If You Feel Like Giving Up on Your Dreams, WATCH THIS! | Ed Mylett

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Let's gum.fms/mylet/mylet/mylet/mylet-lay-l-e-t. Hey everyone, welcome to my weekend special, the hope you enjoy the show. Be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify.

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Now on with the show. Welcome back to Max Out Everybody.

“I'm fired up about today's topic because we're going to talk about one of the things that I think is the most important things as it relates to winning.”

And it's one of the things that you can decide you're going to do without any natural giftedness. Because it's the number one talent you must develop in order to win. And it's not talked about on social media, you're not going to get it in a personal development tape and a peak performance program, self-help, and any of it. Remember this, the best ability is availability. Did you hear that? The best ability is availability that you were available to win.

Not enough people understand that this is an actual skill and talent. Most people in business or in life, whether it be relationships or the financial part of their life,

they're always looking for these little tips and skills that you should develop.

How to communicate better, how to be a better listener, how to suppress your ego, how to influence people, how to transfer energy, all these things that I teach, how to deal with failure. But I believe the greatest talent that you can draw a line through all the people who have won. Not all the people that win in business or life are unbelievable transfers of energy,

not all of them can close, not all of them can persuade, not all of them are great listeners. Not all of them even don't well with adversity. They did that the majority of the time. But all of them have in common. They develop the talent and yes, it is a talent, it is a skill of not quitting.

I don't think most of you right now that are struggling in your business life right now are giving yourself enough credit for this

incredible talent you're developing, which is resiliency, which is the ability not to quit.

Listen what I'm telling you, somebody is built multiple different companies. I've coached some of the top athletes, entertainers, business people, and politicians in the world. And I'm telling you that even in my own team, when I hire people, I look for resiliency. And I'm not sure above that is the talent is the skill of not quitting as the number one thing that I look for. And many of you right now listening to this, possess the number one skill necessary to win,

and don't give yourself any credit for it, which means it's not helping build your confidence. It's not going to the bank of crediting for your identity. And so although you possess this incredible ability, that so many people in the world don't have and don't possess. You have it and you don't value it, you don't prize it, you don't give yourself credit for having it. It ought to be where you draw the majority of your confidence from.

The ability to say, I don't quit, I'm resilient, I own the number one skill. The number one talent required to eventually win, I already have, I can't quit.

“You'd have to kill me to get me out of Chase and my dream, right?”

So number one, I want to point it out as the number one gift. The best ability is availability, do you have it, have you decided to have it? Is it something you're going to possess the rest of your life? And those of you that do have it already, I need you to take an inventory, be aware of it, and be intentional with crediting yourself as you're listening to this or watching it today,

into the bank of your self-confidence, into the bank, into the deposit you make in your identity, because it has everything to do with winning. Every guest you've seen on my show, all the people that I've coached, I'll have different talent skills and abilities, what's the one they all have? The ability to stay present, the ability to stay in the fight, to have not quit.

You think, well, that's not a big deal, really, because as I've been talking millions of people

The rest of the day, millions more, well, tomorrow, millions more.

“Every day, literally, millions of people quit on one of their dreams.”

Their dream relationship, their dream business, their dream body. So, quitting has become the number one habit in the world by people that end up losing. And I'm telling you what happens every day, every second, everywhere. Just the fact that while I've been speaking, you're still after your dream. You're ahead of them.

You don't give yourself enough credit, because eventually what I found, it looks like winning's the huge competition. But every day, every week, every year, every decade is time goes by. You're going to find that you're competing with a smaller and smaller and smaller group of people for your dream, because so many of them will just quit.

And by the way, many of them that quit will possess talents,

maybe even gifts you don't have. They're incredible ability with people.

They're incredible strength. They're incredible brain. And they'll quit with all this giftedness, but you got the talent.

“You have to learn to distinguish between something that is a talent and a gift.”

You can develop skills. You can develop talents. Gifts are something you're born with. But the people that I see that win long-term are the ones who develop the talents and skills required to win. Business and life's a lot like a piñata. You know, I was at a barbecue, a birthday party for a five-year-old, a while back, and they did a

piñata. I've seen the piñata before. And it's an unbelievable metaphor for life. In fact, we ought to call today the life is like a piñata, because it really is. If you look at these kids at these parties, any of you that have ever been to a piñata you can picture, they got the piñata up there. And what do they do? It's just like in business and life, when you start something new, a new relationship,

a new body, a new pursuit, a new business, right? What do they do? They take this little five-year-old and they blindfold them. They blindfold this little guy, right? And he can't see. He doesn't know where he's going. And then they spin them around. He gets completely disoriented, right? And then they hand them a bat. It's scary. When you watch it, don't you picture these little kids, right? You blindfold them.

“They spin them around. They become disoriented. Does that sound familiar to any of you?”

They're trying to build a business right now? You're completely disoriented. You're blind. You don't know where to go. They spin this little guy around. They hand them a bat and they go, hit the piñata. And the piñata is over to the right. They're swinging to the left. They're just

whipping, right? They're not even in the right direction. And then finally, what do you do?

You grab the little guy with a little girl and you turn them and you have them face the piñata. They were completely disoriented. In fact, they were doing more damage to the people around him in the beginning with that darn bat. You gave them because they're so disoriented. A lot of damage was done before they even faced the actual piñata. They've been blindfolded and spun around, right? They're completely disoriented. Doesn't that sound familiar?

It's just like building your new business. It's just like trying to transform your body. It might be just like this brand new relationship you've got. And in fact, the people around them are endangered in the beginning when you give these little guys this bat. Maybe that sounds familiar. Maybe right now you're at the stage in your business or you've been there before where there's been more damage done than there's been progress. You know what I'm talking about?

The people around you have been more hurt by your new venture than benefited from it. Your relationship with them is not as good. Maybe financially you've hurt them or feel like you have. There's been a lot of damage. But what do we do with these little guys? We eventually take the little girl with a little boy and we point them in the right direction at the piñata. That's when you find Ed Milet's podcast. You find his teachings. You find his YouTube channel

or someone like me and I can point you in the right direction. And then one of these guys, they take the bat and they're hitting the piñata as hard as they can and they're hitting it and they're hitting it and no candy comes out and they get tired. Don't think and they just they can't go anymore. So what do you do? You get help and you add a teammate, you add a friend. You take the blindfold off of you and you get a little help. That help could be a new recruit

in your business. A new employee, a new vendor. It might be a new mentor and we put the blindfold on them. We spin them around and then they're disoriented. They're not even hitting the piñata yet. They're hurting the people around them. They want to do we take and we point them in the right direction. Now they're following my show or great teachings and they hit the piñata. That's hard as they can. No candy comes out. You take another child, new teammate,

new recruit in life, right? But in the piñata says another child, you put a blindfold, spin them around and they hit the piñata and they're hitting it as hard as they can and it feels like no progress is being made. No candies coming out, right? And eventually they're hitting it and they get tired. And you think, man, how often they're hitting the piñata,

what happens is sometimes the first few kids who hit the piñata, they kind of disappear from the

party and start playing somewhere else. Maybe if you've had that experience in your business, some of the people you start with, they may not finish before the candy comes out. They may not be there. They may not be there to celebrate, right? Some of the initial people disappear and that could cause you to want to quit. But eventually what happens with that piñata, even though these kids are hitting the piñata and they're teeming up, they're all working together to try to make

this candy come out. It doesn't look like it, but each shot on that piñata is putting them closer to the candy. Even though it doesn't seem like it, even though you can't see the candy, every blow is like a compound pounding effect that pounding compounded by multiple people

candy comes out. That's true in business. Most people quit before the candy comes out.

“They don't stick around long enough. They got spun around. They get doors disoriented.”

They might hurt the people around. They get pointed in the right direction. They think they're making progress. Then they don't. They think they're making progress. Then they don't. And eventually because no candy is coming out. No money. No change body. No amazing relationship. They stop swinging the bat at the piñata. But if you stick around for the party long enough, you know what

always happens with the piñata? Eventually someone hits it and bam, the candy comes out everywhere

and everyone celebrates and gets all the candy and dives on it and celebrates. Here's what I'm here to remind you of today. You've got to stick around long enough for the candy to come out. You've got to wait for the candy to come out of that piñata called your life, called your business, called your body, called your relationships. The vast majority of people in life don't stick around for the candy because they think as they're hitting the piñata of their

life, they don't think they're making progress. It doesn't feel like progress. But I'm telling

“you the number one ability is availability. And if you keep swinging away every day, even though”

it doesn't feel like it, you are getting closer to the candy. You're getting closer, it just doesn't feel like it. You know what I had? I had the ability to keep hitting the piñata in my life to stick around long enough and by the way, when you eventually win, it's not just you that gets all the candy, that gets all the victory, that gets all the money. Lots of people around you. Many of which who you were hurting originally with that bat, many of them who were trying to talk

you out of it, they get to celebrate in the candy too. My prayer for you is that you begin to think about this analogy. The piñata of your life, the piñata of your business, the piñata of your body, is your swing in a way. I'm here to tell you, even though it doesn't feel like it, you're getting closer to the candy. And if you can add more people to celebrate, it's okay that you feel disoriented. It's okay that it feels blinding and you don't know exactly what direction to go.

Just like these precious babies with the piñata. It's okay that you miss it once in a while. It's okay that you get tired once in a while. But as long as you keep after it and you keep pounding away that compound effort of your pounding, I can promise you there's candy someday. And everybody around you will jump on it and celebrate. That's my wish for you today as you listen to me of all the skills I'm going to teach you that I've taught you. And if you've not listened to my

other shows, I teach you about listening, transfer energy, how to close, how to change your identity, how to live blissfully to satisfy, how to unlock your success coat, all of the very detailed

things I teach. Today is the most important thing. Is that as you learn all these skills.

It'll help you with the blindness. Every single skill you learn, you'll see clear and clear and clear. But if you don't develop the talent, the number one skill in the world, which is to keep hitting the piñata and to stick around until the candy comes out because here's the deal. Someone's going to get the candy in life. There's always candy in life. That piñata eventually always breaks down. Do you want to be the person who is there in the beginning hitting as hard

as you could in sacrifice it and maybe hurting the people around you and never get the candy? Or are you going to get something for your pain? Are you going to get something for your effort? Are you going to get something for this sacrifice you're making? You got to get something for this pain. You got to stick in the game until the candy comes out and then we all get to celebrate.

“That's what I want you focused on today. I promise you there's a piñata in your life”

and right now many of you feel blind and disoriented, maybe even hurting the people around you. Some of you are past that phase and you're hitting your thing hard every day but there's no candy yet. I promise you there's going to be a payoff for you and that's why message for you today. Very short in our mission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes.

You'll never miss an episode that way. All right, welcome back to the show everybody.

Today I have one of the great American entrepreneurial stories of our time and in fact, the gentleman and his wife that started this company, they're one of the main sponsors of our show. It's ironic because it wasn't the reason I had him on but we've been doing ads for Tommy John forever. They're my favorite ads to do because I'm a raving fanatic not just a client because that's what they have. But over the last little while mutual friends have introduced the two of us and I've been really

captivated by this man's brain and so today's really going to be an entrepreneurial and business master class with somebody who's in the throws of doing it right now building one of the great American worldwide brands actually you know one of the brands that I hear all the time from other people and I want to pick us brain about that and life in general. So Tom Patterson, welcome to the show. Thanks Ed. It's an honor. I'm so grateful to be here. You made such an impact on me, my family,

my marriage, my business and I just love you giving you a gift of millions of people and just I feel like I was one of the first Aaron and I were one of the first thousand followers of your podcast

an honor to be here. Thank you for having us. You have a great deal of humility

when you meet you in person you're very humble for a man who's accomplished so much in his life

“and I think and this is the after guy that I meet. I watch people closely like that dinner that we”

went together that night like I like like I'm kind of socializing but I really size people up and study them and you're you know you had been sort of I've been heard about you over the years from different friends of ours but I watch you even today even right when you walked in here today both you and Aaron have a high degree of humility and that's after success so if I go back and I think okay it's 2008 I bet that humility existed then too yeah but I wonder if when you were starting

because humility usually comes times can be connected to lack of confidence they're brother and sister sometimes did you have like this traditional imposter syndrome like what am I doing this isn't going to work did you have it then how did it affect you like during bad times like I knew I couldn't do this and even do you have it now at this huge stage rebuilt this massive brand yeah I think I think like you for me it was developed through sports I play three sports in high school

“small tons out the quota and I think when you get used to failing you create this resilience right”

and my grandpa always said you know when I'd be down about failing he's like Tommy built character

right character built through resilience that coach is pushing me pushing pushing me and you know if you get pushed you exceed where do you think you can go which increases your capacity to grow so for me character was really built through sports and resilience and I think when you push through and you start to have success for me there's there's this level of being grateful for where you've come from and like what you've done because everybody has their story and the challenge is

but at the moment you don't think like we're in this 500 square foot apartment or offices in our bedroom you just focus on where you want to go but I think when you get there like you don't forget like just driving here today and Wessali what I was thinking about all the time my

spend on the 10 and the 110 going to our underwear factory in Compton or undershirt factory

in Chinatown and then on the way back to our apartment in West LA calling NEMA Marcus stores I wasn't in to see if they had the product you know and then the buyer will call three days later say hey Tom we we're getting calls from other markets can you guys put us in more stores

“so I think being effective with the time but for me it was I think it comes back that back to”

the sports part and just being a competitor in those disciplines that you develop by being part of a team and being pushed beyond where do you think you can go which increases your capacity to grow but the last thing I'll say is I really continue to put myself on rooms where I'm intimidated right like John talks about John Gordon iron sharpens iron and I feel really dull going in rooms and being in those rooms too and there's just something about the energy and what you can learn

and being around people that are just doing exciting things but there I think there's a common thread like a common cloth that everybody has been cut from I think one of the common threads you jailed is competition so I am eight sponsored the show for a while you guys when we honestly they set me a bunch of of their product and I didn't take it because I was on some other stuff that I want to vacation I brought it with me oh my gosh what was I thinking waiting so if you've

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for a free welcome kit five free travel sachets plus 10% off your order imatehealth.com/ed code ed these statements have not been evaluated by the food and drug administration this product is not intended to diagnose treat cure prevent any disease so a well-built wardrobe is about pieces that work together and hold up overtime and a lot of you have been complimenting me lately getting some DMs hey my lad I like that sweater a couple

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and I gotta tell you i'm really really glad they did because one of the things i'm most proud of

“my life is owning a home what happens when age fact breaks down electrical issues you know a lot”

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turns apply on covered repairs it's one of the things it's like not in most of the text books if you go to get an MBA or you go to business school or even in conversations even on my show

“i'm surprised by how few people bring up competition and being competitive i think it's one of”

those factors that's invisible that if you cut someone open that's really one in life they have a competitive streak in them and sometimes being competitive helps distract you from how crappy your current situation is now like if you're just competing day to day to get more shirts sold more stores you're in more distribution that competitive thing going on you kind of forget wow we're broke right now and i think that's a major driver it is for me too i'm a competitive dude i

this podcast i know how many downloads it gets every single day right i i want to compete i want to be the best i want i want things to do well having said that almost quit a bunch of times too and i'm curious for you was there a moment where you started to raise your hands and surrender

or did you never have a quitting moment in your career i wouldn't say there's ever been a moment

where we thought this is it there's no way out i've always felt there's always a way right and i think a lot of ways like the story of Tommy John we've been like this room by vacuum right we just hit the corner we bounce off and figure out the other way forward and i think it comes back to that resilience that you were talking about but i remember back in 2013 we had an investor that said hey the company's not growing as quickly as we want you guys should really think about selling the

company make a few million bucks move on to something else and it just like i felt like i was sick to my stomach it just something did not sit right with that comment and this is um and i was like really and i thought about it for a moment should we sell it and be out and then three months later um it was our lightning in the bottle moment how our stern talked about her underwear how it changes life you can imagine a day without Tommy John but i think a lot of times entrepreneurs are

at that point and they're right about to break through and someone gets in their ear or you were talking about yesterday discourages them and and who is that speaking to them i think you're gotten your intuition has got speaking to you and the longer you're in business that got bacteria get stronger were you read the science and i think had that happened two or three years earlier we might not have yeah um but away can i just say something on that that's one of the smartest things

ever sent on the show and the other thing you just said because you say a lot of things brilliantly in little sentences so i want to make sure i want to acknowledge something you just said there are

millions of people who were one or two steps away becoming millionaires that never got there in their

life because they quit that one or two steps away it's incredible you know one of the things someone asking one time is what do all of the very successful entrepreneurs in your show having common i said well they're all very different but one thing they actually have in common is may seem obvious they didn't quit so many people quit one or two steps away because it feels so far away and i always say that people don't lack vision they lack depth perception they think they're further

“away than they are and so it's easy to quit if it's far away but the truth is usually if you've”

worked really hard your one or two steps away before you quit i totally agree with you on that man yeah really really good very short intermission here folks i'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on apple and spotify links are in the show notes now on door next guest if there's a time in our culture we need to know more about resiliency it's right now

i'm a big believer that it's one of the most important personality traits to having a blissful and

successful life is the ability to learn to be resilient and then this lady comes along in my life and i'm like i've got to expose her work to the world because she's been doing this work for so long and so my guest today has a new book out called the five practices of highly resilient people why some flourish when others fold and that is something we really are going to need to know a lot more of during this time so doctor Terran Marie Stasco welcome to the show finally it's great to have you here

yeah well you're going to help a lot of people today because there's going to need to be even more resiliency inside people spirits over the next three or four or five years just to navigate the world that we're entering right now and you have a really interesting story i think it's

probably important when someone's great at something i always wanted to wirely grade at this was

there's some catalyst was there an event that says this is going to be part of your life's work and in your case resiliency was sort of something that landed on your plate and you talked about that in the book like that's actually more common than not but tell everybody the story of where you had to learn your first lesson about resilience because it's really it's pretty emotional and

“something everybody i think will be a reminder yeah absolutely so i think something important to”

start with here and this has come out of my work is this idea that resilience is really the essence of what it means to be human and that's a powerful place for us to start i think ad because so often we've talked about resilience is being something that's outside of ourselves something we've got to go find something we've got to cultivate for some people there's this sense of dread around resilience right like it sounds like a nice idea but then the closer i get

am i going to be found out in my like a resilience imposter and do i not have enough resilience so there's a there's sort of an ambivalence i think for some people around resilience so i think we get to start in this place foundationally of saying actually resilience is the essence of what it means to be human and it lives within all of us and we don't have to go out and find it cultivated and i know that because for you and for everyone listening we've lived through

every disappointment every loss every turn of events every crisis every health diagnosis and we're still here do you think people have a resistance to it because of like well if i have to have resiliency that means adversity's gonna come my way and i'd rather just have a life where i live in this space of disbelief that there's actually gonna be adversity come my way regularly and constantly in my life that's i i love that question so another foundational element

of this is this idea that challenge change and complexity are the three seas are actually the fabric of what it means to be human it's not the exception to the rule it's part of what it means

“to live as a human and i think once we think about resilience is being the essence of who we are”

it lives within us it's not something that we can be wanting or we have to go out and find and then when we say okay the three seas actually the fabric of what it means to be human then we get to stop feeling bad every time adversity shows up in our lives because we think we should be more strategic we should be more visionary we should be more thoughtful we should make better decisions right yes or we think gosh i thought it was a good person but all these bad things are

happening so maybe i'm not right but then if we say ah this is the fabric of what it means to be human so now i got i get to move beyond this idea of feeling shame or ashamed and embrace the fact

that these things are here to teach us what was the first thing to tell you because this is

i've asked you when i knew you're gonna be on the show i prep like a cycle for my shows and i could

“not get this visual picture of this story of this little girl out of my mind so even when you”

walked in here and i met you the first thing i thought about was how proud i am of you of doing the work you do based on where i know sort of even the notion of it was born out of yeah yeah i love that you shared that so you know you've written a couple of books this is my first book and so this process actually taught me where resilience started so if you had asked me a year ago you know winded this start i would have talked about my graduate training you know my fellowships

the people that i worked with and in writing this book i realized that you know resilience found me a decade earlier than i had thought right it already lived within me as my essence of being human and and so you know this all started you know in in essence one morning when i was getting dressed before school and i was a 14 year old girl i was in high school and i had a ground floor bedroom with two windows and i had my stereo on i was you know playing music it was dark in the

morning in the Midwest for those of you don't know what a stereo is you can see us after we'll talk

to you about VCRs and butter turns yeah yeah we didn't always play music from our phone

it was just you know side note so i'd my stereo playing and it was like the fall so i'd my window cracked and i went over to turn off my stereo and there was this face at the bottom of my window and so in my 14 year old mind i'm like flipping through all of my kind of my

thought about this experience with my dad where he'd been outside playing a trick on my brother and i

“so it was like dad and he was like take off your clothes you're beautiful and i was like not”

not dad so i i had this experience like um like if you watch a horror movie and it feels like everything sort of like closing in right so i like bolt from my room and i'm calling for my parents we make a police report and the police officer says to us you know essentially probably nothing to worry about here just someone passing through the neighborhood of fluke right so i'm feeling afraid about this right but every time i feel afraid i remind myself what the police officer said

so fast forward about eight months my parents are now out of town i keep this window where i saw this man in this face like shut tight there's another window in the on the other side of my room that faces the back of the house right and so i just tried on some new clothes that i got at the

“mall standing in my bedroom naked and i hear his voice again and he said i've been waiting”

a long time for this and that was the moment where three things happened for me the first thing

was my childhood bedroom which should have been the safest place for me became profoundly unsafe i was naked in front of a man for the first time and three i realized this wasn't a fluke this was someone who was tracking me who was targeting me so i started call for help again right because i'm naked and we had some babysitter staying with us that had two little kids and for anyone who has little kids you know that the bedtime routine can be kind of crazy

so they were upstairs doing the bedtime routine with their kids and they couldn't hear me calling for help and so from outside the window he says no one's gonna come and help you and you know what ed he was not wrong he was right so i had this phone in my room not a cell phone it was a you know a telephone line and so i picked up the phone and i called the police myself and so we went through a few more series of experiences like that and then when i was a

freshman or a sophomore in college my mom called me and a neighbor of ours had been arrested for brutally assaulting and raping a woman another woman in her neighborhood and you know while

it was never proved out you know in the court of law that this was the same person he lived

for house as a way and you know faced you know crossed apart my parents house he came all the times that he came there were a few more you know my parents weren't home sheesh and you know i went i went on and went to graduate school and in my training as a marriage and family therapist i was reading the diagnostic criteria for post-traumatic stress disorder and i realized i meet the diagnostic criteria for this this is me hmm

who would have thought that that moment of some resilience when you're this little girl really still a young girl would lead to like what's going to be in New York times best selling book it's led to you coaching all these different people in the corporate space on leadership and being more functional these different things guys we tell you something factors made a big difference in my life just talking to one of my producers he says i just ordered

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Rekko you're a steuer but you don't have to do it. egal. it's a very important thing to do

like this steuer. you're going to have to do it. now cost a lot of options. when I'm wondering when I see

somebody sometimes I always go man they're one of the most resilient people I've ever met.

but based on what you said you're saying this this resilience lies within all of us. this is

“important for someone to hear. I think so. and so this person isn't necessarily more resilient than”

somebody else but what you're suggesting because this is really awesome with its true. is that what they've done is they just tapped into the resiliency to an extent greater than another person that I know. meaning there's they don't have a superhuman trait about them. they've been able to tap into it or access something that exists within all of us to an extent better than other people. true. true. okay. that should give everybody hope as they go

through difficulties in their life. that was a great conversation. be sure to follow the

Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify. links are in the show notes. you'll never miss an episode

that way. welcome back to the show everybody. so today I've got a really difficult question for you. is your will to win for sale? you know I really believe that of all the things that comes down to in life about winning and making our lives the masterpiece that we want them to be. I really believe will has a lot to do with it. and the people that I've been around in my life they have strong faith obviously but there's a part of them that has this will to win this will to want to be

somebody that's extraordinary. and for most people in life I think when they take enough failure or enough setbacks they will sell their will to win. you know it's an interesting thing in life

“about winning. I just want to discuss this with you today. you know you have to really decide”

right now and early on in the journey that you can't be bought. you can't be bought with enough success and you can't be bought with enough failure. most people at the end of the day quit on their dreams usually because there's just so much rejection and so much failure and so much let down. you know I would love to tell you that winning is pretty and that making your dreams come true for your family is beautiful. but man I got to tell you on the journey for me there was so many setbacks.

so many times I thought I had it going and then I didn't. I thought we were going to make it and then maybe we weren't. so many people that I thought would be there at the end that weren't. there were people like you probably have had in your life that you really really trusted that then let you down and hurt you. dark nights sleepless nights. some really difficult mornings with a lot of anxiety and trepidation. you know if you're going to win you're going to carry the

emotional burden of your business, of your family and sometimes that burden emotionally just over time is so difficult to carry that most people will surrender their will. you know I really believe

that winning has a lot to do with your will to win. it's not always just you know having the right

strategy or the right people in place although you can't win without them but at some point it comes down to grit and desire and toughness and resiliency and relentlessness. and I call all of those things will but for most people with enough of it enough setbacks and things they'll just sell their families dreams up the river. they'll call it something else don't they? well I didn't get along with somebody or there was this setback or the economy changed or this

person screwed me over or whatever the story is that we come up with all which could be valid. but at some point basically what you're saying is all of that was too much and so I've sold my family's dreams up the river and I say it to you that harshly because I want when it comes for you for you to avoid it that strongly that I won't let you create a word game that makes you feel like it's okay to take an out you know take the door in the back there and get out of here

and quit on your dream. that's not what you were born to do. that's not what it was designed for. part of the game of this winning thing part of the game of changing your family forever. part of the game of changing how you feel about yourself is really difficult and it's going to come with all of those things I described and more and shocking setbacks every couple two or three years going to be a day where you go my gosh right like that's going to happen and for most people at one

“point they just go that's enough that's enough and that's why so few people win because there's”

is for sale see what I would recommend you do is negotiate the price tag in advance. see I believe the price you will pay to make your dream come true your vision for your life come true is infinitely less than a price you will pay if you don't the price you pay if you don't make your dream happen your vision for your life is you live with that forever and that price I would never be willing to pay. I'll pay any other prices along this legal ethical and moral because the price you will pay to

make that dream come true is so worth it and it is so much less than the price of living with losing forever with the life you don't deserve with the people that you don't want around you with the

because of the setbacks or the criticisms or the the things that just didn't go their way or

“their fears holding them back you know price tags of life are interesting see successful people”

negotiate worth whether something is worth it not what the price is or the expenses if you're focused

on the expense you're always in a really difficult place I'll give you an example this is a metaphor

but it makes sense when I had no money right which was most of my life when I would walk into a store I wouldn't get what I wanted in this store I would get what I thought I could afford and so what did I do I flipped the price tags over I didn't always just get what I wanted I would what's the cost what's the cost what's the cost I'm sure you've done that as well it's just really one of the real things in life what's the cost I wouldn't get the jacket in there I wanted be based on

what it cost so that's a scarcity mindset right and so instead when I became a wealthy person I'm able to walk in that store and get the one that's worth it what's the one worth it and in our lives we're operating from a weak position we're operating from a poverty mindset we're constantly negotiating the price tag of like what's it gonna cost me what's it gonna cost me and we focus so much on what it's costing us the pain we're going through the price we're paying we're constantly

focused on the price we're paying that eventually we just go I can't I can't do it the cost is too great if you're focused on the cost you'll eventually lose because the cost is so extraordinary but if you switch that subtly and say is it worth the price is it worth it you focus more off the cost and on to it's worth then you got it so let me ask you what's your family worth what are your dreams worth what's the pride of living a life that you dreamed of worth to you

and once you focus on the worth you'll probably pay any price you'll go through any cost but

“you have to negotiate in my opinion that price and advance I think if you wait till you're in the”

middle of it you're in big trouble and so I would challenge you today to negotiate the price you're willing to pay in advance whatever it is and then negotiation is over so decide now what price you're willing to pay or not pay for your family and just be honest about it there's certain place where I'm going to sell my family's dreams up the river you know what I'm just going to give up and that's what most people do like they like I said they call it something else they frame it

differently they create a story that makes them feel okay about it by the way the only reason I know this is I've done it myself on several different things this guy screwed me over here that one let me down

ah you know timing wasn't right right whatever the bottom line is is that the price became too great

for me had I negotiated that price in advance maybe that would have never happened so if you focus on what it's costing you all the time which is what you're doing and you know it's costing me this time it's costing me this money it's costing me this experience it's costing me this it's costing me that you're probably going to lose but if you start to focus on is it worth it is the price I'm paying worth it then you got it why's that also matter negotiating the price as you're going through the

battle in life takes all your energy and your focus it isn't it constantly a drain on you is it worth it isn't worth it you're asking yourself this all the time how do I know it's what most people do that are trying to do something great isn't worth it isn't worth it isn't worth it right what's it costing me what's it costing me you're constantly negotiating it takes all your energy it takes

all your focus and so the bottom line is it's better to just to decide today and I would

ask you what your family worth what are your dreams worth what your life worth what price are you not willing to pay hopefully you don't want to do something illegal or unethical or immoral to do it but beyond that what's the price you're willing to pay and get clear on it and then just stop negotiating it stop doing that thing back and forth those mental gymnastics that you know exactly what I'm talking about and just decide I'm going to win I'm going to pursue this whatever comes

my way of already negotiated in an advance so although it might be shocking or really painful I already negotiated that price already negotiated it one of the cool things for me like in my faith is I know the price has already been negotiated for me right like it's already been negotiated I didn't have to do it remember this change only happens when love is greater than your fear

“when love is greater than your price you're paying what I believe you have to do is you have to”

start to attach yourself to the love you have for other people that love because you're such a good person is so much greater than the adversity will come your way but what happens when adversity comes we detach from our love for our family for ourselves from the people that we want to help and the love part do it's diminished and the fear and pain part gets increased see you show me anybody with a big old dream with enough reasons to win and I will show you somebody who's going to win

I believe more of an anything in life having big giant compelling reasons why you want to win

when the why is big enough you'll go through the how and you'll figure out the what right but in

“in most cases in life we don't attach those two things people say me all the time I'm not even sure”

what will motivate me I can tell you do you want to know the two things that will motivate you in your life

I'm going to give them to you right now you always go I lack motivation I lack inspiration I can tell you

what they are they're your dreams or other people those are the two great motivators in life usually most good people won't do very much stuff for themselves they just won't they're too giving they want to change other people's lives they love other people they put other people first those are the people that ultimately win long term so the two things will motivate your your dreams what your vision is for your life and other people those you that have children are you really

willing to quit on them are you if you have parents that you love are you really willing to quit on them or do you love them more than any adversity that will come your way could you negotiate the price and advance to listen it's worth it because my mom is worth it it's worth it because my children are worth it it's worth it because my God is worth it it's worth it because I'm worth it it's worth it because my dream is worth it it's worth it because if I make this happen I can

change all these other people's lives and those lives are worth the price I'm paying once you have the thing and the reason the love for what you want now you've got the negotiation handle because that is greater than the price but when this isn't focused on when the price is greater than the love when it's greater than the dream it's difficult so one of the examples of that that I've

“talked about before is Bella's wedding day number one key from Bella's wedding day story from”

met many years ago 20 years ago why matters most you show me somebody with a big enough why a big enough reason I will show you somebody who will solve for how to do it for what to do

I will promise you that why is the most important thing you give a father a story like not

being there and the picture the metal picture in my mind of some strange man that I've never met before having that first dance and walking Bella down the island or wedding day I'll do anything to make sure that doesn't have I'll do anything to be there and I can tell you I've done just about anything in fact my doctors that I'm with right now part of that journey of staying healthy where I found both of them a Gabrielle and Amy is because I want to be there on that day and beyond

one of the reasons I'm willing to take this sort of down shift to some extent is yes I'd love to help more people and yes I'm going to contribute and yes we've got one of the number one podcast the world and I'm one of the top speakers and my businesses are growing and all that matters and I want to help all kinds I want to continue to help millions of people that I've been blessed to help but not more than I want to be there for Bella's wedding day and so number one key is why matters

most and if you say I don't know what my why is I can tell you let me give you a hack to find your why

your why will always be your dreams whatever your dreams are or other people

why's going to be distilled down always into dreams or other people doing something for other people that you love or proven people wrong and what I will tell you under the why as that love is the biggest force in the world very short in our mission here folks I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify we have all the links in our show notes you'll never miss an episode that way now on with the show my

“will to win is not for sale so that's why I get up and I work out that's why I try to do the”

nutritional program that's why I'm taking this break from social media and reducing my travel schedule because my dream is to be a Bella's wedding day and my will to win is not for sale on that I've got to be there there's no negotiation for me it's get up and work out it's make sure you take the right nutritional supplements it's the doctors say slow down add and take a break for a while I do it there's no negotiation because I belong in that dream I belong there with Bella on her wedding

day and I like to get to the heart of it guys like I think the more we watered down the reason the easier it is to have the price take us out listen as I've been doing this video or audio with you thousands of people quit on their dreams thousands of people quit on their vision every single day thousands and thousands of people quit on something and the reason they quit is the price got too great and by the way that's okay as long as you've already done the negotiation

but I have a feeling that if I ask you again really closely how much if your parents are still here do you want to make them proud of you or take care of them how about your children or your spouse these people that you love the most maybe it's none of them maybe you have a grandparents who that when you're a little boy or a little girl really believed in you really saw greatness in you and you want to honor them and make them proud of you as they've gone to heaven and they're looking

down on you and you want to make sure that you really prove them right right I won't let you

visions for your life I think that that is greater than the price you'll pay and so I want to ask you that today one more time are you willing to quit on them are you willing to give in really the only way you can lose in this life is to quit only way you can lose is to quit now that doesn't mean you shouldn't pivot innovate course correct those aren't those that's not quitting that's the pursuit of something and saying listen what I'm doing isn't working the definition of insanity is

do the same thing over and over going expect a different result I've got to innovate I've got to pivot

“I've got to get a different strategy clearly I think you should be doing that that's what my show”

is all about is about strategy and innovation and progress but the truth of the matter is most people aren't totally committed to their dreams they're not they're going to stick their toe at it I'll stick my tone as long as it's not too painful doesn't get too difficult too uncomfortable take too much from me be too inconvenient then I'll pursue it but if it gets too inconvenient too difficult too uncomfortable yeah I'll give in let me give you a secret people ask me all the time about the

people that have been on my show that are some of the greatest achievers in life what do they have

in common and I'm going to be candid with you here's what they have in common they don't have it all figured

out I don't have it all figured out most everybody frankly is pretty screwed up to some extent or another and we're all just trying to get through this life and figure it out what they also have in common as they didn't quit on their dreams and the reason they didn't quit on their dreams is they're love of their dream their love of other people was greater than their fears for

“their inadequacies but I can tell you that we all feel inadequate we all don't feel prepared we're all”

sort of faking it to some extent aren't we in our lives and I know that shocks most people but I think it should give you hope they don't have it all figured out I don't have it all figured out but what I have figured out is that I'm willing to go into situations I'm ill prepared for because I want to win for the people I love so much I want to win for me I want to win for God I want to do something great with my life and so although I don't have it figured out completely

I don't have all the answers and neither does anybody that's been on my show anybody you've seen on this show as my guests most of them don't have the vast majority of it figured out but they're better at pretending they do and to the extent that they are good at stepping into spaces they aren't prepared for but they can kind of pretend they're prepared for they got this belief in themselves that if I can get in the room I will figure it out from there you know if you had to know everything

required to win in life the truth of the matter is you probably would never get started if Henry

Ford started Ford Motor Company and said I have to know everything for the next 100 years for this company he would never got started I mean who who's supposed to repair these cars there's nowhere to repair them because there's no dealerships yet there's no mechanics what about all the stuff for the tires you know how are we going to fix these things where are they all going to get fuel from what are we going to do when there's a mission standards these things didn't even exist

then he couldn't think through every logical problem he had to just get started if Steve Jobs and Wazaniac when they started Apple which was basically a board company what if thought about what what would the internet comes what about this the iPhone phone software about the Mac what about they couldn't ever think about all of those things things evolve you just get into the next room and you evolve right you get into the next space and you evolve so you don't have to know everything

by the way no one you see that successful knows everything but they do have this ability that when they get in the room they're not negotiating the price anymore they're negotiating their way into the next room they're negotiating their way to the next level they're willing to take the heat and the adversity and then the other thing is this you got to resell yourself regularly on the dream you know once you have a dream and you know what I'm talking about some of you

were years into years right maybe you just got to resell yourself on the dream what it's going to mean when you get there what it's going to look like how amazing it's going to be project into the future listen an idol mind really really is in pain it's in jeopardy but a mind who's saying I'm fully focused in the present but man the future looks so bright the future's amazing it's going to be incredible when we get there everything's going to be different we're going to have great change

our families never going to be the same we're going to get to go to this vacation and see this thing

and help that many people and feel that emotion and have that memory the truth of the matter is that your dreams in your life are not a hallucination I believe they're a gift from God that is a

“glimpse into what's possible it's like a possibility projection for your life is when you look into”

the future dreaming is free yet most people don't take advantage of it or they did it once but they haven't resold themselves the dream again maybe need to go touch your dream take a weekend somewhere where you get clear on this is where we'd love to live or this is what we'd love to drive or this is how I'd love to serve in our church and just take a Wednesday and serve one day in your church and resell yourself you know most of life the truth is is really selling yourself on things you're selling

yourself something right now you're selling yourself your worries and your fears and you're selling yourself the story of how big a trouble you could be and if this doesn't work out it's a sales pitch

that you're starting to speak to yourself so is the other one it's reselling yourself on the dream on the story on the narrative of where you're going and what it's going to look like I just

“feel like in life a better life is to sell yourself on the future sell yourself on how great it's”

going to be when you get there learning to live fully present in the moment let me say something when you're negotiating the price you're not present you've projected into the future more pain more difficulty you're not in the present so if you negotiated it already and you blocked that off in your mind you go I've already decided I'll pay that price I've already negotiated that that's already happened for me then and only then can you sell yourself on where you're going and what it's

going to like look like when you get there and when I say resell yourself I'm a big believer that you need to touch your dreams and so I said this a minute ago but I want you to understand it you got to sell yourself on stuff so like for example like where I ended up living in my life I would take a

little vacation there on a weekend for like one night I'll never forget this I wanted to live in

Dana Point Laguna Beach California that area and so when I would have a win in my business I would go to one night at the Ritz Carlton and Dana Point Laguna Beach just one night there and I never had been anywhere like that in my entire life and I had the feeling of driving up to the valet and my not so great car at the time but I remember just the feeling it may sound hokey but given the valet my keys and Mr. my let or you know are you staying here yes your name my let great right my

“let I never forget the first time the guy wrote my let on the the valet tag and he gave it back”

him I saw my name Ritz Carlton Laguna ago or Laguna Beach and then it said my let I remember putting that my pocket and I remember walking into the lobby and like the marble

floor I was like oh my gosh this is incredible and and I'd watch how other people walked and

talked that belonged there because I didn't feel like I belonged there and then I checked into the hotel and I remember back in those days I would go play golf just to be around successful people and you know my wife would go get a massage and lay out at the pool and then we'd have a nice dinner and I would just touch that drink just for one night maybe every eight weeks just one night but what started to happen is I started after time over time going I belong here I belong here I became

comfortable in that dream and our my moves towards what it's most familiar with and then I remember the first speech I gave being super uncomfortable but I remember the more I did it the more I felt like I belong here I'm comfortable here I moved towards what I was familiar with and it's interesting the other place that I would go take my many vacations was to the desert to the palm springs looking to area of California and I would go out to this one resort called the looking to resort

I couldn't afford to be there for more than one night but I'd get a deal on the room you know

and I would just touch that dream for a night I remember wow these desert nights are so amazing

and then we'd go out there maybe like three months later but I would touch that dream three or four times a year and I would touch the other one do you know that later in life for many many years those are the two places that I lived I lived in that area and I lived in the other one and I really believe it's because I had touched that dream over and over again maybe your dream isn't anything like that maybe it's to be you know full time in the charity or full time in your church go take a

day off and serve and just feel like it maybe do that every three or four months if you can and touch the dream because we move towards what we're most familiar with and we get in life what we believe we deserve and where we believe we belong and so long term if you're doing this negotiation thing you just don't believe you belong there and at some point there's gonna be enough pain that's gonna prove you right you're gonna go I knew I didn't belong here I knew this

wasn't for me I knew this was for other people I knew I'm an imposter I knew I was faking it what am I crazy and I have to tell you I have this happen all the time like I I have something

“I'm doing right now my life is a very major project it's it's a property that I'm developing”

and there's a lot of difficulty with it and every time that difficulty comes up I go what am I doing I'm I crazy that's not for me that's for someone way wealthier way more successful than me like and I have this thing where like I want a surrender right I'm negotiating it so I'm not perfect at this stuff and so a lot of times when adversity strikes it's like proving you right the price is too great the price is too great I'm literally going through this right now with something

and I have to remind myself I'm re-selling myself on the future I'm actually today tomorrow I go visit that place just to resell myself on the dream of being there just to resell myself on the vision it's so easy when you have a vision and a dream right and you have it so you establish a plan and a goal and then you start going through the stuff and you feel like further and further away from the vision and the dream and why you did it in the first place in the inspiration behind it and you're

more and more focused on the price so today's podcast I literally designed for me right it's the

financially yet it's my dream it's my dream and so I've got to come back and go I I love this dream I love the experiences I'll have with my friends and family more than the price right now stop negotiating the price ed you already negotiated this price you're love for these people in this place and the memories that'll happen there are greater than your fears and your worries and then I'm reselling myself by going back because our mind moves towards what we're most familiar with so for

most familiar with our fears and our worries and our concerns we're going to move towards it it's like a magnet thoughts are magnets they pull us towards what we're focused on so it's very dangerous to focus on all the pain all the price all the cost all the time because you're going to move towards more of it but if you focus on how worth it it is remember this cost versus worth right then you can say my will to win is not for sale I can't be bought you can't be bought with enough success and

it can't be bought with enough failure you know many people are bought with success they have a dream they get a little bit of it and then their bot their wills gone they don't want to work like they used to work because they've got a little taste of success they got a little taste of progress those people end up paying a greater price later when it goes backwards and they have to start all over again so don't let success take your will to win and don't let failure take your will to win

I think basically today my message to you was you got to decide right now what you're willing to

pay for a price and not and once you've decided it don't revisit it don't revisit it just make the decision that you're going to will this to happen get some prayer about it get some clarity about it feel like you've got a conviction over it you know get your mind empty meditate a little bit get clear and then ask yourself is this really my dream and if it is start reselling yourself all the time on that dream that it's worth it that you belong there I'm going to say something to you

“that I want you to never forget you belong in your dreams your big bold God size dreams those aren't”

hallucinations those are visions of what's possible in your life and I want to tell you I believe you belong in those dreams you do not belong in your fears you do not belong in the negotiation you do not belong in your worries you belong in your dreams the big ones and the small ones but I think especially the big God size dreams and most of those dreams are how you want to feel about yourself the emotions you want to experience the memories you want to have I believe are the things that most

matter to us it's not the thing or the house or the this it's how we want to feel and I believe

you deserve to feel that way about you and never give in to a price that tells you you're not

willing to do it or worthy of having it in your life before we start the interview with my next guest just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify we have all the links in our show notes you'll never miss an episode that way now on with the show this quote by Thomas Edison said when you feel you've exhausted all options remember this you haven't that's the power of one more and so I have lived this book in my life

like I have lived this mindset and it has changed my life because I've always been just one step away one habit away one mindset away from this amazing life that I'm grateful and blessed to live

“well that's the truth right you're right and I think the great lie in life is that I pick you know”

some scripture say well where there's no vision the people will perish whatever your scriptures are really you have no vision if you ask the average person you want to be happy or sad what your vision they'd say I want to be happy you want to be rich your poor most people say I'd like to be rich do you want to contribute or make no difference in the world I want to contribute do you want beautiful memories or no memories I want memories so there's a vision our issue is depth perception

we think it's further away than it is and because we think it's so far away Jay we create patterns and behaviors in our life that perpetually keep it there oh and that's what we do in our

life but what if that's the great lie of life and what if the truth is that you're one relationship

away one meeting away one conversation one podcast one interview one new thought one new emotion one new tactic or strategy away from completely changing the trajectory of your life and everyone that you and I know that we both work with that we're blessed to work with in our lives

“the truth is it was one decision one meeting one extra rep one more phone call one thing they did”

that changed their trajectory then the question then becomes how do I do it and so the strategies are in the book but conceptually that's a hundred percent how you're changing your life yeah and you you're so right I I was thinking about this this morning last year I had a double honey surgery on the front like so I couldn't walk for about a month and when I said couldn't walk I mean like a literally couldn't move my gosh it was like I was like I felt like I was teaching

myself to walk again like that's how it felt it's really interesting what you just said about

was like it will be gone today yeah in must have gone today like today it will be fully healed I'll be

“fine today and I'll wake up and I wouldn't be and I would feel like healing was so far away”

yes it would be like any percent away that I was missing out on the one percent change since yesterday you got it since yesterday I made one percent change I was I wasn't feeling the same pain in my nerves I was able to be flexible by one percent more yes and I was missing out on all of that because I was so obsessed with how far I was that's the journey and what happens is when you live with that expectation that these one more exists the particular activating system in your mind filters

them into your awareness I call it the matrix in the second chapter of the book when you wake up

believing hey I'm one decision away I'm one meeting away one relationship away that's not hokey your mind begins to filter the people places and things into your awareness you develop something called sensory acuity you hear conversations you weren't hearing we've all of that experience we're on earth but I can't stop hearing these people over here were you walking around room but you can hear your own name auditory over all the other names in the room that's because

it's important to you and it matters you see things and so when something becomes important to you and you believe it to be true the RAS goes to proving it for you and when I learned this I wronged I talked about in the book is my father was an alcoholic and had tried to get sober many

“many times and I'll never forget it J. We were driving to a baseball game of mine from my dad”

started crying I'd never seen my dad cry before and he pulls the car over and he still isn't

looking to me but he's crying and he says Eddie and then he turns to me and he goes I'm going to try to get sober and I'm never forget this brother he goes one more time and I said really dad he goes I'm going to give it one more try and I said do my said why would this be any different this time and he said never said this to me before he goes because I love you and you deserve it father you can be proud of and you can't be proud of me right now and I think every great thing

we do in life is one away but it's also born from love to talk about your book when you love people or you love something so deeply if that love is greater than what the obstacles might be now you got a shot to do it then my dad gets sober he comes home from rehab I say daddy are you never going to drink again and he said I can't promise you that I can promise you I'm not going to drink for one

“more day at a time and he lasted the rest of his life stacking those one more days up so I know the”

power of one more in jail be other thing I also know humans can change I watched my hero do it I watched my dad live my first 15 years so I'm going to a lot of fights a lot of lying a lot of difficult times and then I saw this man transform and in life we're most qualified to help the person we used to be and we we think in life and I hope everybody gets this we think the things

we're most ashamed of and bears by our divorce our bankruptcy or maybe we've just always been

average in ordinary this disqualifies me from being successful and happy what if that's not true what if the hardest things of your life are the very things that qualify you give you an example you know my dad got sober somebody helped him my dad was going to take his life or lose his family and I didn't know who it was till months ago some precious human being whom I didn't know and my dad's darkest hour of his life jay said I'll help you I'll help you little to that person

know I'd be his son and I'd help millions of people and I'd be on jay shetty show and we both helped millions of people and the more ironic thing that this person helped my dad is what qualified them to help my dad they were a drunk they were in alcoholic they had one time we were a drug addict they had one time we're lying and stealing and living in the shadows the very thing that person probably figured that disqualifies me from having a successful life was the one thing that did qualify

them to help my dad so if you're listening to this and you've had something you're ashamed of or a failure or a setback you're most qualified to help the people you used to be and that person that alcoholism they suffered with their drug addiction helped my dad live those one more days forever that that is the best explanation I've heard of how pain tends into purpose right the thing that brought you down that broke you down that made you feel like you are losing

everything that's right gave you back everything when you used that to serve the people that were struggling with it and then there's then there's a purpose and you know if you can survive the temporary pain in your life and all pain is temporary I watched my father pass away last year he was in tremendous pain even our bodies are terminaling our souls are permanent if you can survive the temporary on the other side of temporary pain you meet another version of yourself

another inside about yourself and that's why it's so important to grow as a person because

you and I are so addicted to growing and learning and we're curious because if you used to be a broken person and you no longer are quite as broken you can help broken people if you used to be broke financially and you no longer are you can help people whatever you do for living at one time you didn't know about it and now you do you can help those who need to know about it and so you're immensely qualified if you understand the power of doing one more I love it I love it tell me about

so let's say and you probably come up against us all the time a lot of the people say okay I'm going to practice that I'm with you Ed I love you and Jay I'm listening and I go yes I'm going to practice the power of one more now what I find and this is why you're so great at teaching this because you're not teaching it as a gimmick a glitch you're like a little affirmation this is like real it makes sense like it works people get so tied to the result that when they try it

the next day and the sales meeting doesn't go their way or the pitch doesn't go their way they go oh it doesn't work it doesn't work why didn't it work and how should we respond when we fail or get rejected? Well it didn't work because you're so attached to the outcome I coach a lot of athletes I know you do as well and one of the things that's a really nuanced thing in life it's

“great dev goals you should have goals I want to do this or that but in the moment of execution you”

have to separate from outcome in the moment that you're executing and just be present and exist

I talk about this in the book here's what I would say if you're going to win long term 95% of people

have an operating system in their mind where they operate out of history in memory and about 5% of humans operate out of vision and imagination so the reason we're so much happier I believe when we're children is we have no history in memory so we operate out of imagination and dreams and vision but it's some age some people it's five years old some it's eight some it's 18 some it's 28 they create a history and that history then becomes the operating system so even if they take on a new

behavior or tactic they're operating out of a pattern of thought and belief that's historic and memory based and so the number one thing I would say is begin to operate out of your imagination again out of your vision again create from that place if you create from that place now you're not tied to the result in that moment you're giving yourself space to imagine and create something new in

your life that I've never heard that in that language man that is so powerful I use so right about

his kids that we don't have any memory of history so we don't have any blocks we don't have any limits and begin to listen to the people around you say hey you're the product of who you hang around how do I know if they serve me or not here's way the one way to just deduce this because they could be beautiful people who care about you and they might even support you but when you're with them what are you all you're of those friends you're with them you're like you remember when

“you remember you remember remember that party remember that thing and if your friends are constantly”

bringing you to the filtration system of memory and history all the time think this through how often are those friends saying hey what are you working on now where are you going what's your vision what do you want to create and maybe that sounds hokey but you and I have some of the some of our both our friends have the most amazing histories and you can't get them to talk about them you have to work because what are they still doing they're talking about now and where they're going

their viewpoint in their life is being present and having a vision for the future a formula for misery a formula for lack of creativity lack of productivity is constantly being history in memory even if it's good it doesn't serve us and for most of but it's not good and we keep living from it or trying to move away from it create a new future don't move away from the past create a

brilliant imaginative curious vibrant vision for your life I love that yeah we're always trying to

create the same past yes as opposed to a new future and I find that what's really interesting about that all the study showed that nostalgia makes us believe that the past was more phenomenal

“than it actually was if you remember that party you went to a college it's better in your memory”

than it actually was if you actually could have gone back and remember how you thought hungover and what you broke a bone or whatever happened but now in your memory it's beautiful right so our memory also is slightly warped of the past you can make things feel much better or much worse sometimes no question but what's what's really coming out for me right now is this idea that it's it's something you said a couple of moments ago and and it sparked a thought for me I remember the story

that Vanessa Brian talked about Kobe Brian after he passed away I was fortunate enough to interview him around three months before it before it his tragic passing and she told this story and she said that Kobe would play through every injury he would play through every pain you'd play through everything even under doctors and his coaches would say stop play and she asked him she said

she asked him why do you still play and this is just her and him there's no camera as there's no she's telling this story but at the time it was just them to he said it's because there's someone who's paid for a ticket today they saved up and this is the only time that ever going to be able to calm maybe a son's boy maybe a dad's boy is cared maybe someone's come to the game they're a lifelong fan and they came today and today's the only day they're going to get to see me and if I

say I'm injured they won't get to see me so I'm going to play so that that person gets to see me play

“and then he goes in wins yes and it's like that's love that's love that's what you were saying”

love for something is in the present moment also right love is not just for the past and it's funny

how important one day has meant when my dad got sick my dad got cancer when he first got sick he

goes hey my dad was a dude he goes look I'll fight this one time okay I do your little chemo in your surgery but I'm not going to poor poison into my body I'm not going to lose my hair I'm not going to deteriorate I'll give this thing a shot once but doesn't work I'm out that late eight years have been fighting a chemo radiation proton therapy surgery surgery chemo experimental chemo and he did loses hair and he was in pain and I'd say to my dad I say dad you're suffering so much you said

you wouldn't suffer he said no Eddie I'm in pain but I'm not suffering I choose not to suffer and I'm not suffering because I get to see my grandkids again and I might say dad why are you doing

this and he said you only understand the power of one day when you're threatened with never having another

one I'll do anything for one more day get to be with you one more time give your mom a kiss one more time maybe I'll see one of my granddaughters get married and he goes I'll do anything for one more day the beautiful thing is I was actually with Kobe a week before he passed away we're in the same gym our daughters played volleyball and I ironically that day I watched Kobe walk out of the gym there was only a couple dads left it was late at night he stayed at I stayed and he had his

“youngest daughter and his arm and he was rubbing his other daughters back and I remember taking note of it”

because I was with Bella at the other end of the gym and I remember thinking I don't hug Bella enough I need to hug I'm no joke bro it's in the book I went I got to hug Bella one more time every day not just once a day plus one more time every day my daughter's gonna get extra hugs because Kobe does that what if I could have said that Kobe when he got in his car Kobe have one more week brother tell those that you love you love them get it right whoever matters to you make it right

call your dad make it right call your mom call your family what if the day before you could have said Kobe have one day left and my dad's the same thing I was with my dad when he had one day left I was with my dad when he had one hour left I was with my dad when he had one breath left and when we begin to think of our life that way the power of right now and having one more moment and one more minute it's so beautiful it's so blessed it's so big it's so amazing why would we spend that minute

in history why would we spend that minute in the past when we could be fully present and creating the future and so you know I think most people think Jay everyone else is gonna die

I'm never gonna die or they're gonna I'll get around to be unhappy I'll get around to making

my master piece of my life I'll get around to my dreams I'm gonna get around to fixing this relationship that's broken I'm gonna get around to feeling those emotions and then it's another day and another day and they keep it in the distance until there are no more days and I don't care if you're 18 years old listening to this 28 or 48 we don't know if we have one more day or a hundred more days or a thousand more days but we know this they'll eventually be a time where we don't have any more days

and so why would we spend the ones that are coming looking at the past and so my dad really taught

“me those lessons and watching him pass away and that's why I have so I have a whole thing in”

there of how to get 21 days a week run many days I get 21 days a week we still measure time bro like it's 1900 think about 1900 if I wanted to get you a note I'd have to write a letter out stick it on the back of a horse's button 1850 30 days later you get it that was a 24 hour day now I can text you in two seconds we measure time the same way so I teach you how to change your time so that you can make that day it's maximum lists it's maximum productivity what's one more

that you're working on right now right now I'm actually it's an interesting season of my life I have a TV show that you know that I did with NBC that's called change that I think is you know as a chance of getting picked up but my one more that I'm working on right now for me and my life

introduced me and my family to meditation and I've given myself the gift I don't just do it in the morning now I've given myself the gift of one more time every single day I've just emptying my mind and trying to be fully present and it's been work for me I've got that busy type of a mind but I have found that my piece in my life most of us Jay have all these goals

“of things we want to do and they're wonderful and I believe in doing that I think standards are”

more important than goals because and I teach you in this book how to set the standards that will get those goals we really don't but we really don't want the jet we don't want the hit song

we don't want the amazing relationship we don't want the million dollars we don't want the

we want how we think it'll make us feel and what if we began to become more intentional and outcomoriented about the things we feel and are like and it took me a while but now that I'm older when I feel strong when I feel blissful when I feel peaceful is when I produce the physical things that I want not the other way around and so my one more is more emotional focus most of us than I'll come up for air here having emotional home there's three or four or five emotions we

experience on a regular basis I write about it in the book and no matter what happens we find away even if they don't service to get those emotions if your emotional home is fear, anxiety, worry, depression, anger you find away every week to get that emotion but what if that emotional home could become bliss and peace and joy and creativity and ecstasy and so I'm working on one more beautiful emotion for my emotional moment for me it's peace. I love that I love that

on so man it's it's good to hear about what you've been saying like we're not living in the past and you're like in the present but to have you answer that question that peace is your presence

“like that's what you're looking for like that's that's the present and it shows that you're”

using this like it works you're doing it time and time again and I love what you said it moves from the physical things into the subtle into the emotional into the deeper I think that's so profound what was that one more that if you didn't do it you wouldn't be here today what was what was one of those ones that like like that was the one that convinced me apart from obviously a father that you were like ah if I didn't do that wouldn't be my letter I wouldn't be max out like

my first the first business I've been with the financial business and I had had some success J like a lot of people doing life and then it went backwards and sometimes you get up to flagpole just a little bit and you come back down that's an emotional difficulty could be a relationship that was good that's gone or maybe it's saved some money it's gone maybe it lost a bunch of weight and got fit and you gained it back for me it was my business and I called my dad it was

pretty wise guy now that he was sober and uh because I could tell you man I do one more rep in the gym I haven't done 10 reps on a bench press in 30 years I've done 10 plus one more a lot the I haven't done 45 minutes on a treadmill but I've done 45 plus one more minute

10 contacts a day never 10 plus one more but the biggest one more was actually something else

I called my dad and I said hey dad it's not going it's the the business is crashing and I'm running out of money our power was turned off our water was turned off J I had to take my wife every morning we'd lost our house we're living in an apartment now then the water got turned off you can't cook you can't bathe there was a apartment building we had an outdoor shower at the swimming pool and I'd have to wear newlyweds and I'd have to get up every

morning walk down there and I'd hold a towel up while my wife took her shower every day outdoors and brush your teeth and then she'd switch and hold a towel up for me and I'd walk back up to the apartment and I was so amasculated so ashamed so embarrassed and I was living a nightmare selling a dream to everybody every day we can do this a lot of entrepreneurs or people can relate in their life and anyway I called my dad that night and I said I think I need to

pack it in I need to go get a job and just I'm this success thing is not for people I

guess and my dad goes Eddie you don't have to decide you're never gonna quit he goes just don't

quit for one more day see how you feel tomorrow I got with that he just just don't do it for one more day and I got the next day and I still wanted to quit but not quite as much and then I went one more day and one more day and I found myself about 30 days later I didn't want to quit any more and thank God the one more I did was I went one more day without quitting and I'm so grateful I didn't quit on my dream oh wow that is like oh my gosh man like just everything you're just dropping

right now I'm just like I hope everyone is taking notes if you haven't been taking notes I want

“you to take a screenshot right now wherever I right now because that's what you're gonna have to”

listen to again take a screenshot share it to everyone to go to this segment listen to that over again because I think what I'm hearing you know is that this is this is a lifestyle like this is a mindset

you're building this is me telling my wife I love her one more time this is me making sure I

message my mom one more time it's me making sure that when I'm sitting here with you I'm always

gonna have to ask you one more question because you keep giving so much no but you keep giving so well

“that's what you just said it would never end I think of people feel like they tried a lot”

and then they start building up resentment and like pain and bitterness towards that path and a lot of people also that I know they just think that there are some people who meant to be and then there are some people that are not meant to be and they carry that with them and it comes from this like oh yeah you were meant to be this so that person was meant to have it but for me this is where and I heard that kind of come up and what you were saying to your dad

like doesn't happen to people like this how does this rule how does this principle apply to

some news in that's the best question ever because I grew up with no we have alcoholic data drug addict maybe you come from divorce maybe parents just didn't love you enough whatever it was didn't tell you they loved you enough it's hard to have self confidence there's a little guy I got bullied in school and I just and even at this age now bro I if I'm being completely honest self confidence we all teach that it's you know part of keeping the promises you make to yourself

but if you raise the standard a little higher you keep the promises you make to yourself

“plus one more because for me self confidence didn't come easy I think in life ultimately going”

to get what you believe you deserve and if you're wound up wired like me I didn't think I deserved a lot I didn't even have a dad who could stop drinking right I wasn't six foot four I don't have an incredibly high IQ there's nothing really that impressive about me nor were people very impressed with me most of my life so that was my pattern that was my history that was my memory and so the only I could wait around until I developed tremendous self confidence or I could

begin to do things every day that were small they're not major and over time when I did those one more calls that one more meeting that one more book I read that one more podcast not only am I doing more reps so the likelihood of me being successful is bigger but I started to convince myself I'm doing things other people aren't willing to do maybe I deserve things other people aren't going to get and slowly but surely I started to convince myself I did deserve it based on what I was

doing not necessarily the caliber of my talent yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah yeah you just there's a thought I've been having recently and it's that comfort creates self care but discomfort creates self respect it's what you're saying that the one more discomfort every day that's where self respect comes from yes you don't you don't you don't you don't start to trust yourself or build self esteem or believe in yourself because you just say it to yourself it's coming what you just said

you got then take one more meeting and see what you learn you got during take one more risk one more discomfort and I guarantee you if you have a successful or happy friend whichever how you determine that and you ask them this they tell you that we're right they would tell you gosh that's right it's right and the difference between winning and losing happiness and sadness

“is so small it's almost it's almost scary to talk about but the good news is I think I”

kind of know what it is and it's this one more absolutely the people that I know that are the most successful and happy have more uncomfortable conversation agreed they're more uncomfortable days they're more discomfort in their lives but but selected discomfort but one of the other things that I'm asking from now I'm like going into like the people that I know that I'm thinking about I'm just gonna see their faces and I want them to know that I'm asking for them a lot of the time

one more in the wrong direction can also be really misguiding sometimes people and I know you're a person of faith too and so so we can touch on this sometimes we're climbing the mountain and we keep doing one more but we're actually going further away from who we are who we want to be

our faith our partners right we know people who built multi-billion dollar companies but lost their kids

that's right or they've become famous and rich but they've they're partner cheat on them you know like we know a lot of those stuff and you know people who didn't do all of that that's happened to you like it's it's both ways how does one use one more and make sure it's in the right direction such a great question I'm doing this now regularly because I've made some of those mistakes of just and what I do is I check in with myself one more time meaning it's important to ask yourself

mattered to me then are so different than what mattered to me now but a lot of us keep operating

out of what used maybe you've achieved or pursuing a dream and it's really truly no longer your dream it's no longer your dream it's when I was young listen we're going to do a podcast you say hey I need you on the show people are going to love you you're going to get recognition you're going to get you're going to get all this acknowledgement and that would've been my hot button my need you know I believe in the six human needs my need was significance and recognition and there's

nothing wrong with that it's wonderful and so that's the button to get me to move would be

significance recognition well I've been blessed the last 30 years or so of my life to have a beautiful

abundance of significance and recognition it's no longer what fills me now you get me to do an interview go hey I really think we could help some people my big button in my life now is contribution there was another stage in my life it's still there but hey if you go there you'll grow I still want to grow but I know me now right now I'm in a season of my life that's contribution it's giving

“it's what fills my heart and I think it's checking in with yourself one more time what matters to”

me now what do I want now what's important to me now what season maybe you're in a season where you need to rest maybe you're spirit and everything about he's telling you hey it's time to feed you again it's time to recharge if that's the season then answer that call don't play out of a past playbook and so for me that's the season I'm in now and I'm sure that in five or eight more years you know there'll be something else but I regularly on a monthly basis you recommend it in

your book so beautifully about your relationship checking in you have these strategies you teach about weekly and monthly and quarterly and yearly with your partner of checking in with them

“I also recommend you check in with yourself what matters to you now and so for me it's a matter of”

checking in now so that I don't lose my family in the pursuit of my business or lose me yeah lose me who am I anymore and I've had times or I'm like this doesn't feel like me anymore yeah and I had at least the ability to at least acknowledge that and make a change yeah and I love that you've brought up seasons because I feel like no one and on planet earth we don't have the power to change the season but you have the power to live the season well that's right you can

need to be in the right now it's been raining right wherever we are it's been like pouring down with rain there's all this effort you could carry on umbrella well you can tell how I'm dressed I'm definitely not dressed in my usual gear because I'm dressed for the rain I'm prepared yes because that's all I can do I can't make the rain switch off I can't stop it right like I can't do that and so I love hearing that you're just learning how to thrive in the season and so if your season's telling you

to rest you can't force the season and you you have to live it through you have to experience

“you do I think you have to remember one thing man I think it's as easy as a person if we're”

gonna get this and I just would love to say this because you're such an amazing reach you can see the world's flow they're like the beginning of the season that's the end of the season and it's also a lot to be proud stop out of the recruiting spirit with stepstone all jobs become all the time for one year in one package to a fixed price so let's hope you get to the 50% cost of the production and there are every time flexible now to the main event of stepstone the e slash all jobs stepstone just the real talent to find for all jobs

you can't always talk about others and I and at home you can't even get to know if you're on the right path

and because you can't you can't believe that you're on the right path because you're a credit so just want to know how you can now credit your credit on your own income also my credit just online