Ask, Tell, Confess: Wait Until You Hear Who She Hooked Up With

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That actually hurts my fucking life. Chime, to try it up. My five chens right now. You're poor thing. It's self-inflicted, so I can't feel sorry for myself.

And I also can't open my mouth as big. I noticed in this recent last week's episode when I talk, I kind of have like a f**k, you know, because I can't open my mouth as much to talk. You were like stiff. It's like my teeth are dragging.

Try to talk. Falling in the tube. Smaller with her bottom mouth. And she's milder with her bottom teeth. Oh god.

I felt so weird with a weird sensation. Well, welcome back, how's everybody doing? We're doing. Yeah. For the past 10 years on my Instagram asked,

“that's how Ask Talk and Fest was created.”

Was I literally have always put up a question box

and had people submit their, you know, their asks, their tells or their confesses. And I started doing this like 10 years ago, and then we decided to make it a clip on the podcast. Yeah, because it was just every Sunday, I looked forward to this series.

On your stories. Yeah. It was so wild wild people. We're willing to tell you, but looking back now that I do it on my stories, do you feel the same that do you think people genuinely don't know

that you can see who submits it? Yeah, I'm not sure. Because some of the shit that people submit out or they just feel safe. And they don't care. They know we're not going to like out them, you know?

Like the other day I put something up and this person, I didn't even realize it before I put it up, because I was like, oh wait, I can't keep that up. That could become a fucking headline. I admitted that like this big, I don't even know what to call.

Can we believe this? Did who who who did his wife, they submitted a tell, and it was them saying, you know, led me on and told me that he wasn't married, and he lied to me, or something like that.

And so I had put that up, and I was like, well, this sounds like

“a conversation that you need to have with his wife,”

because I was like sticking up for her. But at the same time, I was like, oh fuck, I sometimes I forget where we are in life, and I was like, God, that could create so many problems. So I just took it home.

And who knows if that's true, we could say. Right, no, no. Right, and you know, exactly. And I hate that we have to doubt people in their stories. But it's like, what's being done to us right now is like true.

You know, you never know, and people need cold hard facts.

But unfortunately, people don't need cold hard facts to believe things. They believe little excerpts of like, it's insane to me. But yeah, so I've done asked how confessed for the past 10 years. We've had some of the craziest confessions. And so this week, we brought it back old school,

and we asked Instagram, you know, to ask tell and confess. And you guys fucking delivered.

some were short, some were long. So we'll try to get through as many as we can. But let's dive in and let's get into it. You want to kick it off me, I'm sorry. Okay, so some people ended up DMing me in their stories,

because they were long, and I let them know, like, hey, if you can't fit it in the question box, just DM me. And this person sent me this. I'm going to keep her anonymous. It says, I have a confession I dated a guy years ago

that lost a Super Bowl bet and got pepper sprayed with police grade mace. Well, later that night, he was going down on me, and a few minutes in, my little lady was burning. Literally on fire, I started to freak out the thought of the mace, lingering in his skin, and then transferring to me,

had never even crossed my mind until it was too late.

Thankfully, my girl made a full recovery. And my taste in men has gotten slightly better, but I was pretty worried there for the first couple days. She got pepper spray in her purse. Yeah.

Damn. The perspree purse is like one of the worst news. You have the title of this assel confessed. Yeah, the perspree purse.

“Like how on earth do you even get that out of your vagina?”

I can't imagine, because like, isn't it like an oil hole? And it soaks into your skin, and like, it's supposed to like, not come off for like a long time. That's horrific. Yeah. That's really, that's really been pepper sprayed like once.

I let not direct, haily, what the fuck? Wait, what? Not directly. I was at a hookabar. This is like 2016 pet checks.

And it was the like room next to us, but there was a window into the room I was in. And I started.

I was always like the DJ in the room that everyone would be looking for.

Fuck, I didn't hookabar as this. We're gonna tell you a few days. It's no longer there anymore. But I was on the ox all the time. Like I just had the ox.

I wasn't like DJ chill. Right, right. No, I know. That's what I'm saying. That's what I'm saying.

That's what I'm saying. No, no, never like, knew it was me. And I would love them.

“People would be like, this is a fire ass song.”

I'd be in the corner. Like that's me. But anyway, I was playing music. And then I started coughing. And I was like, this is embarrassing.

Like, I'm feeling like I'm choking. And no one else was coughing. And like, you know when you're like, really like choking and you're like, you're trying to be cool.

Yeah. Yeah, you just swallow in. Yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm trying to do that, just keep trying to like, tug water and stuff.

I'm like, what the fuck is happening? Then I noticed someone across the room started coughing. And then someone else started coughing. And I was like, what's going on? I was like, okay, it's not just me.

And then all of a sudden, like someone ran in and said, everyone like get out, like, and then like I went through that room. And it was like for me to be gagging, like a room away. Like, I couldn't imagine that in my vagina. Okay, the way my fucking OCD is set up.

If I'm in a Hucobar smoking and I start coughing. And then the person across from me starts coughing. And then that person, we're OD and on fentanyl. She's like, you can't really knock me. I would have literally freaked out.

I might even think I knew that was back then. I just had no, I thought I was getting sick. I kept running out of my Avino makeup remover wipes. And I couldn't figure out what the fuck was happening. Finally, in conversation with my husband about the grocery list,

we figured out that he thought they were baby wipes and was using them on his ass. It was funny, but also disturbing. You guys know I'm in the middle of moving. And if you've ever moved, you know it's the perfect time to hit reset.

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I didn't get that. He was using a v-know makeup remover wipes on his eyes. I thought, I didn't hear the of you know part first. But would that make your butt whole hurt? I would assume it would make up a movie, yeah.

Oh, yeah, I mean, you can use it on your face. Why would it hurt your butt whole? If it's fucking hurt in your butt whole, don't use it on your face.

It kind of like irritates it, I think. But here's the thing. I don't like, I already don't like fucking make-up wipes.

“I think they're roast. I think if you use makeup wipes”

overwashing your face, you are dirt ball. Like soap, and I'm calling you out of me. I'm calling you out of the house. It's good. Dude, soap and water, bitch, soap and water, okay?

Like you use a makeup wipe first, but then watch that wash now.

I use a balm now. I got her into a whole skincare routine. Yeah. I'm proud of you, but you, that's deer-tay. Okay, if you're not using a fucking soap and water,

that'd be like washing your vagina with just a baby wipe. That's disgusting. That's gross. You would walk around, smell them like fucking hoot-nanny juice. All day long, there's no way.

But I'm afraid facing in the shower with, like, therapy. Yes, but if you go home and you just, like, if you go home from having a night out and you only fucking make-up wipe your face and then get into bed, let's make dirt ball. Okay, well, I've done that some nights out

if I didn't feel like I wanted it. I get it every now and then being drunk and then going home. Like, but if that's, like, no, no, I feel like we're a routine. You know, me. I also don't wear makeup every single day.

No, yeah. I wear makeup very rarely, so yeah. I hate, I fucking hate wearing makeup. So do I, the older I get, I don't want it on me. Yeah, but I like what it's all on me, but I don't like putting it on.

Make-up irritates you though. You get, like, such a runny nose, like, I kind of feel like you're allergic to make-up a little bit. I am. Okay, and your eyes start to burn and they get blurry.

I was just telling Lisa and my trainer because we were talking about how your eyes burn. I didn't know. I went to look at my lashes done.

“Did I tell you guys about this whole experience that I had?”

I, okay, yeah. Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. So I'm trying to embrace the natural look and I just don't think the natural look wants to embrace me. I get it.

Me taking off my eyelashes. Absolutely not. I've only had my lashes done twice in my entire life. The first time the girl put them on, I looked like I had eyebrows on my eyelashes. Like it was, I looked like Burton Ernie.

Like it was, she went into the kitchen and got kitchen scissors and was holding her lashes out and cutting them. I walked in on you doing that. That was the most barbaric thing I've seen you do. Not at no.

I shaved my own puzzle.

I was never going to do some other things, but still we're straight.

But then I go to get my eyelashes done this time and the lady fought me on what I wanted. And finally I didn't fight with her anymore. I was like, you know what? The sky is fucking green. Whatever you say.

So I let her put the lashes on that she wanted to put on me. I faced him daily when I was walking out. Go ahead, haily, tell him what you saw. Nothing. I'm supposed to go and leave that face.

No, they're all off. They're already all off. I literally think I have like one or two. Yeah. Yeah.

It took me going like this. I couldn't see that when you walked in that day. It was like you put mascara on the outer corners of your lashes. Yeah, it was the most horrific thing.

“So I just don't think I think I'm just destined to always have to wherever I can make up”

and like, you know, but I am going to get another fat transfer in my underneath my eyes and maybe once I do that, then I can just go bare book name. You're not going to see. No, I won't, I don't. I like to pretend.

It's okay. I'll go and dream. This one says this is a confession a few years ago. I was really horny. So I got on one of those apps where you can find old coogers in your area.

I've what fucking app is that? Did you get it too? Yes, yes. Oh my gosh, stop it. What?

I don't know what it is. I just want to know what it is. Yeah, we need to shout out for the app, okay? 'Cause like, this isn't, okay? So I either want to get on it or purchase on it.

I know I'm so sorry. I've done the lady. We hit it off. I met her. We hooked up a few times.

We even made a video. Damn, coogers are horny. I'll eventually, it cooled down and we lost contact. Two months later, I met an amazing woman. We hit it off and I fell in love and we ended up together.

After two months, after two months, I was finally meeting her parents. I walked in and she introduced me to her mom first. And I almost fainted. It was her, the woman I hooked up with. She looked at me and I could tell she knew very well.

Then she introduced me to her dad. And for the first time, I realized that that woman was wearing a wedding ring. I survived though through dinner. Then went home, pulled up the old video. Sure enough, it was her. I couldn't believe it.

So three months later, I proposed to her daughter. And we got married.

Me and her mom have never talked about it.

And she gave us her blessing on the wedding day. I guess my wife and the dad will never know. Oh, no. Everyone at home right now is looking at their husbands. Like, no, that wasn't you.

Yeah, damn, that was fucking juicy. That was crazy. I would love to have been a fly on the wall when those two lock guys walk into that house.

I know because it's like, no one else feels tension. Do you still like the mom? Yeah, like I need like, oh my gosh, okay.

So first and foremost, hot in the beginning.

Okay, like little turned on love that you guys hit it off and had a consensual fling to mom. Obviously, this is not her first rodeo. Okay, if she's on an app getting banged out by younger dudes. Oh, mom's in it to win it.

“Three, I do not think that you should not tell your wife.”

Mm-hmm. I think that is horrible. One, your secret's keep you sick. I know it would like tear the up the whole family. But at the same time, it's like that woman, your wife, deserves to know.

And if you can keep that from her, what else can you keep from? What if she finds the video? Oh, because you know he saved it. That's really, because he's been back and back and looked. So you've had that video for a hot minute.

What if she finds it? I would delete that for one. Is it in the cloud in the VHS? Like, what's going on in the cloud? I'm like really wondering, like, how does, you know?

I didn't even fold her, maybe I don't know. Everyone is literally in their husband's phones right now. And they didn't fold her, looking for their mom. You got to tell her, dude, you got to tell her, man. That's just, or I mean, maybe wait till after the mom passes.

I don't know. It's kind of worth it.

Yeah, it was then she would never get closure.

And it's not like he did it while he was with his wife. Exactly, yeah. But also, that, you know, the dad. So did the daughter never show the mom? Here's the guy I'm dating or did vice versa.

Probably not. Like, you know, like, or did the dude not see his picture of her and her mom be like, I've seen her before? No, I didn't know.

“I don't know. I think of my husband came to me.”

I was like, hey, dude, I got to tell you something. It's been really weighing on my heart. I fucked your mom. We weren't together. It was before.

I had even met you. I couldn't look at either of them. Yeah, it was a rest of my life. What if they have kids together? And he's a granny fucker.

Grandma, fucker. Like, you want grandma fucker as grandma? He's clearly a gulf. I mean, she's probably hot. And obviously, the daughter has the same energy as the mom.

Yeah, he's got a type. Yeah, he's definitely got a type. It's been great going public. And it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't, it wasn't a one time thing. No, it wasn't, you know.

For you guys to end up making a video? Yeah, you guys were close. How have we explored the idea that maybe he did it on purpose? Can I ask y'all something? When was the last time you actually looked at your phone bill?

Because I swear, it just keeps creeping up.

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Okay, this is taking a turn for the worst. We get to hear it. We're just talking about not spreading lies and we're over here. We're creating a whole scenario.

We're sitting here and creating second false allegations all day long.

But there's okay, here's my submission for Astoe Confess. I was dating this guy for about six months, nice guy. Unbeknownst to me, he had been cheating on me the whole time via anal fistine. On a site called FetLife. I was unfamiliar with the site at the time when all of this went down.

This was like a year ago. My friend found his profile on Facebook dating and his bio, which I also didn't know he had sadly referenced his BDSM stuff

So we looked onto that site.

“She said, "Hey, girl, isn't this your boyfriend sure was?”

For the next five minutes, me and the girlfriends went down the rabbit hole. Easily found him on the site and he had been looking for anal fistine people from this site. He wanted to get fisted or he wanted to put his fist in a noose." I don't know, we found him in a local meetup group looking for, "Oh, here we go. We found out him in a local meetup group looking to host to do things.

Do this after he got off of work. We didn't live together and he got off work at 1 am. So I would have no way of knowing when I confronted him, he admitted it and we ended things immediately. What I also find interesting is that our relationship was very vanilla. None of this, BDSM inserts ever came up and he seemed really normal.

He was a good boyfriend, so I would have never thought."

Yeah, somebody probably shamed him at an early age for a kink that he had. And so he had to mask being a normal person in a relationship and then have his kinky, separate fantasy legs. In the closet type thing. Yeah, they're getting fisted as rough.

He said, "I can't even poop." I couldn't imagine getting fisted in my bowhole. Especially right now with my fucking hemorrhoid God. Clever, Clifford. Okay. Yeah. "Slobbed on my baby's father's home on."

Kelly said, "Slobbed on my baby's father while I was in the shower. I felt something before, so my crazy ass put my phone on voice record and caught it all. This was like 15 years ago." And somebody in the comments had got their asses. She said, "And I did."

And then she said, "The crazy part was he tried to deny it for two hours afterwards." I'm confused. Okay, so she had a feeling that there was something going on between her friend and her baby daddy and before she went in the shower, she set her phone in the room and hit voice record and caught him getting his nopslobbed by her and he tried to deny it.

I read that, I read that in her perspective. Yeah. I thought she just recorded her, okay, got it. Yeah, yeah, friend. The amount of people who submitted their friends sleeping with their baby daddy, their husbands,

their boyfriends, their bat, like every single one crazy. I don't think I've ever done that.

“I think I can honestly say I've never done that to somebody.”

Like, I think really hard hold on. Nope, just brothers.

No, I'd never slept with anybody as like baby daddy or their significant other.

Never made me feel good. Oh, well, that was unintentional though. So, oh, I didn't know the girl. I didn't know the girl, but I was in like, when I was with my ex. Uh, and I write about it in the book.

Yeah, I didn't know about his girlfriend until after we had already been together. So, yeah, it's always been unintentional. I've never been sued any of my friends. My friends, ones because I've never found any of them attractive and I would never do that. But, too, it's just like, I would feel terrible, you know, going after a friend's

I'm getting a sloppy seconds. Like, I'm too alpha for that, too. There's no way. I would never do that. Hey, do do do.

Hey, did it. Hey, hey, so a really messed up situation here. When I was 16, I met a neighbor guy. He was two years older than me and we started hooking up. It was a short summer fling.

Never seen him again myself.

Only hurt rumors around town about him because he was a manhawar. That's where it 15 years later. My mother, she's 20 years older than me, said, I've been seeing a guy whose younger, his name is Dustin. Of course, my brain goes to, of course, my brain goes to this guy, back in the day.

I asked her to show me his Facebook picture and it was him. I told my mom, like, dude, I fucked with him back in the day. And I was so grossed out. Two months went by and my mom ended up getting herpes from him. So gross.

And no worries, I'm clean. Mom got the herpe, the gift that keeps on giving. Damn, yeah, mom got the old herpes of the lead. But didn't you tell me shrimp peppers? Yeah, dude, I'm fucking so tired of TikTok, ruining foods for me, dude, ruining.

Shrimp have herpes on them. Hope you know that next time, I'm still in.

“Have you ever looked on the inside of a strawberry?”

Yeah, you'll never eat those again, too. If you fucking look, it's rotten.

Yeah, I hadn't tell everybody at home what you told me about freaking bananas. That's like, what can we eat, bro? So you're supposed to cut the very end of bananas off because that's where it nuts lay their, like fruit flies lay their eggs. So that's why you get fruit flies.

Because they lay their eggs in the very end. You remember salmon for me? Yeah. Oh, I ruined salmon for you. Yeah, I want to have video you shared me with the worm in it. Read my words in my life and, good times, let me tell you.

Everybody keeps telling me, wow, you really didn't hold back. And you said, oh, if you only knew. I'm like, actually, they took out a lot of stuff, but there might be a book too. If this one does get enough, maybe I'll write a part do.

“All right, who's going to kick this off, please don't ever do that with your eyebrows again?”

Don't ever do that with you. What? I know it wasn't me who said, you have Botox.

I mean, you know, you never do that.

What do you do? What do you do? Bro. That helps. Oh, my god, I had to look away for a moment. It was bad, dude.

What is it?

“You have to wait till our face completely relaxes for her again.”

She looked like bird from Burton Ernie, dude. It was like, she made it to you. She made her eyebrows twerk, like it was crazy. Like, not to leave, right? Bro, I don't know what she did.

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