Liam Edward Golder: late Diagnoses and New Perspectives

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We're igniting a global movement to empower everyone to make a lasting difference by fostering deep awareness, unwavering acceptance and profound understanding of autism and mental health. Toon in, be inspired and join us in transforming the world one story at a time. Hi, I'm Tony Meantour. Welcome to Why Not Me Embracing Autism and Mental Health worldwide. Before we jump in, if you haven't already, tap the follow button. It takes two seconds and

it helps more families that need to hear these conversations. Joining us today is Liam Edwood Golder. His autistic journey did not begin in childhood with a clear roadmap. It unfolded later in his life. Not only did he find out later in life, but his father was diagnosed autistic at age 70. This conversation is about what happens when clarity arise late. How it can bring relief, grief, validation and healing all at the same time.

It's about seeing your parent and yourself through a new lens. He has a great story to tell. So before we dive into our episode, we'll be back with an uninterrupted show right after a word from our sponsors. Thanks for joining us today.

Now I appreciate you. Ask me on this. It's amazing. Really, really excited.

Yeah, it's great to have you on. You just mentioned you recently discovered you are autistic. If you would, tell us a little bit about that. Yeah, yeah, what it is. I basically got

“a family with autism. I think you might dad or go more into that as well. But my dad got diagnosed”

late with autism and researchers syndrome and my nephew as well, autism. And it didn't occur to be really that I had it as well. You know, and then I started to notice patterns and things and part of the show and the build up of different things that have happened. She led me to realise why I basically got it as well. So it's because my aim is actually a lot to do creativity. By my and actually I see as a strength which I've realised rather than

trying to be as it seems a weakness or worry or so it's a bit, you know, I can turn about. It's led me to the world of creativity. From my music, you know, if we have in a career full-time job in music, you know, 30 years in music and as a sort of one-time writer and singer and promote up for different celebrities as well. And all these fans, but my creative brain because of the

autism and a great ADHD as well, to add to it. But it's basically a realise that my creative

brain and my ideas and the way I look at the world differently has really helped with the music, you know, and helping others with the songs and it's a strength, you know. Some ideas I get very easily, I get words very easily in my head, for sure. I've got a lot of photographic memory, I could write a song from scratch on the spot, sort of, you know, and helping, I say working in music and that creative aspects of that. I realised through the family so I probably got it through

the generation of my own dad. How long ago was it when you found out that your dad was artistic? And it couple he was about roughly about 10 years ago because he was diagnosed really late. It wasn't diagnosed until he was about probably 70. Oh wow. Okay. And he'd been living with this for so long, and you know, his mechanisms are very drawn, but I can be like, can look quite straight-faced and he looks very expressionless at times. It doesn't, you know, he doesn't

understand what's going on sometimes and he doesn't understand emotions of time. Mine's different why I get it is different. You both have a certain thing in common is that you both have been diagnosed artistically later in life. Yeah. With that said, what are some of the similar things

“that you see you both have in common? And similar things, I think, we can be quite both,”

both us can be withdrawn. I mean certain situations, I'm very like dad will be on his own a lot and he will be in his own mind on his own thoughts and I get that sometimes as well. I can be very, very much great in crowds, even I work in music and I love music and stuff. We're both not with that great in crowds and loud noises. I can totally understand that. Yeah, I've got the headphones and I'm all that stuff, at least for so many headphones quite a lot. When you learn that your dad

was artistic, did that lead you down the path to questioning about yourself at all? A bit of the time, but I was very lost in his diagnosis. I got very lost in that at the time. I used to look at

what autism is or how it should be or what people think it is, you know, sometimes because he's like a quite a version of me. I didn't think as much about myself at the time I thought about him but as time went on, I started noticing fends in myself like menus. I find really hard to read. I feel very overwhelmed, I started noticing fishy into your over the years. Every time there's a menu, I was overwhelmed with trying to look at his menu. To me, it looks like a Atlas. I'm

completely overwhelmed with it. It just feels like so much information. I'm curious. Everyone has their perception of what they think autism is. Yeah. Yeah. So what were your perceptions of what you think autism was? And then when you're father was diagnosed, did it change your perception at

all? Yeah. I even wanted autism but I used to always think it was just a vagueness, you know,

not responding to other human emotions and being very cut off from the world and fends. I used to just think that and then I realised it wasn't just that. There was so much more to it, you know, as well as seeing shapes or hearing sounds or processing fends differently in people and not always recognising people's emotions or fends, which he does a lot. He doesn't recognise people's

“emotions sometimes and you have to remind him and he go, "Oh, all right. Oh yeah, I'll let”

they think in that that person is thinking this and they're upset about this all they're worried about. They say, "Oh, well I can register it sometimes, I don't wish register it, but that was one of the fends." But right lights as well. I know you see even in supermarkets, right lights would get me a bit, like in the shops, you know, the bright lights or I've been off and that's all fend or you'd love that. But I'll say the big thing for me has been music, my big obsession is music

and I always have stuck on that little one subject, which has been that. When you learned of your

diagnosis of being autistic, did you get that through a therapist? And then, once it was confirmed that you truly are autistic, what went through your mind? What were some of the first thoughts that you were thinking with your new diagnosis? Yeah, it was like a fair piece of years ago in the beginning and then I recently found out more about it since the show. And I thought to myself, but when I found out I was like confirmed I was like, "Well, actually, it makes sense now.

I always felt a bit weak. Sometimes I felt very different from the world, a lot. I always felt I didn't fit into a lot of situations, I always felt a bit off or just very different. And I could never understand why I apart from the ADHD. And I thought, "Oh, you know, because I'm saying

“photographic memory and I can remember like loads of numbers." But I remember feeling actually quite”

relieved and happy that I actually found out, "Oh, that makes sense." That makes sense now,

if you're relieved and that's it, surely, if you're now that I can use it as a strength." Sure. Now, did you tell anyone? Yeah. Perfect. Now, who did you tell? And of course, what was the reaction to the diagnosis? Well, my partner, my family, and they said, "Oh, yeah, cool. That makes perfect sense." That was wow. Because some of the things that, you know, I said, "I've been good with numbers and remembering words and having this sort of, you know,

to memorize things like a lot of people forget about." I just keep remembering what he's like, that a number plate from 30 years ago, my dad's car and stuff like that. The big thing for me has been the music focus, that hyper focus on that, you know, works to say 30 years in music helping others and famous people. And it's not helping back, you know, my mind feels very busy at times. And there's a lot to process. It's made me with a creative level of things that

“are mixed up really, I think. And I'm not seeing it as a barrier. It's say, "Oh, well,”

work with all different celebrity artists and music artists and write songs for them and promote them alongside acts as well." You know, and it's a daily, it's a full-time job and an reputation working with a hot chocolate and from the UK. Lots of other people like Routaine Klann, essentially. And lots of big names, you know, like, sailing compartment, but a number four, a deal, stuff. So did you ever feel like you was a translator for your father to other people?

Yeah. Yeah, sometimes it has felt like a translator. Yeah, because I've had to sort of be a messenger sort of friend. Yeah, because he was artistic and still trying to carve my hand things. Autistic. And he's got, yeah, and he's also got paranoid personality disorder to just direct to it. So that obviously has been in the challenge as well. He thinks someone was trying to trick him or against him or something, you know. But as someone like Harold Dog, the pet dog,

it's a fact that they were trying to take the dog or something. And I'll have to, you know, we're sure, I mean, so now they're not trying to take the dog. They're just, they're just saying how and how to load to the dog. It's all good intentions, you know. Yeah, yeah, that makes sense. When you found out your father was artistic and then later realized you were artistic too, did that change how you understood him? Did it help you separate his struggles from his strengths

and see them through a different lens? Was there ever a moment where you thought he wasn't being distant or difficult? He was just being overwhelmed. Absolutely. Yeah, I realized why it struggled for his life, you know. I realized why he was so withdrawn. I'm why he found it hard to communicate with people. He was all clicked into place that he was the reason why he, Harry was, you know.

did you notice any shift in him? Almost like a wait being lifted off his shoulders. Did

“having that understanding give him relief and, of course, some clarity in his life? I think so.”

I think so because I think he'd always, he's always been like asking questions and thinking,

"A similar thing, why you felt different? Why I could engage in connections easily?" Which I could have struggled with in my life, struggled to connect to people and, like, have conversations and really sort of to feel understood as well. So it's not really feeling like not really feeling understood. I think it's, it's a lot to do that as well. I want and he definitely felt different. And you could say to him, "You could sound like a fire outside."

Or something, because he wasn't, and it just, if you said, "Oh, all right, he wouldn't actually really anticipate a danger or worry or fear." You know, he wouldn't, he wouldn't pick up one, something to worry about. It just, you know, I won't. Now, you say that you are originally from England. Correct? Yes. Yeah, everything from London. Now, how long have you been here? Well, been in New York for four years, four years. Okay. So, have you noticed the

difference in how people have reacted from where you were in England to the people that you deal with on a continued basis here in New York? Have you noticed a difference? Or has it been about the same reaction in both areas? Well, not yet as such, because I'm not going to detail with all family in New York, but partner. Apart from that, I've actually just been going through the some fact that you came, and they were just, you know, disappointed, really, and just was like, "Wow,

this is just what it is, we actually understand." And they went, "Oh, yeah, because you've

always been like, they said to me, "Oh, you've always been really good with numbers, you've

been really good with words, and some writing it, and super focused on the music, like, like, really tunneled on it." And I said, "Yeah, 'cause I could, for a long time, I used to think, "Why am I so heavily focused on music all the time?" Like, constant. Yeah, my whole brain is going for it all day long, on subjects. But of course, I do think of other friends, well, important, you know, like, love and other friends, or I have, like, poor friends,

but the music is always like there, and it's continually running on. But I was like,

“"Why am I music? Like, why can't I think about, say, I also do same counts?" You know?”

I was really like, trying about rap sometimes. Is there any part of you that kind of resisted your diagnosis? Possibly because of what your witness growing up with your dad? I actually embraced it. Awesome. I had a sense of comfort, actually, because I thought, well, now that gives me the answers of why I was, you know, some of the questions I had about different films, and I think, "Why do I, why do I, why don't I move all in words? And why don't

I move all those numbers?" And, you know, I remember people was like, "Data buffs very easily or star signs very easily," or "Ditaals about their, well, they tell me something, can I remember it?" And I got you. How did you remember that? When my parents got married, they told me once, and I remember, and they said, "They was like, "Wow, you remember that attraction?" Yeah, I'm sorry, but with the songs, I can just pre-lough the song. Like, normally,

I could just, I could do a song live and just, like, literally, what a whole song.

“Have you had any stressors meltdowns? Have that affected you in any way at all?”

Uh, burnout. Yeah, I think I've had mental burnouts. I think where I've worked so hard, and I'm getting so many ideas, because my brain is very creative, so get so many creative ideas. Mix was the ADHD as well, and anxiety. I've had thoughts on anxiety in my life. I fixed on times you've brain can feel a bit overloaded, you know? Yeah, yeah, I can. Now, how do you deal with it? If you have some anxiety coming on,

how do you put yourself in a position of where you can deal with it? Yeah, yeah, yeah, I've had a lot of, over the years, about exactly, especially working in music and building that and getting that to a successful level.

I'm knowing that, you know, I was basically, you know, music industry is a tough feeling the

way. And on top of that, making a living from music to add to the, you know, plus having, you know, health conditions, you know, it's a lot to do. Because our people's careers in my hands as well, you know, they're dependent on me. I'm trying to do the best I can do. It's been really successful. It continues to be a work to revoke over 80 different celebrities, wrote with some of them as well, some writing. Don't think that I wouldn't even imagine that I would have achieved, you know,

they were achieving that, you know, and I'm not letting the autism warning think, um, holding it back, you know, it's actually now a superpower or most, you know, yeah. Yeah, that's the great way of looking at it. Now, since you have gotten your diagnosis, have you seen a change? Now, you're getting to know what autism is. You're starting to get a better grasp and understanding. How have you adjusted to this? And what kind of changes have

you seen yourself make moving forward? Yeah. Um, at acceptance, more acceptance of myself, because I really, I found it very hard to accept some of my patterns, you know, I felt very through it's stranger times and I thought, well, now we're also doing these things that I know.

feminine? But basically, I adjusted really quickly because suddenly I've got the sort of clarity. I've had the clarity on all the different areas and then I was like, of course. Now, that's that actually, they completely, I'm not, you know, a doctor or working at school or

“these things that you think about doing when you're a child and they say, oh, you should go and”

be this or be that, but music for me always happens and that way I couldn't accept it one

on time, you know, doing it. And I try to come away from it, but if you come back like a boomer and so I could ever, you know, couldn't escape it really. And now I enjoy it, I enjoy it and I embrace it now because I accept the way I am, but I'm not actually not like, it's not a hobby, it's not just I'm going to do, you know, that, you know, people are engineers or whatever they do and we all got purpose. It took me a long time, but now I've accepted my purpose and what I have and how I might

mine fix, you know, obviously, and it's okay. Now, most kids as they're growing up, they always have these perceptions of their parents. Why do they make me do this? Why do they make me do that? They're always questioning them. They don't know what they're talking about. Did you have any challenges like that? He hadn't been diagnosed autistic yet, but he did have some of those tendencies. Then after he got his diagnosis and you found out he's autistic, then you get your diagnosis

of being autistic. Did that build a bridge that made the both of you closer because of the understanding you gain and being autistic? Yeah, I mean, he actually saw this sort of process and

“everything. Yeah, he just, like, after the diagnosis, I think. Yeah, I did, I did feel closer to”

him and understand more why he was because I didn't have the guidance, like, I didn't have the career guidance. I come away from school and I struggle through school sometimes, you know, they're well in the end, actually, but the social aspect I really struggle with, the actual academic side of a struggle with certain subjects, but excelled in, well, call to music, maths, and English, and things, but I didn't have the guidance when I let school of what to do.

We didn't say anything to me. We thought that this job. We thought that that didn't say anything. And I know why I didn't now because he wasn't thinking about it because he was ducking his autism. So I just found my own path, and I'll share that there to the music. And I remember not even no guidance, and I'm not thinking that's just odd. I've got no guidance at all, nothing, you know. But I don't hold it against it at all. Now I understand why now.

Yeah, yeah, absolutely. Now, you say you're concentrating on your music.

“Yeah, for years now, for years of it. Yeah. How do people find you?”

Give us your websites and social media so people can follow you on what you're doing. Yeah, I've got, um, it's, it's, well, because I do what I do. I do PR and marketing,

communications for bands and somewhere in the centers, all kinds of music. Basically,

the website or company, Son Heroes, music PR. And the website is www.son-hero-music-pr.com. I'll look me up on the limit of the older, but Son Heroes is a company I've had for years and years. I say, for years, I've been doing all this now. Yeah, so the marketing and PR, and basically, like a music agent for all different kinds of bands and famous and non-famous singers and somewhere else. And every all kinds of music, you know, people can find out they are doing radio,

packages, and TV, magazines, record labels, music venues, you know, music for airports and shopping malls, restaurants, hotels, all of that. You know, there's so much that I cover, which, my, my creative brain just focuses on, on a machine really. Have you had any challenges that you've had to overcome because of your autism with the work that you do and the clients? I think just having a structure like, I've got a really good structure with it. But, you know,

if a lot's gone in a lot, once you have the balance out and then learn to structure that, but anything can like, just have that structure and balance of what's going on. And I think that,

yeah, the challenge was just just really prioritising what was important, what for you never

well, I was talking about it, not to feel burnt out by the actual clients or the workload. So it's just having that happy balance, you know. Now that you understand yourself better after your autism diagnosis, add to that, you now see your father's life in a different lens because of it. What kind of legacy are you hoping to carry forward now? Yeah, that's a great, that's a great question. The, the music legacy, but also the health aspects,

I am, you know, writing with different celebrity advice, singing with them sometimes before, and promoting them, being their agent and publicists, and really, but also while having ADHD and autism in a thing, to be like, well, okay, you can achieve things, you know, you haven't got to be putting a box or you haven't got to not, the legacy is that you can, to help to inspire others because you can achieve these things. You know, you haven't got to just think right, well,

I've got autism or I've got ADHD or whatever you have, and think right, well, I'm not going to do anything. You know, but I'm just going to sit there on the sofa and just put the headphones on and shut yourself off the world for the next 80 years or whatever, and that I feel, no, I'm going to do something.

so make things even bigger and build that legacy even stronger, and say to other people,

“you can do it. You can do things beyond all the challenges, you know, you haven't got to say,”

frankly, you can't. The people say, don't be able to do that, but we all have it the time in our life. Yeah, absolutely. So two different autism diagnosis actually connected two different people because of it. Yeah, the beauty is it did not separate you. Tell us what that connection means to you today, now that you have a better understanding of autism. Yeah, well, I have a lot more

understanding and empathy and compassion, and one of the big things was he always looks so vague

as well as I do. I recognize I do. It just now, to me, it's like, well, I can relate to the reasons why he is, how he is, you know, and it wasn't to be rude. He wasn't being rude. He wasn't trying to be distant. He wasn't trying not to care about situations. It's just that he didn't understand his emotions and the well, he didn't really know how to respond to a lot of situations, and still doesn't, but he's also just like a Swedish guy. Oh, he's absolutely amazing, you know, and he

would be, he's always going to be the person that sits in the corner in the room, but I spy, you know,

“because that's not how he is, but that's that. And the fact is that it's still a great person. And”

the fact that he's actually, you know, he's at free children. He's been married to my mom 61 years, you know, he's quite his health issues, and he's been a success, you know, he's been a success. So he's done amazing. And that as well, you know, it's the inspiration to think that you can, you can do things, you know, I was told, you know, that working music, you know, be a loser, you know, or be a hobby, what were you real job be, you know, write a business advisor, and he said,

well, I think working in the music industry is going to be hit or miss, so that I wouldn't actually do it on the other side. And I come out of the meeting, you know, and I deflate it, and I said, oh, geez, I want to, is he right, or not, and I said, no, I'm going to do it. I'm going to do it. I'm going to look back, you know, and I'm glad I didn't did because I built a creative, you know, built it in common, built it as used, like saying earlier, like what's going to be a legacy

because of music. And I would, if I had listened to the, you know, the nice sayers and all the people

that say, you can't do this and don't do that. I've never done it, you know.

I've heard all those nice sayers myself, so I totally get it completely. Yes. Yes. How old is your dad now? Well, dad's actually couple of lessons. He's 81 now. Oh, nice. Yeah. Yeah, he's 81. So he's doing well. I mean, he's amazing, really. You know, what he's been for and, and yes, it's fantastic. Is he still in England or is he here in the States? Yeah, he's, yeah, he's in England still.

So he was, he was falling in England. So he's there with mum and they have a rest of the son of the family. So he's there. But yeah, you know, he's always been right here. Well, because he's always been a great dad. Even for each struggle, as you find that kindness, you know, and you do feel he's loved even though he expresses it differently. And he's concerned, and even and again, he'll play a card of what he's in and they go, oh, are you okay? That's all

funny. Oh, do you need something or are you all right? You know, know, how are you? You know, but I say, he's become a great person. This fight will be his challenges. Nice. That's just so good. Now that you know this about yourself, how do you see yourself living differently now, not in spite of autism, but because of it? And a lot more confident feeling a little more comfortable. As I said earlier, I just, I've just come to a place of acceptance

“and realizing why I think the way I do. And I've always had a different way of thinking and”

I never knew why. And I fall. And I fall with strange now. I don't think it's strange now.

I think it's actually great. It's, it's got its own uniqueness. I say, especially with the music. That's really, you know, to help others with the music industry, which I'll keep doing, go and keep going for that and keep helping people and successively get them out there. But I'll keep pushing the music out there and keep helping people getting their music out. You know, and changing the world in my own individual way.

Yeah, that's just so good. Well, this has been great. Great conversation, great information. I really appreciate you taking the time to join us today. Yeah, thank you Tony. I really enjoyed it. And really grateful to you for having me on the show. Yeah, absolutely. It's been amazing. It's been my pleasure. Thanks again. Thanks for taking time out of your busy schedule to listen to our show today.

We hope you enjoyed it as much as we enjoyed bringing it to you. If you know someone who has a story to share, tell them to contact us at WhyNotMe.world. One last thing spread the word about why NotMe. Our conversations are inspiring guests that show you are not alone in this world.