Esther Part 1 • Dr. Barbara Morgan Gardner • August 3-9 • Come, Follow Me

Car of young men started following us, and they followed us all the way across the

Lambert River and down to this little place, and we were so afraid, there's no way we could bring any of them home. So we partly pulled into the only church parking lot in the area, which was the church you guys were already saying it's parking lot, because that was our safe place, I guess, and thinking that they would leave us love, but they followed us into that church parking

lot. It was a few miles from our own home. They've pulled down the window, they got out, and they asked us on a date. And we were so excited. It would be just in turn 16, these boys that we didn't know were cruising the guy, it

was midnight, and they had asked us on a date. Hello my friends, welcome to another episode of Follow Him. My name is Hank Smith. I'm your host.

I'm here with John by the way.

John I was reading the very last chapter of Esther. It said words like power, might. The declaration of greatness, I mean, this is a great among his people, accepted among the multitude of his brethren, speaking peace, John, as I was reading about Mordecai,

“Esther's uncle, I thought that's how I would describe John by the way right there.”

That's not how I would describe him nor anybody that knows me except for you. John, you need to accept these compliments that I'm giving you, because they are right on every one of them. That is Uncle Mordecai, so what call you Uncle John? Oh, I like Uncle John, I'm Uncle.

We are privileged to be joined today by our friend, Dr. Barbara, Morgan, Gardner, Arb. Welcome back to Follow Him, we've missed you. I just love you guys, thanks for having me on the show, this makes me happy to be with you. I get a learn from you and hang out with you. You are wonderful, and I wish everyone could have been here for the last what hour as we

didn't record, we just chatted, shared stories, it's good to have you back. Thank you, friend. John, when you think of the book of Esther, what comes to mind? Almost every one of when you google it, whatever says, this book doesn't mention God. I just think this has got to be deliberate because God is everywhere in the story.

I love to see the 3D chess game going on in the story of Esther, that's what I love about it. The phrase that comes to my mind is for Mordekai, how do you know that you aren't come to the kingdom for this exact time? Who's doing that?

That's the Lord moving those pieces into place. Barbara, what are we going to do today? What are you looking forward to? Being with you and being in the scriptures, seeing what the spirit is going to teach also what he already has taught, as John says, finding the Lord, but he didn't guide us just

like he was guiding Esther. You mentioned right at the beginning about not having God mentioned this book.

“I think it's fascinating right off the top that we see Esther, the name of Esther, and”

Hebrew, Esther means hidden or concealed. I want to talk about Esther actually as a prototype of Christ and what we can learn about Christ through this incredible woman. I'm excited to talk about patriarchal priesthood and the difference between patriarchal and patriarchal and patriarchal and how we confuse patriarchal and how one is so sacred and

one is so mortal and confusing. I'm excited to talk about leadership, excited to talk about timing. There are so many identity. This book is so full of incredible principles and truths of the gospel of Jesus Christ. It's full of relationships, it's full of guiding us into the Lord and helping us overcome

weakness and fear and I love it. John, I am excited already to learn from Barbara.

We always learn a lot when Barbara is here and it's fun to combine a wonderful teacher with

a wonderful book and see what happens. John has been a while since we've had Barbara on the show. There might be a new listener who says, "Wait, I've heard this name before. Who is this again? What do we know about Barbara?

Why is her name so long? Dr. Barbara Morgan Gardner. There's a lot of syllable there." Okay, listen, before John jumps in, I'm actually going to tell you that because we're talking about women and priesthood and things like this, as is maybe personal for me, but my

patient of blessing says, "As I use my family name, I will bring honor to my parents." I am careful to go by Barbara Morgan Gardner because I want to recognize my parents

“and raising me and how important that is.”

It's who I am. My parents named me, the Barbara Morgan, and I got buried to wonderful dustin and so I take all those names and names matter. It flows beautifully. Barbara Morgan Gardner.

Thank you. My name's Hank. It's more of a dog name than a people name. Hank is a nice name. It's a nice name.

My name means strange just so you know, Barb. Okay, but I bought a body that, yeah, strange, strange one. I know it's strange one. That's strange one. Well, speaking of strange one, John, tell us about Barb.

Barbara loves teaching and religious education at BYU. She teaches the doctor to come and see the eternal family teaching to the living prophets.

education, and religious pedagogy. She's the author of the book. I have it right here.

“The priesthood power of women, and I think I was noticing that her first chapter is called”

for such a time as this, which is a phrase right out of Esther, completed postdoctoral work at Harvard. She served as Institute Director in Boston, including her assignments as a chaplain at Harvard and MIT on my goodness. She was born and raised in Salem, Oregon, served as Spanish-speaking mission in the Los Angeles

Temple Visitor Center, listen, Highland Utah, married to Dustin Gardner, parents of two children. I want to ask you about this new, known prophet you have of women of covenant leadership. Tell us about that, because I suspect a lot of our listeners will be interested women of covenant leadership. We've had prophets asking us for years, and there's one specifically, Joseph F. Smith, who's

been quoted by so many who says to the women of the church, "We need you to lead the world." Especially the women of the world, not be led by the world. We've heard that so many times. We've had so many pleas from President Nelson and President Oaks asking the women of the

church to be leaders, and my personal philosophy is that any woman and any man who makes and keeps their sacred covenants is a leader by who they are, they are leaders. Our hope is that we can ignite the women that are already so strong in the gospel of Jesus Christ and help them see their important role in their homes and in their neighborhoods and in the schools, and in the world, speak up and speak out, know the principles of the

gospel of Jesus Christ that are confident, then really make a difference. Make a difference wherever the Lord would have them be, whether it's again in their homes or communities in any way. We started this non-profit, we tried to really help with teaching fundamental doctrines and principles of the gospel of Jesus Christ, so we have gatherings, we take people on

wonderful church history trips together. In each one, we are trying to do all we can to empower righteous women to change the world

as it has been prophesied to prepare the world for the second coming gather Israel and establish

Zion. We're all in, we're running and having a great time. Love to have anyone join us, we're just one step at a time climbing this mountain and hoping to fulfill and answer the pleas of a prophet.

“How would people find out about it, how would they get involved?”

There's a website that we have just created, women of covenant leadership.org. We have podcasts called Grounded in the Gospel of Jesus Christ. That's more of a formal podcast. It comes out weekly, it's come follow me manual. We only have women on the podcast, so again, these are women that are grounded in the

Gospel of Jesus Christ, who are aligned with the prophet, Susan revelators. They come to my home, sit at the table and we discuss the doctrines and principles and each of the chapters of the Old Testament or whatever we're studying that year. Together, just as sisters, yeah, it's fun, it's a great experience. So good, wonderful.

We'll call it a sister podcast to follow him. Thank you, love it. It's a sibling of ours. That's right. Yes, we love each other.

All in the family. And big thanks to you guys for helping us think through and get started with it. Your help has helped us a lot, so thank you. Yeah, Barb is good friends with our wonderful teammate, Lisa Spice. Okay, if you have not had the opportunity to watch judges, just came before this podcast.

You can go back. Lisa does a phenomenal job. We got her on the show. She came on a little bit screaming and acting like she didn't know a lot, but let's be honest, that woman is brilliant and so fun.

Yes, we had her on her show and so grateful, so thank you, Lisa, for coming. Oh, that's so fun. People could get a double dose because we did judges with Lori Denning, who is Lisa Spice's Win sister. You could get both of them from our show and yours.

I think everybody needs to go do that. Okay, I am going to do that myself. That's going to be a great experience.

They always Denning sisters, they know what they're doing.

And their laugh is so similar when you listen, you'll go, oh, wow, those are twin sisters. They're not, they've got an older, they've definitely two different people, but the laugh still the same. All right, let's start with the come-fall me manual. The title of the lesson this week, "Vow art come for such a time as this."

Many events in the book of Esther might seem like luck or coincidence. How else do you explain how an orphaned Jewish girl became the queen of Persia at just the right time to save her people from slaughter? What are the chances that Esther's cousin Mordakai would happen to overhear a plot to assassinate the king?

“Were these coincidences or were they part of a divine plan?”

While there has been noted, what may appear to be a random chance is in fact overseen by a loving father in heaven. The Lord is in the small details of our lives.

We might not always recognize the Lord's influence in these small details, but we learn

from Esther's experience that he can guide our path and prepare us for such a time when

Beautiful.

All right, Barb, you have a lot prepared, you're excited about it, where do you want to

start? I want to start right where you just started. God is making himself known. The question is, are we seeing it?

“Are we observing and noticing the majesty of the moment?”

Now, you think that the book of Esther is really bringing us there. I'll just share a quick story. This happened just this morning to me. I'm just going to tie this in just because it's on my mind. A majesty of the moment moment.

I have a nephew who I was just speaking with and he's given me permission to share this. He is so tender. I just love this young man so much. He's been serving a mission in Sierra Leone. He's coming home a little bit earlier than he had planned.

He loves his mission. He loves serving. He loves the people. He loves everything.

He's coming home to make some important decisions in his life.

As I was talking to him, the spirit confirmed to me so strongly be pleased with him and happy for him. In this case, the right thing to do. That's up to him. I just felt that.

“But on the phone, he had said to me that he didn't know what his travel plans were, but”

he's probably going to be coming home this week. As I said, I really wish I could be there, but we're actually leaving, we're flying out to Europe this week. I'm so sad that I won't be able to meet you at the airport to throw my arms around you and tell you how much I love you, et cetera, because it's going to be hard to come home.

As I said that, we said, yeah, that would be great. I wish we could see each other, but we understand, I'll be home on a week and a half. Long story short, he received his travel plans to come home. He's coming from Sierra Leone. He told me about his travel plans before he sent me the travel plans.

I looked at the travel plans and I just thought, oh, that's so interesting. You're going through Amsterdam. And I looked at my flight plans and I saw that we were also going through Amsterdam. Then I looked at the time that he was flying in to Amsterdam. If you can think of all the flights going out throughout the entire world on all these different

airlines, I looked at the time he's flying in. He's going to be in Amsterdam at 6.45 a.m. with a three hour layover. I hadn't even paid attention to my own flight plans to this point. I pulled up my flight plans just to see. We land in Amsterdam at 6.50 for a two and a half hour layover a few gates down from him.

Generally, what are the chances of this young man that I love dearly and wish terribly

“that I could be at the airport with for the Lord to put us both?”

I mean, it was to the point where I thought, maybe I should just cancel my trip. I'm going out to speak to a number of young adult women in Europe. And maybe I should just cancel this trip because being there for my nephew when he comes home from his mission is extremely important to me that he feels loved and cared for and we're all behind him.

But instead, the Lord fixed it. And instead of me canceling my trip that I felt I shouldn't cancel, he made it so my husband and myself and my wonderful nephew are all going to be at the Amsterdam airport for two hours. And as I said to him, I said, look, the likelihood of our flights changing and something happening and us not being able to land at the same time or something could be high.

I don't know. We may miss each other, but what is very clear is the Lord knows this nephew. He knows his heart. He cares about him. He knows him by name and that matters.

I just share that with the story of Esther as you mentioned that. You can't make this stuff up. God is making himself known. God didn't sign his travel plans and he didn't sign my travel plans like love, heavenly father.

That wasn't on there. You don't need it. You have the signature. God has made himself known. There have been so many experiences like that in my life and I hope that we recognize that

God is in the details of the details as we've been told. He just makes himself known if we were able to watch that. That's a beautiful story. Elderbednar, April 2005, you both know it. Some may count these experiences as simply nice coincidences, but I testify that the tender

mercies of the Lord are real. They do not occur randomly or merely by coincidence, often it is the Lord's timing of his tender mercies which helps us both discern and acknowledge them. Thanks, Barb. I just think of President Oaks and his wonderful talk.

If you haven't looked at that recently, his BYU devotional on timing is so good and for those, especially who may be single or wondering about the timing of the Lord. I loved the part because I was single when I was listening to this and I continued to be for a number of years and he shares an experience with his wife being single as well. He talks about timing, he talks about the importance of understanding that when we have

faith in the Lord as Elder Maxwell says, we have faith in the Lord's timing. We have to be careful to judge other people according to our time table and understanding our own selves according to our time table, but if we put our trust in the Lord, President

Oaks says this, he says the first principle of the gospel is faith in the Lord Jesus Christ.

Faith means trust. Trust in God's will, trust in his way of doing things and trust in his time table. We should not try to impose our time table on his. And I would add, we should not try to impose our time table on others.

at this time?

“Why was Mordecai at this position at this time?”

Why Vashti? Why King of Hasseris?

Where are all these things happening?

I don't know what I do know is that the Lord is making himself known through his timing. Having faith in the Lord is having faith in his timing and we see that very clearly in this. I hope that everyone listening recognizes that God is in the details of their lives and there is timing for everything, trust in his timing, get to know the Savior so that you can have trust in his timing.

It's much easier to trust in God's timing when you can trust in the Savior. Know the Savior, learn to trust Him, then place your timing on the altar so that he can take over. He can run with you. Beautiful.

Elder Lund called him Divine Signatures, Tender Mercy's Divine Signatures and I'll bet a lot of listeners are out there nodding and thinking of a time when they sought to. Get those down and stack them up and see how God has involved in our lives and how he really does.

Really does arrange things for us sometimes like this story too.

There's this moment in John 21 where the Lord says, "Thur you're not on the other side and you will find," John looks at Peter and says. It's the Lord. It's a personalized blessing, only four of them would recognize it. The others would say, "Wow, what a miracle," but they would say, "No, no, no.

It's an individualized blessing." That was meant just for me, just for us. Then you write John, he jumps into the water, I got to go to him. I would say, "Barb is helping us get to know the Lord. We want to get to know about him, obviously, but we get to know him as a person and his

“timing seems to be such a important part of his personality."”

I guess I'm waxing personal here, but John just to your point with my wonderful nephew today, I said, "Please, make sure you write this down." Because even though this seems crazy, this will be something that you really do need to share with future generations and your friends, and maybe most importantly for yourself. As we've been taught, so carefully by Maronai, remember to the things that the Lord has

done for the children's men since the beginning of Adam. We saw that with Moses, he's asking the people, even in the book of Deuteronomy, remember these things. When we're putting stones with Joshua as they're crossing, put these there so when your children ask, you can tell them, in our day we have so many ways to record.

Find a way to record it, so you and other people will be reminded of the hand of the Lord constantly and consistently. In fact, one of the things that Elder Scott says is one of the ways we show God that we love him is by recording our sacred experiences. We can remember him better if we record our experiences.

It's hard to sometimes remember, prove that you care by writing it down or by recording it in some way. You don't need to be intimidated by saying, oh, I've got a right every detail, even just making a note of a few sentences will keep that on your mind. I have a note just on my phone.

Or you could even make a voice memo and say, this happened to me today, just say it. If you don't want to write it, just say it. Today with the voice memo thing, I think you have those little quotation marks and it transfers it to text and speaks to text and you can actually upload that audio to your family search. There's so many ways to keep these things.

“The key is to remember, that's the principle, right?”

Remember the hand of the Lord and all things. How wonderful. If you will indulge me, everyone, I have some pretty strong feelings about the book of Esther and chapter one starts it off. It's a woman's book in some ways.

What I look at the book of Esther, I see influence of women at a very, very high level. I believe that Esther today would be answering the plea of the prophet and there are a number of things we could talk about, but before we even get into Esther, I want to get into Vashti. I actually have, in my scriptures, I love Vashti.

I will say this is a woman who wasn't willing to put up with being treated and de-meaned and I love that about her. We start out with this king of hastress.

We see that he is having this incredible feast.

This is in chapter one, verse three. He's having this feast unto all his princes. He wants to show all of these people the riches it says in verse four and his glorious kingdom and the honor of his excellent majesty. He's throwing this huge feast, he's inviting all these people very high level people.

He wants to really show them how incredible he is. It says in verse six, the blue hangings fastened with cords and so you see this sign of real royalty, he's making a very serious point here. They gave them drink and the vessels of gold. I mean, the drinking out of gold vessels and it's royal wine.

I mean, he is going all out and this meeting with these men. And his drinking was according to the law. It says, "Nunded compel for so the king had appointed to all the officers of his house that they should do according to every man's pleasure." While the king is having his big party with all of these men, we see in verse nine that

Vashti, the queen, is also having a royal feast. She's there with all of her women friends. They are there. They are having this dinner together. They're enjoying each other's company.

I would imagine. In the middle of Vashti's dinner that she's having with the women, she is

or Mary with wine."

He is going to have his servants go to Vashti and her dinner party and command her to come

to him. It says in verse 11, "To bring Vashti the queen before the king with the crown royal, to show the people and the princes her beauty for she was fair to look upon. Why is he bringing her? Not to sit bound with her.

Not to hold her hand, not to praise her and appreciate her comfort and her relationship with him. He's bringing her to show off. He's bringing her to show off just like he's shown off. It seems with all of these other things.

He's showing off the wine, he's showing off the rap, he's showing off the food, he's showing off everything.

“It's very clear that that's what he's doing at the beginning.”

In verse 12, you see, "But the queen Vashti refused to come at the king's commandment.

By his Chamberlain's therefore was the king very wroth and is anger burned in him.

If we look at it from Vashti's perspective, I so appreciate her here." This is an example I would say of patriarchy and why it's very different than the patriarchal order. So I'm going to go back and we see Adam and Eve, especially as we started the Old Testament this year together, and especially I think we see it mostly in the proligrate price.

We see a couple who is working together so that they can fulfill God's laws and fulfill God's commitments to each other. The amount of times in the book of Moses, where we learn about Adam and Eve and the word "they," chapter 5 of Moses, Adam and his wife called upon the name of the Lord, and they heard the voice of the Lord, verse 5, and he gave unto them commandments that they should

worship their Lord, their God, and should offer the first things of their flocks for an offering. If you go through from the very beginning with Adam and Eve, we see a couple who is working together to fulfill righteousness and to bring each other and their families back into the presence of the Lord and to become like them. Let me go from Adam and Eve and we jump perhaps to Sarah and Abraham.

I love Sarah and Abraham. This is the patriarchal order. So we understand Adam and Eve entered into as President Benson taught us so well and President Nelson has taught us so well more recently. They said that Adam and Eve together entered into the patriarchal order of the priesthood.

Together as a spouse, you can't enter into the patriarchal order of the priesthood without each other. Adam and Eve entered into this order together and it allowed them to work together and to serve together.

I always think it's fascinating, especially with the story where Abraham is asking Sarah to say

that they aren't married, that they're cousins. Abraham asks Sarah, he doesn't command Sarah, that's patriarchal order. They are working together for the righteous and good cause and Abraham is respecting Sarah by asking her not demanding. But then you get to the time of Moses and continue to go through the Old Testament.

What happens with Moses? We know the story. We've all just read it recently. Moses is going to go up to this mountain. He is coming down and if you are careful and read the Joseph Smith translation in the book

“of Exodus, you'll see that what does Moses lose or what are the people those?”

Because of it, they lose the new and everlasting covenant. They lose the highest order of the Melchesite priesthood, which is the patriarchal order. Why does this all matter and bringing us to Esther? Because when the patriarchal order of the priesthood is lost, they lose respect for families. They cannot enter into this order. When we lose respect for families, women become demeaned.

When women become demeaned, men become demeaned. It hurts the entire culture and then children can't rise to their privileges. That turns into patriarchy. That is what we don't want. Patriarchal order is a husband and wife.

President Benson says that it's a family order where a husband and a wife are working together as equal partners. Pitchal order is a family order. Pitchal order is about temple covenants. It's about eternal marriage. It's about partnership between men and women.

Relationships that are ordered under God. That's patriarchal order. Pitchal order emphasizes covenants. It emphasizes women and men being yoke together. It emphasizes being rooted in the temple and the principles and ordinances of the gospel

of Jesus Christ. Pitchal order emphasizes being service oriented and covenant and consecrated.

“It emphasizes women being eternal and eternal life is only possible through women”

and men working together in the synergistic relationship. It emphasizes sacred responsibility. But the patriarchy. This is important because people, if Satan wants to use a word to really hurt people, he is going to destroy the things that are most sacred.

I know we know this. The patriarchal order is among the most sacred topics in the gospel of Jesus Christ. What is he going to do? He's going to confuse people and turn patriarchal into patriarchy. What is patriarchy?

Pitcharchy is control. Pitcharchy is men over women. Pitcharchy is rooted in social systems instead of the gospel of Jesus Christ.

It's over instead of through diminishes the life of women and it focuses on hierarchy and pride. The gospel of Jesus Christ and the Church of Jesus Christ, the latter days, says, is not based on patriarchy to be this big, this very clear, it's patriarchal. Moses loses this order during his time. You can very clearly see that we're not too far into this time period and then now how

women are being treated. Vashji is being asked to dance in front of a bunch of men. She does not want it. I do not believe Abraham would ever ask Sarah to do that. I do not believe that Isaac would ever ask her back how to do that.

I do not believe that Hank and John, I don't believe you would do that. You are righteous, good, solid men. My husband would not ask me to do that. Men who understand God and his order will not demean their wives.

I am extremely grateful and blessed by the incredible men in my life who understand what

it means to make and keep sacred covenants and those who do treat women with a greatest of respect. I have experienced mostly respect, kindness, meekness, love unfained from the men in my life who have made and kept sacred covenants. That's part of keeping the covenant.

That for me is important.

“We haven't seen that yet in King of Hasseris, but to be very clear, I think we are going”

to see it. The influence of Esther is going to change the way that the King acts. I love the King. I don't like to run him under the bus at all. I think he is part of the society at that time.

He has men that are around him that are helping him through temptations and through peer pressure to treat a woman in a way they shouldn't be treated.

But with Esther's influence and Esther's help throughout the next few chapters of this

book, we're going to see a king that treats Esther very differently than at the beginning of the book. I love it. The objectification of women is obviously a plague today. It's everywhere used to be across town or in a different place, now it's at our fingertips.

Voshty is one who refuses to be treated as an object. I remember being in a stake. It was the same stake as President Monson. I remember a woman who was asked to come up to the stand in Barrett testimony and she was much older woman.

She was walking at a difficult time walking. He was slowly walking up to the stand at the stake conference and who got up to help this woman climb the steps. President Monson, who was also in his 80s, struggling with diabetes, had a hard time standing.

But what does that say?

The most Christlike people are reaching out to the women.

“I think about a time when Elder Scott was speaking at a meeting that I was in and I was”

the only woman in the entire meeting. I remember Elder Scott saying, "We're so grateful for all of you, wonderful brother and who are here and thank you dear sister." And he just pointed out that I was there and I appreciated that I wasn't just another man.

It was so kind of him. That is where I see my brothers. I see my husband. I see you too. I see other wonderful men in this church.

I appreciate the men who are really trying. But I do want to make that point right here very clearly. This is not okay. The treatment of this woman is not okay. It's going to change, but I feel for Vashty.

I had loved that distinction. Patriarchy versus Patriarchal Order. I love what you've done there. Oh, hell, everybody goes, "Oh, okay. I can see where that is such an important difference, starting with the same sounding word."

But that's such an important difference. I want to read something from the Old Testament student manual. The guests had been allowed to drink the King's wine in any quantity they wish to the instead of the law or you only drink when the King does.

“I think that's what that lot thing means.”

There's just drinkin' like crazy. The student manual says after seven days of heavy drinking the guests were probably quite inebriated, she, Vashty, may have considered it beneath the dignity of the queen to parade before such a lot, simply to display her beauty. Our friend Camille Frankelson said to Queen Vashty was not merely a trophy wife she showed

Marxie when the King summoned her to parade her beauty in front of his inebriated guests. She flatly refused. There's a reason why chapter one isn't here, I believe. I think it's important that we recognize what's going on here with Vashty because Esther's going to be stepping into this position.

This is a very difficult area for women, especially we're seeing this. And we're seeing also who this King is surrounding himself with. This is very telling, we have this King, as we see in verse 15, he says, "What shall we do unto the queen Vashty according to the law, because she had not performed the commandment of King Vashty or Vashty by the Chamberlains."

And Memakan answered before the King and the Princess Vashty, the Queen, have not done wrong to the King only, but also to all the princes and to all the people that are in the provinces of King Vashty. For this deed of the queen shall come abroad and to all women so that they should despise

The King of Vashty is commanded Vashty, the queen, to be brought in before him, but she came not. What do they concerned about? They're concerned about other people, also not obeying their husbands. They're concerned about other people, also not following suit.

And the problems that that could until that sad. They're concerned again for themselves. This is an issue of pride. This is them saying, "Well, we don't do this. Then other women are also going to think it's not okay."

First, 22, we continue on with this, let's go to verse 20.

When the King's decree, which he shall make shall be published throughout that all of his empire for this great, all the wives shall give to their husbands honor, both to great and small. In other words, all women should be bowing down to their husbands. Again, that is not the patriarchal order, that is not the family proclamation, that is not

what our current prophets and apostles are teaching us today, then continuing. And the same pleases the King. Well, of course, he wants everyone to bow down to him. He cares a lot about money, he cares about pride, he cares about what he looks like. It's a natural man issues.

Yeah, he's having people surrounding him that are going to give him exactly what he wants, which is a whole other issue of leadership, then verse 22. For he sent letters into all the King's provinces and to every province, according to

the writing they're of and to every people after their language, that every man should bear

rule in his own house, and that it should be published according to the language of every people. I recognize that we're rule, we saw this in the book of Genesis as well with Adam and Eve. I love what President Hinkley says about rule, he says, "My interpretation of that sentence speaking very specifically about rule is that the husband shall have a governing responsibility

to provide for, to protect, to strengthen, and to shield." It's not rule over. The husband, as it says in the family proclamation, this is a different kind of rule. This is, he has a responsibility. He has responsibility to protect his wife, to provide for his family, to strengthen, and

shield other people. That's what righteous men do.

“That's what my experience with men has been most of my entire life.”

There have been a few exceptions, and when I see those exceptions, I think to myself, section

121 of the doctrine of covenants. I'll read the scripture so it's not coming for me, but it's coming from the Lord to Joseph. Behold, there are many called, but few are chosen and why are they not chosen, because their hearts are set so much upon the things of this world, King of Hasserus right now. And aspire to the honors of men, King of Hasserus, that they do not learn this one lesson,

that they're right to the priest that are inseparate connected with the powers of heaven, and that the powers of heaven cannot be controlled, nor handled, only by principles of righteousness. That they may be conferred upon us as true, but when we undertake to cover our sins, which he was doing, or to gratify our pride, which he was doing, or vain ambition, which he was doing, or exercise control, or dominion, or compulsion upon the souls of the

sort of men, which he was doing, and any degree of unrighteousness behold, the heavens withdraw themselves, the Spirit of the Lord has grieved, and when it was withdrawn, amen to the priesthood, or the authority of that man. But on the opposite side, verse 41, "No power or influence can or ought to be maintained by virtue of the priesthood, only by persuasion, by long-suffering, by gentleness, by

meekness, by love, unfained, by kindness, and pure knowledge, which shall greatly enlarge the soul. Without hypocrisy, without guile, reproving betrays with sharpness when moved upon by the Holy Ghost, and then showing forth afterwards an increase of love towards him, whom thou has reproved.

Let's ye esteemly to be his enemy, and let thy bowels be full of charity."

“That's how righteous, wonderful men are, and recognizing that they're not perfect, and I will”

also throw in that's the same with women. If women are controlling, if women have their hearts upon the things of the world, if women are acting in pride, or vain ambitions, or exercising controller dominion over people, their husband, or their children, amen to the priesthood power that they have been endowed within the temple, amen to the authority that they have received as they have made temple

covenants, and they have been called and set apart in callings, amen to it for women, too. Women and men who are covenant-keeping people are building people to come into Christ, to be like him. Anything less than that is not of God. To be clear again, it's not of God.

If women or men are treating each other in a negative way, Vashty is experiencing that, and Esther is not going to be putting up with them. Vashty didn't put up with it, and Esther is not going to put up with it. Esther's righteousness, I believe, is really going to help this king. Hey, come in time, so we mentioned section 121.

I love it, not only just how to deal with people, but that idea that, okay, you may have had the priesthood conferred upon you, but you act like that, you don't have the priesthood.

“I remember my dad one time, I came home from a volleyball trip, I was in high school.”

My parents had 13 children, I walked in, and my mom had forgotten to pick me up, which I was frankly, I was used to, I got forgotten at church, I walked home all the time from everywhere again, and I was number 12, and who remembers the 12th child, like no one. They lost me in Disneyland for heaven's sake, but I spent the entire day in the lost and found in Disneyland when I was six, granted my mother wasn't there, but I was just kind

of used to getting lost, and I remember walking in after walking home from high school, it

up to her and just letting her have it. I was mean, I was cruel, I was not keeping my covenants, I just couldn't deal with the fact that I had been left again by this wicked woman, I'm so stupid as I look at it like she's

“doing dishes, I remember her standing there and just looking at me and looking her I was”

so hurt, then my dad walked around the corner, and I thought he was at work, because I

would never have done that to my mom with my dad to be very frank, you walked up to

me, and he put his finger in my face, and he just said it in very short phrase, "that is my wife." And I ran, I ran, I can genuinely say I trusted my dad completely, my dad was a person that we're describing here as a one who understands a patriarchal order and how to treat people well. I ran from him because I knew I had hurt him, and I knew I had hurt my mom.

I wasn't running from him because I was scared, I was running him because of my love for them, and I couldn't believe that I had done that. Shortly after, as it says in Dr. in Covenant's 121, he came downstairs, knocked on the door, sat by me on the bed and just simply said, "Barb, I am disappointed. I love you, and I love your mother. I do not want to see you hurting each other. Your mother has done nothing to deserve this, but it's given

you a her entire life. Please do not hurt yourself or our family by acting in such a manner." And I knew that my dad would do that. I knew that he was that kind of person because he is a man of covenant. I want to make it clear. I am recognized that every person has different understandings, and we're all struggling with different things, and especially anger sometimes can be very real. And that's one of the things that the king is struggling

with here, too. It looks like, but try to lift and build each other. I appreciate that my dad didn't get mad at me and scream or anything. He'd just owned it. Then at the very end, reprove three times with sharpness when I'd by the Holy Ghost, but then go forth, make sure that they understand that you still love them, and there's not some hatred behind you, and there's not

“some wedge that's going to ruin your relationship because we care about each other. That's what”

the priesthood is. The purpose of the priesthood is to save souls. It's to save families. We get over ourselves. We put ourselves in the hands of the Lord, and we act as Christ like as we can. Again, we're not perfect. We're all trying to climb our own mountains, grace, for grace, as it says in section 93, following Jesus Christ, back to Bashedy. And the idea of the king listening to his friends and feeling like, well, because of his friends, he's going to treat Bashedy

in a certain way. That's just sad that he doesn't have his own backbone. I wonder if he kicked

himself. You do see this in chapter two. I'll go there for a second. He said, after these things,

when the wrath of King of Histories was appeased, he remembered Bashedy. So he's no longer mad. I could be seeing this wrong. But the way I see this, for some reason, I've learned to love this king in a funny way because he's so mortal. After the anger had passed, he sits there and he remembers Bashedy. And what she had done, and what was decreed against her, then said the King servants that ministered into him, let there be a very young virgin thought for the king. I don't

know if that's even what he wanted. I wonder if maybe he just wanted her back. Maybe he realized that he had made a huge mistake. He was really angry, and maybe he just wanted her back. He's just thinking on Bashedy. But the people he's surrounding himself with tell him, well, let's go find you a virgin and make you happy. I don't know. Maybe that is what he wanted. It doesn't feel like that to me when I read this. Then you see him for three and let the king appoint officers and all the

province of his kingdom that they may gather together all the very young virgins under the shushan, the palace to the house of the women and to the custody of Hague and the king's shablins, keeper of the women, etc. So the king agrees to this. My personal opinion is nothing more than that

“is I think the king was recognizing already that he had made a mistake. And he's thinking on her.”

It doesn't say that he's mad at her. I think he's thinking on her. And now the reality is though

there's a stage that's been set. Bashedy is gone. The king would like another wife. What they did back then culturally to find another wife for the king, which gives us to this next part where we start now we're going to be introduced to Esther. Barb, I like that you are so good to the king. It just tells me about who you are. You want to see the good in him. He is so influenced. It seems all throughout the book. It's almost like he can't be his own person at times.

That someone sends something and he says, well yeah okay let's do that. I'm glad that you see such goodness in him. That is just like you. We have women with backbone in this story. Why is there going to be a man with a backbone here and good thing morticae is here? I wrote in my margin. He remembered Vausty and I put sober because he was now sober and it's like where did she go? What have I done? Yeah what have I done? And then like you said instead of

There is a reality of what have I done. I think that's why I give the king the benefit of the

doubt because we do see the king changing. To be clear all of us make mistakes. Who of us has not said what have I done? Whether it was because we were drinking and we wake up in the morning or because we were in a fit of anger and we wake up in the morning or it was because we were fearful and we wake up in the morning. If we were judgmental and we wake up in the morning, every one of us

“and that's part of mortality is we ask ourselves oh my goodness what have I done? I think to your point”

Hank on this one you say why doesn't he get a backbone? Well I think that there may be an answer again in section 121 because he doesn't have confidence. He's lacking confidence and why is he lacking confidence? Because he is not full of virtue so it seems and he's not full of charity. And if you're lacking virtue you're lacking charity you're lacking confidence and you're more likely to be swayed by the evil influences in the world. In my life the people I see there

to the least confident are the people they may have a fake confidence. The most confident people are the ones who are most Christlike. The more Christlike we are the more confidence and often it's a quiet confidence it's a diligent confidence but it's a backbone confidence. You can push somebody so far but a person who is a son of God or a daughter of God who is confident before the Lord is not going to play the game. I remember John you'll remember President

Hankley in the priesthood session of general conference we don't have that anymore but you would sit there and you know he's gonna go on men to do better. I remember sitting there and it was like okay, President Hankley here's 2006. With this priesthood comes a great obligation to be worthy of it. We cannot indulge in unclean thoughts we must not partake of pornography we must

never be guilty of abuse of any kind we must rise above such things rise up oh men of God

and put these things behind you and the Lord will be your guide and stay. I've had students over the years say why are the prophets so hard on the men and they don't do anything to the women. The brethren are speaking to the women just as strongly but they do it in a different way like you just said John how many times have we had a president monster that says to the women

“you need to clean your windows so you're not judging the other women in the house next door”

her her clothes are actually pretty clean as your windows that are dirty they're saying it to us Joseph Smith said that actually that early relief society minutes where Joseph Smith is speaking to those women is very similar to section 121 of the doctrine covenant instead of using some of those same words although some were just similar but he's saying to them hold your tongue be careful less you talked negatively about another woman be careful with the way you express be careful with

judge they're saying things and they're correcting and helping women be better we see that from president Nelson we've seen that from president oak elder bednar just came to spoke to the women and he asked the women to arise arise do more be better we're both hearing it but I do think that there may be a different way that women are often spoken to the men are I think if women are prescient and really paying attention to what's being said they will also recognize the loving

rising that the Lord is providing for his daughters as you said thank the Lord loves whom whom me chasins I also will throw out in this case that often for women if I may maybe it's the same case with men I'd leave that to you guys to tell us although you're not all men but you may you may be and I'm definitely not all women but I would say sometimes what I think women believe that the Lord is chasining them when in reality it's the adversary putting them down the Lord doesn't

chasin through demeaning just as we talked about patriarchal order the Lord doesn't chasin through making you feel bad is the elder Maxwell it's the divine discontent that the Lord provides it's not that demeaning demonic I'm horrible my life's not that's not coming from the Lord that's also important

for women just to understand how the Lord does speak to his daughters and his sons it's always

going to be a lifting and building experience again patriarchal order never is demeaning and God is the head of the patriarchal order barber what you shared right at first chose a fifth Smith lead the world don't be led by the world that's show confidence right there lead the world that he has confidence in you what a beautiful way to say it this is in you you have the

“potential the power to do it lead the world don't be led by the world I'll remember that”

John if it's okay this is the actual quote I just looked at up he says this speaking to the woman in the church he said it is not for you to be led by the women of the world it is for you to lead the world especially the women of the world and everything that is praiseworthy everything that is God like everything that is uplifting and everything that is purifying to the children of men lead the world it was sister smooth I believe who talks about how we have enough women who are

harsh and enough women who are mean or they're tempering things like that but we need women who are following Christ who are gentle who are using their spiritual gifts to lift and to build that's my interpretation we need those kinds of women there's a difference in power the world again that's another word that the adversary just loves to use power is an extremely important word

just becomes sometimes a negative word but power used in righteousness is God's power it's priested and with women and for men love is power love is very powerful charity is very powerful so if we could really understand how God uses his power how God uses his love it would change the way we understand priesthood and presiding I get asked often what is presiding and there are a number of number so many quotes about presiding those that I love talk about how presiding is service

and what it means to preside in righteousness I'll give you maybe a couple I'd love this one this

“one is from elder Elton Perry remember brethren that in your role as a leader in your family your”

wife is your companion since the beginning God has instructed mankind that marriage should unite husband and wife together unity therefore there is not a president or a vice president and a family the couple works together eternally for the good of the family they are united together in word indeed and in action as they lead guide and direct their family unit they are on equal footing they plan and organize the affairs of the family jointly and unanimously as they move forward

in recent years we've had elders swat is talking about what that means to have this patriarchal order and to enter into this everlasting covenant of the priesthood elder Holland has a great quote where he's talking about I don't have a problem with any man understanding presiding when because when they understand it they're going to serve and love and build each other elder Ras Ben says preside does not mean dominate nurture does not mean a

secondary role God has given men and women different but equal and essential roles that

compliment each other presiding if you ask me what it is it's to love it's to serve it's to protect it's to build I have seen people say what is it when you see it you know it when you experience it you know it it is a man who will lay down his life for his friend a man who will lay down his life for

“his wife presiding is not being controlled presiding is serving which I think that's why it's”

Christ like leadership is service leadership and I've experienced that sometimes I recognize that some haven't I have experienced it and I appreciate it so much let's do a little ping pong then we've gone back and forth between men and women John you want to hear from from elder Christopherson president Christopherson but then elder Christopherson you're ready for this

as men of the priesthood we have an essential role to play in society at home and in the church

but we must be men that women can trust that children can trust and that God can trust in the church and in the kingdom of God in these later days we cannot afford to have boys and men who are drifting we cannot afford young men who lack self discipline and live only to be entertained we cannot afford young adult men who are going nowhere in life who are not serious about forming families and making real contribution in this world we cannot afford husbands and fathers who fail to

provide spiritual leadership in the home we cannot afford to have those who exercise the holy priesthood after the order of the Son of God waste their strength in pornography or spend their lives in cyberspace ironically being of the world while not being in the world brethren we have a work to do then he does exactly a little bit later in the talk what Barb said to do brethren we have a work to do thank you for the sacrifices you make and the good you do keep going

and the Lord will help you he follows up you can feel the love he says at times you may not know quite what to do or what to say move forward begin to act and the Lord assures that an effectual door will be open for you it is true that we are in many ways ordinary and perfect but we have a perfect master who wrote a perfect atonement and we have called upon his grace and his priesthood as we repent and purge our souls we are promised that we will be taught

and endowed with power from on high exactly what Barb said oh listen to this the church in the world and women are crying for men men who are developing their capacity and talents who are willing to work and make sacrifices who will help others achieve happiness and salvation they are crying rise up oh men of God God help us do it I love this Barb we're getting pep talks on both sides of the aisle we all have so much of work to do so I said share this story and

destined my husband I got married when we were both 40 you get kind of setting your weights like

“I remember after we were married and I would leave like I normally would and just go do a bunch”

of stuff head to the library go shopping go to dinner whatever call my friends and I remember one day it was not too long every very dust and cold and it was probably 10 30 at night and he was

like Barb are you okay it's like oh yeah it's what I do I always stay out late and then I come

home and I want to and he was so kind about it it's like okay just checking in for me it was just

without getting a little bit bugged by it and I was like that's it I am my own person and I've done it I wasn't trying it was just more the personality of me and him I just wasn't used to having to check in why would I check in after that the next morning he just said I'm so sorry and I said well why are you sorry it just said I just want to make sure that you're loved what does it do to me as a wife makes me want to be a better wife you're just good is he perfect no but he's just a good guy

trying to do what's right he'll be a man he'll step forward it causes me to say to myself as a woman I need to step up to the plate because I need to make sure in our home we are having peace I need to be the lioness at that gate for him and for my children yes a man protects but also a woman and I want to be at that gate and I want to make sure nothing bad is coming in and I want to make sure that the cell phones are off of the TV whatever it is that's what synergy is

the patriarchal order the priesthood synergy it lifts and builds I want to be a better wife because

he is a better husband I want to be a better mom because he's an incredible dad hopefully we're

doing it because we love the Lord but when you work and build together and that's the beauty of the priesthood when everybody is working to save souls there's a natural love and respect that comes when you see another person sacrificing for righteous purposes to me this is important

“in the book of Esther and chapter two to remember that Esther wasn't orphan her parents for whatever”

reason have died it could have been battle it could have been a variety of circumstances we don't know Esther as it says in here verse 7 and he brought up Parasa that is Esther his uncle's daughter which if I understand right that would make them cousins if we see it that way for she had neither father nor mother and the maid was fair and beautiful whom morticae when her father and mother were dead took for his own daughter we see in chapter one relationship between a husband and a wife

now we're being introduced to a relationship between a father and a daughter I think this relationship

between fathers and daughters is critical I've spoken already of my own father and the influence

of my father on my life this is a different kind of presiding presiding with a wife and a husband and a family relationship is different than a relationship between a father and a daughter I would

“imagine that's extremely obvious if I believe it was Elaine Dalton who made the comment”

a besting a father can do for his daughter to love her mother this may become maybe a little bit more personal to me because I have to adopted if I were to use the words otherwise don't like to use it often I have to orphan children that have no parents for a while one of the things that we recognize right off the bat is we have to be different parents than what they may have experienced very young in their lives we need to set the stage of what parenting looks like and

very strongly teach and have a relationship especially and I'll throw this out for me especially for my husband because you see with morticae the relationship between a father and a daughter is

extremely important we know that fathers often will become that first glimpse of what God is like

is how they perceive their father before a daughter or a son understands doctrine before they understand covenants before they understand truth before they understand Jesus Christ before they understand scriptures what they understand is their environment they understand the true nature of God by who they are associating with and who is in their presence they're going to learn how God loves them how God protects them how God corrects them how God disciplines how God

helps them belong they're going to learn their own identity by their mother but especially for girls by their father that relationship that we're seeing here with morticae and ester is very

“clearly I think important in here what does morticae teach ester about herself he clearly is”

mentoring her he's clearly loving her to me this relationship as he sees it there's this position you see in verse 7 that it says that he took her as his own daughter from man in this stage to take a woman we're talking the lowest of low she's an orphan in exile with no parents which means she has no money she has no birthright she has no purpose I was at a conference in November of this last year where I was in Jordan part of the purpose of this conference the discussion was

among major leaders of the countries in that area and orphan daughters are not adopted they're not allowed to be adopted because it's a birthright issue that's one of the reasons so you have lots and lots of orphans they're not allowed to be adopted by their people in their own country I went to this conference not knowing that that was the case in the conference was on family and they asked me about the adoption of my own daughters it caused some major contention some concerns

among people how could you adopt these girls and take away their birthright what are the things

of Jesus Christ we understand that they actually received their birthright because they were adopted

“and sealed as if they had been born in the covenant this is what Mordicai I believe is presenting”

this opportunity not that that's necessarily born in the covenant but he's providing a safe place for her he's providing her a life that she could not have that is the responsibility of this father regardless of what happened isn't orphan we have a very loving father who was able to help a young girl who literally in that time and that place had no hope according to what the world would see he's doing this to me this Mordicai is a very selfless individual in what he is providing

here putting her in a position to take the possibility of being a queen I don't have all the answers here but it seems as if he's taking advantage of this moment he recognizes the possibilities that could be presented I feel like he's probably following the spirit and for such a time as this here he has this beautiful girl who is in a position that he actually believes could be very helpful for the Jewish people and for his family and especially I think for Esther it's

interesting in verse 10 that Esther had not shown her people nor her kindred for Mordicai had

“charged her that she should not show it. In other words I think it's interesting here that we still”

have a father-daughter relationship this isn't a husband wife relationship that we're seeing here Mordicai charged her he's he's the dad at this point he is helping he is mentoring he is guiding he is leading his daughter trying to help her position herself in the best place it's a daughter father relationship that's very different than a father wife relationship you see this as he's guiding her through this possibility of for doing this and putting the position but later on we're

going to see how this father daughter relationship turns or she is a one providing him opportunities now we see the synergy we saw the synergy already that could be between a husband and a wife will continue to see that now we're seeing the synergy that happens between a father and a daughter it's beginning he's providing her opportunities right now he's mentoring he's guiding her he's putting her in position that she can go forward until we get to the point where it says the king

delighted in her and that she were called by name she's put in position now she has been purified for for 12 months the king does like her he does want her to be his wife she is now going to be called into a position where she is going to have serious influence in the kingdom so you see in verse 17 the king loved Esther above all the women and she obtained grace and favor in his sight more than all the virgins so that he set the

royal crowd upon her head and made her queen instead of Vashty there's always a part of me that

thinks uh poor Vashty again like good Vashty back right good Vashty back just say you're sorry it's just it's still kind of frustrating there but I have to let that go to let Esther come in then you see verse 18 then the king made a great feast until all the princes and

“his servants even estrus fees which I think is interesting that it's called estrus feast you”

made a release to the provinces and gave gifts according to the state of the king when the virgins were gathered together the second time the mortica is sat in the gate now what we don't see here and I'm not saying it didn't happen because it doesn't say that but I think it's interesting we don't see a bunch of wine being drunk we don't see all the pride that was happening we don't see that story that happened with Vashty what we see is a king seemingly this king who calls his

feast or it seems to be called after the name of Esther there's a level of respect that was happening with Esther that did not happen with Vashty I think the king's beginning to change now you see all these virgins that are gathered together the second time mortica now is sitting outside of the gate we see Esther had not shown her kindred nor her people as mortica had charged her because she was told by him not to for Esther did the commandment of mortica like as

when she was brought up with him in other words to me this is a young girl who is now growing older and she has learned to trust her father she has great respect for him she knows that he is a selfless individual he's trying to help her she is obedient to his guidance let's a level of trust he's not forcing her to she can make the decision by herself she's the queen but she is so respectful of him that she sees the wisdom and what he's done and she is going to respect his desires and she's

going to follow through with it I think that's powerful the influence that he has had on her had she

made herself known as a Jewish person prior to this the likelihood of her becoming the queen is probably much lower so I think she was wise and following through with this she followed his guidance and became the queen I think she's entering a world she probably doesn't quite understand of politics and enemies and mortica saying I'm going to help you navigate this very difficult place that you're going to be in I'm going to give a very basic pragmatic

maybe throw out word of advice daughters listen to your dad's your dad's love you your mom's love you listen recognize there's no one in the world who loves you more than your mom and your dad even if you completely disagree just give it some time to listen let the dad's give some

but go into your room and think on it for a bit maybe you'll find out that he was maybe right

even though you don't want him to be I think of the many times the wisdom of a father in my own life and if for too quick to disagree or too quick to not want to be guided we could be hurting ourselves in whatever it is and whether it's choosing a spouse or going to college or what we wear or what we focus our time on or anything else listen to the people who love you most even if you

“don't want to in this case I think fathers wisdom to their daughters is extremely important”

so I love that Mordecai is carefully mentoring her and walking beside her and I love this relationship between a father to daughter John we'll call that our young adult moment of this

podcast everyone take note of the time stamp and send that to your young adult your teenager your

young adult child say go to this point on this podcast and listen to this part because young single adults even young married adults they don't have a lot of time to listen to the show so we to their parents to send them the clip I can't tell you the number of times serving as this chaplain especially at Harvard and MIT or I would have a young adult especially the young women would come in and they would tell me these decisions in their lives and sometimes they

were kind of interesting to say they're so like huh interesting I would ask them what is your dad think about this what is your mom think about this they would often they would hesitate

like why my parents don't agree and they think that but they're old and they would just go on

and I would just kind of pause so what do they think about this how do you think about the guidance that they're giving you often I could see that they saw the wisdom and what their parents were saying they wanted to be free and I get that I totally get that but there's a reasonably have parents there just is especially for young adults listen you don't have to follow it but be humble enough to listen to the people who love you on this earth no no one loves you more

than your parents it's just true I remember I had a conversation with one of my students earning was Sydney for I I said what do your parents think well they don't like you know and it saved her life going to her parents save her future whenever I see her she still talks

“about it thank you for sending me to my parents it was this close to to I think a tragic trajectory”

it's so good John and Hank speaking to you guys as dads too it just from a daughter's perspective your daughter's love you and they look up to you a lot I know you know that I may sometimes not feel that way for all you fathers out there but I promise you there's a connection and there is a level of respect they do see God through you how you treat your daughters is a direct connection a direct link to how they are perceiving their father in heaven I have witnessed that on multiple

occasions through multiple people when they talk to me about their fathers it's very much how they feel about God just a shout out to all you wonderful dads as well and maybe it's word of thank you and also a word of being wise in relationships with them have you ever had someone come to you and tell you man I learned this thing it's seminary I learned this thing at church and it's something you have said to them before you just yeah wow what what what a novel thought

so I'm thankful for those other people out there too that can repeat some of the same things they've been told by their mom and dad there's a great talk that President Nelson gave and he was

“talking to the women I believe it's in the talk women's responsibility in the gathering of Israel”

or something of that nature and he talks about a mom who who took the cell phone away from her son it was hard for her to do it because of the culture and society and everything else but the son came back later and thanked the mom for helping him and I think about back a hundred years ago when I was a kid I remember my dad on multiple occasions I remember I was reading a book a sense funny to say this but I was reading the Golog Arco Plago it was a concentration

I was totally into it I was in the eighth grade and I remember my dad again asking me if he could see my book I gave it to him and thumbing through it for a while it he just said to me Barb I appreciate how much time and care that you have for world war two and not season camps and things but this book is hurting you it's changing your nature it's you have put yourself so deeply into this that you're becoming depressed by it I am going to encourage you to not read

these books and in fact you cannot read this book anymore and I remember taking it and I remember how bugged I was like I am into this like I love this stuff I'm gonna save all these people right I just so appreciate that he was so perceptive of how again with with all these kids that he was

I can think of many experiences where he as you both have said where he had a backbone he was not

“afraid of being the dad by the dad a very loving kind dad but he he he he was very wise and my mom too”

that there was just no fear and raising children right they just I hope that dad's able to turn off the television or take away the phone or shut the computer down or say no to a sleepover whatever it is those are all applications every dad every mom's going to have the spirit teach them something in a different way on how to raise their own children I can't tell you how many times my dad would say to me I just don't feel good about it and he would tick me off I'd be so upset but how grateful I am for a

dad who said I don't feel good about it and so no that's it I just don't feel good about it that had to be good enough no reason no explanation he was just at and we trusted him enough to say okay

not always was it kindly okay but enough to say I'm just grateful that he didn't have to have

an excuse for it he didn't have to bow down to anybody he was dad and he was saving his kids and protecting us so I'm very very grateful for that I hope that the dad's can be dads in the homes and mom's going to be moms in the homes he had built that relationship absolutely you can imagine how I felt about a heavenly father I also knew that he loved me enough to say no or enough to take away a book or you know I got that through them so I love the idea that Heavenly Father has different ways of

saying I love you one of them is I love you one of them is three different words thou shalt not but they communicate the same thing I'm gonna save you so much hurt heartache and sorrow that may be you

“don't even see right now if you'll just trust me thou shalt not do this that's how boundaries are love”

I remember one time I was I just turned 16 and my girlfriends at the time we all had turned 16

within like a couple of months of each other and we decided to cruise the gut I don't know that exist anywhere else but in Oregon in Salem where I was from we were driving down that's street of course our parents didn't know about it we were all that and after cruising the gut for a period of time there's car of young men started following us and they followed us all the way across the glamour river and down to the middle place and we were so afraid there's no way we could

bring any of them home so we partly pulled into the only church parking lot in the area which was the churchiest Christleardy Saints parking lot because that was our safe place I guess and thinking that they would leave us love and they followed us into that church parking lot it was a cut a few miles from our own home they pulled down the window they got out and they asked us on a date and we were so excited it was we just in turn 16 these boys that we didn't know were cruising

the gut it was midnight and they had asked us on a date of course we said yes we were just giddy about it we drove home at least our own areas and then I announced to my parents that I was so excited that I'd been asked on a date by these guys that were in this truck didn't give them all the details of driving down the street and things but of course I'm doing this and my parents are looking at me like you are the most interesting child we'll just say it that

“way remember my dad saying is so great that you and your friends were all asked on a date”

what's your plan and I told them like well I don't know yet they're going to pick us up and I'm going to take us somewhere and my dad said that is such an interesting idea this is by memory that is such an interesting idea I am fine with you guys going on a date with these young men but you will not be going just anywhere you'll be going to the backyard and your brother David will be sitting on the trampoline with you and you will not leave the trampoline with those

young men until they are gone and you will have a wonderful date all six of you and your brother David will sit on the trampoline and have your date you know what it was horrible those guys were not worth our time and it was a total joke I was so embarrassed as they came to the house and came back on that back of that trampoline clearly their intentions were not what I had thought as a 16 year old and I'm so grateful for the protection of my father who made

sure that we all had a great date on the trampoline with my five year older brother who just got home from his mission and just loved those boys to death with me and kindly escorted them out of the area after a few minutes of sitting on that trampoline together there are various ways I guess the point here is just be the dad it's okay you can say now you can put your kids on a trampoline together and give them some agency but at the same time make sure that they're safe as much as you can

if your kids want to cruise the gut then you've got a gut feeling then you know what to do this is Marvin J. Ashton 1985 many years ago I heard a story that impressed me a beautiful little blind girl was being held by her father in a crowded compartment on a train a friend was nearby

and held her a few moments later the father said to her do you know who is holding you no

“the little girl replied but you do she was at peace because she knew and trusted her father”

a man exactly exactly such a great story coming up in part two

either she dies or she lives but what does that do to the unity regardless of what happens to

“Esther Esther has just provided an opportunity for everyone to experience the atonement of Jesus Christ”

and receive personal revelation and put their faith into action