Fatal Fantasy | 6. Monster

Matthew Nichols and theaters. This film has all the elements of the true crime stories we love,

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Two decades after her brother mysteriously disappeared on Vancouver Island, a documentary filmmaker sets out to solve his missing person's case. But when a disturbing piece of evidence is revealed, she comes to believe her brother might still be alive. The film isn't select theaters now, but you can immerse yourself in the story by going to huntingmathunicols.com right now.

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Kyle Gilbert just murdered a man and is now walking up the Schwartz driveway away from the house, approaching Mike and Katie, who are working on getting the car out of the mud. After realizing they need a tow truck, Kyle says he's going to a neighbor's house to use the phone. He takes off his trench coat and places it along with the bloody sword in the back seat of the vehicle. Later, Katie said she saw blood on both and decided to place them in the trunk of the car

in case anyone came by. Again, an indication that she knew what Kyle had done. I wondered how Kyle handled that moment of knocking on the neighbor's door. After all, just moments before, he had slashed a man to death over 30 times in the most violent way imaginable. I wondered how he switched gears so fast from vicious killer to a kid in need of help.

“I remember they gave me ADHD. They gave you what?”

ADHD. It was good quality stuff too. It was not cheap. Practically, you get sick from marching. This was good tea. I remember thinking, like I said in a drink, because they were still kind of rainy out, you know, misty and miserable. Apparently I wasn't very pleasant, cordial and very polite.

I was a perfect gentleman according to them. You never know that I just killed a man.

You're not thinking, holy shit. I left forensic evidence over there. I left hares. I left DNA. You're not thinking any of that. I said, my brain's not moving past. This is very good tea. This conversation seems completely surreal to me, but let's face it. Kyle wasn't living in reality back then. Dr. Schwartz was murdered in early December 2001. Within days, police had arrested Mike Foll, Katie English, and then Kyle Eulbert, and became aware of Clara Schwartz's

involvement a few days after that. But it took until February 2002, a full three months later, before loud and county issued a warrant for Clara's arrest in connection with the murder of her father. Mainly due to the fact that we had to have the computer forensic analysis obtained. I am messages to the different individuals. Research the journal entries, tie those together to Kyle Hullbert, and we wanted to make sure that we had all the eyes dotted and tears crossed.

By then, they had a great deal of evidence against Clara and Kyle, along with statements from accomplices Mike and Katie. Cops knew the couple had driven Kyle to the murder location, but were not yet sure that they knew he planned to take a life. Detectives were convinced of one thing, however. That Clara and Kyle had conceived and carried out this malicious crime together. When Greg Locke asked Clara during one interview about the alleged

sexual abuse by her father, she said he had once slapped her on the butt. Locke was stunned.

Was Clara now saying that she'd lied to Kyle to get him to murder her father? Locke certainly

thought so. Kyle had told her about the abuse in his past, so she might have thought that her accusations against her father would send him into a blind rage. Going to trial the biggest question mark probably would have been Clara because more of her evidence was circumstantial and more of the evidence specifically Kyle was direct. We had the DNA evidence. We had the testimony from Michael and Katie, so definitely Clara was the more challenging. The prosecution was aware

that the greatest challenge lay and proving Clara had planned to kill her father, first through her underworld game, and then by coercing Kyle to act it out in real life, she had used the same ML on Patrick House, her former boyfriend, but he saw through it and disengaged. With that said, I was not overly concerned that there would not be a conviction in this case. He certainly

can never guess what a jury will do, but with that we believed that we had a good case, a solid case,

and that Clara would be convicted. One of the biggest questions in play, as the case headed into the courtroom was how much control did Clara have over Kyle Uber? Would he continue to protect her even though it looked like he had become the state's major witness against her,

“or would he realize Clara had manipulated him all along just to collect and inherit it?”

My name is M. William Phelps. I'm an investigative journalist and the New York Times best-selling author of dozens of true crime books. From Sony, Music, Entertainment, and M. William Phelps LLC, you are listening to Fatal Fantasy. Episode 6, Monster I don't know about you, but I like keeping my money where I can see it. Unfortunately, traditional, big wireless carriers seem to like keeping my money too. Per years, I was paying

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Taxes and fees extra. See MintMobile for details. Welcome to crime scene. The new weekly show from the binge, where we tell you the stories behind the world's most unforgettable crimes. I'm Jonathan Hirsch. You may know me as the host of my fugitive dad or dear Franklin Jones, watching you. I'm an executive producer of The Binge, the true crime podcast network where we bring you a new series on the first of every month. For crime scene, I'm joined by my producer and co-host

Cooper Mall, the reporter and voice behind Fatal Beauty and the Crimes of Margo Freshwater. We know

“there are a lot of true crime podcasts out there. I think what makes crime scene different is that”

Cooper and I have boots on the ground. We're investigative storytellers and so many of the stories

the millions of people who have flocked to the binge for riveting storytelling, deeply investigated

“true crime series, think of this as all the things that you love about those shows in a single episode.”

Join us every week in the crime scene office wherever you listen to or watch your shows. This is crime scene available now. The evidence against Kyle Euber, Mike Foll, and Katie English, was by far the strongest.

So the first case headed to trial was Clara Schwartz.

Loud and County prosecutors were determined to get a conviction, thus paving the way to get the others more smoothly. Court room proceedings began less than a year after the murder of Dr. Schwartz. As expected, Clara's defense plan to "shurke the blame and put it on Kyle and his errand ways." They argued that Kyle took it upon himself to kill Schwartz because he could not differentiate between the real world and this fantasy Clara had created.

The entire room waited for Kyle's appearance. What would the actual killer have to say? Would he cast blame on Clara or protector? What did it feel like when you walked into the courtroom to testify against the person who arguably manipulated you? I was exploited. I wanted to say something, but my attorney told me that if I said anything other than cleaning the theft, it would open up all

kind of things at the beginning. It's basically he painted a duty to sit in this scenario for me and

“you know, it's like either you do this or you're fucked. How much more fucked could you be?”

I had, you know, at the time saw that, you know, we were going to go with some sort of utility defense because of my mental health and I won't get taken away from any kind of ability to get out. And did the prosecution know you were going to do that? He did things surprised at all. Kyle did not end up testifying against Clara. He pleaded the fifth and walked out. Detective

lock explains what happened next. Clara attempted to plead ignorance in the regard that

she didn't believe that Kyle would really do this, but based on information provided by Katie

English and circumstances along with the information from Patrick Hals, it became apparent that she not only knew Carl Holbert was going to do this, but she was the precipitating factor. The prosecution focused on Clara's manipulation of Kyle and how she had quickly established several ways she could get him to act out her sick, twisted fantasies and deadly desires. Journalist Heather Greenfield covered the trial for the associated press.

Do you think she recognized the mental illness that he suffered from and maybe she thought she could manipulate that situation? There is points in the trial that she recognized he had a mental illness and thought, "Oh, even better than my boyfriend doing this because Kyle could get off on a mental health claim because she thought, "Well, if he gets caught, he could get away with it."

Or at least that was what was presented at the trial. Clara's court appearances were marked by her cool detached manner, which did not do her any favors with the jury. I was on the witness stand for a day and a half. Clara was very emotional and showed very little and facially during the course of the trial.

As expected, Clara's lawyers went after Kyle.

“What did her defense use in order to show that she played no part in this?”

What tactic? What defense did they put on? Although they tried to put it more on Kyle and say that she was just playing a game and he misunderstood and took this as real life and she was not really asking them to kill her father that he must have just misunderstood. But prosecutors weren't having it. They really put that without this, we would have had a

He wouldn't have had a reason to go to this man's house if it weren't for her.

Clara's lawyers also brought up her accusations against her father. Something not appreciated by Dr. Schwartz's family. His other children and his brother were in the courtroom. One especially painful moment was when the absolute idiotic notion that he was trying to murder his own daughter came up, something they and most everyone else found specifically,

“galling and ridiculous. We really don't know where that came from. I think even her own friends”

questioned her tales of abuse, they said they had never seen bruising, they had never seen any

other kinds of abuse and neither had her siblings or other relatives. Clara told various stories of physical and sexual abuse to different people, but one of the most shocking aspects of the trial was the online facet of Clara's inventing a game with ties to the occult that would virtually imagine her own father's death. The press hated up. Some reporters wrote that fantasy gaming was a bad influence on America's young people. At this point, a few homicides in

other states had had connections to gaming. The Liezberg community was shocked by this aspect of the murder and partly blamed gaming itself for Dr. Schwartz's death. Others in Liezberg felt gaming itself wasn't the problem. It's only dangerous when used by a master manipulator.

“I think that was part of why it got so much attention. For me though, as a reporter, I've always”

skeptical of a simple solution. More recently, it's been violent video games, these live, role-playing games, now social media. What's behind all of these though? At the end of the day is as people and it's how you use these tools. Clara had been close to her mother, who's death devastated her, but she had little in common with her father. He was a no-nonsense, disciplinarian who expected her to excel in school. He didn't seem like a comfort to her

at such a challenging moment. Clara was lonely and grieving for the mother who had understood her. Look, her death was no excuse for plotting to kill her father, but once Clara was alone in that farmhouse with her father and no buffer, something changed in her. She became set on a much darker path. Joan had lung cancer and she had died five years before the murder, so at least according to testimony from her siblings, Clara was the one who had found her mom when she died.

One revelation that came out in court was that after Clara discovered her mother's body that morning, she packed her lunch and booked back and went to school as if it were any other day. And then she called her father to let him know Joan was dead. She might have been in shock, but her behavior seemed awfully cold and detached. Over the next few years, Clara grew to a resent her father to the point of obsession.

So much so, she spent hours with her friends imagining the death of the old guy in her fantasy game.

“Still, why the hell did Clara's plot become a reality?”

Friends ecologist Dr. Catherine Ramzlin told me there can be a cocktail of psychological reasons behind how Clara reached a tipping point and decided to plan her own father's murder. And yet, within it all, her motivations were as old as time itself. I think she wanted freedom and she also knew that he was worth a lot of money,

had assets that she would get one third of in her mind. And for some reason, she was driven by

financial gain and also to be able to get out from under this the observation of a person who she thought wasn't worthy of trying to help her direct her life. So this is about childhood, alienation from a parent that she just doesn't get along with.

including her future. But her sister and brother disagreed that their father was overly strict

and argued that it was Clara who acted like a spoiled child. Her siblings thought she was being unreasonable. Greg Locke had a difficult time grasping as most of us do, how murder became an option. It is very hard for me to understand what could be going through a 20 year old's mind that they felt that their life was so bad or so impacted by another individual, especially a mother or father that they would have them killed. Mental health issues do not

excuse anyone from knowing the difference between right and wrong. But Clara's state of mind

“affected even detective Locke's observation of the family dysfunction. I believe that like any”

death of a mother or father when you're at a young age, she probably did have some depression after a mom's death. Specifically one of the things that was brought up and that she mentioned to me was that her dad had wanted to seek counseling but settled on buying her horse. So she didn't want to do counseling. I don't believe so. She turned to her underworld. As her case moved forward, Clara wasn't doing herself any favors by coming across inside the

courtroom as a stoic spoiled child unwilling to take any responsibility. She chose not to testify. After closing arguments, the jury took all of four hours and unanimously found her guilty. When it came time for sentencing, the judge was a bit lenient in my view. I covered the sentencing part. Now she had some foreshadowing of what may happen because the jury had recommended 48 years in prison and that is indeed what the judge decided.

It likely wasn't unexpected but when she heard it, she simply turned in left. She didn't look at her relatives. She showed no reaction. She just left the courthouse.

The first dragon met the hand of justice and was now confined to her dungeon.

But three more were still waiting in the wings. After taking the fifth at Clara's trial, Kyle Eulbert was still debating his next steps.

“Should he plead guilty at his trial or take an insanity plea?”

Most people seem to think well with all of those voices talking to him. Of course, the guy was insane. By now, Kyle was starting to realize that he had been manipulated all along by Clara, even though it had been so difficult for him to see it. Here's Dr. Ramseylin once again. Superior Orgy is what makes him highly vulnerable because he doesn't realize that a better manipulator is standing right next to her. She's honed her skills on other people already,

by this time where she's tried to get them to do things. So this guy coming at her is chaos and she can just draw him in and get him to do what she wants. So, Kyle, who has this code of honor, is an easy mark because she can make it seem as if she's in desperate niche as a damn villain to stress. Manipulation is one thing. But Kyle also knows, the voices he talks to are not fully understood by the world around him. They popped up in stressful times and seemed to be his

guides or his gods, the voices that directed him. At times he would say they controlled him, but clearly they didn't because they also warned him and he would ignore them. You know, there are convenience. They comforted him and made him feel like he wasn't alone. These voices for some reason were the only point of descent when Kyle walked to the house that night,

“imploring him to go no further. Why was this the one time he ignored them?”

I think when Kyle breaks for them, it's showing that they aren't really in control and maybe

something that his god essentially is telling him don't do. But he has to. He's not invested now.

“He's got this whole identity that he has shown her that he will come through for her.”

He has to save her and it doesn't matter what his god or his psyche is telling him. Kyle then does something nobody expects. He pleads out his case. One would think he had the perfect opportunity to put on in insanity defense as I mentioned earlier, but he decides against it. Senate is a legal term, psychosis and medical term. Explain that for me.

You can be psychotic where you are not in touch with the reality and then you kill someone,

but you understand as wrong. So you've tried to clean it up and try to have an fake alibi and try to get away. That means you knew that what you did was wrong and there are legal consequences. So you can be found sane but also psychotic. So what would be a good insanity defense? If he had been at Robert Swartz's home and he saw Schwartz pick up a kitten knife and he just, oh my god, it's going to kill me and

in self defense. So that's his delusion and he thinks it's genuine self defense.

And he's not thinking about the consequences or if he decides that Schwartz is really

weird wolf and that he is going to shift. If I don't kill him now, he's going to shift into his wolf form and overpower me. So I have to do something. Those are the kinds of things. For example, we had one where, and that is called the de-effic decree, he understood that what he did was wrong when he killed his ex-wife and two daughters and cut out their hearts and put them in his pocket. And so it was wrong, but it was god telling him to do it.

But then he knew that he had to also pluck out his eye because the Bible said, "Yeah, he did, he plucked out his eye and ate it. That's pretty psychotic." And he went to the police station and gave them the hearts. We've seen cases of delusional psychotics claiming that the voices in their head, God, for example, were telling them to kill. But in Kyle's case, the voices were actually

begging him not to, which would not have helped and insanity play. Also, Kyle told me he thought he would get a lesser sentence if he owned up took responsibility and clad guilty. But that was not to be. He said, "Well, it looks good for us, really,

“is that the judge is basically to hold her, you know, that is normal. That that's what”

not that happened if it were not for her. So he was thinking that 48 years was the benchmark, you know. And he didn't know what you could see. He's calls from all of that. Then you need to be able to get more than that. But, you know, that turned out. And the fact that he told to order for Selma, that she was good. You should have told the blame on me if I'm able to label mine. That's pretty good, you know, but self. Kyle was given a life sentence,

a longer one than Clara. Usually, the person who planned the murder gets the longer sentence. Judge Thomas Horn made it clear to Kyle why he was given a stiffer penalty than Clara. The judge said it himself when he sent his name. He admitted that Clara did all this, but he said that he couldn't think of any punishment that would have a determined effect.

“One of them is losing a fantasy world. But where this works, that's why he went above and beyond.”

Here's reporter Heather Greenfield. I think people were a little bit surprised that she didn't get more time than Kyle. But aside from that, I mean, it's still a long time and no sentence brings back Dr. Schwartz.

Time gives people perspective. It provides the opportunity to think about the things they've done. I had interviewed Kyle about a dozen years ago for my book, but I spoke to him recently for this podcast. He had come to terms with what he had done, expressed remorse, and yet was steadfast

in his opinion that murder was never his intention on that December 2001 night.

If you recall, at the beginning of this series, Kyle said this. You know, I can't force anybody to believe what I have to say. I'm not even interested in trying to make anybody believe what I'm trying to say. I am stating truth. That's it. But as we continued talking, he added something more. I didn't do that too, he'll have. Ten was to intimidate him to make him think that,

hey, somebody knows what you're doing, so if anything happens to her, he will be held accountable. By, I know what you're doing. Kyle is referring to Clara's lie that her father had sexually abused her.

I had never really bought into Kyle's. I didn't go there to kill him, explanation.

And neither had forensic psychologist Dr. Ramselin. He presents the story as I didn't really think I was going to kill him. I didn't want to need to, but he addressed on me, and then I had to

“protect myself. So I think parts of the narrative make very little sense in terms of the consistency”

of what we know about the victim. I think he hurt the guy initially from behind. And once he started he kept going. Certainly shorts would try to defend himself. He grabbed the blade. That's all very likely. But once he was down, Kyle continued to thrust the blade into him. What would you say to people, listening was say, he knew he was going to kill that man? I can't make anybody believe anything. One word or the other. And honestly, that's not

interesting trying to make people believe anything. I will tell you the truth, I can see, you're looking at this, I can see how it looks. I can see how people can make come to that conclusion. There was two people in the house that night, one of them's dead. So you can at this point,

“you can kind of write this narrative any way you want. Honestly, that's just not what I really”

stand to gain. I've been telling the same stories for 24 years. In my line of work, I mean, killers minimize their role in the crime all the time when they give a confession. One, I haven't changed my story in 24 years, not by a word. If I was thinking, if I was trying to paint my soul in the best light path, he would think what benefit has it had me in the last 24 years. I'm still in prison. I'm still serving the white side as I'm still dealing with all the

fall that come with taking another man's life. As what point does it become, why would he put in this much effort of this wall? On the fluency hope that I might one day go home?

“Well, that's not going to happen, right? You know that, right?”

I mean, it's going to be far ahead of it, far ahead of it, and he's waiting for the reform that, you know, or a quantity of my quantity of confession, I'm not going home. While he recognizes what he has done, few of us can imagine

what goes on in Kyle's mind. Kyle seems perpetually adrift in a world where he never knows

what's real and what is not. There's one particular child who had friend, he's held onto. Her name was Michelle Labender, and I remember meeting her. I can see it right now. I'm talking to you. I can see her. I remember the phone call from her on when she died. It was eight or nine years old and this portia, first experience with that, you know, a big thing for any kid. Fast forward, about 2015, I think. I'm talking to one of the therapists, and I'm telling her about this time

stuff. And she goes back to me the next day. And she says, hey, listen, I wanted to ask you about

Michelle Labender level existed except in my mind.

“I asked Dr. Ram's land a question. I think we all want to know the answer, too.”

The voices, these characters, how real is that for them? It's quite real. They hear things. They see things. They feel isolated because other people who don't hear and see those same things treat them like you're weird. Don't talk to me about that. And so even though it's their reality and they can't get other people to agree to it, the voices direct them. For Kyle, uncertainty is eternal. I have memories of things in my head

that I remember doing. I had had a proven to me forcefully and repeatedly that they didn't happen. Something nagged at me. My kid said there were other bodies. And Kyle had said he buried them in the back of a house. So I asked him about it. I remember being a visual entity to where I used it, to argue that drug dealers and pedophiles.

“I remember doing it, but the times that I believe it happened, I've been able to”

conclusively that I wasn't actually able to do it at this time. So I must be real here, you know, that doesn't happen in real life. Real life, he gets caught. But it's hard to know that there

memories in my head that never actually happened. It's scary. Do you know that the entire time

that I was with my ex-wife? Six years were together. For the longest time, I would wake up and I would be scared that I had imagined a whole thing that I'm spending two or three hours at a time sitting on, you know, sitting at the phone talking to a deadline that he was imagined. The fact here is that Kyle is mentally ill and he brutally murdered an innocent man for no reason and must bear responsibility. All of those things can be true at the same time.

But there are complexities here that we need to understand. And I would never want to be in

“Kyle's position in his state of mind. None of us would. I mean, who's to blame for this?”

And how senseless is this tragedy? In my opinion, Clara has the largest hand in this and she's very narcissistic. Her motivation seems to have been about money. I think she was afraid of father might be getting ready to cut her out of the will or not pay her college bills or something which made her want to hurry this long because she was she knew what he was worth. How much she would be getting if he were gone and she told a considerable amount of lies

through the process trying to fool her siblings and bringing her into their lives over what she did. So she was a narcissistic manipulator who got caught. Mike and Katie are out of prison today. Mike Full was convicted of second-degree murder and sentenced to 18 years, many of which were later suspended and so Mike wound up doing fewer than 10. He refused to speak to me. Katie English was sentenced to a year for conspiracy

and disappeared into private life after she was released. She also refused to speak to me. Clara Schwartz remains in prison and is not eligible for parole until the 2004-2040s.

Clara has never spoken to anyone in the media about her crimes.

Kyle, on the other hand, wanted to talk. He wanted me to understand a few things. I'm not a monster. I'm not some psycho killer who gets off on this ship. You know, I didn't do this shit for kicks. When happened with a tragedy, people are going to think what they want to think. And here telling people, this is what happened. This is how it happened. You said I am not a monster. Do you believe Clara is a monster?

Yes. Um, everything I have heard, she is not once admitted fault, not once admitted guilt or shown any remorse for what has happened. That's monstrous to me.

I'll continue saying it. I'm sorry that this happened. This was not. This is and will remain

“the worst effect of my life. And I grew in other people's lives in the process and of nothing I”

could do to take that back. How stupid I was and how foolish, just how easily I got manipulated. If I had been, if I hadn't been as broken as I am, and I had met Clara and I got myself to spiral it to peace. This is the thing that she created to me.

Doctors would still be alive. It doesn't deny that.

As part of a promise I made to Kyle, if you wish to read his writing, find his substack at Cheshire Madness, a convicted killer with a substack. How life has changed since this crime took place. At the end of the day, Cheshire Madness just me trying to reach out to the world because

I've never been afraid of dying. Dying doesn't scare me at, but I fear being forgotten. I fear

living a life not worth remembering. When I die, nobody is a remarkably. Nobody, I'm not believing

“anything behind except this one tragedy. But that's what I'm giving to people. That's what I'm”

giving to how I acted to the world. But it is you legacy. I mean, that's definitely what you'll be known for. And that's why I'm reaching out to the world so there's something else. People will know me for something. And then they won't say I've ever done. Selfishness, manipulation, narcissism, the three common traits behind a lot of non-sensical murder. And certainly the three rail cars driving this train. Technology played no role. It was simply a weapon, like a gun, poison, or a

27 inch sword. Clara allowed greed to dictate her behavior. She is no different from the man who walked

“into Schwartz's home and killed him. She is a killer herself. The Schwartz family suffered a tragedy”

no family should endure. And the patriarch, Dr. Robert Schwartz, was sleeping in the same house with the devil just the short walk down the hallway. Nobody ever suspected Clara was a threat. If you want more of the same storytelling you've heard on fatal fantasy, check out my weekly podcast crossing the line with Emolium Phelps wherever you get your favorite shows. I want to thank all of my sources, those who made it into the podcast and those who did not. I also owe great thanks

to Katherine St. Louis for her script consulting and Jonathan Hirsch for all of his hard work on every aspect of this series and likewise to everyone at Sony Music from the very beginning. Thank you so much for listening to fatal fantasy. If you or anybody you know struggles with mental illness or for any mental health assistance or to get help, please visit the National Alliance on MentalAlness, Nammy.org or call 1-800-950-6264

text, help line to 6264-0 or email [email protected]. Unlock all episodes of fatal fantasy, add free right now by subscribing to the binge podcast channel. Not only will you immediately unlock all episodes of this show but you'll get binge access to an entire network of over 60 true crime and investigative podcasts. Shows like catch me if you can and blink all add free. Plus,

all at once. Search for the binge on Apple Podcasts and hit subscribe at the top of the page.

“Not on Apple, head to getthebinge.com to get access wherever you listen.”

Fatal fantasy is a production of Sony Music Entertainment and, and William Phelps, LLC,

written and executive produced by me. From Sony Music Entertainment, the executive producers are

“Jonathan Hirsch and Katherine St. Louis. Our production manager is Samantha Ellison.”

Jeremy Adair is my senior producer and script consultant Matt Russell my sound engineer. I use Epidemic Sound from Music and SFX.

“I want to tell you guys about a podcast that is near and dear to my heart and I can't”

believe it already came out a year ago and you can all go listen to it. Add free by subscribing to the binge podcast channel. What podcast current? Tell us. Oh, it's called Blink Jake Handlestory. I created it about a man named Jake who I met who is the only survivor of a terminal brain illness brought on by heroin use but there is a lot of mystery and medical malpractice and true crime elements that are very shocking and surprising and even some supernatural elements. So this is

definitely an amazing story as very unique did such an incredible job telling the story and

sharing it with a world. So if you have not listened to it, my goodness, wherever you been because the Blink is so freaking good. Thank you. Search for Blink wherever you listen and subscribers to the binge, we'll get the entire season ad free plus you'll get exclusive access to the over 60 other true crime stories on the binge podcast channel. Hit subscribe on Apple podcasts or head to GetTheBinge.com