(upbeat music)
- Hello, and welcome to your brand new Tuesday edition of The Nerve. I am your host, Maureen Callahan.
“We are thrilled to be back together again”
with all of you troublemakers. We were dark last week. We did drop a brand new mini on Saturday, but you and I both know our timing is perfect. Because we are going to give the Taylor Swift wedding.
The walloping, it deserves, okay? The walloping, like any other media outlet,
like mainstream outlet that's being critical
is doing so in a vague way and putting that criticism in the mouths of others. And you and I know here at The Nerve, we just say what's going on, okay? It's our real talk about fake people.
And I don't think we've seen this level a fakeery, fake fucking bullshit. Probably since the Bezos, Sanchez wedding, which Taylor Swift managed to make look like the epitome of taste and restraint.
So we're going to get into it. And then we're dragging in a bunch of other celebrities as well because none other than one of our foremost cultural commentators really, really, really, just put it perfectly over the weekend
and we're going to lead off with that guy. And then I've got some stuff to talk to you about from London. I want to chat to you about that. And so we ask, are you ready? Are you ready?
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(upbeat music) Travis Kelsey, otherwise known as the guy the Taylor Swift married over the weekend. I mean, let's get real. We've all been talking about this
as Taylor Swift's wedding, because it really was Taylor Swift's wedding. He had a bachelor party. He dared. He dared to have a bachelor party wait until you hear
what's in this pre-nup, you're gonna die. You're gonna die. Love story of the ages, but we've got a clause to rival Nicole Kidman's cocaine clause upon her an upsholes to one Keith Urban.
“Dave Chappelle was on, honestly, he's better than this.”
I don't know who he was a favor to, Anderson Cooper and Andy Cohen did a little live broadcast on July 4th night. And they got Dave Chappelle on, which is really quite a coat.
Anyway, they did do their jobs and they asked Dave, Dave, what do you think about this bullshick on over at Madison Square Garden in New York City in the middle of a heat wave? What do you think about Travis Kelsey's
complete evisceration of what was left of his manhood? I mean, we joke a lot that Meghan Markle's got Harry's balls in her purse, and they'll probably be taxi-dermied at some point. But Travis is rapidly catching up here, okay? Here's Dave on what he makes of this big bruiser
of a football player, a football star, a future hall of favor as Bill from Brooklyn often reminds me. What did he make of Travis Kelsey deciding that his bachelor party should involve going to see Dave himself perform?
Here we go.
I was shocked, I'd never seen anything like that.
A whoreless bachelor party.
Whatever makes you happy Travis.
Okay, now, it seems like Andy and Anderson were a little bit cat, like should they laugh? Like they dare alienate Taylor Swift. Alienate Taylor Swift, really? Okay, it's time everybody else in the mainstream media
gets on the nerves side of the street. Among, when I tell, we go through the celebrities that were at this thing, again, you're gonna die. You're gonna die, okay, among those not invited. So Travis, Travis goes and takes his posse,
whatever, to go see Dave Chappelle. You would think that Chappelle would have scored an invite.
“You know what, actually now that I think about it,”
there's no way, because there is no putting an NDA on Dave Chappelle.
There is no way Dave Chappelle is gonna play
by your bullshit rules. They knew, but it's so interesting. It's like Travis is obviously a fan, but he was afraid to invite Dave. Clearly, here we go.
I heard he was getting married at Madison Square Garden. You would think, you know what I mean? I could have gotten in bite. I didn't make the 15,000 thousands friends. - Thanks Dave, thank you for saying it.
Okay, this guest list, it's like anybody Taylor Swift, so much as like, crossed paths with in a ladies room, or brush shoulders against on a red carpet, or just had on her wall at one point
as a teenage girl was invited, Tom Cruise.
Oh, Adam Sandler, officiated the ceremony. Adam Sandler, who in what I have read in the days since this monstrosity, this vulgarity was mounted at Madison Square Garden, seems not to really know these people very well.
Kelle, surprise, please, to say it. Heather's Kelle, surprise, Adam Sandler, officiated. Tom Cruise attended, Brad Pitt, Bradley Cooper,
“Gigi Hadid, who the New York Post I believe was reporting.”
Gigi Hadid is now a head bitch and charge of Taylor's girl squad. She did have her best friend from childhood junior high high school at the wedding, but the reporting is that Taylor's really interested
in her famous friends more. So it was Gigi Hadid's apartment that she was at on the Wednesday before the wedding and the Friday morning of the wedding. Dakota Johnson, Emma Stone, Hugh Grant, Jaleau, Jessica Alba,
Lena Dunham will get to it, will get to it. Paul Rudd, Reese Witherspoon, Reese Witherspoon, by the way, who went up in my estimation because she was reportedly invited by Meghan Markle to her wedding to Prince Harry
and Reese reportedly allegedly said, why would I go to that, I don't know these people. Reese Witherspoon was their Tom Hanks,
“Rita Wilson's Zoe Kravitz, minus Harry Styles,”
who conveniently was performing over the weekend. Benson Boone, Ed Sheeran, Jack Antonoff, will get to it, Lena's Axe, who's all over her memoir. Sabrina Carpenter, Selena Gomez, Stevie Nicks, who performed Tim McGraw, Adam Aaron Deathsner,
Cara Delivine, Gigi, Carly Claws, her one-time super platonic BFF, Patrick Mahomes, Brittany Mahomes, Peyton Manning, Tom Brady, who spoke for us all by leaving early jail in Bronson, Jalen. Don't go over to the dark side, my man. Please stay beloved.
Okay, do not enter star-fucking territory. Graham Norton, Fergi Jason Sudakis, Ethan Hawke, Ethan Hawke disappoints me here. Laura Dern, I mean, are you fucking kidding me with this list?
Okay, now, before I get to the gem that my seven-year-old goddaughter found while we were shopping this weekend on a rainy day in a bookstore, this wedding, which we're getting visuals from inside. Apparently, every guest was made to check their phone.
But the thinking is that Taylor was filming this, so that she can monetize it later on. And there's probably going to be a companion album, which will undoubtedly have like 20 iterations, so she can keep knocking female rivals off the number one spot.
'Cause she's a gals gal like that. All the guests had to sign an NDA. Rob Schuter and we're gonna talk to him about it on the Nirvana Night tomorrow. Rob is reporting that she even made her mother
and Travis's mother sign NDAs.
She made her guests compete in a raffle.
This is so low-class.
“I don't care how many millions of dollars this wedding cost.”
This is low-class, basically what she is saying
to every extremely wealthy famous person in that room is I still have more money than you. I still outrank you and I'm gonna force you to humiliate yourselves by having to play games to compete in a raffle to win luxury goods,
which for me, it's like collecting seashells at the shore. NBC News reporting that this raffle forced the guests. I'm sure it was like a participation by volunteer, but I still think the pressure was really weird. And like where were these games played, okay?
Like apparently the bulk of the garden was made up to resemble what I am calling her big fat Disney wedding. This is Taylor is emotionally stunted at the age of eight. It's extremely creepy. It's extremely creepy.
We're gonna show what she was being wheeled in
to build this fantasy. Avril Lavigne was among the guests. Avril Lavigne who hasn't been relevant since like the year 2000 was among the guests. And a source told Page Six that Avril Lavigne
was a raffle winner, Lucky Gow. She went, oh my God, I'm gonna read it exactly as Page Six reported it with the punctuation. Quote, a source told us that Avril Lavigne wanna Chanel bag at the Starry Nubsules exclamation point.
Come on, the real reporting should be that Taylor Swift showed her sadistic side. Taylor Swift showed her true mean girl belly. We know she's a mean girl because of those texts
and emails that came out during discovery
in the Blake Lively V Justin Baldoni scandal. And Blake Lively was pointedly left off the guest list.
“And someone said this to me and I think there's some truth”
to it. This is a working theory of the case that Taylor aggressively invited every famous person. She could think of as a way to say to Blake Lively, here's how little I think of you now.
Avril Lavigne not only got invited, but we let her tell Page Six that she won a Chanel bag in our special raffle. Also Cartier watches, Cartier watches, they had to play, okay, these are the games.
Nothing screams elegance, like making your famous wealthy guests play ski ball. I mean, imagine the finery of these people are decked out in, you know, the hours they spent in hair and makeup and styling and making sure they're stylists
we're talking to everybody else's stylists. So nobody showed up in the same gowns. Skib all mini golf, mini golf, a football themed, ring toss, Steven X performed. She better have gotten millions and millions for this.
Palma Cartney also reportedly played at the wedding and reportedly, Paul performed. I want to hold your hand, which no beetle has performed since 1965. I weep for the culture, I weep.
Let's look at what got loaded into Madison Square Garden in the hours and days leading up to this wedding. A baby grand piano, parts of a stairwell, parts of a mat here it is. I almost want to anthropomorphize this baby grand piano.
I feel like it's being literally dragged against its will into this vulgar vulgar display. And then we've got the stairwell that the sides of the stairwell. Look at this, look at this thing. It's ridiculous.
It's like a little girl's fantasy come true. It's like Taylor Swift. My seven year old God daughter is a twin. So she and her twin brother on our way to the store, they were in my backseat and they were talking to me
about their theories of the Taylor Swift wedding. Again, these are seven year olds. And the seven year old boy said, my theory is that Taylor Swift has been dumped by so many men that she had to put on a wedding like this, so she could prove to the world that at least
somebody wanted to marry her.
“And I said, you know what, kid, I think you're right.”
I think you're right. Now, I call him down this over at the Daily Mail. It's up. It's over on the Daily Mail plus we're trying to get you guys behind the paywall.
We got Rob Shooter behind the paywall. That took a minute. And then Daily Mail plus exclusive also has leaked footage from inside the wedding, inside the venue. And they have this guard gansue in.
TNT, like in gold, mounted on the wall.
And it's in the middle of like four framed photos of them,
“which honestly to me, it reminds me of like when you enter a funeral home.”
And it's like, you're looking at your dearly departed at their best, at their youngest, at their brightest, you know, full of potential. Very strange, very strange. It feels like, again, whether you're a fan of the guy or not, we're apolitical here at the nerve.
But it felt like something that you would see upon entering Trump tower or like Trump international, you know?
It's just, it's so, okay, now, before we get to the incredible
claws on this pre-nub. I have to show you, okay, this was, this was my god daughter's find. She was obviously shopping in the children's section. It's a little golden book biography, and I'm sure this was done with their assent and probably profit participation.
Taylor and Travis forever will see once we get to that clause. And it's the ultimate fan edition. And I did read some of it, and I marked up some of it because it's part of it's kind of like a workbook, or like a quiz, a quiz book, and you can participate as the reader, the location.
Where do you think Taylor and Travis should get married,
circle your answer, or write down your own?
The options are church, Christmas tree farm. Taylor was raised on a Christmas tree farm, a barn, which is like your basic bitch, millennial choice, and a string of some lights, whatever, a holiday house, a football field, clothes, clothes, beach.
And then there's a blank line where you can fill in your own. And so I wrote, right above America's busiest transit hub MSG sits a top pen station, parts of which were choked off on a Friday during a heat wave, during a holiday weekend, July 4th, the 250th anniversary, and all anyone in Midtown,
Manhattan wanted to do was hop on the Long Island Railroad to get themselves to a beach, a barbecue, and fireworks, but because Taylor Swift had to take a massive dump in Midtown West.
“That's what this wedding was, she's taking a massive shit.”
She's a billionaire who could have rented a private island, who could have mounted this inside a movie, sound stage, who could have had this wedding at one of her many estates around the country, but no, her ego could only be gratified by paralyzing New York City, which she claims to love.
And I think I speak for most Native New Yorkers when we say we'd like you to leave now. We'd like you to go, please, okay, take your enormous fucking ego, and the sackless football player that you have turned into a unique and leave the A-list guest list. Besides their families, this book asks Taylor and Travis are sure
to invite lots of their famous friends, exclamation point. Who do you think will be at the bash right there, names below, and on this work page, I wrote Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake, Blake,
“Blake, will there be more pro athletes or Grammy winners?”
I wrote who cares, Blake, okay. Now, wedding folklore, to ensure good luck, a bride should have something old, something new, something borrowed, something blue. Write down your suggestions for each item for something blue. Do you know what her something blue was?
The Empire State Building turned fucking blue. I want this woman expelled from the culture post-haste, tying the knots, which of these things do you think will happen at the wedding ceremony? All the guests receive special day wedding friendship race. Let's know. They got fucking cardiac watches.
It is disgusting. The Sunday Guardian is reporting that Taylor, not to be out done by Nicole Kidman's cocaine clause, had written into her pre-nup, which apparently her father was the architect of, an infidelity clause. This piece was published on July 5th, and I quote, "some of the premier marriage law professionals,
"believe the marriage pact of sorts included an extremely firm quote, "bad boy in fidelity clause, according to one celebrity marital lawyer," and I quote, "it means that Taylor can have her Kansas City chief's tight end to whom she is married, cough up to eight figure damages if he cheats."
Reportedly, the penalty is $20 million per in discretion.
Now, first of all, for someone who's so brilliant with money and business, I find this odd. I would make it like, scaling up.
Like, $20 million for the first, second, you're looking at 40.
Third, you're looking at 50, you know what I mean?
“Like, you make them suffer. Let's get real, okay?”
Travis Kelsey historically, before getting with Taylor dated black women. Taylor is not his physical type. She may be his type in a lot of other ways. No, I'm saying, she's not really his type, and it is a matter of time before Travis is caught with an only fans model. With an influencer, I will put that age as between 19 and 24.
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you to Remi for sponsoring this episode. TMZ reports that Blake, lively and Ryan Reynolds excuse me, cycle arsonist, Ryan Reynolds, TMZ were galloping, that's galloping, they took off the G and they put in a posture feet galloping away from Taylor wedding, take over exclamation point, exclamation point, exclamation point, so Blake and Ryan made sure that TMZ got photos of them and then informed TMZ of exactly what they were doing up there. But they're trying to make it
look like they just happened to be spotted. Again, there are no paparazzi just randomly wandering
“around upstate New York, which is so vast. Okay, there were like do you remember the Ben Stiller”
scripted series Escape of Data Mora, which was based on a very true recent story of two hard core criminals who broke out of Data Mora, which is like an extremely, it's like where they house the most dangerous of the dangers. They escaped and those two were on the, they were on the run in upstate New York for like a week and a half. That is how vast it is. So Blake and cycle arsonist Ryan called someone over at TMZ and said, hey, bring your long lens. We're going to pretend.
We don't see you just my opinion and take photos of us doing something like really important, like our values are the correct ones here. Okay, we have been shunned by Taylor and Travis, however, we're here sharing on our daughter. This is TMZ and I quote Blake and Ryan, cheering on their daughter Betty as she competed in a horse show Thursday at a local farm in Lake Placid, New York, subtle Lake Placid. Placid, peaceful, everything's cool. And I'm quoting
again from this report. We are told that little Betty wrote enough well enough to earn a second place.
“Finish, how do you think they were told that? How? And honestly, in my column, I asked the question,”
like, is this the same daughter, the same little girl that cycle arsonist Ryan in the bonus commentary for his DVD of Deadpool V Wolverine joked with his director about making this little girl who begged her father not to make her say this line of dialogue. Say, hey, when I want your opinion, I'll take Wolverine stick out of your mouth. And so they laughed about her begging not to say that. And then Ryan said, yeah, so we made her say it like 50 to 500 times. And these people are
disgusting. And these people were Taylor's BFFs. So Taylor's disgusting too. Okay, she's disgusting. And she's using this wedding to like try to make everybody forget what she was involved with those two. Lena Dunham was at the wedding. Lena D, who clearly is on the job, and she should be. She should be, you know, over the nerve, we think that we think that the GLP ones are highly
Dangerous.
kinds of cancers. But, you know, for some people, it's worth it. Lena Dunham needs it. She needs it.
“Now, she was, she went on Instagram and showed the two outfits that she chose to wear to Taylor's wedding.”
She's in a black skirt with a hot pink blouse and like a huge, like flower adornment that I said to Marlena, it looks like splooge. It looks like, you know, a big seam and dump. It does. And I only say this because like that's, this is what Lena is up to. Okay, she is, when I tell you what she said at her toast at this wedding, again, you're going to die. And then, she wore this green outfit with like little, little bows and like a little girly bag and she's po- she's posing
dangerously with like pigeon feet, like her little feet turn inwards and look at her hair. It's like frizzed out to the max. It's like this woman is making herself as unattractive as possible. Okay. And, and then those of us who are like, hey, this woman's making herself look as unattractive
“as possible, they're the ones she comes after and says that we're just superficial assholes.”
And I'm going to get to another portion of her memoir in a moment in which her ex-boyfriend Jack
Antonov who's also at the wedding who has since remarried, sorry, not remarried married for the first
time he was living with Lena. She wrote about him like they were married. He upgraded to the young beautiful actress Margaret quality. And, you know, he was at this wedding too. He's very close with Taylor and so I can only imagine Lena's what was going on and Lena's head. I can only imagine. Like, well, I'll know. She'll tell us. She'll tell us in like five more minutes. Daily Mail headline, Lena Dunham leaves Taylor, so we have to wedding guests gasping
with shockingly rude dinner speech after taking microphone as world famous celebs is dramatically
“turned away. The nerve is going to do our best to reveal who the world famous celebs is.”
Um, Lena Dunham's speech. Now this was the joke. This was the joke. Okay. And again, as someone who comes from a large extended Irish Catholic family and understands the aggression that is often couched as a joke as just humor that you're overreacting to, you know, but really it's not that's just like the dressing behind saying something really mean and hurtful because you just feel like saying something really mean, you just feel like being a fucking bitch. That's Lena D here. Okay.
They're saying this is her speech. I'm guessing this is her toast. And by the way, Taylor and Travis, the more we're learning this wedding sounds and sufferable. Yeah, actually give me a cardier watch if I attend this thing. Taylor, her wedding vows went on for 20 minutes. Travis is wedding vows went on for 20 minutes. Lena Dunham got up and during her speech slash toast said that and I quote American football
is just straight guys reenacting gay porn and Taylor apparently thought this was hilarious. The male reports that that line instantly became one of the night's biggest talking points with their insider saying that the joke drew quote a divided response of gas and laughs from gathered guests. And that was Lena shitting all over Taylor's wedding and Taylor's choice of groom Taylor's choice of husband and saying like, hey, you're big tough jock of a future
Hall of Famer husband. He's he's probably secretly really gay and like all the tough football players in here including his brother. Now your brother-in-law. Yeah, they're like into gay porn. Now, I hate Lena. I really fucking hate her. You know, I have a friend who feels sorry for her and
always like don't feel sorry for her. She knows exactly what she's doing and now as they're breaking
up, Jack Antonov finally finally reads Lena to filth. And I'm reading from page 244 of her memoir fame sick quote, Jack and I had our worst ever fight not our final fight because she wouldn't let the sky go. He was literally like, I'm trying to get out the door without you doing something drastic because what's clearly going on here is that every time Jack is about to leave her for good, she threatens, you know what I'm going to say. So they have their worst ever fight in which
she says it's the kind of fight quote where people say things that they cannot ever walk back. He was trying to get out that ring in your head at 4 a.m. forever unless you do use amounts of
Ayahuasca or you die.
editorialize here and say her multiple illnesses. She's always sick. Always sick. You know what I mean?
“Myself pity my approach to public life here she quotes Jack. It's like you want all these people”
who love your work to hate you. Artists are supposed to make people happy and you just don't care and Jack is right. Jack Antonoff is 100% right. She wants all of us to hate her and she wants to roll around like a pig in mud in all of that hate and be the number one victim in the culture. Everybody hates Lena what did she do? She's just over here trying to make art. And she writes my ability to be a committed and loving partner and we're still mother, Jack, in my opinion,
just my opinion dead on. She writes how could he commit to a life and family with me? He wondered if I couldn't even move past an event like this. He wasn't wrong. He was just late to express his reservations. And if I had it already been bedbound, she's stuck in bed again. Now, she said she tried to tell she had no space to be charitable to this to the, but she's missed reading it. You're not supposed to be charitable to that. He's telling you he's read he is
absolutely telling you what your pathology is and you know it's right. How does charity enter into this? She says this is what I mean by threatening him every time he tries to walk out the door. We're on page 245 and I quote, I had tried to tell him how scared I was about my increasing dependence on medication. I'm afraid I stammered that I may be addicted to all this medicine. His response was to go to the bathroom and angrily flush on my pills down the toilet,
which necessitated a call to the doctor and a late night trip to the pharmacy to get more so that I wouldn't go into withdrawal overnight. Jack Antonov did his fucking time. And you know, if Taylor Swift was really a true friend, you know, she told Zoe Gravitz, "Hey, you have reportedly
“allegedly, you cannot invite your own fiance one Harry Styles to my wedding. You have to come”
stag because Harry and I dated like a million years ago when we were both five years old for like a
hob in it and he dumped me." And so he can't come, but you can come. You can come. And so Zoe abided by that, like a strong independent woman. And you know, if she really were that close with Jack Antonov, she would have said, "You know what? I'm going to do your solid. I'm going to leave Lena off the list." Because like, Lena, you know, this is the other thing about Lena Dunham and that book, which I now can't grab because I threw it across the room. But she writes about Jack
Antonov terribly in this book. And I don't think, I actually think the guy really probably suffered in that relationship. She writes terribly about her former creative partner business partner Jenny Connor. I would love to know Jenny's side of the story. I have an idea of what it might be. Judd Apatau gets glancing mentions and then he's dropped pretty quickly from the narrative and we do nothing but praise Judd Apatau. Does Taylor Swift's name appear at all in this story?
It does not wonder why. Wonder fucking why. Taylor only appears in the acknowledgements. And Lena star fucker that she is addresses her as, "Hey, Tay, Tay, I couldn't have written this book without your music." Your music was the soundtrack to every important thing I do. You know, some in substance, some in-affing substance. Now Blake Lively was allegedly reportedly pinning her hopes before it all went to shit on being Taylor's maid of honor. Taylor did not
“have a maid of honor. She had a man of honor. I think that's what she called it. And it was her brother”
Austin Swift. And we're going to look at a photo of them together. And this I find interesting because
we never ever hear about Austin. Austin is her only sibling. I can only imagine the
stress and strain of being the forgotten sibling. Because if you want to go back and watch the mini we did about a year ago, it was around our July 4th mini and we did a dramatic reading of lengthy email that her father Scott Swift sent to one of Taylor's then managers. And in that email, which was about four pages long, single-spaced, Scott was lamenting everything that he and his
Wife Andrea Taylor's mother.
And that included Scott forcing his own financial clientele to listen to Taylor's demos before
“he would tell them what to do with their money. You know, I don't think there was a lot of”
room in that house for the likes of Austin. And I'm sure it was a double-edged sword being asked to be the man of honor. Now, this will be revisiting this on the nerve awards trust me and Marlene and I over the break. We're talking about exactly what we're planning and we really can't wait. We really cannot wait. But basically Taylor Swift did shut down a good chunk of Midtown West. And Penn Station, as I said, it sits directly below Madison Square Garden. It's like Penn
is like a feed to you right into the garden, right into like a million different subway lines. You know, it's for her to do this is beyond. And I am shocked that, you know, I understand that
“there's a lot of money in this. But like the likes of the New York Post, the likes of TMZ,”
people magazine, which, you know, it's just like, it has zero relevance because there is zero
critical coverage of what this billionaire did to hard-working New Yorkers who had no choice but to
show up in the middle of a heat wave. It was like, I felt like a hundred degrees and humid. And a major entry and exit point to Penn Station was just shut down. Regular New Yorkers couldn't use it. Daily Mail exclusive New Yorkers outraged over selfish Taylor Swift wedding that will shut down Penn Station and Midtown as city tries to escape sweltering July 4th heat. Published July 2nd, 2026, Mercury expected to hit 100 degrees Fahrenheit in city for the first time
since 2012. NYPD officers are being pulled from other duties on an already busy holiday weekend. It's the 250th anniversary of the US one detective fumed. The NYPD should be watching out for terrorists. My thoughts exactly. My thoughts exactly. New York City remains the number one hard target in the country. And a huge chunk of the NYPD was pulled off of their real active duty for this horseshit to feed this bottomless need. This bottomless pit of need and want
known as Taylor fucking Swift. You got to be fucking kidding. You got to be fucking kidding and not for nothing. Again, we're apolitical here at the nerve, but like New York City enthusiastically elected a socialist mayor who allowed this to go on. What kind of socialist allows a billionaire to choke off a major transit hub on a holiday weekend in a heat wave so that she can pay tribute to herself during a wedding that's a fucking joke. It's a raffle. It's a carnival. It's a Disney
adventure and we're marrying somebody. It's true love, but we've got an infidelity clause, a fuck around and find out clause. I would love to know. Like how that clause breaks down. Like does this, does Travis have to pay laugh less? If like let's say, as one Ben Affleck reportedly allegedly did on the eve of his wedding to Jennifer Lopez during Benifer version one. Let's say, as Ben reportedly allegedly was, that um, Travis's caught at a strip club,
orally servicing at least one stripper in front of his friends. Like Dave Chappelle, I got
“news for you. I think Travis may have it in him. Okay. Uh, well, if it's not penetration,”
with if Travis doesn't commit penetration with his actual penis, would that be like a 10 million
dollar fine? What if it's digital penetration? What if it's penetration with a foreign object? More commonly known as the dildo. Would Taylor Swift even want to use the word dildo in her perfect little prenapped? Do you know what I mean? These people are gross. Okay. This is our real talk about fake people. Taylor Swift is as fake as it fucking gets Buzzfeed Instagram post about conned users with no power because of this fucking monstrosity. 18,830 conned customers without
power in a heat wave. This is when people die. Okay. And by the way, anyone who lives in New
York City knows this, you can live anywhere and know this.
wind up without power? Poor people. Power goes out in poor neighborhoods, not wealthy ones.
“Over 18,000 conned customers without power while Taylor Swift lights up the guard in like an”
effing Christmas tree, no AC at Penn Station, elderly and disabled residents losing power in the heat. Then the Empire State Building lit up blue while everyone else in New York City is being told to conserve energy. The mayor told everybody put your AC on. Do you know what he said? He said this. Put your AC on at 78 degrees. You know what that is in a heat wave? That's putting on the fucking heat. That's putting on the mother fucking heat.
This is disgusting. This is disgusting. The wedding napkins, the keepsake wedding napkins, Taylor had them embroidered with one of her lyrics. So it's going to be forever dot dot dot
“the ellipses. The ellipses. Taylor's a writer. She knows exactly what she's doing. That's the cliffhanger.”
Know what the other part of that lyric is? The completion of that couplet. Or it's going to go down in flames. And when it does, because it will, let's get real. If you put an infidelity clause in your prenup, you know this thing is a ticking clock on it. When it does go down in flames, and Taylor requests privacy at this most difficult time.
The answer is a fucking old lady. It's all of our business. You just made this relationship all
of our fucking business. So buckle up sweetheart. Your fall is coming. The nerve exists for multiple reasons. And we are now an asteroid coming at you coming up. You know, talk to you a little bit
“about my trip to London. And we've got a lot a lot to discuss. We are back in a minute.”
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Nerv listeners are getting up to 25% off your entire order. Just head to cowboycolostrum.com/moreen. Use code morine at checkout. That is 25% off when you use code morine at cowboycolostrum.com/moreen. Welcome back to the Nerv. So yes, the Nerv was, well, we did one episode in London before we went dark. I was there for about 10 days. It was really, really fun. If you follow me on Instagram, I'm at Morine Callahan writer. You would have seen some photos from my trip. We met up with
the most glamorous, a troublemaker, a bull into Carlisle, and did a little shopping and a little lunching. And I went to go see her perform. She was on the same bill as take that and the script,
which I had never heard of the script before. And she says is a really incredible Irish band,
Irish rock band. And apparently all the guys in it are pretty cute. But we didn't see any of the other acts there. It was like this enormous enormous stadium. But she was incredible. She was amazing. And it was a heat wave there. And the crowd was loving her, unsurprisingly. We also had lunch with Lady C, who is incredible. You know, Lady C had, she took a pretty serious fall, not too long ago. And she's still recovering from it. But she drove herself down from her castle, which is about two
Hours plus outside of London.
Lady C is the real deal. She is the real deal. She is the closest person I've ever met
“to the royals. And she is so fun and funny and down to earth. And she chose the restaurant.”
And it was this Chinese restaurant that is like a true hole in the wall. Like the the walls were actually like beat up. You know, like there, the furniture wasn't fancy. There was nothing nothing remotely pretentious or exclusive about it. And it's like, she is just the real real deal. And she is so funny. And then I went to her. She has this annual fundraiser for veterans. And she hosts it at at said castle Castle Goring. And it was under a tent outside. And she sat me
at her table, which was just so lovely of her to do. Because she is a relatively new friend of mine. She's she's just like the greatest host. She just wants to make sure everybody is comfortable.
“And everybody is having a good time. And she's cheeky. And she's witty. And it was amazing. And then”
in my down time, I went to two incredible major exhibits. Scopper Ellie at the Victorian Albert Museum.
Victoria and Albert. Excuse me. And Nancy ate that properly. Which I did not know was like almost completely sold out until I got there. And I was looking the day of that I wanted to go. And low and behold, there were like a few stray tickets left. It was like on a Wednesday late afternoon. And I went. And it was to die. To die. And as I wrote on Instagram, you know, you would think that like the likes of say a Chloe Mal would have gone to this exhibit
or been involved in some way. But would absolutely be using it as both education and inspiration. But no, no, why would we do such a thing? And actually there was this um, you know, she was a surrealist
and a futurist. And she ran around with like Salvador Dali and all of these incredible artists
and illustrators and art directors. And she came up with a scent like a perfume like an ode to twilight. And it was called sport. And she packaged it in what looked like a miniature bottle of like champagne like vogue clicko. And I immediately thought of how the nerve for one of our live streams, one of our initial live streams we bastardized a little mini a miniature bottle of like vogue clicko. And we remade the label to read nerve clicko. And underneath where it says
brute, we remade it to read brutal. And we busted out at every live stream the nerve clicko. And I just thought wow, like there are so many spiritual artistic, wacko, godparents who are like rattling around in the collective unconscious of like all of us here at the nerve. And how fun and funny it was. And then I went to go see the Tracy M in retrospective at the tape. And I know she's very she's she's polarizing, you know, people either kind of love her or hate her. There is
“definite connective tissue between Tracy and Lena, Donna, definite. Do I think Tracy is more”
legitimate as an artist? I do. I do. I think my bed, which is on exhibition is part of this exhibit rather. You know, I had in my own head that that was created and exhibited far earlier in the 90s. I thought it was more like 93 or 94. It was later in the 90s. I think it was 97, 98. But you know, she was part of that cohort known as the YBAs, the young British artists who were really revolutionizing what art could be and do. And if I was talking to Marlene about it, you know, on the
last season of and just like that, which, you know, we we hate watched every episode with you guys, they did, they had a scene at an art gallery in New York. And it was they bastardized Tracy's my bed. And they put it as like the work of another artist. I don't know why they did that. It may have been a copyright thing. I don't know. Maybe they went to Tracy and she was like, fuck no, you're not going to, I'm not going to be associated with this trash heap.
I don't know. But what really, really, really struck me was, you know, she is, she engages in
Shock art, like she is there to shock and to provoke and to really confront you.
go to see her work, that's what you're there for. Okay, that's what you're there for. Now you can't go into any kind of exhibition like this without being warned without, and I would like to say before I say anything about this, you know, American art galleries and museums, I, I load the descriptions on the wall because they are written by people who got like masters in art history or whatever
and have never really read a book and don't know what good writing is and it's always overwritten
“and it's always meant to make something seem like way more important in consequential. Like that,”
it doesn't stand on its own as like a masterpiece or just an incredible unusual work of art, like they always have to like over, over, over, over do it. And at the tape, it's just very plain spoken. Very, like the writing is very clear, it's very concise, it's very unpretentious. American galleries and museums could really take a note from that. But you know, I'm walking in and I'll read you like a couple of the of the warning signs, content guidance. I don't want content guidance.
Okay, I'm an adult, I'm good. The, the warning, this work contains racist slurs which were used against the artist and her family. Okay, she's half black, Tracy, she's half black. A lot of her art is about being bullied and targeted as a young girl. Visitor guidance again, this room
“can be disorienting and contains a description of medical procedures, including termination of pregnancy.”
Please take a seat or limit it or limit your time in the space if you feel affected. Again, I'm an adult, I'm good. I can, I can, if you, if you feel ill, take a seat or leave. I mean, are people this fucking dumb? It's like, we've got to move past this, we've got to move past this infantilization of us all. It's, it's, it's really, really unhealthy and unproductive. A couple of trouble maker emails before we get to our final piece of it,
Maureen, no one could convince me of a bigger star fucker as you put it than the biggest
and amazing and most amazing incredible star of all time T as herself. She actually,
personal friends with Spielberg, Glennon Doyle, Brad Pitt, portrays a friend of so,
“trouble maker Emily says, Cindy Crawford, she and Cindy are really friends in real life.”
Insert other unlikely guest names here. This tasteless circus seems designed to both show all her exes and us that she is actually capable of capturing someone as that brilliant seven-year-old said to me over the weekend, as well as signaling to the world who she is. She is even rumored. This is true. She is rumored to reportedly allegedly have extended an invitation to the Prince and Princess of Wales who had the class to avoid such a scene. Could you imagine if Prince William
and Catherine Princess of Wales had taken that invitation and were lightly encouraged to go play
ski ball to win a Chanel bag? Taylor, honey, is there a real person in there? The answer is no.
Trouble maker Emily, the answer is no. She continues. I'll bet even the guests quietly thought to themselves that this was the tackiest wedding. They had ever seen but they sure weren't going to miss it, dearest Maureen. I'm sure you're getting tons of mail about the latest narcissists' nuptuals, so I'll narrow my criticism down to Taylor's status as the ultimate New York poser. This is trouble maker Lisa, who writes to us often from Paris.
So we've seen her fame fandom at the next games. Then parade horizontally with her minions on a Manhattan sidewalk. Now getting married at MSG but any real New Yorker knows you can pack MSG with as many flowers and build all the castles you want. It doesn't change the fact that Penn Station is right beneath you. Every time I heard about this wedding, I would catch a whiff of O-D-Pen that burnt L-I-R-R train exhaust mixed with notes of pretzel salt and faint
undercurrents of urine. That's smell that so many of us who have done the Penn Station hustle know by since memory. By God, she could have done something truly cool but I guess money can't buy a taste. It cannot trouble maker Lisa. Dear Maureen, this is from trouble maker Kay, I love this email. She writes quite a bit as well. I love this trouble maker Kay. Listener
From episode one, I have read some of your emails before.
about Chris Stapleton. I started listening to his music and it is beautiful. It is, and it's,
“he's so good. He is giving a concert in downtown LA for only 1776, 17 dollars and 76 cents for”
the fourth of July. So it happened. She writes, I'm terrified to drive into LA but I'm going to meet
some friends to help me get there. Good for you. Push through those fears and go. My last note,
which I have to do, we're going to do a celebrity round up on Friday's nerve but I have to talk to you about this. This wound up in my feed while we were dark. Jack Schlossberg on his Instagram posted photos of himself. He lost, by the way. New York rejected him. New York was like, no, thank you, sir. Rejected him and so he posted photos of himself out of museum and he wrote in the caption. He's standing in front of a glass, glassed in artifacts. His caption, that he wrote,
“history on full display. Yeah, that's what a museum is. You're fucking more on. It's literally”
history on full display. Keep your feedback coming, email me at [email protected] or DM me on Instagram at worrying Callahan Writer or at the nerve show that does it for our Tuesday edition of the nerve. Just a reminder, you can also grab nerve merch. Pick something up for yourself
“or a fellow troublemaker at shopthener.com. Remember to subscribe to the nerve sub-stack. We published”
one last week, even though we were dark. At the nerve show.com, go over to the nerve show.com. You will see a prompt to sign up and subscribe to it. You won't be sorry. Teddy needs as many readers as he can get. He loves having a column. We will see you back here tomorrow for the nerve
at night. At the nerve, we will never guess what we're about to say next.
