Why Situationships Hurt More Than Breakups

- Hello and welcome back to the U.S. podcast. - I'm Jordan Abraham. - And I am Jared Fried. It is so good to be back here with you, Jordan. And virtually, we are doing a virtual taping.

We, you know what I'm saying? We did our guests, and now Mama's home, I'm back. - She's back and we're gonna do these as close to airing as possible, and we'll keep these energetic and awesome virtual, you know,

if you like the YouTube, we want you to go to YouTube and see our facial expressions. And you can see inside of Jordan as home. You can see the green behind you. You can see my southern, you know,

you up studio here in Del Rey Beach. I was just walking the beach. How are you? What's going on? - I'm good.

I think we both need to get more character in our background. - Yeah, we both need something. We need like a painting. - Sammy is actually coming. I have art, I just don't know how to hang it.

And Sammy is actually coming over after this recording to like put up my gallery wall behind me. She's, we did a recording. I filled in for a lien on the ad bed just pod the other day. And she was like, you've been living there long enough,

like you need to. - It's time to get it out. - Yeah, I didn't see Sammy as the, you know, put on the tool belt type. I didn't know she was a gallery wall.

- Oh totally. - I don't know. I didn't know she knew her way around a, a, a hand saw. She's very, I think she's very into it, at least attempted DIY.

- Mm-hmm. - She's like, she'll give it to you. - Oh, I think she's paint. She painted her own office, but then she had to get it repainted. Now that I'm thinking about it,

maybe I shouldn't let her touch the walls. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - When we were in college, you know, you leaned Sammy and I lived together our senior year.

“That's why that's kind of like how we started batches.”

And we were in college. - First ever studio.

The first ever batches office HQ.

- Yes, exactly. She wanted to paint one of our college walls. She wanted to paint it like Starry night. The bench and then go painting. Yeah, yeah.

- And Elaine was like-- - Thank you for explaining to me the garbage human. - Did you know? I don't know. - I didn't know.

You're right. - Yeah. Anyway, Elaine was like, no, she was like, what do you mean Starry night is the easiest painting of all time, which I don't think is true.

- What an insult to Van Gogh. I mean, that's been like a running joke in our, in our friendship. Basically, it's like Starry night. It's like, I say me, I mean, of course I could do Starry night.

But she wanted-- - Of the DIY stuff. - That's called Senior Year Delusion. Oh, it's all about who you know. I could paint Starry night, of course. - Yeah, it's a lot of Senior Year was me and Sammy.

Suggesting, I love them all, by the way. Suggesting absurd things. And Elaine just shooting them down because they were ridiculous.

“And that's why she was like, we should get it out.”

We should get a dog for the apartment. Elaine was like, absolutely not. (laughing) - And the only responsible one in the room. - Yes, the only thing we got away with

was a hookah. - A hookah? - Let's bring in a hookah. We bought a hookah.

- I've never understood the hookah thing

and please excuse my cultural blind spot. If this is something that's important to your grandma, I'm just saying, I never understood the hang out that's surrounded a hookah. I just wasn't for me.

Did you ever go to a hookah lounge? - Oh yeah. - No. - It's been too many in my day, in my day. - Oh my god.

- I like a, I like a hookah. (laughing) I like a hookah. - Mama hookahs. - It needs a cooler name.

- But yes, I have, I have done, I've done many a hookah. I don't know, I smoked many a hookah. - In fact, it needs a cooler name. - This is the white chick starting a matcha company

that's been around a thousand years. I don't know about the name matcha, you know, to, who gets like a name, isn't that? - Yeah, that's what I'm saying. - Right.

A Shabbat needs a better name, Jordana, I don't know. - I mean, it might be.

I've always said, you know, Hanukkah needs better songs.

Anyway, love them, hug. - Thank you, I got a new mug, if you're on YouTube, you can see my collection of weird like, Chauchka's continues. My single, or not, not single,

my inner relationship, but living alone, man pad is acquiring more and more titty shaped items. My girlfriend helped me pick was out actually. - Really? - Yeah, she's into it.

I found another titty weirdo. - She's gonna decorate the apartment with titty memorabilia. - It's probably gonna come down to like, like if we ever moved in together, I'd get like a titty room like I can have my titty corner

with all weird titty guys.

“- That's how you get the traditional cheesy man cave.”

- Right, well, that's the probably the invention of the man cave is-- - That's right. - Put your shit in that corner and then we'll call it a man cave. It's really his shit corner.

- Yes, here's the shit that you think is looks good, which I know doesn't look good, but I don't wanna be like that big of an asshole, so you can put it all in that area where I don't have to see it. - You're exactly right, which is why I have a question

that I was talking about, talking to myself about that I need you to explain something to me.

- Woman's plain, the Amanda West and Sierra thing,

“and why people, and just as clean as you can explain it to me,”

how much do you know? - I know very little. And I know, I dip into the show via clips on TikTok. I dip into the summer house world via the certain characters. And again, from I have my ear up to the wall at betches,

you know, listening to what the kids are talking about. So, but I, in a very husband who watches the show from the back of the room way, I'm that with all of the betches news, and this feels like it has gotten so much bigger,

yeah, but you're in the deep deep in the hole. - I'm deep. - So, can you explain it just like the facts instead of, I don't want, I don't want who's side you're on, we can get to that, but because this is a relationship show,

and it seems like this is a relationship drama, so it's worth talking about here. - Indeed, indeed, yeah, definitely relationship drama. So, I mean, you know the concept of summer house, it's like a bunch of people living in a house

in the Hampton's together during the summer, and it's now in 10 seasons,

“so the characters are pretty well-developed.”

- It's quite literally-- - I need to start that. - No, you don't, you don't, you don't. - It's quite literally, they took a New York City concept and turned it into a show. New York City concept being, and again,

this concept exists for other major cities where people moved to after college. Hey, all of us are gonna get a house on the Hampton's a very expensive place that parties a little bit, and every weekend, we're gonna take our city life,

and we're gonna move it out to the Hamptons and do a weekend and then come back again. And that's the show, right? - Yes, we're a label concept. Now, it doesn't make quite as much sense

because the characters, like the oldest characters, like 43 years old, and that's not really what, most 43-year-olds are doing. - No normal 43-year-old human living and working in New York is going to the Hamptons in a share house.

- In a share house, that is, all of us would describe that person as creepy loser if they're a man and hardworking woman if it's a woman. You know, like, I look at like--

“- Yeah, one of the women, Lindsey, I think is like 39,”

and she has a baby, so it doesn't make any sense. It's not realistic, not relatable, nobody's doing it. - It started off, we started off totally. They were 10 years younger. That's the concept of the show for anyone.

Sorry, I keep been a rock, I'm very excited about this conversation. - No, it's fine. I'll try to do my best to keep the story straight. I'm, I'm like, I haven't done, like Sammy's done it

more, much more intense, so if it deep dive than I have,

but here's what I've gathered.

- Sammy, do if I deep dive on something? - Can't believe I'm. - Sammy's like, at a high shot, Sammy's like, I don't know the show, so thanks to, yeah, Sarah said. - Thank God for Sammy, she explains everything to me.

- She does, she does explain-- - Sammy explains it all, I remember Claire explains it all. - That's a good series, I think that would be fine. - I would be okay. - I do, okay.

- Yeah, there we go. - So, also, we're recording this on March 31st, so I don't know what will have come out by the time this airs next week, first week of April. - Might as well see how much you're getting ahead of us.

Please no, come for me. - I don't want people to yell at me about like, you know, like when we watch love is blind, like I could have the wrong take by the times it comes out. - Sure, things could come out.

- Yes, so the rumors swirling, okay. So Kyle and Amanda were our married. - Right. - Season one of the show, she's like, they're kind of in a situation ship.

She's like, we're kind of broke up with her to go on the show, but they'll like, she'll come over and hook up. Now she's like a regular, they're married, right? Or they were married.

- I would say that's where Amanda's love came from, a lot of women who related to her plight. I've been hooking up with this guy who won't give me the time of day, won't commit.

Finally, she gets him to commit.

And we realize he's not that much of an aspirational boyfriend and then she divorces him and all the women cheer, like they're part of the Wizard of Oz and they've been freed from the wicked witch of the West. That's kind of my own experience.

- Yes, yes. And this divorce came out like the fact that they were separating. I don't know if they're divorced yet, they're separated. This came out like a few months ago.

So recently, I'm aware of that. And I'm aware of, I heard the cheers. It was like when Biden won, New York City cheered when they found out that Amanda had ended things. And it seemed as though they were holding hands

with the show while this was going on. It felt like it was somewhat in service of promoting a show that they're on and they're too old to be on and it could be their last few seasons on it. But I'm sorry, I think that's definitely true

I think this was like right before the season came out. So one, good promotion for the season.

“But then on the season, you see him acting,”

like he says, I think he gets drunk and he calls her like a dumb bitch. That might not be the exact word to use because I'm going along those lines. And so she's gathering a lot of,

in the court of public opinion, everyone is like, there was news that he came out that he was like, he had like slept in a fan's apartment or something like that. - Okay. - There's a few things

where it's like the internet is team Amanda. As they've heard, they've heard she separated and it's very, yes, queen, go girl. To me, it seems like one of their central arguments in the show is that he kind of thinks she's like a little lazy.

Like they are, they work together on lover boy. You know what lover boy is? - Yes, the drink drink that he makes. But he's constantly every day, every season he's like lover boy is about to go bankrupt.

I owe $500,000, and I'm $500,000 deep in lover boy. Whatever it is.

“But he like basically asked her to quit her.”

She's like a, she was like a design, she was like an, a digital design person. And he convinced her to quit her job and work on lover boy. Also, they promoted on the show.

So it's just kind of like their business and their lives are pretty intertwined. But a lot of his complaining at least in earlier seasons was that she was constantly just kind of like on the couch smoking pot, not really working.

And he's like trying to build this company in this brand. So when it comes to like the money thing,

it always kind of seemed like it wasn't like,

if she was the power person in the relationship, at least that's not how it came off to me. - I made me that's a more recent development. - Well, now she's coming out with a line of bikinis or something.

- Well, we wish for the best, but I, so, so okay. So they break up, you're going to the season, you're watching the breakup happen, which is, you know, literally on the rocks, yeah. You're watching, you know the ending,

but nothing is juicier to a, you know, a female forward audience than breakup, we know is coming, and we get to watch how that happens along the way, right? - Yes, of course.

Look for clues, you look for hints. - Any gender would like that. I enjoy that as well, okay. - Right. - Okay, so basically, the show is currently airing,

but that out there's rumors like unsubstit, from my, to my knowledge, not like fully substantiated rumors, but on Duma and Reddit, and like all the places, where a lot of these things that wind up being true do start, that Amanda is hooking up with

this guy West on the show, who's been on the show, he's a relatively new person, he's been on like two or three. I think this is the third season. - I've only seen West live from a distance.

He kind of seems like from my angle of not knowing the show well, and again, this is I'm being upfront about how much I know,

West always seemed like central casting

for guy you'd hook up with after a divorce. (laughs) He's on a good spot. Like he just, he was at a party I was at, and he just looked like he was wearing

the Lenny Kravitz meme of all the blankets. Like he looked unshoured, uncapped, you wouldn't bring them home, that's a lot of crap. Yeah, you'd wanna crack at 'em 'cause he's a good-looking dude, he was a lot smaller than I thought he would be,

“isn't he a hockey player or a former hockey player?”

- Is he, I don't know, I didn't hear that, maybe. - I don't know what his origin tale is. - Anyway, I could see that, yeah, but he kind of strikes me as sort of like playing dumb fuck boyish. - Yeah, it seems like he's good at it.

- Yeah, yeah, so it's kind of like, oh, you were upset about that. I didn't know you were upset that I didn't invite you to my parents out, right, that I broke up with you, casually, like right before we went to a party. Like that was, I didn't realize that was gonna make you

so upset. - Right, you know, he's good at that, that's a great move. At the party, I was at he was properly aloof. Like he just, like dancing by himself while draping. - It's very, like when he flunked like me.

- Yeah, women were aware of him though, I could tell. Me, you know, jealous in the corner of this party, drinking a club soda, splash a cranberry, just staring at him being utterly cool and look like someone who hadn't gone to the gym

in a month, but looks great. - Yeah, I was really jealous of his standing in the room. - Yeah, he's got to know those people where it's like, he does seem to like, and I get his central spotline

is basically that Amanda's best friend on the show

seemingly in real life too. So like they seem to like come out with very supportive statements of each other with each other a lot. They seem like their friends in real life,

but on the show, they're definitely BFFs. And basically, So Sierra is her best friend. And they, she and West were hooking up on his first season

douchebaggy, like situation, ship thing. What she might do at like 27 years old.

“I don't know how old he is, like probably like late 20s.”

- Yeah. - I could, you know, tell us all this time. - Sure. - You know, haven't we all? - It seemed like it seemed like they were dating

in the summer house. They leave the summer house and things. - Yeah. - Right. And then like this was also they filmed this before

our his season came out and it basically kind of came out

that he was like to her, that he wanted to see like, if you could get a lot more girls once the show came out and kind of like ended it with her like right before it aired. So he seems like this great guy who's really into her. And it sort of played out.

It seemed like it played out like right before the show aired, they're about to go to a party and he's like, I think we're better off as friends. - Okay. (laughs) - Which didn't go well.

- I can't see how it went. - I came out, right. It basically like it sort of came out

“that that was his reasoning like I'm about to be like”

a national television. I kind of want to like see what I can get. - The most honest reason ever given for a breakup in my opinion. - Yeah, it would be not great.

- But not great, but.

- So this is her best friend and then they basically had

this sort of tense relationship since, but then this summer it seems like they're almost like getting kind of flirty again. The friend Sierra and West and so the fact that it comes out that he's actually hooking up with Amanda

is very scandalous if it's true. Which people are debating if it's true. - So the allegations is that, Amanda hooked up with West, West, who is Sierra's ex. - Are hooking up in potentially dating?

I think I've heard that one too. Like they're really dating. - Oh wow. I mean, it does feel like they both have their choice. I mean, again, when you're reason for ending things

in the first place is I could be with a ton of other women and I don't like you as much as I like trying to hook up right now at this part of my life. Which is like a hard thing to hear, but like I kind of like that type of honesty you go,

okay, like, yeah, I guess I'd rather you do this than cheat on me, like that's the option. And then to hear that, well, sure, but you're admitting I can get a lot of different women via this public platform I have.

And then you go to the one woman that's on the show that's friends with your ex, that's like fucked up. Like you've acknowledged having the wherewithal that you can hook up with anyone or a group. - Right.

Or more people than before you were on a hit reality TV series, whatever, but then it seems like it would be a weird move for her to do just because she had so much public favor in this divorce with Kyle,

where everyone's kind of like watching him treat her like shit. For her to do this, she's kind of like lost all of her reputational thing, but no one's really ever seen her single on the show. So it's kind of like, maybe this is who she is.

- Right.

Never having seen her single on the show

is a really good, interesting thing. Like this idea that, 'cause my idea of her on the show was like her Sierra and Paige would like sit in bed like the parents from Willy Wonka judging everyone for going out.

Like, wasn't that their thing? - That was a big part of it. - Yeah. - Like, why would you be on a show? Like, I just didn't, I never understood the aspirational

quality of, I didn't understand, I guess I understand like because people hate a Kyle so much. She became aspirational, but like, I don't really see it. - Right. - She kind of always seemed boring.

There was never like a clip that I was like, wow Amanda, like this chick, you know?

“Like, yeah, I mean, I think her relevancy came from”

like her fighting her fights with Kyle. There was a season where he cheated on her. She found out about it. It's like, all a little bit in relation. I think she's, and she kind of says that on the show,

like she's trying to like discover who she is outside of this relationship, which again is also what she does for work up until like very recently. And I think she, I think she's like nine years younger than Kyle, I think.

So she started on this show at like 24. - Got it. - Yeah. - I think it is kind of hard. And that's another layer of the relationship thing

is it is kind of know who you are outside of your husband, boyfriend, if you've been with them since you're 24. - Right, if you broke up at like 30. And now you're in this wild.

- I think 33, 34. - Right, so that's gotta be scary, who am I? And then the guy, you know, the people people hook up with after a breakup is someone that's like, almost like easy, a little bit.

Like there's like a, there's an element of like, I don't know how to comfort, and I don't know how to like go open new conversations with new people, let me go to the people that I'm already comfortable talking to.

Like I can understand that. - Yeah, I think you saw that with Carl and Lindsay too.

it's kind of like, I do think if you're newly single

or even if you're just like, if you're single and you're kind of, I guess your famous, their famous, there is an element of, I can't just date like a normal person and go on a date, then that person,

like that person's just gonna tell everyone what I was like on the date, that person's gonna like. - Right. - screenshot everything I say and send,

“so I think there's probably a fear of outsiders”

so you're more likely to find comfort and date that people who are already on the show because they have kind of as much to lose as you do. - Right, well, I'm happy you've caught me up. I'm happy to be here.

I, do you believe the rumors? - I believe where there's smoke, there's fire. I think they probably hooked up.

I don't think her and Sierra's friends

as maybe we wanted to believe. I think that they, to me, if you're the one who sits in bed while everyone goes out, like you're probably not the type to like, go find a new boyfriend or go date, really,

and like a fun way, like, I don't know, there's this brand of influencer that's like, to me is like the permission to influencer. And I see it a lot now where it's like, they give permission to boring people to be boring

and like, not that fun, you know? Like, I thought boring people need role models too. - Right, and it's like this person that like, oh, if you were friends with them, you, they're hilarious.

If you even knew them, they're hilarious. And you're like, I've heard about that person my whole life, like the, oh my God, once you get to know them, they're like the funniest person in there, like literally a nothing who sits on the corner

of situations and leaves everything early. And it's like, I think there's this like person that people grab onto is like, they're successful. And they don't bring a lot to the table. So like, I think that's like,

where her, you know, her, like, her flowers come from a lot, like, casting keeps bringing him back so that I can see why they're like, I don't need to go out to get right, you know, re-contracted on the show.

- Right. - Why would I? - Why would I? - I'll be there with my jam jams on, ready to go. You do have a question for me, even though I didn't shut up through the role. - I did, but I want to save it

for our Friday episode. - Yes, let's save it for the Friday episode.

“That's a big, that's what we call a tease in the industry.”

If you're out there and listening and watching on YouTube, I'm gonna be in St. Louis, I'm also in Vegas coming up and I'm gonna be in Norwalk Connecticut. I got Foxwood's casino in Connecticut. I'm gonna be at Maine.

I'm going to Portland, Maine West Hampton Beach. Jordan, you should come to the show. We're gonna get you the show. - I want to, yes, it's 4th of July weekend, you said, right? - That's right, maybe I might be asking you

for a place to stay. Me, Charlie, Lucy, they need a sitter or a dog sitter for Ronnie. - Please, please, stay. - Okay, maybe I'll come stay with you guys. And Mike, the whole, all of us will be like Amanda.

We'll all lay in the bed together and judge every, and Emily, we'll get her involved too, yes. - I want to really walk a style. - We'll walk it up. - So, and the book, I got a book coming out, walking red flag, we're discussing a book tour right now.

The book, I'll show it on camera. - I forgot to take mine last week, I'm so annoyed. - You gotta get it, listen, the people are talking, it's just got its first review. - I know, you told us last week, I told you last week.

- Oh, I told you last week reviews. - Glowing reviews. - Glowing reviews. - Glowing reviews. - I'm going to tape the audio book after this,

like the job never ends for your dear old Uncle Jade track.

“- You wrote the book, now you have to read it out loud.”

- Oh, horrific. So, what's going on with you? Oversharing, I love listening. - Oversharing, check it out. Yeah, that's, I haven't taken on too many new projects,

given the current state of my household, but oversharing still out every Tuesday, Monday if you're a subscriber. - Well, here's a new project, get that guest room ready. I'm coming on the 4th of July, West Hampton Beach.

- I'm getting her, for the man who could livestream my house into a critically-paned, it's pan-paned. - I know, bad, I think, pan-paned. - Bad, yes. - That movie got paned, yes.

- Well, yes, I'm gonna need to make everything look perfect 'cause I know you're gonna give an in-depth review. - I love taking a tour and judging, I look, when I look at a room, I go, okay. That's all I say, when the person,

and here's the guest bedroom. - Huh, that's me, taking a tour. - You should bring a note path. - No, like you're doing an inspection. So this is the guest bedroom,

and then you just hear a pencil writing. - Yeah. - Yes, and I will make sure the pool is open by then.

- I'm never gonna hear the end of it.

- Get ready, get ready to hear from me. - Let me ask you one last question about the West, Sierra Amanda situation. You hook up with a guy who kind of played it alloof as you say it. If they were in a relationship, had a real breakup,

and then it's two years, three years later, and Amanda and him hook up, is that as big a crime as your former situation ship, hooking up with a friend of yours? - In a way, I actually think it's worse.

- To hook up with a former situation ship. - Yes, because if it was a real breakup, there's an element, if you really date it, there's an element of mutualness to any breakup in terms of like, it's not working.

We need to try, and it's not working, right? And so there's a personality mismatch. It really just like, they're not the person for me, and both people kind of have to come to that point usually. I think with the situation ship thing,

it's like this person, it felt like this person was like,

“I think it would be like, just more upsetting.”

It'd be more like, oh, you didn't choose me, but you chose my friend, and also like, you know how much this person hurt me, or you know how much this person affects me. And she talks about it quite often on the show

about how she's affected by what happened between the two of them, and you decided to still do it, knowing that that would be like pretty painful. I think there's an element, you could have some breakups where like there's an element of not the person for me.

- Right. - And I think this is almost more, 'cause sometimes you're hurt more by these situations because because it didn't have a label. - Yeah, I guess there's more of an open wound.

So if she did hook up with West, that is meaner from her and also from West, like they're both at fall. Like I think he get a lot of times men get away with this stuff because it becomes, you know,

the women argue about this and the guy kind of like sneaks away and is like now hooking up with another one of their friends. And like, you're like, what, how did you do that, you know? - No, I mean, if true, he stinks too. For sure, potentially more.

- I don't know.

- But he's who we always knew he will.

You know, like there's the old Dennis Allen, who was the coach of the Dennis Allen coach, the Arizona Cardinals football team, and they lost a famous game and he did this press conference and he goes,

they are who they thought they were. They are who we thought they were. - Hi, I just wanted to get your perspective on it and I do think it matters for the dating world. - Yeah, so we're going to bring it to us

in the studio with a fun segment and a guest you wanted an update on. Hit it! (upbeat music) Our next segment is something new and different

sponsored by season three of Euphoria on HBO Max. We wanted to do something big for their big comeback. It's been five years since the events of season two and the stakes have never been higher. So we've got us thinking.

We hear a lot of stories on the show from people at messy complex and surprising situations,

but we don't always get a follow-up.

Like any good cliffhanger, it's hard not to wonder. What happened next to this segment is called, "What are you up to?" We asked on Instagram who you'd want to hear from and the people requested a Veronica update.

Veronica Stern, thank you for coming back on the show. How are you good to see you? - I'm so good, thank you guys for having me. - People don't remember, we went to your apartment. - Yes, we went to your apartment.

We asked you a million questions about your dating life.

“This was back in, I think it was September,”

like about six months ago. - Right, I remember it was like September. It was like the time of year I envied you the most, being a young woman moving in New York City. (laughing)

- Why? My life is horrible. (laughing) - Well, you were young woman moving to an apartment. - I was.

- Yeah, I'm not sure you are. - I'm old. - Okay, I'm old. - Yeah. - No, but at the time you were going to this apartment

was gonna be, and you met the downstairs neighbors or guys or girls, you guys like in the cool neighborhood you're in Brooklyn. And I was like football season is happening. It's cooling down.

It's not like a sweat box in the city. - What a time to be at young and, you know, in Brooklyn. - This is where all the stories come from. - This is girls, this is, you know, this is, you know, you know, like, this is great.

- Am I Lena Donna? I feel like I'm more like Marnie. - Okay, this is Marnie. (laughing) - I'm Marnie.

- I'll give you some Marnie. Tell us about what's going, how's the apartment? - It's a very clean, it's still super clean. - Okay. - It's good.

I might have to move soon, which is so disappointing. - What, what happened? - Everybody's just going their separate ways

“and I'm kind of, I think it's about day.”

- The end of an era. - We'll remember all the Brooklyn. - We had to get there. - Yes, so yeah.

She told you how it was.

“Introduce you to the downstairs neighbors.”

- Yeah, that was it, that was it, really. - Okay. - No, but yeah, so I might have to move. Don't really want to, we'll see. But the biggest update is that I'm in a relationship.

Wow, bring that relationship back. - There we go. - Tell us everything, how did you meet? When did you meet, did you take our advice? Is that what?

- So I am back together with an X. - Okay. - Okay, ring the X bell, bring it there, oh yeah. - Okay, well no, listen, I am too. - Uh-huh.

- Okay. - I am as well. - Okay. - I feel very left out, I want to be back together. - Come on, come on.

- Come on, come on. - Let's go. - Hey, I got two kids now. Come on, come on, come on, come on. - And a lot of bag, I got a lot of baggage.

- Yeah, so what happened was the XO one that you were, that was who you were dating on tour? - So yeah, so this is the one that I met when I was in Toronto, so this is Toronto, man. We can call him.

- Okay, the DM. - The TM, trademark. - There it is. - And so yeah, we had broken up in February of last year and we had been doing long distance before that.

And what happened is he reached out to me one day, randomly when I was on my way to French class 'cause I was trying to stay educated and stuff. - Look at you. - And I was like, I was like, stopped in my tracks,

so I was like, you know, like, 'cause I wanted to hear from him and like, really- - He was like, "Suck the bread!" - Literally, exactly, we, we anyways, and so I was, he was like, "Hey, we haven't chatted in a while.

Do you wanna have a chat tonight?" And I was like, "I'd love that actually." And then we talked on the phone for like four hours. - Yeah. - Four hours. - So we caught up.

- We caught up. And remind me why you broke up.

“- We broke up because of the distance honestly”

and also I was sort of at a time in my life where I was like, I hadn't moved yet out of my parents' house. I had this great job here and I was just sort of like, in this really weird transitional phase and I wasn't sure how I was feeling about like

starting and stopping my life every time I would visit him or go there, he came here. So I was just, it just like, didn't feel like the right time. - I think that's a mature reason to end something. Hey, I have this new life I'm moving towards.

- Yeah, yeah. - New apartment and also I'm not looking to, you know, - Settle down at what it was probably 23th time. - Yeah, yeah. - 25, 24. - So, okay, so you moved in the new place.

- Yeah. - You got there, did you meet the downstairs neighbors? (laughs) - We have, we have interacted a few times.

We never ended up having that party.

- No, no, we could not get our act together guys. Listen, you had a great space. - The backyard is so overgrown with weeds. We had talked to the boys about it. We were like, hey, like, when are we gonna fix this?

They were like, yeah, sure, like, it can all go back here and like, do a weed-backer and I'm like, yeah. - And I was like, I was like, first of all, weed, that sounds like a boy job. Sorry, like, I'm sorry.

I'm not going back there with a weed-backer. Are you crazy? - Excuse me, Genzy. - Yeah. - Holy shit, okay. - Boy jobs. - It hurts. - Okay. (laughs)

- More importantly, it's in their apartment. - Exactly. - Right, right. - Right, right. - And then we're gonna clean all of our bedrooms. - I'm more, I'm more laughing at the idea

of these 25-year-old men going and doing some light gardening on a place they're renting.

- Well, they're never gonna have them.

- They wanna have some girls over. - Though they're, in their mind, they're like, we'll find the girls out there without the, - Right. - We'll find the hos without the hos. - No. - So, we wanna hear about the relationship.

- Yes, anyways. - Just it's long distance. - Yes, so we have this four-hour call,

“and what's the first move after the four-hour call?”

Like, how do we start this up? - So basically, we were just like, we miss one another, we're trying to date around. It's not the same and why are we like torturing ourselves if we just wanna be with one another?

- And I was like, okay, but how are things gonna be different this time? Like, I feel like last time will bogged us down was always feeling like, well, who's gonna move? And when are we gonna do it?

And did it, you know, all these things that were so early in our relationship, I just don't know if we need to focus on that. And so it's just like, what can be different this time? Can we like not focus on that as much? Can we just like enjoy going back and forth

and spending time with each other? And is that better than not being together? And we both agree that, like, we'd rather do that and not be together. - I love that.

- That's nice. I mean, he's working in Toronto. - Yeah. - And you're working here, obviously. So like, listen, jobs, we're working, we have friends.

- And I always say, you can get back together with an X.

If the thing, if you actually look at the thing that broke you up, and you change it. 'Cause it's nice people just get back together because they're like a little lonely and they kind of just do the same thing.

what wasn't working then and you fix it, it works. - So the change, I guess, for this relationship, would be we're not gonna think about who's moving. - Yeah, essentially. And we're also just not gonna put that pressure on ourselves

because I feel like right now we're gonna space where we're focusing on our careers.

And I always say this to people,

but I do truly believe it.

“Like, I think that this is almost the perfect scenario for me”

because I am so career focused and like self-focused that it's nice to not sometimes have him here 'cause I feel like if he was, that would be like my whole focus, and almost having this separation, let's us focus on developing our young careers.

But at the end of the day, we still know like we have each other and I don't know if you feel safe. - Yeah, relationships so you can like go and explore and try new things. - I guess everything's pros and cons.

I'm not to bring up a cons, but the pro is-- - Perfect, we prove it. - I'm sorry, it's perfect. - Nothing's gonna go wrong, you're gonna be together forever. The pro is that while you're here working in your career,

you don't have to keep them in mind. They're not your responsibility. You know, there's no like, oh, there's a work dinner tonight and you're gonna be like, but what about Brandon?

You know, like there's none of that.

- Yeah. - But the con is that you're getting together for weekends and it's a little bit of a la la land. It's a little bit of a vacation every time you get together. And that's something that you can keep in mind

and go, okay, this isn't totally real. We get together because we're having this fun time that's a 36 hour episode of our lives that we're not really seeing what it's like to wake up in the morning and have to go,

well, I need the bathroom now because I have to be in to work. - Yeah, you'll get to that. - And honestly, I cry every single time we say goodbye. Like it's so sad and I'm like,

why are we putting ourselves through this? And then I'm reminded like, okay, well, the alternative is not being together and like that sucked. - Right, right.

- And did you see your, you up for more? - He did. - What did you think?

- So it actually came out

when we were still talking about maybe getting together and so we watched it together. And I was like, oh, maybe we'll just skip through this part and he's like, no, let it play. I want to see it.

He thought it was funny. And now we kind of have a running bit. Anytime he comes to my apartment, he'll like stand in front of the downstairs. - David Dorne, be like, yeah, she's my girlfriend

by the way, not yours. - I love it. - I love it. - So it's kind of funny. - That's great.

- That's awesome. - So you came on to give us the update. We got it. The tips and tricks that Jordan and I gave you Jordan and I gave to you worked obviously.

But you had a question for us. - My question is, how do you manage the outside noise when it comes to long distance relationships? Because a lot of people will be like, well, when is you gonna close the distance?

Are you moving to Toronto? Like, I just find that that is all just this noise that is really hard to deal with sometimes. So I'm wondering if you have any advice on like how to deal with that.

“- I think you need to have like a can dancer”

that you are happy with and like that you can say to anyone who asks. And for you, I would say something along the lines of what we're doing now was really working out really well for us when it doesn't, we'll figure that out.

- Right, it's funny that you're getting those questions. - Yeah. - 'Cause I'm like, who's this annoying friend that is being the worst? - She's like, it's my mom.

- Right, it's a little bit of everything. - Like who are these people that are asking you? - It's a little bit of everything. - I would say sometimes it helps me to rationalize why someone would ask me that question.

And I would say everyone notices nobody cares. So everyone notices that you and your boyfriend are distance and notices that, hey, that's pretty difficult. And notices that one will have to make a move and one will have to, you know, sacrifice or maybe not

or whatever it is, everyone's noticing that. But no one cares. You know, like I think they're just care if they're a friend of yours family that they're happy. So they care about that.

But I'm not saying no one cares about you generally. But when people ask those questions is because they're trying to fill the air. - Interesting. - Like I think that is just to me

that's a more personalized version of the weather and the sports teams and the local news. Like when someone says to you, so when are you guys gonna move in together? That is them getting to the next topic

and filling what would have been silence. - Right. And because she doesn't want to really talk about that because she's fine with it and she doesn't want to like get into that.

I think they're having that response. Usually tells people, I'd like to move on to the next topic.

“- Right, the can when that's why it's a great piece of advice.”

Like, yep, we're having fun. We're not really worried about that right now. We'll get to that bridge when we cross it. Like once you have that answer, now you've dealt with their insecurities about silence

and maybe you can move on to fun subjects like that person across the room who's wearing that ugly gene.

“You know, so like that's where the fun of friendship”

comes in, trashing someone else. - Totally. - But to get there, I think 'cause anytime someone asks me a question like that, like, so whether you do gonna do this next thing,

I'm always like, they don't give a fuck.

- Right. - I'm gonna like move and then call that random woman I saw the party. - It happened. Right.

- Yeah, it happened. - Right. So I think it's like, sometimes that helps me to know that that to me, if I was like watching the conversation,

I'd be like Veronica, they don't give a shit. Just answer and move on. You know, like I, so I hope that helps. - It definitely did. I feel like I can move forward

and for the next six months or so with that. And then we'll maybe touch basic and in the fall, maybe. - Yeah, give us an update. - We want maybe updates, we're about to hide. - We don't really care, but we would like an update.

- Right, we would have told her. - We just said, yeah.

“- Right, we got to fill the space of this podcast.”

(laughing) - Just kidding. - We do care. We're at different than you're annoying friends. We have a dating and relationship.

- Yes, no, this is super helpful. And I like being able to come here and talk about it 'cause it's a good space to do so. - And we love having you on. So thanks again to HBO Max for sponsoring this segment.

Euphoria is back for season three. Five years later, the characters you know are navigating power, faith, and ambition in the real world. It's bold, visceral, and genuinely unlike anything else on TV right now.

Don't miss the third season of Euphoria

starring two time Emmy winners and daya, premiering April 12th on HBO and HBO Max with new episodes every Sunday. Now, back to us at home in our comfy cozys. (upbeat music)

- Okay, welcome back to us at home and together virtually, let's do a Petty of Prudent. You're ready, Jordana? - Jay and Jay love the pod writing and with a Petty of Prudent from a few years back.

My boyfriend and I had broken up right before my family vacation. Beware of vacations, they wrote. - Yep. - 'Cause they know what you say. - That's right, walking red flag has more warnings like that

on the pre-order now. - I cannot wait to read it. When I returned, I noticed all of his workout equipment that he set up in my backyard was gone. I lived in a walk up at the time so to access the backyard,

you had to unlock the front door

and walk through the hallways of the building.

I had a lock box that he knew the code to outside of the front door so he obviously used that since he didn't have to key himself. What was off putting to me is he didn't even shoot me a text that he would be going to pick up his things.

He just took it upon himself to use the lock box and enter my apartment. I understand wanting to get his stuff without having to see me. We didn't end on the best of terms,

but at the time it annoyed me that he entered my apartment without letting me know. All he had to do was shoot me a text. So what do you think? Pettier prudent in your ex enters your apartment

to get his stuff back without letting you know? - I like this pettier prudent because it's actually pretty layered. I don't know what you think, but when I was reading this. - And realistic.

- It's very realistic. Hey, we broke up. I got some stuff at your house. I know where you keep the key. I'm gonna go get rid of that stuff.

And it does feel like there's a prudent sea to it. Is that even a word? The act of getting my stuff out of there while you're gone, prudent. - Yes.

- But I don't think anyone amongst us enjoys having someone be in your home and finding out later that they were rummaging around your home. I would feel uncomfortable. How do you feel about that?

Like, no text? - Right.

“I think there's a few specifics in this incident,”

which make it a little bit more nuanced. Like, the fact that it's outside. He really just had to walk through to get outside. If he's taking shit from her drawers, yeah, that's a little bit more messed up.

I think the fact that it was all outside and sort of not like her personal belongings, I think that's important to make it a little bit less petty than otherwise. And a little less weird, but I think she did,

did she write, he has to walk through the house. - The hallway. - Is it the hallway of, is she that she lives in a walk-up, right? - To access the backyard, you had to unlock the front door, walk through the hallways of the building,

of the building, not the apartment, though. - That's to me, that's different. - Right, I think you're right. Because to me, there's the layered part of this is that he, 'cause she says they ended on bad terms.

We didn't end on the best of terms. And so honestly, he didn't even respect her emotional state enough to be okay with his prudent decision. - Right, that's all about yelling at him.

- Right, he was like, 'cause I'm trying to put myself inside the mind of a murder. When he did this, he's like,

because any form of communication

turns into a bad day for me. So let me go get my stuff, which I have to get anyways. I know she's gone. And also, I'm not gonna poke at the beast.

Which I think that's prudent for him, but also he finds her so petty that it's almost petty of him to avoid her. Do you know what I mean? - Right, well, that's one of those situations

where it's like, what's your poison? So I wanna be like annoyed that I'm asking her to go get my stuff, where do I want her to be annoyed that I didn't text her to go ask me to get my stuff?

- Right. - So I think in his mind, she's gonna be annoyed either way and in one way he doesn't have to deal with her.

“I think another thing that's important in this context too”

is like, during their relationship, did he often take the key and go in how soon after the breakup was it? I think if it was like three months after the breakup, that's a little weird if it was like within a week.

I think that's less weird.

Like I've gone in this thing a million times

I'm going in one last time to get my stuff. - Well, I mean, you bring up the best point. Time does matter. Three months later, it's petty. It's like you've already gotten used to the living space

with the workout stuff involved in it. Even if you don't use the workout stuff, you have changed how you walk through the house based on where it landed on the grounds. So like, yes.

Now you have to get used to this new way of walking through the house or the backyard because they decided it was time for them to just take their stuff under the cover of night. She does write that they broke up

before the family vacation and when she returned from the family vacation. So he did this as prudently as you could time was.

- Yeah, and to be honest, if it were me

and I were in his shoes and there was something outside of the guy I was dating's apartment and it ended badly. And she says it ended badly. I don't know how badly it ended.

I don't know what happened. And it was like within a week of the breakup,

“I think I might just go get it, especially if I didn't go”

into their apartment. I think if he went into the, even if he had to walk through the apartment to get to the outside, I would say, so I would more likely to say something.

Walking through the building, a communal building space, doesn't seem that invasive, but really the only invasive thing is that he used her key. - Right, no, you're right. 'Cause I just know that I would feel,

if I had broken up with someone then I went to their place knowing they were gone to go get my stuff, it would feel like I was doing a ocean to 11, you know, heist, like 'cause one of someone saw me there

and they thought I was being like, that's the other thing, like if she got a call from a friend being like, hey, I was at your place and I saw Ronald going through all your stuff in the back, I didn't you guys break up.

Like, there's risk of that. Yeah, so it is almost petty because you're willing to risk making her day even worse than it would have to be. - Right, I'm trying to think, like, what's she,

it's petty, but it's not,

“- Petty's just not the right word for this, I think.”

It's annoying. - It's like a little bit of, it's got a little bit cowardly almost, I would say. - Right, hey, send a tech, he could have sent a tech so it was like, hey, I know you're away.

You don't have to answer this. I'm gonna go get my stuff. I know where the key is, good luck with everything, you know, he could have sent a tech that didn't need a response to.

- Right, petty, I'm on team Petty 'cause of how weird I'd feel. If I were him, I'd feel weird, I would be, when you're sneaking, you're being petty. - Okay, well, so in your scenario,

you break up with your girlfriend. She left her, I don't know what, she left her water wings in your, in your cabana. - She lost, she walked in, and a part you break up, turns me into this monster.

- She left her pool floats in your, she went, okay, she left her swimcap there. - Okay, she goes to laps every morning and she lets us swim. - You go on the road, you go on the road and then you come back

and the swimcap and water wings are gone. - And then I, - Yeah, you annoyed, she didn't text you. - I come outside of the pool, my neighbors are like, what's wrong, and I'm like, my girlfriend took her water wings, I,

I just don't know what to do, and they're like, well, how old was she? You know what this, (laughs) - You took it there, not me. - Right, I, damn it, Jordan and I move.

I'd be relieved.

“- That's what I'm saying, I think, like, depending.”

- Right, so it is prudent.

- I think it's a tough one. Let us know in the comments what you think it is. - If you're dumped, it's different than if you have dumped. - Yes. - Like if I ended it with my girlfriend, and then she came and got rid of the stuff quietly,

thank you, what, maybe I should data again, she seems so awesome, you know? - Right. (laughs) - It's the same, the context matters. - If she died the way the happened.

- Right, and she avoided a way that I could, 'cause I actually think this is now, now I've switched, it's petty of the emailer. She's mad that she lost an opportunity to be annoying to her acts.

- Yeah, 'cause that's why she texts her, right? - So, she's petty. - Yeah, I, that's something I think it, right? - Right, if all my, if all my girlfriends pull toys were taken from my pool, Kavanaugh.

- She didn't go into your apartment. - She didn't go into my apartment, right? - That's different. - Right, for those at home, I don't know, yes, I have a pool, Kavanaugh here, Dauray,

where hypothetically, she could let herself in. - Yeah, yeah, yeah.

“- We dealt Ray, I think this is the whole scenario.”

- I thought of it 'cause you said your mom, like we'll do that, right, like we'll go in. - My mom, so she knows that there's a key, and we'll go in, I mean, to my apartment, and she's done this in the past,

but not to the point where I've ever been annoyed by it. I don't know, I kinda have this like, I don't have that, do you have that with your living space? Like if someone like messes with your living space, what would it know you?

- I do, that would annoy me, because I think it strikes a chord more with me because I had so many sisters growing up

that we were always in television.

- Okay. - And it was very much like, that's my fucking top. - Right, you didn't even ask, and it'd be like, you're wearing it right now, and it's like you had to go through,

and sometimes my sisters would be like, it's not my fault, like it was just like, in my laundry, someone put it back in my room. Like the housekeeper did the laundry, and she put it back in my room, and I'd be like,

well, you knew, like, right, I wish I was there, I would've been like, I would love to be yours. - Right, I would love to be the referee for eight children living together. Like I would love that job.

- I was the fight, just the first. - No, not in the same way, no. - I'm praying every day, I don't have girls. Okay, so let's do another, I will lose you in Charlie. They're gonna be sharing clothes.

I know, though, I'm very aware of that. I'm trying to mitigate, I'm trying to make them good shares, and be a good mediator. - See, it's funny, there's this brand of dude that finds out that like a guy has girls,

and they're like, whoa, that sucks, man. You're gonna have to meet her boyfriend. That doesn't even cross my mind. I think that dude is an idiot. - Well, that guy's showing

what a douchebag boyfriend he was.

“- Right, that's why he's saying you're exactly right.”

- She's gonna have to meet someone like me. - Right, right. - So I, like when a guy has three girls, people react like in the most unhealthy way, but I would be more like, oh my god,

the mental warfare that would go on in the house that I was beneath would really stress me up. Like, Mike has no chance. - He doesn't know, he doesn't know, 'cause he didn't have any sisters, so he--

- Right, yes, no, I don't tell him. - Like, the argument about a shirt has nothing to do with the shirt, like, oh Mike, dude. It's crazy. - Yeah, I'll have him right in.

- I don't know how much of a douche that makes me, but maybe that's because I've done petty or prudents for eight years here on the show. - All right, let's do an email. - Dear J and J, long time listener,

lover of all things, batches, thanks for all that you do. I'd love your advice on something that's bothered me since my husband, 38 male and I, 34 female, got married six and a half years ago.

He almost never wears his wedding ring.

I'm confident it's not about cheating or wanting to see him single. He works from home and says he's just never worn jewelry, so the ring feels uncomfortable. To me, our rings are really meaningful.

They're a symbol of our love and commitment, not just to others, but to ourselves. It makes me sad that he doesn't wear one. Before we got married, I told him how much they meant to me, and he suggested we get wedding ring tattoos instead,

which I loved. But six years in, we still haven't done it. I bring it up occasionally and he brushes it off. I don't think it's happening. I'd never pressure.

It's not happening. I bring it up occasionally, but he brushes it off.

No, yeah, I think we can assure you.

“I'd never pressure him to do something with his body,”

but since it was his idea, it feels like a let down. And I can't quite let it go. It's not constant, but it comes up enough that I wish things were different. So what do you think?

How can I respect his wishes? Well, also honoring my feelings about having a shared symbol of our marriage. Am I putting too much weight on the ring? Is he an outlier or do others feel this way too?

Many thanks. And I thought I'd put a ring on a batch. What do you think, Jordan? I'm trying to put myself in her position. Does Mike wear his wedding ring?

Does Mike wear his ring? He does. He doesn't take, he just, he hasn't really take it off, because he loves me more than this person's husband. No, of course.

Just, I'm just saying. This unlovable woman can't really relate to you. No, I mean, I don't really think about it that much

because he always wears it, but I do think

if he didn't want to wear it.

“I think it would annoy me if he didn't want to wear it.”

Or it would seem weird if he never wore it. Not even, okay, I could see him not wanting to wear it around the house, but like when he goes out, I'd want him to wear it. I think I kind of agree if it's kind of like,

it's almost less about the ring and more like, I'm proud of this situation that we're in and I like want to show off the situation that we're in and you kind of, it feels like you want to hide it. And then he said the tattoo thing sort of as an empty gesture

to see like, oh, it's just about the discomfort, but I find the fact that he's kind of brushing that off also a little annoying. Right, it's kind of a lesson for life. Like, if he had said, I just don't like wearing jewelry.

I think it might be better. The fact that he writes, he almost never wears his wedding ring. It's not, he's splitting. What on the wedding day? Right, I don't know when he did he wear it

only on the wedding day. I don't know, I don't know what version he's doing,

but like, it's not like she said he never wear,

he doesn't wear a ring that has no plans to. You know, I like when we do an email that I can relate to in a different way than maybe the, the listenership would think, I am the son of a, of a, of a father who doesn't, who's never wore a wedding ring.

Ever, ever, never wore a one, I don't know, I didn't even ask, these are, again, this is like an all-boys family thing where we don't ask any questions of our parents that are in any way romantic or touching, like, I've learned from like Harry,

my brother that like, my brother's wife, Ruthie, will ask my parents question that I'm like, why would you ask that? What? Like, I, so funny, I had the same situation with my experience.

Didn't you, right? The first time I met them, they were like, wow, she's really giving us an interview. Like no one's ever asked us where we met.

Right, I would never, I would never,

like, who is this nosy bitch? Right. So true, I mean, Emily was asking me questions about my parents, I was like, it was like, I barely even knew them. I was like, I don't know, you know, I don't know why.

I kid you not a long running true joke that I have with Mike is that he doesn't know, his grandparents are dead, but he doesn't know their first names. One, or 10, what's their faces? Just their Nana and Papa.

Yeah, they're just brand. I mean, they died when he was like younger, but it was, I was just, I'm just like, are you a, is this a paid family? Like, how do you, no one knows anything about each other?

Sorry, go on. But this is where, like, I've never really asked my parents how they felt about not wearing a wetting ring. Like, I, maybe in passing, does your mom wear one? I think she wears every ring she can, you know?

Like, I think she's, you know, she's like, I need an eight and a half year ring. You know, like I would have, you know, whatever version of like you get a diamond for stupid, you know, like, you know, stupid milestones, whatever anniversary?

Right.

“So, but I don't know, she's net, but here's the thing.”

It's like, one of those things that like, because it was never brought up, it was never like, if it never felt like my dad was like outrunning the law from wearing his ring, do you know what I mean? Like, because it didn't exist as an option,

it never felt like he was turning down an option. And, well, your parents were married a lot before you were born. So, like, maybe they had that discussion. Maybe it did annoy her at first, and then, whatever explanation he gave was sufficient,

or maybe it never, maybe she never even cared. Should I call my mom right now on air and see if she has an explanation? She'll pick up and half a ring. Let's see. You know, for our unspeakers?

Hi. Hi, you're on the podcast, okay, mom? Hi, I am. Yeah, for Tuesday. Hi.

I just have a, I have a personal question. Jordanna says hello. Jordanna, Jordanna, hi, honey.

You're a mama? It feels great. I love getting, getting your message. She doesn't like being called a mama. She's not, she's answering mama.

Okay, mother. Mother. Mother. Mother. Uh, wait.

Yes, I'm on the podcast. You want to meet my girlfriends, too? They're out here. All your girlfriends are there. Well, no, this is not the time for us to have be passed around.

Okay. We have a listener who's husband does a wear a wedding ring.

“Did you feel any, did you ever talk to dad about not wearing a wedding ring?”

Yes, I wanted him to, and he never wanted to wear a wedding ring.

And what did you say? That wasn't a fight? What did I say? I didn't really make a stink about it, because it really wasn't that important because he doesn't wear a watch.

And when he wears a watch, he's so awkward that it twists his wrists all the time that that was enough. I just said, you know, leave it a lot. Obviously, he's not comfortable. So why do I do it?

What the big fights? That's easy. Okay, so if you fight the big fights, that one was easy. Why make a stink? That wasn't going to go anywhere.

Is it weird that we ever asked you about this? No. It was never a thing. Then either like to wear a wedding band or they don't. Did you ever give a reason?

He just doesn't like to wear jewelry. He doesn't like to wear jewelry. Yeah. All right. So that was it.

That was the question.

“Now go around the table and ask each of the women”

what if there were husbands wear a wedding ring. Okay, guys, your arms keep jerks podcast right now. One, two, one. Okay, it's, you're on, you're going to be on radio. You're going to be on radio.

You're on a baby and finally.

Hi, everyone. Now I'm tired. Does any of your husbands not wear a wedding ring? My wife is a wedding ring. I don't wear a sit for, yes, they all wear it.

They all, I will accept my dad. He's the only weirdo. Oh, he's not weird. Oh, the book's coming. It's coming, okay?

I'll bring a few copies. I'm hungry, I'm thirsty, but I'm just sitting by the mailbox waiting. Okay, I'll get it to you. We'll, we'll make, we'll get you fed. Don't worry.

Okay. Okay. Any other questions? That's it. Have fun.

Goodbye. Oh, my God. That was amazing. Is that good? Did the make it on air?

Can we hear them? I could hear it all. Okay. I can hear it all. That was great.

Okay. That's where it was. It was a thing. Okay. So it was a thing.

And sounds like she just let it go.

I wonder how long it took her to let it go. Yeah. I have no more to run over this. But I have no memory of that fight. So it was before I had a, had a thought in my brain.

But I'm sure it was right when they got married because that's when you would either start wearing it or not. True. Not where it so it probably was before your time or before your memory. Right.

That's interesting. Like I also, I like the fact that she said he doesn't wear a watch, I think adds to his case. That was important for me. It was important for me.

It was important factor for her. It would be important to me too. Right. Well, and also that's a version of my mom rationalizing it for herself. Like I, you know, to be totally honest, like she's going, my mom, you could

steal, you could hear like there has to be some version of like, I don't need this to

“feel loved that you have to work out on your own, which my parents have been together,”

you know, over 40 years. So like I, I think like it can work, you know, but also, yeah, I'm in total saying it's on a deal breaker, but is this, I could see that almost as the, as the equivalent, as the whatever year they got, like the 80s equivalent of, I'm not on his grid. He just does like social, if he has other pictures up, that's more offensive.

The fact that he doesn't wear a watch to me is he doesn't post. That's a good point. And, and I think like this guy bringing up, well, do a tattoo or I'll do this or I'll do that. Like, that's almost her him.

Like, hey, I don't feel comfortable is like the, is the answer that it's like, it's, it's singular because now, it's not that he doesn't feel comfortable. It's, oh, there's these other ways, because even in her email, she says, I don't like the idea that she says he works from home, so I'm not worried about cheating. And it's like, well, does he ever leave?

Right. He doesn't get out much. So how could he ever mean another woman? Like, that's not a real good reason to feel okay about this. So like, I would question a little bit of like, is it in security that he's not bragging

about your love or is it in security that like, you don't feel people are warded off

Right. Yeah.

“And I think, to factor into how much this would irritate me would be does he show off our relationship”

in other ways? Right. Does he post you? Does he, you know, take you to a work event or other events or you like, does he seem shady in another way?

Right. I think I could get over it. And I know if you think the watch thing is stupid, but I actually do. No, I don't.

Because like, you're dead now, how old you're dead now, 60s or 70s, never worn a watch.

It's clearly like, there's some truth to the, to the jewelry thing. Totally. And I wear a watch now, but I've never worn a ring. Like, I don't, would you wear a ring? I don't know.

I honestly, like, my brother wears a ring. And I was kind of surprised. He did. Like, that's how much I have no relation to a man wearing a ring is that the completely normal thing is to wear a ring.

And then my brother did. And I was like, what? Oh, really? Like, I couldn't believe it. Lusher.

Right. So lit. Exactly. Yeah. I, so it's interesting, I don't know if I would.

I would give it a shot, but I mean, that, this email is making me not want to do that. What if I give it a shot, don't like it. And then I'm like trying to get rid of it as a, you better be fiddling with that thing all fucking day, just complaining about how it's just my whole. I would need to be the one to suggest you not wear it.

I need to see. You better like fake some rash, something, I would need to be the, like, right. It's just, it's strangling me. You know, I, I, I think for the, I think she, I, she says, how do I respect as which is wall also honoring my feelings?

Maybe there's another way for him to show love or, but I think if he's wearing it 50 50, I would understand her insecurity.

“Like, I think it's either all out or all in with what, what, what, right?”

Yeah.

Just never take it off or never put it on.

Right. Because then when you put it on and take it off, it's like, what makes an occasion, ring occasion, not a ring occasion, you know, that's where it gets a little weird. That's true. All right.

Well, good luck. Good luck with your failed marriage. Let's do, let's play some, no, you guys are great. Let's play some games, right? Flag or deal breaker.

We, we, it's been a while, Jordana, since we've, you know, we did a last week, but we didn't really get through the full red flag deal breaker experience. Are you ready? Yeah. Let's get into it.

Go for it. And Jay, thank you all for the work that goes into making my favorite podcast. I'll dive right in. We do it. It's hard work, but someone's got to do it.

Indeed. Indeed. Okay. I'm 33 female and started dating my boyfriend 32 a few months ago. We met on hinge, but actually, if two sets of mutual friends, big fail on our friends

part, not set us up, LOL, our relationship is going super well. What do you take that as a more, like, if your friends didn't set you up, wouldn't that be more by you than the friends? Don't you have, like, a look in the mirror moment, like, hey, we were just too single. We were the only single people.

They weren't like, oh, oh, you two, instead they were like, oh, we don't want to deal with them. I don't know. Maybe. Is that what you would think?

I guess so. I was just sitting at the same table. I don't know. I'm making it. Or it's not full.

They didn't think you'd be the match. And maybe they're right. Let's find out. Yeah, let's find out. We just mentioned it's the healthiest relationship I've ever been in.

I care about him very much, but there's been one thing that we haven't worked through yet. He doesn't go down on me, and that's something that I really enjoy receiving. Earlier on, when I first tried to go down on him, he halted that. When I asked him why, he said, I'm just not that into it, and I prefer the other things we do.

Well, this guy's a crazy person. End it right now. He's not taking or giving or taking. Or taking? It's not an oral guy.

Not an oral guy. This is the first relationship I've been in where I have, I have more relationship. And sexual experience than my partner. And that's been a bit of an adjustment. I'm thinking that he might feel uncomfortable with oral because he simply doesn't have

much experience with it. This is also a man who does not watch porn. We are on the same page about how the sex we're having is very good, but I really wish

“he'd take the leap and try because that's how I, and most likely to owe.”

How should I handle this?

I don't want to always feel like I need to pull out my vibrator when I get back from

his place. And not so vanilla batch. I think sometimes with these emails, it's more sometimes they write it and like our job is to tell them that they're lying to themselves for like at least a minute. Yeah, she needs to stop saying that we are on the same page about how the sex we're

having is very good. Like it's not very good. You're unhappy. You wrote into a podcast to ask two random people how to get your boyfriend to go down on you so that you don't have to pull out a wand to make yourself have an orgasm

There's a problem here. You can, it can work out, but lying to yourself. Don't you think Jordan, like the, yeah, that's part of her problem, like is that she's not being honest with herself? Right.

Well, she doesn't want to throw away. It seems like a good relationship. Is the healthiest relationship I've ever been in? No.

“Just like women's brains think of like, what am I going to throw away at God?”

And it's like financially stable and nice, it wants to commit to me for a little old

thing like never having an orgasm again, I mean, honestly, oh, that's cool thing.

No, I'm just saying like, I think like the man wouldn't have that thought, but I think many women would know I got to be coming. I got to be coming. I got to be, I got to be, I got to be. I.

And so in a shit, she's just what she's saying. She's right. So someone might be like, I could see they're being like, like, many women who were like, that's just not that important to me. I have everything else I need from him, I can let that one go.

I don't think men could do that or not as many men, but I do think that's like a realistic thing. Some people take into consideration. It sounds like it is important her. She's writing into us.

Yeah. No, that's that's fair.

I would say, yeah, what she should do is get the whole friend group that knows them

both together and play, hey, everyone, raise your hands. If you love going down on your partner and then everyone puts their hands to the sky and he's just sitting there, sipping on his diet coke. Yeah. I don't know.

Willing to, I could see maybe he's nervous. He won't do it right. Yeah, there's a little bad taking and not getting. I do think there's like conversations to be had, but if he's just kind of like shutting it down, I think she needs to open the conversation and like a non-judgmental, like, this

“is something that's, like sex life is very important to me.”

This is something that like means a lot to me. I would love it if you would at least try. Right. Honestly, she'd, she'd probably be turned on by the, I just him trying doing something

that he's never really done before or for her, like, that could be a version of a turn on.

Yeah. I do think saying, I just, the hardest thing in the world is having this conversation while also like, propping up your partner, like you, you, because you're saying there's a problem here that we need to talk about and also you might not be good at this thing and I have to now lead you through it.

It's just like, I don't know, I think ever, would you want to be with a partner who is like less experienced than you that you had to like show the way? I think if they were like, open-minded about it, like, I could see them being hesitant. I think a lot of people's fears about that stuff, especially sexual stuff is like, I've never done it before.

I don't want to do it wrong or I've never, you know, there's like, I think there's a lot of feel of like a failure in it and that's probably why he doesn't want to, I think he doesn't want to get the receivoral sex because he's like, I would feel weird like taking this and not giving it and like, I just, he's probably just very uncomfortable with it.

“So I think if he's like shutting it down and it's like, I'm not doing that.”

I don't want that no discussion. I think that's one thing, if he's like, if she's making him feel very comfortable with the idea that she could walk him through it is he opened to trying something new and he's like receptive, I think that's a different story. Right.

I guess, yeah, I want a partner who's sexually confident and open to notes. You know, like, that's kind of the dream. Right. I mean, he's doesn't sound that sexually competent. Right.

But like, you could build on that if he's not less experienced, like he could build on that. And I think it's almost like any other issue in a relationship. If I want a partner to like respond differently when I'm having a bad day or from, you know, in a bad mood, if I want them to respond differently, like it's more about are they

open to taking the feedback for how you would like them to respond than it is what they're initial, what they're doing initially. Right. No, I'm with you, especially if you're two people at the negotiating table, like that's like, if you think of a relationship as a negotiation table and you're both sitting at it,

that's half the bat, you know, so now we know where the friends and hooked them up, you know, the guy won't even eat an oyster. They were like, oh, he probably doesn't go down on chicks. And we know she loves that. She's mowing down a hot dog.

Yeah, how would you do this? How do you sit them down? I guess I'm like trying to think of like, to me, this would be a deal breaker won't go down me, but I'm with you. It could be a red flag if I was like, if they were like, hey, I just don't feel comfortable

doing that and would love to like talk it through with you, that would be more red flag

Yeah, that's my assessment, if it's like a straight shutdown of like, I don't, I'm not doing that. And clearly it's important to her again, then that would be a deal breaker. If it's a, here's why I don't do it, I have XYZ fear, or I don't like this XYZ part of it.

And then you can come to some sort of solution for it, I think it's just a red flag. I have a solution. You give him a card and you say on the front of the card, it's like, I'm going to give you two compliments and a request.

And then they flip it over and the first compliment is, I love how you make me feel

the second is a request that says, I would love for you to lick my pussy. And the third is a compliment, I love how you're good at taking direction, hopefully you do that while you lick my pussy. Okay. Do you think that's the one way to do it?

I'm trying to get my hands on the card. I'm trying to get my hands on the card. I want to help her. I just think like if he won't, if he couldn't laugh at that and have fun with that, I don't know how much, him not watching porn, I don't think is like as big of the deal as she

for her to even put that in there. But I guess it's just something about. He's not that sexual. Right. Right.

“Which again, like I think you have to, I think there's many people who would weigh this in”

the larger context of the relationship, decide how important it is to them.

And again, you can break up with anyone for any reason.

If he's very hesitant to even do it, is he going to be the best person you've ever encountered at it? Probably not. Right. Because that usually takes a certain level of enthusiasm.

If that's what you're looking for, it's not in this guy. If you're okay with someone trying to be the best. I get it. Yes. There you go.

I almost get too enthusiastic. I do the, the, the, you're now going to make your feel better. I know. Sorry. I'm sorry.

There are, there are some of us out there. No. It's a deal. Yeah. For me, deal breaker if he can't even engage in the conversation, as long as they can

“engage in the conversation, anyone, anyone, listen, honestly.”

There's no professional, you know, there's no person that's professional at a oral. Like I think everyone can get good at it for someone. If they're trying. Right.

Yeah. You really try. Oral is like playing good defense. It's like 99% hustle. You know.

And enthusiasm. Right. Totally. All right. Let's do a red, another one.

J and J. I'm 24. Currently dating a 26 year old who has this really weird belief that if you laugh when you're being tickled, it means you lack mental discipline or psychological control. This comes up when I playfully try to tickle him, and he just doesn't react at all.

No laughing. No nothing. When I asked how he's not ticklish anywhere, he tells me he's, quote, "decided not to be ticklish anymore." And can mentally disengage when someone tries.

And I try not to laugh to prove a point. He tells me maybe I just don't have that same level of mental physical control. I have no idea if this is medically true, but it feels very wrong to me. So red, fire, or deal break, or someone you're dating has strong, weird beliefs about tickling in self-control.

Thanks for all you do. I like a tickle flirt. Is it tickle flirt a thing? I don't have it, but I haven't been tickled in a bit. I know that there's such a thing as a tickle fart.

I haven't tickled anyone recently, nor been tickled. When you get tickled, it's just so giggly. It's so stupid, tickling someone is the dumbest form of silly child like thing, for someone

“to not want that in their system, I think, it's, I don't know, when I read this email,”

I was like, was this guy in the Manisfier documentary, like, what kind of cockamingy bullshit is this? Right. That you don't want to show, it's like when people say that their grandparents were like, their grandparents that were that told them that like, show it, smiling in a picture, made

them weak. Like, it just feels like, so I love it. Yeah, I don't know. Lusory. I agree.

It's, to me, it's kind of like, you're saying that you're the kind of person that doesn't like to, like, let go and letting go, and letting go makes you weak. Yes. That's what he said. And being in the moment, right, and it's like, and being like, fun, and, like, this

person doesn't strike me as particularly fun and flirty.

Oh, I would never want to hang out with this person ever, like you do one fun British

accent, and they're like, what was that? Like, and that would be their response to that, like, no, get out of here. Yeah, I've decided I'm no longer being ticklish. Like, how could you have a children with that person?

It's just, like, yelling at their kids at their weak tone.

Was that a giggle? We do not laugh in this house unless it's about a joke, where we only laugh when a joke is being told by someone who looks like an MMA fighter, you know, like, that's like, it's

“just like, it comes off so stupid, I don't know, that's why it feels very light.”

Fun. Well, it feels very like hustle, grit, culture, where you have to be all in on manhood. I don't know, it kind of goes that direction for me where I'm like, fuck this dude. I agree. I think it, it says some weird shit about how he views like the right way to be, which

is hyper-controlled and not fun, not, like, not playful, not loose. That's not something someone I would be particularly interested in. Right. But kind of, all I would do is try to tickle this guy. Like that would be my life's work would be sneaking up on him and tickling him and seeing,

and be like, see, gotcha, you little beard. If it's his address, Jared's gonna knock on his door when he answers, we're gonna hold him down.

Jared's gonna tickle him and then you will imagine, can you imagine if we found this guy

and I randomly tickled him and we got it on camera, and he was laughing. He was going on, he's like, laugh, and I'm like, yeah, you little bitch. That's right. We were sent here from the U.S. podcast to see if you really got it out of your system or not.

You know, like, if we like fuck with them, like, that's our show coming to Netflix. Right. Well, tickle your manosphere, loser boyfriend, comedian, Jared Fried was arrested today with allegedly tickling a man who was written into about on his podcast, you know? Are you allowed to tickle someone?

Stranger? Like, it's all like punching someone. I think that's an assault. I think you could be Jared or something.

“Yeah, that's why she should need to dump him.”

Yeah. All right. tickle the against your will. I mean, Jordan, if I went up to a woman and I just started tickling her, I think you. Yeah, I guess that would be illegal.

We have to figure out the laws on tickling. What do we do? I change my name to the tickle monster. That would be my like prison name. tickle monster.

I tickle monster. I tickle my girls. Do you? Do they laugh yet? Yeah.

They laugh. It's a baby laughing just the best feeling in the world. Yeah. That's like, wow. Is that number one?

The laughing. Yeah. The smile.

“The laughing and like the smiling when they see you.”

It's like really, like, nothing pale and nothing is as good as that. Even more. Even more. Even. Even.

Even. This face at this face of my life. If you would ask me, if you would ask me 10 years ago, maybe maybe not. At this face in my life, that's better. So maybe that's our advice to the oral woman.

Just have a baby and you won't need it anymore. You was your baby can smile at you and you'd be fine. Exactly. Let's do a more. Let's do one more.

All right. Hey, Jay and Jay. Love the pod. The toast. And I'm quickly working my way through all the new and old episodes.

We love a new listener. Welcome. I'm writing on behalf of my sister. We'll call her Ali. Ali, 28 year old female, has been dating her boyfriend.

We'll call him John 32 year old male. For six months, John owns a house and his younger sister, a 28 year old female, lives with him.

There, first potential red flag.

John bought the house a couple of years ago and his ex-girlfriend briefly lived there with him. He broke up his sister moved in and has lived with him for the last year or so. Ali thinks it's odd that her 32 year old boyfriend has his younger sister living with him. The sister has a boyfriend of about six months or self.

Ali says that she has been over to the house and that the sister will shower and walk around in her towel in front of her and John. John tells Ali that if she were to move in, he would ask his sister to move out. But otherwise, he would not ask her to move out on his own. The situation is all around weird to our whole family.

Firstly, the fact that this adult brother and sister pair are living together. And John is told Ali, he would prefer living with his sister than living alone. We would love to hear your thoughts on this, since you're really questioning my sister's sister. You know, they're a new listener, so I'm happy they're here because maybe they don't know

that sometimes we are eye, both of us, sometimes I haven't heard your opinion on this yet. We label the emailer as the red flag like to me, this family that's writing in, thank you for listening and for being a new listener, they're the deal breaker. Like if I owned a home where my brother lived with me and we were having a great time being adult roommates with the knowledge that this wasn't forever.

make and move in and my brother will move out, I would think that if someone took exception

to that, that they didn't really understand that the world is, the reality of living in this world is about trade-offs and finding your happiness, you know, in those trade-offs that you have to make. Listen, if we could all own our own mansion that was, you know, that was next door to our family members, we'd do it.

But we can't. Yeah. So this feels like a trade-off that was made in the most positive and wonderful ways.

“And my only issue with the email, the way she wrote it, the only thing I could find”

exception to questioning her sister's Mr. is the fact that he kind of said, like, when, you know, the way he said it was kind of annoying to me, like, it says that once that if she were to move in, he would ask the sister to move out.

Like, I would want him to like make that decision on his own not to be asked to move in and

then, okay, fine, I'll ask my sister to move out. You would hope that that would be his prerogative that he's so excited to move in with your sister that he says, hey, we have a plan for her to move out and I would love for you to move in. But that's me being a little bit picky.

I have a feeling she asked him, like, what if I moved in, would you ask her to move out? I have a feeling, I mean, like, yeah, I imagine he didn't just follow that, but if you volunteer, it's like, yeah, when you're ready to move in, I'll ask her to get her outside here.

That kind of the version would be douchey to me. Yeah, that would be weird. I agree.

But that's me being trying my best to take the email aside.

But without doing that, I'm saying the email is the deal breaker. Like, I agree. She seems kind of annoying. She seems like the situation works well, they're not sharing a one bedroom. Right.

I guess the towel thing, I don't know, like, it's not like she's, if she's walking right, if you, if you lived with a sister, if she was walking around naked in front of you, yeah, that would be weird. Sure enough, towel, I could see a guy, if you lived with his brother, brother walking around with a towel on, I don't think it's that weird.

“I think it's nice that he gets along with his sister.”

They seem close, this does seem like you're looking for a shit to be annoying about. Right. I, I, there's nothing weird about this. The, yeah, the sister's walking around in a towel in her own home, that maybe she, we don't know if she pays rent to him or not, but, you know, even so it's her own home.

I think she does. Yeah. So let's assume she does. Yes, she can walk around in a towel. That's, to me, I don't know, listen, like we're all trying to get through life

as comfortably and happily as possible. Right. To me, this is him opting for comfort, opting for happy end again. If someone said I have a roommate at 42, I would go, is there a reason for that? And they were like, well, it's the one time in my life.

I can live with a roommate and have some fun with my sister. I would go, okay, you've thought about it. You know, it's weird. You know, you have an answer for that. Right.

And this is a house. I could see where he's like, I, I'd rather have my sister live here, pay me rent than, like, live alone and also like, we get along really well. And she's a good roommate. She cleans the kitchen.

Let's say your family, let's say, let's reverse it. You find out that your boyfriend, your boyfriend's parents think it's weird that you own a home that you share with your brother, your brother. Yeah, that's, that's a red flag. I would be like, this family's unrealistic about how life works and I would hope that

they're very rich so that they can pay for the lifestyle that they see us having.

“You know, they have to be rich enough to solve this problem, right?”

Right. Right. They have to buy me and my brother, our own homes. Right. Well, we did it again.

We solved dating, Jordana. We did it. We'll be back on Friday. Bye. [BLANK_AUDIO]