How to Lazy Genius Annoying Responsibilities

is not about hacking the system to find more time or hack in your energy to get more

“done. Hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting”

and unsustainable. So here we do things differently on this show we value contentment, compassion, and living in our season. We favor small steps, over big systems. Here we are lazy geniuses, being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I am so glad you're here. Today is episode 469 how to lazy genius annoying responsibilities. I've got 'em, you've got 'em, we've all got 'em, annoying responsibilities

like scheduling doctors appointments, updating insurance, renewing stuff, car maintenance,

making phone calls. There are a slew of things that are super responsible, but also highly

annoying that can make even the most organized Zen person have a full come apart. I will not say crash out because my my children will disown me. If I did that on the other day,

“I said bro, I know. And Annie immediately was like absolutely not, never say that again. So”

in a very uncool way over here, we're going to talk about how to lazy genius those annoying responsibilities. And I'm actually weirdly excited about this topic. After that, we'll have a little extra something where I share a pre summer reading update with you. Plus I have a summer reading question to ask you. We will celebrate the lazy genius of the week who has like the

sweetest rhythm of caring for her people. And we'll close with a mini pep talk for when you're

lazy genius, but your partner is not. Now I know that could be a whole episode, but we'll at least have a mini pep talk about it today. Now before we get into the episode, I have a super fun update about the playbooks if you haven't ordered yours yet. So if you don't know, our playbooks are kind companions for planning. They are these small seasonal notebooks that work with whatever planner or

“calendar you already love to use. And they help you name what matters in your season. Figure out what”

you have to do and hope to do, triage your tasks, and just actually get the things done that matter to you. They are cute. Minimal, they are also really great references after you have used them long enough to look back on previous seasons, which is super fun. So there are four seasonal playbooks spring summer fall and winter, and then there are topical playbooks, projects, travel, celebrations, and yearbook. Now since we started these a couple of years ago, you have been able to get all four

seasonal playbooks at a discount when you buy them as a bundle, like would you buy them for the year, right? So an individual playbook is $15, but when you buy the bundle of all four seasons instead of that costing $60, it actually costs $50. A really great discount. Well now, here's the fun is, you can make a bundle of any four playbooks that you want. Oh my gosh, go to the lazyginesscollective.com/playbooks. You choose any four individual like regularly price playbooks, use the promo code bundle,

and you'll get all four for $50 instead of 60. So maybe you use spring fall and winter, but not summer as much because like your teacher and you plan way less than the summer, but you do want the projects playbook to help you lazyginess a few of those big household projects you've been putting off. So you can get the three seasons that you want and the project playbook in your own bundle and get the $10 off. It is such a great deal, kind of like a, you know,

a build your own bundle situation. And you can even buy all the same kind, like you could buy four summers and lazyginess the season with a group of your friends, like so fun. So head to the lazyginesscollective.com/playbooks and use code bundle to get $10 off any group of four playbooks you want to buy. And as a reminder for the rest of May, 10% of all playbook sales will be donated to the Hawaiian Council, which is a nonprofit organization that is working to help create relief in Hawaii after the

devastating floods that affected the islands last month. We like to make these donations on a regular basis because it's a way to give back as a company and do our own small thing to help people in need. Last quarter, we donated to World Central Kitchen. This quarter, it's the Hawaiian Council. And it'll be something else one quarter from now. So thank you for supporting our small business with your purchase and also for helping other people in need when you do. And I hope that the

playbooks make your life a little bit easier. All right, before we get into how to lazyginess annoying our responsibilities, let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsors who make the show free

podcast recap email that we send out every other Friday. It's called latest lazy listens. It summarizes the episode. It shares the lazyginess of the week. List of other segments we have on the show. I usually include photos now of like my real life related to those episodes, which is

pretty fun. And there is always an extra little note for me to help encourage you through the weekend.

So if you would like to get that recap, head to the lazyginesscollective.com/lissons. We always recommend Shopify. It took us from an idea to a real business. We got set up.

“I think in less than a day, with very little effort, we could just focus on the supply chain to”

the product development. Shopify gives us the ability to customize without the complexity. We can change something without introducing fragility or having to pay a developer. Well, first the turtle and we leveled up our business with Shopify. All right, let's do this. Let's get it out of lazyginess annoying responsibilities. I feel like I need to like crack my neck and bounce up and down like a boxer about to go into the ring.

We got to get geared up for this one because annoying responsibilities are so annoying. But y'all, we can do this. Like play, play eye of the tiger in the background. Let's go.

“So I have talked about this topic indirectly a couple of times. So there is that crowd favorite”

episode from five years ago, episode 238, how to get stuff done when you don't feel like it. That might be one of my all-time favorite episodes, actually, because it's so practical and also very real because we've all got a bunch of stuff that we have to do, we just don't feel like it. So to save you some time, the baseline of that episode is to kindly ask yourself, like, do I have to do this right now?

And if the answer is yes, truly and genuinely yes, then do it. You just gotta say, okay, I won't be a grown-up.

I'm going to do this thing right now. I mean, it's not that simplistic or frankly dismissive of like various complicated parts of life that could get in the way, but that is the broad just. Now, the answer is no, you don't have to do it right now, then you ask, okay, if not now, then when, answer that kindly and

“honestly, and then mark the time somewhere. Or you might even ask the question, if not me, then who?”

Pass it off to somebody else. It's just a super practical set of questions to take you out of the drama of having to do something that you don't feel like doing. So if you want to go listen to that episode as a refresher, for anything that you don't want to do, feel free. I also did an episode a

little over a year ago, episode 403, how I get stuff done when I don't feel like it. Basically,

I have a, like a set of beliefs and desires that help remind me why I will be better off doing the thing I don't feel like doing. It's a list of 10 things. Some include remembering how much I just like the feeling of urgency. So it's better for me to tend to the necessary things now before they become urgent because urgency is the worst for me. Another is that I find motivation and enjoyment and keeping my home in a reasonable flow. And so if I don't feel like doing something that will

stop that flow, it's probably not worth it to not do it because of how much I really enjoy my home being in a flow. I also tend to use systems for stuff that I hate to automate them a bit more that that's helpful for me. It might not be for you. But anyway, that episode it has obviously a broader explanation of those three things, plus seven more things that help me get my stuff done when I don't feel like it. Now, today is a little different and that we're talking about a specific

category of stuff that most of us don't ever feel like doing things like making phone calls, scheduling appointments, updating documents, figuring out a new insurance provider. I mean, my voice changes actually listing those things out. Like, we all kind of turn into ER. It's time to renew my driver's license. Like, it's just such a pain. But there is a way to lazy genius those

don't all with kindness and compassion at the center. First though, I want us to identify what makes

“something an annoying responsibility. Because frankly, not every responsibility is annoying”

to every person. I'm not sure anything is like universally annoying. So let's name a few characteristics of an annoying responsibility. That way, you can know what yours actually are. Instead of treating everything like it is the most annoying. You know, like, what gets your best ear voice? These characteristics might help you name that a little better. So here's some things to consider. First, an annoying responsibility is something that is not fun. Like, no amount of height music or a reward after

or doing it with people is going to really make this pleasant in any way. Like, I'm not sure that going to get your driver's license renewed is fun no matter what you do. Like, you can make it

better. But it's unlikely to ever be described as fun. So that's first. An annoying responsibilities

aren't fun. A second characteristic to consider is that annoying responsibilities often take an indeterminate amount of time. Right? There are things that you don't know how long they're going to take. You don't know if you're going to be on hold for two minutes or 20. You don't know how long you're going to have to wait for your appointment to actually start or how long you're going to

“wait and line at the DMV. You don't know how many people you have to talk to and get transferred”

to get your insurance claim questions answered. I think that household tasks like dinner and vacuuming and like whatever else is annoying in your house, those things don't really fall into this category quite the same because we kind of know how long they're going to take. You might not love washing dishes but you also know it's going to take like probably five minutes. There are no lines or holds or like weird things that are going to impact the timing of how long it normally takes

to watch dishes. That is not the case for phone calls, appointments, renewals, anything evolving an office, you know? Because you're not the only person calling or the only person online trying to schedule something or trying to get your questions answered. The office might be under staffed. The question might be super specific and not easily answered by a machine which you can't seem to talk to a real person. You might not have any way to talk to a real person to talk to a

human and that's super frustrating and is also like a doozy on your time. You don't know how long annoying responsibilities will take. That alone is its own bear to wrestle to the ground

for this. So the task isn't fun. You don't know how long it's going to take and third, it might be

responding to someone else's needs or deadline. Like I got a call from a doctor's office a few days ago and the lady on the other line. She was like, "Hi, I'm calling to your intake for your appointment next week. It's going to take 10 or 15 minutes is now a good time." I'm sitting in my van. I can see the middle schoolers in my rear view mirror about to get into the van for me to take them home. So I was like, "Actually, it's not a good time. Can I do this online?" And she said, "No,

we need to do it over the phone." So just call this number back when you have 10 or 15 minutes, sometime before your appointment. So I said, "Thank you." And I hung up and then I was like, "Ugh!" I have an annoying responsibility now that I didn't ask for, you know? And I wonder, this is sort of a weird thing. But like, I think renewals of stuff feels a little similar. Like, your car is fine. Your license is fine. Your insurance is fine. Your medical plan

at work is fine. Your eyeglass prescription is fine. Your kid's school enrollment is fine. But because a year has passed or whatever, someone else is telling you it's not fine anymore.

“You have to renew or whatever again. And it's like, "Come on, guys. Just let me live."”

That makes it extra annoying. It's still not fun. It will still take it into turn in an amount of time and now it's being put on you by someone else. How annoying. And then finally, most of these things do sneak up. Like suddenly it's time to do this annoying responsibility. And because it's not an aridum or it has to be added to an already busy season, it's kind of like, "What? Why are we here? This is so stupid." Like that's the vibe of an annoying responsibility. Such a good time, right?

So how do we lazy genius this? I have got some ideas. Okay, I'm going to actually start with something that you might not love. You might actually find me annoying after I say this. But even though it

is to befriend them. Befriend the things you hate to do. I know. I know. I'm being annoying. That's

okay. You're allowed to think that. But when you come at an annoying responsibility with size and eye rolls and frustration and big E or vibes, it's so much harder to get that thing done. So much harder. You already have the practical obstacle of doing the annoying thing that isn't fun that might take way longer than you anticipated that then you make it harder on yourself by adding the emotional obstacle of hating it so much that it's like in your bones. You can hear it in your

voice. It's much easier to do a task when you befriended when you go, all right, this is part of my life and I don't want to do it. But it's probably better if I do it with like a decent attitude than a

“crappy one and you might even take a step further depending on the responsibility and remember that”

good is here right now. In many ways it's a privilege to have a doctor to call to have a license

to renew. You know, I mean, it's not unicorns and rainbows over here, but sometimes that little reframe can really help. This isn't active part of my parenting actually, especially one particular child of mine. So this child, when presented with an annoying responsibility like taking a shower, brushing teeth, putting away school stuff, honestly anything that was not their idea and is now being forced upon them gets what I call like the no bones treatment. You know that thing where the

kid like suddenly loses all their bones and just falls to the ground and like a gelatinous heap, all strength and resolve. Even joy has just departed from their body and one fall swoop.

I have one of those kids. Bless their sweetheart. Most of the time I do handle this in a kind way.

Occasionally I'm a little frustrated about it, especially if I've had my own like hard day, but for the most part, I am kind and resolved and reminding that kid of the following. Hey, Bo, I know you don't want to go take a shower. I know you think it's the worst, sometimes I feel that way too. But you're going to have to do it. Like not doing it is not an option today, especially since you didn't

“take a shower yesterday. So since you have to do it, you might enjoy it better if you aren't”

grumpy about it. Now if you want to stay grumpy, that's fine. But then you feel grumpy and you still have to take a shower. You have to do it both and it might be easier to deal with one. So you can do what you want. But if you keep waiting and complaining and staying grumpy, it won't take away your shower, but it will take away more fun things after you're done. And I think sometimes we as adults need that kind of little pep talk. Like when we like about something, we don't want to do. Especially for a

long time. Like we procrastinate because we're cranky and we don't want to do it. Y'all we still have to do the thing. But we just wasted a bunch of time being cranky. That's why befriending these annoying responsibilities really helps. You don't have to be like best buds with the DMV office, but you can be a little kinder about the task. And when you feel kinder about the task, you'll likely treat the people involved with that un-winged task with more kindness too. Think about it. If you're about

to call to refill your kids' ADHD meds, which likely includes several phone calls, right? Because

“first you have to make sure the meds are in stock at your pharmacy, which means going through the”

computer, trying to get to a person because the computer can't tell you if the meds are in stock, then you have to call your doctor to ask for the medication to be refilled really quickly to the place that it's in stock. And if it might not even be in stock, so you'll have to call another pharmacy to track it out. None of that includes the potential scurry of having to refill the script quickly because you did not know your kid was almost out of pills or out of them completely.

You might have even yelled at them about it, which is a true twist of irony, since kids with ADHD don't naturally even notice things like that. They don't notice that something's running low, they only see it when it's out. Oh, and you also still have to go pick up the prescription. It's like lots of pieces, okay? None of which you're terribly fun. But if you go into that whole process, thinking this is going worse, and it is so annoying that your doctor requires this,

and why is it so hard to find this medication? And why did your kid tell you that they were at a pills? You are more likely to be curting and dump all that energy onto the person on the other end of the phone who is just trying to do their job. And even if they're curting right back to you, because they've had their own hard day or whatever, you can still use that opportunity to be kind to a stranger and treat them like a neighbor, to treat them with kindness. And that is much easier

as you keep putting it off the friend those annoying responsibilities. Next, I have two questions

for you to ask yourself. First, why is this hard? And second, what can make it easier? That's it.

You're going to start small with whatever annoying responsibilities in front of you, not every single one, because we don't do that here. And you're going to ask why is this hard for me? The answer matters. It might be hard because the thing isn't fun and you don't know how long it's going to take. And you don't even really care about it that someone else's timeline. Okay, great.

“But make that smaller. Is it that you do so many things that aren't fun already?”

That adding one more that's like extra not fun? It just feels like too much to take.

Okay, that's the case. Let's ask the next question. Then what can make that easier?

Well, you might not be able to make the annoying responsibility more fun because inherently they're not fun. But maybe you've been going so hard with other responsible things that the ones that could be fun aren't anymore. Like you forgotten that it can be fun to do laundry. When you listen to Ray sing where is my husband? Or when you listen to the new full cast Harry Potter audiobook or when you watch new girl, you've just been multitasking and acting like a robot

that the fun isn't there anywhere. So if you can't make everything,

at least a little more fun, which does make it easier, make the things that can be more fun. More fun.

It can take the edge off of having to call the doctor's office. Okay?

“Or let's say you have to schedule annual checkups for all your kids and you want to schedule them at the”

same time, but you can't do that online because the system can't do that. You have to call and talk to a person and find a time. That might be hard for you because you have phone anxiety. A lot of people do. So a way to make that easier is to have your partner or a friend make the call for you. The next time your friend comes over with her kids to play, plan to have her call the doctor while you're there with your calendar open. You just have her do the talking. People do that kind of thing all the time.

Or maybe what's making that call hard? Isn't the phone that it's the calendar itself? Like maybe there are things that haven't been scheduled yet in your life like a school open house or a work trip or something and you feel like you can't really schedule the kids' doctor's appointments until you have everything else in place. Okay, what would make that easier? Well, you could schedule the appointment and if a conflict comes up, reschedule. The this way you're getting it on the calendar, you're putting in

its place and if its place has to move, you know, that's a problem for another day that it also might not have to move. This is like a classic case of my kid being grumpy about a shower. The longer you wait for the ideal to happen, the harder the task becomes. So just go ahead and schedule the doctor's appointment. Doctors' offices are used to reschedule appointments every single day. You're not being difficult. It's just part of the deal. So you're making this annoying responsibility easier by not waiting

“for everything to be locked in before you do it. Just do it. You can change it later if you need to.”

And you might not even have to. Those two questions. Why is this hard? And what could make it easier? Are key tools in being a lazy genius? Well, about anything really, not just annoying responsibilities. What we're after is not an ideal life, not an optimized schedule, not ease like we're a Disney princess at the end of the movie. This isn't a steppered wife situation or like bootstraps. I can do it all situation. Definitely not a. Let's remove every bit of stress from life.

Situation. That's not going to happen. But what you can do is start small with whatever task is in front of you. Ask why it feels hard for you to do this today. Name what can make it easier. And then try it. You're not trying to make something completely easier or stress free. You're just making something a little bit easier. Completely stress free is an unreasonable expectation. But to be fair, that is the expectation of a lot of voices out there. That's the promise.

A recent podcast episode from another show in my space. That's very popular. The episode is called how to eliminate self doubt forever and build unshakable confidence. Listen to me right now.

We're going to be shaken. Life is going to be chaotic. Don't buy the lie

“that you can as another episode from the show is titled, change your life in five simple steps.”

That is not life. That is a machine. You're not a machine. You're not a robot. You're not insufficient or inadequate because you haven't become the ideal version of yourself yet. I know this is an episode about annoying responsibilities, but that snake oil, y'all. It's out there. That kind of attitude that everything is eventually supposed to be easy and good and managed. That's a lie. And a really unkind one, especially because so many voices are promising

you that lie. If you do just this one thing this way, you're never going to be annoyed by responsibilities

again. Everything will be organized and automated and you can live. The life you want, if a lot of you didn't listen to this with your children, I would have other words to say about that right now. The point is that our goal, as lazy geniuses, is to be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. Do you know what doesn't matter? Thinking that you can remove every ounce of stress from your life. What doesn't matter is pushing your way through tasks

you hate at the expense of the humanity of the person on the other end of that phone call. What doesn't matter is beating yourself up because you just can't seem to get it together to get that phone call made. No. We don't do any of that here. What does matter is kindness befriending the things that are hard and having normal human flesh and blood expectations about our limits, our needs, even our fears. It's okay to hate making phone calls. You don't

need to feel embarrassed if they cause you a lot of anxiety. Honor the person you are. Start small, ask why this is hard and then ask what you can do to make it a little bit easier. And if you do all of that, which isn't very much, thankfully, with an attitude of

“befriending yourself and whatever else it is that you need to do, you're going to answer”

those questions with softness, kindness and compassion. You'll also meet other people involved in that task with kindness, softness and compassion. Yes, some responsibilities are really annoying. Sam is about to get his license and we got a whole slew of tasks that are going to be very annoying. Registering him for his driving test, going to actually get the license, hoping he passes,

so we don't have to do it again, getting him on the insurance differently, figuring out a third

family car, and then realizing we're doing all those same things for Ben at the same time, just with his permanence and his license. It's a lot. Listen, I'm not over here, like throw in a party because I get to go to the DMV seven times this summer. But if I approach those tasks with kindness and I befriend them, if I can see that there's good here right now with my boys growing up

“and being able to drive a car by themselves, oh my gosh, if I remember how lucky we are to even”

have the option to think about a third car and how lucky my boys are to have parents with flexible enough schedules to take them to the DMV, like those things change annoying responsibilities. They just do, annoying responsibilities will not go away. Your life will be full of tasks that are not fun, that take an entertainment amount of time and that are put on you by other people, and rather than forcing your way through whining your way through or avoiding that task until

you're drowning in the urgency of it, befriend your responsibilities, start small with the one in front of you, and ask why it's hard for you to do it and what could make it a little easier. Just do that and I promise that you'll be able to get your annoying responsibilities done, not automatically, not even easily, definitely not stress free. But the point here isn't to change our circumstances or to remove annoying responsibilities. Our goal is to be kind integrated people

in this world, no matter what is happening around us. It's about starting small where we are. So don't leave this episode wishing you had a system for all of your annoying responsibilities, start small with one thing at a time. Now eventually a system may present itself,

So be reasonable in your expectations, stay soft, and be kind, and that's how to lazy genus annoying responsibilities.

“Aw, isn't something we need to travel for? It's something waiting for us in every day life.”

Whether in a city street or a moment with a work of art, I'm Dr. Keltner, host of the science of happiness podcast. Join me for cities of awe, a special series on how our public spaces can spark awe, wonder, and enhance the quality of public life. You can find us wherever you listen to your podcasts. All right, it's time for a little extra something. I'm going to share a like a pre summer reading update

from my own life. So summer reading is right around the corner, because summer is right around the corner, and I personally am very pumped. In fact, we are going to do an entire episode on summer reading in a couple of weeks, and I would love to hear your thoughts on summer reading. Like,

“are you, how are you feeling about it? Are you excited about reading more in the slower months?”

Are you excited to read more summery books, even if you're schedule stays the same? Are you worried that your current reading rhythms aren't going to match the summer? Do you know what you want to read or what summer reading even is for you? So if you have any kind of question or thought about my summer reading, your summer reading, or just the concept of summer reading in general, email hello at thelazygeneyscollective.com with the subject to line summer reading.

And we might just answer your question on that future episode. But for now here is like my personal

updates. So three main things. The first is something I mentioned in the most recent latest lazy letter.

I wrote a little bit about my hope to list for the summer, and one of those things is reading one physical book a week. That's something I hope to do. But it's not something I have to do. I read a lot that physical books that I can hold in my hand, they get the least action in my typical reading life. And what's crazy is that I have so many books at home. Like so many. And I genuinely love having a book to grab and like read on the porch and turn its pages and

all the things. But saying that hope to out loud a few weeks ago in the newsletter, it's solidified it in me a little bit. And I've been reading physical books consistently pretty much every day. I have finished three physical books in the last like three, four weeks, which is the rhythm I'm after. And it's really been fun. I noticed the difference in my days when I read from a book.

“And I think noticing that, especially during the busyness of May, it's just made me want to do it”

more. The benefits are so clear. They kind of always have been. And I don't want those to drop right

now, especially since they're a hope to for me this season. So that's been really fun to like kick start that hope to some reading goal already. The second thing is that I'm not overthinking what I pick up. Sometimes I can get to in my head about like being a mood reader and trying and figure out my like exact mood and the perfect book to match it rather than just like grabbing one that seems like pretty good is just going for it. I've been less precious about my choices. Remembering

that all of these books are on my shelf for a reason, right? There's enough going for each of them that they're not going to be awful like they're there because I picked them. And even if they turn out to be awful like I can stop and pick up some else it's like no big deal. Maybe the pace of May has kind of forced my hand a little bit like not giving me enough time to methodically choose my next book and the quick grabs have worked out really great. It's okay if I go back to being more

thoughtful eventually but for now it's like working to just like pick something up. Let's start reading and then the third thing is something that I said I might do in the book list at newsletter a few

weeks ago so I mentioned that like I don't I don't always let a book stick around with me for very

long like in my head before moving on to the next one and while that's totally okay I'd like to be more intentional about remembering a book or just marking it in some way and in that book list newsletter I mentioned the idea of drawing a face because you all know I love to draw faces of the character from a book after I finished that book and last week I decided to go for it. I drew Mary Fraser from one of the Inspectoric Amash books as I imagined her to be in my head and she's a side character

imagined her while I was reading it and I just used like a Sharpie in an abandoned sketch no book

“a drew her face I wrote her name and the book title as well as the date that I finished the book”

and I was done and then I did it the next day when I finished uh dungeon crawler crawl I drew crawler and then a couple of days after that I drew a character from a book I just finished called The Memory Police I will share reviews of all these books and plenty more oh my goodness I've been reading so much and I will share them in the next book list email that I've drawn three faces already and it's been weirdly enjoyable and it's done what I hoped it would it's locked the book

into my mind a bit better it's allowing me to like linger on the story while also using a hobby that

I love I don't know the science behind moving things from short-term to long-term memory

but I'll tell you what these three books have stuck with me more than a lot of others after drawing this faces maybe it's all in my head and that's okay but the point is the practice is doing what I hoped it would and and maybe even more and I'm I'm really really loving it so those are my three little pre summer reading updates and if you have questions or thoughts about summer reading send them to hello at the lazy genus go up to dot com with a subject line summer reading and that is today's

a little extra something all right this week's lazy genus of the week is Leah from Minnesota Leah writes my brother does this tiny gesture that I've started doing too and it's become one of my favorite little kindness habits he lives about an hour away but we get together a lot almost every time he's coming over he'll text me something like hey we're on our way need us to pick anything up

“and honestly it is save the day more times than I can count milk paper pleats those random things”

you only realize you forgot right before guests arrive it's such a small thing but it feels incredibly thoughtful and hopeful so I started doing it too I love getting that excited oh my gosh yes message when I host remembers they need napkins or something simple like juice boxes for the kids recently I've started sending that same kind of text to neighbors or friends when I'm heading to Costco if I if I have the time or the bandwidth grabbing an extra item or doing a prescription pick up is nothing

for me but it makes someone else's day a whole lot easier it's a small gesture but it feels good to do and it spreads a little bit of ease and kindness around oh my goodness Leah I love this I think a lot of folks do this sometimes but to make it like a habit almost like your own decide once is so helpful for everyone like you know that they're gonna ask and you also have grown to know that your brother's

“gonna ask like that's just so fantastic so my my mom and my friend Hannah usually ask if I need”

anything when they go to Costco I have a friend who also goes to the same farm that I go to to get like berries and stuff who lives down the street and so we'll sort of like I'm going to run do you need anything and then I have this friend named Jodi who after she heard we were hanging out when we can and she heard that I really don't like going to Costco like almost all I just don't like it at all

and she almost always text me when she's going and the text quite literally is like Costco

question mark so great and I'm like hi yes please it's so fantastic here's why I love this sometimes I hear pushback about the lazy genius principle that people in I have heard enough people on the internet be like you say to ask for help but what is somebody like somebody's gonna come to my house and like make dinner from my family and they get kind of hot about it well maybe not but guess what that friend could grab your rotisserie chicken like if someone

offers to help you say yes it's meaningful for everyone and it might even become a rhythm like it has with Leah and her brother one that makes them feel closer not farther apart so I love this example Leah thank you for sharing it and congratulations on being the lazy genius of a week all right let's close with the many pep talk for when your lazy genius and your partner is not this could be an entire episode like I said at the beginning but for now we are going to keep

things small and manageable for today if you have embraced being a lazy genius and your partner has not and that is causing a difference maybe even tension in expectations there are misunderstandings just general frustration the greatest thing I can encourage you to do is to be patient you can't change the behavior of your partner you can't change their feelings you can't change their response towards you as you like try and implement various lazy genius ideas into your home all you can

control really is yourself and I'm going to encourage a little bit of mother Teresa wisdom here do small things with great love be patient and loving with your partner if they're having trouble

you probably are but if your partner is struggling to understand why your repeating meals or

“saying no to certain things we're being lazy in certain areas if they're having a hard time”

understanding why there's something else likely happening maybe they're resistant to change maybe this feels like just another system that you're trying to force on the family maybe they worry deep down that changes in family culture are going to shine a light on some uncomfortable personal patterns it could be that they have just lived in a society of productivity for so long that they can't see anything different right there are a number of things that

could be underneath your partner resisting your decide wants to always have spaghetti on Mondays

but I encourage you to make this spaghetti kindly communicate hate Mondays are extra stressful

“and spaghetti is the easiest meal now I know it's not your favorite it's not mine either”

be honest with you but it's working right now now if you have ideas of a dinner that's just as easy or maybe you want to come home like 15 or 20 minutes earlier to get something more complicated started on Mondays I'm so open to that that is going to go down more easily for you and your partner then like why are you being so difficult or whatever the response might be

right do your own small things with great love and be patient as your partner figures out how to

navigate this like I'm not gonna lie man the lazy to use ways not intuitive eventually it is that as long as you believe that greatness is the goal that optimization and being impressive

“and caring all the things is like the ultimate status symbol especially of a wife these principles”

are not gonna land they just don't match the culture of greatness so be patient and kind as that paradigm gets untangled in your partner obviously there are so many things about this that could be said but for now just for today I want you to start small and be kind and be patient and that's a many pop talk for what you are lazy genius and your partner is not if this episode is helpful to you or if you've been looking for a way to support the show please

share this episode with someone that you know who is maybe trying to do an annoying responsibility and is overwhelmed by a right now you could also leave a kind review on apple podcasts every single share every single mention every review every person who subscribes to the show where they automatically download like all of those things put this show in front of more eyes so thank you for doing that small thing to be so supportive of what the work that we're doing

this podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the office lady's network this episode is hosted by me kinder edachi and executive produced by kinder edachi jena fischer and angel ikhinzi special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production if you'd like a podcast recap every other week be sure to sign up for the latest lazy listen's email that goes out every other Friday that's it a lazy jena's collective dot com slash listen's to get it thanks y'all for listening

and until next time the eugenius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't i'm kinder it i'll see you next week what if everything you learn in history class was only half the story i'm doctor hrini bought host of hidden history every monday i go where history gets mysterious vanish civilizations do say prophecies paranormal phenomena and events that science

do can't fully explain on hidden history i treat these moments like open case files not miss not superstition just incomplete explanations waiting for closer look listen to and follow hidden history available now wherever you get your podcasts