Be More Direct in 3 Sentences

Short concise direct, all that more.

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I speak to a lot of people, not just, I don't mean that in people in the world. I mean specifically in my job as an attorney. I speak to a lot of people and I train a lot of people and how to communicate.

And one of the number one things that I hear time time again is Jeverson, I wish I could just, I'm not very direct when it comes to deposition, cross-eximination, direct examination. When I answer questions from people,

I have a really hard time being direct. And I wish though, I wasn't that way. If that's you, if you're listening and go, I wish I could be more direct. I really don't know how it sounds

and I really don't know how to do it. This is the episode. I'm gonna teach you exactly how to do it. So what is being direct? It is a straight line from A to B.

That's what it is. No farther than what it needs to be. No longer than what it needs to be. It is not a detour. I want you to think of it like Google Maps or ways

or whatever you, you know, however you maybe map quests, anybody? Think of it as a straight line. You're not taking any detours. You're not taking the scenic route in the conversation.

You are getting there as fast as you can, most efficiently as you can. Yes, it's not artful. Yes, it's not some fancy sounding, very flowery language.

“It's just getting right to the point of exactly what you need to say.”

So that's what direct is. What does direct sound like? Direct sounds like your words sticking, not stretching, not expanding. So think of it like in the Olympics, right?

They have in gymnastics in the summer Olympics

and these gymnasts who are amazing,

do these amazing things in the air and then what's the goal here? They want to stick the landing. They do, they talk, they say they do what they need to do. The action is up here and then they stick the landing. Right there and then they throw their hands in the air

and everybody applaud. That's what you're looking for. You're not looking for the type of motion where it continues just to carry on and on and on. It's not like, I don't know, just watch the winter Olympics.

I'm thinking of like curling, you know, or they do the block of ice and I don't really know how it works, but it seems kind of cool. Then they have like their mobs. Anyway, so how can we do this in your everyday communication?

Here is a key and something that is might be a hidden gem. In my opinion, speaking to customer service agents on the phone is the number one training ground for learning to speak directly. We all know what it's like to be on the phone

with a customer service agent and it's 20 minutes later, 30 minutes later. And you go, this is, this is unbearable. This is terrible. I'm confused.

They don't really know what I'm saying. I don't know how to get what I want and it's just defeating. Most of the time, it has to do not with the agent, has to do with how direct you are being.

What you are asking for. So I'm going to give you a 1, 2, 3. That's going to help you not only be more direct, but also probably help with some customer service agents.

Now, first, I want to call it what it is.

Customer service reps. They don't have all this space usually to be creative. They have very limited options in what they can do. Like a doctor or an attorney or different occupations

If it's not this, then it's that.

“And it's this decision tree of information.”

That's what they're trained on. So if you don't fall into one of those categories, they don't really know how to help. And what makes it worse are these problems. One, you begin with the story.

You begin with a story. So you start saying, OK, so the other day, I bought this thing and it does not really work. And I'm not really sure. And you start giving all the background context.

That is not helpful. And it's not sounding direct at all. It makes it harder and prolongs the issue. Another mistake is where you kind of hint at what you want them to do and just expect them

to kind of read your mind rather than being direct

and asking for what you want.

And three, you over-explain and over-talk to where you feel as if they're going to fill your justified. And so entitled, and it's going to lead them directly to the answer. You see how you're dealing with customer service in that way

can be the same exact thing of how you deal with ordinary people. You might have the tendency to expect them to read your mind. You might have the tendency to feel like they should already know what you want and where you're going.

And so you don't feel that inner desire to be direct. You just expect that they naturally know where you're going and that you're entitled to something. And it's their job to get it. But in truth, it's your job to be direct.

“That's why I say that the customer service on the phone”

with him is the great training ground, because you can learn to say things more concisely. And you don't-- I'm not at all saying, let me make this very clear. Do not call customer service just for the fun of it

and be rude and be ugly and say things. And that's not cool. And that is not at all what I'm saying. What I am saying is that for you to be direct, you have to practice it, and these little customer service

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So here's how to do it. Number one, state the issue. In one sentence, in one sentence, for example, there's been a charge on my account. This product was not delivered.

This is the problem. So if you have a, if you have a problem, if you have a hard time describing what the issue is, just finish the sentence. This is my problem, blank.

Blank is my problem. Be very, very clear on exactly what the issue is.

“Number two, you have to state the impact.”

What has been the impact to you? There's a charge on my account. It cost me $75. This is late. I am not able to do this.

State the impact, the harm, the consequence. It's very similar to kind of like illegal things.

In a petition, which is a written document,

“you state the issue, you state the harm,”

and who's responsible for it? Same kind of principle. You're having to state why they are responsible.

So first, you have the issue, second, you have the impact,

and third, you state the remedy. What you're wanting them to do? I've had a charge on my account. It's $75. I want this money back.

I need a refund. I want to exchange this. I need to ex be explicit as possible, specific as possible. This is where you get to say that doesn't work for me.

Nope, I don't agree with that. Like, for some people, that is really hard to do. They have a hard time pushing against that. It's an uncomfortable feeling. You get to train that it is a learned skill.

Believe me, it is a learned skill. You can do this. A three separate boxes here.

You're going to state what the problem is.

To state the impact and three state the resolution. What are you asking for? What are you needing them to do? You can apply this at home, at work any time. When you get to say, "Here is my problem, here's the impact to me, here's what I'm

asking you to do, here's how you can fix it, here's the fix that I've come up with. Don't do it to where you just state the problem and go, I leave it up to you. Find the solution, ask exactly for the solution that you want. Now, if you say, I want a refund and customer service says, I'm sorry sir, we can't do this.

“That's not acceptable, then what are my other options?”

Ask, what are my other options?

Is there a way that I can escalate this?

What is a solution that is available to me? How can I escalate this? They all have a procedure in the book of what to do when, yeah, maybe you do hit a dead end. But you can at least rest assured that you've been direct about it and stating what you want. No, you're not, you're not going to use that company again, you know you're going to

cut off the relationship with that, because they're not giving you what you want. Same thing with everyday human relationships, in romantic relationships or dating relationships. If you are not being direct and stating what you want, you are setting yourself up for failure. And this kind of reminds me of this quote that I heard and it's something to the tune of

the single biggest problem with communication is the illusion that it has taken place, right? I will you think you were very direct and the other person doesn't feel that and all they're left confused. The sharper you can be and say, hey, this is what you said, this hurt me. I want you to apologize.

It's kind of the same, it's all the same system, it's all the same system. Hey, you left your, your toys out, your leg goes out, I stepped on one of them and it caused me a mince pain, I need you to pick these up now. True story for me, many nights, right? You see how it is BAM, BAM, BAM, you're sticking the landing every single time.

It could be also as simple as I know that you've want this for me, that's something I'm not comfortable with, my answer needs to be no period, stick the landing every time. I really like that phrase, my answer needs to be no. I need to say no, hmm, what a good phrase. Whenever you can be very direct with somebody, they actually appreciate it more.

I like to say that sometimes the kindest thing you can do is be as direct as you can be. When you're not direct with somebody, you're indirect, it's like, it's trying to go through the back door. Like, there's a front door on a house for a reason, go up a knock on it, go through the front door, you're not going to try and find a window that's open somewhere else, go through

“the front door, that's what it's there for.”

People who struggle with being directed, it's usually because you're not using the right type of frame or system to deliver the message, you typically start instead with a story and you're giving context. Before we keep going, I want to take a moment to tell you about Momintas. Momintas is a company that I've been using along before they were ever a sponsor of this

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That's LivMomintas.com, promo code Jefferson, and now let's keep going. This happens a lot in the law firm. We'll have a new client, potential client who calls, and they talked to the receptionists and they go, "Okay, so the other day, like a three months ago, I had this guy and he did this, and you know, I did, and they start saying, all of the tea, all this context that's

been in their mind, and it's all story and it's convoluted, and they're like, no way, and so this guy, and they start dropping names, and then they're like, "Well, he did this,

“and then actually, you know what, let me back up, what he did was that is maddening."”

All right.

I understand that it usually comes from insecurity or fear, and it's the fear of that you're

not giving enough information. Totally valid. What the other person hears, and what the other person is doing, is trying to distill, like, "Okay, what's relevant, what's not relevant, what's the issue, what's not the issue?" And it's like, playing, like an I-SPY book game, like a "Where's Walden?"

Like, you're just searching for the things that go, "That's the issue," right there. But not everybody does that. They're not going to just try to find the issues for you in that type of capacity. Instead, they're going to be just as lost, so, "What are they going to do?" They're going to say what they want, because they don't really know what you're asking

for. So you start with a story. I can promise you. You're going to end up being disappointed when it comes to being direct. And less, at saying less, there was a reason why the story is important, and that would

come on the back end. So instead, I would say, "Here's my issue, here's the impact to me, here's how I want you to fix it," and they're going to give a response, and you say, "I'm going to give

“you more information, because you need to know this," right?”

That's when you're able to give the additional information, but you don't want to start with it, because it sounds like you're trying to, I don't know, run up, go up on a escalator that's going down, like you're just going to be running in motion and not getting anywhere. All right. We've talked about what being direct is, we've talked about what being direct sounds

like, how you want to stick the landing, how you want to have short choppy sentences. In my world, what I like to teach is, if you can't say it in three sentences, you need to think about it again. You need to condense, you need to reduce. So let me give that little tidbit to you.

I have a three sentence rule that I like to live by, both in my company and regular communication if need be, if in this, if I can't say it in three sentences, I need to go back and think about it. Now the other people, if they're asking for information on something and they need context absolutely, I'm going to give that, but in terms of me initiating a message, if I cannot

say it in three sentences, not run on sentences, but actual grammatical sentences, then I need to go back to the drawing board. I would have written you a shorter letter if I had had more time. I could take effort to try and condense information down. So when I can do that, that's me being direct.

And when I can use the method that we just talked about, what I just taught you of stating

first what the issue is, to say, this is my problem.

To this is the impact to me, how it has affected me, and three, the fix, the resolution, the result. This is what I am asking you to do, whether it's just the listen, whether it's just to note it for the record, whether it is to compensate me, to be able to recover something back in some way to remedy this, that is a system that you can use a lot of different

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