Off the Record With Dustin Nickerson

>> It's not your job to take satisfaction in your work.

“You need to make a vow to be happy in your job.”

You made a vow to be there for your wife and your family. >> I am not talented enough to not work hard. I wish I was. >> The person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me, because this is my thing, not my family, not my kids.

>> Maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life by the way that they're like, I was barely raised. [MUSIC] >> What's going on, what's going on? This is John with a special interview with a great, like one of the funniest guys on the planet.

And his name is Dustin Nicherson, I've been a huge fan of his for a long time. He is a comedian that travels the country and comedy clubs. He opens for Nate Bargazzi in the big stadiums. He's just one of the best. He is great.

And in this interview, we talk about marriage. We talk about humor. We talk about some heavy stuff. And we also disagree because he seems to think that Starbucks is the worst coffee on the planet. He'll go into detail.

But listen, I've been getting your feedback about this interview series. And every single person I'm hearing from is saying more, more, more. They love these real, honest, raw conversations. So unbuckle your seatbelt, lean back, enjoy yourself, and listen to my conversation with one of the funniest guys on the planet, Dustin Nicherson.

>> So one of the most common pain points I get from couples is how do you balance work,

and how do you balance relationship, and one of the downstream conversations that we always

end up in is husband works this job, but he really wants to be filled in the blind. >> Right, right. >> Or wife is staying at home, wants to do this, or she's working, but also really wants to do this. And often we'll have to say, like, hey, that thing you're doing is taking up this much

time, at this point has value because you love it, but it's a hobby. How do you find that balance between telling somebody, you're about to cross from hobby into business? >> Yeah. >> Because that's a real thing.

>> Yeah. >> This is why, even though it is my favorite Pixar movie, here me out, I'm going somewhere with this. The message of the movie, the Incredibles, is a terrible message, which if you remember they're Incredibles, he is only happy if he's doing the job he wants, which is bad

fatherhood.

“Like, Mr. Incredible was a bad father, that he can't be engaged, remember that scene.”

>> Bob, engage. >> And you're like, so he's only a hands-on dad, and when he's happy, that's a terrible message.

>> I've got to see that a thousand times I've never felt it.

>> You'll never look at it at the same. >> The first thing, because now that you are, like, when you're a father and you're a husband, you're like, it doesn't matter, it's not your job to take satisfaction in your work. It's your job.

You didn't make a vow to be happy in your job. You made a vow to be there for your wife and your family, and to support your family. So, I have a very unique story in comedy, and that I started late. When I went to my first open mic, I'd been married for nine years, and I had two kids, and shortly thereafter my wife got pregnant with our third kid.

So, my career has been, and will always be incredibly secondary to that, in the sense that I had them before it, and I want to have them after it. So, I spent a ton of time at home, I mean, I worked my butt off on the road too, but I do most of my work at home for three to five days a week, depending on the week, I'm like father of the year hands-on.

I won't take a call from my management during the week. We talk on Saturdays. >> Oh, wow. >> When I'm on the road.

So, I'm never in that, but that being said, at 27, I did show up to an open mic with a day

job. And for me, it was the only one that can sacrifice, or I should say, the person that needs to sacrifice the most for this is me, because this is my thing. Not my family, not my kids, meaning the things that someone has to give up has to be me. So, it was like sleep.

>> Yeah. >> It was the main one. Sleep was the main one. You're like, this is late at night? >> Sure.

>> I'm going to get the kids down, so I'll just give it to you. So, the first club that I got passed, I was the comedy store in La Jolla, I live in San Diego.

“So, when I got passed there, I told them, I would like, can I go on last?”

I want to go on last every time, that's usually at the end of like 15, 20 comics, because

be down, everyone would be asleep, I'd been home for, I got home from work, I was there

“for dinner, I did all the stuff, my wife was tired, she was pregnant at the time, and she”

would go to bed too, and I would go out and I would do the spot. And now I personally benefited from it, because if you can go get laughs at 10, 30 if they've seen 15 plus time, it would be real good. You like, and the room is cleared out, barely anybody's there, I would follow some who knows what, but it's stuff like that, or like, for the better part of two or three years,

I mean, I would be gone on the weekends, which was hard, I'm not cheering to say my wife in sacrifice, because she absolutely does, I'm in the middle of being gone for two weeks

right now, but it is easier now that I come home with checks, but that being said, I always

tell people, like, I'd give it up in a heartbeat, if my wife said, hey, this is too much, well, you've got to go take, you've got to go manage an outback and say, look more again, I'd be happy there, because I'm you bring me way more happiness than comedy, comedy is great, but it's still a job, so you know, so we're talking back earlier before we're on air, and I'll get to this place, you did something that I saw from an art as an audience member

and whether it's me pretending being a poser in your comic world or like the live events that I do. You're getting on stage, you're not a poser. Well, yeah, yeah. I'm on the road a lot too, with corporate events stuff, and you followed a comic who just

“had a barn burner set, like the whole room was over, and I was imagining, I remember in”

the gap when the host comes out, I remember looking at my wife and like, I wouldn't know what to do, right? You came out and it's the most impressive thing I've ever seen, but you held your own, you just were you, and it took the audience a minute, and I mean, yeah, we talked like, I'm like, I'm going to take you came out and try to drop a huge funny joke to get, like,

hey guys, look at me, it was like, nope, this is who I am, but that takes, it takes an incredible

skill, but man, there's a rootedness to that that is like, if this doesn't go well, she backstage still loves me, my kids still like me, where does that, or if I got to go to out back, I'm going to go, I'll be all right. Yeah. Where does that come from?

I find some open mics, of course, yeah, yeah, yeah, and say hello, yeah, yeah, or beyond the, be at the, with the local wherever, telling jokes, but yeah, well, where's the rootedness comes from? Yeah, well, I was not, we can just say the name of the comic, Derek Stroop, Derek Stroop is so funny.

Right. And I was annoyed that I had to follow him because I'm like, I gotta go work.

He's funny, and he's also a whirling dervish.

Oh, yeah, he's just, he's like Sam Kinnison up there, yeah, he's a crusher. I was not nervous to follow him because, you know, when you're in and around the scene for a long time, and especially in LA, which I go up to frequently, it's, you know, I followed Bill Burr, you know, I followed the Theo, I followed all the, yeah, you know, it's like, yeah, you follow Nikki Glazer, you feel like whoever, and, and Derek,

because that's funny, if not funnier than all of them, but you're like, I've done this before. Oh, you just, your brain goes, oh, it's one of these. You know, you've just seen enough that I don't get, like, if I have like a bad crowd or a crowd, all the different crowds, now you just, you don't even, you've just registered

them all.

“I think I've seen almost every type of crowd, you could see it at this point.”

I mean, I mean, I'm in the 3, 4,000 sets at this point, so there's only so much. I have a playbook. I have a playbook. Okay. I've anything I'd be excited to see a new one.

Right. Right. So, but, you know, that tells me it's reps. It's a thousand percent. I am not talented enough to not work hard.

Gotcha. I wish I was. I wish I was like, God given talent, and I could phone it in, and everything was just laid out before me. It would have been so much easier.

But I didn't get that. I'm, like, the reps, and every part of my career has just been like this for the people listening, it just a slow incline, everyone's around a little bit, and then everyone's around a little bit, but it's just been like that. So, the rootedness, I don't know where the rootedness comes from, other than, you know,

I've, especially, like, this side of, you know, 35, 40, I just try and root myself in greatfulness, and focus not on the things that I want, but the things that I have. It's like, was a big marriage, changed her for me, like, that just kind of hit me a couple years ago, where it's very easy to think about the things that your spouse is not doing for you, and then, like, oh my God, look at this unbelievable list of things that they do

that show their love for me. You know, I had one the other day where I was like, you know, there's certain things that,

I wish maybe, like, physically, things were like this, or I wish my wife would, like, show

more physical affection, because that would be like love. Yeah. And then I watched her, um, for an hour, uh, like, sit with my child and help her with her math homework. And you're like, that's love.

Yeah. That's, that's fantastic. That's like, I mean, that's unbelievable.

“That's, that's a real value right there, um, and like, that kind of, and I think, I think”

about that with, I tried to with life where, you know, it's not, man, if I had this, man, if I had this, that'd be great if I had this, but you're like, you know, I'm fairly rich in that regard. Like, I have, uh, you know, a career that I like, it pays all the bills. We're not in debt, um, the wife loves you.

A wife that loves me and kids that get along, and I mean, what more could you want? I live in San Diego. That's pretty great. I feel, it like, it, to complain really feels like they're like, yeah. All right, buddy.

Yeah. Yeah, like, like, what are you, are you complaining at the beach right now? Yeah. Every Christmas morning, we open presents in the memo. I've go walk on the beach.

Let's go on the complaints, Nickerson. Let's, my single, my dad, single dad, who raised me, is like, what in the world? Right. He's worked for the union for 35 years, throwing luggage into, uh, into planes and anchorage Alaska during negative 20s, like, oh, you're not selling as many tickets at

Nashville. You want it? All right. Those are sold out tonight. So there is that.

So, okay. So I want to go back to take, take the career, it's reps. And I got the advice when I left my education world to come, do this crazy thing that

we do in podcasts, right, which was, don't listen to your first six months or even your

first year. Don't ever go back and listen to that because you'll have gotten so much better that it will be hard. It'll be tough. Fine, yeah.

Oh, yeah. I was one of those. Yeah. I was new. Oh, not good.

Right. Take that back to the dad, just had a second kid that doesn't, the home feels like a failure factory. Yeah. And it's just, you know, where I am winning, I'm winning at work.

I'm just going to go do that. I have felt a lot of parallels to going up on stage with three things you think are functioning and not. Yeah. And you find out the first two minutes, like, oh, it's going to be a painful 10 minutes.

Yeah.

I missed it on these no cards I got.

But I felt, I haven't felt that since I didn't know, I didn't know what I didn't know. Right. Get home. Yeah.

I just knew that I was in the way.

“And I felt like the best thing I could do is, from my family, is to back out.”

Oh, interesting. Right. Yeah. And that's the wrong impetus. Yeah.

And when you look up and say, you shouldn't have like that. But if I could, if I could look at it as you know what I'm going to do this thing, 1000 reps from now, I'm going to be really good to be there. Yeah. 100%.

Yeah. I don't know how to put that on the table where it's palatable for somebody, other than to say, to get good at a thing, whether it's being married or whether it's being a dad or being a comic or being a welder, you got to be a 2000 times. Yeah.

I mean, unfortunately, for your oldest kid, you know, parenting is on the job training. It sucks for that oldest kid. I mean, I do a bit about it right now, but like the best thing I ever heard about parenting, and I heard like a year ago, and that sucks for my 18 year old son. It sucks that I picked that gem up when he was a senior in TV.

As you go, so yeah, maybe that's why firstborns do so well in life. By the way, that they're like, I was barely raised. Oh, we tried our best. So, you know, I, that's really well said. And, and I actually, I probably carry the most amount of guilt as a human, like you

kind of pulled something up on me there without knowing. So, like what, like sadness and genuine guilt on my mistakes is a young father. Oh, I've got that. Yeah. It's a win.

It's a win. Yeah. It's a win. It's a win. It's a win.

Yeah. It's a win. It's a win. Yeah. It's a win.

It's a win. It's a win. It's a win. It's a win. It's a win.

Yeah. It's a win. Yeah. It's a win. No.

No. My dad worked in the union. They told us to shove it down. I know. Yeah.

So, yeah. There is something really to that.

“Now, I will say that, you know, how old are your son 16?”

He's 15. He's $15. $9. You know, my son is 18 now and went to college this year. And my daughter is a sophomore, so she's 16 and then my youngest is 10.

9. No. 11. Yeah. They blur together.

Yeah. They hear. I know her name. I know her name. I know her name.

Sure. But the, like, if you made for us, we made it on the majors. Like, we, um, we modeled a good marriage. My kids almost to a fault, no, that our marriage comes before them.

And that we've missed, like, well, we missed our youngest first day of kindergarten, because

we're like, hey, it's our anniversary. Bye. Yeah. Which I think is actually the greatest gift you can give you. I think so too.

“That's what I mean, my major and our majors have, like, I've shown my son, I hope, how”

to be committed to one person and to love them, you know, sacrificially and provide for a family. And we, now that my son is an adult, legally, um, we're starting, I'm like, almost, it's very beautiful. I'm like, are we starting to see, like, some of the fruits of, like, being a close family

and spending a lot of time together and going on vacations together and like, maybe some of the lessons that you hammered over and over and over and over and over, they're like, are they getting any of this, you know, um, starting to maybe click a little more. It is very rewarding, like, he's like, every time it comes back, I'm like, or I'll get little updates from him, like, oh, you just need to get away from us.

Before you're like, oh, you know what that dad and mine, yeah, he might have had a little wisdom. Uh, my son got into the, I don't know how to pop up on his, uh, he's got podcasts now. Oh, okay. He went down a rabbit hole with my show and there's last year we were fishing this

summer. Not talking just two guys facing the same bridge and not talking. Yeah. He said, do you know all that stuff? And I was like, yeah, a lot of graduate school for all that.

He said, but you're like, no, that, yeah, he's like, it's pretty good, man.

“It was like, it was like that little bit of, yeah, oh, man, uh, yeah, my son, I remember”

he made it one year high school football because he was 90 pounds as a freshman. But I remember he came home and all I'd been since this kid played T ball and soccer.

We'd always just said dude, attitude and effort.

That's all it matters. Attitude and effort. Just, it's just, it's how hard to try in the attitude they have to, this all the matters in life is attitude and effort. You trying to do these little things, same thing, anytime I, he goes out now or I see him,

I always say they, I'll say that and I'll say, be smart and be safe, just like little tidbits. Freshman coach, she comes home and he goes, dad, the coach he gave us like this big speech today and at the end he was like, oh, we care about here is, is how hard you work in the attitude that you have on it and he was like, and it just made so much sense.

I was like, attitude and effort, he's like, oh, I guess that is kind of what you said. I was like, I have said this to you 500 times and 14 years to another group of other voice. That's her voice, yeah.

Okay. Tell me about your picture of, I don't even have a picture, your lived experience of marriage going up. Uh, I didn't have one. So I was raised by a single dad, my parents split when I was five, four or five.

Okay. I don't really have any memories of my mom in the home. Okay. Very rare. Raised like, no, no.

So that's a rare thing. Yeah. Very rare. And the, my mom was kind of in and out and she was going through her own stuff. I don't mean to slander anyway, but the, I would see her periodically.

And then for a while it was kind of like every other weekend, but my dad never remarried.

So I've never, the only marriage that I've ever lived in is my own, you know. And then his, my dad's brother also fresh off a divorce moved in with us. So my house was mean, my sister Jessica, my older sister Jessica, and then my dad and his brother butch. So you're weird.

Don't go away from full house. That's good. It didn't get, well, we, it, to be fair, we had a rotating cast of characters who would come in. But it was just son Tater lived with us for a while.

There was a, there was a cousin named Bushrod who lived with us for a couple years. And aunt who came down, I have a very colorful family from rural Oregon. So, which is where the red necks on the West Coast come from, is all the small rural towns. And those are my roots.

That's who I was like raised by, you know, I'm one of the rare kids who grew up in South Seattle, knowing the two LeBony brothers. [laughter] OK, so a question that's been haunting me for the last two years. H haunting is, because basically, because it's like, it's, every time I try to grab it,

“I think I've got the answer to it, it's just a mist.”

And it started with just a ha.

Yeah. Here's everything. Yeah. Everybody. Yeah.

Good thing he's getting more too.

Yeah. How would you do that? Yeah. Yeah. And so, but then all the way down, when I, people, like, I just was in the, looking at

nerd data this morning, and marriages are actually weirdly, the divorce rates going down, and marriage stability is going up, but that's simply because more and more people would just start opting out. They're just not doing it. So those that take that step have, for whatever reason, but I can't blame the people who

have chosen to not do this thing, because they've only, it's only, like, if you just grew up and everything went to the weight room, somebody hit you in the head with a baseball bat. Yeah. I'm not talking to Roy. Totally.

“And so, I guess question one is, why in the world would you go do that?”

Oh, because I fell in love, you know, and I was a Christian. Okay. So you had to. Yeah. I was, you know, we were rule followers and we were eager, buddy.

Okay.

I was like, at 19, that seems like a good age to get married, right?

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just like, I remember sitting at Premarital Council in the knee shaking of my chin. Win is this going to win. Okay.

So, so you do it, because you have a faith context, and I'm the exact same as you. Yeah. We had to. Those are the next step. Yeah.

So you did. But. Yeah. Well, a couple years ago, not to self promote here, but I did. I wrote a book.

Yeah. How to be married to Melissa. Okay. And the whole premise of this book is that I am so uncomfortable giving marriage advice, because I only know how to be married to this person, that's it.

And I, this is like, my Ph.D. is in Melissaology, like this is the person that I, I'm studying

and want to know, and I want to empathize, and I want, and she tickles me, and I love her, and

she's a, she's my favorite person in the world. That being said, I do, I do accredited an amount of dumb luck, and that we have grown together, because the hardest thing when you get married at 19, and when you get married young, especially in the Christian context, also when a military context of these, with the times you get married really young, is you're not nearly developed, you don't, you don't, you know,

this, when would your brain develop 25? In theory. In theory. Yeah. I'm watching a bunch of 50 year old drunk.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

“I mean, and I read a thing was like in the frontal lobe comes last, right?”

Which is where West is. West is. Right. Right. So you're thinking, yeah.

Exactly. Not responding to everything. Yeah. So there's an amount of, um, sure, like, me, my wife are committed to one another, and I think that comes from a deep love from one another and a deep commitment to our faith.

I think that that's true. I also think that there is good fortune and luck or blessing or whatever you want to call it that we have remained compatible, um, because that's the hardest thing, because you can get married. And I look at the 19 year old version of me and the 20 version of your whole, and we

are different people now. We would hope so, right? Yeah. Exactly. And I'm embarrassed by that person that I used to be.

Which again, I hope so. Yeah. Exactly. Oh my gosh. That's a great, uh, Esther Proquote that is, um, most people have two to three to five

or six. Great loves in your lifetime, and if you work really hard, it can move the same person. And I believe. Yeah.

That's right. That idea. I got my wife is on John 5.0. Yeah. I think God.

Right. Because versions one through four weren't, we're not great. Yeah. Yeah. And I, I, but I also got some dumb luck, the fact that my wife hates change.

It was easier to stay with you than. I truly think that. I think that there is an amount of like red tape that she doesn't want to deal with. She's like, I'm already, I already have freaking fast for to deal with it. We're getting qualified for that, and then we're just, um, maybe on the Ramsey Network

as good as you. Yeah. Same for cash, and so sending to San Jose State, baby. And, uh, she did tell me once, and this is an old bit of mine where I did ask her, if she was attracted to any of my friends.

And she said, uh, she said, no, why would I, why would I look at somebody else?

“I already have a husband, and that's how she sees the world.”

She's like, I have this. I don't need another one. I have this one. Gotcha. And you're like, well, that's very helpful for me.

That's exactly how my wife does it. Yeah. I was like, I know, but that guy's really, she's like, but you're my thing. I got you. Yeah.

And then you're like, I'm, I'm not like that. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at this. I'm not good at this. So yeah, I mean, I, it has been hard, but not honestly not that hard.

I mean, it's like, I, okay, but that, but, but there is like a series of day and

Like what you just said, yes, would, what, marriage therapist across the country would

“be like, if I could bottle that up in right that book, I would pay for my summer home,”

which is, no, I just decided to be really interested in her. Right. What about, what, makes her happy, yeah, she doesn't like and right, right. That's a, I mean, it's, it's, it's some level, it's a series of choices I'm going to make. Sure.

Over and over and over. Yeah. Well, yeah. And now we're getting into a free will discussion here. Yeah.

Yeah. Let's go over religious affections. Jonathan Edwards.

I, I, I, I, I don't know that it is.

Okay. I mean, I did. Of course it is. You know, do I pick up the copper? Do I not pick up the copper?

Sure. Of like, all of that has all of those decisions I've made and she's made, have been driven by a deep of such a summer just affection. I just love her. I just want to do it.

I just want, she makes me happy. I, I love being around her. This is what people are like screw this guy. And this is where marriage, this is why I didn't, I don't give a marriage advice because but like, has your marriage work?

I'm like, I love my wife. She makes me laugh, she's my favorite person in the world. I think the thing she does is very, are interesting and charming. I like her moves. I think that she's, I like, I like her a lot and now that may have come from, yeah, series

of commitments and decisions over the year of years of like, hey, this isn't, this is what we're doing regardless and maybe you can fall deeper and deeper in love doing that.

“But also, I mean, I make sometimes the best thing for relationship to is for to end.”

So, you know, we've all had those really like, hey, you got to get out of this situation. Of course. He is a monster. Yeah. I wouldn't have a show if it was that right.

So, I don't know, what about, what about, what about, what about not to get all whimsical? No, I love it. I love it. Well, and I think, again, it's one of those things like, there's a great, I wish I knew the comic because when I was late night, when I was a kid and I just stuck in my head,

he said I was driving the other day and on the telephone pole, there was a sign that said, he called me and asked me how I lost weight. So, we call it in the guy, I was like, that exercise. And it's like, it's like, yeah, we have a world that is overcome created so much. And if we could reduce it to, I'm just going to choose a lot of that person.

And so, yeah, I think they're, I'm sure, I don't know there was ever a conscious decision of being like, it just was, and it just remains. But, I guess, the wrong side of the bill advice that I would give in that is what I said earlier is pay attention to all the things that that person does that shows how much they love you.

And look at what, because I, I find myself the most distant from Melissa and her, the most distant from me when we are focusing on the wrong things, when we are focusing on, he does that, she does that, they do that, they do that, I wish I had that, I wish I had that. And then when you stop and you're like, if I made a list of everything that Melissa does in our household and my life on just day to day, you're like, that's a lot of love for

me, that's a lot of action love, you know, that she doesn't owe me, she doesn't have to do for me. And then you kind of like, oh, yeah, it's pretty great, yeah, it's pretty great. You're like, woman here, it reduces that, but why not, yeah, yeah, yeah, exactly. So that, I guess that would be one practical, but, you know, yeah, a gratitude list isn't

exactly breaking you ground here. Well, I think it's, it's an old Brune Brown quote, like, whatever you go looking for in the world, you're sure to find. And there's something about taking off the glasses of, because I can see that same pile of clothes on the bed as evidence that she doesn't love me, or I can see it as evidence of

shit 50 things to do today, I can go, I can go fold those and put them up, because, and I'll reduce her word to 49 for God's sake. Well, and that is it, I get to just, I get to decide how you turn to that room, the feeling of making someone feel loved is the best feeling in the world. And that to me, okay, so you don't know this.

I'm right in the middle of writing a marriage book trying to write my head around. And that has become the lever, which, which I think everything rests on, which is, if you enter into anything with what can I get from this versus what can I do for? Yeah.

One of this can never be filled.

And so if, and it was even a shift coming to Ramsey where behind closed doors, Dave is

“like the only thing that matters is the person, if you're talking to them, is their life”

going to be better, because they interact with you. And even going to, like the first few nights at a comedy club, you get your eight minutes. Yeah. Can I get them to think I'm funny in the shift now for me has been this room of people

voluntarily and had to put their phones away.

“Can I give them 10 minutes of an escape and give them a little bit lighter day?”

And I don't know what the switch is, but all of my stuff is funnier, because it's not about, do you think I'm funny and it's, it is, can I contribute with this lineup of people to give and y'all an escape thing, the hellscape that we live in right now? And if you do that with your spouse, how can I make your day better? Yeah.

How can I love you today? It's such a different shift. And that's only going to benefit you, by the way. That's the thing. That's the thing.

That's the thing. Yeah. Makes your life better. And you don't, I hate to put it out like a 401k, right? If you invest in this over time.

But kind of how it works. Where is Ramsey? Yeah. But that's how it works. Yeah.

That's how it works. I totally agree. I have found, especially in the last couple of years, a great joy in it, of just being like, what can I take off your plate?

“Because I, more so than any, that my biggest desire in life is for you to feel loved”

by me. And she'll tell me that. The favorite thing about you is how much you love me. But now, as we get older, like, that changes what that looks like. That's right.

You know, as far as, you know, the day to day, the sacrifice, frankly, in our case, ironically, means working a little more, because things get expensive, more expensive, if it's your kids get older. Yeah. But yeah, it's the best feeling in the world to make someone feel loved.

It's, you know, better to give them receiv. And if you give two people the same page, you are trying to out get each other. Yeah. That's a pretty, intractable merit. Yeah.

It's also perfect. Yeah. It's also, you know, husband tip, it usually yields benefits. It works. Yeah.

Yeah.

What I read the other day that I had never heard this, it was, they're talking about initiation.

Yeah. We're going to head back to the back, back to the bedroom. And I had never heard the phrase "chore play" before. That's funny. Yeah.

That's very funny. That's in the, in the marriage literature. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, that's true.

I mean, that's true. No, my, if, like, dirty talks in my wife is like, "Hey, I've fallen in the laundry." It's like, "Oh, my gosh, you are a bad man." It's good. That's good.

It's gonna have laundry dirty. So what about, um, take me through, so I spent my 20 years hugging, sobbing dad, dropping their kids off at universities. Oh, yeah. And I would roll my eyes out of the back of my head and I get over it, man.

And I remember dropping my son off at a Tuesday, Thursday school when he was like one. And I sat in my wife's mouth for him to pass sobbed.

“How is your life shifted with this being dropping them off?”

And it, it could be a, I have also heard like, no, it's pretty amazing.

It's, um, walking me through there because I'm two and a half years away from him. Yeah. I'm already pre-greaving it. Yeah, good. Get ahead of it.

And, you know, that's good. I have found it, um, initially devastatingly sad. My wife described it as a breakup and thought, like, the thought of walking past his room. Yeah.

He's not there. I don't know that that's the whole thing. I mean, we cried for, I mean, leading up to it. The senior year is hard because there's so many lasts, last homecoming, you know, last he's a, he's a, he's a track runner, track star, he runs and college too.

Um, last race, senior race, prom, graduation. There's so many of these landmarks, milestones, uh, Ebeneezers. That's a deep, yeah, listen, I've heard the book, um, and that's hard and then summer is weird because you did all this stuff and then they're there, but you know the breakup is coming.

You know the dropoff is coming, but it is a lot of freaking work to get to it. And then we, in our case, flew up, it's very emotional and there's a final hug and then there is a moment where you walk away and it's, you're just like, what am I, you've

never left your kid before?

Not like that. I mean, you're, you're not going to see him for months, you know, like just in it's, um, my wife, again, she said it was like a breakup and then she said, what I think was the most beautiful, uh, sentiment on it. My wife said, you know, dropping her kid off a college, you know, ends up for their world

to get bigger, our world had to get smaller. Oh. And I was like, good little boy. I was like, hey, who's the writer? He, I don't want that to be just, I should have been my line.

I'm some of the words guy and it was, and it was, um, and still, I, now I think my wife

feels the sadness of him gone more than I do. I do miss him a lot. It's also the modern era. We text. Sure.

We send Instagram reels and TikToks all day long. And, um, he is, you know, an hour flight away. So we have seen him a few times. I am getting more, um, two things, a sense of relief that he's doing well. And then also just a sense of pride that he's doing well because they start to pick up

these things and these life skills that you're like, you couldn't have done this here. You really did mean, you know, the old healthy birds leave the nest thing. You really did need this. You needed, um, you know, just small things. You needed to have to find out how to, uh, check out a lift bike and run around, and get

around San Jose.

“You need to figure out how to get a ride to your stuff because we're not there.”

You need to get stuck in a house. You don't want to be yet. Exactly. Yeah. You have an heart, yeah.

You have an heart time with chemistry. I can't help you. And, uh, I'm an animal who you years. But, um, but mom can't, knowing there's, you go find your own tutor. So there's that element.

And then it is, that means that we also are very fortunate because he's running and he's running at the one school. He did land in a great landing pad. He's got support and it runs a support. He's also going to only get so much trouble.

He's running twice a day. That's, he lifts four times. He falls asleep. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. But it is. It's, um, it's a, it's a, it's a, it's a very tough emotional ride.

How did you manage one thing I always notice in couples that, like, after a loss of any, like,

loss of a parent, um, having for a bit loss of a child, or what I'll call it natural grief like this is, this is the way it's supposed to be. Yeah. Yeah. Um, but individuals grieve at different places.

Mm-hmm. How do you, we never sink to cry at one time? Yeah. Not one time in a year where we sat at the same time. How do you establish grace for somebody who's grieving in a moment when you

want to go out? It's, uh, yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's a tough.

Yeah. Or there's the, how are you already over it? Yeah. Or weren't you over it? Yeah.

Yeah. You channel what you felt last time you felt it. What's that mean? Fine. Okay.

I was crying a month ago.

How did I feel? God. You've got an empathy. Wow. You're, you're, you're, you're looking for that.

Like, okay. I can, I can remember what this felt like. I can't get there emotionally because I can't make myself feel differently. But I'm going to try and give you the space, the time and the response that I needed

“then, you know, um, so that's what I tried to do.”

But it is. Gosh. Do you? It is, it is hard because sometimes you're like, he won't have time for this. Yeah.

I'm trying to. Or this is make out night. What do you want to try? Yeah. I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to, like, I'm trying to watch a rest of the development.

Are you? Exactly. Because this is what we do. Usually it's Tuesdays. We usually have some wine, watch a little rest of the development.

Yeah. And you're ruining it. You gotta be sad. You gotta be sad. You gotta be sad.

Yeah. Yeah. So you try. But it's, that's a very, I've thought before. You know, I wish there was, if there was like a beneficial superpower, would be it's,

uh, however you felt physically or emotionally, if you could touch somebody and make that person feel the same way, that would be so helpful. Because I wish I knew, I wish I knew, like, like, if you have any physical pain right now, like a backer or anything like that, just like a knee pain. I wish I could feel it.

I wish I could know, be like, I'm like, okay, this is bothering him. And like, the same with them, or in emotionally too, because it just, it would be, it's the old, everyone's going through their own battles thing. And I just try and think that with my wife and with my kids, especially the kids when they're like, in distress, they're like, God, I just, same, same, I mentioned it before,

like, physical. But you ever talked to a friend who's like, just got chronic back pain, and you're like, I wish I could feel it for 30 minutes. So I could know just how much pain you're in all the time because it gives you a lot of grace.

And, um, I try and think that way with my wife, with my kids. I'm no good at it. I'm just like, get over it, uh, you know, you're 16, they'll be another boy. I'm fortunate.

“It is, it is important to go back and, and I don't know, for some reason, it's easier”

for me to do with my kids than it is with my wife. And maybe I just like, hey, we're adults to just grow up. Yeah. But with my kids, it's like, I'll remember being to have us to. Yeah.

And so it's so broke up with me. Yeah, that's true. And that is, it is, I try to do with my kids too, and that is a good way to think about it. Just give you a grace to your kids.

Um, there is, it's so funny you said, I've been thinking about this idea. Someone, a friend of mine who's single recently told me, she goes, you know, I, she's talking about marriage. And she goes, you know, I just, I want to be married so I could have someone that could take care of me.

And I laughed in their face. I laughed so loud. And you know what I'm saying? And I go, you could not have a worse idea of what marriage is because that is not it.

They will at times. But if you go in with that mindset, this puppy is probably a problem. I'm disappointed. Yeah. That's a personal assistant.

What you're looking for? Yes. Which I suppose there are some marriages that are like that, um, but what you just said, I've been thinking about it, and what kind of one of the development is a bit of the real, that, one of the real values of marriage and real close partnership with somebody

is when, as much as that empathy piece is good, it's also somebody's like, gosh, my knee hurts, and for your wife to be like, okay, you got another one you's up. Yeah, yeah, you're going to make an appointment or what? Did you? You're 41, stretch, like, what are you going to do about this?

I don't know. It's nice to have someone that you know loves you, but also doesn't have time for you. Because it does put your, especially when you're on the road a lot, like you can get in your head so much. And you can feel like a main character, you can feel, and you know tonight I show up

people. Oh, let me set this up. Man, people are shaking. You can feel like that's reality, and is that is not, you got to, it's, it is good to spend time with somebody who loves you and also does not care about some of your problems.

And also does not roll out the red carpet for you in any way.

“I think that's super important, yeah, my, yeah, I don't even get hugged when I get”

home. We have to time. My first big night when it sold out and it was a big old thing and I, it went good. I'm on standby. I need to practice saying it went really well.

That's great.

And I left early because my wife came, she doesn't always come, so if she really does.

She came, I left, you know, the fun is the green room, what's your common track there, just talking trash, and so I left early, went home for what I didn't identify the time, but I realized, oh I'm just going, I want my second standing ovation here and I walked, I walked in the door and my wife is standing there and she goes, oh, hey, it was just, I was literally waiting for it and she goes, could you pick up Hank tomorrow from, it just

went, it's great, but I, but here's the thing, I cast her in a movie, she didn't know she was in, and then I got mad that she didn't know the lines. And it was like, that's, yeah, I could have said, hey, I'm coming home. Yeah. Well, you cheer for me, and she's absolutely, yeah.

Of course. Yeah. And the greatest way she knew to love me was to go home and make sure these kids are taken care of because you've been spending all night at the stupid comedy club. And unfortunately, that makes you a good person.

Of course. Unfortunately. Yes. Because you can't, you just can't have the everyone loving and praising you. No.

You can't do it. It's not, it's not a life you can live, and I've seen it with comedians and famous and your crushes and burns every time.

So I always tell my wife I go, I want to have one foot on the red carpet and one foot

on the school pickup line. That's where I belong and both these things. Like, sure, I'm following John Mulaney at the comedy store tonight, but also I'm just shooting the breeze with John MacArthur under the tree waiting for our kid. That's great.

You know, waiting for our 11 year olds to come be ungrateful that we gave them a right home. Yeah. Yeah. Good.

We're, yeah. Turn the AC on. Dude, we just got in the car. My daughter's new thing she's on now is, man, I will get out of here early. I'll tell my wife, I'm going to pick her up.

I just need to see her. Yeah.

“Wait in that line, pick her up and the very first thing is, where's mom?”

Where's mom? I just give up like. Yeah. But anyway. We get in the car and, uh, there you go.

Can we get Boba? Yeah. Can we get Boba? Can we get Starbucks? Can we, can we?

You can't get Boba every day. Yeah. Boba is not a daily thing. I've been trying to pitch my kids on slurpees. Slurpees are 99 cents and they remain 99 cents and when we were kids, they were kind

of cool. They were the thing. They were the thing. If you could just get it. If you could get a slur, there was no Boba.

There was no Starbucks. Even in Seattle as a kid, you didn't go to Starbucks because Starbucks used to be for adults and now they market the 14 year old girls. They're like, can all the drinks be pink? That's right.

And then we'll put pink things inside the pink and then the market ain't a protein in the pink. Yeah, you're like, is that do we have drip coffee? Yeah, we made it seven and a half hours ago. It's burnt.

Why is there an adult man here? You're not our target audience anymore. We're selling these for my daughter the other day. We got her, her friend's birthday. We got like, we're like, good Starbucks gift card.

“It was like for $10 and she's like, can it be more?”

'Cause that's like one drink. I'm like, that is like one drink isn't it? I hate that company. In my deepest heart, I hate that company so much. 'Cause they made it normal.

They buy, they first off the thing that I like.

They sell crappy coffee. It is legitimately terrible drip coffee. It says bad. Give, I'll take Chick-fil-A. I'll take McDonald's.

I'll take Bucky's. I'll take quick trip. I'll pour rainwater through dirt before I will drink that Starbucks crap. It's so bad. I hate it so much.

And then they normalize like $7 and they target it to teens.

This is like a old cigarette ass. That's not bad for you. Really? Really? A milkshake with caffeine seems like that's probably $14.

Yeah, like always seen an uptick in 16-year-olds with type 2 diabetes.

It's hard-explosive. I know. I need one before volleyball. I don't think you do. Also, I hate 'em because Howard Schultz' is the reason to see how something's left.

See, I don't. Well, that's probably the primary, but also the other one you're coffee stinks. Don't take 'em home in a silence for O.G.G. Payton. The good is defender of all time. Bring 'em back, baby.

Bring 'em back. The good is defender. And now the thunder are all good. Oh no. Bless the people, Oklahoma City.

They're very nice people, but they're still your team. They didn't. I don't know. They were given. I could do a whole podcast on this, but the original criminal is Howard Schultz.

Howard Schultz own the team. And then sold them to an out-of-town owner. At a time, Clay Bennett, who is in Oklahoma City.

“If you remember, Oklahoma City had hosted New Orleans that year after Katrina.”

That's right. I'm the livable support, and they're like, "Hey, we could really use a team here. What a great group." And again, the people of Oklahoma, lovely people. And then the first crime was Howard Schultz sold them to a guy that was based in Oklahoma

City. And I'm in Nashville, and they took my Houston Oilers that I grew up with. Still haven't fully recovered from them. Yeah. It was my whole childhood.

Yeah. Well. We moved him here. Yeah, those great years were that great guy to Sean Watson. That redeemed it.

Remember when you guys, like, won eight games, like eight years in a row with J.J. Why, you won nine games, and lost in the first round of the play every time. Every year. Well, even while the kid with Warren Moon, we lost every year in the first round. Warren Moon.

Washington Husky, one of the, one of the goats out of there. There are greats of all time. Yeah. I've heard on like every January, and be like, there's the nine in seven. He's the team.

Gonna lose again. Back to lose again in the first round. It's brutal. It's like this dealer's now. Just every year.

Yes. Well, at least, you're mariners did well this year.

Yeah, it doesn't, it doesn't feel amazing.

No. Yeah. It hurts real bad. And I was rooting for Cal Rally yesterday for MVP.

“I think everybody with like a heart was, you know?”

I felt right. He, you know, I actually yelled about this on able to be network a couple months ago. When I was like, this is a baseball award, right? This is a baseball award. I think the guy who played more baseball should get it, because Aaron Judges spent a lot

of the time on the bench, and then would stand in right field and average four plays a game. Four plays a game. The average at bad is five pitches. So, Cal Rally's doing it in that bat.

What Aaron Judges doesn't a game. Yeah. Why do I know? It's a switch hitting catcher. Especially that is my favorite.

It was great here. It was very fun. And, you know, at the end of, at the end of every sport season, I, I, I covered the simplicity of the Disney adult.

You're like, gosh, Disney never hurts you, does it?

It does financially, man. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, so do sports. That's true.

Yeah. Yeah. I got a lot of gear. I don't need disagree, man. Nothing says we're in America, like getting a jersey with another grown man.

I don't get jerseys. I don't get jerseys. But I have a lot of gear. Now, one of the nice things about my careers, it does get sent to me periodicity. There you go.

Which is not, yeah. They're like, uh, that which is, which I, the jersey, I, I would wear jersey if I looks better in them. I just don't look at it. I just don't look at it.

Yeah. Yeah. That's so fun. Yeah. Yeah.

I wouldn't wear it because it's kind of lame. I'd look terrible. I look awful. Yeah. I mean, to be fair, everyone looks off of you.

I'm like a football jersey. You're like, why is it going down to my knee? Well, because the comparison are these like, these sculpted crafted human beings who are molded and deep around real athletes is so humbling. Yeah.

That's pretty good.

“Like, that's my dream for the Olympics is I think, not in the finals, but in the”

semi final, they need to run one average person. Yeah. Just to show how fast these guys are. Oh, man. That's, uh, like, you just, because they're all so fast.

Yeah. Yeah. You use perspective. When you hear, um, non-athletes talk about sports. It's very funny.

I'm not a political person at all, and so I'm not going to go on this right now. But the very outspoken swimmer, who, um, has kind of been speaking about the trans-- Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. She finished like fifth in the NCAA finals or something like that.

And I've seen like AOC and other people who were like, maybe if you didn't do this, you would have finished fifth. It was like, do you know how hard it is to finish fifth in the NCAA? Like, like, that's unbelievable. The fifth fastest college student.

That's insane.

That's insane. That person is so fast.

And this is, no, non, this is a purely sports take.

Yeah, of course. Do not badmouth that. That's a crazy high achievement. You know? But should be fair.

Like, we all do the same thing as like, armchair, quarter, but do you ever do the thing we are like, judging LeBron?

“And you know, like, she's only 17 the night and I'm like, how am the same age as LeBron?”

Well, I think that's crazy. Just go right there. Couldn't he see that? Yeah, yeah.

Like, I can't sleep on my left side because my hip hurts.

And the bronze, like, I didn't really, he didn't go to the lane as hard as he should have. Or the, was it the number of people talking about what kind of shape, uh, Luca? Yeah. Yeah, Luca was in.

Yeah. They did the baseball players too.

“They're like, oh, look how out of shape that guy's.”

There go, there isn't a distance of race. You could beat him.

And even to a mile, who beat you in two miles, who could beat you in six.

These are unbelievable athletes. It's, it's very humbling mean to sportsmen because they'll do that thing everyone saw too. Like, when they'll be like talking about Kyler Murray, they're like, can you believe that this guy made it to the pros at five nine?

I'm like, he's taller than me. They're talking about like, as a disability that tells you how great he is. Exactly. Yeah. Five nine.

“Can you believe this guy's even allowed to exist in society?”

That's crazy. What a freak. It was the circuser that Cardinals for him. All right. We got to get out of here.

I'll make up see you tonight. I can't wait. Yeah. Thanks, man. Good time.

Appreciate you, bro. Thanks for coming on. Thanks for being a bringing joy to people in a messy world right now. I cannot say that. Not to get over dramatic.

But I appreciate that. It's good. Thanks for giving an example. For guys like me on how to be married. Well.

Yeah, thank you. Come on. Good to see you. Thanks for having me, man. Thank you.

Appreciate it. (dramatic music)