The Silent Relationship Killer you CAN Avoid ft Aleen Dreksler

What I wanted to do wasn't the most challenging study.

The semester-by-track-leapt-topical soft-behind the internet.

It's like a master's real-time. I'd say, "You can do the same thing." "Yeah, you can do the same thing." But you can't do the same thing. "You're wrong."

"You're wrong." "You're wrong." "You're right."

“"And if you're done working, you'll get it."”

"That's right." "Safe." "You're right." "You're right." Now, let's try it out.

I'm like I started doing a bit where I'll be at... I'll be dead in my coffin. And I'll be hovering above and my mom will be going, "You just go up to any murderer." Hello and welcome to the Wapahadcast. I'm Jared Freed and I am joined by today's co-host Alien Drexler.

Thank you for coming along. Thank you. I am nervous. How are you nervous?

You're the same podcast studio that I record in every week.

Yeah, you're here. And yet I'm on you up. And I'm in Jordan as seen. Well, hold on. Let's talk about the chairs.

If we have to talk about the chairs. I walked in. I've been sitting in the skinny chair and then I walk in and Alien goes, "You can sit on your couch now. You fast-fuck.

Get to your fat loser chair. I'm in the skinny chair." She said, "I'm the CEO. You get out of my chair." That's what she said to me.

Yeah. You're in the grape chair. No. Listen, Alien, it is a pleasure to have you back. Hi, no.

Episode 1. I was here. You were here. Excuse me. You, Jordan, Sammy.

The whole gang. Four founders in a dorm.

We all got back together.

How are you? What's going on? You are doing. If people aren't following you on the socials, I'll give you my view. Okay, please.

I can't wait. You're doing boss bitch Instagram. You are showing the life of a founder CEO and you're giving us the real world. Is there a lot of faking it in that world?

I'm yes. Many people. I'm saying you're doing it. Yes. Yeah.

Alien is doing everything you're doing on social media. That is how I know you. Yes. Thank you. Doing the company you're trying to take this, you know, a batches and go from one, you know,

one height to another height. Constant height mode, you are climbing mountains. Everything is true to form.

“But I think out there, the I see it, I think everyone, if I'm seeing it, everyone's seeing”

it. Yeah. There's this like, you know, I'm starting a business bakery going on in Instagram. How do you feel about that? I feel like people have their own way, they're either trying to fake it until they make

it. So they'll look like, you know, because there's these manifesting things is like act as if you've made it and it will all come. But then there's just some people who just like pretend that they're working by just creating content.

Some people's work is to create the content. I don't know. I don't fucking use it. I try not to pay too much attention because I, the problem I have is I don't have enough time to create content.

So I just like, we'll post a story. That's the bad bitch CEO. I don't have time. I hate someone to do it for me. It's true.

I'm still looking for that person. If you're out there and you want to make content for a lean DM or not me, I am not going to help you take the job. Well, I do think it is, you know, when it comes to dating and relationships and social media, it doesn't matter, but it does.

It's head trash. We have to like swallow it, consume it. We have to digest it. So when I see like, you know, I'm sure you're giving a lot of people inspiration. They're like, okay, she's got two kids.

She's married. You're doing it all. You're doing a very sitcom movie, but I'm saying like, you could be a movie made for your life. But I'm saying you're, you're the real-life version of the movie.

Oh my god, thank you. But don't you think that's on my own? I don't, ever.

“I think a lot of people, if there are an online, it doesn't feel that way.”

It doesn't feel that way at all. How does it feel? It feels like my kid is in my bed sleeping and I don't have any sleep. I show up to work. I try to make my hair nice and then I try to make a lot of decisions in a small

compact amount of time to make it home in time so that I see them for at least 30 minutes before I get so angry that I just start screaming. I put them to bed and I have like, then I'm like convincing my husband to like, can we have dinner at least tonight together? And then we go our separate ways.

I go and watch Game of Thrones or I play Masha on my iPad for at least like 30 minutes. And then I go and like do my, the work that I didn't have time for during the day. And then I fall the fuck asleep until my kid comes back in my bed and we do that over and over. This is a dating in relationship podcast.

I think that will make people feel very seen and heard if they are in the similar position. Also, it will make people who are not in relationships and are hoping to get into one

Go.

Okay. Good. I can wait a minute. Right. Like, okay.

Okay. There's everyone has their own stress. Yeah.

“How do you date your husband while all of that is going on?”

Like, I think that's like a, I think it's an interest. I was thinking a lot. I'm like, what are we going to talk about? I want aliens going to be fantastic. I know that.

But like, you know, there's a dating show and you haven't dated since when. I met Rusty, my husband, who I know you guys chat about Penn State. I know Rusty. He didn't go to Penn State. He's a Penn State fan.

He loves Penn State. Rusty is a great guy. I remember when you guys like got together. Like, I remember when you started dating each other, but I mean, to me almost feels like,

yes, I remember you kind of were the, the first domino in the batches, ladies, finding

love. Yeah. Yeah. And you kind of led the way. Yeah.

So I met Rusty on Jay Day in 2014 and when I mean, when I say Jay Day, I mean, on a desktop computer. Okay. So I was taking my messages. Let me tell the gynsines about a desktop.

Now back in the odd day, you'd go down to the computer and you'd hear, and you'd go, get off the second line, mom. And then you hear, I thankfully lived alone at that point, but I did not, but I did. I was on the laptop because like dating apps, I mean, the other was Tinder and everybody remembers that because the coffee meets bigles and whatever, but I was on Jay Day, my grandma

was like, you know, gilting me, we know Jewish gilts to our core. You need to find a Jew in it. You need to find a Jew in it. I said, I was like, okay, I'll find on going this fucking Jay Day. Well, she paying for her.

No. Okay. It's not that bad.

It's debatable if Rusty's mom was paying for her.

Okay. So I, yeah. I went on it. And I, we met a bunch of different people. I was also dating, a good amount, and then we went on a date, and we went to high school

together. So you know, this is a, so I know him. Well, this is a very relatable, you know, this is like a relatable dating thing where you meet someone on a dating app that you have some familiar air with and it moves quicker because you guys share the same street signs, you know, teachers, you have a lot of commonalities.

So this is also in go and one or two directions, it makes it go. It's like kind of like a COVID relationship, like it goes even quicker towards everything, but then also towards breakups to be to go, we kind of run out of steam because we're done with all these commonalities and then we end up hooking up and then it was all for that.

Yeah. And I remember specifically that weekend. I went on a date like Thursday night, Friday night, and he was my Saturday night day. And I did not want to go, although I was excited.

And he was didn't really want to go also. He told me later, but he was also kind of excited. So we both kind of reluctantly showed up and then we had a great time. And then I didn't go on it.

“I've, from what I believe we've been dating each other exclusively since then, unless”

that bastard went on dates with other people. Okay. But we didn't want to. Even one or two more. I don't fucking want to know.

Yeah, you don't want to. So we've been together since then and yeah, that was 2014, so like 12 years this year. So how long have you been married since 2019? So that's like six, seven guys math me. I don't know.

Seven years this year. So how do I date him? How do you date him? How do you keep it up? What is, do you have strategies or their touch bases?

What does, do you have a thing? No, there's no plan here. We don't just like keep it going. Yes. Okay.

Everyone's like, let's do business meetings. Do like monthly. I can't. I don't, I have enough of that here. Like, I don't, I don't have the brain capacity to like also add structure.

Any healthy structure to my like personal life. Sure. I know there's people in long term relationships who are like just looking for some sort of strategy. I know I'm happy to share. Yeah.

So we'll sometimes be like, oh, hey, we haven't seen each other on a real date night in a while. So we'll just kind of book it on a whim and one of us will just take it.

“It's not, and I think if one of us has been doing many times in a row, it'll just be,”

then I'll call him out or he'll call me out and then the other one will do it. So we just went on a really fun date night. We sell it. We were like, let's do something. Like we haven't done anything in a while.

How does that come up? So let's do something we haven't done anything in a while. Give me, give me that. How either via text or during the day or at dinner, like if we'll sit, we'll sit, any dinner together, either in silence or we'll ask each other about

our days or we'll bitch about something or watch it show. So then someone says, Yeah, well, what do we do? We gotta do something. We gotta do something.

Yeah, there's no standing date night because it's tough. Like we both go out for work, like for work drinks and stuff. So I just, I don't want to miss so many bad times in my kids. But, you know, it's funny because we get emails here where it's like,

they never do this, this person.

We get people that paint people as the guy who doesn't make a plan.

Or, you know, like a lot of times I'm saying,

but this sounds like a lot of empathy and negotiation because the idea that you're,

like, hey, we haven't done something, but he, you're not vilifying. No, because we both have really intense jobs. Right. And we both have the same values. We love our family.

We love our kids. And it's been time with them. But we also really love each other. We know that, like, we kind of come last together. But we make, we're both not like yelling at each other about that.

I mean, it's okay, we're on. I, we fight. Like animals. Me personally. But I've done a lot of work anyway.

“So most recently, we, I guess, I think I texted him.”

I was like, he was like, let's go to this dinner. Let's go to, let's go to this hotel. We'll stay overnight and do something fun. Like, okay, that sounds fun. Okay.

I'm like, I got a, I got a gift card for the holidays to, like, air, inch of bass. I'm like, what if we do that in the morning? It's like, that sounds great. You know, it's funny because it's like, you know, when married,

people hear dating, you know, single people problems. Yeah. You know, it's hard for them to relate because, like, even you're saying, I got a coupon. Yeah.

You know, like, you know, it wasn't a coupon. I was a gift card. Well, but if someone's like, what's up with such a fancy bath house? Well, that's the thing about dating is like, if you go, if you said that, you know, if, if a woman went on a day with

guy, he's like used a gift card to pay for it. She might be like, well, he used a gift card. It was kind of like tacky. But then he's like, it's at a fancy hotel. Yeah.

And couples massage. But you're like, well, that comes when you're six year, seven years in. Yeah, maybe. No, I mean, because it's both our joint money and we're saving it together. Right.

Right. Okay. So you go with, we did that. So you did that. I mean, we did that.

Where is the kid go? Who takes care of the kid? We did that. Okay. Was it an earlier, my mom? I don't remember.

Somebody watched the kids. They. Some strange or they found out. Yeah. Yeah.

Okay. So, and we did that. And we went to dinner. And then I saw, we, I got tickets to see this like, this masquerade thing.

It's like an immersive fan of the opera experience. Okay. And it was just really fucking fun. And also, we compromised because both of us could not do it towards Valentine's Day.

And neither of us really give a flying fuck about Valentine's Day. Can't do Valentine's Day. This is our Valentine's Day. Yeah. And we're like, let's hang out.

This is a moment. And that was it. We both had such a good time. And that's. And we had quality time.

“I think the only way to really date each other is like,”

your kids need to be somewhere else. Like, I don't. I can't like, look at him romantically. Okay. If our children are in the room.

I'm like, very affectionate. And I'll just like, and then I'll just like, yell at him if he's not being affectionate.

And it always works so well.

And be affectionate. I'll be like, I need long. Yeah. You know, we touch base. But it's like, the real date happens when we are like,

we need to leave. We need to exit our home. We need to go somewhere. It doesn't have to be overnight. But I like this because I think what I'm hearing.

Yeah. I hear what I hear. Interpret. I'm going to use this mind. This is my brosetta stone.

It is that. It's not about how you get to the date. It's getting to the date. Yeah. And I think a lot of people when they're single lose that.

When they're three months in and they're not sure of things. Lose that. Yeah. It's like, the texting is off. And I do agree with all these things.

“All these little like side adventures and issues and problems of like,”

we don't, you know, but it's like, get to the date. You know, because what you're saying is like, get the kids out of there and just get to a place where we can be together. Yeah. All the rest will fall into place as it does.

And sometimes it's not perfect because you can also like, I'll be in a mood or he'll be in a mood from work and we're not like, on the same page and it's just what up. You know, it's like, what I've learned over these 12 years is like, expectations, kill relationships and intimacy and closeness.

Like, I, when you just expect something to be like this and it never,

it never meets it, then it ruins it. If your expectations are like, let's just be together. I don't give a shit. What it's like. Are you a type A?

Extremely. How do you do that as a type A? Growth. Right. The type A personality.

What you're saying is so hard. No. Right. Like that's like, because I'm hearing this. I'm like, just let it happen.

We get on the date. What's the work? It's just, you just, you see, learning. You keep reminding yourself that every time you do the high expectation thing, it never goes, you're never happy.

So what needs to change? Not somebody else, but you and your expectations. Like, that's a lesson for life. Like, listen, I have that with like things in work. Yeah.

I can dream of how I see it going and the minute I get into that zone, it's like, nothing's ever going to go the way you imagine. Never. Never. Well, we're happy to be here.

I appreciate it. On my JD profile, I wrote, and this is, I liked dating.

I have to say, I had so much fun.

On my JD profile, and this is what hooked people in every single time.

Okay. Here we go. This is what it said. This is the annoying. I need to tell you.

No, I'm not giving advice. No, this is, I do this. I'm telling you. This is what works for me. I wrote, define your perfect date.

It just said epic make out sash. Really? Yes. And then it got a bunch of guys.

“And I got to like filter who I wanted to hang out with.”

I love it. I'm a huge fan of writing epic make out sash to define your future day. Yeah. You know what it is? It's fun.

And it's fun. Yeah. And also, it, you're playing to what men like. Right. Which is casual.

Exactly. Which is fun casual. If we make out, that's a win. If we don't. And it's like funny.

Because sash. And it also sash isn't.

You know, a French kiss that we will desire forever.

Is different than epic make out. Yeah. It's like, you know, it's like, oh, yeah, we had an epic make out. Yeah. So it was like crazy.

It takes the. And you care out of it the edge off. I like it. And it gave me like control there because I. Well, because now the men are eating the cheese.

And then you can see it a trap. Yeah. Yeah. I like it. And a trapped resting.

Everyone go follow. And now a breast is trapped forever. Have you? In the suburbs. He loves it.

He loves it. I feel like he, well, I will say. Yeah. He does scream filled dumpy. He does energy.

Like probably. He seems like. Dad enters. He loves. Yeah.

He loves it. He wants to like coach football. I, I hope he doesn't see that as a negative. No. He loves that.

“That's how I would describe him in the little bit that I know him.”

Yep. 100%. Let's do some emails. We are going to do. We're going to start with a red flag deal.

Oh, my god. Because I just love this. Because this is like married people on the couch. Having a discussion. And this is something I could.

Are you and I married in this? Well, I guess we're married. But I'm saying the person who write it. You can feel this is like. Let me see what the podcast thing.

So we want to start with this one. Red flag or deal breaker. Which is the game. That is sweeping the nation. You are dating someone.

You do one thing. You're dating someone. They do one thing. You either red flag. I noticed that we're going to like stay keep going.

Or it's a deal breaker. I got to end it side unseen. Ready? Yes. Hi, Jay and A.

My husband and I were talking about the Oscar movies. We need to watch before the award show this weekend. I joked with my husband and just told him.

“I would have no choice but to file for divorce.”

If you want an award and didn't thank me in his speech. So red flag or deal breaker. You're significant. Other wins an Oscar. And doesn't thank you in their acceptance speech.

I mean, how significant. The most other. Rusty wins an award. For the end of the year. He goes up on stage at the Long Island dat awards.

This man is not just divorced. God. He has done. He's dead to me. He is he is over.

There's there is not an award inside after that. You do. Okay. Well, let me. Let me ask you this.

Is there a way that he could not thank you. It is just like for clamped. And he just completely loses his mind. And he gets really nervous. That's the way.

Be okay with that. I'd be like, okay, I get it. I understand it gets you get nervous. He's nervous and he goes up and he goes. I want to thank my agent.

If it thinks it's not. I want to thank my aunt and my mom. And then leaves you out. Yeah. That would be uncomfortable.

What would you say to him? I'd say. That's always. If you won facial expression. I feel like you're fucking kidding me.

That's what I would say. He'd be like, what? And I'd say you didn't say me. He'd be like, oh shit. I guess one of those things.

Where if I wanted an award like an Oscar. You better be thanking me. Well, I want to be like the cap off of the night is getting laid with the award next to the bed. Sure. So I want to do everything I can to preserve the bang.

Right. So like the idea that someone would forget their wife. No, it's crazy. If I was in the crowd, my wife wins an Oscar. I would be okay with them not thanking me.

Why? You either have. I want the whole speech about me. If you're going to thank me, I don't want to be included with an agent. Yeah.

I want to thank my agent. They're assistant. Oh, yeah. My husband.

Well, what if you get like I'm and finally.

I want to say thank you. So much to Jared. My sweet sweet sweet husband for constantly supporting me. And calling me sweet sweet husband to make me sound like I'm the dog.

You are a dog.

You're a companion. You're always good.

“They say the best husbands or the Labrador.”

The Labrador. What do they call it? Gold.

Well, I'm pulling them Labrador's.

I did this yesterday. Here's the acceptance speech is all except. Okay. Okay. He came with notes.

Okay. Okay. Here's the acceptance speech. Okay. You go on stage.

Yeah. You win the award. I want to thank the only person in my life that matters. My husband has been there through thick and thin. Supported me when it's seen that I was at when I was at my worst.

And without him, I would not be here today holding this award. All the other people in my life pale in comparison to how great he is. And how wonderfully he makes me come on a nightly basis. He presented the bank. Right.

Now I'm going down on her like fucking crazy. Now I'm the golden retriever. I'm slippery. Okay. Here are the other ways you could not thank me.

Okay. If my wife went on stage and did a message to all the haters, I'm cool with it. Yeah. Just went on a revenge tour. Let me tell you how I think of you.

All the people that doubted me. Like if they went on the WWE style heel speech. Sure. I'm okay with not being thanked. Yeah.

If they suck it. Right. And then with a suck it. You didn't believe in me. So you can go suck it.

I would be like kind of turned on. I'm still golfing retrievering. Okay. Okay. I'm still slapping them up.

Okay. If they you brought up the dog. Okay. You brought the slapping. If they did a thank you to a dead relative.

I'd be okay with not being thanked.

“I think you can leave me out of the thank you speech.”

Okay. If it's all about Mima and how Mima used to play piano with me. Yeah. And for that reason, I won this award. You don't need to be... I'm okay to be left out of the Mima speech.

Are you still... I'm still slapping her. Okay. I'll slap her up. And I will look to this guy and think of Mima while doing it.

Good. If they thank a teacher who believed in them. Okay. I'm okay with being left out of the speech. You're still okay.

Still slapping them up. Still totally cool. Okay. Because if it's a teacher that I believe them,

I've never been believed in by anyone.

Okay. So the idea of... I believed in you. You did, except the betches, except for Aliens, Sammy and Jordana. The only ones who believed in me.

So I would thank you guys. If I thank you guys and didn't thank my wife, I think my wife would understand like... This is a betch's only speech. I get it.

I would get it. Teacher who believed in me. Like I'd be like, this is a movie. Like how could I? Don't bring me up.

But I didn't believe in you that much. The teacher believed in me. Yes.

“If they thanked a celebrity who recently passed that inspired them,”

I would understand being left out of that speech. Okay. There's a lot of... There's a lot of exceptions. Well, I'm just saying, we were wondering.

Could they... Red flag a deal break? It's only a deal breaker if I'm not included with this idea. I say, okay. Huge list of Samson's presence.

Yeah. That I'm like, you know, faceless, right? Also the last one, they could leave me out if they thanked the troops. Okay. If they go on a thing in the troops.

Okay. Okay. And Jared and my husband. My Sarah. So we four.

I want to thank the troops. The people that protect me every day. Also, my big loss of a husband who wasn't man enough to enlist. Like I don't want to be involved in that speech. I agree.

I agree. So that is what it is. Rusty still dead though, if he doesn't thank me. So none of those would Rusty be able to get away with it. If he thanked the troops and they leaned.

No. I think that he, yeah, I would... I don't get... He's not winning an Oscar. Okay.

Who do you want to win an Oscar? Let's do a little bit of Oscar preview. Best picture is Bagonia. Don't know that one. F1.

I watched 10 minutes. Frankenstein. F1's not winning. Not winning. Frankenstein.

If you watched Frankenstein. That's like the Gen Z Jacob L. Roy. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I heard that one's good. Marry Supreme. Not watching nothing. One battle after nothing. These are all on the Delta flight.

I should be watching these. I know. By the way, I got diamond too. Did you? Yes.

We can go together. Here you go. Make your speech. I can't. I wish Delta was a also a partner of ours.

That's all. I'll thank them when that happens. If Delta became a partner of this podcast, I would literally not. I'm trying to make that happen.

Can you make it happen? Can you make it happen? Yeah. Make it happen for us. Because also, I'm getting like a burpy as I talk about this.

I'm so nervous. I'm so annoyed at them right now. Why? Well, the diamond status. Again, as you mentioned expectations, you have this expectation.

I was sitting across the aisle from a guy who was awarded a gift for getting 2 million

miles. Do you know how many miles is 2 million miles? It is a lot of fly. Yeah.

I'm now maybe get to a million by the end of this year.

And I've been flying heavy for like your whole marriage. Yeah. Yeah.

“So that means that guy has been flying as heavy as me for 14 years.”

Or twice as heavy as me for seven years. Yeah. And he was in Delta Comfort. If I get my 2 millionth mile, in Delta Comfort.

Don't announce it if I'm in Delta Comfort or put me in first class.

Right. If you're going to announce it. Right. I was like kind of the straw. Yeah, not great.

Not great. But congratulations on diamonds. I'm the worst person ever. I like to tell you the worst story about them. You're going to love it.

No. It's a great way to live. I'm going to tell you the luggage tags, which is fun. I put it on. I got it a while ago.

Wow. But no one didn't get any luggage tags. No. You know what's interesting about Delta. Go for it.

You get diamond. But you can't. Like I flew to Vegas a couple times. Yeah. And they don't have Delta 1.

No. But you still don't have access to the lounge.

You don't have access to Delta 1 lounge.

So Delta 1 lounge is only for Delta 1 flyers. Which is the lay down seat that exists in their international. Also New York to LA flights. But there is a chance you get Delta 1 on a random flight to Seattle. And now you're in that lounge.

It is weird that you. But they don't have Delta 1. Like it's not on option. You can't buy Delta 1. This is luxury lounge.

Yes, this is luxury. We're just taking a little quick break guys. Commercial break for lunch. Yeah. But also you can't get into the regular lounge unless you have like

Anx. Yeah, because they've started limiting who gets into that lounge.

“Do you have no lounge access for a first-class flight to Vegas?”

Yep. But I have an Anx. So I used it or reserve whatever gets you access. But I was like, I literally went up. This is.

You don't know. I was just like, what's the point? No. I think that's the hardest part about working for an airline is you do get asked. I would assume that anyone who works for Delta gets asked these existential questions.

Like, if this is possible and that's possible, then how am I not driving the plane? And they're like, and then something like that. No, I knew I was working for a tour. And you was rhetorical. I was just like, but what is the point?

They're like, what's the point to any of this? Maybe we should all kill ourselves. Like, I don't like it. Well, anyway, anyway. So I don't know how much I think his girlfriend Kylie Jenner.

His partner. Partner. Is that? He says partner. Okay.

Yes. I think you feel about saying partner. No, I say husband. But I think they say partner. I talked about this with Sammy on another show.

We really can mention the other show. Oh, we're on the same network. I forget what it's called. At back. Sometimes I forget my name.

It wasn't the by-all files. No, it wasn't. I do. I forget everything. You have a vested interest in this show.

We have that show. You know what I mean? Okay. What was he talking about? So the partner.

The partner.

“He says that I think, I mean, because he's a tad pretentious.”

But besides that, I think. You're fine Timothy, shall I make pretentious? That's his main reputation. Really? Yeah.

I didn't know. You know, it's funny what makes it into like- I love him though. I like that he seems like he's going for it. Oh, yeah.

Like he is. No shame. No shame. But he's very Gen Z in that way. I think Gen Z.

And you might see this. He's good though. He's good at what he does. Like I think Gen Z is like very much get the bag generation. Yeah.

Where it's like, I am not holding back on any of this. There's no class. There's no nothing. Give it to me now. I deserve it.

Is that what you're seeing from Gen Z when they apply for job? I'm not going to speak to that because Gen Z, please keep applying. But what are they like? But as a person who's dealing with Gen Z, because I don't talk to Gen Z. I'm not going to talk to them through this medium through a podcast.

I hope they listen. But you inspire Gen Z. I would love to. I don't want to inspire anyone. I would maybe I'm a warning.

You know, so. You're walking red flag. I am walking red flag. You can pre-order the book. It is in pre-order.

I'm so happy for you. Thank you very much. Not in a way that you hate when people say. No, no. I took that as a true idea.

Thank you. The book is like the feedback. I want you to read it. I'm going to.

I've gotten some really amazing feedback.

Everyone says it's funny, which is like the greatest comment of all. Obviously. Women specifically have been telling me that I've read it. They're like, they keep saying it will be so helpful for women to read. Well, I can't read it.

I can't read it. I can't read it. I can't read it. I can't read it. But for those who aren't alien, you can pre-order it now.

I want to make the New York Times bestseller. You're going to. I thank you. I'm going to manifest because my dad when I told him. I was like, you know, I can make the New York Times bestseller.

He goes, oh. He really choked. He goes, oh. I was like, it was way more choked than scared.

Your parent content is my favorite.

It doesn't. Well, the the new special that's coming out that I made with batches. Yeah. I can't read it. I want to spend time with your mom.

People say that. No, I do. I don't know if I want that. You're ready. You've you've dealt with it.

I'm fully aware. And I've met her. You've met her. She loves the batches. She goes.

I want to go to dinner. I want to dinner. We should do a dinner.

Next time they'll never come to New York.

You gotta go to far. Okay. I'm going in March. Okay. So we're.

Anyway, okay. What are we talking about? Who's going to win? Do you think you. Do you think Timothy Shalmy.

Thanks. Kendall Jenner. Kylie. Yes. He thinks.

What's his name? Thanks.

“If he wins for best actor, which I think he's going to.”

I think he's going to think his partner. Kylie and the read, oh, we were talking about this. Our tangents are terrible. And it's mostly my fault. That's okay.

It's because she has kids. And I think it's girlfriend sounds a little too. Like. Oh. That's that's our theory.

My name is on the act batches podcast. That's our theory. That like he just is making it seem a little bit more serious. Then give her.

There's way more mature than I was at that age.

He's. He's very. He's very. Some bitch. Yeah.

That. That. The big old. Did he say that? Okay.

She. I love them together though. You do. I fucking love them. He.

He actually. They feel like it's real. Well, them together kind of annoys me. Why? Because he does have the look that.

Jenzy younger women seem to like these days. Okay. This like. Unoffensive. I could maybe beat him up.

Type of man. Okay.

“And I think that is like so different than what I would rather.”

They love them. They love. Jenzy loves like Connor story. They love. But Connor story is long and lean.

I don't think. I don't think. Connor story didn't cut weight to look like that. He put on weight to look like that. I am.

Listen, I am a body kind of sore when it comes to men's. Men. My. My generation. We like the rock.

Okay. You know the rock. You're like these. Fine, fine. You're right.

You're right. You're right. I'm not saying there's. I'm not mad at the men or the women. I'm just more like.

Oh, time has passed me by. You know, like my. The man that I want to be with. The man that I am. Yeah.

It was not. That the one that got chicks. It was. It was like. Not David Bowie.

Okay. It wasn't. Yeah. You know, it wasn't sting. And, and Prince, I did understand.

Yeah.

“They are sexuality being coveted by women.”

Yeah. But I was like, that's because they play the guitar. Now, any gym or Joe who looks like. Yeah. The body type of sting.

I don't know.

Just in Timberlake was never that jacked.

And he was like, head of a sink. That's fair. Nick. What's his face, Carter? Nick Carter.

But that was always a tie. I don't know. Yeah. I. There always boy bands are like.

You're right. I guess, you know. You just you bring up a fair point. Okay. I don't mean to shut it down.

You're right. Shut it down. Okay. Listen. When I'm wrong.

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Let's do some dating advice. You ready? Yeah. You're [email protected]. J.J. and A. I've been dating my boyfriend for about a year.

Everything is going great. We get along so well. And I'm so lucky that we found each other. Boy, what a wedding speech. It's truly one of the happiest years of our lives.

As we are connected in the line on values in humor. There's been a tiny red flag. His mom. Uh-oh. That's not a tiny red flag.

No. I'm going excited for this email. About four months. I started to notice a few things that make me wonder if he's enmeshed with her. He calls her often takes her advice on how to decorate his home.

Seems very concerned about keeping the peace with her. He also defends her strongly. For example, when I suggested a small change to his apartment, he immediately said, "Mom, help pick this out. I'm not changing it."

Oh. I hate when people say, "Mom, help pick this out."

No.

It's my mom. Yeah. Yeah. You don't have a family crest. Yeah.

Yeah. No. Fuck that. Now his mom is coming into town to visit next week. I've heard from a mutual friend that his last relationship didn't go well because his mom and his ex didn't get along.

He felt that if there was tension with the family, it would be hard to have a successful marriage. Now I'm feeling nervous about two things, meeting her and hoping she likes me.

And also whether I see a long-term relationship with someone who seems to put his mom first.

I don't think I could ever be the partner who competes with his mom for influence or closeness. Has anyone else dealt with this? Yeah. Yeah. Everyone since the beginning of time.

Literally. How do you know? How do you know when someone is truly in meshed versus just close with their mom? Would love your thoughts. I mean.

I love this. There are some YouTube commenters who say that I'm in meshed with my mom. Do you know what that means? Honestly, it's one of those words. I don't think they know what it means.

I think it's one of those words that's become in Vogue. I think it's like. I could take a guess about what like in meshed means.

I don't know if this applies to you.

Do you want to look this up so we can get like a bad idea? Let's get over here. My interpretation of when people say like people are in meshed with someone, but specifically their moms. It's like when you value there, we were talking about this. We value their opinions more than like your own opinions.

We're there in your head sometimes good, but sometimes for the bad. And then you go that way. Like you're not on, you're still kind of a child in the relationship of mom and... Right.

“You have to know self-determination and way.”

So here's a definition. And meshed means being in a relationship where boundaries are blurred and people are overly emotionally intertwined. Often losing a sense of independence. Yeah, that's kind of what I said. That's interesting.

So it's like in this example, I would say he's in meshed because like the fact that he said mom helped pick this out. I'm not changing and it wasn't like, what do you think? Right. Well, it's not like, "Ah, and I kind of like it, too." Well, let me give some empathy to him as the in meshed one here.

Yeah. I would say, if I was one year in with someone that I wasn't like sure of, they're not going to have the same say in my life as my mom, who I am positive will be my mom ten years from now. Okay. Do you know what I mean?

Yeah.

I think it's hard to determine someone's in meshed when you're not someone that's the most important person in their life.

Or they're deciding whether this relationship is something that's their priority. So I can understand why like someone who's had a relationship end after a year and a half with someone who they were close with their mom. They're like, well, they're in mesh. So it's like, well, you didn't really have, you know, an investment. And you weren't, you know, part of the board of his life.

Like, if you think of your life as like you have board members, you know, I have my sea sweet. Yeah. You know, I have my mom. I have my dad. I have, and then you would, you know, a seat is open for my future wife.

I kind of think of it that way more than I would think of. Sure. Yeah. Right.

“I think the key to that example is that you are part of that board meeting.”

Right. And you are the CEO of that room. And regardless of what, and in board members, they're there to offer advice, but they're not there to drive your decisions. So that's really the biggest difference between enmeshed and like, and like close with. It's like, if my mom tells me something, I don't go immediately do it because then mom see you.

Right. And here's the other thing. Like, I was on the phone with my dad before I got here. Yeah. I'm going to hire a PR person.

Okay. Okay. Thanks. That was a judge. How do you feel, Elaine?

I think it's worth while right now. Sorry. I just put my business head on. Is that how you talk to your employees? I don't care.

No, it's we're like, tell me more. Well, the plan was because I have the book coming out in June. Absolutely. I'm coming out in September. I was like, if I'm going to invest money and for those that don't know PR is a lot of money.

And it's investment. There's a lot of bad people. Bad people. That's the other thing. And it's a lot of money that you don't know will.

“The chance of it paying off or kind of, you have to convince yourself that it paid off sometimes.”

You have to do a lot of work for it to pay off. Right. So that being the case, my dad's saying me telling me that I should, you know, how I should pay for it and giving his advice. And I hear him and I go, okay. And I say yes to him.

I go, yeah. I hear you and I will do that. Okay. Yeah. Well, I do that.

I don't know.

I took it under advisement.

Sure.

“But I was like, I hear what he's saying.”

I hear why he's saying it. Yeah. But I'm not going to sit there. Like something I noticed in an email. I would love to hear your point of view on it.

And it comes to with my dad or my mom. I would say yes to them. And then I would think about it. Yeah. I don't say yes and then go act on that.

Yes. Yeah. I'm going to think about it. But I'm going to get them to shut the fuck up for it. Exactly.

So we say yes to playkate them. Right. Right. And then I'll put it on. And not that I don't value the opinion.

Right. Let me say yes. And then take how you manage them. Right. And when she says, he calls her often takes her advice on how to decorate his home.

And seems very concerned about keeping the peace with her. Hmm. See, his concern about keeping the peace with his mom. To me is very male based on my experience with this show. Yeah.

A lot of the women women that I've dated. Yeah. It seems normal for them to have it out with a mom. Like even their own mom. Like mothers and daughters, I've witnessed those fights.

And I've been like, like, I can't believe it. Yeah. Even a lot of women that write in, friend breakups.

I would never have a friend breakup.

Yeah. It seems that there is some sort of. It seems that like for women that these types of interactions and these types of arguments. With parents in their lives are more normal than it seems that for the men. Good or bad.

Yeah. Because that might be just communicating. I'm just saying, when I said, that is outside. I am going to say, yep, you're exactly right dad. And then I'm going to go and make my own decision based on that.

Well, yeah. But it does seem like, how do you handle? Do you see that from Rusty? Yeah. Do you see that your husband and his mom.

He's a keep the peace. Does he resemble that? Does he? And do you have moments where you're like, I got a hand or. Yeah.

Or then I would handle my own mom because my own mom I can be like, you know, mom, you know, go, go fuck yourself. I don't know. Obviously, you would never say that to my mom. But I'm saying the way you would. Yeah.

Do you understand what I'm saying? Absolutely.

“I think it just depends on like what you value and like whether or not you want to.”

I mean, Tina relationship with your parents or not. Like some people, like have that as an option for them. And they say like, I'd rather create boundaries and I don't want them in my life. I'm willing to like sort of say everything. And I think like everybody has like it's on a spectrum of what they're willing to take from their parents or not based on what they value if they want.

The closeness or not whatever it is. In this example, it seems like the mom has a big personality, right? Sure. Based on we so it does feel like based on this email, a, you know, King Kong is really. True.

True. You can hear the footsteps in the background. Yeah. My mom has is a strong, wild woman. She's from the Soviet Union.

Okay. And she's a doctor. So God complex. And she is opinionated. And I love her to death.

And then also Rusty's mom. She's a mom of three boys. Mm-hmm. And she's the only woman like in, she's the matriarch of the family. That's a big thing.

That's a big thing.

All my woman never been challenged by another woman.

Correct. But I found it extremely important to, like, I love Rusty. And I wanted to be, like, to keep the peace. I didn't want to, like, ruffle feathers. I know that his relationship with her was really important.

He's very family-oriented. And that's what I like about him. Right. And therefore, if there was, like, something like this, I don't know about, like, mom, help pick this out.

I'm not changing it. I'd be like, "Very well. I'm not touching that." Right. But I don't think that I would, like, make a big stink

about anything unless it's so big. Right. Do you know what I mean? So, I get that. I think, like, everybody just has, like, a different amount of,

shit meter of, like, how much they're willing to take from their parents. Like, you want to keep the peace with your parents, because they're very opinionated. Right. And you know, like, I'm not dealing with this right now.

Right. And I'm not going to say yes because they also don't care. Right. And it's just their personality. You're not going to change the personality.

And what is more important to you is having your relationship with them, over arguing with them in this one. You're picking your battles. Right.

“And I think that is what life is with dealing with personalities.”

Right. And I think that is what life is with dealing with personalities. Right. And I think that is what life is with dealing with personalities. Right.

Because they also don't care. Right. And it's just their personality. You're not going to change the personality. And what is more important to you is having your relationship with them,

over arguing with them. And this one, you're picking your battles. Right. And that's what you're talking about. And that's what you're talking about.