Armchair Anonymous: Unauthorized Evacuation III

It's your favorite day. It's my favorite day. And I'm always I'm shocked. There's always been three.

We must be titling them different, but we're titling them. We must be. But this is on authorize evacuation three. Tell us about an unexpected evacuation. And they're always beautiful in a daring and life-affirming. It's the thing that's going to bring us together. Yeah, we can all relate. You're most of us, and if you can't relate yet, you will relate at some point in nearby. Please enjoy on authorize evacuations.

Hello, hi, Dax and Monica. Kayla, are you from a long line of Kayla's or are you the first? I'm the first Kayla. My dad said he found it while sitting on the toilet in the baby book.

“So that's how I got my name. Oh, wonderful. He was leafing through it.”

The best ideas can come to you on the toilet. Yeah, also, I mean, pretty good dad. I don't know when you're born, but probably 90s were born in the 90s. Yeah, 96. The fact that he's taken time to read a baby name book is not probably super difficult. Yeah, and I mean, on the toilet, maybe that's how we got to this story.

Oh, yeah. And if we make the opposite argument, you could also argue he only read it because he was stuck on the toilet. And there was nothing else to read. No, but we're less careful here. Where are you Kayla?

I'm an orange county. And it happens even in sunny California on authorize that. Yeah, I don't like hearing it. Well, we know that's true. Personally, yeah.

Honestly, it wasn't my proudest at first.

But, you know, since been telling to like break the ice at work and at parties. And, you know, it's funny now. So that's great. All right, walk us through it. Tell us the year. What was happening? So it was 2019. I was freshly in college.

I honestly was like very, very stressed at the time. I was working a full-time job at a makeup counter.

“And then a part-time job at this snow cone place.”

And then I was also going to school full-time. Wow. I set that up to say I was very very stressed. My GI wasn't exactly working. So like periods of constipation and harness.

Exactly. Yeah. It had gone like six days. And my now husband was actually telling me. And he was like, you know what?

Like, I had to get an NMO one time. Can't let this go any longer. Yes, six days. Oh. Yeah, I was like, okay. I'll go to the doctor.

So I went to the doctor. And she was like, you're fine. Probably just a bit of constipation. You've had a lot of stress in your life. Like, you're fine.

She's like, I'll give you something.

You probably never had a long enough window to sit down and relax

to let things start moving.

“You were racing from one thing to another.”

Yeah, my diet wasn't great. It was probably a bunch of things. So like, I was like, okay, cool. Well, fast, track it. Go to the doctor.

Get something for me. Great. Next day, go to pick it up at the pharmacy. I am late for work because I'm always late everywhere. But I go to the pharmacy to go pick it up.

And they do a consultation with you when you haven't taken the medication before. But I decided that that was the day. I was going to tell a little white lie and say, oh, not taking this before. Like, I'm good.

Thank you. So left. And then went to my job at the makeup counter. It was a Saturday. Super, super busy.

I popped up the pill. You know, I'm just going about my day real quick. This is some store in a mall. So no, it's actually like an shopping center. I'm not ashamed to say it was an old town in a shopping center.

It's a lot of your store. Oh, great. Do you know that monochrome trusted brand? Yeah, yeah. It was super, super busy.

I could not even leave the counter for a second just because there were so many people. And so I started to feel like a grumbling and my stomach. And I was like, oh gosh. Well, I don't have any time to go to the bathroom. I usually crop dust the back of the store, you know, just kind of like take a little while.

Sure. But I couldn't. I was helping too many people color matching doing all of that to get my commission. And so I felt the rumbling felt the rumbling and I was like, okay, I know this feeling. Like, it's just a fart.

I haven't recorded in six days. This is totally fine. Like, I'll be okay. What were you wearing? Can I ask quickly?

Yeah, that was actually a big part of the story. I was wearing a long black skirt. Oh, okay, great. Um, tiny women's underwear. And then, uh, yeah, just like this cute little shirt.

It had to wear all black to work. Anyways, I'm going to walk around the back of my counter and I got a second to breathe. And I was like, okay, I'll just let it go right here. So I let it go. And all of a sudden, I feel something running down.

Ah. Are you in the center of the store?

My counter is in the center of the store.

“And then I kind of have this little loop behind my counter,”

where I can kind of hide from the rest of the people in the store. So that's kind of where I am because I was like, okay, no one in the back here. Let me just step to the side. But it is a public part of the store. Customer totally could have seen me.

And it's a very busy Saturday. Oh, I was like, oh, no, something's running down my leg. I was like, what did I take? So I go run to the back of the store or the bathroom is, assess the situation.

And I'm just covered. You're covered. area all over my phone inside my skirt. Oh, in your shirt because it was tucked in. It's got shirt skirt. Oh, shirt. My shirt was tucked into my skirt. Full wardrobe took out the whole. Literally took out the full wardrobe. I'm like panicking now. I think I'd no one's in

the bathroom the same time as I am. But I'm taking all the toilet paper just like trying to like get it off myself. I throw in my thong because I'm like, there's no saving this thing. And I'm panicking. I'm like, what did I take? What do I do? I don't even know. I'm panicking. I'm not thinking. And I live right across the street at the time. Like literally like I could have walked home. But I obviously didn't for obvious reasons. I get out of the bathroom. I see my manager in passing

and I say, hey, I got to go emergency. I'll be back. And she was like everything okay. And I was like, I got to go. So I just booked it out of the store. I sit in my car. Can't believe that happened. I'm like, crying. I'm like, oh my gosh. Like, what am I doing? And I look at the pill bottle, type in the name of the pill into Google. Sure enough. It's a laxative. Yeah. Yeah. And I was not supposed to take it until I was at home or by a toilet. Yeah. Yeah. Not it work. Probably the one they give you for a

“colonoscopy cleanse. Like, probably a power for animal. Yeah. Oh. That's what my friend was saying.”

She was like, sounds like someone's when I had my house. Like, okay, right. But anyways, I have to go back to work. I need this job. I can't just like not show back up. I don't know what I was thinking. I probably could have called, but it was a busy Saturday. So run home. I get changed. Don't think anything of it. And I'm like, I'm in the clear. That emptied me all out. I'll be fine. Well, there's a two-parter. Maybe a four-parter. I don't know. Well, thankfully, no, not a two-parter.

But it's not the best situation I get back. I get back. And it's still busy in the store. And I'm now in like full heavy swaths just because nerves or whatever, maybe the laxative. I don't really know. But I'm by my counter and my counter was like, packed before. There's not a soul to be seen.

But the store is still busy. Yeah. That was like, oh my gosh, just because I'm not here for a second.

No one wanted to help me. Like, what's going on. And so I'm walking around the counter and I'm like, oh my gosh. Like something smells really bad. I mean, yeah. Yeah. Of course they're framed down your leg. It's going to land somewhere.

“I honestly was like, no, the bad thing's already happened. There's no way I can get worse.”

So I'm not thinking. We have kids all the time on our stores leaving stuff around the store. Like, food and all that. And I was like, oh, someone probably threw something away at my counter. So I like, open the counter doors and like, nothing in there. Okay, so weird. I was like, man, like, this is really, really bad. So I go to walk around the corner where not a lot of people go and sure enough all over the floor. All over the floor. All over the floor. Oh my god.

Oh my god. It was a tiny amount. Okay, a lot of things. I'm so glad I didn't ask earlier because

my first thought was, I wanted to know, do you get any on the floor? But I'm glad that was safe.

But how the fuck did your manager and none of the other employees stumble upon this pile of honest, when you had a gone home, changed, cleaned up? That I don't know, but I'm assuming probably people in the store had to know because there was no one by my counter. I'll get to the part later about what happened after that to give you more of an answer of people like, no, or not. But I frantically just used a bunch of makeup remover and alcohol that they have in the makeup stores,

just cleaning it up, making sure no one would see me. Again, back of the counter, I'm like, no, once here, anyway, it's fine. Clean up. No one knows it's me anyways, right? Except if anyone was in the store and noticed I changed, which I like literally just thinking about now. But anyway, I pick it up, throw it away, all is done. I'm like, okay, cool. Like, I only had a couple more hours of my shift, but the worst is over. It's fine. It's okay. So that is my story. But a couple weeks later,

my manager comes up to me and she was like, hey, is everything okay? And the reason she's asking me is because my mom was actually in the hospital a few months before dealing with whole bunch of things medical-wise. And I was like, no, everything was fine. And she's like, the whole day that you left,

yeah, no, everything's fine. I was fine. And she goes, well, you know, there's cameras.

“Well, the wife said, oh, she could have done the right thing and been like, you know what, this is what happened.”

It's in order. There was like three great things to do before this. One ignore it. The girl already dealt with it. She cleaned it up. This doesn't need to be addressed. She's going to start doing this all the time. What do you have a camera camera camera camera camera? She's like, I just want to make sure this isn't become a routine of yours. Right. And then, yeah, second would be to come right out with it. Like, so hey, you know, I saw on the cameras that you

should all over the floor again. I don't even know why we're going to talk about, okay, that's all right. So she says there's cameras and what do you do? You just die? No, I literally was like, yeah, you know, I know there's cameras and she was like, okay, and I was like, all right,

and she's like, okay, have a good chance. Okay, so you never had to say it. She tried to do it

and then she ran out of gumption. Yeah. Yeah. So I'm like assuming, obviously, she says, you know, there's cameras, she's seen, but like, till this day, I mean, unless she listened to this podcast, you know, I don't know, but we never talked about it again. No one ever said anything. No one ever told me that they saw anything. I feel annoyed at her. You do. Yeah, she already went through the worst possible thing. I could ever happen to anyone on earth. Yeah, I know, I agree. This is a

pointless thing to bring. Yeah. Let's make a strong man case for her. Okay. She's a manager, corporates tough. These tapes are there. They could be seen. Should someone above her become aware of this, and they say, hey, what did you say to Kayla about her? Deficating on the floor of our showroom,

“and she goes, I haven't said anything to her. And they're like, you don't think you need to talk to”

an employee who defecates in the store? No, because it's not something she does. It was clearly an accident. She came back right away. And most people wouldn't even come back. So I just really don't feel comfortable. We just have what we have a hazmat procedure for the safety of our customers and the other employees. So we probably should have disinfected. I know she's made up. You're fired. The hazmat situation is crazy. Oh, those employees were also bad employees because they should have

been like, what's happening over there? No one's going over there. Go look like, ah, oh, no,

someone should ever have someone's diaper blew up. Exactly. Some kid. Yeah, always blame a kid.

Someone brought a dog and we'd say no dogs. Yeah. Now, really quick, Kayla. I have just recently done the colonoscopy. And I wasn't backed up for six days. And even given that, I had like nine or ten rounds of quite active and like, well, there's still more. So I'm shocked. That was the only explosion. That was the only one at work that day. Okay. I went home after and I was miserable. The pain only got worse because I just had so much more and more coming out. I had the other

job, like I said, but I called in that guy. Oh, good. Funny enough, my best friend went through the same thing at the same time as I did. She doesn't have such a crazy story, but we're out of rush on the next day and her story happened. Oh, my. Wow. It bonded us for life. It was a good story afterwards, but man, like it took me a long time to like emit that that happens. I'm really like when it happens to girls. It makes me like those girls so much more. I like a girl who's had

an accident like this more than one that hasn't well, all things are equal. The identical twins one has had this experience. I want that one. My dad would have been proud for him. Yeah, like you're a survivor. What makes this one uniquely cruel is that you still had a whole shift to get through. Most of these stories we hear people have gone to back to their hotel or

“wherever, and you had to keep planning on you should be given a medal, not be put on blast.”

Yeah, I love that you just doubled down. You're like, yeah, and that was a great fun. It was kind of a fuck you. You want to play this game of chicken. I'm going to make you say I shit. I'm not going to say you say I know their cameras. We all know that. Here's now what I think may have happened. Corporate got the complaint from a customer that there was human feces on the ground. The manager was asked to account for this. I don't know. I didn't see any. Go through the tapes. Oh, my God. It was

Kayla. Maybe customers complain like they're shit on the floor of your store. And it came to her. She had to review the tapes. Otherwise, she wouldn't have even known. If it's not that she didn't

see it in action, someone would have told her watch the tapes. Basically what she wanted to get to

is like, hey, when you shit on the floor, you got to tell me because customers complained and then I got called. And then she panicked when you stone walled. Interesting. That's also very plausible. I know, but my guess would be that the customer would go to someone in the store. They're not going to wait till they get home and call the corporate. They're going to go. So I'm like, hey, there's something going on back there. I would agree with you. I mean, where we live, the complaints

we got in our store were like crazy. But weeks later, the reason I think we can rule out someone

manager couldn't have known real time. But I just think it's weird that they would call corporate. I'm just asking someone up front like, hey, but some bougie people, they lived to call that number.

It's not speed. They're calling. New perspective of this whole story. I would have never thought

someone call corporate. I would love to get a hold of the manager. I would say a recollection

“and just say like, walk us through this. And what was your game plan when you brought up the cameras?”

I have some questions. If you are an armchair, if luck is on our side, and you are the manager in the sense familiar to you. Call us. Please call us. But no, then I'm going to have some tough questions. Yeah, and you're not going to back down when you she doubled down. Yeah, exactly. Well, Kayla, and I'm sorry that happened to you, but it's still very huge story. Thank you. Can I give a couple of shout outs before I go? Of course. Well, I just

wanted to shout out my two best friends who actually told me about this podcast, which are Alia

and Justin. They've been day one armchairies. I started probably during COVID. You guys actually have

saved me a lot. I'm two months postpartum. And I was deep in the trenches here for actually quite a long time. So you're guys as podcasts. It's me through day today. So I appreciate you guys. Congrats. Thank you. And my husband, who also listens Brad, who couldn't be here. He's the IT guy. I hope I did this right. You did great. And I like Brad because Brad was getting involved with your bowels back in college. He was like, I'm going to have to get an enema for you. He's a good

man. He's got my back for sure. Yeah. And you're back side. Oh yeah. Well, Caleb, which we're meeting, you have a great day. Nice to meet you guys. Thanks so much. Take care. When I hear these stories, I have to say like PTSD. Oh yeah, PTSD, but also I'm really grateful. I was alone. That you were alone. Yeah. In public is really small. I can't handle that. I can't even handle like tripping in front of people. I can't imagine what those people when I had to go on the

PCH exactly because I just was unwilling to go on my pants. I didn't know that's so strange.

“You think? I think it's like don't get in on your clothes. Of course, but then at some point”

you're just like, okay. I know I think the more polite thing to do would have been to just go on my pants, but I was just like, oh, we got to pull it. You're just coming out. I got to pull my fingernail. Right now. And there's a gutter. That might be most people's instinct. It's just mine. I was like, I guess people had to have thought I was homeless. Yeah. Yeah. Okay. Let's talk to Josh. Josh. Hello. Hi. How are you? Good. Good. This is wild. Oh, it's not even got wild. Yeah.

Josh, where are you? I am in Southern California. We'll leave it a little bit of egg. Okay. Interesting. Because we just got out of the phone with someone in Orange County. And I had to say we don't talk to a lot of Californians. It seems to be that this prompt is very California heavy. Yeah, just considering we're 10% of the population, they're not 10% of our callers. This story doesn't take place in California though. I have had plenty of these in California.

“Of course. Of course. I know Josh. Me too. Me too. Okay. So walk us through this episode.”

I after college was looking at different career paths and joined a teaching fellowship program to become a teacher. So that summer we were on a college campus on the East Coast. And they get you out of together and it's intensive training you're going through pedagogy and how to learn how to make sure the students don't overrun your classroom in the

first year and all of that good stuff. And then you actually do some summer school teaching as well.

So they throw you to the wolves and they let those summer student kids really take the front of all of your terrible teaching at the beginning. Can I ask was this a rural setting or a city setting for the school you were going to teach in? One of the big cities in our city school. Which was similar to the environment that we were going to end up teaching in for most of us as well. So they tried to mirror that. The first couple weeks you're there you're really kind of on campus

doing some of these classes and then summer school starts up and they essentially assign you a school. And then you get bust from the campus to your school every day. So you're up early. You're there before the students get there. There's some prep work that goes into it. And then you get to teach a half day of school and really get that practice. I'm so sorry. I'm getting mired in the details. But these are students who had to take

summer school, right? So this isn't the cream of the crop. What? That's right. Yeah. Well, you know, my troubled kids had to go to. Sure, sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. Sure. You're not teaching to get to the towns at the program. Over at Cheevers. No. Yeah. That's like kids who fucked off and got to meet attention.

Well, they probably go to summer school. These are my town that I was. I think it's a lot of that for high school. This was an elementary school. So I think it's also

We don't need to dive into ed policy, but really a strong proponent of year-round schooling.

“First students because of that summer learning loss that happens. Oh, wow. That's good.”

That's part of a Malcolm Gladwell book. The gap because. Oh, my gosh. No, go ahead. So so economically, there isn't a huge disadvantage when you start school. And if you end the school, doesn't really matter your socioeconomic status, you guys will both get the same amount. It's the summertime that the kids from poor families fall dramatically behind because the parents can't oversee any activities. There's no reading happening. Yeah, make sense. That's where

they're falling behind it. If you end the school endlessly, that gap, what is that right? Exactly. And you think about just the other advantages of like living in a house with air conditioning over the summer or having parents home to read to you when they're not working all summer long. Even food. Yeah, the food. Yeah, exactly. But yes, you don't have those operators in your classroom or teaching summer school. Right. Okay. You're on the bus 63645 in the

“morning and then it's maybe a 15 minute bus ride to school. That morning, everyone's excited.”

First day of teaching. You get on the bus. You have your little bagged lunch and pretty early into the bus ride. I know that things are are not feeling great. You know, you're okay. It's nerves. First day of school butterflies. Uh-huh. That's your explanation. Do you didn't go to like my breakfast or my dinner or I drank too much? You didn't have any explanation. Yeah. No explanations yet. I'm young. So the stomach's bow to good as it can be at that point. Right. Five

more minutes in and you're really starting to think, all right, I got to come up with a plan here.

What are we going to do when we get to this building? I've never been to before and how are

we going to go find a bathroom quick. So my mom was in schools for 30 years and I know in the office there's usually an adult bathroom. Okay. Well, we're going to get there. We're going to go straight to the office find that bathroom. We're going to be okay. So we're pulling up to the school. Things are starting to get a little worse and like do I need to start like push my way to the front of the bus here? Like what are we going to do? Use the emergency exit door. Yeah, take a while. They

get off the bus at some time. I see the building. We're like, okay, all right. We're going to make it. And then we kind of pull around to the side of the school. So we're not as it turns out going in the front entrance. We're going to go in the staff entrance, which is kind of around to the side, not to disrupt whatever's happening in the front. The plan is to get everyone together kind of do a tour of the school and then settle into our classrooms and I see the door. I don't know what's

on the other side of that door, but I know I need to be on the other side of that door as quickly as possible. So doors open. I kind of just make a run for it. Whatever people want to think at this point, it's better than what's going to happen. Yeah. We're in the school and I'm looking around and I say, okay, we come across the boy is bathroom. Isn't it adult bathroom? No. But there are no students in the school. I feel okay. Yeah. What is the policy in general? Teachers aren't supposed to use those

bathrooms where they can't. I certainly did in my years teaching, but like after hours, I think it's

pretty frowned upon to use the student bathroom while students are. That's a good policy. I never thought

about. Yeah, that's probably right. Okay. So we're approaching. We see the boys bathroom. There's no students there, and I'm like 15 steps away, and that's it, really. Oh, we didn't quite make it. Oh, are you wearing khaki pants? Kaki pants, of course. Classic teacher, uniform khaki pants, button down, tie. Oh, thankfully, those boxer briefs are doing the Lord's work. Oh, okay, we're not in great shape, but we're not in the worst shape possible. Okay. So we get into the

stall, which as we've talked about, is like meant for a seven-year-old, it is. So low to the ground.

“And under normal circumstances, this maybe isn't the worst thing, but the toilet paper”

and paper towel situation at schools is not good. We're trying to do whatever I can in there to contain it. I gotta keep the pants clean. That's the ultimate goal here. There's no way for me to get back. I don't even really know where we are in the city. I have no change of clothes. So we're using the paper towel, the toilet paper, all of that. We kind of wad up the underwear. That's a loss cause that goes right to the bottom of that trash can grow a bunch more toilet paper and stuff on top to

cover it up. Because you have manners. Exactly. Quick inspection, Kaki's look, okay, go rejoin the group. Really, I'm not going to say anything to anyone at that point. We do the tour

and really the rest of the day. I'm in front of the classroom for the very first time. I'm

commando. Can I ask really quickly, how long do you think the duration was of that whole project? Because my hunch is you're gone kind of a while. My absence was noted for sure. They probably thought you were a hard sick from the bus ride. That's right. That would be a generous yeah. That would I would think. Oh, he's got a sick tummy. So then you're teaching for the next three hours and insanely self-conscious about my sitting over here and I try to hide myself behind books

weird feeling to not have underwear on in front of a classroom of children. In khakis too, I'll add. Because there's a lot of room for a lot of slip slapy and bouncy, general penis and physical floor. Oh, no, yeah, did you feel like I'm not a pervert, but like I behaving like one. It really is a weird feeling. There's no secondary layer thankfully to the story. You get through the day. No one has said or noticed anything and you really just learn a couple of lessons about

what you pack in your backpack to make sure you're you're covered in these situations moving forward.

I know none of us is ever going to carry a second pair of pants with us. Well, we should

believe we have a bag. Why not? Just have them in there. And I have so much stuff in my bag. Why would I just have an extra little hair? Yeah, you'd set up some bear spray and some mouse traps and shit in root to get their pants. Once you have your own classroom that's yours, you kind of have a

“place to to stash the extra clothes. That's what we ended up doing for the rest of my teaching career.”

Well, wonderful meeting Josh. Do you want to give any shout outs? I do. Thank you for asking my co-workers Danielle and Caitlin are the first couple of people I found to or also arm cherries. So I appreciate them and obviously I appreciate you guys. Well, wonderful meeting you Josh. Thank you for that. You guys, too. This is super cool. Thank you so much. All right. Thank you. You all too. Hi, guys. You're welcome. Oh, beautifully is this quote Rachel. It is. How did you choose the name

Rachel? Oh, it's so funny. You asked that. That's like an alter. You know this is my boyfriend's

eye. Oh, I finally get to use that for real. This Rachel only come out in the evening. Yeah,

what's Rachel or when drinking Rachel's fun Rachel? It's one of its 50s. I like her line. Oh, I had a hunch that's why he took him out of the place. He's like silly and crispy. Oh, yeah. Everyone should have a Rachel. Well, I've an alter ego. Sonica. Sonica. Uh-huh. He drinks a lot of water.

“Oh, yeah. It's kind of the opposite. Yeah, it's really wild and she comes out. It's rare. What?”

Well, just because they have drinking as you're like your main. What? It. Monica does not drink a lot of water. So I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. I know. My point is if you drink alcohol the time, your alter ego can't be the girl who drinks wine. It's got to be the one that drinks water. I just think that's a really funny rehearsal that your naughty girl drinks water.

I know. I'm funny. Rachel, where are you in the country? I am from Wisconsin. Oh, beautiful. Okay, so walk us through your unfortunate evacuation. This is such a better three experience. To have demetas in these circumstances? Right, exactly. Yeah, you'd rather be telling us about

a first place trophy you got. Well, I've never told the story. Oh, I told the story from the depths of my brain.

I've never written it out. I try not to think about it. This is one of my deepest circumstances.

“This is a big deal. I feel so privileged. Thank you. I can't even tell people that I'm on the podcast”

because it's going to be laid out. So I will get started this afternoon about 10 years about alcohol. So I was going to move on to college. I was lucky enough to find a job right away. Outside where my boyfriends will call him quarry. That's where he grew up. So he passed from Southern Wisconsin and we moved all the way up to central Wisconsin to a couple of months after graduation. But we were new to the area. Even though quarry was from the area, we don't have a lot of friends.

So both of us were trading new jobs and we wanted to find some other couples to hang out with. How do you do that? Right. That's one of the hardest things as an adult. To find adult and a couple of friends. So luckily with that new job, I connected with a girl named Maddie. We'll call her. We have a lot in front of me. So we're welcome to be outdoorsy. Can't be like fishing, hunting, and we thought maybe we can hang out outside work.

And we finally reached this on my time. And Maddie was telling me about how her and her group of friends. We're also couple. They were going to don't tubing. Oh, I love tubing. Had you gone before. As a child, I had been tubing on a little rock river. But this tubing was actually on a box trip. It's a little bit bigger, a little bit different. So we are invited. I was super pumped. So you guys are familiar with tubing.

Love it. But whatever people that are not familiar, you get a bunch of friends and a bunch of intertubes and you get a second or third empty tube. You put a cooler in it. It's chock full of beer and you float down a river and get hammered. Right? That's absolutely right. And it's about the most fun you can have drinking. It is really fun. Yeah. Until you go over a while. Yeah, I wasn't going to bring it. Was that the first time you had

to do it? No, I used to go and hell in all the time. Oh, okay. But that was very low key.

how high the river is. On this day, the river was a little bit long. We were expecting a pretty long

“route. We're getting ready. We're very excited. That is decided to route with us. It's about an hour”

and 15 minutes away from where we live. I had a last minute thought. I hadn't eaten. Yes. And I was going to be on a river all day. I just really quick rolled my stuff together. I grabbed nanny from the counter to make it clear. If this was a show or a movie, there would be a close up right now in a push in on the man as a founder. Yeah, that's exactly right. So, Corey is like, as I said, he's coming like he is an notorious midnight sapper. The

man is allowed on the counter. He's trying to Corey say, hey, do you think this is okay to eat? And he very constantly said, yeah, it's probably fine. So, it's a container. It was still a little cool but no problem. We're probably saying good to go. I whip up to Sandwich, scarf it down. We hop in the car and we get going to the river. Once we get to the river, we meet everyone.

“We hop in the school bus. So, you have to drive up a river to float down. We got a cooler full of”

good ears. So, finally to make it to the river. I'm so feeling good. You know, it's a good ride.

It's a good day. It's super hot. It's very sunny. We were about an hour and a half into the ride. And everyone was moving it off. We're having a jump. Have you had some beers at this point? Oh, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, great, great. However, I start getting the feeling in my stomach. Like something is not quite right. If you guys are familiar, it's not feeling that starts at the very top of your stomach. And it feels like it's really bubbly. And then all of a sudden

moving lower and lower into your intestines. You can feel it. Oh, I'm sweating. I'm sweating. Yeah, I'm sweating. I'm very quickly assessing the situation. Because I know one of two things is going to happen. I need to go into push the feeling off. It's going to go away. I'm going to be fine. I'm going to keep it up over. This feeling is going to keep on happening

over and right. It's going to be more and more intense than I. Finally, don't have a show. Yes.

And if I'm you, okay, I'm really quickly. I'm going, okay, so I could go, I'm going to veer off to the bank of the river. I'm going to pee in a bush, which would be weird because everyone's peeing in the river. So you kind of already outing yourself that you're really going to shed. But that's one option. Get off the river, shit in the woods. Second is just pull your bathing suit aside, let it rip. But the problem there is you're in a current.

And there is a good chance that that experiment will float on top. Oh, no. Come into the group. So you got to consider that. Right. So then you're like, do I try to get my two way out in front of

“everyone or way behind? This is all the modeling I'd be doing. Where are these thoughts crossing your mind?”

Absolutely. I was looking at the water. Yeah. Where is it kind of rocky and slurling so well around and you'll be able to tell I don't need flowing sense anywhere here. Right. So they're lying. I'm wearing a black bikini bag. Okay. It loves that. Great start. The river is lined with private properties. The trees are really thin. There's really nowhere I can go without getting caught for Indigenous exposure. And again, I don't want to pull myself. And I'm stereotyping. But in Michigan, this is fine. At least in my friendship group,

like if there is a gal on the trip and she had to shit like this isn't a big deal. I feel like Wisconsin's similar now. Maybe your own people you know. Yeah. That's fair. Right. So I want to make a difference and I don't want to be the girl I should prepare and sound like river. Well, unfortunately, I got to the point where I had motions. So that's exactly what I did. I kind of saw it around. We were a few drinks beef at this point. I figured people probably thought I was a little

tipsy. So I went to the side of the shore, laid in the rock, went under the branch with a fish queen, like a child. Oh, this is good. I made myself feel a little bit more comfortable and I can't do fish poop in this water all the time. Yeah. Signs that's not clean water. I'm not dirty. I mean, that isn't already ruined. So I let it go. Here's the problem. You know the thing with the harnesses, it's floaty. Yep. So I didn't really know. I didn't want to look. Yeah. Now, just leave it.

Right. So I splashed around. I got my poop queen down. I want a little inside of part of my tool. Yeah, poop either. It's kind of playful too. Yeah. Oh, my so carefree. I'm so Rachel. You're so Rachel, right that. Yeah. I was, I wish I could say that the story and the dare, I felt better. It was done, but I can't. So unfortunately, at this point, I was experiencing full of bones from poison. I can't even have to be from that sandwich. So I'm telling you, if I was at home,

compulsion to throw up? I think God, it sounds like you didn't have to throw up, though. Correct. So I evacuated. Yeah. Not one, but three times. Oh, I did you do your play for me every time. You keep going back

“to the well. Did you alternate strategies? Honestly, I got to a point where it was so unfortunate.”

I was just doing shit. Did you tell your boyfriend? I did. But he went through his own trauma during this trip. So I actually don't know if you remember me pulling him this or not. Oh, this is like

what we always did for him. He jumped off a bridge. Third degree sunburn full of blister. Oh,

holy sheep. Where sunscreen when you go to them? Right. Also don't have mayonnaise before. Talk about rough showing for the couple. You know, let's take a movie. Kind of. It's not the lead character. It's two folks who can meet a career leave that have joined the trip. They won shitsers of three times. And like I was getting fucked and blasted with sun. We did not make a boat. It doesn't tell them. Right. You know, I don't think so. One part of the story that I want to

share is this trip. How was called a fan bond? It's an area where about 75 to 100 people gather and hurry and hang out and speak a break. Right. Our group decided to stop hate a break. I unfortunately was not done with my situation. So I was ways to close a break. I'm not saying I looked at anyone in the eye. Will it happen? Uh-huh. But I did

up. Uh-huh. Okay. Oh, wow. Well, this is great. You never consider when you're out your swim

at people who are going through this. Were you worried about the sound? Not so much. Okay. That's good. 'Cause you're submerged, right? You would be worried about something. Yeah. Did you ever see some floaters? I did. But like I said, I tried not to walk. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. That's best. You were just associated. Yeah. Yeah, I probably. But the feeling of it felt like they're probably wasn't much solid matter. Yeah. Rounds two and three were probably liquid. You know, Rachel, this is a highly successful

“story. I agree. I agree. I agree. If you have to be in this situation under water, a hundred”

percent and no one even knew. Yeah. I got very lucky. What about the car ride bag? I'd be worried about 45 more minutes left of the float after we left the sand bars. I'm not having our 16 minute drive home just sitting in the back and salt. Okay. But you were done of evacuing. So that's good. Were you able to be joyful in between the rounds? Or were you a total dot on the floating trip? That's a great question. I wish I knew. I'm like, I'm so disobeyed and I want things that I

was cheerful. I thought I would be a super personal ball. You were probably just drunk and weird. But also you were shitting out the beer too. So like you couldn't stay drunk. The tiffiness and the intoxication was long gone after the second time. Yeah. The adrenaline. Oh boy. Did you guys end up developing a good double date friendship with this group or was that one in done trip?

That is one in done. Oh, okay. We never saw these sounds. Sorry. I am wondering, do they know?

Did they find out? Is it a part of it? So I'm shopping so far in my brain. It's going back and it's a little confident. They were probably boring. But to be honest, when you're on a tubing trip, everyone's pretty hammered. If you know you're bringing it up. It's not like top discretion time.

“I think you'd be like, oh, fuck, there's food. But then it's easy to be like, yeah, what?”

Yeah, where did it come from? Where did it come from? Anything. And even if it's on you, you're like, it got on me. There's more on me. It's coming out of my butt. Oh my god, so weird. It's got in me. No, I would not own that. If I wanted to do it, who would be like, oh my god, who would be like, yeah, we should kill whoever did this. Again, like best case scenario for this really. Yeah, you kind of got lucky of all the places.

I got away with that. That's for sure. Rachel, we hear a lot of these stories. And you should tell people this. This is fine. People are not going to judge you or think you're gross. It's kind of an adorable story. You'd be surprised how many people have dealt with this. Yeah, about 90%. Yeah, I'm going to say 99. Well, I can't be the only person who comes from, I'm a lazy river. No, that river was full of other people. Yeah, I think I've gone,

but intentionally. Yeah, people are doing their 10 people. Yeah, they're terrible. Well, lovely meeting you. Thank you, guys. I appreciate it. And I just want to wish to wish you my friend of a child for letting me borrow her egg or not in her closet today.

basics energy. I'm helping you get through my 30s. Oh, really appreciate it. It's so sweet.

I am so sweet. Oh, that is really nice. Thank you so much.

“Of course. I did it. You's Kara. Kara, the hotel. Kara, Kara. Oh, I think it was a”

car that hotel the other day. Couple arm cherries came up. Hello, is it Kara? Kara, Kara, Kara. It's Kara. Kara. Wow, was right. Well, be well, was right. Monica, I am a real follower to the most pain. So it just kills me that I couldn't make a fork because I'm outwork. You don't have to, you sound great. I need you to release yourself of that. And I immediately need to talk about the little kind of anime cartoon scene in the wall. I think this is Mira from the demon. Oh,

Kpop. Yes, I'm a children's therapist. And so I have lots of crafty thing. Oh, my gosh. Good for you.

It does look fun and inviting already. And then what's over your left shoulder on the wall? It's like a collage of raccoons dancing. Oh, I like raccoons. Can you tell us what part of the country are you? Yeah, I am in Seattle. Whoo. Okay, wonderful. Okay, so you have an unauthorized event story for us. Sure, do. It is in the Princess Louisa in Litt in Canada at a camp. Are we familiar with young life at all? No, and I also need to know, is that on the west coast or the east coast? West

coast. Okay, up by BC. Is young life like the religious camp? Yes. Okay. Tell me more. I don't know about it. It's a evangelical nonprofit. That's a lot about taking kids who aren't Christians and trying to

take them to these camps where they have these like spiritual experiences. And then they're like,

I want to be a Christian now. I was a camper and I was a leader and a staff member. Wow. And now I am none of those things. Sure. Sure. Sure. Your life has taken a lot of turns. Yes, the emo teen to young life staff to therapist pipeline. And we're your parents involved with that or did you initiate your involvement? I grew up in the church. I mean, at the time, it was a great

“community. It really, I think, served a lot of purposes that I can still hold on to. And one of”

them was that like, I had some really great times at camp. And this is where that camp was. It's called Malibu, but it's not anything like Malibu, California, except that it is really beautiful. And this camp you take one ferry and then you drive for a while and then you take this boat that just has campers on it. It's a three hour very slow boat ride to this like secluded camp that used to be where celebrities would go. They used to have like pictures of celebrities on the wall. But it's this

beautiful camp that just shows about in nowhere. There's an outer dock that you get dropped off at. And then there's like a half a mile walk into camp. Wow. It's Christian summer camp where there's lots of activities. It's kids that do young life all over the world that will come to this. You're also there with just a lot of different people, not just people from your area.

“This sounds so fun. If we could take up the scripture, I would be in. Yeah, honestly, they do”

camp wonderfully. And it was a blast. And one of the activities that we do as a camp in the evening, we sing songs. And they talk about Jesus and all that. And then we go back to our cabins and we do cabin time. I went to camp with some girls that I went to high school with and at cabin time. It's like, what did you hear the speaker talk about? And you've been doing camp activities all day. And so you're super hungry and super tired by the time this cabin time comes.

It's for reflection. It sounds like. Yeah, a lot of tears. A lot of I've made out with boys. I shouldn't do that. I'm sorry. It's also fantastic food. So we have like had a lot of camp food. But at cabin time, we had a bunch of snacks. And one of those snacks was fiber one bars. Oh, I didn't have that reaction because I didn't know what they did. I just finished my sophomore of high school. So this was in 2011. I was really hungry. So I had three of them because

I didn't know what fiber did. That was me in space cake and Amsterdam. I was like, just delicious. I didn't anticipate. So I had the fiber one bars. We had the next day of camp in our cabin activity for the day was going on a curry bay ride. The intertubes that go behind boats that's like shaped like a banana. But like in a hot dog bun sort of, you like sit on the banana. Put your feet on hot dog bun. Yeah, cool. You've seen those, right? And like five or six people can

ride on it. They're pretty long. Yeah. The videos make it look really easy to stay on them. I was very disappointed by the amount of time I spent trying to get on that thing to the amount of time actually on it. So we did that for a few hours. That's not true. That was really dramatic. We made it for like an hour. Yeah, yeah. I also love the irony and the phallic nature of all the

morning is crazy. In reply says, I had him hear thoughts on the banana today. They set you up for it. And then they're like, how dare you? Yeah. Oh. So something about my swimsuit to know is I was wearing spandex shorts in case something were to come off. So I just tried to keep myself secure.

It's always on the last run as we know. And so this was the last run before going back in. And we

took a turn. Everyone falls off. And we all had helmets on. And I hear like a funk. And then I fall in the water and water shoots right up my butt. Oh, wow. Like a hose just straight up. And then my fiber one bar poops come. Oh, no. So you know like, ministrony soup. Uh-huh. Sure. So if you're to dump that out into like a tub already has water. Oh, no. But then you like sit in the tub with it. Oh, this is horrible. Yeah, you're spandex shorts come off or just somehow the water passed through

the spandex shorts and all the shit come out the pant legs or who knows. It had to. Because there was some stuck in my shorts. But it had also all come out. And I'm just seeing it. Oh, floating around.

This is horrifying. Yes. And I'm like, can my cabin mate see it? And we're in inlet. And so I'm

kind of pushing things around making sure people don't notice. At this point, my brain is just like, oh my god. That's my poop. And then I don't remember how we got back to the dock. Did I get back on the crebet? Did I get in the boat? I don't remember. But it dropped us back off at the outer dock. So I had to walk the half mile back to camp. Oh, a half mile in wet spandex? Wet poopy spandex, no shoes and it's like a trail. The walk that you do when you're kind of like flexing. Oh, god.

“Because you don't, you had to do more. Oh, yeah. There was definitely more. Oh, I think you're feeling”

pressure for another one. Yes. I was like, we are not done. Yeah. And there's maybe some sea water up in there too. Oh, yes. Yeah. A lot of things needs to come back out. Put my towel, tied around me, left my cabin made out. I was like, bye. I don't care. And I just like did this clenched but cheekwater all the way back. And also could still feel it dripping on my legs and chunkies like on my team. Ah, this is off. And I'm a 15 year old girl. I'm like, oh, oh,

and there are boys there. Are there boys there? Yes. Oh, no. I somehow thought it was just all girls. Boys were very attractive. Oh, instead of going back to my cabin and I had this whole half mile walk to plan. I went to the bathroom that's single person. You lock the door and people have to like knock to come in. And you know, and I strip off my swimsuit and I throw it in the sink. And I sit naked and wet on the toilet and just like keep pooping. Oh, poop until it's done. I'm taking

toilet paper and like trying to like dry off. And so then I have like that soggy toilet paper. I'm finally

done pooping. There's no poop on my body. I go and I rinse out my swimsuit in the sink. I don't want to put my like poopy towel around me. And I also don't want to walk in just the towel back to my cabin. So I put my wet swimsuit back on that's still like a little bit poopy, but rinsed off, go to my cabin, get ready to shower, and then the girls go, we should just go to the pool now.

“And so I was like, yeah, you're right. Oh, wow. I was like, I think what would be better than”

taking a shower is the chlorine would just kill all the bacteria. So I just decided with my 15-year-old logic to jump in the pool to clean off. Well, in your defense, that was before they hung the signs up that said, if you have active diarrhea, do not swim, which are now ever present. But we didn't know that. It was a simpler time. That's right. Now the girls who went to the camp with me will need to fact check me. But I talked to one of my friends who went with us last night. And I was

like, wasn't me. And I'm pretty sure that the sunk that I heard when I fell off, I thought it was someone else's helmet. But it ended up being Gabby's nose. What? My friend remembers that she was on the curry bay with us, that she broke her nose on that ride. And Gabby was sitting behind me.

“So I think that's why no one really noticed that I was having my poopy incident because when Gabby fell”

off, she broke her nose. Thank God for her breaking eyes. Gabby. But also percentage-wise, there's six passengers. One broke their nose and one ship pants as exactly. You know, I feel like a waiver needed to be signed. Maybe other things happened to that we don't know about. And my friend who is on it with us, she also occurred to her hip really bad. The same run. You signed so many liability

floating bananas is they're under inflated a lot. So it's like, one kid moves, it shoves air and back.

“And then, you know, it's just a wild ride. Such a heartwarming story. It sounds like it could”

be in meatballs. The camp movie. Yeah. What, how do Americans summer? It's got that joyful

patina. It does. It makes me nostalgic for a camp I never even went to. I was looking at pictures

of when I was at the camp. And I was trying to have compassion for 15-year-old me, but she was a horny, struggling, my gosh. I was like taking pictures with these hot boys and posting them on Facebook. And I'm like, they don't even know what happened. It's just so hard to be a person. Did you have

“many hookups at this Christian camp? No, I wish. But there were hookups happening, right?”

Oh, yeah. Because I also like went as a leader and a staff member, and there was kids getting in trouble all the time for rubbing stuff. Yeah. Well, you guys tell people leave room for Jesus between you, right? When they're dancing at the dance room. Yeah. And then they leave room for the lawyer. They're not really having sex. They're soaking. And that doesn't count. I think that's specifically normal. Well, no, I have a friend who was not Mormon. She did some soaking. She

hadn't had sex yet. And she's like, "But he put it in." I was like, "Wait. That counts." Very liberal definition. Exactly. She was very religious. And so you find your ways.

The anal ones always have fun working. That's a fun work. That's a fun work around.

Yeah. Why don't you just? Well, thanks for doing the Lord's work and working with children. Yeah. If you like your the perfect person for this, I appreciate it. This is delightful. Have a great rest of your day. You too. Take care. All right. Bye bye. I just feel like if I was surrounded by Ministerny Sue, I would be like, yeah. I would probably do something really like evil. Yeah, like who did this? Oh, I saw plenty. Yeah, yeah, yeah.

“Yeah, I think the girl, the broken notes. Yeah, because all she broke her nose and evacuated everywhere.”

Rose. She hit everywhere because her nose broke and she just let loose. She's disgusting. That one reminded me of my mom's story of somehow they hung out with friends in Florida when my mom and dad were married and they were young and they had a boat. They took them water skiing, but there were alligators where they were water skiing. And so my mom was like in the process of trying to get up and she couldn't get all the way up, but she refused to let go of the rope

because she was so afraid to be in there with alligators that she just drugged behind the boat for an incredibly long time. In a gave her a huge enema and she had the same situation. Yeah.

Happens to the best of us. Sure does. All right. Always a blessing. It is. All right. Love you.

Do you want to sing a tune or something? We're going to have a theme song. Okay, great. I'm curious, will get some suggestives on the flyer. I'm a flyer. I'm a flyer. I'm a flyer. I'm this enjoying.