My Partner Makes Me Feel Stupid… Now What? ft Emma Willmann

And so I finally was like, you've been heckling the whole show to everybody.

You're never going to look good.

“You're never going to be because you've got to be rude.”

You're bad. Like I said that. Oh, you went. You went deep and she was really beautiful. So, but only I could see her in the audience like turned on me.

And I was like, whoa, what happened? Because she had been heckling the people before me. She was yelling on the whole show awful and they were like, no one could see her. So they didn't know she actually was like, I never would have said that to someone that was like, ugly on paper.

Right. She looked like a model. And so I said, I was like, you're insides, you're rude. But also your point is what you wanted to make is that you are beautiful, but we all hate your insides.

No, no. I mean, this is the easiest time you say it. This is like my dad. What you should have done. And it's like, no, I did what I did and now we're here.

Hello and welcome to the You Up Podcast. I'm Jared Fried and I am here with this week's co-host Emma Willman. Thank you. Thank you. I'm happy to be here.

Thanks for having me. So excited to have you. I have no new forever. Long time, long time. First time, long time, long time, first time, first time, first time, first time, last time,

last time, first time. And you're here. I'm looking better than it ever had. I didn't take care of you. It is a good hair day for me.

“Have you been talking about that you got into blow drying yet?”

So I haven't mentioned it here. I don't want to tell you anything on this. No, I, I'm blow drying my hair. So I'm keeping it long. This is what everyone tunes in for.

Yes. How Jared's hair. I want to know because I can see a difference. I'm blow drying my hair and I'm keeping it long when I get a cut. And that's like one of those things because as a guy that you go, well, as anyone was

shorter hair, you know, you go that you go to get your hair cut and they go any shorter and you're like, you kind of, do you have that moment where they have the decision and then you go and they can show you the mirror they're like, I can go shorter and you're like, yeah, I did want to keep it long, but you know, do I want to come back here in two weeks?

You never know what to say.

They go, what do you want to do? I don't know what I want to do about anything. I'm like, okay, you don't have all breakdown about it. I have like existential crisis. They're like, where do you, you know, where do you see yourself in a couple of months?

And I'm like, I screwed up. But I never, I'm going to for the next hair cut. Yeah. Exactly. I never know what to say.

So I've been going to the same person for like six or seven years and she thinks for me now. I just kind of go in, she kind of does the vibe and she gives the barber's move. The hair person doesn't want to be on the hook. Right.

They don't want you going home and going freaking out. They did. They want it to be your words, your decisions, so you messed up, not them. And it's really the best barbers, there's two like versions of a great haircut person. There's the person that goes, I got you and they have confidence that's the one you want.

Yeah, risky for that. But then there's the other person who's more of a master manipulator who's like, what do you look and for and then they get you to say it so that if they screw up, it's your fall. Look, I didn't think of that as a master manipulation, but now if some one of them says

that to me, I'm like, oh, I'm on to you. Right. I know this game. And I go, what do you think? Right.

And they're like, what do you think? And you've got an hour of what do you think? Because it's like, again, I, I, I saw today, someone was like, here's on TikTok, it was like, here's how you get the Christian bail from Batman hairstyle. Oh, wow.

Is that your algorithm now? Let's turn it now. Now it's solidified it because I was watching this. And I was like, it's funny how TikTok, like, it's funny like we're all the same. We're all the same.

I was talking about comedians. Like, you and I, I know when I meet a comedian, I, you know, there's a sign felt quote. There is a bond. There's a bond because we both killed.

We both bombed. We both called a woman ugly on the inside. Okay. Right. Here's your friend to a very specific.

Did we just say this on the air, could keep that in as the open? We both got. We keep it. Yeah, yeah. We both called the woman ugly on the inside who's actually pretty on the outside.

Yes, only because they were being, they're being so rude. Yeah, they're a horrible person. Yes. They're horrible person. They're watching right now.

They're horrible person. I just, I just got a message from a guy who goes, this guy said I called out his girlfriend. Did you? This message I just got is actually insane.

I'm going to read a few. Did you call her out by name? No.

“I guess what I do remember it vaguely and here's the thing.”

We also, so with comedians, I always connect with comedians in this very familiar way. I connect with comedians like I connect with Jews to do the truth. It's very cultural. We both bombed. We both killed.

We both made mistakes on stage and forth. But group of people. We both have notebooks in our pocket. Probably. There's a little psychosis.

There's a little, yeah, there's a, and this is like a sign-feld.

He's always said like comedians, that's like his quote basically.

And I do also believe we also are bad at homework. We cheat on the test, we, we believe in ourselves, even though we shouldn't believe in ourselves. I used to cheat. I used to cheat.

So I was obsessed with cheat. I remember when I was prescribed my Adderall, I knew it for, and I have ADD, but I knew it was a wrap because then I would trade my Adderall for basically places to sit in

I forgot about this too.

I used to get, oh, this poor girl Megan, she was so nice.

This is, this is like, I feel bad. This is high school. This is high school. Okay. You're from Maine.

From Maine. This is incriminating because I knew that she seemed a little like unsure for herself, but I knew she got good test grades, so I prayed on that. Yes.

“And I lived like, I know I, I think back in it, and I was like, it's so like predatory.”

And I would like give her Adderall and like build her up, and then like, I'd like key to offer. Like I've seen doctorate. You're like the person in the wire, like you're like a drug dealing. Oh, it's all I watch is done.

You're going to put on the goods, and then I can use them. I'll protect you like you're almost like what pimps do. Yeah. Yeah. But, but I used to give her Adderall, and we were at a friendship with sorts.

But then I would get like annoyed if we wouldn't get a good grade like I'd be like, Oh, me. Right. We need an A, like you don't care about your future. You want more drugs?

You're going to start studying bitch. She's like, I don't even want Adderall, like you're scaring me, like I was obsessed with getting good grades. I listen. This is, this is comedians are some of the best and worst people you have ever met.

Have you ever met? Did you have a system?

I would always just sit next to a really smart person.

I would let people, a lot of like, a lot of charm, a lot of like- You can order 'em up before hand. Like, hold the homework. Oh my God. Oh, you get it done.

I get it. I'll get you back next time. You know, like, just like, I was definitely, this is my whole life. Like, some reading, I've said this here. Some reading.

I would just go, nope. Not doing it. We'll figure it out when we get to the class. Like, I'm not gonna toast. Right, I'm not like wasting my summer.

“I'll start with an F and work my way back because I believe there's this weird,”

no confidence confidence thing that most comedians have of like, oh, go on stage and figure it out. Like, you know, a lot of comics say they write on stage. They'll go, well, I don't have the joke, but I have the premise. Right.

And then they just believe that they go on, it'll just magically appear in their head. And I still believe that to this day, 16 years into doing this. Sometimes it happens. Sometimes it doesn't. Right.

And then when it doesn't, you go, I can't believe I thought this would work again. I wonder if the teacher could just tell from your body language and what you were saying, like, he's at the front of the room and sees you going up to someone and then you do the little speel of like, oh, the homework was tough. Like, he just knew he was like, oh, Jared's just going into it, where you're like, Jared getting

the homework off the internet. Right. Because you're like, man, like, oh, I, did you finish it?

Like, oh, my, something's like always having some little excuse and then you'd get

it off. I was talking with my friend on the phone earlier, and I had to cancel on. I got, I made a mistake and I had to cancel on him. We had a dinner plan for tonight with him in his wife, and I, I said, you know how, he always says that I do sitcom, my, I always operate in sitcom ways.

Huh. What does that mean? You wait until the last, you choose the the weirdest route and then wait until the last possible second to figure way out of something and have to deal with it in the most acute way possible.

Now, it's good that he trusted you enough to tell you that. Of course, he, he's right. Right. I'm on Kevin James in the sitcom, where I've got to, it's Valentine's Day, and I haven't gotten a gift.

So I'm going to drive to Florida to go pick up a card to make sure that I could get the gift in time for, like, the dumbest route at the last possible second where it will blow up in my face the most. Sorry of my life. Right.

I think that's most comedians. You put in way more effort into doing the thing, because then it would have just taken to do the thing originally. You put effort into figuring out ways to cheat, then it would have taken to just study and learn to stuff.

It is the, and so I, oh, I want to read this DM. I appreciate that. He said that to you though, because when a friend pushes back on that, then it's like, okay, this is like a sign of growth, like he trusts you enough to want to, like, say, like, this bothers me.

Right. Oh, I, I didn't think he was bothered. Oh, I thought he was just like, it's pretty funny that you do this, and I'm going to keep doing it. Probably maybe if he was bothered or maybe a little annoyed to like point it out.

“Well, I think, I, I will say he definitely, like, operates in a world where that's how”

I operate. Okay. I think that's a good friend. Like, I think, when I, like, I think most of friendship to me is knowing what that friend kind of serves for me, what they, you know, the way that they can be a friend.

And then managing the expectations. Like, I don't sit there and go, Emma hasn't called me in a week. Right. What the fuck? Right.

I go, when I see Emma, I enjoy having a time with you and talking, you know, comedy. Appreciate it. And, and seeing you and, and know that you're on your journey, and I'm on my journey. But I, there's, you know, I think that's like a, that is to me, the, the, I don't know. I, when I hear people talk about friend, you ever had a friend break up.

Yeah. You have. It was awful, but it wasn't, I mean, it's, yeah. How did you do it? It was awful.

Did they dump you or you dumped them? It was like we were, we were, we were doing like a coat, but then we've, like, ended up making up. So maybe it doesn't count as a friend break up. I had a friend.

You've never, so we did.

I've never been mad enough for the friend to think or I've never needed a friend.

So one of my biggest regrets in how like I, it was like just, it was more about my girlfriend and I talk about this, where it'll be like, okay, we've got roommate problems and relationship problems. Yeah. So roommate problem is, I leave the, I leave the cabinets all the time.

This is you and your girlfriend. This is me and my girlfriend. So you and your girlfriend live together. Yeah. The, you divide the problems into roommate problems and girlfriend.

Well, she has to, I think, to stay with me. So girlfriend, girlfriend as in like the gay sense and then the friend who, I had the breakup with just like girlfriend, like friends, girlfriend. So the friend break up was more of like a, what would count as like a roommate problem. Because we had a business thing that we were doing together.

Lots of miscommunication, different goals and then that changed the friendship. But then we ended up years later like apologizing. Well, the money. That's that, that front, front break ups with money, more understandable to me. And the friendship was so much more important to me than the, what we were doing this.

It was like, I don't think, but it was like, but then I had another friend when I

worked at an office where, where then we just like ended up like drifting apart.

But that happens, too. Drifting apart to me, I thought lots of fans would drift it apart. Maybe I, maybe this is my form of being on the spectrum where I, do you think so?

“I think something, I think that's why it's a spectrum.”

We're all on it. Yeah, I'm, I'm like the beginning of something and I didn't think I was, but on constantly on TikTok people go, oh, you're not this big. Yeah, I don't know. I, I hate being diagnosed by TikTok, but I started doing a big dive.

Getting diagnosed by the craziest people. I think I'm out. I, well, I don't know. I don't know. I don't know.

Well, I think my form of not realizing the, you know, if we're to define it as not realizing the weather in the road or not being in touch with, you know, the, you know, social abuse or whatever. Yeah. When I come back to, like, if I haven't talked to someone for years, I have no issue

being like, hey, you know, totally, how you been, and I was doing this, my wedding. Right. Right. I wouldn't think of their wedding. I wouldn't think of their wife.

I wouldn't think of anything. I would just be like, hey, been a while. What's going on? And that'll work for some people and not for other people. Maybe you've had friends.

I'm offended by that. Friend break of stuff. Right. I don't know if I'd be friends with the, you haven't checked in. Like, I don't know.

I, so I wanted to talk about this, this message. Yes, we're seeing it. I think I talked about it here.

“This girl, I remember her, like grandma was passing away and she, like, said, my grandma's”

dying wish. And how did you, had you know this person? I didn't. There was a DM was like, my grandma's dying wishes that we go on a date together. And I was like, making fun of it.

What a lie. Well, it was like that was like the, what I would squeeze out of the message. I'm sure it was this long of thing. So now I get this message. I have a show in New York on Friday.

Jared excited to see your show tomorrow. My girlfriend got a surprise tickets for Valentine's Day leading up to the show. Told me a very funny story about you too. When you get a DM, my girlfriend told me a very funny story about you too. I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, I'm like, scrunching up and I'm getting

ready for the winner. You don't know the tone because he goes, yeah, she told me a story about you too. And you go, oh, it's more likely that tone than being, oh, my girlfriend told me a story about you too, like, yeah, that's a tough one to read. Right.

At this point in this reading, I'm ready to like leave New York, walk to the woods never to be seen. The show's actually canceled. So there's no show. Okay, well, but before I was in the picture, my girlfriend unfortunately had a Jewish

grandmother. Okay. I would call that just a grandmother. I would call that like on a little anti-Semitic story. I don't know.

I won't go that far. But yeah, it was, well, if you had written, he had this, she had this Jew grandma. Which is unfortunate that he's Jewish, yeah, my girlfriend unfortunately had a Jewish grandmother. That's crazy.

I don't know. I don't read the full sentence. That does make it something. My girlfriend unfortunately had a Jew grandma. No.

My girlfriend unfortunately had a Jewish grandma pass away, who always told her to find a nice

Jewish man. Overcome with swirling emotions, she decided to DM you telling you about her dead grandma while simultaneously asking for a date. She's always been a go-getter. This is him saying the swirling emotions.

I'm guessing that that's just how she presented. She's like, oh, my emotions were swirling. Right. Yeah. Well, from my end, it's like, I guess now it's, this is working to make me feel bad.

Right. So like, call us. Fuck you. You know, you're dead grandma. See, you did not.

No date.

“No, I think it's rude to put her dead grandma's last wish on me.”

I didn't think of it like that. Now I'm bringing it back to how I felt before. Yeah. You did not respond, but her friend apparently is into a podcast that you were a guest on and proceeded to tell a story about a fan who had a dead Jewish grandma and spun that

into a date request. Don't worry. My girlfriend thinks it's absolutely hilarious and perhaps a sign. It wasn't meant to be. Isn't it weird that he sent that message to, like, that's so weird.

Why would he tell you that?

Don't be worried. I'd be a little worried. Right.

I mean, don't be, don't worry.

Don't worry. Anyways, can't wait to see the show.

“Well, when he says, anyways, can't wait to see the show.”

That solves everything. I hope. Right, he's going to stand up. You wouldn't date my ugly fucking girlfriend. Right, and she's like, my emotions for swirling.

Right. Also, I'm not Jewish. So I'm not sure how I got so lucky to be with her. So you said that at the end. I said that at the end.

I find it a little odd. The Jewish thing is getting very good. It's odd. Yeah. The more I hear back on it, the more I'm like, I don't know what you're going to bring

it up at the show. Yeah, I'm going to spend the whole show touching this couple and we're going to have a threesome. Is that what you're doing? We're going to spread the Jewish grandma's ashes all over us while we make love

that night. So Emma Wellmans here, everyone go follow Emma, hilarious comic. I've known Emma forever and you're going to love Emma if you don't already. Thank you. So funny, I want to do a red flag or deal breaker.

You're ready. So red flag or deal breaker is a game we play. It's a game that's sweeping the country. Actually. Yeah, you're dating someone, you're having a great day.

One thing happens. It's either a red flag. You notice it, but you keep going or the deal breaker. End it side on scene. You ready?

Ready. Jared Jordanna and Emma. Oh, says with the show, I've listened to everyone since the first episode straight after having this text conversation, I thought of Jared and laugh. Hey, you look pretty chubby today.

I thought of Jared and I, some backstory, my boyfriend and I've been together for three years are more solid than ever. The one thing that drives me absolutely crazy is that he loves correcting my grandma wherever he gets a chance.

I've never said anything until this point.

I'm dyslexic and I hate even using that as an excuse, but reading and writing has always been a challenge for me and he's totally aware of this. That said, coming off as stupid is kind of a fear of mine and something I have always been self-conscious about. I ended up going to a prestigious art school and pursuing a career in design.

So regardless of my dyslexia, I have managed a pretty successful career so far. Who cares if I spell things wrong every once in a while? Would love to hear your thoughts on the conversation below. Do you think it's fair for him to correct my spelling like this is a red flag? Or should I just let it slide since he's trying to quote "help"?

How do I set boundaries around something I can't control without making it a big deal? So red flag or deal breaker? He can't stop correcting my spelling and nose, I'm dyslexic. I'm dyslexic. So Emma, you're dyslexic, I've known this about you.

From the texting? From the text. Yeah. It's all I can think of. It really is a thing.

Well, it's crazy to make fun of someone who is dyslexic. So did you get from this as he knows she's dyslexic? She, I mean, in her message she says. Right. He knows.

So we'll read the text.

The text actually adds a lot of like, you know, we say the answer's always in the

text, always in the emails. But before we get here, I just have to say it is so funny, she's like, no, I'm totally cool with it, but I did go to the most prestigious art school in the country.

“And it's like, here's the thing, the reason someone does that.”

So that's like a nervous tick all half. Like, oh, I, I wasn't special at in high school, but I think I ended up going to grad school when I had a 3.8 in college. I don't even know if it's true about college, but it's, I just start throwing stuff out there because you feel insecure about it.

Is it a lifetime struggle? I mean, like, what's the lifetime struggle? When did you realize you were dyslexic and how does that kind of like play out? I realized I think when I was in, I think I started getting these tests when I, I remember way back, my mom told me we were going to a friend's house.

It was me, my brother and my sister and we go, when we get there, it was like hours away and the woman was testing our IQ and I remember this really well. And my brother ended up being diagnosed with genius. My sister did really well on it and then my mom wouldn't tell me my score. I swear to God.

Oh my God, it's like the three bears. Yeah, as the three bears and one of them, this one's too smart. This one's too smart. This one, just right. Yeah, this one.

Very stupid. Me. I'm putting on a call on my butt. They're like, oh boy. And I, and I, and I, and I were a team and I got to go.

Yeah. Exactly.

“I remember then feeling like something was off and they were like, oh, it's not that”

you necessarily bad on the score, per se, but they, I did get additional testing. And then I, and then so I, you feel this like stigma because you feel different. Right. And I didn't know exactly what it was, but in texting it would, so I would, I would just check, spell, check every single thing, but you get comfortable with someone you stop

spell, check. Well, the texting thing, it's, it's, you know, it's funny, it's like you get out of school. We don't have real cell phones or kind of. Right.

There is a thought like, well, at least I won't have to write again and no, we'll see my writing. And then it's like, no, we're going to communicate this way only from now on. So it's like a total of worst nightmare scenarios. And all, especially like, if I get, like, worked up, it's just gibberish because, and

I, I, I'll be typing really quick and then I'll realize like, oh, this, it's, that's where the dyslexia really talks to text now.

Never try it. Never even try it. I give it a shot.

I, I like it, but it does come out a little bit.

You have to like reread your work. Right. Well, for you to reread your work and correct it. Reading is no, reading is no problem. Like, I, even a teleprompter, I'll read a teleprompter really fast.

Really. So I can do that.

“But any type of trying to learn another, or conjugate stuff, or I remember with Algebra, no,”

geometry when they had the letters and the numbers, I said, oh, this is not good. This is not good. This is already how I'm seeing some stuff. So it was not good. So, if someone was insecurity, but that's the thing, if I found out someone's dyslexic,

making fun of them for it, or it's really, it's not even like, well, we, you know, the rules of comedy, you know, you don't, we were talking in the beginning. The cold open is all about dealing with a heckler who's beautiful, but also is being a piece of shit. Yes.

So, you know, that you need the room to know that they know they're beautiful, or think

they're beautiful. Like there's context. There's gotta be context. So like, to make fun of someone for being dyslexic, you really have to have, like, a perfect hallway to walk through.

You need a perfect whole. This is where, when people ask, and not to go, like, comedy 101, this isn't really, but when people say, oh, everyone's offended. That's not the truth. No, not at all.

No. No, everyone's not offended.

“You didn't work hard enough to make the joke work.”

A hundred percent. Right. Totally. So it's like, the, it's, it's, it's comedians absolving themselves of blame, you know, and even a good joke doesn't work sometimes.

No. That's not because everyone's offended. Right. And that's the context of the room. Totally.

Not everyone's going to like everything. You, um, I'll be him, you be her. Okay. I'll be the asshole. Okay.

Ready? How is your day? I'm heading to a workout at 630. Strength training this time. Oh, that was unprompted.

You didn't go. What's your day? What, what kind of workout are you doing? He's just like, just doing laps and traps, strength training. It was good.

I've been, it's, it was good. And now I had dyslexia can't read it, you're like, oh, this is getting real meta. I'm going to be quick a minute. It was good. Maybe I should've been the dyslexia club.

It was good. It's been downpouring all day. So pretty gloomy and wet. But I got a quick workout in this afternoon, which helped. Nice.

What's downpouring a skin care technique? Winky face emoji.

“Do you ever realize how you sound when you correct grammar over text, LOL?”

Yeah, I sound like I'm trying to get you to realize you didn't spell it right by mixing it with a joke. And I'm not just calling you out. It's a lot kinder than just responding, downpouring, spelled, correctly. You could just ignore it, huh?

It makes me feel stupid when you do that. I know how to spell pouring babe. I don't care to review my quickly typed text for errors before sending. When you correct grammar over text or social media comes off like you think you're better

than someone else, just saying, always been a pet peeve of mine.

Love you and know you don't mean it that way. I'm just letting you know. Sorry, but a pet peeve of mine. That following up someone's pet peeve with your own pet peeve is never end. The biggest douchebag move, that is, that's like I'm looking to break up with you.

It's like it's fully going into the territory of like, I'm sorry, but if you, when it's like, okay, just this is too separate. This is like, you are, this is the beginning of a month-long argument that they're like to me, but my, let me raise your pet peeve with my pet peeve. Sorry, but a pet peeve of mine is people that miss spell items.

You don't come off as bright when you spell it that way. So I call you out so you don't make that mistake with someone else. So a little empathy up top would have gone a long way. The thing I'm curious about is, oh, and she signed her thing off best linguistic loser. So let me, this is, this is tough, it's tough.

For her to say, some backstory, my boyfriend had been together three years and are more solid than ever, and then this text exchange. So three or not more solid than how bad was it before. This is bad. It's also, they've been together three years, so they have, I'll think of a relationship

as like having a bunch of pillars. So they must have some other pillars we're not seeing. It's just that the way he's talking to her does make it seem like are you sure that's not bleeding into other pillars because it's, there's no empathy, there's no kindness towards knowing it's something that you might be insecure about.

Well, it's totally agree because the way she handled it is like, like, relationship one, this should be taught in classes. Like the way she said to him, hey, it's really a pet peeve of mine. She didn't use her actual dyslexia to make him feel bad about doing something that, like,

made fun of his girlfriend who has dyslexia for having dyslexia, the whole room would be like,

boo, shame, she didn't do that, she instead was like, let me just tell you, she was vulnerable. Let me tell you how it makes me feel. I feel stupid when you do that. I know you, I know, I know how to support him, like, I didn't go back and check it.

When you crack grammar, it comes off and tell you how it comes off as you're better than me, which it totally does totally. I'm telling you how I feel, I'm telling you what's feelings and how it comes off. So I'm not saying you are someone who thinks they're better than someone. I'm saying this is my, how my feelings are.

So you're not even saying in the grand scheme that they're a bad person. And then you say, love you, no, you don't mean it that way. I'm just letting you know. I'm letting you know how my feelings get affected by when, when you do this with my grammar. And then his response is literally to be like, ah, I want to make sure you don't look

like a dumb fucking idiot to all the other people when you're texting them. I'm saving you. That's the worst part of it to me, too, because it's making house self-consciousness.

She's going to be also, I wonder how many times I just feel for her where she said, I

know how to spell pouring, babe, because if that was me, I wouldn't have known how to spell it. Look it up and then put it back in because you're trying to save face a little bit.

“But you should not have to do that with your partner, plus I've been together three years”

and it's like, hey, I obviously, I've got people in my life that I text with and it hasn't been a problem. I'll tell you if it is a problem and I need your help there. Would you break up over this? Yeah.

Really? I think correcting someone's grammar over text is like the biggest piece of shit move. I can't see a scenario where it's necessary. I think correcting someone's grammar or spelling, because what he's saying is not true. It's not like he's going to come back six months from now.

It's belittling. Right. Because he's not going to come back six months from now and hey, spelling be time. Let's see if we've gotten better.

Like he's not going to do that.

He doesn't care. It's better. He cares about letting her know where she is placed in the world. He's taking her weakness and then dunking on someone who cannot even be competing in that type of a sport.

Right. I mean, I want to break up with this person. Like, I mean, you're you deal with this.

“So now when someone corrects you, do you let him off the hook?”

So it's so tough to, if they hadn't been together for three years, if she was like, I've been dating this guy for four months of absolutely, I've been red flag, red flag, red flag. It's so hard when it's a, when it's a three year relationship, but honestly, I would say that the way that someone's responding this, it just doesn't, does it big thing to say from the thing?

But there's like a real lack of respect there. And it's cruel. It's really cruel. Right. I actually think if she had said, we're three months in, I would be like, maybe he just

doesn't understand. Right. I would say it is in, he should know better. He should know better. So I think this is, like, to me, like, it's a deal breaker.

I mean, even on the small scale, like, I'm going to say deal breaker two, and also just so you know, I would, I, when you, the way you spelled downpouring, I did not notice that was spelled wrong. Just so if that, if that offers any condolences, I was like, yeah, downpouring. This is my problem with people who check your grammar.

Right. You understood it. Totally. Who got to the place we needed to get to? Totally.

Texting is shorthand. If you really, like, couldn't understand me, we would have a phone call. Texting is like, the reason you text is to get from point A to point B very quickly. So if you got to point B, we're there. So to correct me, as if we're going to be entered into the county spelling B. And we

got to make sure that we're ready for the big test. No, we don't. Talking about cheating, that was that did me in on, because I would cheat on the spelling test. Awesome.

But then the spelling B, they call you up here in front of everybody. Do you have a spelling B? Yes, I never had that. I never had that. And I still remember it.

Fuck you, Mrs. Quigley.

“I remember it so well, because that I had to stand up.”

And I can't cheat off of the person next to me, because I got to spell it in real time. And I remember getting so I would get in trouble just to go to the principles office to avoid it. I'm just making someone just to get out of the classroom like the same age.

Get me out of here. And you went to school, like in the old prairie in the name. You had no spelling B, oh, we had spelling B. That's so funny. It's spelling B's and it's torture.

So you know what, I actually, maybe that's like some type of internalized, like problem with this, like say where you're like, oh, just feeling bad about it. You're right. I actually think that this is a deal breaker. Sorry to say that full compassion to a three year relationship was right.

But this is really shitty. And think about this. So my therapist helped me see this. If you're having a hard time figuring out whether it's okay for someone to talk to. You like that picture.

Say you guys down the line had a kid and your kid was dyslexic. And he was doing this to them or like a little version of you or someone else. Then you'd be like, hey, what a jerk. Like I don't want to be around that person. I'm just making sure that you don't sound like a big fucking dumb dumb when you go out

of the house and start talking to other people and you're connected to me.

That's what he sounds. You're right. Yeah.

“Come, you you pee at batches.com here with Emma Wilman, everyone go follow Emma.”

Emma's fantastic. So funny. You're on the road. I'm on the road. Starting in mid March.

I'm on the road like every weekend.

All my toilets are up at I am Emma Wilman.com. I love it. What's your name advice? Jay Jay and E my sister told me about the podcast few years back. I've now proudly listened to every single episode and I'm in love.

Thank you. Anyways. I think I might be a lesbian. All right. I have known.

I was by myself. And I'm sure that has nothing to do with what she's gleaned from. It's not like she's listened to you for a couple of years and it's like I'm gay. Not that you would have thought about it. I'm going to take that way with you.

Good. Yeah.

“After listening to every episode of your podcast, I do not want to fuck you at all.”

Thanks, Jared. Thank you for pushing me totally away from the male species altogether. Or maybe because you're so great if she doesn't like you, then she's like, I must be good. Oh well.

You really did a turn. Uh, I have known I was by sexual ever since 2017. The summer after I graduated high school. This is one my longtime high school boyfriend I broke up and one drunk and night I made out with the hottest girl in my camp that I later got kicked out of.

I always found women attractive have been the third in a couple of three sons with that

said I was never attracted to the man in the relationship I just really wanted to hug up with their girl. So I would accept several years later I have been in a relationship with a man, steady for three years. First few years at the beginning, we were friends with benefits.

I could go a lot into this relationship, but a couple of concerns. He can be old fashioned as joke that I should be a stay at home wife. He isn't Jewish, not a problem, but my parents want my future partner to be Jewish. I have felt like we are more like companions over anything over the past few months or maybe a year.

I don't feel like I'm attracted to him anymore and sex lately has been rare mostly for his benefit. While I love him a lot, I am not romantically in love with him. It's recently being approached by men has made me even more uncomfortable than anything. Whenever I have been out with a girl in the past, I felt more attracted to say for

a more comfortable. I thought you may have some insight and give me some advice on how to navigate the situation. How do you separate sexual curiosity from sexual identity? I love you both so much and also love the J training over sharing podcast. Please let help me, let's be honest.

What do you think?

“I think no matter what, if you feel this way about your partner, you should get out of it and”

then give your space to figure this out. It would be like two separate things. There's something I was reading about recently. It's called compulsory heterosexuality where it's like, that's like what you're pushed into because that's what society is telling you so you're just like going with the flow.

And it's guide if you seem to need a driver. What?

I've watched the first two episodes.

I'm waiting. Three is where I kicked in for me. Okay, so I have a question with you, right? Okay, yeah. Let me start with the email.

I agree with you completely. There's two different issues. If they took the sexuality part out of it, they just don't seem to like their boyfriend. They don't like their partner. They should, it is a pemda's thing.

You got to do, you got to end this relationship. We can deal with the sexuality after that is something you could, that doing on your own is a lot easier than you. Let's help us. Like order of operations.

It was like parentheses and math. It was like parentheses, exclamation, exponent, nice multiplication. Devision, addition, subtract, okay. We won't get into it. I didn't even know it.

So I'm using something I don't know. The heated rivalry, so we've solved her issue, I realize it. Okay. So in it, there's a thing where I'm, oh, this is a spoiler. Oh, well don't, okay, you can spoil it, I'm sorry.

Because I should see, I'm waiting for episode three, because I, someone I wanted to watch it with. Episode three, really. So say, let me, to not have a spoiler in that hypothetically, okay, you'll see how people react when someone is with someone, the fear of if they're with someone of the same

sex and then how supportive someone is when they're with someone of the opposite sex. Like they're so excited and crumbling, my God, they're so cute, they're not getting any weird looks, all that stuff. So that's part of Compost rate. Exactly.

So to add on to that, she mentions in her email, the Jewish part. She's like my parents would like me to be with a Jewish person. So she is kind of suspect to that, right, the composure, the societal stuff, because if she's taking that note from her parents, and I don't want to add another stresser, but they might not, they might also not want you to be with a woman.

Well, yeah, they might be like, you know, right, but hopefully you find a Jewish woman. Well, whatever you want to find, they are somewhat, what you're saying back your head. If they're worried about the parents, and what they think about the religion of the person they're dating, then they are worried about the world, judging them for other things, too.

Like, there are people where they'll be like, yeah, I came out and then people were like,

That happens. That happens. So he'd rivalry. Let's see.

So with this, I would say, like the autism of the spectrum, the queerness, sexuality

is a spectrum and to give your space to figure that, to wrap up the relationship and then give your space to figure that out and who knows where it might land.

“Now, have you been with a woman that was like, kind of in this scenario?”

No, yeah, any day down here, it'll help me please. I have. You've been with a woman? I have. That's crazy.

That's crazy. Where they were like just coming out? Yeah. So I'm not a track of the straight women at, like I, the more comfortable someone is with their sexuality than we're like a track with that is to me, but in college, I was with someone

who was deeply closeted. She's from Saudi Arabia. She was awesome. Right. It shouldn't be out.

Like at all. And it was so. Yeah, very similar types. So I'm already imagining someone I would fuck the sex. It was so, it was really hard to wrap my head around, but I was like, I get it because

of everything going on in her life.

And it was so sad. She had a boyfriend. And I remember her telling me once she was like, you know, this is so sad. She was like, when sometimes like when we're like about to hook up in his penis gets hard, she goes, I start crying and then we take out the coron and read it together.

And I said, come on. Oh my God. I feel bad for him. I feel bad for everyone. Right.

I feel bad for everybody. I feel bad for everybody. It is. I feel bad for the coron. You got to sit there with these two people who barely want to read you.

So I'm serious. Seriously. At the time you can only come out. Right. There's a bug guy.

Totally. Guys, I'm like, you know, we're trying to replace it. So I haven't, so that was the time I was with someone where they were like, just coming out.

I don't even know she ever came out.

Really struggling with it. But I've had lots of like friends in this situation for sure. It's got to be, that, that's things.

“But I think like, you know, if to give any advice at all, like what you said two different”

issues here, like, let's get rid of this boy friend. Get rid of the boy friend. He's not for you, male, female, whatever he is, whatever they are, you're not into this. And that's hard.

And I think sometimes with a breakup, no matter what the relationship is, you're just like looking for ways to vilify someone. So that's like what a reason to break up. And I think her being like, you know, bringing up her sexuality, she's trying to like give reason to like end things with a nice guy that she likes.

And it's like, you don't have to do that. You don't, you're not into it. And that's listen, easier said than done. It's hard to answer. But also if you're part of you is like, oh, maybe if I was straight, I would like

him more. That's totally valid. But whatever the reason is, you know, so I would add it and how exciting it could be. If all of a sudden you figure out where you're like, I remember in high school when my friends, I was like deeply in the closet, so in the closet, I used to, I used to make

a big deal out of being like a against gay marriage when I was in high school. Yeah. And I remember my friend Marco, who was like, you sound really ignorant like my mom's best friends, the lesbian, like, what's your problem? And I was like, it's weird, it's because I didn't want anyone to think that I was

gay. Right. But all the way, my friends would talk about their boy friends. I didn't feel that at all. But then when I got to college and started dating women, I was like, oh, now I get like

I remember. I was going to apologize to Marco. I did. And you know what? It was.

She brought it up. But what I apologize, the top one apologized to us is I made my close group of girlfriends in high school. I said, guys, we got a way to remarry dev sex. We got a way.

And I was like, it's, it's, you know, it was like, I made this whole thing about it. And then I said, okay, we got at least way to where 18 and they would be like, everyone has sex way, way for it. And I'd be like, no, no, we got a way, we got a way, we got a way. So I went back and apologized for that because if I had been, like, able to date women,

I wouldn't have wanted to necessarily wait either. So I did a little apology to, when I came out, I said, hey, I'm so sorry. I put all that pressure on you guys to wait to have sex. And they were like, thanks. Was it a little weird?

They were like, don't want to. We were fucking behind your back. A hundred percent. I was the man that I'm doing it. But I was like, oh my god, like this could mess up your future, like plus it's disgusting.

Like it was like. It's so interesting because like, you know, we see these tropes because that's like, you know, the so-one closet is being totally again. And I'm saying, you go, and you go, oh, that we've looked come a long way. It's like, no, we're all human.

“Like that's what you know, that's what you do.”

That's like a defense mechanism. You get scared to overcont- you overdo it the other way. So he's the rival. So that's what he did. That's what he did.

That's what he did. And if he'd put it on the spot. No, no, no. Yeah, I think it's, I've been enjoying the show. It is, you know, there's a moment.

And it's okay for you to, I don't usually like romance stuff. Well, I love this. The feedback I've gotten is that lesbians love gay sex. Oh, yeah. This is something that like, we're getting like a version of like what lesbians are into.

Right. I just didn't know that. Yeah, isn't that crazy? It is great. What is, is the attraction?

What is the attraction? I can only speak for myself. So in this one, I loved it from like a, that wasn't what did it for me. And this would be like this movie didn't turn me on at all. But like I was like, amazed by like the cinnamon talk, the eye of the acting like blue

So good. It's so good that it made me look at almost every other actor and be like, "Ah, this is what it is." It's like, so good.

“But I think, like, if I ever watch a gay porn, if there's something about like the”

raw, like, it's like the, um, not, what's that word, where it's like a real novelty, the novelty of it. And it's like the extreme like desire, and it's like usually in gay porn, it's like very clear like there's one, and there's a top and a bottom and bam, bam, bam. So all like that.

But in this one, I got to say full honesty, and maybe it's safe for me to say it as like a queer person.

When they first started the sex scenes, I was like, whoa, whoa, I don't know about this.

I don't know what this. There's a lot, well, I think that's more, I don't think that has to do with, I think that has to do with like, you're seeing something on TV. Maybe that's, maybe you're not used to, because I was like, wow, there's like way more like the noises.

I was like, there's dick gulping. Gulping. Yeah. And I'm like, I can't believe this is like, you can just turn on, I want you to be known. And it's on.

A million times. So maybe that's what it was in TV. Like I was like, whoa, we're out in the, you know, watching it alone in my apartment. But it's so, and when my girlfriend brought it up to me, I was like, I'm not watching it. I don't like romance stuff, and we don't like the same type of shows.

Every time she recommends a show, it's, it's like, that's like heartbreaking, like, rendition of emotion. I end up crying. I hate it. I just want to watch, I want to watch taking.

I want to watch the board. I didn't. I want to check out. Right. So I said I'm not watching it.

Good guy. Get spad guy. So I like to watch. Yeah. And then I started running into people.

They're like, have you watched it?

“And I was like, nah, I haven't watched it.”

And then it was Lisa Trigger, who's a, Lisa's like, Lisa's basically being, it has to be being paid by the job. She's gotta be. She is, it's all she talks about. If she's not on the trailer.

Yeah. She's not on the trailer. Yeah. Yeah. Super funny.

But she was like, why are you being so weird? And I was like, I'm not being weird about it. She's like, you're being, like, little weird. Like why are you so against watching? And I was like, it's not like, it's just, I don't want to.

I don't want to. I'm back. I'm back. Because it's gay and weird. But I was like, I don't like love.

I don't like romance stuff. She's like, it's so much more than that. So then I watched it. And episode three. You kind of look like Kip actually.

Who's Kip? Kip is he works at the smoothie shop. Yeah. I look like the smoothie. No, no.

He's like a total of the guy fucking. No, no, no. He's fucking. Yeah. Yeah.

He's really hot. Yeah. He's really hot. Yeah. Yeah.

But that episode three, the acting. Yeah. I'll take Kip. Yeah. Yeah.

He's great. I mean, that's. Kip's got like a Jewish star, right? And he's got nice hair, too. Yeah.

He's got good hair. Okay. I'll take it. Yeah. No.

A lot of the noise around is like, wow, you know, this is the type of porn Lesbians watch. Do you have you gotten that a lot? Like, I know a lot of Lesbians do like gay guy porn. And I think that's so interesting.

I just know, and I like it too. So I can't get it. I don't know why. I like it. And then I know a lot of straight women like Lesbians porn.

But I never watched Lesbians porn.

I haven't been watching porn as much as I've gotten older. And I, or maybe it's because of my anti-depressances. Best of my sex drive. I don't know. But I don't watch porn like I used to do.

You know, I haven't watched porn like I used to. You know, why a lot of the reason? Why? You know how they have like the state to state. Oh my God.

So when you go to watch porn now, it'll be like, you got to check in. Like depending on what you're in. Yep. They'll make you like fill out this thing. I'm like, I'm not filling this shit out.

That's it. Sometimes. What do you mean? Couldn't agree where they go. Connect my Google to it.

Oh, why? Did you want to upload a picture of your license? I said no. No trace. Yeah, depends on what's in New York.

No. Not at all. Because we're on the road. You see these different states.

And it's always surprising.

Which state makes you do it with in Florida is like a big. Oh. Like, and I'm like, I don't listen. I don't need. Yeah.

I need a VPN. I need something. If you scroll. But then I'm like, at that point, I'm like, I'm doing too much. Yeah.

I don't need it. I'm okay. Victoria's secret like we can we go backwards. I'm like it's actually been good for my health. You know, right

“I think there's like a version of that where I'm like yeah, I could be doing this less. It's totally it is a compulsion”

So that little like boop boop do you want to really you want to watch like whatever it is like naughty nanny or whatever it is Whatever the search history is then you go then you're like not enough to enter in my email or upload a picture of my license That's for sure. Yeah, it's a little buffer. I'm not putting my license on You know, you pour totally so that I can type in you know big titty latina That tells me that I'm funny. Oh, yeah, you know, I'm not doing that. Yes, so there is I know that there are so many

Lozmes that search gay guy porn and then I bet I think there's an equal amount of women that watch lesbian porn I wonder if part of it is like the novelty of it. So it's like but also then yeah, so it would be the novelty and then also like You what I'm always looking for important is like raw sexual desire. So I know a lot of I like that you want the cave man. Yeah, we're like there's one that I like this gay guy porn We're out there so if we could figure out the psychology of why like this one

Sure, if there's someone listening or watching I love watching the glory hole ones

Mm-hmm and then there's a bunch of guys and I like verbal

“So they're like talking about him while they're just clowning them out and the whole they can't see them”

You can't see him, but I can see him because there's a camera in there

Well, Emma Wellman, thank you for coming on this show

“This is absolutely we actually did this whole episode just to find out what point. Yeah. Yeah, so it is great to have you”

We want everyone to go follow Emma Wellman. I am Emma Wellman on all social platforms Correct. Yeah, I am Emma Wellman.com for show tickets go to an Emma Wellman show I love watching I'm on stage. I'm so fantastic. I'm Jared Fried. We're here every Wednesday and Friday Get subscribed comment. Let us know what you liked what you didn't like what you found funny where you laughed and Sign up for our benefits twice a month. We do an extra show where we're now checking in with Jordan and Abraham on

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“For her maternity leave, but if you want to sign up for that you get episodes a day early without ads and”

There's always more on YouTube for you to watch. We do you up for more with so much great fun

content. I'm Jared Fried back next week. Boom. Betches