Stop Making Excuses: How to Change Your Life Right Now

I am so excited that you're here with me today because I'm going to introduce you to somebody

“who has had a profound impact in my life.”

12 years ago, I started posting on social media as a 46-year-old woman because of one human being. His name, Gary Vaynerchuk. I would not be the person I am today. I would not have written the five-second rule, the high-five habit, the let them theory. I wouldn't have started this podcast.

And I probably wouldn't have gotten out of $800,000 worth of debt if it were not for Gary Vaynerchuk. Now, if you usually turn to me in order to feel better and to be reminded that, yes, you are capable of extraordinary things. You are capable of changing your life. Well, if you're turning to me for that, I cannot wait for you to meet Gary Vaynerchuk because

he's the person I turn to for that kind of encouragement. He's the person I've studied the most about putting yourself out there, reinvention, seeing around corners, forgetting about what everybody else thinks,

doing the thing you've always wanted to do.

So, I'm going to tell you right now. If you are not interested in changing your life, if you are not interested in being motivated, if you are not interested in going for the things that you want your life, you better stop listening right now. Because this is going to be a conversation that you will save that I will save that you will

listen to over and over and over and over again. After today, you will stop waiting for the right time, the right answer, the right feeling,

“the right person and you will finally do the thing you need to do.”

Open the Etsy shop. Sell your art, change careers, start the business, start your life. Hey, it's your friend Mel and welcome to the Mel Robbins podcast. And if you're a new listener, I just want to welcome you to the Mel Robbins podcast family. If somebody shared this with you, I want you after you're done listening to call them and say thank

you. Thank you for sharing that episode with me because Gary Vaynerchuk, also known as Gary Vee. It's here to tell you, stop making excuses. He's going to teach you how to change your life right now. Some of the things you're not going to like to hear because Gary goes right for the truth.

He's kind of like a punch and a hug guy and he has been my mentor from afar for 12 years. This is the first time that I am sitting down with the person who inspired me to start posting online. I would not be hosting the Mel Robbins podcast. I would not be the person that you know me to be today if it were not for Gary Vaynerchuk.

And Gary Vee, oh my gosh, he's one of the most successful entrepreneurs and creators of this generation, he is considered one of the leading global minds on what's next in culture,

business in the internet, six time New York Times bestselling author, 45 million people

follow his work. He is the chairman of Vaynerx, the CEO of V friends and the CEO of Vaynermedia, one of largest global advertising agencies in the world. Today, Gary has flown to Boston for one reason. He's here for you.

He wants you to stop making excuses. He wants you to take control of your life. He knows you have so much more that you can give and do and experience in your life. And today, he's going to ignite something in you and show you how. Please help me welcome the one.

The only Gary Vaynerchuk to the Mel Robbins podcast. I'm so happy to be here, Mel. Thank you. You have been an inspiration to me for 12 years. I would not be where I am today without you.

And so where I want to start, because I'm so thrilled that the person that's with us right now is going to get to be infused with your wisdom, your energy, the lessons from your life, the way you think about life, how might the person who's listening's life change if they take to hurt everything that we're about to talk about today? There'll become dramatically lighter.

We're incredibly capable of making mountains out of mall hills. And we focus on dumb shit until real shit happens. And then we recalibrate. I'd prefer the person that's listening right now, enjoy life or understand life before something bad happens in it.

And I'm very focused on that.

“And that's a lot of what my content of my life is about.”

Well, we're going to get into how you actually do that. But before we get into that, I want the person listening to understand a little bit about

Yep. You know, it's interesting is I said before you're coming into the team, I said, I've heard you for a decade say, I'm going to buy the jet. I'm going to buy the jet.

“And I said to my team of almost 50 people, how many people here think he's going to do it?”

Every hand went up. And what's interesting is that I don't know if you will or won't.

But what is powerful is that your belief that you might is something that other people

can catch. That's even more interesting on a personal level is the joy of chasing it is dramatically more delicious than achieving it. Say more about that. You know, somewhere around my early 20s, I think I realized, oh, shoot.

I like the chase more than the getting it. I like the practice more than the trophy. I don't live for outside validation. I didn't use that term. But I realized very early in my life, oh, I'm different.

By the time I was 25, I had gone through being an immigrant that couldn't speak English misunderstood, being a ridiculously bad student, being misunderstood by parents of your friends and teachers, innovating in my dad's liquor store, things that people told my dad would ruin his business if he let me do it. The time I was 25, I was told by the world that I was wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong, wrong.

And everything was right, right, right, right, right, right. And that made it very easy to live the last 25 years because I had it figured out early. And I say that from a place of gratitude, not audacity.

“Like I hate the word luck because I believe the world likes to weaponize it as an excuse”

to why they're not doing their thing, but it is not lost on me the serendipity that got me out of the Soviet Union, got me to the US, gave me the mother that I had, gave me competitive spirit, but also just pure love in my heart, you know, I'm 50 now. I've watched many young children, nephews, children, nieces, friends, children. Like some kids are just born with some shit.

And then if they're fortunate that those ingredients are cooked properly in the proper

restaurant, well, then shit gets crazy, but here's what I'm intoxicated by, tell me that

if the person watching right now did not have all the best ingredients, DNA, yeah, did not have the greatest chef and sous chef, parents were not served in the best restaurant. The neighborhoods and environments they grew up in, what I'm intoxicated by, why I exist in public is my belief is that people are obnoxiously more capable of changing than they realize, and it's actually shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world.

Shockingly simple and the hardest thing in the world. There were so many things that you just said that I want to make sure as you're listening, you really heard it, because when you started to do the cadence of misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, misunderstood, the majority of people who feel misunderstood, start to withdraw and start to say something's wrong.

Yes. So for the person who's listening right now, that feels like I suck at school, I just got fired from a job. I'm so different from my family. I can't find somebody to date that's interested in me or like I misunderstood misunderstood and it is like dragging around a lead weight. How do you flip that sense that the world doesn't get you into something that propels you by not wanting the world to get you? Same or. You know, I'm just confused

why you need your spouse to fully understand you, why you need your mother to fully understand you, why you need your fucking co-worker to fully understand you. The answer to your question male is being comfortable with being misunderstood, by realizing someone's subjective opinion

of you who is not you can never fully know you, not even the people that are closest to you.

So how could a stranger in the comments of an Instagram post have a prayer of knowing who the

“fuck you are? By the way, Mel Mafia, that's what I call you guys. I apologize for the cursing.”

I'm a little bit of a jersey boy. I'll try to rain it in because I know occasionally it allows someone not to hear me. I appreciate you saying that because there are a lot of people that listen to the car, it's little's. However, is important that you also acknowledge that that is just who you are. Come on. I'm incredibly empathetic to the people that have historically not consumed my content or not followed me because if they in their life

genuinely believe that cursing is a trotace and a sign of lack of intelligence or whatever they may think it is, I have the humility and the empathy and compassion to understand that. That's funny that I called it out. I tend not to. But I think it comes out of just deeper spec that I have for you and what you're building and kind of like I know I'm different and you have incredible people on here and I know just like you are the exact human that was built to

right now and I worry about the seven or nine that won't go much further because of the cursing yet I'm the human on earth that is about to say the sentence or to that fundamentally changes their

“perspective and the only thing life is is how you see it. There is no life. There is no real world.”

There's just your perception. There's just what you bring to the table. You are either cynical because you're deeply insecure or you're deeply optimistic because you're incredibly purely confident. You have your life experiences. You have the things you were told. Most people that are listening right now Mal are scared. This is something we need to talk about. So when somebody who is listening to you say that the biggest problem right now is that people are scared. There is so much

fear. Yes. And there are plenty of reasons in life to be afraid. But allowing it to dominate what you do next is really the skill that somebody can learn to flip from cynicism. There's nothing

I can do to there's always something I can do. Well there's unlimited reasons to be optimistic.

So talk to the person who's cynical right now and who wants to be more optimistic, who wants to have courage. Stop listening to politicians. Thanks for having me everyone. That's it Mal.

“There is nothing else. Do you understand who you consume, what you consume is who you become?”

One of the reasons I slept here is because I want to honor you being a human being who I know has fundamentally made it better for people. Like I do not understand how people continue to be confused. There are two ways to build the biggest building in town. One is to just be talented enough to build the biggest building in town. And you admire everyone else's buildings. Even the ones that are even bigger than yours. Come on. The choice that most people take, which is they build a

crappy little building and they spend 100% of their time trying to tear down everybody else's building.

This is shockingly hard and wildly easy. Algorithms. Ready? Yes, Gary. You don't get it. You always

talk about social media. I'm so mad at you. It's my algorithm. Watch this everyone. You want to task at home right now. Open your Instagram or TikTok. And when you get a piece of content, politics, politics, negativity, landscaping, whatever you got. Literally click the buttons on the top right corner in Instagram or the bottom right corner on TikTok and say not interested. And keep doing that for one day and then go to search and type in

joy, enter and then like five or six things that pop up and then go back to search and type in

“happy and get some content and like and follow a couple of things. And this is very important.”

Then go to search and put in Gary VE and follow that account. And on and on, my friends, the algorithm did not change you. The algorithm exposed you. Oh, it's so true. Oh, I know now. So for somebody who's listening because I do think that you're right and most people are in their heads spending all kinds of time either tearing themselves down and coming up with reasons why they can't or looking around at other people and using it as evidence to see why they can't. That's right.

Or spending a lot of time tearing other people down instead of like spending the same amount of time lifting themselves up. How if somebody who's listening starts to have a moment of reckoning where you're like, you know, I'm kind of sick of this version of myself. I'm kind of sick of feeling like I'm stuck. I'm sick of being jealous of everyone else. I am living in a lot of fear. Nobody's going to do this for me, but nobody's stopping me from doing what I'm capable of doing.

I'm the one in my own way. And I'm using excuses at scale. And I continuously go back to my mom

fucked up when I was eight. No shit, Sally. And like you're grown now, you're 34. And the answer is

action therapy. Therapy is a good one instead of buying dumb shit to cover up your hurt. Why don't you go invest it into therapy? Do you know any people have BMWs that actually needed to go by therapy sessions with that money? Please do not use materialistic things to show the world. You're good when we all know you're not. Right now? Yeah. Do you know why there's such a big consumer world? Like people buy stuff? It's because we use it as proxies to disguise behind the

makeup of our materialistic things to not allow you to see what's actually happening. We have a pandemic of keeping up with the Joneses, not because of social media. And we see other people it stuff, but because modern parenting left accountability out of the ingredients of the last 30, 40 years. Let's talk about that. You have two kids. Yes. And you're also, for his

how registly, outrageously. And I would love to have you talk about this in the lane of accountability,

because there is a lot of blaming your parents, blaming the circumstances. And they're very real circumstances that are very unfair. Correct. There's horrible things that happen to people every day. I do not believe everything happens for a reason. I believe shit happens. A lot of it's unfair,

“but you have to find a reason to move on and to grow. Because other people who've also been in that”

situation have found a way, and so the question becomes, it is not impossible. Yes. Like that's important. Like to your point. There are a lot of atrocious things. What about the fact that 800 million people roughly 10% of the world right now cannot get a class of clean water. As we sit here in this room. Like perspective is confused out there. There are people that have real alcoholic

parents abandoned by parents foster home, other scary stuff. The problem is it's like it is.

I mean, my mother is the most optimistic, joyful, warm human on earth. Here's my mother's story in a nutshell. She lost her mother at five. Her mother died when she was five years old. Her father went to jail for 10 years when she was nine, ten, because the Soviet Union is a really

“fucked up place. For the things that I get put on Mel's podcast for my grandfather went to jail”

for like real shit, right? I mean, that's a tough fucking hand, you know, and yet incredible capacity to choose optimism and is more joyful and optimistic than anyone in our extended families who all quote unquote added better. And by the way, as atrocious as that was for my mom,

there are thousands listening now that had an even worse. I get that. The question becomes when

is it not your parents fault anymore? Let's start with that one. Mel, I'm actually asking you. Let's flip it. This is the Gary, you already experience. There we go. At what age? Roughly, you're just one woman. You just have one subjective opinion. There's no right or wrong answer to this, but sister talked to me like we're just walking in the backyard. We're on a walk. Just for fun. I general know that. This is just a world obviously incredibly circumstantial everyone's life,

but for fun at what age? Mel, do you believe that it is no longer fun or interesting to just keep blaming your parents at what age are you able to stand on your own two feet and choose who you surround yourself with? What you actually believe? How you limit your interactions with those parents or any other person that pushes negative propaganda 24/7? At what age are you a big girl now? Well, I wouldn't say it's an age. I say it's the moment you decide to pay for your life. That's

right. There is a point of view that has been very helpful to me, which is understanding that people can only give you what they have to give. And people can only provide you with the parenting experience, largely based on what was done to them. That's right. And a lot of that there's some real evil people out there, but there's also a lot of people that do bad things that don't know what they're doing. And we've got to get into a place of what's an inconvenience or a darn it versus a

catastrophic. I mean, what people now deem as my parent fucked me up? Only 40 years ago was like a skinned knee. I mean, there are people who blame their parents for things that were inconceivable. I mean, like missing one football game. Well, you missed the big game where I threw three

“touchdowns. Well, here's the thing. Like your parents did the job that they did. And at some point,”

you have to take that as a fact and decide what are you going to do next? That's it. And are you going to look back with judgment? Or are you going to look back with understanding and a bit of compassion? And then be an adult and either forgive and have a conversation about it or have some boundaries around? Do you know what my opening line was to be concrete? Now, conference literally walked on stage 10,000 people opening line at your grandparents. What do you mean at your grandparents?

That was my opening line. Why? Because I'm so tired of people being so mad at their mom and dad without taking a good look at what the grandparents did to mom and dad. We love little granny because she gives you cookies and gave you five bucks. But being more, granny screwed up your mom so good that you've spent your whole life playing in your mom. Like at what point are you able to understand it's not their fault either? And now Mel, let's transition. Let's do a bigger question.

Okay. What are you doing by verbalizing to everyone in your world that this happened?

You're asking for compassion. You're asking for enablement. You're creating a framework of entitlement. You're using it as a weapon to justify why not. Instead of going all in on, I'm just not motivated enough right now and I've got to do this or that. Like once you go fully accountable, when you love yourself all the way, but you also have the humility to understand you're a human being and you just might suck it a lot of things. And that's super duper okay. Once you go there,

it gets real light. I think what you're saying if I give it back to you is that what you see in what's holding a lot of people back is so much time and energy spent looking backwards and blaming versus standing in the present moment going this happened. It had this impact on me and and what am I going to do next? What am I going to take responsibility for moving forward? Now that I've acknowledged what's happened, I get it, but I am an adult now and it's time for me to

“figure out what do I want with my life? And that's why I get so excited. You know, people like”

fun of me about how I think about age. As you see, people probably raise me on the internet like Gary, I'm 90 and I'm like you have time. They like these skits. What excites me about that is I do believe people somewhere between 25 and 45 in that kind of window can get to this place where they're exhausted of pointing fingers. It took me about 47. It was 41 when I woke up and realized nobody is coming to save my ass from this mess that I'm in. Not my husband, not my parents.

It is nobody else's responsibility. We're in a gigantic hole. And since I don't see anybody else coming with a ladder, I better stop bitching and feeling sorry for myself and get to work. And when you go from even we and I assume you're bringing your husband into that right? Yes. And you go into I. I have to do like we is good because that's only two that's better than but when you go to I. It's not a way. But I need all the people I'm talking to right now in the

camera. I'm like even if your spouse is the one who's like let's make this invest. What are you

“going to blame him or her forever? I think that's a problem in a lot of relationships.”

No shit. Why do you think I'm bringing it up? I'm going to say it again. If your husband made

you buy that third home in South Carolina and it was a flop or if your wife made you invest in a stock

that what are you going to just raz her in perpetuity? What are you going to tell Johnny for the rest of your life? Our life would be better if you didn't make us buy that fucking house in Miami? It's not real. Mel, it's not real. So what do you do? Because what you're basically saying is you have no idea how much time and energy you spend blaming other people for the state you're in in your life. Whether it's people who have what you want or people that had a lot more privilege

and had a better start than you did or it's your parents for the things that they didn't do or that they did do or it's your spouse because they're not showing up a certain way and you're missing

the single most important factor in your life that changes everything which is you instead of like

like envy and jealousy is driving me crazy. Why have you chosen friends to look at the three people on earth that are in their 20s that are trillionaires or who've spent a million dollars on

“plastic surgery to look incredible? Why are you choosing to shape yourself up to them?”

Don't you know there's 8.3 billion other people that you could shape yourself up to and I'm going to say something nice and slow. If you are capable to be listening to the Mel Robbins podcast if you were right now capable of having the time whether you're on a treadmill walking the damn dog at driving to work if you are a human. By the way that is maybe potentially doing it on a phone that cost several hundred dollars if you're even a human that is hearing these words you have

it much better than most of the entire world. So how about that? How about not wow wow I'm not

Timothy Shalaman like how about 8.3 billion people how about 800 million people can't get clean water

how about all the truth of the world how about you do have a better than your grandma had it how about real shit how about gratitude enough of this envy there's been so much envy so much jealousy as if anyone else's life has anything to do with you and comma you know anything about their actual real life. So we put all these people in a pedestal and meanwhile that person is drinking a bottle of bourbon tonight because they can't deal with the pressure of the world's

judgment because their emotional foundation isn't good enough. When are we going to lead into gratitude? Do you think gratitude is the way you flip from blame because I think a lot of people are

things I'm blaming on my childhood that's and it's holding me back because you're dragging it with you if you're still looking backward blaming your spouse or blaming your boss or blaming your daughter who's living the life you wish you were living and you feel like you're doing it for her and no one did it for you. Blame blame blame blame blame blame blame blame blabla blabla gratitude and here's a big one how about some humility can we get humility back into the game

“like why do people think humility is weak I don't know I think people think kindness is weak”

I don't get that no shit neither right like in this nano second like take myself out of the

pocket I'm so happy right now because I'm happy people listen to you I'm happy people listen to me I'm happy you know people are focusing on all the bad that's out there there are so many outlets to get good now yes there's so many and this is the point first of all kudos to everyone who's listening you chose to consume some positivity you chose to consume some accountability you may not know why you like mel but I do why do they like me because they're on the

cost of change they're in the pregame I'm excited I like literally I don't have to see these good I'm pumped for them they're close right yeah it's consuming you because they're close yes

“and they and you listen because you sense something that Gary and I know is true that you are”

capable of bananas extraordinary things and let me say that you can shift your minds and let me say something about that for extraordinary things not tens of millions of listeners to your podcast or 33 businesses that you're juggling the number one thing I have is not all the things you think I have the number one thing I have is peace of mind do you know what I want for everyone I don't

want them to have a blue check mark mail I don't want them to have a million fucking followers I don't

need them to have a top five podcast or big businesses I need them to have peace of mind do you know many people listening right now should make a lot less money they're making 240 but they don't like their job they're living above their means so they need their job to continue to pay for their lifestyle of things that bring them no actual joy and you know what they need to do they need to simplify their life we must get out of this materialistic keeping up with the Joneses now listen I need

action like there's plenty people listening right now that don't need simplicity I need action I need people because I love them too much I need the game I'm too creative it's like too fun I'm a city boy I'm a people person I love everyone regardless of what their intent is towards me I need it right but if I didn't I would no one on earth would know me I would live in the middle of absolutely nowhere and I would do simple things because I'm comfortable in being who I actually am that is the secret

to life period are you comfortable with yourself are you proud of yourself peace of mind means you're not questioning who am I what should I be doing today what is this person think of me that you know

“who you are you know your intention and I think this is really really important because you”

chase the material thing because you think that if you have the right person or the right car or the right outfit on or the right house in the right neighborhood or you belong to the right club or you have your nails done the right way that other people are going to think you are a certain person and that is going to give you the confidence in peace of mind it doesn't it anchors yourself

worth in someone else's opinion which you will never control which means you will always be chasing

other people's opinions in order to get the validation that you can give to yourself yes you know my great hope is for 2050 to 2060 is that the advancement of technology actually bring us back to simplicity I believe this by the way this is one of my thesis of how it could go and yeah you might not have the same car your friends with husband might be just much more attractive than yours or whatever it might be you might be a director and not an SPP in your company

but I can tell you about me Mel I the way I view people is 100% based on their humanity the way I view do I like someone do I not Arctic Mel this may interest you this you may not know about me I am wildly unimpressed including myself in people's business accomplishments that does not surprise me in the least I want to keep going going going but you know the deal I got to hit the pause button so we can give our sponsors a chance to share a few words and I know

it is practical it is tactical and so while you listen to our sponsors I want you to copy and paste

and dump this in the family group chat I want you to share this with your friends because there are people in your life who need to hear everything that Gary is pouring into today and don't go anywhere because when we come back Gary and I are going to unpack the topic of time, regrets and the three words that are keeping you feeling stuck and unhappy right now trust me the next part of this conversation is going to wake you up and change the way you think about how

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20 grams of protein and five grams of fiber for under three dollars a shot welcome back at your friend Mel Robbins today you and I are here with Gary Vanorchuk and he's teaching you how to stop making excuses change your life right now all right Gary let's just jump right back in I really truly believe and I'm glad we're lasering in on this that the measure of a person is not what they have it's how they treat other people the only thing I actually

live my life for is my funeral let's go here because at least one of my most favorite things that I have ever seen you do or say it is a video you're going to know exactly which one it is

“as I start to speak you are in a cab I believe and the window is down and you're at a stoplight”

and a woman runs over and is like Gary Gary oh my god Gary I love you you know I need some motivation today give me some motivation and you look out the window and you look at her and you say you're gonna die and she's kind of startled and I don't remember the exact words but it was you're gonna die we're all gonna die what really matters is how do you want to live and while you're here and while you're still on this side of the dirt and while people that you still love can

still walk into the room how are you going to live because you do not want to get to your funeral and go God I wish I had boy I wish I would as a better person see I and like you I constantly think about that moment I want to reflect back and go I was a good mom I was like a good friend you know you run I give a good I give more than I took I scratched the edges you know I'm very

“passionate about what I'm about to say I think we've lost our way with the elderly I think the last”

30 40 years of technology advancements have made us make fun of grandparents because they don't know how to use open claw or you know instant messenger or snapchat and I think we've really done a disservice to ourselves by misunderstanding what true wisdom is a hundred years ago the thought of disrespecting an elder was as foreign as you can imagine I like tactics sometimes I got a weird one everyone this is a big one actually it's a very left field one I promise you I've literally

never heard anyone else get hot on this one so I like bringing it up if you can volunteer five hours

to a retirement home in your general area like literally call him email him be like hey was this in the Mills podcast like super weird you might think but like is there any way for me to like give five hours so much good will happen in that five hours first of all a lot of people in those places are quite lonely unfortunately and really you're right you like I see like even saying it like coming out of my mouth I was like hmm and then you're and I know a lot of people just

went hmm right it's just the way it is it's really tough so that breaks my heart and you would be doing a real mitzvah a real gift a real nice thing like talking to a 91 year old woman about her life

for you and let me tell you as someone who has gone out of his way to sit with people in their

“80s on planes and at airports and in random moments of my life the number one thing everyone”

listening to this podcast wants to avoid is regret if anything comes out of this podcast if one person if one of you if one of you decide to do something tomorrow jump out of a plane sky diving a quit your job and become a dog walker and live more humbly get out of toxic relationship yeah get out of regret do something tomorrow tomorrow do something tomorrow this is probably you're probably consuming this right as the fall you know yes the seasons change right everyone

in your life and in real life we're coming out of summer like we're in the go time it's September energy it's football season tomorrow tomorrow do something that's been sitting in your tummy for a day a year and most likely a decade male and just do it to actually I promise you whatever that you're scared of is far less scary than 30 years from now telling some random stranger that looks like Gary that you the worst sentence male is three words I wish I dot dot dot dot dot and my great

joy is that I don't live that way 400 trillion to one male yeah 400 trillion to one my friends the current scientific I'm no scientists I got epsilon science so right here he goes but what I've been able to consume modern scientists that are way above my pay grade currently have the likely hood of becoming a human being at 400 trillion to one that you are you that you are born mom could have went for another glass of wine before they went down and the whole game would have been different and

you would not be you like it is it is for miracle is this respectful to how impossible it is to have a life so you're going to mope around your whole life let me get this straight you've won the ultimate lottery of the universe of the actual universe and we've decided we're going to mope and cry about dumb shit and here's the best part you don't like it go change the room right yes you don't like it change the room you don't like a relationship change the house you don't like your boss

change the office you don't like your mindset change it consume shit like this yeah you don't like what you're up on social media change what you follow the algorithm is exposing who you actually are it's so true and you know listen friends the number one thing that's holding so many of you back is your lack of humility I'm telling you you my friends I'm begging you I'm like nose to Mike I'm begging you lean into these old school values humility civility like kindness

towards straight like open the door for someone smile do you know me people I smile at

“well everybody you should see me in an airport I'm like it's like a joke I don't even know like”

you know and now people know who I am so it was a lot more fun back in the day because you know like you're just like a guy like big smile and like and by the way a lot of people smile back and they need it and then I would say this I think people like myself like you I believe happiness has done a bad job let me explain I think the last decade unhappiness

has been amazing at marketing that the people that are unhappy are doing a great job they're

taking time to go around the internet look at people's clips allow themselves to get triggered and then leave nasty comments they're working if it's a full time job to leave negative comments I believe happiness is doing a bad job I believe there are not enough of us and melamine to say something right now that's really powerful there's a lot of us but they're quiet they are quiet because they're not at the full place yet where they're willing to deal with

the ridicule and the judgment for the bigger purpose I didn't deal with any issues in high school or junior high around trying to fit in like I was incredibly well-liked because of how you know

my personality is my personality peer pressure was non-existent I never compromised my morals

who I was in junior high or high school I'm definitely not going to fucking do it as an adult

“so for somebody though who is crippled by other people's opinions and I remember when I first”

started putting myself out there online I was absolutely terrified of what my friends were going to think I was I felt cringy as hell and it is human nature to post then to check how many people

liking it and then look at the one comment that is the weird emoji and then you wonder what they

were actually thinking when they put the weird emoji and then laser focus on the thing that's negative instead of focusing on the thing that's positive and I think that habit and instinct to go to what's wrong keeps so many people from leaning in and experimenting because you say Gary lifestrengths and expands in proportion to your willingness to take risks and trying new things and for most people putting yourself out there whether it's posting online or changing

your career or starting to exercise or starting that Etsy shop is freaking terrifying yes because

“they're an entire framework of how they see life is predicated on other people's opinions”

everybody but them own self so how do you stop caring about what other people think practice how do I practice by doing it you're looking at a boy who literally was scared shitless to swim and ride a bike like there was a lot of things I was scared of that I think I just got it all out of the system by the time I was 15 16 17 18 somewhere in that range okay so for the 57 year old or the 27 year old or the 37 year old or the 37 year let me

give you the big one parents if you have a child that gets bad grades I'm gonna say something weird that I don't even know if I'm right wrong left right but I'm telling you there's some real value I see so many people so many people know that are scared right now we're too good of students they drew too much in the line they give validation from outside every 90 days from a teacher

“a plus b plus a minus I think there's a lot there and so to answer a question practice you've”

got to get used to get ridiculed so much get judged so much get pushed back so much that you can't hear it anymore what's interesting is that if you really think about the stepping up to the line like I feel like you and I are philosophy in life could be explained by the Nike tagline just do it

and the most people don't understand the most powerful word of those three words it's just because

if they're a tagline to do it that's not that inspiring the just is so powerful because it honors this very human and universal moment of hesitation you said that the person that's listening right now is on the cuss I believe of something you have gotten up out of the stands you've been watching a game you're now standing there on the sideline of the pickup basketball court and you are hesitating that just is an acknowledgement that the hesitation is normal the hesitation is what you

“feel right before 100% you push through can I use that analogy please this is very important everyone”

I feel like I'm on to one here so so lock in if I went on a basketball court right now yep but I'm a decent little player but let's say this was just a really high level game and I sucked and the other nine people really went there of trying to make me feel bad about it there's something in me that asks them in return a very simple question which is like you are correct you nine are better at basketball than I am but now I have a question for you

are you a nicer boy than I am are you as good at making money as I am do you know how to make social media content as well as I do do you understand what live shopping is and how much that can change your nine persons lives today today why have we gotten into a place where one or two or three things that you're not as good at are eating up all the oxygen my friends every one of you is great at something it's true I have a great friend Nate who was my admin for a long time my co-founder

and empathy wines now works in the golfing industry he was my admin when I had my son and we got to play tennis a bunch because I had a couple of weeks off your tennis player yeah hack a little I kind of see and why it's okay so we would play one set because I'd want to go home back to the to the boy and like did it a and twice in that summer he was up five one and I won came back in one seven five and seven six couple things one it's because when I was down five one

I started to change the energy of the court I started to verbalize towards him and to myself

what did you say the first time I just started talking of like Nate I have a feeling I'm going to come back

right now people there's a 39 year old woman right now listening to this and it's just not been going

“well and literally one point aka one action she takes tomorrow changes the whole calculus of the game”

and her next 50 years are epic do you know intoxicating that is to me oh I love this too I love that you're one decision away one action or completely different life so anyway I beat him okay and then the second time I'm just like Nate you know this is about to happen again and it did for years when we would be together I would bring up these two comebacks to razz them a little bit

and like boy talk in business settings and different things and he would always eat it and finally I

turned to him and said Nate like after nine times using this on him I look at him and said Nate the next time I fucking say that you look me dead in the face and ask me what my handy cap is because he's a remarkable golfer scratch and I played nine times in my life everybody's good at something and that's something me might be you're just a nice person and I would

“argue in Gary Vaynerchuk's scale of life being a good human is way ahead of 10 million followers”

and 10 million dollars in cash and you may not believe me because you don't know me but that's because you just don't know me Gary you and I are going to talk for five hours if I don't stop us right now so I can take a break and let our sponsors share a few words do not go anywhere I know you're loving the conversation but hang with us because when we return Gary is going to give some career advice especially right now if you're looking for a job he's also going to tell you

one word to never say again he also has advice for you if you think you want to start a business

and this is going to be coming from one of the most successful and respected entrepreneurs on the planet you don't want to miss what's coming next Gary and I are going to be right back welcome back at your friend Mel Robbins today you and I are here with Gary Vaynerchuk and he's teaching you how to stop making excuses change your life right now all right Gary let's just jump right back him I want to circle back because you told that story for a reason and the reason why you told

that story is because you just gave the tool and the tactic that gets you off the sideline that's right because as you're standing there whether the sideline for you is I'm taking the real estate exam I'm quitting this job I'm leaving this relationship I am going to learn how to make money online and do live shopping yes I am when you're standing on that line and the just do it and the hesitation is building the only one criticizing you is you and when you start to smack talk yourself

I'm doing the damn thing I know I'm scared I know it feels weird watch me make a comeback watch me change my life it changes the trajectory of your life because now instead of arguing against

“yourself which is what's creating the hesitation by the way nobody else in your life is going don't”

you dare do that thing of course it's you it's heartbreaking don't you think it's heartbreaking yes let me paint another picture if you allow me live course live do it shopping okay I know your so explain what live shopping is is it's QVC on social media yes yes not complicated yes

it is go on TikTok right now in scroll for a while inevitably within your first 15 scrolls

somebody is literally instead of a piece of content there's somebody who's actually live selling normally some chauchas that you don't need okay but it is but Mel exactly where social media was you know you you said you stumbled on me 14 years ago so we're talking 12 20 to 12 I had already been making content about social for five full years every day no kidding social social so why yeah yeah why let me teach you so six by oh seven I'm making content of like

you can change your life on social everyone can do this YouTube Twitter Facebook then a year later I write this book it comes out a year later oh nine that really puts me on where life shopping is right this second is exactly where social wasn't 2014 okay people know it we've accepted that it's out there yep you've heard of it people know what TikTok shop is people maybe have heard of what not people seen the headlines it's not like everyone who's

listening is like what is that like they might be like what is that but also a lot of people listen right now like oh I know what that is it's the shop now button it's for this a lot of people think they've already missed it like oh darn or like I don't get it okay this is a big theme now as you're listening to Gary right now I want you to pay attention because he may be talking about life shopping this is what's meant for you this notion of I missed it I'm too late I missed the window

yes yes because of out there your internal dialogue goes not me and a lot of times this

sounds like I'm too old I'm too late there's too many other people and you're about to say you're wrong not well you wrong we represented I I've been podcasting since 2007 from 2000 when was COVID-19 from 2014 to 19 I had a top 100 podcast mine was different it was ripping audio out of things that we're doing and in two seconds because you did it better it didn't

“matter how many years of ahead you want to know something crazy though theory in 2018 yes I remember”

seeing your podcast I remember seeing other people's podcasts I wanted to do a podcast because I

had gotten my start in the media business by hosting a local radio show Saturday morning's here in Boston

you know what I told myself as I'm standing on the sideline watching your ass do your podcast and I'm feeling the just do it hesitation oh my god I said well Gary's already done it so the motivation and the you know that kind of thing that I want to do it's already taken it would be another six years before I stopped talking myself out of it and actually did it how about this how about in this podcast I said very clearly there are 10,000 listeners that are nice people too

and want good for others that actually can do it of course you're crazy that is just this listener

“group there's 10,000 people that can start right now they're in dead zero we I'm well everybody starts”

at dead zero no shit Sherlock but in a year they could have a totally different life the actual message to the person listening is there is something that you are on the cusp of there is

something you are amazing at and the more you sit around and watch everybody else do it the more you

are going to rot inside because you're not doing anything the more you get your two index fingers and put them in your ears and you can't hear others and you take these risks and do things the more likely your life will be joyful you are literally I'm thinking about this woman right now I could just see her you're not going to do this because when you go on TikTok and you sell something you're concerned about the looks of the fellow moms when you drop off your junior high daughter because

“you for some reason value if they think that you're doing it because you don't have enough money”

or all these you're trying to be an influencer you're stuck in sixth grade and my thing is when the alpha of your group because you're not comes up to you and says hey Mal saw your little TikTok thing like what's going on is John not bringing enough money home you guys need a couple bucks we're happy to give you a couple of dollars when she goes there my brain goes to that basketball game and you say the Susan or Sally McGee or jocelyn hey joc how about x y and c because the thought

that jocelyn the alpha that's going to raze you has everything perfect is insanity well the other thing that's insanity is that you're allowing another person's opinion to stop you from living your life and this goes to regret mel and it goes to you're going to die that's right and is the ulogies at your funeral going to be well she had all these dreams in her heart but she was afraid of jocelyn that's right and so instead she kind of lived a small thing and didn't take any

risks and lived with a lot of grit and really you know at the end jocelyn moved on to a different friend group but she thought a lot about how she should have done it and then she beat herself up about what's right and so if we've learned anything in this podcast it's fuck jocelyn I mean like really though like friends winner and and again this is what intoxicates me about being here you are not choosing as a human being to listen to this podcast over tuning into CNN and Fox

and scaring yourself or celebrity like interviews or whatever the reket reunion show of like that was funny and by the way well that's fine like I watch sports like that doesn't mean anything it's an escapism it brings me joy it's a balance to all the other stuff but I know this if you've decided to listen to this podcast your close your close I can't get over this this is what keeps running in my head I know they're close I know yes because I've lived it my whole life

also the last 20 years people that consume my stuff are close to action and here's you want it like you don't pass time listening to this you make it because there is something in you

encouragement you're looking for somebody like Gary who has been there and who does this every day to say

“you can do this but you have to stop listening to everybody else's opinion you have to stop”

letting fear stand in your way it is about action talk and it's hard by the way by the way listen friends I know we mel and I have been like really jamming like a rock band in our garage for an hour on this one thing listen to me friends it is not lost on me on how hard this is when you are fully bought into other people's opinions you've probably been there for 20 to 30 years to just be like oh yeah Gary and Mel like like a ranting now and I'm gonna do it it's not

quote unquote that easy and yet it is and I will say it like I can speak from personal experience at some point I just jumped in the pool you know at some point you're just gonna jump you just are and I here's my big one here's my big one tactically you need to start surrounding yourself with people that are cheering for you to jump in the pool not making fun of you for not being in the pool how do you do that when in the physical world they're not around you because I get it we

get a lot of decisions about this I bet you do so how do you build the cheering gritty online yesterday when Mel posts on Instagram reply to other people's replies to her post and start becoming friends all of you Mel mafia start becoming friends with each other in Mel's comments

here's what's gonna happen Mel Sally reads her all the comments from your post she finds

Kristen's comment that she associates with she replies Kristen I couldn't agree with you more she also clicks Kristen's profile and looks at her profile and says ps your dog is so cute got it we're putting on a little effort into positivity yes okay Kristen is just a regular good old Kristen she's not accustomed to people liking her comment and replying to it she sees in her notification she then goes looks she's on the receiving end of love and warmth she reads that

comment she looks it's the first person's comment and says oh my god I love your backyard you know what happens next one of them DM's each other you know what happens next that goes on for a couple weeks you know what happens next a phone call a zoom you know what happens next they actually meet in person I love this our slogan and be friends is strangers become acquaintances acquaintances become friends and friends become family I'm obsessed with this do you know why I love collectibles

and believe it's a huge trend and that it's about to join fashion and sports and music as a lifestyle

genre because collectibles you don't need the cardboard of a baseball card that's worth $2 million

it's worth nothing you don't need the pieces of paper of a comic book that ends up being worth $10,000 the actual intrinsic value is nothing you definitely don't need collectibles it is not an necessity the only necessity about collectibles is community do you know why sports works it's something that's

“not the most important thing in the world that brings everyone together and we're talking about the”

same thing do you know why music works you all like it's it's tribalism on something that's positive do you know a comic con looks like oh my god if you were a spider man outfit and someone else loves spider man these are two strangers that hug it out like they're long loss best friends collectibles are important because when I go to the trade show in Chicago for four days hundreds of thousands of people we just all like cardboard with athletes on it right I want to take

this because there's something about your life that you love needle pointing gardening like it could keep going tractor pulling it could be anything yes people around you misunderstand you you can find a community of people that are in it and if you put yourself intentionally in it get up to the line just do it hesitate hesitate I'm doing it and you jump into that community

“you now feel lifted up mel this whole little rant is why I believe social media is the greatest”

not the worst everybody has become infatuated we're talking about all the bad of social use it something very important to earlier you said for the people here who can't physically find it around them yes they were in a neighborhood all their family members negative Nellies all their friend group cynical cats the fact that they can open their phone and comment in mels Instagram posts and find her people friends all of you that love this podcast the biggest

mistake you're doing is not interacting with each other in mels comments that is a huge gift it's actually the number one thing that I want to happen with content I want one of the things that's not happening is I want everyone to start using the comments like Facebook groups rather than talking to me and commenting to me comment to each other yes because it's bigger than us

nor do I I want to ask you some rapid-fire questions please because this is what people

“when you know people are looking for advice from you online these are the top things people”

ask you okay what's one thing the person listening can do today to build self-confidence make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings what mel everything is the last scene of eight mile M&M's movie M&M's movie eight mile the last scene is a battle rap

M&M goes first which is actually a disadvantage in battle rap so what is it do he flips the script

he makes fun of himself the entire time and then at the talent he goes but I know something about you to clearance I believe the number one thing that most people watching or listening to this podcast should do is make a video and tell the world what they suck at wow it is the great liberating piece of content that is sending on the fingertips of society that no one's doing because once you take control of it they don't have control of it oh the thing you're afraid

to say actually owns you owns your fucking ass it's your jail almost everyone is not posting because of something like that and almost everybody is not posting because they think there's a

“perfect thing to post correct and the only thing to post is the thing you're afraid to say and the”

reason I'm brand new at posting music videos and I'm scared to death to do this and some of you may

think this sucks and I've been talking myself out of it for 17 months but here goes and everybody's not posting and I mean everybody almost no one's actually posting and they're all not posting you know why they like their little facade they're safe in their fakeness they want everyone to think it's awesome johnny and me are doing great my kids are perfect everyone's fucking great no one's great and that's what's great we got for what's got something geez what's the piece of advice you

would give to somebody who wants a certain business and what's the worst the best advices are you actually capable you know one of the proud things I am is I definitely feel like I'm in a very small

group of people that made being a business person or entrepreneur cool 20 years ago it feels really

neat you know you inspired so what does I feel like to know that you've inspired millions and millions and millions of people around the world to lean in start change your life started business well you know it's so funny you represent something even cooler which is I got to do it so early that so many people came along were inspired by me that have inspired more people and even I did it feels so good all I want is the world to wake up that's what I want and what

and realize it's awesome I think it is now it might not be awesome right now because you're $80,000 in debt your marriage is falling apart like your kid is struggling it's but it is like this is the brain fuck it's awesome because you have a chance to change it I think the big mistake that people make is thinking that there is some perfect life there is some life where you're going to be happy all the time and that that's the point of life and the goal is not perfection

or happiness what is perfect it's a liveness what's perfect by who's fucking definition

“so when you say awesome life is awesome I think what you're saying is you don't actually”

have to feel like it's awesome for you to call your life beautiful and good melt the new you're next do you know much joy I still feel and most of New York City feels about what happened a couple months ago do you understand that the next we're losing by 29 points late in an MBA finals and no team had ever done it before and guess what we did there's someone right now who's down 29 points down 29 points in the fourth quarter and can win do you know cool that is

do you know awesome that is everything's gone wrong and one smart decision but it starts with this is on me and this is where the politicians have been brilliant this is where the bosses have been brilliant and this is where the parents have been brilliant they've weaponized and manipulated their subjects into thinking they can help them melt do you know what's up really cool tell me I don't think I can help anyone I do not believe that Gary V. content or me the human can help anyone

but I can help them realize that they can help themselves correct so if someone's looking for a job right now yes whether they lost it or they're in a new group yeah Brad and this market Gary what is the number one skill that you think they should be focusing on making content a LinkedIn making content unlinked in how about that one you know why I'm obsessed with optionality what does

or do I want to do something on my own if everyone understood what I understood which is

“LinkedIn is exactly the same thing as Facebook and Instagram except the audience perspective and”

mentality when they're on it is different if you put out a content unlinked in whether it's about the things you think about your industry so you're an executive assistant yep and so you're making content unlinked in about five rules hey everyone it's Susan I'm in between gigs I've been doing executive assistant work for the last nine years just gonna make this video five things every executive assistant or someone getting into it should know about the game now I want to point

something out notice he said I'm in between gigs most people wouldn't say that because you don't want

people to know that and Gary is telling you saying the thing you don't want to say is not a sign that

you're a loser it's a sign that you're a winner and that you're secure in yourself and you're still showing up well your embarrassment is your advantage what do you mean I mean your embarrassment is your uniqueness it's your nuance it's your snowflake I just don't know how people can't see this your unique situation is your biggest advantage regardless of the world currently thinks it's right let me give you a big one for me yes I pound it against college for a decade in my content in the

early 2000s and got completely shit on by everyone my key what what he's talking about is that for a decade Gary it was questioning 2005 seven nine a week college is a waste for a lot of people do you need to code a college you do not need to go to college as well this change in 2007 I'm making a video

saying college isn't right and I always was nuanced if you're creative or entrepreneurial and your

“parents can't afford to pay for it I do not think you should go take a hundred twenty thousand”

dollars in debt to have a piece of paper that I'm projecting in twenty years won't matter yep and uh Mel I got destroyed well no really Mel like it it was probably the subject matter that I most got the most private and public comment heat of for a decade wow Gary you're saying this because you were a bad student you suck you're not smart you curse in your bad at school you don't have intellect and then miraculously 15 years later people like wait a minute and so what I'm saying is

if it's your truth my truth was I thought a lot of kids were getting screwed by college yes I agree with you but man was I on an island in 2007 I'm telling you I was in a really lonely place and I would not stop because I believed in my soul and you think I want to tell the world that I sucked a candor for twenty years and was horrible at firing and that there's people out there that are still mad at me because I pulled the rug from out I'm embarrassed Mel

I don't think all my other success how do you do with those failures adjust own an adjust and then by the way my friends pay attention to your relationship with should my relationship

“would should is remarkable I don't use it I don't think I should have anything in fact I think”

if I'm working 15 hours a day let me say this slow and for three years straight I don't think I should have anything because if I'm not working effectively or something that's bringing value to someone I should get nothing that's tough one you know like okay Gary Mel I've been working on my podcast for nine years twelve hours a day like what's up what's up as you stink I mean I don't know like it's okay like by the way like I think a lot like there's a lot of things I've done that

stink which is why I don't do it anymore correct now we're getting into like like are you navigating how self aware are you where's your humility but I'm gonna say it again there's a lot of people exhausted because they are not realizing how much envy and jealousy is eating up their soul I'm gonna say a nice and slow as of this moment that most people are listening obviously people will listen this years from now but knowing when this is gonna air they just went through ginger lie

and august and they got triggered by someone else's happiness we need to talk about this more I had a moment in my life where I just got tired of myself that I got so sick of being a person that thought life should be different that thought I should have the things other people did that was jealous of people I wanted to be happy for and I realized wait if I don't like the person I am and if I don't like how I feel I'm not stuck as this version of myself in the realist way

I need to change this if I don't like the way my life feels even in the most competitive place I am as a professional yes like I do business the way like athletes do athlete I know I like that about you you know like they're like in real life they're very sweet but when again

if you knew how much joy I have for people that are seemingly on paper competing with me

“when they are winning what many of my contemporaries view is coming out of them it does not even”

register I could not be happier for people that pass me in following count pass me in financial status pass me in listener count I could not be more happy for all of you why because the world is abundant and your joy has nothing to do with me my joy is my joy and your joy is your joy and friends there's unlimited stuff there's unlimited happiness there's unlimited love there's unlimited joy there's unlimited materialistic things and just like no one's taking out of you

you're taking out of you if this were the last thing that you could share with somebody the one message that you wanted the person who's been listening to this to remember what would be that nothing in the end in the end none of the shit that you're worried about it's going to actually matter so if that is true and guess what I know everyone knows I'm right then why not start living your life that way right this second what are your parting words that life can be

“so much better than the way it is right now I think there's a confusion in the system I really”

really love you and it's time you love yourself Gary I really love you I do and I know you don't do a lot of interviews and so the fact that you wanted to be here that you made the time to be here that you did that both for me is somebody who I truly when I tell you this I am where I am in my life because of the content that you put out and the

message that you put out and the way that you've changed the way that I think and I really have always

felt in everything that you've done that there is this incredible combination of ambition and confidence and fun and business and go and build and chase and how fucking cool of this and at the same time

“this humble connected profound understanding of what is true in life and I feel like you are a twin”

flame and a huge bright light and I just want to thank you for truly changing my life and inspiring me that is incredibly humbling and you know to me it honors what I most believe in the world that is so much bigger than me which is like this is real there's so right now the world is very confused

that hate is winning my friends hates and trouble love is always lurking you know and I'm really

just uncomfortably proud of you and more importantly in this moment there's just a lot of people listening that are on the cusp I am I am so proud and pumped for you but I am here strictly because I know one person's ready to tip and I know our combination today will do that. Well Gary Vee I love you. I love you back. Thank you for coming here and partnering with me on behalf of the person who spent all this time with us and I just want to say to you thank you

for making the time to be with me and Gary go follow him go comment with the other people in the comments for God's sakes and get off the damn line and get into the game your life depends on it and case nobody else tells you as your friend I'm going to be sure to remind you that I love you I know Gary loves you and we both believe in your ability to create a better life now go fucking do it all right you're ready oh my god Gary thank you my dear great job setting this up you

guys make a video that tells everybody all their shortcomings what you like that one you like that one into Tracy literally walked on stage 10,000 people opening line at your grandparents I am a huge fan of fantasy fiction and I particularly love the series a court of thorn and roses love ac guitar now go fucking do it forever grateful you're going to be listening this sucker on repeat no you're the best thank you I really oh and one more thing and no this is not a

blooper this is the legal language you know what the lawyers write and what I need to read to you

I am not a licensed therapist and this podcast is not intended as a substitute for the advice of a physician professional coach psychotherapist or other qualified professional got it good I'll see in the next episode