Atsuko Okatsuka

O'Brien's friend. What is this suspicion come from? It's too good to be true.

“It's really not when you get to know me.”

Hey there, welcome to Kunder by Needs of Friend.

Join us always by Sonom of Session.

Hello. And wow. Hello. Hello. You said it.

I'm here, and I'm happy I've got a bubblegum cigarette. Yeah. It's got a little powdered sugar in it. David Hopping from my birthday gave me a bunch of boxes of candy cigarettes and yeah, it looks like smokes coming out because you bought a little powdered sugar.

But sometimes I have them hanging out of my lip, they're just up in my office and he gave me a lot of them. Let me answer to you. Do you think you look cool? I think it looks super cool.

I think you do kind of look cool. Yeah. And you know, I'm always kind of fascinated with smoking. Yeah, me too. Because it would be a great prop, it would be a great thing to have.

Also, I like all the accoutrement to go with the cigarette. Yeah. You know, the really cool lighters and maybe that little, you know, art deco cigarette case. It won't stop the bullet.

Yes. Yes. It's great to win. And I always think. I've never seen a movie.

I always think. Yeah. And then start smoking.

“Now listen, let me go out of my way to say, people don't smoke.”

You shouldn't smoke. No one smoke. It's bad to smoke. But you want to time it with wind. I want to time it.

I feel the same about heroin. Yeah. I'm serious. Yeah. Well, you know, people, these amazing experiences and you think, I don't know, when

I start to get, you know, to within a certain amount of time before my, my, my clock is going to run out. Yeah. Maybe I'd start smoking. Maybe I'd be a really cool looking old guy who's smoking and I have a really neat,

like sort of gold, done hill later from London and I have this little case of cigarettes and I pop when I got on going on the side of my lip and it's hanging off right there and people are like, wow, he's really cool and he's going to die very soon because he's old. But what do we think?

Is that something that's viable? I mean, I don't think they'll do it. But it's like if you get diagnosed with something terminal, like when you're like, yeah, 8590, is that what you mean? Then you'll start, then you'll take up smoking. But the minute your diagnosis was something like that, they're like, you know, no, this medicine

we're giving you, there's still a chance.

It's never a year like that.

No, we're like, I don't know. I don't know what doctors say. You've got exactly a week. Here's some heroin. Go for it.

The doctors, I don't want you to heroin. Oh, my doctor. Oh, my doctor to say, you have 45 years left. But this won't really kick into your 50s for, for 55 years. If you smoke these unfiltered.

So you're in means so I get to enjoy smoking a cigarette for a really long time. Okay.

“And trust me, I think I would hate inhaling smoke.”

What I basically do want is a more convincing bubble gum cigarette. And I want a lighter. It puts a little extra sugar powder on my cigarette caramelizes it. It caramelizes my bubble gum. You don't want to smoke.

You just want the accessories that come with smoke. What are you saying? Yeah, but like you actually want to take up smoking. I want those something hanging out of my lip that I can play around with. Do little tricks.

I can blow smoke from weed. What? I don't know. Wait, wait, wait, wait. A piece of garlic.

A polymer? Truth pick doesn't weed. Oh, that's good and same. Yeah, I love it if all my new art detective movies had Humphrey Boat. I know.

Chewing on some weed. It's the opposite effect. Yeah. And he's like, uh, of all the games to walk into my place. She walks into mine, look at those games.

Chop, chop, chop, chop. What is the a horse? Could be a way beyond. I'm just thinking. Other things that can hang out in your mouth that can be acceptable.

Yeah. And the first image that came to my mind was me that a farmer does. So are we a rootabega? No, it's too big. I think two sticks like cobra.

Yeah, that doesn't match stick. Really looks like you're trying hard. Yeah. So you think heroin for you? I mean, we're talking, and again, this is where we're telling people, you can't do these things.

We're just talking about when you've got a very short amount of time left to the things we've been doing.

Yeah, I've never done hard drugs, but I would love when I'm at desk door to know what heroin feels like.

Because everybody that talks about it, every movie I've seen. I don't know. It's all. I don't think so. You don't think heroin is a magical experience.

Haven't you seen train spotting? You go through a toilet. I just, I just know that.

I think we're disgusting.

Yeah. That's what I'm saying. I know, I'm the only guy that looks at train spotting as aspirational. Wow. I could hang out in a really grimy Scottish bath room with a bunch of skinheads.

Oh, no, I'm talking about the upswing of heroin. And you have none of the bad stuff after because you're dead of natural causes. Okay, this is so dark. I want to just be the voice of reason and say I have a bubble gum cigarette.

“And I think there's nothing for the bubble gum heroin.”

Oh, oh, okay. Okay. Well, that's what I do. I can't think of anything that I'm like. I want to try that.

You mean just before you go? Yeah. I think if you were told you had maybe a month to live, you would say, I want a whole room filled with hummus. Don't you think?

Because you love hummus. That's true. That's true. It's Garbanzo beans. No, but a whole room.

Yes, I want a whole room, but also no, it would be like just all the bad food. You're not supposed to eat all the steaks, all the candy, all the chocolate. But you know what, no one does that.

No one does it on death really do when they get their last meal.

Right. Chicken. Yeah, you are dark today. Look at you. Go.

You're a very dark dark blend today. Oh, you are. Carol in. You thought about this. You had hair in your backpack.

What about this? What if there was a restaurant called death row? And you go and there's different cells instead of tables. And you order your last meal and you can see what every you want. I want to try chicken.

I want a triple cheeseburger. I want this.

“And they bring you a very high quality version of those things.”

And then a priest comes in and sits with you. And then you're led out. But instead of to the electric chair. It's to your car. We're of LA.

The key. That is so brilliant. That's a great idea. He's dark. You're talking about a restaurant.

He's talking about death. I'm talking about a good deal. And you get more feet on the way out mostly if you die in a hospital. Anyway. Which one was.

You know what? I really want to try more feet. That's it. Okay. You're a restaurant called hospice.

Good luck with that. Mine's called death row. It's a huge deal. It's going to be on Melrose and Los Angeles. Everyone's going to go.

I want that idea for a restaurant called restaurant called restaurant. Everybody sits at an open toilet. What? No, but why? Oh my God.

It's not real. It's not real. Wait. How does it work? It's called a restaurant.

Yeah. You get your meal. And your chair is a toilet. And so you don't have to go to the back. You have to excuse.

“Are you sitting there with your pants around your ankles?”

You're sitting there with your pants around your ankles. If you like. If you like. If you like. Sure.

If you like. He had to say it's not real by the way. Yeah. The caveat. It doesn't exist.

Yeah. You're the worst. You're restaurant. You're with us in this. No.

Mine is like Willie wants a chocolate factory. My idea of what I want to do before I die is Willie Wonka. Okay. Yours is smoking. Yours is heroin.

It's the funniest one out of all of these. I like to end on my idea for restaurant. Definitely. Everyone's this is my idea. I know people listening right now are rushing.

It's a good idea. It's a really good idea. You've got to have a hell of a like food stock and and show. It's like a cheesecake factory. It's like the cheesecake factory.

It's got to menu that big. And I think you call it head so they can get it all. Oh, okay. You call it head. Yeah.

This is a very expensive restaurant. But like I would want like in and out cheese burgers. And then I call them and they would bring in. They take care of everything. They take care of everything.

Okay. Yeah. Yeah. But you have to wear prison overalls. And you're in a cell.

And the priest is, I don't care what your religion is. It's a Catholic priest because that's within the movies. And that's not negotiable. There's a phone's from the governor from the DA. Yeah.

And all the bad news is something's in. Nope. Nope. The governor went to bed. Yeah.

Yeah. And then you get your meal. And then they lead you. Oh, it's. Oh, you know, it is an electric chair or a gas chamber.

And then at the last second.

That they you veer away from that. And it's the valet parking. And you get a little doggy bag. It's a great idea. Or it's the gas chamber.

And you sit on it. It's an open toilet. Oh God. And say we're back in business. We're back in business.

All roads. All roads lead back to toilets. I just remembered. We have a big toilet guy. Who's our guest today?

My guest today. Thanks for asking. Is a hilarious comedian who stand up special. Father is available to stream on Hulu and Disney. Plus.

She's incredibly talented. She's amazing. I cannot wait to speak with her today. Welcome. [MUSIC]

Outsco. Outsca. [MUSIC]

which I think is fantastic for a while.

“And then we met outside a comedy club in Los Angeles.”

What a blessing. On the street. And we were just talking about what a great experience that is. I was getting ready for the Oscars. And so I was hitting all these out of the way clubs.

And we were outside the illusion. Is that right? That's right. The illusion theater. The illusion theater.

And when you stand on the sidewalk in Los Angeles. This is what's unique about Los Angeles. Any other place you stand on the sidewalk. But if you're on the sidewalk in Los Angeles, people think that you're unmedicated and dangerous.

So I mean, it's so weird. But there was just all these comedians standing around. I was talking to them. And then-- Unwell.

Unwell. Including myself. Being on ourselves. Who are we dogs? Right?

People are like, on the sidewalk. Yeah. They don't have cars. Yeah, people were. If you walk in Los Angeles,

if there's been occasions where, you know, you park your car. And then you walk a couple of blocks to the pharmacy. And if people see you walking in LA, the assumption is something's very wrong.

Yeah. It's going through a breakup. [LAUGHTER]

I always tell my husband like, because sometimes he'll be like,

I won't walk. I said, oh, no, we don't do walks. Yeah. We're very pale. Yeah.

And we were like, nighttime people. And we tried nature. But it's-- It nature is hard. Nature is hard for us because we're very like,

we tried it. We went to like Joshua Tree, you know, because we got inspired by other people's Instagram posts. And while we were out there in nature, we were like, oh, no, we ran out of things to talk about.

Yeah. Right? Things like that. Anyway, so I said, don't go too far. People might think we broke up.

And so that's kind of the thing. But I love that you describe nature like it's a dangerous medication. It's so scary. I tried nature once.

And I really didn't like it. Conan, it's just you and your thoughts. Yeah. For hours, possibly. Yeah.

You know what I mean? You know, how long can I touch grass for? And I'm like, okay, I've felt it. Yeah. And now it's back to my thoughts.

Oscar, you don't-- It's terrorized. You don't go into nature and then just touch grass with your-- you don't kneel down in touch grass with your forefinger.

What would they mean by it? What do they mean? Touch grass. I said, okay. And like, there's a trap.

No, okay. What's-- how long? I'm going to tell you right now as-- No, please explain. As your friend and your physician.

I'm going to tell you right now.

You're never going to go-- you're never going to go--

You're never going to go in nature again. I don't think any amount of talking to you is going to make this a healthy experience. You said you're not supposed to go in just touch grass. Whatever you're just supposed to be in it and walk around

and breathe the air and let it sort of gradually. It's not a thing you accomplish. You have a very sort of type A approach to-- I'm going to go in to nature. Now you're talking to someone and listening to someone

who also doesn't go in nature. So I don't know what I'm talking about. I am not-- I should not be your spirit animal on this one. Do you think-- what is it? You don't have time, maybe, to go into nature or--

“I think I too-- I think we have a lot in common.”

I think we have a lot in common. And I know from your story and from listening to your comedy, we have a lot in common. One thing we don't have in common is you walked into our place on large-mont here, just minutes ago.

And I'm stunned. You look perfect. Doesn't she look perfect? No, you really do. You're very beautiful, but you're also--

what you're wearing? I mean, you-- it's all perfect. Me? You? Yes.

Min bite? Min bite? Min bite? Min bite? I love it.

This is just-- You're being-- Oh, that's how you rolled out of bed. Oh, you-- Oh.

I'm just celebrating-- I'm just here celebrating-- Oh, my God. I'm just having cake and-- What?

Oh, I don't even know what I'm wearing. So you know, I was just here celebrating your birthday. You're going to back me up here. You know it's true.

But you always-- you have such a colorful aesthetic.

You're really-- you have cheese at earrings. I'm just-- I'm obsessed of everything that you're preparing. The-- the outfit is just kind of perfection. It's cool. And the lines are-- I mean, you clearly-- this is how you present yourself is important to you.

I'm-- look like I'm-- Intreatment for alcoholism. I'm just wearing a-- And sweetie, that's a brand too. Yeah.

That's also a brand. - Well, I don't wanna, I'd like to dress well, but then you do this podcast, we end up talking about diarrhea half the time. So, I'm not gonna put on a nice time.

- Well, because you usually take us down that day. - I do, I do. - I do, I do. - So silly, because you all have very specific brands that are so iconic.

- What are you talking about?

“- aesthetically, yes, I think aesthetically,”

something that makes a person iconic 'cause can someone draw you very well? - Oh, yes, literally, you know, - You're a good caricature, it's all ready.

- I kinda, in like a silhouette, like the Simpsons,

you know, in the dark, we see Sona's hair, your hair style, you know? Your glasses would probably be prominent. You know what I mean? I thought about this.

- David has his own brand of glasses too. - You know, well, are very aesthetically icons too. - The one thing that you and I have in common is we both have very distinctive hair styles, their haircuts. - That's right.

- I, not today, today I didn't think about it much, but usually I'm sporting this cookie wave thing in my hair. I don't know, it looks like-- - Fine, gravity. - Define gravity. - It's a swoop, it's, it's, it's, it's, there you go. - I tried.

- Thank you. - But, they're, they're, okay?

“I think you're nice. - I think you're nice.”

- No, I'm star on now. But you have this very cool bowl haircut, as worn originally by Mo and the three stages,

and it's fantastic, it's perfect.

And it's very intentional on your part. Is that true? - It is, yeah, it is. - This is how your hair was when you were very young. - This was, you know, me when I was very young.

A lot of kids were cursed with this haircut. They would say, as a kid, right? My parents made me do the bowl cut. They put a bowl on me and then-- - It's just part of the culture specific, is that what you're saying?

- I guess a lot of Asian kids had it, but also, I've met a lot of people across cultures who come, you know, with stories about how they had it, too. - Right. - I think this is also very like, before Mo from the three stages, fryers.

- Yes. - Also, really. - Fryer tuck, and, you know, and, yeah, monks. We have the bowl haircut, and you know what I associate it with ease. It's easy to give a bowl haircut.

My mom had the Sears and Robot haircut in kid. There's six kids, she had line us up and outside the kitchen and wanted a time would jump up into like a high chair and juped right across. - Right. - All the photos of me that you've seen,

when I'm a kid. - Kid photos. - That's right. - Just bang straight across. - Icon. - And, um, Icon. - Icon, Icon. - But I do think, if any culture's doing it, it's because, especially with kids, it's easy.

- That's right. - So they probably just, like, snip, snip, snip, snip, you're done.

“- Sure. - And that's why they do it with kids,”

but most kids, at certain point, when they can take control of their own look, reject the bowl haircut. - It's true. - It's true. - You decided not to go that way.

- Yeah, because I said, if I'm gonna be the weirdo-self that I am on the inside, maybe, you know, I'll just show it on the outside so that people will know immediately, right? Okay, you're safe, maybe, you're weirdo.

You're a fellow weirdo like me, you know, and you didn't have to conform to, you know, I still get a lot of messages once in a while from, you know, from guys who are like, you would be more attractive if you would just do

the long hair thing, you know? And it's like, well, there were a lot of times in my life where I felt like a bit of an outsider or freak, you know, and it's like embracing that. All the things that, you know, I didn't, I was like,

oh, no, this makes me look like such a, I can't make friends with this haircut, you know, and now I just wanna embrace and let people know like, yeah, let your freak, is it freak flag fly? - Yeah. - Oh, what a tongue twister.

(laughing) - Freak flag? - Yeah, it can go dirty so quickly if you say it quickly, you know what I mean? - Freak flag fly, like that. - Other efforts get, you know, I'm just saying it can easily,

if you say it really quickly, it's one of those things that if I was on the air, live, and I had to say freak flag fly really quickly, I'd be nervous. - Oh, okay, you know what I meant?

- I meant sexually freak flag, like, you're king. - Well, that's my, I meant that, yeah. - Is that the same?

“Is the same more about sexual stuff than like being a weirdo?”

- I think it could go either way. - Yeah, be any, you know, be, yeah. - Any freak, any flag of any freak can fly, yeah, in any way. And any of those are really helpful. - That's wonderful, thank you so much.

- Thank you for that, that's freaky, they like it. - Yeah, and no one knows more about a freak flag fly on the sun, and that's a compliment. You are very comfortable in your own skin, and you're happy just saying whatever stuff you've been up to,

be it legal, illegal, cool, dangerously wrongs. Like, hold it this tournament to help from anybody. - It's my time for your thing, and now it's on the freaky, but let's my flag flag. - Let's get the focus back on Oscar, if you don't mind.

- I'm happy, happy, happy. - But a freaky flag, a diary lady over here. But that's not important, the important thing. - It's very sweet, I think what you do is, you know, 'cause sometimes I'm like, oh, Conan, like,

this is a similarity, I think maybe we have, I'm not sure, I might be putting it on you, but like, you don't want anyone to feel like an outsider too. - Right. - And so, I don't know, I feel like you just sense to me being like, oh, I don't know how the singles,

English is on my first language, you know, you're like,

you Sonna, you're a freak, yes. - You're a crazy, you do that, and you know, to make you so very good, you know, yes and improv. - Yes, yes. - You know, team mate, so she's like, yes, what are you doing?

And it's suddenly, no one remembers, Oscar doesn't know English, suddenly,

no one remembers anyone, this is the genius, Conan, thank you so much. - And chill, you just come and show me? (laughing) - And chill, you just brought it up, Oscar.

(laughing) I did a very good job of, you know, distracting from your pain by brutally making, kind of Sonna. - That's right.

(upbeat music) - We have a lot of commonalities, it's not just the hair, I watch your comedy, and I see how all of your instincts

“are to put people at ease, that seems to be very important”

to you, and I love the way you talk to an audience and get involved with an audience, you're so good at it. And kind of shining a light on what's the funny thing that's happening here, without hurting someone's feelings, which I think is kind of a superpower.

- Oh, thank you, yeah, yeah, it's like, it's all about wanting to be seen and wanting others to feel seen too, yeah. - Well, you've done this, yeah, I want to make sure I mention it now, and we'll talk about it later too,

but you have this special on Hulu called Father,

which is delightful and amazing, and it is,

you know, for Emmy consideration, which it should be, you talk a lot about your childhood, and there are people that say, comedians that say, well, I had a really strange childhood, and then you hear about it and you go,

- Yeah, kind of, your story is crazily unique. And sounds perilous, but you talk so well about it, and you're so funny about it, that sometimes the reality of it can get a little obscured, and so if you don't mind just talking about that a little bit

because you're born in, is it Taiwan, you're born in Taiwan, but you end up kind of growing up in Japan in your early years, right? And there's a lot of stuff going on in your family. - Right, yeah, yeah, so I'm half Taiwanese,

I was born in Taiwan, day one already, so my dad is Japanese, he stayed in Japan for my birth,

day one, the first face I see coming out of my mom,

and I don't remember this, obviously, people were like, oh, I know, I have my memory starts from day zero. - Yeah, yeah, I feel like-- - Well, they're just lying.

(laughing) - Sure, so maybe they, you know, like, I did ayahuasca, you know, they're like, am I myself, was it two cats? You know, like, I haven't had the pleasure of having that kind of--

- I put something in your cake. - I mean, I don't think I know that image very soon. - I'm feeling dizzy, why am I all day one? Overstone day one, sorry. So my uncle is actually,

my uncle's face is the first thing I see because he's helping my mom get me out of her, 'cause he's not a doctor, but he was studying to be an OBGYN. And my family loves a discount. And so, he, 'cause I was like, what?

And he's, why didn't we have like a real doctor, you know?

“And so, I think that's why they flew to Taiwan,”

they love that there was gonna be a deal, and that it was-- - You're at a mall. - Valentine's. - It's not like getting your ears fierce.

- Yeah. (laughing) - What's going on? - It's kind of the birth kiosk. (laughing) - And then we'll grab an orange truly ass afterwards. - I'm just outside of a Claire's.

(laughing) - It was a hospital, but yeah, so, so they won, that's already happening. And I find out later, my dad wasn't there because I guess the relationship was already rocky.

That's pretty early on, me as a baby. And so three months after that, we all moved to Japan to reunite with my dad. Yeah, and so my mom, you know, so my mom suffers from schizophrenia,

and my grandma was heavily involved in orchestrating, you know, my mom and dad meeting, 'cause she was like, it's gonna be hard to marry this daughter off, you know, in Taiwan, maybe we go somewhere kind of far. Maybe we go to Japan, where, you know,

my daughter doesn't really speak the language. And so-- - Wait, what your grandmother's trying to hide your mom's schizophrenia or mental issues? - There's mental issues.

I think they didn't really know what was wrong with her, you know? - Right, but she's thinking, I should have a better chance of marrying if we go to a country where people don't understand her. - It's kind of like my inkling,

'cause I've set to grandma, you know, like, there's Taiwan's a small country, but, you know,

“there's still, like, I think, here's the thing,”

at the time, right, a woman in her 30s,

single, never had a boyfriend, they're like,

what's wrong with her, already, too? And so, you know, I think there were multiple things going on. Let's just try a different place. Let's just try a different country

Something is off about her, you know?

So I think it was a lot of that. And then, so my grandma took the reins and saw, in the newspaper, they were doing a speed dating event in Tokyo. So signed my mom up and went there, you know?

“And there was a language barrier, but I think,”

I like to think that, you know, when there is don't, all your secrets can't be revealed, you know? Yeah. So, you mean your grandmother just sounds like a mastermind. She, she's a criminal.

Yeah, she's a criminal. My grandma, don't get me wrong, she is, she's a criminal. She also then took me to America. That's right, right. You live in Japan for how many years?

I lived there for eight years. For eight years, and then your grandmother said, and I'm gonna tell you a story for you. Yes, please.

I think more men have to do this for women.

Okay. No, I want it. You should do it one minute. You're one woman show, I should come out at the top and just start telling your whole story. I didn't even love that.

Yeah, no, and then you come out and have me beaten. You're helping me out. Yeah, yeah, yeah. I'm here at a man's plane, what Oscar went through. But your grandmother says to you,

we're gonna take a trip, and she takes you here to Los Angeles. Right, yeah. And then you realize over time, she kidnapped me more or less. Is that true? Yes, yeah.

She said it was a two-month vacation to Los Angeles, again, she's a liar. (laughing) And, right, so we're in Japan and suddenly, and before, I'm living with my mom and grandma in Japan too,

I was living with my dad. He full on had full custody of me, and then slowly, you know, was like,

“hey, what if we spend more time with her, you know?”

Oh, we got an apartment down the street from your place, you know? And so my dad was like, sure, you know, he was already raising two other kids of his own from the previous marriage. So, and then my mom's meant to help declined pretty bad. She was very suicidal in Japan, and so I think, you know,

my grandma was like, okay, we changed locations again, which, you know, at this point, I'm like, sweetie, it's not a location, you know? Right, but I get it, like, as a single mom for so long, my grandma was, and then she was also now helping

to raise me, I think she's just trying to get ahead before the next disaster. So, she contacted my uncle, her son, her other son, who lived in Los Angeles already. Hey, do you have any space for us?

I think we're gonna try living there. He's like, we have a garage. She said, that'll do, and so, yeah, we came here, but she only told me it was gonna be a two month vacation. - You ended up living for a while in a really small space.

- Right, right. - With your grandmother and your mother. - And your mother, who has this very serious mental illness, and that is such an intense experience, but probably contributed to your abilities and comedy

in some way, don't you think? - I think so for sure, yeah, and a lot of it comes from, it's not like the sadness of it, it's really for me, you know, like our need to make other people laugh. I'm also a people pleaser, being quick enough to be like,

without anyone noticing that, like, what I just did, ha ha ha, ta-da, is like mass the fact that maybe this person was feeling insecure over here, you know, my mom, all my life, I've seen her, right?

Suffer right now, you know, even as we speak, I know where she is, you know, in her bed, you know, like unable to move that much. She has seizures too now, and so she doesn't have any friends, you know, and I get to, like, tour and see the world,

I get to hang out with icons, legends, heroes of mine. - Right, you just said that because you don't know our names. (all laughing) - I'm going, I'm here with icons. - Yeah.

“- That's what I say to the Uber driver when I forget his name.”

- You're an icon. (all laughing) - icon, Matthew, was it? (all laughing) - People call me Matthew, sure.

- No, and so, you know, and so it's this, that's my, like, my want to make her feel not so bummed out. And so, like, could you? - Could you read? - I'm crazy all the time.

- By being funny or outrageous, is that the way you could connect with your mom, if she was even in a debilitated state growing up? - Yeah, yeah. I was honestly afraid of her most of my life,

so I didn't know how to make her laugh, but I knew how to make my uncle and aunt laugh, because the family's so intense, you know, we grew up. So they lived in the front house, but there was, like, at least in the garage, there was no music

in our house, there was no, my mom and grandma didn't watch

anything, you know, my uncle finally installed a TV

for us back there, and so I would watch, like, Chelsea lately. And then that's when I started, like, even learning what stand-up was,

that we would just eat in silence, like, you know, we just witnessed a funeral. (laughing) Nobody would talk to silent, eventually.

“I think out of survival, out of, like, making it easier for me,”

I started trying to make little jokes, you know? I remember one time, we had another one of these silent dinners, literally just, all you can hear is just like, things being cut on the plate. One time, my aunt asked for salt, we all jumped.

(laughing) 'Cause someone talked, we were like, "Oh, don't ever do that again." - You know how I was jumping, when Maddie came in with the tea, I think it's 'cause of that.

It was always silent, it's like, "Oh, my God, you know,

what happened?" And it was just, she's like, salt, I just said salt. And, but, you know, for treat to different corners of the garage. - Yeah, to think about what just happened. - We're being attacked, you know, and she's just,

she just wanted a little more seasoning. But, um, so then, you know, we would sit in silence and at one time, I remember, we finished eating it. And I just said, "Well, that was really fun, "we should do it again."

(laughing) And then my uncle cracked the-- - That's good, okay. - Yeah, that's-- - That couldn't get out of my mom.

- Right. - Yeah. - The, um-- - Long stories, yeah, sorry. - No, but, no, I mean, that's-- - Yeah, that's--

“- I think-- - We're not gonna have any of that.”

No, 'cause I can't-- - You'll be now apologizing here for telling a really great story. - And because I'm like, "Oh, you know, "maybe I don't know how much you already know or not,

"and I'm just fascinated by your story." And I love talking to really funny people and hearing how they made their way. That's one of my favorite things. Or not just funny people,

but a bunch of people we've had on the show, whether they're in music or acting or whatever writers, I just love figuring out how people, sort of like Sam and swimming upstream, and they have like a little idea that they're supposed to do something

and they develop it. And then you can put any obstacles in front of them, they've usually figured out a way to get there. And I don't know if you had a lot of role models growing up, who, you know, where you could see someone and say,

if they can do what I can do it, where they're stand-ups that really you gravitated towards. - For sure, yeah. I mean, you know, it's, it was hard though, because I never saw--

So I was starting to see stand-ups on like the Chelsea Lately show, for example.

- Yeah. - And one of the first stand-up specials,

I saw with Margaret Choes, through someone at church,

“I used to go to church, that's how they get immigrants.”

They go, "Do you want friends?" Hey, welcome to the country, you want friends, right? Well, yes, we speak your language. Oh, well, that's cool. We have free food.

I like that. - Yeah. - And then boom, suddenly, you know, I'm at Jesus' camp. (laughing) There I am, oh, Jesus, go ahead. - I don't know when you getcha.

- Oh, God, you know? Yeah, I'm the cheerleader for God. I'm in the choir, I'm an alto. I'm an alto. My uncle's a choir director, anyway.

Sing a cantata, do you know what I'm saying? - Well, this was a huge inspiration to you, this was just a conversion. (laughing) That way you talk about it.

- I mean, it really came in my life so quick. I mean, I'm from Taiwan and in Japan. Like, Jesus' less countries, you know? And then suddenly, I'm getting baptized willingly. I mean, and then an a choir singing alto,

'cause I could never hit the high notes.

All those very hard, you know, we all know. - No, yes, we do. - Oh, it's okay. - All those, you hit the harmonize. - Oh boy, no, no, no, no, no, no.

- I just drove in the other day. He has to sing the melody. Sing a happy birthday, dear colonel. I'm going to have a boo. (laughing)

(laughing) Nobody cares, they're going, oh, that sounded beautiful. Yeah, because someone was harmonizing, creating an illusion that there's a whole group. You're very bitter about that.

(laughing) You've had so much success and you've achieved so much and you can't get past this. - Well, colonel, when you get kicked out of the choir, by your uncle, who is the choir director?

- No, no, no, no. - When you kicked out for, because of your musical abilities or because you were causing trouble. - I don't know, you just heard me sing,

but we did a contata, okay? - I only got to perform once with the choir. We did a contata, do you know what a contata is? - I was going to be quiet 'cause I thought everyone else would know.

- No, I don't know. - No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. - Timmythi, shall I may, with no. - Yeah. (laughing)

- It's like a short opera. - Short opera, it's like 45 minutes long. - We did a good shot. - That's a short opera? - It's like a short opera, like a handle.

- I'm sorry, oh, you and Timmythi, boy. - Oh man, it's Timmythi, but again, turns out. - Kidding, I love opera. I was very last night at the opera. (laughing)

- Which opera? - Love a whim. - Love a whim. - Oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh, oh - Oh, love a whim. - Yeah, that in your pocket.

- Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, that in your pocket. - Yeah, yeah, you left 40 minutes in. (laughing) - I had to put it here in airy issues. (laughing)

But I can't go more than 40 minutes with that relieving my bladder. It's a terrible disease and I'm waiting for a big commercial that I get to do. (laughing) - About a medication. - You're right. It's ages. - But it's ages. - It ages to even ask you, ask you. - Thank you. - Thank you. - We must respect our elders. (laughing)

- We kind of went back, wait, how did I get here? (laughing) - I've had this condition since I was 15. (laughing) - Are you in a every 11 minutes? - I've been doing it really good. Are you doing the-- - Well, I have a-- - I don't want to tell you. I'm wearing a device right now. - It's okay.

- If you're a native nine times, let me get this guy. - Let me get this guy. - This got dark and thanks a lot, so no. - I did this. (laughing) - I did this. (laughing) - The device you're wearing, sponsored? (laughing) - I'm glad you asked, Ocho. - I'm glad you asked.

You know-- - He pensed with-- - I'm glad you asked. - With piano to go. (laughing) - To vote by NASA, listen, we're going to try and make sense out of this. And I know I can do this. - Right, right. - But we left you at Jesus camp, you're going to kick

out of the choir because no one appreciates the incredible-- - It was the Easter performance, it was the first one in the church. I love to sing loud. - No, boy. - Because he has risen.

“And I don't know, wouldn't you do that too, I guess?”

So I'm not a train singer, choir is a voluntary bassist. - Yeah, they can't be picky. - There's no audition. And all is welcome, well guess what? That means I'm on there too. (laughing) With my skills, my uncle, call it nepotism.

I got to join, you know, pretty easily.

And then after the cantata, I was never asked back.

- Wow. - He said, you love to sing loud. Let's go. And we could hear you. (laughing) - Which he wanted you to sing, but not be heard. - Because I was off a lot. And he said, sometimes you would also sing in English.

It was a Taiwanese church, we sang in Chinese. And we could hear, because I don't speak Chinese at this point. - A bit just confused. I wasn't Japan, I'm in Japan, now I'm in a Los Angeles and a garage. I left Tokyo for this to be undocumented.

We were undocumented. - You were undocumented. - We had no papers, I remember the papers. Because we were supposed to be here vacation. So we just applied for two months, play, visa, or whatever that's called. - Yeah. - Tourists visa.

- We're free. (laughing) And then we overstayed that boom, what happens? Suddenly we're here illegally. And in Japan, I only spoke Japanese. Suddenly I'm learning Chinese, because I'm half Taiwanese too,

and I'm living with my Taiwanese side of the family. I'm confused, I'm Christian now. And now I'm singing alto. (laughing) Of course, I'm off key. Of course, I'm going to go into English sometimes.

“- I think you put it best when you said a bitch is confused.”

(laughing) You know, that is gonna be the title of my autobiography. Now you've got it. - You've got it out here for a bit. - When you're trying to make money for the rent.

(laughing)

So, when I first saw Margaret, it was just me like,

"Oh, this is so awesome. Okay, now I know this exists and she exists." And, you know, also at the time I didn't even know, I didn't know until I was like, 16 that I was undocumented, and what that event meant, right?

'Cause I wanted to suddenly drive all my friends at school. Like, everyone was getting their permits, and I said, "Graham, I want to drive too." You know, none of us drive, I think. It'd be cool, and I can drive us around.

We don't have to take the bus anymore. You know, you're old, you know, and it'll be easy on us. And she goes, "Well, you can't drive. You can't do that because we don't have social security numbers." And I was like, "Oh, that was the first time I had it realized."

- What a way to find out. - I know, I was, yeah, because I wanted to do that. - By the way, you're here illegally, yeah. - Yeah, right, right. So, it comes to bureaucracy, paperwork, stuff, right?

That, I would, I know, I'm just, you know, a high school kid, trying to kiss boys, and I did. - Yeah, that was, that you don't have to be an American to do. - That was cool. - And most boys don't ask for your social security number.

- Oh, thank God.

- Before, well, I was always a stickler.

Sometimes a girl would be like, "What's smooch?" And I'd say, "Well, it's hold on a second. I'd like to see Spirious Documents." - Yeah, we call it, yeah.

“- Yeah, that's why I was a virgin until, uh,”

"Well, Obama's first term." - Okay, we call that a "nark." - Yeah. - Yeah. - Yeah. The school snitch over here, trying to get kisses still, when I would do not trust. - I'd try like to kiss you, but I'd like to see your papers.

- Yeah. - Yeah. - I'd like this narco over here, and, uh, no, and so, yeah. Because I was surprised because there's so much you could do. I was going to school. I was in the cheerleading squad. - Were you a good cheerleader? - Um, I was, uh, you know,

as a squad, we were okay.

To get them, we were okay. - Separately, we were awful. What a great recommendation. We're not very good. We're terrible when we're apart. But when we get together, we're okay. - What? - Just tuning.

- We really kept people's attention with our spirits. You know, we were really, we were very self-taught. We didn't have a coach, our cheer squad. When people hear that, I was a cheerleader. They're like, "Oh, you were a jock?"

I'm like, "No, no, you don't understand." My squad, it was like full of girls who were like, "If it went for it, if it went for cheer, I would have joined a gang." You know, these girls were scary, these girls.

I didn't know that. I didn't know that. Being a cheerleader was the last exit before gang. - Well, that's hilarious. - Well, welcome to Venice High School. - Yeah. - Early 2000s. - Sure. - Okay. Venice. No, me too.

I was like, "I thought cheer leaders were like "the bring it on girls." - Yeah. - You know what I mean? - Sure. - And then here I am. I'm, you know, I join, and it's, yeah, it's,

“they were like the first girls to accept me, right?”

So my first friends were Latinas and black girls

who called me Coco, they gave me a nickname. And some of the girls, they were, some of the girls were, the boyfriends were part of the crypts. Oh, well. One of them, oneita, I remember, one time her boyfriend called her a bitch,

to which she pulled out a switchblade, put it up against his neck, and said, "If you call me that again, I'll cut you." And then, "I'll cut myself." - Oh, what? - I was there, I said, "No." - I know, I said, "No, you are crazy."

- You are crazy. - I mean, I get the first part, but the second part seems extraneous. - I'm going to say extraneous. - We're like, - We cut you, and then later, I'll cut myself. - Wait, oneita, I'm very afraid of you,

cutting my throat, what you do on your own time, later. - The drama. - Yeah. - The drama, right? She was a poet too on top of it. I was like, "Wow, so these were the kinds of girls. Once I got my driver's license senior year,

the captain of the squad, she borrowed my card during lunch, went, got on the abortion, came back for six period. - What were your friends like, "Oh, my God." - So this is the drama.

“- I believe that. - When I say, "Yes, when I say,”

"If I went for a cheer, we would have joined again." These are, suddenly, my friends in America, you know? And I was like, "Wow, I have been snoozing. What is this exciting life?" We would go to one time we went to Denny's Parking Lot,

where fight broke out between the cheer squad and the flag team.

I had never seen such a thing.

We were all in uniform as after the cheer team fought the flag team. - Yes, because one of the flag team girls started dating, "Oh, no, no, no, one of the cheer squad's ex-boyfriends." And I said, "Oh, what is this?" And I was trying to get on board.

Because I was such a scared to catch. I don't fight. Literally, like, the only things I fought are like, help fight our, the voices of my mom's head and the garage. And, you know, fighting for my life to stay on the choir.

That's the only things I fought for. - Is this so, the fight starts to go down? Did you, what did you do? - So I was scared, I showed both one either. There were already, everyone was in uniform.

- One either, just hitting herself in the corner. I'll get you and then I'll get them. - You should've done that.

“- Yeah. - Can you imagine the flag team would have retreated?”

- Yeah. - Yeah. - It's crazy, bitch. - I'm gonna first, punch myself, then I'll get you. If you're not careful.

- Incredible. - What do you mean?

- He's just backwards with everything. - I love you. - Incredible, what she's all, she's all cartoon-like. - Yeah. - Yeah. I would love that.

- Oh, man. I'm cheering her on because we're two leaders. - Sure. - No, so I'm on the sidelines. I don't know what to do. And one of these is that I'm gonna get in there.

I'm gonna get in there. The fight started. People are dragging each other in the ground, but first off, they march in, okay? The flag team comes in with their flags.

I was like, is this Westside story? - It's Westside story with flags. - And it's confusing because it's like, the flag team was also like Latin and like black girls too. So we look like we're on this,

we don't know who's fighting who. Thank God for the uniforms. 'Cause you'll get confused. - The uniforms have a lot. - At least with Westside story, it's like,

okay, Puerto Ricans versus the white girls. - Yeah, similar dance moves, it's confusing, you know what I mean? - Yeah. - These girls, yeah, so thank goodness for the flags. 'Cause then I go, okay, that's not my squadmate, you know?

- Right. - And the pompoms, we have the pompoms. - The dumbest fight I've ever heard.

- I've done another one. - Yeah.

- People are getting dragged. There is no winning, sweetie. There's no winning in violence. - Yeah, that's beautiful. - Yeah, yeah. - No wins, sorry.

- No, yeah, yeah, yeah. - Except for maybe one eaters boyfriend. (laughing) Who's that one going? - No, thank God I have a break. - Yeah. - Tonight. - But, can you kept up with one eater at all,

or any of these people? - Yes, we're on Facebook. - That's nice. - Facebook, Facebook, Facebook, they still call me Coco, a few of them have come out to see my shows. - 'Cause they're like, okay, that makes me really happy. - Yeah, yeah. - Yeah. - And so, oh, I was the,

that you asked me for my role, I held everyone's jewelry. (laughing) - Because they, they were like Coco can't fight. And I was like, well, I'll just hold, yes.

And so, you know, just see it and send her out.

- Right, you have one of those TSA bins. (laughing)

“Or at the same time, that's how it all kind of thing.”

Now get to it, YouTube. - Oh, come in now, yeah, thank you. A more, you know, modern reference. I'm referencing send her out, I'm like, you know, the scene and send her out.

He's like, how about the TSA yesterday? (laughing) Where, you know, yes. - Anyway, I can help, I like to help. - Thank you so much, yeah, I'm like, you know,

send her out, send her out, send her out. (laughing) Who's watching her out lately? Anyway, there's a scene where they're throwing things at her

and she's like holding the jewelry and the clothes. You know, not go to the ball, that was me with the fight. I was holding the jewelry and then just shouting positive affirmations. 'Cause again, we were tomatoes, I could do that. - Yeah, you, A, and I, T, A, what's the spell for Anita?

(laughing) So, those were all, yeah, why did I, I don't know why I went and- - Well, no, because I was asking you about this fight. And I'm curious because the,

the Hulu special that you did father, you're talking about, 'cause so much of what we talked about today, your father's introduced at the top of your story.

“And then I think you guys were estranged for a long time.”

- Right, right. - It is, you're reconnecting or re-establishing a tie with your dad. - Right, yeah, it's true. He didn't, he missed out on my cheerleeming days, my choir days, my Jesus camp days.

- Right. - In a way, it's cool though, because when we got to meet up, and we really got to reconnect. - 'Cause he's been living in Japan this whole time. - So he's been living in Japan, working as an engineer,

raising, you know, my half siblings. So once we were undocumented, another rule, that I didn't know was, you can't leave the U.S. if you wanna come back in, right? - Got it.

- So we were stuck here. And I suddenly, you know, I didn't get to say bye to my dad, who's in Japan, super busy, you know, raising kids, single dad, and I didn't get to say bye to my friends there. So I just felt super, like, suddenly,

oh, like I didn't get closure from a place. - You're cut off in an unnatural way. - Yeah, and then I got busy, right, with like cheerleading or trying to get a driver's license. I finally got my green card when I was 17.

We did the visa lottery program, where, you know, you, I guess my grandma, the Hustler, Phenagular, pretend that we were in Japan still the whole time, and she put our names in to the lottery. - I mean, she, I mean, first of all, I want this woman

running my life. - Yeah. - And I'll see, actually, I want her running our foreign policy to stop away. (laughing)

- She is right here.

“- I think your grandmother just would beat out David so quickly.”

Yeah, yeah, I mean, you can't do these things. You can't get me into a Japanese lottery system, to become a full set of some of the United States.

You've never cheated on me all the time.

- You went to Lulu, Limited, and Bobby, some underwear. (laughing) - I did do that? - Yeah, yeah.

- And she could do that. - She could do that, too. She could do that, too. But she's doing like, international, committing international, I don't know.

I, I say crimes, but she really was able to with a network of other gramas from the church and we know gramas, like the network of gramas, they're true. - They're making it happen.

- Yeah, they're true, like gangs. You know what I mean? They're telling each other, you know, the best deals at the supermarket or, you know, they're telling each other like,

what loopholes, you know, to what bank to go with. If you want the higher interest rate or whatever. And so through that, she figured that out. And then every year, she would apply for the lottery and every year, you know, our names wouldn't get pulled. And then on the seventh year, all three of our names got pulled. And so yeah, and that's how we got to get a green card. Well, let me be the first to welcome you to America. Oh, oh, what a place. Thank you so much. I'm assuming I'm the first to spend a while. Yeah. But probably no one else had the courtesy to say that. Okay. So welcome. I mean, you're kind of like a diplomat. Right? To so many countries to to.

To many countries. You're the orange-haired American man that they'd rather see when you go abroad. Right? And you've done that for us. That's true. That is true. I'm I'm trending ahead of other orange-haired people who tend to show up in countries sometimes for us. I mean, you close the gap for us on like, or you try to get ahead of it with Greenland, you know what I mean? I've I've you've been done a lot in a lot. I think I've done so much for the world.

Or cheerleading days and stuff like that. But also he kind of missed out on, you know, me struggling to in my comedy career, right?

Like trying to figure it out. I said, OK, finally, let's try this stand up thing. And you know, it's wild that after years of trying it years of doubting myself. Maybe I'll go to like art school instead as a backup plan, which is a terrible backup plan. Right. Why go linear. Why with also an unemployment. I got a degree in creative writing and who art. Boo creative writing. No, this art school. So creative writing is literally like if you want to turn in two words. That's your thesis. You know, it's like that. So you know, he missed out on those years. But then I was developing my voice and then when we met again, right?

Because me doing an international tour back in Japan, two thousands of strangers who know who I am in Japan, when you when you come back from like work or school, you say, "Today I'm home and your family members go, OK, I'd be welcome home." And so on that show where my dad was there, I tried saying it. I said, "Today I'm home to these Japanese audiences and all thousands of them together said, welcome home." And I was like, I almost broke down and cried and you know, my dad could understand those parts. And it was really cool because it was like, like, you know, I hadn't been home like that. And you know, 22 years, you know, it's, yeah.

So it was really cool that that was how we got to reconnect. It is like your, you know, the like the Superman myth, he's put into a space capsule and, you know, when he's a baby and shot off.

“And then if you catch up with him 25 years later, whatever, 10, 15 years later, he's Superman. And it's just this thing that happened that you couldn't foresee, but it's magical. And I think an amazing gift that your dad gets to see that.”

Sometimes you're going to make people miss you and come back, you know, hotter, right? Isn't that the whole thing? Well, listen, Oscar, the special is beautiful. It's on Hulu, father. And I wish you all the best in MECs. And because you deserve it, you are so funny and you've got a great spirit.

And it was just, it's nice to get to know you better because I admire you and then to have you here and talk and we got to chat a little bit and bond out on the sidewalk outside of that comedy club.

I remember leaving that name is like, oh, I, this is unfinished business. We have more to talk about. So I was so glad you could come in and I hope you come back.

“Oh, thank you for having me. You guys are true, kindred spirits. And if I may now a cheer.”

Okay. I really have really set it up. Go. Give me a seat. See. You got to see. You got to see. You got to see. You got to see. You got to see. You got to see. You got to see. Oh. You got to, oh, you got to, oh, give me an end. And you got to end. You got to end. You got to end. You got to end. Give me an end. And we got Conan. I like when you ended. There was a little bit of, oh, because I, we got, we're going in. Oscar, thank you so much. Thank you so much for having me.

All right, we're into a little segment. Normally we do this with Matt Gorley. And we do something called review the reviewers, where people call in with reviews. And we listen to them. And then I respond to their reviews. But Gorley's not here. He's on paternity leave. And because he's out. And we don't have review the reviewers. I thought I just supply the colon reviews myself. Oh, yeah. So what's this? And this is Jack Muncie. And he's coming to us from Cleveland, Ohio. And he says, let's play it right now.

You're pressing a button.

“I was like, you're, you'd do. Let's do a Conan Brian needs a friend all the time. I think it's the best podcast ever.”

Conan's mind. Like, I listen to his mind work. And I'm like, this guy splitting the atom. I don't even have a question. It's just that funny, but show. And it's like, I also think, I don't, is it me or is he like the coolest guy ever?

Well, wow. That was pretty cool. Oh, that was so nice. Mr. Muncie. Yeah. Thank you very much. I don't think I'm splitting the atom. I'm just saying things that come to my mind and it tends to dazzle. I guess you don't any mean? I don't know. You know, it's weird if you have these superpowers. You don't walk around going, oh, wow. I have superpowers. You're like, I'm Superman. You know, I can crush this piece of coal when it becomes a diamond. Another day, another dollar. You don't get amazed by it.

Because you've lived in this body for a long time. Sure. What do you think about me? Yeah. Good enough.

“What do you think about me? What are you, what are you, what's happening?”

Pattern Stipson in Anchorage, Alaska has a call. I don't know. Hey, Conan. Yeah, Karen here. And I listen to Conan Remain means friend. Why would you need a friend? Yeah. I would think you, you'd have more friends and anyone on earth. You just as a funniest, most creative. And I just, I don't know why. So you host the Oscars. And I was like, I do that guy. He's all that in a bag of chips. Here in. People talk, I know. I shouldn't be talking this way. I love my reaction. Emily, Karen, are you listening to us right now? I'm in an anticipating what you guys will be saying, I guess.

I want an anticipating of the year one last year. I'm a really good anticipatinger, but I'll just wait for our son as in David's laughter to calm down. I'm assuming something. Anyway, I just, I don't know. I just, I was in the Conan. I'm like, how is he? Wow. He's just the best. So anyway, Conan, I'm just curious. Do you think there's no divorce your wife? And maybe back on the market and hang out at Anchorage? I sure hope so. A lot of ladies appear. Be pretty happy. Well, gotta go now. Bye. Oh, look. It's cold outside.

That's Anchorage for you. Oh, Joe, bye. Well, no, I don't think I'll be divorcing my wife anytime soon. Love my wife. We've been married a long time. She's my soul mate.

But hey, you'll be the first alcohol should the deal go down because she may want me out.

Yeah, she gets pretty exasperated. I'll do this thing at home where I take pretend calls and lies it hates it. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. Yeah, so great. She said, want you to go do that at work. So I thought I'd do it here at work. But anyway, yeah, well, no, no, no, I didn't do it here yet. I'm saying, don't do it.

“Karen said you're all that in a bag of chips. Yeah, that's how kids talk now. Yeah, okay, I hear you say that all the time.”

No, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no, no. Yeah, yeah. So pretty cool. Victor had to go. Where's Victor calling from? He's coming from Corpus Christi, Texas. Going on, man, you're the man going on. You're a one cool hombre. Is he Mexican? You're a cool guy, Conan.

I'm actually despite my name, I am my family's from Sweden. But I just use the word "ombre" in my family. Okay, just my father is Lars. And my mother, my mother is Torchia. And yeah, I just go by Victor, he'd all go.

But anyway, I just want to say that shows amazing.

And sometimes when I'm sitting in my sauna and having a taco, I just think this coding guy is amazing. Again, no question, just Victor Hidalgo here from Sweden. And I just think you're amazing. Again, no question. He's referencing. I'm just anticipating. It's weird in my message.

And everyone else probably didn't have a question either because what can you ask this man? It's like perfect. You know, we have an old saying in Sweden. If the skates aren't bent, skate away, skate away.

And I just want to say, you're the best Conan. Yeah, absolutely amazing.

And someday I hope you and I can split the HME jungle. Peace out. Wow, that guy's incredible. Peace out. He said, "Peace out." Yeah, he did.

I don't know. I have to say, these have been amazing calls. And I don't. These are better than the calls that are curated. The Gorly find.

“But importantly, who I think does a shitty job finding caller?”

Do you think there's a caller from like a sauna fan? Oh, like it's trying to find out. Let's see. I'll look through the list here. No, there isn't. Oh, okay.

I know that violates every rule of improv, but no.

There's absolutely no. No, single minutes. Wait a minute. Wait a minute. We're getting a call right now. We're getting a live call right now.

And what if you have this crew?

“This person says there is soda fan. Let's see if they are.”

He always patch him in right now, they're on.

Hey, he's going in there. He's going in on the line? Yeah, this is Conan. What's going on? You say you're a sauna fan? Oh, yeah.

I'm a big sauna fan. I just... Sake a lot of soda fan, like it's morning again. Oh, yeah. Yeah.

Sake, Sake, Sake, Sake. I'm not done yet. I just want to talk to Conan you the best, Conan.

I even know what soda it does.

So it seems like she asked you for a lot of favors. I think it's gonna be best. I just think soda's in. You're so tired of helping you suck. You suck, you suck, you suck.

Sake, Sake. You suck. And then... Fuck you, f***. Fuck you, f***.

Fuck you, f***. Yeah, fuck you, soda. I can't even fucking do it. Yeah, you stink.

“You're dragging Conan down. He's the best.”

Hey, boy. Yeah, bye, bye. God, hey, no.

Jesus, that was unpleasant.

It said he's like me out. He said he was a fan of yours. You know what? Not all our fans are good. I think that we don't need all of them. Well, we do need that guy.

No, I don't think we do. No. And says series, multi-millionaire, and he wants to give all of his money to the show. (laughter)

Which of course would be able to go to me. All right, well, that was review the reviewers, and I thought it went really well. Incredible fans, I have. You're great fans.

The best. Peace out. Conan O'Brien needs a friend. With Conan O'Brien, Sonom of Sessian, and Mac poorly.

Produce by me, Mac poorly.

“Executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross,”

and Nick Leow. Theme song by The White Stripes. Incidental music by Jimmy Vivino. Take it away, Jimmy. Our supervising producer is Aaron Blair,

and our associate talent producer is Jennifer Samples. Engineering and mixing by Eduardo Perez and Brendan Burns. Additional production support by Mars Melnick. Talent booking by Paula Davis, Gina Batista and Britcon.

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Need's a friend. Wherever fine podcasts are down with you. (gentle music)