Trade wars, what are they good for?

We've smuggled products in the North Korea.

“And now we make it to our seventh continent in Antarctica.”

That's right, big for me. Mr. Penguins, big for me. I have another sound of Antarctica. That's a reporter trying to interview a penguin. We'll explain on Planet Money Summer School.

Listen on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. From NPR and WPEZ Chicago, this is Wait Wait, don't tell me. The NPR news quiz. I'm the number one pick in your fantasy NPR dress. That was so sweet.

And here's your host at the Student Baker Theatre at the Fine Arts Building in Chicago, Illinois. Peter Seiko. Thank you. Thank you. Thank you, everybody.

Thank you, be back with you. Great to see you all. Thank you so much. But before we get started, we just want to pay tribute to the great Dolly Parton.

When we lost this week, all week. Yeah. You feel the same.

“And as I'm sure you've seen, all week people have been coming forward.”

With stories, we didn't know about her incredible generosity.

She gave to disaster relief. She started literacy campaigns. In fact, when you put on your winner coat for the first time in a month or so, and find $20 in the pocket, turns out she put that there. Later on, we're going to be talking to magician Karissa Hendricks better known as her

alter ego, Lucy Darling. But right now, it's your turn to call in and play our games. The number is 1 triple eight weight weight. That's 1 8 8 8 9 2 4 8 9 2 4. Let's welcome our first listener contestant.

Hi, you're my way. Don't tell me. Hello, Peter. My name is Francis. And I am from Charlottesville, Oregon.

Trout Dale, Oregon. Yeah. We have people who presume to know Charlottesville. I myself don't believe them. What are you doing?

Trout Dale. Right now, I help take care of people that need help.

Basically, as my manager describes it, I take a bunch of old men on bad dates.

Just to make sure they get out of the house. Oh, wow. So you like you pick up old men in there? Wait a minute. No, no.

All right. You pick them up in your car and you transport them. There's what I'm trying to say. Well, welcome to the show. Francis, let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First up, it's a comedian who's album Y'all of Joy is available on blonde medicine. It's Joel Nicole Johnson. Hello. Oh, no. Next, an actor and writer who could be seen in the acclaimed improv show.

Two square at UCB New York and September 23rd is Peter Gross. Hi. Hi, Peter. Hi, Peter. And her podcast is Handsome.

And you can see your performance Rochester, New York on August 29th and up in Calgary, Canada on August 30th. It's TIG Nataro. Hello, okay. Hello, it's Sarah. So Francis, welcome to the show.

You're going to play Who's Alzo this time? Alzo Slade is going to read you three quotations from this week's news. If you can correctly identify or explain two of them. You will win our prize. Any voice from the show.

You might choose for your voice smell. Are you ready to go? I am ready. All right. Here's your first quote.

It's Canadian politician Doug Ford, reacting to someone who put a 50% tariff on everything his country exports. He can kiss my ass. Who started a trade war with Canada this week? I believe it's Donald Trump.

Yes, Donald Trump, President Trump did that. And the U.S. launched massive tariffs against Canada last week. Canada fought back with massive tariffs of their own. It looks to be a prolonged fight. But it was a nice moment of diplomacy when Trump repeated all his dumb threats in French

for the Quebec community.

“Are you going to rally to the cause, guys, and get domestic maple syrup?”

If that's what it takes. You're only going to make any sacrifice. Absolutely. It might be a nice time for bootlegging again, though. I'm going to be nice to see that come back.

Right? That was really fun during prohibition. Yeah. No offense to people in Vermont or other places where there's maple syrup. But I'm just in it for the smuggling.

I don't really care what I'm talking about. You're going to get angry emails for sure. Yeah, definitely. No, I mean, we joke, but Americans are about to find out how much stuff is made in Canada when the price guy rockets.

Cars, dishwashers, toilet paper. What? And that's bad because without toilet paper, my backup plan was the dishwash. It's almost the NHL season two. They're like a hockey player.

It's not allowed to come down to the United States. It's not terrible. They're leaving the door. I don't know. I mean, it doesn't make any sense.

Because Trump first said the tariffs were about Canada's discriminatory trade practices

Now he says, it's about stopping Canada from getting a nuclear weapon.

“It's weird because I can't imagine maple syrup being any more expensive.”

Has anybody purchased fresh maple syrup? It costs as much as a car. It's true. What kind of car are you buying? She must expensive syrup and cheap cars.

Right in the middle. Now, Canada, as you heard, that was Doug Ford, the premier of Ontario. And as you heard, they're being rather defiant. So Trump got mad. And this week issued an executive order

to rename Lake Ontario Lake America. Oh, yeah. Wait a minute. No, guys. To be honest, to be fair, Lake America sounds like a great place to get

on your pontoon boat. Drink about 50 beers. It also sounds like place you go to die. Lake America. Yeah, because there's a lake with that lake, also in Georgia.

Everybody keep dying in Lake America. Lake America. It's Lake America. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah.

“Every year, a bunch of white people go to Lake Lidier.”

You never hear from them again.

And black people keep telling y'all to stop going to Lake Lidier. So I'm not going to Lake Lidier or Lake America. I mean, it was a little bit of a low blow and Canada decided to get back at us by calling that thing that poops all over your local park on America goose. All right.

Your next quote is a customer watching her Amazon package get delivered. Oh, my God. Oh, my God. Oh, no. She was watching as the package was dropped into a swimming pool by a watt.

I think I'm going to need a hint. Well, if it's dropped from a height, it has to be being delivered by something in the air. What would that be? Oh, a drone. A drone.

Yes, Amazon announced. Give it up for Francis. Amazon announced that it is expanding its drone aerial delivery service to 500 American cities. And America's new favorite pastime is watching videos of the drones completely screwing it up. They're dropping packages in pools and ponds in the middle of the street.

So far, nobody has been hurt.

But you can always order a bowling ball for your enemy and hope for the best.

Yeah.

“What about all the delivery people who are people who usually deliver the packages?”

They're going to do what? No. Just job wise. What are they going to do now? Imagine they'll probably the way these things work.

They'll follow the drones around and pick up the packages in the street. Cool. And the gutter. Well, you know somebody's going to jailbreak one of the drones in just like, you know, I got three drones. For sale.

They're going to be going to the barbershop. You want to draw? Is that a Amazon? No, no, no, no, no, no, no. No, no, no, no.

This is a damage on. You can fly a drone from Amazon? That would be funny if a drone brought a drone. That's what I was just thinking. Yeah.

Why not? And then while it's flying, it's like saying to the other drone. This is so weird. All right, Francis. Here is your last quote.

It's good for the planet. If I skip this habit. That was a commenter in the Washington Post. Talking about their opinion that what come in food might not actually be good for us. Oh, I mean, Earth.

I want to go for lettuce. Yes. It's lettuce. Yes. We've been talking about lettuce and why we shouldn't eat it apparently.

Even when it's not diseased, we shouldn't eat it. The Washington Post says it's time for us to stop eating lettuce because it's wasteful and actually has no nutritional value. Experts claim that most of the time lettuce is just a delivery method for dressing. That's obviously not true. Sometimes there's bacon.

And the nutritionist says the problem with lettuce is that it's mostly water. Meanwhile, Taylor Farms is like, yeah, water. That's the problem with lettuce. It's mostly water and the rest is poop. But a lot of things are mostly water.

Celeries mostly water. Right. Like a cucumber is mostly water. Humans are mostly water. And I eat humans all the time.

Yeah. Right. They're going to be another way that people can ingest ranch dressing. Just chuck it from the bottle.

I mean, the nutritionist is making this case as the solution is simple.

Just swap lettuce, which has no nutritional value. Four lentils. What? Lentils. The same thing.

Nobody wants a BLT where the L is a lentil. She's just doing this alphabetically. Pretty much lentils and lentils apparently are good for you. Yeah. They have a lot of fibers, so you'll still spend an hour in the toilet.

But for a good reason. Hi, protein.

Yeah. You like your lentils? I love my lentils. You're a vegan, right?

“I am, but I didn't want to announce it publicly.”

Yeah. I like to choose when I corner people and tell them all about it. Also, how did Francis do in our quiz? Perfect score. Three out of three.

Well done, Francis. Thank you. Thanks for calling, and thanks for that good work you do. Right now, a panel that is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Joel, when universal studios in Southern California built a new state-of-the-art roller coaster,

they promised all the people who live nearby that it was engineered to be nearly silent. And it is. But the neighbors say the park did not account for what specific noise. Yeah. People screaming?

Exactly right. The engineers. The engineers who built a new fast and furious coaster at Universal Studios eliminated the clatter of the wheels and the whining of the motor, but they forgot about the- Ah!

Of the customers. So now, every 30 seconds neighbor say the air is filled with people screaming in terror. With no context. With no roller coaster sound to make it make sense. Yeah.

And Universal Studios getting nowhere with the sign they put up saying, keep your hands inside the car and your emotions inside your body. They're going to need other solutions. Like gag the passengers or every car comes equipped with a stern librarian. [laughter]

Now all I hear is shushing. It's neighbor, it sucks.

The first one is screaming now, it's shushing.

Yeah! That's even worse. [laughter] Coming up, power corrupts. But power also needs a friend.

And our Blustle is in her game called "Lentry the Lake Way" to play. We'll be back in a minute with more "Way-Way Jones Army" from NPO. Fall is right around the corner. That means the midterms.

Hey, it's Miles Parks from the MPR Politics podcast. Now is the perfect time to calibrate your news diet for the fall. Follow our show for short daily episodes

“that will help you stay ahead of the most important midterm storylines that you need to follow.”

Find the MPR Politics podcast on the MPR app or wherever you get your podcasts. Billionaire Mark Cuban has stared into the belly of the beast of America's healthcare system. I mean, it's so bad you can go through a long list of really quality hospitals and they don't know their costs. So, can Medicare for all be a solution?

We take a hard look at the cost of the program along with US healthcare itself. Find this and hear more stories from the indicator from Planet Money on the NPR app. Hi, it's Terry Gross, host of Fresh Air. As we mourn the loss of the great Dolly Parton, it feels good to listen back to her reflecting on her life

and to hear some of her dollyisms.

I always say that it's a good thing I was a woman

because about a bit of man I would have been a drag queen just because I'm her damn gully. We've dropped the Dolly Fresh Air interview on the NPR app and wherever you listen to podcasts. From NPR, and WBEZ Chicago, this is Weight Weight Don't Tell Me,

the NPR News Quiz. I'm Alzo Slade. We're playing this week with Tegnitaro, Peter Gross, and Joya on the cold Johnson. And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theatre

in Chicago, Illinois. Peter, say go. Thank you, Alzo. Thank you so much right now. It's time for the Weight Weight Don't Tell Me

Bluff the listener game. I'm going to play our game in the air. Hi, you're on Weight Weight Don't Tell Me. Hi, this is Casey from Pittsburgh. Hey, I love Pittsburgh.

What do you do there? I work in the arts and my fast and I are trying to raise the floor. Okay. I recommend watering them twice a day.

We're trying. We did all this give birth to him at the Filly 2021 show that you guys did. Wow. When we were in Philadelphia.

Oh, yeah, that was one of the first shows we did

out of the pandemic. And you were there like very pregnant? Yeah. Yeah. And then I had to leave early and try to get back to the car,

which was like five miles away. Oh, my God. Great. Did you give birth on the way? I did not luckily.

Well, nice to have you with us, Casey. You're going to play our game.

“And would you have to tell truth from fiction?”

Alzo, what is Casey's topic? Everybody needs somebody. This week, someone in power revealed a secret relationship. But thankfully, this one makes you say, huh, rather than, ooh.

Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth and you'll win our prize. The voice of your choice on your voice, Meli.

Yeah. All right.

“First, let's hear from Joel Nicole Johnson.”

The town of Bantry and County Courke Island is beautifully benign.

It's a sleepy seaside village without enough gaze for grinder. The police don't even carry guns. Gasps in American. Consequently, the police superintendent Cornelius Crowley is bored. He walks the entirety of the tiny town daily in search of crime,

but it wasn't until his harring sandwich went missing one afternoon that he had a thief in his midst. When he identified the culprit as a local seagull, he became obsessed with investigating seagull crimes. One particular seagull has drawn the most of his eyeer, a sturdy lat.

His name is Carl. Cornelius claims Carl is a menace to society, but his family ain't sure. I'm pretty sure he loves that bird.

“Commented his wife who has listened to hours of Cornelius complaining about Carl.”

His co-workers claim that his relationship with Carl has given him a quote, "New lease on life." And a sparkle in his eye. One shop owner who watched Cornelius track Carl for an entire day commented, "It's just like Harrison Ford and Tommy Lee Jones in the future."

At a certain point, it's like, "Guys, I should kiss." Cornelius and Carl will continue to be Bantry's odd couple, which truly gives a new meaning to the phrase, "No harm, no foul." (laughter and applause) The superintendent of a small town in Ireland becomes obsessed with his Nemesis.

Carl, the seagull, your next story of a covert connection comes from Peter Gross. Famous Dutch boarding school, Rotterdam Preparatory Academy, who was rocked by scandal this week when the headmaster Yann Von Omen revealed that his trusted advisor Sophie is actually a chalkboard eraser. 20 years ago, Yann Von Omen was a math teacher.

He was working on a complex math problem on a massive chalkboard. Think a beautiful mind or someone trying to count all of Elon Musk's children. His eraser slipped and erased part of his calculations. He was horrified until he realized that what got erased was actually a mistake that was preventing him from solving the problem.

And from that point on, the eraser, who he named Sophie,

after an ex-girlfriend who never believed in him, never left his side.

When Yann was promoted to headmaster, he asked if he could have his advisor Sophie on the payroll. They wanted to keep me happy, so they said yes, Von Omen told the website Holland today. It's not like I lied, no one specifically asked me if Sophie was a person.

“His secret was discovered this week when a student asked to meet the famous Sophie,”

and Von Omen opened a desk drawer to reveal an eraser with Google eyes and a tiny blonde wig saying, "Here you are, the first person to meet my beautiful Sophie. And now that I'm doing this, I'm realizing this is quite insane, and I'm going to be fired." [laughter] A Dutch headmaster reveals an intense relationship with a chalkboard eraser.

[applause] You last know we have affirmative friend to come from Tignetara. Sanae Takayichi, the prime minister of Japan, is known for working on weekends and only sleeping three hours a night. So sounds like a very diligent bummer. She admitted this week that while the long hours have gotten a little lonely,

she's recently made a new friend, the cockroach living in her house. In a story that makes you think maybe three hours of sleep isn't enough.

The prime minister took to social media to explain how she came across her tiny, disgusting friend and screamed at first.

The start of any good relationship. I mean, I get it, who doesn't want a friend who skitters around and eats all your garbage and secretly has hundreds of more friends hiding nearby. Her staffers had the cockroach removed because it was a cockroach. She says, "I felt relieved, but also a little lonely, or maybe sad. I wish her well and recommend maybe getting a dog and a life."

All right, so one of these people in authority turned out to have an interesting relationship that we had not known about. Was it from Jail Nicole Johnson, a police superintendent in Ireland who has an obsession with the seal named Carl from Peter Gross, the headmaster of a school in Holland who revealed that their closest advisor was a chalkboard, a racer, or from Tignetara. The prime minister of Japan had a beautiful, brief relationship with a cockroach in her official residence, which of these was the real story we found in the news.

I am going to go with Tignetara, about the cockroach. You're going to take story about the Japanese prime minister and their tiny little now dead pet. All right, well, to bring you the real story, we spoke to an expert. That does not make sense to an exterminator's mind.

That was Tony Hernandez, exterminator and manager at Pest Control Shikago, who he called to get an opinion about the Japanese prime minister and her late Roach. Congratulations, Casey, you got it right, you're going to point for take something for telling the truth. You're going to surprise the voice of your choice and your voice now. Thank you so much for playing with us today. And now the game will not my job.

Carissa Hendrix has done about everything one can do as a circus artist and as a performer, including. And this is true, setting the world record for holding a lit torch in their mouth. But it was when they put on a beehive wig and a cocktail dress and became magician Lucy Darling, that they took the internet and now the world by storm. Carissa Hendrix, welcome to wait wait don't tell me. Carissa, I feel we need to start with the question that's on everybody's mind right now.

“How long did you have to hold a flaming torch in your mouth to set the record?”

So I set the new record at two minutes and one second, which is embarrassing because the old record was only one minute and 32 seconds.

So I hurt myself longer than was necessary. Marco Fragati, who was the official from Meannis, who was supposed to be counting down my time. So I wouldn't do more than I absolutely needed to. But at about 50 seconds, he stopped counting. So I just kept going and was able to push through the record.

Although I watched it, it was done on an Italian TV show called "Lost Show." And I watched it about six months later. I had spent six months just being so mad at him for not giving me this. Like anchor point. And I watched the episode and he had counted the whole time. But it was so painful, my brain had blocked out all the noise.

So I had been carrying around this absolutely unreasonable rage for this poor Italian man for six months. That seems, I understand.

But he could have said something at a minute, 33.

I don't know. Yeah. Yeah, he got away with his arms, right? Congratulations. Congratulations.

What's the international symbol for take the fire out of your mouth? Does it? Oh, it hurts. It hurts a lot. Here's the thing.

If you're doing basic fire eating tricks, there's a lot of science to it.

“The fire triangle, all you have to do is remove the spark, the oxygen or the fuel.”

And if you're mouth, you can close it around a torch and you basically snuff the fire out.

And if you're doing it correctly, you can do without injuring yourself. Except if you're trying to beat a world record, then there's basically no way to do that without injuring yourself. My teeth heated up so much that the bone inside was hot enough to burn the space between my teeth and my gums. And my whole mouth swollen up. But they gave me a medal.

So there you are. Okay. I was. I was. A medal.

Yes. A medal. A medal. Bone to replace. So you don't get paid anything to break the world record.

No, no, it's just about the glory. Yeah. Has your record been broken? Has anybody else like risen up to challenge you? I have not had the desire to Google it.

I don't want to know, but also if somebody beats it, they can have it. I know that you studied circus and all kinds of other things.

“Do you have any other amazing skills that we may not know about?”

After that for a while, my favorite weird thing I ever did was I didn't act years and years ago, where I would hold on like I'd be suspended by an aerial rig and be hool-hooping a fire hoop. So it'd be like fire on on a hoop while I was clenching fire tortures in my toes. I only did that one summer because not only was it painful, but people didn't get it because of how it didn't make any sense. That's the problem with being a great artist like yourself.

People just don't understand what you're trying to say. You had a message, and the message was, "I am on fire." I'm hoping you understood it. I didn't get it. All right, magic, however, do all these things, but the thing that you've become extraordinarily well known for,

or at least your dear friend Lucy Darling, has become remarkably well known for, is magic. And it's my understanding that you were performing in a variety of different guises or personas until Lucy arrived. And can you tell me where Lucy came from? Absolutely. So I've been a huge fan of Old Hollywood movies for a long time.

You know, bringing up baby, what a way to go, like watching old Jessica Bore movies and Maywess.

And right before I started working on it was when Jessica Bore passed away. And it made me realize, "Oh, you know, this is the last of those women." That was like effortless, clever, stunning, like boom-vy-von style women from that era. And I just felt this, you know, I was compelled, you know, like this call to action. I refused to let that energy be gone from the world, even if it meant that I had to carry a tiny piece of it with me.

I'm carrying it, too. [laughter] That's how they kick you. She slapped you.

“So for anyone who hasn't seen Lucy Darling perform, can you describe her?”

I can try. Lucy is sort of like a 1940s, like almost Loki style character. She's a little evil, she is going to, what my favorite thing about doing Lucy is it's drag. But it is all of the parts of drag that I love most, which are like the silly, like almost mean things, or you sort of push the audience a little bit.

And I really tried to create a character that was right on the line before you know it's drag. So it's deliberately a little bit ambiguous, where if you know it's drag, you're like, "Oh, that's drag." But if not, I can kind of trick people into not to going to see it, who don't know that they like drag yet. Wow. You're like an entry level.

You're like the first puff of a drug.

Exactly. You know what I like to think of myself as the Neil deGrasse Tyson of drag, you know? [laughter] Yeah. All right.

Well, this administration doesn't like you at all. No, no. No. No. And I'm Canadian.

So it's even worse. No. Yeah. And by the way, there's an extra 50% fee on any of my shows on the show. [laughter]

So. Here's Andrew, it's a pleasure to talk to you. We have invited you here to play a game we're calling, try eating this fire. Oh, no. You're a world record fire eater.

So we thought we'd ask you about flaming hot cheetos and others spicy snacks. Get two or three right when our prize for one of our listeners. Also, who is Karissa Hendrix playing for it? Ryan and Don Himmel of Windsor, California. All right.

Ready to play?

Here's your first question.

I'd like to say. In 2025, a flaming hot cheeto that was shaped like the Pokemon character Charizard. The sold on eBay for almost $88,000. But that story actually isn't as impressive as it might sound. Why?

“Is it because a real Pokemon fans know it looks much more like a bulbousore?”

Be eBay took a commission of $45,000 over 50% of the sale price or see that wasn't the highest price someone paid for a flaming hot cheeto? Oh my gosh. Okay. As somebody who is dealing a lot with ticketing fees right now,

I want to say the fee one, but I also know people are terrible with money. So I'm going to say it's that somebody paid more for a cheeto. That's right. And 2017, a cheeto that looked like Harambe sold for just under $100,000. Proving your point, Carissa.

All right. Here's your next question. Once you get used to flaming hot, you might want to up the ante. And Doritos is here for you with which of these. A, Doritos Roulette.

A snack pack where one in six chips was painfully spicy. B, Doritos lime and lime disease flavor. Or C, Doritos sharpened corners addition. You know what?

“Based on the Doritos, I've eaten all three of those are correct.”

I'm going to go with the roulette one. You're right again, Garissa. You know what people want. They want a little danger. And they're snacking.

It was so much lime disease. No language. It was so much fun apparently. A school in the UK had to ban Doritos Roulette after it sent one kid to the hospital. Yeah.

Oh, you don't find that amusing. All right. Well. No, they're just shocked. That's in the UK and not in America.

Exactly right. All right. Here's your last question.

We wouldn't have the flame in hot flavor if the cheeto had never been invented.

What happy accident led to the creation of the cheeto. Was it A in the 1930s? A farmer was cleaning out a clogged animal feed grinder. And somehow the first ever cheeto popped out. To be a police station embossed him is using orange dust to do fingerprinting him when

they couldn't get it off inspiration struck. Or see in the 1970s the CIA created it while attempting to develop something more addictive than heroin.

No, it was actually the animal feed grinder. That's presumably, presumably the guy was trying to clean out the grinder by feeding some like grains or something through it.

“And these little things popped out and he said, huh?”

And he ate it. And you know what? They still make it the old fashioned way, dude. So I'm just thinking about that kids when you pop a cheeto in your mouth. I also had it chorizo doing our quiz.

They did enough two out of three is good for me.

But for me as well, chorizo Hendrix is the award-winning magician behind the amazing

and sophisticated Lucy darling. You can see chorizo and Lucy on tour starting in September. chorizo Hendrix. Thank you so much for joining us. I'm late for the time.

And say hello to Lucy. And I'll see her when she's here. Bye bye. And I'll know the reason in why and it's magic. In just a minute, just when you thought it was safe to go back to your hotel room.

That's an our listener, Limerick Challenge. Go one AAA wait wait to join us on air. We'll be back in a minute with more of way wait don't tell me. From NPR. History is intriguing.

But unlike the present, it can feel far off. On NPR's through line, we bring it back to life. And put you in the middle of it. Go inside the stories from then that shape the world we live in now. Find NPR's through line wherever you get your podcasts.

Hi there, I'm Brittany loose and not to brag but I host a really fabulous podcast. It's called it's been a minute.

“I love making it and I think you'll love listening to it.”

Over the last year hundreds of thousands of listeners have been tuning in. And I got to say, if you haven't yet, you're missing out. Listen to the it's been a minute podcast from NPR today. From NPR, NWB EZ Chicago. This is wait wait don't tell me the NPR news quiz.

I'm Alzo Slay. We're playing this week with Tecnotaro. Joyo Nicole Johnson and Peter Gross. And here again is your host at the Student Baker Theater in Chicago Illinois, Peter Seigle.

Thank you so much, Alzo. Thank you everybody. Thank you so much. In just a minute, play the game of Limerick fans everywhere. Call the only thing we have left.

It's the listener of Limerick Challenge. If you'd like to play give us a call at 1. Wait wait wait. That's 1 888-9248-924. Right now panel, some more questions for you from the week's news.

Take parents at a Kentucky middle school, suspect that a map of the United States that was given to the students there might have been AI-generated. After they noticed that what was incorrect? The shape. I'm going to give it to you because everything was incorrect. Kentucky, the state where the school is, was labeled Veneky.

Louisiana was Lucong. South Carolina was SORTH QUANTO. Why do you need to AI-generate a map? Right.

“Aren't there places that just make maps that are not wrong?”

Or can't you just Google map of the United States? Look at it. Make sure it's spelled right and print it. But no, that's how it goes. The map was part of a packet of materials given out to students, which also included an apparently AI-generated periodic table full of completely botical elements.

Oh, boy, stories like this are worth their weight and goreworld. [laughter]

Peter, finally, there's something to take the stress out of getting to know someone, a new app that will do what before a first date.

Like do a background check on someone. Exactly, William. Background check. A new website will run a full background check on your date before you meet them. It's a great way to answer the question.

And charmingly mysterious about his past or busy of a bunch of DUIs. This site uses publicly available information to compile a comprehensive background check, which is what female friends have literally been doing for years. [laughter] I mean, don't even try this unless you can send me a screenshot of his homecoming date from 20 years ago. You amateurs.

There should be something that's like, do you look like one of this person's exes? I feel like I've known a bunch of people recently where, like, you see their new person and you're like, you look like one of their exes. Like this person has a type like same height hair, whatever it is. I would like to know if I was dating somebody like him. I just like a carbon copy of somebody that you dated before.

Would it bother you? I would feel like I was like, they weren't taking it seriously.

They're just looking at their like, you look like an ultimately all goes back to like my dad.

Come to the basement and you're going to measure against the other specimens.

“I love it when they say to you, oh honey, you're the best in the series.”

My prom dates father did that to me. Really? Yeah, I went to go pick her up and she was getting ready upstairs and he says, son, I need to see your driver's license for background check. And I just went down in a giggle and tried to come up thinking that he was joking. He wasn't joking at all.

Yeah, not at all. Did you give him the driver's license? Absolutely. But I was clean. Yeah.

How do you do a background check? Yeah, see it long. Like, yeah. His he had homies in the department. He was one of those guys that knew guys.

I was picturing just like a little machine. Like the airport. When your daughter turned 15, he'd run ideas. Look at him. Look at him.

Look at my phone. It'll scan your iris. Okay.

Coming up, it's lightning filling the blank.

“But first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.”

If you'd like to play on air, call or leave a message. It won't triple eight. Wait, wait. If that's one. 888-924.

You can come see us most weeks right here at the Student Baker Theater. And catch us on the road. We'll be at the Rose Music Center in Hubert Heights, Ohio. Next week on September 3rd. You can check out our back to school special discounted tickets.

And then, in Omaha, Nebraska, on September 24th, for tickets and information to all our live events. Go to NPR Presents.org. Hi, Ron. Wait, wait. Don't tell me.

Hi, Peter. My name is Tomi. Colin from Aurora, Colorado. I know Aurora. You're Denver.

Oh, we got it.

We got an Aurora fan here.

Do you do all those Colorado things that everybody in Colorado does? You know? I don't actually. Because I'm a dad of two kids. So I don't have time.

Really? So you're not out like hiking and adventuring. Yeah. Yes, exactly. I like to cook for my family.

But hopefully when they're grown up, I will definitely do all that stuff with them. Now be cool. Well, call me. Welcome to the show. Alzo Slade is going to read you three news related lyrics for the last word of phrase missing from each.

If you can fill in that last word of phrase correctly, and two of the lyrics, you'll be a winner. Ready to play? Here is your first. Limerick. With this tissue, we might be rubbed raw.

I think that's the plan's only flaw. Thank God it's not sticks. Or even worse bricks. They're making TP from straw? Yes.

Straw. They're making toilet paper from straw. Great news. toilet paper just became outsheet. This is made from rice straw, which is a byproduct of growing rice.

And this person knew that this stuff was just being burned. What can I do with it? And his mind went right to toilet paper. Which tells you something about rice straw. And that God. Was it white or brown rice?

Would it make a difference to you? Yeah, brown rice is tougher. Yeah, it's true. And it's brown. Yeah.

Anyway. Here is your next limerick. Because floors hold more sludge than a tar pit. Well, to woe shouldn't be on the market. When I walk in hotels, I will guard my feet well.

Because ikky germs, the will in the carpet. Yes, look, we all love hotel carpets. Yeah. They're suspiciously sticky. Roth and the perfect shade of blue green navy black brown beige.

But according to a hotel inspector for AAA, they're also quote germ traps, bringing them into the same category as the hotel TV remote. The light switches, the bed spreads, the door knobs, the coffee maker, the toilet seats. The guy at the front desk and that laminated card, listing the TV channels, do not ask where that thing has been.

You just named all the places that I eat off of them. The expert says that even after housekeeping has cleaned the room,

“the carpets contain so many mites or mold that you should never walk on them barefoot.”

I haven't walked barefoot in 30 years. Really? Anywhere? No. I even wear flip flops in the shower.

Anyway. Is your own shower? Guys, I don't need to be shamed again. All right, here is your last limb rig. I ride up in a cart to tee off.

Then I light a cigar with a cough. To the greens, I won't walk because my joints start to walk. It's not exercise. It is just... Yes, golf.

The age-old debate of whether or not golf is exercise, resurface this week with experts declaring it's less beneficial if you use a cart. If you don't use a cart golf game, be good for you.

You're walking a bit.

You're swinging a stick.

That has to have some value.

But if you use a golf cart golf, has the same exercise value as, quote, "darts" or "chair yoga," (laughter) which is to say none.

Wait, that means that miniature golf is better. Yes, that's how you need your golf. It's better to use this golf process. You're walking around. Yeah.

You're avoiding windmills. That's a lot of things.

“You have to hit the ball hard to get it up the windmill.”

Yeah. So, yeah. Also, how did Komi do in our quiz? He did great. He got three out of three.

Perfect score. Komi, thank you so much. Thank you. (applause) (upbeat music)

How do products end up on big buckshows?

Well, we have planted money. Pitch, deep-line it money, board game. We're trying not to think how much of a big deal it is and how much work has gone into it. It's really big.

Is it helpful if I remind you how big it is? That's the whole thing. We go inside the minds of the people who decide what goes on store shelves. Listen to planet money on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcast.

Okay, so you're driving to work or you're on a walk or you're at the gym or whatever and you just need to clear your head. That's the perfect time to hit the play button on NPR's all songs considered. It's not the news.

It's not work or whatever else is weighing you down. It's just a good time with good friends and great tunes.

“Listen to all songs considered every two-state in the NPR music podcast.”

Now onto our final game, Lightning Fill in the blank. Each of our players will have 60 seconds in which dancer is many film the blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now with two points. Also, can you give us the scores?

Of course. Joyo and Tig are tied at three and Peter has two. Okay. So Peter, you are in second place? Let's just say last place with fine.

Okay. Peter, you're losing. Yeah. So you're going to be up first to clock. We'll start when they begin your first question.

Fill in the blank.

On Wednesday, Meta agreed to an $18 billion settlement

over accusations that blank is harmful to kids. Everything they do. Yeah, I'll give it to you. Social media. On Monday, climate scientists reported that the world's blanks

hit hit their highest temperatures on record. Oceans? Yes. This week, this sister, a former Senator Lindsey Graham, won the GOP runoff election in blank.

South Carolina.

“This week, a teacher in Atlanta went viral after revealing she had created”

a corner of her classroom where students can go and blank. Be dirty. Almost. Fart. On Wednesday, Meta officials warn that the blank outbreak in Congo may

soon become the worst in history, Ebola. Right. One month before the start of fall, Starbucks announced the return of blank. Is it pumpkin something? Pumpkin spice.

Yeah. After a woman had a heart attack in their parking lot, a ghost restore in Australia. A blank while she was recovering. They built a part of the grocery store around her. They somehow rounded her.

Nice of her. No, they ticketed her car for being parked in their lot overnight. The woman was shocked after she got out of the hospital to find an 80 dollar ticket on her car. Fortunately, when she reached out to explain to the grocery store that the reason

her car had been parked there overnight was because she'd had a heart attack they said. And this is totally true. Well, due to the circumstances, we were able to reduce the ticket to $30. Oh, my God.

Also, how do Peter do in our quiz? We got five right for ten more points. Total of 12 and the lead. The lead. The lead.

We'll pick the you take to go next so fill in the blank. Six years after leaving the country for the U.S. Blank and Blank have moved back to the UK. Harry and Meghan. That's right.

This week, the trial for Hollywood Shake Muhammad, one of the architects of Blank was scheduled for 2028. The architects for Blank. Architects of Blank. Architects of Blank.

It was bad. [ Laughter ] That's a clue. There's so many bad. It's lightning.

We move quickly here. I don't. [ Laughter ] 9/11. Yes.

This week, rescue workers are searching for survivors after a massive Blank at the border of China and Nepal. Flut. Right. On Tuesday, health officials confirmed the U.S. had surpassed

2700 cases of Blank in 2026. May is all. This week, a small airport in India, which has zero flights in or out of it, was named the country's blank. Airport?

No. It was named the country's best airport for customer satisfaction. A Monday, United announced they would leave Blank open in the Economy Plus section of their new jet. Who led well-reviewed tours of an ancient Greek ruins has been sent to jail

when it was discovered that he had Blanked. When they realized he had... Yes. Crime. [ Laughter ]

Not close enough.

[ Laughter ] That is a crime. It is a crime.

“The man charged around 60 bucks a person to tour this ancient Greek”

amphitheater that was behind his property.

But people in the tour started noticing some inconsistencies. They were not aware of the crime. They were not aware of the crime. They were not aware of the crime. They were not aware of the crime.

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They were not aware of the crime. They were not aware of the crime. Michael Jordan. Right. Known for his roles in the Rocky Horror Picture Show and clue actor Blank passed away.

This week a last concentrator Dan Sullivan is running for re-election against another man named Dan Sullivan was officially endorsed by Blank. No, he is endorsed by the former mayor of Anchorage. whose name is Dan Sullivan. Sitting a last concentrator Dan Sullivan thought he would have an easy time getting re-elected, but he needs this endorsement because now he's running against another guy named Dan Sullivan.

And as if worries about splitting the vote between the Sullivan weren't bad enough,

the Democratic Challenger and the race just legally changed their name to check this box for a chance to win $1 million.

As I did, joy I'll do well enough to win. Nope.

“But she enjoyed herself and that's what's important.”

She got four right for eight more points, total of eleven which means teague win. Oh my gosh! Slow and steady. Slow and steady. Just a minute.

We're going to ask our panelists to predict now that Amazon drones are in the air. What'll be the next big innovation in deliveries? But first, let me tell you all. Wait, wait, don't tell me. The production of NPR and WBEs should co-go an association with urgent hair production Doug Burm and benevolent overlord.

Philip Goticore writes our remarks. Our public address announcement is Paul Friedman, our ops manager is Jussier Ravardack. Thanks to the staff and crew at the Student Baker Theatre. BJ Leaderman composed our theme our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Bernboss, and Lillian King. Special thanks to Blye's Robertson.

Peter Gwen was assisted this week by Dan Sullivan and Dan Sullivan. Emma Choay is our vib curator, technical directions for Lorna White or CFOs. Call the Miller, our production manager is Robert Newhouse. Our senior producer is the Incellock and the Executive Producer of Wait wait, don't tell me he's Mr. Mike Danforth. Now, panel, what will be the next innovation in package delivery?

Join on Nicole Johnson. Delivery through cans, cans of Wobbass. Peter Gross.

“When it's revealed that Amazon's drones are made in Canada, they'll be forced to switch to the most American method of delivery.”

T-shirt canons. And Ted Nataro. Well, I've heard they are currently in the process of working on this news. State of the art system where humans manually pilot their very own vehicle to a local retail store. Execute a real-time physical transaction with another humanoid and then get this.

Self-deliver the package to their very own private residence. Early testing with advanced robotics confirms this zero-drawn manual carry model is so far a hundred percent viable. And if any of that happens, we'll ask you about it on the wait wait, don't tell me. Thank you all so slow. Thanks to all our fabulous audience here at the Stedebecker Theatre. Thanks to everyone who's listening wherever you might be.

Peter Seigle will see you next week outside Dayton, Ohio.

Tonya, I think you did the best interview that I've done seriously.

Oh, that's a great question.

“I'm thinking I want to think about that question for the rest of my life.”

Good question. This is Tonya Mosley, Cohost a fresh air and the questions are only the half of it.

Listen to fresh air on the NPR app or wherever you get your podcasts.

“How will a historically unpopular president navigate a midterm election season that may leave him with a lot less power?”

Stay caught up on the latest news with Trump's terms, the podcast where we curate NPR's coverage of President Trump and short episodes focused on a single story.

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