Ask, Tell, Confess: WTF is WRONG with US?!

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, and I'll talk to you guys. Hello friends, welcome to another ask tell la. Come on, Vem. I had to be dramatic. This one short and sweet met a man that checked on my boxes, then told me to shit in his mouth, or it was over. She is now single. What?

Okay. Did he want it soft or hard? What? What's the problem? In the mouth, and I shits on the bitch, like in Tories B.I.G. and says that, I mean, listen, I've been paid to pee on people.

My other one says one time I had a guy, I want me to pee in his mouth. Yeah, I've been paid to pee on people. I use the peeing on people, and no, I don't get that. But in the mouth, two girls won cup. Did you ever watch that?

I heard that was fake. You heard it was fake. Was it a frosty? Kind of plastic bags. Yeah.

I heard it was fake, too. Yeah. Kind of looks fake. I don't know. So, I mean, more power to you.

So, I feel like you dodged a bullet. Like, what happened to the other? What is this? He's got a port of potty for a mouth. Like, you're kissing that man.

Yeah. He's got a port of potty for a mouth. You're kissing that man. Yeah. And he's got a port of potty for a mouth.

You're kissing that man. Yeah. And he's got a port of potty for a mouth. You're kissing that man. And he's got a port of potty for a mouth.

You're kissing that man. Yeah. And he's got a port of potty for a mouth. Yeah. Obviously, they've been doing some stuff, you know.

But I wonder what the trade-off is.

“Like, are there other qualities that are maybe good?”

Like, maybe he pays all our bills. The shit in his mouth.

Men are fucking just. I can hate all of that. He could be a nice guy. He didn't cheat. I'm sure he's a great guy.

But, you know, eating turns is probably the last thing you want to feel like you know a lot more about this than you're willing to admit. I'm just saying, like, I didn't hear anything. I just hear something that he likes to do behind closed doors. I didn't hear anything wrong with, you know.

If it's a, you know, no harm, no foul, you know. It's like a. It's definitely a foul. That's 100% a foul. We'll just put out some garbage.

I mean, do you like to eat shit? Can you imagine if he lives?

“Can you imagine if she lined it like we do the toilets on the two of us?”

What if she had a fucking hameroid and she's got to, she's got to lay a stand over him and scrunch like nobody wants to see that. There's nothing attractive about that. Yeah. What if it's diarrhea and splashes in his eyes?

Like, what if she had food coloring and it was fucking green? There's something. What if she ate a spare guess the day before, you know? She's panned and you can't poop without peeing. Yeah.

So I feel like that's coming with both. Yeah. Yeah. My partner and I bought a house in the country last year and have been battling a mouse problem. We finally felt like we got it under control.

I was home from work one day and my dog was fixated on my partner's nightstand. Like he would like he would track down critters and other parts of the house. I opened the top drawer and seen nothing. Close it. Open the bottom drawer.

Well, that's where we keep all of our adult toys. When I open the bottom drawer, there is a nest of shredded paper and six pink baby mice in his penis pump. I was beyond baffled. I faced time to network and the look of disbelief was incredible, but so valid. We've been so tickled by this and wanted to tell someone because it's hilarious.

So this is my throwaway account.

“I've been waiting all week to share this with y'all.”

Oh, in the penis pump as well. They take a picture. They grow it in. They grow it in because it's like a little hamster cage. Oh, my gosh.

Yeah, you could never use a frog in that penis pump ever again.

I hope they didn't use it again. And why is dude got a penis pump? Those things don't even really work. My XCC is when I've told you guys, I've walked in on him in the closet. And he already had a fucking hog on him.

Yeah, like, so I'm like, what are we doing? That it didn't do anything different. Yeah, it's trauma. It stretches the penis out and like hurts it more. I don't think it like trauma is wild.

Maybe they like it because it makes all the blood rush to it. Maybe for assistance activity thing. But yeah, that's hilarious. I hope you guys so I can bomb the fuck out of your house though. I would freak out with that many mice next to my bed.

Oh, God. No, what do you do with the mice? I like to know where they are in the fucking toilet. Yep. Yep.

Listen, I'm free. I'm free. Listen, I'm free lady bugs. I do all of that. But mice living in your house.

You got to make an example. Take it out. I live in the country. I got a cat for this exact reason because we have little mice out in the chicken coop. And in the barn, and I can't handle that.

And I'm terrified of them getting to the house. So we, you guys all know the series of barn cat scar.

“But at that right there, what were they doing while you were sleeping?”

That's what I would like to know. Are they running on your bed? Oh, God. Which of the chills? Yeah.

Just the whole house down the drain. I can't fucking do it. They're burnt the whole month. They're running home. They're fucking down, Puggy.

I'm over it.

That first whistle was like pre-com.

Oh. Well edging. Ugh. You guys have been with a dude who has so much pre-com. Their dick is wet all the time.

I'm gonna have to say no on that one. That's a no fight dog. Have you? I'm wearing it all the time. Just like any time they are excited.

The pre-com just fucking shoots out of their dick. I don't think so. It's like calm down. It's just like chill out. It's so good.

It's a little much. I hate it. I can't. It's a little much. I'd like I'm dry.

I don't like my bones dry. Okay. I don't want to so wet that you could jack it off with it though. You know, like that's wet. Yeah.

You get like that. I think so. I'm gonna have to talk about that. I would say that I wouldn't have any comments.

I've never experienced stuff like that.

You don't have pre-com. You don't have pre-com. I do. You never felt a guy's doing pre-com. Yeah.

No, not a lot. You never jacked off the front. Yeah. Yeah, just if I can reach over and gave him the old handy J. Yeah.

Which I don't remember. I don't remember.

You have thought about it.

Yeah. I mean, I have a lot of thoughts. Let me hear some of them. I figured out that there's a dirt. I didn't know that chickens and hens were like the same thing.

No, we're talking about you jacking off your friends. Yeah. Different kind of cock. Yeah. You just found out chickens were chickens?

Yeah. Well, I didn't know that. Like when someone said hen, I thought that was a different than a chicken. Go back to the dicks. Yeah.

Yeah.

“So how often do you think about jacking off your friends?”

Never. A couple of people were offended that you were defending the person on the podcast a couple of weeks ago. Yeah. With the shitting in the mouth. Oh, yeah.

Yeah.

I just, I'm not a kink shamer.

I get, I don't know. It's just if he's not hurt anybody. I wouldn't share like a cup with him. Yeah. A cup of what?

Like orange shits. I don't know. Like a water bottle. I wouldn't like actively share things with that person. Like a vape.

A poop vape is wild. Yeah. But no. Yeah. People wear it.

This is why you can't drink. What's the difference between a vape and a cup? Your mouth still on it. I know. Yeah.

Because I know that he likes to do that in the spare time. I wouldn't tell you.

“Like how many joints have you shared with your friends in the past?”

What if they were all shittingers? What if they were pooped off? I'm going to now think about that. So a lot of people are sharing joints again. Never again.

Actually, that's pretty gross. Remember back in the old days when people used to sit around and like a smoke circle and everybody would hit the same blow. Yeah. Back in the day. Yeah.

I mean, I don't know if they still do it. Oh, they for sure do. Yeah. Yeah. I'm told I'm almost died.

I was doing it. Anyone that handed me something. I wish we had one. You know. Very small.

I don't know what your mouth has been. You guys know. I'm big on making things feel like us. And that's exactly what we wanted with bunnyxo.com. We wanted a storefront that looked polished, felt on-brand, and made shopping easy.

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You heard that right start your free trial today at Shopify.com/Bunny that Shopify.com/Bunny And it's said to shoot home afterwards but, she said, let me paint the picture though. Haley's neighbor is right across the way. Win doe is a free. Win doe.

We literally I remember looking into your neighbor's home. I know what kind of dog they have. I know he's a red head. They know he's a red head. They know he's a red head.

They know he's a red head. They know he's a red head. I know, but you aren't moaning in that alleyway, like a fucking alley cat. Because she lives in like this alleyway. Imagine your neighbor being like, is there cat fighting?

You know when you're drunk though and you like really can't hear? Yeah. So you don't know what we have today. Maybe I don't know how to turn that. I don't know.

Why did you send them home afterwards? Why did I? So they don't really like them. How can I? We can't watch in this right now.

Oh my god. Sorry. Listen, if you are going to fucking, no, please be honest. I love that. If you're going to get mad, though, you're definitely sticking your dick in.

Because I don't feel fulfilled after getting had. You can't just get that. If you're going to eat me out, you're sticking it in. This is a full time job. You're not doing fucking.

I don't want to hurt you. I haven't been dicked down by him before you know what it's like. Oh, you didn't even know it was lying. I didn't want to know. Damn.

You're just like eating me out and fucking this is my birthday. You guys. We're going to jackson a little tomorrow.

You guys are Wyoming. We're going fucking white water raf. Not excited. Okay. And such bad anxiety.

You can terrify it. No, I have anxiety too, but you want to know why. Because anybody we ask that has gone white water rafting, we're like, oh, was it fun and they're all like, no, yeah. Not a scene.

But it was somebody else too. There was somebody else who had gone, who was Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Jeffrey. Yeah.

Jeffrey's star was like, uh, you know, and Jeffrey's asking us why we're doing something that it's, and he's already done it. And it sucks. Yeah. So nobody has literally said that white water rafting is cool and I'm petrified.

And then not to mention, you're going through all these fucking crazy waves. And literally you have a string to hold on to. Would your mom's an inflatable boat? Yeah. Her mom's a mom.

Take your feet like under, so you don't come out, but I'm like, what if the whole thing flips? So you don't come out. What the fuck does that mean? Oh.

Have you ever watched?

“Have you ever watched because you're bouncing like that's why the waiver says, like,”

you have to sign that basically you could fly out and get your head on a rock and

die. You can see that. It's like riding a boat, so I didn't read the waiver. Oh, I read every single one that's riding a boat scared the entire time. Yes.

It's two hours long. Yes. I can't even know. I can't even know. You just go, no.

Two hours on that fucking hour, just fucking all the time. I don't believe that. There's no way. I broke his back. I can't fucking see that.

So we're going to be so sore from that. And then we're going to have to use the same string to fight water. I could do, I got 10 minutes. I wonder if they just like bullets out of the water, wait, you know, when they don't actually send you and they just like set you in one spot, like a mechanical bullet.

We just go circles. And Jeffrey also said it depends on the day because it's sort of like hot air ballooning. It's like it depends on the weather. So like had it rained a lot or anything. It's going to be extra or if like if the water is like calm and cool, go with two hours.

If it's a category six, like my mom said, is like for a limbic like type level, that's when she said I wouldn't do it. She did category four. It can't be like that the whole time. I'm not getting on it.

If it's like that the whole time. Okay. I'm just going to tell you guys that. Right, the fuck now.

“We all get there in our wetsuit and she says, no, and we like squeak away.”

I wish that was simulator so we could like feel like what it would be like prior. Fuck. I wish I could watch the. All right, if anybody has gone white water roughing, please leave us a fucking calm.

Let us know because we do it like sunset after this comes out. So you guys have time, DM us. No, don't DM us. Leave it in the fucking comments. I need to know.

We have to know immediately. And I need truth. Don't sugarcoat it. Have you ever gone had me?

No, I've never gone a white rat.

No. Okay. It sounds scary though. If the wear a helmet. We're going to have GoPro's on too.

Yep. Oh, God. It sounds like a very white activity. We're going to be. Listen.

We're going to be vlogging this shit. So. Oh, man. Oh. Okay.

Who's holding the camera? I'm not. I can't see God. I can't see God. I can't see God.

“- She always says, "I know's the entire diet."”

- She's like, "Oh, it's so 360-care room." - Yeah, it's like the horse. We're just the side of a horse. (laughs) - No, we're just chasing that dog.

- That is a chest strap for one of us to wear. - He says, "All right, buckle up 'cause this is one of the dumbest things I've ever done." So last year on a random Sunday, me and my husband were deep in the Sunday scary's.

Dredding worked the next day, super anxious, so we convinced ourselves alcohol is self-care. We start drinking. - Damn. - A few drinks in, I don't know what this means.

- If you're doing some in the conversation, somehow shifted to boofing. - I've heard of that. - Ashchap. - We're else.

- Well, yeah, I guess it, I know what it means now. - Oh, okay, go ahead. I started talking about how I'd heard stories of girls soaking tampons in vodka and shoving them up their asses to get drunk faster.

Did I have tampons? No, did that stop me? No. So what I did have was this stainless steel straw. So in a moment of pure brilliance,

I grabbed the metal straw, put a little tube, lube on the end and shoved it up my ass, while my husband attempted to blow beer through the straw like we were conducting,

some kind of hillbilly science experiment.

The second, the beer hit my ass,

I realized two things. Beer is freezing cold internally. Carbonation has no business being your colon. It felt so cold in bubbly that I immediately started laughing uncontrollably,

in your ass, your body turns into a pressurized keg. The fizz in the pressure built up for approximately half a second

“before the beer launched directly back out of my ass,”

through the straw, and straightened to my husband's mouth. - Mouth, 'cause he just blew up and she threw it back. - She said, "Neu, let's just say our experiment." And it immediately went through the next 10 minutes, screaming laughing while he wiped,

"Cours Light" asked him, asked him, "Off his face." Dude, that's fucking so gross, dude. Oh my god, that's love. - That, yeah? - That's love. - Yeah.

- I'm looking for that. - Yeah. (laughing) - That's what I'm looking for. Someone get here at "Cours Light" and the straw in the straw. - I just put cocaine up my ass.

- How? - So you would take, you know, little baby syringes, you don't put the needle on it, but you know the thing that you, you know, like feats, so you would put the line,

you would cut the line out, and then you pour the line into that little thing, and then you put water in it and you shake it, and then you stick it up your ass and just inject it in your ass. - Yeah.

A lot of people do stuff like that.

Best way to ever do cocaine would never do it again.

This was in my 20s, guys. - Yeah, don't do cocaine, no.

“- Yeah, don't, don't, don't, don't, don't.”

- Do not, don't, don't. - Do as I say, okay? Do not, do as I do or say. - It's too scary to do drugs nowadays. - I am so fucking, no, no.

- I won't even touch a rail at a bar, because I'm afraid somebody did like a line there. - Yeah, a little bit more. - No way, can you have her? - Who taught us the story the other day

that someone accidentally dropped my friend, told me an ass talking face in person at the Redneck Rumble, that his friend was at a certain bar that I cannot say on Broadway, and it was a friend who just got in a bag of weed.

- No. - Was it weed? - Oh, let's go. - Okay, well, I thought it was weed. - No, this makes it even worse.

He dropped it in the toilet. Wait, and he was so hard on times. - Yep, that he got it out of the toilet. - And still, no, no, no, no. - He drank the water, yeah.

- Yeah, you know what, I stopped listening. - He didn't have to reach all that story. - This guy dropped out of the weed. - I thought it was weed. - The cocaine into the toilet water

and was so hard on times that he drank the toilet water. - You know what's funny? Is because he DMed me a little actor

“and was like, I heard my friend told you about my story.”

- Oh, you know the person?

- I don't know him, but like he is always

like liking my stories and stuff. - Well, that dude might be hard on money and he might need to help the guy out because who the fuck would drink toilet water? - No.

- No. - Listen, I have done some weird shit when I was strong out on drugs too, but I have never drank toilet water. Like that's crazy.

- That's disgusting. - Yeah. - Especially at a bar. - Yeah. - This wasn't like his toilet. - This wasn't throw out.

- Yeah. - Listen, let's just try for that dude 'cause he's obviously. - I just wanna know, did you flush before or not? Or like, what if you can't flush

'cause it won't have dogs in it? - If you'd peed and then drop it. - He was probably just in the stall to do the cocaine. - Yeah. - That one's asking our advice.

They said that they've been seen a guy for about a month out and they're both lawyers, lawyers or lawyers, lawyers. - Okay. - They're lawyers.

- They're different. - And they work in two different legal fields at law firms over an hour away from each other. The last time I saw him, he did tell me he is considering bringing his clients

to the law firm that I have been at for four years and he would become a partner at that same firm. So he would essentially then become one of my bosses. Should I end things before that happens? I don't wanna be the associate who's sleeping with the boss,

but in all fairness, I was sleeping with him before he became my boss. I'm very afraid to make business with pleasure. - I don't know what. - That's a good one.

- Haley. - Yeah. - I'm happy. - I think that if you end things with him before he gets there,

it's gonna make things awkward with you guys. Or you're gonna have sexual tension all the time. I'm gonna have just banging in the fucking... - Are you learning? - No, I'm not.

- And they'll end up banging in the office. But I also see her other point is like, she doesn't. But you guys were dating before. - I feel like it should just be said to the firm like ahead of time before that ends or something.

- Is it an email? - Yeah, it's an email. - Permit last email. - Are they not public, publicly dating?

- Is that what the problem is?

- It doesn't seem like it's been, I mean, it's a little, maybe, maybe, public. - Yeah, yeah, but they might not hire him. - If they're dating, some firms are like that,

- That's a tough one. I don't really know how to answer that. - I don't know, but I love sexual tension. - I think it's (laughs)

- Listen, I always say follow your heart though.

Like if you think the student is the one and you guys have a chance. - I always feel like you'd be messier to really. - Yeah, I do too. - Yeah, and I don't hear any other issues.

Like if he was like cheating or, but this seems to be the only issues how you feel, how you think you're gonna feel when everyone else finds out. That doesn't seem like a.

- That is true. You're kind of playing off of an emotion of what could happen versus what is happening. We call that future trip in. - There you go.

- Your future trip in, so, I mean, but future maxing. - Yes, future maxing.

“- Yeah, I think I say if I can just go for it”

and just be honest with people. I started a fucked body situation ship after getting out of a bad relationship. My friends with Benefit was a dreamy 62 bartender. I worked without the time.

He was hot. He had confidence and a swagger I couldn't deny. He bragged at how he loved going down on women and promised when I got to experience that, it would change my world.

That, with the fact that he had a big dick, I was genuinely giddy when the time came to experience this alleged mind-blowing experience. We're in my bed and he starts making his way down south. He's butt-ass naked, fully bricked up

and he starts his magic. I'm laying there trying to get into it because it wasn't quite what I was expecting and then it happened, he farted. One long, and it just kept going,

like nothing happened. And he just kept going, like nothing happened. It smelled very bad. And I didn't know what to do. I pushed myself up and said,

I didn't think I could get into this

“into the right mood and he said we should chill out for a bit.”

He was offended and then told me that maybe, just maybe I had a weird vagina. No bro, maybe you should make an effort to hold it in when you've talked such a big game. Was he in like sniper position or...

I think he was crouching tiger. - Crouching tiger. - Crouching tiger, I don't do it. (laughing) (laughing) - He was too much. - He was too much.

- What? (laughing)

- Top, dude, okay, first of all, ladies.

If a man tells you he can eat pussy, he cannot. - Nope. - Any dude that rags about eaten the cat and being a pro at it does not, he can't even find the knob.

All right, they're liars, I've trust me. They don't know what they're fucking talking about. Secondly, normally men who have big dicks and swagger and are super hot are just gonna be a fucking let down.

- Yeah. - Not one of them is gonna be a great story to write a home about.

“Unless you just fucking leave and never talk to him again.”

Other than that, the majority of the time they are a disappointment. Speaking from experience. So yeah, I have one time. Oh, I'm sat.

- Say it. - Ready? - thirsty. - One time, there was a sky. We used to call him Carlos Asada.

'Cause he was (laughing) - I'd be super good to my everyone. - How do you think of him as a man? - So many. (laughing)

- All right, so we called him Carlos Asada because he was so hot. I'm talking like, oh my God, this dude was just unbelievably hot. And just perfect body, in shape, beautiful face.

And one night, I finally got to take him for a spin. And we went to his house and I had been drinking tequila and all that stuff. Anyways, I go down on him and he smells so bad. So fucking bad.

To the point where I didn't even wanna have sex with him, I just ended up sucking him off. I get in my car to go home and all I can smell is that smell of him and I'm literally on the 2015 with a fucking bag from Smiths, a grocery bag,

projectile vomiting as I'm driving down the freeway because he smelled so bad. - Notta on the Asada. - Notta. (laughing)

- Yes, notta on the side of baby. I'm telling you. Oh, no. (laughing) - It was so bad, dude.

God.

I never looked at him the same and never if I could ever--

- I didn't double dip. - What didn't, what didn't, it wasn't black. - It was just putrid. It was so, I don't know. You know how some guys come smells really bad?

- Yeah, it was, it was that. - She's having PTSD flashback. - It was that, I can't do it.

and you're just eating fucking garbage everyday,

“your ejaculation is going to smell so bad, clean it up.”

- I'm kind of gagging a little bit of a soft no. I'm a little nauseous about it. (laughing) (laughing) So anyways, Heidi, we're sorry that you experienced that.

So yeah. - All right, yep. - I look like I follow them. (laughing) - I told you guys, I got some good ones this week.

- Can we open our presents real quick? - So Jason gave us some presents and we don't know what's in here. - This whole segment could be cut. - Yeah.

- All right, you ready?

- I'm not prepared for it.

- All together. - All together? - There's humor. Dude, he's stapled these, are taped 'em shut.

“- The Christmas bags for me and it's, yeah.”

- You use my Christmas bags. - That's fucking made fit. - Do you want this bag? - No. - Okay, I was like, I can't get it open.

- I got this bag. - I got tape. - You got it. - We taped. - I'm nervous.

- Dad, are you guys a faster than me? - I'm not. - Mine's great. Mine is great. What did you say?

- Wait. (laughing) - Wait, how they're different? - Jason. - Mine says, "Eat and Beep, blast and queeps."

(laughing) - What did you say, I guess? - This is what you see, what? (laughing) - And it's got a bunch of cats on the thing.

- It's just so funny. - Mine says, "In my cream pie era." - Oh my God. - I had. - That is fucking awesome.

- How am I cake? (laughing) (laughing) - I love it. - Do you remember this next episode?

- We should. - Yeah, let's wrap next episode. - We're wearing these totally down. - Jason, where did you find these? - This is insane.

- Just like this? - Eat and Beep, blast and queeps. (laughing)

- And here's what even though it's happening.

- All right, we love you guys. See you guys next week. - Bye. (upbeat music) - Can I ask y'all something?

When was the last time you actually looked at your phone bill? Because I swear, it just keeps creeping up.

“That's why I meant mobile makes so much sense to me.”

During their summer sale, every plan is just 15 bucks a month, even unlimited. It's a great way to free yourself from big wireless and all the gimmicks and gotchas. You still get premium wireless on the team

mobile 5G network with high speed data and unlimited talk and text. Plus, you can keep the phone you already love. Keep your current number and choose the plan that works best for you.

Three, six or 12 months. Switching to Mint was honestly so easy and I haven't noticed a difference in the quality of my service, which was the biggest thing I was worried about.

I'm still getting great coverage. I'm just paying way less for it. I should have switched a long time ago. If there's an easy way to save money every month without giving something up, I'm all for it.

To get your new wireless plan for just 15 bucks a month, go to mintmobile.com/vu and i.e. That's mintmobile.com/bunny. Cut your wireless bill to 15 bucks a month that mintmobile.com/bunny.

That's it, there's no catch. A front payment of $45 for three months, $90 for six months, or 180 for 12 months. Plan required, $15 a month equivalent, taxes and fees extra.

Initial plan term only, greater than 50 gigabytes, may slow when network is busy, includes up to 20 gigabytes of hotspot, capable device required. Availability's speed and coverage varies,

see mintmobile.com.