Office Hours

is not about hacking the system to find more time, or hacking your energy to get more

“done. Hustling to be the best and to make the most out of every opportunity it is exhausting”

and unsustainable. So here we do things differently. On this show we value contentment, compassion, and living in our season. We favor small steps, over big systems. Here we are lazy geniuses, being a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't. And I am so glad you're here. Today is episode 463. It's office hours. Oh my goodness. We love office hours. If this is your first office hours episode, you are in for a treat. Once a quarter, folks send in their

problems that they want to lazy genius. And I answer those questions and help to solve those

problems in the episode. We will get questions that run the gamut and it's always encouraging to

hear the normal problems and normal solutions of normal people. This is an episode about solidarity because sometimes you get to see how other people are struggling with the same things you are. And this is an episode about smallness. Most of our solutions are small, which makes them easier to try and more likely to work. Solving small problems with kindness is really the core of being

“a lazy genius. Solve what matters. Put your energy into those things in small ways. Be lazy about what”

doesn't matter as much and do it all while being kind to yourself. It's truly the lazy genius way, which I love so much. After we answer all the office hours questions, we'll have a little extra

something where I share my favorite novel of the year so far. As always, we will celebrate the

lazy genius of the week, which is an incredible tip for keeping your chest freezer from turning into an abyss. And then we will finish with a mini-pap talk for when you're tired of pivoting. Now before we get into that, I would love to ask you a favor. I would be so grateful if today, you would tell someone something good about this lazy genius thing we're doing around here. We get to help more people be lazy geniuses by spreading the word and that happens one small

share at a time. So here's what that might look like. You could go on Apple Podcasts and leave a five-star review. That's telling a lot of people at once about what you like and that would be

amazing. You could go on whatever site that you used to buy one of my books and leave a review

about why you loved it. You could actually take one of my books off your shelf and put it in the hands of a friend who you think would enjoy it. You could share the link to a favorite podcast episode on Instagram or Facebook or just send that link to your group text to friends. I end every episode by thanking you all for leaving reviews and sharing episodes with those friends. But today I'm actually asking you to do it, which is like a little bit awkward, but it doesn't need to be awkward.

You know why? Being a lazy genius is awesome. The things we all learn from each other, the principles that we practice, these small problems we solve, all of that makes our lives better, kinder, and more grounded. And as that happens in all of our individual lives, it cannot help that impact the lives and even communities around us. I want to live in a world with more

“and more people who lead with kindness, who focus on what matters, who stop trying to hustle their”

way into everything, and who recognize that greatness is not the only thing worth pursuing. I want a world with more compassionate, content, thoughtful people who live in their season, who value small steps, and who let people in in all of it. That can only happen when we share those ideas with people who don't know about it yet. So I'm asking you all who listen to the show, and who read my books, to do one thing today, to share what you love about the lazy

genius space with someone else. It can be with a host of folks like on an Apple Podcast review, or you can just text one friend. I'm grateful for all of it, and I appreciate your support of this work that I think we all really believe in. So thank you, thank you, thank you, thank you. All right, before we get into our office hours questions today, which I again, I am so excited about, let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsors. Our sponsors make this show free

for you to listen to. There are no paywalls, there are no subscriptions. You just get to download an episode and listen. So thank you so much to our sponsors for making that possible. Also, here is your quick reminder about the podcast recap email that we send out every other Friday. It is called latest lazy lessons, and it summarizes the episodes, it shares the lazy genius of the

encourage you through the weekend. It's also a place where I sometimes share photos of my life.

“So if you like visuals of different episodes, those also are in that email. So if you would like”

to get that recap, head to the lazygeneyscollective.com/lissons. It's called "Dine Leiden" with "Shoppy Feiner & Business." And it's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." And it's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." And it's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business."

It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." The legendary "Shoppy Feiner & Business" with "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business" with "Shoppy Feiner & Business." That's the music for your work. The video is also called "Shoppy Feiner & Business."

It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." And it's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business."

It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business."

It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business."

It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." It's called "Shoppy Feiner & Business." All right. Let's do it.

Let's get into office hours. We are going to save the kid/parenting questions for the end. So, you know, those are coming down the road.

“If you want to listen to them specifically, or if you want to skip them entirely, we try”

to group those together. All right. Let's jump in.

First, we have an audio clip from Emily.

Hi, Kendra, it is Emily from Raleigh North Carolina. I need help watering my garden. I have a small little garden, but I love to grow my flowers and my herbs, and then I also have several potted flowers and things outside, and I'm just really bad at watering them. I've tried a daily reminder on my phone to go off a little before sunset, so I changed that

time throughout the year, but then I just ignore it because it goes off every day. It doesn't need to be done every day, but watering doesn't need to be done more often than I actually do that, so how can I be better about watering my plants in my garden? I love this question because it's tied to something that Emily loves, and it's also small enough to solve, but also maybe so small that it feels like it should already be solved.

Those kinds of problems are the most fun for me, and maybe the most annoying for y'all because it feels like it's like too easy, but hey, listen, the small problems in our lives that kind of get under our skin a little better, we think me, and I should have this solved already. You shouldn't.

It's okay. It's okay. These are small problems that we can solve right now, and you can also leave things unsolved, not everything has to be optimized and awesome all the time, but let's figure out how we can help Emily water her garden and more.

So we know Emily that you love your garden, you love your flowers and your herbs, so caring for the matters. You also have already tried that daily alarm that did not work in the way that you hoped. I wonder if the alarm didn't work, because you didn't actually need it every day. If your plants don't need daily watering, then that reminder, it kind of loses its value,

it's easy to be like, ah, never mind, and then that becomes more of a habit of like,

ah, never mind, because it feels less important. So I wonder what would happen if you chose two days a week instead of seven, where you are the most likely to go out around the same time of day, you know, maybe it's when you get home from work or it's after dinner or it's at dusk and you set your reminders then.

“If you only have two days a week, I think you will feel the importance of that reminder,”

because your plants do need water, but it's not so urgent that you can forget it without consequence. So I wonder if you pick two days instead of seven, and just see how that works. One other small idea is if you already have another household habit that does not happen every day, but at a couple of times a week, you could try tying your your watering to that.

You could lean on a rhythm that you already have that ultimately try reminders again, but not every day, because you don't need them every day and see how that goes. I hope that helps. Alright, next we have Cory, Cory says, we're making a triumphant return to city living, but going from two separate offices to one, which will predominantly be used by my husband,

who is on team's calls all day and needs more monitors than NASA, I am an academic, so I've got no pads, fancy pens, folders, in addition to my computer.

I can happily work in a library or a cafe for a few hours, but I'm in my head about not having my own workspace. My desk currently has notes for a few different projects on it, not so tidy piles. Any suggestions for a more mobile or flexible space? I've got one of those goofy, 80s kneeling chairs, and I could put that at the kitchen table

during my work day, but where does all my stuff go? One of those IKEA rolling carts? I love that Cory's like verbally processing her solution in the question itself. I do that too. I do really love this question, Cory, and I think this taps into something that a lot

of couples or roommates or even office mates might deal with. How do you share space with someone who uses the space differently than you do? And more often, right? So two things come to mind for you here.

First, I want us to pause where you said I'm in my head about not having my own workspace.

“I think that's really important in something to pay attention to.”

You have already unearthed a potential, invisible problem, and it's probably a great idea for you to explore that as a potential problem before trying to physically solve anything else. So are you in your own head about it? Do you want your own workspace?

Are you feeling like you rarely get deferred to, and maybe this is another example of that? Are you actually fine with not having your own workspace, but you feel like you should feel worse about it, and therefore you aren't letting the flexibility all the way in. I don't know the answer here. Those are just some ideas, but I would stay there before figuring out the mobile office situation.

If there is an invisible problem living under the surface, this is true of everybody. There's an invisible problem living under the surface, no amount of problem solving on the practical side is going to really do anything. So just see what's going on there first. The second thing that I see is that you're flexible with where you work.

It sounds like you don't mind so much working in libraries and cafes and coffee shops and stuff. You might even like that a little. It's just the fact that if everything feels mobile, it's hard to know how to walk in

at home, or maybe even feel like your work matters, if it's like always being displaced.

So I think we need to use the lazy, genus principle, put everything in its place. You already touched on this quarry, but your stuff definitely needs a place. So here's what I would encourage. Find a place for your stuff that can be portable, like an IKEA rolling cart or something, but that thing, that cart, whatever it is, it lives in the actual office space that you

share with your husband. Now, I'm not assuming that this is necessary, but I can see a lot of value in having the office be home base for your stuff, even if you don't work in there as often. It stays there in the office as it's a regular home. You are not always displaced.

“So if your husband needs to be on a lot of calls that day and you need to be more portable,”

you can roll your cart out, right? But it's not that it's just out floating all the time. It's permanent home, it's place, is in the office, because ultimately you get to use the office too. You also sound like an analog person, not just because of your job, but because of like,

it sounds like you like notebooks and fancy pens, and you have a handwritten notes about projects instead of those notes being on your computer. So if you like pretty functional analog things, I would love to see you explore getting some kind of bag, maybe you could get like an 80s briefcase to go with your 80s kneeling chairs.

So I think I don't know. They just get something that brings you a lot of joy. That is your true mobile, I am leaving the house office. So maybe it all read that bag already has like a little collection of post-it notes, and pens you love.

It has an extra set of earbuds since those are always easy to forget at home.

Maybe you put all the coffee shop gift cards that you have accumulated over the years

“in your bag, and once it's time to go to the library or the cafe, if you need to truly”

be mobile that day, then you can add, you know, any papers or folders that you need in your laptop, and you take your mobile office with you, and then once you're back, once you're home, you hang that bag on your IKEA rolling cart or whatever, and then you put the whole thing back in the physical office. I think you deserve the office space, just as much as your partner does, and and also

It's a kindness to both of you to find ways for you to be more flexible since you have

“that ability, but it doesn't mean you have to flex your way all the time or all the way”

out of the office. So keep your stuff in there too, just in a way that you can move and go whenever you need to. So I hope that helps. All right, here is a great question from Kate.

When do you do things that never matter most?

I have a brain-dump list of various house tasks, clean out the art cabinet that has coloring books, and my 14-year-old will never use, clean out our kitchen cabinets, reorganize my office drawers that are a hot mess. It feels like I'll never hit a season or a point when it'll be like, "Now I can tackle even one of these.", that is such a great question, Kate.

I think everyone listening has that list too, either on paper in their heads. So we are going to use the principle, put everything in its place once again. I love this principle so much. I wonder what would happen if you chose one night day, whatever, time of day works. At one time, every couple of weeks, once a month, once a quarter, that has a, it's like

a repeated appointment on your calendar, where you focus on one of those.

It doesn't matter so much, projects, right? Give yourself a place for it without making it super often or full of a lot of pressure. You can call it, I don't know, Kate's project night or whatever, and like we learned in the episode a few weeks ago about getting better at finishing projects, I would make the details on project day easier, make dinner easy, or give it to someone else entirely.

If you have kids, maybe don't do regular bath times or whatever on Kate's project night. Kids get their own PJs on and maybe you like, they can help you with the project, depending on what it is, or they can, you know, eat popcorn and watch a movie while you're working on that project.

So if you make it less often, kind of like Emily's plant watering, it's not going to

“feel as overwhelming, or like you're constantly putting something to the side, right?”

If you only do it once a quarter, the motivation in the energy, those are different than if you try to do it once a week, you probably don't even have enough projects to fill once a week, so make it less often, make the details around it easy, and then do whatever project on your list fits your time and energy that day, and then be done until the next one pops up on your calendar.

All right, this next one is from Alex. I would love help lazy geniusing my clothes situation. We have a bench at the end of our bed that becomes the in-between clean and dirty clothes catch all during the week.

I don't always have the energy to hang up the clothes in our closet or put the clothes in

their drawers, which is fine, and I let myself off the hook for this, however, however isn't all caps.

“However, I hate how chaotic it looks, what matters is calming the crazy and walking into”

my bedroom feeling relaxed instead of immediately being annoyed at the clutter. Okay, Alex. So Angela Kinsey from the office ladies asked this exact question in an episode I did with them, that sort of like half clean, half dirty laundry pile, like that is such a thing or like a laundry chair, like so many people have a laundry chair, you have a laundry

bench in your room, but so many people have a laundry chair, like it's just a thing. Now our solution for her for Angela was containment, right, clothing laying out on a bench is less fun to look at than a pretty basket next to the bench that just happens to have clothes inside it. Containment is your friend when it comes to visual clutter that you do not enjoy.

All right, now the challenge I'm seeing here with you is that to close on your foot of the bed bench, which we have one of those two actually, are sometimes hanging clothes, same for us. Sometimes have clothes that can be thrown in a basket or honestly like on the other side of the bed, like literally on the floor where I cannot see them when I walk into the room.

Sometimes I'll just leave my pajamas in a pile, but they're invisible. They're out of the way. So containment and visibility are like huge with visual clutter and I just make them invisible by putting them on who cares, nobody can see, I just want the bedroom to look clean and rub PJs are right there, so that there are things that can't necessarily be contained

in a basket or thrown on the floor because they might get wrinkled or whatever, right, hanging clothes are different.

without worrying about wrinkles and stuff too much.

So here's what I would do, Alex, because this is actually literally what I do because

I have the same situation. You already said that you let yourself off the hook about it, which I love and same. Now, there are certain days, though, where the visual chaos is too much and it becomes frustrating, again, that's, you know, we're saying for both of us.

“So do you know what I do on those frustrating days?”

I just hang up the clothes, like it usually takes less than five minutes and then the chaos is gone. I think what happens is that we sometimes feel like we need to create a system for something. When really we can just respond to our frustration, when the frustration is there, and when it's not, we can leave the problem alone, otherwise, like you don't need to invest

in some kind of rolling hanger thing or change where the benches or whatever, if it doesn't bother you all the time, just know that on days where you're like, you know, I would love the room to look clean right now, and you have the margin to hang up those clothes or even just a couple of them for now, and then you can do the rest in an hour when you've got a few more minutes, just do that and then be done.

Otherwise, it's kind of fine leaving them laying there. You can neat up the pile a little bit if you want. Sometimes I'll do that. I like drape things more, more lovingly and more orderly on top of each other, but ultimately you can just leave them.

That's like almost the opposite of solving a problem, but some problems they don't need systems. They just need a choice that makes sense with how you're doing that day. And since you're already in a decent place with the clothes being there in the first place, I feel like you're in a great place to try this too.

Just on days at its extra frustrating hang them up, or when you walk past it and you have time to hang up one thing, hang up one thing. It doesn't have to be all or nothing, right? You can do one thing, and then leave it alone, and then do another thing the next time you pass it.

That's all fine. Alright, next, we have Carrie, Carrie says, "My husband is currently having an unexplained health issue that makes it impossible for him to eat solid foods. Everything must be liquid." While we're working on getting to the cause and hopefully a solution, I've been shocked

at how disruptive this has been to our normal family life. So many of our rhythms and celebrations revolve around food. Everything from regular dinner as a family, big events, date nights, snacks after the kids are in bed, hospitality, trips, all of it seems to include eating, and often involve other people.

“How do we live in the season when we have no idea if it will last weeks or years?”

And what are some ways to reframe celebrations and mark special moments without them always

being centered on food? I feel like our family culture has been turned on its head. Well, first Carrie, I just want to say, "How sorry, I'm about this, this sounds incredibly hard." And you have articulated the challenges of it really well.

I can totally see how you feel like your family culture has been turned on its head. That makes all the sense in the world, plus you don't know how long this might last, right? But to mention the potential fear and anxiety and even the logistics of just figuring out what's going on.

That's a lot. It's just a lot. Now, you asked two questions.

“First, how to live in the season when you have no idea how long it will last?”

One day at a time, which is the most annoying answer ever, isn't it? But that really is the only answer. You live one day at a time with kindness and patience, with honesty about how hard this is, and you watch yourself and your husband become deeper versions of yourselves with each passing day.

It's like that, that hairocletus that Greek philosopher, or whatever, that quote that says, "No man ever steps into the same river twice, for it is not the same river," and he's not the same man. I find that reframe really beautiful in hard seasons that seem like they don't have an end.

Every day is changing you in really lovely ways.

You're never stepping into the same river, which can feel maddening.

But it's also permission to not expect the same river. So I would assemble like a little team for yourself, like even if it's just one person, to share that changing river with.

into this hard season and share the burden of not knowing when it will end, and pay attention to those tiny, tiny things that are changing in you as you learn to be more patient and kind as you move through a really hard season.

The second question you asked is, what are some ways to reframe celebrations and more

“special moments without centering them around food?”

So my answer to that is the principle start small, and to do it one thing at a time. You don't have to redefine your family's culture right now. You can pay attention to just the next thing, like what's the next family event or a moment that you would like to work? You know, you can start thinking about how you can center that single thing around something

other than food, and you can also bring food into it too. My guess is that your husband doesn't want everyone else to sacrifice their enjoyment of food, especially during celebrations just because he can only eat the smoothie version of whatever it is.

So we can cheers like the pieces of cake with the cake milkshake, and it's still count.

But I would start small with one event, one meal at a time. It will be a different person stepping into a different river, during this event as you will the one and a month or two. So don't redefine the culture now all at once. You can acknowledge the fact that you feel like you've lost it, but you don't have to rebuild

it tomorrow. Start small where you are. Alright, this one is from Julie. Julie says, I'm starting a new chapter in my life with a new job. In short term, about less than six months, I am commuting more for this job, six to

seven hours of travel a week, and I'm used to driving 10 minutes to my previous job. I should also mention that this is the first time I have a new job after 12 years. I'm very excited about my new role, the feeling anxious energy about being new and not putting too much pressure on myself, and with the shift in having a commute. I'm definitely going to listen to some audiobooks and love your album project that's

good timing any advice for the ride in four of the new job.

“I think Julie, that you need permission in your bones to just be new, just be new, and”

adjust new seasons make us feel unsettled, even exciting new seasons, which is how's like you're excited about this.

Because we've never done this before, and we don't know what to expect, but for people,

people who are generally drawn to the lazy genius podcast, not knowing what's coming, is like not a good time. Y'all like to know what's up. You like to have it all set as best you can, and new seasons make that really, really hard. I love that you're excited about audiobooks and albums, and I think that'll be super fun,

but really, I just encourage you to be new, and to go into each day with that newness and be kind in it. You don't have to manage it or control it or systemize it. You can just be there, see the good in that newness right now. You'll get used to those commutes in a shorter time than you probably think, and even if

you don't, even if you don't, you'll get some reps in that will help make your decisions, make even more sense down the road. It's the same thing as before. It's like a different river, right? Every day is a different person than a different river.

So just enjoy the newness, don't try to systemize it, and good luck with your new job. All right, our last non-kid question is from Elizabeth, Elizabeth says, "I am struggling with how to lazy genius, making boxed, frozen food fit in an organized fashion in my pull-out freezer drawer." I thought about pitching the box when possible and leaving the food in its bag, but then

I'm left with the sea of beige waffles and chicken nuggets. I find the color of the boxes triggers my memory to eat, said food, and sometimes I need the instruction on the box as well. Looking forward to any helper ideas you might have for my small conundrum. I actually have a really great small solution for this topic weirdly excited about.

“Okay, so what matters here is that we maintain the color of the box and the instructions”

on the box, right? We don't. The ease of bags versus boxes is so much better for storage. I get that. So here's my idea, ready? Take the bag of frozen food out of the box, okay?

Then I want you to put that bag in a gallon ziplock bag and take the piece of the box that has the instructions if you need them, or just like the brand top, just like the

bag with the bag of food and store it that way.

“You can reuse the gallons of black bags again and again. You can even keep the cardboard”

in there because presumably you're going to buy the same waffles and chicken nuggets again and again, right? But this way you can store the food in bags with zippers rather than the bags they come in with clips that are going to fall off and they'll get snagged on freezer tray, tell me how I know about that, all those chip clips getting snagged in the freezer shelves.

So you can store the food in bags with zippers and then you keep the color trigger of the box and the instructions all while fitting them better in the drawer. I am so excited about that idea. I really hope that you're just as excited and that it works for you or at least some version of it does.

OK, let's finish up with a couple of kid parenting related questions.

First we have an audio clip from Christine.

Hi, Kendra. I'm wondering if you could help me lazy genius ordering restaurant meals for my children. They are seven and four. They have learned to eat a good variety of things at home and I'm tired of ordering chicken and fries or mac and cheese at a restaurant. So we eat out about one to two times a week for lunch or dinner and I'd like them to start trying adult food, but I don't want to buy large portions and expensive plates that they

just look at and ask me for more food when we get home, that defeats the purpose of eating out. Please help, thanks. I am weirdly obsessed with this question. Like for real, what a great specific challenge this is and one that I think a lot of families can relate to. It's nice to see kids expand their pallets. There's independence and learning to go to a restaurant and choose a meal

on your own. We've got to move out of the kids menu. Eventually, all of this is so great.

“I have a couple of thoughts. First, if what matters is that they try new things, let's”

figure out what's getting in the way of that. Is it fear of buying something, like ordering something that they won't like and that feels like a waste, totally valid? Is it being rushed when you get to the restaurant and feeling like you have to make a decision that you're not ready to make, also valid? I don't know what the challenges are to what matters. That I have

three ideas for you. First, you could look at menus ahead of time. So a feeling rushed is a thing,

maybe on the drive to the restaurant. Someone can scroll through the menu on the phone and read things out loud to the family. People can start getting ideas of what might be fun to try. You just talk about the menu. You don't have to decide. You're just sort of getting familiar. That can also be, you know, fun reading practice for the kids. So that's the first idea. The second idea is maybe you can start small. Instead of ordering something more adventurous,

that's not chicken nuggets for both of your kids as their meal, you could try like a sharing meal. You can decide as a family to order one extra on tray or an appetizer that's something new to at least half of the family, right? You can order it, share it and then still everyone can get their regular meal. Or if you always end up with leftovers when you eat out, if you all can never finish everything you order and you would rather not order an extra

sharing meal on top of that, consider taking one for the team, either you or your partner if you

“have one and just know that you'll be fine eating the sharing meal if the kids aren't into it, right?”

If you do the sharing meal idea, I would try something that saves well for a lunch. The next day, you could think ahead like, oh, hey, let's try this thing and also, once they try it, they don't

like it. I got lunch tomorrow, which is always fun. And then a third idea, if you eat out weekly

and you want this to be a regular thing, you could get something like a little restaurant notebook that your kids can bring to restaurants and they make notes in. So there are some people who like sell stuff like that, like little restaurant passports, or you can just use a tiny notebook, like you don't need a special thing, but kids can like write their restaurant you went to, whatever anybody ordered, maybe there's a field for like new food with a star rating or something,

or you could just literally write down only the new foods, you know, it's like the new food notebook. Either way, a notebook makes it more of like an ongoing thing so that there's less pressure on whatever you order at each restaurant. It's more a small part of a long, fun adventure. So those are some ideas, Christine, and I hope they help. All right, we have two more. This one is from Alicia. Here is my problem. I'm a mom of five kids,

are in school. I also have a fill in the blank neurodivergence label style brain, and I really struggle with overwhelmed and overstimulation during the transition between my daytime on my own hours and my evening family time hours. Oftentimes, once a kid, once kids get home from school, I hear about school and get everyone aimed in the right direction with snacks, homework, chores, et cetera. My brain is needing a moment of quiet, so I tend to go to my room for a bit of alone

time to calm the overstimulation. The problem is that I often struggle to re-engage with the hustle and

bustle of kids' stuff, dinner prep, and all the many needs of the family in a timely or peaceful manner after this little break. My husband doesn't get home from work until later. I need suggestions for ways to gently but effectively start the mom engines back up after the post-pick-up crash

“in order to re-engage in the rest of my evening with my family. What matters most is that I can fully”

be fully present to my family, even in the midst of a chaotic time of day. I love the intentionality of this Alicia, and it's such a hard thing to transition in and out of for a lot of folks, but it's particularly challenging for a neurodivergent person. Now, I'm not an expert in neurodivergence at all, so honestly, I'm not even sure if this is great advice, and if it's going to be specific to you, but I will answer this the way I would for a neurotypical brain that struggles with overwhelmed

and infuse with the kindness and compassion that lazy genus principles have, and maybe it will work. Much of what we do here in this space, it has been used by dozens and dozens of therapists in the space of neurodivergence, and even for folks who are, they use the lazy genus principles

“because they're like accidentally appropriate for neurodivergence. So it's just, it was a happy”

accident, it's the best news. So hopefully what I share will spark something. I will start by saying, uh, check out the podcast episode, uh, the lazy genus guy to an afternoon routine. There may be some things in there that can help you think about that time of day, um, in a full podcast form,

but other than that, I have two thoughts. So the first is, I am curious, if you are trying to call

your body or your brain when you take your break, if you're going to your room for some quiet, which of course is deeply understandable, you're, I'm guessing you're lying down on the bed and you're quieting both, you're quieting body and brain, which might be great, and my, work, but personally, I find that if I quiet both at the same time, if I quiet my body and my brain,

“the distance from rest to regular life feels wider, like even when I take a 17 minute nap,”

which is resting both things. When I wake up, I'm, I am rested and like, I'm a little ready to keep going, but I'm not like all the way in it yet. So I wonder if you're jumping off of both tracks, off of both physical and mental stimulation, the way back is going to be harder because you have to get back on two tracks. So I'm curious what would happen if you rested your brain and the noise, but not your body. What if instead of going into your room and lying down, what if you went

outside and walked around the block, like super slow, just like a meandering, or even up and down your driveway, or like you do stretches on a little balcony or something, like, I wonder how would feel if you could still your brain and you can get away from that noise, but move your body. That keeps you on the track a little bit and might make the transition back into mothering and kind of the hustle of all that a little easier. That's a thought. It might not work, but it might

be worth a try. And then the second thought is to make the transition from, you know, regulating

yourself so low, back into being a mom, make it more fun and connective. So maybe you have like a hype song that you listen to when you're about to get back in it and you don't immediately get back in it. You play the song and you like dance to it or whatever, or maybe you call everybody in for like a group family hug to bring that like relational visceral piece back into it. Both of those things might sound kind of silly and small, but they're deeply grounding in your

body. They're not productive in any way. They're just connective. And they could help your brain get on board a little bit easier. It's like a stepping stone, you know, it's like a fun stepping stone from one energy into another. So I hope one of those, one of those things helps.

I love them dearly and they make small requests of me all day long. I love the

“disclaimer at the beginning. I love them dearly. And I notice it wearing me down and making”

we feel tapped out and oversimulated. We home school so we are together a lot. And I know it's normal behavior for kids these ages. But I'm trying to teach them to wait until the right time to ask me for things. For example, my seven-year-old might ask me to look up the price of colored pencils on Amazon while I'm in the middle of a math lesson with his sister. Or my 10-year-old might ask me to text message at Friends Mom to ask about a play date while I'm in the middle of

sweeping up an entire spilled box of Cheerios. There are quests feel so urgent to them, but they don't seem to notice when I'm literally on the floor in a pile of cereal. My older two kids can write so they could learn to pass me notes or something, but my younger two are not independent writers yet. How can I kindly teach them to notice what's going on with

“me and what's around them before they ask something? And also how do I keep my cool and not”

get snappy when they forget? How real this is? Also, I feel like Shantel literally just like climbed out of a box of Cheerios. This situation feels like it just happened. This is such it, my goodness. This is such a real thing. The tiny questions, goodness gracious. So we are, once again, going to use the principal, put everything in its place. The tiny questions need somewhere to go. You cannot eliminate the questions entirely. And some of those questions they need answers

answers eventually, right? There's nothing wrong with the questions. So I feel like this is this is too fold. We need a way to keep hold of the questions that a kid wants to ask. And also maybe empower them to solve their own problems a little bit too. If your kids are like mind, Shantel, some of the tiny questions they do not matter in five minutes. Like the number of times, I said, hey, I want to hear you. I can't write now. So just hang on. Remember it, hang on.

And then when I go back a few minutes later to see what they want. They're like, never mind,

I figured it out, which is great. Far more annoying is when they're like, I don't know, remember, which means it wasn't important to begin with, but important enough to interrupt me with, you know, so I get the frustration I totally do. So I have a couple of like tiny ideas for your kids to consider and then a final one maybe for you as their mom. So first, you can put the tiny questions in their place by giving them a name. You can call them tiny questions or later questions,

“or even if you want to go hard in the paint, quarter questions. If a kid wants an answer to a”

quarter question, right then they have to pay you a quarter. You have like a quarter question in jar that everyone contributes to and then you get to use the money for a coffee or I don't know, they might even be able to fund a massage depending on how many questions you get. You likely are not going to get many quarters. The money part is just sort of funny. That there is a way to communicate to your kids by naming the question, by giving it a name. That this is a question I

cannot answer right now. But if the question is important enough to you, it's, if the money is involved, it's going to cost you something just like it's costing me something. You know, it's like we're both going to make a sacrifice to make this happen right now because it's something important, or you can just say that is a later question. That's a later question. But what do you do with later questions? Like you said, your older kids, they can write but the little ones can't independently

yet. So if everyone could write, I would say that all later questions need to go in one place, like a little no pad on the homeschool table or something. If a kid has a question, they write it down and you'll answer it either on the pad or with your voice later. You could even answer them all at once. Younger kids could ask an older sibling to help them write something or they can just draw a picture to remind them. Like that's really all the later question needs is a reminder of

what the question wants. So then you could use the principle, batch it and answer all the later questions at once while the kids are all around but you're not in the middle of anything. So that's just an idea but the point is put the later questions somewhere because I don't think that you're going to be able to eliminate the kids asking the questions as we all know

kids are always asking questions. But it values their question while also valuing your own boundary.

So if there's a place for the later questions, then there's time set aside for the answers eventually and it values everyone's time. Now the other thing is just your own reaction. You said in your question, how do I keep my cool and not get snappy when they forgot? My oldest is 16 and he still

Like some kids are right now kids. I have a right now kid. The other two are less right now

“but the questions are still plentiful and constant from both of them. But when you have a right now”

kid, it's really really hard to teach a different way because that's just how their brain works, it's how they're wired. So one phrase I use all the time, now that my kids are older, when they ask me a question is I love you, you can solve that problem. If I know they can solve the problem, I'm like you can solve that problem. Sometimes they ask because I'm faster or they didn't even think about doing it themselves, right? They didn't even consider it. So I'm giving it back

to them. Or sometimes they're just verbally processing. Like Sam will ask me what he should eat for breakfast every morning, which can drive a person bonkers. But also I know that he's just a

verbal processor and he loves the back and forth as he makes his decision. I don't always have the

energy for that back and forth and on days that I don't, I'm like how fun deciding your breakfast,

“you know, like I'm acknowledging the fact that that's what he's doing, he's just deciding,”

but he can do it. And then I go back to what I'm doing. My point is that even when they're old enough to answer their own later questions themselves, when they context the friend about hanging out, when they can look up the price of colored pencils, they're still gonna have a lot of things to ask. And so no matter what system you figure out, you still want to pay attention to your own reaction, which you're doing, you're doing that, which is awesome. You're going to repeat

yourself often. You will say, possibly even multiple times a day because of the multiple children, I'm happy to help you. And I'm happy when you figure things out on your own, too. You know, that's good practice, so well done. Like you get to empower them to figure things out to ask someone other than you for help like a sibling or just to wait. This is easier when you expect the repetition. They will forget a lot. The frustration is apparent is that if we expect them to remember as quickly

as we would like them to, we will be severely disappointed. So keep staying soft, be patient, be boundaryed and direct, with putting those later questions in their place, but expect that you're going to repeat yourself, expect to still be interrupted. But kind of like the simplicity of the

“principle decide once, if you know how you're going to respond when that happens, when you have to”

repeat yourself, if you've decided, like almost like if you have a script, it does not disregulate you as quickly. You can mostly stay where you are doing what you're doing, staying there even emotionally, and empower your kids to handle the later question in whatever way you practically decide, whether it's a notebook or leaving voice memos on a phone or drawing pictures on a whiteboard, whatever it is. The path doesn't matter. Just start walking a path,

expect to talk about it often, and stay soft while you do. Great questions today, everybody, thank you so much for sharing them with us all, and that is today's episode of Office Hours. Hello, I'm Melissa Beth Day, the creator and host of How To Fail is the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right, and what if anything we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better. Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate,

thought-provoking, and funny conversations. You're here from a diverse range of voices, sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week. This isn't a Elizabeth Day in Sony Music Entertainment, original podcast. Listen there, wherever you get your podcasts. All right, today's a little extra something is my favorite topic, ever, which is reading, I love to read, it's my favorite hobby, I own so many books, it's just the

best thing. So today's a little extra something is my favorite novel of the year so far. I've been told just a couple of weeks ago, I found out I knew the answer, because my favorite novel of the year had not changed since January, but we have a new topic, my friends, we have a new

topic. So my favorite novel of the year, in the first three months of the year, is called Mrs. Christi

and the Mystery Guild Library by Amanda Chapman. I talked about this book in my most recent reading newsletter called The Book List. So for those of you who get that already, you already know that I love this book, you might not have known it's my favorite book of the year. I also mentioned it when I was in the middle of reading on an episode of the office ladies on a chat episode with Jenna

of this book, Mrs. Christi, and the Mystery Guild Library, I hadn't even gotten to the end yet,

“and I was just loving it so much. So this novel is my favorite in the same way that like knives”

out is my favorite movie. It's just a perfectly fantastic time. So the story centers around Tori Van Dine and her cousin Nick. So Tori restores books. She lives above a library, and Nick is an actress trying to get her big brick. Of course, I cast the story. So Tori is Phoebe Wallerbridge, the sassy creator of Fleabag, and Nick is Brittany Snow, the Dizzy Blond/Redhead from pitch perfect. So one day Tori/VB walks into the library's exact replica of Agatha Christie's study because

I have this in the library to find a woman who claims to be actual Agatha Christie, played of course by Helen Mirren in my head. So Tori is obviously confused by this, but she like humor is the woman, you know. So while Ghost Mrs. Christie or whatever is there, Nick, cousin Nick/Britney Snow,

“comes in crying and upset to Tori because she just witnessed a crime and needs help. So in just”

a few pages, we get this little crime-solving crow of Tori/VB, Nick/Britney, Mrs. Christie/ Helen Mirren, and we're like, what's her deal? There's a brooding detective with like terrible style, played by Adam Driver in my head. There's Tori's Dapper best friend, Adrian, played by J. Ellis, and then there's a little Irish girl whose mom just died and whose fascination with mysteries and Agatha Christie, it makes her like an unusual but necessary part of this like accidental crime-solving

team. This story is so great. The dialogue is so fun. The settings are really easy to imagine. The New York of it all is super clear. The group of characters and how they interact. It's just so fun and it sticks in the landing. It's just such a good time. I could not put it down. I was

sad whenever I was forced to. So good. I have never read Thursday murder club, but I did see it

on Netflix and it feels a little bit like that, but just like a little shinier. It's like a band of unusual folks trying to solve a mystery together. You know, like very saturated storytelling, which is that's my favorite kind. I just loved it. Favorite novel of the year. Not the best. Like this is going to win any literary awards. But literary novels are never my favorites anyway, personally. Like books that are fun and surprising and just keep me wanting to go back for more.

Those always get my top spot. And this one was just the right book at the right time. And I need it to be a limited series on Netflix immediately. Thank you. If anybody knows anybody, please make that happen. That'd be great. So again, the book is called Mrs. Christie and the Mystery Guild Library by Amanda Chapman. It got a starred review in Publishers Weekly, which is super hard to do. And I just

found out that the second book is coming out this October. I could not explain how excited about this

I am you guys. It's just the most fun. It's the most fun. So if you love rompy detective stories, you will devour this. You will devour this. And that is today's a little extra something. All right. Now for the lazy genius of the week. This week we have Jamison from Baltimore, Maryland. Jamison rights. My husband and I love freezer meals because they make coming home from travel or a busy weekend to feel manageable instead of overwhelming. But our small fridge freezer

meant we could only store a couple at a time. We upgraded to a small chest freezer in our basement. And immediately I worried it would become a black hole of forgotten food real. So we named the problem out of sight out of mind. Our solution was a shared photo album on our phones. Every time something goes into the basement freezer, we snap a photo and add it to the album.

“Now our freezer is visually catalogued by date. Because that's what happens when you take a photo”

you guys. By date within that album without any extra effort. Once a month I have a reminder set to review the album. Plan which meals will use next and delete photos that we may have missed removing once the food was used. As a bonus we can check the album from anywhere. So even while we're out of town we know exactly what's waiting for us at home. Wow. Like this is legit brilliant. I love this idea so much. And out of sight out of mind is absolutely the way that chest

freezer's turn into black holes of forgotten food. I like I just love this. Snapping a photo is

You know that any frozen meal photo it belongs in that album you know. And you can just move

it over later that night or in a couple of days or whatever. So the urgency of all the steps happening

“at once is not essential. It is not essential for the entire process to work. I love everything”

about this. James sent great job and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. All right. Let's close with a mini-pap talk for when you're tired of pivoting. Full disclosure, I'm kind of making this pep talk for myself. Beyond the last few months I felt like nothing but pivots. Like life already has plenty. We know this. Small ones happen every single day. But there are certain

seasons where the seemingly constant change in direction I can give a person whiplash. Pivoting is a

wonderful skill. It is a gift to embrace. But when it's all you feel like you're doing when what is normal and predictable feels so far away. Pivoting can honestly get really annoying, really annoying. As with any pep talk on the show we start by being kind to ourselves and remembering that that feeling is okay. It's okay to be annoyed by change, pivoting, adjustments, lack of normalcy. If we ignore those frustrations and we push them down or we make

ourselves feel badly for feeling them. We're not going to end up anywhere good. So be honest with a

frustration from the start. Don't be little at honor the feelings no matter what they are. They're

“trying to tell you something. I think after that I personally want to remember that this is a season.”

You know, times of pivoting usually write themselves. And a season of predictability is probably on the way. I think that believing that something isn't going to last forever, it can help it feel easier to navigate. And if it does last forever, you and I as people will change and adjust within that hard season. Becoming different people who can navigate constant pivoting with more kindness and maybe even skill. Remember we're not the same man stepping into the same river.

So no matter what, this particular season of feeling thrown off by pivoting it will not last forever. Either their circumstances will eventually change or you will. And that's really comforting.

“It might be slow going comfort. But it's comfort all the same. So if that is your season,”

don't get too mad at the pivoting. I mean, you can't get mad. But maybe don't stay mad. You know, honor the mad and then try to move past it. It'll be helpful for the rest of your life to continue to learn how to pivot even though it feels really annoying right now. And for now in this season, be in it, be kind there and be patient as you find your way to the other side, becoming more of who you already are. And that is a mini pep talk for when you're tired of pivoting.

If this episode was helpful to you or if you have been looking for a way to support the show, please share this episode with someone you know. You can leave a kind of view on Apple Podcast. Like I said at the top, every mention, every share it makes a difference and turning where people into a lazy genius. So thank you so much for being part of that with us. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the office ladies network. This episode is hosted by

me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jennifer Sure, an Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production. If you would like a podcast recap email, every other week be sure to sign up for latest lazy listens that goes out every other Friday. You can enter the lazy genius collective comm slash listens to get it. Thanks y'all for listening and until next time be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week. you