I Lost $600,000 In An Online Dating Scam

at Xander.com. I was scared about 10 years ago that I lost all my money in my house, like all my jewelry, holy smokes, my gosh, yeah. It was seriously considerable. And as long as I've worked in it '71, but when I came close to my father, we decided with on a plane and we opened the joint check in the count and she has taken all my money, my pay, my self security, every month, and gives me the rounds for food.

That's from food, gas, medication, etc. When all this didn't shoot, we sent money and it kind of called repairs, insurance, she doesn't extra transfer.

We have managed to say almost $200,000 here in my town, which is remarkable.

“Oh my gosh, how much of that's years and how much is hers?”

It's all mine, but it's all in her name. I don't have access to it. She's good. She sends me screen shot, it's all still there. Good for you, Marie. Well done. But I want this arrangement to stop our past personal times, and she's just not inclined to do so. She still doesn't trust me, understandable. But I've worked like that. My money available to me when I want it.

I don't know. One time, I contacted an agency for Aldo Abuse and in my area, and they told me to take her name off the account, where I didn't do that.

I opened another account, and it had nothing to go there. She found out, she came, she was not really happy. Because we account and transferred back to the joint account. What is her when that happens? What is she telling you? Because there is a reason that this arrangement was made. What is it that she's afraid that you're going to do?

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She's afraid that I'm going to get too back into that scenario, and she just wants me to be paying less again. And I can understand it. The scenario where you were scammed? Yes. Are there things Marie that you want to do with your money right now that she's saying no to?

Well, I'm ruined. My roof had ended last March, and I was able to buy a condo or a townhouse, and she was not moved with that.

“She said the only way that would happen if the property was going to be put in our nine, which I didn't have a problem with that,”

but it ended up I had to move to middle price, and I at least met her within the apartment. So I had a line to ask to be able to use a money or I just set it up and continue with our arrangement. You're not out of line to ask to use your money. There's another side to this that I want to know more about. Is she keeping you from and here I'm just going to based on what you said.

It sounds like something was so drastic that she was brought in to help you. And she's probably looking at this and I'm not saying that she's right. I'm just trying to get both sides. She might be looking at this going, you know, the best predictor of the future is the past and less something has changed, right? So she might be looking at this going, I don't see why I would expect anything different if I let her have access over to this money again. So you might have to explain to her.

Here's why this is different. Here's why this is not like it was before because you said she's afraid I'll fall back into my own old ways that got me scammed again. So if you know that my thought would be I need to help her understand why this is not like that anymore. And if you feel like if you genuinely feel like maybe you've changed or it's different, then have that conversation. And then if not, then I'd be talking with I might have to bring a lawyer into it and say, hey, this person is not. It's hard.

It's hard. There's such a fine library of loving, you know, someone in your family might help in the financial like this and then controlling them.

Yeah, we talked to her after, you know, do you mean the story she would give us? Because my hope would be that it's out of love and care for you, Marie, that she says,

“did you, were you good with money besides the scam that happened 10 years ago when you were raising her? How was money?”

I was one of the ways to jump in my spend with some of the area, he's passed.

And we've always read through the way.

Okay. So really was it just this one scam that caused all of this? It was massive, it was like six hundred pound dollars. How did it happen? Well, I'm at this guy on Facebook, he pretended to be someone he was not.

And it took almost three years. Yeah. That, it happens more of them. Yeah, I'm so sorry. Yeah, I'm so sorry.

I'm glad she did that. Stop me to protect me. Yeah. And that was 10 years ago, Marie, 2016ish? Yes, it happened.

So what I would do to probably keep the relationship good with your with your daughter. And again, I'm going to assume good in this call that she is doing this out of love and protection for you. Is I would sit down with her and I would have a road map to say, hey, this is what I desire.

At the end of this road, I want full access to my money.

I want to be able to purchase a condo because rent keeps going up and up and up. And I want to be able to have a place to live that's modest that I own and whatever that looks like for you Marie, what the end it looks like.

“And then, and then I would bring her in and just say, hey, what steps need to be taken for you to rebuild trust?”

Because it sounds like you guys have just been functioning in this and she may, she may have decided already. I'm just going to do this to my till forever. So that's my mom's life. I made that assumption. Yeah.

So we want to break that for you. And to, and some milestones have a couple of milestones. And in the next 12 months, what are things that you can be doing that would give her the confidence? Because that feels reasonable to me. And again, I'm assuming Marie, this isn't.

I'm saying all this putting you in a good light that you're being responsible for that you're not off to the side. She didn't even. So I don't even have access to owner banking. She, she makes me squinch up and I keep it up again. Yeah, so there's a point after 10 years if there hasn't been other mistakes or other patterns.

You should be. You should be. Yes.

And for her, she's, she doesn't have to babysit you or, you know, roles reverse that she's your mom.

Right. For a season, I think that's really good. But over time, you probably do want this deal to, to dissolve. But I want again, try to do it with her. And like, what's the roadmap to get there?

And, and then I had to say, but if she's, but if she's unwilling to do any of that, I would be curious then her motivation at the end. That's my question. And I want to make sure that everything's above board. Yes.

On both sides. So that's what I would question. How do we build the trust? How do we build the trust?

“And how do you do it in a way that can still preserve the relationship?”

Because if it really is, like I said, there's probably more to the story on her. And more to the story on your end, Marie. But there probably is reason for both of you to feel the way that you feel. Yes. And so I like your idea of making that roadmap because I think in the end, that's going to be.

Yeah. If the eight and as her 12 months happens, then you got to start pushing, pushing more. And maybe there's a transition even for the adult daughter to say, hey, the next step would be that she does have access to her money. But your name's still on the account. So you can, for six months.

Yeah. So she can actually log in to her own account. Right. I've like that's fair. That's very fair.

So like what are small steps that we can take to create more independence on Marie's side? Versus just having this hard black and white wall of like either you do it or idea. Yeah. It could be at both ends for a season two, you know? Yeah.

But yeah, that's that's hard. And I feel like Marie too. To your daughter's credit, like we get the calls. We get your daughter calling in and say, my mom has been scammed. Yes.

I sent a thousand. Yes. What do I do? How do I step in? Because she feels goalable.

She feels really vulnerable. I feel like she could fall into one of these again. And we probably would get it for that advice. Sit down with your mom. Say mom want to be able to help you.

Yes. Let me, you don't even mean so. And probably what the daughter is thinking is, oh, my gosh. If something like this happens again. I'll have to take care of you.

And I don't have the money to do that. So all of this is really being done out of just of a abundance of caution for the future. It's what it sounds like. Yes. That's what I would help.

I'm going to assume the best here. Yes. I assume everything's on the up and up. Sorry, that's happening. But thanks so much for the call.

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