My Husband Has Mommy Issues

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on Syria's XM Triumph and connect with me 24/7 at Dr. Laura.com. Rebecca, welcome to the program. - Hi, Dr. Laura. - Thank you for having me.

- You're very welcome. - So, what's up? - This is a topic that has been ongoing for a while now, so I had to think of a more recent scenario too. - Okay. - Okay.

- Okay. - It's the mother-in-law.

- How old are you?

“How old has your husband, how long have you been married?”

- My husband is 34. I am 35. He's been married for, oh, six years. - Either one of you married before? - I was married before for a very short time,

like less than a year. - How come it ended up to be so short? - I was very young and it was not my person. And so I have my person now. - Got it. How did you meet your person?

- I met my person through a mutual friend. And he, we hit it off. I don't know how else to describe it.

We went on our first date and I think we saw each other

almost every day since. - Any kids? - We have a five year old boy and a four year old girl. We didn't waste time. - I can see that, okay.

“So tell me about his relationship with his mom”

when he was growing up. What stories has he told you? - He, we go to therapy now and it's been very helpful to get him to open up in terms of the childhood and that relationship.

He was the, he was the helper. He was at the back-and-call of his mom. Anytime she needed anything from child to adulthood. You know, you need something put together. You need something, you know,

she was, he was essentially the husband. - I don't know how to describe it. - I get that, no, I get that to what happened with the husband. - The real husband. - He's around, he's, he's a,

- He's an alcoholic. - You wouldn't know if he met him. - Okay, so he didn't take care of his wife. - He didn't take care of his wife. - Monetarily, yes, emotionally, no.

- Got it. Any other siblings to your husband? - Yes, yes, he has a older sister. - And she didn't get sucked into this?

“- When I look at her current relationship”

from the outside, she's now with the theme type of man. - What do you mean same kind of man as who her husband or dad? - That's her father, yeah, yeah. - Got it.

Nice. - Okay, so time was happening for you. - I'm, I grew up in a family of, you know, we communicate and we talk about our feelings and all the things.

And so what has come up recently, and this is amongst, I could give you all sorts of examples and, and what I'm trying to figure out is, am I, am I playing the victim when I say like, - Okay, don't ask me a question

that has to do with starting off putting yourself down. - Okay, so it's definitely the scenario at, give me two or three scenarios, go ahead. - Okay. (upbeat music)

- We have school vacation coming up in April, and we like to visit the in-laws. They're, they have home in Florida, that we visit, and they, they give them to visit. - I see.

- And, and the kids have no idea, the kids have a good, they think that they're wonderful people because I don't want to do that, you know, I don't bring it with us, I don't, I don't know if it goes into it.

So my husband's sister has taken the week that we generally would go and have school vacation week, and so it was kind of pulled to us, you know, this week is not available to you, and what we have found is that, you know,

it doesn't, we can't take time off outside of that week.

well then let's go somewhere during that week.

“And so I talked to my husband about it because I,”

I, you know, we, we're good, we have, we talk about things in, in that sort of aspect. So I said here's the scenario, we have not been given the invite to go during the school vacation week, would it be okay,

if we did something with my family? Instead, how's that gonna go down? And he said, I'm fine with that, but it's gonna hurt my mom's feelings. She's gonna, okay, stop, stop.

Hey, I mean it when I say, stop, my dog's not to stop. The first time I say it, I can't get callers to do that. Okay, here, here's the deal. You asked the right question, and then you added something

to it, you never should have added.

You said, sweetie, would you like to take the kids and go to my folks? Just stopped right there. Then you said, how's that gonna fly? I'm putting it in my own words.

“So he immediately, instead of thinking about a pleasant trip”

to your parents' house, is now terrified over his mother. You created that, you did that, you blew that. You were not invited. It doesn't matter for feelings or hurt. If you listen to me on the air,

that is the female card to keep power to subdue other people, to control, to get sympathy, to not have to take responsibility, it's a vial way, women live in the world too often. So go visit your parents' house

if her feelings are hurt, so what? It's not reasonable. It's not as though you called her up and said, I hate your nose drop dead. Then if she was hurt, that makes sense.

But planning to see your parents when you weren't invited there, their house? Now you're being ridiculous. Not a victim, ridiculous. You're playing into his mama's boy problem.

You added to it. - Yep. - Do you understand? - I understand. - I understand. - What's gonna happen? You know, and he went, "Oh gee."

So suck that back in and say, I wanna go back over, let's go visit my parents and we're not gonna concern ourselves with anybody else's feelings about our scene. You're in loss.

- Yes, thank you. - Thank you. - Okay, you got it. - Yep. - Okay. - So, can I do one more scenario because I-- - Yes, yes.

- So, yes. - Okay, she also likes to say to myself and other people that I don't trust her with my children. And so-- - So, they live in a different way-- - They live in a different way-- - No, no.

- No, this is a vacation home. - I'm sorry. - We live in the scene. - She's living in the scene, Andrea. - Okay, then I say, yeah. - And the reason-- - No.

- Okay, then the truth. Your husband's an alcoholic, we're not gonna leave the kids there.

- Yes, and that is always the default.

“- Yeah, that's it, so that's what I've been using”

and I want to make sure that I'm-- - Absolutely. Your husband's a drunk, I don't want to. We don't want to risk our kids. You can always come visit us.

- And how do I navigate? This is me, this is my personal feelings and sensitivity. Because we don't talk about it with other people and she does, she likes to say, you know, they don't-- - Okay, I can't help that.

You married him and she was part of the package. If you didn't want her as part of the package, you should have passed on the proposal. Once you're there, you're just gonna have to roll your eyes a lot.

- Okay. (laughs) - No, I need it, I need it to hear that. - She's a twit and we're stuck with it, okay? - Okay, thank you.

- And I urge you, never leave the kids alone with her.

She's the one I don't trust. I'm using her husband as an excuse. - Okay, okay. - I don't trust her to turn the kids against you. At personality often does that.

So you're being very wise, pass it on to the drug. I love it. I go do the right thing. - If you like this podcast, be sure to rate it on Apple Podcasts or your favorite place

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