David Oyelowo Returns

[Music]

Hi, my name is David Aiyara and I feel...

[Music] Konanified. Nice! About being Konan, a Brian's friend. That is a very expensive process to be Konanified. [Laughter] Very few people can imagine the most expensive spa weekend. [Laughter]

[Music] Hey there, welcome to Konan, a Brian needs a friend. My name, Konan and Brian. Sonoma Sessian is joining us too. Yes.

And Matt Groely is still out on paternity leave, but we are joined by David Hopping, hello, the assistant who replaced Sonoma and made her but a dim memory. Oh, did Sonoma get full celebrity now? No, not memory. Why don't you remember, who are you?

Oh, man. Listen, I, this, when this episode drops, it's going to be tax time. And I've been told that this is a dreadful thing to talk about, which makes me want to talk about it. No!

“Yeah, so tax time, Sonoma, you got your papers in order?”

No, I just remembered when we were talking about this, I said, oh no, I got to send my account and all my stuff.

Yeah, well, how hard is that?

It's a lot, people. Do you have like a big shoe box that's filled with papers? No, that's the old one. Why are you laughing because I do all of the papers that are... Email, or mail to me, I just stick them in a thing.

Okay. Okay. So yeah, it's like a shoe box, but I don't even like, receipts. Okay. I don't even, I might receive.

Okay. I don't do any of that. All right. So you just have some papers. Yeah.

Got to get them to the accountant. Yeah, like, we, like you probably did. That's a fun story. Oh, I don't touch anything. I live in a bubble.

I'm a, you know, I'm an LLC, I'm an off-shore illegal company. I do, I mean, the papers get moved around, you know, things are purchased to sold without my knowledge.

And I'm just sitting in a geodesic dome covered in yakbutter.

Going, oh, it's happening. What's happening outside? What's happening?

“Um, David, I don't even want to know what your story is.”

I don't still need to do mine, too. Okay. Where's the behind? Okay. But what do you have?

Do you have papers or sheets papers? Yeah. So you employ me. Yeah. And so then I have to, I get those papers.

I don't even know that. Do you get paid for what you do? I get paid. You, you pay me. That's insane.

I don't pay you. Accace less corporation. Yes. Again, I don't know what's happening. Um, Eduardo.

What's your story? How do you get your taxes done? On time. But who does your tax? Oh, what did it?

Who does your taxes? Do you want me to give, like, a plug? Oh, what? Can you just give an account? I'm a guy.

Yeah, I have a guy. Because you, my dad does his own. Yeah, Fred.

“There's no way he's not breaking the law.”

Oh, dear, you came from another land. He doesn't know about our American ways. A lot of people do their own taxes. I know. But what do you think of the boxes?

I know. But come on. Is he on me up and up your pops? Yeah, Gil is off. How dare you?

What is your issue with my dad? Well, no. You just, Joe, as you can know, my dad. Nice. I love your dad.

I love your dad. I love your dad. I love your dad. Gil is the man. But I just curious, you know, he came to this land, America.

And I'm curious if he's familiar with all of our ways. And he's paying taxes. It's all going well. He's been here for almost 60 years. He takes a while to get used to stuff.

You know, that's all. Oh, you're awful. You're awful. You're smiling. You love this version of you.

This is your real you. Hey, hello. The real you. This is it. No, listen, I, what's this now?

I know. I'm not only doing nothing to say. I'm trying to hide behind son of his hair. So you don't look at me. No, but who does your taxes play?

Okay. My mom does my taxes. Your mom just takes my mom. My Mary Blair bless her heart. Does my taxes is sweet.

Um, and so I'm sorry. It's a very, it's a very, very emotional thing between the two of us. I, she demands to do it. It's, it's back and forth. I don't know.

She does. She does. She does. She does. She does.

She absolutely demands to do it. She's on the phone with you saying. Okay. How can you spend this much on a spider mate?

Flash.

Did you know what? She actually is.

But because you buy could go away.

Wait, hold it. Wait a minute. You don't silence me on camera. I mean, you take the punishment. Oh, my God.

She's supposed to talk to your mom. Yes. About all the shit you buy. The video games. The figurines.

Right. The sword. I see. Yes. Yes.

Does your mom, and your mom, then your mom goes over. Yes. Yes. Does. Yes.

Here's the thing. You don't understand. She's into it. She's into it. I get to talk to her about it.

She does not say, oh, you bought a spider mate costume.

“She's like, how many spider mate costumes can we write off?”

She's fully into it. Wait. She asked me. She asked me. Can you write off a spider mate costume?

Because I work for you. What are you talking about? We're in a minute. Because you work for me. Yes.

You're allowed to have the government pay for part of your spider.

No. No. The whole thing. No. We're on it.

You're allowed to have the same idea. You're way mean, guilt for fraud. This is it. Yes. I'm sorry.

I think you and Jill are guilty for fraud. It's all my board. This is how good my mom is. She, I was going to go to the Renaissance. For instance, she's like, maybe she'd buy another sword.

We could write that off. And I was like, wait a minute. Wait. Wait. Wait.

Wait. Wait a minute. I think we have a lawyer. It's really not in today. But he could join us.

I wouldn't have. I wouldn't have. Listen. Why? The fact that you work for Conan a boy.

“It doesn't mean that I just bought 900 pounds of silly string.”

And I don't want to pay for it. If I can get you to talk about the podcast and I bring it. Get you to talk about it.

Get you to talk about it.

Get you to talk about it. Who has to give a puppet master? I'm not. I'm just saying, I'm the warm tongue. I'm warm tongue.

I whisper in your ear. You did talk about it. I'm just saying, I'm warm tongue. You did talk about it. Who has talked about it?

Who has talked about it? Who has, I managed to bring in his sword two years in a row. And his new axe. That means they're in Blair. This wasn't an idea that you thought was good

for the podcast. You thought I've got to write this fucker off. I came in and I jammed it in the conversation. Conan be fucked. Whether it's good or not.

And then you walk away. And Uncle Sam takes it up the old star's finger. He and Yang. It can be both. I can write it off and it can be good content.

I don't know if we talk about something on the podcast. It's the right off. That's one. It's part of my job. I needed it for my job.

I got to write it off. That Hillary does take it to going. The backstreet boys take it. It's right off. You should talk to my mom.

She would say, right? She can eat. You are easily write it off. I'm a therapist. Is she even an accountant?

No. She's a therapist. She uses turbo tax. Wait a minute. Wait a minute.

Wait a minute. Wait a minute. You're your mom. Is it even a tax? No.

Your mom is not an accountant. No. No. And she's actually bad.

“Mom is insisting on doing it and then she just hires turbo tax.”

She doesn't hire it. And says my son just bought seven Zina Warrior Princess. Just wait. That's right. And we want our cash back.

That's correct. Yes. That's exactly right. This is a dime. This is a dime.

This is a dime. This is no. There's just. We are. We are.

We are just rotten with fraud. There's just fraud. Creating this whole. And I'm exposing it right now. We're all going to get on it.

But it's not fraud. If it's good content. We're making a good. I haven't listened to this thing. I don't know if it's good content.

I can't. We're okay. I want you investigated. I'm going to see to that. We're sharing this down the corner.

Adam Adam. Adam. Adam. Adam. Adam.

Adam. Adam. I don't know what you're doing. You're supposed to be running this thing. You're the podcast whisper.

And you're. I feel really. I'm offended by Blake. I'm really offended. I really feel like we've all been taking advantage.

It comes in with this thing. I'm just trying to help the podcast. Oh, help the podcast. The podcast is in Juggernaut. It's things that you can't beat this thing with a stick.

And then you come in here with. Your princess galactica helmet. And we're supposed to get you out the hook. Unbelievable. It's such a scam.

Unbelievable. They're. They're. They don't have enough shooters. But this guy has.

Zena warrior princess swords. Turbo. My favorite thing ever. He's bringing. Okay.

You've brought her so many times. She was brought to my. Lucy Wallace was brought to my house once at a party by someone on staff. We brought Lucy Wallace. And I was like, what is Lucy Wallace doing here?

I love her. She's great. Frank smiley broader to my apartment. And he was like, look. I brought Lucy Wallace.

And I'm like, I don't know her. Well, you'd know her now. Anyway, that got you off the hook.

My Lucy Wallace story.

Okay. Good Lord. My guest today.

Starting such movies as Selma Lincoln and the Butler.

Now you can see him in the new film. Newborn. This man is a delight. He's a massive talent and a real joy. And I'm so happy he's back on the podcast.

David. Oh, yellow. Welcome.

“Every time I think of you, it's, at least it's good thoughts.”

Oh, that's so nice of you. It's, it's true. I can return that favor because not long ago our book or pilot Davis brought up your name and said that you might be coming back. And I immediately said, I love that guy.

You are, you are so funny. And we just had a joyous time in our last interview. So I was so happy you could come back. Yes. Really thrilled to have you.

Thank you. Thanks for having me again. And you're in a good mood. You came in. You know, I asked you about your family.

You said everything's going well. Yes.

I told you that my eldest son proposed his girlfriend last night.

Last night. And I just watched a video of it. Yeah. Which then I reposted. No.

Yeah. I got excited. Damn it. Yeah. And guess what?

I put ads on it. Oh, you monetized it. I monetized it. I monetized it.

“And I'm making a lot of money right now.”

I'm just impressed you. You had a repost. No. No. It's a really beautiful moment.

And I, you must be overjoyed. I can't even begin to tell you. It just brought back so many memories because I proposed to his mom when she was 19. And I was 21. Wow.

Well, we were babies. They're 23 and 24. My son's 24. And it just brought back all the memories of proposing to my wife. And watching this video, I was on a plane from New York last night.

And my wife sent me a text, which came through as an eye message. And then she sent the video and it wouldn't download. Oh, my god. And I couldn't get on the Wi-Fi. And it was just, it was interminable.

Just saying downloading, downloading, downloading. You know, just to not be able to.

And then it finally came through.

And I just, and you know, there's something about the oxygen on planes. That makes you more emotional. And so, like, watching. I just, the fields were just roiling. So I am over the moon.

Well, congratulations to everybody. Thank you. I can't wait to go to the wedding. I can't wait to go to the wedding. I can't wait to go to the wedding.