Erin Andrews on IVF and the Long Road to Her Son Mack

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I said, "Macky, give me a hug. I'm really sad." And I was holding him and I was just crying. And he looked at me and he goes, "I was like, you're mocking me."

Then I felt like still back Nullis. You have any idea what I did to my body for you." Hi, everyone and welcome back to another episode. I'm so excited about today's special guest, Erin Andrews. You know, we want to focus today on parenting.

And the roller coaster ride it is. And sometimes it's getting too parenting. That's the roller coaster. One moment is filled with highs and hopes and dreams. Only to be let down with disappointment.

And there's so many things that just make becoming apparent. So difficult and so challenging for so many of us. Erin Andrews is somebody that I have admired for years. She's a broadcaster for the NFL. You've seen her on the sidelines.

It's so many football games. And you know, she talks a lot about miscarriages and infertility going through IVF time after time again and eventually having her son, back through surrogacy. And I am really looking forward to talking to Erin about her journey

and to find out what she loves most about motherhood. It's so great to talk to you. I feel like also being a mom in this world. Social media, where you're working, you're traveling, you're trying to do it all.

“And somehow you do figure out how to do most of it all, right?”

But what is the best part to you of being a mom to Mac?

Well, it's amazing you set all those things because what I'm trying to work on with myself

is not think how much of a failure I am. And I've heard from multiple women, this is going to happen forever. He just started saying, "Mommy, it went from mama, mama, mama!" To mommy, mommy, and that gets me. Yeah.

And I didn't think I would be such a softy Dylan. But yeah, I have a softy either. I take a lot to make me cry. I'm not an emotional person, but when it comes to my kids. All of a sudden, there's just these different emotions just hit you.

Every single day, everything they do. He's really big into, like, he loves when he wakes up in the morning. And after we get him already, he loves to run to the TV. And he lays there, like a swag as they say in a Christmas story. He lays there, and he wants you to tickle him.

And then I do that. And he starts laughing and he's like, "Mommy, mommy!" And then I stop and then he points because he's like, "Do it again." So it's a crazy age too, but it's also really, really fun when people say they can react and interact with you. Yeah.

“I noticed I get emotional when I think about, "Oh, when Calvin was a little baby."”

And I loved when he was that age, but, like, I love him at this age now. Like, you think you're going to miss where they were before, but every day just gets better and better. Yeah, it does. Although a lot of people said to me when he hits two, you're going to know. And Holy cow, I did.

And it just came like a tornado. I noticed it's like a, it's a defiance. You know, they're testing those boundaries. They're kind of pushing your limits. Looking at what they need to do it.

They know exactly what they're doing. Yeah. And for me, there've been times where Oliver needed to eat a green bean, right? And he, I don't really care that much if you eat this green bean. I don't really love green beans either, but I've made the statement.

You can't leave the table until you eat that green bean. I have to stick to it because otherwise everybody says if you pull back, they're going to know that they could take advantage of you. I mean, so what kind of, so I'm going to ask you the questions. Welcome to my podcast.

What do you do? You said to eat the green bean, screaming in shoes. Yes. And we're in our own home. So it's okay.

What are we doing now? What if he is absolutely like, no, mom, I'm not having the green bean.

It's hard because I, again, don't care that much.

“He went to his room with the green bean in his mouth.”

No, kept his green bean in his mouth for an hour. And then eventually came down crying because he still had the green bean. And now it's just disgusting at this point, but I'm holding my ground. I am not letting this go. Yeah.

He did eventually eat the green bean, but it was, I don't think it was worth it. Because I don't know what lesson he learned from it, except that I'm evil. I have the time I don't really know if I'm doing the right thing and all these situations. I mean, it's me feel better because that's where I am right now. It's really trying with my husband, myself.

We have helped because I wouldn't be able to have, you know, a job, multiple jobs without that. And I have found trying to let's all three figure out before how we want to do this. How do we handle him? And then, you know, I kind of came into a situation where I went away for three days to work. And I came back and we changed some things.

So then I got frustrated. I'm like, wait a second. We're changing rules. Yeah. And I have noticed, is this therapy?

My lane in this couch? I can't be if you wanted to be. I don't too. I've noticed that my feelings about it is more like, it's about myself. If am I handling this right?

I know he's supposed to be acting like this because he's too. Right. I just want to handle it the right way. Yeah. And now you're telling me there's no right way.

So what do we know if there's a right way? And I find half the time, especially as things happen later in the day. Like the whole brushing your teeth before bed. Yeah. That happens very late in the day when I've been up since 4 o'clock in the morning.

Okay. And now I'm losing my patience. So I'm trying to balance all the load that I have every day from working all day. Playing the meals, doing everything else around the house, and trying to be a calm mom in the evening.

So I'm not snapping and I'm not yelling. But it's a tough balance. How do you do it? What are you thinking to yourself when you feel like you're about to snap? I try to take a breath.

I try to just like. They'll see me take a breath where I'm like guys. Just make this easier from me out here.

Like the problem is all three of them are like they're wild together.

So then if one does something and then. Calvin's the one who typically follows the rules. But he'll egg everyone else on to make them do the bad things that he doesn't want to do. And I mean sometimes I just have to yell. Sometimes I have to say got like.

Not going to yell right now because they want to hear that, but like. Let's go like you just there has to be some rules. I feel like there has to be some strictness so that they know who's in charge. Otherwise, I mean little do they know they could walk all over me and I will let them do whatever they want.

“But at some point you have to take charge and be the one in control.”

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Hope you'll listen, and follow the drink wherever you get your podcasts. I feel like an absolute moron even complaining to you because you have three, and I have one. It's all, it's all to say.

“It's that's what everyone tells me when I say that to them, and then I found myself the other day complaining to one of my good girlfriends.”

And she's like, yeah, my kids leaving home next month. And I was like, then you have no control over your kids.

But I think the part I'm navigating in your wonderful resource person to talk to is just, look, I do believe that.

Listen, we should be able to have our jobs, be able to hold it down, be moms, be, you know, whatever we need to be in our home, but it's really, really hard. Yeah, really hard. And thank God everybody else.

“I know, I think it's just hard for everybody.”

Yeah, I read an article where you are quoted in it. We're saying, you know, it's almost embarrassing sometimes to admit that you have nanny. I mean, and it's wild because my oldest, we've had our nanny since he was three months. Sure, because I do work full time. Like, you need my parents don't live close.

My mom's in Florida, my brothers in Oregon, my other brothers in Florida, my inlaws are up in Boston. It's like, it used to be where you lived in a community. You lived in a neighborhood where your family was close by and you had people that could watch your kids for you. Trust me, I would love to not have to pay somebody to help me watch my kids. But at the same time, I couldn't have the career I have.

And I love my job. I've been doing it, like, half my life. I've been doing this job, you know, so. And you should be able to do it. And I want my kids to see me working hard and making the sacrifices get cooking dinner or doing what I can at home.

But I do think it's, there's nothing wrong with having a village to help you get it done. Yeah, my baby nurse shot out to nanny, Connie, lover so much. We had Mac after trying so hard. And then right away, it was football season. It was time to go and I was obviously doing being asked about having a baby and how do you do it and keep it all together.

I'm like, I'm not. Yeah. And nanny, Connie had said to me, it's okay to admit you have help because it's worse to paint this picture for people. Like, I'm doing it all. I can't do it all, right?

There's no way. And nobody should think you are doing it. Yeah. Because then it's unrealistic expectations for the mom who's sitting there struggling because we're all struggling. You will notice once Mac goes to school though, your life will.

There's just this guilt that comes off of you because it's like, he's at school. That's not my fault if I have to work, you know, during the day. I mean, for me working late is till like two, three in the afternoon. It's like they're still at school. So yeah, school helps a lot when it comes to mom guilt, I've noticed.

Good to hear. Except for my job is out of town, right? Right. So then I'm going to miss pickups when he is sick or, you know, a school play. Look what I do.

This is what I'm already anticipating. Mel Robbins. Where are you?

Always thinking about the next thing.

Your friends are always at work. I'm so grateful to you because you've been so open and honest about your whole infertility journey. Yeah. Just your journey to get Mac into your lives using a surrogate. Why did you want to make sure everybody knows the journey you were on?

Yeah, I think I was tired. The first of all, we had gone through IVF nine times. I had lost two babies with it. My first surrogacy. It just was so much loss and no reward and nothing was going right.

And maybe I wouldn't say resentful. I just felt like nobody was public about how crappy that was. And I would go to these fertility clinics and the lobbies packed. Like, they're it's standing remotely and you start thinking yourself, okay. I'm not the only one dealing with this.

This is really a problem.

“I remember being, I think it was probably my ninth retrieval.”

And I didn't get barely anything. And I remember like I could at this point put my legs in the stir-ups, give myself the IV to go under and roll myself into the room for the retrieval. I just knew the drill. I get it.

I got to go pee before. I got it. You know, can't have a full bladder. Great. And then I remember hearing your separated by a sheet, you know, a lot of the times in these recovery rooms.

And I remember hearing the nurse telling this girl who it sounded like her first retrieval.

Hey, you know, you're going to wake up and there's small cramping. But you're going to don't do anything all day. And you could hear her like, you know, kind of getting emotional. And then I heard the nurse leave and I was in the other room. And I go, it's going to be okay.

Like, this is the easiest part about it. You're probably going to get a ton of eggs. Like, it's going to be great. Enjoy being asleep. Do you want to be minutes?

It'll be the best sleep for your life. Yeah. And then I got approached by somebody to write an article.

“And I think we had just gotten bad news again for the ninth time.”

And I was like, you know, why? I'm just going to write that this is really, really hard. And you don't hear about it very often. And my husband was like, okay, do we have to tell everybody everything? Like, why do we?

Can't we just keep this quiet? And it was one of the best things I ever did. The amount of support and even people that were just like, Thank you for doing this and saying this. I mean, I've been fitted for ski boots at a place and a girl has been like,

Can I talk to you about serrigacy? I'm like, let me give you my girl's number that you know, Let me help it works. I mean, why not? Yeah.

It is such a horrible emotional roller coaster until you get what you want out of it.

That it is such a lonely feeling, especially for the person. Yes, it's lonely for our partners. But it's worse for the person going through it. Because you feel like a failure. Right.

And on top of that, the roller coaster of emotions. I mean, the extreme happiness when you think this could be it. This is the time your hopes are so high. And then things go well until they don't. Yeah.

And then you just don't with that again. It's so crazy to be back here because the last time I co-hosted with Jenna, we were pregnant. Yeah, my journey to motherhood, it wasn't easy. But I realized the more I share,

the more I'm able to help others out. And like, it was going so well that I like had told Jenna. I said, I hope to be back soon because I got some good news. I think one of the cats she had was even a name. I was considering like it was going that well.

And my whole fear about doing it again after we had had Mack was like, we just experienced this high. I don't want to come back down. Right. And we came down and it was so hard.

And I'm proud of myself with how hard it was because

the first time we suffered loss like we had two miscarriages.

I didn't allow myself to even deal. I was like, okay, I'm going to work. We're good. I has been was really good about grieving and I didn't. And then I saw some signs like a month later that I was not okay.

And I just couldn't speak properly. I wasn't thinking right. One of my best friends is my manager.

“And she was just like, you need to go talk to someone.”

Like you're not okay. So this time around, I'm trying to be really, really good about just like letting it out. Because it sucks. And you know, we want to try again. But this is it for us.

This is our last time we're going to be able to try. And I just want to deal with the loss again. The emotional toll it takes. I mean, I remember when I had a miscarriage, the pain of it. You know, just like going through the pain that having to put a smile on your face.

Because nobody wants to hear it exactly. I mean, how much do you talk about it? I don't know. You know, like, and where do you talk about it? If you do you talk to.

Yeah. And it's our jobs are weird because you quit down your emotions and you put a smile on your face. And you talk about the topic. You need to talk about it. It can't be good for our mental health.

I don't know. It can't be. But it also gives you a chance to compartmentalize it. Otherwise you just want to sit in your grief. You can't get out.

I don't know how healthy it is. But I love coming to work even when I'm going through some of the hardest things. Because same, this is my escape for a minute. I've had to inject during halftime. I've had to come two days out of surgery, having my cervix removed.

But I was like, there's no way in how I'm missing this Packers. Like, cowboy's game kind of thrive in those situations. Yes, you know. I remember when I came out with my secondary infertility. I had my first with no problem.

And then my second it was very hard to have. It turned out there was a like because of my C section. My uterus was half like scarred shut. Like there was a medical reason, which is why I decided to come out. And just if something doesn't seem right, talk to your doctor,

find a doctor who's willing to do all the tests to figure out the situation

“and then take the steps forward that you need to.”

Sure. And there was a part me worry that I would hear some backlash. You know, it's like you already have one. How can you complain about, you know, not having a second because there's some people who can't have one. Sure.

What's it like for you, you know, going through serigacy a second time around when you have Mac at home, do you approach it any differently? I think that we knew it was stocked up against us. We really, the very first time we did it. We thought, oh, we're putting two in.

Well, at least get one. We lost in both. I mean, we went into it so naive. Then we have Mac and it's like, oh, I think God. Then we did it again.

And we were kind of like, no, no, no, no, no. And then it was as cruel as it is. It was going so well. I mean, at one point, we even thought we were going to have twins or numbers. We're so high.

Wow. She was doing great.

And then yeah, the heartbeat was so amazing.

And it was like, oh, my God. This is happening. I'm going to miss the Christmas game. Like we're having this. We called our baby nurse said welcome back.

And then it was nothing. It was so sudden.

“And so I think that was like, oh, my gosh, how cruel can this get?”

Like, yeah. Just say it didn't take, you know? I know. So that was really hard. I mean, hey, I mean, we're going to do it again.

But man, we just reached like so many emotions, you know? How do you do it? Do you pray? Do you like, like, how do you do it? Superstition.

We did a superstition this time around. It didn't really work, obviously. Yeah, I think you do anything. You can, like, hope. I'm pray.

I mean, let your Sarah get know. You're here for them. Thank you so much for being an angel and helping us.

That was something that we had never dealt with either.

It was at Sarah get suffering, such a loss. I mean, obviously, we had the first time, but it was just so quick. This one was like, we had a minute leaning on each other, leaning on your families. Yeah.

You know, like I said, the first time around. We didn't really know what we were in for this time. It's like a lot of talking. I was in good at vocalizing being upset. I just watched my husband grieve this time.

I was like, I'm not doing well. Like, I'm really upset. We were actually were out to dinner the other day. I'm kind of talking about it. Again, my husband goes to, I'm really shocked.

I mean, God, that was awful. Yeah. Just trying to be really, really present with each other and talk about feelings and everything. Yeah. I remember when I was going through loss.

Come on was too. Yeah.

“And there's also that moment where you have to step back and be like, you know, I can't.”

Yeah. I can't just be sad at all the time. You know, like, you just because he looks up to you. Yeah. You do are just like the joy and max life, right?

Yeah.

You can always find humor in a lot of things.

Right. You like, I remember a couple of days after I decided, okay, I got to go work out. Like, I can't be sitting at my feelings right now. A voice noted in my girlfriend says I was driving to the, to berries or something. And Crimea River was on.

And I was like, okay, switch. Tears and heaven come on. I saw I was like, you know what? This is ridiculous. Like, what about dancing on the ceiling or something?

And then the other one was we went into Max room. I think a baby. I don't know. Maybe it was like two nights after something like that. Merced it around.

And we like to do family hug when we put him down. Let's do a family hug. And he puts his arms around to daddy and mommy. And I said, Mackie, give me a hug. I'm really sad.

And I was holding him. And I was just crying. And he looked at me and he goes. I was like, you're mocking me. I thought, like, still back, no, it's you have any idea what I did to my body for you.

Yeah. So now that's Max thing when he wants to make me laugh. He goes, oh.

Isn't amazing watching them insane.

Figure out these little jokes. These little, like, inside things. Oh, yeah. It's all in experiment. Yeah.

And it's all they want is your laugh and your smile. And they just want to do everything to make you feel better. Yes. But throwing the fork across the room does not make me feel better. And then looking at me and throwing that in to do it.

Like, like, a sippy cup. Oh my, are you okay? The throwing things bring a toddler out to a restaurant.

“How about the one where the 15-month-old is sitting there across the way?”

And my two-year-old sitting there. And the 15-month-old is looking and just being so good and the mind throws the fork at her. Yeah. And I'm like, hey, we don't even know these people. I also feel like one's a boy, one's a girl.

Yeah.

Like girls are always a girl.

I wouldn't know how to raise a girl at this point because I only have boys. But I feel like boys test a little bit. Like boys are more difficult now. And I hear girls get more difficult later. But I honestly don't know.

I would never call it. Yeah. Big time. We'll be right back after the break. When people are meant for each other,

they will always find a way back to each other. Your favorite islanders said goodbye to each other. A lot's of little change, we're doing great things. It's like we can only each other forever. And hello, real life.

Everybody has its sad perception of me overnight. Those are such a loser get out. And they're still standing on business. There's a lot to eat out, I can't even tell you guys. I feel like this is going to be for our last three.

Girl, what is it every day for you? Love island beyond the villa. New season from here is April 15th, only on peacock. Hello, I'm Melissa Beth Day, the creator and host of How To Fail. It's the podcast that celebrates the things in life that haven't gone right.

“And what if anything we've learned from those mistakes to help us succeed better?”

Each week, my guests share three failures, sparking intimate thought-provoking and funny conversations. You're here from a diverse range of voices, sharing what they've learned through their failures. Join me Wednesdays for a new episode each week.

This isn't Elizabeth Day in Sony Music Entertainment, original podcast. Listen there, wherever you get your podcasts. Hey, guys, Willie Geist here reminding you to check out the Sunday Sit Down podcast. On this week's episode, I get together with Academy Award winner, Matthew McConaughey, to talk about his career from days and confused and his thoughts in a new book

on a better direction for the country. You can get our conversation for free, wherever you get download your podcasts. How do you manage being in the public eye? You know, especially on social media, I love when funny things happen. Like, yesterday, I don't know why my three-year-old is watching Rocky,

but Rocky was on. And he's like, I've got this video of him just punching through the living room. He's kicking his punching his own little world. Watches the scene, goes back to punching. It's just the cutest thing in it.

A part of me has to hold myself back from posting it. I can't put everything my kid does out there.

It's really cute and I love it so much, but how do you manage it?

“Yeah, I mean, I think you know what you're up against everybody has in opinion.”

So is it worth it? Probably not. I mean, I think I posted a picture of my son on ice gates. He wasn't skating yet, but we have him walking on the carpet. It's dad's a former NHL player. I mean, that's just what they do, what he did when he was that age to strengthen his ankles.

Hmm, where there are naysayers, absolutely, I don't care. But I'm pretty cautious right now of what I'm posting, but also know, and you know this better than anyone. People just have an opinion. Do you ever listen to any advice or anything that's given to you on social media? Not social media, but all I'm doing is whenever I see a mom, especially a boy mom.

What am I doing here? What do I do? It does this get better. I mean, I feel like we've kind of been with friends and that are older and have older kids and just like, Hey, do you have any tips? How does this not affect my relationship? How does this make my relationship better?

Am I always going to feel this crappy when I leave town?

And then this is what we signed up for. This is what I injected myself for eight million times. Right. There is something to be said about you being so open and honest about everything, because there are so many people out there who are taking solace and knowing they're not alone.

“And I think it's underestimated how much it helps to go through anything you're going through to know that you're not doing it alone.”

Yeah, you know, when I had was diagnosed with cervical cancer and I went through two surgeries during a football season during the year. I was hosting dancing with the stars. I did keep it quiet. I didn't say anything. Some of my crew members knew on Fox, nobody from dancing with the stars knew my family, my team, all that knew. And then afterwards it was crazy because I had a female writer from Sports Illustrated. We had this Super Bowl that year. It was my second Super Bowl. She just said,

"I'd love to sit and talk to you about how your year went." And I was like, "Oh, okay. Let me tell you this." So she wrote the story. She had no idea what she was getting. I knew the next day it was hitting. It was going live. I didn't anticipate the reaction it got.

It then turned into one in how many women get cervical cancer. One in how many women die of cervical cancer. You shouldn't be dying of cervical cancer. It's treatable. These are the signs. I mean, you looked at every morning show and it was up. It was a ton of articles and then it became cervical cancer awareness.

So I sat back and I was like, "Wow, I did some good kind of sharing that information." Then I work with mostly men. I was getting text messages from Robert Kraft, the owner of the New England Patriots. Head coaches. I went to go work to Super Bowl. Players were stopping me on the sidelines saying, "Thank you."

After that, I decided to be open about our infertility and how much we had gone through stuff in our loss.

“Because again, I think I was just tired and I was over the whole situation.”

And then obviously, what we heard after I was public was that was great. I'm laughing because my friend and also my public is sitting here and I called her one day. Or I think somebody that heard my podcast before it went live said, Erin just talked about her miscarriage on the podcast. And she's like, "All right, hold on."

But it was like, "I might as well spit this up while we're at it." But yeah, it's just like, I kind of made a promise to myself that I just want to be real with people because a lot of people are going through stuff. You know? And it's also exhausting to put the wall up all the time. It's like, "Yeah, everything's great."

Yeah, it's good. No problems here. Yeah, no. And it's like, I think the same goes for parenting too. There is this stigma where you do need to be the perfect parent, be the perfect everything. But it's just not realistic. All right. Yeah. Thank you for saying that.

What are you excited for going forward? I'm going through something right now. I was just talking to my girlfriends about it where I can't watch a movie the same because I'm so afraid of like my kid. You know what I mean? You can't read or watch some of the things you could when you didn't have a kid. And my friends warned me about that. I need to get over that part.

Like, let this kid have wings and fly. No. I'm excited to see how school goes. I can't wait until he starts up sports. I can't wait for him. He has a weird grasp on the fact his dad played hockey. Now he thinks his dad played every

he sees NBA. Hi, like, dad, no, your dad didn't play NBA. He sees NFL and he says Mama, but every hockey thing is dad died. I don't really know your dad is not Alex of Ashken, but that's okay. Yeah, I'm excited to see how like what he thinks of our careers. Yeah. And what we're doing, that'll be pretty cool. Yeah.

Yeah. And I promise. Two can be tough, but three is worse. No. It's different. Okay. It does get easier in a different way. Okay. The exhaustion of like picking things up up the floor

and watching him throw this. Like, that does go away.

You are in for so many wonderful blessings, and it's so incredible.

I can't wait. I'm excited for that thing.

Yeah. It was such a pleasure to talk to you.

I know. I'm just keep question it.

“You make this so easy. Thank you. Thank you.”

I'm just so appreciative of Erin just giving us such a revealing conversation, a revealing side to all the ups and downs and some of the heartaches that she's been through over the years. And just talking to her about those things brings back that flood of emotions that I felt when I was going through the same thing,

especially when I tried for so long to have all of our second child.

You know, it's just for what it's worth, it does get better.

“To sometimes stop and think back to how I became a parent,”

I was a different person back then. It's really hard sometimes to get that family that you have in your mind. But whatever God has planned for you, whatever that family is, whatever that family looks like to you, it's exactly what it's meant to be.

So go through the process, listen to others who maybe are going through the same

thing, take advice. When you can hear that advice, share your story with others because your story could be an inspiration and help somebody else

“need. So I'm just so grateful for Aaron for having that conversation with us today.”

So be sure to like or subscribe. You can follow me, Dylan Dryer, NBC on Instagram. And of course, today parents for more content. Bye bye. This episode was produced by Anne Lagamayo with audio production by Ricardo Gomez. Rachel Paula Abramson is our parenting reporter.

Amanda Sidman is our booking producer. It was edited by Alie String. Our audio engineer is Joe Plord. Our head of audio production is Jessica Fenton. Ashley Domagola is our production manager. Sadie Bass is our supervising producer.

Ariana Davis is the executive editor of the Today Show and Ashley Codiani is the vice president of content strategy. I'm Dylan Dryer and this has been the parent chat, a production of the Today Show. See you next week. I'm Jennifer Fisher and I'm Angela Kinsey.

And together we have the podcast office ladies. Just because we finished rewatching the office does not mean we're going anywhere. Every Wednesday will be sharing even more exclusive stories from the office and our friendship with brand new guests. Plus, you can revisit all the office ladies rewatch episodes

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