Small Financial Wins Lead To Big Financial Impact

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“>> Normal is broken, common sense is weird.”

So we're here to help you transform your life from the Ramsey Network in the FairWins Credit Union Studio. This is the Ramsey Show. And I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour with Dr. John Deloni, and it's open lines.

So give us a call at Triple 8-825-2525. We're talking about your life and your money.

First up is Sue in Houston, Texas.

Hi Sue, welcome to the show. >> Hello. >> Hi, how can we help today? >> I was trying to determine if my husband is being financially abusive.

>> Okay, so what's going on? >> The he has two separate bank accounts on top of a joint bank account that we have. Only a portion of his check goes into the joint bank account. All of my money goes into the joint bank account.

He is constantly upset, making accusations that I'm spending thousands more than we should be spending. But he doesn't really know what our bills are,

because I'm the one who logs in and pays the bills.

And so he just tells me that I'm hiding things from him and he thinks I have the separate bank accounts when I do not. And I say paranoid, very. >> Well, often the complaint that you're making about your spouse is the thing that you're doing.

So spouses that are like, are you cheating on me? I know you're cheating on me. Often have something going on on the side, right?

“So his paranoia about what are you doing with our money?”

Or with my money may be rooted in him doing what he's doing with his money. I don't know if calling this financial abuse is instructive here. I think what's instructive here is you feel out to lunch, and you're getting accused about things that you're not doing. And you have a partner who's totally disengaged from you,

and the household finances, and yet swoops in and tries to quarterback everything. And I would deal with that directly. >> Or the ramifications of he won't deal with it directly, right? >> Yeah, what does he say when you ask, do you have access to his other two accounts?

Are you able to just see it, you may not have a card, but can you log in and see what he's doing? >> No, I do not have any access. I do not know what money goes into the accounts. I know for a fact, a portion of his check goes directly into one of the--

>> Why is he having, what does he say? He sets it up that way, why?

>> He has never mentioned other than hinting that he just wants to make sure

that he can take care of himself if anything more to happen. One time he has messaged me and blatantly said that he transfers money out of the account to his other account to make sure that if he ever needed to get an attorney, he would be taking care of. >> Like for the course.

>> Out of the blue, he like text to that, are you guys were in a fight? I don't understand where he's coming from. He's he always been like this? >> Yes, he goes through this regularly, probably once every other month.

He has questions about it, it usually doesn't last very long, but this time we're going into the third week of continuing to not see eye to eye with the finances, it's hard to see eye to eye when I can't see part of the finances and what he's spending money on. I don't care that he has separate bank accounts.

I don't care that he spends money out of this account. I don't even care what he spends the money on because we are able to take care of things.

“>> Well, you should care, and I can't make you care.”

So, and even saying "should" isn't a nice thing to say. What I would tell, give me this answer, where else are you all not together? >> Well, else does he do whatever he just gets good ready to do, leaving you to take care of the kids, the house, the whatever. >> Yes, we don't see eye to eye on, almost everything really.

>> So, I'm wondering if the money is a proxy war here to avoid dealing with the reality that y'all aren't even good co-managers of your house. You're the manager of the house. You just have an overbearing CEO that swoops in every once in a while and yells about stuff and threatens and takes some of the money out of the account and then leaves again.

And so, this won't be solved by quote-unquote getting on the same page with your money. You only need to go see a marriage therapist like ASAP because I think the marriage y'all had is over and y'all need to decide whether y'all want to build a new one together. And I can almost guarantee you because of the way he's talking and treating you and your household finances.

But y'all need to get down to the reality here.

The money is a symptom of a really a much bigger issue in your marriage. And you know that, right? I'm not telling some, you don't know. You feel that every day, right? >> Correct, yes.

I pretty much knew the answer to my question already, but it was more of one of those confirmation hearing it from someone else. >> Yes. >> So, how long is it? >> Sorry, keep on.

I just, and I tell him that, let's go to the council. Let's get the root of the problem because that's not his only argument. There are many, many, many, many other arguments that he just balances between when he gets in this mindset. >> Can I, uh, do you work outside the home, too? >> I own a cleaning business.

>> Okay.

“Do you have enough money in your account to pay the bills for your home?”

>> If he did not contribute, I would not have enough to pay by myself because I have employees

and cost the expenses that I have to take care of on top of taxes. >> But I mean, that should not be in your household account, that should be in a business account. >> Um, in the state of Texas, it's not required to have separations. >> It is not, it's not about it being required, it's just not wise because it mixes everything.

Because suddenly, you need groceries and you're trying to pay somebody else's, like, the hours they put in last week. You give what I'm saying? >> Mm-hm. >> Just from a clean accounting perspective, having it separate, it's important.

When you're running a small business, I would do that. And then I would have your own account at this point. >> Yeah, you're getting to a place where you have your own account, but Rachel, my concern is if she started had her own account to make sure the lights stay out on in the mortgage state paid, he's going to pull out his what he puts in there every month and you can't

support yourself on that.

>> Correct. We've created a lifestyle that requires both of our pay. >> Okay. >> Well, then he gets screwed in the process, too, because his lights are going to be cut off in the home that he lives in.

>> Sure.

“And here's the reality, his secret accounts, all of that gets laid bare in a divorce”

hearing. >> Mm-hm. >> Right. It's not like he's got this secret pot that he gets to play with when one of y'all files, all of that gets put into a big pot that gets divvied up.

And so, I don't know what he thinks he's preparing for, but it's not reality. >> How long have you guys been married, Sue? >> We have been together for 19 years with a four-year separation because of mental illnesses. >> Okay. >> On his part, and married for nine of those years.

>> Okay. >> What is his diagnosis? >> Actual diagnosis is bipolar, there have been discussions of get the Frennan paranoia. >> Okay. >> Yeah.

>> But no medication. >> He's not managing it. >> Correct. >> Okay.

“>> Well, then that makes sense, like in my head, that's a safety issue.”

>> That's the piece, yeah, that's the piece of the puzzle that makes all this make sense. >> Yeah. >> Like it's him. >> Yeah, he's not okay. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. And even trying to discuss it with him, whether right or wrong on my part, there's no getting through. >> No. And I don't use this word lightly, but he's not well, he's sick.

And he's untreated as illness is untreated, but he's not well. And so, you continuing to try to bang your head up against that situation is only going to give you a bruise, right? And so, we have to take care of ourselves when those around us are taking care of themselves. You guys, George here, listen, 99 times out of 100, when people say, "I don't know where

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Hi Valerie. Hi. How are you? Hi. We're doing well.

How are you? Okay. Yeah, I just wanted to get on here.

“I've seen a few of your videos and I love the advice you give to people, and I'm going”

to start a licensed practical nurse nursing program in August, and I was going to pay my tuition out of pocket. It's a $8,000, unfortunately, my fiance lost his job, so I've been whittling away at my savings. So it's no longer seems like an option either way.

So I was trying to find a student loan, and I didn't think it would be so difficult, but I got sick of it's not a college, and it is a female loan nursing program. They don't loan money to a school that they're not associated with. Like any school loan company, and I really don't know where to go from here.

I've never taken out a loan for anything.

Please don't start. Please don't start. Valerie, please don't start, okay? Yeah, we're probably not, we're probably, we're not the ones that are going to direct you on how to get a loan or the ones that help you get out of debt, not get you in debt.

So did you say it was $8,000 for the program? Correct. Okay. Is this an unaccredited program? You know, that's the thing, right?

“That's a, it's a, to seek county technical institute, right?”

It's a vocational high school, and they have been a furthering adult learning program. Okay. So that you can get your LPN license. It's a one year program. So I'm really not sure how it's labeled, but when I go and ask a loaning companies like Sally

Me or something, they try to look for it, and they say, "Oh, we're not associated with

this course, so we don't do loans for that." Yeah. That's why it's the same thing. I want to make sure that the degree is, it's usable. Yeah.

I would, before I gave this college a penny, or this program a penny. Oh, well, this program, I have cousins that have gotten in this program. They paid it out of pocket, and they're working, and they're making great money, okay? Okay. Okay.

So Valerie, what you got to do, you got to, you got to come up with eight grand and five months, so you need $1,500 to $2,000 a month. What can you do as a side hustle to get that? Well, I could tell you can stop paying off your paying for your fiancé. Your fiancé needs to go start bagging groceries, and, like, throw in trash,

and drive a new, but whatever-- Yeah, because you're dwindling your savings for him. Whatever they got to do. Well, yeah. We've lived together for a long time.

You know, it's just paying the rent. You know, you know, before we were splitting it, it's splitting the bills, and now I'm covering whole things. While we're looking at golf, while he's looking for another job. I mean, in the meantime, he's been selling his things, but, you know--

Yeah, let me say it like this. Your choice to cover for his expenses is a choice to delay going to nursing school. It's just that simple, because you don't have the money. And a bank makes a money by loaning you money. And the banks have looked at you and said, for whatever reason,

we don't feel comfortable giving you this money. Either for, because you're a loan risk doesn't sound like you are, or we don't think that the product that you want to buy with this borrowed money, which in your cases is a degree, we don't feel safe giving you that money.

So you don't have it. And so it's-- I hate to-- It's a math problem. And I think you can get it, Valerie.

You have five months. So you've got to figure out, hey, what does Valerie have to do for Valerie? And the next five months to get this eight grand. And it's a year-long program. I wonder if you call the admissions office and just say,

hey, can I pay the first semester upfront?

And then pay the second half. You know what I mean? You can kind of delay a payment or two. But we talked to people all the time, Valerie, and they're hustling.

They're doing dog walking. They're cleaning houses. They're driving Uber Eats. And they're making thousands of $2,000 on side hustles.

“So that's what I would be doing, Valerie.”

Every night, after I leave my full-time job, because what are you making in your job right now? How much you bring you home a month? Uh, I think $24 an hour, which is about like after taxes, like $7.50 a week.

Okay. Well, you got to figure out, number one, how you're going to pay rent. But number two, how what you're going to do and the boundaries you're going to make with the boyfriend,

uh, that you're not going to be supporting him this whole time, because you guys, you aren't, you aren't married.

You have to pay the rent.

“But girl, I would figure out, yeah, how am I going to make this cash?”

And I would be working nights and weekends to figure it out. Please don't take a loan out though, please. Let's go to Dan in Charlotte, Ty Dan. Hey, there, how are you guys doing? Hi, we're doing great. How can we help?

Great. I've got a quick question for you guys. So I'm 24, making around $80,000 a year. Thinking about buying a $7,000 toy. Uh, so right now I drive an older car. It's an old Corolla with a little bit of $100,000.

Oh, yeah, just get started. Just get started. Just get started, Dan. That's right. That's right.

But thinking about adding a second one to the fleet.

Um, and this would, it's funny enough, be a toy that is more expensive than my current car. But it would cost me about $7,000, and I'm wondering, that's a wise decision to spend that much money on a toy at the phase of life.

Um, and be just kind of like the practicality of owning two cars. What's the toy? What's the toy? The meata, the meata. That's not a toy, Dan.

That's a statement. That's an identity, bro. I did. That's an identity. That's an identity.

Okay, oh, man, Dan, do you have any debt? Do you have consumer debt? No, man. No, do you have savings? Yeah, I've got about 22,000 saves in a brokerage.

Just in money marking each hole. Oh, good for you. Would you take a $7,000? Take the $7,000 out of that to buy it. Um, and your Corolla, how much is it worth?

A million dollars because it will never stop running.

That's right.

“You know, I have some co-workers say I should drive into the ground, but I think I'd be 44 if I did that.”

You are. You broke. I've been down that road. I tried to outlast a Corolla and I gave up. It will outlast.

It's an apocalypse. It will never stop. It will outlast you. So it's what? If you sold it, what?

Five thousand. Yeah, seven thousand. Yeah, maybe four. Yes. Okay.

So the things I'm looking for, the big check marks of can you just go spend money? Number one, do you have it? Number two, financially. Are you in a place that that money would be better spent in the present? Meaning like getting you ahead financially, which would be to pay off debt or have an emergency fund?

You have those. So check check. And then anything with motors and wheels, we don't want the value of those to be more than half of your annual income. But you're going to be way under that, making 80. Uh, so.

Yeah, Dan, I think the new identity is Dan and Emiana. Oh, Dan and Emiana. Is that that little two-seater convertible? Yes. That's right.

Yeah, little tiny car. The noise it makes is. We've got work day, Dan. And then we go weekend.

“Um, the thing you have to factor in the other weekend car is you have to factor in.”

You'll have two registrations to tanks of gas to like you'll have to ensure this car too. So it's not just a matter of seven thousand and I would get a dollar amount on what is your. Monthly expenses. Interestingly enough, I kept our corolla. Like my wife bought a corolla.

That was the first car to college.

We had it for years. And I just kept it in the driveway as a third car for us. And it was when I did the math on. It was costing me about 75 bucks a month just to sit there. And that's when I sold it.

Because between like if I took the registration and the insurance for the year and all that, and I divided it by 12, I got about 75 bucks a month. And that was a long time ago. So you may be up to a hundred and twenty five bucks a month. Um, just in the privilege of keeping the the your identity car parked in the driveway.

Right. So if that's worth it to you, cool, but you can afford it. Yeah. Dan, what are you doing on April 7th? Do you know?

April 7th. Yeah. I don't think I have anything planned. Well, maybe you can come to the Ramsey Show live. Ken Coleman, George Camel and I are going to be in Charlotte then.

So if you hold on the line, Christian's going to pick up. We're going to give you two tickets. You can come hang out with us in the meata. And if you come and you bring that meata, wave your hand in the audience. Because it's a it's a smaller audience on these on these.

You're going to have to get your of the person who takes the other tickets. Gonna have to hold their breath in that tiny little. No, we'll come out and get a picture with it. So yeah, hopefully Dan, you can join us. Yeah, and Charlotte for the Ramsey Show live coming up.

Hey, what's up, guys? It's Jade. Listen, my husband and I drive used vehicles. And we really do plan on keeping those running for a long time. So we trust Christian Brothers automotive to take care of them.

Their team is honest. Their shops are super clean. And what I love is they don't try to upsell us on things that we don't need.

Because I know that no one's going to try to take advantage of me or scare me into unneeded repairs.

Christian Brothers gets it. So schedule a service today at cbac.com/ramsey and get 10% off your visit. That's up to a $250 value. See stores for details. So we just mentioned that we are heading to Charlotte for the Ramsey Show live.

It is going on tour. The show is. And we're also going to be in Denver, Phoenix, and Anaheim. So if you have not come, we went to Chicago back in the fall and Orlando and did some live tapings. So fun, dude.

Ramsey Show. How was it for you? Because we weren't at the same city. We were in the lattice place. It was like an old punk rock club. Why when I walked to the door, I just started smiling.

I was like, this feels like home for me. But yeah, dude, it was awesome. And we had a red, debris screen.

We had one who came up and was like, I'm getting laid off tomorrow.

What do I do is a real heavy emotional moment. Everyone was open.

“Honestly, it was just a great time to see fans live.”

And they got to ask questions of us personally. So it was a blast. So we take the questions that we take on this show, but it's going to be live in a room. And it's in their smaller venues, which is fun. So we're able to hang out with the audience.

You know, we, I don't know, it's just a really enjoyable experience doing the show live with people, but also them participating in it. There was a couple in We're in Chicago. Cute young couple. And they had this like big debate because she spent so much on Amazon.

And he, but they were like, deep free in all of us. So there was like a big, like, audience with you. We're like back and forth. And of course, George and I kind of disagree because George is more on his side of like saving. And I'm like, girl, you go spend. We had to work hard.

And you can, you can. We had somebody in Orlando that would answer before we did. And they're like, no, I mean, they, they didn't drink the Ramsey Kool-Aid. They somehow got the Ramsey cocaine. And we were disagreeing with, we're like, hey, we're up here.

It was awesome. So good. So, so if you want some tickets, go to Ramsey Solutions.com/Events or click the link in the show notes.

“If you're listening on podcast or watching YouTube again, Charlotte, Denver, Phoenix and”

Anaheim, we're heading to you in just a couple of weeks. So we'll be on the road soon. So fun. All right, let's go to Rapid City and Mike is on the line. Hi, Mike.

Rachel, John, it's so awesome to be talking to you guys. I feel like I'm in such good hands right now. I can't even tell you. John, I have to say something. You, I thought I was the only person that still said rad.

No way. No way. You old people. That's rad. Mike, Mike, Mike, Mike, I'm in.

I'm in. And Rachel, I was watching your dad when you were like, I was listening to your dad when you were like 15 years old. Oh, my gosh. How far you have come and what you have done with your life and the book,

it is just amazing to me and to be talking to you right now,

as such an honor. You, Mike, that is so nice. I'm going to get to the point here. We hold on, Mike. Hold on, Mike.

I just got to say.

“He called up, what amazing things you've done with your life.”

And for me, I got, I say rad too. Good, Mike. Thanks for kicking me while I'm down. I'm going to be better. I'm going to be better.

I'm going to be better. I'm going to be better. You have questions. You asked questions. You show such insight.

No, it's, you're, you're interesting. So supernatural, my friend. You're the nicest guy ever. You're the nicest guy ever. You're the nicest guy.

Thank you, Mike. Just encourage me. You guys to do it. You're the team. Honestly, I love you guys.

Thank you. You know, when Dave decides to quit work and which, you know, that'll never happen. Just this organization is in great hands with you all. And I'm really happy to talk to you.

Thank you, homey. So kind. Okay, how can we help Mike? How can we help you? So, Mike, my life.

And I've been married about 15 years. And a couple years into the marriage. You know, I found out that she'd racked up like $9,000 and secret debt behind my back. And, you know, back in those days, we were pretty broke.

I mean, we were making, we had, we had baby twin girls. And we, we, we, we, we were making under $40,000 a year. And, and I mean, it almost broke our marriage. Um, early on. And, uh, I, I buckled down and, and about two,

two years or so, I got it paid off, but ever since then, we've had our finances separated. And my goal for my conversation with you guys today is, is to, is to, to join our finances again,

And, and the goal, the goal is, is to, um,

only focus on our girls, uh, college savings fund. I've got all of the steps done except for number five and number seven. Um, and, uh, and I really want to focus on number five right now. And, and that's kind of like how I want to bring her in on this. Yeah, this is the sheet.

I'm not really worried that she's not going to want to. Okay. So, why would she not want to? And have you guys talked about this? Now, I'm, I'm, I'm just scared.

“Honestly, I mean, it's been, it's been Keith's sense then, right?”

Like, like, yeah, but it's been, it was an arm's agreement. It's not, it's not real peace. Right. It, it's like y'all have a treaty signed, but y'all are still staring at each other from the opposite sides of the table.

Right.

You know what I'm saying?

Yeah. I mean, I, I see that. I mean, I feel that. I feel some resentment because, you know, I feel like she's a spender and, I'm the saver and.

Well, hold on, that, that's, my big question is, you have a lived experience where she, we call it financial infidelity. She cheated on you with her money, right? Behind your back.

Yeah. And that was 13 years ago. And so, my question for you is, is your fear that she's going to drain the accounts and do stuff behind your back? Is that, is that a real ongoing fear?

Or is that? It is because, I mean, when she sees, because she'll spend her account down to nothing, you know, on a monthly basis and when she sees, you know, $35,000, $40,000 in a checking account. I'm afraid what she's going to do with it.

Okay. I want, that's the real issue. The real issue is not the combining of the checking accounts, which, I, I wholeheartedly with all my being endorsed. The real issue is,

you want to say for your daughter's college. And you feel, you have, you have an obligation to the middle of your chest to help your daughters out. And you watch your wife burn the thing down. And what you're trying to do is back door that conversation with

let's just join our money. And the real conversation is you have a picture about what you want your daughters life to be when they walk out your door at 18. And your wife has a different picture. And y'all got to align those.

What do I say? What are the magic words? How do I broach this? I mean, I, I, it's going to be very defensive. The, the, the most effective path I've seen. Can I give it to you real quick? Let's hear it.

Here's what's going on. Here's the story that I am making up about what's going on. Here's how I feel about that story.

Here's what I would love to happen next.

You know, it's very, very, very chill. Well, doesn't sound like that would start a fight. No, because it, because what most people do in your situation, myself included, right? I have to really fight this is to sit down and say,

you spend all your money. And I'm trying to save for the kids college. We have to do a better job of filling the blank, filling the blank, filling the blank. And when you start conversations with you don't,

and you never, and I'm doing all of this, then what you do is you walk up and you throw a grenade at somebody. And they're either going to throw a grenade right back at you, or they're going to run. They're going to fight or flee.

“That's the only way you protect yourself.”

When you come down and say, hey, I've made up a story about you. And the story I've made up is, and that's you owning what's going on inside your spirit. I've made up a story about you that you don't care about the kids going to college,

that you'd rather have a bunch of shiny toys or objects or whatever she's buying. And that makes me feel alone in this marriage, and that makes me feel scared to death for what our daughters are going to do. I would love it if we could get on the same page and create a plan together, so that our daughters have their college taken care of,

or 50% whatever you all agree on. You know, Jon, as I'm talking to you about this, I'm realizing that it's really not the money because I have the money. I make 200 grand a year plus, and I can float this. I can do it on my own, but I, you know,

my place and my marriage with my wife right now is better than it ever has been. And I just feel like this is a missing link that it's just not right. It doesn't sit with me and I want, and I want us to be a unit and I want to trust her. And I think all of that, Mike, like what you just said,

say that to her. Say that to her.

“Because the truth is in your feeling this,”

as when there's a part of your marriage that you're not engaged in, and you guys are living in two separate lives, and you just sweep it under the rug, because it's just easier. The actual intimacy is built when you lift up the rug, and you deal with the stuff you've been sweeping under for 13 years.

You guys actually are going to have a better marriage on the other end. Yeah, I might get a little spicier in there

Because you guys have created good habits to this point,

“and so just apply those to these money conversations,”

but everything you just said to us, Mike, say to her. [music] I love entrepreneurs, don't forget guys. I started my company on a card table myself, so I know what it's like to have people counting on you.

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Take a free product tour today at net sweet.com/Ramsy. That's net sweet.com/Ramsy. Up next is Victoria, in Philadelphia. Hi, Victoria. Welcome to the show. Hi. Thank you.

So my question is, I'm in '80s just to, and I wanted to know, is it okay for me to spend beyond just the four walls of necessities to spend quality time or make memories with a family member who is terminally ill?

Oh, gosh. I'm so sorry. Well, I mean, yeah, I mean, you know, there's not a right or wrong, I would say, in the moral code of life of how to do your money. There's a plan at which we'll get you out of debt faster

and a plan that won't, but you get to make the decision within that plan of, you know, how intense you want to be.

Is there a, I always say to ask this.

Who is the person? What's going on? So it's my mom. She is in her mid 70s, and she has dementia. She's in about the middle stages. So, you know, I can't definitively say that she won't be able to go have lunch with me or go get her nails done in a year,

but I can say that the window for us to be able to do that is getting smaller. Yeah. And I do want to spend time with her, and she enjoys doing those things,

she enjoys going shopping, but I don't feel comfortable with her paying for it either. Sure. Does she enjoy those things specifically, or does she enjoy being with her daughter?

She enjoys being with me. She does. So, she's also lost her, her driving privileges, a couple of months ago, and so I know getting out of the house and doing things, which typically involves spending money,

are important to her, and make her feel more, like, normal. Sure.

“Well, and that's what I was wondering is,”

there's a difference between, we're going to get a cup of coffee, and we're going to spend a couple hours together, like doing whatever. I'm going to send you a bunch of questions for humans,

decks, just as my gift to you. We're going to just get to know each other again, and we're going to talk, or we're going to tell old stories, look at photo albums, whatever.

Other things you can do that are less expensive, because I'm 100% with you. I would spend every moment I got with my mom, every moment that I could. I get that.

But you can take her to do a bunch of really fancy, expensive things, or you can spend quality time with her, and I guess what I'm trying to say is, you don't have to do either, or.

No, no time with mom. I'm on this baby step two journey, I'm trying to get out of debt, and, or I need to, we got to go get her nails done, buy new dress every week,

we got to go out to fancy dinners, we got to do expensive stuff. Is there ways y'all can spend

amazing quality and rich time together?

That does it require spending a whole bunch of money, and it just takes some creativity on your part.

I try to find the balance now,

but I am feeling sort of morally,

“again, I guess, you shouldn't be morally,”

but I'm feeling conflicted between my wanting to dedicate myself wholeheartedly to baby step two, but also wanting to do things with my mom, that I know she won't be able to do in the future. Is that, can I ask you a real hard question?

Sure. Is that your pain or is that hers? It's mine. He is not really aware of all of the ramifications. Okay.

So the reason I'm asking is, if it's inside your chest, I want you to spend some time grieving it. Because it's less about, I think what you're grieving,

and tell me if I'm wrong, what you're grieving is not that we only have three or four times we can go get her nails done together. Is that in ten years?

I won't be able to do this with her anymore. In four years, I won't be able to do this anymore. Right? So the grief is less on the thing, and more on this relationship

“that I've had with this woman for seven,”

for your whole life, is coming to an end. It's going to become a new relationship. Yes, it probably is that. Okay. What I want you to do is

don't try to bury that in expenses, and don't try to bury that in shiny things. I want you to experience that as the grief that it is. That's heartbreaking, that's sad. Right?

Okay. We can trust. Well, and here's the magic is, grief demands a witness. You have to have a couple of people

that are not your mom, that you can share how heartbreaking this is. You have to have a couple of friends that you can talk to about this. I would love for you to write your mom a letter

and read it to her. I have something I want to tell you. You did a great job.

You've been an amazing mom to me.

And I would rather, instead of, I don't, I want to try to cram as many nail sessions in, and by the way, those are important. Take your mom and get her nails done. That's amazing.

I want there to be nothing left unsaid. Do you get what I mean there? Yeah. There's a, a power in that Victoria. Hi, here you.

Yeah. And can I just tell you, on behalf of everybody that's struggling with parents with dementia, I hate it. It's evil.

It's the worst. I hate it with all my guts. And I hate that you're going through this. Thank you. Yeah, your mom won the lottery with you.

It's awesome to hear somebody that cares about their mom. Yeah. No, but it's a good point, John, on. And it's all that. When we talk about our money,

there's always the root issue.

Whether we're talking about a marriage issue or whatever it may be. But even a grief of the grief of losing a parent and what you're walking through. And the immediate knee jerk reactions, because I get it as she was talking.

I was like, "Yeah, I want these experiences with her." We have to go do these, that you don't even mean the action towards it. But getting to the root of the motivation of what's even going on under that. Yeah, actually I'm grieving is. Yeah.

I'm about to lose my mom. Yes. And she's still going to be alive. And yes. And that's painful pain.

So hard. All right. Let's go to Ethan in Los Angeles. Hey, Ethan. Welcome to the show.

Hey, how's it going? Doing great. How can we help? Hey, located a little bit far away from Los Angeles. So that's the closest city.

But I'll get out of it. Yeah. My question is, I bought a house almost about two years ago. And I know it needed some work to it. And I, you know, looking to have kids this year.

But there's so much work that needs to be done to it. I might have to push that out to next year or if I really prioritized this year, I can get it done. But I also want to start investing again. I had to take it out to buy this house. I think I'm on baby step four.

So I already got savings and all that.

“But I'm just wondering, you know, what percentage of my monthly income should be towards the house?”

And what should be towards investing? Or should I focus on fixing the house so I could have kids? Why can't you have kids in the house you're in now? Is there danger? Yeah, yeah.

I mean, when we got it, there was mold, foundation cracks, framing issues. And we fixed the framing issues and a lot of the mold. But there's still mold upstairs or leaks in the house and trying to fix those.

Okay. Well, what I would probably do Ethan is base up four is investing 15% of your income into retirement. So I probably would jump start that. I mean, I would get that going and then any money you have left over, then you guys can cash flow some of these renovations.

“And remember, too, a baby takes nine months, you know?”

So maybe you guys start the journey and you'll have, you'll have a runway, if you will, before the baby actually gets here too.

So I always, yeah, I always hate people putting off things like getting married or having kids or something when it comes to

something financial. And I know this is obviously the home and you want it to be safe that they are going to be living in. So I totally totally understand that. But I wouldn't kick the can down the road so long. Like I would, I would, I would get on it.

So I would just do the minimum of what you guys need. And if you guys want to start a family, then start a family. And then you guys will have a good probably, you know, that nine month runway. And you know, if you want to continue to do repairs and cash flow the savings. Okay, all right, I understand.

All right, well, I appreciate it. Yeah, absolutely. And then yeah, good luck on the, on the next journey. But you guys, yeah, when you can start investing as early as possible, when you get to that baby set for,

I would do that 15 percent.

I mean, it's kind of a non-negotiable for me. And then anything above that, be saving for things you want to do, whether it's replace a car, vacation, fix a house. But that's beyond the 15 percent going into retirement. Hey, let's play a quick game of wood, your rather.

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Welcome back to the Ramsey Show and the Fair Wins Credit Union Studio. I am Rachel Cruz hosting this hour, Dr. John Deloni, and we are answering your questions. So give us a call at triple eight, eight, two, five, two, two, five. All right, let's go to Sam in Hartford, Connecticut.

Hi, Sam. Hi, how are you? Hi, how are you? Hi, we're doing great. How are you?

All right. Can't complain. Just another day out here. I guess I was, well, we'll send you guys a show and I figured I'd call in today. So I'm glad you called in.

What's up, brother? I know. I got, so I got a house that's a little bit out of my price range that I bought five or four years ago now. And it's rental property.

And I have two of my apartments that are vacant that need to be rehabbed. I completely gutted them down the stud. So I guess my question is if I should apply for a key lock, I'm almost out of baby step two. I have about $8,000 in Connecticut at last.

But I'm sorry to get to the point where I can't really afford the home. Is it a due course?

“Is it one building in two units or is it two separate?”

It's a three family home. Okay. I currently live in one of them. And then I rent the one I live in out during the summer time. And then I move on to a boat that I have not been able to sell for the last,

I don't know how many years or years now. Can I call something out? So you call this?

You seem to always be on to the next scheme.

And I'm going to buy a boat and then I'm going to buy a three family home. I lived on a boat, I'm trying to buy in the house and then. No, I got it. But you always have a good idea. A next good idea.

And it feels like all these good ideas are starting to close in around you. Because you've got it at house that you can't finish. You have a house that you can't afford. You've got a boat. You can't sell.

And now you want to take out a leverage against the house that you can't afford yet. And I guess at some point what I want to tell you is like, at some point you've got to pay the paper. And I would suggest trying to deal in that reality and not trying to float this thing with yet another idea.

And like what would make you think you could pay that he lock off?

Um, I was kind of hoping to get him both the other two remodels. The rental property down the summer probably brings in about eight grand a month. A grand a month for just the one unit on one unit. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, where the house is. Wonderful. Okay. Okay. I travel area.

And both other units are. Are gutted. You said correct. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So how much money would it take to. To fix both of those up each one individually. I could probably I do all the work myself.

“So I could probably do them for both under 50,000 I think.”

So what if this summer you didn't get on your boat and live there for a year? And you spent the summer working your butt off getting these things finished. Um. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, then I need some more to live. Um, then I would lose the summer rental. No, I mean, you rent out the one room or the one unit. And you work on the other ones. No.

No, so there's three units in that. One of those on one the other two are gutted. Is the is the boat there you? Yeah. So about a mile for my own.

Okay. Perfect. Go live on the boat. Run out the unit for eight grand a month. Use that to help cash flow these renovations.

And I would just cash flow one at a time. So we're not going to tell you to take out the lock. Now the other the other option would be to look at everything in full with two vacant gutted units yours. And how much with the whole thing sell for and do you want to get out of this deal? There could be an exit here because I, I mean, I don't know if you enjoy it.

Yeah. Living next to renters that you're renting from you and these other units. You don't even mean the whole the whole thing. So I just wonder if you if you could get out with some equity. So even though they're still gutted, but have another investor coming and buy it.

“And then you go buy something small that you can afford and you have to worry about all the rental stuff.”

Okay. Yeah. That's kind of where I'm at because the house is a lot of equity. Okay. What, how much?

Yeah. How much you owe on it? I owe four fifty right now. And how much would it go for? Yeah.

Oh, my gosh. Yeah. But is that completely redone with all new appliances and I'll new.

I never checked and solved.

I've never looked at that listing. I don't know if the old lady that once you passed away, if it could free did it. And then she'll be. Well, that was redone when she was alive. I would get a real editor.

Whatever. I would go to randesolutions.com and get a real editor in your area. A real estate pro. And I would get real numbers on what they think they could flip it for. Mm-hmm. Yep.

And I would take any cash that I got head extra and count my lucky stars and not do this again. Yeah. Because even if even if you had dropped the price. 400,000, that's 1.4 million. You know what I mean?

Well, it's 60. Since 66% of it is gutted down to the studs, imagine you're going to get 30% of 1.8 million. Or 40% of 1.8 million. Right? And so even then you win.

You get out of this mess. Yeah. I know about negative in the house. I'm just curious. But I guess what you're going to think.

Yeah. So it would be. It would be option A or B for me. It's A. I'm going to just slowly redo each unit because you'll love the life you're in.

You'll like having the renters. You like the income. You'll whatever and you're going to pay it off eventually. Because it's, I mean, it's a great. It's $450,000, right?

So you would just put it in baby steps six and you keep it. But you just do the renovations slowly with cash. Or option B is I'm just going to check that out of this whole thing and. Holy crap. Make a make a lot of money.

Probably go buy something we cash. Sam, you know what I mean for real. Go buy something with cash. And then just enjoy your life. Yeah.

Kind of where I'm at. It's not much burn testing. I just I'm more of the. Like I said, I went baby steps to. I've got about eight thousand left.

I'm kind of card that. Yeah, that's right. And then I was going to move on. But. For sure.

Yeah.

“That's why I wasn't sure if I should take on more.”

That. Please don't. Yeah. You want you to get here. You work too hard.

Yeah. Yeah. The note. The note debt piece is a is a non starter for us. I don't know.

No, he locks. So again, it's either cash flowing those renovations. Or just cash an out because you bought it a good time. And apparently a great area. If that's that's true with the.

With a million dollars. Yeah.

And that and that's always hard.

Side of life that people.

“Look for and or fall into thinking that it's going to be.”

Easy passive income. Continues to come back to to show that it. It's stressful. You guys. I've also noticed this.

Um, on my daughter, Josephine, she's 10, she's all into home renovation shows. She loves watching them. And I noticed the other day. The demo side.

They always show everyone having fun.

They play the cool music. And they got sled tamers and they're taking all the stuff out. They don't spend a lot of time when the house is down to the studs. Because they show these pros come in and wired all up. And then they show them at the fixture store.

It's just like a boom. It's a nightmare when you're looking at a house full of studs. And you have to level it and fix it. It's not fun. And that's when the Instagram, like, "Oh, it's so fun."

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Hi, how are you doing? Hi, we're doing great. Can we help today? Yeah, so I was wondering I have some, I have a little bit of debt and I'm recently wanting to move closer to a girlfriend.

And I don't know how to kind of navigate that. Okay, how much debt do you have? About 38,000. Okay, and how much do you make? Uh, 2200 a month.

Yikes. What are you doing for work? A work in a factory. Okay. And that's my net, my take home.

Okay. And do you have a job where the girlfriend is? I know but there are a lot of opportunities there. Okay, how long have you guys been dating? A couple months.

How far is she from you? About two hours. Okay. Um. And how much will all have you, have you added up all the moving expenses and the

“difference of the housing you're paying now for rent versus where you would live?”

I mean, have you done all that math? I've looked at it a little bit but I haven't done an index analysis. Okay. So, I mean, for now my goal would be to get out of debt as quickly as possible. So, I don't know if living where you're living, working where you're working now,

gives you that opportunity or where she is. Is there a better job that you can make more money? And it's a plus plus on your side of the financial spectrum. I mean, I would ask those questions but I don't know. I'm a move.

Um. Gosh, switching jobs. Everything for. A couple months relationship. Yeah, you fast.

Here's the thing.

I'm a guy who falls hard.

Okay. All right.

“I would get what I would call love dumb or love blind or love stupid.”

Whatever you want to say. And I only have a job because people make really. The feel really big firm plans with their relationships and they don't work out. And so, as you're talking, what I'm going to is what happens when you go down there. All these quote unquote great opportunities don't materialize.

Y'all break up two months later. And this $40,000 of debt has followed. You plus whatever loan you think you're going to take out to get the move even there. Get it a deposit on your place. Get a part in all that kind of stuff.

And so, I wouldn't move. If you were my friend or my son or my brother, I wouldn't tell, I would tell you don't move unless you have a job lined up that you start on this date. Yes. And you have a place to live that you already know you can afford.

And you've already done some of the math on the back of an app. And not even an app can on spreadsheet that says, Here's how much taxes are going to be.

Here's what my take on pay is going to be.

And here's my plan to continue to get out of debt as I'm going. And I know that makes me a fun ruiner because you're like, Dude, I finally met somebody. I totally get that sentiment and feeling. In fact, I love that feeling.

But man, it can get you in a lot of trouble. And turn it I $38,000 mass into a $50,000 mass and a broken heart and an estranged town all at the same time. And so, I would be much more concrete in what are my plans. What am I going to do?

Not just I'm in love, I'm in love, I'm in love. Yeah, that makes sense. Yeah, absolutely. So yeah, if there's a job and you've got everything and you're like, Hey, this is this is an upside for me. Plus, I get to live close to the girlfriend and yeah, and that's great. You can move while you're in baby step two if you cash flow.

And it's just going to pause that process for a little bit. But don't let the, yeah, the love cloud some good judgment and actually have a plan in place. And I like to give you getting another job and making way more money that you're making. Hundred percent. So look for new job in that community and go, go line it up. And regardless, be working nights and weekends with a side hustle and get the $38,000 paid off.

Yes. All right, let's go to Cory and Nashville. High Cory.

“A little good afternoon. Hello, thanks for calling. How can we help?”

Yes, I was calling on regards to a collection that we have on our credit my wife and I, dealing with a landlord from three years ago. I've been contacting this collection the agency trying to settle with them. And there, I think I'm settling for too much, but beggars can't be choosers. We need to settle this to the stuff of our credit so that we can move and do another rental home.

But the collection agency is not willing to then be an offer letter and I just, why? Well, there he has it, Jim. Yes, yes, yes. Don't sign him a dime until you have something in writing. Why are they not, why are they, why are they not doing it? The reasoning was that if they send an offer letter, they're saying that other people have used that to get into other rentals. And I just don't do that adding up, you know.

I've never heard that. It might, that doesn't mean it's not true, but I've never heard that.

Well, and that you can't make a payment until you have something in writing. Yeah, what are you, what do you owe them? How much you owe? So originally, the debt was just, just a little over 5,000. And now over the course of three years with interest, it bumped up to 57. There were one to settle it for.

And I, I kind of needed off of my credit. Okay. And do you guys have the cash? Yeah. We do. Okay.

“And you've already offered them for, is that right?”

Yeah, well, I sort of fall out lower. Okay. What would they work on this for a couple of months? And I think that they know that we, I need it off my. Yeah, but my credit as well to be able to move into another home.

Yeah, but let me say you're in the driver seat, too. They're both, yeah, it's a game of chicken because they need to, they have already made come to terms with. They're not going to get this money back. And so the fact that you're offered them for grand is a huge all of branch for them, too. I would hang up and call somebody back and hang up and call somebody back and say,

I've received a settlement offer for for grand. I'm prepared to write the check by just need an email. I need something in writing that confirms this is the final offer. I will get you pay. And if they don't, just don't set on the dime off.

Say, I can't. Just tell them, I can't send you a dime until I have confirmation writing.

Yeah, they lie. That's what they did. These collectors, yeah, they'll take your money and be like, we didn't get a payment. What are you talking about? We didn't say this.

“That always said we said, no, you got to pay the full $5,600, you know?”

In fact, it's, it's doubled. It's gone to $8,000 because we sold it to, like, yeah, you just can't. Don't get, here's the two rule of thumb.

Have to get an offer in writing and never give them electronic access to your check in account.

'Cause they're going to want to withdraw immediately and say, no, no, no, I will. I will, I'll get you paid another way. Okay. And I think they're, I think they're playing games. There you go.

Yeah, I know. Yeah. It's a game, Corey. And at this point, it's been three years because who owns the debt right now, which, what, what collections agency?

Genesis? Okay. So, look them up online and you're going to see this, like, made website, I mean, there, there, there, it's someone in a cubicle quarry who got this debt, put on their desk that they're having to collect. And then in two months, if it's not paid, there's, there's another collections agency that's going to buy

bad debt from this collection's agency and it just hops around.

Like, it's just, it's, it's a crummy, crummy industry and the turnover.

The person you're talking to is probably not even going to be in that job in 60 days. So, like, you're not dealing with intelligent life over there. Okay. So, you, to play hardball, that's fine. They don't scare you. They shouldn't scare you.

They should be scared because they need money. So, you got $4,000 to give home. And you've got it. So, you're like, I have it.

“You have to submit, and if they say, no, but, all right, no deal.”

Hang up, call again, call again, just like John said. And it's such a pain in the butt, but it's the way to do it. Yeah. And, but do, yeah, you have to get it in writing, Corey. We've heard horror stories of people not doing this in sending these types of companies money,

and then they change the deal on you. Tell them, please, please let me pay you this money. I have it. I have it. You give me my money.

I just needed it in writing. Yep, that's it. But, no, I would not send them a dime. And then you guys just need to have some patience. Because you're urgent to get it off your credit to go and buy a home or to go to another

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Get started at CHMministries.org/budgets and use promo code Ramsey. That CHMministries.org/budget and promo code Ramsey. Call in in Orlando. Hi, Colin. Welcome to the show.

Hey, thanks for taking my call. Absolutely, how can we help today? So, I'm 22 and a year and a half ago, I was given around $40,000 in a lump sum. Since then, I've made some pretty bad decisions when it came to changing card a card. And I also had a roommate dispute.

And now, I'm only left at about $11,000 invested up into stocks. My main question is because now I have a truck payment that's around $1,200. You've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money.

I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. I've got a lot of money. Wow.

“Are you interested in getting the help that you need?”

Absolutely. You make it. Forget the money for a second. Forget the truck for a second. Will you make that a top commitment when you get to Texas?

Yes, sir. Absolutely. That's the reason I reached out. It's because a lot of the car. I believe it was three different cars into the truck.

I'm now in a span of a year due to mental health effects. That's no excuse. I've gone on top of that through the VA and on medication. I'm just ready to fix this because I can't do this. Can you metabolize?

I'm saying this for the smile on my face. If you're here, you'd hear what I'm saying. You'd see what I'm saying. Are you able to metabolize? I would call a $40,000 stupid tax.

Okay, so if would we draw that up again? No, would we run it back differently? Yep, but we can't do either of those things.

And so the reality is here we are.

Yeah. I would sell that. I would sell that stock and I'd go take out a $5,000 loan from a credit union. I would sell that truck. Or maybe a $7,000 loan from a credit union.

I would take that stock. Put it to the 11 grand towards it. Get this truck sold. Okay, the difference and then buy a $2,000, $19,88 Corolla with 400,000 miles on it that's still driving. And that would be my car for a season.

Well, I got well and got my feet back under me. Yep, it's exactly what I would do. Which would be about a $7,000 loan. And a crappy car versus a nice truck that is worth $76,000. And I'm under water because I've been rolling negative equity into other cars into this thing.

So it's a much more peaceful place to be. And then you just got to work your way out of that seven grand. And I would make an aggressive goal calling. I would say, hey, every month, I'm going to put 1,500 bucks. I'm going to put 1,000 bucks.

And in five to seven months, I'm going to be completely debt-free. And getting some traction like that calling.

“I think it's going to be really good for you.”

It sounds like there's been a lot of setbacks. And you've made decisions with money that weren't great, right? The $40,000. It's gone. The truck, the, I mean, all of it.

And so to have some really good wins, I think that's going to feel really good for you. I think you need a little bit of confidence. You're young. You've been through a lot already from 18 to 22. And so I think to get you on a new path, get those kind of wheels turning in the more positive direction.

It's going to be big. But these are some big things we're asking you to do. I mean, you're selling a nice truck. You're going to drive in a crappy car. You got to go to it on a credit union.

So talk to the, the president there and just say, hey, here's the deal. What can I do? I mean, you either some work involves in doing it. But I think your situation's going to feel so much different in 30 to 40 days.

Here's what I want your number one goal to be.

Okay. I want to re-establish trust again with Colin. Colin is a guy that does the next right thing. He takes his meds. He when he feels good.

He takes him. He goes out for a run in the morning. He gets out of bed and goes to his first job. Then he comes home and he has a sandwich that he makes. And he got to eat.

And then he goes to a second job. And he went to the bank and put on his nicest clothes that he pressed. And he shook hands. And he is going to get this thing paid off. And in 40 days, you're going to start feeling a little bit taller in six months.

When you're done with all this debt, you're going to be standing eight feet tall. Because you'll begin to re-establish. Colin is a man that I trust. I trust myself. And then I can begin to head out into the world and do the great things that you're called to do.

Yeah. That's honestly probably what I'm going to do. Thank you.

And I just needed to hear the reassurance.

Because I thought about doing it already. But my family, you know, obviously, have their own opinions. And I've already switched to be. It goes so much. It's hard for them to learn me.

And to get serious.

“You need to just go and tell another example and buy a new one.”

Which is fair to them. Because the pattern that was that was set was different. And the only thing you could talk about the only thing you can do is go make a different decision. Next. That's it.

Great job, Colin. We're cheering you on, man. We believe in your brother. For sure. All right.

Let's go to Logan in Columbus, Ohio. Hi, Logan. Hi, Rachel. How are you doing? We're doing great.

How can we help? Good. I have a little bit of a relationship question.

We've got our $1,000 saved up.

“And we're working on paying off $75,000 of consumer debt.”

My wife wants to help contribute to income-wise. She has paid home on with her two little. And she was thinking of things that she could do while we'll also be in home with the little. And she wants to start like a like an employee type business. Like selling stuff on it means online.

But she needs a little bit of money to kind of get everything started. Like some of like the selling machine and stuff. I don't really know the details. But what I do, my opinion was let's focus on paying off the debt. And then we could start something new before we add something in all of this.

I just kind of started the. Yeah, has she ever done it before? Um, no. Okay. Not really.

Yeah, I don't do this. I'm probably more on your on your side. If she's done it before and she's really good at it. And she has a truck record or a history of it. And you're like, hey, we got to put a couple hundred bucks into a used machine.

But she can make two to three grand a month. And it's pretty guaranteed. Then I'd say all day all day do that.

But if she's never done it before, what scares me is you get into this.

And I love her. I love her gumption, though. The fact that she's like, hey, I can do something. But she's going to, there's a good chance you get into this because she's never done it before. And she's, you know, you guys have two or three kids.

And she's doing that. She, she does really well for the first month or two. And then it starts getting behind. And then the motivation kind of goes away. And the reality sets them because there's not been a pattern established yet in her doing the type of business.

So yeah. The two close friends of mine that are real successful in this moment. It are stay at home moms who have their own kids who keep a couple of other kids. And they make great money down that. And it goes into the rhythm of their life and it doesn't cost a lot of capital outlay.

You don't have to go by because she's not going to want to buy a use of machine. She's she's going to go buy a real nice one and all the equipment and all the threads and all the stuff. Yeah. Yeah. I mean, it's only like $1,000 is to get started.

So like, I know when the grand scheme of things is not that thing would be. But when you owe $76,000, it's a huge deal. Yeah.

And because she's never done it before.

That's my thing. If she's had a history of this. And she already had an Etsy shop a few years. You know what I mean? If she's done it, then I'd be like, that's one thing.

But starting something just completely new that has that kind of investment right now. The longevity is what I worry about. Because making the craft is one thing. You have to photograph it just right. You have to upload it.

You have to ship it.

“You have to like, it's, it's a lot more than just I can make.”

Doyle's or I can make bandanas or whatever she wants to do. You get what I'm saying. Yeah. Yeah. So if you guys could find something that's way cheaper.

And you guys come to like a couple hundred bucks. And she wants to try it. You know, I would probably be okay with that. I just wouldn't buy anything new. And I would, I would have it with a very open hand.

But I would, I wouldn't spend probably, I mean, I don't know how much this machine's cost. I'm just throwing out there. But from the, from the math of it all, I probably wouldn't spend more than 500 bucks on something new. Matt, it, it may x-max. Yes.

Yes. During all of it. So I don't know if that's helpful again. But I so appreciate her idea. I was just finding something that she could do to contribute.

It doesn't cost that much, right, that much of an initial investment. [Music] Fying or selling your home is a really big deal. And with all the clickbait headlines that are out there and there's so much conflicting data. It's hard to know.

What is really happening in the housing market. So we're here to make the latest trends easy to understand. So median home prices went up a little bit to $403,000 less month, which is typical as we head into the busy spring season. And mortgage rates dipped a little bit to 5.43% down from 6.16% that we saw last February. Giving home buyers some breathing room.

Once rates are still unpredictable, the best time to buy is always when you are financially ready.

“Not with the market is doing, not trying to chase an interest rate, but when you are financially ready, that is when you need to buy a home.”

So if you want to learn more about the housing market trends and get some free tools to help you when you are buying or selling your home with confidence, go to Ramsesolutions.com/market

All right, let's head to Karen in St. Louis. Hi, Karen, welcome to the show. Hi.

I always apologize for my name.

Oh, Karen. That is it. I have an Aunt Karen. My name is John after a toilet. You're fine.

That's a tough name to have his name. Karen, we do not judge. We do not see you as series of little Karen. At least it's not Rachel. We are happy you called in.

How could we help? So I am a recently divorced 58-year-old nurse working full-time. I make about $90,000 a year. Okay. I have just finished baby step two.

Yeah, good for you. And I'm now working on my fully funded emerging state fund. Okay.

I have about $230,000 in my retirement.

And I'm currently at renter.

“And my question is, should a mortgage or a house even be in my consideration for the future?”

Because my income is not going to really change in the next 10 years. Or should I just dump everything I can into my investments for retirement? So I just, I'll let Rachel handle answer the house question. I just put your current numbers in the Ramsey Investment Calculator. Okay.

I put your age at 58. And since you're a nurse, no, you might say no. But I put 70. Okay. That you would work till 70.

And that you currently have 230 grand in investments. And I put that you would contribute $1,000 a month. If you contributed $1,000. Yeah. You would have $1,000,000,000 when you turned 70.

Mmm. Okay. Does that make you breathe little easier? Totally. Totally.

And the caveat in my financial future is my parents who are in their mid 80s. My inheritance will pay fully for a home. Okay. Yeah. It would go into your retirement.

Yeah. Yeah. I'm just trying to figure out what the best directly is to even consider a home or just retirement. Yeah. So I would consider a home because that housing line item in your budget is going to be the most expensive.

And it will continue to go up rent well. And so having a home is going to be, yeah, it's going to be important.

“But your home care and it may just be like a condo, right?”

It doesn't. I mean, yeah. I'm trying with that. Totally fine. Yes.

Okay. How do you have you looked at all prices in your area and what that would be, like a one-bedroom somewhere? Um, the one probably about 200 to 250. Okay.

Perfect. So what I would do is I would fund 15% into retirement regardless. And that probably comes out to that thousand books a month. Yeah. Um, so I would, I would say consistent with that Karen.

And then I would make my only goal to be to save up, yeah, for a down payment and get into something. And then you do your next goal of being to pay it off. And then when you're inheriting scums, whenever that is, that's just the bonus money on top, right, to help pay off the house and fund retirement or maybe your parents live. I don't know another 15 years and they're in their late 90s.

And you've, you know, maybe already taking a big chunk of the house. And then you get this inheritance and most of it goes into retirement at that point. Those would be my goals. It would be 15% into retirements. And then I would say for a down payment and get into something.

Um, but as cheap, again, as cheap as possible as inexpensive as possible. Right. Um, because we want to pay it off. I want that goal would be to have that pay off that property when you go into retirement at 70, which I would you easily can do people that do the baby steps millionaires plan.

They're paying off their homes in sevenish years on average.

“So I think you can, I, with a $90,000 salary.”

If you live really tightly, I think that there is a, yeah, there's a good chance you can have this paid off in seven eight years. And I think that's very doable for you for a $200,000. And Karen, can we talk real, can we get real dark for like 30 seconds? Sure.

How much, how much inheritance if you had a guess a number, what do you think that number is going to be? 3050. Okay. So if it was, you were going to say.

I'm very open conversation with my parents. That's awesome. So if you were going to tell me, it actually confirms what I want to just caution you about. Okay.

If you were going to say 3.5 million or 35 million,

not worried about it. But if they're saying, I'm going to give you $350,000. Do you have siblings too? Yeah, but they'll get that amount also.

So let's say your parents are projecting to have a million dollars when they pass away. And they're going to give you $350, your brother's $350 and your sister $350. This is what I'm going to get dark for two seconds. And I'm doing this for a reason. Okay.

If one of them has a six month stay in ICU because they have a congestive heart failure. It goes into something that goes into something. You can burn through some of that cash in a wild way. I agree. Yes.

“And that's why I know it's not a guarantee.”

Okay.

So what, yeah, my caution is create a life for yourself that if this money never comes through,

you're all good. Right. And if it does, it's amazing. Right. Right.

I didn't want to depend on it, but it's a little caveat. Yes. And I just kind of wanted to throw it out there. I wanted to make the right decisions for my finances. Not perfect.

Not dependent on now. You are in rear air. Most people, honestly, before I start working on this show would have been me too. Would have seen, oh, I can afford a $250,000 house. Plus I'm going to get this 350.

I'm going to buy a $600,000 house.

And then it'll just get paid off later. And later might be, hey, your inheritance is 100 grand because we had to spend it on this and this and retirement care and a facility and whatever. And so yes, you are so wise. So wise.

Okay, so that's good enough because I might. My thinking was going just dump everything in a retirement and don't worry about a house. But you kind of. Yeah, no. I would have something long term.

Yep. That you own and that no one can take from you. It's paid off. And there's no rent you're having to chase as it continues to go up year after year. So yeah, owning something is big.

And, you know, John did some of that math on the investment calculator.

“But I think that that is a place that you've done such a great job, Karen.”

You have $230,000. And what's wild is that doubles every seven years when you actually look at the math. So that would be 400, you know, and yeah, after I did the math, it was after 14 years. It's going to be like 932,000 if you don't touch it.

And that's if you don't put another penny in it. Yeah, and that's if you, yeah, don't put another penny in. So there you're, so it's going to, yeah, you're doing really great on that end. So I don't want you to feel this urgency. I mean, we still want to contribute because we want you to have a great retirement.

But you can go and live your dreams. But it's not like you don't have anything right now. We get a lot of people that call up and they literally are starting. Yeah, they have nothing in their 58 years old. So, um, so you're, I want to just assure you, you're doing a great job on that end.

I would still fund it some after you get that 3 to 6 months of expenses. But I would be, yeah, I would be looking for something. And if you can put 20% down Karen, like if you're able to, to take your expenses and figure out a way to rent for a few more years and have a 20% down payment,

“like that's awesome if you want to get into something.”

Yep, or if you want to get into something at five, if you find a great deal, and it's a good location, everything you want, and it makes sense. But, um, yeah, our parameters with buying a home is that you are debt free. You have that fully funded emergency fund, at least a 5% down payment. And then your mortgage payment is no more than 25% of your take home pay on a 15 year fixed rate.

So that's kind of our Ramsey formula for it. And I think you're going to be able to do that with 90,000. And the great thing about nursing too is if there's a season, maybe a year or so that you want to do some extra overtime, like, knock that house out.

Yes, you're able to really do that Karen. And so, um, I know you, I think you said newly, newly single or newly divorced. So, um, you're starting a new chapter in your life, Karen, really proud of you. Thanks for the call. [MUSIC]

Welcome back to the Ramsey Show in the Fair Wins Credit Union Studio. I'm Rachel Cruz with Dr. John Deloni, and we are taking your calls about life and money. So, give us a call at triple eight eight to five five to two five. All right, let's go to Atlanta, and we have Dan on the line. Hi, Dan.

Rachel, hey, thanks for having me. How are you? Absolutely. We're doing great. How are you doing? I'm doing well. Thanks for asking. Awesome. How can we help today? So, I am coming at you guys as a concerned brother slash son.

So, I'm the oldest of three brothers for all in our 30s. My specifically my youngest brother who just turned 30.

He has never financially been independent for my parents.

And so, yeah, be in the baby. I might have something to do with it, but just ever since he's been in college and graduated. And it's now married. My parents have always financially provided for him even, you know,

About three years ago, my dad sold his company that he worked really, really hard to build.

Built it over about 25 years, sold it, made some good money. And naturally, since I happened to ask for money or for a financial help from my brother, specifically my youngest, have drastically increased. I have expressed my concerns to my parents that they are getting taken advantage of. And they have heard those don't necessarily acknowledge those.

My dad is an incredibly generous person. And actually, what call himself a day for him is the cycle. But he doesn't really, I don't think see the fact that he's getting taken advantage of. For a little more context, my wife and his brother are pregnant. And they are expecting this year.

And I just choose to believe that they wouldn't necessarily be planning to expand their family, unless they had a financial backer in the form of my parents. And so I just see it coming from a mile away.

And my parents don't necessarily see it that way.

I actually have my parents understand that what's really happening. Here's the thing. I don't think you're mad at your brother. Because you're not necessarily, no, I know I would say mad. How, well, the problem here is not your brother.

Yes, if he was on the call, I would tell him to grow up and be an adult. Sir, parents. It's your parents, dude.

“And the part that you have to, like, like, man, I overused this word, I think,”

but you have to metabolize as you told your dad what you think. And he, through his action, said, I don't care. I'm a grown man. This is my money. And I guess to do what I want with it. And it is true. I mean, they do get to do with their money as they please,

which I completely respect.

Why do you think they're getting taken advantage of? They sound like they're sound mind. They're smart people. They're generous people. Why do you think they're getting ripped off? I just, I don't, I mean, look, the help that he's providing is not like setting

my parents back or anything necessarily, but I think that he might struggle a little bit with the idea of, like, well, do I take, you know, my kids off the payroll or do I? I know them to go figure it out. Why are you inventing stories that might be in his head? And then trying to judge him for those stories?

I don't want to say I'm judging. I'm just, so here's where I'm, I am very protective of what my parents are.

“I think you're annoyed, Dan, that you've worked hard.”

You're supporting yourself. So is your brother, your middle brother, and then your younger brother's kind of moochin off your parents and you're annoyed by it. That's frustrates you. It's annoying to you. You don't like it, right? That is fair. That is fair. Okay. And you're annoyed if you're mad at your dad.

You can't change your parents. Yes. Like, it's your parents' decision. And you can't change your parents. And they're obviously smart people. They're choosing to do this. And so that may hurt you. That may be frustrating. God, Lee, that he gets this hand out and me and my wife aren't getting anything. Mom, mom, mom, dad aren't reaching out to us.

And, you know, I mean, it's not, it doesn't feel fair. Whatever the feelings are, I think those are all your feelings. But you're not going to be able to, to change what they're doing. You know what I mean? And away, it's, it's, it's not your business. I mean, kind of, you find yourself in a position where you can't change the outcome.

That's frustrating. Then shoot. Yes. Hey, it's frustrating. It's maddening. Yeah. And we're both like your side here. I get that. Or sure.

But to continue to dwell on it to create.

“I think he's doing it because of this. And I can't believe he's probably,”

it's a choice for you to be miserable in your own skin. And so, so what good. I literally, and I, and I don't say this lightly, I would let it go because you've put you've made your position known. The little brother is not of character that he wants to build up his own home on his own.

He wants to keep asking for dead for money. And your dad is of the opinion that he can do whatever he wants with his money, include fund his youngest son's life. And so, I've made my position known. I'm going to choose to not let that misery poison my household.

Me and my wife's relationship, our kids lives. We're going to choose joy and happiness in our life. Which means I'm out. I'm out of y'all's fights and out of your money drama. I'm out of all that stuff.

And I'm moving myself. I'm going to make peace with the life I have chosen to create for me and my spouse. Because any other choice is a choice to be miserable, because you can't control any other stuff you want to control. So, I don't think I'd say I'm miserable.

I think frustrated is definitely the accurate word. We are calling a show to talk about it though, Dan.

Like, yes, I have made my, my thoughts known.

And I've expressed these to my parents and I've made the decision. Look, I'm not going to bring it up again, right? So, I'm not necessarily like pushing y'all below, but trying to continually like rehash it. But it is frustrating.

So, my dad was a guy who taught me to just work for everything that I have and to grind it out into hustle.

“And that's how I sort of like molded my life.”

I know. But you're, you're setting yourself up in a, in a, in a lifeguard tower. Looking down on your brother and your dad. And you're asking why aren't y'all up here with me. And what I want to tell you is just climb off the lifeguard tower

and get on with your life. Right? Because even then, you loop back to, I've done these things.

My dad taught me this stuff.

I built my life this way. And my son, I mean, my brother hasn't. And it's like, you're right. And all you're left with is your frustration. But nothing's going to change.

Should you give what I'm saying? I do. I do. And I, I don't disagree. I mean, there's nothing I can do to it. So how can we help Dan? What do you need from us?

Well, I do. I just still go back to the fact that my, and look, maybe there isn't an answer. Maybe I just have to let it, you know, let things take their course. But my parents are essentially right now the giving tree.

And at some point there's, they're just, they're going to get picked and picked and picked.

And maybe they got to figure it out.

Yes, they do. Yes, they do. But they're so that your advice is to just let what that happened. Let it happen. You can't do anything different.

Give me an alternative. Here's the thing.

“Are you going to go file a competency claim against your parents and take over it?”

Right. So what do you, you can't do anything. Can I tell you after thousands of dollars of therapy through my life? Coming to the realization that you can't change people. And I used to really believe in my head.

If I say this sentence and this conversation with this person, this way, they're going to get it like the light bulbs. And they're going to see it. If I, oh, I have a great way to present it and they're going to get it. Yes.

They don't get it. You can just control you. You can say it over and over and over and over and over and over and over and over. And they may not change. So Christmas, when you all go out to dinner,

you get a separate tab for you and your wife and say, I'm not going to take that money. That's what you can control. Nothing else of that too. When I talk to people on the Ramses show 90% of the problems I hear come down to one thing,

not having a plan. They're not living on a budget. They have no idea where their money is going. Money is just happening to them instead of them happening to their money. And guys, that is so normal.

But it doesn't have to be normal for you.

“And that's why I want you to go download our every dollar budget app.”

Every dollar not only helps you tell your money where to go with a budget, it also builds a plan to free up extra money. So you can pay debt off faster and start building wealth. And the best part, your plan is completely personalized to your life. It's the same advice that you would get if you call the show.

And it's right in your pocket. So don't keep living normal. Go download the every dollar app. Answer a few questions and get your plan today. Our question of the day is brought to you by Why ReFi.

If private student loans default has knocked you off track, this is how you reset. Why ReFi works with borrowers. Other lenders won't. And helping you refinance defaulted private student loans with a low fixed rate

so that you can get back on the plan and move forward. So visit why ReFi dot com slash ramsy. That's the letter why R E F Y dot com slash ramsy may not be available in all states. Our today's question comes from Rachel in Louisiana. Hey, Rachel.

This is probably a doozy. I can't. My husband and I are on our on baby step three. We currently have $15,000 saved and our monthly expenses average around six grand. Our monthly take home pay is $10,000.

I recently got a promotion that will come with new responsibilities and workloads to balance. I would like to hire a house cleaner to free up more time for us as a family. My husband feels like it will cost too much and that will neglect our parental responsibilities. What? At what point in the baby steps can we reasonably afford to hire a house cleaner?

Oh, man. I got all kinds of feelings about this. The collects are parental that's funding responsibility.

I think what it sounds like to me Rachel from Louisiana is that your husband is volunteering to take on the new cleaning house cleaning because he believes it's too expensive. So fair. But you've taken on this new job with new responsibilities and workloads. And since he doesn't want to hire some support and help, then he says like he's.

That's all right. What a great husband. Rachel's husband. So nice. So nice of him.

What Rachel? What would your math answer be? I mean, not even math. I know. Well, I was going to say, I mean, a three month emergency funds.

Basically, we have $18,000.

I have $15,000 say. I would get to $18,000 at higher house cleaner once a month. Every other week. I don't know. So find someone to come in and yeah.

And we put that part of your budget. Make that part of your lifestyle. And if it doesn't work, if you really can't afford it, because that's going to take away from other things, then that's definitely a opportunity cost conversation you guys have to have.

Okay, right now we just can't do that. That's fine. If it doesn't work. But if you can make the math work and it gives you some sanity, I'm all about delegating things that you can delegate.

Yeah. Especially when your past may be set three. And I was against that. Like the thought of hiring somebody to mow my lawn. I didn't realize how deep that was.

Yes.

That's how when someone --

As a poor, you are no longer a man. Right? And who is my son going to think I am? Right? Yes.

And I was wrong on that. And so I chose other responsibilities. And I took me out of my house. And so I -- I actually see this opposite.

I was hiding with them on the mower from what this guy is saying, parental responsibilities. I would mow for hours and hours and hours. And I was avoiding being with my kids and present with my wife. And so I made a choice.

I'm going to outsource this so that I can do this stuff right. That's right.

“And we happen to be in a season where we can afford to do that, right?”

And we can. You know, are there Brooks talks about that? There's five things you can do with money. And four will bring happiness. One will not.

The one that will not spoil or it's just buy stuff. That doesn't just buy stuff. It doesn't make you long-term yet. Give you long-term joy. Giving does.

Saving says. Uh, buying experiences with people you love. And the other thing was using money to buy back your time. Why back time? And actually using your time, not like scrolling Instagram,

but actually using it in a meaningful way. So that's actually a way to find a level of joy with your money is to buy back time. And I want to call this out. Rachel, you and I have taught this from stage for years now

at our money marriage retreat. If one of you in your marriage, if you're both workers and both working outside the home, and one of you gets a promotion. And it's a new responsibility, new workloads. I want to challenge you both to consider that you now have a new marriage.

Because your old marriage was built on this routine, this dollar amount, this time, this space, and now things are different. And what I often see happen here is he wants the things to just quote unquote get back to the way they were. And they're not going to because she has a new job, new responsibilities,

and yet the kids still need food and the house still needs to be clean, et cetera. And so let's go treat this for what it is. Is the marriage we had doesn't exist anymore. Now we've got a new one with new dynamics, new jobs, new responsibilities.

And let's recreate this thing. Let's reimagine who's doing what? What needs to get done?

“How do we want this house to feel when we get home every day?”

And let's build that from the floor up. That can be a fun, like really adventurous, exciting, joy-filled time and intimate time together. How do we want this place to feel? Not.

Well, we used to.

It's going to be used to you never anymore.

Man, that's a way to just burn the whole thing down. Yeah. I don't know what to ask. Create a new, a new marriage. I love it.

All right. Let's go to Lindsay in San Diego. Hey, Lindsay. Welcome to the show. Hi.

Thanks, guys. So I've always been the most frugal person my whole life, and always invested in even no no matter how much I have. I feel hard for me. Like, I, every penny.

I'm still like looking at when I'm spending even more. I don't have to. But basically, I have so much. And I only spend it on like vacation travel. And, um, so I was wondering, like, if I've won a go,

I'm a trip like with girlfriends.

“I should, I, I think, keep I can cover them.”

Or, um, but then, everyone's like, nobody knows. I have much, much money. So I don't use it or anything. How much is how much? How much is this?

How much is this? Um, over 14 million. 14 million? Yeah.

Didn't see that coming. Well done, Lindsay. Yeah. You want me and John to come on a trip. You can go anywhere with you.

You can be patient with you, Lindsay. What do you do for a job?

“How did you, how did you accumulate that much?”

Um, I've always invested in everything and I saw the next one.

Yeah. What do you do for a living? What was your income? I mean, I'm sorry. What, what, what, what?

I don't know what it is, but um, now I just trade options with my money. So it, I make a lot. I make too much. But, um, but my whole life, like ever since I was 20, so it's been, yeah.

Okay. How old are you? Of investing, 54. Okay. Are you married?

Not anymore. No. Okay. Okay. Yeah.

Kids. I don't, they don't. Yeah. I don't. Okay.

Okay. So your question is, you want to go on a girl trip and pay for your friends. So they don't usually like have money. You know, they don't, they probably have money problems. Nobody, you know, so I don't know if it's awkward and weird.

And if they kind of don't want that and if it makes things, you know, weird. Yeah. Totally. Totally. Absolutely.

Um, if you're need your reaction knowing your friends well, how do you think they would react? If you're like, hey, I have a bucket list trip. I want to take and I want my people with me. And I kind of just want to treat everyone.

Would that make it weird for your friends? You know, your friends well enough. Is that, is that awkward for them? Would they be offended? Would they be excited?

How do you think they would respond? Um, I don't know. One might, you know, one might be like, oh, that's okay. You know, they just might feel awkward.

“But I think in general, I'm sure they would like it.”

But yeah. Yeah. Just weird because like, I mean, they have no idea, you know. Yeah. And they don't have to know.

They don't have to know all that. Here's, here's the, here's the path.

Here's the thing I want you to.

Think through. Would you rather when you're 75? Sitting on a rocking chair in front of your house. Would you rather have had a bunch of memories with your friends going to do some wild and crazy stuff? Or would you like to have an account on your computer that has big numbers in it?

I would. I mean, that's what I'm saying. If I, that's why I do would want you. But I want to know what just. Here's how I get past awkward with my friends.

My life is changed. Here's how I get past it with mine. You can take this or leave it. Okay. I will tell my friends, hey, I want to go do this thing.

And I had a crazy month last month. I got you. And that's it. Yeah. Lindsay.

So I saw this on Instagram. Sarah Blakely.

“Sarah Blakely, who is the founder of Spank.”

Okay. Bill, I think she's a bill. I think she's a bill.

I think she's a bill for her billion.

Like, so she's, she's doing great. Uh, her every birthday. Every birthday. She, I'm sure she has a jet or a rinse one. I don't know.

But she takes 12 of her best friends. Most of them were childhood friends. Every year. And she doesn't tell them where they're going. She's just like pack warm clothes, pack for cold.

Bring a passport. Don't bring a passport. She's giving them some clues. And they all board this jet. And she just takes them somewhere.

Every year. Yeah. I was like, oh my gosh. Lindsay, I think you should do that. Yes.

Go have fun and go on as many adventures as you can. I'm kidding. Like, oh my gosh. Go enjoy life, Lindsay. Go enjoy life.

Go enjoy life. Yes. All right. Let's cut to the chase. It's easy to get discouraged about crazy house prices and interest rates.

But when you have the right real estate agent to help you buy and sell the right way, you'll have confidence to make smart decisions. Ramsey trusted agents aren't just experts who guide you through buying or selling. They're people you can trust to have your back from the first call to closing day. Find a Ramsey trusted agent near you at RamseySolutions.com/agent.

That's RamseySolutions.com/agent. [Music] One of the best things that you can do for your finances is to have a really good tax pro in your corner that you can trust. Because they're going to help advise you on the best moves to make in your situation or for your small business. Especially if you've had big life changes this year.

So go to RamseySolutions.com/taxpro to find CPAs and enrolled agents that are vetted by the Ramsey team. All right. Let's head to Porter in Midland, Texas. Hi, Porter. Welcome to the show.

What's going on? How are you all? Hey, we're doing great. Talk to me, help. So I just have to be getting out of the year.

And I recently this week just got a email saying that the raise amount was incorrectly like inputted into our like payroll program. And so there's actually there was an error and it's not supposed to be as high as it currently is. And so they're asking me to just sign the documents saying, hey, I approve that decrease and moving forward. This is what the rate will be. Yeah, you get to pay it back.

I do not. Okay. All right. This exact thing happened to me and I said to pay it back. It was on a commission.

I did pay back. I was the same most company. I hated it. But it was what it was. Back pay.

Yeah. Okay. And that's kind of where most of my. I guess question was stemming towards because this is the first time this has happened to me. So I didn't know on the email that like it was our payroll person to hire up and then a boss from another branch.

And my boss was not included in the email. Yeah, I didn't know. I would go right talk to your supervisor. I have not and that's kind of where I was like it was such a minor amount. I didn't know if it was worth split hairs over or if I should just kind of accept it for what it is.

“Yeah, how much is it compared to your, like, what are we talking?”

It's just the 50 cents an hour less. So it's not like it says not. What did it end up? Okay. Yeah, I probably.

Yeah.

Yeah, it stinks and I I always would run this stuff by my supervisor just to make sure there's not end around's happening.

You don't know what meetings they have all been in that you weren't a part of and. Right. Out of a few more communications. Yeah, I keep my supervisor in the loop, but I. This, I don't know, this happened to me.

And it was a good faith. Whoopsie, right? It was a good faith that mean for this to happen. And it cost me money every check for. So the checks to for me to catch up and it stinks and it was what it was.

And then, um, I, I asked for some confirmation. This one happened again. I got it and we're same team. So it's all good. Yes, sir.

That makes sense. Cool. Yep. Awesome. Thanks.

Sorry. Let's go to Alyssa in Toronto. Hi, Alyssa. Welcome to the show. Hi, guys.

Thanks. So I'm about to get about 280,000.

“Canadian 200,000 US in Sheraton's because my mom passed away.”

I'm expecting that. I'm so sorry. I'm sorry. Thank you.

And I'm just trying to figure out like what to do first.

Yeah. So. Okay. What's your financial situation? Do you have, do you have consumer debt?

Thank you. So we have about 90,000 in vehicle debt, about 45,000 in taxes. From when my husband worked for himself. $45,000 in back taxes. Yeah.

Okay. And then about $15,000 in credit card debt. Okay. Well, the show. The caveat for this is we're about to move to Florida from here at the end of August.

Okay. Okay. Um. Can I see what I was doing? What's up with the.

Well, yeah. I was going to ask the cars. I showed what's up with the cars.

I would have like obviously the first thing you do before you even take a breath.

As you pay the taxes off and get settled up with the government, right? And that brings you down to 165. And this is me. Okay. Take this for what it is.

This isn't like Ramsey Gospel. This is just John. I would have a hard time taking inheritance money from my mom. Who'd passed away. And putting that on depreciating assets like a car.

That's just me. I would want to sell 90,000 dollars worth of vehicles and be a good. Like, if I, if I, if I, I would imagine my mom sitting across the table for me and saying, Hey, how can I best be a steward of this money? I can imagine my mom saying what like to you by house or I want to make sure the kids have college or like not.

Get the fancy as car you can buy that will be worth 25% less this time next year. Does that make sense?

“And that's just me, but that's how I would think about it.”

You can sell those cars and put some money away so you can cash full of your trip to Florida or you're moved to Florida. Yeah. Yeah. Because I think that the short answer, Alyssa is to get out of debt. Use this to get out of debt.

That's a beautiful thing for your mom's legacy. But to John's point. What, what you're paying off kind of sucks 90,000 dollars of cars that you can't afford. And Alyssa, you guys aren't great with money. Can I just say that out loud?

I know that 100%. So here's my, okay. So here's my clean slate. I know, but here's my fear. Here's my fear, Alyssa.

Is that this money goes and wipes out this debt and nothing has changed in y'all. And then you'll take a loan out to do the Florida. From a habits perspective, a behavior perspective, nothing has changed. You have felt zero sacrifice. You have had to do zero hard work in this.

You've felt nothing. It's kind of just a boom, boom, done.

And you guys are going to get right back to where you are.

So I like John's plan not only because it's cars and I hate car debt. So much things so stupid.

“Not only that, but I think you guys need to have a sacrificial decision within this blessing somewhere.”

So you can feel something emotionally that's going to help stir and push on the good habits that you guys need to create. So I'm here. We have a little bit of time. So I am curious about these cars.

Not a thousand dollars worth of cars. What, what, um, and there are two cars I'm assuming. What do you owe on each? Um, so mine is a 21 Wrangler. And we owe about 42,000.

And then my husband is a 22 Gladiator. So I'll for a Jeep and we owe about 50 on that one. Okay. How much you guys make a year? Um, anywhere from 150 to 300,000.

You've got a base plus commission. Oh my gosh. You'll have too much car, Alyssa. Too much car. Way too much for what you guys make.

So.

“So yeah, I mean, I, I would look to see, hey, what, what could we sell them for?”

And or maybe pick one and do the other. But you guys, you, you, you owe, you own too much car for what you make. Okay, because it's going to, it's adding up to close to 100 grand and cars. And you guys are at 150.

So we always say it should be.

No more than half of your annual income. So you're looking at 75 and you guys are over that. So, um, something. Yeah, something's got to change with the car situation. Do you agree or you like, eh, I don't think we're going to do that.

Honestly, like the Jeepers are at this point, part of like our personality. And like 90% of our friends that actually live in the US are. We've met them from the Jeep's like going off-roading and like my Jeep is set up to. Did you tell me your, does you tell me, did they're part of your personality? Yeah, that's what it's like.

Good, God Almighty. I get a listen. Listen, I've got friends who love jeeps and they go, do all the stuff. But to say it's like, it's become part of our core. I just sell it and go get a $10,000 Jeep Wrangler.

Yes.

Make that your personality.

Or get a Jeep tattoo. Make that your personality. Did you really sell it? I don't know if we can help. I don't know if we can help.

I don't know if we can help.

“I think we'd be friends, but I don't know if I can help.”

Across the US. So I get it. I feel it. Listen, we're both friends with George Campbell. His Tesla is part of his identity.

And that's the problem. That's the problem, right? Yeah, Alyssa. I just want, I want this money that you received. I have to have something horrific.

I know we're joking about it, but for real. To be, to be some joking. To be something of a good, of a good legacy. And you guys are, you make bad decisions with money. And bad decisions with identity.

So like, I don't know what to do. I would, I would sell it. If I woke up in your shoes, Alyssa. I would use 200,000. I'd pay taxes.

I'd pay the credit card debt. I would sell the cars. I would re-up what's going inside of me and my consumption of life and cars. And I would change my personality. No, and I would cash load the move to Florida.

But if you, I don't think you're going to. But you know what? We could still be friends. If I see you in Florida, I'd still give you a high five. You know?

In the gladiator. And give you a little rubber duck. Don't say like, trade. (upbeat music) Hey, guys.

Dave Ramsey here. Every day on this show, we help people work through real money problems. And figure out what to do next. Now, you can get that same kind of help anytime with Ask Ramsey.

Ask your money question and get answers built on Ramsey principles. We use on the show. Whether you're making a decision or just want something explained. Ask Ramsey is here to help. It's fast, simple and free to use.

Go to RamseySolutions.com and try Ask Ramsey Today. That's RamseySolutions.com. Our scripture of the day comes from Romans 12-2. Do not be conformed to this world.

and acceptable and perfect will of God. Rob Siltian. I think it's how you say it. Said people who are crazy enough to think they can change the world are the ones who do. All right, let's go to K in Dallas, Texas.

Hi, K, welcome to the show. Hi, thank you Rachel. Dr. John, I have a question. I have a senior in high school. He is received an offer to play college sport.

As his parents think it's a good deal. It would be kind of staying local in our area. But in his mind, he thinks that going off and playing like for a club sport, with the same sport would be better. However, that would incursion at London. We've been pretty frank with him, like if you take this offer,

then we could get what you owe pretty much down to a manageable amount without chin at lunch. But you know, you're ever out. You're going to have to work and do your laundry and all this other stuff. So just wondering, am I missing anything?

“Am I, you know, what else is there to help him navigate this choice?”

The two, it's like you're asking two different questions.

And so I think the first question would be you and your husband taking your son out.

What's the sport? We'll call. Okay, and saying it's been our joy. One of our life's big joys traveling around with you and watching you play the cross over the years. And if you're done playing lacrosse competitively, let us know that.

Because I've met with countless college students who felt like they, their parents looked at all the years of travel sports and lessons as an investment in college. And they were playing college sports, which is a full time committed job. It's a life. Right. And they were doing it to keep mom and dad happy.

And it always cratered. And so if you take a mountain say, if you're done, we will support you and love you. But but if you are going to play. Here's an opportunity for you to do this and college is expensive.

And then the second thing.

So that's the first one is.

“Why is it my son want to play sports at this level for the college, et cetera?”

Have that conversation, but lead it with. We're ready to put a period at the end of the sentence if you are. And the second question is, has to come with you and your husband making some really firm decisions on what you will and won't pay for. And then you lead with that. Yeah, I don't lie. I feel uncomfortable.

Okay, supporting the idea of making him go to college because he has a full right on a sport that he doesn't want to play. I was just talking to someone and that all they said, a ton of research has come out now with college athletes, the amount of depression. I mean, it's, it doesn't look good. And I'm not saying every college athlete is one of these statistics. But when you look at the majority, it's kind of, it's not great for college athlete, honestly. And especially if he's not wanting it.

So my red flag kind of went up when he's like mom's at, I don't want to do this full time. I mean, a club sports grade or like, you know, like inner murals or whatever, it's mother college, like that sounds more fun to me. I get that. Now let's figure out how we can make that work financially. So that means you're probably going to stay in state.

You're going to take in state tuition. There's a good chance you're going to have to work. Maybe get some other scholarships like we're going to have to figure out a way to cash flow Another situation because it's not this.

“It's not as black and white as you have to go to the school close to us and get a full ride.”

Or you're going to take out all this debt. No, people go through college all the time. It falls in other ways. Yes, so many ways that he can go to school still debt free. Okay, so.

Okay, I've never said this publicly on about say this for the first time.

Oh, my gosh, what what an honor. I have a, well, I just want to make a picture. I had a hundred percent full ride that I walked away from in August. To go to another school for a very small partial scholarship. And that happened to be the place where I met my wife met all my lifelong friends.

Got connected with mentors and friends. And that's the reason I'm sitting here right now. Wow. And so I want to tell you, his life isn't over. I had a hundred percent everything.

And I walked away at the very last minute because I wanted to go and do something else. And quite honestly, to Rachel's point, I was completely cooked on the idea of this being the next. It's already been four years of my life. It's going to be the next four years of my life. And I just my heart wasn't in it.

Right. And so I think having that big conversation, here's another piece. Do you, do you and your husband secretly want him to go to school? Kind of by y'all because you like being around him? I, well, I just think the coaches are like, great mentors.

But pretend he's not playing sports.

Let's say sports are off the table. Do you kind of want him to go? I, I, I'm stunning myself that as my son is, is heading into the college years. I kind of hope he picks a school next to us. Because I like him because I like him.

I mean, I do like him. But no. Most days, I like him. You know, we're kind of ready, you know, picking up socks and, you know, seeing him come in and out and it's time by.

But, you know, I mean, I, I'm okay with that idea of him going off. Okay. So, so be honest about those conversations. But framing this as putting all the weight onto this 18 year old kid. That's when 18 year olds make bad decisions and they can walk into a room.

And so I'm just going to hand him 120 grand and say, make a choices.

And so you and your husband saying, as for our household, our money will only go here.

Here's the dollar amount we can contribute per month, which means this is what the tuition needs to be. And if you choose to go to this school out of state, we will love you. And we can't wait for you to come home, but our money won't go there. And then he gets to make grown up choices for as that they unbelievably allow 18 year olds to make. I know.

All right. The logical side is just hard. Do you all have a debt journey? Sir.

“Do you all have a debt journey where y'all paid off some money?”

Yes. And if y'all were y'all burdened by student loans too. Yes. I mean, I paid mine off, but unfortunately my husband still has them. Okay.

Can I tell you that leading with that level of vulnerability, these things are still hanging around our family. Yes. And maybe it's the reason we haven't gone on big vacations. It's the reason there's been tension in our house. There's a reason your mom and I or your dad and I have fought over the years because these stupid things are still here.

Please, we're asking you don't go do this. Yes. So it's leading with vulnerability instead of preaching at him. And it's probably a lot of both, but we have kind of backed off the past few weeks just to let him navigate his own choices, but I just want to make sure we weren't. I mean, you're doing a way an opportunity.

Yeah. Yeah. I get that.

And if he comes back and says, I want to commit the next four years of my life to lacrosse, amazing.

Awesome. And I promise you, if somebody's offering him a full ride, they will not be the only ones. Right. Guaranteed. Okay.

And so let's find a place that's going to fit form if he doesn't happen. I want to go to that school right next to you. And we can figure all that out. But we want it to be their choice, but that choice has to be made inside of boundary, boundary framework. Because this open season for 18-year-olds just to decide where they want to move across the country and quote unquote live their life.

It's so much pressure on an 18-year-old. Yeah. And some states are even with even community college. You can go for free. So there's just-- and I don't know what Texas-- what they're doing, but--

But he-- Yeah.

“So he can-- I think he's going to have a lot of options.”

Okay. And I don't want you guys to box yourselves in to either he has to get the full ride here or he's going to take on debt. That's not true. There's options A, B, C, D, E, F, G. I mean, all the way down that he can go to a great school.

And yeah, be able to-- whether he starts off in community college for a year or two. And then moves schools to something else. Whatever it looks like. But yeah, the-- and that is A. That is a tail that is happening all over America right now.

All over here. Is these kids that get into deep travel sports early, dedicate their whole half-elementary middle high school to something and then they get and they are burned out. And they're like, "I don't want to do it." And then they feel the pressure.

Because I've heard them say-- Well, Mom and Dad is like, "I don't want to do it." But 40 grand towards this thing. Yes, yes. And we did this for the college.

You know what I mean? And it gets there. And so, trapping them there. That is so hard. And I get the, obviously, the financial advantage of having a full ride totally.

But also, yeah, just their ability to-- not just enjoy life for the heck of it at a team. But to have actually a healthy life throughout college. Not using the hate every day. That's a gift too. So thanks, Kate, for the call.

I appreciate it. Great show, John. Always fine. Thanks to all those in the booth for making the show happen.

“And remember, there's ultimately only one way to financial peace.”

And that's to walk daily with the Prince of Peace, Christ Jesus.