Armchair Anonymous: Bad Roommate II

- I'm Dax Shepherd, I'm joined by Monica Patme.

- Hi. - Today we have bad roommates part two.

“Tell us a crazy story about a bad roommate.”

- They're everywhere, these bad roommates. You gotta be careful. - You gotta be careful. What I applaud, and what we loved was one of our arm cherries, was the bad roommate.

- Oh, I know. - Yeah, that was great. - That was. - I really like that. - Well we have these parts of people.

You know, we do a lot of foreign objects in body, and I'd like to do way more of them. - Sure. - But I wouldn't, I really want to hear from someone who had the foreign object in there.

- I would too. - I know that's high risk, but I feel like this is it. - It's high risk, low reward. - Sure. - But we want it.

- Oh, my dear. - We still want it. - No reward, man.

Please enjoy bad roommate.

(upbeat music) ♪ Come slow, my life, I had a move ♪ ♪ I have a one day, you gotta know, I'm a keep on shining ♪ - Oh, oh, there she be. (laughing)

- Hi. - Is this a list, huh? - This is a list, huh? - Okay, your hair looks phenomenal. - It really does.

- I just got really self-conscious. - Oh, you did 'cause it looks so good. - Yeah. - Your hair looks great, too. - No, it's like not good today.

- No, it's good. - Oh, look at it. - You both look great. (laughing) - Oh, listen, where are you?

- I'm in sandpoint Idaho. - Ooh. - Sandpoint Idaho, what's the biggest city close? - Spokane, Washington is 30 minutes. The upper panhandle, I'm like an hour from Canada.

- Wow, you're close to a lot of things. - Close to bountiful. - Yes, I'm close to Montana, Washington, Canada. I don't know if you're familiar with Coralaine, Idaho. - Sure, yeah.

I'm a member of many white nationalist groups that meet at the end, yeah, yeah. So we have a couple annual rides that I attend. (laughing) - Maybe that's your bad roommate story.

- Could be you? - Oh, no. - Are you from there or did you move there? - I'm from here, yeah. I've lived in various other places,

but I recently three years ago moved back home and I met my now partner, father of my child, soon to be husband. - Wonderful.

“- Okay, so where does your bad roommate story take place?”

- And so can actually. So there is kind of a series of stories about this person leading up to this one story that was kind of like the final straw for me. So this takes place in 2016.

I was 23 at the time. I had just moved home from Portland, Oregon. I was living with my parents and I was desperate to not be living with my parents anymore. To give some context, this was a phase in my life.

I had a whole head of dreadlocks. - I'm perfect. - I'm vegan. - No fun. - Were you like a Portland street kid?

Were you like rolling around in the dirt with the dreads? - If this gives any context, the people that I hung out with were the type of people that played the Didgeri do and did Pula hoop dancing and fire staff dancing.

- Did the didgeri do? - This is like a hybrid, you know what's the weird goofy. - I honestly don't know. It's like a big thing that you blow into and it's like tribal.

- This sounds like some weird hybrid of like Renshin folks and carnival people and grateful dad all mashed into

“a very politically charged city Portland.”

- It was a very interesting season in my life. And I was in my whole wellness journey. So I was taking shots at Apple cider vinegar every morning and that will come into play later on. - That's great.

- Very health conscious, very natural, very crunchy. So I had moved back to my parents' house which isn't Idaho, but I had a whole friend group and so can only like 30 minutes away. Started dating this guy and obviously we had

like a mutual friend group and there was a girl who was moving out of her house. She was gonna go travel and she was looking for someone to take over her lease and her room. And yeah, I was going to inherit her roommate.

- So we seemed like we had nothing common. This is gonna be great. You know, she seemed like a cool girl. We had hung out a couple times, very quickly. I noticed this person was kind of lacking.

Social cues, the ability to kind of understand etiquette, especially when it comes to roommates.

The first thing that kind of led to red flag for me.

I had just moved in and my friends were helping me and we were gonna go get some lunch. So we invited her, my new roommate to come with us. She had asked about our old cardigan. I told her go ahead, grab one from high.

Pause it and she ended up grabbing my favorite advantage, thrifted, casualty cardigan. - Oh my God. - That's fine. I'm happy to share.

- I wanna confirm the red flag which is, you just met the person, you're like, hey, I need to borrow, you already lived there. Like, if a dude moved into my house, I was like, hey, I need to borrow a leather jacket.

- That's strange.

- We one thing if she was visiting your house

“and got chilly, but she's next to her own closet.”

- I know, but like, girls do that. - I want your clothes. - Yeah. - Yeah, yes. - I don't have your clothes.

Can I have them? (laughing) - So she grabbed a cardigan, we're walking, and she actually worked at this hub restaurant that we were walking to.

And as we're walking there, it's June in Spokane. It's kind of chilly, kind of warm. It's warming up throughout the day. We're walking, and she goes, oh, it's getting hot. And she takes my cardigan off.

And she looks at me, as she says this, and it wipes our armpits. - No. - My cardigan. - No.

- Oh, wow, she's stabbed.

- And me and my friend looked at each other.

We were like, what, who does that? - Yeah. - Maybe I'm private, right? Like, if I wasn't looking, like, maybe a click. But it looks me and my eyes,

and wipes, her sweaty armpits with my, what color was it, I'm so sorry. I know that doesn't matter. I just really want to know. - It was like a creamy tan.

- Cute. - Okay. - Flash, no yellow. - Ew, yeah. - And white with, hopefully, deodorant, paste.

- I don't think she ordered anything, yeah. - Yeah. - Well, we were crunchy. - Oh, yeah. - That's not healthy.

- Yeah, it's not healthy, it's worth. - It's very dangerous. (laughing)

- We then get to the restaurant, she works there.

So she gets a discount, and her manager was our server, and she ended up ordering garlic bread, you know, just a side, and our tabs come, and she asks if anybody has any change in my friend Chelsea gives her her wallet,

and she proceeds to take out every piece of change besides the pennies and pays for her entire tab with Chelsea's change. - What? - Doesn't mean we were to-- - Wow.

- So again, we're like, okay, these two things have happened in the span of two hours, these are red flags.

“I should have known, but I think in the house,”

I gave it my best shot. There was another time I came home. I had been drinking, I'm partying, and I came home early on like seven or eight, and my mattress had been pulled out of my room,

and onto the living room floor, and she was having like a sleepover on my mattress. - Oh! - I didn't have like a mattress to go sleep for-- - That's the fun.

- With one of her pales or her endopal. - Like a bunch of friends. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. - So girl friends, some guy friends, she would eat my leftovers, you know, like I would bring home leftovers from a restaurant,

she would eat it, which I think is just kind of odd. This gives some context as to what I'm dealing with. And the straw that broke the camel's back was when I came home one day after working, we had been living together maybe like three months at this point.

We both had cats. My cat was mostly an indoor cat. He only really went outside with me, and when I had gotten home, I had noticed that the screen door was open, and my cat was gone.

And so I go to find my roommate, and she's sitting on the couch, and I asked her, you know, like, where's Trasper? Have you seen him? And she's like, oh, yeah, he got ran up a tree by the neighbor's dogs, he's totally fine.

I'm sure he'll come back soon. I'm mad, this is fine. - Yeah. - And I neglect to notice that she has her hands down her pants. - Oh my goodness.

- When I noticed this, after I've kind of like, okay, whatever, my cat will come back. I go, what's wrong? And it's then that I see my bottle of apple cider vinegar sitting on the floor open, and she looks at me,

and she has this kind of look on her face, like her eyebrows are scrunched, and she goes, oh, and takes her hands out of her pants, has a rag on her hand, puts a rag on the rim of my apple cider vinegar, flips the bottle upside down,

then proceeds to put the rag back down her pants, as she says, I think I have hemorrhage. - Oh, oh, oh, even worse, I thought she was on her vagina for something, but she said her directome. - Yeah, oh, I thought she was master.

- Oh my, well, sure. - Oh, okay, okay, okay, okay, okay. - And she's using both hands on her butt hole. - She was applying from the lip of the container. - Ew.

- I'm surprised she didn't just put the container up to her eggs. - Also, how many times is she done that? - Right, and you know that's funny, 'cause I was just telling my partner the story yesterday, and he goes, well, hemorrhage don't just like pop up,

has she been treating her hemorrhage this way with your bottle of apple cider vinegar? - Yeah, like preview things. - Exactly, and you've been drinking it. - Yeah, so there's an effect that I have consumed her.

- Oh, great, oh, oh, oh. (laughing) - I doesn't matter, but I definitely need some one of a visual. - Yeah, you want to ask her. - Yeah, you want to ask her.

“- Like does she normal look in and she look in saying?”

- Totally, I'm looking definitely a stereotype. Like you would look at her and go, okay, like I can kind of guess, maybe what she does in her free time. - I think at this phase in her life, she is a part of a circus, if that gives any.

- A natural circus or that's a term for like a sex cult. Okay, it's not like not a youthful. - Oh, okay, and what was her talent, hemorrhage? - She had these like fans that had fire balls, you know, she would like dance.

- Okay, so all that, it's possible if I could make my best case

She might have like an extremely high arousal setting, like she's just dead if she doesn't juggle fire or fucking push the social boundary like she's dying inside. If she doesn't rattle herself of all this absurdity. - It just seems like she was so comfortable in her own skin

that she wasn't phase by anything. She had this glass dildo, we would have house parties

and her dildo was just always next to her bed

with like a bottle of coconut oil. And she would only put it away, you know, when she just didn't care, yeah. And props to her for that. I need some space, right?

How did you end this? Well, first of all, did your cat get retrieved? Was it in a tree? - To be honest with you, I don't even remember what happened after this.

I just blocked out. I have no memory of what happened with my cat. Obviously, he was fine because nothing happened to him that day. It didn't end well because I moved in with her because I wanted to not live with my parents.

I went back to my parents house to get out of this living situation.

“- Do you remember telling her like I just need to save more money?”

Do what was your excuse? - I'm not good with confrontation. I was very polite, but I did send a very, very long. I think maybe Facebook message or text message to her just explaining.

Next time you have a roommate, maybe these are things to think about. - Yeah, constructive criticism. - Did she respond? - She did.

And I don't think she was faced by it. Again, she was kind of like, this is normal stuff. Like, what are you talking about? - Yeah, she'll very few. - Maybe she'll.

- Can I am in the midst of her? - I'm not. - Me too. - Yeah, right. Just like, you're--

- Well, because I'm riddled with thinking about what other people think about me and clearly this-- - Well, there's a reason, because that person just repels every single person that's around. - You know what I was doing most of your story?

I was very paying attention and dialed in. But also, I was making a lot of room for envisioning you with the dreadlocks. My conclusion was you looked very cute with dreadlocks. And I'm sure you are a really fun hang.

“You're coming home hampered with the dreadlocks.”

- It was a good run. You know, I don't think they would suit my personality now, but it turned out they were great. - No one likes them anymore for what folks. And that's fine.

I accept it. But I had them myself. Tell me, isn't it the greatest hairdo? 'Cause there's nothing to be done. That part of thinking is done.

- It is great.

And they always look good.

They're not for me. (laughing) - Well, you look pretty cool if you have dreads and then shave the side. - Yeah, you've added that.

- And then back to the lipper. - No, I think you're good at rock it. - Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Thank you. - Tiger side.

(laughing) - Well, I'm sorry that happened. And that lady's nuts. - Yeah, I wanna meet her. - I have to give a quick shout out.

I promised her I would. My friend Sarah, she's my childhood best friend. She got me into armchair, expert armchair, not a man's shout out to Sarah. - I love her.

- We love Sarah. Thank you, Sarah. - Sarah. - We're cross-lutizing you. - Keep it up.

- You're in an MLM and you have whatever they're called below you. I don't know. - Oh yeah. (laughing)

- Well, congratulations on the baby and the marriage. And I'm so happy for you and it's lovely to meet you. - Thank you, I love you, thank you guys. - All right, take care. - Bye.

- Are you a Max for Stappin' fan, David? - I'm actually a Sergio fan, but I don't like rooting for the front runner. - Oh, that's fair, yeah.

- I always was rooting for Sergio

“and I think he was never given the best opportunity.”

- I agree and I think history showed that he was faster than we thought. We just didn't realize how fucking fast Max was. - Exactly. - So David, where are you of a beautiful background,

but that's not to say that's representative of where you live. - It actually is, it's not too far away from where I live. I'm in upstate New York right outside Albany, but that was a fall hike and Lake George. - Wow.

- It's absolutely stunning. - So you took this picture. - Yes. - Wow. - Yeah, for the listener behind David is just a gorgeous, thousand acres of forest followed by a beautiful lake

that seems very natural, shoreline. - I had moved back here unexpectedly after not living in this area for 20 years and I realized how much I missed being up in the mountains. - Yeah, you get reminded.

- Okay, so you have a crazy roommate story and where did it take place? - It took place in a story of Queens in New York City. So it was February 2006 when Craigslist was at its peak. - And what were you doing in Queens?

Had you taken a job there or were you just loitering? - I was working in Manhattan at a luxury hotel. - That's a bell captain. - Which one? - The Western and Times Square.

- Oh, what was the biggest tip you ever received as a bell captain? - Probably like $100, it was never anything too crazy. - Fun job that feels fun. - Oh, it was so much fun.

We had a baseball team that would stay with us. Basketball teams got to know a lot of players. Have a lot of good stories that way as well. - Anyone checking with a large cage in an animal? Not that I remember.

- Okay. - Okay, so you're working at the house. - Yeah, sorry, sorry. - So, met these two guys on Craigslist that we're looking for a third roommate.

We don't have many cares.

We get along things like that.

“But they're friends that they grew up with live upstairs,”

and they've converted the dining room into a fourth bedroom. So in Queens, you have a lot of railroad style apartments in our 20s we had no need for dining rooms. So we decided we'd put up a wall like they did and convert that into a fourth bedroom,

which gave us more drinking money at the end of the day. - Sure. - 26 years old. (upbeat music) So we agreed to put up a listing on Craigslist

for the fourth roommate. My two other roommates, they were in constant communication with me, picked a day that they were going to be interviewing for this fourth roommate. I'm working that night that they're starting the interviews

for the fourth roommate, but I get onto the subway and get there as quick after work as possible. And we end up meeting in what's going to be our apartment. And they said we found the perfect roommate. It's this college student senior.

The only thing is he has a circumstance that he has to get into this room like next week. And our landlord had given us the keys to the apartment, so we weren't moving in until March 1st. Don't think much of it, just okay, cool.

He's given us the first month's last month's and security deposit. We have that in our pocket and let him move in. Pass forward to move in day. He's already moved in.

My two other roommates and I agreed to rent a U-Haul. We'll move all our stuff that day, return the U-Haul. We picked up a 12 pack of beer and some pizza and unpacked the apartment full of boxes. The student roommate joined us for a slice in a beer,

but really was introverted and really had much to say.

And went back to his room, just the always not as social

as we thought he was. About a week later, we haven't seen our student roommate for a few days. My one roommate calls and texts him with no answer from him. We're not like crazy worried at this point.

Probably should have been a little bit more worried. It's New York City. It's safe. We've never been in any trouble. One day, my roommate Ryan, he gets home from work

who's been texting this newer roommate. And he gets a call from his friend who lives upstairs. And this is when DVR is brand new on cable in 2006 as well. He goes, I pause the TV.

“You have to come up and watch this right now.”

I'm at work in the middle of my shift. And Ryan texts me. I need to talk to you ASAP.

It was early on in cell phones, always on you at all times.

So we had a work policy. We had no cell phones at the time, both of the enormous luggage room. We had a corner there that we could sneak away and always take a phone call or a text. So get into the luggage storage room. Ryan, the first thing comes out of his mouth is, are you sitting down?

And my reply was, our roommate found dead. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And he goes, no, worse. Oh, what? Oh, there's only, I know the only other worse thing.

There's two other worse. Oh, I wonder who's right. Do we want to say it on three? Okay, one, two, three murder or pedophilia. Yeah, yeah.

Yeah, there's two worse than being dead. Exactly. So the FBI is actually arrested in on crossing lines for child pedophilia. Oh. Oh.

And the reason we even said that is we just had an expert on.

“And they were saying that the only thing Americans hold and worse regard than a murder”

or as a pedophile. Well, it was, it made the news. It was one of the top stories on the news that night. So we were in New York City and he had cross-state lines to Connecticut. Oh, my God.

Yeah. So my reaction was the same way I was like, what the fuck? So I went to my manager. I asked to leave early for a family emergency, quote unquote, and she gave me the OK. I changed out of my uniform and got on the subway as quickly as possible.

I get home, my roommate Ryan, who called me look like he had seen a ghost and showed me the clip. And he was the one who reached out to the FBI. Oh, he turned him in. Well, no, the FBI caught him.

But because he was our fourth roommate, he wanted to find out like what's the next thing. The FBI told him do not touch anything in his room because everything is evidence. My next thought was our landlord lives in our building. She was going to find out when the FBI shows up and we're going to get kicked out. We're not even a month into this leash yet.

Luckily, the FBI came in pretty discreetly to pick up the evidence as well as interview Ryan. He gave the details about how he was rushing to move in. We didn't know anything else about him. Ryan stayed in contact with the lead agent for a while.

Again, this is before even Google search became a thing. So I got who searched that roommate that got arrested and saw that our address was on

Oh, geez.

“And we're all in our early professional careers.”

So I had Ryan reach out to the FBI agent to get that all settled.

But we did end up finding a fourth roommate a few months later, who was amazing.

She wanted to be Broadway singer. Good for her. She moved in with three dudes. At a sex offense. I was a pretty late wife.

Oh, my God. You know, that's New York real estate. It's hard. It's hard. Yeah.

That is insane. Yeah. You guys find out any of the details of what he was up to was even a college student. He was actually a computer science major. Oh, no.

It was with a minor. It was pretty crazy. Oh. Do you think the minor was ever in your apartment? No.

Our understanding is that part of how he got caught was he commuted to Connecticut. To meet up with said person. Ah. That is the nightmare. Yeah.

I know. I didn't think I would say this, but we've had two of these. And I'd much prefer some of put my apple cider vinegar up their asshole for this as a roommate. If you have to.

Yeah. Yeah. Am I able to give a shot? I worked out four. Awesome.

I'm listening to you guys all the time. I even have an a cherry personalized license plate. Oh, good. Me too. That is so sweet.

Mine says arm cherry. Oh, nice. Yeah. Mine says AE cherry. Oh.

We can start a car club. There we go. I'm selling them. But I had to give a shout out to the person who got me into this podcast. This name is Scotty Johnson.

I think you have a friend. Scotty Johnson. I have a best friend. I just got chills when you said that I was saying could it be the same Scotty Johnson, but it's not.

And kind of sim, he was the Jim owner of the Jim I went to in Miami. And he's now relocated to Detroit, Michigan. Oh, wow. Really weird. I hope Scotty Johnson and Scotty Johnson run into each other.

Well, shout out Scotty Johnson. Yeah. I want to be a record. Yeah. If I've ever stolen anyone's personality, it was Scot Johnson.

Yeah. He made me a lot better. Great person out. Yeah. Yeah.

Well, and then, Dax, I just want to thank you for all the father advice you give. I'm a single father to a four and a half year old daughter. Oh, congrats. That's awesome. So are you a little girl?

Are you having so much fun? But that's time ever. The full-on conversations are the best. Yeah. I'm trying to get her into armchair expert.

Oh, it's more listening to Blippy than it is. Sure, sure, sure. Give it a couple of years. Yeah. Yeah.

“You're going to our anonymous, I think, is the gateway.”

Yeah, exactly. Well, David, it's lovely meeting you. I'm so happy for you. Yeah. Thank you so much.

All right. Take care. Is it Bittney Bridge? Yes. Hello.

Hello. How are you guys? How are you? Great. What are your sweatshirts say, Brittany?

It's so like you, Diteco. Yeah. Good sweatshirts. I figured you had to appreciate that. I always have one handy.

What do they call them? Fridge Six. Oh, yeah, yeah. Yeah, exactly.

True awards have never been spoken.

It's true. Brittany, where are you at? I'm in San Diego. So not too far from you guys. Okay.

And you have an exciting year in an office. There's a cocktail cart. There's a weird head mass. Oh, is there a Star Wars fan in the house? Is that what's going on?

It's Avatar the last airbender. It's an opera. We have a dog. That's named opera. Oh, okay.

So you guys love airbender. Yes. The original. The cartoon. Oh, okay.

You have a bad roommate. Please tell us about it. Absolutely. I don't love the term bad roommate. It was just a wild roommate.

Love that. Really clarify later. Maybe that will make sense. Why I want to make that distinction. But let's go back to early May 2020.

So this is peak pandemic. This is that phase where we're home 24/7. People are watching Tiger King. Oh yeah. Oh, right.

Making Vinnie on a bread. Drinking a lot.

“But it also a time where your home life becomes more important than usual because your home”

24/7. So I was 30 at the time working full-time navigating for what work and what that looks like. I was spending a lot of time with my boyfriend of two years. But we did not let together this time. We had had conversations about it.

I wasn't quite ready.

So ultimately, I was living with random roommates by the beach.

So on a Thursday night, early May, about 130 in the morning, I got a call from an unknown number. So I answer. And on the other end of the line is a police officer. I'm a little alarm.

But he says, like, I'm outside of your house. And he asked if I was safe. Oh, my God. Yes, I am safe. I'm confused.

Yeah, I thought I was safe until you called. Exactly. So then I walked my front door and opened it. And slowly the scene starts to come into focus. And I realized that my house is surrounded by police officers.

Oh, oh. Oh, oh. And spotlight pointing at my house. Oh, wow.

No. I'm train places. She didn't like it. She didn't like it. Oh, man.

Something's really happening. Time to be awake. It is burned into my brain as one of the crazier things that have happened. How many cops do you think are out there? At least it doesn't.

Oh, man. We got the whole department. Let's rewind a few weeks. So now we're in April even earlier in the pandemic. And one of our roommates was actually from another country.

“So I don't know if you guys remember there were travel bands that were going on, right?”

Where there were countries you couldn't couldn't travel to. The travel band got lifted and she was like, I have to leave now. Where I'm going to get stuck. And we were like, okay, we totally understand.

Never fun to have to like suddenly find a roommate.

But we live in a pretty desirable area. We haven't really had issues finding roommates in the past. So we post an ad on Craigslist. I know there's lots of more stories about that, but that's actually how I found the room. It's how we've been doing it for years.

I've never really had any issues. I found some good fit. So we interview someone. Let's call her Jamie. I actually go to where she's living.

Well, there's very proactive abuse. Yeah, this was smart. I meet one of her friends. We talk seems like a good enough fit. When can you move in?

So she comes in. The first couple of weeks are going really well. She's very clean. She's like, could for us and share food. Great roommate perks.

Can't ask for much more. She does talk a lot.

“It becomes clear that she's going through a breakup.”

He's grieving that kind of taking a toll on her mental health. Which I totally understand. I'm trying to be supportive of her. But I also actually am a therapist for living. I work with a professor.

Oh my god. Good job. I couldn't be her therapist, right? I was like, I have to set some boundaries. But also want to show up for you how I can.

But also like, you're a random, you know. Yeah. I'm kind of navigate that. But again, a couple of weeks, things are going well. And then one night in the middle of the night we get a group text.

So between me and Jamie and then our other roommate. And she says, I've had enough of this shit five straight nights. I'm moving out. What? And I'm like, rocking my brain.

Like, what is this about? Is maybe her and my other roommate having conflict. I'm not privy to. I got up to pee. I was like, did I wake her up?

And like that was frustrating. I got to have no idea. So I text my other roommate. Like, any idea what this is about. And she's like, well, it's late.

Like, we should all kind of talk tomorrow. But she is curing conversations about her. And it is very comfortable. And like, okay, I mentioned I do have a boyfriend that I spend time with. He comes over sometimes.

But he was not there that night. And hadn't been the last couple of nights.

And we had never talked about her.

Right. A single time. So like, this isn't happening. The next day, I talked to her. Try to reassure her.

Like, this is not happening. We are not talking about you. I'm sorry if you feel that way. He wasn't here. And then slowly as we're kind of talking more.

It's becoming clear that she is having some auditory hallucinations. So not only that my boyfriend and I are talking about her. But that my boyfriend is like threatening me. Oh, okay. I would like to add a disclaimer that my boyfriend has the most wonderful non-violent man.

There is no reason for her to think this. It was just very clear. She was projecting her own trauma onto like the nearest relationship. Oh, my god, psychosis. I'm kind of talking to her throughout the day saying like, hey, this happened before.

She almost maybe like seems a little embarrassed. Like, no, I'm a therapist on providing education on grounding techniques.

“Is she becoming open to the idea that maybe she can imagine them or no?”

It seems that way.

I think in the first conversation.

And so again, I'm kind of talking through like normalizing that being anxiety-provoking. If she says this hasn't happened before, we're in like the evening now. So I also offer, hey, my boyfriend is not here. I'm going to leave my door open. So my door was like right next to hers, Kathy Corner.

So I leave my door open. She can peek in if she wants to. She's feeling unsafe. And I let her know like, hey, the next morning. I'm aware of some community based mental health resources.

Let's get you some support. You're the dream room. Yes. I honestly am glad it happened to me because I feel like I had maybe some more tools to handle and deal with that. So I go to bed that night and now let's cut to the earlier scene.

About an hour after I had fallen asleep. I guess she had called the police and told them that my boyfriend was in the home with a rifle. Oh. Oh. Oh.

I get acquainted at her and was now holding the hostage. Oh. I get this is the point I try to make with my sympathy to police. They don't know what the fuck is going on ever. They just show up and they have to assume that's the scenario.

They were responding as if it was like an active shooter. Yeah. I'm glad they were. Absolutely. But hence all the guns and manpower in that situation.

They were responding as if that was the case. So I walk outside and talk to the police officers and I kind of give them my perspective. I let them know it's been unclear the last couple of days that she seems to be experiencing some auditorial hallucinations that seems like now she's experiencing some visual who seems to as well.

But they were like, we do have to clear the house. So they asked me to follow them as they're going in with large weapons like where my closet and the garage. And making sure right that I am telling the truth. Obviously he was not there. They did tell me they found like a large butcher knife in her bag and her wound that she said was to defend herself.

So that was a little alarming. Well, I remember learning in college that the schizophrenia that had been put in prison for murder. Almost without exception. They believe sincerely like the town was poisoned.

But it's always self-defense.

So like never just I want to kill that prison. So always self-defense. Yes. And that was kind of very deep. She was telling, "What would you do in the situation?"

If someone is targeting you and threatening you and pulling someone else or dying

“you need to have something to protect myself.”

This also shines a little bit of light on how the previous relationship probably dissolved. The boyfriend was probably like, "Okay, I got to get off this ride." Yeah, she has some psychosis. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Or it was she had a traumatic experience with that partner. That's true. That's true. It was unsafe and it was maybe threatened with weapons to where she didn't feel safe. And now her brain is kind of in that fight or flight mode, right?

I'm in survival mode because of those experiences that she's been through. Oh. Hi. Horrible. Yeah.

So they end up pulling us all in a room. I'm kind of hoping this will help alleviate some anxiety like he is not here. She's like pretty, you're a good girl. Tell them the truth. You know this is happening.

He's hiding in a car on the corner. Oh. Like just very vividly still feeling as though this was happening. My other roommate crowded the story. They were able to take her for a psychiatric evaluation.

And then the next morning I actually get a call from this eye hospital. And they're like, "Hey, can she come home? Do I have a place?"

“And I'm like, "I mean, as she's still believing this,”

as she's still feeling as though she needs to defend herself." So they do end up actually releasing her pretty quickly. She texts me and says, "I'm on the way home, and I have the place with me and I need to see her room." At this point, I'm like feverishly packing.

We're home twice or seven. I'm working from home. Like I have meetings that day. It is not sustainable for me to stay here in this environment. I'm trying to get out of the house before she gets there.

But I don't. She comes in, suppress the place. Are not with her. I like show her my room. And then I let her know, like, "Hey, I'm going to be leaving.

I will not be here. My boyfriend will not be here for an indefinite period of time. I will leave my doors open. Please, like, I want you to feel safe. We'll connect later." So now in the middle of the pandemic, I end up couch surfing between like friends and my boyfriend's house,

even like my boyfriend's mom's house in LA, like just kind of trying to find safe spaces where I can continue working and figure out what's going on. I am, of course, staying in touch with my roommate who is still at the house.

And she tells me she is now repeatedly calling the cops and continuing to stay these things. Why aren't they committing her? Well, they end up not coming to the house every time because they are starting to see that pattern.

To my knowledge, they never like connected her with

mental health resources. Apparently she was like looking under our house for me and like in her mental day. And she actually then started sticking burned notes under my door.

I actually sent a couple pictures. Oh, right here. If you want to look at them. You can do it. This is so scary.

Can you imagine like in a psychic evil, just seeing these notes, you're like, yep, I see what's going on. Exactly. Like she needs to be placed on a hold for sure. It's ranging from like leave her alone to like go ahead and do it.

So that feels like threatening of like you're going him to kill me. I don't know. Oh my god. It says I'll take a bullet for her.

I want her to stay with us now. Oh my god. This is very upset. You know, I want me to get to you. I don't like you.

Don't stop narrating everything. Do it asshole. Been waiting. And she also like was saying she was like recording us. I was talking over the story with my sister.

And she was like, that was the part where I was like, I don't care about COVID. I'm getting on a plane to come out. Yeah. She was like, the burn notes was kind of a next level for me.

Anything in everything's not seem impossible. Yes. And she is like sending like kind of threatening tags.

We also find out in the midst of all of this that she never paid rent.

So she had told us numerous times that she had. We had been there again for like years at that point. Never paid rent late. The landlord never told us until we got an eviction notice of pay. Or you're going to be kicked out of your home.

In the middle. And we actually contacted them about the situation. And they were like, not so helpful. And never told us that we had outstanding rent. So that was just kind of an added dresser.

Yeah. Yeah. Well, it was like, okay.

“Are we going to then pay you for her portion of the rent?”

So we can stay. Ultimately, we ended up having to like reach out to her mom on Facebook who lived across the country. And we're just like, hey, this is kind of the situation. It seems like she really needs support. These things are not happening.

Like, this has been verified by the police. I'm not just saying this her mom does end up playing out. Ultimately, after a few weeks and a few more eventful things, she didn't move out. And I do just very much want to add that disclaimer of like,

I have no bad feelings for her.

I hope that she got the support that she needs and that she is stable. And obviously, I'm a huge mental health advocate.

This is my passion and what I do for a living and never want to be disparaging.

This was just a crazy thing. Yes, absolutely. Did the mom take her back? I'm not 100% sure. I do think that was what they were going to do is bring her home.

More than she could hopefully get connected to their best to medication support and whatever she needed. You know, the whole story just reminds me how much we need other people. Oh my God. You need a mom, you know, you need someone to call that can be like,

oh yeah, I'll drop everything. Or even like, a best friend, real people in your life to help you.

“I think that's tough about even living in San Diego.”

Like, we don't have family here. There's a lot of transplants where you come here because San Diego is a beautiful, amazing city with lots of things to do. But there is sometimes a lack of community in that way. That is, yeah, a very essential, especially in these situations.

I actually ended up flying home after that just to kind of, yeah, so I got a little bit of like a breather in space. And then in the midst of all of this, actually, my boyfriend, we were on one of those trips down from LA to San Diego from San with his moms. He proposed to me.

Oh, I'm sorry. All the jewelry stores were closed. So he actually proposed with the diamond and like a ring pop setting, which is kind of a fun thing. Oh, I'm going to show you that we have from that time.

And we've been married five years. Oh, I don't know, I just do an half year old. Oh, congrats. We are very, very happy. This was a small little blip in a very privileged life. You have such an amazing attitude. I appreciate that.

That's all we can do in these situations.

And again, we're humans first and so always want to hold space for that.

I did have another quick anecdote. If we have time that I think I also sent pictures of. So my husband in 2022 surprised me with front rotickets to see you guys at the Wilton. I think it was arm-churning dangerous. Oh, which was so much fun.

“But the coolest thing actually happened after.”

So I'm a huge Christian Bell fan. As many of us are. She actually posted a picture from that show. And my husband and I are in the back room. I'm so excited.

But it was like the most exciting thing. Oh, that's great. And my husband actually is here right. I don't know if you want to say hello. Yeah, I would love to hear.

We'll be lying. Hello. Hi. What a nice man you are to have gotten those tickets for her. It was really fun.

You obviously met this roommate? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, that was a fun story. It all worked out.

And hopefully she's doing well. We don't give a touch with her, but yeah. Yeah, hopefully. I will love you meeting you guys. Yeah, so fun.

Bye. You guys so much for your time. Have a great rest of your day. Hello. Where is this photo that is your backdrop?

That's skinny. Oh. The photo is one of the few things that turned out great with that story. But that's a scam episode. Oh.

Oh. Although there were some bad roommates there too. Where are you at, Danielle? So I currently live in Eastern Washington. My story is about Portland.

Oh. And is that where you're from? I'm from here there and lived most of my early adulthood in Portland. We had another Portland story also bad roommates. I believe it.

There's a lot of bad roommates in Portland. Yeah, I was a lot of young people with dreadlocks and not wearing deodorant. That's right. Okay. Please walk us through Portland.

What year? So this was around 2005 and 2006. I was trying to figure out exactly when it was.

“I think it might have been that summer time.”

And I was the bad roommate. Oh, wonderful. I'm so glad. So someone's just owning it. What did oh my god.

I just what if you're the person from the Portland? Yeah. Oh my god. Okay. Let's hear it.

You need a little bit of background. So at the time I was in Portland finishing my undergrad. And I was working too much. Going to school too much. Certainly not getting enough sleep.

And the background to that is that a few years before I had an intruder. So being with some friends. Someone came into our home and came into my bedroom and turned on the lights. And I woke up just primal scream when into a tack mode. He laughed.

We weren't really sure if it was like an accidental situation or if he had bad intentions.

We never really did figure it out.

They never found him. But certainly created a lot of problems for me with sleep. Yeah. It ended up with PTSD and a combination of preexisting sleep disorders. Just magnified ended up with night terrors in combination with nightmares.

Usually people have one or the other. But I was very lucky. And got a big combination of frequent nightmares about intruders. And added demons to the picture. And would wake up screaming.

Bloody bruised and kind of a bookshelf that I had a bunch of like trinkets from travels Around the world. And they were all broken. Oh. Oh.

Oh wow.

“Your nightmares are like you're waking up.”

But you're still asleep. But you're wreaking havoc. And then you're coming to and realizing you've wreaked havoc. Yeah. So I had a long history of sleep walking, talking.

And then that coupled with this PTSD-dicated egg-diamess. Oh. I don't want to make quite of it. But I do want to see a reality show of just you moving around your bedroom at night. Is it ever crossed your mind, maybe?

But tonight there's your cameras and have a show. 20 years ago, it would have been fascinating. I was just me checking on my babies. I actually don't have nightmares very often. Maybe once a year, rather than once a week or more.

But that's the back of the lab in a couple of years. Well, sorry. One more question about night terrors. Did you ever wake up like far from the house?

Were you always pretty much in or around the house?

Always in or around the house. I did go through a phase where I would unlock and relax the door. Fortunately, that didn't last for a long time. But I never left. And my sleep specialists would say, we need to make sure that you aren't sleeping upstairs.

You know, these are where you can't get them, those kind of things. But fortunately, I never had to do that. And I never severely entered myself. Were we interviewed a guy who ran through a plate glass window from the second store? Yeah.

I could have very much been in the interior of that, I think. I'll scare you. You're going down a bed.

“You have to be afraid of what's going to happen when you fall asleep.”

And it's probably that stress also adds to it's like a bad side. Yeah. It does. And it becomes a really bad cycle because you're afraid to go to sleep. Because you don't know what's going to happen.

But then the insomnia makes it so much worse. These are the makings of a bad roommate. Yes. Yes. My very sweet roommate was really terrible about locking the door.

Also, that's how I ended up with the intruder in the first place was a door.

Didn't get locked. And so I became a little bit obsessive about locking doors for a while. And so that just would start off a whole cycle. So being gone through a week of her not locking the door a couple of times. And she worked late.

And was also in a band. And so would be out late. A band practice. And then maybe bring people back. You know that kind of thing.

Not a great combination. We also lived in a part of Portland. That is known for its senior side. So lots of drugs being done on the side of the road. Lots of sex workers.

Not really safe. But it's what we could afford. And it was a really noisy night. And I went to bad outside. I had the windows open.

And I must have been hearing her come in. It was really hard to come in quietly where we lived. I don't remember that. But I woke up. And I was hearing her say stopped in.

Y'all. It's me over and over and over again. But I kind of really large lamp in my hand.

And I had it raised up to basically hit her with it.

Oh my god. I thought it was somebody sitting in to attack us. Yeah. It would have been really bad if I hadn't woken up because I'm 511. And she's around 511.

Oh. And that is the story of how I almost killed my girl. I was so scared. Okay. When you came to where you like.

Oh. For a sign. Like I could have really hurt you. What if I actually had a real weapon? What if I had hit you?

What was that? She was so understanding and so kind about it. But I felt so afraid of what I might do in my sleep for a long time. Yeah. What do you do?

“How do you even address that for lock yourself in your bedroom?”

I can tell you what I did. Yeah. And she was a really sweet guard dog. She would just lay by the door. Be very protective if anybody came to the door.

Ever talked to me like in a breezeway. But otherwise, if I would wake up screaming, she didn't respond. She just would kind of like lift her head up and then go back to sleep. And that did more healing work than any therapy or any medication, which I hate to say. I'm a psychologist.

That is absolutely what healed my brain. I mean, it makes sense because I think at the core right, you're feeling very vulnerable and alone. And yeah. And now you got a copilot. You can offload some of the responsibility to her.

Your brain feels safer. I didn't feel like anybody would ever come in when they heard this dog who sounded big mean and vicious, but was really a sweet heart. Yeah. You know, I know you want me to go out of that bully.

Both need to take a moment and see these little dogs are so special sometimes. Sometimes.

And that's lovely. I mean, they're just so happy to have the job. But if he's really human like, here's a stitch man, I'm unraveling.

You got to be my copilot. Maybe something like that. Everyone would run.

“Yeah, they'd be like, fuck this would dogs like, yeah, man.”

Do I tell her very last day? Oh, I thought the night terrors would come back after she passed, but they haven't. I mean, I'd be like a couple of, I mean, you mom, but it's been fine. Good. I love that.

Oh, I love that you were the bad roommate. Yeah, same thing. Yeah, that's good. That's big of you. Yeah, I like that. That's like kind of the worst roommate. We could have very well heard that other side of the story. I came in.

I wasn't as you came barging out on my amp, but threw me a guess. Yeah. Drop it on my head. Good for her for being kind. I had some real roommates who were just so kind who would say, just come get him better with me.

Oh, I can't even get an absolutely awful. We've been hearing a lot of good about his humanity in this episode. It's been affirming and the bad ones. There was a pedophile. I think I can. Can I see a couple of thank yous on our shout out?

Oh, yes.

“Jack, I'm so thankful for the way that you talk about addiction from a professional standpoint.”

It's really helpful, but also I have three siblings who struggle with alcohol addiction. And for me, day seven is so helpful from both of you to be able to go back and remind myself, this is a process. Relapse happened.

I can be there for my family and also the reality is of how it feels to be on like Monica's end of things.

You know, it's always a good reminder. So I've listened to that episode so many times in supporting my siblings. And I'm so thankful for the way you talk about addiction and the way you share and you let other people share. Oh, thank you. Our pleasure.

Glad it was helpful. Yeah. And Monica, reset 35 is an amazing gift. So I'm a period needles, psychologists. Wow.

I've been supporting families and becoming families for a long time. So people with fertility issues and pregnancy and postpartum problems. But I myself took 10 years from me to get my baby. Wow. Oh, congratulations.

Congratulations. I want to thank you.

I wish that I had had that podcast when I was 35.

Yeah. It's a lot easier. But I didn't get my little science baby. My little science baby.

“I love that you share your process and even your process and thinking about like, do I become a single mom?”

Do I not? I'm a single mom by choice and it really works for me. But I think so many more young women need to have that information. Because I think for some people, it's way too late when they start. I mean, it almost did it work.

Well, I'm so glad it did. Yeah, good job Monica. We hear that a lot. I'm so proud of my buddy. Thank you.

And I have to shout out a former client who turned me on to your podcast. She really from day one was talking about you guys. It was a really fun bunch of years that we spent talking. I'm sure she'll know who she is. Shout out.

Anonymous person. I think anyone who gets you as a therapist is very lucky. Very. Thank you. It's so nice meeting you.

Yeah. Thanks for chatting with us. Thank you. It's great to meet you guys. All right.

Congrats on your science baby. Yeah. All right. Bye. God.

They're nice. They're open. Green out. I'll be a prick the rest of the day. First of many.

All right. I love you. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We're going to have a theme song. Okay.

Great. We don't have a book. So for this new show. So here I go. Go.

We're going to add some random questions. And then the hell. Oh, oh. Jerry's book. It's just beautiful.

I'm a flyer. I'm a flyer. I'm a flyer. Enjoy!