499: Adjusting to Smaller Space & Larger Struggles

deslobification process. As I figure out ways to keep my own home and control, I share the

truth about cleaning and organizing strategies that actually work in real life for real people, people who don't love cleaning and organizing. Thank you for joining me today. This is podcast number 499. So send in your questions if you have questions for ma husband because he will be joining

“me on next week's podcast. I think if I can remember to kids have recorded. Anyway,”

when I can't just do it on my time and I'm like, oh, that's right. I got to do this when he's available. Sometimes adds a layer of complication. So send those questions in. Don't forget to that

when either walrus, when he's pile of pillows is out there in the world. It's been really fun

to, you know, the thing about a children's book is that you can read it in like 15 or 20 minutes. And so it's been fun to see the reviews come in so quickly. So we've got, I think when I'm recording this, we have like 17, five star reviews and I'm so thankful for that. I've even heard for one of the reviews and I don't know if it's the same person but somebody

“had also emailed me and said, I read this with my kids and then they immediately were like,”

hey, let's do this in my room too. Let's get rid of some toys. And so that's like a huge win.

That's basically the goal. So anyway, look up when he's pile of pillows, you can always just look

up Dana K White wherever you'd like to buy books and find that. But in this podcast, I'm going to call it adjusting to smaller space and bigger struggles. So I'm talking with one of my Patreon members here and she's been through a lot and she's a loving caregiver but that's a lot of stress and they've moved into a much smaller space than what they had before. So we're talking a lot about identity clutter and you know, functionalism in her real situation that she's actually in right now and

“how small successes are the answer. They're the way to focus on the small things to be done”

or how you end up getting where you want to be. So I hope you enjoy this. Here is our conversation. Thank you so much for being willing to come onto the podcast. I appreciate your time and your willingness to share. Tell me a little bit about yourself. Tell me what is your current unique life situation? Well, we lost our home from six to eight years old. I had some surgery that threw me for a loop and then I had been really tanked. You know, heart, cancer, lots of stuff and

so that was in 2017 and it's been whirlwind you know. But now we find ourselves back in the northeast. We rented from my son who was in the army for a while and his marriage broke up and we had to leave that. So I had the community there that took me a lot of courage to build and I had one up here. So when we're back up here, coming on two years in a tiny elderly apartment like income-based, lots of dignity I feel I've lost and so the identity clutter and all of that

is a real thing and my disabilities from chronic pain and then being my husband's 100% caregiver like everything because his memory is gone. It's short term. It's a result of all the medical stuff and so as you can imagine overwhelmed. Absolutely you are. Yes. And I need courage and just I know the five steps. I loved Jesus doesn't care about your messy house. I had a friend panic when she read that title. She wants to encourage me. She's like, it was really great. I find that I'm just

really having the hard time. Nothing sticks. Everything is precious because we've lost so much. I really can't do the things I used to do when I have to face my reality. So I'm really looking for a kick in the pants maybe and guidance and at the same time compassion which is what I love about Patreon and the community when I get to catch the especially those one hour better that I find that's so helpful. Because even whatever I can do it's the doing. I mean I had to do the dishes today.

I just had to because David told me to, you know. Okay. Well I shared with you beforehand that

tell you that I am sorry that you've been through all that. That is a lot and the fact that

you're here or the fact that you did the dishes is a big deal. I mean you've been through a lot and so I wasn't doing the dishes before and Dana got me to do the dishes on a regular basis. And so yeah that is a progress that maybe another person couldn't fathom but. Well so let's talk about that because let's talk about what is working for you like what is the impact that you have seen from doing the dishes that anything is better than nothing that I'm such an all or nothing

person which is part of my problem. I just take it to the end to grade with either despair or you know

“and I'm kind of I'm paralyzed. I think it's powerful that you said that doing the dishes has shown”

you anything is better than nothing. Has that been able to carry out to anything else?

I feel like it's starting to. I feel like it's been a journey of um yeah this really has to change and yeah I really am desperate. Well I just listened to a podcast that was um suggested to me it was really good. I wrote it down. I can't think of it but Jennifer I think so 429 fighting the temptation to overthink raised my hand that's me and um a slow coming to terms with it has to happen. I'm living with a time crunch. I don't know how long my husband has or I don't

want this time in my life to get what you're sticking you know. So I want so that people to live and enjoy it. Exactly and the dishes have gotten you have you have already started I guess that's my point

it's like you know when we first started talking you were saying I'm going to have to I'm going

to have to I think you acknowledging that you have started by doing the dishes and by your mindset about the all or nothing starting to change. Not just from reading about it but from seeing oh it's actually worth it to do this teeny tiny thing. So tell me something else that is working well for you at this point. Facing reality and I have a hard time with my body not being I have

“spinal surgery that went very bad. So that's how I got to say about which then my husband's on a”

whole other level. So I don't have the physical ability to donate and do all this stuff because that's my you know fantasy self at least. I did find a neighbor here that I said I had a lot of craft supplies and doing those necessary things without feeling like you're I'm giving up on life. I have put things in the car but I really like and I keep thinking of great things to do with them and I should go get them back and make them and you know but I feel like it is really needs to be a

hard fast life will go on. I can find something I want to do and go rebuy supplies if I have to like I'm I'm trying to remind myself of all those things I get a lot of strength from hearing other

“people. I think it's unique that the take it there now there's no there there because I haven't been here”

before because it's not my home and I had lots of storage and I actually could even when I'm naturally messy and I leave cabinet doors open and drawers and things I could really whip it together and I was a great entertainer. Okay so here I'm going to say something when I were telling me earlier that you are all or nothing I I'm one of the things I meant to say was I'll bet you were all about some pretty awesome things when you were able to and what you just said about I was a great entertainer

I could absolutely do that and so a lot of what you're dealing with is the fact that life has changed drastically significantly yes and but but I love that you just said you are facing reality little by little so have you been able to get some of those things out of the house and just I think it's really I think even making this appointment with you but you took a great tale of courage kind of kicked my butt in a way that that okay you are serious and and you

do need to get these done down and there was a phrase that the ticking clock now other people

clock and I'm either going to get better or not and I have thrown out some things I did

the overwhelm is real and things like paperwork oh no I'm creative I'm a creative so things like that are like but I have taken steps I have thrown trash I have tiny tiny but you know at finding one box and throwing out some things and and learning that some that I can throw out a lot more I think I need to believe that the woman who throughout six inches of photographs you know that was funny it's like oh yeah you can actually get her to photographs and books and craft supplies

and and you know my my fantasy sells the clothes that I don't fit in anymore plus a hundred

pounds twice in my life and I'm back to square one and so I can let that just I'm I'm an ear or ear at well I think I think my point is you have some positives you have done some things you have gotten some things out you have done a neighbor who could have some craft stuff you have started doing the dishes and I think shifting the mindset onto that is success of course there's so much more to do but counting that those things that you've done already as success that nail

“puts you in a position to continue making success is more powerful than focusing on the distant”

point where you want to be that feels so completely unattainable yeah that's what was me you're at

timing right and so what I want you to do is really zero in on it is a big deal that you've been doing the dishes it is a big deal that you've gotten some things out considering the incredibly legitimate challenges that you have been facing. Let's talk about some of your situations that you wanted to discuss. Facing the truth that most of the stuff and I am paying hundred and thirty two dollars a month

on women didn't come for a storage unit but some of my son stuff was in there it's got to stop finding the courage and permission to simply throw it all away and I'm insecure about is that what I have to do because I am so all or nothing I feel like I need a lot of guidance as to

“you know that is not what you have to do okay I will say that is not what you have to do so I”

actually have a video coming out I don't know when this podcast is going to come out but as we're speaking right now I have a video coming out on Thursday where I talk about this specifically because this is the mentality and this is also what sometimes others who mean well will tell you is you haven't looked in that storage unit in the two years since you've been in your house well I do bring a bunch of crates here and that's created a horrible but I'm just saying like

this is a type of thing that they would say is you haven't looked in there you haven't

“needed anything you're fine it's best to just let it all go and if you can of course that's what's”

best but the all or nothing mentality is that if I don't think I can do all then I'm going to do nothing and that is the problem and so it does not have to be all or nothing so instead you just said I've brought some crates here thinking about there's a lot of layers here you've got your much smaller home than what you used to have that home is a container it is what it is the time that you have left that you don't know how much time that is but it's very important to you

to prioritize that time is this is this is where you're living as far as you know this is where you're living at this point and could potentially be you know for long term or for you know the ball of it I mean you just don't know and so making this the most functional and comfortable

rid of it all we're just saying how do I get this place to be functional and then also the the

“132 dollars is on your situation is many that you would like to not be spending on that okay”

but what you can do is what's right in front of you okay because there is logistics involved with the storage unit you also said some of your sun stuff is in there so that's another logistical issue that comes with if I was ever to get that then what will we do with his stuff but he if you know that kind of stuff yeah so so instead to say okay all I can do is what I can do so one of those bins that you brought home from there the goal being to get rid of the bin so

either as I as I look in there I'm first I'm just going to say all I'm doing right now is looking

that's it and like we talked about before I'm going to count that as success because that is officially what I need to do I need to look I'm going to see if there's any trash that I can get rid of if there's not I've still been successful because of the trash that whole like making the

“goal better and less I think is have you embraced that at this point I'm having those first little”

wins I have a good slogan okay successful B.I.N. bin successful so as you do that it becomes almost more of an issue like if you find yourself stuck and you're like the ideal would be to go okay I'm going to pull out the trash all right I'm going to pull out anything that I do know where it goes I'm going to pull out anything that's an obvious donation but even with that it's this every single thing either has to go everything that comes out of this bin either has to go to a real

home which I'm going to take it there now and it's going to displace something else because everything is full right is that what you were telling me yeah it's that I came here needing shoulder surgery oh my goodness yeah exactly it took a good year I mean six months I could move but what an nightmare

so the first year here was like yeah so we're going on the second year I did look in the bins I've

had some practice over this week and it felt so good to throw out trash and not condemning myself to like why why did you say well because you had a home to decorate because and all of that is valid but also it's not necessary to know why yeah and and instead to say I'm going to stick to the fact-based questions that don't require the why if something requires a why so that I'm going to need some sort of maybe mental health professional help or something for it which I am not

then I'm going to skip over that right but it's it's like going in and saying this bin is in the way this bin is making my life harder this bin has to go so I'm going to look in this bin and every single thing in it is either going to go to a home where it just places something else meaning something else is going to have to leave to make the room for it in that home and that thing is going to have to go in the trash or the donate box or it's going to

go in the trash or the donate box like those that's it there's the only options for this bin

“I think it's faces but because they've never been anything because this environment”

okay so being in a new absolutely yeah no I get this question like because when I moved to my house I didn't know where anything was I mean you kind of sometimes have a general idea like with your kitchen because you know how you kind of function while you're working but other than that when it's just things you're like where do I look for where would I look for the the you know scores from the musicals that I directed 20 years ago like you know there's no there's no logical place but

we don't worry about logic right so instead it is and it's a little bit weird in the beginning but it is legitimately me standing there going if I needed this in this house if I was standing

here and this house was under control and I needed this music where would I look for it first

and for me the answer was on a shelf in this a shelf in my dogs room I mean I know it's not technically

place is that a right or wrong place it's right because that's where I say it would look for it period and so it's not a matter of knowing where something would be and that distinction is really important that this question is not me asking myself where would it be I don't know where it would be in

this house it's literally I know I have it I have no idea where it is where is the first place where

“I would look I'm pretty close that's where I'm in that's how you create the phone the home”

I'm creating a home out of yes yes and giving you real help with the goal but but all of that going into it with the mindset that this bin has to leave my house and so because my house is already overwhelming to me because function has to like like I'm assuming that the caregiving is a very physical job and you have your own physical struggles that's why things slides so much and I get overwhelmed mostly I mean I cook I still I love we used to cook together

I'm a major cook but I do want to say like anything highly physical like that needs empty space amen like to be able to get around the side of the bed to be able to get around the

“chair so because it's one day you might have one shoulder that's hurting and so you kind of need to”

try from the other different angle than what you usually do but like all of those physical things are making all of that harder and that has to be priority so it's so the point is that when you go into that bin you know that almost everything in it is going to go to trash or donation almost everything but you're giving yourself permission that if you run across something that can't go into trash

or donation then you ask yourself where would I look for it first and then you take it there now

and you face the reality that space sometimes facing the reality of that space may make you go yeah no I don't actually need this sometimes the okay well then I have to take it there now make sure you realize I don't want to take it there now I'm going to stick it in donate or you know all of these things or something else will leave but with thinking of like all the space around the bed all the space around the recliner where you know he sits I'm assuming right like

I'm just picturing and the mop and it's it's in there yes exactly but all of that space around that is already taken space empty like it's function that it needs is taking space so if there's physical stuff there that stuff needs to leave that space because that space is already taken

by the function that it needs because I mean you know how it is when you are when you do finally

clear like when the kitchen you know when you when the dishes are all done and you're able to walk in and just start cooking like doesn't your body just go yes that was so easy I didn't register before how hard it was to have to shift and move so many things and finagle so much stuff breathe and also I tend to we'll do prep work say and I will freeze you know so if components you know chopping garlic and onions and blah blah blah and pre sauteing and that's one day

and then maybe I'll freeze that and zip lock and then another day I'm working out systems it is clear around the bed and his recliner kind of that he can he needs to be safe yes and so so then

“start to to expand those clear spaces like anything that like think about how important it is that”

that's clear and think life would be even easier even more space was clear and even more space was clear because I wouldn't have all these things so as you do a bin and you say I'm going to count this as success if all I do is open up and look inside I'm going to count this as success if I throw anything in the trash I'm going to count this as success if anything goes to a real home and doesn't just get set aside because as long as it gets set aside that's when not that's when

that's not real progress and that's the thing that is self-defeating and it does build on itself and I can see that it felt really good to throw some things away that were pretty easy because I think I have been digesting your methods for a while quite a while but that balance of losing

say all or nothing well that's why you resonate with me I love the people you collaborate with

and I do you know watch them but I'm not you resonate with me I'm not a minimalist I don't want

“to be a minimalist I you know I think I I find it really frustrating because I can't paint walls”

when I had all faux finishes in my home and I can't hang plants from the ceiling which I absolutely would have a jungle if I could do that and I think that's I need to learn not to focus on what isn't yeah you know what I'm saying I do so instead of thinking of yourself as a instead of thinking

of it as minimalism as being the goal because that's not your goal think of it as functionalism

yes I want to be a functionalist that is my goal yes so that means I want to be able to do creative things yes you want to have plants yes I want to it gives me so much pleasure and even my husband you just love that about me and what was us and you you know you know from experience how much space is needed for that so if you have that mindset of what do I want I want this room to have the space for him to be safe and for me to be able and I want to be able to have plants which

means the plants are going to displace some other stuff and it might be some other identity stuff but when you think of it as I'm letting go of this thing that I don't do anymore because doing that because letting that go is going to let me do the thing that will make me me right now like so it's not because I think so many times we have this idea that when you when you look at decluttering in the traditional way you know of do you love it get rid of it if it's not

“serving you in blah blah blah it just feels like the only way to get rid of something is to”

hate it or to say it's not good or to admit that I'm never or is to change who I am and not be a

creative person either over I'm giving up on everything but that's what it feels like and you're not going to do that because that's not your personality but instead to say no I'm going to get rid of these things so that I have the space to do the thing that I desperately want to do like so plants are important to you what is something else that that you could do currently in your stage of life that you really want to do that you probably already have the supplies for anything.

Well I mean I want to perfect sourdough. I wasn't going to put up a tree it's there and a box not opened new because I got actually also robbed with coming back here from North Carolina during COVID and I long story short I realized soon after that this moving company budget stuff was gone. Oh no. Like for the term I like sleep soap a like all about different stuff you know so you see how things become more precious than they should be but I don't want

to be all or nothing and because I have my hand and so many things like I can't I had every supply for everything and I can relate to that way you know I mean if if you needed it you had it you know all of your costumes and so I'm focusing on the doing focusing on the doing because because I'm guessing that you know life feels very small right now that it feels like you're kind of stuck in one spot because you are caregiving 100% of the time which means you don't have the freedom to do

a lot of the things that maybe you could do before but this is also exactly where you want to be right is helping him so that becomes an issue what could I do in this space this situation that lets me be me but in a version that actually works for my current situation

“and then those things get priority which means a lot of the other stuff letting go because I think”

it's that identity stuff is a huge issue but the container concept helps with that is this is my current situation I don't have room for this identity that I'm currently living in to be what I

instance I consume a lot of I got some junk furniture that was given to me because my beautiful

antiques and stuff which I already like over time of mostly yard ceiling and you know making over and doing cool stuff I have some beautiful papers and I would love to chalk paint and take a page and I could put a plastic liner on the floor and actually do that and it would make a piece of junk because I love since a teenager my my physical environment to be groovy you know I mean I had beads in the doorway and you know I haven't changed much you know the old hippie but

“I I think that would be like so rewarding and it wouldn't be tiny bits of a gazillion supplies”

I have everything I need there is a little storage closet that each apartment gets so I've got the paints and the brushes and the foot you know I know bent a lot of it so so the idea would be get rid of the other stuff to open up the space to be able to do that thing that you already have the supplies for but you could actually do and and so thinking of that as open space a clear table a clear surface with nothing stored on it with nothing stored around it for the purpose

of functioning and being able to do the thing and I need to get rid of a ton of small things you know the little handmade things that I would fill my home that didn't give for gifts and it a lot of that stuff is like super in right now and so if you donate it I know somebody would love it they're going to be so thrilled to find that at the thrift store and so so you know and that's the beauty of donating is the speed at which you can get spaces cleared out you know is is by donating

“and trashing not that oh I'm giving up I think that's a really good focus because I know how”

excited I have been over the years when I find that one of a kind or you know these things were expensive and I think the shame and the guilt the money spent as you say it's I can't get that back but I've been so hang on to the identity of well you could still do that you know don't give up and I will know I can't I can't do it all well and I think to the whole identity thing that you you've read at multiple times I think I'm getting the vibe that your identity is that you are

interested and interesting well at least one I'm interested in thing but it but I do like that that that that is a big part of your identity is the actual is the creativity of it but the physical stuff in the smaller space along with the trauma that you've endured limited of really physical ability that I need to face just on my own that that is keeping you from actually doing the

thing so so the clearing of the space is the purpose of it is ultimately to give you and your creativity

space to be creative and it's that backfire that happens right like I'm keeping these things because I identify as creative and yet because I'm keeping so many of them and not embracing reality then it's keeping me from being creative yes ding ding ding okay good solve that problem so tell me something else you want to talk about talked about the limited function and how that overwhelm and develops me so that I can't move forward

and that breaking through that I need I know that doing I can take the experience of doing the dishes and say well Susie you're I was waking up every day and feeling like I was digging a

whole deeper and deeper because that was always overflowing with dishes and I have come with a

system that you're better off pre-propping for me I was in stages freezing things doing things

“so that you're still creative in your cooking because I think that's why my husband married me”

all those years ago it was a bit that I wouldn't know how to bake bread this hippie girl so we took me home and I to his parents who were away and I baked bread and I think that was it you know so I'm gonna get me pleasure I still have an audience with him that he's really appreciative and you know being foodies and I I gotta keep that up so I know that but also I think the

part of my creativity but I also used to love a beautiful table and I have a hatch with all these

cool dishes and even though I've gotten rid of noodles and buckets and moons of stuff that last holding I mean you know what I'm not gonna get to set a table with soup terrains and linen and you know I can't even have candles here because they don't trust the old people you know you know I mean

“you know finding the courage I think it will build on itself well and it will build and also”

don't start with the soup terrain start with the bin that you've been maneuvering around and start with the easy stuff inside of that bin yes because you might you might find out

that you get to keep the soup terrain just to look at the soup terrain or you might get to the

point where you're like yeah I'm ready to get rid of that soup terrain I mean I dehydrated oranges and I could make a cool centerpiece out of that and I could I mean you know you have lots of ideas there absolutely but that's that's my point is don't start with the soup terrain because because there are other things to get rid of before you get to the soup terrain and the the power of the small progress through the doing the dishes is a reminder that it will be worth it

to do those small things just hearing you say that even though I've heard it many times

I keep going back to reverting to looking at the hold when I need to look in the bin

and and you know those are dishes are all beautifully and a hatch that needs to go and I really want my son and his wife to take it because they want it but they just moved and their plates full but it's it's okay why don't I ignore that and stop obsessing

“what's the idea you know and and I incrementally and honestly I even think this upcoming”

conversation with you kind of lit of fire to progress to actually take the step to focus and I need to quit what I need to quit my back really are at so I need to lay down and I'm on pain medicine and it is the reality of my life but picking a couple of things and having the courage taking pleasure at donating and doing something for someone else I think would be really nice well and also just the doing it in a way that acknowledges that your back may start hurting

and so I'm going to do this in a way where I can stop what I need to stop and I can honor the fact that this is my current situation you know and as long as the stuff is in the hatch I totally understand that it's driving you bonkers because you already know you want your son to take it and he's already said he wants it and so that that kind of thing like oh that would free up so much space and yeah it's already in the hatch so this focus on a bin because we know a bin needs to go

right yeah I'm fully blind my time I have this feeling of my day and next I'm on the top of my head because I have time to sleep and time to stay overnight I stay under nine 24 a Seltenan schlaf wachutmosteurum de viele völlig blinde menchen betrothed möchtest du mehr für diese Erkrankung in Verbindung mit Vallege Erblinung erfahren

raufer kostenfrei an unter 0800 24 24 08

“so what was the other thing you wanted to talk about?”

well I wish I could go back and look at all the one hour better things even if it was just the people that we're in it because honestly I missed them sometimes because of appointments and stuff I tried to write that on my calendar that sort of thing because we're also super isolated and that's kind of a body doubling and you're talking about the work along so I do it once yeah well just even consuming your your books I mean I I know the five step method

how do I ever still make piles I mean you know I mean shame on me the shame no shame but I know better I'm like what did you just do? hey and I said you know you're not supposed to do that and it does exactly what you say it's gonna do it doesn't work and it makes a bigger mess and I think just this reinforcing and reinforcing

yes okay so there's the one hour better is there I will say you know we encourage you in the

group which I know you said you're not techy but you know we encourage the group members to start to do their own work-alongs right is that we have the one a week and then say that so you might even just say anybody want a host to work along I don't know how to do it and obviously there will be times where there's nobody available to do that but I think you might be surprised it at there being others who would say absolutely I'll get on zoom here's the link

um because I've been putting my picture in there because I have so much shame on my

“mess that I don't want anyone to see me I don't want to get in so self-defeating and that's why”

capitalizing on the winds and I know that this is an un-defeated mental group and it's funny

you just it's very difficult to get away from the shame it is it is but because people don't understand in in this place with your community but the very few like we stop going to church and January um it's it's not close anymore it was close we had a great community when we went down south for three years but we're back here and we're back to where we used to go and they're wonderful and but I'm far away and you know I lose touch with so many people

I would dear friend but she's even older than me she's in better physical shape but you know that help and that embarrassment when people don't struggle with your struggles and that's the kind of person that's going to help me the most not saying those things I read which I lost for a month Jesus doesn't care about your messy house I lost the book for a month but she found it again I love it I lived something up on a bureau and I'm

that's where it went so funny um it's just so important to remind myself that grace yeah it is hard yeah and that's sticking with that that not being all or nothing the community and my church family that would be there for me if right I mean I just I've lost touch I can't leave my husband very much and he just can't get himself out after this last hospitalization as much as he wants to you know it'll be three in the morning and he's been

up and I'm going I want to go and he's such a people person so it's just what it is and I

“have to live in the reality of that well and I think that's that's what's hard is it is a”

legitimately difficult situation so what physical things are adding to the difficulty of that situation I think I'm having a hard time I have places where I could put things now I'm going to have to step on a step so that's still in the ladder and I have lots of doors that can be making those decisions well I think I think rule out the step still I mean like say okay I'm I'm not

going to do things that require a step stool because the reality is we've had enough issues and

I don't need to be stepping on the step stool and it can be frustrating right when you've had so much stuff and you see an empty shelf that potentially you could put something on it if you could get on a step stool but instead that shelf is a non it's just not it's not an option and so I'm not going to view that as part of my container because for safety you're taking care of your husband he can't

“get up there you need to make sure that you don't get injured and so we take that out which means”

that the container just shrink but at the same time embracing the container is where the freedom is it's not in having a bigger container it's in that accepting of the reality which you've done a lot of you've really talked a lot about embracing your reality and getting to that point I think that saying I'm going to embrace the space like I'm going to embrace the space I'm going to really look at this physical space and just say I'm going to accept how much of it I've got I'm going to

accept that that top shelf is not accessible to me and so it's not an option and going with that

aches from the process the clarity of what to keep because you have you've been saying it's

“a lot you have a lot of different things you have to accept the reality of which is really hard”

and which people are in therapy for years going through all of that right but this physical stuff say okay what is one category of stuff that I have named for me one category of things that you already know I've got way more stuff than I have space for that like what's a category of things okay I've got lots of cards I've collected over the years that was the thing that I did was encouraging and of course I have to have all the supplies that could possibly ever be needed for anything

okay so where would you look first for those cards I have a crate that I have them in a little

antiquey wooden crate and you have space for that crate well I think I have too much okay I think have more stuff than we'll fit in that crate not for cards and letters but I'm that's the kind of thing where I say stop stalking well I have stop stalking up and I feel bad because they cost money and they're neat and that's a way of writing you know I used to be really good and people would tell me what encouragement was and writing to them like this 90 year old

woman that's a friend from church she can't get out anymore and but I know I can't handle that

volume anymore of stuff okay so do you where would you look for them first where you would find them

if that if that bin was no longer there well I would there's there's shelves in the bedroom that I'm trying to out fit now and make things of what deserves to be there what am I gonna use okay so

“what I would say is take okay you have this bigger thing of cards and you know you need to have less”

and find a small bin or a box it could just be a box anything yeah a small thing that's significantly smaller than the what you have them in now and practice with that go through those and say you know just instinctually I mean enjoy them as you're looking at them but instinctually this one's worthy of the smaller box this one's not it's gonna go and donate this one's worthy of the smaller box this one's not and I think practicing that it's something very specific is going to

give you that experience of oh the container is the ultimate reality acceptance and it totally changes all the angst feelings that I have like I think practicing those cards into a very small container oh should I make an impact you got so much sense I and it's so ridiculous like didn't really think of it that way it's not ridiculous it this is this how I have a job right is that it's the yeah I'm so all or nothing that doesn't occur to something sensible like that

all trainers have to be smaller and because the smaller containers are then going to fit on the shelf and then the shelf is the container to determine so that that way you don't have anything that's sitting on the floor because you need floor space to be open for as much movement as possible to be easy because learning large is the storage unit I need to kind of I know that there are some things I'm gonna keep and I know that in this little storage closet in the building but listen

if you got this space to where you had open floor space and you didn't have any bins here and everything that was in this this smaller place than you used to live in but this reality that you're living in now if everything actually had a putaway home then picture bringing a bin from your storage unit and having all this open space to be able to have a donate box here a trash bag here and the vast majority of it go in there and how simple and easy that would be just

just like it's so simple and easy to cook in a kitchen that has open space and doesn't have a bunch of stuff to have to shift around to move around it will start to make more sense as I do

“what I think is absolutely well but that's also in the future and I think I think for you the key”

is going to be the really saying what can I do right now with the way I feel today with the space that I have with every what can I do right now

so you know where you're going you want open functional space where you can do plants

and make sourdough those are the things and those are going to be your creative pursuits I mean obviously it can change and you can do whatever you want to do right but I'm going to zero in on I want a function to be able to do these things that make me feel like me in the midst of this situation that is so outside my comfort zone and then doing very small things counting everything as success because if I had if I would have to do it any way to ever be able to have the freedom

and space to do sourdough and plants then I might as you know I can do that now and I can count that as success because it's moved me forward yeah yeah anything else you want to talk about

“I just have scrambled eggs for brains and it's getting messed up well it but here's the thing”

it actually it doesn't it's not necessary for it to be solidified in your brain the only thing in your brain needs to be I'm going to open up this box and look inside and this is very normal for those of us who are highly creative as we want to play it all out in our brain before we start and that's the all or nothing is the well I can't figure out how

would all play out and so I'm going to not do anything until I get that figured out but I'm never

going to figure that out until I've done something and I've had the experience to know how things will go so instead say I am only going to focus on this for right now because if I do this just like doing the dishes this small thing of opening this bin and looking for trash is going to make an impact and a little something is better than nothing but when I have such a platter of glues and bits and bobs and so so that comes down to the container concept as well it comes

down to you know you're probably going to free up a bin where you go this is the this is the size

of bin that I in my current situation could lift and bring from the storage closet into the

table this is the size so this is the limit to crafting supplies that I can have so yes I've got 1,000 glues if you really have 1,000 glues some of them are dried up right so that because I went and made the mistake of looking for hope in those endeavors because so much I went and re-supplied myself so instead you say this is the size of this is the space that I have for craft stuff that's actually functional for me and when you acknowledge just that physical space it's

going to be like well I've got to have paper and glue and paint and brushes in there which means I can't have all the glues and I can't have all the paper and I can't have all the paint and I can't have all of the brushes and so then it's going to naturally sort out well these are the three best brushes and then here's that other one that's a little bit different size and style that I like okay so that deserves space the paper okay I mean like all of that physical

space is going to help you it's going to help make somebody that those decisions and so until you're in that moment of looking at that physical space with the physical stuff in your hand there's really

“not any point in thinking through how it's going to work out I think that's really good because”

it sounds ridiculous but I thought I had to give up on ever doing x or y or z and so I have so many more supplies than what I need to get started that it doesn't even occur to me because oh my goodness I've spent this money and it's all good right it's all good okay you can't you don't have the space so reiterating what you're saying is making sense to me even though I feel like there's been a mental block with that that well I'm either going to do this thing or I'm not going to do this thing

without really realizing pick the best things you know you can't keep all the pain brushes and all the glue and all the pain I'm excited for you I'm excited to keep sharing in the group and sure what's been helpful because we cheer on every little last bit of progress

“yeah every teeny tiny bit I really appreciate it it's it's been a lifeline I think and it's”

invaluable to know that other people struggle I guess I felt so unique because it's just a weird

focus on what isn't working and what's terrible and awful and blossom it's just digging a hole

for myself yeah well I'm glad that you did this I'm glad that you were willing and came on here and I'm just very appreciative you have no idea well I I appreciate every listener and I appreciate I it's truly a surprises me again and again honor

and my life that that I can actually be helpful to people on this subject that you know is my own

“personal struggle but but I think that that being open and honest about my struggles is”

so much more fun than enjoying watching you be interviewed well you you've shared I usually ask people what's their favorite thing about being a Kindred spirit but you've kind of shared

that it if you had anything else to share and on it but I get the not feeling alone the camaraderie

and I don't think it can be overstated that having the group and having that one hour which I think it's a structure like the five minute pickup is a structure that really benefits me

“even if I do a little it gives me a time and I really think it's powerful that I'm not alone”

even if I'm not my pictures not on there and I'm listening I'm just talking a little I actually just it was great yeah yeah I find that it's it's funny because I feel like of the interviews that of these strategy sessions that I've done over the last week or so everybody is mentioning the work-alongs as being their favorite in a favorite thing and that's something we've started

“in the last within the last year I didn't know that yeah so they I love that I love that people”

are seeing the value in that because I know that I have Candice and one to know that even though people that don't maybe chime up and I have a big mouth I can talk but I've been so depressed that even in these moments just doing something along with the group is really helped so I want them to know and need to know that you're helping people thank you well thank you I have enjoyed this so much I've really enjoyed our time and I appreciate you and thank you thank you

okay I hope you love that conversation I really I really enjoyed this time that we had together if you would like to know more about being a Patreon member you can go to patreon p@eo n dot com slash a Slobkins claim and find out more there I will talk to you next week all right bye