Hannah Berner

I'm Zach Shepherd.

I'm joined by Monica Padman.

>> Hi. >> Today we have Hannah Burner on.

“Hannah is a stand-up comedian and a best-selling author.”

She has a book called How to Giggle. >> Yes. >> Based on her wonderful podcast, Giggle Squad with Hannah Burner. And page to Sorbo. She has a new stand-up special.

Now streaming on Hulu called None of my business. And, uh, Faber's is doing a TV show with her. She's got a lot happening. >> It's exciting stuff. >> And I just adore her.

She was so fun. >> Yeah, she was. >> Also ex-professional tennis player, which is- >> We get into that in a really- >> Yeah, I don't know.

>> Professional's the right word, but college division one. >> Elite. >> Serious business. Please enjoy Hannah Burner. [ Music ]

>> Found him. >> Well, that's bad seven minutes. I'm so sorry, but maybe you'll understand. And because of just recently learned you also have some ADHD kind of management. >> Oh, well, I'm sure we'll get into it.

>> I've just got ketchup on a lot of important emails. >> No, no, no, no, no. >> It's very glass-haffful. I appreciate that. >> Actually, I thought it was a long timidation.

I was like, they're icing me. They know it came in a little bit. >> Nobody, no, but actually, I have to admit to you guys. >> It was a long nervous. >> I was so long later, and then I got to think and I was like,

you don't have any stories. [ Laughter ] >> You have no personality. >> I've been nervous for a while, though, since like 2006,

and I had to give a hand up for the first time.

Like, I have been, whoa, that's a long time. >> I've been nervous before, but this is so exciting. I'm so honored to be here. >> Well, we're so flattered. >> It's incredibly flattered.

>> Yeah, it was make podcast and cool. >> As to you, would you like to share an award?

“Do you guys, when the I-Hart podcast of the year this year?”

>> We did. I think it was a little bit of a made-up award? >> Well, yeah. >> But why? >> Awards are made-up.

>> Yeah, yeah. >> I can't accept it. I'm like, that was a great brand promo. [ Laughter ] >> Well, hold on.

Are you on I-Hart? >> No. >> Okay, I can't drop it. Who would have bought this? >> Exactly.

>> But they were like announcing the Daily Amy Pollard. I'm looking at page and I'm like,

we're not fucking winning this.

And she's like, they wouldn't have invited us to come all the way here. >> We literally were fighting during-- >> Yeah, yeah. >> Yeah, yeah. >> But yeah, the award is nice.

>> I think that's a very legitimate award. We want it too. >> This isn't a stupid art form. >> I was like an athlete, like you knew who the winner was. >> This is just people who have gone.

>> Also, I'm not going to like see the Daily People and be like, "Hey, losers." >> Right. >> But our next year, be more fact-check-y. >> Or a Daily.

>> That was my hot take for the Golden Globes. I was like, it's so flattering. And also, if Malcolm Glad was not nominated, I don't know what this category means. >> Well, yeah, every Pollard shot on NPR.

That was great. >> Yeah. >> What did she say? >> Well, she was like, and PR try harder next time you're losers. >> Yeah, I got to lose us.

>> The year that we won, we had beaten Dr. Death, which was among my top three podcasts of our herd of my life. Did you listen to Dr. Death? >> No, because I'm a bad listener.

>> Okay. >> Interesting. >> I'm a bad listener. >> Because of the '80s, probably. I also after I stopped my nine to five job,

I don't have that morning routine where you like listen to podcasts, so it's a lot of me do not exercise. >> You don't have to attack me. You can break on my jacket. We don't really die bad at me.

The second I get here. >> I understand you don't have a commute, so you wouldn't listen to it there. I'm just going to do the top categories of listeners. It's like, they're on a commute, so you listen.

>> I call my mom a lot. >> You do. >> Like how frequently. >> Too much. She's like, hey, the nest is, you got to get out.

>> This is a little lower. >> Or the jazz singing principle. >> I don't have a sense of people do research. You guys are really good at it. I don't have people's eyes.

>> You don't have to learn all this stuff. >> But you don't have to learn all this stuff. >> You don't call damn. >> You know, my dad, my best friend, my tennis coach. >> All we was.

>> We're like connected. We're like, I don't even have to talk to him. >> Well, like randomly send me a text. Like, if you have me a tough day, I love you. I'm like, good to him with dad.

>> Yeah.

“>> Where my mom, I'm like, should I get this salad or the chicken fingers?”

>> Yeah. >> I just put it in my lungs. >> Yeah. >> It's worth control. >> So you're multiple times a day with her?

>> Yeah. >> That's really sweet. >> Yeah, an interval. >> Great question. She's a badass.

She was a principal of a public middle school in Brooklyn, New York. >> Yes. >> Yes, 51. >> 51? >> As they say.

>> There's a hardcore, I don't know. >> It's hardcore. >> Yeah, yeah. >> And she's just right about everything. So in life, if you have someone in your family who's smarter, more experienced, why am I trying

>> I like that. >> That's very wise of you, actually. >> I know what I don't know. >> I just learned that we're opposites.

But since getting married, the first guy of every day who's really smart, congrats, I've

didn't do the CTE I've done it now. >> It really quick, is it Des or Des? >> It's Desmond? >> Right, I know that part, but the DMS is like a short in Ireland, they say Des. >> Okay, great.

So Des. >> But Desmond does sound like a linebacker for the Packers. >> He does. He's all fucked up. He was born here in the group in Ireland.

>> At 14, he was drinking, being naughty. His parents kick him out and he jokes to the world series of drinking Ireland. >> Oh, yeah. >> Yeah. >> He continues partying.

>> Sure. >> sober by 19. I don't know what's interesting to me when people are sober. >> Is he been sober since 19? >> Wow.

>> He's 50 now. >> I know I'm 11 months older than him. He's November? >> Yes. >> Yes.

>> I think he's also sober. >> I think he's also sober. >> I would love to. >> You're a little pan, I could say. >> Because it's December.

>> I know, I was like my whole marriage is riding on this. >> He's been sober 31 years. >> That's quiet. >> I think he did a lot of addicts. >> I love what we're getting right into it.

>> Yeah. >> That's what we do. >> That's how we are. >> That's how we are. >> Yeah.

>> We really don't know how to. >> One addict falls for you. There's no other attention like that. >> When they fucking lock eyes with you and you're there like new source of your their attention.

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> It's incredible. But I realize you want to be with the guys been sober for like an extended period of time.

>> Probably, yeah. >> Wait, you learned because you had someone like a year and then it went sideways. >> I've done the sober, caly sober. >> Yeah. >> Or then he calls me and he's like, I have to tell you something.

There's a reason you haven't seen me in two weeks. >> Yeah.

>> And I never smoked a cigarette.

>> Right, because you're an athlete. >> Because I was an athlete. I think in my past life, I was an addict. So I'm like, why play with that? >> Okay.

>> Like, when are you going to try cocaine in my 30s? And then be like, I like cocaine. And I'm addicted to cocaine in my 30s. >> No, there's just a little bit of ground between trying and an addict. Malcolm Gladwell book.

Over 90% of people who try cocaine don't become addicted. >> But you're saying you might. You sense that you might. It's like in you. >> I'm addicted to comedy.

>> Yeah. >> I'm addicted to things. So I'm like, why test it? Because the best part of it becomes that you like it. >> Yeah.

>> Yeah. >> You remind me so much of my best friend Penae because he was like hardcore athlete, baseball, division one, the whole thing. Never drank once in his life. Never had a cigarette.

And then that whole part of his life was over. But he's like, why would I do that now? I've already proven I'm maniacal about things when I like them. So I'm impressed. I'm just like, I'm here once.

Let's try everything.

“>> Yeah, I always say the worst thing is you have a horrible night.”

And then the best thing is like now you could have a problem. >> Yeah. >> But actually my bachelor at party in 2020, my friends were like, do one, one hit of cocaine. >> Oh, my mom.

>> Okay. >> That's such a loose. [LAUGH] >> What is it? One spoon.

>> One teaspoon. >> One glass. One glass of cocaine. [LAUGH] >> And I was like, okay, I swear to you guys at the end of the batch of it.

We're like in our pajamas, just like, you know what I was like, let's do it. >> Yeah. >> Immediately got a nose bleed. >> Oh, like the blood just slowly came out. >> Yeah.

>> And my friends were like, not fun. >> Yeah, I'm groaned it. >> Yes, scary. >> And I was like, sorry. I'm so pure.

>> Yeah, I can't do this. >> What do you drink? >> I love eating. >> If you're at a meal, I'm like, so if I drink that drink, the chicken parmesan's not going to hit as well.

>> And I get like tired. >> I've got sleepy when I'm sure. >> I'm sure. >> I lose all my wit. I'll start a conversation and just start laughing at myself.

I don't get cooler when I'm drunk.

“>> That's why I didn't like weed is the one thing I have to offer is I'm like,”

orally dexterous. And I get high and be like, I'm not sure I'm making a point right now. I'm pretty sure no one's following me. My superpower is gone. And now I just have a big nose in a week.

I would look in the mirror and be like, it's my face round or oval. Like that was my joke. And I think everyone's mad at me. So I ruined parties when I do the alcohol. >> That kind of drugs and the alcohol.

>> I got to go back to the cocaine though. >> Yeah. >> Where was the bachelor? >> That party. >> Obviously, my Emmy.

>> Job. >> Job came out. It was the greatest. >> Oh, great weekend. And I'm not a part of your.

I told my friends, I was like, maybe go to a farm and we pet animals. My friends were like, no. >> Yeah, yeah. >> We're going to strip club. >> Yeah, when I'm going to pick in the weekend off,

work in all this shit to go fucking pet horses. >> And I'm like, was one of my early friends to get married. So they weren't tired yet. >> Oh.

>> Like, I was like the first friend to have a bachelor party.

So the girls were like, this is like the hangover. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> They wanted to fuck fast.

>> We're now when people say they have a bachelor out. You're like, I missed the email. Like, I'm so sorry. >> I started making up gigs. I don't know.

“>> You were in Miami and was it fun restaurants or were their night clubs?”

>> It was fun restaurants. >> Actually shout out to a friend of the pod, not to name drop. >> Yeah. >> He's doing it. >> Marcelo was there.

>> Oh my God, you guys were doing that. >> I got you going to a getty. >> A getty. >> I don't want to take credit for anything Marcelo's done

However, this is pre-SNL for you right now.

>> We're hanging out at the stand. >> He might have got you on engaged. >> I know. >> He's a killer. >> No, yes.

“>> I know Marcelo was just the sweetest, driven, creative.”

He's a guy's girl. >> He's just hanging out with the girls. >> Yeah. >> That's why I talk. >> I was talking about the Bachelor and he's like,

"You're coming to Miami?" >> Yeah, yeah. >> He slides me like a list of all things. I might be around. Just let me know.

So when I'm there, I'm just trying to have fun. I text him like, "I'm in Miami." >> How would you met him? >> We'd be in the clubs. >> Doing stand-up.

>> Yeah, I didn't know well enough to have him at my Bachelor. >> Immediately. >> Yeah. >> Yeah, I wanted him to walk out of this interview into my house and just live there.

>> I text my friends. I just want my friends to have fun. I get stress if other people aren't having fun. Like at one point, no one was talking to me. Everyone was just talking to everyone else.

I was like, "Good. I'll full go fuck myself." Because at least my friends had to pay to be here. >> Yeah. >> I wanted to have fun.

>> I wanted to see back to my family. >> He's just a bottle of fun and I'm like, "Where are we going? What are we doing?" We're at a club.

He gets my face up on it.

“>> Wait, he got your face up on a screen at the club.”

>> He's a new song guy. >> He's like a fixer. A Miami fixer. >> But then I realized he was my domingo. >> Yeah.

>> He's like, "Who's the guy at your bathroom?" Like that's more cello. He's just organizing. >> Is it impossibly charming disarmingly? He's not threatening yet your horn and your guy.

>> That's so not threatening. >> It was the more cello running around Miami. And yeah, that was pre-SNL. And it was such a fun time. And now my friends will be like, "Is that the guy that was in the pool?"

>> Did anyone hook up with him? >> Oh, well, I did. >> I did. >> I was telling people that I was like, "This guy is going to blow up.

You got to get him?" >> Get in on a basement floor. >> Get him on the stairs. >> No, he's getting a gorgeous Yale-like architect. So sorry gals.

>> Yeah. >> That's okay, life is long. >> I told myself, I wouldn't be with a comedian. But I'm married to a comedian. >> Oh, boy.

>> Desmond. >> Desmond. >> Yeah. >> How did he return to the states? Was his parents like, "Okay, you can come home?"

>> Good question. I feel like someone who's called the government figure that out. No, but he stayed there and actually fell in love with comedy there. I was kind of like, this is my new home. He got on a TV show where he did like a documentary series.

And it was back then where like if you were on a TV show, everyone watched it on what one channel. >> Sure. >> Yeah, there was like BBC one, two and three. Take your pick.

>> One point five. >> Yeah, yeah. >> And he goes out and everyone suddenly knew who he was. So he became a really successful comedian in Ireland. And lived this great fun life without me because he selfish.

And then he turned COVID came back. >> Does he long for it? Does he want you guys to spend time in Ireland? >> He's going there for a bit. It's actually when you live in New York.

It's the same distance to Ireland to LA. >> All right. >> But he was weird where he lived this beautiful life of comedy and success. And he's pretrained.

It's what I like to say. >> I like that. >> What's that mean? >> He's pretrained. >> She doesn't have to do anything.

>> Yeah, like he's not standing on the table. He's not like peeing on a couch. >> Yeah. >> He doesn't have to do anything. >> He's been yelled at by previous owners.

I don't have to do. >> Yeah, the heavy lift. >> The heavy lifting.

>> And I've never dated an older man before.

It wasn't like my kink. >> How did this happen? >> Yeah. >> This is actually kind of romantic. >> Yeah, we love romance.

>> We love me kids. >> And also Monica's probably. >> I like older man. >> She would tell the way up in this situation. >> Although it's starting to change, but we can talk about that.

>> We're fucking age limit on a ride was like 65 years old, because Sean Penn was 65. >> Oh, for a minute. >> Everyone loves Sean Penn.

“Because he's a kind of guy that like wouldn't remember your name.”

>> Like he is telling. >> And I'm like, I fucking need your attention. >> Yeah. >> I can think if he can remember my name. >> Oh my gosh.

>> I don't know. >> I assume the room was like, I need to talk to her. >> Yeah. >> Done. >> Also, when he saw that and I was bleeding, he'd be like,

who cares, let's go. >> He would love that. >> Let's do it. >> I'll eat the blood right off your face.

>> So, romantically, I always loved comedy.

I was just a comedy fan. I was doing cold calling sales. And we'd go to all these New York City comedy clubs. And this handsome guy comes up on the seller. And I'm saying they're in like 25.

And he's cute. And he says that we live in Ireland. >> Is he of a fun accent like a hybrid? >> So he is this insane hybrid accent. He talks like a trucker like this.

But he'll say like British words like quite. >> Uh-huh. >> Yeah, like he'll say big eloquent words, but talking like he's a firefighter. >> Yeah.

>> It's a fun little mix. >> Yeah. >> And he speaks Mandarin. >> Oh. >> Well, it's been so much more interesting than me.

We talked about him. >> But he's traveled. >> Yeah, but I've traveled. I don't speak Mandarin. >> He got bored with stand up in Ireland.

Well, he wasn't bored, but he wanted to challenge himself. So he wanted to learn Mandarin and do stand up in Mandarin. This is what sober guys do. They're looking for a hot. >> Yeah, okay, that's true.

>> He's like, I need something more. >> Okay, that makes sense. >> That makes sense. >> Of all the zany solutions to the it. >> Well, he's mom took some Tylenol.

I don't know what happened. But so he says, like, I live in Ireland. I'm sitting there and I'm like, oh, I'm not marrying that comic. And it's funny how comics. They're just so hot on stage.

Switch the men. They just say something. I mean, girls, you're like, okay, stop it. But they got it. We got it.

>> But when guys talk, you're like, look at him commanding that room. >> I think so. >> So hot.

“>> I think I followed him, but I didn't talk.”

I'm also not going to find him. I don't know. I'm not doing that. Fast forward. Shout out to the friend of the pod, Nikki Glazer.

>> Okay. >> We just love Nikki. >> For some reason, since day one has been so nice to me. Early on was like, do you want to follow me around at the club? And you could ask me dumb questions.

Any questions she would answer? >> Nikki early on. She kind of saw something in me. Then she knows how lonely it could kind of be when you're the girl. >> Yeah.

>> Like, do you think in a lot of female comedy? It's like, if you can ugly yourself or be as much of a man as possible, you fit in more. So girls will gravitate to that.

And I think because I always kind of had my own voice in the beginning.

And I didn't care. I love men. They're all good. I didn't need them to pick me. Like, I'm like an athlete.

I'm like, I could talk about sports with you. Like, I don't give you all tennis. >> My calves are bigger than yours. >> Got his cut. >> Yeah.

>> You think that was research? >> No, what? >> That calves are bigger. >> She had a cow off, but it's screaming for you. >> Look that motherfucker.

>> They are. >> You want to enter the frame. >> You can't implement my calves in not a sexual way. They'll just be like, so what do you do? Do you do raises?

What is this? >> You get what I get on a plane like, what's your diet? >> You know, there's no sexual connection about it. But Nikki, she's so beautiful. And then she can say so many things.

And I think also I'm a brunette, so we're not competing with each other. >> Right. >> We could be back to back in a line up there. That's a brunette. >> You wouldn't be confused.

>> We're not the same. I was fascinated by her. And I just followed her around one night. She did seven spots. And I'm like, are you planning your bits?

Why are you doing seven and one night? >> She's a monster. >> She even talked about how she does her roast and stuff.

“And it makes me be like, okay, that's what you do.”

If you want that, you have to do that. >> Well, again, you're fucking a hard wire for this. This is tennis. >> It sounds kind of crazy, but tennis and stand up are very similar. >> Tell me the parallels.

>> Well, tennis, have you ever played tennis? >> Yes. In ninth grade, I was on the team. I was terrible. I only played doubles with my friend Rich Deaver because we just wanted to make jokes.

>> Do you play tennis? >> I don't know. >> This is me turning into my coach. They say the court is seven inches from ear to ear. It's fully a mental game.

>> She had a certain level when everyone strokes are pretty much the same. >> The muscle memories there. >> We all can serve the same.

The second year on the court, it's your demons and they're just out there.

You can't call a timeout. You can't pass the ball. >> They're isolated. >> Vulnerable sport. And when you lose, you can't be like, well, the fuck in forward didn't do their job.

You're like, "I don't know where to kick the blame." >> You can't. That's why tennis had a very successful career, but I had a lot of mental battles. I'm chatting in my head. I have my ADHD.

And there's some Russian robots on tour. These girls look right through you. I felt so different from them. And I would get performance anxiety. I thought I was crazy.

And I was battling myself every day. >> We're beta blockers. The thing that tennis players took back that. >> So beta blockers are, I feel like, a little hard with the physical stuff. You need your heart rate.

>> Because you need your heart rate. >> Yeah, that makes sense. >> You're shaking. >> Yeah. >> You're shaking.

I actually had a service-yip moment in college. >> Okay. And for people to know about the yips, just say what the yips are. >> It's, I hate saying the word, but I have to raise awareness. >> Yeah.

>> Yips are like in baseball when a professional player on second base can't throw it to first.

I like Tiger Woods can't chip. It's where your brain decides, like you can't do something, even though you can. >> Yeah. >> First amount, not being able to do that rotation thing.

“>> And I think now, it's a little symptom of some OCD where you basically think, like, what's the worse in that could happen to me?”

And then you make it happen? And I'm a vulnerable 19-year-old, a lot of pressure playing number one for university was constant. >> Wow. >> And I remember I'm training too much in the summer and I'm making changes and then someone mentioned to me, like, oh, yeah, once there was a girl who couldn't hit a second serve after she changed her grip or something. I walked out of that court and I knew it was me.

It's so dark to say, but it was all in me already. It just was a wave for my anxiety to show it's court. >> It's going to offer amp for the anxiety. >> It would be so bad I was doing underhand serves. >> Okay.

>> And I'm putting number one out of four of mine. >> Full scholarship. >> Division one. >> You lose your scholarship if you don't do well enough. >> You start serving underhand.

>> Yeah, no literally. >> Yeah, they have a staff psychologist at these division one school. >> So funny not to be like, back in my day.

There was one psychologist but she was kind of like, what's up? When she did the whole team and it wasn't serious. >> Anyone cutting? >> Yeah, okay. >> Anyone doing little bumps to go can.

>> I could have fucking use it probably. >> And then you become obsessed with it. You wake up in the morning, you're watching videos of serves. >> That's your whole obsession. >> Wow.

>> And then it's like a shame, which is the worst emotion. >> And your dad is your coach during all this. >> So I went to Wisconsin and he was like, go off to your home. >> I just see, this is what I need. I'm a professional.

>> I basically was like, I'm a mental case.

>> Yeah. >> When we were, I'm just like a girl trying to do well. But I was like, I'm a mental case. And then I was doing well. I did get hit by a car.

>> Oh my God. >> But again, that was literally like a sign from the universe. Because I was like, if you keep working hard, you will be great. >> I was doing that since I was eight. And I was like, work harder than everyone.

I have the talent, if I could get past these mental problems. But you're like, do you? >> Yeah. >> So yeah. >> So yeah.

>> No, I honestly, like, people like comics are dark. And I'm like, I'm happy. I'm like, no, that was pretty fucking dark. >> Yeah. >> Like most people in college were like, discovering,

you know, like, I was like, in a room alone. Being like, get your second serve together. Or no one's going to love you. >> Yeah. >> Both are to be clear.

It was just the second.

So if you didn't get it in on the first serve,

then that second one you're incapable of doing, you had to do it under him. >> Yeah. >> That's a little better. At least you had one serve that you could have got.

“>> Well, that's why I was still in matches and stuff.”

>> Yeah. >> Yeah. >> You need that second serve ball to be prepared. >> You have to be prepared. >> It's like, this is my thing.

>> My super power is that, for whatever reason, I'm okay with being embarrassed. >> Oh. >> He's like that too. >> I hate it.

>> We should go to the mall together with something. >> Oh my god. >> My dad is super silly. Like, everyone used to be like, I'm embarrassed like my dad. My dad would do something stupid, I'd be like, he's so funny.

That was iconic. >> So I've been embarrassed in so many situations where like, I feel nothing. >> Can I share this with you? >> Yeah. >> There's one of the biggest bonding moments I've had with my daughter, my older daughter.

She thinks it's really embarrassing when people run with a backpack. Who knows why, but like, that's like one of her things. >> If you're late to class. >> And then like, somehow she was crossing the street. And like, she misjudged the light, blah, blah, blah.

Then she had to run. And then she saw like a big group of girls from her school. And she was like, I don't know, so embarrassed. And I go, do you like it at all? And she goes, yeah, I love it.

>> And I go, give me to the reason I love is it's so weird. I guess it's the addict in me. It's like anything outside of my normal state. I can kind of enjoy. So just like when you're deeply embarrassed,

this sensation in your body, in the panic. I get aware of it. It's almost like when you're on hallucinogenic. And you're like, well, that's scary. Oh, but don't worry, it's just hallucinogenic.

So I feel insane, like, I'm going to die, but I know just these, I don't know. I like it. >> But I feel like for my mental health, if you can choose to laugh, or choose to be ashamed of yourself. >> Yeah.

>> And once I realized that you could choose that, my life kind of changed.

“And then I also realized, honestly, you're more interesting.”

When you've done stupid shit. >> Uh-huh. >> Like when you've overcome stuff, that is why I think I like addicts. Because I'm like, you've done some stupid shit. >> Yeah.

>> And you've come out of shit. >> Yeah, sure. >> And you've had to sit there and face it. And then be like, I'm still going to try to be my best the next day. >> Yeah.

>> My lived. >> Can we go back to you getting hit by a car? >> Look, I'm from New York City. I'm not even like woo-hoo LA. No vents.

>> Neither of us are from here. >> I was like, oh shit. >> We're participating in all of it, but it's not our agenda. So it's like, do I enjoy a petsite cake for fun? >> Yes.

>> Yeah. >> I like heroin too. >> So towards the end of my senior year, this is like when it's the big tournament, where you get the accolades, you get the awards. It's the big 10 championship.

And it's 7 a.m. and I'm walking to practice. It's like two degrees out. I have a big park on. And I get hit by a car who didn't see me. >> Was it a white parker?

Were you, like, snow?

>> You always parkers really, you can't see.

>> She didn't know why they're getting hit.

“>> Also, I think deep down, I was like, fucking hit me.”

>> That's what I'm getting at. It kind of seems like me. >> I was like, what a part of me. >> Also, if I was any out wardrobe I could be in to get hit by a car, be a parker.

>> Also not to do a call back to your daughter, but I had a backpack. >> And when I was just and landed on my back. >> I saved my fucking life. >> So shout out to nerds. >> Is that the brand of backpack?

>> No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. >> Okay, who were back? >> Shout out to reading. >> Shout out to books. >> Shout out to the old girl.

>> Hold on. >> So you had a backpack. You're wearing a park. You definitely did this on purpose. >> I got some conscious.

>> My first words were tell my coach I'm going to be late. I was in such a cult. And they were like, you're going the hospital, babe. I had like a really bad muscle contusion because my calves are fucking very strong. >> Yeah.

>> The car was like, oh, we didn't know. But I was out for three months. Movement is a big part of my game, like speed. So I got back, obviously not 100%. And this is tennis terms.

But I lost five matches in third set tie breaks. That if I had been fully healthy, I would have won all of them.

>> I love that. >> So okay to change your dream and I was one of those weird seven year olds that looked my dad and I was like, I want to win the US open. >> Yeah. >> And he was like, if that's what you want, I'll make it my whole life.

>> We're going to do that then. >> We're going to do it. And it was everything to me. >> I want to hang with Dan. >> But it's stressful when all these people are involved in your dream.

And then you're like, I guess I'm not doing that anymore.

“>> Remember that 20 years you just put it?”

>> Yeah. >> Yeah, we're moving in. >> Movement on the comedy. >> I've done so much work to be like, do you still have any value now? >> Yeah.

>> And like when you quit, it was this moment where I was like, so that was always.

And then you don't quit and like become something great. You go from being captive, a tennis team to being in New York City. >> Well, everyone else has developed and all these other things. >> Everyone else was like, well, I was going to be a marketing and that's why I have all these internships and you're just like sometimes my surf sucks.

>> Dan, I want to freak you out, but we just had a guy who had a schizophrenic episode and tried to kill his father. >> In that stressful situation became because he was a career runner in college. And quit. That was a stressful event that triggered the schizophrenia.

>> Well, my dad and I, we come from old school Brooklyn. His dad was a basketball coach in Brooklyn. So Jerry Burner, imagine he was like those coaches they make movies about. Like you'd see a tall kid walking on the street and be like, are you in school? >> Are you a power forward?

>> How's your hands? >> Yeah. >> Reflexes and then he'd be like, we're going to get you to college. You need a show up to class and I'm going to get you to college and we're going to win a championship.

Like Jerry Burner was iconic.

So my dad was just always coach mentality.

>> Guys quickly, what he did right now he went to business school. He's a salesman. >> So he's just like a charming sales guy who wishes he could place sports every weekend. So it's what he does. >> Yeah, many addiction.

>> Me. >> He was a dickie too. >> Like we wake up at 8 a.m. on Saturday and you'd have a list of all the work out through doing. And I was jacked up.

I was like, dad, how I do? Why do you want me to jump? >> He definitely lived like herously through me, which was problematic, but also he believed to be more than anyone. But when I lost, I felt so bad that dad wasn't proud of me.

>> It's pretty damn good. >> What is the best daddy issue you can have? You're like, my dad thinks I'm the shit. >> That's what I'm going to say. You're going to have a fucking dad issue.

And if it was that your dad spent way too much time with you and focus too much. I got to pick that. >> What? We just talked about this on an episode about dads who are coaches. It was with Leve.

>> His mother is a symphony orchestra. >> Yeah. >> He was for teacher for a bit. And it was like, oh gosh, that mix of it being your parent who's supposed to be unconditional. What she clearly is.

>> You'd have dinner one night after a loss. And the tension is there. He can't help it. But then I would win a match. I just remember jumping in the parking lot.

Like we just won the Super Bowl. >> Yeah. >> And those moments are so special. But then it became I wasn't playing for myself. I wasn't playing just for fun.

“And I think that's important to any parents that are like raising their kids.”

Make sure they're choosing it every day. I thought I loved it. But I loved him loving that I want. >> It's complicated. >> But also, do you think you can go to the next level and still love it?

Every professional, as we've interviewed, they all stop loving it. >> Andre, you see his book was, yeah. >> Not flowers and rainbows. >> Both of the tennis plays we had. >> Rodicon.

>> I love him. >> I played with him in a charity event this summer. >> He's a fucking star. >> But it's fun to get to make fun of him as Spike Taren is visor. Only he could pull that off.

>> I know. >> A visor with Spike Taren. That was his look. >> That was his look.

>> And ever girl was like, oh, I've never been more attractive to this.

>> He's also so nice. >> But yet, tennis, it is your longest relationship. So that's what you have breakdowns because one day, you just don't have it anymore. And you're like, so I can't think about it. I can't play it.

Who am I? >> Yeah. >> But long story short, when I started to discover comedy, I did get scared that I was going to have performance anxiety again. >> Yeah.

>> I was like, oh, no, I found another thing that I could disappoint people. That I have potential, but I can be in my head about. But I got dared to do a live podcast because I started with podcasting in 2018. It was my small mental health comedy pod. And someone was like, do 10 men to stand up because I've been writing a lot of tweets.

And I remember walking on stage at Caroline's. >> Well, that was your first time I was at Caroline. >> I did it all wrong. The first time I did it was just sold out crowd at Caroline's 10 men. >> Oh, my God.

>> The 10 men is also long for people. >> But this is the thing, I am crazy. And I've served underhand against Duke and laws. I'm like, I can talk to a bunch of girls at Caroline. >> Yeah, yeah, yeah.

>> But I also was like, I'm going to go on stage.

“And I think I'm going to feel like how I feel before I serve.”

And I had a lot of trauma still. >> Yeah. >> That when you filmed your Netflix stay not special, right? Which is like, it's never filmed. But now that it's filmed, am I going to forget my entire book and hour?

You've already loved patterns. >> Yeah. >> So I'm about to walk on. And immediately, a calm hits me.

“And it's a calm that I'm like, have goosebumps that other players would tell me about.”

Like, they're like, yeah, you're nervous before, but then you get on and then you come down. I never had that calm. >> While you were playing tennis.

>> I always felt like it was judgment day.

And I was like, what the fuck is wrong? I got on a stage. I'm going to cry, but I was like, oh, this is where they wanted me to be. And all the training from tennis and the discipline and the mental warfare. And things that made me not good at tennis, like, thinking too much.

Meaning we got a crowdwork because I can't help but impulsively say when I'm thinking. >> Yeah. >> Stay tuned for our share expert. If you dare, we are supported by all state. Checking all state first could save you hundreds on car insurance.

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[Music]

I had this creative side that I was always suppressing.

Like I was goofy in school. And I loved art. And I suppressed it all by like nine years old to become a professional tennis player.

“Yeah, did you have thriving friendships throughout?”

I know you went to Florida for a couple years. Good question. Good question. But were you missing out on a lot of sleepovers and all that stuff? I definitely did, but I also had no interest.

You just weren't there so that you were missing out. Yeah, I had friends. I remember a coach giving me this whole speech about how this guy would have gone pro. But he loved partying too much. And I was like 12 and he's like, "All he does is party.

All he does is party." And I'm such a like, "No, you little girl I go." How many birthday parties has he been invited? How many birthday parties has it go to? I didn't realize that there was this question.

Other form of farting. Mind you for some reason. Guys who love partying, like, find me. But I also loved having a purpose. Like, I'd wake up and be like, "This weekend I have a tournament."

But it was torture. Did you have girlfriends on the tour? Or the kids you saw a lot at me? Woman's tennis is hard because they're all you're...

The second thing you're supposed to want.

You're like, "Oh, this is going to affect when we play." Or you are friends with them and then you play them. And you're like, "I fucking hate you." Sure. But can't you hate them for 45 minutes?

We're women. That's not how it works. But what's beautiful is now. I'm actually reconnecting with a lot of tennis girls from juniors. Kind of like, "Hey, what's up?"

And we have this crazy trauma bond. And I feel like we were in war together. And we didn't know it. Yeah. And we're all really getting along now.

Yeah. Which is beautiful. And also if a girl was doing well, I'd be like, "Oh, my dad probably thinks she's doing better than me." Like, "Wish his eyes."

She was his dad. So I'm like, "Now you're fucking up me, my dad." Yeah. I'm coming for my dad. I'm okay.

I do want to save from the dad's perspective. The line we're hovering. It literally happened to me last night. My daughter's running for student council president. Yeah.

She's been reading me drafts of the speech. Asking for input. I've been helpful, helpful, helpful. You know, then last night, I found that line. I don't know.

I might give some specifics of the things that you're going to change about the school. I was supposed to blank. And then that just set off the whole thing. And I was like, "Oh my God, I don't know. You're asking.

This is good. You're asking, okay." And then yeah, you can just see why I know what you want. And I have an opinion on how you could get it. First of all, I'll give a fuck over to student council.

In fact, I hope you're not student council president. Because I imagine I'll have to drive more things. Oh my God. I want you to see me with me. I want you to see me with me.

“That's what I want her to be a professional at.”

But yeah, and I'm like, you're trying to help as much as the person can receive the help. And it's going well. It's going as well. And then you do this thing.

And it's like scarring. And you know, I don't know. I felt the same as the previous bit of help I gave. Wait, what was it? You said to give a little more specifics.

Yeah, it was like, I want to improve the school and I'll listen to you to improve the school. And my suggestion was like, I don't know. Do you want to have a dance? Do you want to like, is there a certain thing?

So she sent me the speech to upset. She said that's resources. And she's getting it. She sent it to me two days ago. It was emails.

So it wasn't face to face. So maybe that helps. And you're not her dad. But that's my whole point. I gave that exactly.

You need to say no. At least I feel convicted. And I saw her yesterday. She wasn't like mad at me. So clearly.

We totally meant it before bad.

I'd be like, politicians lie. I say you're getting ice cream every day. Exactly. You could say it. Do you mean hot tubs in every classroom?

Yeah. I think someone did that in my school. They were like, we're getting ice cream. Okay. Jake, every morning is going to be the gym teacher.

Timothy Schel. No, her is so cute. Because she says, I can't promise. And then she makes such a mess. That's a chair.

Yeah. That's adorable. And then she's shooting on the other people running. She's like, did you hear? Yeah.

We totally meant it last night. And I said, look, I think I probably was under us. I mean, this has got to be so stressful. You're going to like give a speech on Friday. You probably feel overwhelmed.

And you're probably stressed out.

And I hit critical maths.

And I'm really sorry. This just played out as the exact difference between when a father and gives a note. And when then me. An ante.

Yeah. But overall, it's out of love that you care about her. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

I mean, maybe your dad really had tennis aspirations. No, he did. Oh, he did. Oh, he did. If he had the resources, he would want to do it.

And he loved that he could provide it for me. We had this movie type moment at 16, where I was really struggling mentally. And he was like, we're going on the court. He's so dramatic for this, too. But like, love it for that.

He goes, you're going to hit one ball.

“And you're going to tell me if you want to keep playing.”

And whatever you say, I'm going to love you. Like that dramatic. I remember hitting it and being like, I'm going to keep going. Daddy. Yeah.

And then it starts to touch your stormy. And then you still want to keep going. I ended up playing for the boys team, which was pretty cool in my high school. In high school. Because they never girls team in Title IX.

And I always have drama around me. So they ended up causing some drama. They were like, she shouldn't play on the boys team because it's unfair. The boys have boners. It's not productive.

It's so distracting. And then they're granting my team a girls team that my dad ended up coaching. So that's the nice and right. And that's awesome. He got to ruin all their lives.

But he's always had an amazing sense of humor.

He loves making fun of me. We're so mean to each other in the best way. We got to this point where I was like, he's always disappointing me. Because I never made it pro for my dad. But he said this moment where he's like, you know, I admire about you.

You get thrown down. And you always get back up. And I was like, if that's all my parents want for me. I'm like, I could live like that. Yeah.

Just get back up. Yeah. Yeah. What you can't understand when you're at kid is, I'm proud of you. Full stop.

Because you're you. I'm enamored with you. I love you. If you become president, it'll be cool. I'm not going to be more in love with you.

There's a base. I'm at 100% of adoring you. And none of your accomplishments are going to raise that. Nor any of your failures will lower that. True.

Also my dad would get annoyed at something I would do on the court. And then I'd watch him play and he do the exact same thing. And I'm like, and that's the problem. Yeah. I mean, you got it.

You got it. You got it. Yeah. You're pissed that the genetics you gave me. And I also would say he could have been a comic.

But he ended up not going that route.

And I think I'm basically him with my mom's discipline.

That's great.

“That's why now when people, you know, as a female comic, you say stuff on stage.”

And he'll have his friends be like, I saw that clip. My dad is so happy. He's like, I want my daughter to be happy. I've seen her through a lot of different phases of her life. So my parents could not be more supportive of him.

We still have a brother's story. Oh, he was like, fuck you dad. I'm not playing this game. Yeah. He's naturally as athletic as me as performative.

But when my dad would be like, let's run in the park. I'd be like, okay. My brother would be like, I'm playing World Warcraft. I don't give shit about you. Right.

So he's iconic for that. And so he was tons of friends sleepovers. Yes. Went to Wisconsin, but like, wasn't a frat. Why did he also go to Wisconsin?

We followed me. How much younger is he? Like 22 months. Oh, yeah. He saw the stress inducing part of it for me.

And he was like, I'm good. I was like, you don't need dad's approval. And he's like, no, watch me. And my dad'd be like, do you want to do this? And he'd be like, no.

And I'm like, oh my god. He's so cool. I wish I could do that. Do you think he followed you to protect you? Or be protected by you.

Oh, he thought he was on it. She's like, in mental distress. I feel like he looked up to me. But also he weirded these more mature than me.

“So I think it was a combination of I'm proud of her for going there.”

But also let me keep an eye on her. Yeah. That's so sweet. I didn't want to ask about the transition from Brooklyn. Well, actually, let me go back.

There's one other question. I had before college, which is you were commuting to this school in Hell's Kitchen. From Brooklyn. Yes. So were you riding a train every morning?

Yes. I'm enamored with this idea. So you were a little kid where you out. I'm great when this started. I was a junior when I came back from Florida.

I found out this public school in the upper west side. Kind of this great voice. Beacon. Beacon. Oh, my God.

It was so artsy to we did project based assessments. So instead of test, we would present to the teacher things. Like it was very new city progressive.

But they had amazing sports somehow.

“It was like the best time of steam in the city.”

And I literally had a meeting with the coach. I'm like, if you come into the school, Well, fucking money championship. And he was like, group. I don't know if I can legally say that.

I can do this years later. So the best part about it is you walk to the train. And there's a couple other kids who live in Park Sopra. I was who go to school with you. So you end up every morning with like 15 kids.

And we all get in the train the same time. And then you have 40 minutes to do homework or study. And also people are fucking scared of teenagers. Like we ran that subway. We're annoying.

We're telling stories. And everyone's just going to work together. And it's a beautiful thing. The subway's like magical to me. Yeah.

I was wondering in those, I guess, two years of community. Did you see some shit? Oh, yeah. Yeah. Like we're still in the wilder things.

I've seen some shit. I never even live there. The coolest thing about the subway is you think about how we've all lived such crazy lives. And in this moment, we're just in this quiet place on the same car. Like how did we all get here?

And we're all from different backgrounds, from different religions, from different trauma. And the egalitarian part of New York City. The train, I've had a guy puke on me. Oh, that's actually kind of common.

Someone's hung over and it's seven a.m. You also, you all press together. And it's just social, like, this is pre-COVID. Yeah. But you have to get on this train.

And there's really no room. And you just fuck. Gosh. It's weird here. It's kind of a joke.

I can't breathe. It's like fighting for air. But that's just socially acceptable. I'd be very uncomfortable. I was, like, a middle-aged businessman in a teenage girl got on and went to her.

So you used to it, you used to it. You used to it. There's also, like, you can't take up the whole pool. Put one, two fingers. You're not fucking lying on the pool.

Also, if you see, there's, like, an open area. There's a reason. There's a guy who pooped himself. There's a dead pigeon. Oh, my God.

A body, a dead body. Look, the mistake people make in subways. They see an open car. And they go, "My lucky day." No.

This is a good car. So they're doing witchcraft. What do you about? [laughter] Have you seen what happens in Tokyo in subways?

I haven't already scripted. The pushing? No. The shoulder sleeping. This is the apex of a collective society.

They get on and you think you were packed in New York. You know, they're doing four acts in Tokyo. Oh, yeah, they're back. And then once they're there, they just lean their head over on a stranger's shoulder. And fucking half the people are just dead asleep.

Standing up. That's incredible. It's beautiful. It's gorgeous. Really nice.

I wish I could have that kind of piece of her. What do you see in on nudity? Because I've seen some pants down on the other side. One of my early first kisses was in Central Park. And then I looked.

And there was a guy jerking off. Oh, wow.

And that was crazy because I'd never seen even a boner before.

Oh, yeah, yeah. I really like, oh, my God. I'm so good at kissing. [laughter] [laughter]

This is why I'm just kidding. I should be an actor. [laughter] But I should kiss more off. [laughter]

I'm such a New York city lover. Because I feel like it's easy to get in your head. But if you just walk outside, you see so many people who won't give a fuck about your stupid problems.

“And two, I think my grandpa once told me,”

like, you'll see people in their darkest times in New York. And he's like, they could have been an astronaut 10 years ago. Everyone's just at a time in their life. And New York doesn't stop for anyone. It's a beautiful reminder just how little we are in this world.

New Yorkers do have each other's back. I think post 9/11. You'll be in a subway, and someone says, like, choking or something. And someone's like, "I'm a doctor! I got this!" [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter]

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] [laughter] I don't know this to say this.

But I feel like most often people from small towns are desiring going to a bigger flashier place. They go to New York, they go to LA, wherever they go. And you went from, yeah, this childhood in New York to Madison. Were you like, what's happening here?

It was a culture shock. Yeah, bad. Because I didn't know what a Wisconsin was. Right. And my dad was like, "They have a basketball team."

And I was like, "I don't know. I didn't know Midwest culture." And they're apex Midwest culture. I'm from Michigan, but they go harder. It's different.

There's no cow tipping in Michigan. Well, there is, both of it. Oh, sure. There's a lot of rural towns. You're like, "Dear my culture!"

[laughter] [laughter]

Wisconsin does have, like, amazing beer, amazing cheese.

But, like, I'm, like, half Italian, and guys were, like, even if it seemed someone so excited. Fuck yeah. But, yeah. Everyone's going on.

Everyone's going to read Jen or German. I'm used to a New York city where, if you didn't wear something weird, people were like, "You're losing." Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Wisconsin, if you wear something different, everyone's like, "You're weird." Yeah. It was kind of scary. And I remember feeling a little misunderstood. I remember feeling, like, a little loud.

I didn't hit it off with the men that, "Well, they were all." Cornfed, huge, beautiful men. They would, like, talk about dog hunting.

“And I was like, "Oh, why do you have to go to dogs?"”

[laughter]

I liked that.

And it wasn't, like, a culture shock where you're, like,

cool, interesting culture. It was more, I felt, misunderstood. Well, I could have just imagined, also, the reduction of stimuli that you're not even aware your nervous system has become completely accustomed to.

That's a way, right? You pluck someone out of the upper peninsula, Michigan or Wisconsin just drop them on that subway. They're a fucking nervous as you are. There's a lot that dude's got to, you know?

And it's the opposite for you, right? I almost feel like you would have been painfully bored or under stimulated.

“Maybe that's why I was so in my head all the time”

because there was nothing to think about. I was interviewed by, like, the Mizu coach early on. I was, like, tell me about your school and he was, like, I don't think you're going to like it. He was, like, this isn't a good fit.

And I don't want to put you through this. And I was, like, I, like, want you to choose me. I want you to choose me, but it was interesting. I was some people really want a small town simple, but Madison Wisconsin is an amazing town.

It's the capital and the school combined. And it's truly spectacular. But as a college athlete, you don't experience it. Yeah. Did you go to any field parties?

I don't know.

I never went to a field party.

I'm an uncultured swan. Yeah, that's, I just wish he had been. Have you ever been to a field party? I don't think so. You get it.

You know, you go into a field and start drinking. And he goes, it's pretty crazy. Yeah, I was just kidding. You know what I guess? I get a New York.

You guys have all kinds of stuff to entertain yourself. No one's got to be that creative. But you just put 25 people in a field and tell them that you've got to be creative. I heard people love Sonic. People in the suburbs will go to like a Sonic party.

Yeah, Sonic. Yes. Everyone went to Sonic. He just hang out in the car with everyone there. Or a waffle house, huge, huge hang out.

Maybe like fighting. Fighting. But there's like a joke online when people always, like, my parents thought I was studying, but I was in a field about to die somewhere.

Just running around. Where I think New York City, I was too scared. Central Park after 11 p.m. You will get raped.

That was like a fact. Yeah. That was on you at that point. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You went to a barber shop and got a haircut. What did you think was going to happen? So I think New Yorkers, like,

we never had any drunk driving issues because no one could drive.

Yeah.

“I think New York either you were doing meth at 11,”

or you were scared. Yeah. I was scared. You were in that lighter group. Yeah.

Tell me about the gap between getting out of college and then summer house. What happens in that phase? That's one of my darker times. But I love telling people in their 20s.

No one tells you that it is your darkest time. 20s are tough. Well, because older people, they just are so obvious. They want to be 20s.

Yeah. And you forget that you're losing your mind. Because you have no identity. You have no identity. You have no identity.

You have no identity. You find out that that identity is not going to work out. You, my 20s. I was teaching tennis, which was fun. Because I knew tennis, but I also was like, you fucking lose her.

People are playing tournaments and you're teaching like a six year old. You fucking lose her. Not the name drop, but I was teaching this very wealthy man in the Hamptons. Oh, a full grown adult, man. Oh, yeah.

I would teach from six years old to 96. Oh, wow. I would take all your money. And also everyone loves tennis. I said these guys.

They just were lonely. I was just strictly teaching tennis. But I'll teach him how to text sometimes. You're actually like a therapist because tennis is so intimate. Where, like, he was a volunteer.

Why did I miss? And you're like, are you having trouble at home? Like you work stuff out. And this guy was like, okay, we're having some people come over. They're all these rich dudes.

He's like, and Chelsea. Oh. I'm 21 years old. By the way, Chelsea lately is like, at its height. Okay.

I was going to say, are we talking Clinton? Are we talking Hamlet? I actually really did think it was Clinton. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. You're like, man. And then I get the Chelsea. Yeah. Yeah.

Because maybe-- Yeah. Yeah. Because maybe. Yeah.

So she shows up. And I read all her autobiographies. I didn't know it yet. But I loved comedy. She walks on.

I'm fucking double-faulting. I'm so nervous. We're playing doubles. And it's one thing to me, someone who you can admire. But to spend two hours teaching tennis was as a 21 year old.

“I remember at the end I was like, do you pay advice for like a girl getting”

growing up? Yeah. She really looked at me. She was like, I got lucky. And like, what's the way?

No. But she was so nice, so funny. And now I went to a show last night. And we taxed. I was like, Chelsea, you know, I taught you tennis last 21.

She's like, guns in my head. I have no idea who you are. Never remember that. But your tennis was cool. You'd get to see different people's lives.

And these Aussie-rich people who were empty. And just lonely. Yeah. And just paying people to be around them. Yeah.

Yeah. I got to see this different level of money. Yeah, you get all this money and you've had this huge fantasy. And then you're like, why aren't I you for it? I'm supposed to be you for it.

Yeah. And now I'm terrified because now I know there's no solution. And I'm like, this guy is so successful at his job. But can't hit a backhand. And he like hates himself.

So it was very fun. But I was like, I need a move away from this. Really quick. There's the long, worn stereotype of like the dudes telling their

Like this, like this is going to fuck that dude, right?

That's like a very well worn train. Yeah, there's a hot Brazilian guy that's fucking your wife. Yes. Where the wife's not like, absolutely not 21 year old fucking tennis coach.

“I think which is also why maybe I'm good at comedy.”

I have a way to like, bro myself down. I'm not showing up with makeup to tell. Yeah. I'm yelling at them. I'm not like, hey, maybe.

Yeah. I'm like a good guy. That's not my practice. Yes. I feel like I'm come from a coaching background.

So I'm like there to make you better. Right. And so like the wives were like, good fucking yell at him. He's so annoying. Yeah.

And I'm like, yeah, I'll drop. It's just the energy you put out in the world. All right, good. Could I have made more money? If I was a little flirtier maybe.

I don't know. It's Christmas ball ends. It was a little nicer with the serve. Because I see some of these billionaires. They do tennis lessons.

And everyone's afraid to like tell them what they do wrong.

Yeah. And they don't get better. Yeah. And I'm like, someone tell the sky to bend his knees. Okay, so you were coaching tennis in this gap.

And I'm like, I have to get away from tennis. I have to find who I am. I started doing coaching sales because my dad was like, if you want to be successful in life, do coaching sales.

And if you could handle that, you could handle anything. Did he also, because my day was a salesman. He's a car salesman. He said, if you think there's any job in the world that's not sales, you're crazy.

Every single job is sales. That's exactly what my dad said to me.

“And he's like, you have to sell yourself to sell everything.”

Yeah. It's true. Because I've dealt with other artists out here who are writers. And I'm like, and the day dude, you're walking into a studio.

And you better put on a fucking show early on. I was like, guys, I don't know what I'm talking about, but I will sell it. Like, I don't know what this is. I love my back.

I don't believe it. I don't have any knowledge of the product. And I'm going to move this unit. Are so also did sales? Yes.

Yes. Because it's an X-factor, the salesman. It's a hard gate. Well, it's just like stand up. You're going to get rejected.

Fucking nonstop. And you just got to be able to go. Yeah, whatever. So actually, I joined the sales team. And it was a bunch of guys in me.

But again, I'm used to it. I used to train with loud guys.

It really feels like I've always been in this mail-dominate space

that I'm like, okay, I'm here now. And I would just like kind of giggle on the phone a lot. Like, I would just kind of be joking and silly. And I remember one guy being like, oh, he used giggle on the phone, which is so funny.

Because now that's my career. Exactly. But I had like a lightness and silliness about it. And I started doing really well. I was making good money at like 23.

Nice. But I started to feel like I was just taking from people. My day was just you were something I needed something from. Yes. And I'm a creative.

That went against my core. We're like, I'm a pupil pleaser. I'm an artist. I want to give. I started hating it.

I would like hide in the bathroom. I'd hang out with the social media team. And be like, what do you guys have to do today? Can I ask what you were selling? I was selling marketing for small businesses.

I know what you felt a little dirty. Because you're like, I don't know if this marketing is going to help your business. And there's no way to actually find out. And also I'm not selling yet like these big businesses. This is this link.

I have the pizza real. Yeah. And I mean, it wasn't an expensive product. Listen, I did the same thing and work for my dad. Yeah.

A lot of different sales jobs for my dad. So it's like, I don't know if anyone's getting anything they paid for. Well, yeah. Because then you sell it. And then the people are like, are you guys doing what I sold?

But it was such a good experience. I said, I want to do marketing. I started doing marketing for a T-shirt company. And you have a communications degree. Communications degree.

And at the end of my communications degree, I had a little internship at Wisconsin, where I did some sports broadcasting. Oh, okay. Steve, down I actually thought I was going to be a sports broadcasting. Oh, I know sports. Yeah.

I can turn it on. Welcome to ESPN. I'm had a burner. Yeah. Oh, my God.

Yeah. And I had some like funny interviews that did well.

“You have to move to a small town to be a sports broadcasting.”

And I was like, I'm fucking done with this. I want to be in New York City. I actually told my mom, this is crazy. But I was like, what if I interviewed people on the subway? I thought of that like 22.

Wow. Your body knows what you want to do. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

So fast forward. I'm in Vegas selling T-shirts at like 25. And I see an old video pop up on YouTube of me interviewing Wisconsin basketball player. And I just thought, fucking, I want to be on camera, which is, again, embarrassing. Yeah.

Same. You want to be on camera. It's vulnerable. That's so brutal. Yeah.

Especially as a woman to be like, I should be seen. Yeah. Yeah. You guys should look at me. Yeah.

Preferably all day. So I decided at 25. I started telling people, like, I want to be on camera. I didn't know what it was. Maybe sports.

I didn't know. Always love stand up. But I did not think I'd be stand up. And this company batches is hiring for a video producer. And I knew how to edit from Wisconsin.

Who knew a communication arts degree again? Oh, wow. What are we using? For me or pro great, which is how to launch my entire career. So I'm editing for them.

They find there. Like, can you make a sketch? And I got this like wedding videographer to film it. It was called when Bay Face Times You.

Yeah.

That means your boyfriend or girlfriend.

Or like someone you're in too. Okay. BAE. Yes. Okay.

You're so in. You know what the kid's doing. I know everything. Do I see me dance? Oh, I got it.

Oh, boy. There's a 70 year old dude listening. He was he was a drift. And I just. Yeah.

Okay. Sorry. So I have headphones on and I go. Oh, I need my headphones because I'm in my pajamas. And then it shows me put like a full face and make up on and a ring light.

And then I go. Found my headphones. Like, let's talk. It was just like a kilo video. It goes viral.

“And they're like, can you do this three times a week?”

And I felt the drug again. I say, yes, everything. Three a week. You want six.

I'm like, I got a six a week.

I was like, working on the weekends. I found my passion again. I was like, my whole life. I could just make funny videos. Like, this is fucking sick.

And I start casting New York City comics to be in the videos. So I start surrounding myself with cool. You can be a little budget. No. Okay.

You got tag here in there. A little 50 bucks here. Okay. But I was like seeing these people's lives. I'm like, so you do podcasting.

I say, you're auditioning and you do stand up at night. And that's your life. And I was like, that's kind of cool. Yeah. And then I get a call to be on a reality show.

Stay tuned for more armchair experts. If you dare. So they found you. I got a DM from a producer. And they were like, we're looking for New York City kids in their 20s.

I can't imagine at that time. You had seen season one or two of summer. I haven't watched it. Right. And it's about kids who work.

I see queues and kids. Because I'm so old now. But people. 20s. 20s.

Humans. Who work. It remains. Who work during the week. And then they party in the Hampton's on the weekend.

Now, I grew up in New York City. And I'd go to Sheldr Island and play tennis and do old man stuff. But I was like, I know this lifestyle. And I'm like, can I promote my podcast? And they were like, yes, we love that.

So I think I've like hit the jackpot. Also, I do the zoom. And I'm like, I don't think I'm a reality TV person who see me. I don't know what they saw me. Maybe they don't lose lips.

I was like, I'm a people pleaser. But I like being funny. I think they love that I was the sporty girl. Right. They like to cast you.

Yeah. And they need an archetype. I was like the truth-teller sporty girl who was like relatable. I wasn't too hot, but I wasn't like too drunk. Like I kind of had my role.

My role, the audition or zoom. Do they like show you pictures of people in your comments actually? Really funny. Yeah.

“So do you think so and so's life is headed in the right direction?”

Oh, how do they want you to make some judgements? And I remember not knowing anything about the people. But like trying to have a hot take. Yeah, sure. She's not seeing me with podcasting.

I'm like, if I don't care about it, I'll still have a hot take. I'm like, what's happening? I haven't seen anything about it. And I've got a fully float. And I will fight this out with you right now.

But also, again, I like a challenge. I also was still feeling a little lost. I remember telling my mom about it. It was so paycheck. I wasn't making money at the time.

And my mom was like, I'm a little nervous. But you've done a lot of hard things. Even at your young age. See what happens. She's like, you're a nice human.

Like you're not going to get into fight to the people. You're not going to cry. You're not a cryer. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So do you do all those things?

So I was the RITB was the most fucked up beautiful experience. Yeah, I've ever had. Yeah, what I looked at the way the pros and the cons are the highs and the lows. The highs were that if you get a good at it, people think you're the greatest human in the world. Yeah.

Like you just are the greatest. You are the funniest.

You've never made a mistake.

Everything you say is right. You're playing a character for a storyline that they choose to say. Yeah.

“And I honestly, I had two really good seasons where I met friends for life.”

You met Pedro. I met Paige. But then we had our COVID season where we were locked in a house. This seems bonkers. This is like child abuse.

Well, everyone is crazy. Yeah, we'll be signed up for everyone crazy in their homes without a camera crew there. Honestly, like the later seasons when like egos get involved. And like, you know each other too much. Like you're too comfortable with each other.

People have popped. Other people haven't. There's a whole lot of shit. Everyone's counting. Everyone's followers.

And it's not based on like you had a good stand-up special. It's based on did you get a nice story line that people related to. So let me ask one quick question on that because often you're on set as an actor in the actor. It goes, "My character wouldn't do this." And like they're fighting for the death of that.

And that's not even them. So like, if you get assigned a storyline that's like so different from who you are. I'm going to blow your mind. Okay. You don't know what the story is.

I was about to say. That's my thing. So okay, this is my advice for people related to you. If the producers are coming to you being like, okay, I want to ask these questions.

Do this. You're in a good place. If no one talks to you before the scene. You are the story. Yeah.

So you're going to come in thinking, you don't know what's going on.

Or I should be. Yeah.

Yeah, all that right now.

“Like, yeah, reality TV is made in the edit.”

The people do not know what's going on when they're in it. And when they edit, it is a lot of the professionals tell the story. So I like to say, think of someone who doesn't like you. How they would tell a story. And then think of someone who does like you and how they tell a story.

They decide who's going to tell the story. Right. Or you might be telling the story. People have a lot of different experiences. And some seasons, I felt like we're really real.

And then some, I feel like they have enough to work with. Then, like, sometimes they protect people. They don't protect other people. I feel like I learned so much from it. It humbled me.

It made me realize how not in control you are. Obviously, I want to be liked. I'm in the industry. It made me realize not everyone likes you. And to have to sit with people not liking you for something the back of your head said.

That was things that I had to fucking face my demons.

And it also led me to stand up comedy because I was getting upset.

And I would be at the club at night. And I'm with all these comics. And I'm like, not a good episode, not a good episode. And they were like, making fun of me. Right.

And they were like, if I was on the show, I would do this this. They right sized it for you. Yeah, it was so funny. And it kept me sane. And then when I was on stage, I wasn't on my phone.

And people were authentically reacting to me in the flesh. I hate saying that. It's a gross in a say, but just me being me. They didn't like me from me. And also comedy so honest.

And I realized if I want to find myself. This is where I'm going to do it. And then I got fired. Really quick. How old were you?

30. You better believe at 30. All I would have done is right about myself. It'd be impossible not to. I love Dr. Nikki Glazer episode because you guys really hit on this.

And I was like, I'm really into this too much. But I have to get credit to my old husband. My old beautiful tired husband. Mm-hmm. Oh, the description.

We have all my past times. He's still here. Not for long. Tick-tock. But he had this whole career before me.

And he had mentioned like sometimes when he was his most liked. He felt like he was his most hated. Because he didn't have anyone telling him like, oh, that's not actually what's going on.

“And when you're performing live, you have to walk on and feel love.”

You can't be in your head like these people have come to me. Yeah, yeah. So he early on had like a strict rule in our household. And he actually was tough with it. He's like, if you see something, you go upset.

That's your problem. Yeah. He was tough with me. Would you know? Just like your dad.

He just did that. He just did that. He saved my life. I wouldn't be here. And that's like dramatic, but it's true.

You would have done much more cocaine. I would have been loving cocaine. But he was like, what's like a car crash? Like you want to watch it. But you don't have to watch it.

You're also, you're watching a car crash that you're in. Yeah, that's my car. Yeah, yeah, like it's going to be extra traumatic. Because the car crash you're observing is you going through the windshield. My biggest advice for like artists and creators

is once the comm and start affecting your creativity, they win. So at that point, I wasn't trying to be a reality TV star. I was trying to be a stand up comedian. So I was like, but if you're not likable, people don't trust you with the joke. So it started to get to the point where it's ups and downs in reality TV.

And I was like, this is chaos. I had gotten fired from it and a talk show. That was like the end. Wait, you got fired from a talk show? Well, at the end of my summer house, Bravo Days.

I had got a talk show. I'm proud of that. I was like, okay, I have other skills that I can hear. And people were kind of seeing it. But my time ended on the show.

What happened? It was a matter of you need everyone to be friends. Not everyone was getting along. It was a choice. I was going to be the one.

What the fuck? They also can't page. No, page is perfect. So did she go for other seasons in you? Page elastic really long on the show.

Yeah, yeah. I was the bad girl. I just like getting fired. Start power. Start power.

If you were listening, you'd be fired. That takes like, it's the film I'm too loving hate, like getting fired. They were like, you're too much for Saudi TV. I was like, I can't. Yeah.

But you are people, please. That must hurt.

“That's why like when producers are like asked this question.”

I was like listening, which ultimately was not great for me.

But again, I learned so much from it. And I was sitting in a car Missouri headed to a stand-up club. And I got a call. You're fired from somewhere else. You're fired from chat room.

And I remember thinking, now I need to get Netflix special. I got such a chip on my shoulder. Because you have to be crazy to stand up every night. You have to have some kind of attic mentality. And I remember thinking, I love when people put me down or like, cut me out.

Or I feel like no one wants me.

I love the rising of the Phoenix. I love the underdog. Yes.

“Also, no one in the RITV gets an Netflix special.”

So I was like, let's fucking go. I joke like, did you need revenge? Did you need revenge? Yeah. I was just silly and about it.

But I hope you.

I never put any of my energy towards hurting anyone.

I literally was like, and now we're moving on. And we're putting all that anger into like when you don't want to get up to go to the club. You're fucking getting in that Uber and going there. Yeah. Or these people were right and may one.

And my brother always was like, you're going to lose battles. But you're not going to lose the war, which is like so intense. And so my sports family. Yeah. Yeah.

That's so good. But I just want people to know things are going to happen to you regardless. Like, shouldy things happen to you every day. It's how you react to it. And if you can laugh at yourself and not to be all like inspirational.

But I was thinking. Since the year was that door you were looking for. I've never used this door before. That's what we honest about how I feel. But everything that's made me interesting is like me fucking up.

Yeah. That's all. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. You start the giga squad. I think I'm like giga squad.

I knew I was missing. It was literally close enough. We're going to blame my dyslexia. Yeah. He is dyslexic.

20, 20. Yes. You guys start this. We were doing Instagram live. Do you remember?

Oh, yes. Instagram live. No. No.

“But you were doing an hour and night for like three months.”

Is that what we were doing? Yeah. That was crazy. We also were on reality.

And they'd never show the funny parts.

They like to laugh at you. The guy would be filming us in the bathroom. And we'd be like, riff in, riff in, riff in. And he would just turn and walk out. And I was like, that was going to be cool.

Yeah. I see you hate Emmys. I was like, really worked out. You're trying to make the video a little bit of a laugh. They're like, this doesn't have to do with the current story lines.

I'm so sorry. I don't waste my time. We were face timing. And I was like, let's just go live. And we did every day and it started to become kind of cold dish.

It was like 5,000, 10,000 people. And then we had to film our last season. So we stopped doing it. And after the season ended, page number thought she'd podcast. Because she has a face for television.

She's never thought that was her direction. And I was like, page like podcast. It's like I've been doing it. We gotta get into it. And she's a little weird.

I was like, fine. And then it's been our like therapy. Being able to be ourselves. In your year six. Rainier six now.

It's huge. There's a slow, slow growth. Because also, we don't have guests. So there wouldn't be like a viral episode. The guest is stressful.

And also, on Viannis, sometimes they walk in, energy is off. Right. You're pulling teeth. There are positives. But having just our formula and just riffing with your best friend.

Every day has been. Yeah. Very much. We do the fact check, which is sort of the version of that, which is so much easier. There's a new chemistry.

You've come this year.

Yeah, I'm always looking forward to the fact check.

There's many guys who are like, oh, let's see if I can get a person who hates being interviewed. Don't enjoy this. I mean, the celebrities, at least that we interview. They don't want to get it. They got a promoter movie.

And they're friends with you guys. So this is their like warmest. Just in some cases. Yeah. Yeah.

It's true. And then those are the trickiest ones too. I don't know. Are my allowed to bring up the fact that you fuck the bull and high school. You know, like, I know so much.

And I don't know what they're comfortable with. That's somehow harder. Who fucked up bull? Oh, no. He also got to say that.

I actually don't know anyone that fucked a bull. Let's say I do. Do you do two episodes a week? We moved to two episodes a week, which has been fucking fun. Because we have it in us.

Let me ask you a very gross question. I know that you're making a lot of money now. Because I know the size of the eater's complaining. And I, yeah, that's fucking awesome. And I know how many stand up, date you're doing.

And so you've got some fucking casual love. Are you enjoying it? Have you done anything stupid with it? Did you buy a fancy apartment? What's happening?

What's happening with all this money? Oh my God. I'm cheap.

“Is it at all stressful in your marriage that you're making more money?”

Oh, he loves it. He loves it. Good for him. That's you got a mature man. He calls me as pension pussy.

He's lived his own life. He's very successful in his own right. But he jokes when we started dating was my last season of my reality show when it was a hard time. He's like, I came in when you had no job.

So he's calling me a gold dicker. Yeah, yeah. And also I was saying during the honeymoon phase was a really hard time for me. People weren't liking me that much. And I had that like moment.

You're like just a little bit of a little bit of a stutter. People weren't um. How do you feel like I'm waiting to hear like getting me and just like, the liking me? No, no, no, no, no, no.

Are you more passing? No, no. People like die. Oh, and you made a new guy. And I come from the mindset of when I'm successful.

People like me more. So I'm sitting there with a new man. And at one point I was like, I don't have a job. Definitely not popular.

Yeah. Yeah.

“And he level-headedly was like, you should talk some about that because that's you.”

Yeah.

Oh my god, he sounds so great.

I haven't dated these smart guys before. They're annoying because they can win an argument. Watch out for that. Like he's, I'm like, how did you know that word? He's done a lot in his life.

He's wise. Like when I asked him a question before this caught up. I called him. I was like, and he words a wisdom. Oh, it's lovely.

And he's the one who's like shut up sometimes. This is my mistakes that I've made. Don't make him again. Oh. So he's a huge part of me also having the confidence to like put myself out there.

This would be the worst is if you guys were in a fight. And then all of a sudden he just ripped out like a proverb in Mandarin. He does. He does. He says things like over the kukunas.

I don't know. He says he heared. Yeah. Three sheep's in a bar near. Yeah.

Jump over the rover to neck of the boat. And I don't know what that means. But it's like hot because I'm like, he knows. Yeah. He fucking knows things.

I don't know what you're saying. But I'm not mad at you anymore because I was cute. Irish people love a proverb. I like proverbs. I think.

I think. Yeah. I don't need to go into that. But you're like, not. We're going to skip that.

I think I'll press people. Come up with a lot of rad shit. I think that's why in centers. We got to see the Irish jig paired with all the black music. I was like, oh, yeah.

Look what comes out of fucking darkness. Yeah. But I'm similar to you. Like we are in the same industry.

“But I think because we're in different times of our careers.”

Mm-hmm. It's been really helpful because he's like, oh, thank God. I'm off to do that again. Yeah. So other guys might be like, wait.

She's getting that and not me. Where he's like, I've done that. I've been that. Don't do this because I did that. So he's insightful.

There are times where I'm 34. And the whole year specials about to come out. I wanted to press. And he's like, you don't have to do that one. And I'm like, why?

He sees the big picture. Yeah. Yeah. He sees the marathon. But he's tough with me.

I call call me out. He's like, is that he go? We're honest with each other. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. We picked up a lot of bullshit. They're doing it. But then there's some guys. You're like, go to therapy.

And he's like, I've done years of therapy. And I'm like, oh. I am a therapist. My sponsor 70 guys. I'm talking to those groups. No.

And there's an Ireland where he was doing like N.A. He like knows all the like guys who were in N.A. Yeah. He seen some of the N.A.

“But that's why also I was like, this guy could handle me.”

Like, yeah. Yeah. He's war torn. You weren't using your money to buy anything cute. Yeah.

That's what we're learning. You bought something cute because you look ashamed of yourself. I am. I mean, they are. But it's my friend Page who lent it to me because she knows how to be rich.

Bye, but I asked her. These questions. She's like, and she knows she's like being rich is hard. I mean, that actually cancel that. Cut that.

Cut that. I didn't make it. Cut that. Don't make it. Title.

Being rich is like a whole situation. Well, now you have something to lose. You also go like, oh, shit. I have money. You're supposed to figure out how to make money with your money.

You just have this whole new list of things you think you're doing wrong. Yeah. People start talking about landscaping.

And you've never thought about a flower in your life.

It's crazy. But I do think not to be a woo, but I never came into it for money. I'm like an athlete where I'm like, I'm all respect. Yeah. People look up to me.

I want to inspire a little girl. I want to stat you in front of a tennis arena. I'm really like, I want my name on this bench. So then when I started doing better financially, my whole family thinks it's hilarious. My brother's like, in finance, and he's like, what do you up to?

And I'm like, I don't know, dude. I'm just having fun. Yeah. It's working. It's so crazy that you could be creative and just like be yourself.

Well, look, I did want money. I wanted money so fucking bad. And as an actor, I was impossible to deal with and as a director. And right, I just please give me all the money. And then this, yeah, I didn't think you could make money at it.

So that is the irony of it all. Which is kind of beautiful because I think if you're just out there for money, the university doesn't respond to that one. And even if it can work for a minute, it has a shorter life. I've seen people succeed with the cash grab in this space.

It just loses its momentum because when you have the money, now what do we do it for? But then there's so many people where you're like, how much money do you need? People launching the craziest businesses. But I think it's like, they need to fill a life too.

They're not dead after getting rich. Yeah. Again, it's funny. I'm sure there's two or many categories of people. But there's like some people that are right.

They just always want to be entrepreneurs and that's great.

Yeah. There's a whole other group that I'm sympathetic to, which is like, you're aware of the fact you have this opportunity. And you see other people have taken that opportunity. They've turned it into things.

This is as weird guilt. Am I supposed to be doing this or I should be doing this? So I think a lot of people get into things out of that weird motivation. Especially social media where people are like, I made a hundred grand yesterday at this website.

And people are like, if that guy could do it.

Like, I could do it. But a lot of it is so... No one really tells me. Yeah.

Don't get me into life coach.

Even like I was watching that managed for your documentary. Yeah. And I was like, guys, none of these guys have any money. Like, everything's rented. Do you not fucking...

Everything is rented. Everything is rented. Yeah, they do not own a Lamborghini. Those are not their girlfriends. But they know how to sell something.

And they do. They sure do.

“Do you want to use your sales power in the right or the wrong way?”

Exactly. Yep. Yep. Okay. So I want to applaud you for we ride it at dawn.

Because you got your Netflix special. Yeah. And it was hugely popular. Thank you. Yeah, that's fucking awesome.

What did that moment feel like? You're like, I did it. It was cool because I got a call and they were like, Netflix wants to do a special with you. And I was like, hi, did it, I did it.

I tell my husband. Yeah, Netflix wants to do special with me. He looks like he goes, no. You're toying for eight more months. This is your first special.

Everyone's going to watch it. I don't care if they think you're ready. You're not. Nice. And I was like, obsessed with nice career king.

But like, thank God. Because in my head, I'm like, they think I'm ready. I love my jokes. Let's go. They'll never call again.

That's the other thing. If I don't take this now, they'll never call again. Yeah. Especially sometimes in comedy, like your little hot. And you start getting too many opportunities that you're not prepared for.

Yeah. And I was green.

“Very early in stand up, but in stand up.”

I was doing an hour, very early on. So I had a lot of stage time because I was selling tickets.

But they always say, you can sell tickets the first round.

But they're not coming back if it's not good. Right. But I'm telling you, like, I felt like a surfer that found the right wave. This is moving in the right direction. Like, I'm not getting yips.

This is what tennis should have felt like. Then I shot the special. But I did have a mental break before the special. I was doing tapping. Oh, you know what's going on?

Like, how are you tapping? What is tapping? Tell me about tapping. No, I shouldn't have. Oh, mom, I'm showing my age.

What is tapping? It's like an OCD kind of right? You say something that's making you uncomfortable. But then you tap to like relax the nervous. Relaxing yourself.

Like in your body. I actually have no idea. I was in a dark place where like, I would have shoved something at my asshole if they were like to. Charlie Sheenett.

You go on stage. Chuck Sheenett. It's like an anxiety thing. Yeah. Maybe before the special, I started getting those thoughts where I was like, what's the

worse than they can happen? What if I can't form sentences? And then I kind of go obsessed with like, how did I ever form a sentence? What is a sentence? You could everything go to walk.

Well, I'm neighbors AKA Polar when you're on her show. She was saying very astutely. Comedy is best when the person's relaxed. That's kind of the magic trick. And so is sports.

Yeah. You have to hold the racket lightly to play like when you're working. I see you hold the steering wheel very light. You lose control if you go to tight. Yeah.

So how did you overcome that end end of fucking winning the match against Netflix? So two weeks beforehand. I remember starting like crying to my mom because she's like, but just calling again. And I was like, I'm fucking terrified.

“And I remember my husband going, you should be.”

It's scared. It's a big deal of scare. It's scary. It's nerve wracking. You've a lot of pressure.

People want you to fail. You can be human. He's like, I freak out before specials too. You're human. Yeah.

I got a beta blocker. It's scary. Yeah. I saved my fucking life. And I listened to like pumped up music.

I'm familiar with that side of myself. That's like, you've got crazy. You've got to be the deep end. I do think with stand up what I like more than tennis is it's really hard to get in your head when you're talking. There's no room.

We're tennis. It's fucking. That's so loud. Yeah. Watching this asshole dribbling.

Do they're OCDD's ticks? No. I was like, picking these out. Yeah. Everyone's tweaking.

I'm still standing. And with this, I think what happened is the shows before. I was really nervous. And on stage, I was like, pretend you're shooting the special. Pretend you're shooting the special.

I was being really, really hard on myself. Yeah. So leading up to it was a nightmare. And then the day of, I took the beta blocker. I was meditating with my mom before I went.

I was literally like, Oh, I got it. And I walked on stage. Yeah. I was kind of like, oh, I know how to do this. And then I walked off.

And everyone was like, yeah, did it. And then I was like, so the second time around of shooting. My special. I didn't have the same. Oh, love.

It was almost like exposure therapy. But it is so funny. How in your most vulnerable moments, your demons come back. Of course. They're not gone for a minute.

The shadow is going for ships in the background. All the times. The shadows are all up. I was not to sound like an old basketball coach from Brooklyn. But I love the quote that even when it's raining,

the hoop is always there.

So it's idea that like, even when it looks like there's no opportunity. And it's dark. Like, it's there. You just can't see it. Yeah, yeah, I like that.

So I try to tell myself that. Very encouraging for it to come out. Me number two right out of the gates. I was insane. Yeah, let's you know you're on the right path.

Oh, I just have to say one thing. I did see, which I absolutely loved to watch someone act out my nightmare.

I've been like, we're in Minnesota backstage. We're in Minnesota.

“But Hannah had the moment where she was in Buffalo, New York.”

And she came out and she was like, what's up? Boston. Oh, no. The searing delight I got in my fucking core watching man. I was like, oh, she did it.

I had that moment where like, I have two ways like we're about this. Like a gas like that. They could think that I didn't say that. They just keep going. They miss her.

They made it up. She didn't see it. But I'm like, my head was like hot. Like, you know. And then I was like, or I address it.

But then these place Buffalo, Boston. You don't know. That's. That's bad. Oh, yeah.

You want to do that in Minnesota. Yeah. Well, that's okay. Yeah. They're like, oh, yeah.

We love you. We love you. You must stay. Not really, but okay. This place I started dying laughing.

The girls who listen to my pot and go into my comedy shows. And the guys, they're so funny. We have this funny relationship where they make fun of me. So after the show, everyone's like, love your show in Boston. They're just like leading to it.

Yeah. And then it kind of became a stick. I wish you got really known for it. So every time you did it, you could do a more abstract funny. You want to people be looking forward to where you're going to say, like,

I mean, what's up Nairobi, you know, whatever it is. So my opener's now, because I kind of black out when I'm on the god. Mike, like, when you're on stage, you're good. But god, Mike, you're kind of not focused.

And they're always like, no, brask.

And this is the day. And they have to kind of tell you that. But it's happened to me multiple times. And you're just tell the tale. Wow.

You survived. Wait, so did you say, like, sorry, or were you like, I didn't. You went straight into, like, celebrating the Buffalo bills. Yeah, go, go, Bill.

I'm shocked. You didn't get the team wrong by the way. Oh, my God. All right. Actually, in Texas once, Texas has so many fucking teams.

And I, I have done this in Texas instead. I'll let UT. The wrong place. Oh, boy. I thought I was going to get stones.

Yeah. And I was like, we were good for, like, 30 minutes. And this is where they turn. But that's the high of stand up. Yeah.

Okay. So none of my business. Hello, June 5th premieres. You shot it in Toronto? Yes.

This feels like an interesting choice. Explain it to me. I had done a lot of shows in New York. My three, like, places I love filming is New York. Boston, Philly.

People are loud. They're aggressive. They love chanting. They're smart. Yeah.

They're the star of the show even if they're in the audience. Is what? Scary. I'm scared. They hold me hostage at the show.

They're just their energies, like, amazing.

And also it's convenient since I'm in New York. Toronto, weirdly, I have this incredible following. And I know people shoot stuff there. And I had done New York earlier in the tour, so I can't do New York. So Toronto just came naturally.

“My mom's like, why did you pick Toronto in February?”

Why can we do Miami? Yeah. Sure. But I really like this one theater. Which one?

La Bluma, a pal theater. It's like 900 cedar. It feels really intimate, even though it's a lot of people. It feels close. When you first do stand up, no one tells you when you get a special.

There you go. Where do you want to shoot it? And you're like, where do people shoot it? And they're like, wherever you want. And I'm like, I haven't been, like, I don't know where I am right now.

Yeah. Yeah. I thought it was in Boston last week. The second time around. I was like writing down theaters I liked.

And some of them have really good vibes too. Yeah. You really do need a good vibe.

But in the film, even though it doesn't always come across in the film,

as great of a show sometimes. Like, you can't tell if the audience was really good or really bad. And also standups. You don't really tell each other the spots. Standups are a little gatekeeping sometimes.

Like, they're not like, this my director is like, we're kind of like entrepreneurial. Yeah. You can ask, but that's their business. Yeah.

So I did Bluma Pell two shows. None of my business. One of my favorite. I got that saying from the program. I don't know if you heard your husband ever say that.

But like, one other people think you know your business. I at least I learned that there. Is that where it does stems from? I think it's stem from that. But then it became kind of trendy people being like things that are none of my business.

And I have a joke that's looking in the mirror is none of my business. Like, I don't look in the mirror a lot. I don't fuck with the mirror. Yeah. Yeah.

It's more. Yeah. What do you say you go like, you don't look in the first thing. Oh, you have information you don't need about you. Yeah.

Yeah. Yeah. I'd say over the course of my life, the amount of times I looked in the mirror was pumped. It's like, it's certainly under one percent.

I don't really like, let's do this, man.

“I always say, I am delusional, like, I think I know what I look like.”

And it's the best photo I've ever taken. And when you walk into a room like that, even if you have fucking stuff in your teeth, it helps. Oh, confidence everything. Oh, it's everything. I got to say that your hair looked fucking gorgeous in that special.

How many hours went into your hair? That was fake. It was okay. That helps. But also, you kind of come in with extensions.

And like, this guy was going in. And at one point I was like, there's a dead animal on my head. He like it's getting heavy. It was heavy. And also, when you're a comic, you're yourself, right? And I'm just going on stage.

You know, I'm in some city, and I'm tired. And I did make up like five months before.

Yeah.

“And I was saying bits about like being part-time hot and stuff.”

And people like weren't laughing. I was like, oh, because I looked like a different person. I did four hours of makeup. And people don't talk about how it's a different presentation. Yeah.

When you look. Well, it was very great about this. Yes. She's like, you can catch me on one day. And I look like this, and then her joke was in another day.

I'm Dax. She said sometimes I'm a Kristen Bell. Yeah, that was in a one of her special moments. No, it wasn't. Yeah.

She goes sometimes I'm looking. I'm like, this is working. I'm hot. And you might go to bed with Kristen Bell, but you're going to wake up with Dax. That's so funny.

You don't remember.

That was in the first interview.

And she's like, I hope you got there. I'm like, I did. You look like a dude. Not that I look like. Yeah.

You're like, you're lucky. You look like me. Strong. It's a good joke. So funny.

So funny. So how do you decide what we're going to tackle next? Is it like writing songs? You're just like, hoping things hit you. I do for say, all I heard about was getting that first Netflix special.

And then when I finished, I was like, they need a nod there. That crazy. Yeah. It took me six years. Like you're another.

And what's tough about stand up as opposed to like musicians. I could play a great song all the time is it feels like when you're the Super Bowl doing your Netflix special. And then you go back to the club.

“And it feels like you have to learn how to play football again.”

Yeah. You can't do it all over. Do your classics. It's burned. Like it's like a stand up rule.

So I'm literally going on stage like cancels. Yeah. I know. Like I live like what is funny. But it helped me grow as a comic to realize like, I wasn't just funny.

Because I had these tested and true jokes from the first special.

I was funny because I was being myself. Right. And let's now grow and how express myself. I've a lot of physicality and there's a lot of just you being fucking goofy as hell. Thank you.

I feel fear in this special. This one. Yeah. I think it's a little more confidence maybe. It's infectious.

I guess that sounds like when I'm on stage. Because no one could tell me to like stop. I'm like, I got the microphone. Yeah. I could do whatever I want.

Now are you more nervous? Because you do some crowd work in this as well. Are you more nervous to do crowd work when it's being film versus live? I feel like the stakes are higher. So this time around.

I actually did a lot less crowd work on tour. Like I was like, I'm getting my hour. But some people would come to see the crowd work. So I have my moments. I do it for this.

What I did was I do my material. And then I kind of just went off for like 20 minutes at the end doing crowd work. Oh. So like in the 30 minutes, I will get a couple of beats.

Yeah. So but I also was like, even if I have no crowd work, I know I have the special on proud of. So the crowd work to me was just kind of a cherry. It's like a new thing that it's like put it in.

If it's good in your special. I did keep some girl message me saying there's a Bachelor at party here tonight, which I'm like, fuck like it's not what I need for my special. Some like I'm going to dress in the beginning. Some like, hey, who has a Bachelor at tonight?

No one says anything. And I'm just like, like, so awkward. I'm like, you guys are leaving me for dead. Yeah. I'm finally someone's like, woo.

“And I'm like, you are making an ass polite, why a Bachelor at?”

Like a fucking guy is for embarrassing me. Sorry. You live in a story. Yeah, yeah. Sorry.

Sorry. I'm like, well, tonight's about me, so shut the fuck up. But I have a crowd work at the end.

That's something I always do.

So I ask guys, have they ever thought about what sex feels like for a woman? Yeah, this was stressful when I was watching it. Because I'm like, what would I say? It's an abstract question. Is such a fucked up question?

Yes, I say it again. You ask dudes. Have you ever thought about what sex feels like for a woman? So they know immediately, there's a right and wrong answer. Mm-hmm.

And they overthink it a lot. What would you say? I think I would say, filled. So then you're saying, you're saying how to sex feel. Oh, yeah, what's the question?

I just thought. Oh, have I thought? Oh, God, yeah, tons. A ton of men are just like, no. One guy said, stabbing.

And I was like, we got to stop the everyone's upset. We got to go home. Via guys give the funniest answers. When I say what adjective and I explain adjective is a describing word, would you use for how it feels like?

And they go white. Do you think they're afraid to answer? They'll they don't want to say it. They're in a crowd of 90 plus per cent women. And it's all in the hot girls.

Like my crowd's right. I like those but girls like, Bill. Yeah. The guys don't want to get stoned.

This guy says warm. Oh, guy said warm, which is my favorite answer. And sweet. Because it makes no fucking good. I don't know.

I'm warm. Yeah. I'm warm when you're in me. Yeah. I've never been cold.

I've only had a dick in me. I'd be warm. Yeah. Maybe he meant like warm fuzzies. Yeah.

No, he meant tougher for him. Maybe his dick runs hot. Nope. We don't know. We don't know.

But all these boyfriends are coming to the show, which creates this great tension. Because they want to be made fun of. Like they'll sit in the front. And then we'll DM me like, hey, my boyfriend,

Like, go in on him. Yeah, go in. And the guys like it. But with that tension,

“I love trying to like make us understand each other.”

You've already filtered out a lot of dudes. No single guys are coming to the show. No single guys in the show. And they should have spent a hot day. It was smart.

Yeah. And I flick the guys are liking it. Because they know that I'm not trying to make it for them. And then they're like, Oh, that was so true. Really funny.

He's like, really fun. I had these younger guys. It must have been like, we actually learned a lot about sex. I learned a lot about sex. They were like, those birthing cool Tony.

Like, I really loved it. I made it. I made it. But I'm of this opinion of like, there's like a divide between men and women right now. And I love trying to connect us and help us understand each other.

But through the tension of comedy. And the guys asking them these questions is so fucking funny. I know there's been fights going home in the car with some couples. But like, I hope they grew from it.

They're always on a good comedy show.

Always. A little post. Reflection. Yeah, there's been some Chris rock ones. We were like, oh, everyone's fucked.

Everyone here. Like, when he's talking about cheating on his wife. And he's like, when I tell women, they're like, I cannot believe you did that when I tell men. And they're like, oh, my God, only two.

You must really love her. Like, no, my God. Like, what is that car right home? I'm going to be like, when he lays that joke out. I mean, whoa.

I know. But I do like to kind of be that female lock room talk to me. Girls feel less embarrassed about things going on. But then also, like, guys in on, like, you know, this actually is how we're feeling. Yeah.

Yeah. Just changing the world. And then the last thing we have to talk about is you're about to do a script to show on Netflix with Polar and K. Can I know I love K to death? It's in the very early stages.

Okay. Again, I don't like being put in a box. Amy loves Gickly Squad.

I can't even wrap my head around.

We can share the relation one feels when Polar likes your show. There's nothing quite like that. It's my heart, Amy Polar. I'm like, okay. It's like, stop.

Oh, absolutely.

“Do you have any advice for going from stand up to scripted?”

I've gotten to see you now in the stand-up special, in interviews. There's a version of you right now that is absolutely my favorite. Oh. You're a chameleon like. Thank you.

Yeah. In this beautiful way, you've got a lot of different facets. But this version of you is what I want to see in a scripted show. There's nothing protective about this. And I want to watch this for hours.

No, I'm going to cry. Oh, do we? I would love to. No, we're all going to cry. You did a great job.

You won the match. I'm proud of you. He's like, checkmark. He got a gold star. But let's just shout out.

Okay. Oh, my God. And great is. Well, yeah. Kay, I think she actually was into Bravo.

That's what everything I've done. Kind of comes full circle. Kay's such a powerhouse. So I'm taking this as like, I'm going to learn a lot from these. Like, incredible women that have done this before me and tried to add my own spin to it.

I feel like I'm about to enter a really, really tough college class. I'm just trying to be a sponge to learn from them. Yeah. I'm delighted that that's your steward to be anointed by those two as meaningful. I don't know if I'm allowed to say this, but I just booked my first small role in a movie.

Yeah. And I've been auditioning for like two years. No, nothing. Like, like, my husband made fun of me all the time. I'm like, I still could get it. And he's like, it's been four years. And I think they got a little bit of people.

Yeah. It's on VLD for ready. It's not easy. So I've been like, do my auditions this up. And I finally booked something.

And I was like, oh, my fuck. And what do you think you figured out from that? I didn't try that hard in the audition.

It's always the ones that you're like, oh, fuck it on you.

Yep. Yep. Yep. Yep. Always kind of fucking every time.

“That's the trick you have to constantly get to is like,”

I was like, I'm never going to get this before I was like, this is for me. Yeah. This is mine. You're welcome.

I'm here. Yeah. Yeah. Yeah. This is all I know.

Yes. Well, 43 year old Jewish karate expert. Fuck. For them to watch at me. It's a whole new thing.

And I might not like it. But I'm delving into. Well, we have four fallback jobs. So you'll be fine. You'll be a little bit of a big coach.

I want to take lessons. Maybe you can teach me. I would love, I might be really hard on me. Oh, yeah. Don't need to play any sports.

I was a cheerleader. I was a competition cheerleader. Stay champion two years in a row. Wait, that's fucked up. Girls are going to be thrown.

Oh, yeah. You're getting thrown. You're going to pull it up. She was getting caught by her pussy. Well, sometimes.

Yeah, I fell in my head. I got you. Well, you know, I am pretty into the CTE world. I don't think I have it, but I can't rule it out. She has some CTE jokes in her specially.

I thought of it. Yeah. She loves it. I think most of us have it. I did a football player in college.

I did CTE charity for free. Wow. The thing is, they make you feel so tiny. Because you know, I have big calves. I can't be with one of these poets.

This guy pick you up and stuff. In the special joke that, like, most guys to pick me up. Like, they can. Like, I'm five seven. I'm like, massive.

But they have to do a whole breath thing.

Yeah.

He could live with his back.

I'm bottom heavy. Yeah. And then this guy was chucking me like that. Oh, that's bad. Yeah.

I was like, none chucks. Fuckin' feather. I was a little feather in the breeze. I felt so dizzy. Little pixie.

Yes. So they're a trade-out for these things. I was brain-timing. Brain-timing. But no, definitely.

We didn't have a figure CTE out for sure. Yeah. Okay. I'll be back there up on this. I didn't know that he was so into it.

“I think they started asking it about it.”

I did bring it up a lot. It's out here. She's talking about it. She has three several guests out. Where she's like, do you think you have CTE?

Yeah. Monica, that is not a question. You're taking notes. Yeah. So I'm just scared.

So... Have you been tested for HIV?

And that's just as bad as saying math.

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I did have to take off the shirt I was wearing, which was going to be a conversation starter for us.

You already saw it in the interview. It could tell people what it said. I've only had a meal today, which apparently is my saying. Apparently. And our family likes to come.

That is what the family says I say. Yes. Five days a week. And I'm inclined to believe them. And so now I have a t-shirt that says it.

No. And Kristen got a shirt that says her saying.

“And her saying is, is anyone want to go to bed early tonight?”

She announces that every single night at 5 p.m. Do you want to hear a story? Yes. Okay. So we went to Nashville.

Yes. And Lincoln and I went on the 6 a.m. flight. Yeah. Brack acid. Yeah.

I was very happy. She was willing to do this. We had to leave the house at like four in the morning. Yeah. And she's 13.

I wasn't trying to get up at four in the morning when I was 13. And she could have gone at night with delta and Lincoln. Our delta and Kristen. And she came with me in which was really great. And we had a really busy day.

We landed and we immediately went and got the boat. She helped me put the boat in the water. Then she's like, let's go to let's go get somebody eat at Sam's on the lake. And I was like, oh, my dream. It's my favorite restaurant in the lake.

We go there. Yeah. about, docket, get out, go to put the rope around the cleat. Uh-huh. And you already know this about me, but for the folks that don't know, I have two pair of reading glasses. And I refuse to take them out of where I use them. I at one stays in here, because I have to read in here. And then one stays in my nightstand. Right. And they never leave other than if I travel, I bring the one pair to what if you need it upstairs. I'll come grab them from here, but I'll return them from here. Okay. So, okay.

Okay.

And to the point where it tells us, like, why don't you bring your glasses and I'm like, I'm too afraid to lose them. She wants you to get a cheap pair.

Exactly. Which is a great solution. Anyways, I broke this rule. I was like, I'm going to bring my glasses to the restaurant and I'll be able to read the menu. And they were in my shirt collar. And when I bent over to put the rope on the cleat, they immediately just fell off of my shirt collar into the water. Yes. And I just watched them sink to the bottom of this very murky area where people park boats next to a restaurant on a lake.

But I get to a point where I have let it go. Okay. By the end of the night, I've let it go. We have a wonderful time. We have a very fun lunch on the floating dock. And also where you like, I'm, I mean, I'm the smartest. I just knew I knew it wasn't supposed to bring these. I'm validated. Oh, I sucks. I didn't feel vindicated or validated. You didn't?

You didn't? I just went to straight like, God damn it. Those were expensive. I love them. I knew I shouldn't have taken them out. I was just in trouble, not like I was right.

“Okay. I come up with a plan. That's what it is. Okay.”

I'm going to get she Lincoln says it. Why don't you get one of those fishing magnets? I know what the hell's a fishing magnet? Should you ever see these fishing magnets? So people use these magnets at the bottom of the lakes and oceans, though, and they pick their metal.

Oh, okay. So you hadn't given up on them.

No, we're still like, how do we get them back loosely? And she's like, you should get this magnet thing. So I order it that day. Maybe even out the dinner. Okay. It arrives that following day. And I'm like, well, before we drive out there, I have the same frames in sunglasses.

Let's see if they even are magnetic or would be picked up by a magnet. Yeah. Test it. No. Ouch.

So I'm like, ugh. That's why I bought this thing. But this thing also came with this weird hook that you drag. It looks a little bit like the hook and the machine you drop down to win a stuffed animal. So it's got that. So Lincoln is like, we'll go back and we'll use the hook.

And we'll drag it along the bottom. I'm like, weren't that's not going to work. Okay.

But I recognize how sweet it is that she really wants to get my glasses back.

So all four of us drive up, not on the boat, but in the car, we go. We had filmed where it happened. So we know exactly where they went in. And we start doing the hook thing. We're doing that for probably 10 minutes. No luck, of course. And Delta goes, I'm going in.

Oh, no. What do you mean? She goes, I brought my bathing suit. I said to myself, my dad does so many nice things for me.

“If I'm not willing to get in there and find those glasses, what am I doing?”

And I go, hold on. You brought your bathing suit and anticipation that you might have to get in and try to find them. Just like, yes. Monica, this water could not be here. It's like, it's about, it was probably two and a half, three feet deep next to the dock. And it is murky as it gets.

And boats are coming in and out and it's getting churned up. And fuck knows what's on the bottom of this. Exactly, bacteria's too. She got in there and her bathing suit. And she was using her feet to feel around this whole area.

God knows also where they floated to. What did their knives down there? That was a concern of mine. But I was so mad by this little girl. And people would walk by and Delta's just like up to her shoulders,

whether trying to find my glasses with her feet. It is suggested that if we had a snorkeling mask, we could probably-- No one's going to go walking down there. Women in the lake.

So I wasn't terrified about that.

“So Kristen is deployed to go to the gas station dock.”

You know, 200 yards away to see if they have snorkeling masks. She thinks she's seen that in there. I'm like, they don't have that in there, whatever. She's on her walk back. I see she's not holding a snorkeling mask.

I go, no snorkeling mask. She goes, the diver will be here in 30 minutes. Oh my god. What? She goes, yeah, is it?

And they're trying to buy a mask. And they got it worked. They're said, you know, there's a diver that works on the lake. That's all he does is he gets shit out. Oh, that's his job.

It's 150 bucks. The glasses were more than that. Okay. So we wait a half hour. This dude rolls up in a pickup truck.

He gets out. He drops the bed of his truck. He's got his snorkel equipment. He's just in board shorts, older dude. And little chat with him.

He was lovely. He hops in Monica. He hopped in. Then he hopped out. And I was like, oh, something's wrong with his regulator or something.

He's holding. Yeah. He's fucking holding them. Wow. The celebration we had.

We'd been there at that point for over an hour, trying to get these glasses. I had run them off. He went down and he came right up and fucking had them. Then we start got to talk into him about that job.

What does he call then? What does he found? Bridge. Someone lost their bridge. And that's where he can fuse with a car bridge.

Their teeth. That front rack of teeth, people get called a bridge. Since some dudes bridge fell out while he was swimming.

He's like, I'm never going to be able to find these teeth.

He's a he went down and it's just like dark bottom. He just sees smiling teeth. Yeah. Got a how clean. How clean.

We said he put a teeth immediately. No. He said he took him out of his hand and popped him in his mouth. That is so disgusting. Well, that's real living, my friend.

That is so does that. He got a parasite. And if he called him to armchair on on miss. I won't have compassion. You're not going to.

Okay. He won't look for rings. That's the thing. He's a two-tiny. It goes into the cell.

There's just no way you're going to find that. He's not that committed. No, I think he's learned the hard way. You don't ever paid. He should look.

What if it's right there? Yeah. In his experience, you can't really find it. Okay. Well, let me challenge that one time.

I was at the beach with Anthony and Allison and some other people. And Anthony dropped his wedding ring in the sand. This is death. You're not finding it. But we were like, we're going to find it.

We found it.

“But did he ever leave the area he was standing when it fell out?”

Does he know exactly he must have worked exactly where it fell off? So you least had like a perimeter sitting. And we were all sitting and hanging. So it was like, okay. It's like around here.

How long to take to find that? I don't remember how long it took. But like, and you know the thing when you're like scooping up the sand. But then it's going deeper. Yeah.

It's going deeper. But it was found. So miracles can happen. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

People do find rings. But this guy has learned that he's going to be out there for two hours. And he's not going to get the ring and the people are going to want to keep looking. And he already charged.

You know, you're not hiring him for the full day for one second.

He can have a two hour limit for one fifty. But he should still do it. Because if he finds someone's wedding ring engagement ring like that's a joy. Yeah. I'm out of joy.

I was pretty pumped about my ring glasses. Okay. I don't have wedding rings. So I don't. So how do you clean it?

Or do you put it right back on your face? I put it in my mouth. Good. I'm going to clean these off with my mouth. Oh, like, yeah.

Yeah, I did. I did clean them when I got home. There's a little scratch. But I can't see it when I got the glasses on. I'm delighted.

I had written them off. Like the whole trip there. You know, a good team player. I was like, my children want to help their dad. So I'm going to go and allow that.

Uh-huh. And, um, no hope of getting glasses. So when he popped back out with my glasses, it was like Christmas. That's exciting.

It was very exciting. Now, what have we learned from this? That you're going to get some cheap ones to kind of move around the world in. I think you should. I think I should too.

I just, I'm trying to imagine when I'm going to do that.

I need you to just for one second.

I imagine this was reversed. And I told you this story. Yeah. I know you'd be like, okay. So there's a, there's a really good solution that you're just not doing.

Yeah. Yeah. You know what I would do? I know what your prescription. No, you wouldn't.

And I'd stop at the drugstore and buy you readers. And I'd come in one day and I go, here's your read. That's a lie. You wouldn't do that. You'd be like, you know what?

If you can't help yourself with this just very basic solution, you don't deserve it.

“That's what you would say to me with your mind.”

All right. And sometimes with your mouth. Okay. So I want you to just order eight. Eight glasses.

If I get all right. I guess I could order. Yeah. Yeah. I could associate readers with the drugstore.

Because that's where I do have a couple of cheap sets of readers. But they don't work obviously as well as my. I mean, they won't work as well. But that's not for your major. That's just for dinner.

Yeah. So just get. I should probably be able to recognize the lead. But bunch of them. Everywhere.

Yeah. Everywhere. Look. There's just cheap ice. Every restaurant you go to frequently.

Oh, yeah. Mount to them. Is there a place to keep these? Yeah. By the way, restaurants should have four or five different prescription readers.

And then when they see a guy like me pull out his flashlight, they just swing by. And they're like, well, you plus four. I don't know what it how it works. But plus one, all five. I just, I think liability wise because of eye sicknesses.

Pink guy.

“You think that's what's preventing the eye.”

I just think they haven't had the idea. But that would be, that would be that little touch. That would be cool. Like that's what Noma would have. Oh, you mean no boo?

No. No. No. No.

No. No, I mean about. No. You did.

Friends or going marriage.

When we were in Norway or no, we were in Denmark. Friends were like, oh, we're going to be in Denmark. And they were going just for that restaurant. Yeah, it's a whole thing. Yeah.

Okay. I have an update. Okay.

“I think some people have seen this, but if you haven't.”

If you listen to the Luke Malonellisabeth Laterno fact check, that's the one where I told a harrowing story about me almost pooping in my car. Uh-huh. And I had left a friend's house where I was playing Majong. Yeah.

And we debriefed. We debriefed. And I told the story. Yeah. Uh-huh.

The people whose house I was at didn't know about the story. Uh-huh. And I didn't say who they were on the fact check, but I didn't think God. It might get back to them, but, you know. Yeah.

And so the other day, I get a call.

Okay. Okay. And we're recording. And I see that this person's calling me. And I get kind of nervous.

You know, anytime someone who doesn't normally call you calls you, it's a little nerve wracking. But then he left me a voice mail. Hey, Monica. It's Andy.

I was just thinking about you. And I know this is kind of random, but I just said this thought. Like if you remember in our house,

“and you need to use the primary bathroom.”

Um, you can definitely do that. We would be more than honored for you to use that restroom. Rest room. You know, it can be a little awkward in a house sort of like, um, if you need a little extra privacy or something.

Because there are two doors to the primary. You can close the bedroom door, and then you can close the bathroom door. You can close the bathroom door. That's the better one. Because the other one also there's the new wallpaper,

which we want to have exposed to anything. Um, but you are welcome. Welcome with open arms to use that bathroom. Any time you need. Yeah.

All right. Well, so that was very funny. I saw a text. It was this voicemail. Oh, that was written out.

Oh, and then you wrote, I don't know what you're talking about. That's very funny. You're response. Oh, then yes, I responded. I said, I said.

You don't want to see that. I want to hear that part. Okay. So I listened to the voicemail. And then he later was like,

Did you get my voicemail? Yeah. And I said, Wow. What a random thing to tell me.

It's appreciated. But I have no idea why you would possibly tell me that. I don't ever need to go to the bathroom. And if I do, I prefer to use my car. But thanks.

I prefer to use my car. Okay. So that, you know, That's great. That was permission.

This isn't an eye. Told you so. But I'm just saying that's that was my prediction. That they feel so honored to have you go extra hard in there. I know.

I mean, I knew that they would be fine with it. But I'm still not fine with it. You're not fine. And you know, Jess is really struggling with this story.

He likes. He really is actually like, Yeah. I can't believe that you wouldn't just go in that house. I'm sure he's in the same zone.

I get where I actually get a little angry at you about the farting. It's just like, I don't like the idea of you being miserably uncomfortable because of your shyness or your fear. People are going to judge you or exclude you.

I don't like that thought for you. I know. Well, let me tell you,

Those are different because I never need to fart in our,

And I'm not farting. I do. I'm wrong. I'm wrong. Monica.

Bax. This isn't that scenario. Okay. But now. Hold on.

This is where we're, We're jabbing the beehive. All right. We have a previous position in our previous arguments. Always centered around the fact that no,

You do have to fart as much as me. But I am a boy who is arrogant and I just think I'm entitled to fart. And I've suggested that there must be something biologically different about you and I, Because I have to fart all the time. And the notion I could not fart during the day is insane to me.

But you're telling me you are not at all resisting the urge to fart.

“I'm not, but I think that's learned body behavior.”

Like, because because I didn't, I just don't, I don't out of respect or I didn't out of respect for so long. I don't have to. I just think you don't have to. And then you're giving yourself the compliment that you're respectful.

But you're not even fighting the urge. Well, now I don't know what position to take. That's right. You've really, you've painted yourself into a bit of a corner on this. I don't, I'm not gassy.

There we go. I'm not. That's great. But I think even even if I was. Yeah.

I mean, I guess, look, in my life, have there been times where I'm like, oh, like, Okay, I like kind of need to, I got to hold it. Yeah.

I know. Yeah. As if you could grab it. Hold it in.

I mean, but yeah, I would hold it in.

I wouldn't just let it out. Right.

“But if you had 63 of those or just in a day.”

We got to get on some. You might go, I can. What am I talking about? I can't go through life like this. Well, this is interesting because when I was telling the, you know,

I was telling the Elizabeth and Andy story to Anthony and Allison, my other two friends I was playing Majon with because I also want to. I was like, if you guys heard that story, just it's not your house. Uh, okay. You know, I needed to tell that.

Oh, sure. Um, and so then we got on this conversation about Farts and like, I, okay, you know how you can like control the sound by kind of like pulling your butt cheek. A spar.

Yeah. Hyper extending your butt cheeks. Like you can pull it apart and create more. Yeah. Of an airway.

Well, less resistance for the air to make noise against. Right. So it's just coming straight out and it doesn't make a sound if you do that. Right. Um, but I.

Have you done that? Yeah. I can't imagine why you would need to hear that. I have done it. I have done that.

You've done that. But not like what context for fun. Maybe in bed for fun. Like, yeah. Like running little experiments.

Like, I don't even like to hear it on my own. Oh, I do. Oh, I do. I do. I know.

You're sick. Yeah. Okay. But to hilarious noise. But.

Like, yeah. I get it. I like being embarrassed by myself. Wow. Yeah.

I have a high, high, high level of embarrassment. Yeah. So you're in your bed by yourself. And you go, you hear. And you're like, oh, my god.

Monica. Like, you have a. I don't see. Monica, what are you doing? Monica.

Stop it. No, I'm just like, I just would get like it. I'm flexing. Yeah. I would get started.

I get a flushment. And kind of like, I hope nobody saw her. But you know, no one's there. I urge you to mount this topic with your therapist. This is what she has to say about.

“You really sound like Jess because he's like, what?”

He's basically like, what's going on with your embarrassment.

Uh-huh. Which is, I know what's going on. Like, yes, I had a deep, deep fear of getting ostracized. So I was not embarrassing. And I'm very aware of doing anything embarrassing.

And unfortunately, for the people of my life, I'm extremely aware of when other people are doing things that are embarrassing. Yeah, yeah, yeah. And it, I get second hand very, very easily. For sure. But you would look at me, currently.

Uh-oh, arriving now. Um, Rob, can you come out? Why? Why? Why?

Because of taxes. Collector's addiction. This is press. Look at their children. Um, you would.

Yeah. Hear me say, I have enormous fear that I'm going to be financially unsolved. Yeah. And you would go, DAX, you got to get over that.

That's an old fear that doesn't even make sense. It makes zero sense. And you being ostracized, this doesn't make any sense anymore.

This, well, I've never farted.

And it was so stinky around people. I've never done that. You have secured finances. So like, no, but hold on. In our friendship group, many of us fart.

The men, not the women. Um, I mean, they do, but they don't, they don't, like, out and about. Like, you guys do. Anyway, this is circling back to like, my whole point. Okay.

So, you guys don't know where to show them? No, yeah. I also ordered a sandwich. Oh. I think you got, like, produce.

And there's, oh, oh, thank you. This is DAX's classroom arrived again. Thank you, Rob. Um, cow breast milk, is here. I have no idea if something is going to smell or not.

Okay. Like, when it's in my body, I have-- If you don't fart enough. Maybe. But I, there's no way for me to know this.

And you, I do think it's arrogant for you guys to be like, Oh, I know this. What do you think I'll smell? Well, hold on. If you have a lot of farts, then you let them out a lot.

I'm sure Rob will agree with me. You have a sensation. Okay. Rob doesn't fart a lot. Oh, that's right.

He's not a big farter. But he, he, buddy, farts it ton by himself. Do you? My point is, you often, you, there's a signature heat. There's a heat signature in the body.

In the bowels. Yeah. Where you're like, oh, this is, this is not safe for public consumption. Oh, my God. You do, right?

Yeah. You can feel when they are going to be future. This is, okay. I didn't need people to comment. I really do.

I don't want to comment and say whether you experience this or not. And if in your gender, please. Now, am I wrong? Yeah.

“A lot of times, I'm like, I think we're good.”

Or I've already two to three or four times.

And I think I think we're just good for the day. We're a minute turns.

“But in general, I would say with 80% accuracy.”

I know whether they're going to smell or not. Okay. Now, the original question I wanted to ask is, is the technique of, of, of.

I have incredible swing trick.

Writing your butt cheek. Oh, uh-huh. To let it out. Can we talk more about when you did that? Oh, I'm okay.

Trying to picture you reaching back. You couldn't have been in public. Yeah. That's my whole point. Okay.

So that there's no smell. I mean, I'm so sorry. That there's no sound. Um. Can you do that hands free?

Make it quiet? Yeah. Yeah. How? You have to really slowly and gently.

Let it leak out. You can't push. You get that sensation when you're a part. It's like uncomfortable. You got to push.

It's like, you got to pop it, you know? Well, you got to get it out. You got to get it out. And so your body tells you to push it. Like your nature is to be in the woods and push it out.

Get that gas out of there. Sure. But you can.

This is why I was probably be good at anal.

I can relax. No, but relaxing. There's a way to relax. We're just letting it slowly leak out. If you're a pro.

Right. Rob. Yeah. I know what he's talking about. He has free.

But you're using your weight to shift. Hmm. What do you mean? Like. I can't.

I can't. I was having this conversation with them. And like some of them claim they can go hands free. And I was like, that's insane. Hmm.

And here you are.

“And I think you can because I rarely hear it.”

Hmm. But you do say like, oh, I farted or out as it's smell. Hmm. And I haven't heard anything. So I guess I didn't know if you just had non verbal.

Not verbal farts. Yeah. No, I have verbal farts. But for the most part, I can. You know, I can I can module.

And have you ever been wrong about that? But you sure. Yeah. Oh, that's a noise. Oh.

Now, Aaron, I don't think any of that. You've heard Aaron's farts, right? Yeah. They're infamous. Yeah.

There's. It sounds like when you take a balloon and you just let the little bit of air squeak out like pulling it apart. Okay. The highest pitched.

Okay. I don't think he'd be good at anal. Do we think he has just a very. That's what I'm just saying. I don't think he would be good.

I think that's what I'm dealing with. You think I have an extra time. Yeah. Well, that's a nice job. Do you want to call it?

Just. I just know my body. Like imagining doing that hands free. Are yours. Are yours?

We. They're not. Are they thunderous? It's great. Or thunderous.

I want them to be thunderous. They're not thunderous. Because you're so tiny. Every now and then. I was like, I came into your house and you didn't know.

And I was like, walking around downstairs. And then you, I just were like. You're really. You're really. Bacy.

I would be the white it. You know that little tiny person up there's sounds like an elephant. I mean, I would venture to say because I don't. Barrelot. Right.

If I do. If I'm. Yes. When you're. Um, if.

Uh, yeah. There's a lot of air. Yeah. Yeah. Because if I only have a little air, I just.

It goes back up in my body. Okay. Could be some of the burp or no. I'm. I'm never.

Okay. That's like sometimes when you are burping so much. I think it's a tick actually. But sometimes I do kind of think it's a little bit of a tick for you. But that's okay.

It's I love it. I can address. I know my text. It's not a tick. I don't think you know.

Okay.

Because I don't think you always know you're doing it.

“I think sometimes you're you're like burping and stuff and it's going unnoticed.”

Like you because it's a tick. But also I do can't have that as a tick. Because you can't manufacture gas in here. Well, you can swallow air. And I've never been able to do that.

It's like automatic burp. Yeah. Like I always had friends in junior times. I can do that. Do it.

Uh. Right on command. That was good. I've been. I've been.

No. Trust us. Why don't you trust us? Do you know you feel a little betrayed by it now? No.

I want everyone to be very open around me. Yeah. You just don't want to know. Sometimes it does. Look.

Sometimes. Yes. I don't know. Because he's your brother and your husband. Exactly.

And when it's your father. And he parts a lot. Well, he's dying. He doesn't around me. Oh, he doesn't.

You've broken up that. Or does he step outside a lot? No. You know, me. I call it out in a way.

I do out in a way. Mm-hmm. Out in a way is nice.

That's not. Um.

Endangering anyone or disrespecting anyone in the space.

Yeah. Um. Just has learned. And I do feel like. Guess I feel guilty about this.

But do I not really. Yeah. But when it's your brother, I don't know. You should say you feel guilty. But in your heart.

Yeah. I don't. Yeah. But when it's your brother husband. Mm-hmm.

Um. I also think it's a little bit on you. Like, remember when you, you told, you guys say, like, if, if there's like a big hair coming out of your nose or something. Like, it's on your spouse to say, I'm getting happy with that. This is a big girl we went on to eat with a couple.

And the man had several long, very noticeable hairs going on with his nose. And we left. And I said, she doesn't love him. And they got divorced like three months later. That's a real story.

It was the only indicator about the nose hairs. Or is there a substance?

“I mean, it was a big, like, what is going on in this relationship?”

I can see from across the table that he has three or four very prominent hairs right out of his nose. You're sitting next to him. I know. Well, you didn't need glasses to read the menu. Why aren't you telling your husband about it?

But do you think, okay, but there is some people are really sensitive. And maybe she had tried before.

And maybe he was like stopping so critical of me.

And so maybe she's learned, like, okay, I don't think that's a place I can go. That's possible, obviously. But I have been in several relationships. I know a lot of people in relationships. And that is why you're in a fucking relationship.

So that you can have one person, you're not sensitive around. That can pop the zits on your back. But you can fart around like, it's just too exhausting to be hiding all of this, discussing this that we all carry. And that's what the point of it is.

I'm linking up as I wanted to just fucking drop the charade. Be myself. And hopefully they love me. But you're already doing that. You're already farting and stuff.

Well, but like, you know, I'm very sensitive about my anus. As you know, I've talked about it a lot. And I have let Kristen shave my anus for work. And that's not something I'm like going to line up to let people do. Why don't you show it on here and get real fun.

No, I already showed it on. This is. Watch that movie if you want.

“I think they didn't use the take with my anus on this way.”

Think it would have given him a different rating.

For sure. You think it's that. Okay. Maybe this is ding ding ding connecting to the fart. Silence.

Like maybe you guys who can who can let it out with silence. Maybe you guys have huge asshole. Maybe I don't think mine is called. Let's call your. Let's ask him if he can go hand.

I have seen Erin's anus, of course. And it's tight. It's not the same as mine. But both of us agree. It's a very unattractive part of us.

Well, that's best to not ever be looked at. Not everyone often women have beautiful bottles. Yeah, print it. Quote it. Print it.

Send it. Send it directly to Daily Mail or whatever one hates me. Yeah. Beautiful. Okay.

That's just because you like you're attracted to women. But I like. No, if you showed like 10 pictures of men's assholes and 10 pictures of women's assholes to AI and you said which one's more disgusting. For sure, AI without any.

Why would they be that different? They're hairy. Well, women. Okay. That's.

Let's dig that stigma. Okay. Even if they're hairy. Monica, they men have more hair on their butt than women. That's you can say that.

On their butt. And they're in their cheeks and their chin and their mustache. Right. Yeah. They do.

They do. But no, but also, but I'm just saying like women do. And then sure. I see one. Yeah.

I'm seeing hair on women. Or you get electrolytic. And it did not look like hair on men's bottles. I'm just saying that. Okay.

No. No. No.

“Just do you think he could go hands free with the asshole you've seen?”

Weekly? Yeah. No. He could spread it apart with everything. I think it would still squeeze.

Even if he moves it with his hands, we got it out. Yeah. I know he's done it. Oh. It doesn't love me anymore.

Fuck. Well, okay. All right. All right. Well, I guess it's just bad.

Yeah. Clean it up. Yeah. Let's do that. Ding ding.

Clean up. Boop. That did. That went in the wrong direction again. Reset.

Take two. Clean up. The cleanup. Stay tuned for more armchair experts. If you dare.

Yeah. She was so fun. Yeah. I agree. It's happening to a good person.

Yeah. We like that. Yeah. I'm glad I wasn't a professional athlete. Wow.

I mean, I'm glad you weren't either. Just a life of like singularly focused life from like eight until 20 on this thing. That's not for me. It's not for you. But it's also why.

Like you're not wanting that. It's also why you aren't one. You know what I mean? It's all tied together. It's like that.

You're outlook on life and what you want life to look like and be doing. Yeah. Is not conducive to. No, yeah. I want way too many experiences.

Yeah. It's funny. I just came up with this theory this morning in the dentist chair. Oh, yeah. You got dental work.

Are you getting work, right? But I got the edges polished. Anyways. That's work. Yeah.

So it's talking to my dentist and he was telling me about a son. And he's talking about, you know, he's a soccer player. And like clearly he's putting a ton of effort into it. And he wants me to go to this league because this is the competition to be higher. And, you know, he's telling me all this stuff.

“And I'm just listening and I'm like, I just can't relate, right?”

Like, I don't desire for my kids to be great at anything. You know, it's so strange. I figured it out though. It has been so strange to me for a very long time.

And this morning for the first time, I think I made sense of it.

Okay. So I'm listening to him. And then I'm thinking about him as a person. And then I'm thinking about me as a person. And I said to him, look, I just came up with this theory.

So maybe it doesn't hold any water. But it makes a lot of sense to me that you are this way with your kid. Because you're a specialist. Mm-hmm. You have dedicated your life to becoming an expert in a specialist at this thing.

Dentistry. Yeah. He's also like an expert drawer and stuff. He, that's the type of duties. I said, I'm a generalist.

I'm not great at anything. My attack is like, I'd rather know 70% about a lot of things than a hundred about a few things. That's just how I am. Yeah. So yeah, it makes total sense to me that like, I'm not looking for my kids to become expert level on anything.

Just because I'm not that way. And I'm fine. Right. But don't you still want that for them? No.

If I had to pick whether they were specialist or generalist, obviously I'd prefer they were generalist. Obviously I was drawn to being a generalist. I know, but that's so much about you. So same with him. Everyone is.

That's like, that's a given. Is you have your life experience and then you have these kids you're worried. And you hope they'll turn out right. So you want to make sure if you believe in endless hard work and focus. Yeah.

“That's how you get to where you want to go.”

Yeah. Yeah. That's the approach you believed in. Of course, that's the one you pass on. My approach was like, no.

No, scattywampus and it was all over the map and I ultimately landed on being a generalist.

Which, but you didn't land on it. That just happened to be where your life went. It's like, and where your skills lie. Like, if their skills lie more in niche or specificity, that is what they should do. Like, it's not to match.

It should be to maximize whatever innate skill you have. Well, whether that's being a generalist or not. I think that's a separate conversation. So a separate conversation is. Um, do I not want them to be what they are naturally art?

No. If they want to be specialist, you're going to watch the most supportive dad. Right. Ever. If they were pursuing soccer in the way that this kid.

Yeah. Exactly. I would support it. But given my own nature, I'm just going to be laying out the world as I see it. Because I have experienced it.

I could be, I could be swayed against that if they're showing some interest in being a specialist. Yeah, yeah. But of course, I'm not going to pass on being a specialist because I'm not one. I'm a generalist. So naturally, I'm going to pass on the kind of ethos that a generalist has.

Which is what? I just said, like, I wouldn't rather know 70% about 100 topics than I would want to know 100% about three topics. That's just my nature. My goal is not to invent something.

“For a lot of people, their goal in life is to win first place.”

You're looking at that. And that's great. I'm not against it. Yeah. My goal in life is to be able to hang with maximum amount of people on planet earth.

Like, my goal has always been, I want to be able to drop into every single group of people and get along.

You know, like, on the weekends, I'm hanging out with the drag racers and Kenny on grass shit. And during the week, I'm with the fucking art kids and the snowboarders. Like, I just love the variety of people. And so being a generalist suits that ultimate goal of mine, which is just to like be able to fucking hang and move between any group. And some people's goal is like, I want to invent this thing or create the cure for cancer or win the only gold medal.

Both are totally fine endeavors. Yeah. I mean, I think all of it is too much. I think a goal is like, just finding the purpose doesn't matter if it's niche, doesn't matter if it's, it doesn't matter what it is. But find a purpose.

You just got to stay busy on planet earth. I mean, that's the reality.

“But you have to stay busy in a way that makes you feel good.”

That, like, makes you feel. Yeah. And you got to figure that out.

Your parents are never going to figure that out.

No, they're not. And I guess there are techniques for doing that. But there are, there are, there are many of these people that are specialists that they believe. Their kids should work hard. They should work harder than anyone else.

And they should get better than everyone else. That's what they believe the game of life is. And that's great. Because for a lot of people, that is the game of life. I know.

But it's like, you're kind of saying it now as like this like 51 year old. And that's not really how you behave. Like when you were at the groundlings and stuff like that's specialized. And that's working really fucking hard. And it's working harder than it is.

It's putting in tons of hours. And it's not. There was just right next to me. And just went to every single show at the groundlings. He was friends with all of the upper groundlings that were in the company.

And his life was the groundlings.

Yeah. I was going to UCLA. I had a drinking problem. I like to go out. Right.

I never did it like him. Right. And a handful of people. I did the Mount I wanted to get on stage and have that experience. But I didn't go in.

It didn't. I didn't. The way he said just it or several other people I knew. It was too constraining. So I was straining to only have one thing for me.

Like I need lots of things happening. So I was saying he wanted to talk to the dentist. Yeah.

“The only thing I approach expert level on is cars.”

Yeah. And I'm not. It's also true. I'm not.

Tom Hanson knows more than me about cars.

Right. Jay Leno is a specialist on cars. Right. That's the one that's probably closest to an expert on. And I'm not even close to an expert on that.

Yeah. So anyways, I do think it impacts how you raise your kids. You know, it's like why aren't I going like you got to. We got to get you harder opponents and play in the next league. You know, like I just I can't even find that desire in me.

Again, I was the board it. No, that's not true. When you take Lincoln to the driving area. It's a carding carding and she's doing well where she is. You're like we're going up.

Yeah. You are. Again, these are all like, yes, you're 100% right. These are all shades of commitment. It's like, yes, do I want her to learn the racing line and learn to break?

And again, I hope she reaches a level that when she goes to go car track with all of her friends. She can win. Right. Like that. Yeah, that requires.

But then going to another league and having to be the best carder in L.A. And then the best in California and the like that part, I just I lose interest in. I want to go have fun and hopefully I'll win. I don't not like winning. I like being especially driving.

Yeah. Yeah. But I don't have that gear. Right. And I don't think it's good or bad.

I just don't think I have that. Yeah. Everyone's different. A lot of people would have to have these like fun trips with the cart with Lincoln. And they would have gone and got a coach by now.

If they wanted, if Lincoln wanted it. They're like that, right? Like, well, you got, you got to get your coach. And we got there's all these steps we could be taking. There are variations.

Yeah. There's a one way of looking at life. This is how my parents did it. You know, you, yeah, you working hard is the whole thing. Yeah.

It's not the gifts you've been given. Like, your smart doesn't matter if you're smart if you aren't working hard. No one cares. Yeah. It won't do anything.

So that was very instilled of it's a game of hard work. Mm-hmm. And, but yeah, they're not like, oh, we see you see you show some aptitude here. So we're going to like go get a coach. It was all on me.

Yeah. This is how you do it. Now it's on you to do that. Yes.

“Which I appreciate that I think that is definitely if I had children.”

What I would have impart as well. It's, it's time to work hard. If you care about this thing, if you don't care about it, who cares? Mm-hmm. If you do, I'm definitely someone that's like devoted all.

Yeah. I think my bigger desire than being graded at any one of these activities is like,

Mm-hmm.

“And once I get to competent, like I'm pretty much my journey's over.”

If I go to the motorcycle track and I ride with the guys, and I'm totally competent, some days I'm the fastest there, some days I'm not. Like, I do that thing. They know what I'm doing. That's enough.

I don't need to be my friend Josh Heron, who's winning the AMA fucking Superbike. You know? Yeah. I can't relate. Hey, I know.

Yeah. It's fun. Yeah, it is fun. Everyone's so different. Yeah.

Like, you evaluate a difference.

And then the first impulse is like, what one's writing, which one's wrong?

And I think that's the thing you got a fight against in your mind at the time. Yeah. There's no right or wrong, but there is what works for you and what doesn't work for you. Yeah. Yeah.

Yeah. That was anyways. That was about Hannah's extreme tennis journey. Yes. I mean, what I do believe in this episode, I think kind of reiterates that a little bit.

A reiterated to me.

“Like, I think supporting your kid, of course, is like the most important thing.”

But the level of investment in your kid's activity is a fine line to ride. I think. Well, I think the people that are in that position need to constantly policing themselves, about whether it is their desire or their own desire. That's, I think, the line that needs to be navigated well.

Yeah. Because I think if it can easily be like their reflection on you, you've put all this time into it. So if they win, it is your win as well. Right.

And if you're kind of sucked into that aspect of it, that feels like something you'd want to be conscious of.

Yeah. I think it's very slippery for everyone involved in that. Okay. What does Marcelo's girlfriend do? And yes, she did go to Yale and I said she's an architect.

And she, she is. She's an architect? She's a co-founder of Bassa. I don't know what that is, BASA. Working as an architect, artist and furniture designer.

Oh, masters of architecture for me. Oh, they're very cool. Now, the ethnic breakdown of Wisconsin. Um, 78% white. Why?

8% Hispanic Latino. 6% Black or African-American. 3% Asian and 1% Native American.

“That'd be probably a tough place for me.”

I mean, top, I mean, 3% low.

Oh, and you're count, they mean, they mean Asian.

No, they don't end. Including Indians. I know, but that's not even. Yeah. We both know that that.

No, you think you know. Yeah. We both know. No, we don't. Okay.

So tapping. She talked about tapping. Um, tapping or emotional freedom techniques is a mind body practice that combines acupressure and cognitive therapy. By lightly tapping on nine specific body meridians while focusing on an anxious thought.

You send calming signals to the amygdala to quietly regulate your nervous system. Um, are you going to learn those nine meridians? No. Okay. I think I'm good for now.

I mean, I can circle back if I need it. Yeah, you do. Russell things. I do from time to time. Yeah.

I haven't really in a while. I don't think. I mean, I'm trying to think like going out of it. Yeah. Or just maybe because I have been in therapy for so long.

And I have worked on a lot of things. Maybe. I don't know. Sometimes I wonder. Here we go.

I have good wonders. Yeah. You have really nice wonders. Sometimes I wonder when I was having all of those. When I was having panic attacks.

But they were very physical. Um, and I, you know, I felt like I was like a dissociated and I, but I was here, but I like couldn't like get my brain like back. Mm-hmm. Now I'm like, were those seizures?

Oh, wow. Not, not obviously not, um, grand mall seizures, but the other kind, petite mall. That's how they look. Mm-hmm.

And so there is a part of me that's like, maybe you're having a little bit of that. So cute. So cute. Hmm.

So, I don't know if I ever had anxiety. Oh, now this might make you self conscious. It's not me. It's very memorable when you see someone have a seizure. Oh, my God.

I know. Have you seen them? I've seen. Which kind? I've seen both.

But t-mails are less. They're like, they're just very, yeah. They're very distant.

He had to have the coworker cut in his brain.

He had really intense epilepsy. And yeah, once I met my birthday party at the R equivalent of Benny Honett, wasn't called that. But it was a Japanese steakhouse. Yeah, habachi, gorilla, whatever.

And like, also, and I just looked at him. He was like, holding his plate. Weird. I'm like, what's he? Why is he holding this plate?

And then he started like leaning forward. And then like, then the plate spill. Yeah. All this other stuff started happening. And yeah, what was really obvious is like,

“I just remember checking in with his face.”

And I'm like, oh, yeah, he's not. He's not experiencing this at all. That's what's crazy about it. And then a grand mall in a movie theater one time, was it someone yelled for a doctor.

Someone said, put your wallet. There's like a scene out of a movie theater. Oh, yeah. No, I know. I know.

I know this girl had one in the cafeteria. What are you telling me? It's so. I'll know. It is seared.

It is seared in my brain.

It was so scary. And so like, Oh, where's the last of this fucking place? Also my friend Charles had one in the movie theater, but I wasn't there for that.

If you had to pick between farting really loud and it leaked. Ah. Or having a seizure in the cafeteria? Yeah. And everyone was like, same level of awareness.

People were like, oh, Monica farted. Fuck, would you eat cabbage? You know, I guess immediately started. It's that. This is the worst.

It's the worst. It's the worst. What do you meant there? I would pick a seizure. Yeah, because I was like, I can't control it.

I would imagine you'd be afraid that that smell would be permanently linked to people's image of you. They're just thinking about you in a different classroom months later. They would be able to smell that.

“Well, I think either way you're linked to that experience for the rest of your life.”

Yeah. But one is like, scary a little bit, and the other is gross, and so I picked scary. Good. Even though health wise, you pick farting.

I know. I know. I'm going to use your eye or body. Yeah. Yeah.

Um, but I, uh, I think about that. I think about that. Monica. Stop it. Fuck Monica.

Would you eat a McRid? Stop. Stop.

That's never happened to me.

Oh, I do think about it all the time because I looked like that. And people saw. Oh, huh. Thank God. It was just my people.

Girlfriends. I know. But like, I think all the time, too. Like, they saw me look so crazy. Yeah.

But I had seen one of my girlfriends. My girlfriend lost consciousness and like eyes were all back in her head. I could maybe he was a season where he was. And I still thought she was beautiful afterwards.

“I didn't, it didn't like impact how I saw her at it all.”

Other than just she scared me. Yeah. Did you cry? No. I picked her up and carried her to my mother's hotel room.

Oh. And I said, we got to go to the hospital. Yeah. This is when you were having sex. Don't bring it.

You told it. You've talked about it. Okay. You are, oh, this is way different. It was postcoital.

And what happened? I'm not going to go into it, but no. No, no, no, no. Okay. Um.

But yeah, I was 19. It was a little scary. A little. Yeah. And we had to go into it.

I never get that scared. I was pretty scared. You were. Yeah. Well, because she was 18.

I was 19. Her parents knew she was on this trip. I was doing a car show. Right. Think on your mom was like a more responsible for her.

And I love her. So I'm like, I got quite scared that someone was wrong with her. We went to the like an emergency room and I don't know where we were. I think we're in the south somewhere. Then they just could not get off of what drugs if you guys don't want drugs.

If you guys don't. I don't know. That's not an end. Yeah. Have a drink.

We smoke a lot of cigarettes. Yeah. It's about all I can tell you. Scary. I hope whoever if I marry anyone.

Uh-huh. That they cry when I have a seizure. Yeah. Well, I hope I don't have one ever. Again, obviously, but right, but if you have one.

I want them to cry even at the thought of it. Yeah. You're like that. You know who cried? Kristen.

Did she? Yeah, she got rid. Well, not during it. Yeah. Yeah.

When we were in the hospital. I was still out of like weird for a while after that. Yeah. And then we don't. We were at the hospital.

And the doctor came and was talking to me and like kind of asking me questions or whatever. And then she looked Christmas behind. She looked over and she goes, "I know it's scary." And I looked and I was like, "Oh, she's crying. It was very sad."

And then I was like, "Oh, I traumatized everybody." What if he said, "Do you know why you're here, Miss Padman?" He said, "Did I have a seizure?" And he said, "No, you farted." And they all smelled it.

And that's why she's crying.

She wants it. You don't have to make rib with cap. It's not what it's like. Stop it.

You're always trying to make me gross.

And it's you who's gross. Oh, my God. Okay, we haven't done many facts. Yes, we've done a long.

“Oh, the Chris Rock joke about cheating is like men are only as faithful as their options.”

Yeah, yeah. I'll play it. Okay. It is basically as faithful as his options. That's how faithful a man is.

No, no, no, no less. It's the only fat Republican guy going,

I would never do such a thing.

This is the Travis.

“You're like, "No, I'm trying to blow you."”

You know, 20-year-old girl's trying to blow orange hatch. But if I try to get nuking with some, I don't even thought you ain't never go ahead nuking where it's going. Man, I wish these holes were back up off me. I wish they would be better.

Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh. The man turned down. It changed us. We can't run that bad. It's all chances.

We can't make it.

That was an impressive routine.

“I think that's when he came out and his whole routine was about him admitting he cheated.”

I know, there was a special, I don't know if this is that one. Maybe, maybe it is. He did, I remember that. Yeah, it was round. Yeah.

I mean, that's not not round that he cheated. But it was round that he was able to tackle it on stage was cool. Right. All right. Well, that's it.

That was all. Yeah, Hannah. I loved her. Yeah, she was great. She's fantastic.

But she joined us. All right. Love you.