From Marine to Actor: Maurice P. Kerry on PTSD, Betrayal & Starting Over

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Today's guest is someone who truly embodies resilience and reinvention. Rhys P. Kelly is an actor director and producer and decorated United States Marine Corps combat veteran who served during operation Iraqi freedom too. Like so many who served, his transition back to civilian life came with real challenges, and he's turned that lived experience into strength and forward momentum. Today he's starring on CBS's Beyond The Gates as Randy Parker.

Maurice, I'm honored to have you here. You served as a Marine during operation Iraqi freedom too.

“What did that experience teach you about discipline, brotherhood and survival?”

Well, the most important thing was, and we use the phrase often while there is complacency cues.

You know, and staying vigilant, you know, keeping vigilant will keep you alive. And remember, you're training. And with that, you had to stick to the things that you were taught. You have to listen to your command. Even if you didn't agree with what they were saying, you had to stick with them.

Because ultimately, the main thing we wanted to do was just come back home alive. You know, I didn't realize how important and how strong, how strong, you know, mentally going to combat with make me. One of the things that I say all the time is I say, you know, Iraq, I was shot at him bond in my enemy couldn't kill me. So what do you think your opinion can do to a man like me? You know, people will say things especially in the industry that I'm in now.

People will say things and other type of people will crumble. I'm like, this, this life we live is cake. It compares into what it could be.

“What do you think about what's going on right now with the war?”

How do you feel about that? I mean, to not ask you a veteran on this show a question about a war in the Middle East, it would be like the height of, it would be just for you. Right, missed opportunities. Thank you for that. Thank you for that.

Yeah, yeah. So, you know, I fought, I fought in the Middle East. And as far as I was going on right now, I don't, as it stands now, I don't know enough about the size to be able to give an informed opinion. You know, I mean, like I would love to.

But right now, I would be speaking from ignorance. I would genuinely be speaking from ignorance to give an opinion on something that I haven't researched. You know, what I do know is that I am a four liberal, you know, liberation on four human rights and freedoms of people. That is what I am for and that is what I stand for.

I always stand until this day, I stand for human and children.

So as long as we are protecting women and children and I align with that, if we start going against the things that go against things that are fundamental to me as a man, not protecting women, not protecting children. I'm not with. So, you've got a daughter then. Absolutely. Full time single fought.

For that 16 years, shall we 17 next month? I've got a 16 year old daughter. Also, you know, yeah. It was tough, it was tough 14 and 15,

but 16 million is a cakewalk.

Yeah, I was at my daughter's concert last night. And I just, I constantly tell her how proud I am of her, but I think it's partly self-serving because I raised her by myself, her whole life. And just to see the person that she's becoming almost 17 years old, AP classes, AP student, gifted classes her entire life.

And I like a proud of her because she's so much smarter.

“The only thing I tell her, I always tell her,”

the only thing I have on my daughter, the only thing I have is time and experience and wisdom. That's what I've got to wear. If she had my time and my experience, I couldn't touch her.

Well, when I first came home from Iraq, for one, I was not transitioning.

“I was going right back into garrison life.”

Right back home, back home, back home, back home in the base. So basically I was coming back to garrison and I was a married man. But you saw it, thought I was. And that was a no way. I don't know.

You're going to tell me this now. You're going to go do this with me. I got got. They got me. I got got.

So you're out there saving the world. And you got to be in your bed. You know, I didn't get the details. I wouldn't put it back. Because coming to find out, it was also a Marine and he was my neighbor.

So I wouldn't put it back. Yeah. And he was married two at the time. So probably. Not that I think about it.

Can't you watch it make me think about it? I'm sorry. But you're having it really well. This is not a Jerry Springer thing. You're doing really well.

How long ago is this? This was 2000. And so I came back from Iraq in 2004. So obviously we're 22 years ago. But I still tell the story off.

Often because, you know, now it's been so long. You know, I can look back and see.

“And I can learn from experience and also teach from.”

You know, I tell you like I tell you young new. We're crooks all the time. Don't get married young. I know. I know.

Don't do it. Give us some time.

So basically what ended up happening would be was I came back from from war.

And you know how you see in the movies where they have the, they're on the bus. And all the families are riding up. No. And everybody's all that. You got nuts.

I got nuts. Nothing. No family. No friends. No wife.

And I stood there. There for an hour. Because I just knew for a fact that my wife was going to come get me. I just got back from work. I knew it.

And then the bus driver before, let me say, you want me to drop you off somewhere. I'm like, my wife is coming. My wife is coming. So I started making that walk. You know, eventually kicked in.

I started making the walk. My house was miles away. But I was going to walk. I had my C bag. And I was going to walk.

And then my cousin pulls up. That was the walk.

So that was the walk a shame, dude.

That was that was the walk of. I don't have anybody in my life. I'm alone in the world. And I deserve to suffer this walk. That's what that means.

Let me let me let me interject.

“I would say it was not the walk of shame.”

It was the walk of pain. That's right. That's exactly up. It was the walk of pain. I did.

I didn't feel shame. I felt hurt. That's right. I got in in in in unloved and I'm tearful. So that's that was it's pain.

I'm sorry. And I'm sorry. That that was horrible. That is that is heartbreaking. I'm sorry.

My my cousin ended up his name. We we I'm actually. We're named after his dad. My cousin. I can pull it up and.

As I walk and he you know jumped in. Jumped into the car and he took me. He took me home. He made a stop before. But he took me home.

You know, a drop me off. And when I walked into my house. I had a story telling. When I walked into my house. I just knew for a fact that my wife is going to be right there.

And it was me walking. It was a living room. kitchen and upstairs. The bedrooms. I walked in and boom.

Okay. Nobody's here. All right. No. I know she's upstairs.

She's got to be upstairs. Wait. No. I mean. I've been going for months.

That's right. She's way more. So I dropped my stuff. And before I got home. I stopped by the store.

And I got met chocolate chip ice cream. And apple juice because those were her favorite things. And I'd with the kitchen. I made a bowl of it and you know glass. And I put a much straight.

I'm like, I can't. I can't get upstairs. I know she's upstairs naked. It's going to go upstairs. Um.

And I get to the bedroom. And the bed is completely made. Everything's clean. But no wire. And I was.

So this is where the delusion starts to kick in. I said to myself, there is no possible way in life. That this woman is not in this house right now. And so I put the stuff down. And I start searching the house.

I. This is how goofy I was. I looked under the bed. I looked in the closet. I looked in the bathroom.

Behind the shower curtains. I looked under the sink. I looked behind the. The. The refrigerator.

I looked in the pantry. I looked in the. The outdoor closet. I looked everywhere.

Because there was no way in the hell.

My wife was not in this house. Where was this woman? At the time I had no idea. But what I found out later. Because 10 years later, we.

We talked about that. That whole situation. And she was like right down the street at a friend's house. Because she knew I was back. And she didn't know what to do because she had been having sex with.

With a guy.

“And the only thing that I saw in the house was same down a place was the fact that none of my”

pictures were in the house. And she had a bottle full of water and cigarettes. So I was like, she didn't smoke her ass off. She never smoked. She didn't smoke when I was when I was there.

When I was there. So it was this. So the short number of everything come to find out. She was sleeping with a Marine. Who was my next or neighbor.

And he ended up getting afraid. And she decided to leave. So that was that train. Did you have the baby? Yo, yo, yo.

He had my name for a period of time because we were married. So he had my name. I found that out later, too. I was like, man, you just dead. I'm sorry, man.

Listen. That's traumatic. Listen. That's horrific. Oh, may I have one more thing?

Yeah. So when we were I said earlier than my cousin, I made a stop when he picked me up. He made a stop and I was very vague about that intentionally. Because he made a stop at the gym and he was talking to a friend of his. I found out later that my cousin that we're both named after Newbie and tired.

He knew everything. And he was sick to pick me up. And the guy that he stopped and talked to with the gym was the guy she was sleeping with. They were friends. And do you talk to the people anymore?

I haven't talked about cousin in 20 plus years. Good. 20. Yeah. Plus years.

PTSD doesn't always look dramatic.

Sometimes it's quiet. What did it look like for you? For me.

“Can you just do your wife sleeping with your next or neighbor?”

Yeah. That actually falls into the PTSD. It's funny because when I don't really date now and it. All that stuff matters. So for me, it's PTSD is not like what they show until the vision for me.

I know it is for some people. It's cripply. For me, I've learned to live with it in a way that I've made it useful. I'm hyperware, hyper focused and hyper vigilant. So I'm always watching.

I'm always learning. I'm always analyzing the situation when I step into a room. The first thing I do is I figure out who's the biggest guy in the room. If I need to break him down or something goes on, how would I break this person down? It's not that I'm something that I'm going on.

No, that's the way that's the way you're trained. That's the way you think. How do I break this person down effectively to get me and my people out of here? Same thing. If we're in a room, what are the exits?

How high off the ground if I have to go through this window? Stuff like that's what I'm thinking. And it happens so far. We're good. I got it.

When I'm driving, I'm always like, don't box me in because I'm going to figure a way out of it.

Because the thing is if I get boxed in and something's going on, I need to get up out of here. Basically, I'm a safe. You're a couple steps ahead. Your vision is always into the future and you're always anticipating. Impossible.

“And that's what, and that's how it manifested itself.”

Absolutely. We didn't talk about when you came home from the war before we got into acting. You had a bout of homelessness and I did, too. Tell me about that. October 14, 2005, I lived in a blue Chevy 2003 Malibu factory.

It didn't even belong to me, it belonged to another Marine who let me borrow his car. Just to drive around here, I had no idea that I was going to be using that as a base of operations for the next year. You had no clue. I didn't have, I was still a San Diego. You know, my family was back in Atlanta.

I was still a San Diego. Trying to figure it out, trying to make something work. I was also going through a divorce at the time. You know, within a whole situation, so I was going through a divorce. And so I had to wait because, so yeah.

And what I would do from time to time was, back then we still had my space. And so I would find a kind young lady who, you know, was sympathetic to my situation. And I'm saying, hey, I'm a Marine. I'm homeless. You know, mind if I use your couch, you know, I'll clean.

I'll cook. I'll do whatever I just, you know, place to stay. And every night, it happened three, maybe four times, where somebody was nice enough to let me stay on their town.

One of those people, I'm still in contact. I'm probably going to see her in May. I haven't seen her in 20 plus years, but I'll probably see her in May. Just to tell her, thank you because I probably wouldn't be here without her. But what's not clear in the chronology of events is when you came home,

then you're homeless for a little bit.

How do you get your first break into acting?

So 2006, this is before I went back to Georgia for a while. In 2006, I tried to get into acting, but I had no idea what I was doing. You're going to look at some of the background. It was a show called Veronica Mars in the city back there. 25 playing a high school kid.

And I didn't know what I was doing back then, and I gave it up. But in 20, so, you know, gave it up, had got married remarried, had a kid. And in 2018, February 2018, I made a decision. I said, I'm going to try acting again. A friend of mine showed me that he was in the board's supremacy.

And I was like, how do you do that? And from that point on, I decided to become an actor. And it was just a look I had at the time I had, you know, dreads and a big beard. It was a look I had at the time that they really liked.

And my very, very first television opportunity was McGyver.

“Was McGyver season three on CBS, which is one of the most important things ever though.”

Wow, McGyver. Yeah, not Virginia Anderson McGyver, but the newer one. Yeah, yeah, not that far, not that far back. So they did a remake, I think, in 2016. And so I was, I was on it in season three.

So good. And then going straight ever since, you know, got the work with Morgan Freeman by Le Davis. Chris Maloney. A lot of great names that I've had up to work with. You know, that's no Kim's work.

Yeah, yeah, it's, it was dope.

So, that's, I'm, let's talk about this because I want to talk about your soap opera for a minute. What's the name of your soap opera? I, I blame Randy Parker on CBS's. The anime Gates also streamed over here. Who, who he's sleeping with on the show?

As the currently no blind, see, I can't tell you not for the future. Currently nobody. Well, let's just say, let me say, I've been in the gym a lot. All right. I've been in the gym.

Yeah.

“So, Jim, so, I mean, what is, is that, like, what do I ask next?”

Do you have an a week on channel? Do you know that I met a guy who told me that I could make 60 to 70,000 bucks a month on only fans showing my feet? They like, my feet for the, I'm kidding. Listen, how big are your feet?

11/2. And I've got 11's. So, you should be making 65 to 75 grand. I got three feet. Don't know why I didn't want to see these boats.

These are very cool. Four. They got four phones. I think I'll be well.

“I think I need like day time and what's, what's next for Randy?”

Oh, I've got so, I, I love it. Randy does not sleep with this cousin. Hell no. She's really cool. Your cousin's really cool on that show.

My Atlanta slipped out just the hell. No, no, no, no, no, no. No, I love I love daytime, man. But I love the opportunity that it's provided. And but I think what's more important that I love is I love going in to the studio of the people that we work with are amazing. Like it is like a family in there. So the difficulty for it is because I do have PTSD and it affects my short term memory. There's so many words and so much memorization that I have to work especially hard to memorize my lines so that way I can be effective for everybody else because one thing I hate and I don't believe it being perfect, but I also don't believe it being a drag for somebody who's depending on me.

You're going to be over-prepared and you're not going to screw up. So that's that's the one good thing about having veterans who work for you. I mean, they're my best employees without question. Thank you. Yeah, I really want to hear there. I do wish I can do a little bit more physicality because that's where my heart is. Like I said, I work out a lift weights, I train, but it's very, very verbal and I would love to do a little bit more physicality. So tail share it. You know, if you may do enough and how that.

All right. So who are you going to, okay, so who do you want to sleep with on the show? Do you get to choose like I want to sleep with her?

I'm actually, I got to see the edit and I'm proud of it. It was, you know, still daytime. So it's, it's relative clean, but I'm going to have the love scene.

I did have the love scene. Have you started to develop real feelings for Mona and if so, will your connection to corrupt Joey Armstrong and his secret alliance with his cousin Hayley complicate things. And now that Hayley's con on Billy may be unraveling what happens next. So starting with the birth partner to question, as far as Mona and Randy, I believe it's, it's a genuine long for a safe friendship. Because my character, Randy, he is a he's a con artist, he's a criminal, I thought like tendencies. So he's surrounded by danger and evil and death. He's surrounded by these things, but the Mona comes in.

It's somebody completely, has nothing to do with this life and it wants to actually, it actually sees good in Randy. So I don't think it's romantic more than it's like an oasis, you know, it's, it's more like, God, there actually is a good person and that good person sees me as a good person possibly.

“So with that, yeah, I think that's what it more is, I'm not sure because Karen has her thoughts on her character.”

I'm not sure what it is on Mona side, but I don't know where Randy side, I believe it's more safe. She's safe, she's kind, she's not like us, you know. Now, as far as complicating with, with working for Joey, my, my criminal boss, I think it could complicate the, the plan with Bill and, and, Hey, I think it could complicate those things, but I think Randy is professional and smart enough to not allow it.

You know, he's not going to let that happen because it's like he doesn't want to die, he also doesn't want to miss out on 10 million dollars.

So I think he can, he can be friends with her, but there's going to be a little bit of distance. I don't know what the writer's going to write, but that's what I'm feeling from it, right? I can't wait to see who you're sleeping with on the show. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, she's up. Who do you want to sleep with on the show? Who do you want to sleep with on the show?

Wow, you know what, this is people as much. I want them to write a new character for Randy's love pictures, being to be honest with you. Because everybody on the show is sleeping with everybody that I'm like, "Hey, let's get ready."

“I knew a new girl, let's just get ready a new girl, you know, remember?”

Yeah, it's king to challenge love interest in black Panther. Black Panther, it was Nakeya, and in the comics it was Storm. Yeah, from the comics. Okay. I know, yeah, that girl, how was she going off? I would, yeah, I know, that was great. The chicks are going to run it.

Do you think I found my balls hurt? No, I don't. I can't see that fast, that far. Yeah, it's transformers. So people don't notice, but I'm, I was born and heard, a gamer, comic books, all that stuff. You know, but people would look at me and think that because I'm six point two hundred plus pounds with muscles.

You know, and I should shoot people for a living, so they're like, "Okay, he likes it, no." You know, I called it. All right, I do.

“And of all the superheroes, if you could be one of them, which one would you be?”

Icon. Icon is from milestone comics back in the '90s when a couple of black creators decided to create their own their own universe. So we have the DC universe, we have the Marvel universe, but back then it was the Dakota universe.

So Icon was basically a Superman-like character from, he was an exile from another planet.

But he could shapeshift and he landed during the time of slavery. But he had, but he was immortal, so they didn't play the Superman during slavery times. That probably wouldn't go well. But, yeah. But, so the, but the deal was, they, you know, made a mean immortal that he was in modern time.

So he was basically a Superman-like character. And like I said, it was the Dakota universe where it was all kinds of black superheroes. It was like, I don't know if he hurts that shock, he comes from the Dakotaverse hardware, which is sort of Iron Man-like.

Yeah, I told you.

You and I are never getting laid, never.

We're never getting laid. I have the old dude, like, ever. Hey, ever. We never again, ever again. I would be there.

So, yeah, it would be you who can be icon. I would only be Thanos. There. Let's see. Coolest character.

Coolest character. No. After some time, people are starting to come around. I'm like, he was kind of right. [laughter]

But, let's not even have that conversation. All right, let's not even go now. The haters are too much. So, let me ask you a question, my man.

“Is there anything you want to talk about that we missed?”

Anything you're doing next? Hmm. Oh, one thing I would love to mention is that I appreciate what you're doing. I appreciate you. And I have, I've marked a little of your story.

And I want to say, you know, first of all, thank you for what you're doing.

Thank you for what you had to go through to get here. You're the one that, you're the one that fought for your country. I just, I just held back a whole ex. I was going to say, well, you fought for your life. So, you know, fight for something.

Yeah. So, I don't know the biggest thing. Let me ask you a question. What do you, what do you, um, you ever use drugs? No.

No. You never use drugs. No, it was, it was for reason though. Those were reasons. So, my, my reason behind it was, um,

This is because I was black. That's why I didn't want to do it. Because in high school, they would say, you don't smoke weed. But you're black. And that pushed me off of it.

Got it.

“You know, I've, I've always been the, the, the, the roadless travel person,”

Because I can see where everybody else is going. I'm looking at where you are. Look on where the path is already laid. Y'all got that. Just report back to me and let me know what's going on.

I'm going to go over here. See, this does. I'm curious about what's over here. Because nobody's over there. Y'all are scared to go over.

Let's go over here. You don't want to go. I got it. So, my people would say things like, you know, But you're, when you went in with, but you're black,

It would deter me from that. My biggest fear is that someone's going to give my kids a, a pill or a powder. And they're all laced now. Okay.

All, and it's going on everybody. Okay. Have you had the talk with your daughter yet about not taking pills or powders or vapes or anything from her friends? We have had the conversations.

And I reiterate the conversations every time I might see it in media, film, television, things like that. I always reiterate. But I've also been the only person to raise my daughter. And I've raised her to be intelligent and

ethical and also to question things, as far as, like, You know, putting things into your body and only because someone else is doing it.

I mean, I need to always ask for a better reason than because my friends did it.

You know, because I will never accept that. So, she understands that it's a gamble. It's a 50/50 gamble and I don't like those asses. I was also too close. And you don't want to gamble with that.

And you know, not even deceased, which you would have worse, vegetative state. Now you're stuck. And now you've kind of burdened her, not only yourself, but the people that love you.

How about you?

“You know, anybody right now suffering from drugs and alcohol?”

I know of one lifelong alcoholic, which is my Michael. But it's his lifelong. He's in his 60s. He ain't changed. All right.

I'm running in with the right crowd. I have to. I have a kid. Kids. But you have a grade of two kids?

I have a son. Have a son. We didn't give you a son. You don't like your son? No, it's not that.

People like to ask a lot of questions about it. And I try to, he doesn't like the spotlight. How old you're boy? 17. Well, he'll be 17 this year.

So, how are you to be a rapper? And I did a rapper like things, like having two women pregnant at the same time. So, I did that. And so, you know, but he lives in Tennessee with his mother. And like I said, he doesn't like the spotlight.

So, I would have preferred it all those special moments. Everything that I ever did was everyone. Everything that I ever did would have just been with one person. One special person. I know.

I know. We're such a little bit. I have some modics.

We have so many stories with so many different women that that when I turn 80.

And let's say I am with somebody. I can't share those stories with her. Like, who wants to know? I would love to be 80 years old. We sit back.

Nothing worked no more. Don't like baby. We're real, we was on it. Seven, one time. Maybe that time we was in Seattle.

Why don't you remember that? I can't do that.

“So, at Carrera and one method, we, you know, obviously we take care of veterans.”

The, the one thing this time around when I came back to work was, and I was looking for a CEO. The only, the only criteria I had was someone who would build 1,000 beds for veterans. So we could take them right off the street and put them into treatment and change their lives. Now, that's my thing. Okay.

I love the military.

I've never been in the military, but this was my way of taking care of my country and my little small slice of the world.

Okay. What are you doing? What are you doing to make a difference? What I'm doing is I'm bringing light to and giving a platform and a signal to the things that there was going through that people forget about.

I'm, I often tell people that the military has done its job so well that people don't think they need us anymore. Very good. That's right. That's right.

“They are so good that that people don't.”

It's not that they don't think we need, we need them.

It's just, we take it for granted because, you know, we're so good at what we did.

And my goal is to bring a little bit more reverence and respect back to the military. You don't have to worship the military. I'm not asking anybody to do that. But I'm asking that, would you say thank you for your service to meet it and to understand exactly what you're saying. That somebody made a conscious decision to be willing to die for people that they don't know so that way you can say and do whatever you want.

And they did it willingly. So with me, anytime there's opportunities to raise awareness and shed light on the things, the good things and the, the the effort effects, something good in the bed of being in the military, I'm there. You know, as often as I can't be, I am there because I get it. I know who I could have been without the military.

There's a good chance I could be, I would have been in jail. It's probably still in jail now. If the Marine Corps had straightened me up. If a veteran is struggling right now, what would you say to them? Struggling.

Struggling. You know how, I mean, their veterans are struggling just being alone because the voice is and the trauma and the playing the tape back over and over again. And then, you know, they have some variation of standing out outside of a bus, having no one because even when there's everybody around them, they still feel like they've got nobody. Because nobody understands what the hell they went through.

You're answering your own question. Find someone I do that did. Find someone who does, you know, find an organization, find an ear, someone who doesn't understand. But also, and this is really the most difficult part is to find something in the prison and possibly the future to latch on to. Because the past is where the pain is.

“And if you want to hang out with pain, you want it to go away now. My hypocrisy right now, you're showing.”

And I will say because I, again, I don't have those fears. My hypocrisy shows because there are pains that I have in me that I actually don't want healed. I find them useful. You know, because that's your ache. It's familiar.

It's your ache. You're not ready to give it up. You know, and I wouldn't know who I would be without them. So I think what are those aches that you're not willing to give up today. Oh, now it's going to get, now it's going to get real.

All this bullshit's been bullshit just to get to right here right now. Let's do it. I, when I was born, when I was born, I wasn't born. I was born out of an affair that my father had with my mother. He was already married.

And my mother was used to having abortions.

My father was married. He didn't want me. And the only reason why I'm here today was is because my grandmother. My grandmother told my mom to go ahead and have his baby. She said, "Hall, and she did." And so when she had me, my mom still didn't take me.

I still stayed with my grandmother for months, until my mother was married. And even after she took me, there were moments where she would beat the shit out of me. You know, where she would get so frustrated and so angry. She would meet up.

“When's the first time you remember that happening?”

How old were you? Probably five. All right, go on. There's no that five year old. Do you know that, right? Oh, yeah. She and I, we've talked about it. We've talked about it.

And she had to get help. She had to go see people. We have a share of this. She likes it. I just don't do yesterday. You guys are clapping. You guys are clapping.

Yes. Very, very close. Okay. I want to check. I want to go back. I need to go back. I need to go back.

I need to go this in my head. All right. So, your five years old, your mom's beating you. You were only with your grandmother for the first few months until your mom could get her head around. Raising a child. Will you raise by your grandmother or by your mother?

I was raised by my mom. Okay. Go on. How old was your mom? How old was your mom when she had you? She was 25, almost 26.

You know how that is. They're babies. They don't know anything. All right. Go on. And so, yeah.

“And so, you know, by the time I was five,”

she had had my brother as well. And so, me and my brother were about five, just under five years apart. That, you know, growing up into that and looking back at the pictures of me and some of, you know, knowing who I was.

I was always trying to fit in.

I was always trying to be wanted. I was always trying to be loved. Like, I realized now, do you spend your dad? When was last time you spoke to your dad? I just saw him Saturday.

I saw him. But I, we don't talk regularly. Did you ever live with your dad? Never because he was with his wife. And his wife found out about me.

And that was, they're, they're divorced now. And that was a part of that, you know. So, you weren't a part of that. He was a part of what I made for her. For her.

For her. Yeah. Because she actually, she watches the show. I thought she was, I saw her Saturday. But the first time in 20 plus years.

And she was like, you, you, you do good. You know, because awkward is like, yeah, I'm, I'm the cheetah baby. Yeah. Good for you. Why is it?

Why is it? It's crazy. So, yeah.

It was something I was always driving forward to be wanted.

And, and I carried that feeling of not being adequate. And it makes me fight harder. But it also pains me because when will I ever feel good enough? Here. Let's get, let's get started with that.

Okay. First of all, you tell yourself a story. It's true story. Okay. You were not wanted.

Both parents wanted you aborted. And you survived.

“And the best thing about you is you had a daughter.”

And if you discussed is smarter than the both of us combined. No shit. No shit. Okay. I mean, it's the best thing in the world.

And, you know, most people, I always say this.

But, you know, people think they know what love is. But you don't really know what love is until you've had a child. You don't. You think you do. But you don't know.

Right. And so, yes. You started out and you were dealt a shitty hand. Okay. But you're a grown-ass man.

You're the dad now. You're the one providing the safe space. Okay. And the direction and the advice and the love. You're the one providing all of that.

You do it right. So, the narrative of I'm alone in the world is wrong. Because you've got this kid.

She's your family.

And you want to know what else?

One day, she's going to have a child.

“One day, and then you're going to be a grandfather.”

And if you think you're a good dad, wait till you're a grandfather. You're going to be the best grandfather in the world. And you're going to be able to play with that child all the time. And all the shit that you wish you had still. And then I wish I had still.

We're going to have it again. So, there's not a lot of room in our lives for a significant other. Because it means more what we've got is better. And we look back at that and we go back. We would want the love too.

And you'll find it for sure.

For sure. Young. You know, what do you like 38? 45. I'm telling you, bro.

Okay, you'll have it all.

“But the best thing about you is your kid.”

And no one can ever take that from you. No one can ever take what you did. Okay, and what you brought into the world. Okay, you're not alone in the world anymore, bro. It matters how you finish.

Okay, Jesus Christ.

How many games have you watched where you got blown out in the first quarter?

And you came back and won the game. That's you. That's that's who you are. I've become comfortable. I'm actually comfortable in the idea that some people are not meant.

They're meant for more, you know, and I'm hoping I'm one of those people where they're meant if I were to take my folks to put into a significant other or wife or girlfriend that there's a possibility that somebody else who needs my attention. You know, my miss, I don't something important. I don't know.

Because there are people out there like that who are, you know, focused on just helping people.

“And maybe that's what I was meant for is to be something else.”

I don't know. I don't know, man. We'll figure it out as we go, but you know what? You know what? I want to enjoy what I want to start learning how to do.

Have a good time. Yeah. I want to start learning to have a good time. I want to know what, bro. You might want to start learning how to have a good time, too, because our kids are 16 years old.

And they've got friends and we've got shit to do. So we better find ourselves lives. And at least you're working on a soap opera. That's the scariest thing. It's scary.

It's scary being a celebrity. And then I get DMs and you know, social media all the time. I'm a guy. I love you. And if you're ever in this and ever in this city.

And I'm like, oh, don't. I'm like, I don't. I don't want to be with some. I would have loved to have met somebody permanent before all of this. Because now I question the genuity of some of the people now.

It's like, are you a genuine? Are you here for Maurice or who are you here for? No. Let me just say this for, you know, the people who are watching. If people who see this.

Well, obviously, they are sympathetic to the military. But just if you, if just this one time, especially during the month of May, if you see somebody in the military or know somebody in the military, just reach out to them and just tell them, thank you. You know, and mean it.

You don't tell them, thank you if you mean it. And that's really it. There it is. See you next Tuesday. There it is.

It wasn't that hard.