E1093 - Going Deeper with Amber and Brittany: Love is Blind Unpacked

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And you will be lucky you did. Okay. Amber. Hi. Welcome to the show.

Thank you for having me. Brittany, welcome to the show. Hi. Thank you for having me too. We're excited to both talk to you ladies.

Obviously, a lot to get into. We have the pleasure of having Amber here in studio. And fortunately, for the world, Brittany is obviously doing the, the Lord's work as a nurse. And doing some great things. Unfortunately, that man, she couldn't make the trip out here.

But we're excited to be with you both. And certainly a lot to get into.

First of all, like how's your heart, Amber?

Um, you know what? I'm doing okay. Okay. It's been a long six months, but I've had a lot of support. Um, it was not expecting the outcome to go like that.

But luckily, the girls really lifted me up along the way. I reached out to them immediately. Um, after Jordan night, after Jordan decided he wanted to not be a part of this anymore. Um, I was very broken at first. But you know, I took the time to really heal, really focused on myself.

“It was a really good, honestly, learning experience for me.”

Yeah. Yeah. And how are you doing overall, Brittany, with this, uh, just kind of like watching the season unfold. And, and everything that's come with it. The first few weeks were very, very emotional, um,

processing, watching everything, uh, very hurtful. But now I feel like now that I've seen everything and have been able to live it. Oh, I feel so much better. I feel happy. I feel free.

I feel ready for the next thing. And you two are, uh, have remained close, correct? Absolutely. Well, this will be very helpful. Because obviously I know this is, you know,

will be emotional for both of you ladies. And I, you know, I'm sure there's a little bit of nerves. But feel free to help each other. You know, you guys know so much of each other's story. Feel free to help guide the other person along if they're, if they're living things out.

Amber, I want to start with you.

You kind of mentioned so ultimately it was Jordan who decided he wanted to get a divorce.

Yes. And then I'm curious. I'm curious is that wouldn't happen where you really caught off guard or where there are things leading up to that where you were just like, okay, this isn't going the way I thought it would.

No, I was absolutely caught off guard. Um, you know, we had had a few fights. But from the day to day, we talked every day. It was I love you. We had a good weekend.

You know what I mean? There were a couple instances. But for the most part, we were doing pretty well. I kind of felt towards the end. He was starting to get a little bit emotionally guarded and taking steps back.

I gave him a little bit of space. And he came back and was just like, this isn't what I want. And that was not what I was expecting at all. Well, when you when you first got out or like at repost wedding, you know, you're you're leaving the bubble.

“I'm you know, I think for a lot of people who go and these kind of experiments,”

there can be kind of a decompression period where you kind of go into the real world. And then I think sometimes in these situations, people can almost pull away a little bit because it's like what what almost watches happen. I'm curious. What was it like the days following your wedding?

You know, you guys are into the real world. What were some of those conversations that you enjoyed and had about like, all right, what's next? Like, what are we going to do, you know, moving forward and like what was what was the vibe of that? So immediately after the wedding, everything was going fine.

We had conversations about him moving in potentially that July. I wanted to give him an Emma chance to really grow a bond. And I know there's a lot of controversy about why how could you bring a man in your life after

in heckable bond. It was amazing. I could feel it.

“My daughter doesn't really get close to that many people.”

And they just bonded instantly. I am not person that brings multiple men into our life. This is actually the first man she had met in any of my relationships. Yeah. And he was your husband.

Yeah. And he was about to be my husband.

And realistically, I had never had any worries about that. Jordan's not the all and all he is a good guy.

You know, he's not the type of guy that I was like, oh, he might be cheesy. You know, might be dangerous towards my daughter. Like he doesn't have a dangerous bonus body. So there was nothing about that that really shook me. Also like, I mean, again, every parent, you know, do you, you know, with your kids.

Find that that conversation a little odd when when when people judge how single parents go about introducing people to their kids is if like people meet your kids every day. Exactly. Like, you know, river meets adults every day. She plays with them. It's not like some like ceremony. Yeah.

Like, I don't like, I imagine you didn't like lay it all on Emma right away where you like gave her the whole like this man's going to be in your life for the rest of your life. like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like, like

She hates a lot of loud noises and a lot of clapping and everything so she just felt overwhelmed at that moment and you know I can't even take her to fireworks because she hates all that noise. We weren't expecting all that noise

“Whenever we were shouting, so that's why she just kind of got overwhelmed and started tearing up”

She was completely fine after those ceremonies. She was actually you know very excited about the whole process So that being said you know Him and I had planned to move in together around July be to give her a chance to really bond with him Month month was the wedding April April okay beginning in April So we talked about that him, you know coming up and staying throughout the week and just really seeing how things went

Which again through out that process the bond between him and her grew and it was actually really incredible

She absolutely loved him. We'd make him pictures just she got so excited whenever he was about to come up So that portion of it, you know Wasn't an issue at all and like post wedding. I'm assuming you checked in Or did you kind of just assume everything was great like right after the wedding did he ever give you any kind of He was having a hard time adjusting vibes to like being outside of the love is blind bubble into the real world

No, not really I knew it was going to be an adjustment period I don't think they showed this in the show, but on our wedding day He told me I've talked to my family and I'm gonna come move to Mount Vernon for at least a little bit because it's not fair to uproot you an Emma like you know he was totally down for that and I was like we're out stuck here for the rest of our lives Plus it's actually only like 40 minutes to an hour from the city

It's not a big deal like I literally go to Columbus all the time Any weekend that I want to go out or do anything. I'm there. I can take a new bro like it's not like I'm seven hours away from anything and what was his big reason for not wanting to move was it like anything specific like a job or was it just like who he works from home He just didn't want to he works from home. His he was concerned about being uprooted from his friends Which was a little bit concerning for me because I guess like being in my position like with a

full-time career in a daughter I don't consider my friends for where I live I go to see them when I see them, but they're not you know I'm not like hanging out every Tuesday Thursday on their couch like it was when I was like 22 yeah Brittany what was your impression of of Jordan as you got to know and then the kind of love is blood Experiment what were you thinking about

Amber and Jordan's kind of strength as a couple as they kind of embarked outside their wedding

“Jordan is a teddy bear. He's just a big teddy bear. I think Jordan is a really good guy”

And I think he truly wanted to show up for Amber and he helped bring Amber to a place where She she loved men because before that in the pod she was not rocking with men So it was it was so great to see that he brought out like her real personality and who she is and I really thought that they were like so perfect together So it was really sad to see that things didn't work out, but it is what it is Yeah, I mean, and that's it. This whole experiment is we'll just that an experiment. And it's it's fascinating to see how how things unfold

Kind of what happened with you and Jordan?

Do you think it was just a matter of him realizing he wasn't Mature enough to to handle this type of relationship or yeah, and I don't even think he's realized that yet even um He as things progressed

“I think he did not want to be tied down and I think that was scaring him and he keeps deflecting on other things like get the reunion”

He deflects on oh, I came to a wedding and he tries to make it sound like I Missed the entire ceremony and showed up drunk and was a drunk and mess at that wedding that actually didn't happen. I actually have I ever see it love it. So he tries to make that like a big deal and then that I've seen like online turned into like Oh, Amber was a drunk mom. Well, I'm actually right now. I don't have time to be a drunk Like quite honestly. I am a primary care provider and family medicine

I have like 1200 patients under me solely I have a collaborating physician, but he has his own patient group. So I'm typically at work Monday through Thursday I usually work from nine till around 730 p.m. and then I live a half hour from there So I get home around eight mad drops Emma off. You know, I get her showered We do anything that's left with homework, you know, I get her to bed

Okay, by this time it's like 930 then I sit down to have dinner around like 945 10 o'clock And then I go to bed Monday through Thursday and then I have Emma on Fridays So we have a pizza party or a dance party. You know, I make it special I take a roller skating different things like that and then Saturdays I can kind of do what I want Matt has our Saturday and Sunday But I can count on my hand the amount of times I've been out the only times I've actually been out

Or when I was with Brittany in the girls and for how many times have we met up in the last like six months? Maybe five Exactly handful of times where we've gone out. Yeah, and I'm not sitting there like killing bottles like at my house

“You don't want to be and I think that's why it's funny because I look a little bit tipsy on most episodes because I really don't drink that much”

And I was, you know, you're on the show. You're nervous. So you are drinking I don't have my kid. So it kind of be hard And I'm like, you know, I have a glasses of wine. I'm like, you know, I'm not used to that So anyway, with this wedding that he completely deflected to do you know about this Brittany? Oh, yeah, I've seen seen the text thread between them in the communication. It was very clear

He goes it starts at five I want to get here a little early to get seated. So I say, okay, I'm on my way at that time My car went into what's called limp mode because there was something wrong with it

So I don't know if that's ever happened to you or not, but it's basically where your car won't go above like 35 miles a hour

I have it So weird I'm absolutely terrible. I do not have time. Like I'm on my way to this wedding and I'm it's

“I have to take all these back roads to so I'm trying to go up these hills, right?”

So there's a line of cars like behind me like honking like give me the middle finger because I've like I can not actually get there. So I'm telling him about this in this text message. I'm like I'm so stressed I don't know if I can make it exactly by five and he goes, okay, just be careful Are you gonna get the car situation tomorrow and I'm you know We're talking about that. He's like it's so annoying. So I end up getting there. He goes

I've already had eight beers, though. LOL oops, and this is at like five p.m. Which it says goes for joining? Go ahead. Go fucking. He didn't stop drinking So no, I did not show up to this wedding trash. I did miss a ceremony because my car was you know in a bad situation He was lit and this wedding like I ended up I was very very stressed out From I was working even longer hours. I was actually that week

In my clinic until around 10 p.m. every night. It was terrible because of a few things that were going on in practice So I get there. I am exhausted. This is a Friday Friday wedding. You know, I started drinking liquor

Which I never drink liquor. I almost always drink wine

I don't know why somebody handed me like a Tito's and soda or something and I was just so stressed out from the car and that I started just drinking it and That like completely annihilated me and didn't do anything that was like crazy I literally just like by 10 p.m. fell asleep on the table So it at the reunion Jordan deflects this and makes me look like this awful drunk person that

I was also just like one night, right? It was one night. I apologize nine hundred times the next day Because what happened he saw me fall asleep at the table I don't know what I said he says I said a bunch of stuff to him. He was lit Okay, so I don't know if that even actually happens He tries to tell people I try to drive home. I don't drink and drive so you know if anything

I may have been like I'm gonna go home Like you know you've you've had drinks with Amber Bretney You can confirm Uber's every time absolutely well all I need to know is that before he even laid eyes on Amber

I mean the man loves to drink obviously he's getting like

Promo's from beer and everything like that every single picture is at a bar The reason he didn't want to move to Melbourne and one of them was because there weren't enough bars

“So trust me drinking on my end was not the problem did he literally tell you that?”

That there's not enough bars or was that something you assume? No, no, he said that even it's recorded on the show So he takes my keys and puts me in my car to go to sleep and I fall asleep and he goes back and keeps Partying with his friends. This is at like 11 p.m. At night, and I wake up and I'm like scared and alone in my car I don't know where he's at I'm hurt that he just left it. Wait wait. It's a way. Well, huh? You're at this wedding

You you you had a little bit to drink

He was all so drunk. He does what he puts you in my car in your car

But took my keys look like I wasn't gonna drive anyways. I promise you But he like leave the car running or someone does down really. Wait, so he brought you to your car You're obviously a neibrated not you know, which is we have all been there and he took your keys and left you in a car Yeah, and a parking lot. Yeah, and went back to party with his friends and again It's not like he'd been parting obviously with them all day

He was eight beers deep by five, so it's again Probably 10 or 11 p.m. at this time I am not one even when I go out drinking to stay up super late brick and a test so that I am like in bed by midnight every single time So wake up and

“I'm really really hurt because I'm like where is my husband why am I in this situation?”

So I Uber I got an Uber and Uber home like I didn't even really want to talk to him at that point because I'm like really hanging out with like your friends and drink I get that it's your best friend's wedding but you have been drinking all day. I mean at that point his best friend's married Yeah, and you know that I don't right right I'm assuming sees with his bride I was about to say I'm sure he wants to hang out with his wife Yeah, I don't so I feel like the responsibility of the best man at that point by 11 is probably wrapped up

And I feel like he should have been with his in the upgraded wife right in like making sure she got home okay at a minimum Like get her in an Uber and like it takes me when you get home But like that feel like that's kind of bare men. Yeah, they're been but yeah, you can you can just be like all right It's time to go and you can be irritated with your wife I guess you know, she got a little sauce to your best friends wedding you can be there's a conversation

Maybe to be had the next day, but oh it he says that was what killed our relationship And I was like are you kidding me and he kept alluding that so I Uber to home back to Melbourne and um the next days like I can't even believe in how to apologize In bed of the like we end up talking it out I apologize in 900 times to the restaurant the relationship I don't drink liquor. I don't get drunk like that. You know him and I went to

We'd a weekend in New Orleans with his friends. I didn't get to drunk at all. You know he actually got worth it

And I didn't care I'm like you're with your friends. I did it as what it is like there was never another time where it was like

Amber is this like you know crazy person like I made sure at that point like nope I'm not gonna drink any liquor. We're going to kind of move forward with this and You know that was that so that being said at the reef I feel like He started to realize he wasn't ready to just kind of settle down in Mount Vernon Which again we weren't gonna be there for forever

You know, I just needed to chance to like potentially sell my house See if I wanted to keep Emma in the school systems, you know, and I was trying to work that out because it was like actually I could probably drive her every day honestly. So your expectation right after the wedding was Give me some time. I have a daughter. We have an established life here, but like long term We as a married couple can figure this out and it doesn't have to be a Mount Vernon. I just need some I just

Give me some time like I have to sell my house. Yeah, yeah, I just like I want to clarify just for the audience

“Absolutely like there's a lot of things when you're a homeowner that you have to do before you just move”

So again that being said I feel like he started to realize he wasn't ready So then he just started deflecting on that moment over and over again He started kind of making these excuses in his head. He started pulling back a little bit more I still don't think he can admit that because at the reunion it was pretty clear that he couldn't he was like Just so kind of not really aggressive, but just it was a really bad weird vibe

Did y'all have any conversation before reunion of like hey? This is what we are gonna share with the world. This is what we're not gonna share like were you on the same page at all? Going into reunion or were you like? I don't know what the fuck he's gonna say. I so I didn't know what he was going to say so I gave him two weeks off And then we had talked about counseling too for a little bit even though we weren't really having

that many issues. I knew he wanted to do it and he kind of kept again deflecting to that. I was like I'm absolutely

"uh, can I come up to Mount Vernon and talk?" He comes up and he I'm expecting him to be like yeah

You know, let's do the counseling. Let's work on this. You know, it is what it is. There was never any

of those like terrible terrible moments between us where I thought it would end and he came and he had a basket full of my stuff that I had at his house and he's like set down on my couch. He's like yep, this just isn't working. Like I was like what do you mean it's just not working? Like they were

“not like dating like this is we're married and I was in other shock honestly and I was like”

Jordan like whoa wait a second and like I'm begging you. Let's go to counseling. I was like you don't even have to talk to me. We can have our first talking session and counseling like I don't care. I was like marriage is super important to me. I really want this to work. Like at this point he had gotten to know my daughter really well. She was so close with him. You know he's like nope. Nope. Nope and I just started like bawling. I'm like please you like what is going on and he's like

he just walked out my door and you know what I've learned is you don't chase them. So from that moment

I T never texted me. I did not have a conversation with him. I'm not going to sit there and like

beg you to stay of a man walks out of your leg. You don't let the door hit him on the way out basically because you know they just feel more trapped in that moment. We don't talk at all. I see him at a random mixer that we have. This was one one probably October I think it was all the

“cast decided to get together. This is first time I see him. And this is more like this is not like a show”

together. Not a show. The friends or the friends were like all there we invited like let's just make them the girls because we haven't met yet. Okay. So probably like 18 people there at this pretty busy bar. So there was a lot of other people. So first time seeing him he comes up gives me a giant hug and he's like hey how's it going like kind of acts like I'm like an old friend which was a little bit hers. He's like hey literally yeah literally that's all right. But I was like okay like I'm just

but at this point you're still married. Yeah okay. I'm like in a whole my composure you know and I don't sit there and try to um he's like how are things going blah blah and oh the way had been like severely depressed over the past couple months I didn't say anything about that. My brother knew I was on the struggle bus so I was randomly planning a trip to Europe and he's like I'll come meet you out there like we'll do that. So I was telling Jordan that yeah my brother and I are going to Europe like this

“is going to be fun. That's like literally the only conversation I had but he gave it such a good vibe”

that I was like okay even though you know later on we kind of talked about the divorce and it was

never sticky. He's like I'm going to send over this paperwork ball bomb like okay good deal like

there was never any fighting after that. So it was very confusing to me when we got to the reunion and you know we're waiting to go on stage and I see him and he's just like totally ignoring me. I'm like okay this is kind of off and then we sit down and they let him speak first and he's like well it was like this toxic thing she just let her past exploit friends like it and I was like that's actually not even what happened right at all. So then they gave me a chance to speak and I say like

Jordan I don't think you were ready like you know you kept staying in Columbus like you wanted me to basically work my full-time job take care of my house take care of my daughter by myself and then on Saturdays come meet you in Columbus all dolled up and you know ready to go and I'm not like a weekend wife and then he then in that moment. Jordan is like a little bit insecure about himself and I could feel him start to spiral on that chair because he's like kind of

starting to look bad and that's when he was like just started like going at me and like brought up this drunken wedding situation which was again super fucked up because you don't do that again to a single parent like there's so many people online that are like she's a drunk mom like that's dangerous territory. I was about to say I can imagine like whether y'all were together well I guess y'all weren't together while this has been airing but I imagine he has seen

whatever criticism you have gotten and I'm sure he's seen that and been like wow that I'm sure that it's hurtful to her so Finn for him to go on national television and like push that narrative even more I feel like was just an extra stab in the back. It really was. You're also just I don't want to just recap just make sure people understand and then make try to understand but when he came to you to say he wanted in this relationship he basically showed

up at your place you weren't expecting that he's like yo this isn't going to work out you were obviously upset for a brief moment you tried to ask some questions and try to get him to reconsider you realize that wasn't going to happen you let him go and you never heard from him. No not a worm. He didn't check in. Nope. How you doing? No he didn't. Should we talk? Nope. He didn't even say

have had so many conversations she has so much love from her father and I and let me be clear on this too I wasn't looking for anybody to really be this I guess you could step dad but like she has it that she has a great dad but she loves like I didn't need somebody to fill that void so that being said yeah it was it was really really hard during that moment um the last time he saw her birthday party and she kind of kept bringing that up she asked me if we could make a memory box

to send to him so that he'd remember us like it was those were like some of the hardest moments

“of my life I think because I'm sitting there comforting this little girl hugging or giving her”

all the love I'm heartbroken like I'm trying not to cry had to wait until she fell asleep to cry you know because you're trying to be this strong person for her and trying to like talk this understanding of what happened to her as well so yeah I don't know it was just not a good time I think that's such a relatable feeling though as moms of like I have to be so strong in this

moment to like make sure my baby's okay and then the second that like baby's asleep or gone

or doing something you're like can finally process and feel your emotions and so I think that's that's a very relatable feeling that you've been through absolutely and then he came I mean and then he kind of came at you at the reunion you're right I mean like we've all had moments we've all gotten a little soft I also think he's embarrassed because he got in a relationship I guess like a month or two after so he's been in like a long-term relationship yeah and I did not know that until

the reunion and I didn't even bring it up I didn't air any of his dirty laundry I kind of waited

“for him to bring it up he didn't so I think you find out he was dating someone so girls at three”

didn't actually told my friend Jamie that they're like oh did you know he has a girlfriend you know Balvan Jamie was like what and it's been like I don't know how I didn't get details I don't know our name they say yeah it has been like you know kind of a long-term thing whatever I guess he's telling people he's happy so I'm guessing at this point we'd been separated for six months so probably one two three months later I mean what was the longest he stayed with you like at any

point at your house yeah like maybe a day or two and that was kind of on him so I was expecting

it to so he never like said all right I'm going to work from home this week I'm going to be

for a week we're going to play not even play out your married but like we're going to be a family we're going to be together I want to like give this life a chance yeah no no which was again hurtful because I was kind of expecting at some point once we moved forward maybe a month or two into it to have what I pictured was like you know we both loved to cook like coming home from work making dinner together talking about our day like that's really what I wanted and during this whole

time period I'm still feeling like I'm a single mom that's just doesn't have anybody I'm going to bed alone at night and that was pretty hurtful and so the he tried to get on me about like oh you're insecure because of like shitty exes blah blah I know I started to get insecure because I didn't know why my husband didn't want to be around me more you know he works from home and he tries to say like well I would I would go there and have to go home blah blah but his family has a

lake house and he would take a laptop up there and work from there you know so he was able to work

from home anywhere and he did that but he never did that at my house. He could go to your house

and then go to a Starbucks if we're during work yeah you know coffee shop that's wild yeah and it was it got to the point where he would even go out with the guys like on throughout the week which again I'm fine with I get that you were doing that before but you know I'm sitting here kind of feeling insecure I didn't go out without him which again people can do what they want but it's it's like it that was more of the priority than anything like he was hanging out with

Chris after the show multiple times and finally got a weird vibe because I guess Chris kept recording all their conversations what yeah he's a I can't do what what even Chris was recording his conversations it was very hard to follow when Jordan told me he's like yeah apparently Chris is like recording everything that we do Steven picked up he was hanging out with Steven to not like oh what a fucking great year but I was crazy pretty I want to switch to you for a second

your relationship with Devante was obviously one that we followed with great enthusiasm and you know we

“I guess like I just how how do you reflecting back watching it back because I think a lot of”

people obviously are both like huge fans of you obviously like just how you should up you know but

make your in Devante's relationship work and maybe not necessarily seeing what Devante was

“was or wasn't bringing in the table yeah how do you look back on on what we got to see”

throughout your season of love is born so looking back it was really hard to watch because I feel like when we were in it he was very much so he was going through a lot so his grandpa died when we were in the pots we came back he has a new fiance plus probably a girlfriend he had a new job offer in the works and trying to hide a lot of shit in his life sorry yeah no no we know a lot more but so came back his grandpa died he has a new fiance he had a new job proposal

that was getting a potentially move him west coast and managing coming back to his normal job so he was dealing with a lot and so I was just trying to be very patient with everything that he was going through give him grace he just continually kept telling me like just keeping patient like don't give a blah blah blah so I'm like okay so I have two choices either I'm going to trust

“the person I fell in love with and be patient or I'm going to run my MO is normally to run and”

I'm like okay so we have to make different choices if we want different results I have learned that I should have gone with my gut exactly everything I was feeling in Cabo was exactly what it ended up being I was just choosing to trust him so watching it back I'm kind of like I was feeling all of the things and I was addressing everything it's not like I was completely like

no this man is amazing he's perfect like I did address plenty of things in what I felt like

I was lacking in the relationship or what I felt like he was lacking giving me in the relationship but watching back it's definitely it was hard because it's like I could feel it but I also was trying to trust him and do something different well also too like you kind of love bomb do you know you love bomb doing the pods you guys were best friends and that I've been in that situation before that's a tough situation when they like are amazing to you and treat you great and then

he's a type of person that would do this he's a love bombing motherfucker and then they pull back all of a sudden it's almost gives you that feeling of like insecurity where like oh my god I need to kind of hang on and it's such a manipulative technique and it's something that a lot of layers do a lot of cheaters he's obviously a cheater to your pumpkin eater you know just it's very I've seen that happen so many times and I've been in Brittany shoes before and I know exactly

how that feels and everybody's looking at you they're like you're an idiot why are you doing this but it's really hard in that moment when they keep dangling a carrot of like what it was like

“in the beginning like yeah he's very very manipulative he's really good with his words I think the”

thing is is like the person he described himself to be in the pods it's easy to be something behind a wall it's hard to actually carry out that character and he had moments where the person I fell in love with would show up for me mostly off camera stuff you guys didn't get to see like this man did actually like me or also wouldn't have been there even though it looks like he didn't like me but yeah it was it was really hard because it's exactly like Amber said he would like

dingle these little carrots where it's like no don't give up on me like just keeping patient with me

and I'm like okay it's not always gonna be like this like he literally said that in combat it's not

always gonna be like this so I'm trying to be patient and see if the person that I fell in love with was gonna show up but hearing the way that he spoke about me in my home on that last day my jaw was literally on the floor because Devontane never spoke to me like that he never said anything remotely close to that like the most spicy conversation that we had was in Cabo on that couch he's he like so to hear him think those things about me and feel that way was just completely

blind sighting because he was not like that at all where were the comments that bothered you the most he said he thought it was weird that I already had a wedding dress that I would just marry anybody which is not the case at all I'm five foot I have a very curvy body and the whole point of the show is to get married so of course I'm gonna get a dress that fits me so I don't look like a potato on my wedding day I feel like that's not that hard so like process in the goal

is to get married and then he called me a shadow to which I just I literally couldn't even believe that because I gave this me in so much space that I said multiple times like I feel like my loving which is not being fulfilled he told me his loving which was also physical touch so then I'm like he did yes I thought his love language was leave me alone it's definitely that now that I've

easy like in this level ingredient I need attention from multiple women as well as possible but

“and I asked him off camera I'm like I don't understand like why you would tell me that you're”

loving which is physical touch but then you don't want to touch me like you barely touch me and he said that when I'm stressing him overwhelmed I just don't want to be touched and I'm like okay so I guess I just need to be patient but yeah calling me a shadow when I gave you all of the space in the world and allowed you to like not touch me was insane because I'm like I'm the furthest thing from a shadow don't get me wrong when I'm with my man I am super clingy

but I wasn't like that with him because he didn't want that which is also it's okay to be like

now in the your person right yeah it's that's the thing I love you I literally want to be in your

skin and I like why do you you tell the same way yeah my wife literally tells me I want to be in your skin all the time and I like I'm definitely not a physical I mean I like physical touch don't get me wrong not like my wife does but like to your point like it is our jobs as partners to show up for our partner understand what they like and how they feel and you know no we'll be like okay let's I was out of 10 minutes timer and you could be in my skin for 10 minutes and man I'm going to be

“right and we joke about it but yeah you have you have to find ways to show up it's not just”

telling your partner what you don't like and what they can't do and how they can't receive he didn't want to show up like that's the thing he did not want to show up for Brittany and that it breaks my heart to see that and I again been in her shoes before I did a man who I found out was treating on me with multiple women and it was the exact same vibe I'd go to his house and I'm like why are we not touching like why aren't you all over me right now I haven't seen you in like a week or so and they do the

exact same thing they make excuses they say oh my fume we're like I'm pretty sure my ex had like nine grandparents died at one point it is another grandparent yeah I know so like so sad I'm just in this headspace I'm just in this headspace yeah side note I did a look up though bituary you're fucking texting other digits yeah was watching those moments back where you kind of were like do you think I'm pretty do you want and he's like yeah cool okay well no he did

yeah yeah you did like well and those on on the couch yeah yeah like telling you all the things

“um because I'm asking him like I'm giving and you're not giving back so that's why”

when I responded it was kind of like thanks because it was like it wasn't genuine in that moment it was nice to hear like the little things that he had noticed that he just wasn't willing to say for god knows what reason it was almost like he had a buddy who was like hey you should ask your girlfriend if it's because he was like he knew that you were too good for him if you see his other girlfriend you know the one that works at like Abelbee's or your successful woman you are beautiful

like yes and actually works at Abelbee's yeah um there was one he dated actually right after the show after he broke up with Brittany and like these women that he did you know but honestly I'm glad she's airing him out because all respect her he tried to use the excuse that like he didn't like the fact that I was black and that's why he stopped wanting to be with me but you're treating your white girlfriend exactly the same like it's not an as issue to you issue at this like

were you thrown off by that because Devante he is a man of color correct were you yeah I was when I literally I was watching with Jess and Emma and when after we had our reveal and I heard him say that I literally looked him and I was like oh my god I said I freaking knew it because I had asked him off camera you know have you ever dated a woman of color and he said I've dated someone like she was Hispanic and I said okay have you ever dated a black woman

and he was just like really quiet but he wasn't like oh no this is like the first time

it's but it's not a big deal or anything like that he was just quiet and I'm like okay that was interesting but that also like tells me that you know he mostly dates white women which is fine because the whole the whole the whole point of this show is to not care what color what size yeah anything like the whole point is you fall in love with who I am as a person it's what it makes so much sense that him and Alex are roommates you know they both suck yeah because you guys were you

guys were really ready for marriage now that you're roommates so it's I guess from your point of

who was a woman of color what for your standpoint well how did you take it I thought it was different you know I mean we all have our preference of who we find attractive who catches our eyes and whatnot but it almost kind of felt like you purposely just didn't want like it didn't matter if you thought they were pretty or not you just purposely were like yeah no their color of their skin is not right for me so I'm not even going to get to know them type of

thing and I mean in all honesty if we were out in the real world he would never speak to me

because he would see the color of my skin he would be like yeah no not interested you would never

“speak to him like literally I mean you should've been like I've never dated somebody so unattractive before”

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that's v i a l one five for 15% off your next order that's hype and vice dot com for the fans who get it i did not realize that he went by dvo is that like a name everyone's calling him and we just

never heard it or were we all so i don't I don't call him that i've never called him that i mean i didn't

fuck with davante so i don't know um well when we first started like learning each other he told me his name was davante and then eventually he started telling you about dvo because he's got a tattooed on his arm and then uh like that's kind of like his whole m o of who he is but i never he never really pushed like the whole dvo thing with me it was always davante

“so is this like uh is this like an alter ego like yeah several um yeah i think yeah i think he”

does have a couple but um i think it probably is okay for sure so this work trip that he took that wasn't a work trip was a a concert trip with your friends yeah can you can you tell us

we were still together for three weeks after um filming and by the end of like week two i'm like

“something just feels very off uh he had had zero plans to see me and i'm like okay so it just feels”

like you finished filming and you dipped out like now everything's kind of uh coming to light and i call i texted him i said i feel like you're not in this anymore if that's the case can you just let me know so we know how to move forward he calls me he's like no i want to be in this relationship blah blah blah and then he says i have to go and a work trip in a few days i'm gonna be gone for a week and then you know but of course he called you we didn't text you that so no evidence

right like i know how these men work right we'll make plans after so he tells me that you know he wants to still continue this relationship three days later he's going to Michigan for a work trip well then Wednesday all the sudden he's like i'm just at a breaking point i don't know what to do and then like doesn't talk to me for five days um and i'm like okay three days ago you just said like i want to be in this relationship come to find out he goes to Texas not Michigan um

he's going on this trip for a concert um and it i've spoken to Ashley Ashley and I are perfectly

“fine i think Ashley is great um she's the only one that had a full conversation with me telling”

me all of this stuff um so like i have no issue with Ashley at all um but basically she said you

know nothing happened it was very awkward as we were weird but then the following week and they were like he literally was like with us and then just disappeared so i found Amber told me a few months later um yeah like i didn't know yeah he came back and then told me basically you know i can't even show up myself let alone show up for you but like i don't know what the future holds for us and um blah blah blah wait he said he couldn't he said that yeah like a week after

he had show up for you but just going to show you myself or just a little left out that he was just in Texas with three of your friends correct okay okay um so i was like okay pretty sure

he just ended our engagement but didn't actually like say the words so i texted him a few days later

i'm like just to clarify like that was you ending our relationship right um because he's saying stuff like you know i'm not disappearing we don't know what the future holds blah blah blah all these things and i'm like that was a very like i'm breaking up with you but i'm not going to say the words type of thing so i texted him and asked like i want to clarify what was that conversation and he said yes that was me ending our engagement i'm so sorry

blah blah blah blah blah all the things you know he said the same text that he sent to Taylor that nice little chat gbt i thought that one too so he must just have it like in his notes app ready to send out to to the girlies copied and pasted copied and pasted also i wanted to have been youtube because from outside looking in people are probably like well how did you not know how would you when people are manipulating you like that again been in that situation you are like

holding on to your see you obviously he was trying to make her feel insecure about her looks in her beauty to try to like chip away at um you know try to get her hooked to him it's again a very manipulative tactic and you really do even though people are like why couldn't you walk away in this moment you're like almost trauma bonded with this person at that point

“well i mean i listen i think well you guys have probably already realized this or you'll come”

to realize that fans of reality tv we we watch reality tv because it's a smear about her own dating lives and it's a saladis year to watch you and watch you britney and and yell at the tv and go why aren't you smart enough to not not see this right now in life we don't have the ability to watch ourselves back right you know and things like that but if for anyone who's ever you know been in a relationship where you really like someone you know if it's really hard to see

because we're focused you know many of us are just like what do i have to do i got to do my part and when you're thinking about your part you're thinking about how do i show up for my partner and so when you meet someone like like you women both dead and you're both trying to focus on what you can do and and how you show up and you're you're focused about doing 100% of your half you're assuming that your partner is going to do 100% of theirs and the difficult part

in these relationships when they don't we you know there is that weird period where we realize that we were doing some of theirs but it's hard to see in real time because we're just and you want it you're fighting for the relationship yeah yeah this um you know picture in your

kind of danglet like oh i'm sorry i'm just not good at relationships i've been in a relationship in nine years you know excuse excuse excuse and then you're like okay i'm going to be more understanding i'm going to be more understanding the same thing like we can be patient we'll be patient you know we'll be these good women that are trying to make this work and try to not be like this toxic

person like sometimes it can come out with me a little bit harder than most people but so he never

like told you why he lied about this work trip like did he ever come clean about because it didn't even seem like he did that three union no no he really did he really didn't at the reunion he was just basically like i just wanted to go to a concert and like i lied to them i like i lied to all the girls but like no bro i have my theories on why i think he actually went out there what are your

“theories i think that he had interest in who was more his type that's what i'll say on that”

and wanted to maybe see if there could potentially be something there from your cast correct somebody he had dated in the pods for a while so i think that that was the motivating factor

of why he chose to go out he did in the pods was it actually okay maybe um and you and

actually have had several conversations like you said y'all are good yeah there's no her fashion and i are perfectly fine i think actually is beautiful i think she's stunning she's amazing i literally told her in the pods i said if nobody marries you i will marry you like i think actually like i felt him not one bit for thinking like maybe maybe there could be something with this person that's more my type um because she is phenomenal but i mean just end one engagement

before you try to do something next you know right preyanka said several times um that you guys were not close is that was there falling out that happened did you girls just like not click

in the pods yeah you just we just never really clicked in the pods um i've got no beef with her

“anything i think there's just some people that you click more naturally with and for her and i”

we just didn't we just didn't connect like that okay i do find it interesting out obviously both of you saw the conversation that Chris had with Ashley Bree in preyanka about Jess her body that relationship that was wild wild i do find it interesting that it is the same three ladies who went to this concert with your fiance and didn't think to like text you and be like please come with divante yeah or even if even if he's telling you like that we're not together

i was told that they felt like he was lying the whole time like he's saying don't post any pictures of me while i'm here like blah blah blah all this so it's like he's giving all of these signs that he's clearly not telling this but exactly nobody decided to say anything to tell you still yeah until after the fact that i learned about it so they they went to a concert and didn't post anything they posted things with the girls but nothing with him and he just like

loves rufus to soul so much he like needed to be honest to me beyond their flight with them and needed to like go with them to this he couldn't like go get a hotel and go buy himself or get his own friends to go sounds off or why yeah why we're none of the other guys invited once it wasn't a girl strip anymore that to your knowledge how many women and has he dated since you

“guys broke up um what i am aware of are just the i think three i think there's three that i know”

of i think somebody also said that he was dating somebody else while he was on the show with me and which would kind of make sense because he disappeared three times while we were filming so well and i'm sure there probably was somebody else how shock for you to hear that he is expecting a child and is engaged so the child thing that was that was more shocking for the fact that you have had at least three major relationships in less than a year the engagement i'm still

suspicious so if that is actually factual or if that was just it in the moment i'm going to blurc this out to make it seem like this sounds better type of thing yeah it's like i'll probably ask by time this air yeah he's like you know i think it's for the idea right i'm curious with you know you you women seem lovely to get to know and also you know what i really love how you know obviously you have dynamic personalities but like and i said this is a compliment you both seem

quite honestly it seems like a lot of the women while maybe imperfect have reasonable expectations

when it comes to dating in relationships and this season when it comes to the men on this season it's like like what we're working like but i'm curious is like is that is this like only crazy men show up and love is blind in Ohio or is this what it's like out there in the wall like i'm used to dating douche is like like who show up and like love bomb and whatever like i can tell

“that shit by now at this point but that has happened so many times um yeah although i think there”

was a lot of insecurities with the guys because in that's part of what i realized is like some men have this ego all of us women were you know really attractive had great jobs were pretty stable and you know the ones that felt insecure about that like Chris um that really shows up to where they can't they're used to trying to control manipulate people you know Chris knew he wasn't going to be able to manipulate this wonderful doctor into doing the same things that you know

Devon thing was trying to do with Britain that's like all those men's game is yeah you know it's their whole thing they don't want to love um they want to control so once they realize they can't do that then they start to make an excuse of to why you're not adequate enough and you know again had that haven't we several times and you just kind of starts to click in your head what did you think of Chris's apology to Connor and Jess bullshit like sorry dude you are a snake like you

literally were talking to Connor outside this bench as you're about to like hit on his girl you're in the bathroom like laughing it up with somebody i think it was actually Jordan um

oops you know about how oh I can get got like it's like oh yeah you would have never

apologized to these people had they not found out what you did you just go and live about your life there is like women in Columbus are redoing the same guy profile I have seen him on their multiple times since like watch out for this man he keeps saying he's on love is blind and blah blah blah he's turning date like I have screenshots of like the amount of women since then that he tried so this was not like a learning experience for him until he got blasted

on the internet I think that's the thing is why didn't he apologize until then late that is not so much time to apologize and because he didn't give a shit you wait until like that's a thing is like you couldn't apologize to them outside of the show and then reappologize on camera like just be an adult about a you messed up you said a lot of horrible things and if you truly meant your apology you would have made sure you took care of it long before there were you

and I'm you know it's pretty typical that guy's like Chris I mean or Alex specifically Chris I think he already has blamed the edit so it's like I'm sorry there's a couple things like for example Jordan and Ice fight that edit was like completely skewed a little bit um it's actually not why I walked out of the bar that night you know I actually heard him say something off camera that was very very very off putting to me at that time um so he was actually

talking to Vic and he said I don't think they're gonna make us go through with it because she

has a kid and that was the first time I felt that vibe that he what didn't want to do this and that

“that's why I was like so shocked but also suggests that he's like we we need to make them do it like”

it's your choice first of all do you want to get married or do you not want to get married like yes you are involved in this very weird social experiment but ultimately everything you're talking about Jordan suggests that like he just his expectations weren't to be a husband if he got married which sounds bizarre when you think about it is as if like well I'm I'm gonna get it's like he acted like he wasn't gonna get married on TV yeah but not in real life and then it would just be

done yeah but yeah but you know it's filming a movie like he's an actor yes exactly yeah because like I don't know how you put your wife who's been drinking whether she got drunk on her own whether or that's her fault or not to just be alone in a car while you go back and party I don't know you didn't even do that to a dog right at least I'm gonna win it out let's put this in water let's say I'm like do you cry one after do you leave the car

“you know like how do you not go out of your way to live with your wife if that's how you”

guys it also is bizarre to me because on the day of our fight he tells the camera that I go sit in for 24 hours that's not true actually the text on my phone he texted me a day to clock in the morning that morning said hey we should talk and I texted back and like yeah you know let's think about things actually called him on my lunch break at work that day of the calls again share screenshots with people so when I saw that on camera like that he lied about

I don't think Jordan's a terrible person I think Jordan is insecure and I think that he was scared of like looking bad in general because he mentioned that him and I were on the same page I was like so after we had the fight he was like no I love you I am into this I was just scared you know about the whole emiss situation we talked it over and I said you know I'm okay if you don't want to go

“through with it that's fine it's the guess for me because I think you're such a good person you know”

we're on the same page of that they'll totally expected him to say no I was absolutely be on myself thrilled when he did say yes I think there was a group chat between the girls and I when after that fighting moment I'm like Jordan doesn't actually want to do this I'm heartbroken you know they all kind of like lifted me up and they're like you know it's probably because of the emiss situation whatever like after the wedding day I was like literally so thrilled I'm like Jordan

said yes everybody's like congratulations like I couldn't believe it I thought he did have this like come to Jesus moment where he just loved me that much but in reality like kind of looking back I he had mentioned before he's like they make the guys look like assholes if they say no blah blah blah but as far as like my daughter being there and him feeling bad about not saying no in front

of my daughter first well he knew my daughter was going to be there as a flower girl like we talked

about that and he literally obviously didn't really give a shit what Emma thought because he didn't even say bye to her in reality so like on TV that's fine but no it wasn't because Emma was

“there and he couldn't say no because of like my daughter being there I really think he didn't want”

to look like an asshole and then kind of for a hot second thought maybe I could do this and then tried to think of every excuse on the planet to like back out of it. Our Jordan and Chris still friends do they do you know if they still hang out or after he caught him like recording he was like I don't know this guy anymore well he still likes his stuff on Instagram and he dapped him up at the reunion was like buddy you know so I don't know if they're

like as close as they were which again is another like looking back at it um was it of their off putting thing because even when I'm like addressing the situation like I will you know I have no problem calling people out to their face when I don't like them I'm not going to be bake around you so when Jordan's like no no no what I kind of came to realize especially like after the whole wedding situation his whole vibe was like you and bears me from my friends well

well and I'm like you can't embarrass me and my friends I'm so close with them that I don't like it would be something we laugh about like I don't look at their judgment like that so

what I kind of gathered from the Chris situation and from that situation he's always going to

value the opinions of his male friends over like whoever he's with you know what I mean well that way there's a moment for the bachelor and bachelor at party for love is blind it's always this kind of scene every season where it's like they do it for you guys because it's part of the process but it's clearly like empty and it looks really boring and like not that fun I don't know but there is no offense to production I'm not trying to talk shit I only put a bringing it up

was like there I don't sure you remember but Jordan was like I'm having the best time of my life if they're like with the boys they're on an arcade it looks like there's like three four dudes there and he's just like truly I've never seen this man happier I know at this moment where he's like drinking beers playing video games hanging out with three other dudes like late at night

“that's what he wants his life to be and that's fine just don't get married and don't enter a kid with”

like a wife you know and looking back at it too I think that he probably thought that I was kind of like fill out the option kind of the shoe in there he did have another connection in the pods that dumped him and I didn't know this at the time and then it was like I was the only one that was talking to him so I'm not sure if that played a part onto that so then when we got back to Columbus she was actually in his DMs being like oh my god I really want clarity like I want to work

it out blah blah and I kind of felt him like he showed me the messages and everything and he's was kind of like shaken into shoes he still was like asking or like how was work like it was kind of a weird thing and then he kind of like shut it down but I was I kind of felt very off about it and insecure in that moment because it didn't seem it seemed like he really was happy that she reached out and like he showed you but then he continued the conversation yeah and then he

shut it down towards it and but it was kind of like it was just a weird weird thing and then moments later like we had a conversation off camera and I was like here's all the dudes that are DMing me right now that I don't reply to you know just you know I'm like you know you get used as a woman you get used to that attention she's like well I'm not used to that attention I've

never gotten that before blah blah so it was almost kind of like this heightened thing and um I think

that that played a huge role in him leaving too he's like oh my god I'm gonna all this attention from like all these women now that I'm like on this TV show and it looks like such a big teddy bear

on Instagram like like in this girl's bikini pics and everything like that was so hurtful like

it was just um wow I totally kind of like like I said I got that vibe like I don't think Nicholas she thought Ohio was kind of representing men in a part of the way and we thought we were too with all the engagements that we had and then man it just went downhill you might have been a

“typical great group of women truly yeah we're awesome yeah usually is but honestly that's why I was”

like so willing to do something like this because you see the dating pool that we're working with so I'm like okay at least the people that are going on this should be more marriage minded I seen a better chance they do a background finding a genuine person and you know that just there's

there are a few guys on the cast that are really really great quality men and I feel like you get to

see that throughout the show who those people are so it's not like they're all bad we just happened like I just got one that was definitely not yeah not who he thinks he is I mean I'm curious Amber you know hearing you mentioned things that Jordan said you know whether it was being aware or having the idea that the men look bad if they break up at the altar do you think is silly as it sounds because you guys literally got married and that's not that easy to get out of

but do you think that he looking back now move forward with the the I do because he thought he could control his edit or the breakup in a way that you know he wouldn't be seen on camera yeah absolutely like in this moment you know he obviously didn't love me because you don't leave somebody three months after a marriage that you love you try to work it out like you do do the things even if you have those you know iconic fights like

and again they weren't even that like iconic and you just do whatever you can you don't just back off and you also want to be around that person so much more than he wanted to be around me so you know again I think it was more of like an ego to school thing because you wouldn't aid wouldn't leave your wife then you wouldn't be able emotionally to get in another relationship that quick I know people talk about um rebounds everything like that like no I don't think this

was necessarily a rebound he talks about how happy he is you know emotionally for me I couldn't even look at a man for like four months prior to that I haven't been dating you know it's not in my wheelhouse I had to heal from this completely like when you truly love somebody you can't just jump into it with somebody else and be happy within that like short of a time frame I mean I'll need to know as he left you in a car by yourself I can't get past that I know and in my mind

so then the next day and this is what pisses me off he tries to manipulate because I he's like

“you should have apologized well blah and I was like I'm very hurt that you like left me in a car”

and did these things and he that's when he started to spin it around like no you tried to do this and that and you like tried to screw me in front of my friends which again I don't know how much of that is accurate the man was also very tipsy and you know it's just a very odd thing but he immediately

spun it around he never apologized for me in a car it was like it was all me apologizing and I'm like

okay I had like cold one of my best friends directly after and I'm like anybody else I would a fucking left this dude right now but she's like no you're married now these are things like you work on you kind of look past so that's what I did with a lot of these moments and again looking back was likely stupid because he was giving me all the signs but you know you truly think like that wedding day it was literally I didn't even believe he said yes that's why my face was kind of like

wait what did you actually say and then when he did I was it was like the best healing in my entire

“like like it was a fairy tale moment you know and that's what I kept looking down and she texted us”

all of us girls and was like he said yes and we were all screaming because we were expecting and no so we were so excited and happy you know I thought he had this come to Jesus' moment and you know in my head that is all I could think about the next few months like this no this person clearly loved me enough to get married they clearly did this but then again went looking back and he's like just deflecting the whole reunion trying to shift the blame shift the blame

on different moments it's like now you're you can't even admit what's going on so what is divorce look like and and the love is blind world how are you guys moving forward with this separation so really actually kind of funny I was kind of waiting on him to do everything because in that moment I was like he can deal with it he's the one that wants to get a divorce I don't have time to even look

Marie from production called me and she's like hey Amber just trying to check in Jordan's been in

contact with us about the divorce process and is wondering and this is what could happen like kind of being a mediator and I was like he can like they give you money for it obviously the reimburseee I was like he can literally look for it do everything I'll just sign the paperwork whenever he gets it ready so he did send me over all this paperwork that I haven't signed yet because it's it looks a little fishy like they wanted my bank account information and like all this

on like an enolman and I was like we just like I just want other people to like really look into this and so you didn't really really push you for me to just get it done and sign it which is totally fine but it also makes you list like all of your assets like your I have a retirement like all this shit that I haven't had time to like completely look up and put down on paper I just want to make sure it's accurate as well and I don't think he understands because he doesn't have any of that

shit when he gets really easy when you don't when you just have a little bit of credit card debt to put that on there did you sign it pre not no is that a fear of yours that he could it is he's a sure me that that's not it okay um he just keeps saying like no I'm not gonna take it like no no no so I am just carefully looking over this paperwork just to make sure he's like I just don't want to be like legally married you forever blah blah it's like basically what he's telling me like oh my god

it would never look like that name so she did with you Amber I don't know I don't know what the

vibe is there but Brittany besides the one moment we saw on camera of Alex hitting on you did he ever

“choose a shot at you again no Alex has never that's and that's what was so weird about that moment”

because Alex and I didn't even date for the full 10 minutes stay one so I was like this is kind of coming out of left fields and I get what you're saying and what you're trying to tell me but you're also telling me you know you find me attractive without saying the words but yeah that was that was the only time that he ever mentioned anything like that we didn't really get to see the relationship and like and was there anything we missed as a viewer when you in Devante broke up on the show

that we didn't get to see well that's the thing is like to me it wasn't in breakup but so basically

how it happened is Devante had done like his two days before the wedding we talked and said that we weren't getting married he told me he wasn't ready I said I was more ready than he was but I was also relieved because I'm like I feel like if we get married it's gonna be a leap of faith and then we have a lot of work that we have to do in order to get to like a good marriage so I was actually fine not getting married that day and I told him if our answer is not yes I'm not having a wedding

because I just don't feel like somebody should see me as a bride if I'm not actually their bride

“so that's why we just had the conversation at home but he had done his exit interview first”

and then we did our part and then I did my exit interview and then talked on the phone for an hour after that on his way home to Cleveland so like to me I was like we're we're still together it wasn't a breakup because he was telling me the goal is marriage so from my perspective like yeah I'm calling my fiance right after because I literally said you know what what do you want to do and because at that point we had been talking with Bri and Connor to kind of figure out you know

what and they said you know they were just gonna continue dating so I said you know do you want to be done do you want to continue dating what is the plan here and he said the goal is marriage so from my perspective that's where I was coming from yeah dangling like here yeah he really was leading you on what are you going to do with that dress my wedding dress yeah oh that's still my wedding dress like it will give me perfect like a glove perfectly preserved for both you ladies I mean

again it seems like looking at the man I've said watching the show passing by the show but love is not lying for me I know you know fine you know I ain't you know I ain't showing up for that thing because I know me you look at Chris and you look at Alex you know or Devontate as we got to

“know them throughout the season or even Jordan a little bit I think Jordan's I give Jordan a”

little bit more grace because it seems like some of his biggest mistakes might just be night evenness or immaturity yeah or like I don't think he's a background he's got a yeah he's got a big heart but maybe just a lot of growing up to do well that's her journey but nevertheless not my problem it's hers but like you know when Alex was talking about as soon as he realized that Ashley was blonde it's just like well why are you showing up for love is right like that's

let's give you that pass but if your taste is so specific don't come on love is this the show

why are you going on this show you know it did makes I was just an out for them too sure like it was just like oh okay I'm not physically attracted to this beautiful woman like it doesn't matter also people can die their hair like Ashley's been a brunette before it's like that could have easily been worked out she's a gorgeous woman that's just a fucking out like and Chris is was completely an out just has a beautiful body again she's a doctor it's like Chris I don't think you're

deep how many ballerinas do you like like I'm sorry I would start and Chris was like absolutely insanely crazy about just in combat so wild couldn't even stand off of her so it was just a one stunning she is yeah you already and and just like from what you've got to know about him like if you had to guess what do you think is overall motives were on this whole show I mean I think that he actually really was looking for a partner because he was great and let's he's just

“a phenomenal actor he was insanely crazy about Jess and then I think when he came home in life actually”

started happening and he sees that she is like Eons ahead of him in life it made him feel very small and he just tried to find a way to be like yeah the well this is a problem with you when there's literally nothing wrong with Jess at all she's imperfect and he disappeared for like forty hours he was obviously out drinking in grim view of where you like came from from that and it's like he got back I think he's more of a party boy than he played out to be it's like a fucking

Monday night dude um I don't think I think they lost his job though as soon as he got back because he actually didn't have to yes he did um of vacation so he liked his boss too yeah yeah and so I guess you do have a Monday night off I couldn't like just go out and party all night on Monday but I think he got back into that he clearly loves to like you know just be that guy that's lazy guy and some guys think they want out of that life they're like oh yeah I wanted you but

they're so addicted to that lifestyle right they're so addicted to dating like multiple women getting multiple like all that attention especially they have small egos like they can't the

always need their ego pumped up um they always need to be out like with the boys like drinking

doing all this stuff so it's very hard for men like that I really used to like settle back down in and I always I which is funny because I said after I broke up with my ex of three years I was like I'm never dating a bar rat again and what I married a bar rat so you know um but again it's these guys that are and they always say like I just haven't found the right one I hate just haven't found the right one blah blah I haven't found somebody to sell me down it's like no you haven't

“done work on yourself to like um stop doing the toxic things that you do you have to be in that”

mindset it's not that you haven't found the right person you haven't worked on yourself and I know that from experience too because um I used to be like that I actually used to be a bar rat prior to get like I love going out I would talk to multiple men like I was gross um not gross but like you know when you're early 20s you're just doing the whole thing and then having fun having fun I had it wasn't like necessarily Emma that obviously settled me down but prior I had this like

realization moment like no this isn't good this is like actually working on different dopamine levels when you go out all the time have all that fun your dopamine sinks you know you're in this almost like the press of state so you go out and you do it again you know you get around the people that are making you laugh you do everything and it's just not like a stable life style so living don't get me wrong or go out every once in a while um and do that but if you're consistently

“doing that that's not giving you stability so what I found after I worked on myself for a while um”

I didn't date anybody for two years after having Emma and I just focused on like getting a routine and settling and running working out every day like just really being in that and then you know have my glass of wine every now and again at night different things like that but not going like both the walls and it was hard it was boring at first like you know I do my do it yourself projects like

life got very boring but I could never ever go back to like the toxic lifestyle that I live before

just with those ups and downs and ups and downs that's such an emotional roller coaster and some people can unfortunately not get out of that pit especially if they are doing it you know ages 35 there's like my ex was 40 when he was still doing it and those are the type of men you always see those like nasty like 70 year old sitting at the end of the bar that are like still drinking on a Monday and you're like you know like they're kind of like or those like people if you

walk into the casino the like women they're like seeing their like star yet like glued to the casino it's like some men don't change that's just how they're going to live yeah and you can't work on that you cannot blame yourself as a woman that you weren't good enough to make them change that's a bullshit narrative like no they just no one's really going to be good enough they are going

a stand-up individual and then they will you know be better for a person or they're going to find

somebody who will tolerate their bullshit yeah your age was a topic of discussion I know I'll die kids you handle it with such a grace I you know getting to know you you're you're your ball of fun and I really love how you stand up for yourself and you do it with such a great spirit but I I'm curious when that all went down yeah I will say so prior to coming on the show um there's about two months prior my grandma died not to be able to debaunt it and use that to

like you know like shit but my grandmother died which is really hard in my uncle died the same month and I was very close to both of them so I actually had a really huge rise in like cortisol levels I wasn't sleeping good at night like I was crying a lot like my skin was not taken care of

at that time um and you can really see it in the show I generally like and I don't look the best

now because again I've had six months of like more just not great sleep um it'll be beautiful um

“but that really did show I think also due to those like high cortisol levels I actually was”

overproducing indigents which was causing these like sebaceous like sweat glands like in my face I actually had to get on the end of the blocker um after the show it didn't realize this was happening and so it was like kind of like these tiny cysts that were um actually the girls in all about it poor Britney had to see me at my worst and um it was just a really terrible time period I was on seven antibiotics after the show um for this ended up losing like 15 pounds because I was

throwing up a lot with these antibiotics so it was actually an underlying medical condition that's super complicated that I don't need to get into but yeah but I'll say everyone can fuck off like every kid and that's all I'm like I'm not going to type this up on like every comment like fucking eat shit yeah and all the women it's so funny to be too realizing all these women they're like no way she's I'm 43 now look better than her I'm like do you want me to mail you a fucking cookie

like I love you Susan Morgan's off but also like your profile picture is Chris's profile picture like it's not you you know yeah it's like like these women who are coming for you it's like you really a private profile to like imagine having a private profile just talking shit with your fingers what did now it's crazy right with there's zero followers and zero like following well there's it's new show in Netflix called age of attraction where age is uh uh you don't know people's ages

if you would you ever go on that are you recruiting him so no more reality shows no more of the shows what did you think of Chris's profile picture on Instagram did you where y'all is just to shock

“I said who the heck is that? I literally took a screenshot and I sent it to Jess and I said who is this?”

I know everyone's like everyday I do this is this is this is his height was discussed as he like sure very short like I don't know exactly but I like towered over him I know I'm pretty tall but I thought they were a cute couple because they were both kind of short and whatever but it's like you're looking at two tiny people he actually to me now looks like just a little long-none I'll say this Jess is five foot we're both five foot and Chris is not that much taller than us

and I could use him as a stuff so and I almost did when I said I was gonna kick him the teeth I actually was like I can get my foot up to a see again just get it right there any final thoughts from you ladies before we let you go um I think just you know giving us giving every one of the women grace on the show because when you're in that moment you're hyped up to believe that this is your person and women do this all the time we get it we're like all this man finally wants to

“settle down this is like the dream right that's what we're supposed to do you get talk shit about”

if you're not married and have kids about the time you're 40 you get talk shit about if you're a single mom and you don't introduce the kid to your significant other three years but then you do get you know people are like oh you're like so many people are like you're a terrible mother and I'm like I'm a fucking great mom actually my daughter and I have such an amazing connection and we are

so close emotionally and I have never even had to yell at her because she just we have that fluency

I guess she just is very respectful of me I'm respectful of her you know we take each other into consideration and everything and so stuff like that it's like it's so easy for people to judge and overlook that but give the women some grace I don't hear and I guess I hear a lot of shit about person Alex but I don't know it's just kind of funny to me and it's funny to me everyone's talking shit about how I look and no offense to Jordan but like no one they're like oh he's

a big teddy bear looks older than me I need to ask you about the silhouette it shows been around we have have 10 seasons and you're the first person in love with his blood history to kind of understand the assignment what made you pose the way you did before the reveal so if we're not going to lie I actually didn't watch the show prior to coming on I just got to like I don't watch real on that when I got up there production was like oh go have fun blah blah so I didn't actually

you know come off that way for sure but so you were kind of you were you were fucking around

yeah okay it was iconic it was like I don't he knows it's always in the round yeah it was like

on it briny any final thoughts from you yeah I think kind of just to reflect on what you said is you know it's really easy to watch somebody on TV and not put yourself in their shoes like if you had a camera following you you would cringe at some of the things you did too and I think people

“just need to remember that you know we're all human you get to see the good and the bad and”

we just need to give some grace to people but that being said do you think overall divante

is you know I think we've said this a few times we don't think Jordan's a bad guy if you had do you think divante is more bad guy or or not there yet guy better he's very far from being there guy he could be a good guy if he really tried to be the person he describes himself to be

“I mean the the ability for him the lie the way he did was such ease into the people who he lied to”

has to be a reflection of just how much he is dishonest because like that is such a sloppy

lie I said to me that's a very telling lie yeah and I really hope for his future child and his baby mom that he chooses to be better because it's not fair to them for him to continue behaving the way that he's behaving and that's another hard habit sorry I know we're wrapping up that's another

“hard habit for people to get out of like people that are chronic liars they it's a whole psychological”

aspect if they keep doing it it literally gets wired in their brain where they can tell you that wall is orange and they start to believe that wall is orange you know what I mean and then that is another bad it's it's almost like smoking it's about habit it's an addiction that people get um yeah well you ladies were wonderful on the season we really appreciate getting to know you both on the season and today and and we're very sorry that these journeys didn't work out for you both but you both

seem like a breath of fresh air you both seem like wonderful people and we're wishing you both nothing but the best when it comes to your pursuit of love and happiness out in the real world and we certainly hope that you both get what you deserve which are wonderful meaningful relationships with hopefully some decent men and I'd like to think that they're out there maybe just not in a while sorry thank you guys for listening we'll see you back on Monday bye bye