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Can't afford $6, guess? This voice is pure diesel. I'm Bill Curtis, and here is your host at the Student Maker Theatre and the Fine Arts Building in Chicago and Illinois. Peter Seigau.

Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody. Thank you so much. We have a wonderful show for you today. Later on, we're going to be talking to the host of Jeopardy.

And of course, still the record holder for consecutive wins on that show. Ken Jennings. We assume he's being who he is. He will easily win our quiz. The next week, be our guest.

Again, and we'll be for the next 74 episodes. It's a great time to tell me. You do not have to answer in the form of a question for us. Just give us a call. The number is 1,888,9248,924.

“Let's welcome our first listener to contest it.”

Hi, you're on wait, wait, don't tell me. This is Veronica Brooks, we from Raleigh, North Carolina. How are things down there in Raleigh? You know, pretty Raleigh. Raleigh, what do you do there?

I actually worked for a national nonprofit. I'm the Senior Vice President of Research and Policy. Oh, that's cool. So that's a, that's a thoughtful intellectual jump. Yep.

That was a thoughtful intellectual noise. Well, Veronica, welcome to our show. Let me introduce you to our panel this week.

First, you can see her co-hosting her show, Frank and Baby,

at Union Hall in Brooklyn on May 18th. It's Joel Nicole Johnson. Hello, Veronica. (applause) Next, he's a humorous and the founder of Hatch Space Community,

woodworking shop now taking applications for their fall furniture, making intensive in Brattleboro, Vermont. It's Tom Bodet. (applause) And finally, a contributor to CBS Sunday morning.

It's Faith Sailing. Hey, Veronica. So Veronica, welcome to the show. You, of course, are going to play Who's Bill. This time Bill Curtis is going to read you three quotations from this week's news.

If you can correctly identify or explain just two of them, you will win our prize. Any voice from our show. You might choose for your voicemail. Are you ready to go?

This is a dream come true. Oh, yes. Well, that's exciting. All right. Here is your first quote.

It's a text. Someone sent his fiance as he headed into quarantine after finally getting off his cruise ship. (laughter)

I've never been so excited to go to Nebraska.

(laughter) That was one of the cruise ship passengers

“now quarantining in Nebraska after being exposed to what?”

Oh, is that the antivirus? Yeah, that's a virus. Yes. (applause) That passenger, by the way, who was exposed,

was given the option of going home to Boston, where his fiance, who he was texting, lives, to isolate there. But instead chose to isolate for 43 days in Nebraska. (laughter)

If anyone here present knows any reason why these two shall not be there. (laughter) Wait, I can't smell a shipboard romance. This outbreak of this virus happened,

not one of those big, you know, carnival cruise typeships, but on a luxury adventure cruise was costs about $12,000 a ticket. But you'll be glad to know this. The cruise company that operates it

heavily discounted all future cruises this year. (laughter) That's true. It's the experience of the end of a lifetime. (laughter)

Well, I mean, it's really, it's in keeping, these are adventurous people. They've got a lot of money, but they also, they really want to do something off the map. And you come home with, like, a really exotic disease.

That's like old school. Yeah. Everybody, if you didn't come back from the tropics with malaria, you weren't there, right? Yeah, I mean, you pay that.

You pay it premium price. You got a premium disease. Yeah. This is true. One passenger on the cruise disembarked

before showing symptoms on this tiny island in the south of Atlantic. So authorities literally true had to parachute in medical supplies and doctors to care for him.

And my question is that the doctors know

This is the physician you told you to do this thing.

“You're like, "Hey, guys, when do we land?"”

And why are you opening the door? (laughter) Your next quote is, "From President Trump." I told people who've done swimming pool is for me in the past.

You're being a favor, please. Trump was talking about his renovations of what Washington DC landmark. Is it the reflecting pool? It is the reflecting pool.

Very good. (applause) President Trump said he decided to paint the reflecting pool on the national mall blue. And he says it's because the pools

at all his properties are blue. Okay, that's fine, but the big water slide and the swim up bar a bit much. I think it's the irony that he's messing with the reflecting pool.

This is a man who is incapable of reflection. Well, I mean, you had to get credit. There's no denying that the reflecting pool just wasn't working. Every time Trump looked into it, he saw an old man

who just grabbed his pants. (laughter) I've been relating to some of this. I've had a pool at our house since the boys were little.

And they're grown and gone. And I'm taking it out this year. So I've been out there. I'm trying to dismantling things.

“And I'm enjoying it because I've been taking care”

of that freaking pool for 15 years. And just like Trump's frustration. You know, they leak. It'll go out there in the morning. All of a sudden, "Oh, it's green, what?"

And so I knew a guy. (laughter) Yeah, I love that. That's a very unrelatable rant, Tom. Yeah.

(laughter) -What's that? -What's that? -What's that? -What's that?

-What's that? -What's that? -What's that? -What's that?

-You say you never go out to gays upon your property and decided to make great changes.

-Oh, great changes. -Yeah. -Is that-- is that way? -Have that-- have that removed? -No longer pleases me.

-Take somebody's extra houses down. -What's going on? -You used to being bougie. And I really was just that, wasn't I? -You really were.

-I got something amazing. -It's a new town. -You're not-- you're not leaving the light on anymore. -No. -I'm going to state how they--

[ Laughter ] -All right, here is your last quote. It's from a commenter on the New York Times website. -I do it every day. I'm not interested in watching it on TV.

That person was responding to news that what New York Times game is being made into a prime time NBC game show. -Well, I know this because I am probably going to apply. It's mortal. -It is mortal.

-Well, this is very exciting. Have you ever had a coworker talk to you about his wordle score until your eyes glaze over? Well, that's a TV show now. [ Laughter ]

I don't know if this is going to work. I enjoy playing wordle. Fine. The only time I want to watch someone else play wordle is when the dumbest guy in the plane is doing it in front of me.

[ Laughter ]

How is your first guest, Goose?

[ Laughter ] -You know, this is just the feel good show we need in 2022. -Yes, exactly. -This is like, what? Where the, like, who talks about wordle anymore?

-No, you're right, between the new pandemic and wordle. It has been a huge week for things I was already tired of five years ago. [ Laughter ] If they really want to capture the essence of wordle, the way people play it, all the TV contestants

should have to play while sitting on toilets. [ Laughter ] That's right. -It's so true. -God, this reminds me when I walked in on my son

he was a teenager and he was watching people play video games on his video game. -Yes, that's the thing that people do. -Right, and so what are you doing? He says, "I'm watching these guys play this game." It's amazing.

I said, "You, I was upset because you played too much video game." And now you're just watching other people play video games. -Yeah, no, you learn a lot. -Yeah. But my boyfriend does that.

He watches his friend's play video games.

“And that's how I know he'll never cheat on me.”

[ Laughter ] -Dale, how did Veronica do in our quiz? Her word is perfect. [ Cheers and applause ] -See you extra letters there.

-You know, yeah, pretty, no. -75% of you just have wooden works, seven-letter word. Congratulations, Veronica. Thank you so much for playing. -Thank you for having me.

-It's horrific, take care. [ Cheers and applause ] -Right now, panel, that is time for you to answer some questions about this week's news. Tom, this week, according to Australia,

who said his employers had no right to tell him to cover up what? -Mm. Yeah, no right to tell him to cover up. That's pretty -- I don't even got to need a hand. I don't even want to start guessing.

-In Australia, in civil rights law, people with sagging pants are not a protected class. Oh, my God, they're buck-crack. Exactly right. [ Cheers and applause ]

He sued because he felt his employers should not be allowed to tell him to cover up his plumber's crack. He believed it was rude for his supervisor. The supermarket tell him to do that to cover up what in Australia. It was also known as the bum crack.

This was the fifth time he had brought that claim only to be, again, dismissed. Man, the things some men will do to avoid buying a belt. -No. -Okay. I, okay, now to the men on the stage.

-Yes. Y'all don't feel that? -Yeah. I'm sorry. -Like, well, your booty crack is out to the men in the crowd.

Y'all don't feel that? I'm asking for a meal. I feel that. -You feel that? -I do not show my bum crack. -Okay. -But, you know, women get to show their upper cleavage. So, maybe it's male cleavage.

Maybe it's like here. Take a little peek. -They did it. -They did it right. -They did it. -You're right. They did it.

-They did it. -You're right. -They did it. -They did it. -You're right. -You're right. I mean, in a weird way, it's like cleavage.

“-It's like you should be that, like with what society did with cleavage.”

You take it from being a point of shame to a sign of sexiness. Don't cover it up. Let's get some of those good-looking plumbers into something with a plunging crack line.

-It's never a booty crack you want to see it out.

-It's true. -It really is, it's just never. -Yeah, you're right. -Yeah, Michael B. Jordan, name of out here. What is cleavage? -Yeah. Coming up, grab your snorkel.

We're headed to the beach and our bluff the listener game call. When Triple 8, wait, wait to play. We'll be back in a minute with more. Wait, wait, don't tell me from NPR. From NPR, W-B-E-Z Chicago, this is wait, wait.

Don't tell me the NPR news quiz. I'm Bill Curtis. We are playing this week with Tommo, that joy-owned Nicole Johnson and Faith is Salary. And here again, as you're a host at these two-to-baker theater

in Chicago, Illinois, Peter. -Salary. -Thank you, Bill. Thank you, everybody, right now, it's time for the wait, wait, don't tell me. Bluff the listener game call, one Triple 8, wait, wait to play our game on the air. Hi, you are on wait, wait, don't tell me.

Hi, my name is Lauren White, and I'm calling from Provo, Utah. Provo, you tell one of the most beautiful places there is in this country. What do you do there? I'm currently a student for wildlife rehabilitation, and then I just door down from the side.

Okay, all right, and you say you do wildlife rehabilitation.

“Do you have a particular favorite kind of wildlife?”

About your talk. The bad-eared fox, I will say that you sound adorable. What is it about? I would just call that for cut and work with them, they are so cute. They're very cute.

So basically, your sort of rank wildlife by cuteness like the rest of us do.

Yes, of course. Okay. Well, I don't know the professionals are also just a shallow. Okay, great. Yeah.

Lauren, it's great to have you with us, you're going to play our game on which you must try to tell truth from fiction, Bill, what is Lauren's topic? A day of the beach. Ah, the beach, where every year millions of vacationers go to discover they can get sand and crevices in their body, they did not know they had.

This week an unusual beach story made the news. Our panelists are going to tell you about it. Pick the one who's telling the truth. You'll win the weight waiter of your choice on your voicemail. Are you ready to play?

Yeah. Okay, first up, let's hear from Joy Ellen Nicole Johnson. A lot of couples dream of their wedding day. Those with a pinched for summer and vision exchanging nubsules on the beach with the sun shining, waves crashing, and the songs of Seagull Squawkin.

Marissa Bramwell and her fiance, Java Coleman, were getting married on Widby Island in Washington State when they were interrupted by the least romantic sound ever. The deep, grotesque screeching of a beach gray whale, luckily for Beach Boy, the bride, groom, and half the wedding party were marine biologists. Well, dressed in gowns and tuxitos they jumped into action.

Marissa and her maid of honor kept the well cool and wet while Javon, his best-man climbed the top and protected the blowhole with his wife's veil.

When the high-tide finally came in, they were able to see the whale whom they lovingly

named Jonah, flowed off into the sunset while they finished their nubsules soaking wet

“and covered in sand of the miss-happed turn heroic situation, Rissa said, "The only thing”

that would have made this better is a harem of seals clapping as I kissed my groom." A beach wedding interrupted by a beached whale, your next beach bit comes from Tombow

Last Tuesday, fashion-brand commas held its Australian fashion week show on Sidney's

Tomarama Beach.

“The brand is known for its quote, effortless silhouettes and aesthetic blends of 1950s European”

beachwear with modern Australian seaside culture. What they hadn't quite counted on was modern Australian seaside culture crashing their show in the form of a local man, ambling onto the beach for his morning swim. The man's unabashed stage for dead-bod and relaxed arm-wirling stood in stark contrast to the severe-looking models who started by displaying no excess movement or body hair

for that matter. Australia's today show, which would be America's tomorrow show, interviewed the man, identified as David, who has been taking his morning swim at Tomarama Beach for 30 years and saw

no reason not to do it again on Tuesday and speaking for the low spark of high cholesterol

dads everywhere, this is awesome. The swimmer goes to the beach in Australia and ends up in the middle of a fashion show, your last shorey story comes from faith-saleigh. When it doesn't octogenarian French ladies gathered for their sunrise yoga class on a Normandy Beach last week, they did not expect that striking a warrior pose would thrust

them into battle, but just as they were starting sun-saleutations at 0600 hours, 75 allied soldiers landed on the shore. The D-Day Reenactors Club had arrived from Ohio. Startled to see the little old ladies, one officer tackled a grandma to save her from an invisible mine planted by imaginary Nazis, yelling in his best high school French, and excused

a morse! Sir, let's watch! One infantry man decided to become a conscientious objector and fell into child's pose. Because this was a French beach, several of the age-adleties were topless, which came as a shock to the fresh-faced American G.I.s, several troops stopped in their tracks until

a sergeant yelled, "Move it boys, we've got the bigger bazookas!" [laughter] All right, one of these things, unexpectedly occurred on a beach. Was it from Joyonne Nicole Johnson, a beach wedding getting interrupted by a beached whale, who fortunately, for him, or it, the wedding was of marine biologists, from Tom Bodead,

a dad-bodd swimmer guy, walks down to the beach to go swimming and finds himself right in the middle of a fashion show runway, or from Faith Saley, a yoga class on the beach and Normandy France, gets invaded by D.D. Rean Actors, which of these was the real story of a surprising day at the beach.

“I think I'm going to go with Tom 3, David going on to the fashion beach.”

You're going to go for the swimmer in Australia who walked down and found himself standing amid all the models on the beach in Australia. Well, we have to bring you the grant answer, the actual beach gore. I have to say, a apology to the fashion designer, when I looked at the public says, "Yes, I stole the model."

And I suddenly went, "I'm the lady model." That was David Handley talking to Australia today about his accidental modeling and debut. Congratulations, Lauren. You've got it right. You're into point for Tom, and you've won our prize, the voice of your choice, on your

voice mail. Thank you, Lauren. And now the game where people who've done a lot do a little more. About 20 years ago, we were delighted to welcome to our show Ken Jennings, who had just set a record for winning on jeopardy that still stands today.

Then, a few years later, we were joined by Ken Jennings, bestselling author. Today, we are thrilled to welcome Ken Jennings, the host of Jeopardy. I wonder if these guys know each other. Ken Jennings, welcome back to Wait Wait John Tellman. Thank you for having all three of us back on.

It's a pleasure. So as you know, Ken, as I may have mentioned bitterly a number of times, when we've spoken, I myself was on Jeopardy many, many years ago. I did not do as well as you, but one of my memories was during lunch. I sat near Alex Kubeck, the legendary host, and I heard him telling his producers, you

know nobody understands this is the hardest job in show business.

“Now that you are in the host's chair or podium on Jeopardy, do you agree?”

Well, of course, it always flatters the person in the job to point out how hard it is.

Yes. But I will absolutely back up Alex here.

of broadcasters who had done everything. We had people who had reported for war zones, and two a person, they all said, wow, this scheme moves really fast, and I don't mean to imply that a trivia quiz show is as important

as being in a war zone, but there is a unique skill set, and Alex was amazing at it,

and I don't have anywhere near his level of grace or a wrist, but I'm going to try. Now, we heard that during that period, as you say, when many people were trying, they tried a lot of people as the host of Jeopardy, that they went through training to do it. Did you? Is there Jeopardy host training?

There is Jeopardy boot camp. The Jeopardy writers, the people who write the clues, impersonate Jeopardy contestants. Okay. Just to put in a few of your pieces. And at first, they impersonate well behaved, Jeopardy contestants doing the things we

make, as your difficulty level grows, they impersonate increasingly unruly and disobedient, Jeopardy contestants. Just to put the host would do. Really?

So can you give me some of the simulations?

Just the little niceties of Jeopardy start going on observed, because a lot of these are related to rules. You know, we're a serious game, Peter. I'm not saying that not my job is not a very serious segment, but you can't Jeopardy seriously.

You know, well, we have, we, okay, fine. Can you, so you've been doing it for a while, has anybody sworn audibly after screwing something up? I feel confident that Jeopardy has violated the George Carlin rule on a few of them. That was just--

It wasn't me. No.

“I remember when I was on, I think I said all seven at one, after one question.”

I think you obviously, because of your extraordinary success, as a contestant, must have aspired to be a contestant for a while before you went on the show. Did you also ever want to be the host? No. But over the years, many people would ask me, hey, clearly, if Alex were ever to retire, you'd

be on the short list, and I would just laugh at them. No, no, no, no. That would be a very outside-the-box-hand of a Willy Wonka way to run a game show. If you invited back the lucky little boy, the lucky little boy, the lucky little boy. Invade him the factory.

They hope he's going to do that in TV, but it turns out, Jeopardy is kind of its own little institution, and it runs by its own rules. Yeah, and there you are, and apparently, if you ride the champion, they make you the host. Everybody who watches Jeopardy knows that after the first commercial break when we come back the host, now you used to be Alex comes over and talks to the panelists.

Is that as difficult as it looks? It's hard for the contestants. I actually really enjoy it.

That was always the part of the show that I thought was a little bit cringy, even as a kid.

I would sometimes have to leave the room during a boring story. Like, it's like Jeopardy stops for a second and curb your enthusiasm begins once.

“That's why the theme song changes just at that moment.”

Tuga, the Tuga comes into it. So I worked very hard on making that a little more engaging, and the fact is, Peter, I've worked on my whole life trying to get out of conversation for about 20 seconds. So like, I was made for this. Famously, I believe this is famous that when you did your amazing run of 74 shows after

the first, I don't know, 20, you ran out of interesting things to say about yourself. You were a young man, you'd only done so much, so that you just started making stuff up to talk about with Alex. Is that right? I ran out of ideas very early on, like if you see my fourth game, it's getting a little

too early. And if I want to find out, is nobody fact checks these, you know? Really? [ Laughter ] Have Bjorker's staff, Peter, like, you shouldn't say you have a purple heart, but if you

tell us you were a birthday clown, we are not going to make it right now. Yes. I was watching Celebrity Jeopardy, where I expected, because I know some celebrities, the questions to be a little easier, I was very impressed to Celebrities have gotten good. Do you think so?

I feel like the celebrities don't get enough credit.

“I think generally people assume, I think because of the welfare else sketches, people assume”

Celebrity Jeopardy is a cake lock where it's like states that rhyme with smelloware. Right. [ Laughter ] And as a result, I think that they don't get the celebrities enough credit. Certainly we want them to play well, we know they're playing for charity.

It depends on the category, if it's showbiz, you can ask celebs, harbour questions, perhaps, than Sidoleus. So I might have had -- yeah. But if it's like working for a living for real, that, yeah, take not having an assistant for this.

[ Laughter ] Can't is there any plans for, like, a dumbass, Jeopardy?

Did I have a request? [ Laughter ] I was going to say, well, you know that show already airs and it's called, and then I realized I would get in trouble. [ Laughter ]

Oh, my God.

Well, Ken Jennings, it is always a pleasure to have you with us.

This time, we have asked you here to play a game we're calling. What is H&R block? [ Laughter ] As some people may remember, your Jeopardy wind streak ended with a question about H&R block. [ Laughter ]

We're going to ask you three questions about that tax preparation firm. By the way, I've listened to not my job so many times for years. That's the first time you're ever asking the guests about the single most traumatic thing that's ever happened. [ Laughter ]

All right. If you answer two to three questions about H&R block, you will win our prize for one of our listeners.

“Bill, who is the legendary Ken Jennings playing for?”

Bobby Powers of the other Virginia. All right. Here's your first question.

Ken, H&R block was originally a bookkeeping business called The United Business Company,

founded by Henry Block and his brother. After his brother went back to law school, Henry took out a help on it ad, which was answered by whom? A, the former head of the IRS under President Truman, who had just been fired by President Eisenhower,

be his mother who told him he should hire his other brother, or see no one, so Henry just invented someone with the initial R, so people would think the company wasn't just him. Wow. I'm going to guess, be his other brother.

You're right. That's what happened. [ Applause ] But he didn't praise it as a question. [ Laughter ]

He doesn't have to. He's off duty. All right. Here's your next question.

“H&R block is obviously known for their tax work,”

but they have another surprising source of revenue. What is it? A, their majority owners of America's largest chain of Halloween haunted houses, B, they own the copyright for the GIF animated file format, or see they own the rights to the entire recorded music catalog

of Parliament Funkadelic. [ Laughter ] [ Laughter ] I'm going to say, just because it delights me the haunted house. The haunted house is no, I'm afraid not,

although it'd be another seasonal business. They own the copyright for GIFs, because they bought Compuser, and Compuser way back when patented the GIF. Oh.

Here's your last question. In 2005, H&R block got in trouble when it was revealed that for the past three years they had made significant errors when filing Huz taxes. A, seven of the nine Supreme Court justices,

B, their own taxes, or see every player in the New York Yankees. [ Laughter ] I mean, I'm going to say, their own B. You're right.

[ Cheers and applause ] They managed to screw up their own corporate tax return, and they're excused, but we used TurboTax, did not fly. [ Laughter ]

“Bill, how did the quiz master Ken Jennings do on our quiz?”

Like a champ, two out of three. Congratulations, Kate. Welcome. [ Cheers and applause ] How does it, I mean, okay, yes, we did this thing to you.

We asked you about H&R block. Does it feel good to finally conquer your demon that is H&R block? After all these years, I'm finally back to 500. But, you know, I think of them all the time I drive past a strip mall.

You see that little green square? Yeah. Now Peter, I'm going to think of them every time I watch a gift. So you've made my life even worse. I mean, help them year round.

[ Laughter ] Ken Jennings is the host of Jeopardy. He's also the author of the Complete Connections puzzle book, which is eaten up a lot of my week. It's available now, Ken Jennings.

Thank you so much for joining us again. I'm way away, Ken.

I'm trying to always enjoy this to you.

Take care. We'll see you on TV. Bye-bye. In just a minute, we reveal why NASA is stocking up on Fibreese. That's in our listener-limory challenge.

Call one trip away, wait, wait, wait to join us on the air. We'll be back in a minute with more, wait, wait, don't tell me. From NPO. [ Music ] [ Music ]

From NPR and WB EZ Chicago, this is wait, wait, don't tell me.

I'm both Curtis, where you're playing this week with Joel, Nicole Johnson, Faith, Seely, and Tom, bowed up. And here you go, there's your host. That goes to the maker, Santa and Chicago and an eye. Peter Seigall.

Thank you, Bill. In just a minute, after last week's disastrous experiment with the listener hand-to-hand combat challenge, we return to doing limb ricks. [ Laughter ]

If you'd like to play, give us a call at one trip away. Wait, wait, wait. That's one 888-9248-924. Right now, panels and more questions for you from the week's news. Joel, this week, we heard some new dating advice.

“You should always wait to the third date to do one.”

[ Laughter ] Tell it's not that, but -- Oh, I wouldn't even think about that for once.

You should wait to the third date to tell your date

that you like cruise ships. [ Laughter ] No, not that. To tell your date, who you voted for. No.

To tell your date, you are anti-vex. No. [ Laughter ] Those are all good. Yeah.

[ Laughter ] I was about to say, any one of those answers for those questions, you could predict the other two. Give me a hit, Peter. I'll give you a hint.

So, you're like there. You're like, you're in your third date. You're like, hey, it looks like this might be getting serious. So, it's time to talk about protecting my assets. Oh, pre-not.

Yes. Oh, you should wait to the third date to talk about getting a pre-not. The third date. The third date.

According to one prominent employer, naturally,

the third date is the perfect time to bring up a pre-not.

It's a way to say, hey, I really see a future with you and also an end to that future. [ Laughter ] And also, I'm rich. Yeah.

Because if you don't have anything to protect, why you bringing it up? It's true. I guess it's kind of weird humble bragging away. Yeah.

Not even humble. Yeah. What rich man am I dating? Tom Bogdack? [ Laughter ]

“I think I've made a huge strategic error in this show.”

And I was hoping we could start over. [ Laughter ] The reasoning is that talking about a pre-not on the third date is the perfect way to, quote, "depersonalize it" by bringing it up early, right?

That's crazy. That's not what the third date is for. The third date is supposed to be for flirting and making sure you know each other's last names. [ Laughter ]

It's also the date where you can maybe let them hear, like, you don't have to run the water when you go to the bathroom and their apartment.

You pooping on a third date?

No, not pooping. [ Laughter ] You don't know. I excuse me. I am not the type of lady who pooped on a third date. [ Laughter ]

We're a long way from pre-not. [ Laughter ] Faith, this week, the New York Times reported customers are getting fed up with restaurants that just won't stop doing what?

Oh, QR codes with their menus. You know, although that is annoying, I agree. But not that. Um, audience, audience is with you there. Can you give me a hint?

Sure. It's like, I texted stop, like you asked. Why don't you stop? The confirmation text. Yes, they won't stop texting you. All the time, it used to be just one text

to confirm your reservation. Now they just keep texting you. Then they're like, you up? Yeah, pretty much. [ Laughter ]

All I wanted was a table for two for dinner and instead of getting more texts than my close male friends of sent me in their whole lives. [ Laughter ] And then you go in there and sit down

and it's every five seconds. It's like, how's your first few bites tasting? Is this like going to get you anything else? There's one talk to my wife. [ Laughter ]

Sorry, you triggered me. I am a piece of that. [ Laughter ] I went out to eat once with a celebrity chef and the whole, like, the restaurant they were acting crazy.

Yes, I was eating with her. And they kept being like, "Is everything okay?" And then the second person came and said, "Everything okay?" And she was like, "Actually, the lamb is dry, but she just told us that."

And she was like, "They come back. I'm gonna tell them the lamb is dry." And the manager comes. "No, everything okay?" And she said, "The lamb is dry."

And I saw a grown man's heartbreak in front of my face. Wow. And I think about that often with a smile. [ Laughter ] They asked.

Because they didn't want the honest answer. They did. Oh, my God. The only good kind of text from restaurants is when they let you put your name on the waiting list

and you can go get a drink somewhere until your table's ready. Though I did think it was weird when they texted, "Hey, your table isn't ready. You just wanted to see what you're up to."

Send picks. [ Laughter ] Coming up, it's lightning filming the blank,

“but first it's the game where you have to listen for the rhyme.”

If you'd like to play on air, call it a leave a message. It won't triple-late, wait, wait. That's 1-88-8-9-2-4-8-9-2-4. You can see us most weeks at the Student Baker Theatre in Chicago with more shows on the road

announced soon. Take it's an information about all our live events at npr.org. Hi, Ron, wait, wait. Don't tell me.

Hi, Mrs. Trisha. Calling from 29 phones, California. 29 poms, it's out there in the desert, right?

It is.

“It's very beautiful, but if you want to do anything fun,”

you have to drive at least half an hour.

[ Laughter ] But don't they have around 30 poms to look at? [ Laughter ] At least that many. One would hope, one would hope.

Well, welcome to the show, Trisha. Bill Curtis is going to read you. Three news related lemurics with the last word of phrase missing from each of you. You can fill in that last word of phrase correctly

and two of the lemurics will be a winner. Are you ready to play? You know I was born ready. There you go. That's the kind of attitude we want.

[ Applause ] Here's your first lemuric. This planet is molten and bleak. We sniff and emit a quick shriek. It has so furious gas that is trapped and won't pass.

Like rotten mags. Boy, does it? [ Cheers ] Stink is the right idea, but it doesn't rhyme with bleak or shriek.

[ Cheers and applause ] Yes, reek. That's right. [ Cheers and applause ] Good news.

Good news.

“The astronomers are discovered a whole new type of planet”

never seen before. The bad news. It stinks bad. [ Laughter ] So we have watery planet like Earth.

We have Jupiter, a gas giant.

The planet L9859D is something never seen before by scientists.

It's a past gas giant. [ Laughter ] It's covered in an ocean of molten magma. Scientists say the ocean cannot support life, but think about it. If it did have sharks, they would be so cool.

[ Laughter ] The ocean is full of sulfur, meaning that the planet is just an enormous rotten egg laid by a galactic chicken. I feel bad though for the other planets in that solar system. There always like, "Ah, could you crack open a black hole or something?"

[ Laughter ] If you believe in a god, in a original creator, then that creator dealt it. True. That's true.

God's what be cushioned right out there. [ Laughter ] Here is your next limerick. I should sit and crack jokes in a punning pub because screaming and sprinting is a stunning step.

Drenched in sweat out of breath. That's a tragic love death. Don't start asking for dates in your... Running club. Running club indeed.

Very good. That was a good fact. For years now, lonely people have emerged to meet friends and romantic partners by joining running clubs. Everybody knows they provide the wild, sexual dynamics

of an improv troop, but with more chafin. [ Laughter ] But now an essayist and time magazine is asking everyone, "Stop dating people in your running club. Apparently dating has created a culture of,

"goasting, disposability, and romantic, "churn in the running clubs. Pretty much everyone is sleeping with each other, "and running as well, my god, the smell." [ Laughter ]

It's the runners who aren't getting any dates. That's probably the people who are coming. Yeah. Because the priorities are like, if your running club is sort of getting tense and weird

because people are having sex with each other and dating, you know that. And you want the dating to stop. I think you've got your priorities flipped. I mean, it's been a while since I've been out there,

but I remember it fondly. Yeah. [ Laughter ] You're talking about running, I guess. Yes, yes, yes, yes.

[ Laughter ] Here is your last lemric. While I'm no great catch or hot stud, double dates sometimes land with a thud. Seeing you is a chore,

because your partner is a bore. It's too bad that you married a dud. A dud is wow. [ Laughter ] In your times, offer tips this week

for how to double date when your friend's partner is a dud. In their words, and if you're looking around the table during a double date, and you're wondering, well, who's the dud? [ Laughter ]

I have some bad news. [ Laughter ]

Ultimately, the article says compromise,

that's important.

“You need to suck it up in the half of your friend”

or just go to the nuclear option and invite a very hot single friend to join all of you. So you can ruin their relationship. [ Laughter ] Maybe that's the time to bring up post-nups.

[ Laughter ] Exactly. Just on a really bad double date. Sure. Yeah.

Although, double dates with bad couples are very useful, because afterwards, you can turn to your spouse and be like, "You know, compared to them, we're doing great." [ Laughter ] Bill, how did Trisha do in our quiz?

Trisha is no dud. She got them all right. Congratulations. Thank you so much. Congratulations. [ Cheers and applause ]

Now, it's time for our final game,

“Lightning Film "The Blankage of Our Players"”

to love 60 seconds of which dancer is many film-the-blank questions as they can. Each correct answer now worth 2 points. Bill, can you give us the squad? I can.

Joy-L has two Tom and Faith each. Have three.

Okay. That means Joy-L, you're in second place.

So you're going to go up first. So the clock will start when they begin your first question. Film-the-blank. On Wednesday, President Trump arrived in Beijing for his summit with blank. Oh, the President of China?

Sure. He's in ping as his name. On Thursday, the governor of South Carolina announced plans to redraw his state's blanks. Oh, the districts.

Yeah, the rational maps. This week, Kevin Warsh was confirmed as the next chair of the blank. Something that somebody got fired from. Not quite.

The Federal Reserve. This week's staff at Baltimore City Hall were accused of spending $50,000 in City funds on blank. Strip us. Oh, no.

Crab cakes and wings at baseball games. They said it did the strip us? Maybe. On Wednesday, Utah approved a new blank data set or twice the size of Manhattan. AI.

Yeah, exactly.

“This week, visitors to Japan are being advised”

to read labels carefully. After foreign tourist was spotted blanking. Going through a garbage disposal to distribute hunt to various people? No.

The tourist in Japan was seen guzzling a bottle of sauce for noodles because she thought it was iced tea. The tourist was caught on Japanese TV, opening a bottle of noodle sauce

and taking a huge swig because she confused it for a bottle of iced tea not being able to read the label. And if she is anything like me, she must have been thinking, "Oh, wow.

This sophisticated Japanese palate, the salt makes this iced tea much more interesting and also it's thick." (laughter)

But I like it. (laughter) Bill, how did you all do in our quiz? Three, right? Six more points, total debate.

(laughter) Let's skip over one seat to Tom. Tom, you go next, film the blank. According to new data, the US's blank rate jumped to 3.8% in April.

Inflation. Right. After the White House approved a plan to fire and Marty Makari announced he was stepping down as head of the blank.

The border patrol. No FDA. This week, New York Mayor blank

released his $125 billion budget for the city.

The mom-dom meets, or I'm unbounded. On Monday, the Justice Department announced criminal charges

“related to the collapse of the key bridge in blank.”

Where was the key? Oh, Baltimore. This week, a White House email warning staff members about leaks to the media was blanked.

Leaked to the media. Of course, on Monday, the 2020's blank film festival began in France. The con. Right.

On Tuesday, Jason Collins, the first openly gay player in the blank died of cancer at the age of five. He was an MBA. Right.

This week after an contract train in Texas crashed into a car. The conductor was unable to assist the car's driver because the moment he stepped out of the train to do so, he was blanked.

No, he was surrounded by alligators. Oh, wow. It's happened in the coastal region of Texas. The conductor said he wanted to help the driver and the car he had just hit.

But four alligators blocked the path between him and the car. Fortunately, rescue workers were able to get to the scene quickly. The train was freed from the wreckage

and it was considered for amtrak on time. (laughter) Bill, how did Tom do in our quits? Really? Well, he got six, right?

12 more points. Total to 15, puts him in the lead. All right. So, down and up. Not enough.

Listen, I had a concussion two weeks ago. So, I'm playing at a deficit. All right. So, how many then does faith need to win? Well, six to tie, seven to win.

All right. Here we go, faith. This is for the game, filmable blank. On Tuesday, experts said that the war with blank would likely cost taxpayers $1 trillion.

All right. This week, blackouts hit blank. As the country says, it has one out of fuel. Cube out. Right.

This week, a new study found that over 25% of Americans believe that blanks assassination attempts were staged. Trump's. Right. On Monday, climate scientists warned that parts of India

could soon be unlivable due to extreme blank. Heat. Right. This week, Pokemon fans in South Korea are lining up to get the recently released blank.

Okay. Pop. Pokemon. No. A water bottle.

No. Pokemon. Toilet paper. On Wednesday, it was announced that Shakira and BTS

will perform at the first ever blank half time show.

World Cup. Right. This week, a mom in Florida who thought her intruders were trying to smash their way into her home was relieved to discover it was just blank.

Oh. A bear.

Two alligators. Oh.

Caleb Burris was inside with her.

Sleeping baby. An ovary of Florida.

“When she heard crashing on her porch and thought”

someone was breaking in. Thankfully, when she went to investigate you saw it was just two alligators and a fight to the death over who would get to eat that amtrak inductor.

[ Laughter ] Bill did face do well enough to win. Very close. Very close. Five.

Right. Ten more points. She's number two. Come is our camp. Thank you.

Thank you very much. [ Applause ]

“In just a minute, we'll ask our panelists”

to predict after a word or what will be the next time wasting activity to get turned into a TV show.

But first, let me tell you that.

Wait wait, don't tell me. It's a production of NPR and WBEZ. Chicago and association with urgent haircut productions Doug Birmingham and Neville and overlord. Phillips.

Our public address announcers Paul Friedman. Our ops manager is just zero of Vardach. Thanks to the staff and crew here at the Studio Baker Theatre. BJA leader and composer and theme.

Our program is produced by Jennifer Mills, Miles Dormbauss and Lilian King. Special thanks to Blahes Roberts and Monica Hickey. Peter Gwyn is our dog whisperer. Emma Choy is our vibe curator.

Technical direction to some Lorna White or CFOs. Call another of production managers Robert Nuells. Our senior producers in Chilag and the executive producer. Wait wait.

“Now panel, what time wasting activity will next become a TV show?”

Faith Saley. The Zillow Game Show. Can you guess how much your friend's homes cost? Tom Baudette. Don't read the comments.

Celebrities will be forced to look at the comments that follow pictures of them on the internet. Why we watch? Joy Allen Nicole Johnson. Why didn't we watch goofy billionaires?

Wine about taxes while eating out restaurants with no prices on the menu. Well, if any of that happens panel, we're going to ask you about it. You're on wait, wait. Don't tell me.

Thank you Bill Curtis. Thanks all set of Faith Saley. Tom Baudette. Thanks to our fabulous audience here. She's covering with the noise.

Thanks to all of you for listening. Wherever you might be in this bright, wide world.

I'll be here for a second.

We'll see you next week. [Applause] This is NPR.