Most Replayed Moment: Your Thoughts Shape Your Reality! How To Rewrite Limiting Beliefs

And I actually wrote about this in my book recently and I feel like you're the person to ask this question because I know that our lives are governed by these beliefs about the world ourselves and everything in between, but can we choose them? I think so, you know when I was here last time you asked me about my childhood, which I

don't talk about it a lot, it wasn't awful, but it was it wasn't amazing, but the beliefs I had then,

I said totally different beliefs I have now because I chose to give myself better beliefs, because you know you make your beliefs and then your beliefs turn a right around and make you and then confirmation bias means you look at the proof of what you have chosen to believe and you'll find it. If you say, oh I hate cats, they're vicious things that scratch you, they're really aloof, or I don't like dogs, they're barky, yappy, horrible things, then if you believe that

about a dog and you meet a dog, you'll feel so anxious that that will become true, but if you say, oh I love dogs there, then there's loyal, gorgeous, loving things, then you'll have a different

“energy around them, so you should choose your beliefs, you should constantly upgrade, update,”

question your beliefs, where did I get that from? Is that true? Who told me that belief and even was true for them? Does it have to be true for me? Now I see a lot of women who say things like,

well you know if you're really famous and rich, you'll never find a guy because a hundred years ago

that was probably true, men didn't go for rich successful women because they wanted them at home, but it's not true now to your grandmother's belief is not your belief. I love my daughter's generation who don't do body shaming or fat shaming and have a whole different language, but I think it's so refreshing, so you can always choose your beliefs and you really should constantly check, why do I even believe that is it even true? Because so often it's not true at all it's just something

you've been taught or you've just gone along with it anyway. So in the case of cats then, you know I like all animals, but I cats I do think you know the way you describe them then, little bit scratchy. Yes. Sometimes a little bit you know annoying, not as loving as dogs and then you can annoy a lot of cat people here. If that is my belief, if I say to myself again a cat's wonderful they're lovely, you know they're fantastic, then it's scratch, et cetera. I feel like I'm just

lying to myself and this is the case with self belief as well, I could say that I'm amazing in

attractive and all these things, but in my subconscious mind after getting, I'm no bullied at seven years old by a kid that called me fat and whatever else and I just not lying to myself.

“Well I think you should lie to yourself, I think you should lie to yourself, I think you should”

lie to you, cheat and steal every day of your life, lie to your mind, cheat fear and still back the confidence you were born. As I've imagined you're going for an exam, you're going to fail, I'm going to mess it up, I've got a terrible memory, I know I'm going to read that paper my mom's going to go blank and I'm going to blow it. So that's a belief, but you could also say I've got a great memory, everything I studied for this exam is in my head when I read the paper,

the questions are going to come up and I'm going to remember the answers and I'm super chilled at exams on cool, calm, collected, I'm going to ace this exam. So if you repeat that over and over again, you see this subconscious doesn't think it just feels and if you say I'm nervous I'm so nervous and you feel the subconscious feels that then when you're nervous the mind shuts down, well the blood rushes to your heart and your mind empties it like if you're crossing a road in a

car, I don't think like a left right forwards back, would you just move because in fear you don't

“think you move. So when you're scared you're mind empties. I remember years ago I was coming home”

in this guy was following me and I knew it was following me and I knew I had minutes to get in my door and I couldn't get the key and I couldn't remember which I did, oh my god I have all the times to forget how this key works. I lived for five years but I was so scared I couldn't remember how to open my door at all because when you're scared you're brain empties and so if you don't think that I'm going I'm scared I'm nervous you won't do well but if you say I got a great memory

I love exams I'm excited about this exam I'm so exciting I'm going to be assessed I'm going to do really well or I'm going to be assessed not I'm going to ace it. This person's going to love me and see that I'm so smart and my answers will show them that I know I'm talking about the mind doesn't go or come on that silly the mind goes okay whatever you say you make it real your mind's job is to make your thoughts real the subconscious doesn't think it only feels and if

your mind's job is to make your thoughts real in your job it is to think better thoughts all the time so imagine you're going to have a needle stuck in your arm you got all that's going to hurt and that's going to be so pain but you could I was read my phone and if you cough just as an needle goes in it confuses your mind and you don't feel it is that lying or is it just taking your mind somewhere else that's the because I I think if I can choose my beliefs then I can

genuinely un-choose I can say it yes but I think I'd still believe it yeah but the thing with

“the mind is there's kind of rules of the mind one is but it give you a couple that will help you”

every thought you think is a blueprint that your mind and body work to make real every thought you think has a physical reaction and indeed an emotional response and here's another one the mind learns by repetition so when you think a thought a lot over and over again it becomes really if even if it's not real so if you think a thought my neighbors driving me crazy that so noisy I

can never sleep I can hear their television they're getting on my nerves it'll become your

reality if you say it's a little bit irritating but I can put my headphones on I can tune out then you'll have a different reaction to the same event you know we don't have to change events we have to change how we think about the events it's like saying oh this commute to work is killing me you know this this being on this freeways driving me crazy but someone else will go wow I'd love to be on I think you've got a car and you're going to a job when you're getting paid that's my

“fantasy dream come true don't have to change a thing you have to change how you think about the thing”

so that is changing your beliefs and a belief is really just the thought you think a lot so your born is a blank slate where did you get those thoughts from who gave them to you so the beliefs you think you can't change where do they come from let's do that and where do the beliefs you think you can't change come from so I think one of the recurring beliefs I've had about myself yes I think goes back a long as I can remember to be honest is that I am fundamentally unorganized and organized I think it will be

surprised to hear that because I'm very I'd say productive my output is high but the organization of my stuff even if you looked in my bag you'd be like a jumble sale my house as well if I didn't have a cleaning I think it would be you know it would be like a bomb had gone off in there I heard you saying actually on a podcast that when you go your hotel room is very messy and it upsets you but not enough to make you change it you've been missing I have to do this now you're right

I think there's there's a habit or something that I've built into myself where I think I've told myself it's faster do you know and but then the the dissonance or the the issue that I take with it is that's not who I want to be a messy person I want to be someone who comes into the hotel room goes into their suitcase and hangs everything up so that tomorrow is easier what happens is I dive into the suitcase pull my gym equipment out and run to the gym and it's something I want to

change because it's almost like this concession in my life where I've gone well that's just who I am I'm just a messy person and I think all label ourselves and of course when you do that now you're making it really say no I can't spell but my dad couldn't spell and now it's genetics so every time you say I'm just a messy person the strongest force in you and everyone in the world

“as you must act in a way that utterly matches up with how you have chosen to define you so if you start”

by changing that and saying I love being organized it gives me such joy to be all I love putting so when you say it say it say it it was starting to change so if the last three weeks have been

staying in a place with an amazing gym and I started to love working out with really really heavy

weights because now I've got run over and I started to get muscle-weighted in my leg I was going I love heavy heavy weights I love it and I was really a Pilates yoga person but for the last three weeks I get up when I'm in the gym at half seven going well love heavy weights and I didn't like it before but I decided to say it over and over again because when you say stay in a firm something your mind must make it real so all you have to do really is to start saying a lot

I love being organized it gives me immense joy to put so for I love it when everything's in its place and I'm in a hotel and sure I run to the one I come back I put my gym getting a particular place and I love that feeling of being super organized and very quickly it will start to change because you're thinking a thought that your mind has no choice but to make real but it's also true you know you think a thought and you your mind can't help it it has to make you know we do that

we did that thing with a lemon didn't we were you think you're eating a lemon if we ever done that well let's do it now so put your hand in front of your mouth imagine you're holding half of a great big fat juicy lemon close your eyes and just put that lemon right up to your nose

and breathe in that amazing lemon smell because nothing really smells quite like a lemon

and now squeeze that lemon so hard so that lemon drops pucker onto the surface to get your tongue lick off the lemon open your mouth really wide and shove that entire lemon into your mouth and I want you start sucking and biting and chewing all the flesh literally bite into that lemon

chew that lemon suck that lemon swirl that lemon all around your mouth keep eating the lemon suck it chew it swirl it around and then open your eyes did you start pumping out saliva and so here's a question was there a lemon no there was no lemon that's true there was no lemon you grow this they say yes which is also true they're both true no there wasn't and but yes they're actually was where was it where was the lemon that was making you make saliva in my head in your head

yeah it wasn't anywhere else it was in your head just to another one put your own right arm out towards me just swing your arm behind you as far as it will go and have a look at where it's gone

“just look behind you to notice where it is bring it back I think you end up to like the third”

book on that bookshelf I want you to imagine close your eyes and tell your mind my arms going

to go a third further I'm now like a bendy Barbie and Ken doll my arm is so flexible he's going

for the way to imagine all the muscles in your right arm becoming super flexible like cook pasta open your eyes put your arm out and say to you I'm you're going a third further now you're like a pretzel you're super flexible go a third further swing your arm back and just watch as it goes a third further now look at how far it's gone you're only up to the third book before so what happened then I just believed my arm was going to go further and it did

and you see and for men I get men who say no I can't please my wife I can't get an erection I can't keep it going and she's going to leave me and if I tell them other things you know

“you're a great lover you can maintain an erection for 20 minutes or 10 minutes or the average”

is about four and a half minutes that starts to happen they don't do anything else is that listen to recording that says you have longer erections you can have a great sex life you can wait until your partner orgasms and it all becomes true because if I'm going to say but I can't do it it's all over in a minute I can't please her or him I actually make that real but when you just change a thought you know there's a song called Love Change is everything by climate

Fisher but actually thought change everything when you think a thought it's such a game change erections it's so interesting because in my friendship group with my male friends we've spoken about sex life libido erections of course yeah we've all struggled in different ways at different times with this and it it's one of the areas in life where it's so clear to me that thoughts are the problem and the solution yeah because again if a man thinks about sex looks at

pictures looks at a movie and gets aroused you get a very physical erection straight away even if there's no one in the room with you so that's a classic example of thinking a thought about being aroused turned on feeling sexually attracted and your body makes it really there's no one there and it can be at a wedding can be an event it can be highly embarrassing for guiding a get an erection in the wrong place but if you think a thought I'm turned on here

the body makes it does it for women too but it's not so obvious for us we can kind of hide it but yes it's a thought I can't do it I can I'm going to fail I'm going to succeed I also think I just learned that I was at a very young age that I think maybe that I learned that I was unlovable at some some level because I think think about being a black kid in an

“all-white area where your house is like dilapidated I think that's what you can't never brought”

anyone home never brought a girl home in the 16 odd years that I lived in Plymouth never brought

anyone home no one knew where I lived I had this like constant shame yeah shame I showed up as if I was a confident kid like you know it was an act yeah and you went home feeling as sent you see one of the I taught 16,000 therapists all over the world my teachings there's only three things wrong with every person that turns up at your door only three things one of them is and difference so I can't connect the next one is I want something it's not available to me the third one is

I'm not enough there's a lot of versions I'm not smart enough good enough but when you tell me that little boy who is a black kid in a white world living in a shambolic has never bring you people home straight away you're saying I was different and if I'm different I can't connect because we connect by being the same because I like postman patso do I I like pastor so do I I like Barbie

so do I oh you're my friend but when you're different you can't connect so you first had that

first thing I'm different so I can't connect what I want being the same as all the other kids is not available to me and if you think you're unlovable then you have to think you're not enough but

very hard when you don't feel it so when you you know your feelings the most real thing you have

and we're always trying to use logic but logic doesn't work because in a battled in emotion and

logic emotion wins every single time so the emotion of being this kid you felt different not enough not the same you can't logic that better yes you can achieve a lot and work hard and be a million air you remember John Lennon said the thing you can't hide is when you're crippled inside and so you're trying to fake it till you make it but then you just enough feeling like a big fake

“you have to go back and look at okay I felt different but here's an interesting thing if our”

greatest fears to feel different it must be none the same as everyone because that's how greatest fear to be different it used to be cast out for being different vanish for being different but actually if you fear being different I already let me show the same as everyone because you got the same fears and what wasn't available now you've made it available many years ago and you're deeply lovable and more than enough that you have to kind of go back and look at that old scenes

to go but that's not me anymore of course it's not me so just stating why it isn't you is actually when the most transformational things you can ever do as we're so busy looking to how it is you know here's all of the mind whatever you look for you will find whatever you focus on you get more of so when you look at how it's still you or still there or still bothering you

“then you're finding it an interesting I think when you look at the mess in your room you remember”

the shambolic house and that's why at bothers you not because it's messy because you were bored up in a shambolic house now you come I think oh look at this room I've created the same instead of saying actually I'm going to fire star hotel there's a maid next door it's a little bit messy

it's not shambolic but you see what your brain is looking for is what's the same and it will always

find it but if you look for what's different you're fine that too so when you have a brilliant brain which we all have and you definitely have instead you've got to talk yourself out of it not into it you're talking yourself into how the messy room is the same as a messy home and it bothers you greatly because it feels out of your control which it was when you're a kid living in that house don't talk because I've taught yourself out of it oh yeah I have greater mess but hey I'm a super

successful guy I'm busy so I was going to come in and clean all of this up and it's not the same it's vastly different but our mind is always looking for what's the same because it loves what is familiar after all you know if you were to your kid living in the prairie you wanted out on the prairie you don't eat the buries you really knew you wouldn't eat anything unfamiliar because it would have killed you so our primitive brain wants to go back to what is familiar back to what

is known back to what is comfortable I wasn't sure whether I'm messy because it reminds me of home

mm-hmm so a messy room makes me feel comfortable or if it's the opposite like you know I've never

been sure which one it one which one it is well it's just I think it because you lived in a messy home it was familiar as easy you no one said tidy up put that away so if you're in the army friends you say oh no I make my bed and because you learn to certain way but you learn the opposite just everything's in a mess so the two things that you learn to is familiar but also it's deeply disappointing because it makes you feel oh god there's a mess again and I can't fix it when

“the truth is you can't you you've always got a choice the worst thing is I can't change it and”

I can't accept you I can't change it I can't accept I can't change it I can't change it as I can't you okay I can accept this go hey I'm messy and I love it like an artist or you can say I can change it but it's like I can't change it and I can't accept it except it my daughter loves living in a mess because she's an artist she doesn't even see or you can say I can change it by changing how I think just say I love putting stuff away it makes me feel powerful and if you say

enough it will become real because your words create your reality if you don't like your reality you don't have to change your energy you have to change the way you're speaking which immediately change your reality which is completely shaped by your words what you just listened to was a most replayed moment from a previous episode if you want to listen to that full episode I've linked it down below check the description thank you