever it is, you know, very nice. So that's October 17th.

That's the Hollywood Bowl. If you don't live in Los Angeles, get on a bus, a train, a plane, a car, whatever you need to do, just start walking maybe now. Get out here. It's going to be special. I'm so glad that we're doing this again. I am really, really glad. It's a lot of people. Yeah, anyway. Anyway, listen, so much fun stuff. You know what we're wasting time, we're wasting his time. He's, in both ways, he has does not have time to waste yet.

He doesn't. He is someone that's time to waste yet. He's a friend. He's such a friend of the show. He came on super early days. This is a double return. This is a return because he's a friend of the show because we love him so much. He is, once I start naming what all the stuff he's done, you're going to know instantly and even though our audience are actually after listening.

But I can just tell you some of his accomplishments and maybe you'll get it. He first

soloed every set 18 oxygen free without a surpa. He swam the English channel in a hurricane. He's won 19 home in Garden Awards. He's Conan O'Brien's number one enemy and he won a Nobel prize for farting. You guys, it's Stephen Colbert. Brilliant, brilliant. I like the technology I was asked to use to disguise myself. He just really excited there for a second that we're going to have an Everest summiter on this stuff. Yeah, I want to correct that. I did not

sell an Everest without a surpa. It was without a shirt. We were going up in teams and it was shirts versus skins. You know, this is middle school. This is middle school. We didn't have enough pennies so it was like, we lost a lot of people on the South call a lot. We lost half the debate team

on the South call. Never came back. They're still up there. They're still there. They're still there.

They're young. They're young. They're young. They're young. And it was ref in it was refereed by surpa and vanilla of all things, which is amazing. Yeah. Wait, would you do that if you had an opportunity to to at least go to to base camp? Let's go. Let's go. Let's go around. I don't like heights. I really don't. I would do it. I would do it. I would do it too. I kind of like the cold like that. No, there's something about that mountain that just gets me all cray cray bullshit. Yes, there's

something about that mountain. There's something about that. That is reaching for manhood.

“There's just something about that mountain. I'm a K2 man myself. Really?”

Now I stop at Akangagwa. Okay. I only do South American peaks. Really? Everest. That's kind of basic. Is that kind of basic to be an Everest guy? Of course. Oh, the Beatles are great. I love Everest. I give my gas at X on. Fuck you. You're a fucking poser. You're a fucking poser. He lay what you're a shirt. You're a shirt. You're on the shirt. He's shirt. He died on those. I'm gonna think. He Bateman lands it. Fucking catman do.

He checks out the bus that picking him up and he's back on the plane. Back to Dubai to make his connection. No wifi. Oh, there's no wifi. I'm back. What's the thread count? What's the thread count? It's way too low. I'm way too low. Do you know when I was a when I was in middle school, Steven, I used to hate shirts and skins. I used to get so me to conscious because I don't want to think of my shirt. Yeah, I wasn't I wasn't in great shape. I know you know of course. Wait for it. Yeah, I had nipples

besides a pepperoni's. It was not shoot. You two. He has to call me shaky's. shaky's. And just it didn't make these to take napkins and you get the grease off.

“You volunteered to wrap. You say I'll just wrap. I'm good. I'm good. What if I were the the goal?”

What really did some goalie time? Willie? Willie was a good goalie in hockey, right? There were shirts of skins there. No. What time zone are you in? Will? Are you in New Zealand? Space. No, I mean, I'm in Los Angeles. It's early morning here with Texas. It's 9.45, but I just, yeah. Do I look crazy? What baitman aren't you in Los Angeles too? I'm in New, I'm in Los Angeles and you too are in the New York City.

Yeah. Steven, what's going on? How much longer now? Do you stay in New York City when you're

“done with the show? Um, yeah. And until like the corridor, I have to stay in the Tri-State area.”

So that's still a big deal. So that's still a big deal. Just so they lift the corridor. That's still, that's still an effect. I mean, we're appealing. Sure. But that gets whatever the judge you get is whatever judge you get. That is such a good. Of course. It's, yeah. It's who you know, man. It's who you know at child custody. I can't believe in this. These are the game. You're still playing this courtroom politics. It's unbelievable.

I, you know, I, uh, I, yeah, I mean, I guess I'll stay in New York. New York is home. New York's been home for

how long? I got, let's see, my first New York gig was in 19. Now, now, now, now, 1990.

Why don't I leave second city, sorry for the boredom here? Uh, we'll tell you, I guess. Well, 94. 94. 94. 94. 94. I came to New York to work for HBO downtown productions. I worked on a show called Exif 57. I do not recommend it. I do not think we knew

“it. Wait, why would it never remember that? It was a sketch show. It was the year that it was,”

it was like, there was this one year where if you had any kind of sketch group, you got a show. It was us. It was the state. It was kids in the hall. We're still doing their thing. They were the end of their thing. Wait, but who was the next year? 57 with you. I remember, um, Amy Sedaris, Paul Tonello, Jody Lennon and Mitch Rouse. It was the five of us. And then our director was a guy named Mick Napier. I don't know if you know and Mick. You know, but that's improv director.

And it was the, it was the five of us. And I lived here. I just got married. Of course, just got married and got a gig in New York. My wife did every state. And she's my call in my wife. It's a pet name. And she stayed in Chicago. And I came and I lived in a seminary. I lived the general theological seminary. Oh, wow. It was a couple church. I lived in the dorms. I lived in a Garrett, like one of these Garrett's like 21st street over there. Yeah, yeah,

down there. I lived in Athens. It's really beautiful. It's beautiful. There's grounds are insane. Yeah, there is a start in 1827. It's where a night before Christmas takes place because climate Clark. Jason. What happened? Jason, we quick mentioned golf. We're quick mentioned golf. Steven mentioned golf. Oh, the, oh, the lawn out there is just, it is, is a Bentley, blueberry chipable. On very gentle. And anyway, I lived in there. My room had hot and hot running water.

So that's, that was my first gig. So I came here in '94. But then I, I, I, I, I, I moved back,

I would go back between seasons until the Carveyshow, which was '96. The, the Dana Carveyshow we mentioned before on this podcast is the craziest group of talent of, maybe of, maybe the greatest wasn't stick Correll on that, too. Go ahead. Correll and I were office mates. We've been in second city together. And then, yeah, it was me, Correll, Dino Stamotopolis, Mike Steyon, of Lucy K. was head writer, Robert Smigel was the executive producer, of course he's in the

Carvey. John Glazer, Robert Carlock. Yeah. And Charlie, Charlie Kaufman. Wow. This is on NBC. Dude. Yeah. And Heather Morgan. Yeah. Dude. This was on ABC at, like, 830 or something after home improvement, whatever. We're after home improvement. It was a pure mismatch. You see, not, they did not go together at all. Wait. I saw that clip of, of them promote the promo. It was some documentary. It was a clip from documentary. It was called to Funny to Fail. Yeah.

To Funny Fail. And you, you made me laugh, sorry, because you were laughing so hard. I've never

seen the promo. It was a promo. It was, it was in the home improvement. Like his son has got cancer or something. And he says to his dad, like, you know, he goes, like, I don't want to die. And he hugs me and goes, you're not going to die. And then it goes, and then the mug

“root beer data car of his show. And we were like, of course, we were canceled. That's what we were,”

that's back again. It's one of the funniest clips. If you have the scene that go out. How long did it go? We made, it was a 13 episode commitment, 13 episode buyout. That's why I moved in New York. You know, security. And then we shot eight of them and seven of them went to air. And the eighth one was pretty good. I got to say, well, how about this? How about a return to, um, what about doing a sketch work at a minimum? Um, and you're going to get back to our

sketch, what will you pay me minimum? Right. But what about, because I think that's pretty good for our industry right now. Well, look, look, look, look at what your office made, Steve Carrell.

we're out in the pan out. There's an actor, there's an actor bug in you. And, and how about

pursuing that? Yeah, but those guys come on. They have to memorize lines. Yeah, it has been 21 years that I've been, I've been latched to a prompter. So, I don't know if I have the old Sarah Bellon left to memorize. No, he wouldn't take you long. It would not take you. What? You guys, you guys, you guys are all actors, right? Yeah, I don't know a lot of your work, but you guys are all actors. You'll send you stuff. What's that? I merely, yes. Did Michael, I kind of just complimented

our crew and then they didn't even set our fucking reels over to this guy. I can air drop mine. I'll air drop, yeah. Yeah, no, yeah, sure. Please send me some scripts, man. When you're really, come on. I'm open. I'm open to, I'm open to whatever, man. I'll say one thing.

I have no fucking idea what I'm really going to do until I finish what I'm doing because I don't

know if I've ever hosted a network talk show at a like 30. But, oh, you would like to, you would

“like to. I'd like to. I have some terrible news. What you would like to host a late night show?”

I would. That's, oh, you don't have the energy. You're way too low energy for it. You want to be able to do it? Well, you'd be too low. Do you enjoy riding in a flaming toboggan down hill, and the whole point is to not hit a tree by 12.30 at night? Is that what it feels like, more thing else? You're blindless three shows. I have three shows. I know I would. I, every time I do it. The whole crew would quit. You wouldn't even have to fire them. They just fucking quit.

They, yeah. Okay. They quit. You'd be too tired. You'd want to go home. You'd be like, fuck, is that got to go again? Today, they're like, it's Wednesday. We started Monday. All right, let's, let's, let's try. Let's, let's audition you. Okay. I'm going to do it. It's just good. I'm going to get to share your, your the host. Yeah. I've come on, remember, by the way, we just, the conceit of what we're doing now anyway, but go ahead. Okay, the show,

but no, but this, this is how it is beginning. So the show, I'm coming on for a show that you haven't seen. Yeah. Or you have seen and do not like. Correct. Okay. Okay.

Bad up, it's late nighter with Jason Baby. Bad up, bad up. Our first guest today is Steven Colbert.

He's got a brand new show on. Is it a date? I'm show. Is it a date? I'm you just a date. So it's a sighted new. I'm in bed this following the view. Okay. Go. Hang on, let me talk to the audience. We're going to go one more time. Sometimes we do this. But it's a bad, it's a late nighter. With Jason Baby. Bad up. Hey. Happy lunch, everybody. Today on a guest is Steven Colbert. He's got a brand new net episode that is good. But if you don't like it, it's on real fast and

off real fast. Here, Erie is welcome. Please, Mr. Steven. Thank you. Hey, man. Great to see you. You're a taller person. Thank you very much. That's the standard opener. That's one of the most people. I say that's the most people and I come on before have you gained weight. That's

“another day. And then how about about this for an opener? So what's been going on with you?”

Oh, you know, I've been working on the project. Did you like it? Oh, my good. Did you get a chance to see it? My wife and I sat down to watch it the other day. And my goodness, did we have a good time? I would recommend people sit while watching it. Oh, absolutely. Or stand? You could fold laundry. What you do it? You could do a number of things and not miss much. Hey, was it fun to make? We got what? Oh, yeah. Well, I'm a better way.

Thanks for joining us today. We are next guest. Just two minutes, segment. Wait, Steven. I was loved to do guests that quick. Would it be great? Oh, I should do that for my last show. I should have like 40 guests. You only get only get 30 seconds. Wait, but that's only a good idea. That's a really funny idea because I don't know who to have for my last guest. Like, that's a big thing.

Like, people going like, who's your last guest? I'm like, I don't know.

“Yeah. You can't sit. It's a whole thing. The only thing I could possibly imagine would be the”

right last guest because is the is the Pope. Mm sure. Yeah. I've written, I've written I've asked. I've asked him to come on. Have you really? He's been on my list too. And we end up hearing back from the Vatican yet. Is it a hard no yet? I've heard coin. It's coin toss at this point. What kind of imagine how old that coin is? Imagine a bird on one side. I once had it has the head of the of of of of Tiberius. Of course. You got to render under Caesar. What is Caesar and Colbert? What is Colbert?

I should have put that as my post. I should have said, P.S. Oh, you know what? You should have had like a Latin motto. Your show should have had a Latin motto this whole time. Well, my old show did have a Latin motto. The Colbert port. The motto was essay. No, it was. Would essay. No, it was. Would essay. Which meant to seem to be

Latin motto on my on my on our fireplace at home. And it says burn unto thee. Yeah, what does it say?

Burn unto all hope. No, it says a hiked almost quam Ioki. I defacoweroed est. Which means this is the house that jokes built. Oh, right. That's great. That's great. Do either want to you to know. Five Odea's some Terry Sumis been addicted that day as per Yase of Christian dominant. I'm not there's my answer. Hey. Oh, feeling me Boni Belli Dominus for Biscum Belli Ammonos. Minceana Incorporaceno. Listen, guys, who cares? I went to school on a bus.

Oh, are you moving with a Vigo Mortensen captain fantastic or erase his kids? Yeah, it's not a homie. Did you see that? I have not. You'd like it. You'll confront the full frontal Vigo, too.

Can I get a Vigo for a second here? Yeah. You see, do you see my background? I'll just see the stuff.

Oh, my Lord of the Rings stuff here. Yes, I love that, Steven. I should this is right a map of metal earth right there. That's a strong stand up real quick. Let's see if he's got a chance to know.

“Okay, I think this right here, this is in the in the Lord of the Rings in the final battle at the Black G.”

We watch them on just like last week. He's wearing chain mail under his plate. Yes. Yeah, Vigo is this is some of the chain mail from Vigo's armor in that final scene. Wait, how did you get that? How did I get that? Steven, how old were you when you lost it? They don't just give these shows away, Sean? You got to be over. But that's where you want to want to show you fuckers. Listen to this. I tell you how he got it. He asked offhand doing the system. Let me see that.

Oh, yeah. That is in the image of Erdogan made out of chocolate. Oh, who did it? Given to me by Vigo Mortensen. Wow, that gave this to me 25 years ago when you're promoting the Lord of the Rings. You obviously know the story where he he in anger kicked one of the dead orcs and stopped and ripped his toe off. He kicked a helmet. He kicked a helmet. Yeah, one of the dead orcs of the of the other.

“And then he kept going and to scream is him screaming. Yeah, pain. Yeah, I think that was good.”

Jackson went. Oh, that was good. Let's keep that take and then he found out later. We'll be right back with dork chat after this. Hey guys. Now that we've cleared the ladies out of the room, let's get down to it. All right. The roll guard. Who shirts who skins? Well, be right back. All right back to the show.

Wait a minute, Steven. I'll go back to the talk show for a minute. Wait because you were kind of looting this with Jason. Me, too, but they won't let me. Obviously, I don't want to know names. Please don't say names. But what are the types of guests that are the greatest and the types that are the worst? It also mouth the worst. The worst. Oh, boy. The best guest is just anybody who wants wants to talk and and actually have a

conversation like that the card is in material. Like we don't have a stick to the card. I mean, I mean, he's looking at I really like like Nathan Lane comes on and what I love about him is that he's old timey. Yeah, and it has nothing to do with his age. It means he comes on and he I know to ask him a question and he's got 90 seconds on that subject. At the end of which there's a word he says and he's done with that story. Right. I move on to the next thing which is very a very old school very card shared and I love it. It's it's old days,

“but I really but I really like he's just somebody's just come to come on and talk and and also someone is really that's why like Neil Tyson because Neil Tyson,”

A, I'm going to subject Neil to Gast Tyson and and then he burns so like passionately. He wants to explain things. It's like this lump of like glowing conversational uranium and I feel like cinched on one side of my body after he leaves. We love them too. He's so good. He's a joy. I stumped him. He couldn't answer my question. Yes. What was that? Who didn't get it? Name all the children on the paratroosh family. And what their astrological size were. Yeah, you couldn't get it.

Could get it. No, he got stuck. He got stumps on Danny. He had everybody with Danny. What do you think he knows? Right, because Danny's on the cusp he's a cancer-leal cusp.

Wait Stephen, tell me about an unknown. I'm sorry if you've answered this question a billion times.

What are you feeling about the end of your show and like all of all of that and and actually have not answered it in a million times?

Let's see how Jason did Jason. Jason, Jason, Jason, Jason, do it on your show. How would you ask Stephen on your show?

Stephen, I do your show thoughts. 250 people losing their jobs. You've only got 30 seconds. Listen, you know, on one level, I have no time to feel anything about it because as I said, it was just saying, it really is like a flaming toboggan ride every day. We got it. I got to show. I don't have time for this bullshit. I've got to go do a show today and it takes everything I got. I don't know what I'm going to do after this

because I don't I don't have time to really. I've got stuff. I'm committed to doing things after this that I committed to before we were canceled that I've got to like deliver on. But what I'm going to really do,

I don't know because this takes almost an all of my brain to do this. And I love this group of people that I work with,

I have cobbled together over the last 21 years, some over like 30 years of work. It shows the show is so goddamn good. Thanks. And we have such we have a really good time to each other. I mean, we have real affection for each other. We have great time together. We call it the joy machine because it's a machine all the time and you can need to do it with joy or not to with joy because if you don't do it with joy, you fingers going to get caught in the gears and you're just going to be fucking mad and sad. Absolutely. And so, you know,

we just try to have a good time and we want our guests to have a really good time. We like the whole thing is that I really feel like I'm all host. I'm like, I'm hosting a party. But you know, but people get nervous,

“though, I remember JB sometimes people are in their weight dressing room and they're shooting their pants.”

Wait a minute, Steven. Steven, I love it. Wait, wait. You have not been back.

You have not been back since that story is the told and I've been waiting to give you a pair of underwear. No, we got her underwear by the way, you sent us a new shirt. I still wear my suit. I still wear it. I have it on right now. That's the way. Wait. I don't have underwear. Yeah, you do. You sent us a lot of underwear. I got it in the nice Calvin underwear or something like that. No, what are they, what are they, what are they showing? They're with the brand. Kullo, Kullo, Sean.

Are they Tommy, like Tommy, Tommy, Bahama. No, I'm the back. They're on the back. I don't know what it's got. I've earned this. There's a way to do it. He comes check my underwear. He's like, I can't. I can't. I can't. We're time to stop for that. Not for that. What brand is Wednesday? Wait, Steven, I haven't been back since then, that's not. You have not back since you shit your pants on my show. David Croskin, Kevin, can confirm.

Oh yeah, that's a, that's a, I have a Mark, Mark, Mark, Mark, and Dreson, Mark. Yeah,

“that's how we made the billions. Mac, Mac, Mac, well-in. Okay, Mac, Mark, Wayne, Mark, Wayne,”

Mellon, Mark, Wayne, Mellon. You know, Ethan, real, these, these tech guys, they're moving to underwear. It's been unprecedented. It went from the eye to underwear. My underwear's in the cloud now. I shit my pants in the cloud. It's on the words in your trash can. I shit my pants in the cloud. We should explain to the listener that, uh, no, I don't like, we should explain. I'm sorry.

You come and shit your pants on my show. You don't get to explain anything until you come on my show. So, but you don't get to burn this story on somebody else's show, even if it's yours. I think Jason should be your last guest now, obviously. It only comes up for 30 seconds. I'm trying this all the time here. I got to go clean myself. Goodbye. You think? Well, all of our guests in our gift bag. We do have, uh, we have dude wipes.

Now we do. Dude. Yeah. They're denim dude wipes. Wait, there's even, 35 minutes in. We haven't had a question yet. I don't know. This is not all the good guests. No,

“this is how I was feeling. That's how I was feeling. Yeah, do you remember that?”

Now you, then you have some thoughts. Yes. Wait, let me, let me finish next time. I question just saying, uh, what, uh, I feel still very happy and grateful to have done the show for 11 years. Of course, pre-missing everyone. How about that? And when, when is the last show? When is the date? They haven't told me yet, evidently, just there's someone's just going to come up with a bit of a year in the back of the head.

But everything, but it's a plastic on the desk. I just come in. I go, huh? What's the plastic doing on the floor? It's May 21st. It's May 21st. May 21st. May 21st first. Yeah. Sweet clothes. So they're going to get some sweet ratings out of it. Yeah. Do you know there are no sweeps anymore? Really? Yeah. Sweeps don't exist. I'd have been around for like eight years. They're been no sauce. Get back on the game, baby. I know that I know this podcast thing is working out for you guys,

but you know, you've lost a step. Oh, well, maybe there's no more. There's no pilot season. No. There isn't. No. Although, although I just read that they're going to try to do that again, that they're going to do pilots again. Well, what's so funny anyway? Oh, pilot season. Maybe I'll

fly out into pilot season again. That was always fun. Why don't you do that? Stay at the

farmer's daughter or whatever thing that I've seen. Yeah, stay at the farmer's daughter or I had my brother lived up and he lives up in La Canyada. Sometimes I would stay with him. Oh, my god. He had great cars. He would lend me his Porsche. I would go to I would go to these. I didn't have. I didn't I couldn't like I didn't have back then. It was like put pre cell phones. I wouldn't. I didn't have it. It couldn't make a phone call. I had no cash, but I would pull up to the audition

in a white, uh, Carrera. Wow. What's your other deal? Uh, it was lawyer. He's 19 year senior uh, than me and uh, I'm one of 11. He's the, he's the eldest on the baby and uh, big, big California land use lawyer and and many other things too. Wow. Yeah. So you had nothing but the poor you had a Thomas guide. Oh, sure he did. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. He's 33 and 34. The Thomas guide flip over. Okay, age like that. I remember I had a Thomas guide. I just kept in my bag all the time

because I don't know. I never knew I don't have to go to LA and uh, I went when, uh, OJ, uh, was when

“the chase. I was driving from New York down. What happened? Yeah. This guy got real, right?”

It's in tell him. Absolutely news. Oh, my god. So he's a fucking crazy OJ fan. Whoa. Um, he's so all the way back to the, we've kept him insulated because he just, he's such a fan. Oh. I was driving from New York down to Maryland for a wedding and he's, he's in the chase. And I just, I'm in the back seat. I drive now with these people doing a wedding and I get in the back seat. I've got the Thomas guide following where he is based on what they're saying on the radio.

Going to tell me. I'm going to go up. He's getting off. He's going to get off the highway. Here's his exit and I was like, oh, I was trying to stay with. I was one step ahead of OJ. The whole time, baby. You were like, what's he doing? He's taking my time. I was crazy. I was going to make it back. Yeah. I was in, I remember I was in, I was out here. I was in California, briefly when that happened. I was staying at a friend's house up in the hills. And I could see,

you could see where he's going by all the helicopters going along the freeway. Just the pack of helicopters following them then culminating in his house. It was so scared to be right here. I feel like that was like three years ago. I know. I know where. Yeah. Yeah. I know. I remember

“they interrupted. I think the NBA playoffs. Yes, right? Yes. The next, the next were in the finals.”

The lake first. When I arrived at this wedding, my wife had gone on ahead of me. It was all

her friend. It was for her friend getting married. And I pull up to this. And they haven't, he has, he's not out of the car yet. It's still the overhead chase. And I get, I come up. And my wife is at the door of the bar where everyone's meeting that I have before the wedding. And I get out of the car. I walk past her. I went high. And I walk the more. She has not seen me because I'm living in New York working and she's in Chicago. She hasn't seen me like in two weeks. I went high. I walked

by here and I went up to the bars and can you please change that game to any new station right now? May I went? No. And I said, I promise you, people will be interested in this. Yeah, because remember the, everybody was really concerned that he was just wanting to get into his driveway so that he could commit suicide. In the back of that, remember they said that there's a gun back there. We just wanted to get to his house and get it done. And there was a, and there was a,

there was a, we, it was there. It was a way, it was a way, it was a way, it was a way, it was in the backs. He, he was actually, it was the same day. He was auditioning for La Cache. They were paired. He would have been fantastic. He would have been fantastic. You would have, that's all admit.

“Yes, you know, murder, yes, but fantastic. Yeah, you think Nathan Lane hasn't killed somebody?”

There's our clip. I am what I am. And who knew where 300 would be our last? You know, right. This is, this is pretty, this is 300, this is 300. Now, yeah, I think this is 300. You're in the early, early, early, like, one of our first ones. Yeah, just 10. Yeah, I didn't even know who you guys were. They're like, do you want to do this thing? And I'm like, are you still don't, that's right. Yeah, you're Googling us as you speak. Wait, back to the farmer's daughter.

Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. Wait a second. What is second was he pale and Irish from South Carolina?

“Where's he very lonely? Did he call you? Did he call you, Evie?”

Stephen, does that, does that line up Stephen with what you called your, your black out days? Is that, yeah? I think we match Legos. Wait, John, keep going. No, that's it. It was, I was sorry. So, so you go audition in the morning. You don't audition like a couple of places in the morning. Right. You go to the, uh, the, uh, what should we call the farmer's market? That's right. And like, the old one with the old. Yeah. And the big parking lot, whatever. Before the grove was built before.

Yeah. And then you get like a fruit plate and you and all the people you knew from Chicago, which was my situation. You'd sit around and you put your beeper. That's right. In the middle of the table. And everybody put your beeper in front of you and you'd be eaten like some lovely melon or whatever like that. And then, uh, and somebody will start buzzing. That's right. And call back. And then you'd be like, well, yeah. Well, that's the life I could have had. What was the great breakfast place that was there?

Denny at the farmer's market? Yeah. Oh, a call at DuPars. DuPars? No. No, wasn't DuPars. It was like, it was like a countering, it would not do Paris. It was like a, it was part of the farmer's market though. There were a lot of peaceful treats in there. Well, Stephen, do you remember, do you remember going in and reading for pilot and signing your, your five-year deal? Um, and seeing, and seeing what you could be making if you do make, uh,

make it pass this final round to do. Yeah, I want you to know I did not go to network that many times. I had turned out had to write for myself. Because I, I, he was ostensibly an actor, but I was really, uh, I've turned out I was probably a writer who needed to write for himself, because I didn't, there's not a lot of tape on me from the early days. I went to network, uh,

“uh, I, they were going to do an Adams family. I remember that. Oh, I was going to do like a reboot of the”

Adams family. I did, I, I, I, that was called back in for Gomez. I remember really. Yeah, that was kind of fun. Do you remember who got it? Do you remember who who's in that pilot? Uh, nope. Oh, oh, here's a good one. I was supposed to be the sidekick. Did I tell you this already? No, I tell you this. I was, I'm, I was offered the sidekick for the magic hour. What's the magic hour? I was, magic, Johnson's talk show. No way. Oh, yeah, I was

offered the sidekick on the magic hour. Did that ever go? And I did. It went for like eight weeks or something like that. Like whatever 32 shows or something like that. And I got called in, really lovely fella named Jim Sharp, who used to, um, he was head of development for a comedy central. And I knew him through that. And he goes, would you come in and just meet with these people? And I said, sure. I mean, I had a wife and a child and none of us had any jobs. And I was like,

at whatever, I will dance on the head of a pen. Right. We know shirtless. And I, um, I went in and I met with

them and, uh, uh, first of all, the gym and then magic's team came in and magic's team all looked like

"Lakers"? The entire basketball team, just the Laker girls. Okay, sorry. They'll come in. They're all very

“attractive, very athletic looking on all, I think, lawyers. And they came in and they explained to me,”

like, what the show was going to be. And they said, you're going to be like, you know, be the announcer and the sidekick and, and, and, and you'll be like, you're like, magic's crazy uncle. Like, he'll do, he'll do a monologue, but you're like the crazy guy and you'll pepper him with, like, you'll yell things at him and you're like, you'll say stuff and he'll like, he doesn't know what you're talking about. Like, you know, you, you know, if the crazy uncle, he doesn't understand

what you're saying or anything like that. And, uh, evidently, I really wild them in when I said, I understand what you mean. Like, I didn't, I don't remember saying anything other than the words you're saying, making my registering with my temperament. And, and then, I got called and they said, they wanted, they want you, man. They want you and I had to sit in my pregnant wife town because I flew back to New York. I had to sit in my pregnant wife town and we're unemployed. She's pregnant

and I had to say to her, I've been offered this job on magic hour and I have to not take it. And she goes, what? And it paid well. Oh, you say, paid well. Yeah. And we didn't have, she we were living with her parents back in the South Carolina. It was a bad situation. And we're in the breakfast note of her parents' house. And I said, I can't, I just think this would not, this would

not be good for me. Like, I would never be able to wash off this tape. I just don't think this is

going to be good. And then she, she stood up. God bless this woman. She stood up. She looked at me and she said, okay, she said, I trust you. And then she walked out of the room and it was a bad moment. And then like six weeks later, it went on the air and she turned to me and she said,

comedian who got the gig. I used to know his name. I can't remember. You'd know him if you saw him. He was the funny guy. And the first thing the guy says to magic magic goes, man, he's like my crazy uncle. He says things. And I don't know what he's talking about. He just named exactly what they had said to me in the meeting. And then it kind of went downhill from there. And so that was,

“you think, you think you would end it up owning a piece of the Dodgers had you stayed?”

No, but a lot, but a lot of movie theaters. Yeah. Yeah. Well, that's not a great business nowadays, right, owning those theaters. There's those movies going in by popcorn. You know, you don't have to actually go see a movie. You can just go in and buy popcorn and work the cup and call a machine. Like, we're that. Yeah, that was so much of a century city. I could just see it's convenient. You don't even think about it. So wait, so that's like 90, that's like 94. 95 type thing. You're like in there.

That's, that's, that's, that's, yeah, that's 97. That's 97. That's 97. It's the post my first gig. So it's right before strangers with candy. Yeah, it's after Carvee even. It's after the, it's after Carvee. I've done extra seven. Then I've done Carvee. And then strangers with candy. I actually, while I was out there for that pilot season, Paul D'Nelo and I with Amy Sedaris wrote the pilot over the phone. We wrote the pilot for strangers. Wow.

What's amazing. Yeah. Yeah. So great. I know you, I don't want to, I know you kind of already

answer this, but what after you're done with the show, I don't know. Everybody's going to keep

“asking you over and over. What are you going to do? What are you going to do? What are you going to do?”

I feel like a college senior. I feel like they want, because they want you, because they want more of you. We, we didn't get a vote in all this. The, everyone was watching your show because they want you. They love you. They don't want it to be over. Right. So what are you going to do? So what's the, yeah. So what's the dream? I'll just join you guys. You guys, that big gray. Do I, there we go. We've met our second clip. Fourth. Yeah. Yeah. Four. Finally, four.

Yeah. We're finally ready. We didn't even split, right? Even that. Oh, yeah. Yeah. I'm worse. Yeah. Yeah. I can get a pie. Well, I'll do loop one of you. I'll do loop one of you. We'll draw straws. We'll draw straws to see who gets to the sound's fair. Okay. Sure. Yeah. We'll be right back. And now back to the show.

But what is, I know, sorry. We can move on up from this if you want. But what is the dream? Like,

“what, what, what is there anything that you've always wanted to do? Here's the thing. There's a lot”

of things that I enjoy doing. I've kind of live in the dream. You know, this, this was never my dream.

I never had any intention on the show. It was, no. I've never had any intention to, this was a happy accident that I got this gig. Like I quit the old show before this show came to me. I hadn't told anybody about it. Quit. I was like, okay. This is the end of that show. And then before I could tell anybody, they offered me this and I came over here. But though the idea was just, I was just going to go back being an actor again. I was going to go, just do that, live that life.

So then maybe we can look forward to that. What Jason was saying. Maybe yeah. I'm about to go, I'm about to enter into show business again. I've kind of not been in show business for 21 years because this is artificial. Like to be able to come in every day to know where your clothes are and who you're working with and what time it starts and what time it ends. And especially as the host, because you kind of even even get to make the yearly schedule, you just have to hit a number.

But you get to make the the dates. But after 21 years of that, now I'm like, wait, I so if I'm lucky, I have to go to Prague for three weeks. Yeah, I know what I mean. Prague is a lovely place. But like, I've really enjoyed, I mean, I got to raise my kids under those conditions. Like, right, no, or I was. Yeah, it was so lucky. And there's lots of young people who this was their first job and they've been with me for 20 years. Yeah, that's amazing. Amazing. Amazing. And I've tried to prep them for what it was

like before I had this gig, which is real show business, which is like high-divided CD and actors life for me. You know, it's very much a caravan. But then just so then just to build on that then, I mean, the bar is very high for that, which you are comfortable doing. Like you don't want to do. Very low or very low. Like, I really honest to God. I tell you know, the person who did the thing that I most admire, I mean, not most admire, but the thing that really struck me is like,

you know what Hader did when he left SNL? He went and wrote for South Park for a season. And I remember I saw him. I was still doing the first show and he, and when he did that. And I, I was sitting behind him at the Emmys and I said, I said, man, that's the perfect thing to do. Just go serve something that you love already. Like, see, if I give service to people who I really, whose work I really admire. And I thought that's the, that's a great thing to do.

Don't even worry about like your status of your previous gig. And just go do something you love. That's, that's, I'm just, I just don't have the time to, uh, I mean, I got some things I do want to do,

but I would never tell you what they are. Sure. No, no, no, no.

Because then you don't go do them. Right. Right. Right. I know what it's just, but just to know what Hollywood

It's just us. It's just us. It's paper view. Paper view. Yeah, that's still a thing. Yeah,

yeah, I'm just going to be, it's mostly it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a form. It's, and I'm MMA technically.

“It's a form of a game. It's so smart. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. I love it. If you, would you fight Jake Paul?”

That'd be your next move. Who wouldn't watch that? Come on. I love that so much. It's a printing around the room. No, it's if you wouldn't have challenged him to a fight when you rap. I'm on the old show. I challenged you, Brock Lesnar is. Yes, you are. Yeah. On the old show, I challenged Brock Lesnar to a fight. I called him a pussy and everything like that. And I was, it occurred to me that it was over multiple shows. And I don't know why I did it. I don't know what had

happened that I got mad at Brock Lesnar and character and a certain point I went, I should stop

saying this. Did he ever come on the show? My head would, my head would just ignore me. She are off cleanly like a Graham cracker if he punched me once. I didn't remember him. Jesus, he's still alive. He's not that easy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, I mean, when he was fighting, remember him. Like, oh, yeah. He's a monster. I remember Mike Tyson was just like, uh, just

“just so violent in the ring. Did you ever see that like the, the Jake Paul Mike Tyson fight?”

Did you, have you seen the footage where Mike pulls a punch because if he had followed through, he would have killed Jake Paul. You see like that calculation of like, I promised her, I wouldn't do this. Then he puts his face now because Jake's open completely. His head is just, his head just says an enter here sign, right, right on his chin and Tyson sees the opportunity. And you see him not take the opportunity. Yeah. I remember seeing that video going around and

everybody's saying, this is definitely what the deal was. Yeah, I mean, did you like, I, I say, I grew up, I'm old enough. I'm a much older than two of you. And I, when I was a kid, I was, we was Ali was on TV. He's no, like, you would go watch Ali on TV and, and form in and, and smoke and Joe Fraser and it was, it was a big part of my childhood. It was watching

“professional boxing. I, I, I remember, understood it. I don't, where the goal is to hit someone so hard”

that they, I lose consciousness. Yes, that's the goal. To hit them hard as you possibly can just shy of killing them. That's right. That's the sweet science right there. Sean, you don't get it. Well, I, what's been you been people before, right? And by the way, if you do, you're good. Like, been in the world. If you can't do, if, if, oh, really, if they die, if you get proxures, can you get proxured? Yeah. Really? Yeah. But isn't that the goal to kill? No,

almost almost almost killed them. But almost killed them. Yeah. How about bullfighting? How do you feel about bullfighting? Oh, sure. I'll watch a few seconds. Yeah. I won't eat them, but I won't stab them. Yeah. How do you eat them? How do you watch them? I'll put a bolt stunner in their head and bleed them out. I'm going to grind them up. But I wouldn't want anyone to entite pants to taunt it to death. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Don't shoot. Don't you drag us out to

deep water. How do you get for you? Wait. It's called heritage. It's called heritage, my friend. I'll head a teach-o. I am listening to you. What's the, yeah, that's exactly right. Oh, it's beautiful. Oh, beautiful. It's an art. If you can bring a huge, I want to, I want to, I want to the bullfight. We were to the plus and the autoro in Madrid when I was a kid with my mom. And my mom, my mom, I remember the whole time she was like, I know I shouldn't love it. I know I shouldn't

love it. But, and the bull, it was a bad fight. One of the, one of the, one of the, the, the, the, the fights was bad. The matter was bad. And my mother stood up after, as the bulls being dragged off and yelling, "Vivale Toro!" And I'm like, "You're from Larchmont." What is happening to you? She was a, she was a Hemingway fan. That was the problem. Or the opportune. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Popma. It was we call. Yeah, the sonos are right. Are they still doing bullfighting? They are in Spanish. They still are

same pretty much ever. Have, there's, there's this Proven Sol bullfighting, which is, uh, which is like on the near, on the southern France near the Spanish border. They don't hurt the bull. They

taunt the bull. And they run away from it. And they basically do dives to get out of its way. And

between its horns, there's, there are strings tied. And there are little ribbons and things. And if you get close enough to pull the ribbon off and not get hit by the bull. Like, that's the, that's the, that's the, that's the French move. Yeah, the French move. The French move, right? They just surrender to the bull immediately. Is that the deal? They just, well, some of them, they tell the, tell the bull where the Jews are. Wait, what do you get it, Paul, if you pull a ribbon off the

There is, there is actually, yes, I have. I'll show you, I'll send you out of the website. I keep, I follow the season. There's a season. And then, it's their teams. You really don't super into it. You're into that. Would you ever, would you ever run with the bulls? Yes, I would. Oh, yeah. Yeah, my son did that. It's a very good. It's a very manly look to where the white outfit, with, it's the feast of Sands of Bash, or something. Yes, isn't there a, there's a tomato fight

associated with the weekend, isn't it? That's a different, that's a different thing. That's a totally different town. That's true. That's a totally different town. I was sent to package. There's a, there's a town in Spain where they have tomatoes. But the way that you, the way that you mix up your European festivals is self-fucking gross. Do that. And then they throw oranges at one of

“them, too. And during October fast. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. And then you drink beers. Yeah, right?”

That's, then you go up to Germany and you have beers. It's the same weekend. How much time do you spend with sederis these days? Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not enough. Not she's a traveler, isn't she? She's lovely. She's, yeah, she's just marvelous. That Instagram of hers. I don't know how she gets us very powerful photos. I know. Very powerful. Her birthday is, uh, coming up soon. Well, what's amazing is that how big she's on Instagram? She didn't get a cell phone

until about 2018. I don't think, 2018, right? I mean, you know that too. She never had a cell phone.

She had to call her at home and leave her a message. Oh, by the way, a friend of mine, just, you know, there's, these are like new things. There's now landlines are coming back. And you can, and there's six numbers. There's like 630886 or whatever. And you, instead of a seven number. No, but, yes, correct. And it's tied to the internet in your house, but it's a landline. And it can only go to a certain person, like, right? One person. Like a hot. Only that person can pick up the phone. Yeah,

like, is there a thumbprint identifier? I don't know. Like a hotline. Like, like, the old school always like a hotline. Yeah. And they're, and they're getting really popular really fast. Do a little bit more research on that. Come back. Let's say, that story did not pan out. A lot of excitement. A lot of excitement. A lot of excitement. We jumped on. We could have gotten that. That, that, that, that, - That's a hat. - Ground sweltering up on a skig.

- You know, we should have actually hit. - We could have made the wave with you. - Yeah. - We just watched you. - But that's the reason. - Nothing else to the story other than landland.

- They're coming back.

“- You know what you should do if you say?”

Even what about a landland where you have like a hotline

and you answer people call it and you just stand by the phone. And you answer questions. They pay you a couple bucks and then you pick up the phone and you give them like 30 seconds. - So I have a wealth of knowledge.

That's man or thing. - Yeah. - That's man or thing. - Right now it's try it out. Ask me anything and let's see if I can see if I might know anything about the subject.

- In what country and on what weekend do they do the tomato fight? - That is actually, it's not in Spain, it's in Italy, it's on the feast of St. Christopheau, it's on the eighth of August. - Do you see it? - Come on.

- Is that true?

- No, it's a total bullshit, but that's fine.

(laughing)

“- But that's what you're gonna get on his own right now.”

- And I think the name, that is my podcast and it'll be called a dangerous thing because a little knowledge is a dangerous thing. And I just, I answer all of your questions as with absolute confidence.

- Yeah, you have very little knowledge. - And then I have broad, but very shallow, like you should not get your ankles wet in my level of knowledge. In those things, other than the Lord of England.

- It's called good smelling bullshit with Stephen Cobert. - That's right. Then you don't know what it's like to be mad to me. - Are you like, are you super into the,

'cause you're into the Lord of the Rings and stuff? Obviously, I imagine through, initially through the book, so you big Star Wars guy, too, because Sean is huge Star Wars in that whole world. - I do enjoy, I do enjoy the Star Wars universe.

I was lucky enough, when I was 13 years old, Star Wars came out in '77. And because WTMA, the local radio station when the host Booby Nash, and 1250 and Ram dial, they gave away tickets.

You had like B, B, B, B, like the fifth caller. And you got four tickets to see this movie. And nobody knew what it was. It was called Star Wars. And I won, or my friend Keith Sargey,

and it was me in Keith Sargey and Haskell, Fudenburg and Haskell's mom, 'cause we couldn't drive. We went to go see it. We had no idea what it was. And it was three weeks before it was released nationally.

And so we went to Northwood's Mall or something, and we had the early ticket makers. - We had to stop by the radio station to pick up the tickets and they were big blue tickets that had like the Death Star on it and an X-wing.

We didn't know what any of this was. - Right, right. - We wanted to keep the tickets, 'cause that'd be cool. I said, "No, you gotta give us the tickets,

"but they handed us back a big button with the Starfield "on it and said, "May the force be with you. "We had no idea what that meant." But we put our pins on, and we sat down, absolutely sat no idea what we're about to experience.

- No.

- You know, I think it was like that.

A long time ago, we got to see far, far away. And we're like, "What is that?" And then Ben and Ann and Star Wars comes up. And we were, it grabbed us by the, the scrotum. Like it just, right?

And the team, there wasn't much to grab at that point. And dragged us into the story. And the next day, we, like the next Monday, we all went to school, and there was no explaining to anyone how everything was different now.

- Right, yeah, yeah, yeah. - And then three weeks later, everybody was, you know, excited. We were like, "But we knew before you did." - Did you keep any of that stuff?

You still have any of that? - I still have the button, yeah. - But you still do, of course. - The button is in my workroom on the pegboard still. - That's amazing.

- And Sean O'Hyer said we needed to kill him. Do you should have said that? - I have to hear. - So you had Sean the pegboard. - Yes, yeah.

(laughing)

“- Steven, how clean you're off before you died, do you want that?”

(laughing) - Wait, Steven, go back to the Lord of the Rings just for a two seconds. - Oh, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no problems here, baby, what do you wanna die?

- I know, but, like, how often do you watch the movies? - Oh, I mean, I love the movies. I've seen him many times. Again, I saw them, like, I would wrangled in any way I could to get tickets, and whatever little Hollywood connections I had

but when those things came out to get in before anybody could see them, like I saw, like the director's gale preview screening across town here. And I've seen him many times, but I, and I love Peter Jackson and Phillipa and Phillipa Boins and Framal.

- Jason, you ever seen it? - Which? - Lord of the Rings. - Lord of the Rings. - I don't think I've seen any Lord of the Rings. - No way, you're not, you're not shooting me, right?

- I'm not, I bet I, I probably felt like the first one, but I haven't, I haven't. - Let's do it at your house, Dave, yeah. - I was just, I was just, I was just going to ask. - What is, what is turn of the game?

- It's turn of the game. - Between the Lord of the Rings, Star Wars, and Star Trek, what is considered like the best, the best. - Well, they're all so different, yeah. - The best, what?

- Get to the, the best film.

I mean, I'm purged strikes back, I guess, always.

“- I mean, in, in, in, like, science fiction or fantasy genre?”

- Yeah, just like quality of film in Lord of the Rings. - Lord of the Rings, and yeah. - Lord of the Rings, that trilogy is generally considered among the cognizantity in this world to be the only, the only perfect trilogy.

- Yeah, it's, it's, it's perfectly executed. - Yeah, how old is that? - They're, they're, they're 20, 25, this year's the 25th anniversary. I had Elijah Wood on that, the 20th anniversary of the first round. - Oh, right, I just read about that, and he was embarrassed

to say that he's yet to finish the books. - He has not read the books yet. - He has, he started the books. - Yeah, that'd be my story. - I remember I saw those at the Berlin to mall,

Berlin to mess, two sets. - That's a great story. - I'd like to talk about that. - There's a really, like, I don't hear more about this story. Tell me about those, it's a mall.

- Hang on, I'm just reading an email. (laughing) - But I'd say what I do, I do do, and I realize I just said do do, is that I read the books constantly. Like, I do love the movies, I admire so much

what they did with it, but I'm a book guy. Like I, I, other than those, what kind of books are you into? What do you, what do you like to read? - Hi, when I was younger, I was a huge challenger fan. When I was, I read, I used to read a book a day

when I was younger, when I had the time. And it was all science fiction and fantasy. And then, a lot of philosophy, a lot of religious text like that, like a comparative religion text, some Joseph Campbell, a lot of poetry.

I love, call we Kim Olon. - Boy, I'm a book guy, I ask that question. - I, I, I, I, I, I, I, I was a serious man. - You know, Oliver, Mary Oliver, every day, Mary Oliver. - No, I'm much more sort of in,

when I'm in fiction, I'm really into like noir and stuff like that. And I was gonna say, "Lendate and died yesterday." The great Lendate and who wrote,

“I don't know if you guys were into any of that stuff, no?”

- Okay. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Big shout out. - And co-bear, let me just look at my notes here really quickly. Any, any questions for Steven?

- Don't a question. (laughing)

- Is there a second question?

- No, not really a second question. - We just, for 300, guys, yeah. - Like this is, that's already a favor that it's an hour. - That's an hour, baby. - That's an hour, that's a wrap.

- It's just funny to play, we just want to play with you more. We just know, I'll have more time, you know, in June. - Yeah, we're gonna clarify this. - We're going to clarify this. - We'll be back every, what has it been five years

since I was on? - Yeah, yeah. - Oh, no, almost six years. - Wow, 'cause you were on early. It's been almost six years.

- So, please, let's see in six years. This has been so fun. - But truly, but truly, Steven, for such a special thing, for our 300th episode, it's really, really cool. - So, I didn't know this was 300th, what an hour ago.

- Yeah, yeah. - To be fair, it's a milestone. Who did you have for 200? Who'd you have for 200, do you remember? - The Pope, he answered us, no, the Pope.

- Francis, pretty happy. - That was an incoming program. (laughing) - I don't remember, but we knew, but it is true.

And we went out of our way to make sure that, you know, that you were a 300th guest in, you're just a delight in everything you do. I'm a, as you know, I'm a fan, you know, you're a great guy.

I'm such a fan of what you do.

I've always kind of looked up to you.

You're so funny and great. - Same as you. - Gracious and cool. - Well, thanks you guys. Well, this was, this was the reason why I came on

is that if you had been on very long, but every one of these I heard, I thought that sounds like enormous fun to go on. And I, I, I underplayed how fun it is to talk to you guys. - Mm-hmm.

- Ed Maro, you guys have built, you finally found what you should be doing. - Yeah. (laughing) - And I'm happy for you, you know.

It's just hold on to a tight, hold on tight. - Yes. - Don't take it for granted. - We're gripping, we're gripping so tight. We're gripping so tight.

- You can, and the listeners might feel it. - Oh, thank you guys. - Thank you for being here. - Thank you, man. - Have a great rest of your day.

- Have a great rest of your day. - Thank you, pal. - Bye. - Bye, buddy. - Well, I tell you, it's, the talk show host,

the, the, they'd never fail, always the best guests.

- God, he's funny. - I haven't laughed at hard in so long.

“- I know, he is, it's just funny, I believe.”

- And it went by in three seconds. - I know. - I know. - I could talk to him about Lord of the Rings for nine hours. - I know.

- I know. - It'd be amazing. - Hey, will you come over and show me one of those? - Yes, yes, please. - Okay, I would love to do that.

- No, but, but, but, but, but, but, but if I'm gonna like see a Lord of the Rings film, a Harry Potter film, a Star Trek film or Star Wars film, like yeah. - Which would be like the greatest star Trek, I don't think is in the, you know, I'll do respect.

I think I'm scotty, but if you start, yeah it is. - It is, it's a different fan, but I'm not. - So like, which is like the best film, right? I get their all great movies, but like, yeah. Is there like a real cinematic, like Harry Potter's

got some incredible production design, of course, right?

“- Of course, but I think, I think that what you're looking”

forward would be Lord of the Rings, those movies, are cinematicly, you know, incredible. - It's like they're like, you know, what's that big movie that Spielberg was inspired by, that's super famous old, old movie, that was sweeping, and it was a movie.

- Lord of the Rings, yeah. - Yeah, Lord of the Rings, it's kind of like, that, it's like, scope and huge, what's it, it's really. - I've heard that Sony's got an incredible 70-millimeter print of Lawrence of Arabia.

- Oh, really? - Yeah, and we should bother them and go and ask Tom Roth, but if we can go wild, it's both amazing. - I'm just supposed to be incredible. - Let's go.

- I know, and he's going to go today. - Let's go today. Guys, how insane that we've done 300 episodes, a lot of people say it feels like we've done 600. - Yeah, and, yeah.

- But to have Steven on really just so special, and I want to say, I love doing this with you guys so much. This is so much enjoying back at you, buddy.

- It's never a dumb old mission.

- It's always so fun. - It's never hard. - We're so lucky, and I'm just going to say that, I'm going to piggyback on that, and just say, "I love you guys, I'm so lucky."

We're like family and brothers, and I just, I love you. - I love you guys. - I love you guys so much.

“- So so much, you're really important to me.”

- Thank you for the gift of your friendship, and this partnership, really nice. - Likewise. - Well, with that, I think I've-- - I will say this, I will say this.

- We've made a great connection in this life. - It's really tough. - And you know, you've been out there. Connections like these are really, really, really hard to come. - Bye! - Bye!

(laughing) - 300! - Smart. (upbeat music) - Smart.

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