Uh, what's the situation on the merch?
What have you got? Is it any more of the situation?
Well, what do you got? We have merch. No, it's great. We'd live in the situation. I said, what's the situation with it? Oh, what?
It's dire. The situation is dire.
“Because the whole can's wrap it up, just as we've ordered thousands of shirts, hats, and pens.”
Please push the merch. This, we've, might even be called an emergency, and we need help. Strikeforce5.com. All the, all the proceeds from this are going to go into the losses sustained by. Yeah, we made a profit from this podcast, just because of the merch.
Yep. Well, it was fun. Very limited edition. We can get half. You can get shirts.
Yes, you can. A pen, and it's green, a lingerie with all of the Strikeforce5 logo. They're very beautiful. Limited edition, your friends will be jealous. Collector's items.
From our soon-to-be-defunked podcast. It, it would be a little bit like wearing a Brooklyn Dodgers. Yeah. Throw back. No, that's like, pay me.
It would wear Strikeforce5. Yeah. If you were long, today. Yes, we would wear Force5.com. They accept everything.
You, what, what kind of cards you have? Any cards? They'll take cards. Playing cards? We will literally take anything for this merch.
Pokemon cards, save-and-busters cards, that's fine. You know, don't buy a shirt. Buy a whole box of shirts. Buy shirts for your town. One, pre-stay the week.
Like, use to, like, underwear when you're a kid, like, if you're a little girl, you get the Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, underwear. If you're a little girl, get your parents credit card. Go to Strikeforce5five.com and buy, buy, buy, buy. Or buy, buy.
Or for us. It's going to be, buy, buy, buy. Taylor Swiftwoodwear. That's where she does wear it.
“I mean, I think my only fear about this merch promo is that we were two enthusiasts.”
Listen, if I said, "God damn merch," or "Just could ruin us." Welcome, everybody to episode 10 of the podcast, the podcast, I am not going to night yet, as I think we all know by now that every time that lightning strikes sounds, anything inside Seth Meyers dies. Yeah, I have John Oliver joining me first is a man born on November 13th, 1967, no, it is
not Steve Zahn, though you're right, that is exactly what he was born to, I'm talking about Jimmy Kimmel. Thank you. Julian Bitter. Julian Bitter?
Did you share the birthday was on? You did. I did, yeah. Yeah. I know they kind of stuff.
Joining the two of us is a man born on December 28th, 1973, the very same day that the
endangered species act was signed into law, really, he sadly never got the chance to legally
eat a black-footed ferret, which is very much not to say that he has never eaten one. Seth Meyers. See? I'll never tell. Is it like chicken feet are delicious?
Everything's like chicken. Yeah. It's not worth it. It's not worth risking illegal exposure. Next is an individual born on May 13th, 1964, when my guy, by Mary Wells, was number one,
I'm sure a certain Nicaraguan dictator sang to him as he slept in his crib. It's Stephen Colbert. Oh, wow. Oh, wow. There we go.
And finally, someone born on September 1974, a man who was so fast, but 49 years and eight days failing to read Moby Dick, it is Jimmy Fallon. I'm getting closer and closer. Jimmy, well, here's a thing. Jimmy.
Come with me. I've actually got a gift here for you, Jimmy. I'm going to send you.
The second hand store and I found this, it's a 1954 picture book on Moby Dick adapted
for the Young Reader. Oh, my God. It's just seen on the pages. Read a page a day. You'll be done by the end of the year.
You can do this. How many pages is it? 69 pages. That's too many pages for a picture book. No, it's not too many pages.
That's too many pages. Even their picture book is too long. That's crazy. Now, if I leave a sound a little exciting right now, it's because as we talk, the right is the older made an interim agreement with the AMPDP, meaning that this five-month strike
is about to come to an end, which is clearly fantastic news for our shows, fantastic news for everyone who works in TV and films, and frankly, fatal news for this podcast. But in this episode, don't be sad that this podcast is over, but be angry that it ever had to happen in the first place. What will each of you do when you found out?
“Well, John, real quick, do you think the podcast was a tipping point for negotiators?”
I mean, his, I think we've a judge. Yeah. I think this sort of put a certain amount of pressure on all parties. I mean, he's certainly the way we're in the room, and both sides agreed, what would episode 21 even be?
He's got in around nine. Nine got kind of fin. Oh, shit. They've assembled the strike force. We better get this done.
What are you looking forward to the most in coming back?
Wait, can I tell you real quick where I was?
Because I weakly ignored you, and I feel like true.
“I think that when we ignore John's questions, it just really doubles down on why he doesn't”
have guests on his show. So I, John, you, you will appreciate this. I was watching the Steelers Game in bed. I'm a big Steelers fan, they were playing the Raiders. And I was so excited to get the strike news, but then the game got very close.
And this is my mental illness as a sports fan. I realized that if the Steelers lost that game, even though the strike ended on the same day, it would be a sum negative of a sum. Wow, mercifully, they pulled it out. But the highlight for me was Stephen, you FaceTime.
We had a nice FaceTime. Kimmel did not join us, you were elsewhere. Oh, I didn't know about it. Did you not see? It was on the chain.
It was over five. He had COVID.
I always assume it's an accident when a FaceTime message pops up on my phone.
Somebody did it, but you were in bed, right? I was in bed. And you were eating a slice of-- No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. What's the rate of pain here at the time?
I was on me. I was in, I went to dinner for my daughter's birthday that night. And I was refreshing my phone, like every 45 seconds, which no one at the table approved of. Because I wanted this, I was, there was a lot of, like, please put that away.
I'm like, nope, cannot. And nothing happened. Nothing happened. I get home. Just a minute to not do that, and I get a text from Kimmel's saying, "It's over."
It's over, boys. It's my habit. Like most people, I get my news from Jimmy Kimmel. My wife told me, and when she announced it, to the house, she goes, "It's over."
And our six-year-old, for reasons I still don't understand, goes, "Donald Trump got arrested."
I was like, "You know, kind of, but not today." I thought you could have six-year-old look and say, "The marriage?" We'd say it. We'd say it. It's all the best.
As kids, and it seemed like, yeah. My kid, my kid, the plotted. Years later, people say, "Your parents got divorced, was that hard?" And she said, "No, they were so happy when it happened. You could tell."
What about you, Oliver? Where were you? I was sitting at home, I just brushed my teeth, I saw the group chat explode, I saw your face tongue. I didn't realize you could do group face tongues.
I mean, I didn't realize English people. I didn't brush their teeth. This is incredible. That is a common one. That is a common one.
That is true.
It's been put it on a T for him.
Come on, you're a fall. What did you think we did? No, I figured you're just gargling with a little bit of a shoepower or something. Yeah. Goggling with a shoepolish.
I mean, it's just washing with a twig. Wishes yourself. I mean, they say you're dancing dangerously close to heights, being charged now. That's true.
“What are you looking forward to the most with your shows coming back?”
I'm going to personally find it, we are not throwing to Ryan Riddle's commercials every 20 minutes. I might end up doing that. You still can. You still can.
Yeah. I just want to see the roots. I want to see the band. I want to hear the music. I'm so spoiled on our show.
We all are. I mean, we're over in the dark. John gets nothing. He just gets some kind of stock music track, right? Yeah.
I do. Yeah. I sit here with my ancestral, terrible teeth. I pain. I don't even feel teeth are so accustomed to it, across generations.
I'm just in general looking forward to knowing what's going on in the world. I get my news from my show. Yeah. Yeah. I'm not sure.
There's that New York Times news quiz that you get email once a week, and I crush it on shows. On weeks where I have a show, I crush it. When I'm not reading monologue setups, I have no idea what's going on. And I know it's a good vacation if I do badly on that quiz.
Yeah. I'm upset if on vacation I do well on that quiz. I wanted to start this episode of I'm reaching back to something Steven, you said during the lead of an episode about the fact that you spent a bunch of your childhood trying to get your mom to laugh.
And it reminded me of the, there's a great story that Saan felt told about when he realized he loved jokes. He was apparently sitting on a stoop with his friend, and they were having milk and cookies. And Jerry made his friend laugh so much.
“He spat milk and cookies into his face, and in that moment, you remember thinking, I like”
this feeling. And I was wondering if there were, what kind of, what were the most memorable lofts you remember getting when you were growing up, because there's any particular that made you full in love with comedy? I mean, not to start off dark, but coming back from the funeral of my father and my
brothers, like coming literally in the limo with my sisters coming back from the grave side, my sister Mary made my sister Margo laugh at something so hard that she snorted, and fell on the floor of the limo and rolled around. And I thought, she, that can happen right now. I want nothing more than that.
Like, wasn't I didn't get the laugh, but like, ah, that moment like shit, I want to be
Able to do whatever that was that I just saw.
And I was 10.
“But that's what stands out to me is like the best laugh I ever saw.”
It's wonderful. I had a history teacher in high school named Mr. Mills who did something terrible and diabolical to me. I was interrupting the class too much. He liked my joke, so I thought, oh, I'll do a thousand of them every class, every period.
And so Mr. Mills finally had enough of me and my jokes, and he said, that's it.
You don't want more joke in this class. You fail. You failed a class. And I was very upset. And then the class was upset.
And they objected and he changed it to, you can tell one joke a week. And that's it. And I would wait until Friday because I was worried I might slip and fail the class. I'd wait till Friday and there was so much pressure on that joke because I knew what that was it for the whole week.
And when I don't remember specifically what dumb things I was saying, but when they scored, it was the greatest feeling and when they did it, I'd go home feeling sick to my stomach. Wow. I remember going to summer school in high school because I fell the region's test and English or something.
And I had to go to summer school and my grandfather kind of helped raise me and live with our family and my grandma and grandpa and he was like, I'm so disappointed, he's like, you're going to learn your lesson. You're going to, this summer you're going to summer school. I go, I know, this is terrible.
My mom and dad, like, you know, this is terrible. This is what happens when you don't do well, you got to go to summer school to go. Okay. So we drove into summer school and you're in class with all class clowns. The funniest people is like the greatest thing that every, I found my tribe.
I go, this is the greatest thing, it's like comedy camp. I loved it. I love the summer school so much and we would joke all day long ago. This is the best thing ever. This is like, and I remember like not learning my lesson at a lesson, not learned.
It's like a movie where they put all the criminals in the same jail. It was super villain squad. They go, why do you put them together? It was good. Yeah.
I remember like always doing bits growing up and then making my mom and my grandfather, my dad
laughed and we were very like, my grandpa cried when he would laugh really hard. So if you can get him to cry laughing, it was like really funny. Then he couldn't stop and his laugh would make other people laugh. So I would do impressions or I would do, you know, Roddy, Dangerfield, jokes or something like that and they, you know, or some bit in front of them and once he starts laughing and
crying, my mom would start laughing and crying and everyone just laughing. And we don't know what we're laughing at, but it was always bits around the house and doing stuff and performing.
“But I think it was my parents that got me into that big laugh getting that laugh and going”
to get that was a good bit. We did a comedy night in my high school where a bunch of us did a sketch where we played different teachers and most of it was if there was sort of a portly soccer coach, someone would just put a pillow under their sweatshirt and that would get a big laugh on the entrance. But I did an impression, we had this really beloved law teacher and I did an impression
of him and this is never happened after. So I should know that I, in the moment I thought I was going to be an impressionist for the ages, but when I did his voice people almost gasped and it was just that feeling. >> Yeah. >> Can you feel any of it?
You're memorating of it? >> Yeah, I'm going to start doing it, but I do, I will need you.
I know you've never heard of him.
I will need you to gasp. >> Oh, that's hard. >> That's the only way to answer me. >> Yep. >> Good evening, West High students.
No, I just did walk in, I just didn't walk in. That was funny, it sounded like that. See, it already lost it. I will say, this is a real quick story about my law teacher, my law teacher and it was cool to have a high school law class, but he gave this real self-effacing speech at the
end of the year, he walked around and he's like, you know, I'm not going to say I taught you everything about law, but you know, I like that I could point to anybody in this classroom and for example, Miss Benderheim, how many Supreme Court justices are there and just a lay-up question in this girl list then it goes, 25 and we just watch this heartbreak. >> There goes your bit.
>> He just his heart broke in real time. >> Anyway, 25 might be a great summary of guys, comedy, comedy, say, go to that funny class clown camp. >> It's a bunch of kids who've not read Moby Dick. Moby Dick.
>> Moby Dick.
“>> In terms of making fun of teachers, I remember, I think he, he and my friend, Beck,”
he, I handed over a little portion of assembly once and we made fun of the teachers in this sketch so hard. It was great laughter, but remember being called to see the head teacher after saying, you have offended and hurt a lot of people who work at this school and it was just funny enough that I think you're going to get away with it.
I'm telling lies, that message of be just funny enough to not get into trouble done. That will be the mantra for the rest of my life. >> That's it. >> The key, talking about milk coming out of a nose. This is just the funniest reaction I had to something that made me laugh.
Mike Schumick was in my office and we listened to, there's a lonely island so...
Lisa. That's in the great movie pop star. And it's revealed it's a song about a guy, Andy singing about going to see the Mona Lisa and he heard it's great and then the whole song is how ugly the Mona Lisa is and how he feels lied to.
And there's a line of, where it says it's not like I'm an American, it is my native land. We're no one lies about paintings, but that's not the case in France where the naked ladies dance and they look like Dennis France and when the line and the Mona Lisa look like Dennis France, we laugh so hard that I threw up and Schumick are farted.
“And then I threw up and Schumick farted and then needless to say, I think the happiest”
Sanberg ever was when we immediately called him and said we got the best review you're ever going to get. >> It's one of the funniest movies I've ever seen. I think that movie deserves to be up there with spinal tap in terms of repeat watches. It only gets better.
It was unbelievable that movie, I love it too, I totally agree. Well, let's take a moment to hear from what of our sponsors, yes, that guy. >> Hi, it's me, Mr. Ryan Reynolds, owner of Mean Mobile.
Even though the writer's strike is over, I will never stop doing ads for this looser pop
cast. I love telling people how they can get premium unlimited wireless for $15 a month for unlimited time. And I cannot just give that job to anyone. My customers need to hear the message from me, big-time movie star, Mr. Ryan Reynolds.
Even if I could get the best sidekick in late-night history, I will say no. And what will the striped force five do without these funny ads from Mr. Ryan Reynolds? They will be f***ing screwed.
“That's why no one will ever replace me, not even that sexy beast Guillermo.”
So, I, Ryan Reynolds will say it again, get unlimited from Mean Mobile for $15 a month for a limited time and go to MeanMobile.com/strivedforce to learn more. Good? Okay. How much will it get paid for this bullf***ing?
>> 45 dollars of proper choir plus tax and fees, dream on the promo rate, renews at full price. Limited time for new customers only. That speaks to reduce every 40 gigabytes per month for unlimited videos, dreams at 480p if it's at minimumable.com.
>> So, one aspect of late-night shows we haven't talked about much is remote pieces or field pieces on all of our shows. Now it's only what are the remote pieces that have been the hardest to pull off that you've done or that you couldn't believe that you've got away with Seth. Your daydren can pieces have you flying pretty close to the sun physically.
>> Yeah. >> You'll be time you do it? >> Yes. But we, that was a solution to the fact that I have so much respect for people who go out and do remotes because I got so much anxiety anytime I went out of my studio.
Remember we tried to do a same Patrick's day piece and you know, I think especially doing late night and Conan, I think sort of said this very high bar for what you could find out in the street and I just immediately hated it. I immediately hated how out of my element I was. And so we got off the street and we went to a Irish bar and then I just started drinking
“and sort of killed or numbed the part of me that had anxiety and I think that's how we”
ultimately ended up with daydrenking is the only way I can have any fun out of the studio is
if I drink enough to stop worrying about the fact that I have lost control of the procedure. >> Not a show day though. >> Never a show day now. We learned the hard way.
>> Have you guys found that it became increasingly difficult to do a found comedy, remote piece as you became more well known? It was easy when nobody knew who I was, I could go out and get great reactions and surprise people, but then as you become well known, it comes harder and to the point where I now feel like I have to limit it to talk in a kids or really old people who don't know
where I'm coming from. >> Steve, do you miss like a daily show style field piece? Because you kind of created the blueprint for those. >> It was the early days of that because I actually predate John, I was from the Craig Kilburn days.
>> You thought to the lot of people for a lot of people.
>> Yeah, I was the first person to get sued for the daily show.
>> What was that for? >> I interviewed a guy who wanted to create his own community in Southern California and an unincorporated portion of Southern California that was all just people over 55 who all vote. And Elon Musk. >> We portrayed him as a Hitler-esque character who was in, and exing the Sudetan lands
of the towns around him and he was a retired lawyer with some time on his hands. And I have the honor of having to be the first person being sued. You got thrown out, but sued. I did so many field pieces that it's hard for me to pick one because every single one I did.
I felt this is the one I can't do.
This is the one that I'll break or this is the one that I, the improv won't kick in. I won't be able to find the juice here. And usually three questions in, you're like, ah, something will come of this.
But I would always be terrified that I'd want to sign out like a confession like I don't
know how to do this. By this end of me on the road, I don't actually want to make this person uncomfortable. But then three questions in, I'm like, I'm enjoying how uncomfortable this person is. This is, this is good. The second piece I ever did for the Daily Show back in the Kilburn Days in 1997.
In June of '97, I went to the National KKK Convention in Polaski, Tennessee. - And of course, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go,
I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go, I go of people when I was there. It's much bigger now. But we spent the day with these guys, you know, talking about a fund. It was a summer kicker. Like something fun to do this summer. And at the end of it, they said, "Do you want to come out to the country tonight?" Because there's a little event we're going to be doing in a field.
“It's a night if you want to come. Like, "Yeah, sure. Can we bring the cameras?" Okay. So we go out and they've”
mowed this huge spot in the field and there's three burning crosses and there's bunch of idiots in white robes walking around and families and everything. So we shoot some stuff there. We do some interviews there. And at the time Comedy Central was doing a thing where they just wanted corresponders to say, you know, "I'm Stephen Colbert and this is Comedy Central." Whatever. Whatever we're in front of. So I stood in front of this burning crosses and I said, "I'm Stephen Colbert and this is Comedy Central.
In front of these burning crosses." But we hadn't said Comedy Central the whole day. We'd said daily show because you could kind of get away with the daily show back then. And I turn around and I didn't know that these four good old boys were standing right behind the camera. And they said, "Comedy, what? What are you doing? Are you making fun of us?" The fuck is this. And my producer runs over, this wonderful girl named Kyara Anderson who we called Chewy because she was tall and blonde and
had big shaggy hair. And she goes, "Guys, what's the problem?" And they said, "This mother fucker is making fun of us." And what is Comedy Central? And what, and she goes, "Listen, your boss, meaning the head of the clan, like the grand wizard." Because your boss knows all about this. He knows the whole thing. He had any problems. You talked to him because, "Well, we're gunna and all four of them walk away across the field." And she turns to me, she goes, "Oh, ass!"
And we got like a camera bag. She grabs a camera bag to life. And we run to our car, get in the car. And they get in their car and they chase us through Tennessee, like on these country roads.
Well, we're hauling ass. And we finally, we finally either give up or we just dust them someplace.
"They're his daughter." And that was my good. Ed Chasing. "Yes." "To a fault." "To a genuine fault." "The second piece I ever did." And to match the light, we set a pile of newspapers off in by the road so I could do my closing thing. And I said, "For the day at least I'll, we've had some fun with the idea of the clan tonight. But I think they know how to take a joke.
"For the daily show, I'm a Whitney Brown." "Tell you, is there party that this is those days at all those running gun?" Well, sure. Yeah, real true. You were kind of, yeah, you were kind of making up games as you went. Like there was no one, there was nothing to try to ape. I mean, I'm not not the people ape,
“but what I mean is it was all discovery. That's what I liked about it.”
Yeah. I should say just in terms of discovery because Steven, you were talking about 1997. I, I guess I'm trying to figure out what year I would have seen you in Correll on stage at Second City, 92. Oh, I left in Spring of '94 and I think he left like a year later. So before I was in college in Chicago, you used to go to Second City, and I remember seeing the two steves on stage together. And just knowing I was seeing two people,
I was like present at the point of discovery. I was like these guys are going to be something someday and I'm going to be able to say that I saw them on stage together. And so when you first showed up on Comedy Central on the daily show, I was a real, I felt very like, I knew it. Is that when you started looking for another chef? Yeah, that's when I started and gotten a lot of nose because let's be honest. There's no shortage of us in Hollywood,
and I go down the list, you know, I'm like, "Farland, hard no, rogan, never call me back, green, not interested."
Wow. Stephen, there was a remote, gosh, I, and you'll know they answered to this. But I can't
“remember, it was an older man. He was at the Lightful Man and you had a delightful conversation with him.”
I sent you an email about it. It was probably 10 years ago, 15 years ago. Hey, Delightful Man, we had a delightful conversation. He was super full. This was an old man and you absolutely fell in love with him. And gosh, I wish I could remember. I was hoping you would... Do you have any idea what the story was? I think he was, I believe he was an author.
It wasn't one of the German Melville?
He was a very well, was there a well in the Academy of Kidding? Was it the Coberaport? What was it?
“It was, yeah, it was the Coberaport. Oh, I, I know, the Mori Sendak, right? Was that it?”
Yes, Mori Sendak. Mori Sendak, that's right. That was an amazing experience.
With that was actually, yeah, that was supposed to be like one piece and it turned into five because we had the lovelyest conversation. And I think about that all the time because as a father, at one point I say, I think this ended up in one of the pieces that we re-cut after he died was, what do you do for children? How do you, how do you reach children? How do you support them? And you just love them, just love them as hard as you can. And it'll, that's the best you can do.
And I've said that to every many times. Just remember Mori said, we just have to love them as hard as we can and hope we find the answer. Yeah, I liked that. That was good. I had had some weird things happened. I mean, I went, I did not really smoke pop before I went to Snoop Dogg's house and wound up smoking pot with him. And about 11 minutes into the shoot, I turned to the director. I said, I'm out. You guys are going to have to just
follow me around because I can't, I can't function. I can't think. And a lot of the piece was me standing in front of Snoop Dogg's refrigerator just going through it and eating whipped cream right out of the can. We used to do this thing with Leslie Jones called Game of Jones where we would watch an episode of Game of Thrones. And she would just do a running commentary. It was based on these Twitter videos she would make. And I would just sit there and we would talk about the episode. I hadn't
seen it. And then one time we decided, oh, I'll get stone with Leslie. And I didn't talk for 45 minutes. And I remember it. In my internal monologue was I was aware that it only worked if I also talked. And I just in my head it was me saying to myself, talk. You got to say something. Talk.
Have you ever had a remote piece lead you into a place where you never imagined it would? I
did one thing where I was just a pizza delivery guy late night, pizza delivery at this place called
“Damianos. It was on Fairfax and L.A. Remember that place? Mr. Pizza Damiano. Mr. Pizza Damiano.”
So everybody used to hang out there. It was like a place for the comics would hang out. This canches across the street or something. It's John Vinnie's now. Canters is across the street. Yeah, we would go there right. And then we go to Mr. Pizza. You'd see a rat run through everywhere. It was a dark people would play poker in the back like it was a high stakes illegal games totally hung out there. And I was just delivering a pizza and the
order came in and there was nothing set up. And I delivered it to this what seemingly vacant cement building. And when I entered the building, I realized, and this is again, like at midnight, they were shooting a Spanish language dating game show called "Dose Cortezones." And I walk in with a pizza and they wanted putting me on the show. He took the delivery guy out. And it was just, there were a 200 people in the audience and this big set. And it was one of those
“bits where you have to explain to the audience, like this is not a set up. This really happened.”
But nobody really believes anything. And you do that kind of stuff. People still think, "Oh, this must have been set up." But it was not. It was one of the strangest things that ever happened. I did it. We did a remote bit with a post-malone where we took into Olive Garden.
Apparently, he likes going to Olive Gardens. And I've never been to one. I've got to check so.
And so I go, I'll go with you. So we went to Olive Garden. It was a really fun remote piece. It was great. And just getting to know him and talking to him was great. And then we finished the bit. It was probably like 11 o'clock or 10, 30, 11 o'clock. He was, "All right, where are we going now?" Like, let's go to a bar. And I was like, "I don't do that anymore. I'm at a grandpa found him." I mean, I don't, he's like, "What's a good bar to go to?" And I go, "I mean, and I'm trying to be
young." And I'm like, "The reason why I would go to a bar now is if they have a good burger or something or if they don't, I don't go to meet people who are hanging out or doing something like, "Where did I even use to hang? Everything's closed that were used to hang." And so I go, I think there's this one place to have, it's a Guinness bar, Patty Riley's. I think it's on third Avenue. I go, let's go to Patty Riley's. Sometimes they have bands on stage. We'll go there.
So we go there. We walk into me and post Malone and a group of people and talk to the bartender. "Hey, how are you doing? This is post Malone's. Can you close the bar down just so we can just have us hang out here?" And so we close the bar with the people that were in the bar. And he got on stage with the band and sang, "Probably, ten songs, Irish songs, new every word to every chieftains." And I was like, "Who is this? Do you know everyone? Or do you just sing
Confidently?
to close Malone's, "News every single song to chief, I'm Irish." And I was like, "I kind of know the
chorus." But I don't know this part. He's like a genius. And we ended up having the great, we should have recorded that as opposed to, the bit was fine. But post Malone, knowing every, seeing all in all these Irish people at the bar, we're like, "Who is this kid? No, I didn't know Malone. I mean, I guess he explains the Malone." Although I did a bit with him when we did day drinking, I ended it with him singing the theme song to cheers. And he did not know that.
So he knew when I would remember it, he scored a free of the chieftains, but not where everybody knows your name. Right. Where the lead characters, name was also Malone. Didn't he turn up to that day drink episode having pre-games as well, which for, well, that's the boldest move. He misunderstood exactly what was about to happen.
“Steve Correll pitched a piece to John Stewart and said, "Hey, I think it'll be great if Stephen and I”
to talk about like, in the creation on college campuses or something, that Stephen and I go out and we just get just as drunk as we possibly can and we record it." And I said, "I think that's a great idea. I got one more little slight twist on it. What if I don't get drunk and you do and I
interview you while it happens?" So we went to some Times Square bar that we would never go to and
he drank a toxic amount of alcoholic. I think it probably HR should have gotten involved with how much alcohol he drank. He was shugging long island iced teas. And as the evening went on, I kept asking him to sort of the same questions over to check his reaction time and everything. It ended up with him begging me to punch him as hard as I could. Him like getting a little not funny drunk. And then eventually I was, I had a lot, you know,
Evie's Volvo used Volvo Station wagon. I had to drive him home and I said, "Just whatever you do, just throw up out the window. Don't throw up in the car." I throw up out the window and he goes, "Got it." And he threw up on the closed window and he came down and it got in the door,
like got in the door as it came down. And then I took him home and delivered him to Nancy.
And she was mad at me. She was like, "How could you do this to him?" I was like, "It was his fucking pitch." He only received his home at all, it's because I didn't drink. And then she saw that I punched him and that you could have stopped his heart because I punched him in the chest and like, "You have no idea what a blessing it was that I was there with him." Jimmy, did you, you mentioned all of garden? Did you have
“the rights to when you're here, your family? Yeah, we did, we owned the rights. We still do, I think,”
owned the rights to. I kept saying I was a joke on the show. Hey, we're at the time show, and at the time show, when you're here, your family, you know, like it was making up like it was our slogan. And then they got rid of their slogan. And I said, "Hey, can you legally give that to us now that you don't use that anymore?" And so we had the CEO of Olive Garden come on to show and write me something that said, "So tonight show we can have when you're here, your family." And so we had it.
And then Olive Garden, their new slogan was like, "It's family time." Or it's like, "It's family time when you're here or something." That's terrible. It was your watching that's a night show at Jimmy now. Nobody was something like, "It's family time now." And so I would think it would be funny if I sued Olive Garden for coming too close to my slogan. Yes, which is when you're here, you're famed on that. Yep. And go to People's Court and actually sue them and go, "You're on it. There's slogan's
“very close to mine." Which is when you're here, your family. But yeah, don't we ended up not doing it?”
Because I think it felt too much like an ad or something. We did a bit where I was complaining that you got that slogan and that I had demanded NBC get me one and that our new slogan was "No one out pizza's the set." It's not your Jimmy, but it's close. Yeah. Oh, this is how you, how do you Jimmy? Oh, how do you Jimmy? Oh, how do you Jimmy? What were you doing right now? Did you ever actually
Jimmy and I both doing it right now? Yeah, we're both, we're both Jimmy right now. What was your COVID question Jimmy? What were you saying? Do you know, I don't know if you heard the story, because remember we're all going to do SNL because everyone got afraid of COVID and there was still, I think Paul Red was hosting and Norm was like, "Do you guys want to come in?" And so we're all just going to come in and do SNL. And so I was ready. I had all my bits, I was bringing my guitar,
I had all sorts of stuff that was would have been terrible, but I was all excited and I got tested by the same nurses that tested us all every single day for a year. And then they go, "Come with me and they put me in a tiny room." Like a tiny, I wouldn't even say it's a conference room.
It's a desk with a phone and they go, "Someone's going to call you on that ph...
HR is going to call you." I go, "HR, like not a doctor or anything like, no, this is NBC protocol. HR is going to call you on the COVID phone. Like, "What if I don't, what if it's false?" Now I definitely have COVID, and it's a glass coffee room. It's a glass box. Yeah, and on the box, on the glass door, they have catch phrases of famous NBC shows. This is Trent. And do you know the story, Nessa? No, but I told
it. There actually are glass like waiting rooms that we would have to sit in for our waiting for our COVID tests. And it once was like, "Norm, or Peter, it's Johnny." And I was in the, what you talking about Willis room. When I found out that I had COVID, I have a photo of it. I sent it to it. I have, it's insane. That's the room I was in. What you talking about Willis, when I found out I had COVID, I go, "Can I call my wife?" I mean, I didn't know
what they do. I was so scared. I didn't know what COVID was. It was the whole thing. It was so bizarre. I sent it to Tina and Lauren. I was like, "This is the room I've been right up." Dr. Willis, we're going to get you on the phone with Dr. Willis. You can't have a, what you talk about Willis room for something that could kill people. That's too hard to say. They run the room because there's the news in that room. I would argue you can't have a
what you talk about Willis room for corporate meetings, which is what it was. But that was what was
“happening right before they were COVID testing. Yeah, does that room pray doesn't exist anymore?”
All right, let's have another quick word for my sponsor. Striped Force 5 came about as a way to support the people who support us. And we want to take a moment to thank our friends at Kettlewon vodka for supporting Striped Force 5. Like us, Kettlewon is all about community. They have deep roots and cocktail culture, hospitality. And even the entertainment industry, I mean, what would James Bond be without a martini or sex in the city without a Cosmo?
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I've always said that. You know I've said that, right? I said that before we started recording.
“Before we even conceived this podcast, but that's why we're so glad that Kettlewon”
support for this initiative to help people impacted by the current strike. It's all the previous strike. Now that there is no current strike. No. That's a great, it's a great area. No, it's not just fully ratified yet, but restrictions have been lifted. Seth, in one breath, please read the last bit as fast as you can. As always, please drink responsibly Kettlewon vodka 40% alcohol volume, Kettlewon USA,
at least of a hail California. Before we go, we have some questions from listeners here. From Amy Adonis, she said, "What movie has made you cry? What scene? 100% be truthful?" I mean, just the opening credits of the natural, and I'm done.
Oh, that was great. I cried three times in the first 15 minutes of Moana this summer.
Could you get that to me? No, no, it's the cartoon Moana. Just as a lot of father-daughter stuff right after bat, I'm up. Up, up is a tough one. I cry at any movie on a plane. I don't know what it is about altitude, but I swear this is true. I cried towards the end of blades of glory. When he turns up, he turns up and he seems like they're not going to skate together, and then he turns up in the arena. I could feel my eyes
filling up with all of something that is horribly wrong with me. I cannot wait for someone looking to say, "Is that blades of glory? Joe Biden, film?" What the fuck are you talking about? I'm crying a lot, but I like to rollercoaster of laughing and crying like super bad. When they take a bite in the escalator, I made me tear up. I thought that was beautiful. A Miller's crossing, the very end of Miller's crossing. Leo was walking away from Tom.
“Fantastic. Tom clearly loves Leo so much. That's why he had to not talk to him anymore. Fantastic.”
The first movie I cried was the champ. Oh, yeah. Yes. Rekey Schroeder and Reconvoid. Yeah, and the parents took me to go see that, and I was like, "This is inside. I think I was the first movie I ever cried at." I actually had dinner with both of them, and when a different way.
I cried at both of you. You always saw which ET, because I couldn't believe Elliot didn't get
on the spaceship with ET at the end. I thought that was a terrible fucking ending. Why on Earth would he
Stay with his family?
Millerburg is definitely listening right now. I yelled at my parents when they showed us all the
“elder, and I yelled, "Do they not know these movies are for kids?"”
My daughter did that when I showed her. I didn't watch with her. I rented her. It's his famous
famously shocking for kids. Watership down the animated order. God, I saw that in the theaters with my mom.
Traumatic. Oh, yeah. What is your mom?
“Rabbits like being poisoned and choking to death. Yeah, the shadow rabbit just scratching rabbits,”
and then our gulf uncle singing over the top of it horrendous, not to children's film.
Stephen, is a question here specifically for you from Jessica. It says, "I have a question that's been driving me crazy, and he's the only person I can think of who would know. Stephen, why did not have Aragon's ancestors reclaim the throne of Gondor between the fall of Arno's splinter kingdoms in the war of the ring? Of yet to find a reason, just that they didn't please please please solve this mystery for me." No one wants the answer. Stephen says her answer to this on like my own social defense.
“These guys are crying. Eyes are already rolling back in their skulls. But you know the answer?”
So we're talking, and we'll fade you out as you're talking, and we'll go to an explosion, and that will be the end of the podcast. Okay, for those people, he's from one of the North. The North came in part Arnor, and the South came in which is Gondor, and one of them is our Vediwi, and the other one is Arnor. And in the year of what 2000 or something like that, the King of Gondor actually died after he was challenged. Previously, our Vediwi who actually died
in a shipwreck trying to get away from the strike force five.
