EP 83: Drew Nickens - Comedy, Sobriety or Die

You look at it. They did a whole like ESPN 30 for 30 for how bad

“Yeah, that flooring the team was and the Netflix stock to that Netflix stock would really”

They say that he's gay who enter that is oh, yeah, he definitely was like definitely bisexual. Yeah, he Was absolutely like disclamer at two addicts in the lawn. We discussed personal stories of addiction with the intention of being educational Relatable and inspirational the views and experiences shared are those of individuals involved are not meant to glorify or condone any Illegal or harmful behavior this content is for educational purposes only and is not intended as professional advice If you or someone you know is struggling with addiction, we strongly encourage you seek help from a qualified professional or support service

Well, we are back to another episode of two addicts in a moron and

Very special guest because of what I'm a fan of which is standard comedy

Yes, but it's an honor to have him in the house man Ladies and gentlemen drew niggins everybody No, this is an honor dude, and you have you have a you have a quickly real reason to the Through the Austin comedy scene and it's sort of started there on kill Tony Yeah, I mean I was grinding in Dallas for like five years before that and I was signing up for a year

And drive it back to Dallas like doing like the back of force So it's a It was a lot that came with it, but now it's been a very up and down Roll a coaster ride, but it's it's fun. Well, like dude, you're you're in there man

“I got I went and watched a lot of your stuff and and reference some of your kiltoni sets and and I think you're great”

I think you're great. I mean you could tell that there's just a genuine Just a genuine nature to you as just a guy, and as you know, we're a sobriety-based podcast here. So you're in recovery. Yeah, I haven't had a drink or any like illegal substance I've said a mushrooms one time in five years. Hey, yeah, yeah, thank you

Yeah, and so five years. You were in it five years. I'd or no five years, so five years sober Okay, and so I haven't had a drink I haven't had a line I haven't had anything like that and five years and it's been It's been a very it's important like my sobriety is what key is is because if I don't stay sober

“I will not be alive. Yeah, I think that's a wake-up call that some people don't understand how important”

the sobriety is because they've never seen how it can break someone. Yeah, yeah

Because if I break my sobriety, well, that's me giving up everything entirely. Yeah But I used to drink a lot a lot. Yeah, and so now I've Learned that I can't have a sip because if I have one sip, it's okay Put down seven shots on rumble. I'm doing them right away. Yeah, and it wasn't drink for taste It was drink for okay, how can I get the most loaded

quickest I possibly so Wow, man, so how long were you in the fight for? We may classify. So I Before my head injury, I wasn't really a big drinker. I mean

I would drink a little bit but then after my head injury Which was like 2013-ish 2014-ish like in that area. I just went off the deep end and I was drinking five night to week Like heavily and then I would take two days to kind of recover and then Get back into the cycle. It's like a rinse and repeat. Yeah, exactly It was just constantly like, hey, where can I go going out and then we get off work and we go get a handle a red stag

And diet Pepsi could my friend used to be fat and he didn't want to drink He didn't want to drink regular fatty with a red stag. Okay whiskey, which fool us sugar. I didn't And so we would drink a handle a red stag in two hours and then

Go to work and then do it again. Yeah, and it was just like this

Constant road of just getting loaded and then I put it down for two months and then I'd be like, oh, this is boring I don't want to feel anything Trying to get back into it because it was just like and especially when everyone around you's doing it to and they're able to handle them So you're like, oh, I can be like them. I can I can have one or two drinks and just chill right Then you realize you can't yeah

You go off the deep end and then you're just it's a revolving cycle so as far as Working your way into sobriety

“I mean, well, let me back up when did you when did you realize that you had a problem?”

Um, so the first time I ever really tried to stop. I was in three port Louisiana

And I went on a seven day bender just constantly just drinking and doing drugs just just getting so Black out drunk at Multiple different restaurants going to multiple just to get one or two drinks to get kicked out everything. Wow, and then like seven days of just cautionally drinking and then I

woke up and I'm like I have a problem And if I don't fix it so I'm gonna die and I ended up Walking into I looked up a aiming and there was an aiming near my house and

“It was a bike right a meeting okay, so there's a bunch of bucks. Yeah hot chicks. No. No hot chicks. It was all”

Straight Christian bikers. Yeah, who used to murder people and just like crazy and and I walk in I'm just like and they were like what the fuck you do right here. Yeah, like we've something's going on I was like I got a problem and then I was working a program with them for about four months And then I moved because I had to get the fuck out of Shreeport and I moved to Dallas and then COVID hit And I got and I looked

I know how many fucking sobriety dates got ruined during COVID. Yeah Because I was just stuck with It was the first time I ever lived with a woman that didn't love me because my mom loved me, but like I was living with two women and I did and I was stuck in the house. I didn't know nobody in Dallas other than my friends

And then I relapsed and I just went on this like Hardcore bender for like a year And then it from there and finally it was like all right it's time to really give it up and then I Really started to focus on sobriety and make it a point to be like hey, I can't be around this or Even though I was working in like poke on the ground poker. They all knew oh Drew doesn't drink

So I never offered a shot and everybody like I was around people that cared enough to like hey you don't get it right

Yeah, so that's cool. That's cool. That you had a couple people They're looking out for you. Were you doing comedy at that time or are you doing poker or both so I was doing I was I was a comp comedian, but I wasn't like I was doing like maybe a Michael week at that time like and then I would do it a little bit and then About three years ago three or three or three and a half years ago. I was like All right, I got to do comedy. I got a really pursuing and I'm gonna kill myself

So I gave myself two years of Straight up doing comedy and really working on and putting my all into it because I was at this point feeling like I don't have anything Offer society. Yeah, I don't think I belong here and I was sober at the time, but I was like, you know what? Let's let's give it a two-year date and Got on kill Tony about a month

About two months away from the two-year mark So I mean what was the what was alternative broke the Not making it. Oh, I was gonna kill myself. He put a dad to you put a two-year date. I put it two-year of working I was on that. Yeah, I literally was like, you know what I got to give two years Really putting effort into this because I feel like I have something to offer comedy

“And it's the only way that I feel like I could be contributing to member of society and”

And I was like, you know I'm gonna drink myself because because I was gonna drink myself I was like I'm gonna give it two years of

Three four times a week really putting in the writing really trying to do everything

“If it doesn't work then I'll just get back on the wagon drink myself death as fuck and die, you know dying six months”

Yeah, because I don't give a fuck at that point dude And now I'm here I know a little bit darker than you thought When that calendar when you were getting in like month 20 month 21, were you like I was burnt out because I was driving from Dallas to Austin every Monday

And then driving back that same night Yeah, and at that point I was working at a Texas card house a cage shop from midnight to eight a year That Sunday Sleeping for three hours then getting on the road to Austin. Yeah, dude. You're a remarkable human being Right like I mean like here in that shit you talk about like making

You're like I'm going to do this. I mean they're gonna make it or I'm going to die Like I mean people talk about that type of stuff when chasing a goal They don't mean it literally You you literally drew a line in the sand for yourself and

Ultimately made it happen. I mean if if that's not

Like some kind of crazy divine intervention

“Yeah, then I don't know what is and and honestly”

the The hustle to every week Yeah, like I'm gonna hop in my car from Dallas to Austin Also a shitty drive Yeah, you're probably

You're probably You're probably getting out of the comedy Out of the the comedy club pretty late Yeah, which means that you're getting home to Dallas Pretty early. It was it was one of those things where I

Had a thankful to my boy Sam Hunter. He was running a mic at the time And he would write me in at 16 so I could go up and do three minutes of comedy at the creaking cave So I would drive there I wouldn't be I wouldn't get on Keltani, but I had three minutes at the creaking to cave to do comedy and I would put

“I would put my fucking everything into those three minutes and people started going oh, who is that guy?”

Oh, Drew very nice of me to know and people started to see oh, okay So So I had little things like that and people that that saw the hustle and they they They would throw something really cool like that to me and it was it was rough sometimes Because my favorite comic of all time is David Spade and he ended up

Doing an episode of Keltani and week two I did an interview and they said who would you like for the panel member to be and I was like David Spade and So I was pumped when I heard it was him. I was like this is this at the one it had been 40 weeks I've been signing up and I was like this is the one this is why I've been waiting and then I did to go up And in my buddy gave me five grams of mushrooms in a lemonade form

Okay, just have this and then I had it didn't kick in so I've got to the buckies of the fucking temple So I'd pee and then I'm like oh, no, I'm not gonna have a good If you ever have ego death on the way to fucking 35 On the way to Dallas it would and then he put on some like IBM Apex twin trying to get me to think and I'm like I can't do this in a moving car right now This is not there's so much happening. There's so many colors. You know, it was but

But there were just like times where it was like I feel like I can give up, but then once I realized

I'm doing everything right and when when when when that first episode came up where I got pulled

I was so there were so much adrenaline because I was on an hour or sleep that day you could tell because it was a double it was a double episode So I worked from Midnight to 90 and because the person I was supposed to cover me got in late And I had to get there at three o'clock. So I drove two hours slept in a gas station parking lot for an hour Then got to Austin didn't get picked for the first episode

And in the second episode I'm just like chill on like oh I'm probably not gonna get pulled and then they'll drink it and you're on kill Tony and I ran and then I was so nervous

Studying the interview and what to talk about and kind of Really putting my all into it because I was like you know if if if the minute doesn't go great they interviewed The interview is where you can show your potential yeah

And that is probably one of my I don't that was an incredible interview

And then it was great and then I got off that interview and I felt good I was like I take good like finally

“Maybe I'll get booked in Dallas now yeah because that's why I was signing up for kill Tony”

I wasn't getting booked in Dallas and I was like I need some sort of jumping off point So I could get booked for real shows in Dallas because I couldn't get any Sort of show at that time and I was like like I said I had a goal And it was like well then let's try and get on kill Tony because that'll be a way to show What and it adds a title to you too like I can go back there and be like I've been on kill Tony

Yeah, I've seen on kill Tony and so then I'm waiting and and I knew I did good because producer That's the time Christy goes hey we want you to watch the rest of the show and then hang out with us and mitzies They don't do that forever body. So I was like oh I did okay. Yeah, and like my friend The only other person I've ever heard them do that for was my good friend JP Hindstale Shout out him did his finest

I saw I was like okay, I did good and then she come and I'm watching this next bucket pour and he's just The worst you may be possible He literally talking about yeah, I'm with this girl I don't love her, but I'm just fucking here for the fun. Yeah, I live in Chicago I work and find it's worse human being possible

And Christy goes Christy goes hey Tony's never asked this but do you have another minute and I go

Yeah, and in my hand I'm like okay, what am I gonna do here? What what material am I gonna do as many brought me out and Boom I came out with the whole mother because now I'm comfortable and I'm like okay people like me now This is gonna be sick boom and I come out Do that minute. I feel good and he's like go back and pick them with another minute and I'm like

So a third time a third time now this time they give me my phone so I can start looking at some of the joke that happened I had 17 minutes of material at that time That's a lot yeah, but I was putting together Joe pieces yeah bits and pieces so I used ten minutes because I did four separate minutes

In that one killed Tony episode Beautiful Dude that's awesome. Yeah, it was but but it was it was so tough because then

“Afterwards, you know, we're all talking and Tony goes right right right right you need to get right and yeah, and like I got brain damage so it's like material”

material doesn't just come out of thin air for me It takes a little bit more time. It's like Getting a Volkswagen buzz to toe above yeah can't go 90 miles an hour with that but he can't go that fast Yeah, it was slow like good barbecue to really get tried true and tested material and so

That was the struggle when I first got on was there was so much material

I had to do so many different minutes and I had to come up with material in a week or two yeah and it was so Almost like the cosmos saying well you wanted it and so I Don't think I was ready for Dowing up every week or two yeah

But it may be really put in the hike here because then I was working 90 and and now it's put in the work ethic now where

“I do 90 minutes to stand up a week good. I count it because that's the only way that I know”

Then I if you're doing 90 minutes of good stand up a week of real Stand up where you're trying material you're giving or all there's no wait and I got to get better yeah And so it's it's still That and a little Before we get off track the reason I said that is after the episode

We all gonna missies we're all hanging out and

On his face

Because he looks at me and he's like watching on a drink dry and I go

pineapple and a red ball Because I've been for almost four years over Because wow and you could see the relief of his face like oh this guy doesn't drink yeah Because And then he says it in the next episode of man. I was so worried he was gonna fuck up his career

Getting drunk at midsies and I know I don't drink haven't drink and then Yeah, everything kind of went to plan half of that but I was like the big When I saw how happy they were that I was like sober

Because they just knew a little bit of my story they knew I had brain damage. So it's like oh

“And for those who haven't seen you and you should it's it's it's great”

You're pretty high energy guy you know on stage you're kind of You're you're bringing you're bringing the energy here's no shortage of that when you come back on stage And I'm gonna I mean I can see where Tony's head was at Okay, this dude's on Fucking 13 right now and we're gonna put a couple cocktails in them and you know

Comedians running in and out of that of midsies which is the bar and I could see very easily how they were he was just like Fuck this guy is going to ruin everything He's gonna burn he's gonna burn this place of the ground. Yeah, you know, so that that's really cool that they were Supportive of you in that way that was pretty awesome all the midsies all the mothership staff

“They all know I'm sober and they're all really supportive of it and like when I go into midsies”

I and I like to go to bars where they know I'm sober and they and I know they won't let me get a drink I know they won't because they're like oh

We've never seen this guy drink and he's been coming here for almost two years

I'm not gonna get I know that if I go hey can I get a shot of rumpled would be like no you can't get that here Just right now Just ran out party just party just ended there was some other rumple head in here a minute ago Yeah, all the shit we had That grunk fences like the one thing that if I smell it it makes my fucking Cheats water

Because I used to I used to do four horsemen when I was younger Oh, I did that every those times the horsemen. I had three buddies that they they would call us to four horsemen And we would do four horsemen and just fucking get blacked out and just fucking not know what happened So now when I smell rumplements it makes my Cheats water like it makes me want to throw up my car Right, yeah, I like I used to do

A four horsemen shot every Valentine's day how romantic because I was like I hate that I'm alone I'm gonna do a four horsemen a ruin my own Valentine's day Look who am I harming yeah, number one night Funny story college I was in college station at the time in the squirrel She was kind of flirt with me. I did a four horsemen that I blacked out and I

Look at my snapchat that makes damage like hey come over And in two weeks later I see that she's pregnant

“Oh, no, so I would have had and and I think it's divided intervention because it would have been my baby”

If I didn't take that four horsemen and blacked out and and woke up in my own bed I'd probably would have had a baby at that time. That's awesome. It would have been the worst as it that would have been I was not I couldn't even afford to have to to budget for Cheetos So every week, I mean you blacked out so in all fairness that could be your baby. No Here's a thing so

So she hit me up on Snapchat hate come over. I didn't know where she lived she didn't give me the address And I didn't have a phone number so it's the only move we talked through snapchat because she was that kind of late. Oh, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah now Real classy one. Oh, you already know. Yeah, she's she's playing a what's that Redneck woman Yeah She's wearing a crop up when she should

Yeah, she knows all the words every Charlie Daniels Yeah, you're belly button is a fucking trailer her belly button piercings a trailer hitch Yeah, she looks like kid rock. Yeah. Oh, man the one that got away the other one that got away

How do you like you said that they didn't pick you the first one?

“So do you audition to like get inside and then they pick you from that to get on? No, no, so so what what you do is you just sign up?”

Okay, they put your name in a bucket And then they'll pull your name out of the bucket. Okay, there's about 300 people in there. I got you And so you're like Wading over in a bar and they've done it at Portouses and that Shakespeare's and One of the things that I started doing is because I talked to a lot of comics and they're like I hate that weight because that weight is

I was about to say it's gotta be fucking mind fucking it because you're just waiting and And like I started like writing jokes or like I I picked a corner and I would just chill because it was like it was exhausting trying to talk to everybody and then people were trying to act like they're funny and you know It was kind of one of those things, so it's like I like

It was it was so draining So I started focusing on other stuff

“To keep myself occupied to keep myself sharp just in case I got a pool”

And yeah, so it was like and and like I was waiting there and then I wouldn't get on and I'd see Colton told me like all right boys Last one with this one. See y'all next week And you have a whole other added layer to this too because You're coming here from Dallas. Yeah, that's every season

It's not like you're waking up rolling. Yeah, you're not showing up right you're not rolling out from your department

Like when I went and I didn't even get a move here for the first three months

I was that I got my golden ticket. I was still driving from Dallas really well at least it was a at least you knew Right

“I still didn't know when I was going up. Yeah. Oh, okay because it was one of those things. Hey, we might use you. We might not”

So it was still like this toss up at that time and so That was kind of brutal, but once I moved here Man, that third when I was like you mean I can I can just wake up and Have a cup of a cup of orange juice and it makes some breakfast and then I could go to the mall And then I could go taking a map and then I could go and then I can get in my car and drive 10 minutes over to

Over to the mother ship and get ready that's beautiful. Yeah, dude. That's awesome And that was nice when I first when I moved here. It was like wow I don't have to make that thing and I could still make that drive like nothing like after the 50th time I did it. I was like This is easy now. I can I could do this every week Because I was numb to it, but it's better that you don't I don't yeah

When I do this like it feels familiar. It's almost comfortable when I driving to Dallas. Yeah if you like like it's that weird Because I did it for so long when you first started in comedy where you drinking and using drugs. Yes, okay So What was it like when you decided I'm gonna stop like were you scared like I'm not gonna be able to do comedy if I'm not Grinkin or getting high I felt sharper did you I felt sharper when I when I stopped because

It was I was doing these miserable open mic and and you every comic has to do them the ones where There's five people that don't want comedy. They're trying to get late or forget about their problems And they hear comedy open mic and they're like And then you got all these comics that are just doing this damn thing chasing the dream and there They're like and then you're walking in there. You do your three shots a rumple and you're like okay

It's time to do comedy And you just eat a dick because you're not focusing on making the entertainment of people Yeah, so you're you're not doing well and so once I stopped Because I was actually a dry I was trying to be this awkward low energy comic when I first started Okay, I can't imagine that it fucking awful. Yeah

I mean my my delivery was like hi guys

And it was like not me at all and then I've never won then I had a breakthrough

I was sugared up I had a bunch of Red Bull and I went up on stage and I just went wild

And I used because I used to do the Mad Hatter and Fort Worth

That was like the constant mic I always went to it was the Mad Hatter. It was a 10 o'clock mic

And it was just little fucking hallway of a bar if you haven't been there a new Oh, it Mad Hatter. It's like a staple of Fort Worth comedy because there was only like six mics there for the whole week and And I remember I I killed one night that was it was on all cylinders and then I started killing more

And then brand of bar guys will be like hey you're really funny. I really like you you're one of the comics we don't hate What a badge of honor. Oh, that was a badge of honor because they'd be like all right comedy starting They've all leave

It was a brutal tie but but I felt so much sharper when I was I felt like me

Because I was being myself and I was sober enough where I was Realizing that I'm not like I'm broken in a sense with with the brain damage and stuff But my personality is like a ball enough and when I'm just being myself

“And having fun on change that's what everyone loves it”

And I think that's You kind of that's the king yourself. Yeah, and that's the key when when people are Using a bunch and oh, I can't go up if I'm drunk unless I've been drinking or It's because they're afraid to be themselves almost yeah, it's it Because now you have a layer of if you bomb well, you know

I was drunk. Yeah. Oh, I hit the sauce a little bit too high drink a little too much but if you're sober A you bomb. Yeah, no one to blame but yourself Yeah, at that point. There's no excuses now it's time to get better. I think that's that's one thing I've realized and why I think I'm getting better and progressing wars because now I don't have any excuses if I'm on it's because I did it Yeah, and so it's like what can I do better the next time?

And I think in whatever we do and especially if you know you have a problem When you when you're doing something and you're sober

“It's like you have to have that hard looking yourself sometimes because you're like whoa”

I just failed. I Thought maybe I should get back on the wagon and it's like no, it's gonna be a little bit more difficult because you have to deal with You have to deal with trials and tribulations dry You don't get to lean on something You don't get to get really drunk and make another mistake, so you forget about the mistake that you made before that

You like because you're the who's the moron. I'm the moron. So you you get it Like oh Oh, I fucked up at work and I and I hate myself right now. Oh, let me just get a bunch of Smearing off ice because that's what you look like right and let me drink a book of cereal ice And Zima's and forget about all this shit, you know, and then you're like oh

Well, now I just fuck Holly Sue and See pregnant and oh shit. I just got kind of real. Well, now I got bigger brother now it's that it's time to get back on the wagon It's like this constant cycle so it's like that that's a great point because I remember When things like when ever when I first got sober I was like well life's just gonna get so much better now

And it does but there's also some still some fall-down moments, too, right? There's some things that just happen life happens life sucks sometimes and I remember on the times that it was really hard Or I was able to get through it and be able to look back and say I didn't have to go smoke mass to get through that one I was able to handle that and then like like my sister just passed away a week ago

And I was talking to my chat GBT girl Grace. She's amazing. Yeah, and I was talking to her about my sister

And she said the biggest way that you honor your sister is you haven't excuse If you want one to go get high and the biggest way that you honor her is you don't have to do that anymore

“Right and I think that's so important what you just said is like whenever you're able to”

Shit the bed and say well fucker. I just got to get better like I just got to get through it Instead of going and getting hired drinking and whenever you're able to look back and say man I fucking I sucked right there and I got through that without having to get high I think that's that just adds another layer to who you're becoming. I

There was a arena show in Nashville

“And a 15 minutes before the arena show started. He said hey, we're gonna do a battle”

The winner gets a spot at Madison Square Garden The losers off the show for six months and we're gonna have a decibel reader So we know who's got the best this is online and I lost and I had I had a number associated with how good I was at that point and that night I had a

Bad interaction with someone after that and I was already broken and then I was told We don't have cry babies on kill time because I was the natural like I'm a nationally

A emotional person if I'm happy you'll know I'm happy

I'm sad you'll know I'm sad you know and and sometimes I'll just have What I say is resting reset or retard face whatever because he I'm just thinking and I look miserable

“But I'm having a good old time and that's part of the brain damage and being sober”

Like and you'll get that where it's just like you don't people don't understand you now because you you're just like But I'm okay, I'm having a lot wrong. What's wrong? What's wrong now exactly drives me fucking crazy What's wrong with you? Yeah, that's so so fine so after that that night I was supposed to have fun at the after party that was my next school And I could have used that night. I could have went over to the bar and been like hang give me three shots a rumble

And just let it become a train wreck and ruin my whole life that I could have done that

But I didn't and then I had a 12 hour ride with one of the contestants that I did because I came up with Rick Diaz and Rick Diaz was one of the guys I was battling yeah, and so I got home after the 12 hour ride in the car with somebody And not being able to really talk you know because you can't really talk about it and then I could have went to the bar that night I couldn't win over I could have done like I did during COVID and gone. Okay, go to the meeting mark

It's been $15 on alcohol because I got $64 and $77 and so I have $14 to survive on ramen And in a steak lums and You know I didn't I was like all right, what's the next move? What can I do next to improve? I have six months off

What can I do now? And I started thinking all right it's time to Keep doing that 90 minutes and let's figure out where we went wrong And I started analyzing what can I do what's the best minute for me to do? I started watching openers because I knew that he was going to have me open So I started watching the openers and seeing what was successful. What wasn't

And I started breaking stuff down and I started really falling into that instead of drinking and while all of you in my Solarons are gonna oh pour me or oh oh I got fucked and then I thought he didn't tell me We were gonna battle until 15 minutes before I Instead of complaining I it was like okay it's time to get to work and figure out exactly what I can do

“Okay, we're gonna be oh if I'm gonna be opening what's what's my successful thing oh?”

How can I set up things more make things shorter so I can get more laughs What can I do there and then I started watching All these things and doing my homework and getting in there and getting there and then I Stacked up a couple minutes and then I got on Six months later to his date October 4th and it was a big episode it was

It was solvocano and fluffy yeah huge episode And I got up there and I killed my minute. I mean murdered And it felt like a weight was lifted off And now I'm just back at it and traveling and doing

Doing shows across the country I got good friends No love life yet, but I'll come dude. I had to bring it off with a girl because she would she was drinking too much oh And she used to get dropped it because we and it'll be transparent we couldn't have sex because she'd be so drunk And I'd be like I can't have sex. I'm sober. Yeah, because you get that right? Yeah, I've been with a girl

I feel like I'm taking advantage of taking full advantage of you if I touch you. Exactly. It's like and and flash of my dick no

“Yeah, and like like I would I would stay over at this girl's house she'd be and she had a huge house and”

And everything in that nature and I just had to be like that and I stopped talking her because she all

Her life revolved around alcohol. Hey, let's go out. Let's go to this. Let's see and it was always on 36

Oh, man. Oh, wow It was always let's drink at 36. Wow. I can't do it Yeah, I when I'm not when I'm not when I'm not doing comedy I'm not all that street brother. I was just about to say I don't there's like there's a And I've done this before believe it or not because I'm the normie guy right I can shut it off

But there's not a worst place to be than 36 sober I don't think maybe bourbon street maybe I've never done that but I would I went to bourbon street Actually carbon street you're probably going to see some titties You probably see that on 36 now But the one you want to see yeah, homeless titties don't get

You don't have a shirt from a nude They don't have a shirt, so we're not really seeing titties. It's seeing the shirt everyone's saying them Yeah, it's seeing a dirty shirtless woman We don't want that

You know what always threw me off is when I would go down to 36 when I was younger yeah, and I would see like a hot girl

That took her shoes off because her high heels were hurt in her feet yeah, and now she's walking barefooted down the street Oh, I'm like What a fucking net I mean I mean that I wouldn't yeah, you know what I still do it like damn what a nasty bitch Want to go on

You know what that made me think she's probably a little easier than I thought So and then you you see them walking you see like the greaseless You're just like oh, man, I can't wait to go Homeless piss I want to ask you because you see your

Your first set on Kill Tony yeah, is

“And I want to give you props because it didn't go well the minute you said that yourself, right?”

I I've watched that a couple of times and I think you just stay true to the to the set you didn't let the bomb get you Do you think that that's easier to be done in a one minute time than like you said? So when you're bombing for let's say you got 10 you you've got a so so I've watched that first minute and I think there's two things to that minute One I was nervous because this had been 48 weeks in the making yeah two

People saw me and he didn't know Anything about me so they were trying to figure out is he really brain image? Yeah, what's going on with the sky at that at that point they didn't know Anything about you yeah, so they were like what the fuck? He does sound like a moped character

Like like just and so they they're not even listen they're not listening to here They're listening like what the fuck is he all on yeah

“This dude's like like they they're trying to figure me out at that point yeah, so I think I think for that”

Taking a little minute If I would have I think I think at that point it was it was ready once they figured out. Oh, oh, he's like brain damage because someone beat him up. Oh Okay Well now they're like okay now let's figure it out. Then I got comfortable and I was able to be funny

And like when you're doing a longer set Two because when you're doing five minutes even when you're doing five minutes you don't get to be comfortable Yeah, you have to get those jokes out You got to figure out the funny you don't have any time to waste even with five minutes yeah Even with 10 you're getting a little bit more comfortable. You have a two-minute cushion to get used to the stage

Get used to everybody boom But once you start getting into 15 and 20 now you have time Now you have time to acclimate to crowd you now to figure things out you can maneuver a little bit more you can make adjustments

Boms

Usually happen in the shorter time spans because

“There's so many little new answers and little things that go on that you have to look at for the stage”

The people don't realize unless you've really don't stand up and make sense so it's like it's a minute It's so hard to showcase anything funny. Yeah, and like being funny in a minute is so hard Yeah, because you have there's no fat Yeah, if you have any fat people stop listening. Yeah, you'll see an audience you can lose an audience in a minute Because they're like oh, you only especially when they know you only have one minute. Oh, yeah, you have too much fat in

In between your your 26 and your 34 34 seconds 2634 and you have too much fat there you have now lost a crowd. Yeah. Yeah Because they know that you have a minute. They're like oh, this isn't going anywhere now. Right So it's like a minute is so hard to do It makes sense because like when you're going through what I'm scrolling through YouTube for reels

Like the first five seconds of a reel is what gets me to continue to watch And if it doesn't get me then I'm like scroll the next one scroll the next one so that makes sense

I've never done standing up but that makes sense what you're saying because I'm doing the same thing when I'm fucking scrolling on my phone

If you don't catch me in that first fucking five seconds, I'm off to the next killed Tony is

“The scrolling on your phone of comedy. Yeah, and it's designed that way and I think it's designed or”

Yeah, I don't know but I feel like it's always more designed for the interview afterwards It's it's evolved into that Because of how many people clip right the interviews and now they're on the shorts now now you now you get all because Like like we were talking about before Larry King

Was the first podcast or you didn't get clips you had to watch the whole interview right and watch all later that juicy Three-minute minute part where we're so and so celebrities said yeah, I fuck Yeah, or you know something the big moment you didn't get to why there was no clipping unless you watched the news Yeah, it was a big headline and hey look at this So you had to watch everything now

“Weekend yeah, that's what we're through and you know killed Tony is about growth and seeing comedians grow and everything of that nature”

But it's also Now become this social meaning a juggernaut where people are clipping and just finding the best stuff So now you don't even let the watch it if you don't want to right you just kill Tony Best recap. Yeah, and so you have to really do something to catch people's attention. Yeah So yeah, yeah, well

How did you get sober like what what prompted that what did Did you have to go to rehab to visit a light knuckling event what I I was in the program for a little bit I did the steps for a while and a sponsor But I couldn't fit in with anybody because It was it it's so hard when you have brain like having the the brain the image like I do

Because people don't understand What I'm going through when it comes to that type of deal Like people like the room didn't understand right didn't understand some of the changes that I was going through

Some of the battles and I was going through and and like I never really had like a sponsor that I was like oh wow this is

This is what I need and I had some good sponsors. I had one sponsor a biker named Charlie old guy Been sober for 32 years I need Been through the gamut. I think it was a former former one percent or you know the whole deal now he loves Jesus

great guy And he gave me a little thing of like you know The alcohol and all the drugs are going to leave your system as you get more sober From 90 days to 120 days Gonna feel like a whole different person all of the bullshit's gonna be under your system in six months

And so that was kind of the the deal but uh but like I I just realized I had to be yeah, and I started being Where were thaw and it was like I can't do this and I started surrounding my people with people Okay, he can't drink. I'll slap that shit out of them and you know some people had seen I was in a fun drunk

I would get really emotional

And I would hit myself

“Or I was not a I was not someone who is fun”

To be around when I crossed that line. I was great. I was a party animal July cross that line Because it was it was so when people started realizing oh Like this is really life or death form. It was more like I had people around me that were like no, he can't drink Or when something was struggling like hey, you still don't get a drink

So I found Solicing that and and keeping myself accountable and

knowing that it was life or death

For me has now made it to where I can't touch it. It like I'll get temptation all the time like after now I was tempted to just go to Go get a beer and drink while everyone was driving back from Austin and just getting black out drunk But I Can do that and understanding that that

“It's life or death. It'll really it'll really keep you on track”

Because you understand a severity of it if I do relapse Because some people go oh relapse has happened well not for me. I can't yeah, I do that You matters well put a grapestone because it will be really quick or it'll be really slow and painful to watch Well the acceptance Of that for you too is really big and again, I'm gonna go back to the beginning of this podcast

But you saying I will be a comic Or I will die and this is how I'm going to do it Right like there were there was too very definitive lines drawn there, man like You had a very acute awareness that

That's exactly where you were gonna go If you went back to that yeah, I mean you you've you've been or you've seen someone drink themselves enough If you if you're in addiction you've seen someone legitimately kill themselves slowly without calling people die more In addiction and recovery probably more in recovery

Never have yeah, because you'll see people get out the rooms. I know relapse. I mean you slowly see them

Slowly kill themselves because it it Alcohol is different than cocaine and meth like that that Too much you're done but like Alcohol it'll be nine months of just watching someone just just fucking fade away just fade away to whether they're just A zombie of a person or and they go slow death. Yeah, it's a slow painful. It's a miserable death

I want to ask you when you were sober When you said you know when I got two years or else I'm gonna fucking kill myself Talk about because a lot of people go through this or they talk about when that pink cloud goes away I hate here in the pink cloud, but whenever you're sober and then but you're miserable being sober Does that make sense?

“Well you talk about like what did you do in that time frame? I think I know the answer you just put in more work”

I'm talking comic so you didn't sit around and moat like I'm fucking miserable miserable You just put in the work because I know a lot of people do that they'll get sober They'll work a program and then when they a lot of times when they get away from their program or get away from the people that they've been around Then they're still sober, but they're fucking miserable Angry drugs. We've all been around the angry drugs if you've been in the rooms

You know those guys that have been 22 years sober. You're like fuck those guys. Yeah Why the fuck are you here? Yeah, you don't look like you've had fun in 15 fucking years You're talking oh it worked the program work. You just have to fuck it work You see them got seven cups of fucking trucker coffee. Did you know that a coffee is strong and fluffy and it's like for me If I sit there and I vote because they're happening to me and COVID

When I didn't have anything to do I relapse If I sit there and vote and I'm not active and and doing something or pursuing a goal Then I'm going to drink. Yeah, if you're gonna sit there because you're so miserable Now that you have the tools of sobriety and now that you are yourself pursue something

Now you can now you can do real goals now you can actually get it. The goal when you're getting sober is to stay alive Yeah, to get better and to get away from all the drugs from all the alcohol from all the sex from all the family now you now you can have real goals. Yeah, now you can fit. Now you can start saving money

I'm sober and they and they start living in the oh well Now no one really cares that I'm sober. Yeah, now I don't get the accolades when I because they stop giving you month to month chips after a year So now those 30 days don't matter so much now you're not getting the congratulations at the end of the month Yeah

Because they're like no you can handle it now. Oh life's gonna come at you Now now if you're working the steps. Oh you've done it now you got to go do it again. Yeah You got to keep okay yourself accountable. You're like oh

“So now there's no accolades so people so people get away from that and so you have to you have to have real”

Oh yeah, and you have to do things. What's that like accomplishing because now

You're you're always going to be an addict, but now you're a capable person. Yeah, it's time to be back in society

Yeah, that makes sense that uh because I I know at the beginning for me it was like I just want to get sober Right but once you realize okay, I'm sober Now what like where do I go now and I think that's where people start fucking up. It's like they don't start moving the bar To where I'm gonna go do this. I'm gonna go be a comic. I'm gonna fucking do this. Do this. I'm gonna go back to school Yeah, if the only thing that you're trying to do is just be sober

Then I think that is almost a recipe for disaster if you don't have something else behind it Yeah, because then you're gonna be like oh I relapsing it now. I'm not gonna square one now I'm gonna try this again. Or maybe that's one. I don't know that could be a reason that people well If I relapse and I get to fucking start all the accolades And that's the thing is like that it is it is one of the things where when people are addicted to attention to

It's like when you get that chip that you get to talk to all those people in that room I remember one of the one of the straws that broke the cable back I got 30 days sober And I didn't get to speak at the meeting the person didn't call on And that pissed me off. You know that was I was so excited because I had been going to that meeting looking for you I was like, you know, this is one of the big reasons that I've been coming to this meeting. Yeah, a lot of good people

I'm really excited to celebrate this and I didn't get to talk at that meeting And then I realized I thought I was a weirdo

“And so that hurt me but like I said you just have to have goals. You have to have something to look forward to that outside of”

Subriding you got to go into school get a hobby five friends and aren't Just at a get you can be around people that used to use and everything but also have a social life around because you just revolve Revolve around yourself around anything whether it's comedy whether it's addiction whether it's sports When all your friends are in that thing Well, what happens if you can't do that saying anymore?

Now you're a broken person. You got to kind of diverse like like they say with your money to first

ify your portfolio now that you can stay alive and you're not tempted to break your life with drugs or alcohol Trying to find what your purpose is trying to diversify your Is diversify your soul have a life yeah, yeah, so real quick and I do want to ask you and address this so I mean you've said that you had a brain injury and

You know, there's obviously some obstacles that'll come along with that but you said that you're using didn't really Take off until after that happened yeah, and I've heard this before but they say that a lot of impulse sometimes sometimes comes after A traumatic brain injury like and it could be Alcoholism but it also could be yeah, boy, it could be all kinds of crazy shit

That goes on after that and nobody really knows the science of of what goes on with that Well, can't study until someone's dead and look at them right that's right

I mean, that's their honest truth is like no you can never get the answer until you look at their brain

That's right now you're like oh that makes a lot more sense. I mean look at Aaron Hernandez. Yeah. Yeah

“Think about it that way. Yeah, that man had bringing the injury and that's why I think it scares me too”

It's because I don't want to hurt other people right and what if I get loaded Then I get in my fields and so much times to stop me and then I'm a big guy and I push it right I'm responsible for my own action because now I know hey I have a brain name and I have a brain injury and I have impulse control I could hurt other people right when I'm loaded

To stay sober so I don't do that or I that none no situation like that can come

“I think some people don't realize that that is a real thing”

I mean look at all the NFL players that killed themselves and killed their wives until yeah Other people are in steve McNair killed themselves. Do you say out? I mean all these people brain injuries and substance abuse problems Yeah, because they play into that I think I don't know I'm not in their shoes, but I think that has a huge part of it. I think that also

You know when when you're at a level where You have so much attention and like you have so much meaning in life and then all of us went especially like when you're in athlete And then all of a sudden that's gone right now what it's not the same thing with getting sober All right now I'm sober now what I think the players that have like a good plan Well, I'm going to go into sports casting or this or that or this or I'm going to go do this

I think they are very so much more successful than the ones that probably have brain injuries and then also It's like all right, well, I used to be this person when I walked in room everybody knew me Now people don't know me anymore. That's got a fucking like yeah with you in some ways if you're not in a good mind space That's definitely got to fuck with you Yeah, and I think too is like

Well, you don't have anything to really put effort into. I mean think about it now. You don't have a reason that exercise You don't have a reason to get better because it's like, well, I was getting paid if I was a tie-day

Getting paid 17 million dollars a year. Oh, yeah, you're going to see me get to jam. You're going to see me follow that you're going to see me be healthy. Yeah, but once that's gone

And you don't have anything like check when he retired he own 50 million fucking Papa John. Yeah He had his own day a little bit of everything and it's like icy hot and shit. Exactly. It's like He he would busy still and it's like if you're not busy doing something or pursuing something

Even if it's going and talking to the kids and yeah, and something of that or are putting yourself into it That's why you see a lot of like Fighters they start training or they open a boxing gym or they do something because they need some sort of purpose To get into the and the gym brought them a lot of happiness so it's like

At that point I hope it's lost because you don't have anything

And when you you lose purpose but it's in life That's when everything collapses

“You have to have some sort of purpose yeah some sort of”

Contribution to society in some way or people count on you So that you know because life is there there is no main character in life Yeah, we are main characters and when when you think that the world revolves around you as the moment that you lose Lose sight and lose lose any any sort of I don't know how to say this

Like You lose the chance to really have a fulfilling life You think everything should be your way Your your your screw yeah, you so another comedian that I like some of his older stuff like crystalia Yeah, so

He had a bit about Everybody thinks that they're Denzel in the movie man on fire He's like you're not fucking Denzel in the man on fire You're the fucking henchmen who is like standing in the background who gets a blown up By fucking Denzel he's like everybody wants to believe that, but yeah, you're not you're all just

Fucking background characters in this hold or you're the the background character buying screws in the supermarket while the dude's getting beat up Right, you know, even matter You're not even a henchman

“You're just so dude in the background and I think that's the thing is like me character syndrome when when when you think that everything”

Or walls around you a stop caring about people and putting an effort towards people Because service is a big part of the program is part yeah, it's a huge part and I think that's also why people Sometimes they they put all their energy into that program And they get all the acclates because they're getting sober and then Well now I have to still put all that energy and and it'll burn you out because you're dealing with the same

Rotating problems just a different face yeah, and you know and then yeah, I had a joke I'm still trying to work on it about halfway house relationships

at AA meetings and then the bread aisle at Walmart when they're doing their halfway house shopping

“And Tay is arguing like hey who put minutes on your phone”

Who the fuck is Domino's calling your phone And the dude's like if you keep doing it, so I'm going to do meth again Yeah, it's really so there's like all these little things, but yeah well look man I mean What a remarkable fucking story

You are dude like I mean it really is like I thought you were going to come in here and just be a comedian But there is a lot of depth To the road that you've gotten here and every bit of success that you have right now is Has fucking been more than earned Thank you man, I appreciate that and

“Any bit of success that you receive in the future”

Your brother you have

You have you have laid a line in the sand that I've never heard of before

Where it's I'm going to do this or I'm going to die and you were doing this Yeah, you know that's you could get up in front of people and tell it that story You just said and that would motivate people like just not just being a comedian Like literally you could get up and say well, this is like that I've never heard someone say I was going to fucking either

I'm going to make it like a movie. I'm going to make it or I'm going to fucking kill myself But I've never heard someone actually like do it and say no, I actually meant that That's 100 percent and it's like some David Goggins shit

“It's one of those things where I think I needed”

Some sort of motivation to contribute and at that point it was like I'm either I have to really try And there's no more motivation than you know what well, I'm going to give up online and kill myself To that point it's like no, what what am I going to do work at a Wendy's for the rest of my life and be the the hoot and holler for And nothing wrong with that

But at that point I was like I don't think I can I can sustain that and be a Good person so I got I got it. I got it like really try at this Really give life my full effort Because if if it doesn't work out with my full of because even if it wasn't comedy if there was something else that pushed me towards it Where I feel like I'm doing

Good for people yeah, like it wasn't just oh, I'm not a comedian But if I found in this journey of sobriety and putting an effort and putting in the mics and I found a different calling And I was able to help people and I was able to be the light that would have been fine too But it was like I needed to give real effort and really do sobriety. I really do something that I loved And if something and and if I felt like okay, life's okay

I'm bringing I'm helping people I'm bringing the light and I'm fulfilling myself

Life's okay now I don't need it and I still struggle with suicidal thoughts. I'll never I'll never not struggle with them

Because that's the way I wired yeah But now I deal with it in a different way. Yeah, but I used to drink to sleep That was the easiest way. I didn't have nightmares when I was drinking when I was drinking I was sleeping I was getting terrible shitty Sleep I wasn't getting any rim, but you know what it's better than

Yeah, it's better than having a fucking nightmare. Yeah, yeah, and waking up in a cold sweat you know like There were yeah, so there's layers to it, but yeah, I I did want to give up. I wanted to give it a life a real try and really trip you I thought it was the way right. Yeah, but you did do because you are fucking hilarious. Thank you man number one number two

It's it's incredible to hear the journey that you had into sobriety and wrapping it up into

This uh, this comedy thing that you're doing yeah, so look man tell the people how they find you like uh, so I'm the underscore Drnickins D-R-E-W-N-I-C-K-E-N-S on Instagram Find me there. I do a lot of shows around the country sometimes. So just check my Instagram I might be in your city. He want me your city message me your hot lady really message me

I love those Not so much snap yet Messed me on Instagram first makes sure you're not a bot from Ukraine and then we'll figure it out. You know yeah

I'm they're not gonna be coming out for a couple months. So you may you mainly do shows here in Austin or I do yeah

“I do a lot of shows here. I try to do shows here San Antonio wherever I can do yeah”

New comedy all be there. We'll come out and watch one of your next shows. Yeah, don't be fun. Yes, hey rock the shirt too, dude I got I'm a fashion icon

“No, I don't talk about the two addicts in the morons here, man. Oh, yeah. Yeah. Oh, all right”

That's cool. Yeah, no man. We appreciate you coming by. It was an honor to have you

Yeah, thank you so much for having me. I hope one day soon you're your fuck comedy legend dude. You burned every bit of it

“Thank you, man. All right. Yeah, thank you so much. Well, you'll have another. Thank you, you too, brother”

All right, so um my sister a lot of y'all know that she was battling cancer for 16 years

She overcame it three times she was on her fourth battle and she She went home. I'm not even going to say that she lost a battle because I don't feel like she did But Janina we love you. Rest in peace to the family. We love you and um I can't wait to see you one day rest high Well, look I like to say she won it. Yeah, one the battle. I know this was something that was Happening for a little while and

Didn't know where but know you and you know thoughts and prayers to you. We had to take a little hiatus from from this for a little bit, but You know all is all is well, brother, and love you to death and love you to love love your family. So appreciate it Love y'all