Hey, it's Jeffrey Granger here to tell you that there is a new novella by my ...
vel co-creator Joseph thing coming out September 1st.
This frightening and addictive story is called The Nudge and it's time to pre-order this thing. Honestly, I hope you're pre-ordering all of your books when you can because that really helps authors get early attention on their books.
“Anyway, you should also pre-order the nudge because it's very, very good.”
And Chuck Tingle author of Barry Your Gaze says the nudge is a masterclass in slowly cranking up the dread until it feels as though the dial will snap right off. Caracas gave the nudge a start review saying it will resonate with classic horror fans as well as night vote devotees and they're not wrong. The print version of the nudge will feature illustrations by Jessica Hayworth very much in
the style of those horrifying but captivating sketches from scary stories to tell in the dark and the audio book version will be read by Kevin Arfrey and Cecil Baldwin. That's a huge choice to make whenever you pre-order the nudge wherever you get your books. Finally, Nightville's got a bunch of cool summer merch in the store right now for all your
sunny day needs, tank tops that say hot void summer, a raid on Canyon Beach town, tote
“bags, dog collars, tumblers to keep your icy drinks cool and of course shorts that say”
creepy on the butt.
Just go to welcome tonightville.com and click on store we're always adding and taking away
things so if you haven't looked in a while it's gonna look like a whole new store so check it out and hey thanks. Café in a best-in-form with the 9 cubo1 capsule machine von Chiebeau. In every cubo capsule deck spits and café from special Anbaogebieten for espresso, coffee creamer or coffee creamer on Knopfdruck. The new cubo1 überzeugt with premium design, compact
bag grisse and a small one-sticks price at 920 Euro. Thank innovative press blue technology would every tassel besonders aromatish with sampliger creamer. And decay now the cubo capsule machine in diner Chiebeau fiale and of Chiebeau d.e. You can catch more flies with honey. More flies is definitely what everyone wants.
Welcome to Night Vale. I'm not gonna sugarcoat it for you listeners. Things are a real sheet show right now. You know like when you hang up your sheets and then a big wind comes and blows them all into the trees, which scare the birds who fly into traffic and cause tons of car accidents, total sheet show.
In case you've been avoiding the news lately which I understand can be necessary sometimes for mental health. Here's the recap, starting with a bulletin list of major developments in the Marcus Vanceden and Jalen Rutherford murder cases. 1.
We learned that Marcus promised a big monetary donation to Harrison Kipps mysterious religious
group, but that money was never delivered.
Naturally we all thought that because of this financial backpedal, Harrison murdered Marcus in Retribution. We are now all very ashamed of ourselves, because 2. We learned that Jalen Rutherford who worked as a bookkeeper for Marcus actually intercepted
“those funds and stole the money for himself, that's why it never got to Harrison.”
And Marcus found out about this and now all signs seem to point to Jalen having colluded with an unknown assailant to kill Marcus preemptively in some kind of paranoid self-defense and probably out of a desire to keep all that money. Of course then Jalen was also murdered and we still have no idea who's responsible for that one.
But this all brings me to bullet point number three, our best intern ever, Jalen Rutherford double, who blew in on the last sandstorm, has been arrested by proxy for the murder of Marcus Fanston, since they can't arrest the original Jalen because he's dead. And now with Jalen's double in jail, things are not running smoothly here at the station. At all, for one thing I cannot find my stapler.
You'd be surprised how much I need and use my stapler on a daily basis. A lot of people don't realize that aside from being a deadly weapon of self-defense,
Staplers can also be used to secure papers.
Loose papers appear around here at an alarming rate and constant stapling is the only way
to keep them under control.
“Otherwise the air gets so clogged with assurling papers, I can barely see all my complicated”
radio, button, things and switch amogues. But maybe if Jalen's double gets his one phone call, he could give me a quick ring here at the station and let me know where the heck that stapler is. At least the good news in all this is that Harrison Kip has officially been cleared of suspicion. To comment on his ex-honoration, a message from Harrison Kip.
"Thank you, Cecil, and thank you, Night Vale, for all your support. Well, your support now, for a few weeks there, it seemed like old Harrison didn't have a friend in the world.
Have you ever been unfairly persecuted?
You know how lonely that can be. And that's exactly why I'm so thankful for my zealous spiritual practice.
“The unwavering dead-eyed fellowship of my metaphorical brothers and sisters, and the protection”
of my very literal God. As you can guess, it was a real blow for us to not receive that donation money from Mr. Vanceton before his untimely passing. Now all the cash that was earmarked for our whole list of denominations is missing. That's another story.
And I'd have all that, if anyone out there wants to absolve themselves of the guilt they have from believing for even one moment that I, Harrison Kip, was capable of murdering my dearest billionaire friend Marcus, you can make yourselves feel better right now, by donating to my religious organization. The more you give, the better you feel.
That's just how it works, spiritually speaking. I want to take this opportunity as well to make it clear that I am entirely opposed to bloodshed of any kind, unless that blood is being shed in the sanctioned blood shed out behind my place of worship, where the sacrifices happen. There simply must be rules for these kinds of things, murder rules are what separate
us from the snakes. Especially now that we're all able to smell the air with our tongues and hear with our jaws and devour our prey hole. Thank you. Thank you, Harrison.
Sorry again for doubting you. And now speaking of snakes, the children's fun fact science corner. This one was actually submitted by a listener. Let's see what fun fact Jimmy C has to share with us. Did you know that snakes are happy little guys?
It's true. A new study has revealed that venomous snakes in particular are the happiest little guys on the planet, because producing fatal toxins gives them a heightened sense of self-esteem. Brainwave patterns show that there is no greater confidence booster than knowing you can effortlessly incapacitate any other creature whenever you wish.
“Whether you want to eat them, stop them from eating you, or just for kicks?”
You are truly on top of the world when your spit is deadly, psychological testing indicates. There have even been lemurics written about this very topic, by some of our most famous lemuristists. For example, there once was a snake with no bite, his venom would not come out right, to the church gods he prayed, but the poison just stayed, so he went to the store and
bought sprite. And that's all I have here from Jimmy C. The fun fact was interesting, but I'm not sure about the poem. I'm not the most qualified poetry critic, but for a famous lemurist, that one didn't seem particularly well done.
And he is kind of an odd coincidence that Marcus Vanston's body was found with a dead
venomous snake and a book of lemurics with every third word circled, and today's science
fun fact happens to be about venomous snakes and contains a strange lemuric that also has several of the word circled. I mean, that's just a coincidence, right?
It's not like some anonymous informant would reach out with a coded message m...
me to read aloud on the radio containing some kind of hot tip about this ongoing murder mystery.
“Just to make sure, though, let's read those circled words.”
One, two, church, store. Nope, doesn't mean anything to me. Let's go to Deb, a sentient patch of haze with a word from our sponsor. Today's sponsor is Church stuff and more. Out behind the SD's track stop on Route 800, Church stuff and more has been a family-owned
business since 1988 when it was first established as a law firm for highway injury victims
by attorneys, David Church, Angela's stuff, and Rowan Moore. It was later inherited by David's grandson, Jimmy Church, who does not practice law, and rebranded the business as a religious supply store so he wouldn't have to change the name Moore out, get a new sign, Church stuff and more on Route 800.
“It's across the quick sand pit, so park in the big rig lat, crawl into the concrete tunnel”
behind the truck stop, and follow it to the store where you'll find great deals on ancient texts, candles, incense, talismans, spellbooks, potions, rain sticks, feathers, bones, teeth hair, genie lamps, synthetic psychedelic drugs, keychains with Latin words on them,
and live venomous snakes.
Church stuff and more! No religious affiliation required, come on down, come on down, Cecil! Wait, does it actually say my name in the copy? Deb? No, she already dissipated into the air vent.
I'd look myself, but I can't possibly know which paper she was reading from with all these swirling papers in the air. Okay, between the message in that poem and the message in that ad copy, my reporter senses are tingling. Something tells me I should probably follow up on this.
Listeners, I'm going to do it, I'm going to get my remote broadcasting fanny pack and continue my show down at the religious supply store behind the truck stop. Wait, what's that, Elise? My producer, Elise is saying I apparently can't just leave my booth with dead air for the next 20 minutes while I drive out there.
Ah, that's okay. I'll use this button that I normally reserve to edit out people swearing on the air. It temporarily changes how time works. Here we go.
“Listeners, I am coming to you live from a secret closet in the religious supply store behind”
the STS truck stop, where I am currently cowering in fear for my life. But let me back up. Church stuff and more is located in a wooden shack, obscured by blowing dust, the only structure on the other side of the quick sand pit beyond the diesel days. There's a billboard above the shack depicting a fender bender and two stock photo actors
yelling at each other. The tunnel that leads through the quick sand to the shops front door is barely wide enough to crawl through, but it does have nice stained glass portals that let the light in.
The time over the door plays the first few notes of the chorus to Leonard Cohen's Hallelujah.
When I entered, I saw young man reading a copy of the daily journal, which is running another limited print edition due to all the particularly grizzly and therefore lucrative news lately. Thank goodness, the man said when I walked in, "Then added, I don't like to say thank God, being an aviist myself." Hey, I said, "Did you send me a coded message in a science fun fact?"
Sure as heck did, the man whose name is Jimmy Church confirmed. Jalen Rutherford was my best friend, Jimmy told me, and him being murdered in an excessively violent matter really bombed me out. I was so sad that I couldn't even read the newspaper article about it until yesterday. And well, you know how they printed the big full-color high-res crime scene photos in there?
Away, I saw something in those photos that no one else saw, or maybe they saw...
but they didn't know they saw it.
“Do you know what I mean? Do you mean you know who killed Jalen? I asked.”
Sure as heck, too. Jimmy said, "Then he pulled a shiny gold collection plate from a shelf of products behind him. I got these collection plates at a discount because the paint comes off him, and the edges are too sharp, like razor sharp. It'll actually draw blood if you touch it. Try. I touch the edge of the plate and, sure enough, sliced my finger tip wide open. The day before Jalen got murdered, Jimmy said, "I sold one of these plates to Harrison
“Kip. Mr. Kip comes in here at least once a week and buys all kinds of things for his”
congregation, like ceremonial buckets and axes and rubber gloves and bleach and hacksaw's. Buy as a ton of stuff, usually. He's one of my best customers. But that day, he just bought this. I warned him about the sharp edges, but he said that was okay with him. He said he liked it that way. When I saw those photos in the paper and the marks on Jalen's body, I knew he hadn't been stabbed with a knife like people think, but slashed by one of
those discount collection plates. Jimmy helped the photos in the paper up for me to see, even though I had witnessed the actual murdered body myself quite clearly in person. This
is how I know. He said, pointing. And for the first time, I noticed glittery gold paint
flakes around Jalen's wounds. Then, Jimmy ran his finger over the smooth part of the collection plate in front of us and his finger tip came away glittery gold. Even if you're right, wouldn't we need to find the murder weapon to prove it? I asked. I only sold one, he said, and it's the same one we've been touching. Harrison brought this back in for a refund the day after
“the murder. Said it was too sharp. After all, I think he just wanted his money back after”
he got in his use out of it. This is the murder weapon right here. I told him I needed to hold Dana since she'd have a better idea of what to do from here. But before I could
do that, we heard the first notes of the chorus to Hallelujah play again. That's when Harrison
Kip came into the store and locked the door behind him. And Jimmy Church pushed me into a display of Pizzuzu nightlights that actually turned out to be a secret revolving door leading to a storage room filled with even more Pizzuzu nightlights. And that about brings you up to this speed, listeners. This is Cecil Gershwin Palmer, from a hidden closet inside of church stuff and more, broadcasting to you live, and hoping to stay that way. Pray for me if that's
your thing. I thought she was saying a prayer, but she's saying we need to go to the weather. Thank you. [Music] [Music]
[Music]
[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]
[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]
[Music] [Music] [Music]
“We always recommend Shopify. It took us from an idea to a real business. We got set up. I think”
in less than a day with very little effort. We could just focus on the supply chain to the product development.
Shopify gives us the ability to customize without the complexity. We can change something without introducing fragility or having to pay a developer. Well, Thursday, turtle and we leveled up our business with Shopify. Start your free trial at Shopify.com/AU. [Music] [Music]
[Music] [Music] [Music] [Music]
It's not a legal declaration. Dana's just been really into philosophy lately since she's
been doing all this homicide stuff. Death really makes you think about what even is life.
“I remember her saying to me recently to which I replied totally. Anyway, aside from Harrison,”
Shouting a summoning chant to his god and some horrible sounds coming from the sky, or maybe the universe, or maybe under the quicksand. Everything seemed to be under control, so I went ahead and fled back to my safe little booth here at the station. And it's a good thing I did, because I was just in time to receive a phone call from our former intern, Jalen's double, who will of course remain locked in jail as a proxy for the murder of Marcus Vanston, who was still, we think, killed by the original Jalen, who we now know
was murdered by Harrison Kip, simple open and shut case. Jalen's double called to tell me that Harrison
“was just brought into the jail, and that Jimmy Church, who helped Dana escort him there, came by Jalen's”
cell to meet him. That Jimmy had looked at him for a long time, and that he'd almost cried, but finally
he'd smiled. The two had a nice chat and found out they had a lot in common. Jalen's double is still upset at being in jail for a crime he didn't, technically, commit.
He also understands that he looks so much like the perpetrator that it makes ...
if he's behind bars, which is the main function of the justice system. But aside from that,
“he enjoyed meeting Jimmy Church, and he thinks they might just become good friends, which”
will be very nice for Jalen's double, since he is lonely and bored in there, and very nice for Jimmy, too, who misses his best friend very much. Ah, that's so great, I said, but do you know where my stapler is? At that point, Jalen put Dana on the phone. Cecil, she confessed, "I took your stapler."
But when I asked her why, she told me that having the stapler that once saved her life
was comforting to her, that she needed comfort because she was afraid, and that she was afraid because she found something out about this case that's bigger and more terrifying than any of us could have thought. Cecil, we were wrong, about the murder, about why it happened.
“Cecil, listen to me, you must, and unfortunately then, our three minutes were up and”
the jail disconnected the call. I hope she wasn't trying to tell me anything important.
Stay tuned for the ceaseless flutter of pages, some important, some meaningless, all thrown together
in one chaotic tornado, consuming the very idea of order itself. Good night, Night Vale. Good night. Welcome to Night Vale as a production of Night Vale presents. It is written by Joseph Think, Jeffrey Craner, and Bree Williams. Sound design and production by disparition. The voice of Deb is Meg Bashwinner. The voice of Harrison Kip is Jeffrey Craner. The voice of Night Vale,
the voice of Night Vale is Cecil Baldwin, original music by disparition. All of it can be found at disparition.net. This episode's weather is "Farting Around" is my favorite by Saint Alia of the Night. Find out more at the link in our show notes. Comments, questions, email at info@welcome to Night Vale.com or follow us on blue sky at Night Vale radio or on Instagram, Tumblr, and TikTok at Night Vale official. Tell a secret to your dog. What is your dog going to do? Tell everyone.
Depends on how much of a gossip your dog is. But mainly, check out Welcome to Night Vale.com
“where we have a twice monthly mailing list that is the best way to keep up to date directly from us to you.”
If you're able to, please support us on Patreon. It means the world to us. Today's proverb. If something seems too good to be true, it probably is. The truth usually sucks. That's how you can tell the difference. Hey, Jeffrey Kramer here to tell you about another show from me and my Night Vale co-creator Joseph Think. It's called Unlicensed. And it's an L.A. noir style mystery set in the outskirts of present day Los Angeles.
Unlicensed follows two unlicensed private investigators who small jobs looking into insurance claims and missing property are only the tip of a conspiracy iceberg. There are already two seasons of unlicensed for you to listen to now with season three dropping on May 15th. Unlicensed is available exclusively through audible free. If you already have that subscription and if you don't, audible has a trial membership. And if I know you and I do, you can binge all that
mystery goodness in a short window. And if you like it, if you liked unlicensed, please please rate and review each season. Our ability to keep making this show is predicated on audience engagement. So go check out unlicensed available now only at audible.com.
