Comedy Crimes with Andy Daly

- Conan O'Brien needs a fan. Wanna talk to Conan? Visit teamcoco.com/callconan. Okay, let's get started.

“- Hey, Peter, welcome to Conan O'Brien needs a fan.”

(laughing) How are you? We're great, Peter. I wanna get right into this, 'cause you are from Framingham, Massachusetts,

which is not far from where I grew up in old Brookline, Massachusetts. And where are you at this moment? - At this moment, I'm in Framingham. - You're in Framingham?

- In, yeah. - Okay, my office/playroom. - Okay, cool, and this is real quick. We have someone special here with us today. - Yeah, he's very special.

- Do you see me? - Yes, it is here. (laughing) - Please introduce our friends. - Well, Andy Daley, who was on the podcast,

is joining us as well for this fan episode. So, Peter, meet Andy. - Hello, Peter. - Hello, Andy.

- Andy, I incredible to meet all three of you.

This is, this is great, a big fan of all three, including a review I watched when that came out. I loved that. - Oh, Conan loves this. Conan loves a compliment for me.

(laughing) - Keep going, Peter, keep going. - Go ahead, Peter. - What else?

“- Did you happen to see Yogi Bear, the motion picture?”

That was in 3D. (laughing) - I'm in rage by anyone getting a call. The compliment, even my children, but not Andy Daley, who is a true genius, but I am fascinated.

Yes, I'm very happy that Andy's joining us, but you sir, work for the DNA Innocence Project, and this fascinates me, because I'm wanna get away with the perfect murder one day, one day very soon, and this involves you, Andy.

- Is that what you think of when you hear the DNA Innocence Project? - Yeah, how can you get away with the perfect murder? - Yes. - This is not able to work.

- Conan, but I know they're helping people and blah, blah, blah, blah, blah. I've got to get away with the perfect murder. (laughing) - You just saying you wanna get away with the perfect murder?

I mean, you're never gonna get away with the perfect murder.

- I'm trusting that no one's listening right now. - Well, that's fair. - Okay, well, Peter, let's get serious for a second. This is incredible work that you do tell us a little bit about it.

It's obviously, this is science-based, but there's also the law. Are you a practicing lawyer as well? - Yes, yep. So that's what I, it's the, it's actually the Public Defenders Office Innocence Program

for the statewide Innocence Program. So I'm a DNA litigator, essentially. I'm kind of a focused on DNA, but there are a few other attorneys including the director of the program

who focus on everything having to do with a wrongful conviction, including police misconduct. I witnessed bad eyewitness testimony stuff like that, but my focus is DNA in trying to get DNA testing to prove innocence.

- I mean, DNA is, in the science of DNA detection, is really a godsend, because we're able to now solve these crimes and prove people innocent when that wasn't possible 25 years ago. Is that true? - Yeah, yeah, absolutely.

It's really incredible how far it's come.

It just even in the last 10 years, they've made a lot, but yeah, there's a lot of cases that are from the 80s, 90s that, you know, people have been incarcerated for 30 years, 40 years, and thanks to DNA, the discriminating power of like fearing out that one person

that it is or isn't, it's pretty incredible that we're able to test those things now and get somebody out. - I think if you, if you did not commit a murder,

“you should not go to jail for it, right?”

And you should be let out of jail for the murder that you didn't commit it, but I'm not sure. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. - Wait a minute, wait a minute. - Oh, wait a minute. (laughing) - Bulldog nonsense. - That's insane.

- In my opinion. - In my opinion. - If you've been in jail, - No, I've got to be in prison. - But this is what I'm saying. - I mean, that's space that we have built for people to be in prison. You got to put someone in there. - I absolutely,

- Where did they get her and it didn't do it? - No, but I said the opposite, I disagree. If you've been in jail for like 40 years for committing a murder and then it turns out you didn't do it. I, in my opinion, they should let you out of jail.

- However, another bold take. - I don't think necessarily the person who did do it should, I mean, if you get away with something for like 40 years, you should, they should be able to, you know, if you're kind of on the back

and take a gradual, you should extend you. - You think statute of limitations on murder. - It's more than that. You're actually saying like you deserve something for your whyliness or something.

- I think so. - Oh, so not just, like a reward. - Not just you don't, not just you don't go to prison, but you also get a new car. - A new car would be great.

I mean, anybody could use it.

that you are the top, you're in the top echelon

of smart people in our, in our world, that you got away with a murder for 40 years. - Yeah. - You know, lock somebody like that up.

“- No, I think you bring up a very bad point.”

(laughing) - But, but this is, I mean, it really is incredibly. - Wait a minute. - What?

- Spoken like someone who's gotten away with murder

for a long time. (laughing) - That's true. - I'm just saying, if you like killed somebody in college, whatever, just because a bunch of guys were out and you're, it seemed like the fun thing to do.

- If, (laughing) - All these years later, you're 55 years old. You have a family, you're working, you're working. You work in comedy, you work in comedy, you work in comedy, you work in comedy, you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy and you work in comedy

“see, Andy. But the best ways to, what are the best sources of DNA? Is it saliva? Is it blood?”

Is it semen? Is it hair? What are the best ones? Is it DNA? Yeah, just DNA and a bottle. The very best that, you know, because it just stays around so long, is it's bone, but that's not what we really see in our work for like what we'll see in a case. Usually it's going to be blood semen. Those are probably hair now. That's kind of more recent as far as people don't leave behind bone at the scene of a crime. You know, I love, I love a guy who's back from a crime and

he's really smart and he's like, "Well, it's perfect murder. Well, damn it, where's my tibia?" I have to sneak back in and get my tibia. You mean if I need to limp back in and put my tibia back in this leg bone sack. You're telling me the bone man killing leaves one of his bones in every murder scene? How is this man walking around? So wait a minute, you can, I didn't realize bone was such a good source of DNA for how long if you could you prove that like a triceratops killed a stegosaurus?

At what point can you find the bone but there's no DNA? Uh, that's a good question. I don't know

“the answer to that. Do you agree on me that it would be pointless to put that triceratops and jail at this point?”

And in that triceratops, that triceratops should get a car. Yes. Hey, we made car. Hey, that triceratops is chewing around that new Nissan leaf. Oh, you haven't heard about him? We're idiots and we apologize, but at the same time we're doing what we do and these are the murders we commit. These are comedy crimes. But we're right to commit a crime. It's almost impossible not to shed something. I've got a lot of hair, rather distinctive hair. It's very hard not to shed some DNA.

Maybe even impossible because aren't we shedding skin cells all the time? I know I am. Yeah, in a condition and it doesn't it's so proud of the skin cells. How is the party pretty good? Pretty sure I left some dead skin there. What do you think conception is? I'm sorry, Peter, please continue. I mean, it's kind of impossible not to leave some DNA. Yeah, I mean, like you said, shedding so skin cells, if you touch anything,

you're going to leave some touch DNA some skin cells back there. Wherever you're touching, you're going to hair's going to fall out saliva. If you're talking, you know, that could come out. I just had an idea. I would have myself laminated before I committed a murder. I didn't do one of those laminating machines that does business cards and stuff. So you leave no DNA, but a guy walks into a building who's completely laminated completely land expects to get away

kind of hops shuffle hops in. There might be a little loud. And could I come in please? No. Could you kill yourself please? I can't. I can't move my hands.

Yeah, we're just shedding stuff all the time. It's incredible. It's incredible.

No, it's true. We just can't, you know, and the other thing is, I guess a big problem is you please come to a crime scene and they leave their own DNA, they're eating their doughnuts, and they're, you know, welcoming them with their night sticks and saying, "Whoa, what a long now, move it along." So they contaminate a scene. So you have to make sure that their DNA doesn't

bringing in a spray bottle of blood or like a, I don't know, like a garden hose of seamen or something.

Garden hose. I was just saying, if seamen lasts a long time, you could, you could potentially carry a zip-like bag full of a lot of different kinds of seamen and then just throw it around. Hey, I've got that. I've been wondering what to do with it. I've got nine different kinds of seamen in a bag and my garage. Different kinds? Oh, yes. I tricked off a grasshopper. This one's called wet velvet. This one's called string. Yeah, called the Opel of Endger. And it's...

I feel bad because you're doing really good work, Peter. We haven't even let the guy tell you how many of me let you talk because I just said I jerked off a grasshopper. And you're a really smart, good man who's trying to help people. And we're awful. We're just awful Peter. Those of us can watch Dumbo ever again. Or I need to see it right away. Take your poison. Peter,

“I'm curious. And I'm desperately trying to keep this on an even heel. But is the science?”

It just keeps advancing. I would guess that it's just going to get better and better and better. Is that correct? Yeah, it is. I mean, there's new stuff coming out now about, you know, we've been able to last few years get something from seven trillions of a gram of material and take that and turn that into a DNA profile. And now we're at the point where we can take, you know, some fractured DNA and then run that through your family tree and figure out, okay, well, this person

from that family was in that area around the time. Well, and sort that it's pretty

it's amazing stuff. There's something that fascinates me. I listen to... I'm a history buff. I also

enjoy crime stuff. I listen to a very long podcast recently about the Limberg kidnapping. And in the 1930s, Charles Limberg's son is kidnapped from the home and they got some ransom notes and many people for a long time have said the person who is convicted and sent he electric chair Bruno Houtman possibly didn't do it. And there's one way they could really tell is if they took the stamps off of the envelopes, which they still have in New Jersey, they still have the

stamps and test that DNA. It wouldn't maybe exclude Houtman, but if his DNA is on one of the stamps, they know that he definitely was one or the only person who committed the crime. And the New Jersey refuses to do it. Why? They won't... they just... they won't say. But they just say we don't want to do it. I suspect it's because what if they test it? And there's a chance that Bruno Houtman didn't write any of those notes. They sent this guy at the electric chair. But everyone's

“dead. Yeah. Why not? And I don't know why they do it. And I think they've sometimes said, well,”

it's a historic document. We don't want to destroy, to test the DNA that have to destroy some evidence. But I don't understand why they wouldn't. You could find out. They could find out.

They could test it today and tell us what the answer is in a couple of weeks. Yeah. I mean,

and we actually see that kind of a lot in our work where we're kind of asking DAs offices, your prosecution officers to test something because part of the process is getting them to to agree to it or fighting about that in court. And a lot of the time they're saying, yeah, we just we don't think that we should. Yeah. Because basically, sometimes it's we worked really hard. We've got this person. We think we have a pretty good

there in prison. We don't. It says it would be a naturally a frightening thing for them. Shouldn't be, but a frightening thing for them to maybe admit, oh, shit. He didn't do it. She didn't do it. That would be. So they'd rather just not find out. I mean, sometimes they have other reasons to like the grand calculus of the case does it actually matter that much or not. I mean, and this one obviously, that would be helpful to know.

“I think I think the question for New Jersey is, do they think that the science isn't there?”

Because saliva can deteriorate faster as far as a DNA biological sample. So do they think

getting little fragments of DNA maybe they could do. But it is something that we tried to fight for getting artistic just like what they should be doing with the envelopes. This is why when I send a letter, I use blood and seamen on the stand. Oh, no. Yeah, I could help you at all.

“Oh, you're right. It's the worst thing I could do. And it also takes so much time.”

What kind of seamen, though? And which goes first? As long as you have a cricket handy and a little

cricket porn, um cricket porn. I show it on a little projector to a cricket. Nice. Oh, for Christ's sake. We were doing so well too. No, we weren't. No, I think my for a second there. For a second there. I think we're on an even keel. I'm New Jersey's behalf. New Jersey doesn't have a lot of cool stuff. You're from New Jersey. I'm from New Jersey. So you don't think they have the science that the world has. These envelopes are pretty cool.

These are like the Lindberg Baby Kidnapper envelopes. Right. They got Billy Joel and these stamps. And that's about it. They don't really have Billy Joel. He's out there on long on. Oh, sorry. You're right. They don't even have Billy Joel. They don't even have Billy Joel. New Jersey has nothing. No, no, that's not true. They had Bruce Springsteen for well, but he just bought an island in Crete. And uh, he's now a Greek citizen. So everyone's getting out of New Jersey. Yeah. His last album was all about how

amazing it is in Greece. And they say he's lost his touch with his fans. Crete girl.

The Aegean Blue is just born in the Parthenon. Oh, I'll add it that out. No, I don't think you will. So I will. Why? You'll see. No, come on. Even in it's good. So he's good. I enjoyed it. And now what's talking about it makes it even better. I'll add it all this out. No, no, no, no, no, no. I'm not going to be a trace. How about you eat a trace? And you take out Peter. All his good work. And it's just a jerk and off crickets and

“singing born in the Parthenon. Um, I think what I'm learning is it's just good not to commit a crime because with the science.”

And you'd think I'd have learned that from my early Christian teachings. But no, none of that stuck. I just really wasn't paying attention. I thought that none was hot. Uh, but since then,

I just think it's who commits a crime now because you're going to leave the people do do it.

Oh, still the crimes are still having. So yeah, people do commit. Sure. Yeah, I think so. Time to time. Our crimes is passion. The predominant type of crime like his premeditated crime just not as much a thing anymore. I don't know. I think it's it's still certainly a thing. That's good to know. Still happen. Yeah, but they're not, I mean, they're not thinking as thoroughly as can I, you know, trick off grasshopper and then you said, you know, a Peter, we've ruined you.

You're now. They're going to play this to discredit you in court. I know. Oh, my gosh. Anyway, I Peter, tell me, believe, oh, you do do you. We're, bring that to exhibit a grasshopper.

“Yeah, or cricket cricket. Um, a cricket. Uh, I believe we've invoked both”

over the course of this podcast. We've spoken of grasshoppers and crickets and they're seeming. Hey, you know what, thanks for clearing up something. My pleasure. Need to be in any way. In no way needed to be straightened out. I just love you. Got right in there and fix the thing that wasn't broken. Just wanted to say we've talked about both. And I'd like to say it again. You know, the thing I think it would come a long way is that people now understand DNA science

and that it's a real thing better. I mean, in the OJ trial, it was still fairly new and you could, you know, there was some sense that what's all this medical science-gobbledy cook have to do with the fact that those gloves don't fit as well as we think they should. Even though he's wearing other gloves. He had catchers mitts on when they had, they tried those gloves on. I'm sorry. I'm really getting deep into the case, but I think people should

know it. It's up there with the Lindberg thing. Um, is there anything you want to tell us or any questions you have for us? Because you're an expert in your area, but look at us. We're an expert in, oh, I just remember, I just remember who we are. Yeah, I mean, a big thing that I, you know, think about our encounters. I'm having difficult conversations with people all the time, um, you know, clients that don't try to work with. And I'm personally, I think, you know,

comedy and being a little bit more lighter in the conversation, go a long way. Especially, uh, with somebody who's kind of living day to day, uh, behind bars and wondering if you have any tips about maybe how to, uh, bring comedy into conversations that I'm having. Oh my god, if you're talking

and you want advice from us on how to make your conversations with them when they've got, like, what is it? One minute on the phone to talk to you and there's a long line of people behind them.

“I think it's a good time for jokes. I think, yeah, you're like, well, kind of a Brian.”

Andy, David told me. I've got some important information about your case, but first,

a type five. I think I can get you out, but hold on. Oh, we got the, we got the evidence back and something I got to tell you that's going to change your life. But first, I was talking to Conan and Andy and Matt Gourli. Um, I don't know. I, uh, I don't, I have no advice here on this because I, I feel just ashamed that I'm talking to you. Yeah, I don't know. I don't know how,

how you would lighten that moment. Yeah, or even funny voices like you could tell them the things

“you need to tell them, but not getting a funny voice. Let's have a look at that. I don't know,”

just, uh, I spoke to the attorneys. I don't know. Um, yeah, evidence came back and you did it. That's a good thing. You have Donald Duck, I mean, I have, I have, I have, I have, I have Donald Duck say your seamen's all over the place. I mean, I, I don't get it.

And so it's fun because I don't wear pants. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah.

Please, the prisoner gets off and he's crying. He's laughing so hard and he gets back to his cell and his cellmates like, oh, good news. No, terrible news. But Donald Duck told me.

“Peter, I think we've changed your life forever. You have. Yeah. Um, hey, uh, next time I, my brother lives”

in, uh, in Nadek and I've got, I've got family all over Massachusetts. So the next time I'm back, maybe we'll bump into each of that, that'd be cool. That'd be wonderful. I want to shed some dry skin on you. I'm going to grab a, when I see you, I'm going to grab, I'm going to keep a lufan in my back pocket. It's like a guy that put shreds cheese onto your pasta. I'm going to come over and he has a little sun for you. Take that to the lab. Yeah, put this on a crime scene,

I'm on a fire. Peter, this was a delight. Thank you so much and keep doing great work. Thank you. Thank you, guys. Thank you very much. Conan O'Brien needs a fan with Conan O'Brien Sonom of Sessian and Matt Gourli, produced by me, Matt Gourli, executive produced by Adam Sachs, Jeff Ross and Nick Leah, incidental music by Jimmy Vivina, take it away, Jimmy.

Supervising producer Aaron Blair, associate talent producer Jennifer Samples, associate producers Sean Doherty and Lisa Burm, engineering by Eduardo Perez, get three free months of serious XM. When you sign up at SiriusXM.com/Conein. Please rate, review, and subscribe to Conan O'Brien needs a fan wherever fine podcasts are done.