What Is and Isn’t Working For Me This Summer

is not about hacking the system to find more time or hacking your energy to get more done.

Hustling to be the best or to make the most out of every opportunity is exhausting and unsustainable. So here we do things differently. On this show we value contentment, compassion, and living in our season. We favor small steps over big systems. Here we are lazy geniuses. Being a genius about the things that matter, and lazy about the things that don't, and I am so glad you're here.

“Today is episode 477. What is an isn't working for me this summer?”

Last week I shared all kinds of tips from you guys about making summer easier, and this week I'm sharing the things that have and have not worked for me in my house. What was fun is that the list of things that are working was longer than the ones that are not. I think that comes from trying small things over time, and tinkering until they work, rather than like lots of big swings and misses, and an attempt at complete summer control.

So I will share what isn't working for me today, and I'm really excited about doing it.

A list is always a good time. After that I'll share a little extra something that was actually going to be an entire episode,

“honestly, but turned out to be more of a story, so I will share the story.”

But hopefully you will leave with two simple ideas that can help you practically care for your friends and family who are going through challenging times. As always we will celebrate the lazy genius of the week with a fun idea for how to use a road trip, and we'll end with a mini pep talk for when you don't want to cook another meal ever again. Before we do that you have just four more days to fill out our lazy genius survey, a riveting I know. But it actually is, y'all are really, really smart people, and have led us to some big decisions over the last few years that have been positive for us.

I genuinely want to make things that you like, and I can't do that. If I don't know what y'all like, our annual survey helps us understand our listeners and readers and figure out how we can best serve you in the coming year. As you may have caught a few weeks ago, another book is in the works, due to come out next spring, I know it's very exciting. So there's one particular question in the survey that helps us know how to organize the launch of that book and your feedback there really matters. Not just for that, but for all of it, obviously. Like I said, y'all are incredibly smart, and we just want to understand you better.

So you can click the link in the show notes to access the survey. It closes on July 17th. So fill it out before then. And if you don't mind sharing your name and email address, we will also put you in a random drawing for one a three one hundred dollar gift cards to the store of your choice. We're grateful to all of you for filling this thing out, and I'd give you all of the cards if I could. Unfortunately, that is not in the budget by a significant amount. So we will settle for three three winners.

But thank you to all of you who fill it out and help us make the lazy genius collective better. All right, before we get into what is and isn't working for me this summer, let's take a quick break to hear from our sponsors, which makes the show free for you to listen to.

“Before we do, as always, here is your quick reminder about the podcast recap email that we send out every other Friday. This is honestly like our best, most open email.”

People really love this. It's called latest lazy lessons. It summarizes the episode. It shares the lazy genius of the week. I will often share photos attached to whatever episodes we're recapping from my own house in my own life. There are just so many great aspects to this. Namely, you do not have to take notes. When you are listening to an episode of the lazy genius podcast, we sort of take those notes for you. So if you are interested in getting that email, I would highly encourage you to sign up. You can go to the lazyginesscollective.com/lissons.

All right, let's get into what isn't working for me this summer. Let's start with what has not been working. First thing, it is not working for me to over schedule myself because I think I have more time. I do not have more time, y'all, I don't. Summers used to have more time. We used to take off the podcast in the summer, like years ago, and that combined with having tiny children who didn't really need to go many places different from what another, like I had a lot of extra time in the summer.

And it was fun to plan more things because there was always time for them.

Well, that season of life has passed. I do not have more time. I still have the same amount of time as I do during the school year. And weirdly enough, because summertime is so haphazard and inconsistent, like every single day is different, it feels like I have even less time than I do during the school year because there is far less predictability.

And I'm kind of enjoying the day-to-day summer planning. We are a lot more spontaneous than we ever have been, and that's been super fun.

“But ultimately, the way I started the summer was with all these like exciting plans, because I thought we had time to fill, and that plan just like laughed in my face within the first week.”

Over scheduling is not great. Day-to-day fun is way better for us in this season. The second thing that has not been working for me is having three drivers and only two cars.

I know this is a very specific problem, but holy moly, it has been such a bear. So, causes a school counselor, but he is still going to work this far into the summer, which is unusual for him. We didn't really plan for that, but he has had to because of different things, and so he needs his car every day to get to work, and he and Ben both have activities as do I. And so obviously, I need a car, we live two cars, to drive them places, to drive me places, but Sam, my third driver also has tons of things to drive through.

“Particularly, there was this band that he was involved in in May and June, and it just finished like a week or two ago, but he had rehearsal every day the week for like a couple of weeks.”

And then the weeks before that, he still had rehearsal a couple of days a week, but it was like a half or a day. My brain breaks thinking about how we managed all of those logistics. It was just like so chaotic. We don't live in a town with like easily accessible public transportation, so cars are just, you know, they're kind of the option.

We try to work out rides for people, but it still didn't always work.

It's just been really funny trying to figure out who needs what car each day, you know, Sam has dropped me in any off at the pool a couple of times on his way to band practice, and then cause we'll pick us up after work.

“Like my 10 year old daughter and I are both like preteens at the mercy of our parent schedules, like it's ridiculous.”

It's not the easiest thing, and it's going to get harder as we move into the school year, so we are prioritizing getting a third family car this summer, especially to have in place once school starts and then my middle kid is already in driver's ed, so he's not far behind. So we got to, we got to figure this out because it worked in the third thing that has not been working quite as well this year. Or the summer at least is grocery shopping and like food waste. It's really weird y'all, like everybody's here all the time and their home, but since the kids, they make their own breakfast and lunches, they don't always choose the same fruits and vegetables that I would pack in their lunches during the school year.

I spent like the first few weeks of summer buying the same fruits and vegetables in the same quantities, being like, "Oh, well of course we're going to eat it all, everybody's here, only to find all of this things like shriveled into nothing, days later because no one ate them on their own." So we've had to toss way more food than normal the last month or two and I do not love that, I do not love that. Now part of the issue here too is that since every day is different and meal planning and cooking rhythms are also different.

I don't have the same grocery shopping rhythm in the summer as I do in the school year, so we're ordering groceries more often than I would like, like very reactionary shopping habits.

And that's not my favorite energy, like it's fine and it is for a season, but it's just not my favorite, it's not my preference. Now there are definitely ways to solve both of these smaller problems. I haven't thought of those solutions yet, but really right now I'm not trying to solve them. I'm just living in the season trying to be kind about it. And I'm making like a small adjustment here and there when it feels like a good call rather than some sort of like, let's sit down and figure out how to solve this problem.

Like today, when I ordered groceries today, I did not order any berries because they're not really getting eaten. And whereas they would in the school year for sure, berries are like a staple in lunch boxes, but not now. And then another thing like before I placed my grocery order for today, I quickly decided what is for dinner the next three days so that I could at least like be covered until then. But I'm not really trying to mechanize those things, those shifts because of the season. I'm just, I'm choosing small differences where it makes sense now that I've noticed what isn't working as well.

And frankly, grocery shopping and meal planning and all of that is just not working as well as it normally does, but it is a season and that's okay. And then the final thing that has not been working really well this summer is exercising. Have I mentioned that every day is different, every day is different, plus it's like far too hot outside to go for a walk like, I have occasionally gone to the gym to walk on the treadmill, but it's just been like, I don't know, it's not been a very pleasant experience to do that recently.

I have those like adjustable weights where it's just two dumbbells, but you can change the weight that is on the dumbbells.

So you can't just like lift, like I can't carry all the weights over and change them without having the set that they live in, like the little base that they live in, and that's too heavy to move on its own every time. So, and because I use several different weights in one workout, it's just kind of annoying to like keep going back to a different room to switch them. So, I have been working out in the room where I keep the weights, but there's not a lot of room in there to do the exercises because usually one of my kids is in that room, which is fine.

It's the summer. We don't have, I mean, we have a great house, but there's not like a ton of spaces for people to go. So, I've had to like move furniture to have enough space to work out, but like a kid is on that furniture. It just feels hard. It's like not a life-changing thing, but every date feels a little bit hard, which is, again, not my favorite energy.

“So, I'm treating all of this the same way that I am treating grocery shopping, honestly. Like, I'm not trying to really fix it. I'm just noticing what isn't working.”

And if there is a different choice that I can make that day, then I do. But ultimately, I'm like, it's a season.

Although I do think I need to find a different place to store my weights, so they're closer to the living room where I prefer to lift. I don't really want to see them in the living room. That's the issue. Like, I don't want the weights to be part of the decor, but I'm realizing that there might be another option or two where the weights are still out of the way visually, but they are closer to the living room. Like, honestly, where I work out in my living room and where the weights are stored is just on the opposite end of the house. Like, it's like wall to wall.

It's not an ideal situation. So, I'm realizing that small change. It might be more than enough to make lifting feel like it's working again. I will keep you posted if I decide to move the weights. So, those are the things that have not really been working for me this summer. Over scheduling, because I think I have more time, which I do not, three drivers and two cars, good gracious, grocery shopping and exercise. Now, let's get to it is working. The thing that is working the best that I cannot wait to keep going into the school year, assuming it keeps working, is our weekly family meeting. This thing has been so good for us this summer. Oh my goodness.

So, usually on Sunday night, but occasionally on Monday or Tuesday, if the weekend was like, "Cook who pants and we were together on Sunday, we have dinner and we have our family meeting."

“It's just an intention to talk about what's coming up. So, we talk about what's going on in the upcoming week, a very important thing since every week is different.”

We work out when Sam needs the car. We sometimes meal plan together, or at least like the kids pick a couple of the meals and I'll slot them in somewhere. The only reason, frankly, that I had to meal plan by myself today, before my grocery order was because we did not have our family meeting this week. We're having it tonight. We didn't have it on the day that we were supposed to have it already. So, you know, so we talk about meals. We work out chores. We communicate if there are like any big projects going on, that the kids need to sort of like plan for like, "Hey guys, we're going to be cleaning out all the stuff in the little carport and taking it to the street or whatever."

You know, just like preparing them for manual labor. We plan our weekly game night for a night when everyone is home, which is helpful because we're already talking about the calendar that week. So, we know the days that everybody is going to be home at the same time.

“We all are getting reminders on what matters and where we're trying to grow.”

So, like, at the family meeting, I will ask Annie how she is going to grow in her reading. How she's going to handle her reading that week. I'll ask Ben how he's going to grow in his socialization. I asked Sam how he's going to grow in his attitude about doing anything responsible that does not music related. Like we keep those things that matter top of mind and we have a built-in place to talk about them. It has seriously been so, so great. Like I said, we didn't have our family meeting this week and I feel it and I miss it. I miss that we didn't get to it yet. We will tonight, but I miss it.

Now, I know this might be something that you want to try and I hope you do. But also, I'm going to ask you right now to not email or DM or ask for a specific formula of how this works. There isn't one.

This is much simpler than it sounds and I want you to trust small choices, okay?

So, just choose one time a week, call it your family meeting or whatever you want to name it and then have a conversation about whatever matters. It might be schedules, it might be homework, family responsibilities, fun, all kinds of things. It doesn't matter, but start small. You can start with just one topic if you want and build from there. You can, you know, just have your family meeting be like, "Hey, what should we eat this week, guys?" And then be done. Do that for a few weeks and get into the rhythm of it and then maybe add something else.

Like, "Hey, should we plan a time this week that we're going to do that fun, our project we talked about or whatever it is?" I want you to just get into the practice and expectation of an intentional family gathering before worrying so much about what you're going to talk about. What you'll talk about will change over time anyway, so you don't need to lock anything in right now, okay?

“This is not a formula to follow. It's just a choice to make and you can choose one time a week to gather as a family and say, "Hey, what matters this week?"”

It's not that we don't care about answering your questions, but I want you to trust yourself rather than me. Okay, the second thing that's working for me this summer, it seems that odds with the family meeting, but it isn't, and that is spur of the moment chores, particularly rotating who cleans up after dinner. So, there are, as we know, multiple ways to approach kids and chores, but one that works fairly well for us is to simply set up the expectation that chores are going to happen every day. You might not know what they are yet, although sometimes you do from the family meeting, but like, don't be surprised, kids, if I'm going to say it's your turn to clean up, lunch or whatever.

I'm trying to create a family culture that expects to be helpful to each other. Like, we take care of each other, and of this communal space of this home, since that attitude is something that will serve my kids quite literally forever.

“So, it's, I think it's good to learn to spontaneously respond to needs and requests of other people.”

That's worked really well for us and for our kids, especially since the kids like expect it. So, if I say, "Hey, Ben, can you take the trash out?" He's like, "Okay, like, you know, a kid may be like, "But they're expecting that every day there's going to be something that they're going to do that contributes to the house." So, the more we do that, the more we set up that expectation and then follow through where they're things that they're doing every day, the less they're surprised and then the less they complain.

Like, they still complain, but not even close to what they used to. This summer, we just like really dug into that consistently and it's worked really, really well.

Okay, the third thing that is really working for us this summer is the World Cup.

This episode really says it's the week of the semis and the finals on Sunday. Yes, the U.S. is not in it anymore, which is terribly sad and also I did not expect them to be. I'm sorry that makes me a bad fan. I've had all the game times in my calendar since the beginning and then I edit the calendar items, so it's like WC quarters. And then once the teams are set, then I'll go into that calendar item and I'll change it to the teams that are playing. Like, I'm planning my life around. And I'm so happy about it, but also the whole family likes watching.

Like, we've watched almost every single match. The only reason we have it is if we're just like not home or even midnight or whatever.

“And it has been the best. I think we as a family like a better than the Olympics, which is kind of wild because we all really enjoy soccer.”

And I think this single momentum stream of like one sport and one purpose and it's still happening like almost every day. Rather than like a bunch of events and sports that we might not like as much or even really know that much about. It's we're just like all in on soccer and it's working. I do prefer the women's World Cup to the men's World Cup, but the World Cup is my is my actual favorite top top top sporting event of everything ever. I love sports. I love watching sports. Like almost all of them. I'm all in on and the World Cup is my favorite.

So, Kendra is really happy right now. And Kendra's going to be really, really sad on the evening of July, whatever day, 19th when this is over. But man, oh, it has been so fun. I will miss it next summer like a lot.

Okay, so that's the third thing that's been working is the World Cup. The fourth thing that has been working for us this summer is that both boys have summer classes. They're taking summer class.

Ben is taking PE and Sam is taking Spanish too. So both of those choices are meant to leave space, like they're getting these credits out of the way.

And that's great. I'm glad that they know what they want and we can make it work. But what has made this so great for our summer is it's just giving the boys something structured every day, but it's also independent that they have to manage on their own. Now, some kids get that by having a summer job, but my boys are getting that by taking a summer class. Sam especially has to manage his time really well because he's going to be gone for two straight weeks at a music camp. So he has to work ahead to finish the class in time because he's not going to be able to work on it when he's gone to camp.

So like he wakes up and he does Spanish for several hours and that has been really, really great.

“Now, I think this is why some families like thrive on theme days when your kids are younger and you don't have anything specific planned each day, it can.”

It doesn't always, depending on the family, but it can feel like you're floating a little bit like you're untethered and you're just trying to fill time. So you create some kind of structure.

Well, my kids are like a little too old for me to do that anymore, but these summer classes have offered really great structure for the boys, like I'm a big big fan, big fan of summer school. Okay, the fifth thing that's working for me this summer is our weekly family game night. So I mentioned this before we plan it during our family meeting. So in our family, some of us really consistently enjoy games and all kinds of games, but not everyone. It can occasionally be like pulling teeth, which is kind of funny because it's like, who doesn't love playing a game, not everybody in my family.

So consistent family game nights have never happened for us. That's just not something that's like part of our family rhythm at all. It's usually spur of the moment. Or if Annie's like, "Can we please play a game?" And the boys are like, "Fine," or whatever, but this summer, playing a game every week was one of Annie's summer bucket list items.

“That's what she wanted to do. That was like the first thing she said. She said, "I wanted to have a weekly family game night."”

So we have done that. We have honored that for her, which makes me super happy because I love games. We pick the day that we're going to do it at our family meeting and we play a game.

But here is what has made weekly game night so amazing. Y'all, we have found the best game of any game, of a...

I don't think I've shared it anywhere yet. I don't think, because we've only had it for like a month or two. But you guys, especially if you have kids of like a wide variety of ages, and who are also like reluctant to play certain kinds of games, you got to try magical athlete. Every person in her family loves this game truly. Like myself included. Like thinking about it, I'm like, "Let's go play right now."

“Even though you cannot see the game, I'm going to try to explain it and why it's awesome.”

Because you could just go blindly by it, but I just want to make sure that you know that this is good. But this has been the like MVP of our summer. It's the game magical athlete. Okay, so it is a classic like finish line game, you know, where you roll a die to move your piece. A certain number of spaces, and then you try to get to the end. So the board is too cited. So you have two different like boards, start to finish boards.

One is simple, and then one is a little more wild, where sometimes you land on a piece. Since you back to, or you can earn a point by landing on another piece, or there's like a lose your turn piece isn't all that.

So there's two sides. One is simple, one is mild, and one is wild, basically.

Now what's really fun is that the design of this game is so cool. It's sort of like retro yellow submarine style, really great artwork. So it's fun to look at. It's really fun to look at. All right, so one game, when you sit down with your people to play a magical athlete, one game equals four races. And you do two races on each side of the board, so you do mild and then wild and then mild and then wild. And you win the game by accumulating the most points over those four races.

The primary way that you earn points is by winning a race, being first or second place, because there's the only places that count. Once a second place crosses the finish line, the game is that the race is over and you do your next race. And then there are a few other random ways that you can earn points throughout the game. But your goal is to earn as many points as you can over the four races. Simple enough, right? Now if there are four races, that means each player needs four different races.

And that's where the fun comes in. You get to race with a huge collection of magical athletes. So each athlete has like a different magical power. For example, if you race one of your races with a character banana, then every racer that passes you trips and loses their turn.

So if they're on their space and it's their turn before it's yours and they move six and they score a point.

You get to also move six with them and score a point. That's your magical power. If you race with a character, the romantic, you get to move forward two spaces every single time. Two racers land on the same spot because you're like, oh, it's two people together and you, it's so pretty good. If you race with the legs, the character legs, you can just move five spaces instead of rolling. So some athletes have magical powers that they have to use every turn.

“Other athletes, their powers are optional so you can choose to use the power if you want to when it's your turn.”

So you play these four races with four different magical athletes who have different magical powers.

So the game is never the same way twice because the athletes powers can interact with each other in super super weird ways.

Like we played a game where I was legs, which means I can move five anytime I wanted instead of because it, you know, it's a typical die where it's up to six. But guests who also was playing that round banana. So every time I couldn't use my power because I would pass banana and then lose my turn. So I basically had to choose like, okay, do I go five and just like accept that for five spaces for two turns because I'm losing my turn because I keep passing banana. And it keeps tripping me.

Like it's just the funniest, it's the funniest game. It can also get like pretty chaotic in the best way trying to figure out like who's magical powers be other powers.

“And it's, I mean, it's just so much fun.”

We laugh every single time we play and we play all the time. Like I feel bad for other games actually because they all just like sit in the game cabinet rejected. We just cannot get enough of magical athlete. It has been a massive thing that has worked for us the summer. My book Twin Katie. Those of you who get the book list email know about my book Twin Katie is my friend Katie who has like almost exact same. She knows when I'm going to like something and she texted me one day and she was like, we found the perfect game.

It's called magical athlete and you have to try it. And because I trust Katie implicitly with all things. I ordered it immediately not having any idea what it was and when it came I was like, what is this thing? It is just fantastic. So if you can get your hands on magical athlete go get it. It'll work for you the summer too.

Okay, the sixth thing that has worked for us the summer is having our kids clean their rooms every other week. So we usually do not require our kids to clean their rooms on a fairly regular basis, but it's more reactionary because some of the kids are a bit messier than others.

“And so I'll go on and be like, I think you need to clean your room. You cannot see your floor.”

This is a problem. But what happened is after we did their big room cleans in the beginning of the summer, where we went through all their stuff and we cleaned their baseboards. And it was a massive chore to clean their rooms. They really enjoyed how that felt.

And I was like, okay, so here's what we're going to do.

Every other week, not every week, but every other week, you have the job of tiding your room and dusting and vacuuming. So that we don't get to the point where the massive room clean is like, so gross. That you're like, how have you been living in here, you guys? Like we're sort of empowering them to do it on their own sort of timeline sort of, but with a boundary that's more helpful.

And that has been like really, really great for this chill and consistent summer is them doing this every other week. Every other week feels very doable. And it has worked great as opposed to every week. The kids tidy their rooms. They use like those swiffer dusters to dust the surfaces really quick and then they vacuum. That's every other week. So in the family meeting, I'm just like, hey, it's room clean week.

Everybody have it done by Friday. And then move on. Like, and if we get to Friday, and I notice that a kid has not cleaned the room yet, I'll just not jump. And be like, hey, remember it's room clean week. And they're like, oh, right, like no big deal. And that has really, really worked well for us to empower them to handle their rooms and like a reasonable timeframe while also keeping their rooms from devolving into chaos, which is ideal. The seventh thing that has worked for me this summer is cut off jeans.

Like, quite literally, I took two pairs of jeans that still fit in the waist, but have leg styles. I don't love anymore. And I just cut them off. And I created my two favorite pairs of jeans shorts ever. I wear them every single day.

I have had several people comment on the fact that I'm wearing kind of not always in a positive way. So maybe our cutoffs like not really trendy or something right now. I don't know.

But frankly, I do not care. Like, I love my cutoff shorts. They have definitely worked for me this summer. And then the eighth thing that has worked for me and us, actually, the jeans work for me. This works for us. This summer is we are really enjoying slow warnings. We sleep in when we can. We like slowly start the day, bend and not eat breakfast today until 10 o'clock. Like, it's been a really, really great vibe.

“I think because our school year mornings have to stir so early, like 630 at the latest for with the first person, having consistently, like leisurely mornings, it's just been really, really good for all of us.”

We don't feel rushed in anything. The boys can start their summer school school work when they've been up for a little bit without having to like jump straight in.

I can definitely see the benefit of having something like an eight o'clock swim practice, like some of our friends do. You know, it starts the day off consistently and it starts it off with movement. But for us, that just doesn't serve us as well as sleeping in, frankly. Plus our kids are old and they don't go to bed until super late, and we're watching soccer sometimes until it's late too. So taking the pressure off mornings has just worked so well for us.

“I have slept until nine a handful of mornings and it's glorious.”

Any rarely gets out of bed before 830. When you have live nine months of 630 wake up times, that is just the best thing ever. We are a family that really enjoys our sleep. We enjoy this part of the summer season without trying to make it resemble something it's not. Yes, it will absolutely be a harsh transition when we have to wake up again early, but we will start dealing with that mid August for now, man is it working for us to have slow mornings. There are a couple more quick ones and number nine, I already mentioned this. My kids make their own breakfast and lunches. Like they're old enough to and outside of answering the question, like mom is at a tip day. I don't really manage it much other than making sure I don't buy fruits so they don't eat.

Another thing is dinner time is really flexible and often late, like seven o'clock. That's really worked well for us the summer. It gives us more flexibility in the afternoon when we're like going to the pool and stuff. It's really weird how changing my mental expectation of like a six o'clock dinner and moving it to seven or seven thirty. It just makes summer feel easier. And then the other thing that makes that really works for us in the summer is that any showers and washes her hair at the pool every time she goes to swim.

That definitely works as does having her own pool bag and not having to share mine, which those are both things I've mentioned in other episodes. Now, when I started putting this episode together, I felt like it might be a bit boring and I don't know, maybe it is, but I also think that most of life solutions are a little bit boring. They're small and ordinary. They are not flashy. Like a slow morning is not flashy, but day after day that has made our summer genuinely delightful. This same is true in your life. Stop trying to measure summer by like big magical moments or big flashy systems. Just focus on what's small, what's working, and celebrate it. No matter how ordinary it is.

“And that's what it is and isn't working for me this summer.”

This episode is sponsored by L.O. When your day moves fast, between getting everyone off the door, meal prepping and trying to find a small moment for yourself, the products you use should make things easier, not harder. That's where L.O. comes in. L.O. makes thoughtfully designed water bottles, tumblers and glass food storage containers that fit right into your routine. Their water bottles are easy to refill, easy to carry, and leak proof, so you can toss them in your bag without second guessing it. They're designed to keep up with your busy day and make staying hydrated feel a little more doable.

And when it comes to leftovers or meal prepping, their glass food storage containers make it simple to save dinner for tomorrow or take meals on the go with secure lids that help keep everything where it should be and not in the bottom of your bag. Visit L.O. Products.com and use code Try L.O.20 for 20% off your first purchase. That's E.L.O.PRODUCTS.com code Try L.O.20. For today's little extra something, I want to share a story about caring for our people that involves two of my buddies who also happen to be authors and likely known by you.

Emily P. Freeman and Shannon Martin. Emily P. Freeman is the host of the next right thing podcast has written so many amazing books and is the lazy genius of thoughtful decision making.

But even if you don't know who they are, the story still works. Just plug into people, it doesn't matter. So a few months ago, I was at a bookstore with Shannon on her book tour and in our conversation with readers who would come to see her. She shared about a really difficult season of life a season that she shared about. Talked about in her most recent book, "Counter Wates," which is so good. She talked about how that season was heavy and laugh. I felt like it lasted forever and Shannon started feeling like she was a burden sharing these daily difficulties with her people.

And it was just this like on going hurt that she felt like wasn't going away. But then Emily, who lives in North Carolina with me went to see Shannon in Indiana just to be with her and listen. She said to Shannon, "Tell me everything." And Shannon shared in that book store conversation how impactful that phrase was to her, "Tell me everything." It gave Shannon permission to share as much as she wanted, like no amount would ever be too much. And that permission was what she needed. And as Shannon shared that story, it reminded me of something Emily has said to me before that I also shared about a little book store too. Emily has said that she always wants to express both desire and freedom when she talks to someone about something hard.

Like rather than on overstepping, like worrying that she's overstepping into someone's difficult situation, she will say to that person that she has a desire to be with them and all of it.

They have full freedom to share whatever they need to, or nothing at all. So desire and freedom. That works for inviting someone over. You're like, "Hey, I know you're busy this week, but just know that I would absolutely love for you to come watch the soccer game with us on Wednesday night and also you have full freedom to say now. I just want you to know that you're wanted."

“I think those two little gems from Emily tell me everything and this combo of desire and freedom are two incredibly valuable tools when caring for our people.”

We are so worried about overstepping, about appearing nosy or being in the way. So rather than risk those things, we just step back. But chances are pretty good that the people we care about who are struggling through something they want people to move in.

I'd rather tell someone no than not have anyone ask to help or be with me at all.

If you're on the end of a situation of like being with someone during something hard, if you're bearing witness to that, I'd encourage you to bring those two ideas with you. Say to your friend who's struggling, tell me everything, with a spirit of presence. They will tell you whatever everything needs to be. And express your desire to be with them or to help them while also giving them full freedom to do whatever they need. Like no guilt trips, no tiptoeing, no disclaimers, share both ideas of desire and freedom with equal voice.

“I want to be here for you and I want you to do whatever it is you need to do.”

If I'm not part of that today, that's okay. You know, I love you and I am here. So even for those things as simple as like dropping off a meal or running an errand or sending a text, like keeping that heart posture,

makes you care less about you and helps you care more about the other person, which is always a welcome thing when someone is struggling.

They don't want to have to manage your own emotions about your discomfort if you're overstepping or whatever. So Emily, Pete Freeman and Shana Martin are two of the best voices around about just being a person with a soul. If you are unfamiliar with them, I highly recommend them both. Shana's most recent book, "Counterwates" is a gorgeous collection of essays about living well in a heavy world. And Emily's most recent book, "How to Walk into a Room" is such a beautiful guide for knowing when it's time to stay and when it's time to walk away.

In fact, she went on the today show when she was promoting that book, which is a real hard to get done, and girl got to go on the today show. And Hoda, copy, read the her book in order to interview Emily. Hoda clearly loved it. That was in April 2024, four months later, Hoda announced her retirement from the today show. Listen, I'm not saying, but I'm not saying that Emily gave Hoda the tools to know when it was time to walk out of a room.

“So you should check out Hoda Walk into a room by Emily P. Freeman.”

And that is today's a little extra something. For this week's lazy genius of the week, we have a voice message from Melissa.

Hi, Kendra. My lazy genius tip is to use road trip time for life admin.

“Whenever I'm a passenger on a long drive, I make all the appointments I've been putting off.”

Doctors visits, dental cleanings, sports physicals for the kids, vet appointments, and anything else that requires a phone call. I already have the time blocked off. And by the time we arrive, week's worth of scheduling is done. It turned otherwise wasted time into a huge win for future me.

Well, this is such a great idea, Melissa. Like, I really, really love this. I love finding pleasant times when I'm, when I'm already still, right, to work on less pleasant tasks.

It feels less rushed too, which is always a nice perk.

You know, when you sit down and you're like, "Oh, I have all these phone calls to make up all these appointments to make." And there are other things staring at you in your house that you would so much rather do. And the time is ticking by and a kid needs something. But if you're in the car and everybody's like reading their book or listening to their audio book or more or less, just satisfied where they're sitting, you'll get to just make all the phone calls where you are.

And there's no rush. Like, this is a great idea. I love this. So thanks for sharing this with us, Melissa, and congratulations on being the lazy genius of the week. And now let's close with a mini pep talk. For when you don't want to cook another meal ever again.

Hopefully this episode has given you like even the tiniest bit of permission and that department. But like listen, if you eat, and especially if you're the primary person in charge of choosing and making the food that your family eats, it is supremely exhausting, right? You can find things that are working and not working. But even if you have all the things that are working, it's still really, really hard.

“A couple of nights ago, all three kids of mine asked me literally within ten minutes of each other, what was for dinner?”

I didn't actually know because I hadn't made a plan yet. And when I said, I don't know yet, all three kids responded individually in their own way with some level of like, "Oh, when will you know?"

And my poor third kid, the third one of the three to ask, I was like,

"Listen." And it just, it just all came out. Now what I'm saying is that I understand the meal exhaustion on a very deep level. It's just a lot to do even if you have things like pretty well mechanized in the summer. So when you don't want to cook another meal ever again, don't worry about every other meal.

All you're going to do is think about the next one. That's it. Either decide or delegate the decision to someone else. And then you walk away from all future meals, just do the next meal in front of you. Truly. I think when we have frustration, it often leads us to big systems, to big black trash bag energy.

You find yourself buying a new cookbook or signing up for a meal planning system or declaring to your children that they are in charge of all the cooking now and they just have to deal with it.

Like, don't do any of that. Big decisions should never happen under dress.

Just figure out the next meal by choosing something simple or a pleasant or letting someone else choose and they take care of it and then you just walk away. Like enjoy the margin of that one decision and leave it alone. Take a breath. You don't have to figure out all the meals because you're frustrated with all the meals. Just deal with the one in front of you.

That breath, that time, it helps.

“You remember that you do in fact live your children and that they don't need to go to overnight camp for the rest of the summer”

that would cost you thousands of dollars because you're just so frustrated that they're asking you it's for dinner every day. And you like, you don't need to do that. You're just going to start small where you are. And it's all going to be okay. Just deal with the meal in front of you. Take a deep breath and begin again with the next one. And that's a mini pep talk for when you don't want to cook another meal ever again.

And also check out the lazy jeans kitchen if you need help. That's a really great book that I wrote that will help you with any of your meal planning was. If this episode was helpful to you or if you've been looking for a way to support the show, you can share this episode with someone you know. You can leave a kind of view on Apple Podcasts.

All of these things make such a difference to get the show in front of people so thank you. This podcast is part of the Odyssey family and the office ladies network. This episode is hosted by me, Kendra Adachi, an executive produced by Kendra Adachi, Jennifer Fisher and Angela Kinsey. Special thanks to Leah Jarvis for weekly production.

If you would like a podcast recap every other week, be sure to sign up for the latest lazy listen see mail that goes out every other Friday.

And don't forget to click the link in the show notes to complete the lazy jeans survey by July 17.

“Thanks y'all for listening and until next time,”

be a genius about the things that matter and lazy about the things that don't.

I'm Kendra and I'll see you next week.

“What if everything you learn in history class was only half the story?”

I'm Dr. Greeney bought host of Hidden History. Every Monday, I go where history gets mysterious.

Vanish civilizations do say prophecies paranormal phenomena and events that science still can't fully explain.

“On Hidden History, I treat these moments like open case files.”

Not miss, not superstition, just incomplete explanations waiting for closer look. Listen to and follow Hidden History available now wherever you get your podcasts.