Ask, Tell, Confess: WTF?! Some Things Should Stay Secrets

used it. The furniture didn't match, there wasn't enough seating and once the sun went down, it just felt dark and boring. It definitely wasn't giving coming out here. Now we're outside all the time. Late night hangs, having friends over, sitting outside after a long day. It finally feels cozy and put together instead of random chairs thrown around outside. Adding better seating,

“lighting and decor completely changed the vibe. Honestly, made the whole backyard feel way more”

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by chimes bank partners. Optional products and services may have fees or charges. Stayed at annual

percentage yield and cashback for chime prime only. No minimum balance required. Checking account ranking based on a JD power survey published on October 20, 2025. For more information on APY rates, my pay, spot me and travel perks go to chime.com/disclosures. Okay, you guys don't put out. I'm tired of it. You've at least seen my butthole. We're not going down this route again. It's fucking days off every time you hear that, but it's

shut the pickup. I mean, when you got to show us your butthole. Okay. Did you ever go look at it the other day? No, I'm just not that flexible anymore. I got to do some stretching. You got to get - A squat. - A little mirror mirror mirror. - Or a video camera. - A video camera. - Put the camera on the floor and stand over it.

And (laughs) (laughs) - Just spread it, dude. - Bro, it's not here. - You can do that on. - Do that on.

“- Isn't Harry, do you have a little Peter Cotton down?”

- Here's your nose. - A little black Peter Cotton down. Just a little, a little hair, and it looks like a little hot on those wires. - Yeah, that's, I have hair, just not as much as that I've seen on other people, where I'm like, oh, I don't know how, I don't have that.

- Back hair. - No back hair. - Good, thank God. - It looks like a seal. - I'm the out hair. - Yeah, Harry's a little baby too. - No, he's like me. We're both hairless. - Yeah.

- You guys are very similar in skin texture. It's wild. - There's so many porn that cater to like, stepmother, stepson, stepdaughter, mother-in-law, mother-in-law, like it's all fucking weird.

- You're a fucking family. - It's a weird niche.

- I like people that are oiled up. - That's my thing. - I'm not into family members. - I like people. - Yes, oh, there's nothing better

“than watching two oiled up body slap skins.”

It is so exhilarating. Yeah, we'll have it. (laughing) - Tiny. (laughing)

- Hi, man, it's a shiny, all right. Well, we're in LA, and we are doing As Talk and Fest. When I was 16, I met a neighbor guy. He was two years older than me, and we started hooking up.

It was a short summer fling.

Never seen him again myself.

Only hurt rumors around town about him, 'cause he was a man-war. That's forward 15 years later. My mother, she's 20 years older than me, said, I've been seeing a guy who's younger.

His name is Dustin. Of course, my brain goes to this guy back in the day. I asked her to show me his Facebook picture, and it was him. I told my mom, like, dude,

I've fucked with him back in the day, and I was so grossed out. Two months went by, and my mom ended up getting herpes from him. So gross, and no worries, I'm clean.

“Mom got the herpe, the gift that keeps on giving.”

- Damn, I had this guy who I used to peg. He lived in his mom's apartment, but he had all the hardware. So I'm going to town on him, because I used to get into it.

Anything for some cash, I guess I'm free. So I'm going to town, and he literally shit all over the place. I'm not kidding, it was the most disgusting thing in my life. His whole room smelled, it was all over the place. Even on me, I took the hottest longer shower ever

than I never ever answered his calls again.

Staying anonymous. - My question is, was it explosive diarrhea? Like, how did it go everywhere like that? If it was a log, I could understand, or like, you know, I'd rather have a log.

- You don't know when you shit stuff or soda. - And you open it? That's similar to, did she shake him? - I mean, if you're fucking him. - Okay, but before you get anal,

you're supposed to clean your asshole out. - I doubt someone who's paying for it. Thought that far ahead. - What do you mean? That's their news to it.

They know it's coming. - They know it's coming. - Yeah, they know it. - They know it's coming. - They know it's coming. - They know it. - They know it. - They know it. - I'm just going to lie to it, ride.

- Mm-hm. - All right, yeah. I've talked about pegging way too much today. This is weird. - Would you pegged Jason?

- You want one on me. - Would you? - But you like to. - But you like to. - Yeah? - Hey.

(laughing)

- He would never, he wanted to let me see his bottle.

- Oh, he was just fed so far. - He fell for a record. (laughing) - Oh, yeah. - Oh, jiggers lovelins.

- Have you guys ever seen a beauty in the beast? - Yeah. - And that one part where she says something and he goes, "Hmm, that is exactly what Bailey just did, dude."

It was so funny, dude. - And it only gets weirder from here. - I entered a new job a few weeks ago. One, I had been avoiding desperately for a long time, but due to financial problems with my family,

I was forced to take it. Simultaneously, I also had a relapse with a porn addiction. I thought I'd gotten rid of. Often, I used my lunch breaks to watch porn

and the restrooms and masturbate. Maybe it's the stress, anxiety, or maybe it's just for the thrills. I don't know. - He's just working off in the bathroom.

- Just working off at work in the bathroom. - Can I? - It gets better. - It gets better, it gets better. - I swear every time I look at a phone bill now,

I'm like, "Why are we all just accepting this?" Somehow, your wireless bill starts at one price and then by the time they add random fees, you're paying way more than you expected.

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Additional taxes fees and restrictions apply seem at mobile for details. - Now, there's cheese. - A lawyer can also agree that she has the costly cash smacked.

But now she has her own pocket handle. As best as you can see, I'm my greatest test.

“If you want to have a cheese hit, cheese hit.”

Now, some greatest tests. - I don't know whose idea was to make the walls, dividing the stalls out of glass plastered with cheat plastic. Last week, I noticed there are several scratches on the plastic, making little holes that allow you to peep into the next stall.

Since then, I have been fighting the urge to peep in.

There was never someone there.

I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea.

I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. I don't think that's a good idea. And there, but I still felt anxious about it.

Today, there actually was someone there for the first time. Even before leaving my desk, I'd told myself I wouldn't even consider the idea that I would just do the usual. But as soon as I saw that girl enter, I gave in. My heart was racing and my hands were shaking, but I still touched myself when I saw

her ass. After coming, I felt like shit immediately. I can't believe I went through with it and even hours after the fact, I'm still in shock and disappointed at myself. Is this a girl talking or a guy?

It could be a community bathroom. I'm not sure. I don't know. They didn't give me those details. Let me check again.

Let me make sure, hold on, because I deleted it after I read it. Oh, good. That one's rough, right? All right.

“Let me, let me, let me, let me set off, right?”

I'm so confused.

You literally have a desk job, and you're a whack.

It's a female. So it's another female. Does that make it better? A little? No.

No, it does. No. No. Just because I feel, I don't know, with a man and just say, you're going to the bathroom to take a dump and somebody's flicking the bean right next to you.

How are you feeling? I'd rather have a girl flicking the bean than a guy jacking off. It's still fucking creepy. Oh, shit. I'm not saying it's not fucking weird.

Let me see somebody fucking stick in their eye and fall through. Okay. I'm going to fucking poke, I'll get an ice pick and fucking shove it through. That's crazy. You're going to watch him.

You're going to watch him. You're going to watch him. You're going to watch him. You're going to watch him. You're going to watch him.

You're just fucking, you're just fucking, you're just fucking, you're just fucking, you're not, you're just fucking, you're just fucking, you're just fucking, you're just fucking. I mean, are we not using it? I can't do that. I can't do that.

I can't do that. I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, why is it so wide?

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that. Bro, I can't do that.

All right, who's going to kick this off?

Please don't ever do that with your eyebrows again. Don't ever do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again.

Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again.

Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again. Bro, I can't do that with your eyebrows again.

What is this?

“You have to wait till our face completely relaxes for her again.”

You have to get a knee in your mouth. She looked like bird from Burton Ernie, dude. It was like, she made a chewing. She made her eyebrows twerk. Like it was crazy.

I can't actually read it, bro. I don't know what she did. I don't know what she did. I don't know what she did, but holy shit. What the heck?

They were. I need to see it. Oh, dude. We're all delirious.

hey, Lee, would you like to kick this off? Here I'll go. Okay. Is this what you feel like with me and got it? Got it.

Okay. Fuck. Okay. Sorry. Sorry.

I get it. Oh, me and you feel my face hurts. She like made eye contact with me.

“That's what you can't make eye contact with her with her.”

No, she didn't hurt the eyebrow thing and made eye contact with me. Like you all done. I'm going to try to do it, but I have so much photos on my face. She was like, you know. Why didn't feel like it was moving so much?

Bro, this is me personally. Like up here though. Thank you.

This is why I will never have photo.

Bro, you don't need it yet. I can't. Did she get no photo or something? She has to be completely relaxed today because it was, I found a puzzle.

When I was 19, we lived next door to an older lady. She was in her late 70s. I used to go over and help her mo and do her trash and pick up around the house because she was disabled and had to move around via wheelchair. She wasn't able to walk for very long, but one evening when I was helping her clean,

she made a comment about how she missed having a man around the house and how thankful she was to have my help. That night during conversation about my love life, she stated that she hadn't had any physical touches in over 20 years and that all she had was a vibrator.

We both laughed and I noticed her staring down at my bulge multiple times. I was wearing gym shorts and I knew instantly that she would probably never experience dick again in her lifetime. So I outright offered her some. I said, well, I'm only next door.

I can provide whatever you need whenever. That was enough for her.

At first, she was shy, but eventually said to come back later that she would be ready.

She called me over to shave that every day. Everything's over. Yeah, everything's short for sure. She called me over around 11 pm.

“I had a key to her door, so I walked right into her in the bedroom.”

She was already laying there fully naked. I was very young and fully brick when I saw her. I got into her bed, wrapped her legs around my waist and slowly slid it in. Okay. She was so tight, but opened up to me real quick.

She was incredibly wet and shaking like a leaf. [laughter] Oh my god. [laughter] At first, it started off like the birth broke song where he talks about banging the old lady

and then it turned into a straight-up porn. Yep, they fucked for 45 minutes. That was one of the best sexual experiences in my life. Sadly, she passed away a year later. We only ever fucked that one night.

She called the next day to say she slept to tell me. She slept like a baby with my load in her. I'm 29 and I still love fucking old women. The last part was forgotten. [laughter]

I was so shocked. She passed away. I love that for her. You know, listen. We don't ever lock anybody's gun.

Exactly. So we appreciate the dick-in. Okay. We appreciate the Charles's dick-in. Okay.

So Chris, this story. That's a good story. [laughter] What?

“No, I've heard the complete opposite that your pussy lips fucking go inside.”

Yeah, that's what I'm saying. It's like, it's not this. I don't want to do that. My pussy lips disappeared after IVF. Rub it.

Open it right now. You guys see my pussy all the time. Every time I'm fucking undressed. I've seen it in a minute. So I got a story for you guys real quick before we wrap this side.

Yeah, I heard about that. You had something exciting. I don't know if I was exciting. Oh. Probably one of the most embarrassing moments of my life.

Oh, so every week we have people come to help us clean the house. I don't know what the correct terminology is. House cleaners? Yes. Okay.

We have house cleaners come once a week to clean. They have been cleaning our house for six years. I love these ladies. These are my little nuggets. I love them so much.

We're like, every time I come in, hey. Yeah. We talk to them. We love them. And I told you guys in the beginning of this podcast.

I've been taking those new greens. So I literally shit every time. If I drink something, it runs right through me and I shit. You know? So I'm in the middle of cooking lunch and all of a sudden I'm like, Oh, my God.

I have to get to a bathroom. So I had to run to the bathroom in the front of the house, which I never go to.

I always go in my bathroom.

But this time nobody was around. Everybody was upstairs. So I was like, okay. I'm just going to go in this bathroom. And drop a load and, you know, wash my hands and finish cooking.

So anyways, again, I go in there.

Just scrolling, you know. Next thing I know, the door flies open. Chocchi comes barreling in.

“But it wasn't just Chocchi that came barreling in.”

It was one of the girls that had never been to our house before.

It comes barreling in. Well, Chocchi looks like he's chasing her. But he's not. He's trying to get into the bathroom with me. This woman was so scared that mid-loaf she sat on my lap.

[laughing] [laughing] [screaming] Wall. I have a turd hanging out.

[laughing] We were eye to eye. Oh, what do you mean? She sat on your lap. We're right here.

What do you mean? She opened the door. Came up against the wall and is in my lap right here. Because there's not room in that bathroom. Yeah, no.

So we're this close to each other. While I'm sitting on the toilet. And I just, I'm looking at her. [screaming] Oh.

My gosh. Yeah, and it's smelled. Okay.

And I'm looking at her eyes.

And I'm looking at her eyes. And all I could muster up the courage to say was, you're fine. [laughing] Get out.

Well, that's it. You're fine. Get out. [laughing] I said it four times.

And the most calmest tone. What? You could think of. She was staring. We were deadlocked.

“It took her a minute to register what was going on.”

[laughing] And I had to say four times. What? She just stood there? And stared at me.

Breathing in, basking in the audience. [laughing] I got a story. This person wants to be kept anonymous. Oh, that means it's--

Wait. Yeah. JC. She is an RN. So I was working urgent care and had a--

[laughing] [laughing] We're listening. What is happening? We started making faces.

I'm sorry. We can't sit in class. No. No.

You guys are never allowed to be in class.

We're too close right now. Now we pass the notes. The whole class. Yes. I'm literally like a bomb of the group.

Yeah. Always let them cross the street. No. And these two take off. Green light cars coming.

We go back. I said, "Sure, we wait." She said, "No, they left us." I said, "We left them." She's like, "I know.

I just like to gas like this." [laughing] [laughing] It keeps on walking. [laughing]

So they didn't wait. They're good. Yeah. Yeah. That's my chair.

Every time. This chair sucks. All right. Here we go. Am I good?

I'm sorry, dude. I'm not doing it on purpose.

“Did you imagine you and the guest tomorrow?”

No. I can't believe that. I will not sit like this. I will never, never. No.

Just for the funny fuck now. Okay. I'm not going to look at you. Okay, don't. All right.

Go ahead. Sorry. I'm proud of us for going to the gym. We had long days since you were up. We have had long days.

No. Okay. We have had a long, fucking day. I think we're delirious at this point. Yeah.

I'm going to be so thankful. This is all set up tomorrow morning though. Because that means I get to sleep a little longer. You're welcome. Okay.

So this one wants to be kept anonymous. She is in RN. So I was working urgent care and had a young girl come in. Hate you both. I was going to continue under 18.

But at least 15 years old. So she had bad stomach cramps. I've seen her. You don't understand what she just did. I'm going to cry.

You don't understand what she just did. I'm crying. We both. We both. We both went like this.

I swear to God, we were both like trying not to lick it then we both go. Dinner is met. It was so funny dude. Let's collect that. All right.

I'm going to look over you. Go ahead. She's so mad at us. I'm so mad at us. All right.

You're 15. I'm so sorry to whoever's story this is. We shouldn't have even filmed right now. We're all so fucking hot. We're all so delirious.

Maybe.

I love a good poop story.

How you do? I do. I like real poop. Like poop pranks. Wait.

Fucking funny.

“Can I read an astel confess that someone gave to me specifically.”

Yeah. All right. Here it goes. She's like I got it locked and loaded. I do.

It literally says. Hey ladies. This is a tell just for Haley. It involves poop and butt holes. So my boyfriend likes for me to wear a strap on and ping his butt hole from time to time.

Okay. No biggie. It is a little awkward. But whatever he likes it. Well, where the situation comes in is that when his.

Prostate is stimulated and he comes from the stimulation. He shits all over the place. Full blown hot. It would be gooey. Right past shit.

Blowing out is out. Is that. Oh my goodness. Who describes poop? Is it right gooey?

I described brownies as ooey gooey. Not shit. I don't like ooey gooey.

“The last time we did this, there was shit all over the bed.”

His ass, me, the strap on. Why are they doing it so much? Why is it over the bed? It was a last time. Why is it a repeated adventure?

Do they think it's going to get better every time? Maybe it hits like a reflex and his butt hole.

I mean, he can finally release everything.

He needs to do an enema before it. No. Literally. I'm reading down more and it says. I've told him going forward.

If you ever once his butt hole poked again, he will need to clean it out first. Enemies are your friend. Amy. Thanks, Amy. Amy.

I didn't need the gooey gooey. It looks like a gooey gooey. The adjectives you used for wild. Listen, after the first time somebody just shits ooey gooey turds everywhere, I'm going to not want to fuck them with a strap on.

That's not going to get it. It's so bad. Yeah, like there's no way to. When I was 18 years old, I had my first serious boyfriend. I'm pretty much one of those people that's down to explore anything at the time.

Well, I decided to let him insert ping pong balls into my butt. Why I don't know, but here we are ping pong balls from beer pong. The night before, yes, we watched them. Washed them. You weirdos.

Clearly. Anywho, they're in there. Three of them. In fact, almost fun and games. And then it came time to take them out.

Yep. Here comes one. Here comes two, but however three would not come out. It was fully stuck. And I immediately started to panic as one does.

We start to try to loom me up and insert fingers squatting as low as I could possibly go. And it would not come out. And I don't know what happened next. The next few minutes, sheer panic. And the sheer will of hearing wild ER stories.

I was not about to be one of those. The ball finally came out. And to this day, do not insert any foreign objects near my ass, ever. Okay, human gumball machine. I have had the privilege of watching ping pong balls get shot out of a vagina.

Lucky, but never an asshole.

How far do they go? They come out. Oh, do they make a sound? A ping pong ball in a vagina? Like I'm talking like.

You remember the toys as a kid? You stick them in a ball and squeeze them. They come out full force. Like I'm telling you, these girls would shoot them out of their vagina. I might have to do it.

Later I would like to see. Palamino club shout out. Palamino club and Las Vegas. That's what the same place I saw the dude fucked the watermelon. Oh.

Yeah, she gets crazy upstairs and downstairs. I've never gone there. I told this story before on the podcast. You don't remember the watermelon I dissociated? I don't know.

Maybe. But we went to go see male dancers when night me in touch. And we went downstairs upstairs. They were shooting ping pong balls out of their vagina. And then downstairs, the sky is doing this dance.

He comes out. He's hot. Getting it going. Literally goes down to like dive on the stage and do that thing that like strippers do. Yeah.

Sticks his wiener in a freaking watermelon. It just starts going to town on the watermelon on stage. Did you finish? I don't know. I just wanted to see him.

I'm sure. I want to be with some seedless or not. What are you going to see? I'm stuck in the. Okay, but how do you even think of like I'm you know what?

“I think do you ever look at things that are not vagina?”

I could stick my dick in that. I'm like, I'm just passing thought. But I don't, I don't do well on it. It does. It does pass my.

I feel like most guys do. Yeah. I do and I don't have a penis. Okay. You ever saw a hole and been like if I had a dick I'd stick it in there.

It depends on what the hole is. No. I don't look at every hole like that.

Yeah, I'm sticking your dick in every hole.

No. All right. There are some holes though that looked tempting. If I was dating this guy for about six months, nice guy. Um, unbeknownst to me, he had been cheating on me the whole time via anal 15 on a site called

That Life. I was unfamiliar with the site at the time when all of this went down. This was like a year ago. My friend found his profile on Facebook dating and his bio, which I also didn't know he had sadly referenced his BDSM stuff and what he was looking for, which was referenced

into the fat life thing. So we looked onto that site.

“Um, she said, hey, girl, isn't this your boyfriend?”

Sure was for the next five minutes. Me and the girlfriends went down the rabbit hole. Easily found him on the site and he had been looking for anal 15 people from this site. He wanted to get fisted or he wanted to put his fist in a noose.

Um, I don't know. We found him in a local meet up group looking for, oh, here we go. We found out him in a local meet up group looking to host to do thing. Do this after he got off of work. We didn't live together and he got off work at 1 a.m.

So I would have no way of knowing when I confronted him. He admitted it and we ended things immediately. What I also find interesting is that our relationship was very vanilla. None of this. BDSM inserts ever came up and he seemed really normal.

He was a good boyfriend.

So I would have never thought.

Yeah. Somebody probably shamed him at an early age for a king that he had. And so he had to mask being a normal person in a relationship and then have this gizgy, separate fantasy like in the closet type thing. Yeah.

Yeah. Getting fisted is rough. She said, I can't even poop.

“I could imagine it and fisted in my bowhole, especially right now with my fucking hemorrhoid.”

God. Clever. Clever. Clever. Okay.

Not mine, but my sister's story. And she's no longer with us. So I'm going to tell it.

This is only for you because you like shit and butt holes.

He said, my sister had a thing with this guy. Uh, hideous in my opinion. I was 21 at the time. We were all drinking and my sister's friend ends up walking me home. My sister had a migraine.

She gets in her purse and takes what she thought is high on all. Oh, no. They were laxatives. Uh, her and dude end up doing the deed. I was not there for this.

Um, but as my sister told it, he was coming and said, wow, you're so wet. Then said, do you smell shit? My sister shit. His whole bed and it was graphic.

“Um, she ran to the bathroom and threw herself in the shower to wash the”

shit off. She came out to him nowhere to be seen with a Walmart bag on top. Her shoes with her shit filled pants and a sticky note that said, please don't contact me again. The sticky note, you couldn't just left.

I think she would have known. Did you know it's wild? Did you know where sticky note was? She was in his house. The board he go.

Oh, those, oh, yeah, it was his house. Yeah. That's the one. That's the one where he drives. I got to go said, I need a sig.

Yeah, literally this is, I don't care how fucking, much diarrhea. I have, I know when it's coming out. Yeah, you didn't know that she was drinking. She was drinking and. Laxatives.

That's, she probably felt like she was just like, finishing and it was from a different whole. Oh, gosh. She'd know. She fucked the shit into her.

Because I went on her pussy. Were they doing anal? Were they doing anal? I don't know. I don't know.

I have so many questions. I have so many good. I mean, I, I'm really into this story. I got to know. I started to fuck buddy situation ship after getting out of a bad relationship.

My friends with benefit was a dreamy six to bartender. I worked with at the time. He was hot. He had confidence and a swagger I couldn't deny. He bragged at how he loved going down on women and promised when I got to experience that.

It would change my world. That with the fact that he had a big dick. I was genuinely giddy when the time came to experience this alleged mind-blowing experience. We're in my bed and he starts making his way down south. He's but us naked fully bricked up and he starts his magic.

And then it happened. He farted. One long. And it just kept going like nothing happened. And he just kept going like nothing happened.

It smelled very bad. And I didn't know what to do. I pushed myself up and said I didn't think I could get into this end of the right mood. And he said we should chill out for a bit. He was offended and then told me that maybe just maybe I had a weird vagina.

No bro.

“Maybe you should make an effort to hold it in when you've talked such a big game.”

Was he in like sniper position or? I think he was crouching tiger. Crouching tiger. Crouching tiger. I don't do it.

[laughter] [laughter] [laughter] He was too much. [laughter]

Top. Dude.

Okay, first of all, ladies.

If a man tells you he can eat pussy, he cannot. Nope. Any dude that rags about eaten the cat.

“And being a pro at it does not, he can't even find the knob.”

All right. They're liars. I've trust me. They don't know what they're fucking talking about. Secondly, normally men who have big dicks and swagger and are super hot are just going to be a fucking let down.

Yeah. Not one of them is going to be a great story to write at home about.

Unless you just fucking leave and never talk to him again.

Other than that, the majority of the time they are at a disappointment. Speaking from experience. Oh. Yeah. I have one time.

Oh. They're upset. Say it. Ready. There's D.

One time. There was this guy. We used to call him Carlos Asada. Because he was. [laughter]

Happy to see you. Happy to see you. Happy to see you. So many. All right.

“So we called him Carlos Asada because he was so hot.”

I'm talking like, oh my god. This dude was just unbelievably hot and just perfect body in shape. Beautiful face.

And one night, I finally got to take him for a spin.

And we went to his house and I had been drink it to Kila and all that stuff. Anyways, I go down on him and he smells so bad. So fucking bad. To the point where I didn't even want to have sex with him. I just ended up sucking him off.

I get in my car to go home and all I can smell is that smell of him. And I'm literally on the 2/15 with a fucking bag from Smiths, a grocery bag, projectile vomiting as I'm driving down the freeway because he smelled so bad. Not on the Asada. [laughter]

[laughter] Yes. No. [laughter]