Armchair Anonymous: Bar Stories

I'm Jack Shepherd and I'm joined by Buck Rogers. - Hello. - Today we have crazy bar stories. bars are very fertile ground. - I mean, nothing, well, I shouldn't say nothing good happens.

- People find their soul mates at bars. - Thank you. - Yes, but at last, that's not these types of stories. You know, we have every version of depravity happening. So, please enjoy crazy bar stories.

♪ Come and go ♪ ♪ Good times ♪ ♪ Take 'em slow ♪ ♪ My life ♪ ♪ I had a move ♪

♪ But the one thing ♪ ♪ You got to know ♪ ♪ I'm a kiffin' shiny ♪ - Yeah, see me? - Oh, we can see you, we can hear you.

What is this sound dampening you've put up? Are those trifled mattresses? What are those? - No, let's say, nugget. I don't know if you guys know what those are.

For kids, you can basically make little shapes

for them to climb on. Each one is about 18 inches thick. - Oh, there are big cubes, kind of. - That's fine. - Yeah. - Oh, wow.

Where are you Justin? - I'm in Central Wisconsin right now. - When did you move there? - I moved here about three years ago, it's a... - From where?

- Minneapolis, where the story takes place. - Oh, okay. So you have a bar story, please walk us through it. - All right, so it's set the stage. This is back in December of 2018.

I was working in Don't Tell Minneapolis as a have security. I almost had a security for about six months at the time. At a bar. At that time, it was more of like a college place where kids will come from the U of M and go parties.

So it was pretty busy. I broke up a lot of fights. Literally almost daily. One time I had to go to the hospital due to another injury. - Can I ask really quick, two questions?

“How common is it to have to have a head of security?”

Is that just 'cause it was a college town, do you think? Or is that common in Minneapolis? It's pretty common. - Oh, okay.

And then second, how do you qualify for the job?

Like, what's the interview like? How are they determining whether or not you can handle your business? - They've seen me before. I broke up quite a lot of fights. Okay, great, great.

So one night at about two or three in the morning after the bars closed, me and one of my security guards. We take one of the barricades and we're going to go around the building to put it into the garage where we put all the barricades and heat lamps. When we go around the corner, I see two men punching one woman.

- Oh my god, oh boy, oh boy. - I hesitate for a second because I remember my boss constantly told us we do not break up fights that are outside because the liability issue is only due to inside. But I'm not going to let two men beat up a woman. So I dropped a barricade and I ran over there and tried to pull off one of the guys.

He tried to punch me but I was sober and he definitely was not. So I kind of just step back, he messed. I kicked him in the stomach and I punched him in the face and I pushed him over. My other security guard went over there and held him there for a minute. And then I turned to the other guy.

He has a handful of her shirt just holding it. Then he's walked to punch and he kind of looks in my way and he sees me and he starts going towards me to punch. And I saw that coming so I put my hat down and he hit right on the top. So I don't know if you know that would hurt him a lot.

- Yeah, his hands broke in for sure. - Definitely, yeah. After that, he kind of like over. I punched him two more times. I used my left hand, I had him to temple and then I had him right below the notes.

I also heard something crack. Oh, okay. He goes down and he has blood everywhere and he's been looking at me and I see that he's missing a tooth so that was the crack.

“Oh, so I turned to the girl and I say we should go and I'll never forget the way she looked at me.”

She turns to me and she has two swollen eyes. - Oh. - She's looking at me and she goes, I want to stay here with my boyfriend. - Oh, that makes me so sad. - Yeah, I didn't quite know what to say to that.

I felt really bad but then I look over and I see my boss. He's outside the door and he's like get back in here just to run out. I told her I was going to go call the police so I ran there and I get my phone. I call 911 and I've talked to them and they said they're going to come away. When I got the phone, I looked out there and all three of them were gone.

So I had, you know, I had quite a adrenaline rush. So I could really feel my body at the time. So one of my coworkers said, hey, you're tripping blood off your hand. I've looked down and I have about a half inch cut. I'm a knuckle and I'm like, oh, great.

So I go find the first aid kit, which is empty.

And so I just like, okay, I'm just going to put some cold water list and other co-workers. You should probably go to the hospital because getting saliva or something like that. Yeah, you could go rancid. You could get that cat disease. So I am going to HGMC, which is a hand-op-in-counting medical center.

I got there as pre-busy after about, let's say, an hour or so. I got to see a doctor. They washed it out for me a little bit and then they gave me two different antibiotics because I'm allergic to amoxicillin. Then I nearly sent me home, but they drilled a circle on my hand.

“And they said, if it gets past this, you need to come back.”

Hmm, I go home and go to sleep in my wake-up at about 11 o'clock. The morning, I can feel my hand is thropping and it feels like I can feel my heartbeat and it was pre-bed saying, look at it. And the circle was down low, but the infection was higher. Uh, I had gone a past your wrist.

Oh my god, what was he carrying and rabies?

I wish he was drinking more alcohol. Might have done something. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I decided to go back to the hospital. And when I walked into the door to the left, was the emergency room.

To the right was urgent care. So I was like, I'm going to go to urgent care because the emergency room is packed right now. I walked in there and I talked to a nurse and she's getting you all my information and I told her I was there earlier today, technically. She looks at my hand and she goes, oh, and she drops everything and she brings me into the

emergency room and then I get to the top of the list. So I go in right away.

“When I see a doctor, he looks at it and he goes, okay, you're probably going to need surgery?”

What? So they got me hooked up on IV antibiotics and a little bit later. I had a surgeon come in and talk to me and he looks at it. He goes, okay, so this is what we're going to do and we're going to put you under. You're probably going to stay here for a night or two, but I'll relate her. They bring me down to get surgery.

I think the surgery is about an hour and a half. When I woke up, the surgeon was there and he was talking to me. It was your very lucky that you came in when you did because you could have had a finger or your hand amputated from how bad it was infected. I sent pictures to wait they went in there and they actually had to cut out the infection.

I thought you were about to tell me they extracted the tooth from your hand. Oh, I'm going to do the lung. Oh, that would be adorable. He probably swallowed it. Wait, yes, so they cut out.

You can see the pictures of that. Let's go. They kind of cut it. It looks like an S sort of. Oh, yeah, it looks real gross. It's going to pop with infection.

Yeah, so the first one, then you have Bradford got the circle on my hand and then they'll

order two or after the surgery. Oh, wow. Did they tell you, did they like send tissue samples away and then tell you what the impact? I mean, I guess it is a matter, but I'm so curious. Yeah, what was it? I'm not sure. I guess that it was very painful. As you can see in one of the pictures, it looks like they kind of forgot some of the

gauze in the kept it in there, but that was kind of like a wick to get rid of. Oh, keep sucking up. Yeah. Oh, yeah, it's hanging. Look, Monica, I'm hanging out of this. I saw. Yeah, you don't like it. I don't need to keep looking. The most painful part was when they removed that.

I thought it was just going to be like, you don't have an inch. There is probably an inch and a half for something and you pulled it out. Quick, he goes to the second one. Oh, oh, oh. And did you examine it when it came out? I would really want to see what was happening. Oh, yeah, it was very bloody.

I called my boss after that and I told him, you know, I'm probably

going to be here for a few days. He asked me if it was going to be work as cop and I said,

oh, yeah, that'll be work as kind of so it was pretty upset about that. So I returned to work about a week later. I was told to do a safety briefing for all the security guards. This is how you break up a fight and this is where you break up a fight. Not outside.

“What were you going to do? Not as your job, like as just a person?”

Yeah, they were actually going to fire me, but a few of my coworkers, FEMA ones said that they were going to quit if they did that. Okay, now this willingness and appetite to get involved in chaos. I want to know how much the red hair plays into it. I don't know if you've ever heard my theories on red heads.

We have a tougher. Yeah, I have a few rules. You don't fight. You don't fight a guy at a stoplight who when he gets out, he casually takes a shirt off. Like not to show off, but just he's ruined so many shirts that he's learned. Just move on, get back in your car in general.

Mary Guy at the bar just don't mess with what he's been holding a lot in. And then I don't care what size the red head is. Just keep it moving. I've seen a lot of little red heads in junior high and high school. Get the best of somebody.

My friends, they'd say, I ginger stamped. I also of martial arts experience, I got my black belt and karate and some stuff in the military too. So the entire thing from when I saw them to him going down, covering his mouth was about 10 seconds. Sure, it happened very fast. I wonder what was in his mouth.

He had been eating someone that had fleshy eating bacteria. Oh, he's a cannonball. Oh, I took down a zombie. How much longer did you have that job? Probably for another five or six months.

The month before that happened, I also had to go into the hospital, due to a slight fracture in my elbow. There was a guy who was trying to harass some of the waiters and waitresses and something like that. And I tried to escort him out. He tried to punch me so I put him in a rear naked choke. And right then, I kind of feel fell forward.

“And his weight might be going to down the tip, right?”

He'd think I would have learned. Well, again, I don't know what you're supposed to do. And you walk up on that. No, you got it. It's time to get down. Of course, I'm having a lot of envy listening.

I was a job. I would have loved to do that. I know you are. I loved it. Yeah, yeah. Aaron ran a bar for 10 years and he didn't have security.

He was the security to be under the bars under. Yeah, and he got to see a lot of action. I was going to show you. Well, Justin, I'm glad that there are people wired like you and I. That would intervene in a situation like that.

And then, of course, I'm hardbroken by the girl who wants to stay with the guys. So upsetting. But also, you know, there's a lot of stats around that. Like, she would have been killed probably.

Like, it's a really horrible situation.

I don't have any answers, but it's, yeah. Yeah, could I do a shout out? Well, of course, my stuff got other Sarah. She was supposed to be here to watch her son while I was doing this. But I got the times wrong.

I forgot it was specific time. Okay. Central time, she's the one that told me to submit it. She's the one that got me to start listening years ago.

“And I think Monica would really like her because you guys have a very similar personality,”

but she's also a physical therapist. Oh, love her. I just add her to my PT collection. PT club. The two other people would be our friends Amber and Ethan.

They're the ones that got us to start listening to your podcast. Oh, thank you so much. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Converting people Amber and even a lot of people are going to start listening because I was like, I'm going to be on there.

Oh, fine. Well, it's great meeting you, Justin. That's good meeting you, too. Yeah, congrats on your family. I'm happy for you.

Thank you. All right. Take care. Bye. Are you so happy we have such a tough listener?

Yeah, but also so sweet. Could you hear his sweetness? That's what I love.

“I doubt he's starting to modify it, but he's finishing it on him when they need”

finishing. Hello. Is this Casey? Yes. Casey.

Nice to meet you. Casey, where are you? Dax, I know you like to guess, so maybe you want to take a guess from my accent.

Here's what's going to happen.

I already know what I'm down to. It's just down to two. Yes, I know. And I know if I get it wrong, both parties would be very offended, but I'm going to New Zealand on this one.

Me too. I'm in South Africa. Oh, I'm too wrong. Who's offended now, I'm not. I am.

That's pretty close. It gets mistaken now and then anyways. What city are you in down there? Johannesburg. Okay.

What's the vibe in Johannesburg? I've never been. You've got the friendliest people I would say. Have you been to Cape Town? No, I've only been to Tanzania and Kenya and Uganda.

Cape Town's beautiful as well, but Johannesburg is way friendlier. Okay, and so you've got a bar story. Yeah, so let me set the scene. I was in my early 20s, like 1920, thereabouts. What's the drinking age down there?

18. By the time we're 21, we're veterans. Yeah. I'd moved up to Johannesburg probably like a year before that from my hometown in George, very small coastal town, so small city, too big city, getting used to the

vibe in Johannesburg. By this time, I've got an ice group of friends and we're starting to meet people and whatnot.

The story starts off at a bri, it's basically a barbecue.

I love starting something off with a barbecue. Yeah, that's really great. I went there with my cousin and I ended up meeting this couple there. Thought nothing of it. And a couple of weeks later, or a couple of months later, I don't exactly the time.

I saw that the girl from this couple ended up being single and I decided to slide into the DM. Oh, okay, lovely. After some time, we ended up dating, so that's kind of like the precursor to the story. So after a few months of dating, we decided to go out one night.

We went to Hooters, so we also have Hooters here. I'm very happy here that you have Hooters. Hooters is very international. That's fried chicken sandwich, I maintain that. I enjoy their wings.

So, leading up to this, the ex of Hooters, I was messaging me now and then on social media and not being very nice, it's a straightening me, but I thought nothing of it, blocked him, carried on with my life. We ended up at the spa and as I walk in, I turn a corner and I walk straight into this guy, like physically bump into him and I kind of taken it back and I moved to the side

“and carry on walking to my table and we sit down, you know, I think nothing of it.”

I forgot to mention the student's super big compared to me. When you bump into each other, were there any words? Bump in, no words, part ways, so I thought nothing of it, right? So anyway, sit down at our table and we're having a good night, having a couple of beers ordering food and I see this guy start moving closer to us and it's at a table adjacent

from us and he's like staring me down the entire time. You're girlfriend with you? Yeah, my girlfriends with me, I've got a lifelong friend with me as well. And then another guy, friend of mine, that's a pilot that was visiting, he flies for doctors without borders and Afghanistan.

But he's a British guy. So it's the four of us sitting at the table, mining on business and every time I glance over to him, he's mouthing off, making as if he's swearing at me, I can't tell what he's saying. You know, you can see it's something not good. So we noticed this is a group and we decide maybe we need to get out of here.

It's starting to get a little sketchy, because as we stand up to leave him and he's for and stand up to leave as well, we work outside and he starts to try to confront me. Now, I'm more of a lover than a fighter, but I stand my ground, my girlfriend at the

a bit and he's getting more and more aggressive.

The bouncer's decided to stay up in at this point. The bouncer's a dude is in Johannesburg or massive, so he kind of diffused the situation. The bouncer then put his arm around me and started to walk me to my car and the other bouncer was arguing with the guy behind me and just trying to handle the situation. Every time I glance back, another one of the dudes friends arrive, so like it's turning

from two people into like four and in six and then at some point there was like eight of them. The bouncer behind me is starting to get obviously a little overwhelmed and the one that's

“walking me to my car is like, okay, you need to leave now, get in the car and go get in”

the car. The one female friend of mine, she got in the driver seat and I was like, I don't think you should drive, let me drive rather, just in case we need to like get away or something like that. I feel like I'm a more evasive driver, you know?

This parking lot that hudders is in, it's like parking lots with parcades on either side, but there's one entry and exit. As we reverse, out and we start going down this exit path, him and his entire group of friends block the road. Oh, good boy.

So now like, okay, now it's a standing in front of the car and he's swearing at me and trying to intimidate me. The friend of mine in the back, the one that was visiting from Afghanistan, had his window all down and one of the students, friends, punched him through the window and ended up chipping his tooth.

Oh boy. His famous quote from that is, he spends his career in a war zone, but comes back for one night and said, "African, guess what I'm trying to do?" This guy starts like pushing on the bonnet of the car, trying to stop the car. At this point, I've had enough, so I started to edge forwards and as I move forwards, he

jumped onto the bonnet of the car and like smashed a massive hole in the windshield. Oh my god. Amma first at it. He's lost it. Yeah, I use pretty cray cray, so at this point I just floored it and he kind of rolled

off the car and we got home after that. That's not where the story ends, though.

“We're police called, that's what I'm getting to.”

So we got home and the friend whose car it was, when to go late charges at the police station. The next day, this guy contacted us and they were trying to negotiate so that she would drop the charges and he would pay for the damages, but it turns out he was contacting us because he tried to charge me as well, so he also into the police station and he tried to charge me with attempted murder.

Oh my god. Oh my lord. When he was charged with malicious damage to property, so we ended up getting contacted

by a detective and now I'm super nervous like my first run-in with the law, I'm like

what's going on. Amma, are you going to get arrested for this? I go to the police station, make my statement, the detectives take in both of our statements and he says, even a blind man can see the students not telling the truth, you know, I should worry about this.

I was like, okay, and he said he'll let me know if I need to come in for anything again and that was the end of that, then about a week later he finds me, he's like, I need you to come to the police station today, I'm like, oh, okay, so I get my friend to go with me in case he can replace me or something, that they take my car home, but y'all turns out that wasn't okay, he just wanted to tell me that they'd actually arrested the other

guy and he wanted to confirm some of my statements. So that's kind of where it ended, I ended up being a witness for his trial. Yeah, I have no idea if he was convicted or not, I wasn't there for the sentencing or whether like he was guilty or anything like that. So it was just stand as a witness and that was kind of the end of that.

“Did he ever reach out to your then girlfriend about it?”

I don't think so, I ended up moving back to my hometown and then back to Johannesburg again. So a few years later I like, I bumped into him at the gym. Oh, you did? He didn't say anything, he didn't do anything, so I think he'd learned his lesson whether

or not he got charged or not, like he was super young, so I don't know if he would have gotten a criminal record or anything from that, I'm sure.

The judge would have been lenient if it was like a first time offense.

People can not control their temper. No, young men are wound up a little hot. Yeah, especially when the legal drinking age is 18. Oh, true. Yeah, alcohol, jealousy, massive size, maybe he's juicy and who knows what's in the mix?

Yeah, what's on on on on. Well, I've got you made it out of there. And I hope they didn't taint your feelings about hooters. No, not at all. I still regularly go to hooters for there or you can eat chicken wings special.

Oh, they've got an all you can eat wings special. Yeah. Oh, pretty good. And you'd love to exchange trades for it as well. The president don't do some sort of like chicken breasts special.

You're more perverted than a lot. Oh, you can eat breast breasts. Oh, my god, my, you're so perverted.

They were very ethical about serving people, because my friend Scottie and I used to go and watch basketball on the Santa Monica Hooters location, eat wings. They would only sell you two pictures of beer. Yeah, because of the pandemonium and the pandemonium.

But we would always be a little frustrated with what they wanted us to consume, but again,

very ethical of them. I guess I am a plotting man, even though it's frustrated.

“How about down there is it willy-nilly will they over serve you or they pretty tight?”

It's the portion size of a pretty big. I have been to the US before and South African portion sizes don't really compare. Like US portion sizes are insanely huge. Yeah. I know we're so gluttonous.

It's crazy. I'm guessing you don't have 64 ounce drinks at the gas station either. No, not at all. Well, Casey is lovely meeting you and we're so flattered you're done in South Africa listening. Yeah.

I think I might be a first for South African portion. I think so. I think so. You spread the word. All right.

Well, lovely meeting you Casey. Did you have a good one? Take care. Hello. Hello, can you hear me?

Yes. Is it Leo or Lee? Lee.

You just never know what these feelings.

Yes, tough. I was excited for you guys to guess. I get Leah a lot. I get Leah a lot. Lay is inappropriate.

But Leah and Lee. That's tricky. How do you spell Leah? Leah. Leah.

Leah. Leah. How do you spell Leah? Leah. Usually.

Where are you at?

“I am just a stone throw away from some of your many references in Northville, Michigan.”

Oh, I know Northville inside and out. Do you cruise Hines park? Of course. I'm like mile away. Wonderful.

Yes. We would go cruising in Hines park quite a bit. My very good friend went to Nova High. My husband went to Nova High. Wow.

And then we would cruise downtown Northville. That's the story, Monica, that I met the girl. And I was lying about my age. And she too did when we were hooking up. She was just from the story.

Right. That's right. That's all from Northville. Bring him back all the memories. Lee, did you grow up in Northville?

I grew up in Northville. And I met my husband at Michigan State where the story takes place. And then we moved all around. I was by Wabiwab and Chicago, down in Dallas, and now back in good old Northville. No stints in Atlanta.

What do you not against Atlanta? You know, I worked for United Airlines. They're very delta country. So maybe my only rivalry there.

“Do you still work for them or no, you don't?”

Now I'm still home. I'm in a personal trainer. Oh, nice. Oh, I have gains. Monica has worked out 1.2 times.

1.1 times. And my muscles are huge. I'm sorry to scare you. How often are you working out? We're so off track, but I'm curious.

Probably five to six times a week. There we go. Always a rest day. Sometimes two. How about five or six days rest days?

And I like that six day workout. Okay. Yeah, sometimes seven on accident. Let's start a story story. Okay.

So as we reference Michigan State, sort of known as a party school, which is where the story takes place. This is January 2014, which would make me a 18 year old freshman in Michigan State. We are back for second semester.

And I was on a sports team at MSU. And I actually want you guys to guess what team you think I was on. I think you were a soccer player. Uh, lacrosse. We're going to go lacrosse because my husband was lacrosse.

So I'm going to keep that part of my life. Okay, so neither. Neither. Because I'm on the lacrosse team. There are girls who are a lot older that I become friends with over summer trainings.

And we kind of had this big age group of friends. All the girls who are 21 obviously are going to the bars on Friday night. And that gave a big incentive to the younger girls to find a way to also go to the bars. So there are two ways at the time. It felt like you could get a fake ID.

First one is the one I opted for, which was to take some sort of very sketchy passport like photo to send to who knows what country. The whatever boy on the dorm floor was willing to take on this endeavor. Get all of those fake IDs back in like a necklace box from again, who knows what country and who knows when and he would kind of go and pass them out.

Terrible, very clearly fake from Connecticut. Not great, but worked at the bars you knew would work at. The more I'd deal way to get the idea was a cousin that turned 21. Pretends they lose theirs. You look enough like them.

You use a real Michigan driver's license, you know, more of a sure fire. Yeah.

Real ID was always preferred.

I didn't get to have that obviously because nobody looked like me. One time I used Cali's ID. We've talked about that. Anyway, go on. So I've got my fake ID.

I'm 18 feeling good. Getting into the bars. I know I can get into with my older teammates. But some of the other girls in my grade were still looking for an ID. Well, it turns out feels like fake.

One of the older girls on the team is out of party and sticks her hand down because she drops her phone in the couch cushion and pulls out a

But immediately she looks at it.

“Blonde blue eye could have been any one of our teammates.”

So she holds on to this morsel and she decides that she is going to night. One of my best friends. Another freshman, Janine with this fake ID. Now, Janine is about 5152. Cute as a button.

And this ID does say 510. Oh, they're done now. We're going to roll with them. So Friday night comes around January. It's freezing cold.

Monica, as you know, the best part of going out is the getting ready. We're getting ready in the dorms. Scater skirts, peplum tops. Big chunky Charlie's necklace. We're ready to go.

Or hype in each other up. Janine parts her hair the way that Haley the fake ID name has her hair purted.

She wears it straight, which she never does.

We're trying to make Janine Haley. She is living the role. We get to the bar. And this is the bar on campus. Okay, Rick's American cafe for all my fellow Spartans.

Yes, my sister about this. My sister is a MSU graduate. She will now. It is a basement bar is all good. College bars are.

And the way it's set up is you kind of can see the front door and that's it. Because you immediately go down the steps.

“So the line goes out and around the corner and you have to wait outside until you get to the bounce or going.”

So we've got a group of all my teammates. And we are strategizing here. We've got someone who's 21 with a real ID first. Then me. Then someone else who's 21.

You know, we're intermingling the fix. We think this is going to help us. I co-sign on this. Thank you. Appreciate that.

We're there. And we are strategizing. And while we're in line, we're all studying. Everyone who's underage is studying their info, right? Address what's your data birth?

What's your full name? What's your middle name? What's your hometown? All the things. And Janina's locked in as Haley.

She's ready to go.

And we decide because this is her first time using fake.

She's going to go very last. Because the rumor is kind of like, if you're cool with the bounce or even if he turns you away. Usually they'll give you your ID back and just say, I know this is fake. Scurry off. She's like, oh, just go back to the dorm.

So I don't get it. So we get up to the bounce or somebody goes, they get in. I go. I get in. This person goes in.

And then we look at Janina and we're all kind of trying to like creep down the steps that we can hear what's happening. Sweaty, pitty, little farm town. She's been peer pressured into using a fake ID. Really is what's happening here. She hands over the ID.

And immediately the balancer looks at it. Smirks and goes, how do you know Haley? Oh, fun. Yes. See?

Oh, this is the race you run. Oh, the balancer. We're on a campus of 50,000 just undergrad. But Jean is fast on her feet and immediately instead of trying to be the I am Haley, which is what I would have done. I would have doubled down panic gone with it.

Immediately doesn't miss a beat goes, we're really good friends. Like, all my friends just got in. Can you just give me the ID back?

“And she was just, I think trying to get the ID back.”

I don't even know if she wanted to get down the steps. But he kind of like rolls his eyes, gives it to her. And let's her. Oh, yeah. Good job.

Good job. She's a realer at the end. She's too cute to let her go home. So Jean, it's down the steps. And we are celebrating like is Super Bowl Sunday and we have one. We are Patrick Mahomes and Travis Kelsey high-fiving. This is the greatest thing that's happened to our freshman selves.

The bar is split because you go down the steps. You go to the left side. We called the dark side because that was the dance floor. The booty bumping of it all. And then the right side was the light side.

And that's where you would go to like watch the game, order a drink. It's a big oval. So you can walk kind of all the way around. So we're into the bar. We are there for probably 45 minutes.

Just enough to get a couple vodka crayons in us. Oh, yeah. That was my drink too. Oh, yeah. It's every 18 year old drink actually. My 18 year old drink was Amoretta's sour.

Oh. That's what we were to all get. And then I worked my way up to vodka.

I like that you're also always like it's a two for your getting drunk.

And also kind of buffeting yourself from a UTI. Exactly. Yeah. It's the wellness choice. We're having a good time.

We're booty bumping. Now the manager of this bar. We're going to call him Hank because I'm pretty sure he still works there. And I want to be in good graces as an alumna. But he is exactly what you think of when you imagine a midwestern arm manager.

Like big burly. He's wearing the wixie slancing t-shirt. Everybody kind of knows his face in East Atlantic. We spot him walking over to Geneva. So there's a couple of us that are all hanging out.

And Jeanine is near the bargaining of drink on the dark side. Hank walks over. Steps right in front of Jeanine and just puts his hand out palm up as if to say. Hand it over. Yeah.

Right. Like I know you're using a fake hand over. But he's saying no words. So from the opposite corner of the bar. I am watching this go down.

And immediately I clock that the person standing next to him is Hayway.

The reason that the bouncer immediately recognized Hayley is because their coworker

and she's a bartender. Oh my gosh. What are the odds? Bad luck is what that is. As she's fumbling through her cross body to get this idea out.

She goes to give it to Hank and Hayley snaps it out of her hand and just turns and walks away. Kind of drew the conclusion that at some point in the bouncer's shift he ran down the steps and said to Hayley.

“I just let your friend in with your ID and Hayley said something like, "What do you mean my friend?”

I lost my ID at a point." You're right. And that's why he let her in. He's like, "Oh, it's one of Hayley's buddies." She works here and I'll let it slide.

Calm caught up now. That makes sense. So now we've pissed off pink. We've pissed off Hayley and we've pissed off the bouncer. Yeah.

There's a lot of lives happening here. Right.

From far away I just see Hayley get her ID.

And Jenin turns immediately and walks the other way. So I'm like, "We're good. I've got three vodka crans and I'm booty bumping. Come on back and join the party. I think we're fine."

And she comes to join the group and is like, "We gotta go. They're mad. This is bad news." Now, truly like out of a movie, cut to the next thing we see is we're trying to get up the steps. And at the top of the steps with the bouncer are two East Lansing police officers.

Look there. Oh, we're going over there. And my pee. They were known to send the police officers in and kind of have a good relationship and say, "Oh, we don't know who's using fake IDs.

“But if you want to come down, you're allowed to go and ask people to see their IDs."”

So we're at the top and we just hear the bouncer say to the police officers. Yeah. Blonde in the big pink necklace. Describing. Oh my gosh.

Jenin. She just pull off and necklace and throw it. Literally. So we are walking the steps. Our walk turns into a full blown sprint.

We turn the opposite way from the police officers. And at this point, I don't know if it's the adrenaline. I don't know what's happening. But there are no words being said between the group of the three of us that are sprinting away from this bar. We are just like, "All somehow tell me this, going the same direction and getting out of there."

And up running away from the police officers, they do not chase us. In my mind, I was like, "Or now I'm going to be on a foot chase that did not happen." We ran around the corner and went into the drunk food spot.

Ditch the pink necklace and the bathroom and always wealth.

Scary. That's exciting. All's well that ends well. The full circle full circle of it is she obviously got her fake taken. I was like the young one.

I didn't turn 21 until well into senior year.

“And I got very cocky with my fake ID because it had worked for so long.”

So for her 21st birthday, I tried to use my fake ID in Vegas, not a good idea. And that's when I got mine snatched. Happened to the best of us. Two things I used Ken Kennedy's at times when I needed to. But mostly we lived in downtown Detroit and they did not give a flying fuck.

What age you were in downtown Detroit in 1993. They didn't care at all. You go out of the liquor store and buy whatever you want in there. Like great. You got cash, you're good.

Mine got taken my senior year. Right before I turned 21. It ended up being okay. I got three years out of it. What was yours?

How'd you? How'd you yours? I had the bad kind obviously. You bought it off a freshman in the dorm. I had a friend who was making them.

Okay. I mean it was literally glued to the back of a blockbuster card. You couldn't take it out of the wallet. Oh. You know you had the wallet with the clear thing and you would just like give them that.

You know if they said take it out. Then you're like actually I got to go. I should have diarrhea. I got to go home right now. Yeah.

They just remember day of diarrhea. So he made me and I cried. There's a food guisey. You cried. I was so embarrassed.

Janine's coming out. Oh my god. Look at this. Oh, you're still friends. Oh, no.

Who's the third member? I'm was not a part of the story. I'm not them after. But I'm just a huge armature. And suddenly and I text all the time when episodes come out.

Where I was just like bonding over it. And she was like, okay. You have to come over. Some more support for the story. And sneak in and say hi if you can.

So just wanted to say I'm a huge fan. Oh, I love it. I will nice meeting all of you. Yes. Nice meeting you too.

Thank you for letting us talk. So far. Bye. Katie, where are you camping? I'm currently camping in my living room.

Oh, I love it. Are those rosettes? Oh, no. This is part of a fort kit that my children own. Yeah, we had the same one.

And I come across big tubs of the poles in the joining pieces.

Can we please get rid of it?

And we don't. It's also weapon. Oh, sure. Sure, sure. Sure, sure.

Yeah, I mean, look at it. It's just dying to be swung at a sibling. Where are you at in the world? Outside of Washington, D.C. and Northern Virginia. Oh, okay.

Wonderful.

“What kind of weather do you have over there right now?”

It's a little chilly, but the sun is starting to come back out. So I'm slowly getting out of my seasonal depression. Oh, good. I'm happy for you. Driving with the windows down.

Yeah, sunroof wide open. Oh, it's a big, big moment. You know, in my planner, I have to write down what I'm grateful for every day. Yeah. And yesterday I wrote sunshine.

It's a good one. Because it's a real good one. So you have a bar story. I do. So this story takes place in a small college town in Virginia.

I am a college sophomore in this story. And I am not yet 21. So I am going to the bars with a fake ID that is pretty bad. And where did you get it? I'm a variety of, yeah, we're learning a lot about fake ID.

Well, I am. I'm learning a lot about fake ID on this episode. What was your variety? We found some guy that did fake. It wasn't like a real ID.

It was created for me.

And so I basically traded a Kate Spade Bag that my aunt gave me for this ID.

Oh, that's pretty expensive. Better be a good fake. It was that. Did you have to take a picture? Or did you use an existing one?

How was it constructed? They took a picture. And then it was horribly laminated.

“And then they didn't even like sand down or round it.”

So it was pointy. Oh, sure, dangerous to retrieve out of the wall. Yeah. Yep. And how successful was it as a fake ID?

Did it work? If they ever used the scanner, which they started using as I was getting closer to 21, I would not make it in. But for the most part it did it's shot. Okay, great.

I love that. It's a Thursday night. It's the local bar that everyone goes to. It's only college students. And it's one of those special college bars that has this big open space where you can dance and

it's like a club. But then as soon as you enter these other doors, it's just like a restaurant and bar. So it's picture nice. It's two for one. And I have two pictures.

And I'm going to meet my friends. I'm already wasted. We're already making our way towards this club space. So it's like a different feel now. I am hammered.

And as I'm walking, I'm in my heels and my black face. You're going out top. I'm strutting myself. I slipped on a puddle of something. Uh-oh.

And I fall. Face forward. And I catch myself with my mouth. Ah. Okay.

You break your fall with your teeth. I did. I broke my fall with my teeth. Because you couldn't let those pictures go. I did it.

I needed to. It was the priority. I had to get them to my friends. So I fell. And I knocked all four of my friends.

Oh my god. This isn't really a serious tumble. It was in a like crescent moon shape across all four. Oh, wait. They broke off.

The roots didn't come out. No. The roots didn't come out. But they all broke off. Oh.

Which was actually a pretty fortunate for me later. That they didn't all actually come out.

“Wait, can I ask you quickly like out of what's the pain of your teeth cracking off?”

There's zero pain. Oh, that's nice. I feel nuts. But you're drunk, which helps. Could also be a little shock.

Yeah. And you run your tongue along your teeth and you go, oh, there's a moon shape. Yeah, I don't run my tongue along my teeth. I just run my tongue through my teeth. Oh, really quick.

Do you look on the ground for the pieces of teeth? So this is where it actually gets bad. My guys friends that lived around the corner for me, they saw this whole thing. And they watched me fit my teeth. Oh, lovely.

Look at them like really pissed off. And then throw them across the floor. I like it.

So they basically looked from my teeth, but we never saw them again.

Which was also a blessing because the dentist would have tried to glue them. They wouldn't have looked good. Yeah. You'd be a big seam across here, smile. I'm wasted at this point.

And my guy friends being guys were like, we want to stay at the bar. So they asked for me into a cab with people I don't know. So strangers are now bringing me home. They decided that finding my friends was not so bad. Oh, my God.

Well, really quick. I mean, maybe they saw what disregard you had for your teeth. And they were like, oh, the she didn't care about shit. That doesn't even care. They can't care.

They should care. It was just a normal night for me. So I get inside and I'm by myself. And I'm not really sure what to do. I'm not really panicking.

It could still be that I was in shock, but everything seems fine.

She's sleeping two hours away. And I leave her a message. And all I say is they're gone. Oh, my God. And then my roommate comes in.

“And so I hang up the phone and I don't say anything.”

My roommate quickly calls my boyfriend who is long distance. And she quickly just tells him what's going on before we go to the ER. And she says Katie fell at the bar, which he heard as Katie fell off the bar. So he's thinking I was dancing on the bar. Oh, and he's pissed now.

He's turning it jealous.

Oh, I told her never to do that.

But anyway. It made me want to actually have dance on the bar. Like I wish I had done it. So we do go to the ER. And the doctor is unfazed by us.

We're wasted. He checks me for head trauma and finds. He says you just need to go the dentist in the morning. Everything's fine. He does prescribe me purpose up.

Oh. It was also fun to say it to pharmacy with my list for cassette. So we proceed to go home. Everything's fine. I go to sleep.

And I wake up at seven in the morning from a phone call from my mom.

“And she is just like, what is happening?”

What's gone? So I tell her everything.

And she says, OK, I'll be there in two hours.

So on her way, she does make a dentist appointment for me. And I went back to sleep. I made no effort to clean myself up. I have last night's makeup on. I have maybe like those juicy guitars, sweatpants on with juicy across my butt.

Yeah. I looked like a mess. I smell like a bar. My mom is clearly ashamed of my choices. The caps off the percussive bottle.

Sit on the nightstand. She did make me give her the percussive. Yes, smart. She takes me to the dentist. And the minute that I walk in, I realized that my Jesus-loving mother has taken me

to the most Christian dentist there could ever be. And I know that she's not acting that disappointed, but that this is her form of retribution for me. I appreciate to spend the next two hours in the dentist chair, smelling like bar, and staring other scenes from the Bible,

listening to all the Jesus' stories in the world.

“Oh, so they had a door in the ceiling with Jesus's iconography?”

It was. Wow. So to this dentist, did he send you out with a smile? I mean, he's got to make fake crowns or veneers. It was actually really impressive.

So I needed a root canal because I didn't kill one of my roots. Oh. So I had to do that. And then they had to grind down all four of the teeth so that they could put veneers on.

Yeah, that's kind of fun. See, it's an excuse to get veneers. Have you had to have them replaced? I already had to have them replaced one.

So that first time was on my parent's dime,

and then this last time was not. They're pricey, right? They are pricey. You want nice ones? Well, you have nice ones.

Your teeth look great. Thank you. My husband said that I need to make sure I brush them before I talk to you guys. Oh, that was nice of him.

When I'm mad about in these post-apocalyptic shows, is they don't show people who's veneers have fallen out. Like there should be a good percentage of the people in post-apocalyptic America who have the shark teeth. I really need to store up on like the dental glue just in case.

Yeah, you're going to want to be able to put them back in there. Other people be grabbing water and stuff, and you'll be grabbing fix it down or whatever it's going. Oh, well, Katie, it's lovely meeting you. Lovely meeting you guys too.

Thank you so much for all you do. Oh, our pleasure. Thank you for listening. All right, take care. You do the best.

Right. All right, love you. I have fun at the bar tonight. Anyone who's going out, try to keep your teeth. Yeah.

Be safe out there. Don't get any fights. Use a high-quality fake ID if you must. And condom. All right.

Love you. Bye. Do you want to sing a tune or something? We're going to have a theme song. All right.

Great. ♪ We don't have a book ♪ ♪ I'm so forward this new show ♪ ♪ So here I go, go, go, go ♪ ♪ We're going to add some random questions ♪

♪ And then the help of all juries ♪ ♪ We'll get some suggestions ♪ ♪ On the fire, Ryan Bush ♪ ♪ On the fire, Ryan Bush ♪ ♪ Enjoy ♪