The Hidden Pattern Destroying Your Success (Delete Your Old Self) | Ed Mylett

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Now on with the show. All right, welcome back to the show, everybody. I'm so excited about today's topic. It's probably the number one topic that I get asked about, which is the topic of self-sabotage. What do people do in their life subconsciously and unconsciously to sabotage their success or their

“happiness, their results in general? I'm really in on a secret. I'm kind of an expert on this topic,”

and not because I'm so perfect, but because I spent so much of my life sabotaging particular areas that I was making progress in, whether that was in my financial success, I'd get some financial success or business success in the night's sabotage it. Frankly, even really in my own personal happiness and peace, I feel like a little bit more bliss, a little bit more happiness, a little bit more peace in my life than I'd sabotage the results.

Even some relationships that I've had, I've sabotaged them. So I'm kind of an expert on this self-sabotage thing. I also think I'd probably become close to an expert on how to stop it. And why it happens in the first place? So what I'm going to give you today is the gift of seven things people do to sabotage themselves. They're success. They're happiness. They're finances. They're body. They're relationships. I'm going to give you seven of them. But before I do that,

because I think these seven things are symptoms. In other words, when I outline them for you, if you're doing any of them or more than one of them, you're currently sabotaging something.

So there's symptoms. But the root cause, the disease is something that's never discussed when it

comes to sabotage. And I want to cover that today. What's going on behind the scenes in our minds subconsciously unconsciously that's causing us to sabotage things? Because if we can identify that, then we've got a chance of eliminating all of these seven symptoms I'm going to share with you. And so here's how I look at sabotage. See, our lives are dictated. The most powerful force in

“our life is our personal identity. Our personal identity is like the thoughts, beliefs, and concepts”

that we hold to be the most true about who we believe we are or what we're worth. It's a worthiness, but it's even more than that. To combination of our experiences, what we're familiar with, what we believe we're worth, our self-confidence, all combined creates our identity or who we believe we are. And our identity is very much like a thermostat setting on our lives. So like in the studio right now, it's said at 73 degrees, I checked it right before I started with you. And what's great

about that is that thing said at 73 degrees, guess what's going on in this theater right now. 73 degrees is happening inside here. Here's why. The external conditions do not control the conditions of this studio. Right now it's about 85 degrees outside. Externally, it's really hot out there, but in here, 73 degrees. Because what happens externally does not control what happens internally in this theater. And here's the story. Same with your life. It's not the external things. It's

not how other people are treating you or events going on in the world or events going on in your life or circumstances outside of your control that dictates your life with dictates your life is that thermostat setting, your identity. Let me give you an example. And you've probably seen this before with yourself or friends of yours. See, you have multiple thermostat settings, by the way, you have an identity setting, a thermostat setting for your happiness, your finances, your success,

your relationships, your physical body, you have multiple, your faith. Let's just take a few of them. Maybe you've had this happen before in your life, but if you have a 73 degree success thermostat setting, right, and all of a sudden your business is growing. You're at 80, 90, 95 degrees. Maybe you've got a promotion at work or you own your own business and it's growing. But somehow a year later, it comes right back down to what it was before. Was it all the external conditions?

it those things, but it never is because even in those conditions, some people are winning

“some people are losing. What's happened is your success started to get higher than your thermostat”

setting. And it becomes unfamiliar to you. You're not used to it. So what do you do? You turn the air conditioner on subconsciously unconsciously and you cool your success back down to what you believe your worth or your identity setting. You've seen this happen in your happiness level. You really believe identity wise, you're 73 degrees of happiness. I know I've seen this for me, or peace of mind. Maybe you have a friend or you personally that you know, they're

73 degrees of fitness or wellness or vitality. You see them and they've lost weight. They're going to the gym. They look ripped and great. And like my gosh, you drop 20 pounds. You look incredible. And they're at 85, 90, 100 degrees of fitness. And then you don't see them for a while. And you come back in a year and you notice my gosh, they've gained all the weight back. Maybe even plus three or four or five pounds. What happened? Because although they changed their work out and

they're diet, they didn't change the internal thermostat setting. And so it's some point eventually they subconsciously cooled it back down and they get the body they believe they deserve in their worth. Maybe you've seen this in a relationship. You have a friend who's just their love thermostat is 73 degrees of love in their relationships. Well, how much they're going to allow themselves to enjoy. And then they've got this new person, this guy or girl they're seeing you.

You go to dinner with them. They're so happy. They're all lovey. They're at 90, 100 degrees. He or she's perfect for me. They're my soul mate. They're amazing. You're like, oh my gosh, they finally found 100 degrees of love. But if inside, they're still a 73 degree or you come back in a year. Maybe you haven't seen them. And you're like, hey, what happened to so and so? Oh, it didn't work out. We grew apart. We had different values. Just didn't click

long term. They cheated. Whatever it might be. What happened was you turned the air conditioner on of your life and you pulled it back down to what you believe your worth. So this identity, this thermostat setting dictates everything. So if we can change that thermostat setting, and by the way, there's lots of ways we do it. My book, the power of one more. I have entire chapters on how do you elevate your thermostat setting. I recommend you go get the

power of one more. But I'll give you a few of them today. You always hear, you're really the five

people you hang around the most. Well, why that matters is because people that you hang around they have thermostat settings higher than yours will heat you up somewhere in between their setting and yours. Let me give you an example of what I mean. You can't possibly be if you're 73 degree fitness person. You're a little bit out of shape, but you're hanging around and going to dinner and working out with people that are 120 degrees of fitness and wellness and vitality,

they will heat you up somewhere between where you're 73 and their 120 is because you're eating with them. You're working out with them. See progress is influence. Proximity is influence. So they heat you up. Same thing in your success. If you start running around you're 73 degree person success, you're just kind of right down here. But all of a sudden you start hanging around people that are at 90, 120 degrees. You've got mentors and friends that are 120, 150. They heat

you up by proximity. So there's faith, there's association and there's intention. These are three

“things I call the trilogy of increasing one's identity. So association is a big one. So that's why”

it's important to evaluate who are you hanging around? Do they just make you feel good? Do they validate your thermostat settings or do they increase your thermostat settings? So identity is a major major root cause disease of self sabotage. And again, we're going to cover the seven symptoms in a minute. The other thing to evaluate is in our life, remember this, we like to move towards what's familiar and we all want to have a sense of self control in our life. So we move

towards what's familiar and we don't like the feeling of being out of control. So I'm going to

submit to you something that maybe you've never heard before. You probably haven't heard the thermostat

analogy, but I'm giving you another one. Maybe the reason you self sabotage is because it allows you to predict the future. It allows you to predict what's going to happen, which is giving you the illusion of self control. Think about that again. Maybe the reason you're self sabotaging is because it allows you to predict what's actually going to happen because it's going to become familiar

“and it gives you this illusion of self control. Maybe that's what's going on behind the scenes.”

This identity thing will recool it back down because we don't like to go to the unfamiliar. We don't like to move or we've never been before. And so self sabotage allows our lives to become predictable because they'll stay the way they've always been. Interesting. Now, what are seven symptoms of the two diseases I just described? Number one thing that people do that sabotage themselves, and this is in no order, but I'm going to give you seven of them. Number one thing they

do, they focus on the past. They focus on the past. They look backwards a lot. You know, there's this analogy that the rear view mirror is smaller than the windshield for a reason because you should be looking through the windshield. But the truth is the inside of the car that you're sitting in,

people that are growing that aren't sabotaging themselves spend very little time looking in the

“rear view mirror. They spend some time looking in the windshield forward, but they spend a lot of”

time fully present at where they are. And if you're looking in the past all the time, you're going to repeat it. If you're looking in the past, the reason you look back there is it's familiar. The reason you can look back there is you can predict it. The reason you look back there is you've tied a story to it that you're very familiar with. And so people that self sabotage keep looking to the past and wonder why they can't move into their future. Or every time they step into a new future,

they end up sabotaging it because you're bringing the past with you because you focus there. Stop focusing on the past or you're going to be sabotaging. And if you are focusing on the past, you're in the middle of sabotaging something right now. It could be a relationship, your success, your finances, your body, your faith, your emotions. But if you focus on the past, you're going to get more of it. And by the way, even if you're reminiscing about a past that somehow you've created

a story that's better than your future, all you're doing is reinforcing the negative emotions of what

you have now. Second thing that people do that self sabotage. They focus on what they don't have.

They focus on the lack of things. People that focus on lack end up replicating it and getting more of what they don't want to have. When you focus on what you don't have, the relationship you don't have, the body you don't have, that you're not as beautiful as you want to be. Or as tall as you want to be. Or as smart as you want to be. Or you don't have the connections or the relationship or the degree. Or what you think is the notoriety or the followers on Instagram or the friends,

or whatever it might be. When you focus on what you don't have, I promise you that's a symptom of somebody who's in the midst of sabotaging something in their life, or who is going to. Let's just already look at this. You focus on the past. You focus on what you don't have. You are already turning the air conditioners on of your life. Even if it hasn't shown up in the result yet,

it's about to because you're cooling things back down again. The third thing that people

“to sabotage themselves do is they compare. They compare themselves to other people. And remember”

this comparison is the thief of joy. But they also do something really interesting. They don't just compare themselves to other people. By the way, let's just stay on that for a second. You're comparing yourself typically to the most filtered, sanitized version of most people's lives, which is what you see on social media. They've taken 900 pictures to post that one, then they threw a filter on it. And you're comparing what is going on in your real life to the lives of other people.

And by the way, I'm going to tell you something. I was at dinner the other night about two nights ago. And I would observe this family that was a couple tables down from us. And man, it was just one of those nights. We bought that in our family. Nobody was getting along. The kids were screaming, mom and dad were mad at each other, saying some nasty things. You all know that the kids, one of the, the daughter had hit the sun. You know, we've all had something like that. But it was a

really difficult night for that family. And man, they were going at it. And it was not a pleasant

“evening. It was not a joyful dinner. There was not a lot of bliss, not a lot of peace. And I remember”

the little girl actually hit her little brother. And he started crying and the dad said something. He shouldn't have said, then the mom was mad at the dad for what he said to the child. And then the server came over and they said, would you take a picture of her family? And then all of a sudden, all the noise, all the chaos, all the anger, all the frustration stopped. And her said, no, dad, he's like, you smile. And then they took a picture for four seconds.

Hey, and it was like this blissful joyous picture that in no way. I'm sure they posed it in no way represented what was actually going on in that family at any given time during that dinner. It was four seconds of a fake picture of emotions that weren't taking place.

But imagine if you saw that picture of that amazing family in the minute you see it,

you compare it to your family in the mess that you think it is right now. Or the great time, every, does this seem like everyone on social media is on vacation, everyone's party and everyone's somewhere cool, everyone's got great friends, everyone looks amazing, everyone's happy, and then there's you in your real life. That's one way the people compare. Maybe you compare to the version, the mask that most people wear in front of you of how happy and successful and

confident they are and you're comparing their confidence and success, the mask they're wearing, how you really feel. You know what's the most unfair thing you can do to a relationship that's mature, where you've been in it for four, five, six, seven years, or 10 years, or 20 years. One of the most unfair things you can do is to compare that time that you're in currently in your relationship to the first six months, or the first year, when everything was new,

everything was blissful. You were getting a no one, everyone was on their best behavior. You had no negative memories at that time and you compare your current relationship with someone to the exact same relationship you had with them except when it started. Or worse, you compare the relationship you're into a previous one you had with another person. It doesn't even need to be another person. It could just be another time with the same person. None of that is fair. Maybe you're comparing

your life right now to five years ago, or eight years ago, or when you were in this, or that,

don't compare yourself to their sanitized versions on social media, the masks they wear, and don't

compare your life to another time in your life, or a relationship to another relationship, or even the current relationship, and it just isn't different time in that relationship. You're getting ready to sabotage your relationship, your success, your happiness, your emotions if you compare. So so far, people that sabotage, focus on the past, they focus on what they lack or don't have, and they compare. The fourth thing people do, the sabotage themselves, is they focus on things they

can't control. Instead of the things they can't control. There's a lot of different things you can't control. You can't control other people. You can't control their behavior. You can't control the market. You can't control interest rates. You can't control what's going on in the world around you. You know, one of the great distractors in life that steals people's joy is the media.

The media is constantly feeding you things that you cannot control that you ought to be very upset about.

“And many of the things that you see, you should be upset about. There's so many things going on”

in the world that are tragic and hurtful and disgusting and make you wonder about humanity. And you should spend some of your time focusing on those things and try to make a difference for them. But at the same time, if you obsess in that world in the media of all things you can't control, all of them, you begin to become habitual about focusing on other things you can't control in your life and you're going to sabotage your own life. You're going to. Don't focus on people,

things events that you cannot control. Now, there are things you can have some influence over by speaking out and having an opinion. You understand the difference that I'm making here. You know exactly what I mean. But what I am saying is when you become somebody who repetitively and habitually constantly

focuses on events, people, things, circumstances that you cannot control. Here's what I do know.

You can't control other people. If you think you're going to control that person you're in a relationship with, you're going to sabotage it. If you think you're going to control that client or customer of yours, you're going to control the conditions of the world. You're going to control the market. You're going to control politics in the world. You're going to have a life that's probably going to have a lot of self sabotage. So don't do that. Influence it, be informed, but don't try to

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And I believe the adversary's number one weapon he will use against you in your life to get you to sabotage your life is to get you discouraged. If I can just get you down. I don't have to get you to completely fail. That's the easy way. I just need to get you discouraged. I need you to lose an account. I need you to miss a sale. If I'm the adversary, I just need someone to say something mean or negative to you. I just need a couple let downs to happen. If I can get you discouraged,

you'll sabotage the rest of it for me. If I'm the adversary. So people that sabotage themselves, they get discouraged. And what discouraged mean is they lack courage discouraged. So the antidote to that is to stay courageous. It's to feel fear and step into it anyway. It's to feel the rejection and move forward. It's to have the sale not one or the close not happen and learn from it and grow from it rather than be discouraged from it. So the fifth thing

is people that sabotage themselves get discouraged. The sixth thing they do, they get distracted. They don't focus on the things they can control and they get distracted. They get distracted by social media. They get distracted by the media. They get distracted by what other people are doing. They get distracted by habits that don't serve them. One thing I would encourage you to do is make a list of the things that typically distract you. There's three or four things that constantly

distract you from where you're going or what you want. If you're in a relationship, maybe it's being distracted with other people. If your in business is being distracted with the media or social media, it may be in the gym and you're not training as hard as you want to because you're distracted by watching television and it's time to be getting up and going for your workout. Whatever the thing is that distracts you, make a list of those things and do everything you can to

“eliminate or reduce them and self-sabotage these symptoms begin to go away. Remember, these are the”

symptoms of the greater disease of the thermostat and the illusion of control. And then seven, believe it or not, one thing that people do that gets a lot of self-sabotage in their life

they cool it. In other words, if it's in their business like they get a little bit of progress, they get a promotion at their job or if they own a business, they've grown their income. They're at a level they weren't ever at before. Just a little bit of success. Man, you'll start to sabotage things a little bit. I'm amazed when I watch this, but people that get a little bit of progress in their business and then they cool it. They don't make the same effort that got them that little

bit of success. Let me say that to you again, the very thing, the effort you made, the behavior, the relentless pursuit that got you that little taste of success. You stop doing or reduce the amount

of the thing that got you the success in the first place and now you're sabotaging the very

success you got. Believe it or not, one of the big instigators of self-sabotage is a little bit of progress, a little bit of success. You cool it. Literally, you cool down your life with the thermostat setting, that term, don't cool it. Doesn't just mean stop your activity. Cool it means you've cooled the life back down, the success back down, the body back down, the emotions back down.

“You've started to cool it down because guess what? That little bit of success is unfamiliar.”

And now you want that illusion of control that I talked about in the beginning. I'm going to get this back to what I'm used to because I can control it. I can predict it. So it's subconscious, but you literally stop doing the things that got you the little bit of success. The very thing you would think we would all wouldn't be as adults go. Well, I did this, this and this. It got me that result. I will do more of it to get more success. But most people once they get a little bit of

progress, a little bit of success, not only not even do the same amount, they do less of it. They celebrate too long. They cool it down. They do less of the very activity to produce the result

in the first place. And it becomes this like chasing their tail thing, where they do something to

produce a result or an emotion or something in their body. And then they do less of it. Take your body. I mean, you ate a particular way for three or four months, amount of calories, amount of protein, amount of hydration, right? amount of cardio, do the way you lift it. It produced a change. Then you

“get that change and not only do not do the same amount, you should be doing more of it. You do”

less of it and sabotage the result or in business. There's a certain amount of contacts and phone calls or emails or post you made to produce that little bit of progress and success. You get this success and rather than doubling down and doing more of it or at least the same amount of it, you do less of it or none of it and sabotage the very progress that you made. That is the absolute manifestation of turning the air conditioner on and cooling your life back down. So let's review

these seven symptoms of the disease of self-sabotage. Focus on the past. Focus on what you don't have. Compare. Focus on everything you can't control. Get discouraged. Get distracted. And have a little bit of success. Those seven things are symptoms of people who are probably going to sabotage their lives. Why? Because they haven't increased their thermostat setting. Their identity setting to 85, 90, 100. See, you can acquire all the skills to be successful. All the

tools. Man, you can have the Ferrari of talent or the Ferrari of opportunities. But if you're driving a Honda of an identity, you're going to get Honda results. No offense to Honda. But you know exactly what I mean. Right? The truth of the matter is you've got to find a way to increase that thermostat setting. And that's through your faith by focusing on your intentions and through your associations to let those people around you heat you up. One thing to evaluate, and we talked about comparing

and lack and focusing on the past. I'm going to ask you a question. What about the people you hang around the most? If you took a look at the last 90 days of your four or five best friends, when you're around them, when you talk with them, how much of the conversations are about the

“past? Remember this? Remember that time? Remember when we were there, you remember? You remember?”

Right? Is there a lot of that? Because if that is the case, you're just reinforcing the past. Or maybe you focus on what you don't have, or maybe they gossip about other people, or they're comparing to other people. Maybe they're constantly talking about what's going on in the world or around you or things they can't control. Maybe they help you get distracted. And when you start to evaluate the people that are around you, I can just tell you something

I've had lots of friends in my life that I've added. Some toxic people I've had to eliminate. But my best friends get me focusing in the present moment or on where I'm going, and we spend

very little time talking about the past. And I'm blessed that many of my friends have incredible

past at the stage of my life. They could talk about the Super Bowl's they won, or the millions of dollars they made, or the company they built and sold, or the amazing family they've raised. They spend very little time talking about the past even when it's incredible.

future. They spend very little time. But if most of the conversations you have with the people around

“you are on the past, you remember this? Remember that party? Remember that time? Remember this thing?”

Remember that vacation? Remember that time? Maybe they compare to other people. Maybe they gossip about other people. Maybe they focus on what they don't have. Maybe they are constantly reinforcing that you're enough right where you're at. You know, that's one of the things that's frustrating to me is this notion that you're enough right where you're at. Well, yes, you need to accept you you are, but there ought to be this part of you that's hungry to grow. I want my friends not

to accept me as I am, but to have high expectations of where I'm going. I want them to love me as I am, but believe I'm capable of more. I don't want them to accept where I'm at. I want them to love me, but not accept where I'm at. In fact, I want them to not accept it. I want them to expect success, expect progress from me, but love me where I am. Believe in me where I am. I want people around me that see me as I could be, not as I am. And the more you have those people in

your life, the less likely you are to sabotage your life. All right, we covered a lot of things today. I want to remind you of one thing. You were born to do something great with your life,

“and here's the cool part. You have everything within you right now that you need to make your dreams”

come true, and you belong in your dreams. We said it to you again. You belong in your dreams. And if you can stop sabotaging your progress, your emotions, your body, your relationships, your finances, you're going to be there. And so it's a matter of curing that disease and keeping an eye on these seven symptoms. Once you're aware of your thoughts, they lose their power over you. You become an observer of your thoughts. You are not your thoughts. In fact,

not everybody, and everything you think is true. I think a lot of things that aren't true, and I challenge my own thinking, my own emotions from time to time. And when you get above them, and you observe your own thoughts, you go, my gosh, I'm trying to control this. I'm moving to the past. It's all familiar to me. I'm going to focus in the present and project into the future. You can totally change your life because you belong there. You do not belong, repeating the past.

You do not belong discourage. You do not belong comparing. You do not belong, focusing on the

“things you don't have. You should not be focusing constantly on what you can't control. You have”

no business being discouraged. Don't allow yourself to be distracted. And when you get that little taste of success, get hungrier for more because it's great progress is power. That's what you were born to do is to grow and expand. I've said this many times. I am most focused on the expansion of my being. And I'd love you to be focused on that. Get focus on the expansion of you of your emotions, of your understanding, of your life, of your learning, of the difference you can make

the contributions you can have. The experiences and memories that you can currently have in the ones that are coming your way, not on the ones that already happened. Very short-intermission here folks. I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far. Don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify. Links are in the show notes. Now on to our next guest. Welcome back to Max Out Everybody. I'm so excited to have this guest here today. By the way,

she's made a huge sacrifice. At the time of recording this, there's a storm where she lives in Texas. Snow's rolled in. There's no power. She went and got a hotel room so that we could do this today. So if you see the background, that's where she is. And you wouldn't know it from the background. But this is one of the most remarkable people I've ever talked to in my life. I had the great on her being on her show. She's a cognitive neuroscientist, which just even saying those things is a miracle

that I can get that out of my mouth. Never mind. Understand what it is. She's one of the most brilliant

people we are going to meet in her life. She's a best-selling author. She's got a PhD in communication pathology. She's brilliant. And you're going to write a bunch of notes today. I mean, like a bunch of notes. So Dr. Caroline Lee, thank you for being here. I'm making a sacrifice to be here today. Oh, it. I wouldn't have missed this. Thank you so much for that lovely introduction. And I just absolutely love talking to you. We hit the most amazing talk on when I interviewed you. And I think

you're incredible as well. So thank you. I'm a big believer that identity drives so much of our lives. And I've heard you talk about this briefly, but you know, I think we all are trying to become consistent with whatever this identity is that we think we hold for ourselves. And sometimes the lack of an identity is unbelievably detrimental to someone's life. And I've heard you talk about this being from South Africa and watching what they tried to do with Mandela. And so could you

speak for a minute about the power that identity has over us? And a little bit of how we can at least be more aware of the identity we hold and how we can change it to service if we need to. Love your question. It's brilliant. And it's so important. Yes, I grew up. I was born in Zimbabwe and that had enough that country learn had enough problems and still has. And then grew up in South Africa and all my kids are born name. You've been in the states now for 13 years. So I was in South

Africa in the apartheid era and the transition and the post. And so by the time I was head my first

born bay and in the to go vote for Mandela literally and with our with our housekeeper and you

“know that that's how significant that is in my in my lifetime. But I was working in the pre-apartate”

the pre-transition in the the the apartheid era and it was horrific. I chose to I worked across all socio-economic strata and different political areas. So from the riches of the rich to the purse of the poor education corporate and I spent three days a week working in the what they call the townships which were areas that they had to apartheid separated out absolutely evil. And the reason I chose to to work in all the different environments was to understand mind and humanity.

So wherever you are whatever you in how does this work and how can we how can we use our mind to help us cope with all these different circumstances. So in terms of identity, absolutely what you experience in your nurturing and in the environment that you grow up in is definitely going to affect how you see yourself because every experience is is converted through think, feel choose into brain. So you can imagine a massive forest which is your non-conscious mind in or in and that

“massive forest is folded all different shapes and sizes of trees. And in between the green trees”

you've got these little black trees and maybe there's a big camp and maybe there's a little one and some trees are little and some green little black trees from a recent experience and some very big ones from strong established experience. So something like racism would be a very very dominant cluster of dark black trees using the warning signal of all the anxiety and the stress and the terrible things that come from something as evil as racism which is pervasive and affecting

ability to actually how you see yourself and so every bit of nurturing is built into your brain. Every experience built into your brain to this forest is influencing in the middle of the forest

just to give a visual we have this wide full of optimism by. So always it's been like a strip of

trees that are perfect. In the middle of the forest is this untouched area that's just perfect. And that's where you want we want to really access that. So if you find your healing copter which is you in life you fly your healing copter and you kind of if you as you develop self-regulation you don't just fly your healing copter and bet into a tree and crash which is what you we do a lot of that's may see we only you want to know how to not do that. So self-regulation

teaches us how to fly with the pilots and copilot so we fly over this forest and we're looking at way whatever whatever smoke signals are coming up for it we're the signals and if you see the that there's so much of that particular type of black cluster of trees dot and that's influencing how you see yourself your identity is being affected but if you look at all if you really dig deep and you'll see the middle part of the forest which is you it's aid you can do something

else that no one else can do but there's these too many experiences that are affecting our identity so they can block and they can become so big that they can actually build a like a black wall against the green forest so it's almost hard to see who you really are because you

“so busy and being involved in that you've stuck in that cluster so that's why so you've got”

a self-regulation is not sitting and walking amongst those trees and getting lost which is what we do but it is actually getting in the helicopter flying above and saying okay self-regulate what am I doing what and what's what and why and and the only way you can get to the trees and the forest and all that stuff is by looking at the walling signals so these we track and then

so then you pay attention together we're in a sort of four-based six signals the first is the emotional

so let's say that you're feeling a high state of anxiety that could be all depression now depression and anxiety are not it's they're not illnesses to say you have clinical depression or clinical anxiety is one of the most unsigned to fixed statements of our age and has created a huge problem with people on our way back in way more with mental health not because of mental health is on the rise but because the mismanagement of mental health is on the rise

we're not allowing people to talk about the story in the forest we're just saying oh signal of depression five symptoms you can't sleep you can't get out of bed you're feeling whatever so saddle okay diagnosis label treatment is mainly medication that the current stage is the gold stand it's some therapy if you're lucky okay and that it very often the therapy is putting a bandaid on the wound because they don't deal with the whole courage and story that's

terrible what we have to do is we have to say okay so there is the signal there is this emotion of depression it's consistent in your life we're anxiety we're both very often it's comorbid together

and terror and despair and anger and our whole bunch of others it's never just one so all of this

is giving you power and giving you control of safety the power balance when you do this gather in this way and I'll finish the other three in a moment you are making 1400 neurophysiological responses work for you and not against you your blood vessels around your heart are dilating which is sending blood for an oxygen to a brain it's increasing your ability to think more cold more creatively it's decreasing impossibility I can go on and on and on so then I now my body

my 1400 neurophysiological responses will work against me so now that blood vessels around my heart

for example one of the 1400 will constrict that means less blood flow less oxygen to the brain increased impossibility decrease cognitive flexibility that's just a few there's a lot more that I'm just giving a few not to overwhelm so I stay in a state of increase vulnerability to disease by 75 to 98% if I don't gather whenas but if I gather whenas I shift at the moment I gather whenas in milliseconds I've gone from brain damage to brain healing in seconds in

“milliseconds that's phenomenal this is my important mind management is so then I gather and this”

is not hard it's not hard but it's not hard it's hard because we we have got very we just want to we want quick fixes these are quick fix when it comes to mind this is a lifestyle so you gather whenas with your emotional stuff the depression anxiety label it be specific then you're going to gather whenas of your physical state hard flushing g i sometimes tension in your shoulders what is physically going on alongside the emotional stuff could be a series of things is no there's no

cookie cutter anything you unique you have a unique signal guard then you're going to look at your behavioral signals in other words what are you doing how are you speaking how are you how are you connecting with others how are you doing your work how are you just with yourself all the behaviors how you speaking how you whatever what you're creative with you like so what are your behaviors when you're in the state and then you're going to go to your perspective as I start getting

specific about looking at these emotional physical and behavioral warning signals I'm actually looking at the branches I'm looking at these these because they're memories the thought trees made of memories so I'm the signals of doing me in and those have been these what I've just described but now as I land my tree I'm starting to look a little closer at these signals and so now I also want to look at what my perspective is what is the tree trunk what's the perspective of

what's this giving me life sucks or a hate life for so we're living all these just no purpose or what's the then you start that's so by the time you've done that you've objectively gathered all these apples in your basket you control them now you go to looking at the detail what is does this me what's the data that will you reflect so reflect is ask answer discuss ask answer discuss put the thoughts on trial do they or top see that mental brain surgery without the blood

why and then you answer why and you discuss why and you dig dig dig in your way so when you're right you can write in lines but I would recommend you learn how to make a miracle it is unbelievable in therapy when I used to look practice we would have people backing with schizophrenia which is not a disease it is a broken mind it is someone who's going through so much trauma that they're dissociating their minds associated with the symptom of an underlying trauma

and very often they can get multiple personalities because it's coping it's pure survival so the system of the neuropsychal in the extreme form we would use that and by the time we got you're writing I could show I could have subject to it's but the personality their minds because of trauma as they're writing onto the medicine and medical which is a pattern in the middle on branches like a tree like a branch grows each branch goes out the previous branch and leaves

“are growing on the branches that's what you do you grow branches and you put your words on the”

branches and you just like literally pour your brain on paper as we did this we would the sub patients would actually see oh same point they're talking about the same thing but suddenly there's three different perspectives the fourth step is then to re-check it's to look at what

you've written the third step is messy it's like words all over the place the fourth step is

where you start connecting what are the patterns what is the antidote what is the what to do I need to reconsider see it differently it's if you use an algebraic example we all probably remember x plus y equals z even if we didn't understand it I'm sure all of us can recall x plus y equals z and the concept there is that x plus y creates something kind of new that's over it's a sort of replaces I'm not saying that I'm saying x plus y equals x y we conceptualization is x y

because it's your story that you don't want to just is that I'm putting a bandet on I'm not fixing the issue and that's what if you just so if you just do like 10 CBT you know come to the behavior therapy not that I'm saying it's bad you can use CBT but CBT fits in step 5 if you want to work for you you've got to first find out what's going on and then you but if you just all positive affirmations people use they're feeling terrible they want to cheaper gold

team of those in the morning 10 at night they're it's abandoned it's not going to be sustainable

“because you have to find out what you what are you trying to drown with the affirmation so you”

want the affirmation to work you have to go through the nearest cycle then the affirmation will work

as a first step you know that's how you go to change perspective that was a great conversation and

if you want to hear the full interview be sure to follow the ed my let's show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes here's an excerpt I did with our next guest hey I want to jump straight in you know I've had a chance to to get through all the way through power one more good I got to be honest

packed into one set of bookends not on how long yeah it's a lot yeah one of the things that stuck out to me is this intention is the currency of identity or changing your identity explain that everybody because I thought that was powerful well I didn't like it's not mine I learned from Wayne dire actually I probably've made it my own but many many years ago I was running on a beach in Hawaii I met Wayne diary ran by me Wayne it up sitting on the beach together for about an hour and a

half I was very young if you don't know who Wayne dire is a Google and he's one of the icons of you know thought leadership anyway when we're done he goes ahead you're going to change the world and I don't know if he said that to a lot of people or not but to me it was incredible yeah and he goes and you're just this big brain the way you speak and make people feel things and you know you're very talented man and he goes but you but that's not why

and I said well he goes and please never base yourself confidence on or your identity on your

abilities or your achievements I went well what the heck he's supposed to base it on that and he said in your case your intentions you have a warm huge beautiful heart you want to help people and your

“intentions are so huge they're so beautiful that that's why you're going to change the world always”

focus on your intention there's a power to intentions happen to be writing a book by that title at the time long story short it was the first time someone had complimented me where I believed it I've never believed I was that smart or that special or that talented but I did know how to good heart and so since that day for the most part man even preparing for something like this today my confidence my identity comes from my intention to serve my attention to make a difference

so many people are chasing that tale of once I'm achieving something once I'm really great then I'll have confidence that's not where my comes from my comes from intention and that's what I recommend in the book yeah no I love that you know it's what it's interesting to me I was just thinking through that you know we didn't get a chance because the event was so busy we didn't get a chance to spend a lot of time together but you and I have a lot of similarities in our

backstories you told me that but I don't know what they are yeah yeah so my father was an alcoholic for a number of years and I watched him really struggle back and forth to try to get a hand along it and you know when I was thinking through the intentions I remember him actually having a similar conversation that your dad had with you I'm going to try one more time really wow yeah and uh I did it did yeah he's been sober for 35 plus years fantastic grandfather in the

whole deal man thank god that's wonderful yeah but the intention behind the meat that intent

“behind going through by making that well an importance right yeah I think most of the things we do”

great in our life come from love my dad got sober because he loved his family enough to try again your dad got sober enough because he loved you and loved your family enough to try again hopefully loved himself but oftentimes you know it to find something we love it's it might not be us but all great things are achieved through love and that sounds corny with two dudes talking that lift weights and stuff but the fact of the matter is it's true and when I focus on who I love or what I love

that's much bigger than whatever the obstacle is in my way and that's always given me the fuel

and the energy to you know persevere or maybe other people quit or gave in yeah how much of that intention is cycles it in a self sabotage well to me if you have a focused intention you're you're intentionally choosing a direction where self sabotage appears to be a lot more subconscious well self sabotage comes from that internal identity that whatever you're about to go do you don't believe you're worthy of or even if you get it you'll blow it like you've heard me talk many times

“about the thermostat analogy it's in the book but the truth is if you don't get this internal”

thermostat your identity high enough no matter what you achieve you're going to turn the air conditioners on your life and cool it back down again to what you believe you're worth I just and I watch this all the time on my new show I have a new TV show what's going to be streaming called change with that my let and this one one of the guests on the show was a woman she gained 180 pounds lost 90 gained it back lost 90 gained it back and I said the challenge for you

Angie is you believe you're a heavy woman who happens to have lost weight and because that's the

case your identity is a heavy woman you always get back there and turn the air conditioners back

on but what if the truth was you've always been a healthy fit woman who had gained weight and if we could switch that identity now we won't sabotage ourselves again sabotage is really the process of getting what we believe we're worth yeah we're really we're really getting what we believe we're worth so we're we're we're trashing the current results of the current situation to get back to what our thermostat setting is and that we call that sabotage but it's just

getting back to what we believe we're worth yeah at least for me you know again we didn't get a chance to super connect just one on one but you know part of my backstory is you know overcoming homelessness and some other things to kind of get where I'm at today and it was something in the book that you mentioned I thought was pretty powerful and it was a huge shift for me which is one reason why I wanted to bring it up which is this essence of operating at a history

yeah versus operating at a future yeah I kept telling myself I was the high school dropout because I had to pay the bills and help the family and all that kind of stuff I kept telling

he said you're you there's two ways to think you can even learn to think like me you can learn to think like your dad which one will they hmm well right here yeah right here talk to me about history man talk to me about uh operating at a history versus well one percent of all people operate out of their imagination and their dreams the 99% operate out of history and memory and this is a really insidious thing we don't even realize we're doing

it when we're children we're happier why my belief is we're just more recently with God and two we don't have a history and memory so we're forced to operate out of imagination and then at some point for some children like you and I we start getting a history early because it's crossed upon us with an alcoholic dad or whatever but for the most part most kids it's 10 to 12 15 years old they start operating up history and memory and what we do in our life as we

move towards what we're most familiar with so you become familiar with this history and memory and you just move towards the same emotions over and over again same thoughts over and over and even if the external circumstances change the we move we regret our life is our emotions we move towards the same thing and that ties into associations we all heard hey you're going to be the product of the five people you hang around that's old school right how do you know who it should be

what's what's one thing no one's ever told you before I'll give it to you right now it's in my book if you're peer group operates out of history and memory they don't serve you like they should not give you an example if when you're with your friends it's like man you remember you remember

“you remember that you remember that one thing you remember that you know you yeah right and that's”

what most friends do together yeah I don't have a lot of that I have a little bit of it and by the way my peer group have great histories and memories that could happen right out of you but they don't when we're together you almost got to force them what we're doing is we're talking about imagination and dreams what are you working on right now where are you going what's it going to look like you can't you think you can get Tom Brady to talk about past Super Bowl's all the time dude come

on man he's talking about hey I got this new crypto thing I've got this new watch I've got this new business thing I'm doing I get this NFT we're going to win the Super Bowl this year and Tampa I want to get ring eight whatever it is you talk to Tim Cook who runs Apple he's not talking about max from 20 years ago he's talking about what they're working on now and where they're going as a company and so the people around you if it's history and memory that's one little key like I'm

not saying drop people I'm not even a believer then let's they're toxic you're going to but you

got to add and so this is how critical it's it's like probably probably probably asked me one of the

“four or five most important things in life what is your frame of reference history or memory”

or imagination and vision it's okay to have some history and memory we learn from it but going back there you cannot be in both zones at one time so if you're in history and memory you are not envisioned in imagination and you were born to imagine you were born to dream you were born to do something great with your life and I just remembered that's something I want to talk about it's not in my speech thank you for to give us any that question hold on go ahead keep going I'm

to write a note down because I was really good before we start the interview with my next guest just want to remind you all that you can subscribe to the show on YouTube or follow the show on Apple or Spotify we have all the links in our show notes you'll never miss an episode that way now on with the show hey welcome back to max out with Ed Mylet it is great to have you with us today and

today is a power couple edition of the program and I cannot think of a more powerful couple

to have on the program today so I'm sure you recognize both these people but to my right is Brooks like from the NHL and from the life change space and all kinds of different spaces we're going to talk about here going forward and this is Julian Huff to my left so thank you both for being here today yes I appreciate your brother I think that if I want to give people a gift that are watching this it would be if they could have lunch with you and they could sit down or they got 10

minutes with you and there weren't cameras around and they could just ask you something right so I'll ask you first Brooks and then I'll have Julie's answer but if they ask you hey man like I want to make my family proud of me I want to chase the best version of me I want to create this business I want to transform my body I want to transformation in my life right what advice would you

give me overall on creating a transformation in my life in chasing the best version of me look the first

I don't see the first thing I'd ask you is what do you want when you ask somebody that question like and what do you want you then and people give you a little shisha no no no no you just you in your life and sometimes it takes a while for people to get the courage to get it out and to get clear fun you get specific it's very general too much yeah tell me exactly what you want yeah

“okay you want it why do you want that great that is exactly that's what I start my like”

what do I want why do I want this what I want I don't know how but this is what this is a enough for me to then apply my intelligence and my resources everything to figure out and execute that but you need to know first man you need to target before you can release if you're pulling a bow you need to somewhere to shoot it before you let it go so I I like asking people that question what do you want at your core yes don't be asked me I can see through that if you're

is a distraction everything that doesn't lead to this exact thing that you just told me is a

distraction even though you might like it maybe it's part time you get rid of it as Tony says burn the boats yeah you know like my parents had that conversation with me at the supper table like

“what if you can't be a hockey player like dad was a principal is like you should have an education”

in your back or in your back pocket like dad would be a hockey player and he's like well what if you don't what if you hurt your knee I rehab it and I become a hockey player and I burn the boats I got rid of this is what I want and I didn't know how but what I was 14 I didn't know how I was going to make the NHL but the NHL was already in my hands I owned it it was mine my friends that were trying to get me to drink or go to parties or smoke still some of my best friends in

my life they were my groomsman but they tried to get me off that path but I was like you guys don't even know what I'm five years away from this in the NHL I'm 14 but I'm 19 in the NHL already like I knew what I wanted didn't know how but I knew what I wanted and I knew why because it was how I was going to express it was what I needed to do with my life so I would try and get that out of a person and everything else is a distraction hundred percent I posted two

day two day I made a post I said the extraordinary are fueled by why and the average are always

stuck with how and so and what I find when I ask people that question it's why I don't do it on the show anymore I've had too many even of my own guests when I go what do you want it's very vague and and so it's the rarest thing is to ask somebody that question they give you a specific clear compelling answer the other thing like I just you posted that today I posted yesterday if you're going to have one thing in your life you're going to have one thing have a magnificent

“obsession with getting better whatever it is whatever's your like you wake I mean that's what I'm”

doing now if I'm not in hockey I'm following the flow of my life what do I gravitate towards because I'm not getting paid for it but what's what's my thing that I love that's telling me where I should be and then have a magnificent obsession with improving that yes and it will find a way to monetize itself you'll be success it really does by the way it really does and you're able to move towards your curiosity and your obsession your obsessions become your possessions

you're going to you're going to possess what you're obsessed with and here's the issue for most people they they're obsessed with their fears they're obsessed with what they're worried about they're obsessed with what other people think about them they're obsessed with all of these things and you end up possessing these things you said earlier and I fully believe that we are so much more capable yes than we then we even know there's so much there's even in you I mean you've

been super successful in your life and man you haven't even you're just starting to scratch like there's there's so much left and my wife too and me like people we're doing well and a lot of people are doing well and but we are so much more and it just fires me having lights me up to even think like just ripping that open what is that even look like today even that thought like think bigger my wife is great this she challenged me at this she thinks so big and sometimes I'm like

that's not even you want like you as you want a spaceship with a heart to have an yard I don't know what you want here but like we think big like yeah we get it just because it's going to

“pull you higher and you need to get like you are I just believe man that people are so life can”

be so much better you're so much more capable just sink sink your energy in your time your intensity your passion into it everything else is a distraction to what you're firing me the her come for you serious and by the way it like you want to move this is what I kind of want to like punt slap go do something big with you right now but like but but what's interesting about that just and I'm going to let Jules wrap things up on that but like I just want to tell you all this too like

watch what we're doing to each other here the other thing I want you to see right as I want you to

find mentors and friends who could stretch and move and motivate you not just always validate

you not just always make you laugh a bro good to see you I have tons of friends like that people say oh drop your friends no you don't have to drop any friend in your life but you've got to add people who stretch you and push you and get you to visualize it and inspire you right like that's part of the form of you if you don't have them you've got to do it yourself for now but still be seeking out those people so you know people always say that like with like celebrities

all of people are always being the yes man but we have yes men in our personal lives too so like that is exactly what it's like it's not just celebrities it's everybody like we have yes men all over the place stop validating me and tell me what to do like just actually like call me out there should be some friends you ever like you got to clean up the house before they come over man like you should have some people like hey there's some still people you want to

have your aid gain for in your life right so this is unreal I'm just telling you straight up like I'm like this is unreal I'm so feel so blessed but I want to finish with you so it's hard to

you did this amazingly unique childhood you've attracted this dream man you've had all these achievements

and you've remaking yourself again which I admire so much and in five more years you'll be remaking again I know that but what advice would you give to maybe it's a woman I don't know that's listening to this it says hey I want something special in my life what would you say that maybe we haven't added yet what would you add to it's there's something I mean the first thing that just popped in when you were talking just now is that it is about reinventing yourself all the

“time and continuing to grow I think you know a lot of people are like you've changed and you”

you and your response should be like thank you you know and it's amazing that you know we tell ourselves our stories of who we are but that's who we were like we're continuing growing and like becoming the people that we're building you know and like as we as we become the person that we're becoming and and the achievements and the things that we want it's not about what we want it's about who we want to be when we have all of this and so so I think at the end of the day like

it always comes back to us and it's like like what is it like who it not what is it that I

want to be but who is it that I want to be and and I said it that I think at the very beginning when we were talking about how we met like met what you put out into the universe is what you're going to get and if you're putting negative thoughts if you're saying like I don't know how I don't know how to do this I can't do that I can't do that instead of like visualizing putting your goals like do a one year do a three year do a five year do a ten year do a like one month and do

small achievable goals so that you can actually attain them and celebrate them and realize like I have the power to do these things and then and then you get this confidence of who you are and then it just things just start happening like it's an amazing thing whether it's God the universe whatever you believe your own innate will power whatever you put out you're going to get and so like put out some good shit guys you know jules you're so right like you said something else

I just want to layer on like I'm just moved I'm just so damn good but you've also really

“you said something you said I'm enough at one point you're enough it's like you have to accept”

right now you have everything within you you need to go win you're all you need to be right now to go win you're getting better to prepare you for the next moment and the next moment right and one of my facts sorry you got one of my favorite analogies and visualizations of this is if your cup is full and somebody's pouring into it all this information and like more like you know I can help you with this and it's just overflowing you're like I can't deal with this

this is too much as too much you sometimes just have to pour it out and then you can start filling up again you know it's like you know what you know right now and that's great and that's going to get you to that next step but once you're there pour that damn cup out and start over you know and it's like all this new information comes in and then you're able to actually download it so what are you going to say something on that you're excited we do a lot of like creative

planning stuff in our in our garage and it was actually we were talking about this the other day because we're trying to she was helping me with the next stage of my life my reinvention and something we put up on the board her brother Derek was also helping and we put up on the board what do we want to do and who do we need to become to do it and it's exactly what she's talking about is how and we we talked about have your vision what you want to do okay that's great

and then who do I need to become to do this and I tell her this all the time we work on this I tell her this I'm building a man that's better than I am right now so I'm not yet this man but I have a vision I a concept of who he is and she'll say like there be some mornings I'll wake up at five or five thirty go work out or six or whatever she said oh baby it's early I'm like yeah but I'm building this man it's capable of more when we have kids he needs to work out before we have

kids so we don't have kids yet but this man needs to be capable of that stuff before we even there so

I always work towards this this far distant man that's better than I am and I acknowledge he's

better than I am but I aspire to be like him and gradually just move in that needle every day and some days I fail some days it takes step back oh my gosh I want I want I want to kiss you right now we can't see buddy no I'm serious like all just best friends right now it's like you know like

“like I just want to say something like it's so good so I talk all the time that I think at the end of my”

life I'm a Christian I believe that I hope I want the Lord to go hey well done good and faithful servant but I also think he's gonna go hey man this is the man you could have been I want you to meet the man you are capable of becoming at the end of your life I think you met the person you were destined to be and my life is chasing down that dude every decision I make I'm trying to chase that

great job more identical twins the worst end of a life would be to go to the end and you meet that woman and your total strangers and she had she had experiences and memories and contributions and differences great and great so I'm my barometer is chasing down that person exactly you're saying you're trying to build that better man build that better woman and it's the blissful the satisfaction correct the same thing you're happy you're not satisfied you're still you love your life you like you

look at the life you live at your family like sure you have fantastic life but still it's not it's not that it's not enough it's just not enough it's not enough it's not enough I'm enough but it's not enough that was a great conversation be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple and Spotify

links are in the show notes you'll never miss an episode that way Ed My Let Jamie it is such an

honored interview you on your show this has never been done before you and the hot seat we're flipping the script and are you ready I'm ready I feel like I'm in great hands with my dear friend

“here so let's do this you know I wanted to ask you about something that I think has affected you”

I know it's affected you but so many people listening have this in their life and maybe they shove it in the back of their mind but it's still there and that is this idea of labels and what I mean is like so many of us have had maybe it's when we were kids someone called us in name or you know we're in a situation and someone says oh but you're you're not smart enough or you don't have what it takes or you're the wrong fit for this or you don't come from the right family or

or this that the other thing and a lot of times we then find ourselves as an adult and that label

is like stuck and it's taken root and now it's sort of coming out in our lives and we haven't even thought about it in years but it's still there that identity when you were I think it was eight eight years old you were called Eddie Spaghetti can you share how that happened and how you did or didn't let that label take root yeah I uh by I talk about this in the book a lot too is that uh and how to overcome it which I have that part of me I've leveraged into something pretty strong but

I talk about in the book that a lot of the beliefs we have about ourselves were installed in us our identities these thoughts and concepts we believe to be most true about us our worth they were installed in us when we were defenseless as kids so it's like be a good boy be quiet be a good girl don't do that don't make too much noise don't and you you start of just start to develop this identity when you're young and then when you get out into the world because you believe it you

confirm it and then you'd rather more and more references for it before you know it you're 20 or 30 or 35 years old and it's who you are and you've proven it because of this your identities

the most powerful force in the world you're going to be consistent with it and most of what you

believe about yourself you weren't in control of believing there was put there when you were a child will same with me so you have this combination of the skitties at home things aren't real stable they're most of the time sometimes I feel like I overcooked that too because it when it was good it was very loving and the other thing is I had this loving mother 100% of the time right 100% of the time and great grandparents and lots of great stuff but there was this thing right so you have

that anxiety going in chaos going to school I'm a little guy I'm shy I'm very very shy you know this about me to this day I'm still very introverted with surprises most people because of the speaking and stuff in the show but I'm super introverted and I just started to get picked on and this that he spaghetti your meatballs right then the class would sing it to me and they'd see me get upset and it started to develop into this pattern of you're not good enough all the time and then I

“remember you know a few years later at a baseball coach really I was become a pretty good player but”

we had a great player on our team who went on to play like major league baseball for many many years he's still a really good friend of mine and I had a couple bad gains and I was down and our coach pulled me into his office you sort of a mean dude he's a good dude but he's a tough dude he pulled me into his office he goes hey Eddie Spaghetti this is an Alma teenager and he goes did you ever think that maybe you're just not as good as him like you go and over three like

you can go over three he can't so why don't you just accept the fact you're just not that good this was my coach right and I remember just walking out of there like oh and then I shared with you another story that when I became a speaker of someone that I looked up to was like you know you're really not that good you know like I can't even listen to you for more than about 15 minutes and then and I used to think like am I like is there something on me that's like you can just punch me

like is there something about me like you people think they can just tell me these things about me what is it about me because other people learn what I found out as other people are hearing similar

“things and the truth is I just started to go I actually asked myself a question that I say in the book”

I don't really believe that many good things about myself what would I need to believe about me

I show up in the world what would I need to believe and all of a sudden I started to really think

about that how would that guy walk how would that guy talk I'm doing an impersonation of this insecure guy I'm doing an impersonation of a shy person I'm doing an impersonation of someone who doesn't have confidence it's an impersonation it's not who I really am well maybe I could begin to impersonate the person I want to be and actually start to do impersonate him a little bit not fake it but like you know what he'd walk with his shoulders back his voice would be a little

bit deeper than the one I'd walk around with he'd think certain things about himself more over he would treat other people a particular way he would treat other people in a kind and generous and strong way almost and in an almost an an over abundance of kindness and generosity to people and belief and love for people and a lot of that happened when I worked with the orphanage I was like now that's the guy I like that's the guy that I am I'm the giving guy I'm the kind guy and you know

what I found out when I did that I took it away from me as we said earlier it was about other people that I found a lot more peace so I just started to become that person and slowly

“but surely I I think I am that person that is really powerful there's I'm sure so many people”

I'm sure they'll send messages about this who you know see you online watch your content and maybe think that everything's perfect and think that you're just born with all of this confidence and with you know everyone loving you and millions of people following you even through grade school right I mean we just we tend to think those things about people that we don't yet know deeply and then we think when those things happen to us like someone tells us we're just not good enough we kind of

hide it because we're embarrassed by it or we think it doesn't happen other people and I feel like you sharing that is so powerful thank you I think I have a lot of people from high school actually the follow me now right when you when you're and I think if you were to ask a lot of them because they've told me this I just wasn't I think they would just say to you like it's just I wouldn't expect it to be an Eddie you know not like he was a complete I was just there if that makes any

sense like no I would not there was no like most likely to succeed in any of my you know your books or anything like that but I don't think by the time I graduate wasn't like he's a complete

dumb dumb but it was just like he's just that he might let you know he's just that he like he would never

suspect he would be the person that you know might reach a lot of human beings in his life you know you just would never have predicted that and that would give everybody hope if you're not one of those people that everyone's like no for sure it's her I was definitely not that person you go oh just mark it down he's going to do something great with his life no no one was saying that about me no one no teacher no coach maybe a couple teachers when I was a little little guy but most people

would not have said not that anything significant was ever going to happen so good they didn't know you were the one that's right that's powerful because a lot of people are wondering am I the one can

“I be the one no one's telling me I'm the one and I think the fact that you doubt I think the fact that”

you doubt or wonder whether you're the one is indicative of the fact that you probably are I do I do I just believe that that's so good and you know this for anybody the way the reason it's good is because you know that to be true about you I know that's true and I'm just thinking right now I have goosebumps thinking about how many people are listening to this and right now they know that they're wondering if they're the one yeah and that makes you probably the one yes that's right and you know this

because it happened in your life yes that is huge all right this is good I want to talk about you know story you're can you share with everyone this story I feel like someone needs to hear this

today about your first grade teacher yeah Mrs Smith yes so yeah I'll even elaborate on it a little bit

so I had no confidence at all and and I was getting picked this is what I think happened Mrs Smith was just a super really kind lady and we had moved to the town that we were in then and so I was also a new kid on top of being small on top of being at a spaghetti on top of being insecure on top of leaving many mornings where my dad maybe didn't come home the night before or there was this turmoil the night before I was leaving that house this little dude I wish I could go back and hug him

you know which my mom did a lot of by the way and so she knew that I just had no self esteem

“and I believe she orchestrated this entire thing but we were doing testing like for grades and stuff”

for the next grades and she purposely had I believe she purposely did this for me she had someone come in the back of the room and say Mrs Smith we need your smartest student to come take a test to represent the class and I could see the person in the back I heard them and I watched Mrs Smith code that's

she thinks I'm the smart boy and I just looked at her and she smiled at me and I remember just

“lighting up and then the person goes okay um then Eddie my let you need to come with us and I stood”

up and it was the first time ever in my life that I was like I'm special this is special

and I walked up and went to the back and I took the test and I guess I did well but when I came back in I didn't say this on the last time I told this when I came back in at the end of the day class was over and Mrs Smith said Eddie can you come up here for me and I came up and uh she hugged me and she goes you're so special and so smart you're the smartest boy she just like hugs on me for a minute and um it really changed my life a lot

it changed my life because I was the first time I was like maybe I maybe either wrong maybe I am maybe I am smart maybe I am special and this beautiful soul

“new exactly what she was doing she orchestrated all that she knew there was this child I think she had”

this sense something was going on in my home because kids don't come like that to school that shy that timid unless something's wrong at the house and um I'm telling you the truth that I thought about that like hundreds maybe thousands of times in my life that that event in my life what a beautiful beautiful soul she was so that's Mrs Smith it's one of those people you know in your life when you close your eyes and you go there's this handful of humans that make you feel special

make you feel loved and cared for and believed in and she's on that highlight real of like maybe three or four human beings in my entire 51 years and the reason that that's important is because I've tried really hard in my life to be that person for other people that they go he loves me he cares about me he most and maybe even as important he believes in me and um and then you show people how to live a little better that's exactly what she did she was a super super

special person and little did she know that little first grade dude would you know be on a show

with you today you know um last night when we were talking in the phone about this idea about how many people don't feel seen and I'm just imagining like the power right of her seeing you first time anyone saw me I was telling you last night that a lot of my work in my life has been I don't know how it makes me so emotional but a lot of my work in my life has been about helping people that perform pretty well perform their best and the more and more I've been doing what I do

the more it's occurring to me that that's my role is a little different and that is that there's millions and millions and millions of people maybe more than ever in the world that were like the first grader me but they're 30 years old very short in our mission here folks I'm glad you're enjoying the show so far don't forget to follow the show on Apple and Spotify links are in the show notes now on door next guest all right welcome back to the show everybody so today I get to share

one of my favorite men I've ever known in my life with you truly love him I miss him very much too I don't see him nearly as much as I would like to he's a life architect he's an artist he's an entrepreneur he's the founder of Mosaic which is one of the most beautiful churches in the world he's a contrarian thinker he's a lovely man a kind gentle brilliant man he's the type of dude that after you've spent some time with him you can't help but reflect on the time you had with him when he leaves

every time I'm with him I find myself thinking about the conversations we had days and weeks even afterwards and I have a feeling that's going to happen for all of you today as well and man is this going to be awesome it's got a new book out called a seven frequencies of communication which is

incredible because he's incredible. Erwin McManus welcome back to the show my brother and it's so

good to be with you just good to see your face and to hear your voice you tend to get to have this time with you maybe too brother I you talked about this recently and it just struck me this isn't a frequency thing necessarily but why are so many people and you said you had a little of this too or maybe a lot of it they're in their own way they're their own biggest enemy in life yeah what's why

“how I think there could be multiple reasons but self doubt is it is a really fast anything it really”

comes down to what voices you allowed to determine your identity all of us have a series of voices

accept them as your voice so if someone says to you you don't matter but your voice tells you you do matter that voice doesn't have power of you but when you let that voice shape who you are and I think

for me and I I had voices and inside of me saying don't be too successful I literally was always

my greatest enemy this voice because I I'm a deeply spiritual person yes and I and I have this

“I mean my life is centered around the person of Jesus Christ and I have never wanted to do anything”

to invalidate my relationship with him or to cause anyone to ever question my sincerity so what that did for me is it actually created some self limiting mindsets because I I didn't know how to become the full version of myself and and not have people question my faith and when I had the real is eventually I think this one things I learned from you and so many others is the better you're at something the more people are gonna hate you there is there is no way to escape

opposition or hate or whatever you want to describe it and once I could accept that going even if

I'm completely sincere there's all going to be people who question your sincerity so true and and so then I went well if I'm going to people who hate me anyway I'm miles will be the best version of myself I'm miles will move toward optimal performance and at this point in my life Ed I'm at the point I'm going I want to have the greatest impact on the world that I can while I'm still on this earth and writing the seven frequencies was a huge part of that journey for me writing my shift was a huge

“part of that and what I'm going to do from this point forward in my life is I'm going to”

give to the world what I feel great create the greatest contribution on this planet and and you have to decide at some point I will not live my life based on the voices that are speaking at me that I will listen to a deeper inner voice that calls me to the greatest purpose that I have so good Erwin you're so he says so much to give you guys and I remember you probably don't remember this but there's even shame in some people's lives about making a little bit of money oh

I've been I've had so much shame for that in my own life Ed I mean my wife and I lived I had a salary of less than $12,000 for 10 years because I thought it was ethically wrong for me to make money we slept on the floor I wouldn't buy a bed because I told her that was a luxury not in the necessity I don't I don't know what what got into my head and I remember one day we were married at kids and I said I think that it's okay I think God told me it's okay for me to make

some money and she goes you can make money I said I've always known how I just would have to stop

myself and she goes well could you you know start like now but I always put a cap on myself yes right you did Erwin you did and and I I've always known I could make billions of dollars I could never have that confusion in my head and I would the confusion in my head was do I give myself permission do you know what you said to me but what you just why's this so huge why I asked you I was wondering if you were going to say this you guys you won't remember

the sir we were at a friend's house you know whose house it was that lives on the ocean and you and I walked into the kitchen and I kept telling you you're in this room and you're like I've met these guys now and like it's not that big of a deal and I said Erwin you could impact millions of people and you said you kind of this cringe when you said it to me you go I think I'm going to allow myself to make some real money now and even when you said it

there was this discomfort in you I said Erwin you have permission to do that you just got to

“give it to yourself now I don't know that you remember that moment but I know where I was standing”

in the kitchen when you said it and I just want everybody to hear this this is a man who's coach some of the most influential people in the world top people in industries come to him and even in his case he had to give himself permission to allow some form of abundance to flow into his life because of some sort of a limiting belief around it now if that's true if someone with his eloquence and brilliance are any of you suffering with something that you're

not giving yourself permission to feel whether that be joy or love or the love of God your faith to know you can be somewhere in eternity maybe it's wealth maybe it's physical health but there's probably something today that you're not allowing yourself for giving yourself permission to have and feel and give yourself to give today like Erwin did and by the way once Erwin unlocked that type of permission I had more financial abundance but his impact grew with the world

changes he now affects right or that opened up other lanes for you absolutely and one of the things that realized for myself is I'm just not motivated by money it's just not it's not a good

someone to to finance the vision we have to impact the world we create the wealth we finance it we help millions of people it's just so much more exciting to be perfectly honest yeah that was a

“great conversation and if you want to hear the full interview be sure to follow the Ed My Let's Show on Apple”

and Spotify links are in the show notes here's an excerpt I did with our next guest welcome back to max out everybody I met my let let me ask you a question before we begin today do you have any sense right now like you feel like you're just overloaded and you're overwhelmed with information in your life maybe you're having a hard time getting focused you get distracted pretty easily maybe your concentration sort of suffers a little bit your memory issues well my guest here

today is an expert on optimal brain performance on learning on learning quickly and on maxing out your capacity to think and perform in your life and it was early born out of some tragedy out of some some difficult events out of his childhood he's turned those tragic events into becoming a world renowned expert on brain performance and today I'm really blessed because I've been chasing this guy for a while I've wanted him to share his brilliance with you the audience and I'm

grateful that he's here today because we're about to change your life and change the way you learn thinking perform so my guest today is the great Jim quick Jim thank you and thank you so much I'm looking for it as much me too brother we've been we've had great conversations off camera and I'm so excited because I know there's some shows I know that we do that are inspirational and then there are shows I know that are going to inspire but also by the end of the program people's lives are just measurably

better and they can perform better and today is heavy note taking if you're driving in the car you're going to want to hear it but you're going to want to get back and listen to the video or something to write the notes down we're going to cover so I want to share something with you because

“it just happened this weekend and I just from my folks here too I think one of mine is that I am present”

with people and I do observe people and so it's really interesting because I think that's one of the

things that I love about doing a show and and it was fascinating because I never gave it

any thought as to where that came from because I mean your brain brilliance comes from the fact that you had this damaged brain as a child yet it's one of your great gifts and one of the great things you're intelligent at one of your your your geniuses and so this weekend somebody had asked me why do you think like on your show or even we were at a dinner you're so present you're listening what do you think that comes from and I didn't know I didn't I thought about it and I said you know

I'm not sure but you know it's interesting my dad was my dad's sober 30 years now but when I was a little boy my dad was a that drinking problem and I never knew as a little boy which dad was going to come through the front door at night and so unlike most kids who would run up and hug dad I would observe dad when he came home and so when dad walked through the front door I'd look at his physiology I'd look at his eyes his face his lips I'd listen to what his first few words

were and I think since I was about a four year old little boy I was sort of through that unfortunate circumstance in my family I developed this intelligence of being present and really being with someone and an understanding them and connecting with them and seeing where they really were and it's ended up serving me as a 47 year old man with you here today. Wow isn't that interesting and so many for some of you listening I would just say to you that sometimes some of

your great genius could be coming from some of what you would think might be some of the more tragic events in your life are difficult events. You just think about that. And the self talk also you know when I said I had the age nine teacher looked at me said that's the boy with the broken brain from the whole class you know I'm parents and adults have to be very careful because your external words become a child's internal words because every single time I did bad on a quiz

on a test or not pick for a sports team which was all the time I would say oh because I had the

broken brain that became my internal conversation and I always tell people when they come to me and

they say I'm not smart enough I'm not good enough I have a horrible memory I would say if you fight for your limitations you get to keep them or if you fight for your limitations you argue for your

“limits they're yours right and here's the thing your brain is like a super computer and your”

self talk is a program it will run so if you tell yourself you're not good at remembering names you will not remember the name and the next person you meet because you program your super computer not to they say the most powerful words in English language are also the smallest I am because whatever you put after that can lead that sentence with is going to determine your destination your destiny I'm so glad you're saying this because this is typically said by like

you know what I mean to it but motivational people are inspiring people now we've got a brain science science telling you this is a fact so your identity is this let's say at a simple level let's say people want to change their behavior they want to stop procrastinating yes but their identity is I'm a procrastinating yes oh that's gonna be a tough one they're one change of behavior like oh I want to stop smoking but their identity is I am a smoker wow right so that's going to be a

challenge right so here's the thing the reason I bring these distinctions up is because it takes the

something you could say like oh you could address the level that that's holding you back and finally below the level of behavior and this is a big one is the entire is a level of environment environment because you could the behaviors you want to stop smoking but the environment is around our

“loss of workers because it's not here's the thing the people you spend time with the people you”

become you notice you teach this because your mirror neurons are always imitating what's around you

and that's the thing so I want to sensitize you to because it's often the people that hold us back are the people that love us the most you know because you know why they're like oh you're going to another event you're listening to another podcast why reading another book spending all that money and they have good and they could have good intentions right because ultimately people are doing things for you know generally I believe for good reasons but they could be sincere but they could be

sincerely wrong sincerely wrong and I love the I've not this yet I also want to just repeat things I just we just you say brilliant things one after the other and so this idea that is a parent your external dialogue becomes your child's internal dialogue is just riveting I mean it's riveting and it's also true I think of leaders in companies too your external dialogue about your company or about that individual can become their internal dialogue so what you're saying matters so deeply

there are six primary questions we learned in school five W's and one H right now watch this the identity level answers the question of who the beliefs and values answer the question of why the capabilities answer the question of how you do it the behavior is the what and the environment answers the question of when and where it is fully aligned and so I feel like we have natural genius inside of us and if we when this is aligned with this when people talk about the mind

and their body and their values and habits when they're all aligned things happen naturally and they're not having forced and my goal for everybody was watching and listening to this is that they're smarter than they think it's just we weren't taught how to do these things and when you're in congruence and in alignment things happen your natural superpowers if you will yes come out come out organically and on not forced boy that's man brother that's so good

I'm processing all of this with you there'll be mad at me if I don't ask you a tactical question absolutely so can you give them I'm gonna get a couple more things but thank you for taking the extra time build they'll be I'll get DMs and emails if I don't ask you

“tactically ask him a specific tactic to remember a name yeah so I have max out perfect”

do you do an association when you remember something like that I do um really fast I would say be swap be swap I'll get you really quick be is believe right believe you can believe you can

you're right so stop the negative self talk okay right so that that that's obvious the second

thing is he is exercise we already talked about power exercise practice because the bad news is it takes practice to learn someone's name the good news and not as much as you think great like I'm really good at names but after practicing for a couple months it's just become second nature right just like parking a car learning how to type you do without thinking the swab is this stands for say the name when tactically when you meet somebody you say their name back to them

right because you make sure you're observant correctly the you as you use the name he's a three or four time to talk about that the A is you ask about a name this is really great ed when you meet somebody whose name you haven't heard before you meet not someone named off-sol or riddaker what can you ask about a person's name you already said this you really said it's not travel entrepreneurship what's everyone's favorite subject is themselves so what can you ask about

a person's name how do you spell it where's it from you know what does it mean I was doing this training at the country's largest life insurance company hundred people in the room the training director's name was Nan Kita I was like in front of the whole group I was like that's a beautiful name how do you spell it where's it from what does it mean she paused I was like Nahaida what does it mean she looked at our co-workers it says she said it means graceful falling waters and I was like

wow and then her co-workers gave that kind of reaction like a novel it was like we just like how will you work there she's like you know X amount of years with these people he had a lot of them good friends are on my wedding I was like out of 100 there's a raise your hand if you knew that's what her name meant at about a hundred people how many people raise her hand zero zero and talk about like caring that became like a ten-year client right because that's the power of a name

be a motion right so ask about a person's name and then V and B Swav stands for visualize and here's a real tactical thing we tend to be better with faces and names right aren't you you need a

“lot of people sure right people come and you meet somebody you know you say to him I remember your”

face but I forgot you never go to someone say the opposite you never go to someone I remember your

name but I forgot your face but here's the reason why from your logicality your visual cortex is a lot larger than on the part of your brain so you tend to remember what you see now if you tend to remember which there's Chinese proverb that goes what I hear I forget what I see I remember what I do I understand what I hear I forget I heard the name I forgot the name what I see I remember I saw the face I'll remember the face what I do going back to practice and exercise

aid is this playpictionary a person's name for example is mark take a split second and put a check mark on their forehead and you're like Jim that's so childish who are the fastest learners on the planet children yes how fast can they learn a musical instrument how fast can they learn another language right their sponges and part of how they remember names is they make fun of people like they go to somebody you're like you know they go to someone named Jason and Jason the

“basin right and all sudden like Jason's in therapy for years but that's how you learn banana”

phantophane you learn through imagery right they make fun and so that remember more emotion too yes information you forget information combined with emotion so person's name is Mary imagine meets one they marry can't shake break imagine she's getting married or she's carrying two

lambs under her arms and here's the thing it over comes in business what I call the six second rule

six somebody tells you something important in the conversation or their name you have six seconds to do something with it otherwise what happens it's gone out of your working memory short-term memory it's gone so this caps you to focus uniquely on both the person and also the name so when the person's name so for example is is let's say Carol imagine they're seeing Christmas Carol's yes right a person's name is is Mike imagine them jumping on the tables singing on a microphone

for split second and then when you say goodbye to them 20 minutes later like all that guy was sitting on the you know karaoke on the microphone what's the name Mike right because it glues it and then by the way it's it's a short term because once you know the person's name is Ed or Athena or Michael whatever what'll happen you just need everybody here sorry you know once once you do that then the picture disappear because you know it you just need something to glue it because there's three

parts of memory you encode the information you store the information then you retrieve the information but most people can't retrieve it because they're not encoding in a way that makes it memorable so you make it visual you make it fun and interesting so first name is John you can imagine whatever right right then finally that's the being the Ian Swab stands for end

you always end the conversation using their name saying goodbye using the name because if you

could walk into a room of strangers and leave saying goodbye to 20 strangers by name who are they all

“gonna remember you they're gonna remember that to stand out skill because not just what you know”

yes yes you learn faster it's not only who you know but it's also who knows you who knows you who's gonna remember you that is awesome awesome and the sixth second rule if you don't use it you lose it so do something with the first seconds that is brilliance there are a few obstacles to effective reading so let's go through them really quickly number one what keeps you from reading slow is lack of education you're not born with the ability to read nobody is and so we've learned it

through class through a training right but once the last time you took a class called a reading how old were you six six or seven years old right exactly so we are still every single person watching us for the most part we're still reading like we're a six or seven year old because that's the last time we had training in that one area right the difficulty demand is increased tremendously but we're still reading like a six year old so that's number one get the proper education

lack of education number two lack of focus we could all relate to this you read a page in a book you get to the end just forget what you just read here's your attention is everywhere your mind

“wanders you're thinking about the dry cleaning the clients everything the kids so here's the thing”

you just mentioned that if you read faster you feel like you wouldn't retain as much and understand it's not true it's not it's not because we weren't taught differently right and so what I would say is the fastest so I think it's a that's a myth being spread around by slow readers that if you read faster you wouldn't understand as much because it's a lie and this is interesting because we have online academy right I'm a speed reading and we have students in over 180 countries

so we have a lot of data and we found the fastest readers actually have the best comprehension

because they have the best focus okay so here's it isn't metaphor your brain is this incredible

supercomputer but when you read you feed the supercomputer one word add a time metaphorically you're starving your mind right and even if we were to talk like that through this it would be like eight days right and what would happen to people very quickly if they were talking that slow their mind would wander they would fall asleep they would think about other things they would just did and isn't that aren't those the same exact things that happen when you read your mind

wanders your fall asleep you start thinking about other things because if you don't give your brain the stimulus and needs it'll seek entertainment elsewhere in the form of distraction draw third obstacle this is the big one sub vocalization yeah okay this is the big one by far we're talking about your inner voice sub vocalization means you're gonna notice when you're reading something you hear the inner voice inside your head reading along with you

you're that hopefully your own voice is telling somebody else the voice the reading why keeps you reading slow reason why is because if you have to say all the words to understand them

vocal speech sub like a submarine inner speech if you're saying the words to understand what you're reading you're doing in that right because New York City you don't have to say the word New York City or computer don't understand what those just like when you're driving you see a stop sign you don't say to yourself stop 95% of the words do you understand what that stop sign means though yes 95% of words are words you've seen before you don't have to pronounce the words you know leaders are readers

right you read a lot Tony Robbins read a lot you know like Oprah reads a lot Bill Gates reads a lot like John of Kennedy you know leaders are readers seems a very fast reader he said to have read every morning six newspapers with one cup of coffee most people is the opposite it takes it's like six bucks a coffee to get through like a newspaper right and that's the challenge but he's you know he's let's say you know he said to read 800 to 1,000 words a minute but if you

could talk at the hour talking to about 200 to 250 words a minute they're like 700 words per minute

“he's not pronouncing right you don't have to pronounce words you've seen before but that's how”

we were taught as a kid like a lot of what accelerated learning is just like success is unlearning not habits when you're a kid you had to say the words out loud because the teacher need to know you're pronouncing the words phonetically correctly but later on remember this your teacher said read quietly to yourself read silently to yourself and that's when you should have that external voice and you put it internal there it's been there ever since here's a here's a point when we

listen to podcasts or audiobooks how many people like to listen to it at 1.5 or 2x or 3x and they can understand it too yes you can't talk that fast though and that's the thing right and so that's why

sub vocalization is saying basically if you're sub vocalizing your reading speed is limited to your

talking speed not your thinking speed well you could understand so much more so much faster but you can't talk that fast because the bad habit we picked up as a kid so we did a whole podcast on how to reduce sub vocalization right and or our programs like over 21 30 days we teach people methodically how to do it because there's a different than a tip than a shorter fourth obstacle I would say and then we go to solution regression it's a very bad habit we picked up as a kid

regression is back skipping you're gonna notice you read something you go back and reread words or you reread a whole line by accident you know upwards of 20 25% give time can be spent rereading words so how do you now I'm gonna give you just one tip done how to overcome this which should make a big difference this tip is gonna help you read 25 to 50% faster with better focus and that's a huge return because it's like 10% it's like like on average our online program 300% increase

I know right now people are like okay how do I get more information from this person and so

I want to make sure they know where to go find you the first one is you've references podcasts that you have

and I'm a subscriber there's just stuff every single time you're on there that is valuable and I like that oftentimes it's not even very long oftentimes it's just digestible stuff so how do they find your podcast so on anyone's podcasts that serves my name Jim KWIK and that is his real name by the way I changed it to do my father's name my grandfather's name it's my life was pretty much

“planned out so go get your podcast and the best way is actually go to quickbrain.com KWIK”

brain.com there are actually videos on speed reading remember names I take a live audience up there and they do that and then links to all my links to podcasts of there so for podcasts and in your website both are also where they can get involved with your programs to if they choose to do and then also you've got a great Instagram account yeah I mean the podcast episodes also we've done episodes on the top 10 brain foods how to change your habits how to change your limiting

beliefs everything that has to do cognition we do 10 or 15 minutes okay so brain hacks or busy people in the restaurant and then I love your Instagram thank you you know and then I let's it's so wonderful and so I do with the lives and the Q&A's that are there and so we like to post things that are just keep brain hacks because his Instagram is you're gonna get addicted to it it's outstanding like yours and I don't challenge people again ending with this to take a screenshot of this episode

tag us both on there and then share remember what you teach you to learn twice and you own it share your big haze or questions and I'll actually I'll repost some of it so why so do I so please do that everybody take a screenshot tag both of us tell us what your biggest takeaway was so in finishing you know people when we're done here they're gonna wish I wish you you know I'd ask you so many more things we got so much done today but you're such a you know just a wealth of knowledge it's unbelievable

I hope people take the pictures even though they're notes I'd be curious to that I would love to they're

“gonna be long I can tell you that because we've covered so much today and thank you but I think”

probably you know one of the things that I think most people that are listening this they're trying to change things but that be a habit or change their life in general and you're an expert at this if someone

said they got I always do this they got two minutes with Jim quick they're ending to your Starbucks

and you were as busy as you are he said I'll give you two minutes and they could ask you something I think the vast majority of the people would say I want to change something in my life whether that be a habit or the external results in my life I want to create a change what would you say to that person where do they begin what would be a step they could take or would be a thought they would have in order to create change so the obvious thing to say is is life long learning

watching this right now or listening this you know they they are exceptional and I applaud anyone who

has made it tell the way to the end what I would say is self love is not selfish I feel like the

“biggest challenge people have in life is this fear that they're not enough I believe that's what”

holds us back and people talk about themselves in relationships I think we grow a lot in our intimate relationships because they're a mirror to us and I also feel like you have to fall in love again with the person in the mirror who has been through so much but it's still standing you know what

I mean yeah and when's the last time you know learning and love I always wish people you know

this year and their days before lots of life lots lots of love lots of laughter and lots of learning but I think they go hand in hand and self love it's kind of I don't want to you know people could put it into a hold hands and sink whom by ah I'm saying do the things that you would do for yourself because I feel like we're only happy when two things happen this made my bad advice

“number one you need to cure yoss city to know yourself right because that's self awareness that's”

why we meditate that's why we turn all that's why we listen to things it's self reflection

we have intimate relationship we build businesses because they put us through tests and shows us who we really are so have the curiosity to know yourself but much you know yourself you need to encourage to be yourself you know what I mean yeah that's a different game you know and a lot of us you know when when we're looking back again we don't want to have those those regrets and the the expectations of other people and that's that's where I think people could they limit themselves

so I would say my advice to somebody right now is to make sure you dedicate time every single day to self care you know and really spend the time to not only know yourself but give yourself permission to really be yourself because I feel like everyone makes smart goals right they're specific and they're measurable and they're action oriented and they're they're they're they're they're realistic and they're time bound and I'm I'm all for that as any goals but also make them

heart goals remember I talked about the power of the heart yes you know make them age healthy you know every area of your life make sure that they're they're healthy and you're the ecology of your life I would also say you make them enduring you know make them enduring so as we go through hard times which invariably will in business and in life in relationships and health make sure that they they're inspiring enough to be able to get you through those hard times the A is make

them alluring a learning mean they pull you right they like what they're so attractive they just they get you out of the out of the bed they're learning the R's relevance meaning you want to make them relevant because a lot of people sick holes but are they solving a personal problem for you are they really relevant to your particular values in life and in relationships and business and

“finally the tea I think it's the most important one when you're sitting goals make them your truth”

there's so many people you're sending goals and a vision that's not really theirs they picked it up from their parents you know their doctors because their parents were doctors or the pick-up from the Joneses or or something outside you know know your truth and live from live from there